T O P

  • By -

Comprehensive_Main

I think the ravens will be good this year and then blow it all on a two point conversion instead of taking the points


wolverine6

That’s so Ravens.


toddhenderson

Great show


iceup17

Why kick the 50 yard field goal with the best kicker in history when you can lose by 1


guydude24

That felt like a personal attack.


Puzzleheaded_Oil_768

That’s the point of a roast


toddhenderson

100%. And we the fan base will feel gutted when it happens but will be even more grateful for a coach who swings big and is comfortable with gut-wrenching decisions I appreciate that Harbaugh plays the stats, trusts his players, and stands by his decisions. Yet this comment is spot on and quite prophetic.


YiMyonSin

Cut Harbaugh some slack; his memory probably went wide left in thinking Billy Cundiff was still on the team.


blud_13

Quoth the Raven, "Ow my ACL!"


moms_

Pain..


TimReaper9564

I knew there’d be a ‘quoth the Raven’ joke somewhere! Didn’t disappoint 😂


ard8

Quoth the Raven “neverscore” is a funny one but usually not much use cause they score


r_silver1

So accurate


RawCyderRun

first of all, how dare you


jlgar

Lmao


toddhenderson

Nevermore!!!


MINImanGOTgunz

Despite all the Ray Lewis murdered someone or Lamar is a rb/can't throw jokes on this thread so far, this roast still has more originality than a Greg Roman playbook.


drdriedel

Underrated self-burn


molesterofpriests

I hate to love this one..


[deleted]

The only thing deadlier for a WR's career than an ACL tear is being drafted by Baltimore


clayton3b25

Yikes. According to pro football reference, Ravens have never had a WR make 1st team All Pro or Pro Bowl (not counting special teams)


ImNotARapist_

I'm pretty sure our WR coaches have all been paid to lean in their chair and throw paper planes.


Yedic

Michael Jackson got snubbed of a Pro Bowl in '96!


LosingSkin

He actually declined to attend due to a scheduling conflict with preparations for the European leg of the *HIS*tory World Tour


nopizza822

HE HEEE


OrangeForeign

Oof self burn, those are rare


[deleted]

Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, right?


[deleted]

I know this is a quote from B99 but I always get irritated when I see it because self-deprecating humor is not rare at all lol


[deleted]

People use the quote out of context I think. Self burns are rare for Amy Santiago, but not in general.


[deleted]

I thought it was more that accidental self burns are rare, since Amy wasn't being intentionally self-deprecating


sloppifloppi

RBs: Why not both?!


D0ctorHotelMario

Greg Roman: "Running backs can be wide receivers right?"


Expendable_Red_Shirt

Na. That would require us throwing to a RB.


Hawthornephect

Lamar Jackson can finally be like his hero, Marcus Mariotta.


Oak_Iron_Watch_Ward

>The only thing deadlier for a WR's career than an ACL tear is being drafted by Baltimore Or having to catch passes over the middle from Jimmy G.


enaz92

Get drafted by us and do both!


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

The Ravens might actually be better off letting Bill Belichick draft their WRs.


TheGarbageStore

We could make a hilarious poop joke about Lamar's #2 receiver but the idea of the Ravens having two actual starters at WR is unthinkable


ImNotARapist_

Our offense is basically Oops all TEs!


Sliffy

I thought we were cool with you guys.


N0S0UP_4U

Save the poop jokes for Snyder


DapperDanMan585

Who ate their receivers again?


pewpewmcpistol

I was going to talk shit on your injuries but instead I made myself sad


iceup17

Your entire roster is Ravens players poached in free agency you should be very worried


D0ctorHotelMario

Need a hug?


DrDilatory

You're a Jets fan, you weren't already sad?


ByronLeftwich

By week 18 last year, your IR would have beaten your active roster. Injured or not.


CoofBone

Excuse you, that point was earlier


Birdgang_Truzz

Fuck you. That's true


KuroShiroTaka

TBF they are playing the Baltimore Orioles


Oak_Iron_Watch_Ward

Ravens in [preseason](https://media1.tenor.com/images/501aeaae8758b0f6c5c7a17d9533ecae/tenor.gif?itemid=14101790). Ravens in [postseason](https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/universe-of-smash-bros-lawl/images/4/48/5159875-dragonball-evolution-goku-uniform.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160818150500).


about_60_Hobos

Ravens in [regular season](https://i.imgur.com/ORSoVev.jpg)


SynthwaveSax

Your joke but keeping the Dragon Ball theme going: https://i.imgur.com/UequDWk.jpg


romeopwnsu

And the brain damage And the brain damage


[deleted]

Lmao I was expecting piccolo with his arm ripped off but this is better


infernocobbs

Man I had the misfortune of seeing that in theaters


Yabba_Dabba_Doofus

Bro, even the Lions don't burn themselves this hard. Literally no one deserves this level of insult. Not even the... *dry heave* ... Packers.


ThePizzaDevourer

The Ravens are the type of team to extend their kicker before their franchise QB


Mattcronutrient

Yeah, having a reliable kicker is pointless. You’re not just right, you’re wide right.


TuonSucksMatLeave

Lamar Jackson doesn't like Old Bay. Boom, roasted.


highpl4insdrftr

That's taking it too far, pal. How dare you?


LamarLovesPassingFoo

Good to see our number 27 punching in this year instead of punching out.


[deleted]

Tape don’t lie


OrangeForeign

You're related to the Browns, in a way


guydude24

Don’t you dare…


I_Hate_Traffic

You can't pick your family :(


NOSjoker21

Just pride yourself on the fact that you're one of two AFC North teams with no sex pests as a QB Edit: *A, not N


WellThatsAwkwrd

AFC* As far as I know the closest we have to a sex pest in the NFC North is Rodgers mustache


ColderShoulder_

Saving this for the Packers roast thread


AChargingBadger

I mean, Favre was kinda a sleazebag when he was with the Jets


Will-Eat-4-Food

Favre has more career dick pics sent than Rodgers.


redditsuccs

I know this is a typo, but out of the starting QBs in the NFCN, who would you be least surprised to hear sex pest allegations about?


NOSjoker21

... 🤔 Gimme a sec on that. Goff is too boring, Cousins is... meh. Idk the Beard's starter and Rodgers AFAIK is a weirdo but not a predator.


SnicketySmack

Goff wouldn't need to be a sex pest with that girl. Rodgers is a harmless weirdo bachelor uncle. Cousins hiding his kinks behind a religious background wouldn't be the strangest thing in the world.


N0S0UP_4U

Bruh you can’t remember Justin Fields?


ramboost007

The AFC North is basically: * The Cleveland Browns 1.0 * The Cleveland Browns 2.0 * The reanimated corpse of the Cleveland Browns * The Cleveland Browns' historical rival


Exatraz

If you can't beat em, make your own division


Thr0bbinWilliams

Step Browns Browns in law


theoskw

Goddammit


butt_funnel

bro, they ARE the Browns


D0ctorHotelMario

I'd hate to shit on your parade but are you really gonna make Lamar Jackson the highest paid QB in the league next offseason when he's had more positive COVID tests than playoff wins?


CawSoHard

This is my fav so far lol


Officer_Problem

You don’t have to shit on their parade; Lamar shits plenty on game day


D0ctorHotelMario

Man needs a FiberOne sponsorship badly


powerelite

No silly, they are going to do it in the next 2 weeks. Why wait until offseason.


browndude10

9/32 sounds like a typical Lamar passing statline


kappaman69

He did go 9-for-*20* once


[deleted]

9/20 for like 170 yards passing, and then 14 for 140 and a touchdown on the ground lmao


CaptivePrey

Ok, fuck, this one's funny.


Delicious_Chance9119

Good one 😅


BellacosePlayer

Shatline


EvangelionOG

Greg Roman will do his best to call an offense that makes the Iowa Hawkeyes look like the fucking Greatest Show On Turf.


[deleted]

Now that you say that, Petras would look good in Baltimore purple🤔


VikingCreed

As an Iowa fan this hurts my soul. Also, since Mike Zimmer got fired I am fully convinced that Kirk Ferentz is a clone of Zimmer or vice versa. They are the same person


sw337

Ravens safety Earl Thomas not lacking in confidence: "When the Super Bowl comes, whoever we play, they're going to be in trouble."


LlamaJacks

This one hurts this most. Great callback lol.


[deleted]

He's just one of those guys you love to play against but hate when they're on your team.


[deleted]

he actually was a pro bowler his baltimore year, so you can't say they went 14-2 in spite of Thomas


[deleted]

If he doesn’t punch Chuck Clark in the face during practice he’s probably still on the team tbh


BoxMaster13

*fullback Earl Thomas


Instagrimm

To quote the Raven’s past playoff appearances.. Neverscore


DinosaurGhostsExist

True story: I beat Jordan Stout in a 1v1 soccer match. The part that makes it less cool is I was like 20 and he was like 14.


iceup17

I beat the #7 soccer prospect once in the entire country when I was a freshman in HS. It was extremely disappointing to grow up and see him as a mall security guard now. Took the wind right out of everything


notimprezaed

We beat the top soccer recruit in our state my senior year. Pretty sure he never went anywhere with soccer either. It's sad the state of the sport. With America's ability to develop athletes we should be so much more dominant at soccer. It's sickening how the world's game is so ignored.


CoofBone

I would like to take this time to remember the only Louisville QB drafted by Baltimore to win a superbowl. Chris Redman.


Instagrimm

I am getting kind of sick of these threads about how good the Titans are and we need to respect them, blah blah blah... The Titans are hoes. On them we shall stunt. 2 points: The Titans beat the Patriots in Foxbourough. A Patriots team that was slumping, limped into the playoffs, and lost to a legit bottom 3 team in the league (The Dolphins, also hoes) at home, in a game that could have won them a potential bye. Yes Derrick Henry is a good, bruising style RB. I ask you what good is a game manager RB when you are down 3 TDs?? Tannehill will be forced to throw against a secondary that has 2 ALL PRO CBs. We are going to destroy the Titans. Our offensive is a fucking buzzsaw. Our defense is stacked and hungry. Lamar is playing better than Jesus right now. Get it together homies, BIG TRUSS.


Toxicyoshi7

This is gold. I don’t blame Raven’s fans for expecting a win, they were 14-2 and playing at home. Damn they really went one and done that year…


[deleted]

The problem was playing at home. Ravens vs Titans is notorious for its away field advantage


acru95

Please tell me this was a real comment by a Ravens fan


_Its_Accrual_World

Not just a comment, someone posted it on the team sub.


Will-Eat-4-Food

It's still up on their subreddit.


Instagrimm

Just look it up. This was before their loss to the Titans during Lamar’s MVP year.


VikingCreed

I am getting kind of sick of these threads about how good the Titans are and we need to respect them, blah blah blah... The Titans are hoes. On them we shall stunt. 2 points: The Titans beat the Patriots in Foxbourough. A Patriots team that was slumping, limped into the playoffs, and lost to a legit bottom 3 team in the league (The Dolphins, also hoes) at home, in a game that could have won them a potential bye. Yes Derrick Henry is a good, bruising style RB. I ask you what good is a game manager RB when you are down 3 TDs?? Tannehill will be forced to throw against a secondary that has 2 ALL PRO CBs. We are going to destroy the Titans. Our offensive is a fucking buzzsaw. Our defense is stacked and hungry. Lamar is playing better than Jesus right now. Get it together homies, BIG TRUSS.


pancak3d

This team will be held back for years by Lamar's dependence on running to the shitter in the middle of games. It's just not sustainable


enaz92

Lamar is undefeated in games in which he shits himself. Just saying…


BroadCityChessClub

He actually has to shit himself? I guess it’s fortunate Ravens tend to be good at getting rid of soiled clothes.


Marylander430A

Is this a joke about Ray Lewis that references what he actually did instead of calling him a murderer? Well done, even if it is coming from a Steelers fan.


Kent_Broswell

Damn this one is good.


Birdgang_Truzz

Alright, this one is spicy


CaptivePrey

*golfclap*


lalaladdy

But it is shitstainable


IheartPickleSoda

The Ravens best player is the damn kicker.


anchist

As he would be on any other team in the league.


IheartPickleSoda

>As he would be on any other team in the league. So you're saying that Justin Tucker is the best player in the NFL?


anchist

>So you're saying that Justin Tucker is the best player in the NFL? There is no other player that dominates that much above any other in the relevant categories. You can make the argument maybe for Tom Brady but his season stats are not way better than other QBs. And even then it is a discussion. With Tucker, there really is no discussion anymore.


IheartPickleSoda

If that's the criteria, there's certainly an argument to be made.


ninetales1234

"The way you find out who the Greatest Of All Time is, of all sports, is to look at the number one guy, and compare his stats to whoever number two is, and find the biggest disparity." -Some Canadian youtuber who probably likes hockey more than football


jedisquirrel171

If Lamar can piss away one more playoff game, he'll get no down payment at Big Bill Hell's.


AndreTehGiant

HOME OF CHALLENGE PISSING


Wanderingmind144

Ravens like shiny things, so I fully expect them to slam directly into the window that is the Bengals bright future


Mattcronutrient

Why? There are no rings behind that window.


[deleted]

[удалено]


StingerSplash3

Aw man, it's a murder of CROWS dog. Just like you murdered that joke.


SevroAuShitTalker

It's a Conspiracy of Ravens which also fits


BucketOfGuts

Still of the thinking that this franchise should use the term Unkindness more, because I'm sorry, that's just a badass thing for a group of animals to be called. Like, it's just begging to be a nickname for our defense if I've ever heard one.


iceup17

Who's gonna tell him 😂


Expendable_Red_Shirt

And now it’s a conspiracy? Ray Lewis was in no way smart enough to conspire to do anything.


glizzterine

There is no consistent distinction between "crows" and "ravens", and these appellations have been assigned to different species chiefly on the basis of their size.


enaz92

“Here’s the thing…”


Randyd718

This is barbaric


paulwhite959

nah. There's definite differences at a genetic level. American crows are more closely related to old world crows than new world ravens (although they're all in one genus that may change at some point--taxonomy has been in flux for a ccouple decades now)


IchesseHuendchen

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?


G9Lamer

If you really want to commit to the bit, you have to log onto your 10 other accounts to downvote the OP


anchist

Cut him some slack, the last time Eagle's fans learnt something it was that Santa was real since they could hurl batteries at him.


SammyBronkowitz

If there is pizza lunchables on the field, it is a crow


SlapsLikeFlea13

Hey, did you guys hear about that new Ray Lewis action figure? >!Batteries included, baby!!<


ocxtitan

*Allegedly*


Bluecat0817

The average life of a Ravens fan. Hear gunshots, that’s my alarm. Exit my house as it crumbles behind me. Try to get to my car, remember it was stolen. I just have to walk instead. The stadium is at 30% capacity; that’s a record. As the game starts, I have to use the bathroom. No one is there, so I start. Suddenly, there’s a knock. A tired Lamar Jackson needs to shit. Remember that he’s better if he does. Exit the bathroom. He takes a shit, and goes back to the field. Only losing by seven points. Ecstasy fills the field as the Ravens score a TD. Surely, they can’t mess up now. … One point tied the game, but they go for two. No good. The Ravens lose their 6th game in a row. How could they make such a choice? Exit the field disappointed. My soul is crushed. Win one game and we’re in the playoffs. Everyone is laughing at us. See on phone that star receiver is injured. He tore his ACL during the coin toss. ACL tear count: 7. Look back fondly on the Ray Lewis era. Lewis was one of two greats to kill two people. Stop and think for a bit about Flacco. The guy is the most elite player ever. Underrated, but elite. Nod off to sleep. The next year will be the same. …Look at the first letter of every sentence.


stalin1943

the exit try I the as no a remember exit he only ecstacy surely one no the how exit my win everyone see he ACL look Lewis stop the underrated nod the man idk what you were tryna write out with the first words but I don't think it worked


Bluecat0817

I meant letter. I am stupid.


LightningDustt

the effort is what counts


Fedacking

Te titan are hoes on the mwe shall stunt?


new_wave_gremin71

FUCK YOU BALTIMORE!!! IF YOU’RE DUMB ENOUGH TO SEE A GAME THIS WEEKEND YOU’RE A BIG ENOUGH SCHMUCK TO COME TO M&T BANK STADIUM!!! BAD TEAMS!!! DEFENSES THAT BREAK DOWN!!! TURNOVERS!!! IF YOU THINK THE RAVENS ARE GONNA WIN THIS WEEKEND, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!!! ITS OUR BELIEF THAT YOU’RE SUCH A STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, YOU’LL ROOT FOR THIS TEAM!! GUARANTEED!!! IF YOU FIND A BETTER TEAM, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!! YOU HEARD US RIGHT, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!!! BRING YOUR FRIENDS, BRING YOUR JERSEYS, BRING YOUR WIFE!! WE’LL BEAT HER!! THAT’S RIGHT, WE’LL HAVE RAY RICE BEAT YOUR WIFE!!! BECAUSE AT M&T BANK STADIUM, YOU’RE FUCKED 6 WAYS FROM SUNDAY!!! TAKE A HIKE TO M&T BANK STADIUM, HOME OF CHALLENGE SPECTATING!!! THAT’S RIGHT, CHALLENGE SPECTATING!!! HOW DOES IT WORK? IF YOU CAN SIT THROUGH AN ENTIRE GAME WITHOUT DRINKING BLEACH, YOU GET FREE SEASON TICKETS!!! DON’T WAIT! DON’T DELAY! DON’T FUCK WITH US OR WE’LL SELL THE TEAM TO JIMMY HASLAM!!! ONLY AT M&T BANK STADIUM - THE ONLY FOOTBALL STADIUM THAT TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF!!! HURRY UP ASSHOLE! THIS MISERY ENDS THE SECOND YOU ROOT FOR ANOTHER TEAM!! AND IT BETTER NOT BE THE STEELERS, BROWNS OR BENGALS OR YOU’RE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER!!! GO TO HELL - M&T BANK STADIUM!!! BALTIMORE’S FILTHIEST AND EXCLUSIVE HOME OF THE LAZIEST AND GREEDIEST FOOTBALL PLAYERS IN THE STATE OF MARYLAND!!! GUARANTEED!!!


BellacosePlayer

I feel like people aren't getting the reference here.


BroadCityChessClub

Well, the reference’s source material is 32 years old. It’s literally older than the Ravens.


dagreenman18

And it hit the internet *checks KYM* 16 year ago good lord I’m getting old


bi5200

it was basically passed around here and was like non internet meme before that


Norwegion

A Big Bill's Hell reference is something I'll take any day of the week.


TheRealDirtyB

We're already off to a great start. Thanks for setting such a high bar!


new_wave_gremin71

Roflmao it was a reference to [this](https://youtu.be/4sZuN0xXWLc)


[deleted]

Holy shit I have never seen this before, my bad lol. This is funny as hell!


DocMarlowe

I thought everyone had seen this. It's an absolute classic.


TheRealDirtyB

Buddy I know Big Bill Hell VERY well.


methandmemes

Bruh this is a throwback


heartbreakhill

This belongs in a museum


Virtual_Hall_9206

I genuinely forgot Ray Rice existed before this comment


x777x777x

Big Bill Hell is an all time internet classic


BellacosePlayer

How is a writing desk like a Raven? >!You didn't see either in the playoffs last year!<


Inamanlyfashion

I always liked "Poe wrote on both"


BellacosePlayer

That's the original punchline 🤫


TJ_Longfellow

It took The Ravens a historic 66 yard field goal, a doink none the less, to beat the lowly lions looking for their first win. Fuck You


Mavori

You're too early for this thread, should have delayed it til tomorrow.


hendrixfalcon

Bengals with their “cheap” scouting system know how to draft the fuck out of WR.


BtownBrelooms

Joe Flacco played so light's out during the 2012 postseason run that there was a literal blackout during the Super Bowl just to empathize his play.


YouKilledKenny12

Aren’t you supposed to be roasting us? This seems like a compliment to the Elite Dragon


kappaman69

So much for starting 8-3


WineOptics

I was about to literally write the best roast on here, but I sprained my ACL doing so.


BtownBrelooms

The Ravens are really dedicated to only drafting good TEs and and RBs while being the Retirement home for good WRs. No seriously, the best WR they have ever drafted in franchise history is either Hollywood Brown or Torrey Smith.


[deleted]

Good receivers don’t even want to retire with us at this point


Cutie-God

Rashod Bateman


[deleted]

I have to tread lightly when it comes to roasting the Ravens because Rahim Moore's whiff still haunts my nightmares I know everyone's making fun of Baltimore's injuries, but I still believe in you. If you manage to stay healthy this year, you might just be able to get knocked out of wildcard contention while the Bengals run your division again


jasper_grunion

Punching your girlfriend 1/10, 10/10 with Rice


Norwegion

Bird Facts! A group of Ravens is a conspiracy. A group of Orioles is a pitch or a split. A group of crows is a murder, which is what Ray Lewis and company did to Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar on January 31, 2000 about 200 yards from the Cobalt Lounge at 265 East Paces Ferry Road.


hahahbluh

He crowed them?


Norwegion

He made them crowk.


TeardropsFromHell

This is such a stupid joke and I can't stop laughing


Quicksilver7837

Look I'm a Ravens fan! That means Ill respond to every critical comment as insecurely and defensively as I can!


Infinitedeveloper

\*downvotes\*


Toastfrom2069

My humble offerings https://v.redd.it/pxpnl58vt7361 https://i.redd.it/0ge2xtei3h161.jpg https://v.redd.it/ccu6blekd8161 https://v.redd.it/93ab7qobqt061


Gazhammer

Greg Roman's pass play schemes are from Madden '92. He is the reason Kaepernick quickly regressed after bursting onto the scene as a dual threat QB then he and Harbaugh wanted him to be more of a "passer" and messed everything up instead of letting him ball out, and now he's doing the same to Lamar. If they had a legit OC they could be lethal.


DUKE_LEETO_2

I thought these were supposed to be funny and not daily posts from our sub smh


hendrixfalcon

Are we allowed to do Brown’s jokes as well on this one.


PMMeYourBankPin

The ravens were undefeated in both the preseason and the postseason last year.


Mapleleafguy83

The Ravens are the anti-Chargers, you can bet on their kicker but the QB is always shitting his pants


TJeffersonsBlackKid

This roast has a 94% chance of being any good.


noshoptime

Greg Roman can create an offense that it takes the entire NFL a year to figure out. But he can only do it once every 10 years or so. Good news Ravens fans, only 8 years left on this cycle


Emdubya20

Rahim Moore most important defensive player of the 2013 championship


ContinuumGuy

The Ravens could win the Super Bowl this year and it still wouldn't be as astounding as the Orioles this season. Justin Tucker is your top offensive threat and deep down you wouldn't have it any other way.


trez1336

Purple or not, Browns is the Browns