I heard the panthers have hired Sarah McLachlan to do their next commercial, singing in the arms of an angel while showing all the panthers low-lights over the past few seasons.
There exists an area off the Outer Banks of North Carolina where the warm waters of the northbound Gulf Stream meet the cold waters of the Arctic Current off Cape Hatteras at Diamond Shoals,and the entire coast is an area of shifting inlets, bays, and capes,representing a shipping hazard for both coastal and transatlantic vessels.Thousands of shipwrecks have been caused in this area,thus earning the nickname the Graveyard Of The Atlantic.
One of the shipwrecks that can be found is the 2018 Panthers.
and it sells breakfast and porn? or is it a strip club with a breakfast buffet? What the hell is the business model? I'm sort of disgusted but intrigued
Another famous place in the Outer Banks is the lost colony of Roanoke Island. It was the first attempt by the English to settle what is now the United States, but after a period of success, the colony was discovered abandoned, without a trace of any of the settlers.
This, I think, is an allegory for the 2015 Panthers; they thrived for a brief moment, then vanished without a trace.
As soon as I started reading this, I was half-expecting something about the undertaker throwing mankind off the hell-in-a-cell in nineteen ninety eight
They might not win any additional games, but at least they'd have a built-in soundtrack:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uh-Ohhh!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Cry_(Ja_Rule_song)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helpless_(Hamilton_song)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/6_Feet_Underground
Even then - you'd still end up paying a lot for tickets to an exclusive event, only to find out what you get in return is an unorganized disaster of epic proportions.
Ben McAdoo shakes hands with the drive thru worker at the window and says “peace be with you” before he drives away in a 1992 Chrysler Lebaron blasting Whitesnake on the radio
Well so far you’ve gotten; one who keeps missing their attacks, one that you traded back after giving them away only to remember that they’re injured beyond repair, and another who got neglected by their old owner. Not the best line up so far.
Hey, we also have one who was the best Pokemon on a minor league competitors' league (the one year that league existed), and a scrappy hatchling that isn't quite ready to fight.
I saw a Pokémon video on YouTube the other day and holy god ash’s team is legit now. He’s got a Gengar and a dragonite? He finally stepped it up after having the Butterfree’s of the world
Hey, now, Gengar's yards per attempt and DYAR are really good once you consider the quality of the offensive line he was behind. Everybody knows Mamoswine can't block worth shit.
The fifth year option is only bad because Darnold was never worth trading for in the first place. It makes perfect sense to fifth year option a QB that you just spent so much trade capital on. The true sin was the fact that they traded for him at all when there was never any big indications he was more than trash.
Ben McAdoo’s the kind of guy to repeatedly dip his fingers into the ketchup on your hotdog and lick them off, then criticize you for it not tasting good
Talking themselves into another failed quarterback reclamation project. This time next year Panthers fans will be hyping themselves up for Jordan Love.
Carolina gets a special team . They’re called The Panthers owned by Tepper . They’re illegal in nine countries... Yep, and they are made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. They’ve done studies you know, 60% of the time they lose every time.
The Panthers are always doomed to not only come up short, but do so in a way that leaves egg on their face. Here's a summary of their thinking over the last couple decades:
- Lose a Super Bowl by John Kasay sailing a kick out of bounds on a kickoff, giving Brady plenty of time to get in field goal range and Vinatieri to boot the game winner. Also, no one remembers this game anyway due to Janet Jackson's boob dominating the headlines.
- Have a great year in 2008, then have the QB embarrass himself against the Cardinals by going full Delhomme. Sounds like time to give him a massive extension too!
- Draft a superstar QB number one overall and proceed to not protect him for seven years, letting him get the shit kicked out of him week after week. Oh, and make sure to spend a first round pick on the laziest WR a few years later, just so that he'll do things like give up mid-route, causing the ball meant for him to sail into the defense's arms. Cam *surely* won't get permanent shoulder damage making the tackle on the intercepting player right afterwards, right?
- Lose another Super Bowl by Mike Shula calling the dumbest game and leaving Mike Fucking Remmers in a one-on-one with Von Miller all game long. Forget the jumbo packages the Panthers used most of the year to decent effect. They clearly don't need them against the top defensive line in the league!
- Hiring Mike Shula in the first place. Seriously what resume did he ever have?
This doesn't even include:
- Figure that Matt Kalil is totally worth a ton of money because the Panthers' front office's goal is to get Cam killed every week. I guess it's worked for them pretty well so far, might as well continue letting Cam drag the offense kicking and screaming every week.
- Let Brandon Beane go and keep Dave Gettleman.
- Hire snake-oil-salesman Matt Rhule and give him a ton of money so that the Panthers outbid the Giants, ignoring the huge red flag that if the Giants are interested in him, then it's probably a good idea to stay the fuck away because their track record for front-office hiring has worked so well recently, eh?
- Not learning from the DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart contracts and giving Christian McCaffrey a huge contract.
- Not manage to string two winning seasons in a row in the entire franchise history.
- Trade several picks for Sam Darnold and then going all surprised Pikachu when he still sucks.
The John Kasay thing hurts. He was such a great guy (IRL) but that was just inexcusable. Well that and pretty much everything you detailed in your list. Yikes!
Bringing Cam back was worth it for that one moment. We got to have one of our all time greats back for and he scored twice right away. It was the first time I had fun watching the Panthers since 2018 tbh.
If only it could have lasted longer!
[This kid roasting Cam is better than anything I can come up with](https://twitter.com/NickiJhabvala/status/1009471692039753728?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1009471692039753728%7Ctwgr%5Eab66e368acf4c824c74c6d248b9156d724fede76%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fbroncoswire.usatoday.com%2F2018%2F06%2F20%2Fvon-miller-cam-newton-daddy-youth-football-camp-tshirt%2F)
What, that doesn’t sound like Charlotte at all. Everyone there is from a normal family, who they moved 7-12 hours away from so they could get home in an emergency but otherwise never had to see them.
Cam not jumping on the fumble was the Butterfly Effect moment that sent the Panthers into chaos.
Matt Rhule is just Joe Judge with higher income. His attempts to save the Panthers is about as effective as Lucy at the Chocolate Factory.
Charlotte FC has existed for 5 minutes and still seems more functional because they fired their shitass HC midseason. Maybe you can do the same.
Dave Tepper is about this close to building his own shitty statues of himself to replace Richardson.
I know the Jets are, well, the Jets, but did you really think you can fix Sam Darnold? When has the Jets sloppy seconds ever worked?
Speaking of New York’s Sloppy Seconds, Ben McAdoo is the kind of guy who hangs out at Ace Hardware everyday and pretends he knows a lot. He saves IHOP for special occasions and buys jorts in bulk.
Matt Rhule is the guy in school who sits at the back of class and claims to know more than the teacher but refuses to do any of the assigned work because he has “better things to do.” Yeah he might have been good in middle school, but he rides that wave all the way until senior year. Whenever the teacher or another student answers the question correctly, he does the passive aggressive “oh I knew that and I would have answered but I just didn’t want to.” He knows everyone thinks he’s a fool, and the only way he knows how to keep himself relevant is to double down on his ego. Even though the class has moved on and there’s a new exciting subject to talk about, he wants to stay on studying WWII tanks because he thinks he knows best.
I hate that Rhule is going to cling to Darnold being good because he thinks cramming that dumb faced idiot down our throat will shut everyone up. I wouldn’t put it past Rhule to have Baker start his one promised drive tomorrow afternoon on our 1 yard line, give him two running plays to hand off the Chuba, then punt on 3rd down. Then Darnold plays the rest of the game with only pass plays, and Rhule will flaunt his way up to the podium with his stupid fat smile and say “see? Baker doesn’t have it and I was right all along.” Our history tells us we’re too stupid to realize Baker is better.
I hate Rhule. I hate Darnold. I hate Tepper. I hate that there’s a large part of me that still thinks Cam Newton can somehow come back and take us to the Super Bowl. Why was I born in Charlotte? I can’t wait for tomorrow. Keep Pounding.
Last season, the New York Giants absolutely wrecked this team. Not beat. *Wrecked.* Routed. Destroyed. Whipped up and down the field. What joke could I tell that could be worse than that simple fact?
Oh, right, there's an even worse fact -- Rhule still has his job. That's another thing the Giants did better than the Panthers this season -- knowing how to fire bad coaches.
Christian McCaffrey has glass bones and paper ligaments. Every morning he breaks his ankles and every evening he dislocates his shoulders and he lies awake in agony until Sam Darnold's fifth-year option puts him to sleep.
Carolina would be better off dumping Matt Rhule and replacing him with a golden retriever dressed as a coach named Patt Druhle.
Coming to theatres this fall;
*Air Bud: Doing it Doggy*
By the time I figure out a roast for the Carolina Panthers, Ben McAdoo would have gone through all the plays in his Cheesecake Factory style of Playbook
This team was literally handed two generational talents in back to back years and all they had to do was not fuck it up. Instead they hired a defensive coach stuck in 1985 who then hired offensive coaches who's philosophy was stuck in 1994. With a franchise QB and a franchise LB in place they were like "guys, we gotta build around our cornerstone player.... let's get Luke Kuechly 5 premium DTs and another premium coverage LB!!!" And you know what's the most depressing part? The QB who got murdered 16 times per year still outlasted the LB.
Picks spent on the Panthers QB room: - 1st overall - 3rd overall - 1st round - 3rd round - 3rd round - 5th round - 6th round Picks thrown by Panthers QB room: - 108
You don't have to list it out like that damn
Ok. An average of one second round draft pick for 27 INTs per year.
INTs thrown by Tom Brady - 203 INTs thrown by Darnold - 52 Sam Darnold is 4 times better than Tom Brady imo
Math is factual
Oooof
This would hit so much harder if these were all Carolina's picks, and not other teams'.
this is tough
Sir Purr sounds more like a sex toy than a mascot and would cause more excitement than the team this year...
Oh I thought it was Tommen Baratheon's other cat.
No way. Tommen dove out a window to end his sadness. Cam wouldn’t even dive on a fumble to save a Super Bowl.
Kings Landing Indeed
You mean Azor Ahai!
>Sir Purr There are so many things to roast the Panthers about and you go for literally the best thing they have going for them?
He's just mad that Viktor the Viking has never recorded a touchback!
Only* thing going for them
What’s that bear doin 😈
I said this in the bears sub once when we played them and got downvoted to hell
no humor in Chicago since the superfans were on SNL
The Bengals mascot is a tiger. The Chiefs and Broncos mascots are both stallions. The Panthers mascot is a miffed kitty.
No, the Panthers mascot is a bear. Robby Anderson said so.
Technically our mascot is a Jaguar with a genetic abnormality.
KC is a "wolf", or Wal-Mart-Wile-E-Coyote.
Carolina is the animal shelter of NFL teams: Taking in neglected quarterbacks and hoping that something good happens to them. It never does.
They are going to start euthanizing them soon
Daniel Jones is next. 2023-24
Un-fucking-subscribe
BOOOOOOOOO
I heard the panthers have hired Sarah McLachlan to do their next commercial, singing in the arms of an angel while showing all the panthers low-lights over the past few seasons.
For the low price of only a season ticket, you too can prevent CMC from being put down after his next injury.....
The Panthers have more playoff losses than winning seasons.
Which, when doing the math, almost sounds impossible
7-8-1 baby!
from one seven-win, playoff-game-winning division champion to another: may your football fandom always be... *interesting*...
This also means that they make the playoffs every year they have a winning season, which is kinda impressive
And sometimes with a losing record! Lol
There exists an area off the Outer Banks of North Carolina where the warm waters of the northbound Gulf Stream meet the cold waters of the Arctic Current off Cape Hatteras at Diamond Shoals,and the entire coast is an area of shifting inlets, bays, and capes,representing a shipping hazard for both coastal and transatlantic vessels.Thousands of shipwrecks have been caused in this area,thus earning the nickname the Graveyard Of The Atlantic. One of the shipwrecks that can be found is the 2018 Panthers.
oh fuck they're doing research
Kill Devil Hills more like Kill this fucking franchise amirite?
First in flight last in fight.
Okracoke more like Okrachoke.
Duck? More like Fuck\* \*this team
Kitty Hawk Pier? More like Titty Talk Tier alight I am running out of steam. Is the Titty kisser on this team? I can't even recall anymore.
Give it a year.
They took that ferry to Chapel Hill
Others include the 2019 Panthers, the 2020 Panthers, and the 2021 Panthers
My wife keeps crushing my hopes when I mention we could be good this year with a new QB. "Honey, that's what you said last year..."
To be fair Baker is an actual qb
he does play the position of qb
If you ever find yourself in Nags Head hit up Biscuits N' Porn. The Porn is ok but the biscuits are fire.
That better be gravy on those biscuits
Baby gravy. Maybe.
Is that a real place? I kinda don't want to Google this
Sure is
and it sells breakfast and porn? or is it a strip club with a breakfast buffet? What the hell is the business model? I'm sort of disgusted but intrigued
Its a biscuit counter in a convenience store with a shelf of nudie mags lol. You have nothing to fear.
Are you the one who replaces the magazines after customers are done looking at them? If so, go wash your hands cuz I want a biscuit
Another famous place in the Outer Banks is the lost colony of Roanoke Island. It was the first attempt by the English to settle what is now the United States, but after a period of success, the colony was discovered abandoned, without a trace of any of the settlers. This, I think, is an allegory for the 2015 Panthers; they thrived for a brief moment, then vanished without a trace.
As soon as I started reading this, I was half-expecting something about the undertaker throwing mankind off the hell-in-a-cell in nineteen ninety eight
Panthers would have a better chance winning games with Ja Rule than Matt Rhule
I'm not saying he's into weird shit but his twitter handle is @Rhule34
I refuse to check to see if that's true.
Thankfully, [it's not](https://mobile.twitter.com/coachmattrhule), the handle is just @coachmattrhule.
Damnit I wish it WERE true
This is a roast, not a true facts thread
Its not a roast....IT'S MURDAAAAAAA
Where is Ja? What’s does Ja think?
They might not win any additional games, but at least they'd have a built-in soundtrack: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uh-Ohhh! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Cry_(Ja_Rule_song) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helpless_(Hamilton_song) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/6_Feet_Underground
Even then - you'd still end up paying a lot for tickets to an exclusive event, only to find out what you get in return is an unorganized disaster of epic proportions.
Bruh Ja Rule ain’t been relevant in years so he would be a perfect fit
You are employing Ben McAdoo and the closest thing to Ben McAdoo at the same time
It's Ben McAdoo all the way down
Oops! All McAdoos!
Leaves a worse taste in my mouth than the crunchberries
Ben Quadrant McAdoo 69.
"Wait it's all Ben McAdoo?" \*gun click\* "Always has been."
McAdoos straight down the ticket
Ben McAdoo shakes hands with the drive thru worker at the window and says “peace be with you” before he drives away in a 1992 Chrysler Lebaron blasting Whitesnake on the radio
Ben McAdoo goes to Subway and orders nothing.
Ben McAdoo insists his autograph on the receipt is way better than actually tipping waitresses.
Lots of teens to choose from, the only ordering he's doing is to them
CMC is faking injuries so he can hang out with his hot gf and avoiding losing
CMC is out indefinitely after reading this post
No he’s “day to day.”
Someone called him CMCL sprain and I can't stop redirecting to that whenever I see his name
“Panthers say they plan to limit his load to protect him from further injury. CMC is expected to be limited to 56 touches this week.”
No, are you mad, that'll wreck him! 52 touches, on the other hand, is just what he needs to ease him back into the action.
If he gets hit in the right angle it might better his situation and realign everything
Yup, and if you give enough monkeys enough typewriters and time they'll write the entirety of Matt Rhule's playbook.
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I’m surprised there’s any comments on this thread considering almost everybody forgets that we exist
I think I was a senior in high school when I realized Golden State wasn't a college team.
Carolina Panthers should be renamed the Carolina Pokemon as they are trying to catch all the released QBs from other teams..
Hey, it worked for Ash. That’s how he got his Charizard, Infernape, Pignite, Snivy, and Gengar
Well so far you’ve gotten; one who keeps missing their attacks, one that you traded back after giving them away only to remember that they’re injured beyond repair, and another who got neglected by their old owner. Not the best line up so far.
Hey, we also have one who was the best Pokemon on a minor league competitors' league (the one year that league existed), and a scrappy hatchling that isn't quite ready to fight.
I saw a Pokémon video on YouTube the other day and holy god ash’s team is legit now. He’s got a Gengar and a dragonite? He finally stepped it up after having the Butterfree’s of the world
He also has a Mega Lucario and a Dracovish (which is good enough that it got banned in competitive play)
Hey, now, Gengar's yards per attempt and DYAR are really good once you consider the quality of the offensive line he was behind. Everybody knows Mamoswine can't block worth shit.
I'm not sure what's worse.... That Darnold is so bad you had to pick from the Cleveland roster or what you gave up for Darnold in the first place.
Giving him his fifth year option before he played a down of football for us takes the cake imo
The fifth year option is only bad because Darnold was never worth trading for in the first place. It makes perfect sense to fifth year option a QB that you just spent so much trade capital on. The true sin was the fact that they traded for him at all when there was never any big indications he was more than trash.
The Carolina Panthers should be renamed the Carolina Reapers to accurately reflect the pain and tears they cause.
This comment hurt more because it's given by a lion's fan. Expert opinions hold more weight n all that.
“Ï’M ßÅÇK”
"MY BACK"
You guys saw what Ben McAdoo did to my team and decided that nothing could go wrong bringing him in to run your offense.
They saw what Sam Darnold did to my team and decided nothing could go wrong bringing him to be the QB
I don't recall Darnold doing anything to your team that they weren't already doing to themselves for 50 years.
Like you guys did with Gettleman?
This is why both our teams suck
The Buffalo Bills are what the Panthers would have been if they didn't fumble the bag. Instead, the Panthers are what the Bills used to be.
Ben McAdoo’s the kind of guy to repeatedly dip his fingers into the ketchup on your hotdog and lick them off, then criticize you for it not tasting good
I thought this roast was for NFL teams, not our farm teams!
That’s a weird way to talk about the team that has more NFCCG appearances than the Bills have playoff wins in the last 25 years.
thx bb
Damn
Personally I wouldn’t let someone talk to me like that
The Bills have two good seasons in a row and now all their fans think they're one of the premier franchises in the league.
Roasting the Bills a bit early, eh?
Sheeeeeeeeeeeit
Adopting the Steelers as my second team
So basically like half of North Carolina?
Talking themselves into another failed quarterback reclamation project. This time next year Panthers fans will be hyping themselves up for Jordan Love.
This is the way. Wait no...I don't like this way. I want to go back.
Want to go back? Thats Jimmy Clausen's music.
Too far back!
Cam round 3?
the next 2018 qb on the list is josh rosen
Where he'll finally get a cha- Nope he's been released
Just you wait, Kellen Mond is going to throw a career high FIVE TDs to DJ Moore in 2025
The Panthers collect QBs like Pete Davidson collects STIs
We still fuckin’ tho😃
Carolina gets a special team . They’re called The Panthers owned by Tepper . They’re illegal in nine countries... Yep, and they are made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. They’ve done studies you know, 60% of the time they lose every time.
*hair ball noises*
The Panthers are always doomed to not only come up short, but do so in a way that leaves egg on their face. Here's a summary of their thinking over the last couple decades: - Lose a Super Bowl by John Kasay sailing a kick out of bounds on a kickoff, giving Brady plenty of time to get in field goal range and Vinatieri to boot the game winner. Also, no one remembers this game anyway due to Janet Jackson's boob dominating the headlines. - Have a great year in 2008, then have the QB embarrass himself against the Cardinals by going full Delhomme. Sounds like time to give him a massive extension too! - Draft a superstar QB number one overall and proceed to not protect him for seven years, letting him get the shit kicked out of him week after week. Oh, and make sure to spend a first round pick on the laziest WR a few years later, just so that he'll do things like give up mid-route, causing the ball meant for him to sail into the defense's arms. Cam *surely* won't get permanent shoulder damage making the tackle on the intercepting player right afterwards, right? - Lose another Super Bowl by Mike Shula calling the dumbest game and leaving Mike Fucking Remmers in a one-on-one with Von Miller all game long. Forget the jumbo packages the Panthers used most of the year to decent effect. They clearly don't need them against the top defensive line in the league! - Hiring Mike Shula in the first place. Seriously what resume did he ever have? This doesn't even include: - Figure that Matt Kalil is totally worth a ton of money because the Panthers' front office's goal is to get Cam killed every week. I guess it's worked for them pretty well so far, might as well continue letting Cam drag the offense kicking and screaming every week. - Let Brandon Beane go and keep Dave Gettleman. - Hire snake-oil-salesman Matt Rhule and give him a ton of money so that the Panthers outbid the Giants, ignoring the huge red flag that if the Giants are interested in him, then it's probably a good idea to stay the fuck away because their track record for front-office hiring has worked so well recently, eh? - Not learning from the DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart contracts and giving Christian McCaffrey a huge contract. - Not manage to string two winning seasons in a row in the entire franchise history. - Trade several picks for Sam Darnold and then going all surprised Pikachu when he still sucks.
This thread is supposed to be jokes, not facts
I mentioned plenty of jokes. Matt Rhule, Mike Shula, Matt Kalil, Dave Gettleman.
The John Kasay thing hurts. He was such a great guy (IRL) but that was just inexcusable. Well that and pretty much everything you detailed in your list. Yikes!
Damn dude, I don't think this roast needs to continue... Panthers are burnt to a crisp now.
Oh yeah, they exist
Ben McAdoo looks like a guy who would coach for the Carolina Panthers.
The best part of your last season was having the corpse of Cam Newton scream 'I'm back' at a camera. Yikes.
and it was fucking awesome lmaooo
I cried tbh
Extra points cause it was against the Cardinals
All my homies hate the Cardinals
Highlight of the season
Best football moment for me since like 2018, no regrets
Bringing Cam back was worth it for that one moment. We got to have one of our all time greats back for and he scored twice right away. It was the first time I had fun watching the Panthers since 2018 tbh. If only it could have lasted longer!
say what you want, that moment was absolutely priceless
Your mascot had better situational awareness around a live ball than your franchise quarterback.
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He’s talking about PJ Walker
Well, PJ is 7-0 as a professional starting quarterback
XFL LEGEND PJ WALKER*
>The ghost of Cam Darnold sees him
Joke's on you. We don't have a franchise quarterback
[This kid roasting Cam is better than anything I can come up with](https://twitter.com/NickiJhabvala/status/1009471692039753728?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1009471692039753728%7Ctwgr%5Eab66e368acf4c824c74c6d248b9156d724fede76%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fbroncoswire.usatoday.com%2F2018%2F06%2F20%2Fvon-miller-cam-newton-daddy-youth-football-camp-tshirt%2F)
Why are there no comments in Cam Newton font?
₩H¥ ÅRĒ THĒRĒ ÑØ ÇØMMĒÑTŠ ÏÑ ÇÅM ÑĒ₩TØÑ FØÑT?
It makes my autocorrect vomit.
He's too busy making sure his woman does more cooking than knowing about football.
We picked up Baker Mayfield not for the talent, but for some personality in the wet sock we call a front office.
Our Front Office saw Darnold in New York and said “yea let’s get some of that”…. We roast ourselves
Your quarterback isn't an adult.
But he isn’t a rapist
In your face Cleveland and New Orleans!
I mean I know he looks like deformed baby, but I’m sure Sam Darnold is an adult
Sam Darnolds head looks like he has fetal alcohol syndrome
Well tbf,that's according to some dingus
And to be honest it's some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard. However, I do like joking about it
I don’t really think the team slogan “KEEP POUNDING” is a good for an area of the country whose family trees are straight lines
Pretty sure you're closer to West Virginia than we are.
What, that doesn’t sound like Charlotte at all. Everyone there is from a normal family, who they moved 7-12 hours away from so they could get home in an emergency but otherwise never had to see them.
False information, everyone in the Charlotte Metro area is from Ohio, New York, or Pennsylvania
Gotta refresh on your southern geography my guy 😆
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Lmao
Cam not jumping on the fumble was the Butterfly Effect moment that sent the Panthers into chaos. Matt Rhule is just Joe Judge with higher income. His attempts to save the Panthers is about as effective as Lucy at the Chocolate Factory. Charlotte FC has existed for 5 minutes and still seems more functional because they fired their shitass HC midseason. Maybe you can do the same. Dave Tepper is about this close to building his own shitty statues of himself to replace Richardson. I know the Jets are, well, the Jets, but did you really think you can fix Sam Darnold? When has the Jets sloppy seconds ever worked? Speaking of New York’s Sloppy Seconds, Ben McAdoo is the kind of guy who hangs out at Ace Hardware everyday and pretends he knows a lot. He saves IHOP for special occasions and buys jorts in bulk.
Matt Rhule is the guy in school who sits at the back of class and claims to know more than the teacher but refuses to do any of the assigned work because he has “better things to do.” Yeah he might have been good in middle school, but he rides that wave all the way until senior year. Whenever the teacher or another student answers the question correctly, he does the passive aggressive “oh I knew that and I would have answered but I just didn’t want to.” He knows everyone thinks he’s a fool, and the only way he knows how to keep himself relevant is to double down on his ego. Even though the class has moved on and there’s a new exciting subject to talk about, he wants to stay on studying WWII tanks because he thinks he knows best. I hate that Rhule is going to cling to Darnold being good because he thinks cramming that dumb faced idiot down our throat will shut everyone up. I wouldn’t put it past Rhule to have Baker start his one promised drive tomorrow afternoon on our 1 yard line, give him two running plays to hand off the Chuba, then punt on 3rd down. Then Darnold plays the rest of the game with only pass plays, and Rhule will flaunt his way up to the podium with his stupid fat smile and say “see? Baker doesn’t have it and I was right all along.” Our history tells us we’re too stupid to realize Baker is better. I hate Rhule. I hate Darnold. I hate Tepper. I hate that there’s a large part of me that still thinks Cam Newton can somehow come back and take us to the Super Bowl. Why was I born in Charlotte? I can’t wait for tomorrow. Keep Pounding.
Don’t worry at least the Hornets are heading in the right direction, we just need to have a good offseas… holy shit nvm
Fuck Miles Bridges
The guy you got to replace your QB was so bad you got your old QB to come back
Last season, the New York Giants absolutely wrecked this team. Not beat. *Wrecked.* Routed. Destroyed. Whipped up and down the field. What joke could I tell that could be worse than that simple fact? Oh, right, there's an even worse fact -- Rhule still has his job. That's another thing the Giants did better than the Panthers this season -- knowing how to fire bad coaches.
Didn't Rhule lose to every coach that got fired last season?
[Ben McAdoo definitely wears this in public](https://i2-prod.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article21973331.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200c/0_Joe-Samaan.jpg)
When you’ve gotta give mustaches rides but gotta be safe
Ben McAdoo's safe word is "Ben McAdoo"
Christian McCaffrey has glass bones and paper ligaments. Every morning he breaks his ankles and every evening he dislocates his shoulders and he lies awake in agony until Sam Darnold's fifth-year option puts him to sleep.
Carolina would be better off dumping Matt Rhule and replacing him with a golden retriever dressed as a coach named Patt Druhle. Coming to theatres this fall; *Air Bud: Doing it Doggy*
Panthers are literally the Falcons twin, they’re both 0-1 against the Patriots & Broncos in a SB.
If we were twins, then our all-time record against them wouldn't be 20-34.
Congratulations in advance to Daniel Jones for winning the Panthers QB carousel next year
By the time I figure out a roast for the Carolina Panthers, Ben McAdoo would have gone through all the plays in his Cheesecake Factory style of Playbook
I would try to dive in and make a joke, but I went to the Cam Newton school of diving
Christian McCaffrey’s health. He probably pulled a hammy reading this.
Panthers are that friend that thinks they can fix a man just by being them them.
This team was literally handed two generational talents in back to back years and all they had to do was not fuck it up. Instead they hired a defensive coach stuck in 1985 who then hired offensive coaches who's philosophy was stuck in 1994. With a franchise QB and a franchise LB in place they were like "guys, we gotta build around our cornerstone player.... let's get Luke Kuechly 5 premium DTs and another premium coverage LB!!!" And you know what's the most depressing part? The QB who got murdered 16 times per year still outlasted the LB.