Didn't expect a joke about that. I think they hit every possible joke they should have.
The low hanging fruit reference we didn't get was him kissing his kid but that's a fair omission. I don't think they crossed any lines tonight while also blowing people away with crazy shit.
He said Bert Kreischer went to Fat Shit University or something like that. No idea why they would censor that one, there were way worse throughout the night.
I was surprised for most of it that he seemed to be the poorest sport. It seemed like the dumb jokes were just getting old and he looked annoyed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was just nervous for his set.
Like when you’re a kid waiting to deliver your presentation
I was shocked how good it was. I thought they’d go pretty easy on Brady but nope. Also Belichick was GREAT. I love seeing this side of him, made me sit here thinking “damn I wish we hired him” lol.
Brady had some of the best jokes of the night.
“I know Kim was terrified to be here tonight. Not because of this, but because her kids are at home with their dad."
CRAZY 😂
Belichick being able to do something like that makes me want a 1 hour show per week on Tuesday nights where he just.... talks football. Plays, players, processes,literally anything.
It's gonna be one minute long with Paul Pierce as the only presenter saying "They don't love you like that. You thought you was Kobe?" and then it would end.
Foles has honestly had the strangest career I've ever seen in the NFL.
Half of it is absolute garbage where you'd think he'd be out of the league in 3 years, never accomplishing anything. The other half you'd assume you're watching a top 10 player of all time.
He's in Canton for 4 different things, as a journeyman QB.
That was way crazier than I thought they’d allow. And for the most part all the roasters did a really good job
Edit: shout out to Bill and Kraft for mending the fence and taking shots together lmao
He's definitely still pissed at Kraft. I have a feeling he's going to hold that grudge for a long time considering that the rumors are Kraft as actively hurting his employment pros. But he's a broadcaster now so he's got to it. The very least be agreeable
Honestly between Bill’s performance tonight and him on McAfee’s draft show I dont think I’ve ever wanted to see anybody in a media gig more.
The only hangup I have is that I think you might have to pair him with a unique play by play guy who can guide/initiate the discussion and kinda probe these comments out of him, that only really applies to calling games though.
Bill's job for his whole life has been breaking down film and explaining it to meatheads, I feel like he'd be perfect in the booth. Makes more sense to me than players doing commentary just in terms of skills.
Why is everyone acting like that Belichick Kraft moment was genuine? Belichick was pressured to do it and caught off guard. He looked super uncomfortable, didn't take the shot, didn't say anything to Kraft during or after, etc. I think he just didn't want to refuse and look like an asshole on live TV.
When Kraft was toasting him and calling him the greatest coach ever, you could see Bill’s eyes saying “Then why you telling other owners not to hire me, you decrepit fuck?”
Yeah belichick was obviously fucking pissed. Smart move by Kraft though. Impossible for belichick to say no in that situation, so now Kraft can say “see? We are totally cool”
Yeah not everyone is acting like that. At least most of the audience in Boston that I am seeing could see right through it. Maybe to a national audience that doesn't follow it so closely. I could see being fooled by it but Belichick didn't even drink the shot with craft. He just raised it m
That was the most bizarre shit I’ve seen in a hot minute.
I guess this whole thing was done to remind everyone about Brady after he took last year off from the NFL and public spotlight and the media was going bananas over the Chiefs and the new fanbase the NFL got because of it in the meantime
And obviously money.
It's so much sooner than I expected. Like I knew when Belichick left the Patriots that eventually they would do some public stuff like this. I did not expect a million jokes about sucking Brady's a dick...lol. It was pretty f****** awesome
well you can tell considering he managed to cram 1000 of the best roast jokes of all time into his tiny segment... the guy is clearly the best roaster in the mix haha
Paige Wesley hinted on her podcast “Cult Podcast” this week that she was writing for an event she couldn’t name, but had to ask her dad who a bunch of athletes were.
Paige has been a regular on roast battle for years.
That’s just Edelman, he’s a natural.
I’m an eagles fan and patriot hater, but he is by far my favorite guest on the New Heights podcast. His Randy Moss story and the delivery will make me laugh no matter how many times I’ve seen it already:
https://youtu.be/SZ-LzucDxig?si=-DYpyy71uqOzAqDo
Bert is one of like 3 comedians in world who can sell do arena tours and snorting while he laughs is a legitimate bit of his. Puts my brain in an absolute pretzel
Easily the worst bit of the night. Maybe just because you are famous and a patriots fan doesn’t mean you should go on stage and ramble about nothing for 10 mins.
There is a reason he doesn’t do many comedies.
It was so much more fun than I thought it would be. They also went further than I thought would be allowed. I loved Nikki! I feel for Randy having to go after her.
Right clearly the bit was that he was getting distracted because he was falling in love. I didn't think it was terrible but everything else was so tight but it just didn't match.
It felt like the whole appearance was thrown together a couple hours ago. Ferrell was barely dressed like Ron Burgundy. How did wardrobe not have a blue or red suit?
Part of it is that Ron Burgundy is a funny personality. Like you laugh at the character and situations he is in.
He’s not a “I’m going to tell a joke with a punchline”. Will was never really a great stand up guy. He’s a situational comedy guy
Best: Nikki, Tony, Bledsoe, Edelman, Ross’s intro. Sam, Peyton and Bill right below them. Kevin was fine, don’t get the hate. Tom’s 9/11 and Kanye jokes were dark. I used the Segura and Kreischer section to walk my dog and Affleck to brush my teeth and wash my face. Overall, I laughed so hard I cried.
That long bomb at brown people joke was fucking amazing and ofcourse everyone was silent or booing after it. Jeff ross didnt even do a fake laugh. Fuck i had no idea who this kill tony guy is before this. Dude is funny.
Even Ben Affleck did coke at the roast. God damn that was awkward and terrible. Wtf hell is goin on with Segura? Tony Hinchcliffe and Nikki Glaser killed it.
Jeff Ross was on fire in his opener. I feel like he’s usually funny but uneven, but last night he was killing it.
Wish Greg Giraldo was still alive
Also Glaser, BLEDSOE?!?, and first time I ever found Hinchcliffe truly hilarious. I even think people are being too hard on the ones who didn’t completely crush it. Whole thing was fantastic
[Eli getting in on the fun](https://twitter.com/EliManning/status/1787478294754967819)
"I thought about attending the Roast of Tom Brady last night, but I did not want to Roast him for a 3rd time!!"
>>One of the most famous roasts of all time was Norm MacDonald telling clean, old-timey jokes at Bob Saget's roast. Even someone as skilled as Greg Giraldo looked silly after that because Norm roasted the whole stupid medium.
Ehh…Bob Saget (RIP) could make tonight’s roast look like a Disney show. His jokes would’ve fit in very well tonight.
Him being a die-hard dolphins fan who has talked crap about the Pats for years, would have made it glorious.
But he is pretty much a recluse outside of his own productions, it's a shame he hasn't been on a roast, he would kill.
Honestly, I thought he did pretty okay by the usual standards of a non-comedian at a roast. He just got fucked because so many of the non-comedians at this roast were absolutely killing it
Just watched but the Churchill Downs joke was my favorite. Just expertly crafted to even get to it, just to point out Jeff Ross smoking a cigar would in fact look like Winston Churchill with Down Syndrome
"WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T WE CHEAT WHEN I WAS THERE, TOM?" funniest shit Randy said by a mile
Randy being Randy
Best joke: If you get a chance to go 8-9 and all it costs you is your wife and kids, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Brady bringing up Belichick being caught on the ring camera was my favorite.
Kraft pumping Garoppolo full of strays with the quip about the Raiders shipping him off had me fucking ROLLING.
Best joke of the night.
Didn't expect a joke about that. I think they hit every possible joke they should have. The low hanging fruit reference we didn't get was him kissing his kid but that's a fair omission. I don't think they crossed any lines tonight while also blowing people away with crazy shit.
Yeah, best to leave jokes that might be at a kid's expense out of it.
Holy shit, W
The fact that this was all live as well was the cherry on top. Hopefully Netflix keeps it up unedited.
On my view they muted Gronk’s what looked like FSU joke.
What was the joke?
He said Bert Kreischer went to Fat Shit University or something like that. No idea why they would censor that one, there were way worse throughout the night.
It sounded more like Gronk wasn’t speaking into the mic properly. Unsurprising, given how tweaked on something out of his mind he seemed
He had milk mouth
I want to know what drugs Gronk was on
Gronk is high on life and CTE, brother
And depending on exactly which Patriots alums showed up at the Kentucky Derby yesterday, maybe molly.
<*Wes Welker has entered the chat*>
At least he (looks to have) got the happy dumb cte instead of the MBC cte
That's the scary thing... he might have just been tipsy
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It's like Buster with the juice
This roast is off the chain!
All of them And when isn’t he on them?
I was surprised for most of it that he seemed to be the poorest sport. It seemed like the dumb jokes were just getting old and he looked annoyed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was just nervous for his set. Like when you’re a kid waiting to deliver your presentation
I think it’s 100% your last point, he looked like someone who was running through his head about his upcoming set at times
I was shocked how good it was. I thought they’d go pretty easy on Brady but nope. Also Belichick was GREAT. I love seeing this side of him, made me sit here thinking “damn I wish we hired him” lol. Brady had some of the best jokes of the night. “I know Kim was terrified to be here tonight. Not because of this, but because her kids are at home with their dad." CRAZY 😂
Belichick being able to do something like that makes me want a 1 hour show per week on Tuesday nights where he just.... talks football. Plays, players, processes,literally anything.
Nikki Glaser was fucking hilarious holy shit
“Gronk, you aren’t as dumb as you look and sound and act and are.”
That’s a Simpsons joke.
The line she dropped about Gronk telling Tom that he knew crypto was a bad idea had be rolling.
"I mean, even Gronk was like, 'Me know that not real money."
Fuck my wife and I were in tears for a while with that one. She was the best
"I did"
Nikki to Jeff Ross: *The only time you ever got a woman wet was when she rolled you back into the ocean* Too good.
Roasts are where she shines.
She ALWAYS kills it at roasts.
Blew my expectations out of the water
That was awesome and wonderfully written. I bet Netflix does more of these now
the roast of draymond green is gonna hit like crack
It's gonna be one minute long with Paul Pierce as the only presenter saying "They don't love you like that. You thought you was Kobe?" and then it would end.
No one outside of basketball fandom knows who tf Draymond is. Ain't gonna be no Dray roast lol
The only time they got close to mentioning Nick Foles was when Peyton Manning called Brady 3 time SB loser
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Considering Kevin Hart is an Eagles fan, and it wasn’t mentioned once, I think it was.
I agree. Kevin Hart is unabashed in his love for the Eagles, you know he would say it if he could.
Why does Brady hate Foles? He hates him more than Eli?
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I’ll also add that Brady had his best played game in that Super Bowl loss.
Fucking Foles played the best game ever in that Superbowl. I'd be pissed too lmao
My man was launching Jesus fueled homing missiles
Foles has honestly had the strangest career I've ever seen in the NFL. Half of it is absolute garbage where you'd think he'd be out of the league in 3 years, never accomplishing anything. The other half you'd assume you're watching a top 10 player of all time. He's in Canton for 4 different things, as a journeyman QB.
7 TDs. Superbowl victory. Huge Dong. What’s number 4?
7 TD, SB MVP, Pro Bowl MVP, Tied record for most consecutive passing receptions.
I mean I get it, but Brady doesn’t play against Foles. He should be mad his D gave up 40
Jiu jitsu man is fair game Foles is too much
Tom Brady “Screw Colts fans, Colts are just Broncos that don’t fuck”
“You could have given me the $20,000,000 and i would’ve told you i fucking did it” 😂 Tom is savage
That joke might have made me laugh the hardest. I couldn’t believe he fucking said that.
Tom Savage
That was way crazier than I thought they’d allow. And for the most part all the roasters did a really good job Edit: shout out to Bill and Kraft for mending the fence and taking shots together lmao
Bill was obviously still pissed but the fact that he even agreed to do it so soon after he was fired means that those fences can still be mended
He's definitely still pissed at Kraft. I have a feeling he's going to hold that grudge for a long time considering that the rumors are Kraft as actively hurting his employment pros. But he's a broadcaster now so he's got to it. The very least be agreeable
“This is the Roast of Tom Brady on Netflix. Not to be confused with the Roast of Bill Belichick for 10 episodes on AppleTV”
Having him acknowledge that means he knows what the internet is talking about him. Insane roast, we need more of these
I’m watching it now and it's so fvcking great.
It’s hilarious. The documentary is definitely unfair to him, but at the end of the day it made people like him even more
Bellichick is 72 and Kraft is 82, I'd wager one way or another that grudge doesn't last 5 years.
Honestly between Bill’s performance tonight and him on McAfee’s draft show I dont think I’ve ever wanted to see anybody in a media gig more. The only hangup I have is that I think you might have to pair him with a unique play by play guy who can guide/initiate the discussion and kinda probe these comments out of him, that only really applies to calling games though.
Bill's job for his whole life has been breaking down film and explaining it to meatheads, I feel like he'd be perfect in the booth. Makes more sense to me than players doing commentary just in terms of skills.
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Why is everyone acting like that Belichick Kraft moment was genuine? Belichick was pressured to do it and caught off guard. He looked super uncomfortable, didn't take the shot, didn't say anything to Kraft during or after, etc. I think he just didn't want to refuse and look like an asshole on live TV.
When Kraft was toasting him and calling him the greatest coach ever, you could see Bill’s eyes saying “Then why you telling other owners not to hire me, you decrepit fuck?”
It just came off like Kraft trying to cover his ass.
Kraft is fake as fck. Only there for the glory. Only really wants to talk to the "stars" of the team. Loves the celebrity of it all.
Yeah belichick was obviously fucking pissed. Smart move by Kraft though. Impossible for belichick to say no in that situation, so now Kraft can say “see? We are totally cool”
Yeah not everyone is acting like that. At least most of the audience in Boston that I am seeing could see right through it. Maybe to a national audience that doesn't follow it so closely. I could see being fooled by it but Belichick didn't even drink the shot with craft. He just raised it m
That was the most bizarre shit I’ve seen in a hot minute. I guess this whole thing was done to remind everyone about Brady after he took last year off from the NFL and public spotlight and the media was going bananas over the Chiefs and the new fanbase the NFL got because of it in the meantime And obviously money.
It's so much sooner than I expected. Like I knew when Belichick left the Patriots that eventually they would do some public stuff like this. I did not expect a million jokes about sucking Brady's a dick...lol. It was pretty f****** awesome
What the fuck was Ben Affleck on
Triple shot of Dunkin espresso, obviously.
That would be cocaine.
Dealing with Jlo will have that effect on you.
Came in with little to no expectations then Bledsoe happened and now my jaw hurts.
Bledsoe was incredible. I truly did not expect that from him.
Whoever wrote for Edelman should be on every roast if they arent already and Edelman's delivery was better than most of the professional comedians'
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He’s a ghost writer for most of the non comedian roasters.
well you can tell considering he managed to cram 1000 of the best roast jokes of all time into his tiny segment... the guy is clearly the best roaster in the mix haha
They listed the writers in the credits the usual roast battle crew Sarah Tiana, Mike Lawerence, Pat Barker and others
Paige Wesley hinted on her podcast “Cult Podcast” this week that she was writing for an event she couldn’t name, but had to ask her dad who a bunch of athletes were. Paige has been a regular on roast battle for years.
Hadn't heard of this podcast but it sounds good. Gonna check it out so thanks for the mention
That’s just Edelman, he’s a natural. I’m an eagles fan and patriot hater, but he is by far my favorite guest on the New Heights podcast. His Randy Moss story and the delivery will make me laugh no matter how many times I’ve seen it already: https://youtu.be/SZ-LzucDxig?si=-DYpyy71uqOzAqDo
Edelnut!!!
He was fuckin hilarious on portnoys one bite episode, the one in Boston. “One nibble, everyone knows the laws” lmao
When he says "he'd be doing his head shit" about Welker that was fucking gold.
His Randy Moss impression is perfect lol
Outside of Affleck and the two weird guys with photos behind them, I thought everyone crushed it. Especially Edelman
Affleck was just bizarre.
Affleck without alcohol and ozempic instead
Would’ve been better to have Bruce Arians
Bill Burr
Affleck was definitely going on a coke rant there
That was Bert kreieser and Tom segura. Tom is a great comedian but their whole thing sucked.
Bert Kreischer has had a single bit for like 15 years and somehow made a career out of it.
Shirts are supposed stay on, and he takes it off ! 😝
Not a big fan of his and honestly have never watched his specials cause from the things I’ve seen about him it just doesn’t seem like my style.
But he takes his shirt off?!?
Peak of comedy right there. /s
Bert is one of like 3 comedians in world who can sell do arena tours and snorting while he laughs is a legitimate bit of his. Puts my brain in an absolute pretzel
They're both ass.
How ridiculous was Ben Afflack? He went on a rant and not one thing he said was funny!!! Go home to Jen lol
Easily the worst bit of the night. Maybe just because you are famous and a patriots fan doesn’t mean you should go on stage and ramble about nothing for 10 mins. There is a reason he doesn’t do many comedies.
Schulz Glaser and Edelman were the highlights, burgundy, affleck, the duo, and moss probably the ones that missed for me.
Moss had two solid jokes, the rest was pretty awkward.
tony hinchcliffe was my favorite, nicki and schultz were up there
It was so much more fun than I thought it would be. They also went further than I thought would be allowed. I loved Nikki! I feel for Randy having to go after her.
“I just came from hell. Aaron Hernandez says ‘hi!’ “
"Kevin hart is so short hes been standing on the stool that Aaron hernandez kicked away" floored me.
“When Kevin’s ancestors picked cotton they would call it deadlifting” is what sent me holy shit
I hate that the Ron Burgandy section was as bad as it was, I was geeked when I saw him coming out but it just didn’t hit like I hoped it would
Kinda felt like he didn't prepare a single joke.
Right clearly the bit was that he was getting distracted because he was falling in love. I didn't think it was terrible but everything else was so tight but it just didn't match.
Kinda like what burgundy would do
It felt like the whole appearance was thrown together a couple hours ago. Ferrell was barely dressed like Ron Burgundy. How did wardrobe not have a blue or red suit?
I was distracted by the bad plastic surgery Will Ferrell had done. Yikes
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Like over a decade ago.
Part of it is that Ron Burgundy is a funny personality. Like you laugh at the character and situations he is in. He’s not a “I’m going to tell a joke with a punchline”. Will was never really a great stand up guy. He’s a situational comedy guy
I thought it was terrible at first, but it gained steam and landed a few solid laughs, but that character needs to stay retired forever.
“I don’t want to talk about your wife, he’s actually here! Alex Guerrero everyone!” - Julian Edelman. 💀💀💀
“He’s the snake oil salesman that turned Tom into a creepy weirdo”
I bet even Julian, Gronk etc think the Alex thing is weird. If you look into his past he's just so dodgy ..
It was so funny. Hell Bob Kraft got good jokes in. Outside of Burt and Segura and Affleck it was a terrific night.
Can we all agree that Kreischer is a one trick pony who's time is done?
Definitely closure for us Pats fans. It’s the feeling the Dynasty should’ve given us if it wasn’t absolute shit
How did they not make that show a celebration. It was a layup
Ego
Those shows live for drama, not happiness
Lmao I thought you were calling the actual pats dynasty shit, not the show.
Best: Nikki, Tony, Bledsoe, Edelman, Ross’s intro. Sam, Peyton and Bill right below them. Kevin was fine, don’t get the hate. Tom’s 9/11 and Kanye jokes were dark. I used the Segura and Kreischer section to walk my dog and Affleck to brush my teeth and wash my face. Overall, I laughed so hard I cried.
Randy Moss forced me to go take a poop break. I cringed so hard it made me have to poop
Yeah, I only walked away during Moss, he whined about not getting a ring for like 5 straight minutes and I just couldn’t watch it.
I destroy my cell phone every second Tuesday of the month, whether I've done anything wrong or not....
Nikki Glaser ftw.
God I fucking hate Bert Kreischer
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That long bomb at brown people joke was fucking amazing and ofcourse everyone was silent or booing after it. Jeff ross didnt even do a fake laugh. Fuck i had no idea who this kill tony guy is before this. Dude is funny.
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Hey tom you had the greatest comeback of all time, boom roasted!
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Honestly glad at least one of them ripped into Dana White for being cheap asshole lol
The joke about screwing a Brazilian out of half of their purse was excellent
The minorities in a cage was well crafted too.
Michael Vick with humans 😭
This was a fever dream
Even Ben Affleck did coke at the roast. God damn that was awkward and terrible. Wtf hell is goin on with Segura? Tony Hinchcliffe and Nikki Glaser killed it.
I could tell that he was on coke lmao
Kevin Hart was nice to everybody even if they bombed… until Ben finished
Yeah Ben's was just off the wall like holy fuck
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I just mean doing so much with Bert Kreischer. It fucking sucks and was the worst bit of the night.
Ben was totally juiced up and didn’t stick the landing.
My throat hurts from laughing so hard. 😅😅 Nikki and Tony killed it.
ME KNOW THAT NOT REAL MONEY!! 💀💀💀
Nikki and Drew were the biggest roasters tonight easily
Edelman was amazing
Way more Hernandez jokes then I thought lol
The Aaron Hernandez joke about him being hung was absolutely hilarious, and so dark.
Jeff Ross was on fire in his opener. I feel like he’s usually funny but uneven, but last night he was killing it. Wish Greg Giraldo was still alive Also Glaser, BLEDSOE?!?, and first time I ever found Hinchcliffe truly hilarious. I even think people are being too hard on the ones who didn’t completely crush it. Whole thing was fantastic
Nikki Glaser crushed
[Eli getting in on the fun](https://twitter.com/EliManning/status/1787478294754967819) "I thought about attending the Roast of Tom Brady last night, but I did not want to Roast him for a 3rd time!!"
was the moment where Brady told the bald guy “not to do that fucking joke again” real? that shit was intense for a second 😂
Some people think it was a bit but I absolutely interpreted that as authentic
This was fucking awesome.
How much did Tom get paid to do this?
Such a fun watch as a Pats fan. Edelman was my favorite part
>>One of the most famous roasts of all time was Norm MacDonald telling clean, old-timey jokes at Bob Saget's roast. Even someone as skilled as Greg Giraldo looked silly after that because Norm roasted the whole stupid medium. Ehh…Bob Saget (RIP) could make tonight’s roast look like a Disney show. His jokes would’ve fit in very well tonight.
Sadly no Daniel tosh
Him being a die-hard dolphins fan who has talked crap about the Pats for years, would have made it glorious. But he is pretty much a recluse outside of his own productions, it's a shame he hasn't been on a roast, he would kill.
Can’t believe no Bill Burr, he’s literally the Boston elite
Tosh would have went super dark and it would have been glorious.
Tosh avoids the spotlight, it wouldn’t be his thing
Bill giving Tom the “Birmingham City sucks” like was hilarious
Andrew Schulz joke on Dana was amazing
Tony fucking killed it in his short stint
Randy Moss was a hard watch lol
He's too polite to do a roast.
Honestly, I thought he did pretty okay by the usual standards of a non-comedian at a roast. He just got fucked because so many of the non-comedians at this roast were absolutely killing it
Jesus Christ Bert Kreischer is garbage. He just chortles and brings down Tom Segura.
Sorry Colts fans but a Colts just a Bronco that doesn’t fuck🤣🤣🤣
One of the most savage jokes but not really a joke was when Tom said at the end " but I do miss the love of my life ........... Football! Ouch lol
What was someone yelling at Gronk before Kevin Hart told him to shut up?
Just watched but the Churchill Downs joke was my favorite. Just expertly crafted to even get to it, just to point out Jeff Ross smoking a cigar would in fact look like Winston Churchill with Down Syndrome
Brady had major Jeselnick vibes - only caught the last 30 min, rewatching now. Pretty damn good so far. Drew Bledsoe keeps touching his nose 😂