I knew a family this happened to. The kids fortunately survived, but mom died overnight on a weekend visit and they were alone for three days until the older child (in kindergarten) asked the mail carrier for help on Monday. He’d been feeding his little brother from what he could reach in the cabinets. I think about them all the time.
This happened to my family. Mother died years ago but my step siblings were being taken care of by their dad.
He died to something idk what. He was dead in bed for a week while my 8 yo sister and 4 yo brother were trying to wake him up.
My siblings are alive. With a ton of mental issues but alive
I saw a documentary years ago about an Australian family, the parents were murdered but the children left alive. I’m paraphrasing because it was such a long time ago but they played the call from emergency services who had been trying to get in contact. The little girl says something like “I don’t like Mummy anymore, she looks scary now”. Brutal.
Oh man. That poor child.
I saw a true crime episode and the mom had been murdered but the baby/toddler was left alive. Luckily someone checked before the baby died from starvation or dehydration, but when they did break in to check, there were little footprints in blood everywhere the baby had walked.
She had also tried to nurse from the dead mom because she was hungry and thirsty and also probably wanted comfort. It was so sad.
Yes! Thank you. I couldn't remember.
I think she even tried to feed her dead mom with her sippy cup too. . .
Ok, I'm going to go give my kids a hug now. . .
Depends. My father and brother went to the apartment of a former high school classmate of mine after he didn’t show up at work. He had been dead since Friday. It was Tuesday. The heat was on in the apartment. His skin was turning black.
I can believe it. When my grandpa died we couldn't get in contact with my uncle to let him know. His son eventually found him dead in bed when he went to tell him. He called 911 to report a dead fat guy in his dad's bed because he was so bloated and turning black from 3 or 4 days in a very hot apartment in the summer. He was pretty fucked up for a bit after that, especially when he realized it actually was his dad. He said he couldn't keep any of his clothes because they smelled like death so bad and he couldn't stop talking about it at our now double funeral
I also remember that documentary - the mother was in bed with an electric blanket running.
It’s bizarre coming across several people who remember this documentary which must be 30+ years old. I still think about that case every now and then. How awful it was. I hope the kids grew up ok.
The mother died in a bed with an electric blanket turned on. Speeded up decomposition so initially the cops thought the husband killed her first and some time later killed himself. Turns out they were both murdered around the same time. Poor kids were climbing into bed with her to try and keep warm, and eating things like soap flakes until they were found.
Mee too, a childhood friend from my cousin. The dad went to work and the mother died soon after. Gladly the daughter school notice her absence and reached the family. The grandma arrived to her house to see her daughter trying non-stop to wake her up.
It's scary to think how fragile our lives are. You could just be going through your day casually without knowing that in a minute you will drop dead because of some undiagnosed health issue
Happened to me. I was at work when it happened. Standing chatting with a coworker when I had a hemorrhagic stroke. Felt like someone hit me over the heat with a bat. 20% of people just fall over dead from that. It’s been 8 years and I am terrified as they found another aneurism that could pop anytime.
I am alive, and each day is a blessing. Shits real
I lost a friend in my childhood to an aneurysm that came out of nowhere and it taught me how to value my own life and the lives around me. So many people don’t know how fragile it all is. I’m glad you’re still here with us and wish you many more years 💖
This happened to me (without the dropping dead). Went in for a routine annual checkup, and my WBC was high. Showed lymphoblasts in the blood. Referred to a hematologist under suspicion of Chronic Leukemia. Hematologists thinks it’s an infection but does testing anyhow. I get a call one afternoon from his nurse saying he needs to speak with me directly. Told I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and that there is a room waiting for me at the hospital downtown.
Just like that, life as I knew it ended at 40 and has been a wild rollercoaster ever since.
I always think about the fact that, I don’t know my death date but I actually live on my death date (month, day) every year. Until the actually year comes that I pass.
I'm divorced and live alone. When I have visitation with my 9 year old son it's just me and him. I see now I need to have a talk with him and explain what to do if something happens. Ugh. I legit never thought of this. I feel terrible for that kid
My oldest daughter is adopted. Her bio mom died while sleeping, oldest was in bed with her. Thankfully, there was a roommate who was able to alert emergency services, as she was set to have her for the whole week per the custody agreement. I don't think I would have let it go a week without checking in, as it was her first unsupervised visit in nearly six months, but this could easily have been my child.
I am the director of a preschool (in the US). As part of the application to work there, the state requires a physical. People always complain- it's a pain to get an appointment, have them complete the form, etc. But I say "What happens if you have a condition that you pass out? Are these little ones safe? What happens to them? What happens to you?" We have socially designed ourselves out of "the village" such that not seeing people for days is the norm, whereas in generations past that would likely not be the case. I read a line on this idea that said "It made life better for adults but worse for children." Probably true.
Sometimes I wish my family members wouldn’t call me every single day, often multiple times a day, and just leave me the hell alone (my mom insists on talking to me every day because I live alone and she wants to make sure I didn’t slip in the shower and hit my head or something). But when I see stuff like this I’m kinda glad we’re so annoying…like no way one of us dies and someone doesn’t know within 2 hours.
This is absolutely heartbreaking.
Everyone should make it a habit to speak with their loved ones on a regular basis. Doesn’t have to be every single day or even a phone convo, but just a “how you doing” or “here’s a funny meme” or “I saw this today and thought of that time…” etc. Don’t give each other so much space that days can go by without you knowing something awful has happened to the other.
Reading is just me realize I need to check into my old man now and then these days I hadn't heard from him for a while so I just had to make sure he's okay he's doing fine but this comment of yours hit hard for me and it's going to change the way I think of things forever. You'd be surprised the little things that you can do that you never realize change other people's lives
This is such a sad, sad story. It really does seem like the social worker did everything they possibly could have. They attempted to do multiple checks and even contacted police multiple times.
Edit: This really put me into my feels because I was 6 when my mom passed away. I woke up to her unresponsive and was able to call 911. This poor boy was unable to do that.
My mom passed when I was 12 and same thing. Didn’t wake up from a nap.
To this day I don’t understand what happened when I called 911. It wouldn’t ring, or the line went dead. My final attempt I got a prerecorded line that said “this number cannot be dialed from your area”. I had to go back into her room and find the phone book next to her in bed.
I am so sorry you had a similar experience at such a young age. Losing my mother has made my life so hard even though my life probably would’ve been harder (poverty and drugs) if she lived. She was my whole world.
Lesson from this is check on your dad and other people in your life often. Noone checked on this man for over 2 weeks other than social worker. Loneliness epidemic is the tragedy
What’s really befuddling is that it notes he had a heart condition as well as being severely jaundiced in the weeks leading up to this, but when no one could contact them everyone kind of just…waited.
The social worker tried to visit a couple of days after the father died (estimated date), but they couldn't get into the house. They spoke to the police, who didn't bother to do anything about it. After three attempted visits and still no help from the police, the social worker got a key from the landlord and found their bodies.
It's caused a big scandal and triggered an inquiry into exactly what went wrong. If the police had assisted from the start, the kid would probably have survived.
Social worker contacted the police twice, 2 days apart, and still apparently there was no response. Finally social worker hunted down a key and semi broke in.
Is the investigation focused solely on the social work agency (which at least on a superficial read seems to have followed a reasonable course of action), or also the inaction of the police?
Why the mom didn’t get more involved from the beginning is anyone’s guess. She and the ex had a tiff and she didn’t think to check on her baby son over that many days?? Should be an interesting back story. I’m not condemning her, just seems odd for her to not wonder how her son was regardless of having an argument with the father. Heartbreaking.
I am absolutely looking at the mom sideways. It is not normal for people to be coparenting a two year old and not communicate frequently. I don’t understand why she didn’t get involved sooner.
It's only in the situation where everyone chose to wait that the boy died and the story was published. In every other variation the boy lived and there was no story worth publishing
I don't get why the cops didn't get involved on the 2nd, I mean, it may have been too late already, but maybe not? It sounds like the social worker did everything right, contacted the dad 12/27 (and coroner said the heart attack was no earlier than 12/29). So social worker shows up 1/2, can't get anyone and tells the police. Shows up again 1/4, tells the police again. Then the *social worker* finally gets in with the landlord's key days later and discovers the bodies. Wtf were the cops doing after that first report that would have been at most 4 days after the father's death?
I read the headline and felt my heart breaking. Could go no further but came to read the comments hoping somehow they would make me feel less despair and sorrow. Didn’t work. That’s enough internet for today then.
As a father of a 2 year old, I just can't. The first line of the article, about him being curled up next to his dad. Fuck me I'm crying again just typing this out.
I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy shortly after the birth of my son. I had to put it down for about a week halfway through because I couldn't read it without crying.
Yeah, it's an eerie and terrifying image imagining the child through those long days and nights. Confused about the state of his father and why his face his frozen. Crying and crying hoping his father will somehow wake up until he can't cry anymore. And eventually just getting tired and weak and drifting away on his father's legs. What a terrible thing too to be the person checking on them, and then slowly putting the pieces together and realizing how it all played out.
There's something about being a parent and imagining your child's cries and grief going completely unanswered that is the deepest kind of primal nightmare.
My 3 year old is 2 weeks into a Leukemia diagnosis. She has completely lost all consent. Has to let everyone touch her and hurt her, when she's extremely anxious already. Hadn't spoken a word to her preschool teacher in a full semester. And she just cries and screams no and tries to fight. And what do I get to do? Hold her down and make her do it all, so I hopefully don't lose her. Why did I read this thread
I am so sorry you’re going through that.
Give her choice and consent about everything you possibly can. If she needs to have a procedure or stick and you can, let her pick “right arm or left arm” things like “do you want to count to three or count to five” let her pick the color of every bandage possible. Don’t pretend things don’t hurt, validate and reassure.
Those sorts of choices and reassurances can help her feel like a participant in her treatment instead of like every bit of it was forced on her.
You are both so strong and I’m rooting for you both.
You're doing what you need to and she will understand when she's older. And hopefully won't remember how awful it was.
Good job, friend. I hope your little girl makes it to live a long healthy life. Don't forget to care for yourself as well ❤️🩹
The fact the bodies were only found "so soon" was because this social worker made a 3rd attempt to get into the home on her own time by getting a spare key from the landlord. She went above and beyond her duties if I'm understanding the article correctly. My heart bleeds for her the most right now.
god, that's awful, what the fuck. she must have been aware time was ticking, and in the end the worst outcome came true. i cannot imagine returning to work after something like this, the guilt would consume me (even though it obviously isn't her fault).
She may not see it this way, but I see her as a hero. She may feel she could have done more but I think you're totally right. She went above and beyond doing everything right. Sometimes that still isn't enough..
Cases like this are why social workers don't last long. They will do everything right and nothing will be done, to the harm and sometimes death of the people they are trying to help.
The article says that the social worker has not been suspended and has voluntarily taken time off. Why in the world would they be suspended?!?! They absolutely did their due diligence, and took it even further than that by locating the landlord and getting a key to access the unit.
My heart goes out to that poor Social Worker and the family of the child. :(
I don't think the article was stating it as that the worker should be suspended, I think it was to let people know they were not suspended. Often times in cases like this that reach the news with social workers, people want to know what has happened with them. The article was basically letting people know the worker was not in trouble and is taking time off to, hopefully, get some counseling.
My mum is a social worker and this is just the norm. They over work making up for the failures of everyone else and when things inevitably fail end up with all the blame when 99% of the time it's the court or polices fault (or parents, but people seem to believe parents can do no wrong until they kill their kid and then they're considered an outlier).
I don't know about UK, but in the US we have a shortage of social workers for exactly this sort of thing. They can't help everyone even when they try, and they get burned out. I think the average social worker lasts between 5-8 years before changing careers in the US.
I'm hoping she has resources to get mental health services, because I can't imagine.
Social worker here. Actually I am a supervisor. This happens and it's devastating for everyone. Been through it myself. In my agency for some reason we have a large number of people who have been employed for many years. I myself have almost 29 years.
My wife does social work and based on her stories, it's the same thing. Police just never show up half the time. There was an at-risk person for suicide, and police just didn't care.
In New York a few years ago, couple knew something was going on with their neighbors who had two young kids. They called the cops.
Cops knocked, got no answer and left.
Couple broke in. Neighbors were dead ( murder suicide?), kids were alive. Couple saved their lives by breaking the law.
The father was 60, had a heart condition and was jaundiced. He should have had some alert system set up because that sounds incredibly sick. And if social services was doing visits because of this, once a month isn't enough. But also where are family and friends? This would be a concern of mine if I was close to a person in this situation.
God I have an 18month old. The idea of him in this situation is gut wrenching.
He’s so innocent, full of love and joy. The idea of him being scared, alone and confused over 24-48 hours until he reaches the brink of exhaustion and curls up next to my corpse seeking comfort as he slowly fades off makes me want to vomit and cry.
Life is too fucking cruel.
I have thought about this exact scenario too, and as morbid as it is, it’s “easier” to think about when they’re older.
Ours is 2.5 and if something happened to us, this guy would still get food and drinks.
He’s started opening the refrigerator and helping himself. He will even get his little ladder or a stool to get things off the higher shelves. Same with the pantry.
We try to stop him from doing that of course, but it’s also reassuring that if something catastrophic happened and he was home alone, I think he would be OK until our family made their way over.
It’s still super sad to think that he wouldn’t be able to get out of the house (that’s a good and bad thing though) or contact anyone for help.
Ugh … now I’ve done it 😭
Teach him how to use a phone. Even if it's just supervised to call Grandma it'll make you feel a bit better and it's another decent life skill for him to have.
Just don't teach him how to unlock your phone quite yet. My aunt made that mistake and now sometimes she finds that my nephew has stolen her phone and is secretly watching Cocomelon when he wants more screen time.
Rarely do I see a headline that stops me in my tracks and this is one of them. I feel awful. That poor boy and his family. I can’t even imagine.
Call and check in on your family. Too many people who are alone in this world.
This is devastating.
I can’t even read the article. Just the headline is enough to make me feel sick. Let alone how precious and cute that picture is. It really drives home how little he was and makes it even worse.
Kinda reminds me of Simba when Mufasa dies and he’s like “Dad, wake up. You gotta wake up” Ugh.
I used to stop myself from working on even slightly dangerous diy projects when I was home alone with my sleeping son. I thought like what if I fall off the ladder or impale myself on something and he is just alone until someone shows up.
There was a British startup product that was a tea kettle for old people, and the idea was that each morning you use the kettle for tea and it would trigger a ping that lets the system know you're still alive and okay. If you go a certain amount of time without using the kettle, it automatically contacted family members and/or emergency services.
I'm wondering if there should be something similar for single parents of small children.
I think the fridge would be a great candidate for this kind of alert. They are already getting connected to wifi for shopping lists, in-door tv's, etc...
Or a sensor on the water line. Someone could conceivably not grab food from the fridge for a couple days, but even if they're not eating at all they're almost certainly going to need to use water, if nothing else to use the toilet.
That would actually be a good use of technology. Don't you know that all new uses of tech are just going to be shitty and make our lives worse from here on out?
I would love that for my Nana, she’s deaf as a post so never picks up the phone and refuses to wear one of those emergency bracelets/ necklaces. She does like her tea though, regular pings throughout the day would be such a reassurance.
Upgrade her thermostat to an ecobee or one with occupancy sensors. You’ll be able to see if rooms are occupied and you’ll get notified if there is a temperature issue (which can be a killer for elderly people, heat goes out in winter).
Would she wear a bond touch bracelet or necklace? It vibrates when you touch it to let the other person know you’re thinking of them. I used one with my grandma and she loved it. Once it’s set up in the app you don’t need to mess with it again so it’s really elderly friendly.
Thanks everyone for these suggestions, I’m going to look into them. Someone from the family physically checks in on her everyday but there is always the worry of her falling etc in between.
When my wife got pregnant and I was taking the bike to work I realized if someone ran over me and got killed, my wife would be completely alone with our girl. From then on I have always worn a helmet when cycling.
It suddenly clicked that my wellbeing doesn't only concern me, it concerns my wife and our daughter too. I have stopped doing risky things I used to do before.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks about stuff like this.
My daughter (2 at the time) and I had a terrible stomach bug while my wife was out of town.
I moved the baby monitor to the living room so my wife could check on us while we watched movies and puked. I was so worried about passing out due to the vomiting.
Been there. Everyone in the house in different stages of noro. And you can't sleep because what if the little guy throws up in his sleep so you spend the night in the hallway bathroom duct taped to the baby monitor just kind of shuddering and scrolling reddit because dopamine is the only thing you can keep down
One time my husband and I both had noro at the same time, after our toddler had it. It hit us both within just a couple hours of each other and just completely incapacitated both of us. We both could barely move, both just laid on reclining ends of the couch. The TV parented the entire day and the 3 year old was so incredibly helpful, particularly when it came to his sister.
It's been like 8 years and I'm still traumatized by it. The minute I hear that "mommy by belly hurts," I am in panic mode. I start scrubbing all the surfaces with bleach immediately lol. Never again.
Between the ages of 20 and 40 I went from indestructible single man to scared shitless father of fragile little humans.
A world of difference man.
I think about keeping myself safe **for them** so much it's probably unhealthy.
I had these same thoughts just the morning, out shoveling snow in my stupidly long driveway with my preschooler tagging along. I had just read an article about several people dying of heart attacks shoveling, and decided that I didn't need to throw the snow *quite* so far, and doing enough just to get the car in and out would be good for the day.
Same. If I know I could possibly be unable to help my children, because I either died, or I was severely injured, and no one was going to come by within a day or so…
Nope. Shit can wait
One night my husband and I were both a little sick and I said something to the effect of “it’s alright. It’s not like we’ll both die in the middle of the night.” And then of course I lay there awake imagining how horrible it would be for my daughter and dog if that did happen. I could feel my husband laying there awake next to me, imagining the same things.
"It’s not like we’ll both die in the middle of the night.”
*your brain:* "My brother, you have not changed the battery in the carbon monoxide detector since Obama"
I once got a call from my brother in law asking for me to come over and help with the kids because he and my sister were so sick they couldn't function let alone look after a baby and toddler. It was Feb 2020 and looking back I think they had COVID I've never seen two people so sick. He was terrified something would happen to them because of their condition.
My whole family went down with "weird flu" just before covid was officially announced. It was such a relief that the kids didn't get as sick as the adults, older stepson looked after younger stepson and the house after the first week.
But I kept having horrible feverish delusions that if I didn't get out of bed to feed and water my birds, THE WORLD WOULD END! I didn't want to be responsible for the end of the world so kept trying to struggle out of bed instead of resting.
Didn't really comprehend how sick I was until about 4 weeks in when husband stood over me screaming "YOU ARE DYING! GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"
>But I kept having horrible feverish delusions
That's how we knew my MIL had to have something more than an awful flu..
We also screamed at her to go to the hospital but she was afraid she'll go there and die alone. Which is a valid concern too. We got her help at home but it was the scariest times of our lives
During the covid lockdown I was reading about people dropping dead from covid randomly, so I downloaded an app that does a daily check-in and alerts emergency contacts if you miss a check-in so my toddler wouldn't be locked in an apartment if I died somehow. It felt especially dicey being unemployed on lockdown.
Kids cry all of the time, so the neighbors probably didn't think anything of him crying. Add that in with the father being out of work and therefore not leaving often for a while, the neighbors wouldn't have thought much about it. The biggest issue, for me, is why did the police not answer the social worker?
I live up the street from a pre-school- it sounds like they’re being murdered when they’re playing outside. It wouldn’t surprise me if people heard and thought it was normal toddler sounds.
I lived next to a house that had barely civilised occupants who also ran a home daycare and the noise coming from that house all day was unbelievable. So much screaming all day every day.
We had these other neighbours who probably thought less of middle class white people because of that because one was home all day working from home.
I fell over my 2 year old's toy and broke my foot and 3 toes. I think I may have hit my head or something, too. Because when I was finally alert, he was standing over me, screaming and crying. That made me hurt worse than my broken foot and toes. My husband was in the army too and gone for days, weeks, or months at a time. I couldn't stop thinking about if I had died? Our son would probably have been alone at least the rest of that day until my mom realized I hadn't called to talk to her the next morning. After that, I started leaving snacks in containers he could open, fruit, and a cup next to the fridge. (He had just learned how to move his chair to the counter to grab stuff off and press the water dispenser on the fridge.) I knew at least that way he'd have food and water.
It breaks my heart thinking of how that little boy was probably crying like my son. It's absolutely horrible.
I had a moment with my 3 year old last night where I got to just chat with him without him getting distracted where he told me he loves me and mommy and then said I shouldn’t be cold and covered me with a blanket. He’s the sweetest thing ever. This story is just too much.
My guy isn't quite a year and a half. He is just starting to speak, but he understands lots of words and can follow simple directions, like "can you put your truck back on the shelf?"
The other day, all on his own he just stopped running laps around the house to come give me a hug, and I lost it.
Yesterday he finger painted for the first time, and I'm still crying about it today.
This kid, and all children, deserve so much more. My son has made me a better person, and since getting to know him I am more compassionate to any person I come across, especially criminal men who I used to see on the news and say "they had it coming" or "good riddance".
Every human was either loved unconditionally by someone at some point just as much as I loved my son, or they were deprived of that love and that breaks my heart.
I don't know why I'm rambling. I just hate this story and I wish to death that I could have done something for this child.
I get it. The empathy and compassion in me has changed and you’re absolutely right about them being loved by someone at some point.
Perhaps strangely, the most difficult thing for me is the child not understanding what was going on while being scared and upset. It’s one of my biggest fears, something happening to me and my son not understanding why daddy isn’t around anymore, or them being in trouble and not knowing why mommy or daddy isn’t there to help.
Anyway, I was going to continue but I’m just making myself upset now. Take care.
FYI—Everyone needs to know about Snug. It’s an app that automatically makes you check in every single day and you can pay to have someone call you if you don’t check in and if they can’t reach you, they will call emergency services.
This sucks in that neighbors don’t check on neighbors more but at least there is this app.
Also, everyone needs to sign up for Be My Eyes.
I love Be My Eyes! I haven't gotten a call in a while but I loved being able to help a few folks. Once connected with a man trying to operate a vintage radio. Very cool for both of us to get it to work.
Jesus F Christ. So much wrong with this.
A 43 year old and 60 year old have a 2 year old son together? The mother leaves the child with a father who is clearly unwell and jaundice, over Christmas and new year, and doesn't try to contact them or visit the son at all?
"The social worker involved has not been suspended but has voluntarily taken time off." How is this the social workers fault if they tried twice, contacted police, and eventually tracked down a key to get into the house? Surely the police are at fault for not responding?
Or, in actuality, the government are to blame for stripping services like social work and police to the bare bones so that things like this can happen because they are overworked and underpaid.
Australian here, my old housemate was a social worker. They get regular mental health days and in situations like this are offered paid leave and therapy. Not saying it helps much and they still deal with plenty off fucked up shit, but a paid leave after such a situation is the rule, not the exception.
Yall that’s nothing, wanna hear something crazy!? my sister and I are adopted, my sister was her birth mother’s 19th child, every single one taken by the state. 😳 She went on to have two more for a total of 21 traumatized children in the system.
I was an investigator for adult protective services for 6 years; I've since left the field and I have a very young son of my own.
I truly can't imagine the unfair guilt this SW must feel....knowing you were there and there was a starving toddler on the other side of the wall. Fuck. I think I'm done with Internet for today.
The police were notified by social services at a time when the kid was likely still alive, and they did nothing then were contacted again, and did nothing. The social services person had to convince the landlord to give them a key for this to even be found out.
Harrowing story, but it’s difficult to tell if there was a failure of social services. They made two visits where no one answered the door and contacted the police each time.
According to the articles social services was supposed to check in once a month, hard to see how this is their fault.
The kid had a mother and a sister. Presumably other family as well. The adult family should all be doing some soul searching. How does a mother go days without checking in on how her son is doing?
It happens pretty often. Surprisingly often, people are found dead only when their neighbors notice the smell.
Ask any paramedic, firefighter or police officer you know.
If people want to see that in action (not dead, promise) there is an episode of worlds worst tenants where the landlord called them as the outside of the property was a mess and tenant normally kept it clean so he thought he’d left. They knocked and one of them was sure he heard something so they open the door a little and shout again and hear him.
Poor bloke was overweight, taking a shower and fell. He got wedged in his bath and was there for days. They forced entry, called an ambulance and gave him sips of water. Literally none of them expected that, the only evidence anything was wrong was leaves hadn’t been raked and pretty sure mail was piling up a little
Holy shit, thank god that dude checked.
But also... how can the outside of the property become such a mess it deserves to be on reality tv in a matter of days? What?
It wasn’t days, if I recall correctly he’d let a little bit of it slip because he’d lost his job and buried his head in the sand. Then he slipped and fell. I want to say it was somewhere around a week that they found him as I know he was in really bad shape and I believe had been drinking shower water just to stay alive.
But that’s kinda why I recommended it. If it hadn’t been for a few things overlapping he wouldn’t have been found.
I recently went to conduct a welfare check on a person. They were deceased inside for up to 3 months.
Neighbours noticed a smell, but used towels underneath their doors to block the smell.
Rather than knock or call in a welfare check, they used a towel to block the smell coming from the door of the deceased as well.
what was the reason social services was checking in in the first place? Because the father was already determined to be ill? Or something related to divorce? The article doesnt say anything about it.
Just that the boy was marked for checking up on. These sort of things are usually kept vague to protect the family. It's possible it was due to the kid's health, parent's health, living in a low income tax household, or any number of issues. It's easy to read and assume "abuse" but that's actually makes up a surprisingly small amount of check ups.
More often than not its because of house hold income or the supervising parent having a condition (mental or physical) that makes it hard for them to provide adequate care, like severe depression making them not want to clean the house up.
I would not read too much into it, since it was also a "once a month" check up. A truly severe case might require weekly check ups. It could very well just be they are poor and isolated from services like food shelters, so the check up is just to make sure there's food in the house and dad doesn't need a ride to the store, to get food stamps, or to go to a food shelf.
Hell, it could even be just a check in to see the kid has medication and has been taking it.
Yes, it's easy to blame social workers, but they are often overburdened with work. Where was the mother in all this? Ex or not, did they really go no-contact over new-years and several more days after that?
Agreed. Social Services is required to visit once a month. The social worker went three times in less than two weeks, and was the one that found and reported the bodies. She went above and beyond.
The police failed to respond the first two times they were called, only arriving after two bodies were discovered.
I don’t see how this is social service’s fault. If anything it’s the police’s fault but I don’t know if they would have had a right to enter the home earlier.
Yeah, social services can't forcibly enter the building - the literally need the police with them in order to do that. "Call the police" is literally the only thing they can do, and if the police won't intervene, their hands are pretty tied.
It’s not difficult. There was no failure on social services at all. They followed up and they are the ones who asked the landlord for a key because the police didn’t respond after two calls.
My question is the mom was not concerned? Said she talked to them right before Christmas. Even when my daughter was little if she was staying somewhere else I liked to chat with her once a day on the phone. Nobody else noticed they hadn’t seen the man or the boy, hadn’t talked to them etc? A neighbor? The older sister? Anybody??
One of the worst things I’d read. Poor little boy. I hope he is at peace.
Ya the article said it had been over 14 days since anyone had seen them so that means the mother went two weeks without hearing from the father or checking in on her son?? I’m a mother and I check in everyday when I leave my child even just for a weekend!
As a single mother, this is one of my worst fears. I’m actually spiraling a bit now, and I wish I hadn’t read this. Such a heartbreaking story.
My daughter can now open the refrigerator and get water to drink, so I’d like to think she’d survive long enough for help to reach her if I died in my sleep. Back when she was younger (and I had postpartum anxiety during the pandemic) I actually had my mom text me every day to make sure I was alive to care for her. Now I have a boyfriend who texts me every day, so hopefully if I ever stopped responding he’d come check on her or at least contact my parents (who live in another state).
I’m having a similar spiraling panicky moment and I have a husband. All I can think is make sure people in your life check on you frequently and can call the police if they don’t hear from you. Maybe if you are friendly with neighbors have a convo with them as well. I’m like sitting here making plans for this in case my husband and I ever split or he passes away or something.
Poor baby must have been terrified. May he and his father rest in peace. Although, I have to ask- why was the child left alone with someone in such serious condition (heart failure is sudden and usually fatal) without a system in place for check-ins or daily calls to ensure the father was fine enough to care for him daily? The police should also be investigated for lack of response to the social workers concerns.
The mother is complaining that 'services' didn't look after her child. There are so many issues her around this poor little boy.
Why is he classed as 'vulnerable'? Why is he living with this man who appears patently unsuitable. The man is on social media and is a National Front and EDL supporter- a racist who seems to spend his time drinking. Why is the child not with his mother? He has been removed from her care. Why did no one in the family of the man or the mother, or the mother herself attempt to see the child or the man after Boxing Day for all of that time until they were found ? Or report concerns about them being uncontactable?
I agree the police should have acted when first told by the social worker and the social worker should have acted more quickly if the order is the child is classed as vulnerable and must be seen every seven days by the social worker for his safety. But this is yet another child from a dysfunctional, chaotic, horrible background, failed firstly by his parents and family, and by a system under enormous pressure from exactly such families and that failure has lead to his death.
Such a sweet looking kid. Absolutely tragic that his mother and (presumably much older going by the article) sister didn’t check up on them. The dad was estimated to have died around 29th December and nobody entered the house (when the landlord gave the social worker permission to enter) until 9th January.
"The social worker involved has not been suspended but has voluntarily taken time off."
Wtf? Why would she ever be suspended in the first place? Fuck, poor social worker, would expect she gets put on paid leave & given some counselling after going through that, must be incredibly traumatizing
I knew a family this happened to. The kids fortunately survived, but mom died overnight on a weekend visit and they were alone for three days until the older child (in kindergarten) asked the mail carrier for help on Monday. He’d been feeding his little brother from what he could reach in the cabinets. I think about them all the time.
This happened to my family. Mother died years ago but my step siblings were being taken care of by their dad. He died to something idk what. He was dead in bed for a week while my 8 yo sister and 4 yo brother were trying to wake him up. My siblings are alive. With a ton of mental issues but alive
I saw a documentary years ago about an Australian family, the parents were murdered but the children left alive. I’m paraphrasing because it was such a long time ago but they played the call from emergency services who had been trying to get in contact. The little girl says something like “I don’t like Mummy anymore, she looks scary now”. Brutal.
Oh man. That poor child. I saw a true crime episode and the mom had been murdered but the baby/toddler was left alive. Luckily someone checked before the baby died from starvation or dehydration, but when they did break in to check, there were little footprints in blood everywhere the baby had walked. She had also tried to nurse from the dead mom because she was hungry and thirsty and also probably wanted comfort. It was so sad.
few comments have made me nope out of a thread but this did it, see ya
This is pretty fucking disturbing (the comment above not you noping out)
Yeah I think I’m done with this sub. It’s too Fucking depressing
The Christa Worthington case :(
Yes! Thank you. I couldn't remember. I think she even tried to feed her dead mom with her sippy cup too. . . Ok, I'm going to go give my kids a hug now. . .
This happened in a local town. So sad.
I vividly remember that, the operator asked her why mummy liked scary and she said mummy's turning black!
jesus, google says dead skin skin starts turning black after 10-20 days
Depends. My father and brother went to the apartment of a former high school classmate of mine after he didn’t show up at work. He had been dead since Friday. It was Tuesday. The heat was on in the apartment. His skin was turning black.
It's dependent on the ambient temperature and humidity. It's a bit faster here in Australia that most other countries.
I can believe it. When my grandpa died we couldn't get in contact with my uncle to let him know. His son eventually found him dead in bed when he went to tell him. He called 911 to report a dead fat guy in his dad's bed because he was so bloated and turning black from 3 or 4 days in a very hot apartment in the summer. He was pretty fucked up for a bit after that, especially when he realized it actually was his dad. He said he couldn't keep any of his clothes because they smelled like death so bad and he couldn't stop talking about it at our now double funeral
Oh thats so sad Im so so sorry, your poor uncle and (?) cousin!
I also remember that documentary - the mother was in bed with an electric blanket running. It’s bizarre coming across several people who remember this documentary which must be 30+ years old. I still think about that case every now and then. How awful it was. I hope the kids grew up ok.
It gets worse - the mother was murdered in bed with an electric blanket turned on…
The mother died in a bed with an electric blanket turned on. Speeded up decomposition so initially the cops thought the husband killed her first and some time later killed himself. Turns out they were both murdered around the same time. Poor kids were climbing into bed with her to try and keep warm, and eating things like soap flakes until they were found.
It was a recreation of the phone call, iirc the little girl received a call from a switchboard operator and the call wasn’t recorded.
Welp, that’s enough Reddit for me today. Jesus Christ that is so sad.
Mee too, a childhood friend from my cousin. The dad went to work and the mother died soon after. Gladly the daughter school notice her absence and reached the family. The grandma arrived to her house to see her daughter trying non-stop to wake her up.
It's scary to think how fragile our lives are. You could just be going through your day casually without knowing that in a minute you will drop dead because of some undiagnosed health issue
Happened to me. I was at work when it happened. Standing chatting with a coworker when I had a hemorrhagic stroke. Felt like someone hit me over the heat with a bat. 20% of people just fall over dead from that. It’s been 8 years and I am terrified as they found another aneurism that could pop anytime. I am alive, and each day is a blessing. Shits real
I lost a friend in my childhood to an aneurysm that came out of nowhere and it taught me how to value my own life and the lives around me. So many people don’t know how fragile it all is. I’m glad you’re still here with us and wish you many more years 💖
This happened to me (without the dropping dead). Went in for a routine annual checkup, and my WBC was high. Showed lymphoblasts in the blood. Referred to a hematologist under suspicion of Chronic Leukemia. Hematologists thinks it’s an infection but does testing anyhow. I get a call one afternoon from his nurse saying he needs to speak with me directly. Told I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and that there is a room waiting for me at the hospital downtown. Just like that, life as I knew it ended at 40 and has been a wild rollercoaster ever since.
Hope ur doing well
I am alive. 😛
Cheers to that!
Cherish your loved ones, only the lucky grow old.
I sometimes wonder if I already own the clothes I will die in.
I always think about the fact that, I don’t know my death date but I actually live on my death date (month, day) every year. Until the actually year comes that I pass.
This makes me feel like I should dress every day as if I will die in those cloths. I’d probably have nicer cloths if I did.
I'm divorced and live alone. When I have visitation with my 9 year old son it's just me and him. I see now I need to have a talk with him and explain what to do if something happens. Ugh. I legit never thought of this. I feel terrible for that kid
My oldest daughter is adopted. Her bio mom died while sleeping, oldest was in bed with her. Thankfully, there was a roommate who was able to alert emergency services, as she was set to have her for the whole week per the custody agreement. I don't think I would have let it go a week without checking in, as it was her first unsupervised visit in nearly six months, but this could easily have been my child.
I am the director of a preschool (in the US). As part of the application to work there, the state requires a physical. People always complain- it's a pain to get an appointment, have them complete the form, etc. But I say "What happens if you have a condition that you pass out? Are these little ones safe? What happens to them? What happens to you?" We have socially designed ourselves out of "the village" such that not seeing people for days is the norm, whereas in generations past that would likely not be the case. I read a line on this idea that said "It made life better for adults but worse for children." Probably true.
And in the end those children grow up and become the new adults. It’s bad for society all around to stray from village mentality.
Sometimes I wish my family members wouldn’t call me every single day, often multiple times a day, and just leave me the hell alone (my mom insists on talking to me every day because I live alone and she wants to make sure I didn’t slip in the shower and hit my head or something). But when I see stuff like this I’m kinda glad we’re so annoying…like no way one of us dies and someone doesn’t know within 2 hours. This is absolutely heartbreaking. Everyone should make it a habit to speak with their loved ones on a regular basis. Doesn’t have to be every single day or even a phone convo, but just a “how you doing” or “here’s a funny meme” or “I saw this today and thought of that time…” etc. Don’t give each other so much space that days can go by without you knowing something awful has happened to the other.
Reading is just me realize I need to check into my old man now and then these days I hadn't heard from him for a while so I just had to make sure he's okay he's doing fine but this comment of yours hit hard for me and it's going to change the way I think of things forever. You'd be surprised the little things that you can do that you never realize change other people's lives
This is such a sad, sad story. It really does seem like the social worker did everything they possibly could have. They attempted to do multiple checks and even contacted police multiple times. Edit: This really put me into my feels because I was 6 when my mom passed away. I woke up to her unresponsive and was able to call 911. This poor boy was unable to do that.
My mom passed when I was 12 and same thing. Didn’t wake up from a nap. To this day I don’t understand what happened when I called 911. It wouldn’t ring, or the line went dead. My final attempt I got a prerecorded line that said “this number cannot be dialed from your area”. I had to go back into her room and find the phone book next to her in bed. I am so sorry you had a similar experience at such a young age. Losing my mother has made my life so hard even though my life probably would’ve been harder (poverty and drugs) if she lived. She was my whole world.
I’m so sorry.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, especially at such a tender age. I hope life has been, and continues to be, kinder to you.
Damn.... Coulda went without reading this. So terribly sad.
Yep, I had to stop. Not much on the Internet gets to me these days...this hits close to home. My dad is 56 and he has a one year old son. Too close.
Lesson from this is check on your dad and other people in your life often. Noone checked on this man for over 2 weeks other than social worker. Loneliness epidemic is the tragedy
What’s really befuddling is that it notes he had a heart condition as well as being severely jaundiced in the weeks leading up to this, but when no one could contact them everyone kind of just…waited.
The social worker tried to visit a couple of days after the father died (estimated date), but they couldn't get into the house. They spoke to the police, who didn't bother to do anything about it. After three attempted visits and still no help from the police, the social worker got a key from the landlord and found their bodies. It's caused a big scandal and triggered an inquiry into exactly what went wrong. If the police had assisted from the start, the kid would probably have survived.
Social worker contacted the police twice, 2 days apart, and still apparently there was no response. Finally social worker hunted down a key and semi broke in. Is the investigation focused solely on the social work agency (which at least on a superficial read seems to have followed a reasonable course of action), or also the inaction of the police?
I hope so. To me the social worker did everything right. I cannot begin to imagine the trauma she is burdened with after walking in to that scene
Why the mom didn’t get more involved from the beginning is anyone’s guess. She and the ex had a tiff and she didn’t think to check on her baby son over that many days?? Should be an interesting back story. I’m not condemning her, just seems odd for her to not wonder how her son was regardless of having an argument with the father. Heartbreaking.
I am absolutely looking at the mom sideways. It is not normal for people to be coparenting a two year old and not communicate frequently. I don’t understand why she didn’t get involved sooner.
It's only in the situation where everyone chose to wait that the boy died and the story was published. In every other variation the boy lived and there was no story worth publishing
I don't get why the cops didn't get involved on the 2nd, I mean, it may have been too late already, but maybe not? It sounds like the social worker did everything right, contacted the dad 12/27 (and coroner said the heart attack was no earlier than 12/29). So social worker shows up 1/2, can't get anyone and tells the police. Shows up again 1/4, tells the police again. Then the *social worker* finally gets in with the landlord's key days later and discovers the bodies. Wtf were the cops doing after that first report that would have been at most 4 days after the father's death?
Check in every two or three days just in case.
Good for you for having such a high reading level at one year old!
The doctor was the mother!
But who is phone!
I read the headline and felt my heart breaking. Could go no further but came to read the comments hoping somehow they would make me feel less despair and sorrow. Didn’t work. That’s enough internet for today then.
Ya. Reading bad things doesn’t normally elicit a strong response from me, but I had to stop otherwise I’d be sobbing at work. That poor child.
I have no idea why I opened the article. I fucking regret it
I legitimately closed my eyes after reading that and sighed… what a terrible thing to read..
I wept reading this.
As a father of a 2 year old, I just can't. The first line of the article, about him being curled up next to his dad. Fuck me I'm crying again just typing this out.
I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy shortly after the birth of my son. I had to put it down for about a week halfway through because I couldn't read it without crying.
Yeah, it's an eerie and terrifying image imagining the child through those long days and nights. Confused about the state of his father and why his face his frozen. Crying and crying hoping his father will somehow wake up until he can't cry anymore. And eventually just getting tired and weak and drifting away on his father's legs. What a terrible thing too to be the person checking on them, and then slowly putting the pieces together and realizing how it all played out. There's something about being a parent and imagining your child's cries and grief going completely unanswered that is the deepest kind of primal nightmare.
My 3 year old is 2 weeks into a Leukemia diagnosis. She has completely lost all consent. Has to let everyone touch her and hurt her, when she's extremely anxious already. Hadn't spoken a word to her preschool teacher in a full semester. And she just cries and screams no and tries to fight. And what do I get to do? Hold her down and make her do it all, so I hopefully don't lose her. Why did I read this thread
I am so sorry you’re going through that. Give her choice and consent about everything you possibly can. If she needs to have a procedure or stick and you can, let her pick “right arm or left arm” things like “do you want to count to three or count to five” let her pick the color of every bandage possible. Don’t pretend things don’t hurt, validate and reassure. Those sorts of choices and reassurances can help her feel like a participant in her treatment instead of like every bit of it was forced on her. You are both so strong and I’m rooting for you both.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. I sincerely hope you and your daughter see the other side of this
You're doing what you need to and she will understand when she's older. And hopefully won't remember how awful it was. Good job, friend. I hope your little girl makes it to live a long healthy life. Don't forget to care for yourself as well ❤️🩹
You will be in my thoughts, hope she comes through
I know just how my son feels when he curls up next to me. I can't imagine him going through that situation, us dead and him not knowing what to do.
The SW contacted the police twice but they didn’t respond. The no response needs investigated
Yup, this isn't on the social worker. She did what she was supposed to do. The police failed this poor baby.
Totally agree, poor woman must be feeling so much guilt for something that was not her fault. I hope she finds some peace somehow
The fact the bodies were only found "so soon" was because this social worker made a 3rd attempt to get into the home on her own time by getting a spare key from the landlord. She went above and beyond her duties if I'm understanding the article correctly. My heart bleeds for her the most right now.
god, that's awful, what the fuck. she must have been aware time was ticking, and in the end the worst outcome came true. i cannot imagine returning to work after something like this, the guilt would consume me (even though it obviously isn't her fault).
She may not see it this way, but I see her as a hero. She may feel she could have done more but I think you're totally right. She went above and beyond doing everything right. Sometimes that still isn't enough..
Cases like this are why social workers don't last long. They will do everything right and nothing will be done, to the harm and sometimes death of the people they are trying to help.
The article says that the social worker has not been suspended and has voluntarily taken time off. Why in the world would they be suspended?!?! They absolutely did their due diligence, and took it even further than that by locating the landlord and getting a key to access the unit. My heart goes out to that poor Social Worker and the family of the child. :(
I don't think the article was stating it as that the worker should be suspended, I think it was to let people know they were not suspended. Often times in cases like this that reach the news with social workers, people want to know what has happened with them. The article was basically letting people know the worker was not in trouble and is taking time off to, hopefully, get some counseling.
My mum is a social worker and this is just the norm. They over work making up for the failures of everyone else and when things inevitably fail end up with all the blame when 99% of the time it's the court or polices fault (or parents, but people seem to believe parents can do no wrong until they kill their kid and then they're considered an outlier).
Seems like she kept trying and they only found out because of her in the first place. I hope she can find peace.
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I don't know about UK, but in the US we have a shortage of social workers for exactly this sort of thing. They can't help everyone even when they try, and they get burned out. I think the average social worker lasts between 5-8 years before changing careers in the US. I'm hoping she has resources to get mental health services, because I can't imagine.
In the UK we have a shortage of everything, police force, health care workers, all understaffed and those staff are under paid.
Same in Australia. I think this is a issue in most countries now :( besides some smaller European countries
Social worker here. Actually I am a supervisor. This happens and it's devastating for everyone. Been through it myself. In my agency for some reason we have a large number of people who have been employed for many years. I myself have almost 29 years.
Thank you for your service to everyone. We all need to do better recognizing your work and the strength it takes to continue helping those in need.
Police failing children. Sadly not a new thing
My wife does social work and based on her stories, it's the same thing. Police just never show up half the time. There was an at-risk person for suicide, and police just didn't care.
In New York a few years ago, couple knew something was going on with their neighbors who had two young kids. They called the cops. Cops knocked, got no answer and left. Couple broke in. Neighbors were dead ( murder suicide?), kids were alive. Couple saved their lives by breaking the law.
The father was 60, had a heart condition and was jaundiced. He should have had some alert system set up because that sounds incredibly sick. And if social services was doing visits because of this, once a month isn't enough. But also where are family and friends? This would be a concern of mine if I was close to a person in this situation.
Some folks don't have any family or friends - and if he were the youngest kid in his family, they could potentially all be deceased.
By?? The police?? Surely they’ll respond this time!
this made me sick to my stomach.
God I have an 18month old. The idea of him in this situation is gut wrenching. He’s so innocent, full of love and joy. The idea of him being scared, alone and confused over 24-48 hours until he reaches the brink of exhaustion and curls up next to my corpse seeking comfort as he slowly fades off makes me want to vomit and cry. Life is too fucking cruel.
That made me get kind of teared up and I don’t even have kids, just pets. I’m trying to have a baby now and I can’t even read these stories.
I have thought about this exact scenario too, and as morbid as it is, it’s “easier” to think about when they’re older. Ours is 2.5 and if something happened to us, this guy would still get food and drinks. He’s started opening the refrigerator and helping himself. He will even get his little ladder or a stool to get things off the higher shelves. Same with the pantry. We try to stop him from doing that of course, but it’s also reassuring that if something catastrophic happened and he was home alone, I think he would be OK until our family made their way over. It’s still super sad to think that he wouldn’t be able to get out of the house (that’s a good and bad thing though) or contact anyone for help. Ugh … now I’ve done it 😭
Teach him how to use a phone. Even if it's just supervised to call Grandma it'll make you feel a bit better and it's another decent life skill for him to have. Just don't teach him how to unlock your phone quite yet. My aunt made that mistake and now sometimes she finds that my nephew has stolen her phone and is secretly watching Cocomelon when he wants more screen time.
I couldn't read it - I'm tearing up just thinking about it. The world will crush your heart.
Rarely do I see a headline that stops me in my tracks and this is one of them. I feel awful. That poor boy and his family. I can’t even imagine. Call and check in on your family. Too many people who are alone in this world. This is devastating.
Same. Read the headline and felt utter devastation. That poor poor little boy.
I can’t even read the article. Just the headline is enough to make me feel sick. Let alone how precious and cute that picture is. It really drives home how little he was and makes it even worse. Kinda reminds me of Simba when Mufasa dies and he’s like “Dad, wake up. You gotta wake up” Ugh.
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Same for me. The headline was enough.
This was always my biggest fear when my son was a toddler.
I used to stop myself from working on even slightly dangerous diy projects when I was home alone with my sleeping son. I thought like what if I fall off the ladder or impale myself on something and he is just alone until someone shows up.
There was a British startup product that was a tea kettle for old people, and the idea was that each morning you use the kettle for tea and it would trigger a ping that lets the system know you're still alive and okay. If you go a certain amount of time without using the kettle, it automatically contacted family members and/or emergency services. I'm wondering if there should be something similar for single parents of small children.
I think the fridge would be a great candidate for this kind of alert. They are already getting connected to wifi for shopping lists, in-door tv's, etc...
Until your LG fridge or washer goes over your data cap and you start getting overages.
Or a sensor on the water line. Someone could conceivably not grab food from the fridge for a couple days, but even if they're not eating at all they're almost certainly going to need to use water, if nothing else to use the toilet.
That would actually be a good use of technology. Don't you know that all new uses of tech are just going to be shitty and make our lives worse from here on out?
I would love that for my Nana, she’s deaf as a post so never picks up the phone and refuses to wear one of those emergency bracelets/ necklaces. She does like her tea though, regular pings throughout the day would be such a reassurance.
You could sneak a smart plug onto her kettle
Upgrade her thermostat to an ecobee or one with occupancy sensors. You’ll be able to see if rooms are occupied and you’ll get notified if there is a temperature issue (which can be a killer for elderly people, heat goes out in winter).
Would she wear a bond touch bracelet or necklace? It vibrates when you touch it to let the other person know you’re thinking of them. I used one with my grandma and she loved it. Once it’s set up in the app you don’t need to mess with it again so it’s really elderly friendly.
Thanks everyone for these suggestions, I’m going to look into them. Someone from the family physically checks in on her everyday but there is always the worry of her falling etc in between.
Brilliant idea that
You’re a good dad. Not worried about the fact that you fell off a ladder and impaled yourself, but more concerned about your child. I respect it.
When my wife got pregnant and I was taking the bike to work I realized if someone ran over me and got killed, my wife would be completely alone with our girl. From then on I have always worn a helmet when cycling. It suddenly clicked that my wellbeing doesn't only concern me, it concerns my wife and our daughter too. I have stopped doing risky things I used to do before.
Becoming a dad changed people, usually. Most of my actions and decisions are less for my well-being and more for my kids.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks about stuff like this. My daughter (2 at the time) and I had a terrible stomach bug while my wife was out of town. I moved the baby monitor to the living room so my wife could check on us while we watched movies and puked. I was so worried about passing out due to the vomiting.
Been there. Everyone in the house in different stages of noro. And you can't sleep because what if the little guy throws up in his sleep so you spend the night in the hallway bathroom duct taped to the baby monitor just kind of shuddering and scrolling reddit because dopamine is the only thing you can keep down
One time my husband and I both had noro at the same time, after our toddler had it. It hit us both within just a couple hours of each other and just completely incapacitated both of us. We both could barely move, both just laid on reclining ends of the couch. The TV parented the entire day and the 3 year old was so incredibly helpful, particularly when it came to his sister. It's been like 8 years and I'm still traumatized by it. The minute I hear that "mommy by belly hurts," I am in panic mode. I start scrubbing all the surfaces with bleach immediately lol. Never again.
Between the ages of 20 and 40 I went from indestructible single man to scared shitless father of fragile little humans. A world of difference man. I think about keeping myself safe **for them** so much it's probably unhealthy.
I had these same thoughts just the morning, out shoveling snow in my stupidly long driveway with my preschooler tagging along. I had just read an article about several people dying of heart attacks shoveling, and decided that I didn't need to throw the snow *quite* so far, and doing enough just to get the car in and out would be good for the day.
Same. If I know I could possibly be unable to help my children, because I either died, or I was severely injured, and no one was going to come by within a day or so… Nope. Shit can wait
One night my husband and I were both a little sick and I said something to the effect of “it’s alright. It’s not like we’ll both die in the middle of the night.” And then of course I lay there awake imagining how horrible it would be for my daughter and dog if that did happen. I could feel my husband laying there awake next to me, imagining the same things.
"It’s not like we’ll both die in the middle of the night.” *your brain:* "My brother, you have not changed the battery in the carbon monoxide detector since Obama"
Me: *slowly dying as the carbon monoxide takes me* My brain: thanks Obama
I once got a call from my brother in law asking for me to come over and help with the kids because he and my sister were so sick they couldn't function let alone look after a baby and toddler. It was Feb 2020 and looking back I think they had COVID I've never seen two people so sick. He was terrified something would happen to them because of their condition.
My whole family went down with "weird flu" just before covid was officially announced. It was such a relief that the kids didn't get as sick as the adults, older stepson looked after younger stepson and the house after the first week. But I kept having horrible feverish delusions that if I didn't get out of bed to feed and water my birds, THE WORLD WOULD END! I didn't want to be responsible for the end of the world so kept trying to struggle out of bed instead of resting. Didn't really comprehend how sick I was until about 4 weeks in when husband stood over me screaming "YOU ARE DYING! GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"
>But I kept having horrible feverish delusions That's how we knew my MIL had to have something more than an awful flu.. We also screamed at her to go to the hospital but she was afraid she'll go there and die alone. Which is a valid concern too. We got her help at home but it was the scariest times of our lives
During the covid lockdown I was reading about people dropping dead from covid randomly, so I downloaded an app that does a daily check-in and alerts emergency contacts if you miss a check-in so my toddler wouldn't be locked in an apartment if I died somehow. It felt especially dicey being unemployed on lockdown.
Yeah I couldn’t leave my kids with elderly relatives at that age, it freaked me out too much.
That poor little angel. He must have been so scared. This breaks my heart. RIP with your dear daddy.
no one heard him crying? he had to have cried :(
Kids cry all of the time, so the neighbors probably didn't think anything of him crying. Add that in with the father being out of work and therefore not leaving often for a while, the neighbors wouldn't have thought much about it. The biggest issue, for me, is why did the police not answer the social worker?
I live up the street from a pre-school- it sounds like they’re being murdered when they’re playing outside. It wouldn’t surprise me if people heard and thought it was normal toddler sounds.
I lived next to a house that had barely civilised occupants who also ran a home daycare and the noise coming from that house all day was unbelievable. So much screaming all day every day. We had these other neighbours who probably thought less of middle class white people because of that because one was home all day working from home.
Ohhhh my goodness :( Him crying didn’t really cross my mind. He definitely must have been crying. Oh my gosh that’s so so sad.
I fell over my 2 year old's toy and broke my foot and 3 toes. I think I may have hit my head or something, too. Because when I was finally alert, he was standing over me, screaming and crying. That made me hurt worse than my broken foot and toes. My husband was in the army too and gone for days, weeks, or months at a time. I couldn't stop thinking about if I had died? Our son would probably have been alone at least the rest of that day until my mom realized I hadn't called to talk to her the next morning. After that, I started leaving snacks in containers he could open, fruit, and a cup next to the fridge. (He had just learned how to move his chair to the counter to grab stuff off and press the water dispenser on the fridge.) I knew at least that way he'd have food and water. It breaks my heart thinking of how that little boy was probably crying like my son. It's absolutely horrible.
Utterly heartbreaking read
I had a moment with my 3 year old last night where I got to just chat with him without him getting distracted where he told me he loves me and mommy and then said I shouldn’t be cold and covered me with a blanket. He’s the sweetest thing ever. This story is just too much.
My guy isn't quite a year and a half. He is just starting to speak, but he understands lots of words and can follow simple directions, like "can you put your truck back on the shelf?" The other day, all on his own he just stopped running laps around the house to come give me a hug, and I lost it. Yesterday he finger painted for the first time, and I'm still crying about it today. This kid, and all children, deserve so much more. My son has made me a better person, and since getting to know him I am more compassionate to any person I come across, especially criminal men who I used to see on the news and say "they had it coming" or "good riddance". Every human was either loved unconditionally by someone at some point just as much as I loved my son, or they were deprived of that love and that breaks my heart. I don't know why I'm rambling. I just hate this story and I wish to death that I could have done something for this child.
I get it. The empathy and compassion in me has changed and you’re absolutely right about them being loved by someone at some point. Perhaps strangely, the most difficult thing for me is the child not understanding what was going on while being scared and upset. It’s one of my biggest fears, something happening to me and my son not understanding why daddy isn’t around anymore, or them being in trouble and not knowing why mommy or daddy isn’t there to help. Anyway, I was going to continue but I’m just making myself upset now. Take care.
Your son loves you and he knows you love him. I think that will always transcend anything else. You take care as well.
Hold on tight to those moments
That will be enough Reddit for the day. The title broke me.
Yeah. I'm pretty callous but that just went right through me. Woof...
FYI—Everyone needs to know about Snug. It’s an app that automatically makes you check in every single day and you can pay to have someone call you if you don’t check in and if they can’t reach you, they will call emergency services. This sucks in that neighbors don’t check on neighbors more but at least there is this app. Also, everyone needs to sign up for Be My Eyes.
I love Be My Eyes! I haven't gotten a call in a while but I loved being able to help a few folks. Once connected with a man trying to operate a vintage radio. Very cool for both of us to get it to work.
Jesus F Christ. So much wrong with this. A 43 year old and 60 year old have a 2 year old son together? The mother leaves the child with a father who is clearly unwell and jaundice, over Christmas and new year, and doesn't try to contact them or visit the son at all? "The social worker involved has not been suspended but has voluntarily taken time off." How is this the social workers fault if they tried twice, contacted police, and eventually tracked down a key to get into the house? Surely the police are at fault for not responding? Or, in actuality, the government are to blame for stripping services like social work and police to the bare bones so that things like this can happen because they are overworked and underpaid.
I imagine the SW has been given a leave of absence to deal with the trauma, rather than because someone is looking to blame them.
Australian here, my old housemate was a social worker. They get regular mental health days and in situations like this are offered paid leave and therapy. Not saying it helps much and they still deal with plenty off fucked up shit, but a paid leave after such a situation is the rule, not the exception.
She apparently has 10 children, and also lost another kid 7-8 years ago, according to one article I read.
10 children?!? The f.
Yall that’s nothing, wanna hear something crazy!? my sister and I are adopted, my sister was her birth mother’s 19th child, every single one taken by the state. 😳 She went on to have two more for a total of 21 traumatized children in the system.
Are you serious?! What the actual fuck.
I was an investigator for adult protective services for 6 years; I've since left the field and I have a very young son of my own. I truly can't imagine the unfair guilt this SW must feel....knowing you were there and there was a starving toddler on the other side of the wall. Fuck. I think I'm done with Internet for today.
That's one of the first things I noticed. 58, major heart problems (and liver too, if he was jaudiced) and having babies?
"My liver don't work, but ma dick do"
The police were notified by social services at a time when the kid was likely still alive, and they did nothing then were contacted again, and did nothing. The social services person had to convince the landlord to give them a key for this to even be found out.
Harrowing story, but it’s difficult to tell if there was a failure of social services. They made two visits where no one answered the door and contacted the police each time.
According to the articles social services was supposed to check in once a month, hard to see how this is their fault. The kid had a mother and a sister. Presumably other family as well. The adult family should all be doing some soul searching. How does a mother go days without checking in on how her son is doing?
But also how sad that there is a man so lonely that he may be dead 2 weeks without noone other than his child social worker noticing
It happens pretty often. Surprisingly often, people are found dead only when their neighbors notice the smell. Ask any paramedic, firefighter or police officer you know.
If people want to see that in action (not dead, promise) there is an episode of worlds worst tenants where the landlord called them as the outside of the property was a mess and tenant normally kept it clean so he thought he’d left. They knocked and one of them was sure he heard something so they open the door a little and shout again and hear him. Poor bloke was overweight, taking a shower and fell. He got wedged in his bath and was there for days. They forced entry, called an ambulance and gave him sips of water. Literally none of them expected that, the only evidence anything was wrong was leaves hadn’t been raked and pretty sure mail was piling up a little
Holy shit, thank god that dude checked. But also... how can the outside of the property become such a mess it deserves to be on reality tv in a matter of days? What?
It wasn’t days, if I recall correctly he’d let a little bit of it slip because he’d lost his job and buried his head in the sand. Then he slipped and fell. I want to say it was somewhere around a week that they found him as I know he was in really bad shape and I believe had been drinking shower water just to stay alive. But that’s kinda why I recommended it. If it hadn’t been for a few things overlapping he wouldn’t have been found.
I know ow worked in healthcare for over 20 years. Doesn't make it any less heartbreaking every time it happens
I recently went to conduct a welfare check on a person. They were deceased inside for up to 3 months. Neighbours noticed a smell, but used towels underneath their doors to block the smell. Rather than knock or call in a welfare check, they used a towel to block the smell coming from the door of the deceased as well.
I would say it shocks me but it really doesn't.
what was the reason social services was checking in in the first place? Because the father was already determined to be ill? Or something related to divorce? The article doesnt say anything about it.
Just that the boy was marked for checking up on. These sort of things are usually kept vague to protect the family. It's possible it was due to the kid's health, parent's health, living in a low income tax household, or any number of issues. It's easy to read and assume "abuse" but that's actually makes up a surprisingly small amount of check ups. More often than not its because of house hold income or the supervising parent having a condition (mental or physical) that makes it hard for them to provide adequate care, like severe depression making them not want to clean the house up. I would not read too much into it, since it was also a "once a month" check up. A truly severe case might require weekly check ups. It could very well just be they are poor and isolated from services like food shelters, so the check up is just to make sure there's food in the house and dad doesn't need a ride to the store, to get food stamps, or to go to a food shelf. Hell, it could even be just a check in to see the kid has medication and has been taking it.
[удалено]
Yes, it's easy to blame social workers, but they are often overburdened with work. Where was the mother in all this? Ex or not, did they really go no-contact over new-years and several more days after that?
Yeah I'd say social services did their job. Not sure what the fuck the police were doing.
Agreed. Social Services is required to visit once a month. The social worker went three times in less than two weeks, and was the one that found and reported the bodies. She went above and beyond. The police failed to respond the first two times they were called, only arriving after two bodies were discovered.
I don’t see how this is social service’s fault. If anything it’s the police’s fault but I don’t know if they would have had a right to enter the home earlier.
Yeah, social services can't forcibly enter the building - the literally need the police with them in order to do that. "Call the police" is literally the only thing they can do, and if the police won't intervene, their hands are pretty tied.
It’s not difficult. There was no failure on social services at all. They followed up and they are the ones who asked the landlord for a key because the police didn’t respond after two calls. My question is the mom was not concerned? Said she talked to them right before Christmas. Even when my daughter was little if she was staying somewhere else I liked to chat with her once a day on the phone. Nobody else noticed they hadn’t seen the man or the boy, hadn’t talked to them etc? A neighbor? The older sister? Anybody?? One of the worst things I’d read. Poor little boy. I hope he is at peace.
ad hoc vast dime office grandiose like selective shocking fade concerned
Ya the article said it had been over 14 days since anyone had seen them so that means the mother went two weeks without hearing from the father or checking in on her son?? I’m a mother and I check in everyday when I leave my child even just for a weekend!
light reach placid ghost quaint disarm wipe wakeful grey zonked
That might be the saddest thing I've ever read in my life.
Jesus fucking christ, and I was depressed before :/
Stay strong bro
As a single mother, this is one of my worst fears. I’m actually spiraling a bit now, and I wish I hadn’t read this. Such a heartbreaking story. My daughter can now open the refrigerator and get water to drink, so I’d like to think she’d survive long enough for help to reach her if I died in my sleep. Back when she was younger (and I had postpartum anxiety during the pandemic) I actually had my mom text me every day to make sure I was alive to care for her. Now I have a boyfriend who texts me every day, so hopefully if I ever stopped responding he’d come check on her or at least contact my parents (who live in another state).
I’m having a similar spiraling panicky moment and I have a husband. All I can think is make sure people in your life check on you frequently and can call the police if they don’t hear from you. Maybe if you are friendly with neighbors have a convo with them as well. I’m like sitting here making plans for this in case my husband and I ever split or he passes away or something.
Poor baby must have been terrified. May he and his father rest in peace. Although, I have to ask- why was the child left alone with someone in such serious condition (heart failure is sudden and usually fatal) without a system in place for check-ins or daily calls to ensure the father was fine enough to care for him daily? The police should also be investigated for lack of response to the social workers concerns.
The mother is complaining that 'services' didn't look after her child. There are so many issues her around this poor little boy. Why is he classed as 'vulnerable'? Why is he living with this man who appears patently unsuitable. The man is on social media and is a National Front and EDL supporter- a racist who seems to spend his time drinking. Why is the child not with his mother? He has been removed from her care. Why did no one in the family of the man or the mother, or the mother herself attempt to see the child or the man after Boxing Day for all of that time until they were found ? Or report concerns about them being uncontactable? I agree the police should have acted when first told by the social worker and the social worker should have acted more quickly if the order is the child is classed as vulnerable and must be seen every seven days by the social worker for his safety. But this is yet another child from a dysfunctional, chaotic, horrible background, failed firstly by his parents and family, and by a system under enormous pressure from exactly such families and that failure has lead to his death.
Such a sweet looking kid. Absolutely tragic that his mother and (presumably much older going by the article) sister didn’t check up on them. The dad was estimated to have died around 29th December and nobody entered the house (when the landlord gave the social worker permission to enter) until 9th January.
Thaaaats enough reddit for today.
Thats enough Internet for today. Having a 2yo son myself and thinking about this situation makes me physically sick.
"The social worker involved has not been suspended but has voluntarily taken time off." Wtf? Why would she ever be suspended in the first place? Fuck, poor social worker, would expect she gets put on paid leave & given some counselling after going through that, must be incredibly traumatizing
This shook me really bad. I have an 18 month old little boy, this headline put awful images and feelings in me. I think I need to take a walk….