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DolanDukIsMe

Perc Mahomes


ProofHorseKzoo

First of all, nobody touch my fuckin percosets! Second, does anybody have any fuckin percosets?


duvie773

We gotta be fuckin’ biceps, triceps, arceps HARD!


Cnsrbstrmp

Narc Bieniemy


Tmoore17

Percs are the first drug I completely understood why people get addicted to them.


drterdsmack

Had an injury and they gave me morphine and it was okay, transfer ER gave me iv dilaudid and I get why people get completely lost in it


GradeAPrimeFuckery

Then you go on it for a while and realize when you quit why people have so much trouble getting off of it. After that experience I was like, I'll deal with the pain, doc.


feelinlucky7

Pretty universal experience I’ve heard from people who’ve tried it in that setting.


l00pee

It's where I am. Them shits are heaven. You feel it becoming a priority quickly. I won't touch it unless they give it to me involuntarily.


Im_A_Ginger

I said the same thing about the only time I took some when I was in the ER. I was given an injection of Tramadol and later Percocet. It didn't take long for me to immediately understand why people get completely lost in opiates.


sWoods512

Perc Angle would like a word


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

Mahomes' ankle is in fact Kurt Angle's BROKEN FRICKIN NECK THAT HE WON AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL WITH. No wonder he's performing so well.


sWoods512

Then you add Kurt Angle to the mix, your chances of winning drastically go down. So you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning. The numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you this Sunday!


belljs87

I never fucking thought I'd see this on the nfl sub And I split my time between here and squaredcircle, with a dash of pokemon and making a murderer


pistilpeet

Samoa Joe, Fat Joe, Smokin’ Joe…Chiefs by 6


davidguydude

He’s got that toradawg in him


tdx_juice

Perctrick MahOpiates


ZeePirate

“Muh Ankle!!”


iamdikdikvandik

Mr. Blessed Consumables


ScruffMixHaha

Imagine the league drug tests Mahomes because of this statement and he gets popped for something against the rules and misses the AFCCG. Now obviously, we all know the NFL would never do this, but its funny to imagine.


UnquestionableBadger

The league doesn't drug test during the playoffs. It's bad publicity to have someone suspended during the time when everyone is watching.


BabyTRexArms

Come to think of it, you legit don’t hear about that happening. I buy it.


SylvrSpydr

A bengals player got busted with coke a day or two before the Super Bowl in the 80s, and that’s the closest I can think of to match this.


kamekaze1024

To be the only one singled out using coke in the 80s means bro must’ve really been sloppy.


JoePurrow

Must've been a damn blizzard where he was lmao


RiversKiski

They caught him when he called teeners for the coin flip


DarylMusashi

They called it the Freezer Bowl for a reason.


[deleted]

That man must've been motorboating a pile of cocaine Scarface style in public.


SylvrSpydr

Something something only in Ohio


[deleted]

It was in Miami. And it wasn't an arrest.


dimmyfarm

Didn’t realize the Dolphins had been using a Line coach for so long…


Adept_Carpet

There were lines on the field, linebackers in his face. He was looking for an outlet, but he couldn't find a space! 🎶🎶🎶


PoorlyLitKiwi2

Getting found with drugs in your possession is different from getting tested tho


SylvrSpydr

Oh absolutely, that’s why I couldn’t cite an example of someone facing repercussions for it.


Hydrokratom

Stanley Wilson. He was coked out in his hotel room and Sam Wyche suspended him.


ClintBeastwood91

Stanley Wilson was Josh Gordon before Gordon’s parents even met. Banned from the league for substance abuse.


USAesNumeroUno

While Joe Montana still Joe Montana'd that game, a lot of the Bengals said that it caused a pretty sizable rift in the locker room and you have to wonder what would have happened if they came into the game fully focused on said game and not on Stanley Wilson relapsing. Also, it was sloppy field conditions and he was a bruiser fullback who thrived during the season when they played in bad weather games. Just a sad story all around.


frankyfrankwalk

They can keep it in a bag and quietly drop it in the middle of draft season and it'll disappear


RockingRocker

"With the first pick in the 2023 NFL draft, Patrick mahomes is suspended btw, the bears select"


Mustergas

😂 “With the second pick in the 2023 NFL draft, he’s suspended 4 games fyi, the Texans select”


TheUltimate721

"With the third pick in the draft, we're also suspending Tom Brady four games, the Arizona Cardinals select..."


beepingjar

Tom Brady


ceviche-hot-pockets

"With the fifth pick in the NFL Draft ^(Tua Tagovialoa has announced his retirement from football at the age of 25) The Seattle Seahawks select..."


Tashre

The most shocking part about this would be the Bears actually picking at 1.


Potato-baby

Same reason that magically no players tested positive for covid in the playoffs during the pandemic.


Viddeeo

Yes, they don't want ppl writing up headlines, 'Mahomes sneezed and tested positive for covid' so he missed the Championship Game. Oh well.


Terrence_McDougleton

> The league doesn’t drug test during the playoffs https://chiefswire.usatoday.com/2023/01/25/kansas-city-chiefs-jaylen-watson-afc-divisional-round-ped-test/


KeithClossOfficial

Idk if it became known because of testing, but we found out Ray Lewis’ PED use during the 2012 playoffs


TsarOfSaturn

I feel like that was pretty obvious when he miraculously recovered from whatever shoulder injury he had, then gave a nonsense answer of "deer antler spray (lmao)" when asked how he recovered so fast


AchillesGRK

Deer antler spray is the excuse Alabama used when their dynasty was first growing too!


sonfoa

Also, they really don't want to do it either.


slackator

Yeah they do apparently because Jaylon Watson got tested for making the 1 handed interception against Trevor Lawrence


El_Bean69

He’s not a rookie DB he won’t catch a drug test


Dudeman1000

Rookie DBs can't catch much anyways.


bigludodog

Though some do it one handed!


NeverSober1900

Ya I mean we saw this when the NFL swept the Peyton's "wife" taking HGH under the rug.


raven2474life

Wait remind me of this story again?


NeverSober1900

Before his last season in the NFL there was an Al-Jazeera report that Peyton Manning used HGH and other drugs to rehab from his neck injury. He supposedly was having these drugs mailed to his wife. This is also when his kids were being born so there's no way his pregnant wife was taking these steroids. Basically the NFL took the stance that since it was mailed to his wife she has a right to privacy and they'd ignore it. Easy to do this since Peyton was retiring at the end of the year anyway. Peyton then threatened to sue Al-Jazeera and hired private investigators. They were then deposed 3 years after the story broke and basically corroborated the original report. So Peyton's own PIs think Al-Jazeera was right. Peyton ended up not suing. The collective public has in general I guess decided to not give a shit as it doesn't really get brought up. Also I guess the NFL has really never cared about the sanctity or anything but still.


Banichi-aiji

The hilarious thing (iirc) was the documentary was planned to focus on track-and-field, then one of the doctors they talked to named NFL players. Wasn't it Clay Matthews that was named as well? Edit: [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJRPxmTuxoI) for those interested.


ScrawChuck

Clay Matthews? Nah man, that’s just how a normal person’s head looks, definitely not PEDface


NeverSober1900

Pretty much our entire defense (sans secondary so Woodson and Tramon arent included) was named in the report. So I wouldn't necessarily call them performance enhancing whatever drugs they took


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

I have a hard time caring about drug use in the NFL. Maybe it's because it's such a gladiatorial, violent sport, as opposed to say cycling. It might also be due to the NFL's totally lax testing policy, which I assume is easy to get around, meaning half the league is juicing anyway.


OddsTipsAndPicks

You have no idea what the Tour de France is. It's a calvary. And what's more, the way to the cross only had 14 stations — we've got 15. We suffer on the road. But do you want to see how we keep going? Wait...' *From his bag he takes a phial.* "That, that's cocaine for our eyes and chloroform for our gums..." "Here," *said Ville, tipping out the contents of his bag* "horse liniment to keep my knees warm. And pills? You want to see the pills?" *They got out three boxes apiece.* "In short," said Francis, "we run on dynamite.' *Henri takes up the story.* "You ever seen the baths at the finish? It's worth buying a ticket. You go in plastered with mud and you come out as white as a sheet. We're drained all the time by diarrhoea. Have a look at the water. We can't sleep at night. We're twitching as if we've got St Vitus's Dance. You see my shoelaces? They're leather, as hard as nails, but they're always breaking. So imagine what happens to our skin. And our toenails. I've lost six. They fall off a bit at a time all through the stage. They wouldn't treat mules the way we're treated. We're not weaklings, but my God, they treat us so brutally. And if I so much as stick a newspaper under my jersey at the start, they check to see it's still there at the finish. **One day they'll start putting lumps of lead in our pocket because God made men too light.**” — Henri Pélissier, Champion, Tour de France, 1923


NeverSober1900

I totally get it but will say the NFL isn't nearly as lax as the NBA. They basically stop testing after the all-star break so the players can take whatever they want to be fresh for the playoffs.


Hydrokratom

> I have a hard time caring about drug use in the NFL. Maybe it's because it's such a gladiatorial, violent sport, as opposed to say cycling. I have a tough time caring about PED use in general in any sport. I mean, I guess I care a little more in sports like boxing, football, MMA, etc….due to the violent nature, but it is what it is. MLB seems to be the most unforgiving, but their players have been taking drugs and doing other stuff for an edge for so long. The only thing that really changes is the chemistry.


Adept_Carpet

Much like the concussion issue, the problem for me isn't about what steroids do for/to the Tom Brady's and Patrick Mahomes' of the world. They made generational wealth, if they sacrificed their health, that's a sacrifice a lot of us would gladly make. But if they're allowed to juice, eventually that forces the guys lower down who won't be able to retire off their NFL earnings to do the same. I would imagine by this point there is tremendous pressure on high school kids who are on the bubble of getting a scholarship to a D1 school or even to be accepted to an elite sports prep school to use PEDs to get an edge. So I think we need to find a way to get a handle on it at the top because the unrealistic expectations PEDs create trickle down.


slackadacka

"By this point" for sure. High school kids have been juicing for a few decades now at least.


wrongbutt_longbutt

>as opposed to say cycling. Keep in mind that the money talks. The nfl doesn't want to crack down on PEDs because steroids make for bigger, faster, stronger, players. We pay money to watch the best of the best. Cycling has had doping for ages, but when it moved on from meth to blood doping, they had to crack down severely. It wasn't because it helped people win, it was because the early blood dopers didn't know what they were doing. Cycling cracked down on blood doping because young riders in their early 20s were having heart attacks on the pro tour and that was bad for their image. This is why getting caught doping in the NFL is a few game suspension, but getting caught in cycling is a two year ban. If NFL players start killing themselves with steroids, you'll see more testing and harsher punishments.


jankyalias

Collective public also totally forgets that Peyton sexually assaulted one of his trainers in college and then spent decades making her life hell afterwards. Like I just don’t get why Peyton gets a pass on everything.


[deleted]

Peyton is incredibly savvy at building and maintaining his "brand". Basically a much more successful version of the stuff that Russel Wilson tries to do. I've also never understood why he gets a pass for it, but people are into it.


Josh6889

James Harrison allegedly used the same supplier.


sh1tcanne

Will Fuller in shambles 😩


ianbits

If his name comes up on for the random test this week Goodell will swap the samples personally. "Oh shit turns out he's on no drugs AND he's got great cholesterol"


bobbywellington

I feel like Mahomes could take almost literally anything (bedsides maybe tren or any anabolic steroids) and the NFL wouldn't bust him for it


ElegantEpitome

“Fentanyl really gives me that pre-game lift I need”


Mike_Honcho_3

Patrick Mahomes is great because he eats clen, trens hard, anavar gives up.


PhlabloPicasso

He doesn’t need to take anything banned. Injured players can take superhuman amounts of TRT without being busted for PEDs.


[deleted]

Someone check mrs mahomes' amazon orders


SaladAndEggs

Agreed. Probably loading up on formula because Pat's using all the breast milk to heal.


powerelite

Top post on r/nfl next week "Brittany Mahomes solely responsible for US formula shortage"


Wraith4202

"She was filmed spraying fans with formula after the Bengals/Cheifs game"


triplec787

Well at least it's formula, because if it wasn't, that'd definitely end up on... some very niche confusing subreddits


Jpolkt

That’d be terrible! Where are these subreddit so I know which ones to stay away from?


shewy92

Probably on a sub with lactating or lactation followed by porn or GW in its name


YoungDaquan

So you’re telling me Mitch Trubisky isn’t even the best titty kisser in his draft class?


Jevarden

Nah, Mitch knows how to drain a good titty, that’s why his ankles are fine while Mahomes is getting hurt.


BearsFan3417

Mitch was kissing titties before kids his age thought kissing titties was cool


AvailableName9999

Straight nitrous


Jolly-One9552

No no, Ashley Manning


savytravler

Hes got that frawg in him


trustthepudding

Best be careful with that after what happened to TCU.


choff22

Them frawgs is hell


que_pedo_

Hehe


[deleted]

Can you even take anything for an ankle sprain? I thought the ligaments stretch and you could screw yourself over long term if you don’t allow proper time to heal


EmpiricalBreakfast

High ankle sprain is usually microtears. Should you rest it? Yes. Yes you should. But ya know uh… playoffs.


patchinthebox

Rest ice compression elevation. That's the recommended treatment. Lol Mahomes probably spent the last 4 days in and out of an ice bath every hour and getting his ankle rewrapped.


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

Foot rubs from Rex Ryan. He has a way with his hands.


MisterNiceGuy0001

Andy Reid smothered BBQ sauce on Mahomes toes....


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

Oh my god.


MisterNiceGuy0001

PICTURE IT!!


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

I was ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


OstrichTraditional90

well ive had enough internet for the day


[deleted]

Plus sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber + cocktail of peptides/sarms/GH


jjbananamonkey

Stem cell injections


[deleted]

Everyone throws this off as a joke but I kinda low-key believe it.


PoorlyLitKiwi2

Why doesn't he just spend a day in the hyperbolic chamber? Could heal up fully and even spend the better part of a year getting shredded


Levi_Snackerman

Jazz ice baths with bath balms


OK_Next_Plz

*bombs


Levi_Snackerman

My entire life has been a lie


WetAppleFruit

Ugh i bet his ankle is sexy


Joe_Burrow_Is_Goat

More like in and out of a jazz bath every hour


sunburn95

Pain killers id assume. Think theyd rather take the risk than the L


PudgyBonestld

MAH KNEE


Codename-Zeus

MUH KNEE


ObeyCoffeeDrinkSatan

MUH SOGGY KNEE


Eg_3600

MY KNEE -1998 random Bikini bottom citizen


tdx_juice

Ahhh Fred the Fish, screaming MY LEG. Gem of a SpongeBob reference


Ovreel

Steroids. They're steroids, Eric.


Mike_Honcho_3

We prefer to call it anabolic chicken.


Navy_and_sports

Nah just cycling Tren bro, it’s still natty it’s just like a pre workout bro. He would never use steroids bro


horse_renoir13

Now what you're gonna want to add is some protein And then you're gonna wanna throw in some protein https://youtu.be/Gh9Dv5D5aCM


jjbananamonkey

Before we mix add a little extra protein


bersoul00

Chicken and brocoli


[deleted]

28 meals a day for bulking.


[deleted]

“Everybody’s on steroids.” Sir Nathaniel Diaz the great philosopher of mixed martial arts.


frankyfrankwalk

That's a pretty catch all term there, he would be on something super specific that the team doc hides in some safe in the pharmacy room.


Elite_Mike

Deer Antler Spray. They're Deer Antlers Eric.


DeVaZtAyTa

Deer antler spray lol


AyyP302

*memory unlocked*


go_49ers_place

Pat Mahomes "hepped up on goofballs" confirmed.


oh_look_a_fist

Patrick "Ned Flanders" Mahomes


GatzBee

I too want millions of dollars and an excellent personal trainer


omega_nik

None of that matters. He’s healing so quickly solely because he’s been taking jazz baths with bath bombs.


GatzBee

The best jazz baths with bath bombs money can buy though. These ain’t your grandmas bath bombs.


Jskidmore1217

But it *is* your Grandpa’s Jazz.


powerelite

Dude has been with the same personal trainer since 4th grade. Bobby probably knows Mahomes body better than Brittany does.


Avon__Fartsdale

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


GoldenBananas21

Imagine going through elementary school and having a crush on a girl & finding out the other guy has a personal trainer.


powerelite

There's no competing with the star athlete with a professional athlete dad and personal trainer when you're a 5'6 135 pound 9th grader. Just gotta take that L.


TigerBasket

I was 5'4 in 9th grade now I'm like 6'1 life is unfair sometimes but I'm all for it


[deleted]

5'4 in 9th grade isn't terrible. I was 5'3 as a senior


nathanael21688

Especially when it's a guy like Mahomes. I'm sure he had some stupid teenage moments, but everything I've heard was he was a stand up guy then. It would be no contest.


RangerBellaX

That’s hot


ColtCallahan

Collinsworth thought he was 2nd.


LagOutLoud

I don't think personal testicle licker qualifies as a trainer position.


Guitaristb72

Yeah but does he know it better than Travis?


UnquestionableBadger

Dude c'mon. We all know they're drugged to the moon with PEDs. It's not nutrition or personal trainers


ConClemente

he on that deer antler spray


WorthPlease

Seriously I used to work with a former D1 linebacker. He had pictures of him from his high school football years on his desk. It's not normal for somebodies face to grow like 25% between when they're 17 and 22.


ZeePirate

Pain killers. What you are looking for are pain killers. That’s what he is talking about


pub810

Coors Light can do wonders for your body.


[deleted]

He admits it. He’s taking something.


[deleted]

[удалено]


apietryga13

…jazz bath?


oranguspangs

*gesticulates wildly in the negative*


NeverSober1900

I know there's a solid chance it's pseudoscience but epsom salt baths really do feel great.


rwjehs

Oh my god he admit it! Paul... You have no... Good... Car... Ideas.


Tomhet

Going to be watching for Mahomes to flinch religiously now.


WithAShirtOn

A good ankle that doesn't fly off your leg while you're scrambling. I think it's a good idea and I stand by


DoctorWaluigiTime

Salt tablet.


Buckeye02

It’s called HGH.


[deleted]

Extremely helpful after an injury but it isn’t fast acting enough to see that kind of improvement in a week. Even if he went nuts with like 20IU a day, the water retention would be too unmanageable


zoodlenose

Fatrick Mahomes


[deleted]

[удалено]


Eg_3600

I had never noticed 22 standing next to the unit


chunkah69

He’s retaining.


CunningRunt

It's for his wife.


HuntertheDragoon

Could it be that it's simply not that bad of a sprain? Not a doctor so I haven't a clue.


nigsch01

It could be, but the nfl is notorious for prescription drugs just being used like candy


killshelter

It’s wild though because a high ankle isn’t something you manage the pain of, it’ll severely impact your mobility and body movements.


bigrick23143

I think they are playing up his sprain to be worse than it actually is. Some sports medicine doc was in a thread saying if it was a true high ankle sprain he’d be in a walking boot at least or one of those scooter things for a week.


HuntertheDragoon

Very true lol


EifertGreenLazor

It could also be he sprained that area before. Whenever I get ankle sprains they aren't as painful after a day as the initial one that swelled like a balloon.


DoctorWaluigiTime

The lede that continues to get buried.


CaffeineJunkee

My guess is the injury is still there, but the Chiefs are downplaying it as a tactic to throw off the Bengals game planning. You don’t magically heal from a high ankle sprain.


Atl-Fan_FTS

Depending on the severity of the sprain it’s sometimes better to literally break a bone than sprain


dmelt01

Yep, had one in high school playing basketball and we heard it pop so we all thought it was broke. It immediately started swelling like a break (got real large and blue), but found out it was just a sprain. Then the doc gave me the bad news that I would have been better off with a break and he was right. It took over a year before it was truly healed.


MrShad0wzz

It’s ketchup


lVloogie

The secret to recovering is he doesn't actually have a high ankle sprain.


jand999

Brady called Mahomes after he got injured to offer words of advice. Sorry, Bengals, we got the GOAT endorsement. Edit: Now that I think about it maybe Brady gave Mahomes the secret (HGH)


twatsky

The secret... *the spice melange...*


AmeriknGrizzly

They know about the spice.


yourbirdhouse

Random drug test incoming.


[deleted]

Nah, Goodell is probably prescribing them.


ColtCallahan

“Patrick you failed the test. Why the fuck aren’t you taking those drugs to make sure you’re healthy for Sunday. We need those ratings ffs”.


dr_pepper_35

Prescribing, delivering and giving the shot in the butt.


yallbyourhuckleberry

They’d never drug test mahomes. Hes not some punter who kicked it 5 yards more than usual.


UnquestionableBadger

The league doesn't drug test in the playoffs. Nor does it drug test the faces of the league.


[deleted]

Honestly Aaron Donald, DK, and AJ Brown are all clearly on gear. It’s not even the jacked thing it’s just the truth about it. DK said he eats tons of candy and looks like that… AJ Brown and DK are both too strong and too fast it makes no sense you should be a bad runner as your more jacked that’s how physics work. And tons of ppl have videos on Aaron Donald appearing to not be natural. But none of them have popped which is strange… MLB doesn’t let this stuff fly there testing is elite compared to the NBA and NFL. MLB makes combat sports testing look like a joke.


TruculentMC

You can always tell who is on gear from their delts and traps. Impossible to get that look without it


[deleted]

“Everybody is on steroids.” Nate Diaz


dr_pepper_35

Like the NFL would ever risk testing him.


[deleted]

wait until he starts talking about the hat man


reedengine

Why doesn’t anyone just say “Oh yeah Patrick’s ankle sprain was very minor. That’s how he was able to finish the game and have zero lingering effects the following week.”


OlTommyBombadil

Because it was reported as a high ankle sprain and nobody has said it’s anything else. That’s it


Quick_Spring_7288

Maybe saying your QB is taking something as he's recovering from the injury is the kind of foot in mouth thing that keeps him as a coordinator


strathmeyer

Likely being woken every 90 minutes to work it out at night.


[deleted]

The fact basketball and football players are able to recover from ACL injuries in a year (the whole process, surgery, recovery, reconditioning, etc.. in just 12 months)... well, if that is not a major proof these guys abuses PEDs, I don't know what else needs to be said. And honestly, I see no problem with that, PEDs improve the final product, it looks safer currently (who can really tell, Michael Jordan kinda looks healthy nowadays... maybe?)


Gbchris12

The Aaron Rodgers remedy


[deleted]

Deer Antler Spray