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milkmandanimal

The Bills are a serious contender this year, and, as we all know, nothing bad has ever happened to the Bills in the past when it seemed like they had a chance to win it all.


[deleted]

If they make the playoffs this year it’ll be the fourth year in a row. Fourth time’s gotta be a good charm, right?


mrdhood

has anybody ever gotten so close 4 years in a row and come up empty?


[deleted]

Well, from 58-63 the Giants lost five out of six NFL Championship Games, I think that’s about as close as you can get


mrdhood

NY teams and coming up short, name a more iconic duo


Jurph

Wow, calling the Giants a "New York team" ... it's not a roast, but it will definitely piss off the Bills fans in the thread!


QuestionableNotion

More like make us chuckle. From New York.


AssinineAssassin

The Eagles were a perennial NFC Championship game team.


perfect_fitz

Does that go to the Packers at some point?


Mr_SpideyDude

Hey! Save that for when it's our post


CantTochThis92

The Bills and my wife really do not enjoy 13 seconds


Ridiculous_Helm

When the going gets tough some guys retire at halftime.


DonShulaDoingTheHula

I can’t chuckle too much at this one…


TMNBortles

I'm going to make this a 7 point roast, which is one more than the Bills scored against Jacksonville last season.


twofingerspls

Fuck, I’m still embarrassed about that game.


TMNBortles

I'm basically going to go into hiding after this roast until the Steelers.


BadCoachingAnalyst

Feel free to hop back in for the Colts as well.


TMNBortles

Depends on whether the thread is considered a home or away roast.


blueblast_29

That is the law


jokeefe72

Every year, I pick one game to spend hundreds of my hard earned money on attending. I am a teacher so that money does not come easily. The best part of my attendance at that “game” was blacking out. My only regret is that I remember some things.


twofingerspls

I tried to black out but had a hard time swallowing with my shocked pikachu face the whole game.


tomk1

This is the one. Mods can lock thread at this point. Thank you for coming.


m0rtm0rt

This should be closer to the top, that one stung.


Stumblebee

How are you gonna let the Dolphins steal your thunder on the day of your own roast?


BarKnight

Is roast tampering a thing?


Bertopo

They don’t have any picks left to take.


cmannigan

Suspend Tom Brady and Josh Allen for it!


DrQuestDFA

The good Josh Allen or the QB Josh Allen?


TheGarbageStore

The penalties get steeper for repeat tamperers: next draft the Dolphins will be fined thirteen 2nds


Kiran_Stone

I don't know, I feel like the Bills having their thunder stolen by another team when they are in the spotlight is pretty on-brand


TheGarbageStore

We lost the Clippers, the Thunder were stolen from Seattle


ModsHaveTinyPPs

Poor Bills fans can't win shit


Ridiculous_Helm

This team is named after a guy who has no affiliation with the city and the city is named after an animal that never inhabited the region.


[deleted]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great\_bison\_belt#/media/File:Bison\_original\_range\_map.svg


HeywardH

Yeah but we just call bison buffalo. They're unrelated.


[deleted]

To the majority of Americans, bison are colloquially known as buffalo... Pedantic, obtuse, or both?


KickinWing2325

What do triangles have to do with this?!


don-chocodile

Yeah the Colts don't get roasted today


Marco_Escuandola

There is longstanding contention that the city isn’t named after the animal at all. Some historians have speculated that it may have got its name from French explorers who referred to the Niagara river as Beau Fleuve, or “Beautiful River. To be fair, there is little historical evidence to support this.


BarKnight

While being the only team to actually play in New York, yet not having New York in their name.


sobuffalo

And we don’t actually play in Buffalo.


TheGarbageStore

Given how swampy the place is when it isn't frozen, if they named the city Urban Mire it would be more descriptive, especially since he owned us in his brief NFL career


MyTaintIsItchy

Not for nothing, the animal that the team’s mascot and logo are modeled after is not actually a buffalo either. The American Bison is a distant relative of the buffalo but is not actually one. Some dude called them buffalos once and everyone just ran with it. TL;DR: Buffalo is a fraud


sljerlivliesrare

I've had this argument so many times on Reddit, but tldr; the species Bison bison has multiple names, including American buffalo, or simply buffalo. It is not incorrect to call them buffalo just because they are not bubalina, because language just works that way.


MyTaintIsItchy

Way to out-nerd my nerding, nerdddd


SomeDudeUpHere

Biggest win a Buffalo fan is likely to get this year.


sobuffalo

And your team isnt any bigger than any other team. Giants my ass.


MyTaintIsItchy

More like Giant WIMPS amirite? :/


TuonSucksMatLeave

Do you guys break tables because you have no trophies to put on them?


smartyr228

We break tables because they're an ever present threat to humanity and you only achieve that kind of enlightenment when you drink the correct ratio of Labatt Blue and Genny Cream Ale


J-Goo

Boy could I go for a Genny now.


CapnDutchie

Ohhh this is a good 1


eaglesnation11

The Patriots might be better at winning Super Bowls than you guys, but you’re better at winning murder trials.


CoofBone

Believe me, you can have both.


TorontoBuffaloBills

This guy knows how to roast.


CoofBone

I do make some good wings...


blarch

TBF, murder is legal in California, so there was no need for a trial.


flyingmonkeyanus

I'll take OJ back. He'll cut his way though defensives


smartyr228

"Ma'am, that murderer rushed for over 10,000 yards"


mstrgrieves

After a lifetime on gorging on wings and shitty canadian beer, the nicest way to describe your average bills fan's physique is "wide", right?


[deleted]

The pizza and Spaghetti Parm don't help either


IWasOnThe18thHole

You left Tim Russert with his only wish unfulfilled


lmMrMeeseeksLookAtMe

Alright this one hurts.


justgot86d

Oh my God dude it's a roast not an annihilation


brisch19

😩


jk01

Fuck man


Giant_Slor

God damn


DahhhBills

Duuuuuuude


Ftbh

Ow


LazyBuhdaBelly

The Bills are the only team that can answer the old proverb "Is it better to have loved and lost 4 times consecutively, than to never have loved at all?"


New-Pollution536

After a 17 year playoff drought I can confirm it definitely is lol


[deleted]

Only 17 years? Signed an envious Seattle Mariners fan


New-Pollution536

I don’t want to jinx it but things are looking good for you this year!


[deleted]

They always do, until they don't


TheMattJones

For my first 20 years of being a fan, the only Bill that won in Buffalo, had the last name Belichick.


HandSack135

When I read that I thought of Lyanna Mormont speech making Jon King of the North


BadCoachingAnalyst

"We know no Bill but the Bill of Foxborough, whose name is Belichick."


LionoftheNorth

Did you know that Bills have had the most success during the Super Bowl era? In fact, Bills have combined for at least 28 rings. Bill Belichick: 8 rings in total; six as head coach of the New England Patriots, two as defensive coordinator of the New York Giants Bill Null: 6 rings as a scout with Pittsburgh Steelers Bill McPherson: 5 rings as defensive line coach with San Francisco 49ers Bill Romanowski: 4 rings; two with San Francisco and two with Denver Bill Walsh: 3 rings as head coach of the San Francisco 49ers Bill Parcells: 2 rings as head coach of the New York Giants Buffalo Bills: 0 rings as laughing stock of the NFL for the time they went to four consecutive Super Bowls and lost them all


Natearl13

We lost 4 Super Bowls first lmao can’t even win at that


mehwars

Ah, but in a row. I don’t think so! Point Buffalo


Natearl13

But then we lost 6 straight NFC Championships to follow it up


TrueBrees9

We're getting there, give us time


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lmMrMeeseeksLookAtMe

You guys suck at roasting. Nobody bringing up the fact we gave Terrell Owens a key to the city for stopping by Buffalo on a one year footnote to his career.


new_wave_gremin71

Want me to bring up the GOAT Bills QBs then? J.P. Losman and EJ Manuel. :)


lmMrMeeseeksLookAtMe

I’ll never forgot summer 2004, my dad and I were sitting on our porch talking about the upcoming season. My dad starts going on this absolute hype speech about how JP Losman is going to change this team and bring it back to the glory days. Like bringing up college stats and draft analysis and everything. I’m 10 years old. I don’t know shit besides what my dad says. He got me to believe it too. Slowly experiencing that your dad has shit football takes despite his deep love for the game is a deeper burn than anything you can inflict.


willzyx55

My dad bet actual money on the Pats vs the Bears in the 85 super bowl. You're among friends here.


Chrysalii

To be fair to your dad, Tom Donahoe thought the same thing. Although, Tom Donahoe is the architect of the drought, so being on that level isn't a god thing.


Jlock98

You forgot about the legend that is Nathan Peterman


some_random_noob

how could you forget about Nathan Peterman? the absolute disrespect.


WabbitCZEN

Only 3 more bad roasts until it matches your Super Bowl totals.


woodwalker700

Honestly he deserved it for making that team even vaguely interesting.


i_am_j_o_b

I honestly thought that was cool. I’d give a paycheck to see TO doing shirtless sit-ups on a flaming table before FitzMagic jumped through it, but that’s just me.


Marioman775

If that super bowl kick was was any more far right it would’ve attempted to storm the capitol.


CantTochThis92

Oh this is really good


McSqueezyE

LMAO this is the winner for me


carsausage

>Be me, Bills fan >Wake up, it's game day! >Toss aside my body pillow of Josh Allen in short shorts >Makes an audible thunk as it hits the floor >Before I head out, I browse reddit and loudly argue about chicken wings with randos >Feel bad and donate money to charity in their name >Shower up and get dressed in my Sunday Finest >A Bills toque, my heirloom Jim Kelly jersey, and Zubaz >Take a look at the weather outside >Only 18 inches of snow last night >Take my convertible to the Ralph >Cruising down the 219 while blaring Shout >As I'm approaching my exit, some yinzer in a beat up Taurus cuts me off >Violently slam my brakes to make I don't hit him >My car jumps and starts rolling >Turns over four times in a row >Despite this, I never actually move forward >Slam into an embankment and pass out >Come to about a month later in a Canadian hospital >Doctor jumps into my bedside table before talking to me >"You're very lucky to have survived an accident like that. If we would have found you even 13 seconds later you would've died." >Hmmmm… >Nurse comes into room >"We found these tickets for a Bills game at section 333 on your person when you were wheeled in. Did these belong to you?" >Start getting suspicious >Pretend I'm Cole Beasley and ask them to take their mask off >They comply >HOLY SHIT IT'S TOM BRADY AND PATRICK MAHOMES >Those motherfuckers saved my life for the sole purpose of making sure I can't rationally hate them >Get so pissed I donate my paycheck to their charities >that'll show them


justgot86d

You were almost perfect. But its *The* 219


carsausage

Fuck. And I don't even have a charity to donate to!


m0rtm0rt

>> Toss aside my body pillow of Josh Allen in short shorts Yeah. I need one.


Agent_Dutchess

I hate you for putting this image in my brain forever. I'm going to have nightmares over this, and I'm not even a Bills fan.


separeaude

We need to bring this format back


WorthPlease

Things I can do in 13 seconds: Lose the AFC Championship game Remember that a murderer is on the Wall of Fame Disappoint my wife


Shepherdless

I too disappoint your wife in 13 seconds.


DisappointedGiraffe

I'm pretty sure it only took you 11


ajh6w

The only people more let down by this team than Bills fans in the US are the kids in underdeveloped countries who get your “champion” shirts and think they’re backing the greatest dynasty of all time, only to learn the truth.


hatersaurusrex

Easy now, the early 90's provided almost half a decade of school clothes for those kids.


ConneryFTW

Buffalo has more former nfl players that choose to put down roots in the city after retiring, than any other nfl city. This isn't because the players fall in love with town or anything. It's that most nfl players go broke and Buffalo happens to have the cheapest housing prices of anywhere in the league.


smartyr228

Living in Buffalo is a business decision


Chrysalii

NY taxes though...


Eudaimonics

Actually if you make under 85% income tax is pretty normal. If you below a certain amount it’s actually less than the state with a flat rate.


JesuIsEveryNameTaken

I was getting ready to make fun of the Bills but I called Buffalo "upstate New York" and now Bills fans won't shut up about "It's Western New York" and all the other regional names for New York State that nobody cares about.


zachm26

Oh, not in Buffalo, no. It’s an Albany expression.


blandersblenders1

You steam a good ham zachm26


TwistedSou1

Well, go to Utica or Troy or somewhere and ask for a Beef on Weck and see what that gets you.


Glom_Gazingo1

I’ll do no such thing


slice29

Just avoid Utica all together.


_AmericanPoutine

the people who call WNY "upstate" also call chicken wings "bone - in" buffalo wings and eat them with ranch.


some_random_noob

> eat them with ranch. this is supposed to be a roast thread not a horror story!


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Wings. Hot. Bleu. Blue. Four words. Infinite possibilities.


new_wave_gremin71

Imagine being a contender and you still get turned down for the Commanders


longshot201

😂


TJeffersonsBlackKid

I don't get this one.


TauSigmaNova

We signed a Washington RB for him to back out in like a day or 2 to go back to the Commies at the start of the off season


TJeffersonsBlackKid

Lmao I forgot about that.


mrdhood

Some people just don't want to work in the winter


Howmanybeesistoomany

Orchard Park is the only place in the world where ketchup and mustard are concidered a condiment and a fashion statement. The Buffalo Bills parking lot is home to the world's only 5 Michelin Star Pinto where you can wash out the taste of filing cabinet hotdog with a shot of God-knows-what from a bowling ball. It's also the only place in the world where "Set the table" is actually short for "Set the table up: I'm going to jump through them because the WWE peaked in 1998 and so did I"


fortyonejb

This is a thread for burns, not how awesome we are and how jealous of that you are.


Howmanybeesistoomany

Oh I'm a Bills fan too, how else did you think I knew that the hot dogs were cooked in the filing cabinet at Pinto Ron's? Go Bills!


BarKnight

I assume it's a shot of fireball whiskey


tomk1

The detail and depth of this roast is unprecedented. How can I be upset at poetry?


Howmanybeesistoomany

I have insider information, go Bills


Feral_Taylor_Fury

This is the best comment in the thread


sniperhare

They do shots from bowling balls?


dagreenman18

The Bills are responsible for some of the best moments in NFL history: - Wide Right - Music City Miracle - 13 Seconds And 4 consecutive Super Bowls! Amazing!


[deleted]

Add in the city as a whole and we can also claim No Goal and that whole unpleasantness with William McKinley.


jokeefe72

Without that, we may have never had Teddy Roosevelt as president, though. So that one’s at least a wash (?)


tomk1

Hail Murray honorable mention 👍 Amazing season and that game meant nothing in the end, but it took me an unreasonably long time to get over that one.


hatersaurusrex

It would take a Miracle for me to come up something clever, so I'll just lateral to another commenter and see if they can take it all the way.


ty_kanye_vcool

“The Titans are hoes. On them we shall stunt.” —Bills fans, January 2000


Jurph

Wait, no! Not to _me_, I'm actually slightly -- okay, pretty clearly, if we're being honest -- forward of your position on the field. ...what? Nobody's going to stop me? Guess I can say whatever I like then! Buffalo is a team with a big heart, generosity of spirit, a fanatical devotion to destroying picnic furniture, and none of it matters to the NaRrAtIvE until they break the 0-4 schneid.


hatersaurusrex

Refs reviewed your comment and it turns out your position on the field was in fact, slightly forward of my position but that the ball itself travelled backwards by about a foot, so no flags! Good thing the play happened right along the 35 yard line so it was extremely clear and easy to see, otherwise you might not have scored that touchdown of a response!


Kawaii_West

I was at the Thanksgiving game in Dallas a few years ago. Obviously it was a great game and I had a blast. Bills fans were chanting our fight song and just generally enjoying our team being good. As I was leaving this one Cowboys fan started chanting "Zero Super Bowls". That really hurt my feelings.


BillSelfsMagnumDong

Plenty appearances though! (Also the cowboys haven't won shit since the Clinton administration)


[deleted]

I’ll take that over 4 straight SB losses


BillSelfsMagnumDong

I guess those 4 straight losses also happened during the Clinton administration, so fair enough


VikingCreed

Conclusion: Clinton bad??


ATRDCI

The Buffalo Bills are like Monica Lewinsky. Their biggest claim to fame is repeatedly blowing it on the biggest stage during the Clinton administration.


Quasimdo

The fans jump through the tables not because theyre dedicated, but because the pain it causes masks the pain of the bills losing in the playoffs


_AmericanPoutine

it's better than a few years ago when jumping through tables was to mask the pain of not making the playoffs


FantasticDucks

I was gonna say, at least now we're losing *in the playoffs*


Vindicare605

Bad man is gone?


FantasticDucks

Partly. But also Shorts Man is here


-Unnamed-

you should do the Roast of the Bills for the next 3 days in a row as well. That’s the only thing they know


[deleted]

Can’t think of any good roasts, give me 13 seconds to think of one


Xaxziminrax

UPDATE: It was two seconds more than /u/hairysonorth needed.


Sarydus

Before we fell ass backwards into McDermott, our brand new owners said to themselves "You know who can turn this franchise around? Rex Ryan."


AssassinInValhalla

ThIrtEeN sEcOnDs You can't hurt me anymore


BroadCityChessClub

You’d think the Bills would’ve learned how important it is to stop a last-minute forward pass in the playoffs after the Music City Miracle.


AssassinInValhalla

Wow. I didn't think I'd actually get upset with anything on here but goddammit. Well played.


sielingfan

>stop a last-minute **forward pass** in the playoffs after the Music City Miracle. You are correct and I hate you


SoDakZak

Almost a 1,000 games played in your history and your win percentage is basically the Carolina Panthers.


StreetReporter

First of all, that was uncalled for. Second of all, what did you expect, they are Panthers North


JinterIsComing

The Panthers have made two Super Bowls since 2000. The Bills have... yeah.


_AmericanPoutine

We just were fucking around for a couple of decades, luring the league into a false sense of security. ... right?


Proper_Fortune_7004

More like CAR is the bills developmental squad.


[deleted]

Can’t believe you let Josh Allen beat Josh Allen!


forlornhope22

I love the Bills. It's always good to see Canadians get excited about American Sports.


DropC2095

For Bills fans the most disappointing 13 seconds of their lives isn’t losing their virginity


GushingGecko

Bills are just a more showboaty version of the Browns and Lions. We go winless in the season, you go winless in the Super Bowl. We internalize our pain, you guys jump through tables. It doesn't matter how hard you try to be different, deep down you're just a Lake Erie degenerate like the rest of us.


justgot86d

We're all mistakes on the lake my friend


[deleted]

You let Mahomes force OT in the time it takes to setup a table and break it.


YiMyonSin

Mahomes torched the Bills in 13 seconds, which I must admit, is an improvement for the Bills over letting a tight end toss it and end it in 16.


TuonSucksMatLeave

You guys will forever be one of two teams that lost to Urban Meyer... And we only scored 9 points.


ctpatsfan77

True only team with more dildos thrown on the field than Lombardi's.


DarkseidHS

I feel like I can roast this team better than people who hate us. We gave TO a key to the city for coming here on a year deal. We traded up one spot ahead of Rob Gronkowski to draft Torell Troupe. Fans prank called our GM and pretended to be another GM and got him to say unfavorable things about the state of our QB situation. Had a guy retire at halftime Traded up in the 3rd round to draft TJ Graham, Russell Wilson was still on the board. We still have OJ Simpsons name on the wall of fame. Theres so many more embarrassing things this team has done, but I'm basically out of time.


HarryTheGreyhound

Remember watching a London game and seeing thousands of Bill fans come to London to watch their team lose to the Jaguars and Blake Bortles. “Lets go, Buffalo” sounded very forlorn.


ByronLeftwich

In the time it took me to type this comment, the Chiefs scored 16 points


TheTree_43

13 Reasons Why Reboot


parcellsrealGOAT

Canadas team


HarmonicDissonant

There is a universe where the Bills are the only team to have ever won 4 consecutive Super Bowls. It's also the one where Tom Brady was cut before his first season. But you live in this universe.


cretsben

The Bills are the only team that had to include their fans in the NFL concussion settlement.


Spanky_McJiggles

I'm glad the state of New York stepped in to buy the Pegulas a new stadium. It'll be a welcomed change to have the ownership be based in Albany instead of Foxboro.


TheColtOfPersonality

Bills fans go through a lot of tables during the NFL season. Emphasis on “through”


NOSjoker21

Most tables, most Super Bowl losses


JerryRiceDidntFumble

>most Super Bowl losses https://www.pro-football-reference.com/teams/den/playoffs.htm


errorsniper

This is a roast. Not a greatest hit list.


BellacosePlayer

Boneless wings are fine. Bleu cheese is alright but so is Ranch or whatever sauce you choose to dip your wings into. Disagreeing with either statement does not a personality make.


mehwars

Easy, pal. This was all supposed to be in good fun


TMNBortles

When I visited Buffalo, I was worried to ask for ranch to go with my wings. Of course no one actually gives a shit and my wings were delicious.


throwaway_lmkg

Your logo is a lie. Your team mascot is the Bills, not the Buffalos. There is nothing bovine about your team. The only Bill who is even remotely ungulate is Beta Ray Bill.


wolverine6

Your fans are too charitable and rally around donating to good causes! What the hell is that?!


rondosparks

Every one of my 13 reasons why lasted but a second.


smartyr228

The only MFs that can effectively roast the Buffalo Bills fans is Buffalo Bills fans. Our misery has insulated us


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CoofBone

Slamming into tables is not safe.


HeywardH

Ravens fans obsessing over safety after last year.


CoofBone

Tom Grossi's video is absolutely too true


[deleted]

Buffalo's a city that's known for going to Applebees for appetizers, going to Dave and Buster's for adult arcades, then back to Applebees to cap off the night.