His father owns a real estate company that wants to buy Christmas Store and bulldoze it for a new Condo complex. He stumbles into discovering her family owns the Christmas Store, and conflict ensues. She teaches him to love Christmas, and he fights his father to stop the Complex, and at the same time, proposes to her. Snow falls, bells play, they kiss and end.
Writing for Hallmark isn't about the *writing;* rather, it's about the *penmanship.*
Source: I've seen only a few of the movies, but i've seen dozens of the cards.
> His father owns a real estate company that wants to buy Christmas Store and bulldoze it for a new Condo complex. He stumbles into discovering her family owns the Christmas Store, and conflict ensues. She teaches him to love Christmas, and he fights his father to stop the Complex, and at the same time, proposes to her. Snow falls, bells play, they kiss and end.
Also implied jolly old man in town might actually be Santa Claus
Those movies are great if you watch them backwards. A cool girl ditches her loser hick boyfriend who has done fuck all since high school. She gets away from her meddling family, moves to the big city, builds a great career, and falls in love with a super successful and hard working dude.
The “Slaughterhouse 5” backwards war movie approach.
A horrible accident has killed many people. But then they are returned to good health, and all their pain and suffering is removed and placed in small metal containers, which are thrown up into airplanes. The airplanes fly the pain and suffering to a distant foreign country, where the pain and suffering is carefully removed from the containers, and trained experts take all that pain and suffering out to mines all over the country, placing it far underground where it cannot hurt anyone.
Only problem is that Santa Claus becomes a menace to society in the backwards version. The malevolent git who breaks into your house and steals all your favourite toys.
There's a twist this year, nobody will see it coming and minds will be blown.
The Christmas Store is also a bed and breakfast that sells real Christmas trees!
I actually know someone who's a writer for Lifetime or Hallmark. Forget which. Maybe both. I don't know anything about her process super in depth but I know she has acknowledged that they're really cheesy and formulaic, but also said they're kind of more willing to take swings on unproven writers without prior credits, so if you're looking to break into the industry it's a place to start. And if that's the case I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they basically Mad Libs it; studio says give me city girl with X job meets local boy with Y job in a small town in Z state during Christmas but then Q goes wrong and they fall in love.
My understanding is it's a dead end but with a lot more stability than a mainstream writing career but nobody is getting their start on hallmark/lifetime and working their way up to an oscar or a marvel movie.
On the Scriptnotes podcast, I remember Craig Mazin saying something along the lines of:
"Well, if you think hallmark movies are easy, go and write them. They always want more, and if you can do it, that's a great steady gig! But be ready to surprise yourself with how hard it actually is to get it, not close, but 'just right' and good enough for hallmark."
I’ve long maintained that the biggest missed opportunity in film was Kenneth Branagh not combining Hamlet (1996) and A Midwinter’s Tale (1995), which was about a ton of actors putting on a chaotic production of Hamlet. Unfortunately, the movies had completely different casts.
Imagine if the movies were filmed simultaneously with the same cast. A movie about making a movie that the audience can actually watch.
Title: "The Magic of Snowflake Valley"
Overview:
"The Magic of Snowflake Valley" is a heartwarming Christmas movie that follows the story of Sarah Johnson, a talented but overworked marketing executive in the bustling city. Sarah's hectic life leaves her little time for Christmas festivities and the joyous spirit of the season. However, everything changes when she receives an unexpected invitation to visit Snowflake Valley, a small, charming town known for its enchanting holiday traditions.
Act 1:
Sarah reluctantly travels to Snowflake Valley, her initial intention being to quickly complete a promotional campaign for a luxury ski resort.
Upon arriving, she is greeted by the warm and welcoming townsfolk, who are preparing for their annual Christmas festival.
Sarah meets David, a handsome local craftsman who is passionate about preserving the town's traditions. They instantly clash due to their different outlooks on life.
Act 2:
Sarah immerses herself in the town's activities, such as decorating the main square, baking Christmas cookies, and participating in a tree lighting ceremony.
As Sarah spends more time in Snowflake Valley, she begins to rediscover the magic and joy of Christmas. She bonds with the townspeople and learns about the importance of community and togetherness.
David starts to see past Sarah's tough exterior and discovers her hidden love for the holiday season. They begin to develop feelings for each other.
Act 3:
As the Christmas festival approaches, Sarah's perspective on her work and life starts to shift. She realizes that there's more to happiness than just career success.
Sarah's boss arrives unexpectedly, pressuring her to prioritize work over the festival. However, with the support of the townspeople and her growing affection for David, she stands up for what she truly believes in.
Sarah and David work together to create a magical, one-of-a-kind event that captures the spirit of Snowflake Valley.
Act 4:
The Christmas festival becomes a resounding success, attracting visitors from near and far.
Sarah's boss witnesses the magic and charm of Snowflake Valley and has a change of heart, allowing Sarah to embrace her newfound passion for creating meaningful experiences.
Sarah and David admit their feelings for each other, sharing a romantic moment under the softly falling snowflakes.
Act 5:
Sarah decides to leave her stressful job in the city and permanently move to Snowflake Valley, where she plans to start a new chapter in her life.
The movie concludes with Sarah and David together, surrounded by the love and warmth of Snowflake Valley, celebrating a beautiful and unforgettable Christmas.
"The Magic of Snowflake Valley" captures the essence of the holiday spirit, emphasizing the importance of love, community, and finding joy in the simplest moments.
Excellent. Quickly adding: David has a daughter and lost his wife in a tragic accident, and also the subplot where this will be the last Snowflake Valley festival if they don't raise enough funds.
But does Sarah have a sister who calls her everyday to tell her how satisfied she is being a housewife with 3 kids and an impressive talent for baking Christmas cookies?
The original draft was a commentary about Hollywood and WB specifically. The executive caught wind of it and basically forced to make it less cynical. What once was supposed to be a ridiculous spoof on WB just became an advertisement for HBO MAX instead.
Basically it's Gremlins 2 if that movie was heavily censored by the studio. Also Gremlins 2 came out in 1990 and already made the same criticisms towards Hollywood and the studio specifically.
This is the real answer… People are just listing off movies they had high hopes for but ended up hating. Like the Jurassic World trilogy.
But the emoji movie? That is a film that anyone would struggle to believe even exists. The only explanation is that it was written by AI as opposed to multiple executives signing off on it.
I think the problem is that the Russo brothers are trying to capture that spy, thriller energy that they had with winter soldier. However, they don’t seem to have any ability to build an emotional connection between the audience and the main character. All of that legwork was done in Captain America, the first avenger. All the legwork for all of the characters they seem to have gotten famous for directing or created by other people, or the actual hard work of making them relatable was done by someone else. As far as I know, they have not made a single property from scratch, and actually have it succeed on the level of their other action thrillers.
Completely agree. Red Notice was painfully by the numbers, stiff, with no heart, I couldn't even finish it. The Gray Man had charm, and even when it just did genre trope stuff, it was brisk, light fun.
I saw it and it was ridiculously filled with clichés.
The money they put into movies like those save them from looking bad but I didn't enjoy it at all.
In their defense, I've become pretty cynical towards entertainment lately so it's harder for me to enjoy movies and tv series anymore.
I forget where I read this but somebody pointed out that with streaming, movies that in the past would have been made for TV movies or straight to VHS are just released alongside more prestigious projects and there is no way to tell the difference until you watch it because production quality has become democratized and name actors are happy to sign on for the money, viewers or creative freedom. Remember back when people would say with astonishment that a show *looks like a movie!* Now everything just looks like a movie and there’s no guarantee that it won’t really be Walmart movie bin quality.
I watched it and was heavily disappointed by it. Did I expect a four-star movie? No, but maybe a fun, dumb three-star movie. Unfortunately, what we got was soulless, unfunny, and honestly a bit boring. Plus the cameos for the sole purpose of generating the Leo meme - come on.
That said, I listened to a podcast the other day where one of the hosts offhandedly said this movie was worth it "for the MCU cameos alone," so maybe I'm the problem.
The plot of old feels like people just closed their eyes and picked plot points out of a hat. I mean the twists just feels completely like they’re made up on the spot
Oh man, same thing with The Box. The only part of that movie anyone remembers is "if you push this button, two things will happen" which was directly from the short story by Richard Matheson. The other like hour and a half of that film was just random shit happening. I didn't watch Donnie Darko for the longest time because I just didn't have any faith that director could tell a story.
What’s your name and occupation
You have such a beautiful voice. Can’t wait to hear it when you’re OLDER
It can’t be that secret a beach. We were told to keep it quiet
I’m specifically six and a quarter. She’s eleven.
Shyamalan’s dialogue can be next-level awful and I get the impression that he doesn’t let his actors ad lib AT ALL. Every line from Bautista’s character in ‘Knock at the Cabin’ made me want to die.
It’s a huge testament to Joaquin Phoenix’s acting abilities that he made both of his Shyamalan roles, two pretty different characters, natural and believable, even genuinely moving. He somehow found two different ways to make Shyamalan dialogue work.
I love the movie, but I can't stand the scene when they go into town and Joaquin Phoenix meets the army guy.
"Why aren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?"
I like Signs, some of the dialog is just a liiittle off/goofy. But the structure and overall vibe are fantastic. Shyamalan is a great director in many ways, and a good writer in some, his dialogue is just his biggest weakness imo.
They literally just got Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, and Gal Gadot together and had them play themselves and wrote a haphazard excuse for a story around it.
I remember laughing in the theatres when Chat GPT forgot you had to make finding a mcguffin about the journey and not about actually finding the McGuffin so for literally no reason they go out into the desert in search of a magical sith dagger (lol) and then in 2 seconds fell through the sands to a magical desert cave and right on top of a body holding it.
But only if you stand in a very specific spot in a field with no particular markings or anything. Fortunately, our heroes avoided days of aimless searching by happening to land right there.
God why is it so dumb any fucking armature writer could have done better
I feel like they did it on purpose to piss off the fans so they'd keep talking about this movie
I just can’t understand how a team of writers back by the biggest corporation in Hollywood with effectively an unlimited budget managed to make a worse movie then George Lucas’s ever could’ve dreamed of. Like shit I get attack of the clones is bad because it’s boring it’s boring because Lucas is more interested in fake politics then writing a compelling movie, this is just badly written from top to bottom. Like if rise of skywalker (a god awful title btw) was handed to me as a first draft of a script I’d say throw it the fuck out no amount of editing could save this, but for it to be a final released movie and no one at any point said “isn’t this really fucking bad?”
Even I the last Jedi you heard Mark Hamil say this was a bad direction to take the character (although honestly I’ve come around to it). But no one at any point or filming at all said why are we killing off C3PO to bring him back in 2 seconds? Why doesn Kylo get a single voice line when he turns to the light side? Why are Rey and Kylo kissing at all? Why doesn’t Finns storm trooper background amount to anything at all? WHY THE FUCKING DAGGER?
I just feel like movies these days are to top down. Like, the studio hires people with no vision and then sets them on their way with no vision from the studio either.
We all feel and know this, but it's just media products. We don't get visions anymore.
The film was so aimless it's the only one I've ever fallen asleep to in the cinema. There was just no substance to anything they were doing, like the nonsensical games you would play in the yard at school but even those were better.
Weren't Palpatine clones and super laser Star Destroyers straight out of EU?
Imagine the hilarious mess JJ would have made if he'd brought in the Yuuzhan Vong or Sun Crusher.
The problem is that they had over 30 years of EU material to parse through, and they could've only taken the good ones and left the others non-canon.
One of the reasons why the Doctor Who revival worked in 2005 was because the showrunner adapted some of the best material written during the Wilderness era.
That and Leia/Han's son turning to the Dark Side and Luke struggling to maintain his duties as a Jedi Master of the New Order.
Honestly, the worst part is that the Sequel Trilogy had all the right ideas but executed them in the worst possible way.
I saw some video of how many things episode 9 retconned and the list was LONG.
Edit: You know how in improv the main rule is to just go “yes and…” through it all?
Episode 9 used the “No and fuck you” approach.
Nothing plot related happens for like 3/4 of these movies which means dialogue is scarce and needs to be carefully used, and then they spend 2 minutes on this scene lol.
If someone watching the movie for the first time wanted to justify it, they might say “oh, they’re obviously setting him up as a creep now to prepare him to be a twist villain.” Then they’d slowly turn to despair as the movie went on and on and it turns out that one of the ‘heroes’ just does this
As a classic transformers cartoon fan, all the movie transformers look like fucked up AI art. Some look cool, and the transformations look cool sometimes but they’re so overly complex.
Definitely the last knight. The last act was so long I wanted to go home and lay on my couch but unfortunately I was already laying on my couch...
Fuck that movie.
I only really invested in the new trilogy because I liked the OG three. The only one of the new trilogy that is interesting at all is the first Jurassic World and only a small part of dominion when we ACTUALLY saw dinosaurs in the real world. The rest was really bad though.
I really wanted to see more dinosaurs in the real world :( Except we just got more dinosaurs... stuck on an isolated island... inside a facility... wait a minute.
I did not hate Rings of Power as much as most as I think there were some amazing set pieces, terrific costume designs and wonderful performances... but the scripts absolutely felt like they were devised by a really strange algorithm that randomly mixed dialogue from one scene in the Jackson trilogy with a different character and setting. I can only describe it as coldly familiar.
I'm right with ya. I firstly *loved* having new Middle-earth content to watch; and abso-frickin-lutely the design and vfx work in Numenor, Khazad-dum and Lindon were stunning.
But the story was the weakest point. Which is pretty much the worst thing to say for anything based off Tolkien's books. They tried to create too much of their own story *in already established storylines* (and yet weirdly, I totally liked the harfoot plotline, and am ok with fudging Gandalf's arrival). A hidden, almost repentant Sauron was basically inevitable-- but rewriting not just the *why*, but the *how* and *when* the Rings are forged really was just hubris on the writers' part.
The dialogue was so odd. I remember a thread of a guy asking for sentences to make it sound as Ring Of Power dialogues, worst part is some of them actually sounded great, vaguely remember one about a little sister being bitten by a dog and a "sometimes when your friends ask for help it's when you should least help them".
Anyways, a random on a post I can't find wrote similar dialogue to that half billion production
I think a lot of people don't know what kind of stuff AI produces. There are a lot of movies being mentioned that are bad because they're so weird, specific and bizarre. Meanwhile what AI produces is bland and generic.
The Room makes the most sense. I mean, Tommy Wiseau is already a man of total mystery. Where did he come from? How does he have all this money? Did he have human interaction growing up? Where did he learn English? Why did he want the movie to end revealing that the main character was a vampire with a flying car?
Having it turn out that he's a time traveling alien vampire that was sent into the past to test the viability of chat-gpt movies WITHOUT the public backlash that would come from it (since it wasn't invented yet) would probably answer *more* questions than it would raise.
The Room is probably the most unrealistic answer. An AI would produce something that somewhat resembles its training data. There is nothing even remotely as bad as The Room
Yeah, AI text isn't awful, it's *generic*. It's the most milquetoast, forgettable stuff ever. Like a perfect mathematical average of every novel and script on Earth (which is pretty much exactly what it is).
I think The Room would be nearly impossible for AI to write, even if you were to feed it prompts for bad dialogue and acting. Tommy Wiseau is a special kind of person and only he can make a movie so ridiculous and outlandish like The Room. Don't know what goes into that man's head but The Room is one of my favorite unintentional comedy films.
A lot. Probably a reason a condition of the strike is a ban on AI writing....
Disney is low hanging fruit so I'll nominate Amsterdam.
ChatGPT write quirky, period piece, murder mystery with a great cast but still manages to cure insomnia in 1 hour or less.
According to one interview I listened to, the writers tried to get ahead of technology when coming to the table this time in a way they failed to do during the dawn of streaming.
They wanted language stating that a writer is a person, and not an AI. They wanted compensation for all works used to form a basis for AI involvement, and a few other things. As soon as they made a stance against the use of AI in writing, the studios walked away from negotiations.
It’s so incredibly DULL and it shouldn’t be with it being about murder and the cast list (!!)but it just feels like a soggy waterlogged sponge, nothing happened for the first hour and yet it was so full of talking. they just talked about nothing at all. Overall of felt like an AI version of a Wes Anderson film, following some obvious trademarks of much better films but devoid of any charm
Agree with this take. Now, I am a fan of Wes Anderson films, I can't express what an impression Rushmore left on me.
Amsterdam had a similar vibe, but at the end of the day was trying too hard to be stylistic and artsy and forgot to tell an engaging, coherent story. A collection of scenes and moments that suddenly the story remembers it has to wrap things up 2 hours in.
Really wanted to enjoy it , but walked away let down as it felt more like a senior film study project than an actual film.
Big fan of Christian Bale though, and he is one bright spot. His performance is great for what he was working with scriptwise.
That movie was so much better than I expected it to be. I’m not sure if I just went in with lower expectations, but I really enjoyed it. It’s definitely a movie I could throw on again if I just needed something fun.
Ant Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. And I not even one of those who hates on Marvel every chance I get, but something about that movie realllyyy felt off. Wouldn't be surprised if atleast some of it was written by chatgpt.
South Park was 100% accurate when the Awesome0 robot was writing Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider movies.
That shit is 100% formulaic. And I'll begrudgingly say, it was somewhat amusing before he made the same film dozens of times.
And really any offshoot of that brand of comedy. Paul Blart Mall Cop comes to mind. Any one of The Rock's comedy films.
The Super Mario movie. Not to say I hated it, in fact, I really enjoyed it. I just wouldnt be surprised if it was written by AI either.
Also anything coming out of Disney/Marvel/Star Wars at the moment.
Mario was the first thing I thought of as well. A very straightforward plot with few recurring themes and a heavy reliance on referential and slapstick humor. It definitely seems like something Chat GPT would be capable of.
I can’t tell if this is the same old run of the mill *modern cinema bad* post.
Or
If it’s some studio marketing firm trying to lull us into and expecting AI written movies.
Either way Support the Writers Strike!
Pretty sure this is how all the Lifetime network movies are made
Hallmark Christmas movies are worse. All of them are the same Mad Libs template with different blanks being filled in
She’s a big-city gal, he’s a small-town boy. Can they fall in love before Christmas is cancelled forever? Find out in “Love at Christmas LXII!”
His father owns a real estate company that wants to buy Christmas Store and bulldoze it for a new Condo complex. He stumbles into discovering her family owns the Christmas Store, and conflict ensues. She teaches him to love Christmas, and he fights his father to stop the Complex, and at the same time, proposes to her. Snow falls, bells play, they kiss and end.
Hallmark writers in shambles after this perfection.
Writing for Hallmark isn't about the *writing;* rather, it's about the *penmanship.* Source: I've seen only a few of the movies, but i've seen dozens of the cards.
> His father owns a real estate company that wants to buy Christmas Store and bulldoze it for a new Condo complex. He stumbles into discovering her family owns the Christmas Store, and conflict ensues. She teaches him to love Christmas, and he fights his father to stop the Complex, and at the same time, proposes to her. Snow falls, bells play, they kiss and end. Also implied jolly old man in town might actually be Santa Claus
The Hallmark movies have surorisingly deep background plots, or so I've been told. Don't watch the main characters, but anyone behind them.
I love it when things ensue.
Ensuing ensues
Those movies are great if you watch them backwards. A cool girl ditches her loser hick boyfriend who has done fuck all since high school. She gets away from her meddling family, moves to the big city, builds a great career, and falls in love with a super successful and hard working dude.
The “Slaughterhouse 5” backwards war movie approach. A horrible accident has killed many people. But then they are returned to good health, and all their pain and suffering is removed and placed in small metal containers, which are thrown up into airplanes. The airplanes fly the pain and suffering to a distant foreign country, where the pain and suffering is carefully removed from the containers, and trained experts take all that pain and suffering out to mines all over the country, placing it far underground where it cannot hurt anyone.
Man do I love Vonnegut
Only problem is that Santa Claus becomes a menace to society in the backwards version. The malevolent git who breaks into your house and steals all your favourite toys.
There has to be a Bed & Breakfast to take care of!
They have to save the Christmas tree farm.
Or Christmas Store. Or any Christmas symbolic business that would be in conflict with the other. (candle shop, maple syrup forest, toy store)
There's a twist this year, nobody will see it coming and minds will be blown. The Christmas Store is also a bed and breakfast that sells real Christmas trees!
Sometimes the small-town boy is actually Santa.
>He’s a big-city guy, she’s a small-town girl. Can they fall in love before Christmas is cancelled forever? Find out in “Love at Christmas LXIII!”
>She’s a big-city girl, she’s a small-town girl. Can they fall in love before Christmas is cancelled forever? Find out in “Love at Christmas LXIV!”
(Not available in Florida.)
I actually know someone who's a writer for Lifetime or Hallmark. Forget which. Maybe both. I don't know anything about her process super in depth but I know she has acknowledged that they're really cheesy and formulaic, but also said they're kind of more willing to take swings on unproven writers without prior credits, so if you're looking to break into the industry it's a place to start. And if that's the case I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they basically Mad Libs it; studio says give me city girl with X job meets local boy with Y job in a small town in Z state during Christmas but then Q goes wrong and they fall in love.
My understanding is it's a dead end but with a lot more stability than a mainstream writing career but nobody is getting their start on hallmark/lifetime and working their way up to an oscar or a marvel movie.
On the Scriptnotes podcast, I remember Craig Mazin saying something along the lines of: "Well, if you think hallmark movies are easy, go and write them. They always want more, and if you can do it, that's a great steady gig! But be ready to surprise yourself with how hard it actually is to get it, not close, but 'just right' and good enough for hallmark."
His name is Christian. Her name is Holly.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/mollycapobianco/hallmark-released-two-near-identical-christmas-movies They literally did make two movies from one filming.
This is actually a really interesting concept
I’ve long maintained that the biggest missed opportunity in film was Kenneth Branagh not combining Hamlet (1996) and A Midwinter’s Tale (1995), which was about a ton of actors putting on a chaotic production of Hamlet. Unfortunately, the movies had completely different casts. Imagine if the movies were filmed simultaneously with the same cast. A movie about making a movie that the audience can actually watch.
Eat your heart out, Letters from Iwo Jima/Flags of Our Fathers
Title: "The Magic of Snowflake Valley" Overview: "The Magic of Snowflake Valley" is a heartwarming Christmas movie that follows the story of Sarah Johnson, a talented but overworked marketing executive in the bustling city. Sarah's hectic life leaves her little time for Christmas festivities and the joyous spirit of the season. However, everything changes when she receives an unexpected invitation to visit Snowflake Valley, a small, charming town known for its enchanting holiday traditions. Act 1: Sarah reluctantly travels to Snowflake Valley, her initial intention being to quickly complete a promotional campaign for a luxury ski resort. Upon arriving, she is greeted by the warm and welcoming townsfolk, who are preparing for their annual Christmas festival. Sarah meets David, a handsome local craftsman who is passionate about preserving the town's traditions. They instantly clash due to their different outlooks on life. Act 2: Sarah immerses herself in the town's activities, such as decorating the main square, baking Christmas cookies, and participating in a tree lighting ceremony. As Sarah spends more time in Snowflake Valley, she begins to rediscover the magic and joy of Christmas. She bonds with the townspeople and learns about the importance of community and togetherness. David starts to see past Sarah's tough exterior and discovers her hidden love for the holiday season. They begin to develop feelings for each other. Act 3: As the Christmas festival approaches, Sarah's perspective on her work and life starts to shift. She realizes that there's more to happiness than just career success. Sarah's boss arrives unexpectedly, pressuring her to prioritize work over the festival. However, with the support of the townspeople and her growing affection for David, she stands up for what she truly believes in. Sarah and David work together to create a magical, one-of-a-kind event that captures the spirit of Snowflake Valley. Act 4: The Christmas festival becomes a resounding success, attracting visitors from near and far. Sarah's boss witnesses the magic and charm of Snowflake Valley and has a change of heart, allowing Sarah to embrace her newfound passion for creating meaningful experiences. Sarah and David admit their feelings for each other, sharing a romantic moment under the softly falling snowflakes. Act 5: Sarah decides to leave her stressful job in the city and permanently move to Snowflake Valley, where she plans to start a new chapter in her life. The movie concludes with Sarah and David together, surrounded by the love and warmth of Snowflake Valley, celebrating a beautiful and unforgettable Christmas. "The Magic of Snowflake Valley" captures the essence of the holiday spirit, emphasizing the importance of love, community, and finding joy in the simplest moments.
And she's played by Lacey Chabert!
Excellent. Quickly adding: David has a daughter and lost his wife in a tragic accident, and also the subplot where this will be the last Snowflake Valley festival if they don't raise enough funds.
But does Sarah have a sister who calls her everyday to tell her how satisfied she is being a housewife with 3 kids and an impressive talent for baking Christmas cookies?
Confirmed. No sentient being would have allowed a 5-movie “Stalked By My Doctor” series starring Eric Roberts to be written.
Hallmark has joined the chat
Space Jam 2
I give chatGPT more credit than that.
If ChatGPT came out before the movie, the movie would’ve had jokes about it and probably promoted it Hell, the villain basically *was* ChatGPT
Which is the entire conceit of the movie, and why I can’t tell if the movie is clever enough to be in on its own joke
Weird how the plot doesn't involve space in any capacity. No travels to space, no aliens from space.
Does it have jam though?
Cyber Space tho
People actually wrote that movie. *how* was it so bad??
Space Jam 2 wasn't a movie, it was an HBOMAX fall preview special
WB Execs: use every bit of IP we have
The original draft was a commentary about Hollywood and WB specifically. The executive caught wind of it and basically forced to make it less cynical. What once was supposed to be a ridiculous spoof on WB just became an advertisement for HBO MAX instead. Basically it's Gremlins 2 if that movie was heavily censored by the studio. Also Gremlins 2 came out in 1990 and already made the same criticisms towards Hollywood and the studio specifically.
The Emoji Movie
The **concept itself** sounds like an AI came up with it. That, or a boardroom full of executives (which is a kind of artificial intelligence)
I read that as a bathroom full of executives and it makes about as much sense.
I forgot that existed and I am angry that you’ve reminded me.
This is the real answer… People are just listing off movies they had high hopes for but ended up hating. Like the Jurassic World trilogy. But the emoji movie? That is a film that anyone would struggle to believe even exists. The only explanation is that it was written by AI as opposed to multiple executives signing off on it.
Highlander 2. It goes in every direction at once and fails in every way.
No A.I. would produce that dreck. It’s genuinely too awful to have been produced by anything other than spite.
Is "spite" regional slang for cocaine?
Red Notice, The Gray Man, Ghosted, Space Jam 2
# "MEMBAH BIG CHUNGUS?!?!?!?"
No way they said that in the movie
No, but it does contain a Big Chungus.
Just when I thought that movie could not get more cursed.
Great choices. And I was actually pretty pumped for gray man/goesling.
I think the problem is that the Russo brothers are trying to capture that spy, thriller energy that they had with winter soldier. However, they don’t seem to have any ability to build an emotional connection between the audience and the main character. All of that legwork was done in Captain America, the first avenger. All the legwork for all of the characters they seem to have gotten famous for directing or created by other people, or the actual hard work of making them relatable was done by someone else. As far as I know, they have not made a single property from scratch, and actually have it succeed on the level of their other action thrillers.
I'm one of those idiots that still really enjoyed gray man
Completely agree. Red Notice was painfully by the numbers, stiff, with no heart, I couldn't even finish it. The Gray Man had charm, and even when it just did genre trope stuff, it was brisk, light fun.
Chris Evans and his fucking 80s pornstache carried the goddamn film. He understood the assignment and hammed it up as much as he could.
Yep me too, had no idea it was now on the mandatory shit list
Yeah seriously, I really liked that one
I’m curious how many people who are nominating Ghosted actually saw it. I don’t deny it was bad. I’m just wondering if this is a bandwagon thing.
I saw it and it was ridiculously filled with clichés. The money they put into movies like those save them from looking bad but I didn't enjoy it at all. In their defense, I've become pretty cynical towards entertainment lately so it's harder for me to enjoy movies and tv series anymore.
I forget where I read this but somebody pointed out that with streaming, movies that in the past would have been made for TV movies or straight to VHS are just released alongside more prestigious projects and there is no way to tell the difference until you watch it because production quality has become democratized and name actors are happy to sign on for the money, viewers or creative freedom. Remember back when people would say with astonishment that a show *looks like a movie!* Now everything just looks like a movie and there’s no guarantee that it won’t really be Walmart movie bin quality.
I watched it and was heavily disappointed by it. Did I expect a four-star movie? No, but maybe a fun, dumb three-star movie. Unfortunately, what we got was soulless, unfunny, and honestly a bit boring. Plus the cameos for the sole purpose of generating the Leo meme - come on. That said, I listened to a podcast the other day where one of the hosts offhandedly said this movie was worth it "for the MCU cameos alone," so maybe I'm the problem.
If I discovered that M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening was actually written by ChatGPT, my opinion of that movie would probably dramatically improve.
This but for “Old”. That had some of the most unnatural dialogue I’ve ever heard in a movie.
The plot of old feels like people just closed their eyes and picked plot points out of a hat. I mean the twists just feels completely like they’re made up on the spot
The "twist" is dumb but the concept and some parts of the movie are neat.
Probably because they're from the original story.
Oh man, same thing with The Box. The only part of that movie anyone remembers is "if you push this button, two things will happen" which was directly from the short story by Richard Matheson. The other like hour and a half of that film was just random shit happening. I didn't watch Donnie Darko for the longest time because I just didn't have any faith that director could tell a story.
What’s your name and occupation You have such a beautiful voice. Can’t wait to hear it when you’re OLDER It can’t be that secret a beach. We were told to keep it quiet I’m specifically six and a quarter. She’s eleven.
Shyamalan’s dialogue can be next-level awful and I get the impression that he doesn’t let his actors ad lib AT ALL. Every line from Bautista’s character in ‘Knock at the Cabin’ made me want to die. It’s a huge testament to Joaquin Phoenix’s acting abilities that he made both of his Shyamalan roles, two pretty different characters, natural and believable, even genuinely moving. He somehow found two different ways to make Shyamalan dialogue work.
Signs is one of my favorite movies, but I have to admit the dialogue felt unnatural at times.
I love the movie, but I can't stand the scene when they go into town and Joaquin Phoenix meets the army guy. "Why aren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?"
Same. The skinny dickhead talking shit to the home-run king. Yeah, right.
I like Signs, some of the dialog is just a liiittle off/goofy. But the structure and overall vibe are fantastic. Shyamalan is a great director in many ways, and a good writer in some, his dialogue is just his biggest weakness imo.
To be fair, Leonard's dialogue in that is straight from the book.
Yeah, it’s stylized and particular, but I don’t think it’s bad.
That character in particular just has a very specific affectation, like a youth pastor or something.
M. Night’s dialogue is so bad sometimes that it almost sounds alien
Why you eyeing my lemon drink?
Red Notice
I only remember this movie because i had to google "that netfix movie with Ryan Reynolds" because I forgot the title of 6 Underground
Tbf 6 underground was pretty entertaining. I don't think it expected any Oscar nominations, but it was entertaining
They literally just got Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, and Gal Gadot together and had them play themselves and wrote a haphazard excuse for a story around it.
"Somehow, Palpatine returned"
The bot got stuck in a loop and just kept adding more maguffins for a while in the second act
You have to take the [noun, object] to [noun, place from previous entry] to find your way to [noun, place, new].
I remember laughing in the theatres when Chat GPT forgot you had to make finding a mcguffin about the journey and not about actually finding the McGuffin so for literally no reason they go out into the desert in search of a magical sith dagger (lol) and then in 2 seconds fell through the sands to a magical desert cave and right on top of a body holding it.
This ancient dagger matches with this 30 year old Death Star wreckage perfectly!
The 30 year old wreckage that hasn’t shifted at all despite being battered with nonstop rain and gale force winds!
AND AN OCEAN.
But only if you stand in a very specific spot in a field with no particular markings or anything. Fortunately, our heroes avoided days of aimless searching by happening to land right there.
God why is it so dumb any fucking armature writer could have done better I feel like they did it on purpose to piss off the fans so they'd keep talking about this movie
The writer is a bunch of coils inside a dynamo instead of a chat bot?
It's just piling on, but I hardly see anyone bring this up as possibly the most absurd point in the whole sequence.
I just can’t understand how a team of writers back by the biggest corporation in Hollywood with effectively an unlimited budget managed to make a worse movie then George Lucas’s ever could’ve dreamed of. Like shit I get attack of the clones is bad because it’s boring it’s boring because Lucas is more interested in fake politics then writing a compelling movie, this is just badly written from top to bottom. Like if rise of skywalker (a god awful title btw) was handed to me as a first draft of a script I’d say throw it the fuck out no amount of editing could save this, but for it to be a final released movie and no one at any point said “isn’t this really fucking bad?” Even I the last Jedi you heard Mark Hamil say this was a bad direction to take the character (although honestly I’ve come around to it). But no one at any point or filming at all said why are we killing off C3PO to bring him back in 2 seconds? Why doesn Kylo get a single voice line when he turns to the light side? Why are Rey and Kylo kissing at all? Why doesn’t Finns storm trooper background amount to anything at all? WHY THE FUCKING DAGGER?
I just feel like movies these days are to top down. Like, the studio hires people with no vision and then sets them on their way with no vision from the studio either. We all feel and know this, but it's just media products. We don't get visions anymore.
I am convinced the Book of Boba Fett started with, "Ok, ok, ok. Fett riding a rancor!" And just worked backwards from there.
"We made this dagger for the merchandising, your job is to make it fit in the movie"- the Suits probably.
And, and I can't stress this enough, WHY THE FUCK ARE WE COPYING RETURN OF THE JEDI???
It really is. It’s fucking wild that was allowed to happen for any film, let alone a fucking Star Wars film.
The film was so aimless it's the only one I've ever fallen asleep to in the cinema. There was just no substance to anything they were doing, like the nonsensical games you would play in the yard at school but even those were better.
AND WHAT DID FINN WANT TO TELL REY
I feel like that level of dumbassery requires a human. Like how some things are too strange for fiction, some things can be too dumb for AI.
The AI would probably actually use the decades of SW EU material instead of doing whatever the fuck JJ Abrams did.
Weren't Palpatine clones and super laser Star Destroyers straight out of EU? Imagine the hilarious mess JJ would have made if he'd brought in the Yuuzhan Vong or Sun Crusher.
Seriously the EU was a fucking mess. People only remember the good parts.
Space elves. Force dragons. A wooden pirate ship in space. Rose colored glasses indeed.
The problem is that they had over 30 years of EU material to parse through, and they could've only taken the good ones and left the others non-canon. One of the reasons why the Doctor Who revival worked in 2005 was because the showrunner adapted some of the best material written during the Wilderness era.
That and Leia/Han's son turning to the Dark Side and Luke struggling to maintain his duties as a Jedi Master of the New Order. Honestly, the worst part is that the Sequel Trilogy had all the right ideas but executed them in the worst possible way.
I saw some video of how many things episode 9 retconned and the list was LONG. Edit: You know how in improv the main rule is to just go “yes and…” through it all? Episode 9 used the “No and fuck you” approach.
Rise of Skywalker would be if ChatGPT learned solely from fanfic written by 10-year olds
I think ChatGPT would actually put more effort into explaining Palpatine’s return.
I can't wait for the future where we can say "say what you will about the prequels but at least they were written by a human"
every movie and show pre-2023 is gonna have that appeal
Any of the Transformers movies
Is the AI crazy enough to come up with all the incredibly specific stuff about age of consent laws?
It's trained off the internet, so yes
MichaelBayBot is livid, or at least the AI equivalent of livid
I already had a mild grudge against Wahlberg for Max Payne, but his Transformer movies are so *painfully bad*
Having not seen the Transformers movies, I’m afraid to ask for context…
It needs to be [seen](https://youtu.be/DUq0HlMvQw0) to be believed.
Nothing plot related happens for like 3/4 of these movies which means dialogue is scarce and needs to be carefully used, and then they spend 2 minutes on this scene lol.
If someone watching the movie for the first time wanted to justify it, they might say “oh, they’re obviously setting him up as a creep now to prepare him to be a twist villain.” Then they’d slowly turn to despair as the movie went on and on and it turns out that one of the ‘heroes’ just does this
aparently they also got the laws wrong, in a way that made it even more [creepy and wierd](https://youtu.be/Rfqy8fS0U2Y)
As a classic transformers cartoon fan, all the movie transformers look like fucked up AI art. Some look cool, and the transformations look cool sometimes but they’re so overly complex.
Still love all of them no matter how fuckin cheesy and dumb they are. I'm their audience without apology.
I mean it makes sense. Robot life forms aren’t going to be blocky like cartoons that needed to be simple to animate.
Definitely the last knight. The last act was so long I wanted to go home and lay on my couch but unfortunately I was already laying on my couch... Fuck that movie.
At least if ChatGPT wrote the Transformer movies, it would probably do a better job maintaining the canon.
AI : “so you basically never stop moving the camera through out the movie. Just keep it moving and no one would notice what a shitty director you are”
There has been a bunch lately but the last I saw was Morbius
Morbius would've KILLED had it come out in 2003.
disgusting obtainable pie shelter zesty tub nippy crime rustic frighten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don't do Van Helsing like that...
That movie where Scarlet Johanson is forced to take drugs and becomes a god/usb stick.
Lucy?
Her 2
If you look at it from the perspective of someone OD'ing (basically everything after getting her shit kicked in), it's a little more palatable.
>becomes a god/usb stick. That's such a fantastic way of making it humorous. I kept waiting for it to get better. Years later, you succeeded.
Jurassic World Trilogy
I only really invested in the new trilogy because I liked the OG three. The only one of the new trilogy that is interesting at all is the first Jurassic World and only a small part of dominion when we ACTUALLY saw dinosaurs in the real world. The rest was really bad though.
I really wanted to see more dinosaurs in the real world :( Except we just got more dinosaurs... stuck on an isolated island... inside a facility... wait a minute.
The return of Xander Cage would make way more sense.
Wow I was not even aware this existed and I loved triple x as a teen
I did not hate Rings of Power as much as most as I think there were some amazing set pieces, terrific costume designs and wonderful performances... but the scripts absolutely felt like they were devised by a really strange algorithm that randomly mixed dialogue from one scene in the Jackson trilogy with a different character and setting. I can only describe it as coldly familiar.
Perfect answer. some of that script was baffling, like the line about rocks sinking because they look down, and ships floating because they look up.
“Perhaps, we must first (opposite thing) before we can (intended thing).”
You're saying we need to turn right to go left?
This is true of bikes
And of Cars (2006)
And Derek Zoolander
That line was awful, but at least nothing will ever dethrone the most perfect line ever written by anyone in the history of the world: "I'm *good.*"
I'm right with ya. I firstly *loved* having new Middle-earth content to watch; and abso-frickin-lutely the design and vfx work in Numenor, Khazad-dum and Lindon were stunning. But the story was the weakest point. Which is pretty much the worst thing to say for anything based off Tolkien's books. They tried to create too much of their own story *in already established storylines* (and yet weirdly, I totally liked the harfoot plotline, and am ok with fudging Gandalf's arrival). A hidden, almost repentant Sauron was basically inevitable-- but rewriting not just the *why*, but the *how* and *when* the Rings are forged really was just hubris on the writers' part.
The dialogue was so odd. I remember a thread of a guy asking for sentences to make it sound as Ring Of Power dialogues, worst part is some of them actually sounded great, vaguely remember one about a little sister being bitten by a dog and a "sometimes when your friends ask for help it's when you should least help them". Anyways, a random on a post I can't find wrote similar dialogue to that half billion production
Hallmark romances
I think we’re insulting AI with some of these replies lol
I think a lot of people don't know what kind of stuff AI produces. There are a lot of movies being mentioned that are bad because they're so weird, specific and bizarre. Meanwhile what AI produces is bland and generic.
Any Adam Sandler Netflix comedy.
Realistic answer: The Room My jerk answer: Lightyear
The Room makes the most sense. I mean, Tommy Wiseau is already a man of total mystery. Where did he come from? How does he have all this money? Did he have human interaction growing up? Where did he learn English? Why did he want the movie to end revealing that the main character was a vampire with a flying car? Having it turn out that he's a time traveling alien vampire that was sent into the past to test the viability of chat-gpt movies WITHOUT the public backlash that would come from it (since it wasn't invented yet) would probably answer *more* questions than it would raise.
I'd take it a step further and say that he *is* ChatGPT. Whenever you talk to an AI, you're talking to Tommy Wiseau
Holy shit.
The Room is probably the most unrealistic answer. An AI would produce something that somewhat resembles its training data. There is nothing even remotely as bad as The Room
Yeah, AI text isn't awful, it's *generic*. It's the most milquetoast, forgettable stuff ever. Like a perfect mathematical average of every novel and script on Earth (which is pretty much exactly what it is).
I think The Room would be nearly impossible for AI to write, even if you were to feed it prompts for bad dialogue and acting. Tommy Wiseau is a special kind of person and only he can make a movie so ridiculous and outlandish like The Room. Don't know what goes into that man's head but The Room is one of my favorite unintentional comedy films.
Oh god I can only imagine the chaos that will ensue when Tommy Wiseau discovers ChatGPT
The thing we really don't want is Chat GPT discovering Tommy Wiseau. It will nuke us all from orbit.
any netflix holiday movie
Movie 43
A lot. Probably a reason a condition of the strike is a ban on AI writing.... Disney is low hanging fruit so I'll nominate Amsterdam. ChatGPT write quirky, period piece, murder mystery with a great cast but still manages to cure insomnia in 1 hour or less.
According to one interview I listened to, the writers tried to get ahead of technology when coming to the table this time in a way they failed to do during the dawn of streaming. They wanted language stating that a writer is a person, and not an AI. They wanted compensation for all works used to form a basis for AI involvement, and a few other things. As soon as they made a stance against the use of AI in writing, the studios walked away from negotiations.
And make sure you add a great scene for Taylor Swift.
It’s so incredibly DULL and it shouldn’t be with it being about murder and the cast list (!!)but it just feels like a soggy waterlogged sponge, nothing happened for the first hour and yet it was so full of talking. they just talked about nothing at all. Overall of felt like an AI version of a Wes Anderson film, following some obvious trademarks of much better films but devoid of any charm
Agree with this take. Now, I am a fan of Wes Anderson films, I can't express what an impression Rushmore left on me. Amsterdam had a similar vibe, but at the end of the day was trying too hard to be stylistic and artsy and forgot to tell an engaging, coherent story. A collection of scenes and moments that suddenly the story remembers it has to wrap things up 2 hours in. Really wanted to enjoy it , but walked away let down as it felt more like a senior film study project than an actual film. Big fan of Christian Bale though, and he is one bright spot. His performance is great for what he was working with scriptwise.
Every Disney live action remake
The last 6 years of Ryan Reynolds films.
Well "Free Guy" *is* from the point of view of an AI... Maybe it's a guilty pleasure, but I thoroughly enjoyed the ride with that movie.
That movie was so much better than I expected it to be. I’m not sure if I just went in with lower expectations, but I really enjoyed it. It’s definitely a movie I could throw on again if I just needed something fun.
Ant Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. And I not even one of those who hates on Marvel every chance I get, but something about that movie realllyyy felt off. Wouldn't be surprised if atleast some of it was written by chatgpt.
Nah, that was good old fashioned executive interference. You can almost see the exact points where the movie diverges from what it was going to be.
South Park was 100% accurate when the Awesome0 robot was writing Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider movies. That shit is 100% formulaic. And I'll begrudgingly say, it was somewhat amusing before he made the same film dozens of times. And really any offshoot of that brand of comedy. Paul Blart Mall Cop comes to mind. Any one of The Rock's comedy films.
The Super Mario movie. Not to say I hated it, in fact, I really enjoyed it. I just wouldnt be surprised if it was written by AI either. Also anything coming out of Disney/Marvel/Star Wars at the moment.
Mario was the first thing I thought of as well. A very straightforward plot with few recurring themes and a heavy reliance on referential and slapstick humor. It definitely seems like something Chat GPT would be capable of.
You're out of your mind if you thought Andor was written by AI. That was the best writing in all of Star Wars hands down.
ghosted (2023)
The Gray Man on Netflix
I can’t tell if this is the same old run of the mill *modern cinema bad* post. Or If it’s some studio marketing firm trying to lull us into and expecting AI written movies. Either way Support the Writers Strike!
Most of netflix movies.
It’s probably a Netflix film.