In all fairness, before my wife passed on, I would send pictures while shopping of options to make sure I got what she wanted instead of something that just sounded good to me. Also, cheating is stupid and a waste of time, if you want to be with someone else, end things first so you don't waste the other persons time and affection.
I don’t believe you asking for opinions is an issue. The issue is that these types of men are not aware of what their household uses. They live in the house but don’t know the kid’s favorite cereal of the kind of tomato sauce they use. Asking for confirmation and needing a print out with colored images just to know what to buy are completely different.
I’ve heard from receptionists at doctors’ offices that some dads come in not even knowing their own kids’ birthdays or how old they are. Like JFC how do you not know
I used to be an elementary teacher. The number of times I encountered fathers who had no idea their child's teacher's name, or even *what grade they were in*, was astounding.
Absolutely none of that excuses not knowing your own children's birthdays, medical issues, allergies, teacher's and doctor's names, friend's names, etc. Plus you're not put on the spot at the doctor's office. You know where you're going. You shouldn't be distracted by your bicycle or your neighbor's dog or wetf else at your child's pediatrician's office.
But tons of households have two working parents. Both me and my partner work and know our child’s birthday and medical history and what food she likes and what size clothes she’s wearing etc.
These sorts of posts make me so thankful for my partner. He's absolutely fantastic. I can be hanging around in ratty PJ'S all day and he'd find me just as attractive. When I'm ill, he runs around after me. When I need him, he's there. I mean, of course it's the same for me too. He also refuses to let me clean the cat litter, because he worries about any dust getting in my eyes (I have a severe eye condition. I'm 85% blind. Any infection could completely blind me). He's amazing, and doesn't weaponise incompetence. These men do exist. No one should settle. 😊👍
My husband didn't know the name of our kids pediatrician. But I didn't know how to effectively filter and monitor their internet usage.
That's how teamwork works. It's perfectly OK for each parent to run their own leg of the race. My husband knew where to find the name of the doctor if he needed it (shared file for all the stuff needed in an emergency), and I knew where to find people more tech literate than my children (that's a high bar).
Incidently, when our kids aged out of pediatrics, my husband was the one to help them navigate setting up an adult med GP. He knows their doctor's names now.
Men's competency is a spectrum not binary. I don't think it's fair to say they're all bad or all good.
People, both women and men, complain more than they praise and acknowledge. So you're always going to hear more about the inadequacy of husband's and less of their capabilities. But that's honestly not fair to the men who do have it together.
I have a friend who's husband is the one to do food shopping bc my girl friend is the one who needs a list with picture.
I also do have friends with the husband who only shows up physically and is "fun dad" but can't tell you what their kids even like (Christmas list with everything Pokémon and dad gets them a BB gun🤦♀️) and suggests making the Easter baskets on Saturday night before.
And many others who fall in between the spectrum.
Do I agree male weaponized incompetence exist? Hells yeah! My bro is classic example 1. Do I agree with you that more (not most. Just more) of them are in the incompetent side of the spectrum? Also yes. But I'm blessed with friends who don't complain about their husbands (unless we're all having rant-fests) and I can see without some of the bias.
I share a lot of these frustrations with my own husband even though he’s “one of the good ones” but I’m more frustrated with the state of our society than him in particular.
He works a stereotypical male job and he struggles to be the parent I am but he tries when he can. The problem is that he doesn’t get leave, he’s given shit when he has to leave to cover for me, and he works longer hours than I do.
Like almost everything comes down to him working a job in an industry that treats men like their wives *should* be doing 95% of the child rearing. And while yes, he could get a different job this job is probably the best he can do where we are with the skills he has. Or at least it is without going through a tough period of uncertainty.
Does it piss me tf off that as mom, I do everything? Doctors appointments, school pick up and drop off, schedule tracking? YES. 100%. And I think my husband can legitimately take the responsibility for more than what he does but most of why he doesn’t is because our family would lose hundreds of dollars for him to be the one to pick a sick kid up during the work day. And that’s also fucking stupid.
No matter what crisis is going on at home, my husband can NOT leave work. When there was a real need for him to be home back in August, he ended up having to work a full extra shift before he could leave. It sucks, but he gets paid well for it.
My husband got fired from his part time job that we really needed at the time because he missed work to see his child be born. They said it was unexcused as if a father should miss their own child being born. I should’ve birthed alone so he could work is crazy.
That’s sad. I’m sorry they treated your husband that, and indirectly treated you and your child like that. I don’t know what kind of monsters would call the birth of a child unexcused. But those kinds of monsters are far too common.
I think your situation is different but I appreciate your perspective. Your husband is willing to help but he is not able to. The man I’m talking about is not willing he doesn’t care. However you bring up a good point about how often society shifts these tasks into women. You’re right about men not getting the support and resources they need. That’s a huge problem especially in the US. Women are barely given maternity leave or enough and I know most places aren’t giving fathers adequate paternity and family leave. I hope this changes. I believe this is why we see smaller families or couples opting not to have children.
I think what you said really highlights what I've been saying for a long time: while women are largely liberated from traditional gender roles, men are still tied down to theirs.
I guess my argument comes from the view that women are more socially allowed to do 'manly' things without repercussions than men are allowed to do 'womanly' things. But yea, I agree, wish we could all be free. We are heading in that direction though.
You are absolutely correct, I’m sorry for misunderstanding. Men still aren’t even allowed to have feelings in some families. It’s toxic and it’s got to stop.
lol that’s fine. I’m a grown up who understands nuance, is in charge of her own situation, and not looking for validation (other than maybe in that others agree the system sucks haha)
He’s the only idiot willing to put up with my ass. And I’m very proud of the fact that if you ask my kids who the boss is, they’ll say nobody is, everyone’s opinions are important and we decide together in my family. I think that’s pretty goddamn special 😊
One of my best friends hosted a BBQ and I heard her husband boasting how he never did laundry in his life. His mom did it until he got married and now his wife does it.
Like how is that a flex and not embarrassing?? All I hear is "I'm useless and need taken care of like a child".
It's certainly not all potential SOs, thank goodness, and I did find a lovely one to marry. But I do frequently tell him I'm so glad to be done with dating because the amount of idiots out there is staggering (I dated men and women and they were equally face palm at times)
I can’t imagine it either.
My husband does all the shopping and cooking. He cleans, does laundry etc. He’s pretty perfect and I adore him. He works hard. Has always worked, even if it wasn’t the best job it brought in money while he looked for a better position. I am not perfect but we try to be good partners to each other. That’s how it’s supposed to be!
I read some people’s posts and I’m just like “why?”
Why stay with someone who doesn’t do their share, who acts a fool? Who doesn’t help and only makes things worse? I’d much rather be single if I was in one of those relationships.
A marriage should make life better. Not worse.
"Why do women think that’s all they deserve? How do they get hot for these men? How do they keep giving these men kids? How does he turn them on with this behavior?"
About this part, idk dude like really I don't. I do understand the abusing mentally and physically relationships and ofc that smtimes you can't get out bc you can't afford it, but getting cheated on multiple times and you still stay and you give them children too? Like I'm trying my best to stay sympathetic w the victims, but what kind of logic is "I hope if I give him more, he will choose his family."
Really now? I just don't get why such a big hope, you're desperate, yeah I know the feeling of desperate for sure tbh, but at this point you just ruin your life on your own.
I think in some cases, the women are determined to be a “ride or die” and prove their loyalty by putting up with an absurd amount of bull crap instead of telling the guy to eff himself. I think they think that if they do this, the guy will realize what they have and change. When actually, they will just take said woman for granted and just continue to treat them like garbage because they know she’ll never leave.
I definitely understand feeling this way. There are a lot of shitty men (and, to be fair, women) out there.
I am one of the lucky ones. My husband is fantastic. He does so much for me and our household. I feel like I can depend on him for everything and anything. He is loyal and honest and hard-working. We share our burdens whether financial or emotional or physical as an equal team. He prioritizes me and I prioritize him and that equals out in the end. One of my favorite, little things that shows the extent of his character - he is the cook in our house (and amazing at it), and I clean up after. But whenever he cooks something like say an egg - if one egg breaks or isn’t cooked perfectly, he will always serve me the best one and keep the broken/imperfect one for himself. We don’t have kids so maybe it’s easier for us, but we do have four cats and he takes such good care of them as well. Cleans the litter box, is going to build them a catio, takes them to the vet as soon as there are any issues, plays with them and gives them lots of love. I think he would be a great father but we just don’t want kids. I guess what I am trying to show is that there ARE good men out there…. But I do know I am lucky and there are also a lot of bad ones out there.
I do the same when it comes to food!
Turns out my mum does the same thing.
Like I remember telling her that I didn’t care if that one piece of food wasn’t perfect; it was gonna be delicious anyway because her cooking is awesome.
But here I am doing the same thing. I don’t get it 😆
As a man myself, I’ll never understand how guys like this survive/survived on their own. Even well before I moved out of my parents’ house I was fending mostly for myself. I could count on 1 hand the number of times in my adult life where someone else did my laundry for me. Once I bought my house I’ve done everything myself and being my mom’s son, I’m very particular about my space so I don’t half ass anything. The only thing I let my fiancée do when she comes over is cook because she’s a hell of a cook 😋. Otherwise I don’t feel right if someone else is doing my chores. These types of “men” you speak of are in fact not men but overgrown boys and they need to step their shit up. They give the rest of us a bad name.
I didn't start really dating until my 30's so I had already been living on my own for a decade before moving in with my now fiancée.
She has a friend who's moving in with her boyfriend who has never lived on his own and still lives with his parents. It's already turning into an experience.
I do find your laundry comment amusing. I've always done my own laundry when I was single an living alone because obviously. Now that I'm cohabitating with my fiancée, she will do my laundry before I get to it. Why? Because I apparently do it wrong.
This isn't weaponized incompetence or anything on my part. I've done it the same way I did it when I was living alone. Wash it. Dry it. Fold it. Put it in my dresser. But she worked in retail and for some reason knowing it's not folded to perfection eats at her. Even when it's in my dresser and my drawers completely out of sight. There have been many times when I've done my own laundry, folded it, and put it away only to open up the dresser the next day to find it all refolded and reorganized.
I do enjoy cooking for her, though, so I guess it evens out.
We’re a rare breed these days apparently lol. Yea with the laundry it’s different if you’re living together. My fiancée leaves clothes at my house so I just wash everything together and vice versa at her house. When we’re married and living together I’m sure there will be some overlap which is totally fine, we’re a team. In your case the laundry sounds like something she’s particular about, not a bad thing, and there’s probably some things you’re particular about that you take ownership of. Together you get everything done and the house is in tip top shape.
They seem to be more and more common lately. I’m in a relationship now and luckily for me, my boyfriend is really clean and can cook. Because he was raised by a single mom who was always working, he had to learn to do things on his own.
But you’d be horrified about how many guys I met when I was single who couldn’t even make their own doctor’s appointments or change a tire. Just completely useless. I actually had to teach one of them how boil pasta!
Something strange happened in the last twenty or thirty years where men are just being coddled to the point of being incapable of fending for themselves. And at the same time, expecting and feeling entitled to a perfect woman.
I have no idea how they’ve made it this far in life, either. However, a lot of those guys seem to be terminally single. Not being able to perform basic life skills is a huge turn off and those guys will usually just remain in circulation until they find a woman who is okay with settling, having to do everything herself with no help or input from her partner.
Maybe let us put it this way. People rarely post if they are in a good happy state or that their significant other is exactly what they evision them to be.
What you get online or maybe irl are complaints, people venting their fustrations and other rants about their SO. Hence it would seem the negative outweighs the positive.
Lastly faults are glaring and that the shortcomings are always remembered.
Generalization isn't the way to function in life.
Sure... But OP is clearly talking about real life friends and their real life husbands and conversations about them, so I don't really know what online complaints have to do with it.
This is so true. I honestly stopped posting anything about my husband. Anytime I said anything positive about him people would tell me I was gloating or bragging or be negative and say “it’s won’t always be like that wait till XYZ happens”
I don’t even with him happy birthday or happy anniversary on social media (we’re not even connected on Facebook, IG or anything)
Isn’t it something that you can just be happy and some bitter brat has to metaphorically poop all over your life?
Like if they put that effort towards improving their own lives, they wouldn’t be so bitter and grouchy!
I swear Oscar the Grouch has better manners than some people.
Have you seen the trad wives on Tik Tok? They are certainly posting their love of hetero marriage! There is a lot of pro marriage content in all media.
I don't do Tik Tok, but how much of this is fueled by the religious right pushing traditional women's roles. Some of those folks look almost programmed.
Sadly, a lot of them are just fetish content. Some even have a link to an OF account. Lol
I do see some women posting more homesteading or cottage core videos, though. Those seem more about a traditional, "slow life" living rather than appealing solely to men to get money.🤷♀️
my husband always says the bar is set so low for dads and husbands - we’ve been together for over 10 years and rarely meet couples who are genuinely happy with a balanced partnership. I personally think it’s people in general settling for the idea of marriage and kids and not truly understanding how much you have to be ok with the way people are as they show themselves and not the idea or potential you see in them. Everyone is flawed but not everyone works on those flaws and marriage/kids being sold to everyone as the ultimate gift in life takes away from the hardship and effort it truly takes to maintain a life not only for yourself but raising a family. I totally believe in less marriage or more divorce and for people to stop settling.
I’m honestly shocked by how low the bar is for husbands. Like I do my best to make sure it’s an equal partnership and my wife acts like I’m going above and beyond. I try not to take that for granted because I know that there’s a certain amount of social conditioning that primes men to be useless domestically, and I know in the past I’ve been subject to it
Thank you for your honesty and perspective. I agree. The bar is in hell for men and the people complaining certainly prove that point. I spoke about one man in particular and they’re acting as if I hate every man to ever exist. There are tons of wonderful men which is why I didn’t understand staying in a relationship with a terrible man. I hope more people can experience equal partnerships because it seems so rare nowadays unfortunately.
I think equal partnerships have always been rare, probably rarer in the past to be honest.
My wife and I just welcomed our first child to the world, a daughter. No matter what sex the child ended up being, I promised myself that I wanted them to grow up seeing both parents involved with the housework. A girl would then be conditioned not to accept a lazy partner, and a boy would be conditioned to do housework.
So thank you for this post because the kitchen is a mess right now and I should get on that!
I know for a fact there are so so many good men out there. I’m very lucky to have found one. That being said, if I were to ever be single again I would just stay single, honestly the battle to find these good men is sadly becoming less worth it from how detrimental it can be on your mental and physical health. And the stories you hear, good lord. It almost makes me doubt being in a relationship at all because I look over at my bf with such love and think, what would I do if this man betrayed my trust.
Same! If we should ever part ways for any reason I’ll be one and done. I made that decision quite some time ago when I was listening to the God awful stories from people I know!
Ha! I wouldn't either. And once I took a survey at the cafeteria lunch table. None of the women said they would get married again if they lost their husband.
Your comment completely contradicts itself. First you say you know for a fact there are “so many good men out there” but then you say that if you had to be single again you would just stay single. If you were single again and there are in fact “so many good men out there” then it should be easy to find them or you wouldn’t choose to be single?? The math doesn’t math. There simply aren’t that many good men out there or they would be easy to find and heterosexual women wouldn’t be choosing to be single.
There’s a lot out there, not saying they’re the majority though, or they are where I am. And doesn’t mean I’m willing to kiss a bunch of frogs first either in order to weed out the bad ones who straight up lie about their intentions. Dating is exhausting
Exactly how I feel! I’m beyond lucky to have my bf. My single friends are out there in the trenches! I feel for them so much. If I’m single again (hopefully not), I see myself being that way for a long time. Besides, platonic relationships are so much more important to me.
Getting married in October. What makes your SO one of the "good men?"
Might as well start taking notes so I can hit the ground running. We're childfree so child care isn't an issue.
Sadly, this is my mother’s second marriage to a T. Her husband doesn’t even know his own medical information, she has to make his appointments or he won’t go to the doctor. He’ll do a store run, but get mad at her because he doesn’t know where the cheese is. Won’t put his laundry away, even when she washes and folds it. He walks into the house and turns the tv to a channel he wants and then falls asleep on the couch, but not SO asleep that he won’t wake up disgruntled if you change the channel. And she wonders why I don’t want to be married. 🙄
I would just let him get freaking sick and not take care of him at all, wtf means he doesn't know his own medical information? Why is he expected to NOT make his own appointments for his own health. We are the freaking losers here for knowing our medical information now? No. I would just let him learn the hard way about everything. No food, no laundry, no appointments, no anything. I would say smth for the mom too but I'm not here to offend her or you.
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad more people sharing their stories are so people can see this is a real thing. I only have my one friend but I know there are so many women who are living a similar life. This isn’t about hating men this is about showing the reality of a lot of relationships .
This is me exactly. If I ever find myself single through death or divorce, I'm not interested in dating men ever again. My husband is amazing, and I could never find another like him.
This is me. I'm single and bi but have given up on dating a man. After years of reading how men only see us as bangmaids and seeing it firsthand, the risk isn't worth the reward. I have amazing male friends but I still think it's a rarity.
Women can be bad too but I've never been sexually harrassed, catcalled, or been called less by a woman
My poor MIL is stuck with a man who is so useless. Long story short, a work accident 30 years ago means they don’t have to work anymore. Severed his left arm below the elbow and right leg above the knee. I’m gonna skip past all of the things he’s done that make me roll my eyes and point out that this man has infantilized himself due to his injuries. He could absolutely walk if he wanted to, but he uses a powered wheelchair instead. For 20+ years I’ve watched his body is waste away because he refuses to be better.
I’ve seen him wear his prosthetics twice - at our wedding, and when we had to evacuate during a hurricane and stayed in a hotel. He could afford fancy prosthetics, but he *chooses to stay in the chair*. Watching someone who’s capable of living a normal life not utilizing the advantages he has is INFURIATING.
But the worst part is he relies on MIL to do everything for him. She doesn’t have to work, but she lives with an infant, so she’s miserable. If she visits us, her sister has to come over and TAKE CARE OF HIM. Even if it’s just for the weekend! How can anyone have any self respect when you can’t even microwave a meal for yourself, and mommy-wife’s sisters has to come power my bum bum. *incoherent screaming*
Seems like outdated marriage ideals from the 1950s still permeates the current fabric of society. Women can now make money and thus have power/freedom to live their lives independently without being some guy’s housemaid to sustain themselves and/or their families. Look at how transactional marriage was only a few generations ago. Women have more freedom now thanks to the individuals who fought for the rights we have today.
Now I think we are seeing that change across families and communities that were strongly patriarchal. Some men unfortunately seem really upset of their loss of power/control from this aspect….women don’t need to submit to them to survive and build a life for themselves anymore. There are many options now.
Look, I agree that the bar is in hell for men but also? So many people don't communicate. I have noticed this trend amongst pretty much all of my married friends. They sit and stew and don't talk about important things. It's just "how he is" or "it's not worth it" and then they stay with them and keep just being miserable. Make demands, put their asses on notice and make them do what they should be doing. And if it's bad before you get married, don't get married! If it's bad before you get a pet, don't get a pet! If it's bad before you have kids, ffs don't have kids. They think it's suddenly going to get better when you pile on more responsibility. It's not. I promise, it's not.
This is a wonderful read. I’m only sad that I’ve had the same issues for years-or worse, the woman in the relationship is abusive *because* this is how their spouse is, and they’re toxic and no longer my friend.
When I was a young adult, I was really unhappy about what kind of future I was supposed to have, bc all the women around me said this was my future.
Thank god I turned out to be queer and non-binary, and eventually found a partner on the same level.
I was briefly married to a useless man. You would not believe the level of relief I felt in 2020 when the lockdowns occurred that I had managed to get a divorce and kicked him out of the house by then.
The bar is in hell for men.
Partnered to a woman now, she pulls her weight and then some. No more soloing the mental load and managing an adult child. And her vulnerability and our emotional and physical connection is heavenly.
Women are with trash dudes but I’m not. Like I said in the post I don’t see the appeal maybe they think that’s all that’s out there. I refuse to believe there aren’t decent men left. Maybe I’m delusional and there aren’t but I try to be optimistic.
It’s funny bc you can tell it’s the men who are very upset by this post, that are exactly what you mean. It’s not ALL men.but when 70-80% of y’all are actually abusive or inappropriate w women and children… It starts to look like all of them huh?
Yeah. If I could do it all over again I would have just focused on my kids and career and not trying to find someone to complete me. Because honestly, relationships are pointless. I’ve always been the loyal girl. Try to make it work girl. Give you everything girl. But never got it back. Men always talk the good game when you meet about how they have the good D but get lazy after a while. I don’t get foreplay at all but expected to massage, give oral etc when I don’t get it in return. I don’t get simple affection and get triggered when I see people getting affection. Like what’s the point. When you get old men just ignore you and go for someone half your age. You break your back carrying their children, cooking food and limping around and they just sit there and watch. I’m going to likely be disabled and die alone. No man wants to take care of anyone. They just want to put all their energy into some B they are jerking off to online or some B they are cheating with. Life is BS when you are a woman. Plain and simple.
If this is all about a singular man in particular, I don't blame you for thinking this way. I'm also scratching my head to figure out what his appeal is. All take, no give, blatant double standards, unfit parent, infidelity, weaponized incompetence, etc.
It's probably painful to see your friend in this relationship, but you don't have any control over that. They've made their decisions and continue to choose to stay with this person. There is a sort of freedom in accepting that, being grateful you don't have to personally put up with it, and not getting involved. Radical acceptance takes time and practice. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my childhood friend and her roommate taking advantage of her and later me. Practicing radical acceptance, setting boundaries, and blocking the roommate were the only ways my husband and I were able to regain peace and sleep in our lives. My friend still chooses her roommate and, as much as I wish it wasn't so, that's not something I can change.
I think if my partner was in a different relationship he might have been one of these men. He was brought up not doing anything, not because his mother was the housewife but because his parents couldn't be bothered to teach him anything. Everything took too long when the kids did it, so they just never got them to do anything. The guy left home not knowing how to cook a single meal other than just throwing things in the oven. Didn't know how to clean etc, he lived like a bachelor. I do think he could have taken the initiative to educate himself but did various emotional/trauma reasons he didn't.
It's not behaviour I would accept, it was a long road, things you just don't think to explain, because you just do them, I had to explain to him. He has/had trauma around not knowing how to do things because he was treated as useless if he messed something up as a kid.
I'm a nurturing person, I was ok with taking on this load with him (I also went through something similar with my bestie who we still live with) he's come a long way. I still take the lead on running our household but they both have tasks they just do and will ask me what I'd like them to do next. It's no issue if I ask them to do something. We probably have a 50/25/25 split, I love being a 'housewife' so I'm comfortable with it.
Through this process I never let him get out of things because he didn't know how, never let him use any 'weaponised incompetence' I called him out constantly. His attitude has changed from 'I'm not doing that, I don't know how' to 'I'm not sure how to do this, can you show me'.
I absolutely should not have had to 'raise' him myself but society either let's boys be boys or there are plenty of parents out there who should not have been parents in the first place. So many don't raise children who are equipped to handle basic adult life. My bestie (F) being one of them, her parents are wonderful kind people but they did not teach her enough.
I wish more women would stand up for themselves and demand better from their partners, it's so sad to witness these kinds of relationships.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m in a heterosexual relationship with a very capable man- equal on all accounts.
He cooks, he cleans, he cares for our dogs and can be left alone for unlimited times without needing any help of mine.
They ARE out there- I’ve been with one for 12+ years.
I get what you’re saying though, listening to my coworkers talk about their useless partners makes me sick. Just a waste of space, bringing the whole family down with their inability to grasp simple life concepts.
I've been married for 16 years - this June - and while my husband is not perfect and we have had our fair share of rough patches, I know I can always rely on him to be there when I need him. What I do know is that if both partners don't work together toward the same goal, they will fail. Marriage is a partnership, and it requires teamwork. For a long time, I wasn't happy in my marriage - not necessarily because of my husband - but we faced a lot of stuff, and it led to depression, etc, but recently, I told him that I'm happy again. I forgot the last time we had a disagreement on something. And he seems happier, too.
PS He had long periods when he didn't help around the house, but he worked long hours, and when he was home, I wanted him to sleep. But he does help with the house and the kids more now, because he works less but makes more money than before.
As a man I’m disappointed by how low the bar actually is to be considered a good partner. It’s SO low. Most of the things I do fall under the category of “living a good life” and “being a good and fair person,” or “imagining how x action would impact me if I were in their position.” It’s not hard and yet… observe reality.
I’m laughing at the fact that OP put a disclaimer, yet I’m seeing a lot of comments taking offense to this post that OP specifically was referring to their life. No need to read between lines, it’s right there.
Those are some very broad generalizations. If you believe **all men** are this way, you need to seek therapy.
If a man made this same argument about women, he'd be dragged as sexist and misogynistic.
OP implies right away that they don’t think it’s all men just that the bad outweigh the good. In the second sentence. Stop accusing them of things when it clearly isn’t warranted.
I Googled it, I got results saying 1 in 4 men. That's a lot, but it's a far cry from 80%. I'm genuinely interested; maybe you'd like to share your source
Where did I say all men? I said these types of men that women are with bother me. I never said all men act that way. I said theres a lot of men that do things I don’t agree with but I never said they all behave like this. If you’re triggered that says more about you than me. Men make comments all the time about women. If I feel it doesn’t apply to me it doesn’t bother me and I move along with my life.
Welcome to reddit.
You’re going to hear things you may like
And things that may hurt.
The reason we perceive your post as “all men”, is your wording.
Common sense, both genders have these issues.
This isn’t a measuring contest of are there more bad men than bad women.
People hurt, people can be bad spouses.
I’ve had my fair share of bad relationships with toxic women.
So you’re heard. You’re understood and seen.
Relationships involve a lot. And it’s up to you to hold yourself to your standards and expectations.
There will be compromise, no two souls are 110% perfect with no issues what so ever.
To me, to love someone involves all of them. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
They’re perfect to me in the sense of I accept everything that embodies them. Not just the parts “I like”. Their personality, habits, how they handle stress, how they love”
You’re not going to adore every single aspect. This is where that “ through good and bad and in sickness and in health” comes in.
Most men have been domesticated by patriarchal gender roles in a way where they no longer know how to fend for themselves and depend on women for basic survival.
I've been divorced for 8 years, and I don't remember my ex-husband being this way. But he's a cheater and doesn't know his kids either. He did help with chores and grocery shopping. I have no desire to have a relationship because of every single thing you said. I've always felt this way, and it seems like it's just keeps getting worse. It also seems like every women are finally opening their eye's. I feel bad for the younger women who are easily manipulated by these POS. The one's who don't leave but are ok with it, show them on tick tocks that have negative comments but they always ignore and comment on the one's who say "omg my hubby is the same way hehe" like smfh off. I don't understand, nor do I want to. I'm good with not finding anyone. I enjoy peace over drama qneens. These men will just embarrass you.
At the age of 19, I was already thinking about what age I'd consider using a sperm donor for exactly this reason. I wasn't interested in raising my husband, nor was I interested in shouldering the brunt of the housework. (I'm not even good at housework.) I have ADHD and I'm absolutely terrible at picking up after myself—a whole other person? Forget it.
I ended up marrying a guy who loves cleaning and spends hours doing it; who wants to be a stay-at-home dad (and would be amazing at it); who often cooks; and who is incredibly sweet, and constantly does little gestures for me (randomly buying me flowers, making the bed, doing my laundry, etc.—mainly acts of service). He is absolutely incredible, and he takes care of me in so many ways.
I think it's really easy for someone to get entitled when society tells them they ought to be. For example, many men expect their partner to essentially take care of them; they accuse their partner of "nagging" when asked to chip in; and they think that they are putting in "their 50%" just by working for 8 hours a day, without doing any cleaning, cooking, child-rearing, or handling any of the emotional load. (My husband, by the way, does none of these things.)
On the flipside, many women I talk to will start describing their type by saying, "He has to have brown hair and blue eyes and be at least 6 feet tall..." or will dismiss a man after a very short time of getting to know him for trivial reasons. They'll also act completely unhinged in the relationship and expect their partner to "deal with it," fail to regulate basic emotions and expect their partner to emotionally regulate on behalf of both of them (ex. getting upset at stupid things when they are capable of calming themselves down, but instead expecting their partner to calm them down), and refuse to communicate their needs and instead expect their partner to read their mind. (I, by the way, do none of these things.)
Both of these things are terrible, and both of them are ridiculously common. People feel entitled when they are taught to be entitled, and in our society, both men and women are made to expect some absolutely ridiculous things in a marriage.
These things are not inevitable, however. Again, I preferred to be alone than to put up with someone like the man you described. Many women are content to be with men like that when the decision is between settling or being alone. People are terrified of being alone; it's a very scary thing. But the men and women like the ones I just described won't improve until they're forced to—and that will only happen when they're forced to remain alone until they fix these expectations. And as long as they continue to end up in relationships in which these expectations are fulfilled, there's no reason to try to be better when your partner will settle for the bare minimum.
Whoever this man is is the exact opposite of my husband. He is an equal partner in every single way. Not an ounce of weaponized incompetence. I'm very lucky, but also that should honestly be the norm/minimum requirements. Just saying, good men definitely still exist.
I’m not entirely sure if I have room to talk in this place. Just a dude here with a girlfriend, but I truly hope that these are not all the men that you meet, and I sincerely hope that these women and yourself may find better men.
I say this because I don’t actually know a guy like this, outside of my friend group. We all genuinely try to listen to our partners and try to communicate our needs, as much as they try to communicate theirs, and we all listen to each other from what I see.
Sorry that you and others are experiencing men being boys, I just want people to know that not everyone is like that. Sorry that things are tough, and I hope that things get better, and these men listen and improve steadily.
This was my dating experience until I met my current boyfriend. He does a lot for me and I try my best to do as much for him too. I feel like we both pull our own weights in this relationship.
My ex from before not only weaponized his incompetence against, he actively blamed me for it. It was psychological torture for the one year we were together and looking back, it might’ve escalated to physical violence if I hadn’t left. The night I officially decided to leave, he punch a hole into the wall right next to my head during a heated argument. I’d been gearing up to leave for a few months, but that did it for me.
My dad always mixes up my age by 1-2 years apart but he forgets his own age so it’s not too bad lol. Not justifying their actions but some men are brought up in more traditional roles and are way more focused on the providing and rely on their wives to be closer to the children so I forgive my dad for being ignorant sometimes and he’s a minority parent so ya just lots of context lost in the cultural and language barrier. He also makes up in other ways with some solid life lessons that I’ve picked up from him and to me those are way more precious to me than him remembering my favorite color. I’m sure OP is referring to men that are just absolutely ignorant don’t think to put any improvement or effort and show no love for their wives or children. Hopefully these men are giving love in other ways that may not be as obvious but cheating and hypocrisy should be everyone’s dealbreakers.
I don’t think everyone’s meant to be with someone and we should normalize that more, you should only be with someone if you feel like they would add to your life some with friendships. It’s better to be lonely than to have bloodsuckers in your life. Hope your friends’ situations get better <3
The thing about finding a good mate is communication from the start. Ask about hhow they do everyday things all the time. Keep it casual, but ask about how they do their laundry, are they good with how they separate their whites and colors, or anything deeper, random shit like that.
My husband is definitely one of the good ones but it scares me because I’ll see a husband who seems amazing to his wife and she will even brag about it and then boom. She finds him cheating.
And I even have problems that I find irritating. Like he doesn’t ask if I’m okay with the kids before leaving, he tells me he’s leaving. While I have to ask to even take a shower to make sure he knows he’s watching the baby. And then he will tell me to “hurry” because I’m breastfeeding right now. Even though he perfectly can make a bottle with the milk I have stored. And despite the amount of times we’ve talked about this, it remains the same.
He can take off without the kids, and if I go anywhere I have to take them because it’s easier on him. It’s hard.
I told my husband that if he goes before me I'll never be in another relationship with another man. He thought it was because he's so wonderful and Irreplaceable. Umm, yeah. No.
Same. I lucked out majorly, my spouse really has learned and grown (as have I) over the years together. But I've watched my sister and my mom both with some of the most incompetent men ever and it's just sad. I say I lucked out, but honestly what I mean is that I held myself to a higher standard. He was never perfect, but willing to take criticism, had a wonderful dad who taught him what mattered, and when we did break up for a little while when he was just out of college, he realized that he wanted to be a more competent person. He dived head first into being an active parent, and I am so thankful we have the relationship we do.
I just wish more women had better self esteem to not just expect, but to demand better for themselves.
I wonder what the percentage is of great husbands and fathers compared to donors that live in the household. I never wanted children so let the women I was dating at the time know. Most didn’t stick around or thought they could change my mind later on. I’m extremely domestic and cook clean and prepare meals in my current home.
Like with anything in life, there are real deals and total frauds. I know plenty of men who mail it in on a daily basis and aren’t good husbands or fathers. They depend on their wife to run the show and the husband is often another kid to handle. Yes, it’s a shame but that should not stop you from wondering if there are good men out there. There are. Your friend’s husband sucks. It happens.
You’re right. I cannot imagine how any one would put up with how rude they’ve been over simply not agreeing. They’ve been crashing out in the comments it’s absurd really. I didn’t think an internet post is that serious to start name calling and losing my mind. I would just log out before I embarrassed myself.
I hear you. There are good men out there. I’m not the perfect husband by any means but I’m hands on and balance the workload with my wife. I have friends who work, go to the bar after work, come home drunk and pass out and has zero issue leaving everything to his poor wife. He sucks. That’s what scares single women and rightfully so.
I agree that many men suck. Many women also for that matter.
But I hope you can eventually find someone who is above all that. Someone who is an equal partner. Someone who supports you and makes you a better person. Someone you can be happy growing old together.
Look, being a man is hard. We're rallying here against this idea that men are lazy, but they definitely can't be expected to read *multiple sentences*. Come on.
I like how her second paragraph LITERALLY stated that she’s speaking about specific men only and here you are still crying because you think she’s saying “all men suck.” Can you be anymore transparent? Smh
Sadly, there aren’t many couples I know in loving relationships. Most the time the guys want rich wives now so they can do nothing. Lazy dating is real and they will say it’s because they can’t get a second or third date so it’s expensive, but if they don’t pursue YOU even in the beginning, imagine how lazy they will be when they get you.
The only man I have ever known to be generous, was 17 years older than me. The problem was his drinking problem, couldn’t get it together to make enough money to support a wife and kids. It’s sad, because he was the cleanest, most respectful, hard working, generous man I have ever met. Extremely supporting emotionally. Never let me pay rent, just pay for food sometimes and I paid for my own insurance and gas. I was single for 4 years after because no one could measure up to him.
Guys are in their 30s and 40s, gaming and collecting comic books. They make for the worst partners. Guys don't want stay at home wives anymore. They want to be stay at home and do nothing. Leaving their wives to work and still take care of everything.
You are so right to feel the way you do. I don't know any young couples in healthy relation ships. All the women I know have more education, are more ambitious because we have all had to be since men don't support women anymore.
Society took a nose dive. I don't really see it improving either.
It's sad wen you know you are great in a relationship, but it's not worth being in one just to say you are. Most of the time you are just as lonely and have less peace in your life.
I wish the best for all of us.
I don't know what we will end up doing.
Some people suck. Let’s not act like women are perfect with all those damn shoes and travel coffee cups. Some people suck. Get over it, move on, try to find one that works for ya. That’s life.
Why are you mad that she’s venting about specific people in her life? It sounds like you’re one of the dudes she’s talking about and now you’re butthurt about it. Just hush
Haha fair enough fair enough. I think there’s a bigger conversation to be had across the sex spectrum when it comes to relationships and parenting. Moms and dads can both be bad and mess their kids up.
She’s selfish for not wanting to put up with a selfish spoiled cheating lazy manbaby?
(I have a feeling you’re a selfish spoiled cheating lazy manbaby. Otherwise, why would you be so mad about this post?)
Oh yeah right, let's take care of your ass bc you're as useless as a freaking rock and if we refuse? "You're selfish!"
Time to get a tattoo on your forehead "I'm a crybaby, take care of me bc I'm useless."
Yeah, some guys suck. Does one man exhibit all of these negative traits, or have you found yourself as the emotional dumping ground for all of your friends?
Meh. There are bad with both genders.
How about the women who feel entitled to be stay at home moms, despite the cost of living. The women who refuse to become financially literate with saving and investing. Many men have to buy houses by themselves because the woman has spending problems and has decided to not address them.
I’ve never said there weren’t. I don’t date women so I cannot make a post about experiences with women. This post was about my friend having a terrible partner not about men all men.
Im just saying…. I feel women come out in droves complaining bout men. Men need to hold women to a higher standard especially when it comes to money management. One stay at home mom who expects to live like a queen can fuck over the family’s Net Worth
You have personal experiences with a stay at home wife with bad finances? Maybe you should make a post talking about it. Spread the message and shed light on a problem you feel is not getting the recognition.
I see plenty of women just not embracing equality. Not thinking its that important for them to be working and saving money. I see that they dont truly care about the finances of the family. Its like , why even try to be a stay at home mom if your family will be broke as a resuly. Maybe dad and the kids don’t wanna be broke?
The thing is, I could make the exact same post about women and how women I know are acting horribly in relationships. There are just many shitty people out there. I really don’t know why this issue is made out as some kind of gender related
Yeah. And there aren’t lots of fucked yo women out there? Maybe no guy wants you because of your shitty attitude toward them. Not all men are like that. You sound like a spoiled baby. Baby want Milk Milk
Women vents about specific men in HER life and a bunch of losers come to her post crying because they feel attacked by her statements. It’s you… you’re the loser.
Insane how you just group all men because of one dude. The hypocrisy in this website is off the charts. I just wonder how it would be perceived if the roles were reversed
In all fairness, before my wife passed on, I would send pictures while shopping of options to make sure I got what she wanted instead of something that just sounded good to me. Also, cheating is stupid and a waste of time, if you want to be with someone else, end things first so you don't waste the other persons time and affection.
I’m sorry about your loss :/🤍
I don’t believe you asking for opinions is an issue. The issue is that these types of men are not aware of what their household uses. They live in the house but don’t know the kid’s favorite cereal of the kind of tomato sauce they use. Asking for confirmation and needing a print out with colored images just to know what to buy are completely different.
I’ve heard from receptionists at doctors’ offices that some dads come in not even knowing their own kids’ birthdays or how old they are. Like JFC how do you not know
This reminds me of the time i had to go to ER and listen to my dad say I was 13 while I struggled for air. I was 15.
I used to be an elementary teacher. The number of times I encountered fathers who had no idea their child's teacher's name, or even *what grade they were in*, was astounding.
[удалено]
*single mom of three with demanding career who successfully does all the parenting… checking in.*
Absolutely none of that excuses not knowing your own children's birthdays, medical issues, allergies, teacher's and doctor's names, friend's names, etc. Plus you're not put on the spot at the doctor's office. You know where you're going. You shouldn't be distracted by your bicycle or your neighbor's dog or wetf else at your child's pediatrician's office.
But tons of households have two working parents. Both me and my partner work and know our child’s birthday and medical history and what food she likes and what size clothes she’s wearing etc.
Wow I guess I should be studied as I work and remember my child’s birthday 🙄
ah, my bad! I pick up what you're saying now
These sorts of posts make me so thankful for my partner. He's absolutely fantastic. I can be hanging around in ratty PJ'S all day and he'd find me just as attractive. When I'm ill, he runs around after me. When I need him, he's there. I mean, of course it's the same for me too. He also refuses to let me clean the cat litter, because he worries about any dust getting in my eyes (I have a severe eye condition. I'm 85% blind. Any infection could completely blind me). He's amazing, and doesn't weaponise incompetence. These men do exist. No one should settle. 😊👍
They can recite a bunch of age old sports facts but can't even recall things they use in their daily household. It's baffling.
It’s what they value.
My husband didn't know the name of our kids pediatrician. But I didn't know how to effectively filter and monitor their internet usage. That's how teamwork works. It's perfectly OK for each parent to run their own leg of the race. My husband knew where to find the name of the doctor if he needed it (shared file for all the stuff needed in an emergency), and I knew where to find people more tech literate than my children (that's a high bar). Incidently, when our kids aged out of pediatrics, my husband was the one to help them navigate setting up an adult med GP. He knows their doctor's names now.
Men's competency is a spectrum not binary. I don't think it's fair to say they're all bad or all good. People, both women and men, complain more than they praise and acknowledge. So you're always going to hear more about the inadequacy of husband's and less of their capabilities. But that's honestly not fair to the men who do have it together. I have a friend who's husband is the one to do food shopping bc my girl friend is the one who needs a list with picture. I also do have friends with the husband who only shows up physically and is "fun dad" but can't tell you what their kids even like (Christmas list with everything Pokémon and dad gets them a BB gun🤦♀️) and suggests making the Easter baskets on Saturday night before. And many others who fall in between the spectrum. Do I agree male weaponized incompetence exist? Hells yeah! My bro is classic example 1. Do I agree with you that more (not most. Just more) of them are in the incompetent side of the spectrum? Also yes. But I'm blessed with friends who don't complain about their husbands (unless we're all having rant-fests) and I can see without some of the bias.
Why is your beautiful comment heavily down voted?
I share a lot of these frustrations with my own husband even though he’s “one of the good ones” but I’m more frustrated with the state of our society than him in particular. He works a stereotypical male job and he struggles to be the parent I am but he tries when he can. The problem is that he doesn’t get leave, he’s given shit when he has to leave to cover for me, and he works longer hours than I do. Like almost everything comes down to him working a job in an industry that treats men like their wives *should* be doing 95% of the child rearing. And while yes, he could get a different job this job is probably the best he can do where we are with the skills he has. Or at least it is without going through a tough period of uncertainty. Does it piss me tf off that as mom, I do everything? Doctors appointments, school pick up and drop off, schedule tracking? YES. 100%. And I think my husband can legitimately take the responsibility for more than what he does but most of why he doesn’t is because our family would lose hundreds of dollars for him to be the one to pick a sick kid up during the work day. And that’s also fucking stupid.
No matter what crisis is going on at home, my husband can NOT leave work. When there was a real need for him to be home back in August, he ended up having to work a full extra shift before he could leave. It sucks, but he gets paid well for it.
My husband got fired from his part time job that we really needed at the time because he missed work to see his child be born. They said it was unexcused as if a father should miss their own child being born. I should’ve birthed alone so he could work is crazy.
That’s sad. I’m sorry they treated your husband that, and indirectly treated you and your child like that. I don’t know what kind of monsters would call the birth of a child unexcused. But those kinds of monsters are far too common.
I think your situation is different but I appreciate your perspective. Your husband is willing to help but he is not able to. The man I’m talking about is not willing he doesn’t care. However you bring up a good point about how often society shifts these tasks into women. You’re right about men not getting the support and resources they need. That’s a huge problem especially in the US. Women are barely given maternity leave or enough and I know most places aren’t giving fathers adequate paternity and family leave. I hope this changes. I believe this is why we see smaller families or couples opting not to have children.
Preach my friend! You’re dead on.
I think what you said really highlights what I've been saying for a long time: while women are largely liberated from traditional gender roles, men are still tied down to theirs.
Not really, because men being tied down still ties women to theirs as well. I wish we were all truly free.
I guess my argument comes from the view that women are more socially allowed to do 'manly' things without repercussions than men are allowed to do 'womanly' things. But yea, I agree, wish we could all be free. We are heading in that direction though.
You are absolutely correct, I’m sorry for misunderstanding. Men still aren’t even allowed to have feelings in some families. It’s toxic and it’s got to stop.
You realize, of course, that this being Reddit, people are going to tell you, “DUMP HIM!”?
lol that’s fine. I’m a grown up who understands nuance, is in charge of her own situation, and not looking for validation (other than maybe in that others agree the system sucks haha) He’s the only idiot willing to put up with my ass. And I’m very proud of the fact that if you ask my kids who the boss is, they’ll say nobody is, everyone’s opinions are important and we decide together in my family. I think that’s pretty goddamn special 😊
One of my best friends hosted a BBQ and I heard her husband boasting how he never did laundry in his life. His mom did it until he got married and now his wife does it. Like how is that a flex and not embarrassing?? All I hear is "I'm useless and need taken care of like a child". It's certainly not all potential SOs, thank goodness, and I did find a lovely one to marry. But I do frequently tell him I'm so glad to be done with dating because the amount of idiots out there is staggering (I dated men and women and they were equally face palm at times)
I can’t imagine it either. My husband does all the shopping and cooking. He cleans, does laundry etc. He’s pretty perfect and I adore him. He works hard. Has always worked, even if it wasn’t the best job it brought in money while he looked for a better position. I am not perfect but we try to be good partners to each other. That’s how it’s supposed to be! I read some people’s posts and I’m just like “why?” Why stay with someone who doesn’t do their share, who acts a fool? Who doesn’t help and only makes things worse? I’d much rather be single if I was in one of those relationships. A marriage should make life better. Not worse.
You’re truly fortunate
"Why do women think that’s all they deserve? How do they get hot for these men? How do they keep giving these men kids? How does he turn them on with this behavior?" About this part, idk dude like really I don't. I do understand the abusing mentally and physically relationships and ofc that smtimes you can't get out bc you can't afford it, but getting cheated on multiple times and you still stay and you give them children too? Like I'm trying my best to stay sympathetic w the victims, but what kind of logic is "I hope if I give him more, he will choose his family." Really now? I just don't get why such a big hope, you're desperate, yeah I know the feeling of desperate for sure tbh, but at this point you just ruin your life on your own.
I think in some cases, the women are determined to be a “ride or die” and prove their loyalty by putting up with an absurd amount of bull crap instead of telling the guy to eff himself. I think they think that if they do this, the guy will realize what they have and change. When actually, they will just take said woman for granted and just continue to treat them like garbage because they know she’ll never leave.
I definitely understand feeling this way. There are a lot of shitty men (and, to be fair, women) out there. I am one of the lucky ones. My husband is fantastic. He does so much for me and our household. I feel like I can depend on him for everything and anything. He is loyal and honest and hard-working. We share our burdens whether financial or emotional or physical as an equal team. He prioritizes me and I prioritize him and that equals out in the end. One of my favorite, little things that shows the extent of his character - he is the cook in our house (and amazing at it), and I clean up after. But whenever he cooks something like say an egg - if one egg breaks or isn’t cooked perfectly, he will always serve me the best one and keep the broken/imperfect one for himself. We don’t have kids so maybe it’s easier for us, but we do have four cats and he takes such good care of them as well. Cleans the litter box, is going to build them a catio, takes them to the vet as soon as there are any issues, plays with them and gives them lots of love. I think he would be a great father but we just don’t want kids. I guess what I am trying to show is that there ARE good men out there…. But I do know I am lucky and there are also a lot of bad ones out there.
Your husband sounds like mine. Except we have 2 kids, and he still acts like this!
I’m so happy to hear that!
I do the same when it comes to food! Turns out my mum does the same thing. Like I remember telling her that I didn’t care if that one piece of food wasn’t perfect; it was gonna be delicious anyway because her cooking is awesome. But here I am doing the same thing. I don’t get it 😆
LOVE a good cat dad. Your husband sounds like mine :)
As a man myself, I’ll never understand how guys like this survive/survived on their own. Even well before I moved out of my parents’ house I was fending mostly for myself. I could count on 1 hand the number of times in my adult life where someone else did my laundry for me. Once I bought my house I’ve done everything myself and being my mom’s son, I’m very particular about my space so I don’t half ass anything. The only thing I let my fiancée do when she comes over is cook because she’s a hell of a cook 😋. Otherwise I don’t feel right if someone else is doing my chores. These types of “men” you speak of are in fact not men but overgrown boys and they need to step their shit up. They give the rest of us a bad name.
I didn't start really dating until my 30's so I had already been living on my own for a decade before moving in with my now fiancée. She has a friend who's moving in with her boyfriend who has never lived on his own and still lives with his parents. It's already turning into an experience. I do find your laundry comment amusing. I've always done my own laundry when I was single an living alone because obviously. Now that I'm cohabitating with my fiancée, she will do my laundry before I get to it. Why? Because I apparently do it wrong. This isn't weaponized incompetence or anything on my part. I've done it the same way I did it when I was living alone. Wash it. Dry it. Fold it. Put it in my dresser. But she worked in retail and for some reason knowing it's not folded to perfection eats at her. Even when it's in my dresser and my drawers completely out of sight. There have been many times when I've done my own laundry, folded it, and put it away only to open up the dresser the next day to find it all refolded and reorganized. I do enjoy cooking for her, though, so I guess it evens out.
We’re a rare breed these days apparently lol. Yea with the laundry it’s different if you’re living together. My fiancée leaves clothes at my house so I just wash everything together and vice versa at her house. When we’re married and living together I’m sure there will be some overlap which is totally fine, we’re a team. In your case the laundry sounds like something she’s particular about, not a bad thing, and there’s probably some things you’re particular about that you take ownership of. Together you get everything done and the house is in tip top shape.
They seem to be more and more common lately. I’m in a relationship now and luckily for me, my boyfriend is really clean and can cook. Because he was raised by a single mom who was always working, he had to learn to do things on his own. But you’d be horrified about how many guys I met when I was single who couldn’t even make their own doctor’s appointments or change a tire. Just completely useless. I actually had to teach one of them how boil pasta! Something strange happened in the last twenty or thirty years where men are just being coddled to the point of being incapable of fending for themselves. And at the same time, expecting and feeling entitled to a perfect woman. I have no idea how they’ve made it this far in life, either. However, a lot of those guys seem to be terminally single. Not being able to perform basic life skills is a huge turn off and those guys will usually just remain in circulation until they find a woman who is okay with settling, having to do everything herself with no help or input from her partner.
Maybe let us put it this way. People rarely post if they are in a good happy state or that their significant other is exactly what they evision them to be. What you get online or maybe irl are complaints, people venting their fustrations and other rants about their SO. Hence it would seem the negative outweighs the positive. Lastly faults are glaring and that the shortcomings are always remembered. Generalization isn't the way to function in life.
Sure... But OP is clearly talking about real life friends and their real life husbands and conversations about them, so I don't really know what online complaints have to do with it.
This is so true. I honestly stopped posting anything about my husband. Anytime I said anything positive about him people would tell me I was gloating or bragging or be negative and say “it’s won’t always be like that wait till XYZ happens” I don’t even with him happy birthday or happy anniversary on social media (we’re not even connected on Facebook, IG or anything)
Isn’t it something that you can just be happy and some bitter brat has to metaphorically poop all over your life? Like if they put that effort towards improving their own lives, they wouldn’t be so bitter and grouchy! I swear Oscar the Grouch has better manners than some people.
Agreed. I get the same reactions on other subs when I talk about doing well in my career. You can’t win 😂
Have you seen the trad wives on Tik Tok? They are certainly posting their love of hetero marriage! There is a lot of pro marriage content in all media.
I don't do Tik Tok, but how much of this is fueled by the religious right pushing traditional women's roles. Some of those folks look almost programmed.
Sadly, a lot of them are just fetish content. Some even have a link to an OF account. Lol I do see some women posting more homesteading or cottage core videos, though. Those seem more about a traditional, "slow life" living rather than appealing solely to men to get money.🤷♀️
Nope...don't have tiktok neither do I have instagram. Is this a recent trend? I prefer reading discussions on reddit.
That’s true. I’m on Reddit all the time but have never posted a relationship advice post bc I haven’t needed to.
Please let’s say it for the people in the back! Preach!
my husband always says the bar is set so low for dads and husbands - we’ve been together for over 10 years and rarely meet couples who are genuinely happy with a balanced partnership. I personally think it’s people in general settling for the idea of marriage and kids and not truly understanding how much you have to be ok with the way people are as they show themselves and not the idea or potential you see in them. Everyone is flawed but not everyone works on those flaws and marriage/kids being sold to everyone as the ultimate gift in life takes away from the hardship and effort it truly takes to maintain a life not only for yourself but raising a family. I totally believe in less marriage or more divorce and for people to stop settling.
I’m honestly shocked by how low the bar is for husbands. Like I do my best to make sure it’s an equal partnership and my wife acts like I’m going above and beyond. I try not to take that for granted because I know that there’s a certain amount of social conditioning that primes men to be useless domestically, and I know in the past I’ve been subject to it
Thank you for your honesty and perspective. I agree. The bar is in hell for men and the people complaining certainly prove that point. I spoke about one man in particular and they’re acting as if I hate every man to ever exist. There are tons of wonderful men which is why I didn’t understand staying in a relationship with a terrible man. I hope more people can experience equal partnerships because it seems so rare nowadays unfortunately.
I think equal partnerships have always been rare, probably rarer in the past to be honest. My wife and I just welcomed our first child to the world, a daughter. No matter what sex the child ended up being, I promised myself that I wanted them to grow up seeing both parents involved with the housework. A girl would then be conditioned not to accept a lazy partner, and a boy would be conditioned to do housework. So thank you for this post because the kitchen is a mess right now and I should get on that!
I know for a fact there are so so many good men out there. I’m very lucky to have found one. That being said, if I were to ever be single again I would just stay single, honestly the battle to find these good men is sadly becoming less worth it from how detrimental it can be on your mental and physical health. And the stories you hear, good lord. It almost makes me doubt being in a relationship at all because I look over at my bf with such love and think, what would I do if this man betrayed my trust.
Same! If we should ever part ways for any reason I’ll be one and done. I made that decision quite some time ago when I was listening to the God awful stories from people I know!
Same. I’m with a very thoughtful partner but if I became single again, I wouldn’t go back out there and try again.
Ha! I wouldn't either. And once I took a survey at the cafeteria lunch table. None of the women said they would get married again if they lost their husband.
Your comment completely contradicts itself. First you say you know for a fact there are “so many good men out there” but then you say that if you had to be single again you would just stay single. If you were single again and there are in fact “so many good men out there” then it should be easy to find them or you wouldn’t choose to be single?? The math doesn’t math. There simply aren’t that many good men out there or they would be easy to find and heterosexual women wouldn’t be choosing to be single.
There’s a lot out there, not saying they’re the majority though, or they are where I am. And doesn’t mean I’m willing to kiss a bunch of frogs first either in order to weed out the bad ones who straight up lie about their intentions. Dating is exhausting
Exactly how I feel! I’m beyond lucky to have my bf. My single friends are out there in the trenches! I feel for them so much. If I’m single again (hopefully not), I see myself being that way for a long time. Besides, platonic relationships are so much more important to me.
Getting married in October. What makes your SO one of the "good men?" Might as well start taking notes so I can hit the ground running. We're childfree so child care isn't an issue.
Sadly, this is my mother’s second marriage to a T. Her husband doesn’t even know his own medical information, she has to make his appointments or he won’t go to the doctor. He’ll do a store run, but get mad at her because he doesn’t know where the cheese is. Won’t put his laundry away, even when she washes and folds it. He walks into the house and turns the tv to a channel he wants and then falls asleep on the couch, but not SO asleep that he won’t wake up disgruntled if you change the channel. And she wonders why I don’t want to be married. 🙄
I would just let him get freaking sick and not take care of him at all, wtf means he doesn't know his own medical information? Why is he expected to NOT make his own appointments for his own health. We are the freaking losers here for knowing our medical information now? No. I would just let him learn the hard way about everything. No food, no laundry, no appointments, no anything. I would say smth for the mom too but I'm not here to offend her or you.
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad more people sharing their stories are so people can see this is a real thing. I only have my one friend but I know there are so many women who are living a similar life. This isn’t about hating men this is about showing the reality of a lot of relationships .
Single for 10 years, never going back to a man. If anything women are on my horizon.
This is me exactly. If I ever find myself single through death or divorce, I'm not interested in dating men ever again. My husband is amazing, and I could never find another like him.
This is me. I'm single and bi but have given up on dating a man. After years of reading how men only see us as bangmaids and seeing it firsthand, the risk isn't worth the reward. I have amazing male friends but I still think it's a rarity. Women can be bad too but I've never been sexually harrassed, catcalled, or been called less by a woman
My poor MIL is stuck with a man who is so useless. Long story short, a work accident 30 years ago means they don’t have to work anymore. Severed his left arm below the elbow and right leg above the knee. I’m gonna skip past all of the things he’s done that make me roll my eyes and point out that this man has infantilized himself due to his injuries. He could absolutely walk if he wanted to, but he uses a powered wheelchair instead. For 20+ years I’ve watched his body is waste away because he refuses to be better. I’ve seen him wear his prosthetics twice - at our wedding, and when we had to evacuate during a hurricane and stayed in a hotel. He could afford fancy prosthetics, but he *chooses to stay in the chair*. Watching someone who’s capable of living a normal life not utilizing the advantages he has is INFURIATING. But the worst part is he relies on MIL to do everything for him. She doesn’t have to work, but she lives with an infant, so she’s miserable. If she visits us, her sister has to come over and TAKE CARE OF HIM. Even if it’s just for the weekend! How can anyone have any self respect when you can’t even microwave a meal for yourself, and mommy-wife’s sisters has to come power my bum bum. *incoherent screaming*
Seems like outdated marriage ideals from the 1950s still permeates the current fabric of society. Women can now make money and thus have power/freedom to live their lives independently without being some guy’s housemaid to sustain themselves and/or their families. Look at how transactional marriage was only a few generations ago. Women have more freedom now thanks to the individuals who fought for the rights we have today. Now I think we are seeing that change across families and communities that were strongly patriarchal. Some men unfortunately seem really upset of their loss of power/control from this aspect….women don’t need to submit to them to survive and build a life for themselves anymore. There are many options now.
Look, I agree that the bar is in hell for men but also? So many people don't communicate. I have noticed this trend amongst pretty much all of my married friends. They sit and stew and don't talk about important things. It's just "how he is" or "it's not worth it" and then they stay with them and keep just being miserable. Make demands, put their asses on notice and make them do what they should be doing. And if it's bad before you get married, don't get married! If it's bad before you get a pet, don't get a pet! If it's bad before you have kids, ffs don't have kids. They think it's suddenly going to get better when you pile on more responsibility. It's not. I promise, it's not.
This is a wonderful read. I’m only sad that I’ve had the same issues for years-or worse, the woman in the relationship is abusive *because* this is how their spouse is, and they’re toxic and no longer my friend. When I was a young adult, I was really unhappy about what kind of future I was supposed to have, bc all the women around me said this was my future. Thank god I turned out to be queer and non-binary, and eventually found a partner on the same level.
I was briefly married to a useless man. You would not believe the level of relief I felt in 2020 when the lockdowns occurred that I had managed to get a divorce and kicked him out of the house by then. The bar is in hell for men. Partnered to a woman now, she pulls her weight and then some. No more soloing the mental load and managing an adult child. And her vulnerability and our emotional and physical connection is heavenly.
T4T wife here, find queer guys. They are so much kinder and gentler.
The stories on Reddit seriously make me scared to date again , feel like I’ll just be better off single honestly
As a dude, posts like this make me glad I'm unmarried and childless.
4B
Yes definitely
What does that mean?
It's a term from the korean feminist movement which means the 4 No's: no marriage with men, no dating men, no children and no sex with men.
just curious where does the B come in?
In the korean language those 4 terms start with the letter B
Thought you were a dude complaining that women are with these trash dudes and not you
Women are with trash dudes but I’m not. Like I said in the post I don’t see the appeal maybe they think that’s all that’s out there. I refuse to believe there aren’t decent men left. Maybe I’m delusional and there aren’t but I try to be optimistic.
It’s funny bc you can tell it’s the men who are very upset by this post, that are exactly what you mean. It’s not ALL men.but when 70-80% of y’all are actually abusive or inappropriate w women and children… It starts to look like all of them huh?
70-80%?? Jesus
Did you know that 85% of statistics are made up on the spot?
43.7
sigh.. there is not a single comment here atm that I would classify as very upset. maybe read the comments before posting your standard phrases.
So much this... the first ones to get self-righteous, right? (let the downvotes begin)
Yeah. If I could do it all over again I would have just focused on my kids and career and not trying to find someone to complete me. Because honestly, relationships are pointless. I’ve always been the loyal girl. Try to make it work girl. Give you everything girl. But never got it back. Men always talk the good game when you meet about how they have the good D but get lazy after a while. I don’t get foreplay at all but expected to massage, give oral etc when I don’t get it in return. I don’t get simple affection and get triggered when I see people getting affection. Like what’s the point. When you get old men just ignore you and go for someone half your age. You break your back carrying their children, cooking food and limping around and they just sit there and watch. I’m going to likely be disabled and die alone. No man wants to take care of anyone. They just want to put all their energy into some B they are jerking off to online or some B they are cheating with. Life is BS when you are a woman. Plain and simple.
A lot of trad wife style relationships make me just enormously glad to be gay. These women are insane and the men are straight up a-holes.
If this is all about a singular man in particular, I don't blame you for thinking this way. I'm also scratching my head to figure out what his appeal is. All take, no give, blatant double standards, unfit parent, infidelity, weaponized incompetence, etc. It's probably painful to see your friend in this relationship, but you don't have any control over that. They've made their decisions and continue to choose to stay with this person. There is a sort of freedom in accepting that, being grateful you don't have to personally put up with it, and not getting involved. Radical acceptance takes time and practice. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my childhood friend and her roommate taking advantage of her and later me. Practicing radical acceptance, setting boundaries, and blocking the roommate were the only ways my husband and I were able to regain peace and sleep in our lives. My friend still chooses her roommate and, as much as I wish it wasn't so, that's not something I can change.
Damn, having read this I feel pretty self- assured. I don't do any of those things.
I think if my partner was in a different relationship he might have been one of these men. He was brought up not doing anything, not because his mother was the housewife but because his parents couldn't be bothered to teach him anything. Everything took too long when the kids did it, so they just never got them to do anything. The guy left home not knowing how to cook a single meal other than just throwing things in the oven. Didn't know how to clean etc, he lived like a bachelor. I do think he could have taken the initiative to educate himself but did various emotional/trauma reasons he didn't. It's not behaviour I would accept, it was a long road, things you just don't think to explain, because you just do them, I had to explain to him. He has/had trauma around not knowing how to do things because he was treated as useless if he messed something up as a kid. I'm a nurturing person, I was ok with taking on this load with him (I also went through something similar with my bestie who we still live with) he's come a long way. I still take the lead on running our household but they both have tasks they just do and will ask me what I'd like them to do next. It's no issue if I ask them to do something. We probably have a 50/25/25 split, I love being a 'housewife' so I'm comfortable with it. Through this process I never let him get out of things because he didn't know how, never let him use any 'weaponised incompetence' I called him out constantly. His attitude has changed from 'I'm not doing that, I don't know how' to 'I'm not sure how to do this, can you show me'. I absolutely should not have had to 'raise' him myself but society either let's boys be boys or there are plenty of parents out there who should not have been parents in the first place. So many don't raise children who are equipped to handle basic adult life. My bestie (F) being one of them, her parents are wonderful kind people but they did not teach her enough. I wish more women would stand up for themselves and demand better from their partners, it's so sad to witness these kinds of relationships.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m in a heterosexual relationship with a very capable man- equal on all accounts. He cooks, he cleans, he cares for our dogs and can be left alone for unlimited times without needing any help of mine. They ARE out there- I’ve been with one for 12+ years. I get what you’re saying though, listening to my coworkers talk about their useless partners makes me sick. Just a waste of space, bringing the whole family down with their inability to grasp simple life concepts.
I’m so content being single at this point and this shit is why
I've been married for 16 years - this June - and while my husband is not perfect and we have had our fair share of rough patches, I know I can always rely on him to be there when I need him. What I do know is that if both partners don't work together toward the same goal, they will fail. Marriage is a partnership, and it requires teamwork. For a long time, I wasn't happy in my marriage - not necessarily because of my husband - but we faced a lot of stuff, and it led to depression, etc, but recently, I told him that I'm happy again. I forgot the last time we had a disagreement on something. And he seems happier, too. PS He had long periods when he didn't help around the house, but he worked long hours, and when he was home, I wanted him to sleep. But he does help with the house and the kids more now, because he works less but makes more money than before.
As a man I’m disappointed by how low the bar actually is to be considered a good partner. It’s SO low. Most of the things I do fall under the category of “living a good life” and “being a good and fair person,” or “imagining how x action would impact me if I were in their position.” It’s not hard and yet… observe reality.
I’m laughing at the fact that OP put a disclaimer, yet I’m seeing a lot of comments taking offense to this post that OP specifically was referring to their life. No need to read between lines, it’s right there.
Those are some very broad generalizations. If you believe **all men** are this way, you need to seek therapy. If a man made this same argument about women, he'd be dragged as sexist and misogynistic.
OP implies right away that they don’t think it’s all men just that the bad outweigh the good. In the second sentence. Stop accusing them of things when it clearly isn’t warranted.
It's a known fact that 80% of men are the "bad" ones and 20% are the healthy adjusted ones. Google it.
I Googled it, I got results saying 1 in 4 men. That's a lot, but it's a far cry from 80%. I'm genuinely interested; maybe you'd like to share your source
Did you not read the first sentences?
Reading is also hard for men, apparently. I'm sorry, this is cracking me tf up.
Where did I say all men? I said these types of men that women are with bother me. I never said all men act that way. I said theres a lot of men that do things I don’t agree with but I never said they all behave like this. If you’re triggered that says more about you than me. Men make comments all the time about women. If I feel it doesn’t apply to me it doesn’t bother me and I move along with my life.
Welcome to reddit. You’re going to hear things you may like And things that may hurt. The reason we perceive your post as “all men”, is your wording. Common sense, both genders have these issues. This isn’t a measuring contest of are there more bad men than bad women. People hurt, people can be bad spouses. I’ve had my fair share of bad relationships with toxic women. So you’re heard. You’re understood and seen. Relationships involve a lot. And it’s up to you to hold yourself to your standards and expectations. There will be compromise, no two souls are 110% perfect with no issues what so ever. To me, to love someone involves all of them. The good, the bad, and the ugly. They’re perfect to me in the sense of I accept everything that embodies them. Not just the parts “I like”. Their personality, habits, how they handle stress, how they love” You’re not going to adore every single aspect. This is where that “ through good and bad and in sickness and in health” comes in.
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🤣😅yeah you're not triggered at all /s
This.
Do you think there are only two choices, stay alone or match with an incompetent man?
Who knows
Most men have been domesticated by patriarchal gender roles in a way where they no longer know how to fend for themselves and depend on women for basic survival.
I've been divorced for 8 years, and I don't remember my ex-husband being this way. But he's a cheater and doesn't know his kids either. He did help with chores and grocery shopping. I have no desire to have a relationship because of every single thing you said. I've always felt this way, and it seems like it's just keeps getting worse. It also seems like every women are finally opening their eye's. I feel bad for the younger women who are easily manipulated by these POS. The one's who don't leave but are ok with it, show them on tick tocks that have negative comments but they always ignore and comment on the one's who say "omg my hubby is the same way hehe" like smfh off. I don't understand, nor do I want to. I'm good with not finding anyone. I enjoy peace over drama qneens. These men will just embarrass you.
Hence why I am a happy single mom. I don't get yelled at for putting the toilet paper roll on "wrong" and it's so peaceful and quiet in my home.
At the age of 19, I was already thinking about what age I'd consider using a sperm donor for exactly this reason. I wasn't interested in raising my husband, nor was I interested in shouldering the brunt of the housework. (I'm not even good at housework.) I have ADHD and I'm absolutely terrible at picking up after myself—a whole other person? Forget it. I ended up marrying a guy who loves cleaning and spends hours doing it; who wants to be a stay-at-home dad (and would be amazing at it); who often cooks; and who is incredibly sweet, and constantly does little gestures for me (randomly buying me flowers, making the bed, doing my laundry, etc.—mainly acts of service). He is absolutely incredible, and he takes care of me in so many ways. I think it's really easy for someone to get entitled when society tells them they ought to be. For example, many men expect their partner to essentially take care of them; they accuse their partner of "nagging" when asked to chip in; and they think that they are putting in "their 50%" just by working for 8 hours a day, without doing any cleaning, cooking, child-rearing, or handling any of the emotional load. (My husband, by the way, does none of these things.) On the flipside, many women I talk to will start describing their type by saying, "He has to have brown hair and blue eyes and be at least 6 feet tall..." or will dismiss a man after a very short time of getting to know him for trivial reasons. They'll also act completely unhinged in the relationship and expect their partner to "deal with it," fail to regulate basic emotions and expect their partner to emotionally regulate on behalf of both of them (ex. getting upset at stupid things when they are capable of calming themselves down, but instead expecting their partner to calm them down), and refuse to communicate their needs and instead expect their partner to read their mind. (I, by the way, do none of these things.) Both of these things are terrible, and both of them are ridiculously common. People feel entitled when they are taught to be entitled, and in our society, both men and women are made to expect some absolutely ridiculous things in a marriage. These things are not inevitable, however. Again, I preferred to be alone than to put up with someone like the man you described. Many women are content to be with men like that when the decision is between settling or being alone. People are terrified of being alone; it's a very scary thing. But the men and women like the ones I just described won't improve until they're forced to—and that will only happen when they're forced to remain alone until they fix these expectations. And as long as they continue to end up in relationships in which these expectations are fulfilled, there's no reason to try to be better when your partner will settle for the bare minimum.
Whoever this man is is the exact opposite of my husband. He is an equal partner in every single way. Not an ounce of weaponized incompetence. I'm very lucky, but also that should honestly be the norm/minimum requirements. Just saying, good men definitely still exist.
I’m not entirely sure if I have room to talk in this place. Just a dude here with a girlfriend, but I truly hope that these are not all the men that you meet, and I sincerely hope that these women and yourself may find better men. I say this because I don’t actually know a guy like this, outside of my friend group. We all genuinely try to listen to our partners and try to communicate our needs, as much as they try to communicate theirs, and we all listen to each other from what I see. Sorry that you and others are experiencing men being boys, I just want people to know that not everyone is like that. Sorry that things are tough, and I hope that things get better, and these men listen and improve steadily.
I’m a guy and I can’t even be bothered to get into a relationship. I’m not sure why these guys put in the effort and then just… stop
This was my dating experience until I met my current boyfriend. He does a lot for me and I try my best to do as much for him too. I feel like we both pull our own weights in this relationship. My ex from before not only weaponized his incompetence against, he actively blamed me for it. It was psychological torture for the one year we were together and looking back, it might’ve escalated to physical violence if I hadn’t left. The night I officially decided to leave, he punch a hole into the wall right next to my head during a heated argument. I’d been gearing up to leave for a few months, but that did it for me.
Your feelings are acknowledged xo
My dad always mixes up my age by 1-2 years apart but he forgets his own age so it’s not too bad lol. Not justifying their actions but some men are brought up in more traditional roles and are way more focused on the providing and rely on their wives to be closer to the children so I forgive my dad for being ignorant sometimes and he’s a minority parent so ya just lots of context lost in the cultural and language barrier. He also makes up in other ways with some solid life lessons that I’ve picked up from him and to me those are way more precious to me than him remembering my favorite color. I’m sure OP is referring to men that are just absolutely ignorant don’t think to put any improvement or effort and show no love for their wives or children. Hopefully these men are giving love in other ways that may not be as obvious but cheating and hypocrisy should be everyone’s dealbreakers. I don’t think everyone’s meant to be with someone and we should normalize that more, you should only be with someone if you feel like they would add to your life some with friendships. It’s better to be lonely than to have bloodsuckers in your life. Hope your friends’ situations get better <3
The thing about finding a good mate is communication from the start. Ask about hhow they do everyday things all the time. Keep it casual, but ask about how they do their laundry, are they good with how they separate their whites and colors, or anything deeper, random shit like that.
My husband is definitely one of the good ones but it scares me because I’ll see a husband who seems amazing to his wife and she will even brag about it and then boom. She finds him cheating.
And I even have problems that I find irritating. Like he doesn’t ask if I’m okay with the kids before leaving, he tells me he’s leaving. While I have to ask to even take a shower to make sure he knows he’s watching the baby. And then he will tell me to “hurry” because I’m breastfeeding right now. Even though he perfectly can make a bottle with the milk I have stored. And despite the amount of times we’ve talked about this, it remains the same. He can take off without the kids, and if I go anywhere I have to take them because it’s easier on him. It’s hard.
I told my husband that if he goes before me I'll never be in another relationship with another man. He thought it was because he's so wonderful and Irreplaceable. Umm, yeah. No.
Same. I lucked out majorly, my spouse really has learned and grown (as have I) over the years together. But I've watched my sister and my mom both with some of the most incompetent men ever and it's just sad. I say I lucked out, but honestly what I mean is that I held myself to a higher standard. He was never perfect, but willing to take criticism, had a wonderful dad who taught him what mattered, and when we did break up for a little while when he was just out of college, he realized that he wanted to be a more competent person. He dived head first into being an active parent, and I am so thankful we have the relationship we do. I just wish more women had better self esteem to not just expect, but to demand better for themselves.
I wonder what the percentage is of great husbands and fathers compared to donors that live in the household. I never wanted children so let the women I was dating at the time know. Most didn’t stick around or thought they could change my mind later on. I’m extremely domestic and cook clean and prepare meals in my current home.
Like with anything in life, there are real deals and total frauds. I know plenty of men who mail it in on a daily basis and aren’t good husbands or fathers. They depend on their wife to run the show and the husband is often another kid to handle. Yes, it’s a shame but that should not stop you from wondering if there are good men out there. There are. Your friend’s husband sucks. It happens.
That’s true but the way men are responding I’m losing hope with every comment. They seem so insufferable if you call out any bad behavior.
You're on Reddit though. There are SO many neckbeards here pretending to be married who've never even had a girlfriend. So you know - grain of salt.
You’re right. I cannot imagine how any one would put up with how rude they’ve been over simply not agreeing. They’ve been crashing out in the comments it’s absurd really. I didn’t think an internet post is that serious to start name calling and losing my mind. I would just log out before I embarrassed myself.
I hear you. There are good men out there. I’m not the perfect husband by any means but I’m hands on and balance the workload with my wife. I have friends who work, go to the bar after work, come home drunk and pass out and has zero issue leaving everything to his poor wife. He sucks. That’s what scares single women and rightfully so.
I agree that many men suck. Many women also for that matter. But I hope you can eventually find someone who is above all that. Someone who is an equal partner. Someone who supports you and makes you a better person. Someone you can be happy growing old together.
You left no details, but honestly sounds like your friends and their husbands are both scumbags, as generally scum attracts scum
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it really wasn't that much to read lol
Look, being a man is hard. We're rallying here against this idea that men are lazy, but they definitely can't be expected to read *multiple sentences*. Come on.
I like how her second paragraph LITERALLY stated that she’s speaking about specific men only and here you are still crying because you think she’s saying “all men suck.” Can you be anymore transparent? Smh
Sadly, there aren’t many couples I know in loving relationships. Most the time the guys want rich wives now so they can do nothing. Lazy dating is real and they will say it’s because they can’t get a second or third date so it’s expensive, but if they don’t pursue YOU even in the beginning, imagine how lazy they will be when they get you. The only man I have ever known to be generous, was 17 years older than me. The problem was his drinking problem, couldn’t get it together to make enough money to support a wife and kids. It’s sad, because he was the cleanest, most respectful, hard working, generous man I have ever met. Extremely supporting emotionally. Never let me pay rent, just pay for food sometimes and I paid for my own insurance and gas. I was single for 4 years after because no one could measure up to him. Guys are in their 30s and 40s, gaming and collecting comic books. They make for the worst partners. Guys don't want stay at home wives anymore. They want to be stay at home and do nothing. Leaving their wives to work and still take care of everything. You are so right to feel the way you do. I don't know any young couples in healthy relation ships. All the women I know have more education, are more ambitious because we have all had to be since men don't support women anymore. Society took a nose dive. I don't really see it improving either. It's sad wen you know you are great in a relationship, but it's not worth being in one just to say you are. Most of the time you are just as lonely and have less peace in your life. I wish the best for all of us. I don't know what we will end up doing.
Unfortunatly for you, in this economy its pretty hard to find a sugar daddy to pay your rent.
Are you always this little ray of sunshine? This is pure misandry dude...
“Pure misandry” is venting about specific men in HER life? You need to get outside and touch some grass dawg.
I have known, and do know many wonderful men. There are people of both genders who could do better. This rant is just slightly insane…
Some people suck. Let’s not act like women are perfect with all those damn shoes and travel coffee cups. Some people suck. Get over it, move on, try to find one that works for ya. That’s life.
Why are you mad that she’s venting about specific people in her life? It sounds like you’re one of the dudes she’s talking about and now you’re butthurt about it. Just hush
If the worst thing about me is a pile shoes and too many coffee cups then I think I’d be quite the catch actually!
Haha fair enough fair enough. I think there’s a bigger conversation to be had across the sex spectrum when it comes to relationships and parenting. Moms and dads can both be bad and mess their kids up.
Most people are just selfish. Just like you.
lol wow projecting much? Why is OP selfish now? Do tell the class.
She’s selfish for not wanting to put up with a selfish spoiled cheating lazy manbaby? (I have a feeling you’re a selfish spoiled cheating lazy manbaby. Otherwise, why would you be so mad about this post?)
Oh yeah right, let's take care of your ass bc you're as useless as a freaking rock and if we refuse? "You're selfish!" Time to get a tattoo on your forehead "I'm a crybaby, take care of me bc I'm useless."
They're not all like that. Sure..many, many are like that. But there are also many good, caring, loving men who have a lot of empathy
That fact you got downvoted for sharing a differing opinion in a respectful way is comical. God forbid your views don't align with OP's smh.
Yeah...jeez
Yeah, some guys suck. Does one man exhibit all of these negative traits, or have you found yourself as the emotional dumping ground for all of your friends?
Meh. There are bad with both genders. How about the women who feel entitled to be stay at home moms, despite the cost of living. The women who refuse to become financially literate with saving and investing. Many men have to buy houses by themselves because the woman has spending problems and has decided to not address them.
I’ve never said there weren’t. I don’t date women so I cannot make a post about experiences with women. This post was about my friend having a terrible partner not about men all men.
Im just saying…. I feel women come out in droves complaining bout men. Men need to hold women to a higher standard especially when it comes to money management. One stay at home mom who expects to live like a queen can fuck over the family’s Net Worth
You have personal experiences with a stay at home wife with bad finances? Maybe you should make a post talking about it. Spread the message and shed light on a problem you feel is not getting the recognition.
I see plenty of women just not embracing equality. Not thinking its that important for them to be working and saving money. I see that they dont truly care about the finances of the family. Its like , why even try to be a stay at home mom if your family will be broke as a resuly. Maybe dad and the kids don’t wanna be broke?
Do you have any idea how much childcare costs these days?
Its 9$ a day where i live
You are full of shit.
No, i just dont live in crappy united states
You live in *Canada*. You are full of shit.
The thing is, I could make the exact same post about women and how women I know are acting horribly in relationships. There are just many shitty people out there. I really don’t know why this issue is made out as some kind of gender related
Yeah. And there aren’t lots of fucked yo women out there? Maybe no guy wants you because of your shitty attitude toward them. Not all men are like that. You sound like a spoiled baby. Baby want Milk Milk
Women vents about specific men in HER life and a bunch of losers come to her post crying because they feel attacked by her statements. It’s you… you’re the loser.
Insane how you just group all men because of one dude. The hypocrisy in this website is off the charts. I just wonder how it would be perceived if the roles were reversed
No wonder nobody is dating or marrying modern women
That's what this dummy took away from your post, OP. Found one!