Ok, so, speaking of, I live in southern California and there's this cheesesteak place near me with all sorts of Philly stuff on the walls, the owners seem like legit transplants, but they offer some stuff on the steaks that seem off to me
One is mushrooms, which isn't that bad. Probably not an everyday steak thing but if you're at a restaurant maybe grab em.
The other is peppers. Like bell peppers or jalapeno peppers. Now I can see red/green bell peppers being worked in with the onions sometimes, but whatever they do for spicy peppers is something else. Like 7-8 at a Thai place. Like later rounds of Hot Ones level.
So, my question is, is this a thing? Spicy peppers on cheesesteaks?
Talking about Gaglione Brothers by any chance?
To answer your question, peppers and mushrooms are perfectly acceptable. You'll hear Philadelphians acting like anything other than fried onions on a cheesesteak is sacrilegious, but they're just being dramatic for the sake of it.
Calling it a cheesesteak if it has lettuce and tomato on it is bad comedy, however.
At least Ridley only did an 8-team parlay. Which is still insane, by the way. What, did everyone watch Uncut Gems and think Adam Sandler's character looked so cool doing these crazy bets?
The bookie who popularized the parlay bet in America probably was a first ballot inductee to the mob hall of fame. I think it's viewed differently now, but my great uncle jimmy was a connected bookie and he told 8 year old me that parlays were the biggest suckers bet there is and to never play them.
Hey remember that time the Falcons went to the Super Bowl and totally embarrassed themselves? No not that time. I'm talking about the time Eugene Robinson won the Bart Starr award the day before the Super Bowl, then got busted hiring a prostitute that night, then the Falcons got blown out the next day at the Super Bowl.
What I always love about that is that Eugene went to Colgate, same college my dad played, and he was super excited that he had been recognized, was a good player on a Super Bowl team, etc.
Then THAT happened. Let's just say that the string on expletives my father has when you bring up Eugene Robinson lasts about 5 minutes.
In 1972 Dave Hampton of the Falcons wanted to rush for 1000 yards in a season. On the last game of the season, he got there, and the Falcons stopped the game to give him a huge trophy, the game ball, and a standing ovation.
On the very next play, he was tackled for a loss, back below 1000 yards, and ended the season with 995 yards.
And that's the history of the Atlanta Falcons.
It was the first time in Falcons history that someone achieved it and with fewer games it was more impressive. That being said, they should have just waited until the end of the game.
Celebrating mediocrity is just the Falcon way
But in all seriousness it was the first time in their franchise history and shorter season so it was more impressive than nowadays
Falcons fans trying to embrace Mariota is like when the couple you are the third wheel to match-make you to one of their friends.
She's always nice but she's obviously not the one. But she's nice!
Jesus you guys aren’t funny. Might have to pump some artificial comments in here to get things moving.
Maybe this is like an actual Falcons game and the real crowd won’t be here until the 2nd quarter.
I will probably never get over the time the Falcons onside recovery team thought they also needed the ball to go 10 yards to recover it and huddled around that kicked ball, allowing the Cowboys to complete that comeback.
This is a roast thread so maybe not appropriate, but to be fair the Falcons players definitely all knew they could touch it before 10 yards — it’s just that the way the ball was kicked, it seemed like it didn’t have a chance of going 10 yards, so they chose not to risk making it a live ball by touching it early (and risking a Dallas recovery). That play was more about a very strategically kicked ball rather than Atlanta’s late game ineptitude (though that obviously played a role too).
I completely agree they all (or at least most) knew that but the moment is so surreal that it gives off that impression of them not knowing. Was definitely an excellent kick too.
There’s a gigantic, seven hour Jon Bois documentary dedicated entirely to the sadness of the Atlanta Falcons. It’s amazing, but still he had 7 hours worth of disappointment use.
Braves won, ~~Hawks Won~~, and ATLFC won a title.
Edit: why the hell didn’t I use Georgia? UGA just won one.
I think the bigger roast is that that 7 hour documentary just kinda glosses over the fact that Atlanta forced 5 turnovers in the 1st quarter and still lost to Dallas in 2020.
I honestly don't know how someone could cut that down to 7 hours. Also, the Hawks haven't won anything and Atlanta United (owner of half of this city's trophies, despite being bad for half of it's six years of existence) is shortend to AUFC.
Like the Falcons in the 2011 playoffs I just want to make 2 points:
1. The Falcons had a local artist make a hype song for them only to [delete the tweet](https://twitter.com/ZackBlatt/status/1172905832683573250?t=qLiyqjJ6wzS5SkgdSP5aSw&s=19) because nobody liked it.
2. Mercedes-Benz stadium looks like a butthole.
The game vs the cowboys in 2020 was the most choked game I ever saw. They were winning 29-10 in the first half. Then with like 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter. You guys were up 39-24. Then you guys lost 40-39 because the team forgot that they don’t have to let the ball travel 10 yards before getting it. Honestly what the hell was that game.
The Falcons recently let their franchise legend of a QB go. Unceremoniously, no less. Fun fact: The Falcons franchise was founded in 1966 and they drafted Matt Ryan in 2008. Between those years, they never had back to back winning seasons. Best they managed before him was to follow a winning season with a .500 season. He gave them 5 in a row out the gate.
I guess when mediocrity is the one constant over all those years, you extend it to how you treat the best players you've ever had.
My favorite Falcons fact is that they were founded in 1966, the year a major Civil Rights Act was signed into law, but didn’t complete their first back to back winning seasons until 40 years later after the first black President had been sworn in. The Falcons were more committed to losing than America was to racism.
I mean they have him a core to compete with twice from 2008-2013 and 2015-2018. They had good teams those years until 2013 and 2018. The falcons then traded him away but it was a beneficial move for both of them. Ryan gets to compete and the falcons are in a rebuild. Was it kind of bad they tried for Watson yeah but the organization did try with Ryan and gave him good teams. They did slightly mistreat at the end but for most of his tenure he was treated fine.
My gripe is they’re about 3 years too late into the rebuild. The kept Quinn and Dimitroff at least a year too long and there were some dumbass moves made between 18 and their actual firing. They could have built around Ryan and had his replacement on roster. Instead we get the current situation.
Sorry I just got tired when people say in sports that a certain organization is bad or hopeless when there are other worst organizations out there. Like someone compared the Magic to the Hornets and pelicans saying that the Magic were like the hornets, hopelessly inept. But that’s not true the Magic when they get superstars they build around them like they shaq team that beat the bulls in 1995 and went to the finals or when they got Dwight Howard and built a team around them to reach the finals. Compare that to how the hornets and pelicans fail to build good teams when they get superstars. Like the Magic aren’t good but they aren’t on the level of the hornets or pelicans.
Back to back winning seasons? Ha, how about just actually winning a game. Nearly a third of our entire franchise's wins are with Matt Ryan under center.
Who's ready to see Riddler have a couple flashes of being good and those highlights leading into a civil war in the Falcon's sub about the future of QB?
Your best qb is a better wideback.
Your best rb is a wr.
Your best receiver is a tight end.
Your best OL is the lesser of the Matthewses.
Your best DL is 6 feet tall.
Your best linebacker plays for the jags.
I'll give you AJ terrell, dude should be a stud for ATL until he pulls a Deion and gives the 49ers a SB.
Younghoe Koo would kick 50+ FGs a year if your team could gain more than 30 yards per drive.
When I was a young boy I was at Toys R Us with my dad. I see this huge shelf of NFL branded nerf footballs. I was excited. I rarely watched football as a kid, but I lived in Atlanta and I loved the Falcons logo. I thought they were cool. My dad quickly informed me that they were not.
"If you want a football at least get one with a good team on it." He said as he handed me a Steelers ball.
I didn't understand at the time, but now I know my dad was a hero. Thank you for not letting me become a Falcons fan.
Out of the 28 possible roasts that I came up with for this post I narrowed my search down to 3 that would be perfect for this post:
Unlike the Georgia Bulldogs you haven't had "that dawg in him" since Michael Vick was arrested.
Your defense barring the 1977 season has always had the consistency of liquid baby shit.
You fetishize failure so much throughout your franchise that your plan of rebuilding a front office is by hiring failed Bears executives Ryan Pace and Terry Fontenot. The former being the same fucking idiot that not only gave Mike fucking Glennon *guaranteed* money, but was also responsible for arguably the worst draft day trade deal of all time for Trubisky.
Regarding the last point I'd love to call you Bears South but that would imply you won anything in your history to begin with.
> Out of the 28 possible roasts that I came up with for this post I narrowed my search down to 3 that would be perfect for this post:
[I appreciate the way you saw the first guideline for these roast posts and decided to ignore it anyway.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/024/196/sign.jpg)
Given what we know about the Falcons and their never ending quest to find unique and historical ways to shit the bed, has anyone ever considered the possibility that Vick resorted to dog fighting just to get out of there?
As a lifelong Bucs fan…we have nothing against you.
Except the QB who gave you PTSD.
And your best offensive player of all time.
And the only starting caliber WR you had left.
Ok, I can see why you might be upset.
In 2020, a veteran franchise QB leaves the team that drafted him, goes to a new team and wins a Super Bowl.
In 2021, a veteran franchise QB leaves the team that drafted him, goes to a new team, and wins a Super Bowl.
In 2022, Atlanta Falcons franchise QB Matt Ryan has left and has gone to a new team.
You can only do so many 28-3 jokes until it gets old honestly.....but it hasn't reached that point yet. The 28-3 jokes have outlasted the falcons Superbowl window.
It's fitting that they play in a stadium nicknamed "Arthur's asshole" given what's inside it. Aside from the piped in crowd noise, the best you can hope get out of their fans during a game is silent but deadly.
I don't know what's worse:
The 98 Vikings losing the NFC championship game in embarrassing fashion and memed to hell and back for our bad kickers.
Or
Robinson getting arrested for soliciting a prostitute before the Super Bowl, *then* the 98 Falcons lose in an embarrassing fashion and memed to hell and back.
I'm gonna keep this roast simple and aim it right at the real Falcons fans with the absolute worst thing I can think of.
The New Orleans Saints have a Super Bowl.
Why do we have to bother roasting them in a separate post if literally every time they appear on this sub, it’s about 28-3? Don’t we dunk on these poor Falcon fans enough?
*thinks back to 2017*
Nahhhhhhh…
Ron Jeremy has busted less times in his entire career as a pornographic actor, than the Atlanta Falcons have on their draft picks in the last five years.
God made the Falcons to be punished, and like that demostrate his existence.
In this random day, in this meaningless coming together during the month we're waiting for football the most, we were surprised by having this team show up to the plate way before their usual day 28 appearance.
Coincidentally, this is the day Secret Base desides to upload to the series of Dorktown another story of famous collapse, this time from the MLB. But when talking about collapses you have to talk about the greats, so while panning towards the history of a team that ends up looking eerily simimar to their logo, this words are dedicated.
>Win probablility is a formula. It is, by definition, unromantic.
>It does not see the ghosts that we see. It doesn't scare, even when it should.
>And as we've seen before, on a truly haunted or magical night, this works to it's detriment.
>It simply doesn't see what's right there in front of it.
Another beautiful poem from Jon Bois to acompany the Dave Hampton children story.
Once there was a qb taken in the first round in 2008. He went on to have an amazing playoff run, throwing 0 interceptions, and making it all the way to the Super Bowl. In the Super Bowl, the team started out dominant, scoring 28 points by the third quarter. Then suddenly, momentum shifted, and the opposing team started to mount a comeback, cutting the lead to one score. Fans started to get nervous, thinking this might result in a humiliating defeat that the franchise would never live down.
Anyway, Joe Flacco and the Ravens held on and won the Super Bowl that year.
In 2021, on the road at fierce rival New Orleans, you blew a double-digit 4th quarter lead and allowed them to take over. Sad!
Sidenote: I know Matt Ryan led a heroic downfield comeback at the last second, hit. FG, won Falcons won 27-25. But regardless. Wins and losses don’t actually matter, just the fact that they blew a big lead and we’re losing for minute.
I was going to comment in this thread but I got caught betting a 12 team parlay last season
12 year ban and then death penalty or be forced to live in Philly
Atleast I shall eat well
Ok, so, speaking of, I live in southern California and there's this cheesesteak place near me with all sorts of Philly stuff on the walls, the owners seem like legit transplants, but they offer some stuff on the steaks that seem off to me One is mushrooms, which isn't that bad. Probably not an everyday steak thing but if you're at a restaurant maybe grab em. The other is peppers. Like bell peppers or jalapeno peppers. Now I can see red/green bell peppers being worked in with the onions sometimes, but whatever they do for spicy peppers is something else. Like 7-8 at a Thai place. Like later rounds of Hot Ones level. So, my question is, is this a thing? Spicy peppers on cheesesteaks?
Talking about Gaglione Brothers by any chance? To answer your question, peppers and mushrooms are perfectly acceptable. You'll hear Philadelphians acting like anything other than fried onions on a cheesesteak is sacrilegious, but they're just being dramatic for the sake of it. Calling it a cheesesteak if it has lettuce and tomato on it is bad comedy, however.
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Then I'll have a frosty and a baked potato.
Jim’s can be pretty spicy but they burned down
This guy eats!
But they can still spank it during a massage. Fair iz fair
At least Ridley only did an 8-team parlay. Which is still insane, by the way. What, did everyone watch Uncut Gems and think Adam Sandler's character looked so cool doing these crazy bets?
> Adam Sandler's character looked so cool doing these crazy bets? This weeks gonna be different
The bookie who popularized the parlay bet in America probably was a first ballot inductee to the mob hall of fame. I think it's viewed differently now, but my great uncle jimmy was a connected bookie and he told 8 year old me that parlays were the biggest suckers bet there is and to never play them.
Calvin Ridley appealed his suspension because he was only betting on the Falcons to win. This is what the courts refer to as an "insanity defense".
The OP “guidelines” literally roast the Falcons every time this is posted
Literally, so synonymous with failure that mentioning our failure in a thread about our failure is, in itself, a failure.
At least this time they're not in place 28, honestly I expected place 25
Hey remember that time the Falcons went to the Super Bowl and totally embarrassed themselves? No not that time. I'm talking about the time Eugene Robinson won the Bart Starr award the day before the Super Bowl, then got busted hiring a prostitute that night, then the Falcons got blown out the next day at the Super Bowl.
We really Falconed the shit out of that one
Falcon punch!
Eugene Robinson? The very Special Airplane Man?
The good guy award winner?
The fearless team leader who scolded his team against creating distractions?
What I always love about that is that Eugene went to Colgate, same college my dad played, and he was super excited that he had been recognized, was a good player on a Super Bowl team, etc. Then THAT happened. Let's just say that the string on expletives my father has when you bring up Eugene Robinson lasts about 5 minutes.
In 1972 Dave Hampton of the Falcons wanted to rush for 1000 yards in a season. On the last game of the season, he got there, and the Falcons stopped the game to give him a huge trophy, the game ball, and a standing ovation. On the very next play, he was tackled for a loss, back below 1000 yards, and ended the season with 995 yards. And that's the history of the Atlanta Falcons.
That is the most falcons thing I've ever heard.
If you're curious like me, he rushed for 997 yards in 1973, was injured for most of 1974, then hit the 1000 yard mark properly in 1975.
At least give Jon Bois credit if you're going to rip him off word for word
Yup, this is indeed from him. [Here's where that factoid was from.](https://youtu.be/wge7JK0JV0Q?t=534)
Why all that for 1000 yards? I mean that's good, but not world shattering or anything.
It was the first time in Falcons history that someone achieved it and with fewer games it was more impressive. That being said, they should have just waited until the end of the game.
Shorter seasons for start
Celebrating mediocrity is just the Falcon way But in all seriousness it was the first time in their franchise history and shorter season so it was more impressive than nowadays
Merce-deez nuts Fuckin gottem
Best one so far . . .
The Falcons are so depressing that Favre became **less** of an alcoholic by moving to Wisconsin
Underrated
Ouch
You won.
-1205 to miss the playoffs is easy money for Falcons players.
*Calvin Ridley has entered the chat*
Falcons fans trying to embrace Mariota is like when the couple you are the third wheel to match-make you to one of their friends. She's always nice but she's obviously not the one. But she's nice!
How do I report a comment for Marcus slander? You drunken heathen witch.
he got beat out by Ryan Tendstodowell riding a king with long hair and big shoulders
This is the best one I've seen. I can't wait to call him Marigoata after a win or Tank Commander Marcus after a loss
Good burn but better username imo.
MB stadium is perfect for the Falcons. It too can go full pucker in 20 minutes.
Bobby Petrino walked so Urban Meyer could run
But why did Petrino ride the motorcycle?
Half the wheels. Saves money.
This is the roast of the Falcons not the Jaguars buddy
Both deserve to be roasted for their respective hires
Jesus you guys aren’t funny. Might have to pump some artificial comments in here to get things moving. Maybe this is like an actual Falcons game and the real crowd won’t be here until the 2nd quarter.
And leaves midway through the 3rd. Wait. That’s the team.
Falcons gotta keep up the tradition of bein outnumber by the visiting fans.
Well hey, Atlanta traffic is pretty bad from what I hear
What’s the difference between Bobby Petrino and my dad? I didn’t pay my dad $5 million before he walked out
I will probably never get over the time the Falcons onside recovery team thought they also needed the ball to go 10 yards to recover it and huddled around that kicked ball, allowing the Cowboys to complete that comeback.
Bengals legend Hayden Hurst
Atlanta forced like 5 fumbles and Dallas failed multiple fake punts. The onside kick even mattering is complete insanity.
As a general rule we don't believe in defense in the city of Atlanta.
This is a roast thread so maybe not appropriate, but to be fair the Falcons players definitely all knew they could touch it before 10 yards — it’s just that the way the ball was kicked, it seemed like it didn’t have a chance of going 10 yards, so they chose not to risk making it a live ball by touching it early (and risking a Dallas recovery). That play was more about a very strategically kicked ball rather than Atlanta’s late game ineptitude (though that obviously played a role too).
I completely agree they all (or at least most) knew that but the moment is so surreal that it gives off that impression of them not knowing. Was definitely an excellent kick too.
There’s a gigantic, seven hour Jon Bois documentary dedicated entirely to the sadness of the Atlanta Falcons. It’s amazing, but still he had 7 hours worth of disappointment use. Braves won, ~~Hawks Won~~, and ATLFC won a title. Edit: why the hell didn’t I use Georgia? UGA just won one.
That documentary series was the greatest seven-hour hatewatch of my life
I think the bigger roast is that that 7 hour documentary just kinda glosses over the fact that Atlanta forced 5 turnovers in the 1st quarter and still lost to Dallas in 2020.
The most amazing thing about that video was seeing how their +/- record literally made the rough shape of the falcons logo. THAT was incredible.
I honestly don't know how someone could cut that down to 7 hours. Also, the Hawks haven't won anything and Atlanta United (owner of half of this city's trophies, despite being bad for half of it's six years of existence) is shortend to AUFC.
The Falcons are not good
Jesus man, the falcons have a family. Bring it down a notch.
Chill bruh wtf
That's a good roast, but don't you think "are not good" seems a little redundant when you've already said "The Falcons"?
You couldn't give the best QB you ever had a good defense and coaching wben he needed it the most.
Haha yeah fuck those guys! Couldn't be my team...
We did give it to him when he needed it the most, we just didn't do it the rest of the time.
I know, it's why I'm so damn salty over the no-call.
And that robbed us of an all time Super Bowl, Brady Brees
Well hey at least the Rams went and- oh yeah that's right, I forgot.
Like the Falcons in the 2011 playoffs I just want to make 2 points: 1. The Falcons had a local artist make a hype song for them only to [delete the tweet](https://twitter.com/ZackBlatt/status/1172905832683573250?t=qLiyqjJ6wzS5SkgdSP5aSw&s=19) because nobody liked it. 2. Mercedes-Benz stadium looks like a butthole.
Anybody got a link to the song? If it belongs anywhere it's this thread
[the video as played in stadium](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3am0epGCu0)
i was at that game. i was blown away by this video, and not in a good way
I don't know why Falcons fans hate Bobby Petrino so much. It's perfectly in line with the team to give up on something before it's completed.
The flair + roast combo is too much. It's perfection.
Trash talk, memes, and kneecaps are all we have.
#
Haha, gottem.
This is the one
Ray Lewis killed a guy in Atlanta. Boom roasted.
Ray Lewis did not kill a guy. He killed two guys.
Allegedly.
I heard it was a sick two guys.
r/UnexpectedLetterkenny
*allegedlys*
Like Craig James
ALLEGEDLY
And he fucked an ostrich.
Is that code for "guy with long neck"?
Oops, Atlanta got the wrong Houston QB.
Hey it's not our turn yet
Don't take it personal. Just trying to shift the spotlight off my boys !
The game vs the cowboys in 2020 was the most choked game I ever saw. They were winning 29-10 in the first half. Then with like 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter. You guys were up 39-24. Then you guys lost 40-39 because the team forgot that they don’t have to let the ball travel 10 yards before getting it. Honestly what the hell was that game.
A game in which they forced 5 fumbles and Dallas failed 2 fake punts.
The Falcons recently let their franchise legend of a QB go. Unceremoniously, no less. Fun fact: The Falcons franchise was founded in 1966 and they drafted Matt Ryan in 2008. Between those years, they never had back to back winning seasons. Best they managed before him was to follow a winning season with a .500 season. He gave them 5 in a row out the gate. I guess when mediocrity is the one constant over all those years, you extend it to how you treat the best players you've ever had.
My favorite Falcons fact is that they were founded in 1966, the year a major Civil Rights Act was signed into law, but didn’t complete their first back to back winning seasons until 40 years later after the first black President had been sworn in. The Falcons were more committed to losing than America was to racism.
I mean they have him a core to compete with twice from 2008-2013 and 2015-2018. They had good teams those years until 2013 and 2018. The falcons then traded him away but it was a beneficial move for both of them. Ryan gets to compete and the falcons are in a rebuild. Was it kind of bad they tried for Watson yeah but the organization did try with Ryan and gave him good teams. They did slightly mistreat at the end but for most of his tenure he was treated fine.
My gripe is they’re about 3 years too late into the rebuild. The kept Quinn and Dimitroff at least a year too long and there were some dumbass moves made between 18 and their actual firing. They could have built around Ryan and had his replacement on roster. Instead we get the current situation.
ITT: 49er fans defending the Falcons for some reason. What’s happening?
We're really acting like we have a dog in this fight. Which I guess makes sense. The Falcons know all about dogfighting.
Reparations for what Montana and Young did to us.
Paying it forward for all the free wins in the NFC West Falcons era
Sorry I just got tired when people say in sports that a certain organization is bad or hopeless when there are other worst organizations out there. Like someone compared the Magic to the Hornets and pelicans saying that the Magic were like the hornets, hopelessly inept. But that’s not true the Magic when they get superstars they build around them like they shaq team that beat the bulls in 1995 and went to the finals or when they got Dwight Howard and built a team around them to reach the finals. Compare that to how the hornets and pelicans fail to build good teams when they get superstars. Like the Magic aren’t good but they aren’t on the level of the hornets or pelicans.
My guy, it’s a roast thread.
Dude missed the memo
Did you put the cover page on the TPS reports?
A roast implies that you will be making a joke. This is just shitty falcons stuff.
Back to back winning seasons? Ha, how about just actually winning a game. Nearly a third of our entire franchise's wins are with Matt Ryan under center.
Damn. That's some Browns-level disrespect
Who's ready to see Drake London and Kyle Pitts's prime years be wasted by Marcus Mariota?
He's not gonna be healthy long enough to waste their years
Who is ready to see Desmond Ridder fumble about and try to get the most out of Drake London and Kyle Pitts??
Who's ready to see Riddler have a couple flashes of being good and those highlights leading into a civil war in the Falcon's sub about the future of QB?
Falcons fans and a QB civil war. Haven’t really known anything different for the last 15 years
It's fitting that the team owned by the Home Depot guy is in an eternal rebuild
Your best qb is a better wideback. Your best rb is a wr. Your best receiver is a tight end. Your best OL is the lesser of the Matthewses. Your best DL is 6 feet tall. Your best linebacker plays for the jags. I'll give you AJ terrell, dude should be a stud for ATL until he pulls a Deion and gives the 49ers a SB. Younghoe Koo would kick 50+ FGs a year if your team could gain more than 30 yards per drive.
We appreciate you sending us Matt Ryan for a box of broken crayons and some duct tape.
It was decent, they’re now the most valuable things in the Falcons Trophy case
Well, top 5. We propped the crayons up next to the 1998 NFC championship trophy.
I laughed and then yelled "FUUUUUUUUUUCK"
/r/thefalconstrophycase
Jokes on you! We're only paying some of his salary, lol!
The Falcons' best receiver and running back is a 31 year old quarterback who was paid not to play quarterback. Boom roasted. ^And ^he ^good
Cordarrelle was a quarterback?
Yeah I have no idea what the comment you replied to is talking about. Patterson has been a WR/kick returner all through college and the NFL.
Hey Atlanta, your team is FOR THE BIRDS! Kenny Rogers ROASTED!
The Atlanta Falcons claim to be vegetarians, but I know they’re full of baloney!
RIP Norm
The Mercedes-Benz Stadium has a beautiful roof, like a flower. A cauliflower!
Anyone remember when the Falcons' first 1,000 yard rusher finished the season with less than 1,000 yards?
The Falcons somehow got 3 onside kick recoveries in a row, and yet still lost the game. This is a metaphor for the entire Falcons franchise
When I was a young boy I was at Toys R Us with my dad. I see this huge shelf of NFL branded nerf footballs. I was excited. I rarely watched football as a kid, but I lived in Atlanta and I loved the Falcons logo. I thought they were cool. My dad quickly informed me that they were not. "If you want a football at least get one with a good team on it." He said as he handed me a Steelers ball. I didn't understand at the time, but now I know my dad was a hero. Thank you for not letting me become a Falcons fan.
I wish I had your dad… or I wish mine was around long enough to tell me not to be a falcons fan
The only reason why people come to your stadium is for Chick-fil-A, even the Chick-fil-A employees don't want to see your games on Sundays
Georgia Bulldogs > Atlanta Falcons
The Braves could beat the Falcons. At football.
Austin “Thicc Daddy” Riley runs right up the middle
Out of the 28 possible roasts that I came up with for this post I narrowed my search down to 3 that would be perfect for this post: Unlike the Georgia Bulldogs you haven't had "that dawg in him" since Michael Vick was arrested. Your defense barring the 1977 season has always had the consistency of liquid baby shit. You fetishize failure so much throughout your franchise that your plan of rebuilding a front office is by hiring failed Bears executives Ryan Pace and Terry Fontenot. The former being the same fucking idiot that not only gave Mike fucking Glennon *guaranteed* money, but was also responsible for arguably the worst draft day trade deal of all time for Trubisky. Regarding the last point I'd love to call you Bears South but that would imply you won anything in your history to begin with.
Lions south it is.
> Out of the 28 possible roasts that I came up with for this post I narrowed my search down to 3 that would be perfect for this post: [I appreciate the way you saw the first guideline for these roast posts and decided to ignore it anyway.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/024/196/sign.jpg)
Terry Fontenot never worked for the Bears. You are thinking of Phil Emery.
Given what we know about the Falcons and their never ending quest to find unique and historical ways to shit the bed, has anyone ever considered the possibility that Vick resorted to dog fighting just to get out of there?
This team accidentally scored a game-losing touchdown.
I have hoped for my favorite players to go elsewhere and get a ring because I knew they’d never get one here. Boom, roasted. :(
Just a friendly reminder that it took the falcons over 40 years to post back to back winning seasons.
Records are meant to be broken, God speed NY.
The panthers still don’t have that.
Give us a break, man. Our franchise is only just old enough to be allowed in bars.
Someone broke in my car last fall. And had the nerve to steal my Atlanta Dream tickets and left season tickets to the falcons I was heartbroken.
As a lifelong Bucs fan…we have nothing against you. Except the QB who gave you PTSD. And your best offensive player of all time. And the only starting caliber WR you had left. Ok, I can see why you might be upset.
Even without including the 28-3 debacle this team still has 5+ instant classic collapses every couple years
Todd Gurley accidentally scoring a TD and the Falcons forgetting to cover an onside kick were two hilarious ones.
Julio looks great in a Bucs uniform, doesn't he?
Yeah bc his uniform will be spotless and he'll be on IR for "tightness"
Dude keeps it tight
Your greatest legend is a kicker… congrats
For decades, NFL films has been perpetually editing “Falcons: Collapse” and it does not currently have a release date.
/r/thefalconstrophycase
That's petty. I love it!
It’s been cool to see y’all pick up so many former Titans. Im just waiting with bated breath for the news that you’ve signed Isaiah Wilson
You call yourself Falcons but... well... more like Falc-offs, am I rite fellas?
You’ve gotta be falcon kidding me rn
In 2020, a veteran franchise QB leaves the team that drafted him, goes to a new team and wins a Super Bowl. In 2021, a veteran franchise QB leaves the team that drafted him, goes to a new team, and wins a Super Bowl. In 2022, Atlanta Falcons franchise QB Matt Ryan has left and has gone to a new team.
You can only do so many 28-3 jokes until it gets old honestly.....but it hasn't reached that point yet. The 28-3 jokes have outlasted the falcons Superbowl window.
Fun fact: In Rugby, when a player fails to catch a pass and it hits them in the face/head, it's called a Falcon.
Falcons, you crush your fan's dreams when you play and your roster sucks, boom roasted
It's fitting that they play in a stadium nicknamed "Arthur's asshole" given what's inside it. Aside from the piped in crowd noise, the best you can hope get out of their fans during a game is silent but deadly.
Calvin Ridley ain't done. Just ya'll watch. You can bet on that.
Past instances in which I professed to like the Falcons were fraudulent
Now *that's* psychiatry!
I don't know what's worse: The 98 Vikings losing the NFC championship game in embarrassing fashion and memed to hell and back for our bad kickers. Or Robinson getting arrested for soliciting a prostitute before the Super Bowl, *then* the 98 Falcons lose in an embarrassing fashion and memed to hell and back.
Seems like William T Sherman wasn’t the only bad thing to happen to Atlanta
I'm gonna keep this roast simple and aim it right at the real Falcons fans with the absolute worst thing I can think of. The New Orleans Saints have a Super Bowl.
You’re collapse was so bad that the first rule of this roast is that I can’t mention it
Why do we have to bother roasting them in a separate post if literally every time they appear on this sub, it’s about 28-3? Don’t we dunk on these poor Falcon fans enough? *thinks back to 2017* Nahhhhhhh…
Nothing we say can roast the Falcons better than just letting them exist as a football team.
Ron Jeremy has busted less times in his entire career as a pornographic actor, than the Atlanta Falcons have on their draft picks in the last five years.
In training camp which is the favorite drill for the Atlanta Falcons? >!Heimlich Maneuver!<
God made the Falcons to be punished, and like that demostrate his existence. In this random day, in this meaningless coming together during the month we're waiting for football the most, we were surprised by having this team show up to the plate way before their usual day 28 appearance. Coincidentally, this is the day Secret Base desides to upload to the series of Dorktown another story of famous collapse, this time from the MLB. But when talking about collapses you have to talk about the greats, so while panning towards the history of a team that ends up looking eerily simimar to their logo, this words are dedicated. >Win probablility is a formula. It is, by definition, unromantic. >It does not see the ghosts that we see. It doesn't scare, even when it should. >And as we've seen before, on a truly haunted or magical night, this works to it's detriment. >It simply doesn't see what's right there in front of it. Another beautiful poem from Jon Bois to acompany the Dave Hampton children story.
I was shocked to find out, per Wikipedia, that a train horn blows every time the Falcons score.
Your Franchise QB had a pen name of Ron Mexico so he can get treated for STD's. Boom. Roasted.
Congratulations, Atlanta, you somehow managed to make a football team that's about as miserable as driving on I-75/85!
Only the Falcons could lose a game by scoring a game-winning touchdown 😂
I'm done roasting the falcons. It's like beating a dead dog.
Fun fact: In 2013 and 2014, the Falcons instilled fake crowd noise in order to disrupt opposing teams. They went 6-10 in both seasons.
Where the 75 and 85 converge in downtown Atlanta, you finally get enough lanes for all the Yellow Jacket fans
Once there was a qb taken in the first round in 2008. He went on to have an amazing playoff run, throwing 0 interceptions, and making it all the way to the Super Bowl. In the Super Bowl, the team started out dominant, scoring 28 points by the third quarter. Then suddenly, momentum shifted, and the opposing team started to mount a comeback, cutting the lead to one score. Fans started to get nervous, thinking this might result in a humiliating defeat that the franchise would never live down. Anyway, Joe Flacco and the Ravens held on and won the Super Bowl that year.
[The Falcons once scored a touchdown to take the lead but then were trailing after the 2 point conversion.](https://youtu.be/CjgH-6-mMGg)
In 2021, on the road at fierce rival New Orleans, you blew a double-digit 4th quarter lead and allowed them to take over. Sad! Sidenote: I know Matt Ryan led a heroic downfield comeback at the last second, hit. FG, won Falcons won 27-25. But regardless. Wins and losses don’t actually matter, just the fact that they blew a big lead and we’re losing for minute.
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