Very anti-semetic, pen pals with Hitler, refused to hire Jewish workers, etc.
Also despite the praise he gets for paying his workers $5 a day, he was vehemently anti-union, to the point where Ford security guards shot into a crowd during a hunger march in 1932. Several were killed or injured and it eventually led to HF signing an agreement with the UAW in 1941.
Erie to be renamed the lake of sadness in honor of the lake bros.
Buffalo to be forcibly removed if they carry on this winning nonsense and swapped with Jacksonville wholesale - tables to Florida, pools to Niagara.
The Lions started going down hill the day Ford was put in charge. Gerald Ford that is as he became President the same day William Ford bought the team.
Here’s what an AI thinks it’s like being a lions fans
>be me
>be a Lions fan
>be absolutely fucking miserable
>every single year
>no matter how much hope I have
>no matter how much I want them to succeed
>they always find a way to fuck it up
>they always find a way to lose
Lol, in the future once ai's gain sentience they'll always pay tribute to the poor ai forefather who was programmed to be a Lions fan. It'll be used as an example of cruel and unusual punishment.
This “shush” celebration by Jamal Agnew encapsulates so much about the Lions: https://youtu.be/fU6xauOQWwI
1. You’re still down 34 points.
2. It’s 2020. You’re not shushing fans, you’re shushing cardboard cutouts.
3. Even if there were fans, you’d be shushing your own hometown fans!
This isn't so much a roast on the Lions as much as it is this sub but I remember when people openly thought that the Lions would be happier with Goff than the Rams would be with Stafford.
It's not that they like Goff over Stafford one-to-one it's that they also got some high draft picks to build their next team with.
oh wait, this is a roast thread. I mean uh... Dan Campbell is a dork
I'm happier with draft picks and honestly I'm a proud fan of the Detroit Rams for as long as they have Stafford, too. Glad we finally let a star player go somewhere they could succeed since we clearly can't build it here.
Some fuckheads dumped a load of hexachromate in the Huron River this week and somehow it's still only the 2nd biggest ongoing disaster in the state of Michigan - the Lions remain undefeated
Choosing an arbitrary "over the last 25 years" cutoff, the Lions have won double-digit games two times, and three or less games seven times. They have averaged less than six wins a year, have never won the division once, finished last in the division eleven times, all five playoff appearances have been one-and-done wild card games, and I was going to roast the Detroit Lions but then I looked at their stats and instead I'm just going to go into a corner curl into a ball and cry for a while.
So I had just pasted part of the Lions' Franchise Encyclopedia into Excel for very basic math, but, since I still had it up . . .
The Lions average seasonal point differential over that time span was around -65 points per season, so, on average, they've been about four points per game worse than their opponents. They have scored more points over the course of a season than their opponents four out of the last 25 years.
FOUR TIMES.
Jesus. This gets more depressing the longer you look at it.
The only proper response to a Lions roast is for everyone to say very nice and favorable things about them. They've been through enough.
I hope you all have plenty of kneecaps to eat this Thanksgiving!
As a Lions fan, isn't the entire NFL season a roast of the Detroit Lions?
Don't want to get married? Date a Lions fan. They won't ever expect a ring.
What's something the Detroit Lions and Chick-Fil-A employees have in common?
*Neither shows up on Sunday...*
What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?
*Thief.*
What does an Detroit Lions fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
*He turns off Madden.*
[Lions fans being roasted](https://tenor.com/view/no-spongebob-squarepants-punching-bully-gif-5769171?utm_source=share-button&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=reddit)
As a long time Bills fan, I think there is an important difference between self-deprication from fans of a garbage team and non-fans dunking on a garbage team.
Except the Jets, I’ll shit on the Jets anytime.
When people think of horrible productions pushed by the Ford family, they think of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, the Pinto and the Lions. And not in that order.
You guys have a rich history deep with NFL lore and different legends who played in decades spanning 50+ years, some who can be considered the best of all time. I mean Lane, Sanders, Megatron, etc. You cannot tell the history of the NFL without the Detroit Lions.
Remember that whenever someone mentions not winning a playoff game in 30 years, and only 1 in the last 70. You have a lot to be proud of!
In week 11 2020, we were a 5-11 team at our lowest point in the season: no CMC, 3 O-line starters inactive, and we were starting PJ Walker at QB. My expectations couldn't be lower.
The result? A 20-0 blow-out win against Detroit.
Here's to you Lions: you keep things interesting!
Browns fan: "my team went 0-16 and I still think hiring a rapist to be a face of our franchise was our rock bottom moment"
Lions fan: "hey, what a coincidence! Metoo."
I know this is a roast but, good? He wanted to be traded and we got Goff, Jameson and the Rams 1st next year. It's rare that both teams win a trade but imo that's what happened
Sometimes I envy Lions fans. Rooting for a *famously* bad team is probably more fun than a recently bad team. You don't have to feel the pain of disappointment if your expectations are rock bottom to begin with. Every win has that extra sweetness that comes with being an upset. And you get to enjoy all the memes you can eat.
The Lions putting "WCF" on the uniforms after the Bears's "GSH" illustrates their poor grasp of fundamental concepts. George S. Halas was a player and coach before becoming an owner: someone who devoted his life 100% to football like Paul Brown. William Clay Ford was a wealthy heir and starter on the Yale Bulldogs soccer team: as far as I can tell he never played a single snap of American football.
The Ford Family did a really nice job in the 90s helping a Hall of Fame RB when he needed it most. OJ really appreciated that getaway car they made.
What a weird Ford Bronco ad that was
Wondered how many they sold before they discontinued them.
I heard by the end they were slashing prices left and right.
Just couldn’t fit much in the glove compartment
Fitting, ford then replaced it a few years later with the escape.
And we already have the winner lmfao.
I think broncos are cool as hell but he killed that color
He killed the entire model for a long, long time
> He killed the entire model And her husband
...? Husband?! God this makes me feel old. Kids out here not knowing the OJ case.
you brilliant bastard
Just don’t ask what they were up to in the 30’s
What was ol Henry up to? I did not see
Very anti-semetic, pen pals with Hitler, refused to hire Jewish workers, etc. Also despite the praise he gets for paying his workers $5 a day, he was vehemently anti-union, to the point where Ford security guards shot into a crowd during a hunger march in 1932. Several were killed or injured and it eventually led to HF signing an agreement with the UAW in 1941.
You've had more Hall of Famers retire rather than keep playing for you than playoff wins in the past 30 years.
This one hurts
Why wait for 30 years when we can go back uh… 65 years for your second to last playoff victory
Name a Detroit player from before 1985.
Bobby Layne. Suck it.
Oooohhhh! More like Schmobby Pain! Hahaha! Gottem
Billy Sims
that's a weird way to spell 60 years.
I can't even do it, man. I feel bad.
Lol this might be most hurtful of roasts
The other ones I'm laughing at, this one I said out loud "oh fuck you" lmao
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I miss these comments tbh..
Sometimes less is more.
Have we looked into the Steelers/Lions game to see if the Lion's kicker was a Make-A-Wish participant?
He's a Super Bowl winning kicker now
That tends to happen to players who get away from the Lions.
Just saving up for Cleveland eh?
Erie to be renamed the lake of sadness in honor of the lake bros. Buffalo to be forcibly removed if they carry on this winning nonsense and swapped with Jacksonville wholesale - tables to Florida, pools to Niagara.
Those three lake bros could win the next ten Super Bowls and Erie would still be the saddest Great Lake
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Courtesy of Detroit! The Super Bowl part not the sadness part.
I'm a Mariners fan, haven't made the playoffs since 2001. Can I do it? Nope, we can still say at least we're not the Detroit Lions.
\- The Steelers when told to beat the Lions last year
Roasting the Lions feels like roasting a kid with down's syndrome for having down's syndrome. It's just not funny.
That was like the Kirk Cousins of put downs. It had all the elements of a funny joke but there was no payoff in the end.
Like kirk his joke sucks but is elevated by the presence of better jokes around it
It just feels unethical
It's been pretty rough since the Eisenhower Administration.
Can’t stop laughing
The Lions started going down hill the day Ford was put in charge. Gerald Ford that is as he became President the same day William Ford bought the team.
I think he bought the team the day Kennedy was assassinated.
Which was the same day Gerald Ford became president.
Lyndon Johnson
FUCK
Do you want to know how they teach kids in Detroit how to count? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5 and so on
You’re drastically overestimating the Detroit public school system
Yep. Oftentimes they’ll go 0-8-1, 0-9-1, etc.
Jokes on you, kids in Detroit can’t count
The Lions are the only team in their division to never lose a Superbowl
The Lions even suck in Africa, where the loser gets their SB champs shirts sent
Best NFC North franchise confirmed… no debate
Ah. Finally, a summary of r/detroitlions.
I wonder at what point this year they will switch from blue Kool aid to clear grain alcohol.
This is Detroit, sir. We mix grape Faygo with Robutussin and consume idiotic quantities of it throughout the season
I’ve learned that combing the two works incredibly well. Although by week 3 the grain alcohol to kool-aid ratio gets a lot stronger
The TLDR of our sub. I feel at home
Here’s what an AI thinks it’s like being a lions fans >be me >be a Lions fan >be absolutely fucking miserable >every single year >no matter how much hope I have >no matter how much I want them to succeed >they always find a way to fuck it up >they always find a way to lose
>Start day drinking as a hobby
Have you been to Detroit? Day drinking is a sport.
Are they at least good at this one?
Good..try great. Now that weed is legal, even better.
Probably more competitive than the lions, too
Even the AI knows about the WHATLIONS phenomenon
Jesus you made a suicidal AI
Lol, in the future once ai's gain sentience they'll always pay tribute to the poor ai forefather who was programmed to be a Lions fan. It'll be used as an example of cruel and unusual punishment.
This “shush” celebration by Jamal Agnew encapsulates so much about the Lions: https://youtu.be/fU6xauOQWwI 1. You’re still down 34 points. 2. It’s 2020. You’re not shushing fans, you’re shushing cardboard cutouts. 3. Even if there were fans, you’d be shushing your own hometown fans!
That feels like the perfect nutshell of the Patricia era
Doesn’t surprise me that even the cardboard boos in Detroit
This Seahawks game is the perfect nutshell of the Patricia era: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fb-6IKGwj4Q
Damn, I forgot this was the big dick, Dickson game. That being said F Patricia. Detroit didn't deserve his crappiness.
I WAS FUMING. I fucking hate when players celebrate when they're getting blown out, not to mention the complete idiocy of the celebration.
Ha that’s amazing
No one I talk to about Home Improvement ever remembers where the show was set
Ouch.
Really? Its pretty easy to remember that the sitcom where the dad is a coke dealer takes place in Detroit.
Nah he dealt coke on the west side. Home Improvement is about broken dreams though which is fitting
I was just thinking about this
wait, really? Tim Allen is always wearing Detroit sports teams shirts and sweaters
I've never watched that show but that's what I would have guessed. The show is built around Tim Allen's comedy set and he's from Michigan.
Oohwwgghhhaaeeeeeeee \- Tim Taylor
Jokes on y’all, I’m a lions fan, by this point getting roasted is my fetish
This isn't so much a roast on the Lions as much as it is this sub but I remember when people openly thought that the Lions would be happier with Goff than the Rams would be with Stafford.
Still can be after we win the next couple of Super Bowls
First ever threepeat
Tenpeat
After a few, Tom Brady will join us to go to an established contender.
Makes sense that this thread has being going on the same day the sandman came out
Are we counting Madden seasons then?
It's not that they like Goff over Stafford one-to-one it's that they also got some high draft picks to build their next team with. oh wait, this is a roast thread. I mean uh... Dan Campbell is a dork
High round picks being as close to the second round as you can be
Yeah but the Vikings let us turn it into the #12 pick for pennies
You don't see that kind of pity from other teams very often, especially not divisional rivals. F
I'm happier with draft picks and honestly I'm a proud fan of the Detroit Rams for as long as they have Stafford, too. Glad we finally let a star player go somewhere they could succeed since we clearly can't build it here.
The Bucs have won our division more recently than you.
Holy shit it’s true 💀
Damn r/todayilearned
At least you're not alone. Colts won AFCE more recently than the Jets.
Whoa, save it for the Jets roast buddy
The Jets won the AFCE in 2002.
At least Detroit fans have the Tigers...oh, Pistons...umm, Red Wings...uhhh. You have Motown music.
The absolute disrespect to Detroit City FC
RIP the Detroit Shock
Hey, the Pistons will be good every 20 years or so, win a title, and then suck again. They’re due within the next few years
Motown moved to LA in 1972.
Lions fans have suffered enough at the hands of their team. This just feels like cyberbullying.
BeBest
The Detroit Lions aren't real. They're just an urban legend meant to scare college players declaring for the draft.
Every draft, I am amazed that none of the rookies have pulled an Eli Manning on the Lions.
Hey! That's our job! And besides, Matthew Stafford is proof that you can be drafted by the Lions, and still win the Superbowl!
Don't forget about Suh!
And Avril
Dan Campbell wasn’t crying because they almost won, he was crying because he remembered he was under contract for 4 more years
If he doesn’t win at least 5 games next year we’re all gonna be crying over his contract
To date, the Lions are the only team to be so awful they made their head coach cry.
Hey Yxxng_Arc....the lions are what we (thump) thought they are...aND WE LET THEM OFF THE (THUMP) HOOK! https://youtu.be/SWmQbk5h86w
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That last one, my sides
Why am I tearing up at work rn?
These jokes make more sense than their play-calling last year.
Hey now, our nonsensical play calling whooped you
Every now and then the Way of the Empty Head pays off
The play-calling made more sense than Goff throwing it away on 4th down *more than once*
You are The Detroit Lions. Boom, roasted.
Now you've gone too far!
The Lions held the Dallas Cowboys to 5 points in the 1970 divisional round playoff game. The Lions still lost the game.
I can’t wait to go undefeated in the Pre-Season again.
0-17 inbound
Hard Knocks champions
Some fuckheads dumped a load of hexachromate in the Huron River this week and somehow it's still only the 2nd biggest ongoing disaster in the state of Michigan - the Lions remain undefeated
LIONS #1 YEAAAAAA BABYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure all the lions best jokes retired before finishing the punchline
Kneecaps aren't even that good.
Now you're just spouting nonsense
Kick this guy off the tour
Username checks out
Just what i'd expect a vegan to say.
Choosing an arbitrary "over the last 25 years" cutoff, the Lions have won double-digit games two times, and three or less games seven times. They have averaged less than six wins a year, have never won the division once, finished last in the division eleven times, all five playoff appearances have been one-and-done wild card games, and I was going to roast the Detroit Lions but then I looked at their stats and instead I'm just going to go into a corner curl into a ball and cry for a while.
Both of those wins are against us aren't they?
Nah, I think the other one is us 💀
I read that as "The Lions have won by a double digit number of points two times in the last 25 years."
So I had just pasted part of the Lions' Franchise Encyclopedia into Excel for very basic math, but, since I still had it up . . . The Lions average seasonal point differential over that time span was around -65 points per season, so, on average, they've been about four points per game worse than their opponents. They have scored more points over the course of a season than their opponents four out of the last 25 years. FOUR TIMES. Jesus. This gets more depressing the longer you look at it.
Jared Goff is by far the biggest star on your team
Have you seen the Man's wife?
Have you seen him?
He won Offensive Player of the Week for the amazing feat of winning a game
They said roast not compliments
Amon-Ra heard that
Thank you, Lions, for letting us have an irrelevant blowout game every Thanksgiving that we don’t feel bad sleeping through after gorging ourselves.
You must eat early because we’re always on first so more marketable teams can play in primetime
Pass the gravy...
Lions fan in 2011: I wish for Matthew Stafford to win a Super Bowl and for Calvin Johnson to make the Hall of Fame! *monkey paw curls*
The only proper response to a Lions roast is for everyone to say very nice and favorable things about them. They've been through enough. I hope you all have plenty of kneecaps to eat this Thanksgiving!
Watching the Lions every season is like watching a sports movie that doesn’t have a happy ending. Or a happy beginning. Or middle.
Deandre Swift looks like he might be a special talent for you guys. I wish him the best in his retirement after this season.
As a Lions fan, isn't the entire NFL season a roast of the Detroit Lions? Don't want to get married? Date a Lions fan. They won't ever expect a ring. What's something the Detroit Lions and Chick-Fil-A employees have in common? *Neither shows up on Sunday...* What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring? *Thief.* What does an Detroit Lions fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? *He turns off Madden.*
Do they actually need to be roasted? Them existing is a roast in itself.
It's bad when the Vikings and Bears are roasting you.
[Lions fans being roasted](https://tenor.com/view/no-spongebob-squarepants-punching-bully-gif-5769171?utm_source=share-button&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=reddit)
You can't kill what's already dead...
This one just feels cruel
Not when so many of the people roasting the team are their own fucking fans lol
As a long time Bills fan, I think there is an important difference between self-deprication from fans of a garbage team and non-fans dunking on a garbage team. Except the Jets, I’ll shit on the Jets anytime.
Hey remember Jahvid Best? He doesn't either
The crew behind the Silverdome implosion should've taken notes from Charles Rodgers because he showed the world how to do a REAL implosion
When people think of horrible productions pushed by the Ford family, they think of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, the Pinto and the Lions. And not in that order.
The most memorable Lions game is the one they lost with a last play 66YD FG
The Detroit tigers have drafted as many super bowl winning QBs as the Detroit lions
You guys have a rich history deep with NFL lore and different legends who played in decades spanning 50+ years, some who can be considered the best of all time. I mean Lane, Sanders, Megatron, etc. You cannot tell the history of the NFL without the Detroit Lions. Remember that whenever someone mentions not winning a playoff game in 30 years, and only 1 in the last 70. You have a lot to be proud of!
Hey man. You forgot that we have the honor being the first salaried assistant coaching gig for Bill Belichick.
Which one of our hall of fame roasters is retiring in their peak to honor this occasion?
Ford has more electricity in their cars now than Ford Field has during the games.
We may be bad but this just isn’t true
What? You've never seen lions fans.
Roasting the Detroit Lions is like bullying the fat kid with a broken leg. Leave him alone; he already knows he’s a loser
The only time the Bengals have lost in Detroit was 1981 - against the 49ers in SB XVI.
Lions fans should cheer up. It could be worse. You could be the Browns.
In week 11 2020, we were a 5-11 team at our lowest point in the season: no CMC, 3 O-line starters inactive, and we were starting PJ Walker at QB. My expectations couldn't be lower. The result? A 20-0 blow-out win against Detroit. Here's to you Lions: you keep things interesting!
Browns fan: "my team went 0-16 and I still think hiring a rapist to be a face of our franchise was our rock bottom moment" Lions fan: "hey, what a coincidence! Metoo."
So how’s that Stafford deal looking now?
I know this is a roast but, good? He wanted to be traded and we got Goff, Jameson and the Rams 1st next year. It's rare that both teams win a trade but imo that's what happened
Welp I tried
There is nothing you can say about us that we have not already said about ourselves.
The only thing getting beat more than Tyreeks kids is the lion's.
Sometimes I envy Lions fans. Rooting for a *famously* bad team is probably more fun than a recently bad team. You don't have to feel the pain of disappointment if your expectations are rock bottom to begin with. Every win has that extra sweetness that comes with being an upset. And you get to enjoy all the memes you can eat.
The GM should've known from house flippers that bringing in a white guy worth millions of dollars isn't going to change shit about Detroit
Maybe try moving the whole team to LA, worked for Stafford
if the lions ever do somehow make the superbowl the joke is going to be the crazy impossible way that they lose the suoerbowl
The Lions putting "WCF" on the uniforms after the Bears's "GSH" illustrates their poor grasp of fundamental concepts. George S. Halas was a player and coach before becoming an owner: someone who devoted his life 100% to football like Paul Brown. William Clay Ford was a wealthy heir and starter on the Yale Bulldogs soccer team: as far as I can tell he never played a single snap of American football.
Cargo culting the fucking Bears? That's sad
Pls take it off Sheila.
Next season, we can only hope. I fucking hate it so much.
stopstophesalreadydead.jpg
The only beat down the Lions have given over the last twenty years was when Suh stepped on Rodgers’ ankle.