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Quasimdo

I dont think anyone can [top the weatherman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6XpBvS-w3Q)


Puzzled-Improvement9

😂😂😂 this guys a savage


Suliux

Immortalized


dawgfan24348

Bruh


Davi_323

The only team to lose to the Detroit Lions in a playoff game since 1957? ​ The Dallas Cowboys.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


The_Schneemanch

Yeah I don’t think a roast needs to be this hardcore


Infinitedeveloper

We were having a good time just joking around all lightheartedly until he had to go for the jugular


buddhistbulgyo

That team had prime Emmitt Smith, Aikman and Irvin.


_mdz

when you set yourself on fire just to roast someone


Davi_323

Nah, that's what the rest of the NFL doesn't understand about Lions fans...you all think we don't know our team sucks...lol. Nobody insults the Lions more than we Lions fans do...I mean, if we weren't able to mock our own team first, we'd be as insufferable as Cowboys fans... ;-)


SFPsycho

Stop stop, he's already dead!


DogePerformance

Boom.


nautica5400

Wtf man...these fans had families


Clyde_Frag

Arguably should have been twice since 1957.


Davi_323

That was one of the games Lions fans point to when we argue our biggest rivals aren't the Packers or Bears, it's the officials, lol.


[deleted]

This is a roast thread, not a fucking crime scene


[deleted]

As I lifelong cowboys fan, this brings me an odd sense of comfort


new_wave_gremin71

I was about to go for the thread winning roast but my own writer iced me


[deleted]

I was about to go for the thread winning roast, but I forgot the mods needed to spot the post first.


SoDakZak

Even Fans bumble around until the clock ticks to zero …… Commentary: Romo: “u/new_wave_gremlin71 will be able to get this off…” Nantz: “Gremlin takes off *typing* his comment…*WHOA, I don’t think this is gonna work out!”* Romo: “It will, he will be able to post this, he would have planned for this, he has time…” *gremlin’s pitbull runs into his keyboard* Nantz: “His pitbull gets in the way… THE ROAST’S OVER!” Tony: “…oOoh my gosh…” Toneh: “OOH MY GOSH, THE ROAST IS OVER! AAUHHH HE DID…!” Nantz: “Oooh they’re gonna look at this…” Romo: “it’s, it’s gonna be over….cuz the OP has to have this typed up in drafts or a notes app, of course it’s RIDICULOUS for a Roast to end like that, Jim! Wow, I am *livid* if I am a Giants fan, and if I’m a 9er fan….” Ref: *”THAT’S THE END OF THE ROAST”* Romo: “The Roast is over! The Roast is over!”


Kiran_Stone

Q. Why are the Cowboys bad at volleyball? A. They have no idea how to set the ball.


JesuIsEveryNameTaken

Top 3 angriest I've ever been after a game no doubt


Sigurlion

The Dallas Cowboys are the Gen X of the NFL. They haven't completely fallen apart yet but the only good times in their lives were the mid 90s.


SynthwaveSax

Last time they won a Super Bowl, DVDs weren’t even invented yet. All their championship wins were on VHS.


renegadecoaster

Fans talked about the game in Usenet newsgroups


Kiran_Stone

I tried to find a way to look at the posts in alt.sports.football.pro.dallas-cowboys, but they didn't show up. Just like the Cowboys in the post season.


kmmontandon

You’re pretty optimistic about the Internet literacy of ‘90s Cowboys fans.


SadSlip8122

There was no need to add “internet” to that


ColtCallahan

Last time they won the Super Bowl the Nintendo 64 had not been released, Ask Jeeves was still in development and Prince Charles/Princess Diana were still married.


Section225

"The Dallas Cowboys are Super Bowl Champions! Order your commemorative VHS today and get a free Super Bowl Champion hat and T-shirt!"


Memphistopheles901

I'll have you know that the last Cowboys SB win was mere months after DVDs were first invented, TYVM


SoDakZak

The last time they were good was before I can remember and yet for 25 years I’ve had to hear about “America’s team.”


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

The Cowboys *are* America’s Team. A decaying empire long past its peak, run by billionaire old white men who fill positions of power via pure nepotism and who seek only to amass as much wealth as possible before they die by exploiting the underpaid labor of minorities, blackmailing taxpayers into covering their bills, and cashing in on the gullibility of deluded idiots nationwide desperately hoping for an impossible return to glory days.


Dr_Beardface_MD

Damn dude, the thread says “Roast” not “Total destruction by words”


TurboDinoHippo

This man chose a nuclear holocaust


Buffeloni

...well when you put it like that.


VikingPain

Lol! Holy shit, they *are* America's Team!


XanmanK

This is depressingly accurate


Setekhx

Damn man.


jimmyhoffasbrother

Well when was the last time America was good? And you've been hearing it called the greatest country in the world your whole damn life! We're just living up to the namesake.


Memphistopheles901

you know I hadn't thought of it this way


Lilpu55yberekt69

Since 2000 Tom Brady has beaten the Patriots as many times as the Cowboys have.


MoreTrifeLife

The Cowboys have never beaten Brady, but Washington has done it twice. That’s a fact I love pointing out to all my Cowboy fan friends. This was the first time, in 2003: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oncJ8lV8LiE&t=2s Alternate: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p49hBeApvzU


MavsFanForLife

Spurrier beating Bellichek will always be one of the funniest moments that you have to wtf at looking back on it. They literally won their next 13 to end the season/playoffs after that loss lmao


MoreTrifeLife

Yep. In 2003, Patriots started out their season 2-2, with the two losses being 31-0 to the Bills week 1, and 20-17 to Washington week 4. They would end the regular season by beating the Bills 31-0 and didn’t go on to lose another game until week 8 the following year. That could be comparable to the Cowboys ten years prior. Coming off their third SB victory, they started 0-2, since Emmitt sat out because of a contract dispute. The first being to a 4-12 Washington team and the second to the 12-4 Bills after beating them in the SB. After the Bills game, Charles Haley threw his helmet at Jerry Jones in the locker room demanding he pay Emmitt.


[deleted]

If the Pats beat the Cowboys last season, the overall series would have been tied with Dallas having the first seven wins and NE having the next seven wins.


EMT2000

I’m sure we can slide another joke in here before the cloc


dogo7

slide to the left slide to the right slide to the ground oh shit, you're outta time


CarpenterVegetable31

The only good thing about Cowboys fans is they don't live in Texas.


jimmyhoffasbrother

[Do *you* want to live in this hellscape?](https://i.imgur.com/y6TCtXO.png)


Cobra-Is-Down

Oh I see it’s cooled down this week.


Tuckboi69

I love how this is not satire


poirotsgreycells

Bro I was literally thinking earlier wow it’s cooled down a lot since yesterday and I checked my phone and it’s 98 degrees. Tbf that’s still down 10 degrees from last week.


Vataro

literally posting the coolest week it's been since like June


ESCMalfunction

Tragically that’s the best weather we’ve had in months.


[deleted]

What’s even better is that’s the coolest forecast I’ve seen since May or June


paulwhite959

I fucking hate this.


[deleted]

Roast the Cowboys all you want. Their fans are still flying high after the Golden State Warriors won the NBA Championship.


[deleted]

And their dodgers are looking pretty good also. Too bad the leafs suck


PHLdawg

Duke basketball’s recruiting class is looking pretty good as well.


Dongsquad420BlazeIt

Roll Tide.


Optimus_RE

Unless they're playing Duke in basketball!


xkulp8

Looks like we're heading for a Dodgers/Yankees Series in fact. Whom would Cowboys fans root for?


[deleted]

They’ll let you know when the World Series is over


AustinTejas

Dodgers because they are the New York Yankees of baseball


[deleted]

Do people still bandwagon the Leafs or have they moved on to the Lightning?


[deleted]

Leafs fans are the cowboy fans of the nhl. They have the biggest fan base, are usually above average, haven’t won a championship since the invention of the dvd, haven’t had meaningful playoff win in forever, and talk all the time


[deleted]

The Leafs last championship came before the invention of TV’s of color


[deleted]

They have the Cowboys fanbase with the NY Jets postseason success basically


SiphenPrax

And yet we won a championship more recently than the Leafs. By two years but still. But we both suck ass and have the same playoff mentality sadly.


ThirteenValleys

It's weird to me that one of the most hockey-obsessed big cities in the world just hasn't been able to get a cup for decades. It would be like if a pro football team in Texas of all places couldn't--oh wait.


DogePerformance

Cannot overemphasize "talk all the time" Goddamn blue dudes, just go into hibernation for a decade and maybe you'll have a team that has it put together.


schizophrenix_

Kinda hard when all hockey media does is drag the Leafs into everything.


IchesseHuendchen

They're not bothered by the Leafs because they've moved on to the Lightning, where they can still get their hearts broken by a Colorado sports team.


[deleted]

As a lifelong Warriors fan since 2015 I appreciate this. I almost jumped off the bandwagon in 2020 but i stayed loyal to my team and now we’re champions again🔥🔥😤😤🔥🔥


Mopman43

I’m always confused that everybody says that Cowboys fans are bandwagoners. They haven’t won anything in over 2 decades, the wheels fell off the wagon ages ago.


Dongsquad420BlazeIt

Because there is an overlap between people born in the late 80's and early 90's and people who are Cowboys/Yankees/Lakers fans. It's basically an older meme. But it checks out. And stays relevant.


Misdirected_Colors

At what point does it no longer count as bandwagoning if you've rooted for mediocrity for 25 years?


joobtastic

When you stop bringing up the championships from 25 years ago in modern arguments.


Iwillrize14

Don't tell bears fans, 85 is all they've got


gyman122

Tbf it was a pretty 1/1 team If the Chiefs had a team that was both a serious contender for the best team of all time and the [most badass team of all time](https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/upgyg2/oc_i_used_math_to_rank_all_2053_teams_in_nfl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I’d probably still be talking about it


[deleted]

To be fair, other fans bring up the 90's Cowboys more than we do, by a factor of like 500. Its all you fuckers ever do, "hurr durr, 26 years and counting". Every single thread a Cowboys fan say anything, you will see at least one other fanbase bring up the 90's Cowboys.


jayracket

Also the whole "THIS IS OUR YEAR" nonsense every year doesn't help either.


RayzorBeak

True. Coworker who was born and raised in Georgia is a Cowboys fan because of her father apparently, who was also born and raised in Georgia but didn't wish to muster the Falcons losing back in the day for the glory days of Tom Landry, i.e. a bandwagoner. She's also a Lakers fan and a Braves fan and the jumping around makes me crazy.


Darth--Vapor

Can you really call Dallas fans bandwagon fans? Dallas hasn’t been good in 20+ years. Being on a bandwagon for 20+ years should graduate you to a real fan, right? Especially riding a bandwagon through multiple rough stretches without any real good stretches? I guess my question is, when does a bandwagon fan become a real fan?


BellacosePlayer

Realistically anyone who still rocks the star and posts here is long past the statute of limitations for bandwagonry. Though there are people like my cousin who could maybe remember Dak/Zeke's name on a good day, who haven't watched a non-playoff game on purpose in over 10 years, and will get defensive and angry if you say the Cowboys suck. Those kinda people I'd still say are 20 year bandwagoners


JERRY_JONES_GOTTA_GO

That still doesn't fit the definition of bandwagon. They're just a casual/bad fan


[deleted]

This is not the roast I'm looking for


Johan_Sebastian_Cock

Why would bandwagoners today be Cowboys fans? Cowboys basketball team is the Bulls.


hanky2

Your owner is so old he's seen you guys win a championship.


greggo39

I’ve seen us win 3. Oh, fuck.


hanky2

*the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'*


LindyNet

Like Dallas Cowboy fans, this post showed up fashionably late


bl0odredsandman

I'm here! What'd I miss?


RedSweed

> I'm here! What'd I miss? Standard NFCE game thread comments - nothing hurts yet.


NoNoAkimbo

Hard to roast you guys from where I sit, to be completely fair. You've got a proven winner at HC, the best QB in the division, a highly-touted and highly-paid RB, and a defense that plays very well when it's clicking. Surely...**this** is your year, right?


SoDakZak

Think of how many rings they have on paper…


ArcadianBlueRogue

I'd rather not...


Graveyard_Tree

Such a Vikings thing to say


DogePerformance

Here's my begrudged upvote


Smackolol

Oh are we counting rings on paper now? I’m in!


fLeXaN_tExAn

You DICK. You totally roped me in on that one. :/


neo2381

That upvote was quite tough for me to give...but you deserve it 🙂


Iwillrize14

Proven winner at HC that's stuck in 2012


don-chocodile

Credit to them then


Johan_Sebastian_Cock

One of these days it WILL be our year


CommunistHouseParty

Some guys’ wives break out the lingerie on their birthday, cowboys fans wives break out the VCR


TrueBrees9

Somehow the Texans have won a playoff game more recently than the cowboys


[deleted]

against you know who :(


browndude10

with that rapist qb


[deleted]

not a happy ending for the Bills season


browndude10

Watson enjoyed it; your happiness nor consent matters


[deleted]

Allegedly.


ARealDud

Houston never got over that incredible choke against you guys in the 90s (Back when the oilers were *checks notes*… in texas..


RsiiJordan

I was thinking of a joke but ran out of time. Maybe next year.


JFed4

Never has the phrase “ran out of time” been so applicable


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


Desperate_SkullMan

Heyohhh clearly the best in the thread


ilivlife

The iPod was invented, sold millions, discontinued since cowboys last super bowl win.


adamb10

Apple transitioned to PowerPC then to Intel then to their own silicon since the Cowboys last SB win.


BellacosePlayer

Stores like K-mart and Walmart were still stocking NES games when the cowboys last won.


Citizen_Snips29

Here, let me fix that for you. The truth is way more embarrassing The iPod was invented, sold millions, and discontinued since the Cowboys’ last ***divisional round*** win.


themage78

I used Google to find out when the Cowboys last won a Superbowl. That was before Google was founded.


Couthster

These comments would probably hurt more if I could read.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


new_wave_gremin71

What better representation of America than throwing trash onto the field at the end of a playoff game after all


xl_TooRaw_lx

at the end? they send the trash out to warm up and play too.


PizzaWall

When the pandemic hit, I bought a Cowboys face mask. I figured as long as I wore it, I couldn't catch anything.


[deleted]

Dez it work?


[deleted]

I love that no matter how shitty your fan base is, you can always say “at least we’re not cowboy fans.”


Will-Eat-4-Food

People make fun of Yinzers saying, "STILLERS GUNNA SUPAH BUHWL", but they've been 3 times and won 2 in this century. The Dallas Cowboys haven't gone since the Clinton Administration and every year is still their got-damned year, including this one...


BarKnight

Your defense is almost as reliable as your electrical grid.


[deleted]

Luckily all their fans live in states with reliable grids.


James_Harfatass

Y'all have the honor of being the Detroit Lions most recent playoff win


xkulp8

The Lions' *only* win in 65 years.


Norwegion

Not only that, it's Detroit's only playoff win since the merger, and it was a 38-6 romp, too. They would've been ridiculed much more for that if they hadn't won 3 Super Bowls in the next 4 years.


spaz1020

The last play vs the 49ers epitomizes cowboy fans sex lives. Rush right down the middle, try to do everything themselves, blow it in 14 seconds and then blame anyone but themselves for a disappointing finish.


Man_AMA

[Get your official Cowboys merchandise](https://i.imgur.com/YiTkYIM.jpg)


[deleted]

I already own 3


BrokenKneesAndAnkles

The good news for Cowboys fans is that it ships pre-stuffed


BruceChameleon

It does? That would save me a whole pair of socks.


renegadecoaster

I was expecting a Yankees hat


NoNoAkimbo

It's just missing the flap over the butt, for easy access when whoopsies happen


Man_AMA

[Or when you gotta sneak something in to throw on the field](https://i.imgur.com/NfEoa1L.jpg)


Alternative_Cat_811

The Backstreet Boys have released 11 albums since the Cowboys won a Super Bowl


[deleted]

The 2007 Cowboys with 13 Pro Bowlers lost a home playoff game to a 'We only try hard on the road' Giants squad whose QB had fewer touchdowns, fewer passing yards, and more turnovers than 2006 Rex Grossman.


BellacosePlayer

It's a little known fact, but when Favre left the Packers, he actually met with Jerry Jones to explore the idea of going to the Cowboys after the Jets. Jerry was impressed with Favre's resume, but ultimately decided against it because of Favre's alcohol and prescription drug habits. Jerry simply didn't think he could trust his team with such a lightweight.


ptown320

Texas based teams playoff wins since 2000; Dallas: 3 Houston: 4 Houston entered the league in 2002 btw


OutrageousOcelot6258

Don’t forget that the Texans’ first playoff appearance in franchise history was in 2011


Dealthagar

Jerry's main motivation to add a 17th game to the season was not money. The man can't handle another 8-8


buffalotrace

The worst thing about that stadium is that giant screen. It only plays Cowboy games.


Uckthebroncos

Here’s what an AI thinks it’s like being a cowboys fan >tfw your team is so shitty that other teams' fans make fun of you >tfw you're a Dallas Cowboys fan > it's not even funny anymore > every single year you're hoping that this will be the year they turn it around > but it never happens > your friends and family make fun of you because you're a Cowboys fan > you can't even watch the games anymore because it's too painful > all you can do is hope and pray that someday, someway, your team will be good again


Sleepy_

Shockingly accurate. Too young to have seen the 90s super bowls but still get shit on like you're a decent team despite decades of failure


Felteair

we'll stop shitting on the cowboys like they're a decent team when fans and talking heads stop acting like they are one


jimmyhoffasbrother

I'm pretty sure I saw an actual Cowboys fan post this in r/cowboys this offseason.


racerxff

No need to roast the Cowboys. Just wait until the power grid fails and the whole state gets roasted without A/C


BellacosePlayer

Is there anything as quintessentially Texan than cutting your state off from the national grid out of spite and constantly facing low key crisises due to cheaping out on infrastructure?


RedSweed

> Is there anything as quintessentially Texan than cutting your state off from the national grid out of spite and constantly facing low key crisises due to cheaping out on infrastructure? And then voting the same idiots in again all while blaming the federal government!


jimmyhoffasbrother

Hosting a gun-worship convention days after 21 people were killed in a mass shooting in the state?


MurDoct

My team won a Super Bowl in your stadium get fucked


BellacosePlayer

Rodgers has won as many playoff games there as the Dak has


[deleted]

Ehhh not exactly


mrdhood

He was just prematurely counting this year.


[deleted]

When Jerry Jones first heard of Bump and Run coverage he thought it was an insurance product he could use to keep his love child quiet


mrizvi

Jerrrrrah!!! Is there any better roast of dem boyz than the end of their last game. https://youtu.be/YkzvNv2gjl0


thomasfilmstuff

all these months later and it still hits the spot.


D0ctorHotelMario

We tried warning them of the aftereffects of signing Mike McCarthy as their HC but Jerry boy loves himself some nostalgia


[deleted]

In 100 years, you won't be able to talk about the history of the NFL without talking about this play.


Jheartless

There will be more salt in this thread than on Jerry's mcgriddle.


halfdecenttakes

I love Cowboys fans. It is really the sweetest thing when they swear up and down they were some sort of dynasty once upon a time. I'm like "haha me too grandpa! Remember us in '72?" Us poverty franchises need to stick together.


vanillawafah

The Dallas Cowboys peaked in the 90's, seemed like they were headed in the right direction 7 years ago, and are currently run by a senile old white man I'm sold. They ARE America's team


gdaman22

I wish the Cowboys were as good at *anything* as Eagles fans are at doing these roasts.


Instagrimm

[VHS tapes tend to deteriorate after about 20 years, which means right about now, Cowboys fans will be unable to watch their last Super Bowl win.](https://twitter.com/NFL_Memes/status/961419669415612417?s=20&t=rwM6EUBe3r9f7WrS5dEXLw)


doorrat

The Cowboys are looking to sign Alex Jones' lawyer to get someone who's dropped the ball less often.


[deleted]

How has nobody realized this was posted on 8/8 today?


browndude10

Hey, at least the Yankees are doing well this year amirite?


TimelessFool

This is the point where everyone has to reset their “X amount of days since Cowboys fans say This is Our Year” day counters.


2017Champs

Much like Cowboys fans look forward to every season, I’ve been looking forward to this thread. However, I’ll probably end up disappointed at the end just like Cowboys fans have been every year for the last 26 years.


milkmandanimal

Over the last 25 years, the Cowboys have been to as many NFC Championship games as the Detroit Lions. They have also been to as many NFC Championship games as every team in the AFC; zero.


doorrat

Even Deshaun Watson can't make that much of a mess with 14 seconds left.


MMmhmmmmmmmmmm

At least our super bowl win is in HD.


sweetTeaJ

I have so many jokes it could take me 26 years…


MichaelAlbers

What do Eli Manning, Nick Foles and the Commander's 2045 QB all have in common? A more recent Super Bowl championship than the Cowboys.


Due-Adhesiveness4922

All against Tom Brady too


NerdLawyer55

I’m a cowboys fan my whole life and these are all deserved All I’ll say is it’s a sad state of affairs when your owner’s mistress is younger than their last championship game appearance


[deleted]

Dallas Mavericks > Dallas Cowboys


[deleted]

Amazing that they chose silver as a color. They're the gold standard for failed expectations.


TheGarbageStore

Right now, Jerryworld is being used for The Arlington Major, a large DOTA 2 tournament. Not a single player on any of the teams was alive to see the last time the Cowboys made it out of the divisional round.


DReager1

We are going to win the super bowl this year though so I don't understand the slander


[deleted]

This one never gets old!


D0ctorHotelMario

Mark "Dirty" Sanchez has more career playoff wins than your entire franchise in the past two decades. Also, Dez dropped it :)


[deleted]

Upvoting for the Captain Butt Fumble roast. But also, I don't think he did. I feel for the Cowboys on that one.


Cobra-Is-Down

What do the Cowboys and Texas power grid both have in common? They both shit the bed in January.


[deleted]

The Yankees of the NFL, minus all the winning and respect.


TheColtOfPersonality

This is the only big post move cowboys fans get to look forward to


Norwegion

The Dallas Cowboys truly are America's team. How poetic, because much of Gen Z sees America in the Cowboys: a power whose best days are behind it.


mannysnook

Too soon for a roast thread, Treyvon is still putting aloe on his burns from the 1 on 1's .


terry_bradshaw

Hey look cowboys fans! This is your ~~year~~ post!