Similar for us. Thought we wanted two. Got the one and decided we had no idea what we were in for. Not sure what people with 3+ are thinking because they know what they are getting at that point.
This is me! My fiancé and I had plans and names for 4 kids and potential twins. Had one, so happy with how things are (for the most part, hello terrible twos) and know our limits. I would be a terrible multiples mum.
I've known a few people to have twins spontaneously/without fertility assistance - it was completely unexpected and definitely a huge grind and constant survival mode for many years! One of my good friends in high school was a triplet - their mother was the sweetest lady and a good mother but had a ton of health problems following childbirth. She was diagnosed with Lupus when the triplets were toddlers - she always said she felt that the physical stress of carrying/birthing them triggered her autoimmune disease.
I wanted 2 but joked and would've had more if finances made sense.
But then I had 1, and realized I'm never doing it again. Birth is so so so horrible (and mine was uncomplicated overall and 3 hours of actual labor and 5 hours from water breaking). Then the newborn stage. Now she's fun at 2.5 but every sickness or school closure is a drama. And I still don't have any real time alone if she's home.
How the hell would I manage pregnancy again. I basically went to bed for 3 months. I questioned if it was laziness, depression or pregnancy. The 2nd trimester hit and I realized it was definitely just being pregnant. I spent 3 months basically in bed and not wanting to do anything. Thank God for delivery food. How would I manage a toddler? It would be like when I've been sick but still had to care for her.
Then God forbid I have such a "sensitive" baby again. When we finally got her to go in a swing for 30 seconds without crying it was unbelievable. She has never had any chill. Never been able to be left alone.
And somehow I've gotten through the last 2.5 years of illness and all that with a job intact.
Nope. I've got my little perfect kid. Can't improve on perfection.
This really resonates with me. Pregnancy first trimester and last trimester sucked up my energy. I was constantly in bed, sleeping 12 hours maybe. Then labor was more than 24 hours and I pushed for 4. I didn’t fall in love with my son until some of the PPD receded. I adore him now but he demands every ounce of my emotional energy. How could I give the same to another child? I would want to give both my children everything, but there is not enough of me. I am heavily leaning toward one and done.
I always wanted 2, a boy and a girl, the "perfect" family.
During pregnancy I was so tired, I always thought "oh imagine having a toddler running around here and not be able to sleep all day because you have to take care of your kid"
At the end of pregnancy my husband said he doesn't want to do it again, even though it was an easy pregnancy. During birth I also said I will never do this again.
My baby is easy and I could not imagine doing this again with a cry baby or twins. I am also happy that he is healthy.
We are very happy and complete as a family of 3!
In my 20s I assumed I would have two, because it's the normal amount of kids. But even then I knew I had to have one to see how I feel as a mom and then go from there.
I was super afraid the second pregnancy would be twins (which run in my family) and I'd end up with three, when I never wanted three.
I have one brother and my parents' attention was already spread too thin between work, their hobbies and the two of us.
I'm also looking forward to carve out time for my hobbies again.
There are twins in both my mother and father's families - it is also one of a dozen reasons I'm not interested in rolling the dice again - plus I'm soon to be 38, which also bumps up the risk of having multiples. I'm not sure I could survive another baby anyway, but twins would kill me. Not sure why people romanticize having twins or triplets - its dangerous for mom AND the babies! And the stress of 2 or 3 screaming babies at once is terrifying.
Always thought about 3-4 as I'm one of four. Then decided 2 since the little one was born (how the hell would we manage and afford any more than 2?!). But now, my son is 2.5 and this is so damn hard. Between the illnesses and the overall crap sleep every single night, I just don't think we can cope. Husband has a lot of mental health struggles, we're physically and emotionally exhausted and on top of it this has been the hardest two years of our relationship. I just don't think we can survive another
I’m one of four as well and it would have been hard for me to imagine being OAD. But it is way harder than I thought and I think we are very unlikely to have another (my son is 2)
One of four here too! I never in a million years thought I’d be oad and sometimes I get upset thinking about it, but I’m just trying to focus all that energy on being the best parent I can for my only. We’re thinking about getting her a dog for her 3rd birthday but even that I feel might break me 😩
One of four here too, but contrary to all of you it almost made me NOT want kids at all!
But what it made me want above all is being able to give my child all the love, attention and financial support I wasn't given. I never want her to feel unimportant, as I felt I was...
So although I didn't know for a long time if I wanted to be a mum or not, I always knew for sure I never wanted to have more than 1 or 2 kids max, if I did.
When my husband and I talked about it, I said I probably wanted one and he wanted two. I had my reasons, mostly fear due to my younger sister having a disability and how it affects my life. I could potentially have been swayed later on. We both decided that we would cross that bridge when we came to it.
Then, we both decided mid way through our first pregnancy that one was good. Happily OAD now!
I don't think there really is a "typical" OAD parent. Among the people I've met the reasons are too broad of a spectrum and often more than one reason at play for there to be a typical.
Personally I just wish I had known my options earlier in life. I wish I hadn't spent so much time wistfully looking for a partner so that I could have a "family" and instead focused on earning and stockpiling as much money as possible so I could have kids by myself. I'm envious of the younger generation where solo parenting by choice is more common and talked about other than as a "last resort," but then I know I also didn't think outside the box enough. (I was partnered when my daughter was conceived/born, but that did not last.)
I tried to have a second as a solo parent, but I was too late. The clock just ran out (I'm 46).
Facts from my life experience are that it’s easier to buy childcare help than rely on a partner anyway. It’s much more spelled out than tacit agreement. Not that it was easy to find the childcare to buy! I was on waitlists for over a year. Also agree there is no typical OAD!
I always envisioned having two kids. I came from a family with three kids and never wanted that many for the practicalities of travelling, vehicles, and admissions to activities. My husband had also wanted two or three. We were pretty confident in our decision and even bought a second hand Uppababy Vista pram that came with the second seat and attachments when I was ending the first trimester.
Then I had a really horrible pregnancy, where the HG didn't get any better as the pregnancy progressed and despite being well dosed on antiemetics. I also developed a constant migraine from week 16 until I gave birth, and had constant neuropathy. Birth was precipitous and I developed PPD and PPA (which I'm only starting to feel like myself again 2.5 years later).
Despite everything, the thing that really made us reassess was the lack of support and help we have. We don't have a village. I have a couple of chronic health conditions and we realise that we would not be able to cope with another child. It does hurt to let go of hopes and dreams, but I'd much rather be a present mother, alive and able to care for my daughter with a healthy and happy marriage to my amazing husband.
A probable hysterectomy in the near future further cements our decision for One and Done.
Same here - I grew up in a chaotic environment with multiple siblings, and spent much of my childhood poor. My mother seemed unhappy most of the time as well - she loved having a BABY in her arms, but seem to not like parenting older children and heavily struggled with us past the infant stage. I was starved for attention and also abused and bullied by my older brother - there was just a lot of dysfunction, and I actively sought to avoid repeating those dynamics.
My husband is one of 2, and also grew up poor as his mother was disabled from Multiple Sclerosis when he was just a toddler and then passed away was he was 12. His father had severe mental health issues after losing her. My husband has always had a difficult relationship with his sister and as of now, he has cut off contact with her.
My husband and I had both agreed to be OAD LONG before trying to have our daughter. We knew we wanted to give our child the life we didn't have and just wanted one very loved, well-cared for child. After having her, I struggled more than I had ever expected, and additionally, cost of living/inflation concerns have basically sealed the deal on being OAD. We agreed to not to do anything permanent right away, but now, 3 years out, my husband has scheduled a vasectomy consult. I love being HER mother, but as it stands, we simply could not give her the same quality of life with another child in tow, and honestly, I don't want to roll the dice. Our daughter is healthy and beautiful - she's everything we wanted. I don't care about not "gifting" her a sibling - it doesn't weigh on my heart or mind. I'm a little sad I won't hold one of my own babies again, but that's about it!
As a very young kid I assumed I’d have 3, because I was one of 3. In my early 20s I decided on 2, because then ‘we won’t be outnumbered’ - I thought I was really onto something with this, but my thinking went no further than that.
It’s only when I really started to think about the commitment of parenting, and also started to earn enough money to really enjoy my city and life as a childfree person, cultivating my adult hobbies (lifting, running, fine dining, fancy cocktail bars, finding fun events, shows and exhibitions in the city, popping to European cities for the weekend - all things that are not quite as easy with a child), that I started to question having children at all.
I joined a few parenting subs to lurk to help me understand the true realities, and then stumbled across this sub, I can’t remember when now but I reckon 4-5 years ago. I can honestly say that this sub was the reason I got off the fence - realising you were allowed to have one and many people were thriving, made becoming a parent seem manageable to me. I was freaking out thinking if we decide to go ahead, we have to have 2+, and I felt such a relief realising that wasn’t true.
I still continued to fencesit between 0 and 1 - we eventually landed on the yes side. It took a year to get pregnant and every cycle I felt a weird mixture of sadness and relief, and now I’m 17 weeks pregnant I am definitely still slightly fencesitty but just putting my faith into the process. I feel grateful the pregnancy has stuck to this point as I have a feeling I might have thrown in the towel on the whole thing if I’d have miscarried as it was so emotionally draining TTC. I just wanted to move on with my life knowing its general direction.
We also love where we live, which is on a lovely road in a great part of the city, but in a 1-bed flat.
We appointed an architect back in summer 2022 to add a small extension and change the layout to make it into a 2 bed, knowing we planned to start TTC but also thinking it would work as an office if things didn’t work out.
Something about knowing all of this is only once (TTC, all the bad days of pregnancy) and also being able to plan the future without the nagging feeling of wondering when we need to move out of our lovely neighbourhood to get a 3rd bedroom, planning to TTC again etc, all add up to making this feel much more peaceful to me than I think it would’ve done otherwise.
I actually thought of having just one quite often even when I was younger because I think I recognized my own ADD and knew one would probably be for the best.
I wanted 7 as a teenager, then discovered freedom and independence, then what it’s like to be skint, then how hard it is to carry, birth and raise a baby. I can’t imagine life with 7.
Prior to pregnancy I wanted 3 or maybe even 4. I come from a large family and personally loved growing up with all of my siblings so I thought that’s what I wanted for myself too.
During pregnancy I was like okay, maybe I can do this one more time and have 2.
After my traumatic birth experience and having a newly turned 1 year old… we’re OAD. Even putting aside how sick I was for the last part of pregnancy, during my daughter’s birth, and into postpartum (thank you preeclampsia and inflamed gallbladder), we are so happy with our one. When I see pictures that parents post of their multiple children on social media, I am not jealous. I am happy for those that choose to have more than one child, of course, but I do not envy them!
I am an only and have always wanted an only.
My husband is one of three and always wanted 3.
We agreed ahead of time to maybe do two, but it wasn’t really want I wanted. My pregnancy ended up having a lot of ups and downs and scares, but our baby came out perfectly healthy luckily. That was enough to push my husband to the OAD side as he didn’t want to see me go through all the stress again (or experience it himself).
We talk about how glad we are we made this decision quite often lol. We will see a family struggling with multiple kids and are just in shock about how they could make that decision. To each their own, but yeah.
I always thought 2 because that was the norm. Then when I realized you could have just one, it sounded really nice. Then my awful pregnancy just confirmed that
0-1 for me, and 1-2 for my husband. My pregnancy and the post-partum experience killed my husband's desire to have two lol pregnancy destroyed my mental health, and post-partum I had PPD and a mild form of PPP. My husband ended up developing PPD as well.
I always envisioned 5-6 kids. I used to get upset when people would say "oh you'll change your mind once you have one.". ...but I did LOL.
I didn't like pregnancy, had 36 hour labour, and now have SPD which is very painful and I am 6 months pp and not getting better yet.
Also right now everything seems pretty manageable with having me and husband but having more children means being more split.
I just also love my son so much that I never want to take attention or care away from him for another. I just don't want to ever feel torn.
The hard part for me right now is reconciling the vision I used to have of a huge family. And also everyone telling me I should have more. My dad saying "Oh I still picture you having a girl" affects me. Also don't know how to reconcile that. So it's been a mental journey to say the least.
I love that you are not too proud to stick at 1 despite saying you wanted 5-6. It's brave to go against your previous vision of your life and do what feels best for your family!
Eugh your dad saying that is disrespectful of your wishes.
My husband and I planned on one and decided we would maybe have two max depending on how the first one went. After a very bad experience with our daughter as a newborn, we’re very happily sticking with one.
I always knew I wanted a kid, but was ambivalent about having more than one. I figured that could be a discussion to have with the relevant partner.
Then, for lots of reasons, one kid was the perfect number. No regrets at all.
I/we wanted 1 or 2. I definitely wanted one and no more than 2. I'm an only myself and figured that "2" is always put out there as the ideal, so why not. Turns out, we're pretty happy with one. We started moving towards a second, but changed our minds
I always assumed I’d have two, but then during my first pregnancy I felt so terrible during the first trimester that I said I wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t even have HG or any vomiting, but I was not ready for how extreme the nausea felt because I don’t get sick that often. Well, we lost our daughter at 22 weeks so it was back to square one. Got pregnant again and the whole process of ttc and pregnancy after loss was a fucking nightmare. Our son’s infancy also was incredibly hard. I was firm OAD til he was about 2, then changed my mind. But then I got pregnant again and it ended in a chemical miscarriage and I actually was relieved. That plus our son might be autistic (it’s genetic - my parents both definitely are and I have some traits myself) means I don’t really want to roll the dice again. I don’t want to take a chance the next one turns out to need even more support.
My wife and I were on the fence about having any, and I was on the side of either having none or having two as I had siblings and wanted my kid to have siblings. However, once we had our LO, we knew we were one and done. My wife did NOT enjoy the pregnancy process, I had severe anxiety during the entire process, so neither of us wanted to do it again. On top of that, the world seems to be going to shit and everything is crazy expensive and my wife and I do not want to pay for child care, so it will be at least five years before we can have dual income again, and we want to be able to provide everything we can to our LO, and I’d rather be able to provide everything for one kid rather than some things for multiple. could maybe adopt one day if we really found ourselves there, but I don't see that happening.
I’ve never thought more than 2 made any sense for me and always told my husband ‘start with one and see how it goes’. We’re comfortable now but don’t have high earning potential, and are both easily overwhelmed with the demands of adult life.
But if I was rich - so rich I didn’t have to work and could pay other people to do most life stuff and only focus on raising my kids - I’d want a big family, 5 or 6 (through adoption).
I wanted zero, my husband wanted a couple. We got pregnant on accident 3 years into our marriage & I was shocked at how excited I was. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage, then a few more until my 4th pregnancy ended up being my living daughter. She’s only 10 months but life is so good. We still go out to eat, have time for hobbies, both kept our full-time jobs so money is no issue. We are actually headed to Miami next weekend on a whim to escape the cold. We feel like a perfect little complete family. The miscarriages were extremely hard on both of us & since we ended on a high note we aren’t interested in rolling the dice again. Also we just both agree that a second just.. wouldn’t make us more happy.
I feel the same that we ended on a high note after our 3 years of infertility, ivf and 1 miscarriage. Going back to that darkness is just not for me.
Enjoy Miami - sounds amazing!
We were fence sitters. We ended up having fertility issues and decided not to go forth with any treatment. We decided if it happened, it happened but if not that was fine too. Imagine my surprise that after five years I got pregnant. I had pretty much figured I was infertile by then. I was 36 when I gave birth. I was already exhausted by then and knew I couldn’t do it again. (I’ve had chronic fatigue issues, low iron for years.)
I babysat a lot as a kid and had said for years I would never have kids. I am very happy with our family of three.
I originally wanted 2-3 kids, and my husband wanted 1-2. I had a very traumatic delivery and almost died. Despite that, I sort of thought we were going to have one more. When our son was 2, we talked about trying for a second, but we couldn’t afford daycare for two simultaneously and I was very uncomfortable with the long term financial impacts of leaving the workforce (it turns out if I had left work to stay at home that I would have been giving up a really rewarding career that I love, but was definitely a right place, right time sort of deal). So we put off having a second until our son went to kindergarten. My mental health was in the toilet and I had a pretty significant breakdown because of potty training. Teaching another human to use a toilet by myself(my husband was working out of town most of the week every week) was the lynchpin. I couldn’t do it again.
Our son is 11 now and we have no regrets. We can give him so many opportunities that we wouldn’t have been able to if there was another child.
Nope, I wanted 2 but realized I am content with 1! It’s already hard enough as it is and there’s so much more we can give him if we don’t have another.
I never had a number in mind. I wanted none for the longest time, then changed my mind and decided I wanted to be a parent. I had my son and decided shortly after that I only want to have one.
Wanted four. Had one that I can barely handle. Sticking with one!
The other day my husband and I were laughing at the idea of having to handle two of our daughter.
As one of 4 kids growing up, I knew that I probably only wanted 1, maaaaaaaybe 2(my age, financial situation, and complications with the first have solidified me in the OAD camp).
I knew my parents would practically never show up to my gymnastics meets because they were busy at girl scouts with my younger sisters. I knew in high school that I’d have to arrange my own rides to/from any activity with friends because my parents were too busy wrangling the others to try to coordinate dropping me off across town.
I know my parents had enough *love* for all of us, but I definitely don’t feel like there was enough attention.
So whenever I hear people talk about having 4+ kids I can’t help but judge them that they don’t actually care about the QUALITY of life of those kids.
I’m one of two and husband is an only. I wanted two because I fell into the trap of “only children are lonely/selfish/etc”. Husband was leaning towards just one and was very happy with it growing up. I did some thinking and read some books and came around to the idea of one. When I got pregnant it was honestly a fairly textbook pregnancy but I still didn’t enjoy it. Same with giving birth. Our baby is about four months old and the greatest! Kind of thinking we hit the lottery, why play again haha.
Wanted 5.
HG throught pregnancy. Nearly bled out from delivery. PPD. High needs baby. I was OAD by the time he was 6 months old. Can't do it again. He's 13 and wonderful now. I have a ton of neices and nephews, and regularly have 2 of them.
In my mid 20’s I basically realized a person was “allowed” to only have one and that’s pretty much what sealed the deal for me. Fortunately my husband was on board. We have an insanely wild 2 year old boy and I’m beyond grateful we know our limits, because some days I can barely do this.
I always liked the idea of having one. A few years before I conceived I started to like the idea even more, as did my husband. Just felt simpler to me and gave me the warm fuzzies just thinking about it. Like the best of both worlds: getting to be a mother without needing to do it multiple times. Maintaining some degree of flexibility and freedom without overextending myself. We now have a sweet 15 month old daughter and I don't have any interest in having another. That first year was not my fave and the older she gets the better it gets.
The thought of having another gives me the anti-warm fuzzies.
I never thought I’d only have one.., never in my life, even after a fortune once told me I’d have only one daughter. It was a palm reader (apprentice!) at a Burning Man decompression event, and she was actually pretty good. I had to laugh at her though, because I’d always just assumed that I’d have a larger family.
Can’t fight destiny I suppose…..
I always assumed I'd have two, which seemed like the right number. After my daughter was born, I was surprised to feel completely fulfilled by one child and also overwhelmed by one. We have literally no village. We have decided to have a second because I want a sibling for my daughter. I don't believe kids need siblings, but with our circumstances, I think it's the right choice. But I'm also terrified I'm ruining everything by having another child.
I’ve always pictured myself having either one or none!
9 weeks pregnant right now, going for my first ultrasound in a few hours, praying it’s not twins but if it is, definitely do not plan on ever having kids again.
Not specifically, I honestly never considered having just one, I was ok with two or zero kids. But I knew I didn't want to do pregnancy or birth more than one time so I honestly wanted twins. Yes, I was naive and I'm so glad the universe did not have that in store for me.
I always thought I would want 2 (I am one of 5 and my husband is one of two and I couldn't picture a life without siblings) but I realized after having one that she was all I needed. She has lots of cousins and friends to socialize with and I don't feel any of us are missing out on anything at the moment.
I wanted 3, then went to 2 after discussing finances with my husband. Then when I was pregnant I never wanted to be pregnant again. And now that my boy is 1.5, I am so fulfilled and content with my boy that we are now OAD. Also 1 is all I can mentally handle after PPA/PPD/PPOCD. I never wanna feel that way again
I always wanted more than one. I wanted my children to have brothers and sisters. However after our first my wife said she only wanted one. So that was it. We only had one.
I wanted 3 because we both come from families of 3 kids and liked the idea. Then it took years for us to conceive. Then I realized I didn’t particularly want to do it again and don’t know if I have the energy to do it again.
Nope. At one point I wanted 7. Wtf was wrong with me 😂. That number greatly decreased throughout the years, and by the time I’d gotten pregnant with my son, I only wanted 2. But, due to life circumstances, I’ve decided to be OAD by choice and I’m so content with that decision.
I always saw myself having 2 kids but after all the health issues during pregnancy, the traumatic birth, and a colicky baby were OAD. The conversation does come up about having a second but there’s just so much to think about because of the health complications.
I wanted 3 boys, but after 3 miscarriages, being told it wasn't going to happen and then post natal anxiety after I had my daughter I thought it was best to stick with 1. Then after I still hadn't gotten my period by the time she was 2i went back to the obstetrician who told me my ovaries were shot and the chances were gone. I'm now in perimenopause and on hrt and I'm only 43
That must have been hard to hear, even though you were already OAD. Do you mind me asking if you were on any birth control? I'm 15 months postpartum and I don't have my period yet, but I'm also on the mini-pill, so I guess that's why? I have been wondering why I haven't had it yet
I wanted two but after having 1 I realized I wouldn’t be able to be as present as I wanted to for toddler years and I wouldn’t be able to spend the entire newborn stage in bed since I would have a toddler. In my mind it just seems unfair to everyone involved.
I can be a really good mom to my one and only, or I could be a mediocre mom to 2+ kids and I’d rather be a good and present mom to my daughter.
I've always wanted 2 maybe 3. But I married "later in life" then it took lots of meds and miscarriages before having my daughter at age 37. After that i felt it was too risky to try for more.
I always thought I wanted 2 before I was pregnant, and through my whole pregnancy, I still wanted 2. I had an amazing, peaceful labor, and then it took a serious turn, resulting in a traumatic birth. Pretty much then on I didn't think I could do it again.
Add on an emergency surgery for an intestinal malrotation for my little guy when he was 7 months old, and then a month later, an emergency hospitalization for severe anaphylaxis. This was all followed by a diagnosis for PPA, PPD, and PTSD for myself, and I pretty much realized I was at capacity. All of those experiences completely changed my mind.
Honestly I’ve always wanted 1. My husband wants 2 but we just don’t have enough help, we would have to move and my pregnancy and birth were horrible. I’m a better mom with one.
I’m a weird mix of both choice and not choice. I originally wanted two kids, had one but pregnancy was awful and I have endometriosis and endosalpingiosis. Realized one is all could really handle and was super happy with our family of three and overall felt complete. Ended up having a hysterectomy recently because of my issues so definitely done now. Still very happy to be one and done but I definitely thought before having kids that I would have two.
Sometimes I think about two, but then I think about taking two kids in the car or an airplane and I’m good with one. The amount of stuff my friend has to prepare and pack for her outings are larger than the kids (e.g. baby seats). 😨
Husband’s work schedule fluctuates and won’t be reliable always for every day tasks.
I’ve always loved kids. When I was younger I wanted 4. Then I became an early elementary school teacher and I decided 2 would be perfect (after dealing with 20+ six year olds all day I can’t imagine coming home to 4 of my own). Then I had my amazing son. Everything was going great! My MIL was helping us with childcare and my husband had a very cushy work from home job.
We were gearing up for baby number two when our situation completely changed. My MIL moved across the country on a whim when FIL retired, then my husband was laid off from his job, then inflation (and price gauging) went insane. We made a huge financial sacrifice to keep our son only part time at daycare (3 days a week). We simply can’t afford to have another child and still give our son the life he deserves. We only have another year of scraping by before my son can go to the free pre-K at my school. Then hopefully my husband can go back to full time work. I love my family of 3! But It definitely wasn’t the plan.
Yes. I'm an only myself, so that is how I pictured my family too. As a child I just couldn't imagine other children living in my home too. I like the dynamic of parents and one child.
I always had this feeling that maybe 2 but 1 would also be great. I am so relieved now to be able to focus on my one :) no more pregnancy anxiety or miscarriages.
Pretty much. I only briefly considered that I might have 2 when o was pregnant with my only because that’s what’s normal where I live. I knew I was oad before my son was born though and I was certain the morning after his birth. Never wavered and had my tubes removed last month when he turned 3
I always thought I would have 2 kids. But after having the most perfect little girl we are looking to be OAD. I want to enjoy my life and getting pregnant and re setting the clock just isn’t something I’m willing to do atm
Not 'always' as in when I was little and imagined my life later. But from the moment I seriously started considering kids (as in, was with my husband, know my income level / what profession I picked, see what adult life is really like) I knew that one was all I could afford, but also all I wanted because I have a lot of hobbies I enjoy and would like to keep doing.
Plus, the parents I see around me that have more than one, it seems like that is all they have time for. They have zero evenings off with all after school activities. They never see their partner, they always complain about how hard it is. It's not for me.
We both wanted 2, coming from growing up with one other siblings ourselves. That was very much always the plan.
That plan changes sometime in those first few months with our daughter. I'm just really glad that we both have always felt the same way about not wanting to go through those phases again and feeling content with our family at 3.
I always wanted a son. Got lucky that I got a son. I never wanted many kids. I'm an only child and I liked it. So one was always enough. And now that I have my son, I'm 100% sure that I don't want another kid. I
have no desire whatsoever to relive the first year again. Let alone with an additional toddler.
I sortof vaguely imagined two but my wife and I got a late start on things and just don't have the patience or energy. Want to give our only the best life possible in this crazy world.
I was always unsure about kids growing up until after a few years of marriage. We decided to have 1 and our baby is the best thing ever. We are still contemplating on a 2nd one but it can be so much work & tiring lol
I never wanted kids. I wanted an abortion when I found out I was pregnant but couldn’t get one for multiple reasons number one being it’s illegal in the state I reside in. I was always adamant about never having kids. I’m doing my best to accept being a parent but so far I hate all of it, and she’s only five weeks old.
No. At first when I was younger I wanted 2, but then switched to none. I got pregnant on an IUD and wanted to have him. I'm definitely OAD. Difficult birth and he is a handful! He is the type that wants all of my attention and I mentally cannot handle 2.
I wanted two. Due to medical reasons for me and my husband we stopped at one. I get really upset when people give me e shit about having only one, calling only children “lonely children”. Sometimes she is, but I sometimes was lonely in a set of 3.
I do sometimes grieve having only one, but am also grateful for my one.
I always wanted 3 because I have two sisters and 3 just seems like the perfect amount bc you have an oldest, middle, and youngest, then as I got older I was thinking maybe 2 would be better…. now I’m extra fucking good with just one lmao. I basically disassociated with half of the newborn-6m phase and idk how tf I got through it but I did. I want maybe only one other kid through marriage (meaning they have a child already, preferably older than my child) but I’m definitely not getting pregnant again, my back absolutely destroyed me and I do NOT want another induction and/or c-section.
I never really thought about it - never had a set number or anything. We’ve been OAD since pregnancy though. Most likely because my pregnancy wasn’t planned and was considered “high risk” (marginal cord insertion) so it cost us a lot of money for 2x a week NST and ultrasound scans. I also had a pretty traumatic birth experience (lost a lot of blood, large laceration on my cervix after, nurses couldn’t account for one needle and I think a sponge, so they had to take me to the OR for X-rays to make sure it wasn’t left inside of me, etc.). My mom died when she had me (was resurrected after she flat lined but then given a full hysterectomy) so that probably played into it, as well. But overall, we had both decided we didn’t want anymore while pregnant and the decision has stuck (even more-so now that she’s 5).
I always wanted 2, but then I encountered once in a lifetime nightmare life event and it became clear to me that I hadn't prepared myself for parenting under the worst case scenario, just parenting under the typical life stressors. I became one and done after that because I don't want to risk another child of mine going through anything like that with me ever again.
I wanted 2. Either twins or back to back. Then pregnancy and postpartum psychosis happened, and I quickly changed my mind. Now my only is 4, and I could not imagine juggling her day to day life + a toddler.
I am an only my husband is one of two. He wanted two and I thought I could possibly have two if I can handle one very well but will stop at one if I don't want to do it again. Then the whole pregnancy and birth and postpartum experiences were so stressful. We even have his mom who provided tremendous help in taking care of baby for the past few months. Now we have a three month old and are now discussing birth control and vasectomy. We both feel exhausted being 34 and 36. Financially if we have another we will be living from paycheck to paycheck to maintain the quality of life we have and we won't be able to retire early which we have always dreamed of.
I’m 24, my fiancé is 28 and we do not have children yet also we are in Europe, not U.S.A. I for very long time had this idea that I would like to have two children with one through adoption. We have talked about having children multiple times and my fiancé wants to have them too but is more hesitant due his last ex before me.
So I had this idea about two children (I have a two years younger brother and four years younger sister) because I think any number over two is too much.
But I have been reading posts from here and have been thinking about it and at the moment I am very set on only having one. My fiancé has twin half sisters from same mother but different father so if with some miracle we get twins we are then having two but that’s it.
I also gave up on the idea of adopting a child because of cost and how time consuming it is. Also I have no way of making sure that the backround of the child being in available to adopt is ethical and stuff.
I know how sibling relationships can be and I know something about being an only and adopted because one of my best friends is adopted. And because the way the world and our governemnt here is at the moment I feel like one is the best option for us
We always knew we wanted one, and were open to the idea of two but always said we'll see how we feel. Our only is now 3 and there's a thousand reasons why oad is best for our family, but we've also just never had the urge for a second
We thought we wanted 3. It took us 2 tries before we can have our only and the time it took us we felt like we are already late in the game. Now we have our 3 year old daughter and we don’t have any immediate family nearby so it’s tough to have another. It took us 2 years on a wait list for daycare so that alone is a major contributor to having only one. It’s just not feasible when we both work full time and I do have a very demanding job. We both agree that one is very manageable in all aspects. Having our sanity, finances and happiness intact. We can fully support our one and only. We are both from big families. We are both have 4 siblings and the main difference with our parents’ situation is they had support literally a village.
I wanted 5. Then I had one. That is all I can handle tyvm.
Similar for us. Thought we wanted two. Got the one and decided we had no idea what we were in for. Not sure what people with 3+ are thinking because they know what they are getting at that point.
This is me! My fiancé and I had plans and names for 4 kids and potential twins. Had one, so happy with how things are (for the most part, hello terrible twos) and know our limits. I would be a terrible multiples mum.
Hah - twins were actually one of my biggest fears!
Same, seems like fun when they are like 10 or something. But before that age it's just so much more work.
I've known a few people to have twins spontaneously/without fertility assistance - it was completely unexpected and definitely a huge grind and constant survival mode for many years! One of my good friends in high school was a triplet - their mother was the sweetest lady and a good mother but had a ton of health problems following childbirth. She was diagnosed with Lupus when the triplets were toddlers - she always said she felt that the physical stress of carrying/birthing them triggered her autoimmune disease.
i wanted four, can barely handle one!
My boy is basically 5 kids in one XD how people can have more than one is beyond me!
Same. I mean I could handle more, but I waited to have my first until I was financially established, so, can’t have five, lol.
Same.
I wanted 2 but joked and would've had more if finances made sense. But then I had 1, and realized I'm never doing it again. Birth is so so so horrible (and mine was uncomplicated overall and 3 hours of actual labor and 5 hours from water breaking). Then the newborn stage. Now she's fun at 2.5 but every sickness or school closure is a drama. And I still don't have any real time alone if she's home. How the hell would I manage pregnancy again. I basically went to bed for 3 months. I questioned if it was laziness, depression or pregnancy. The 2nd trimester hit and I realized it was definitely just being pregnant. I spent 3 months basically in bed and not wanting to do anything. Thank God for delivery food. How would I manage a toddler? It would be like when I've been sick but still had to care for her. Then God forbid I have such a "sensitive" baby again. When we finally got her to go in a swing for 30 seconds without crying it was unbelievable. She has never had any chill. Never been able to be left alone. And somehow I've gotten through the last 2.5 years of illness and all that with a job intact. Nope. I've got my little perfect kid. Can't improve on perfection.
This really resonates with me. Pregnancy first trimester and last trimester sucked up my energy. I was constantly in bed, sleeping 12 hours maybe. Then labor was more than 24 hours and I pushed for 4. I didn’t fall in love with my son until some of the PPD receded. I adore him now but he demands every ounce of my emotional energy. How could I give the same to another child? I would want to give both my children everything, but there is not enough of me. I am heavily leaning toward one and done.
I always wanted 2, a boy and a girl, the "perfect" family. During pregnancy I was so tired, I always thought "oh imagine having a toddler running around here and not be able to sleep all day because you have to take care of your kid" At the end of pregnancy my husband said he doesn't want to do it again, even though it was an easy pregnancy. During birth I also said I will never do this again. My baby is easy and I could not imagine doing this again with a cry baby or twins. I am also happy that he is healthy. We are very happy and complete as a family of 3!
In my 20s I assumed I would have two, because it's the normal amount of kids. But even then I knew I had to have one to see how I feel as a mom and then go from there. I was super afraid the second pregnancy would be twins (which run in my family) and I'd end up with three, when I never wanted three. I have one brother and my parents' attention was already spread too thin between work, their hobbies and the two of us. I'm also looking forward to carve out time for my hobbies again.
My mom is a twin so I am also scared of that whole “it skips a generation” old wives tale!
There are twins in both my mother and father's families - it is also one of a dozen reasons I'm not interested in rolling the dice again - plus I'm soon to be 38, which also bumps up the risk of having multiples. I'm not sure I could survive another baby anyway, but twins would kill me. Not sure why people romanticize having twins or triplets - its dangerous for mom AND the babies! And the stress of 2 or 3 screaming babies at once is terrifying.
Very same. My mom is a twin and fear of the second being a twin is a huge reason I’m leaning one.
Always thought about 3-4 as I'm one of four. Then decided 2 since the little one was born (how the hell would we manage and afford any more than 2?!). But now, my son is 2.5 and this is so damn hard. Between the illnesses and the overall crap sleep every single night, I just don't think we can cope. Husband has a lot of mental health struggles, we're physically and emotionally exhausted and on top of it this has been the hardest two years of our relationship. I just don't think we can survive another
I’m one of four as well and it would have been hard for me to imagine being OAD. But it is way harder than I thought and I think we are very unlikely to have another (my son is 2)
One of four here too! I never in a million years thought I’d be oad and sometimes I get upset thinking about it, but I’m just trying to focus all that energy on being the best parent I can for my only. We’re thinking about getting her a dog for her 3rd birthday but even that I feel might break me 😩
One of four here too, but contrary to all of you it almost made me NOT want kids at all! But what it made me want above all is being able to give my child all the love, attention and financial support I wasn't given. I never want her to feel unimportant, as I felt I was... So although I didn't know for a long time if I wanted to be a mum or not, I always knew for sure I never wanted to have more than 1 or 2 kids max, if I did.
When my husband and I talked about it, I said I probably wanted one and he wanted two. I had my reasons, mostly fear due to my younger sister having a disability and how it affects my life. I could potentially have been swayed later on. We both decided that we would cross that bridge when we came to it. Then, we both decided mid way through our first pregnancy that one was good. Happily OAD now!
I don't think there really is a "typical" OAD parent. Among the people I've met the reasons are too broad of a spectrum and often more than one reason at play for there to be a typical. Personally I just wish I had known my options earlier in life. I wish I hadn't spent so much time wistfully looking for a partner so that I could have a "family" and instead focused on earning and stockpiling as much money as possible so I could have kids by myself. I'm envious of the younger generation where solo parenting by choice is more common and talked about other than as a "last resort," but then I know I also didn't think outside the box enough. (I was partnered when my daughter was conceived/born, but that did not last.) I tried to have a second as a solo parent, but I was too late. The clock just ran out (I'm 46).
Facts from my life experience are that it’s easier to buy childcare help than rely on a partner anyway. It’s much more spelled out than tacit agreement. Not that it was easy to find the childcare to buy! I was on waitlists for over a year. Also agree there is no typical OAD!
I always envisioned having two kids. I came from a family with three kids and never wanted that many for the practicalities of travelling, vehicles, and admissions to activities. My husband had also wanted two or three. We were pretty confident in our decision and even bought a second hand Uppababy Vista pram that came with the second seat and attachments when I was ending the first trimester. Then I had a really horrible pregnancy, where the HG didn't get any better as the pregnancy progressed and despite being well dosed on antiemetics. I also developed a constant migraine from week 16 until I gave birth, and had constant neuropathy. Birth was precipitous and I developed PPD and PPA (which I'm only starting to feel like myself again 2.5 years later). Despite everything, the thing that really made us reassess was the lack of support and help we have. We don't have a village. I have a couple of chronic health conditions and we realise that we would not be able to cope with another child. It does hurt to let go of hopes and dreams, but I'd much rather be a present mother, alive and able to care for my daughter with a healthy and happy marriage to my amazing husband. A probable hysterectomy in the near future further cements our decision for One and Done.
I only ever wanted 1. That seems so ideal to me.
Same here - I grew up in a chaotic environment with multiple siblings, and spent much of my childhood poor. My mother seemed unhappy most of the time as well - she loved having a BABY in her arms, but seem to not like parenting older children and heavily struggled with us past the infant stage. I was starved for attention and also abused and bullied by my older brother - there was just a lot of dysfunction, and I actively sought to avoid repeating those dynamics. My husband is one of 2, and also grew up poor as his mother was disabled from Multiple Sclerosis when he was just a toddler and then passed away was he was 12. His father had severe mental health issues after losing her. My husband has always had a difficult relationship with his sister and as of now, he has cut off contact with her. My husband and I had both agreed to be OAD LONG before trying to have our daughter. We knew we wanted to give our child the life we didn't have and just wanted one very loved, well-cared for child. After having her, I struggled more than I had ever expected, and additionally, cost of living/inflation concerns have basically sealed the deal on being OAD. We agreed to not to do anything permanent right away, but now, 3 years out, my husband has scheduled a vasectomy consult. I love being HER mother, but as it stands, we simply could not give her the same quality of life with another child in tow, and honestly, I don't want to roll the dice. Our daughter is healthy and beautiful - she's everything we wanted. I don't care about not "gifting" her a sibling - it doesn't weigh on my heart or mind. I'm a little sad I won't hold one of my own babies again, but that's about it!
As a very young kid I assumed I’d have 3, because I was one of 3. In my early 20s I decided on 2, because then ‘we won’t be outnumbered’ - I thought I was really onto something with this, but my thinking went no further than that. It’s only when I really started to think about the commitment of parenting, and also started to earn enough money to really enjoy my city and life as a childfree person, cultivating my adult hobbies (lifting, running, fine dining, fancy cocktail bars, finding fun events, shows and exhibitions in the city, popping to European cities for the weekend - all things that are not quite as easy with a child), that I started to question having children at all. I joined a few parenting subs to lurk to help me understand the true realities, and then stumbled across this sub, I can’t remember when now but I reckon 4-5 years ago. I can honestly say that this sub was the reason I got off the fence - realising you were allowed to have one and many people were thriving, made becoming a parent seem manageable to me. I was freaking out thinking if we decide to go ahead, we have to have 2+, and I felt such a relief realising that wasn’t true. I still continued to fencesit between 0 and 1 - we eventually landed on the yes side. It took a year to get pregnant and every cycle I felt a weird mixture of sadness and relief, and now I’m 17 weeks pregnant I am definitely still slightly fencesitty but just putting my faith into the process. I feel grateful the pregnancy has stuck to this point as I have a feeling I might have thrown in the towel on the whole thing if I’d have miscarried as it was so emotionally draining TTC. I just wanted to move on with my life knowing its general direction. We also love where we live, which is on a lovely road in a great part of the city, but in a 1-bed flat. We appointed an architect back in summer 2022 to add a small extension and change the layout to make it into a 2 bed, knowing we planned to start TTC but also thinking it would work as an office if things didn’t work out. Something about knowing all of this is only once (TTC, all the bad days of pregnancy) and also being able to plan the future without the nagging feeling of wondering when we need to move out of our lovely neighbourhood to get a 3rd bedroom, planning to TTC again etc, all add up to making this feel much more peaceful to me than I think it would’ve done otherwise.
Our stories are almost identical! The more I watch LO grow, the happier I am that we’re OAD. LO is just the best and our family is so complete.
I wanted none. Initially we were child free. Then things changed and we always only wanted one from since changing our minds
I actually thought of having just one quite often even when I was younger because I think I recognized my own ADD and knew one would probably be for the best.
I wanted 7 as a teenager, then discovered freedom and independence, then what it’s like to be skint, then how hard it is to carry, birth and raise a baby. I can’t imagine life with 7.
Imagine being pregnant for over 5 years...
And 21 months of newborn stage
Prior to pregnancy I wanted 3 or maybe even 4. I come from a large family and personally loved growing up with all of my siblings so I thought that’s what I wanted for myself too. During pregnancy I was like okay, maybe I can do this one more time and have 2. After my traumatic birth experience and having a newly turned 1 year old… we’re OAD. Even putting aside how sick I was for the last part of pregnancy, during my daughter’s birth, and into postpartum (thank you preeclampsia and inflamed gallbladder), we are so happy with our one. When I see pictures that parents post of their multiple children on social media, I am not jealous. I am happy for those that choose to have more than one child, of course, but I do not envy them!
I never wanted children at first. When circumstances made me have one ( family pressure), I decided to stop with one.
I am an only and have always wanted an only. My husband is one of three and always wanted 3. We agreed ahead of time to maybe do two, but it wasn’t really want I wanted. My pregnancy ended up having a lot of ups and downs and scares, but our baby came out perfectly healthy luckily. That was enough to push my husband to the OAD side as he didn’t want to see me go through all the stress again (or experience it himself). We talk about how glad we are we made this decision quite often lol. We will see a family struggling with multiple kids and are just in shock about how they could make that decision. To each their own, but yeah.
I wanted 2 but pregnancy changed my mind. 🫠
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Did that person ever call you on the bet? Lol
I always thought 2 because that was the norm. Then when I realized you could have just one, it sounded really nice. Then my awful pregnancy just confirmed that
I always wanted just one, it was always the plan. It always felt more manageable for me.
0-1 for me, and 1-2 for my husband. My pregnancy and the post-partum experience killed my husband's desire to have two lol pregnancy destroyed my mental health, and post-partum I had PPD and a mild form of PPP. My husband ended up developing PPD as well.
I always envisioned 5-6 kids. I used to get upset when people would say "oh you'll change your mind once you have one.". ...but I did LOL. I didn't like pregnancy, had 36 hour labour, and now have SPD which is very painful and I am 6 months pp and not getting better yet. Also right now everything seems pretty manageable with having me and husband but having more children means being more split. I just also love my son so much that I never want to take attention or care away from him for another. I just don't want to ever feel torn. The hard part for me right now is reconciling the vision I used to have of a huge family. And also everyone telling me I should have more. My dad saying "Oh I still picture you having a girl" affects me. Also don't know how to reconcile that. So it's been a mental journey to say the least.
I love that you are not too proud to stick at 1 despite saying you wanted 5-6. It's brave to go against your previous vision of your life and do what feels best for your family! Eugh your dad saying that is disrespectful of your wishes.
My husband and I planned on one and decided we would maybe have two max depending on how the first one went. After a very bad experience with our daughter as a newborn, we’re very happily sticking with one.
I always knew I wanted a kid, but was ambivalent about having more than one. I figured that could be a discussion to have with the relevant partner. Then, for lots of reasons, one kid was the perfect number. No regrets at all.
I/we wanted 1 or 2. I definitely wanted one and no more than 2. I'm an only myself and figured that "2" is always put out there as the ideal, so why not. Turns out, we're pretty happy with one. We started moving towards a second, but changed our minds
I wanted 2. After having my son, we are leaning towards being OAD. I really love the dynamic of my family with me , my husband and my son.
I always assumed I’d have two, but then during my first pregnancy I felt so terrible during the first trimester that I said I wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t even have HG or any vomiting, but I was not ready for how extreme the nausea felt because I don’t get sick that often. Well, we lost our daughter at 22 weeks so it was back to square one. Got pregnant again and the whole process of ttc and pregnancy after loss was a fucking nightmare. Our son’s infancy also was incredibly hard. I was firm OAD til he was about 2, then changed my mind. But then I got pregnant again and it ended in a chemical miscarriage and I actually was relieved. That plus our son might be autistic (it’s genetic - my parents both definitely are and I have some traits myself) means I don’t really want to roll the dice again. I don’t want to take a chance the next one turns out to need even more support.
My wife and I were on the fence about having any, and I was on the side of either having none or having two as I had siblings and wanted my kid to have siblings. However, once we had our LO, we knew we were one and done. My wife did NOT enjoy the pregnancy process, I had severe anxiety during the entire process, so neither of us wanted to do it again. On top of that, the world seems to be going to shit and everything is crazy expensive and my wife and I do not want to pay for child care, so it will be at least five years before we can have dual income again, and we want to be able to provide everything we can to our LO, and I’d rather be able to provide everything for one kid rather than some things for multiple. could maybe adopt one day if we really found ourselves there, but I don't see that happening.
I’ve never thought more than 2 made any sense for me and always told my husband ‘start with one and see how it goes’. We’re comfortable now but don’t have high earning potential, and are both easily overwhelmed with the demands of adult life. But if I was rich - so rich I didn’t have to work and could pay other people to do most life stuff and only focus on raising my kids - I’d want a big family, 5 or 6 (through adoption).
I wanted three. Then wanted none. Then got pregnant. 😂 So I’m good.
I wanted zero, my husband wanted a couple. We got pregnant on accident 3 years into our marriage & I was shocked at how excited I was. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage, then a few more until my 4th pregnancy ended up being my living daughter. She’s only 10 months but life is so good. We still go out to eat, have time for hobbies, both kept our full-time jobs so money is no issue. We are actually headed to Miami next weekend on a whim to escape the cold. We feel like a perfect little complete family. The miscarriages were extremely hard on both of us & since we ended on a high note we aren’t interested in rolling the dice again. Also we just both agree that a second just.. wouldn’t make us more happy.
I feel the same that we ended on a high note after our 3 years of infertility, ivf and 1 miscarriage. Going back to that darkness is just not for me. Enjoy Miami - sounds amazing!
Me. If I ever had a kid it would only be the one time.
Yes
We were fence sitters. We ended up having fertility issues and decided not to go forth with any treatment. We decided if it happened, it happened but if not that was fine too. Imagine my surprise that after five years I got pregnant. I had pretty much figured I was infertile by then. I was 36 when I gave birth. I was already exhausted by then and knew I couldn’t do it again. (I’ve had chronic fatigue issues, low iron for years.) I babysat a lot as a kid and had said for years I would never have kids. I am very happy with our family of three.
Yes from when I was a little girl till I was getting pregnant always wanted one (need to mention I am a only to so Maybe that helped 🤷❤️🫣)
I originally wanted 2-3 kids, and my husband wanted 1-2. I had a very traumatic delivery and almost died. Despite that, I sort of thought we were going to have one more. When our son was 2, we talked about trying for a second, but we couldn’t afford daycare for two simultaneously and I was very uncomfortable with the long term financial impacts of leaving the workforce (it turns out if I had left work to stay at home that I would have been giving up a really rewarding career that I love, but was definitely a right place, right time sort of deal). So we put off having a second until our son went to kindergarten. My mental health was in the toilet and I had a pretty significant breakdown because of potty training. Teaching another human to use a toilet by myself(my husband was working out of town most of the week every week) was the lynchpin. I couldn’t do it again. Our son is 11 now and we have no regrets. We can give him so many opportunities that we wouldn’t have been able to if there was another child.
I am 6 weeks pregnant with my OAD and I know that's it, that's all for me.
I’m an only child and I’ve never been terribly good with or interested in kids. I always knew if I had kids I would have 1.
Nope, I wanted 2 but realized I am content with 1! It’s already hard enough as it is and there’s so much more we can give him if we don’t have another.
I never had a number in mind. I wanted none for the longest time, then changed my mind and decided I wanted to be a parent. I had my son and decided shortly after that I only want to have one.
Wanted four. Had one that I can barely handle. Sticking with one! The other day my husband and I were laughing at the idea of having to handle two of our daughter.
Yes. I always wanted one, said MAYBE I could be persuaded to two. Definitely wrong that I could be persuaded lol.
Never wanted kids. Had one. That’s more than enough. We are a perfect trio.
Always wanted 0
As one of 4 kids growing up, I knew that I probably only wanted 1, maaaaaaaybe 2(my age, financial situation, and complications with the first have solidified me in the OAD camp). I knew my parents would practically never show up to my gymnastics meets because they were busy at girl scouts with my younger sisters. I knew in high school that I’d have to arrange my own rides to/from any activity with friends because my parents were too busy wrangling the others to try to coordinate dropping me off across town. I know my parents had enough *love* for all of us, but I definitely don’t feel like there was enough attention. So whenever I hear people talk about having 4+ kids I can’t help but judge them that they don’t actually care about the QUALITY of life of those kids.
I’m one of two and husband is an only. I wanted two because I fell into the trap of “only children are lonely/selfish/etc”. Husband was leaning towards just one and was very happy with it growing up. I did some thinking and read some books and came around to the idea of one. When I got pregnant it was honestly a fairly textbook pregnancy but I still didn’t enjoy it. Same with giving birth. Our baby is about four months old and the greatest! Kind of thinking we hit the lottery, why play again haha.
Wanted 5. HG throught pregnancy. Nearly bled out from delivery. PPD. High needs baby. I was OAD by the time he was 6 months old. Can't do it again. He's 13 and wonderful now. I have a ton of neices and nephews, and regularly have 2 of them.
In my mid 20’s I basically realized a person was “allowed” to only have one and that’s pretty much what sealed the deal for me. Fortunately my husband was on board. We have an insanely wild 2 year old boy and I’m beyond grateful we know our limits, because some days I can barely do this.
I always liked the idea of having one. A few years before I conceived I started to like the idea even more, as did my husband. Just felt simpler to me and gave me the warm fuzzies just thinking about it. Like the best of both worlds: getting to be a mother without needing to do it multiple times. Maintaining some degree of flexibility and freedom without overextending myself. We now have a sweet 15 month old daughter and I don't have any interest in having another. That first year was not my fave and the older she gets the better it gets. The thought of having another gives me the anti-warm fuzzies.
I never thought I’d only have one.., never in my life, even after a fortune once told me I’d have only one daughter. It was a palm reader (apprentice!) at a Burning Man decompression event, and she was actually pretty good. I had to laugh at her though, because I’d always just assumed that I’d have a larger family. Can’t fight destiny I suppose…..
I always assumed I'd have two, which seemed like the right number. After my daughter was born, I was surprised to feel completely fulfilled by one child and also overwhelmed by one. We have literally no village. We have decided to have a second because I want a sibling for my daughter. I don't believe kids need siblings, but with our circumstances, I think it's the right choice. But I'm also terrified I'm ruining everything by having another child.
I’ve always pictured myself having either one or none! 9 weeks pregnant right now, going for my first ultrasound in a few hours, praying it’s not twins but if it is, definitely do not plan on ever having kids again.
They only saw one, thank God lol. Unless the twin was hiding behind the one 😂 (twins run on both sides of my family).
Not specifically, I honestly never considered having just one, I was ok with two or zero kids. But I knew I didn't want to do pregnancy or birth more than one time so I honestly wanted twins. Yes, I was naive and I'm so glad the universe did not have that in store for me.
I always thought I would want 2 (I am one of 5 and my husband is one of two and I couldn't picture a life without siblings) but I realized after having one that she was all I needed. She has lots of cousins and friends to socialize with and I don't feel any of us are missing out on anything at the moment.
I wanted 3, then went to 2 after discussing finances with my husband. Then when I was pregnant I never wanted to be pregnant again. And now that my boy is 1.5, I am so fulfilled and content with my boy that we are now OAD. Also 1 is all I can mentally handle after PPA/PPD/PPOCD. I never wanna feel that way again
I always wanted more than one. I wanted my children to have brothers and sisters. However after our first my wife said she only wanted one. So that was it. We only had one.
My partner and I discussed 3-4 kids before we got married. But, for medical reasons, 1 is all we can handle now.
I wanted 2, with an option for 3. Then my marriage fell apart and I didn't date. I'm happy with the 1 I have now.
I wanted 3 because we both come from families of 3 kids and liked the idea. Then it took years for us to conceive. Then I realized I didn’t particularly want to do it again and don’t know if I have the energy to do it again.
Nope. At one point I wanted 7. Wtf was wrong with me 😂. That number greatly decreased throughout the years, and by the time I’d gotten pregnant with my son, I only wanted 2. But, due to life circumstances, I’ve decided to be OAD by choice and I’m so content with that decision.
I always wanted just 1, didn't matter if was a girl or boy... 1 is too much for me.
We wanted 2-3 but as great as kids are, it’s not worth what it takes to get there. Nothing is worth the utter hell that pregnancy and birth are IMO
I always saw myself having 2 kids but after all the health issues during pregnancy, the traumatic birth, and a colicky baby were OAD. The conversation does come up about having a second but there’s just so much to think about because of the health complications.
I wanted 3 boys, but after 3 miscarriages, being told it wasn't going to happen and then post natal anxiety after I had my daughter I thought it was best to stick with 1. Then after I still hadn't gotten my period by the time she was 2i went back to the obstetrician who told me my ovaries were shot and the chances were gone. I'm now in perimenopause and on hrt and I'm only 43
That must have been hard to hear, even though you were already OAD. Do you mind me asking if you were on any birth control? I'm 15 months postpartum and I don't have my period yet, but I'm also on the mini-pill, so I guess that's why? I have been wondering why I haven't had it yet
Yeah it was a combination of breast feeding, mini pill and my body being defective in so many ways
I wanted two but after having 1 I realized I wouldn’t be able to be as present as I wanted to for toddler years and I wouldn’t be able to spend the entire newborn stage in bed since I would have a toddler. In my mind it just seems unfair to everyone involved. I can be a really good mom to my one and only, or I could be a mediocre mom to 2+ kids and I’d rather be a good and present mom to my daughter.
I've always wanted 2 maybe 3. But I married "later in life" then it took lots of meds and miscarriages before having my daughter at age 37. After that i felt it was too risky to try for more.
I always thought I wanted 2 before I was pregnant, and through my whole pregnancy, I still wanted 2. I had an amazing, peaceful labor, and then it took a serious turn, resulting in a traumatic birth. Pretty much then on I didn't think I could do it again. Add on an emergency surgery for an intestinal malrotation for my little guy when he was 7 months old, and then a month later, an emergency hospitalization for severe anaphylaxis. This was all followed by a diagnosis for PPA, PPD, and PTSD for myself, and I pretty much realized I was at capacity. All of those experiences completely changed my mind.
Honestly I’ve always wanted 1. My husband wants 2 but we just don’t have enough help, we would have to move and my pregnancy and birth were horrible. I’m a better mom with one.
I wanted 2 or 3 but realized 1 completed our family and I didn’t need more.
I wanted 3, compromised on 2. OH changed his mind after the 1 and here we are.
I’m a weird mix of both choice and not choice. I originally wanted two kids, had one but pregnancy was awful and I have endometriosis and endosalpingiosis. Realized one is all could really handle and was super happy with our family of three and overall felt complete. Ended up having a hysterectomy recently because of my issues so definitely done now. Still very happy to be one and done but I definitely thought before having kids that I would have two.
I always knew if I had *any*, it would be just the one. Met my only child husband and he agreed. Our daughter is perfect. :)
Sometimes I think about two, but then I think about taking two kids in the car or an airplane and I’m good with one. The amount of stuff my friend has to prepare and pack for her outings are larger than the kids (e.g. baby seats). 😨 Husband’s work schedule fluctuates and won’t be reliable always for every day tasks.
I only ever wanted one. I knew one was my ideal and still feel I'm right.
I always wanted one. I’ve never wavered. I’m very at peace with my very spirited child… absolutely couldn’t handle another.
I’ve always loved kids. When I was younger I wanted 4. Then I became an early elementary school teacher and I decided 2 would be perfect (after dealing with 20+ six year olds all day I can’t imagine coming home to 4 of my own). Then I had my amazing son. Everything was going great! My MIL was helping us with childcare and my husband had a very cushy work from home job. We were gearing up for baby number two when our situation completely changed. My MIL moved across the country on a whim when FIL retired, then my husband was laid off from his job, then inflation (and price gauging) went insane. We made a huge financial sacrifice to keep our son only part time at daycare (3 days a week). We simply can’t afford to have another child and still give our son the life he deserves. We only have another year of scraping by before my son can go to the free pre-K at my school. Then hopefully my husband can go back to full time work. I love my family of 3! But It definitely wasn’t the plan.
Yes. I'm an only myself, so that is how I pictured my family too. As a child I just couldn't imagine other children living in my home too. I like the dynamic of parents and one child.
I always had this feeling that maybe 2 but 1 would also be great. I am so relieved now to be able to focus on my one :) no more pregnancy anxiety or miscarriages.
Pretty much. I only briefly considered that I might have 2 when o was pregnant with my only because that’s what’s normal where I live. I knew I was oad before my son was born though and I was certain the morning after his birth. Never wavered and had my tubes removed last month when he turned 3
I wasn’t even sure I wanted one.
I always wanted 1. Hubby wanted to but after we had our daughter he happily crossed over to team OAD. It's all we can handle and that's ok.
I always thought I would have 2 kids. But after having the most perfect little girl we are looking to be OAD. I want to enjoy my life and getting pregnant and re setting the clock just isn’t something I’m willing to do atm
Not 'always' as in when I was little and imagined my life later. But from the moment I seriously started considering kids (as in, was with my husband, know my income level / what profession I picked, see what adult life is really like) I knew that one was all I could afford, but also all I wanted because I have a lot of hobbies I enjoy and would like to keep doing. Plus, the parents I see around me that have more than one, it seems like that is all they have time for. They have zero evenings off with all after school activities. They never see their partner, they always complain about how hard it is. It's not for me.
We both wanted 2, coming from growing up with one other siblings ourselves. That was very much always the plan. That plan changes sometime in those first few months with our daughter. I'm just really glad that we both have always felt the same way about not wanting to go through those phases again and feeling content with our family at 3.
I always wanted a son. Got lucky that I got a son. I never wanted many kids. I'm an only child and I liked it. So one was always enough. And now that I have my son, I'm 100% sure that I don't want another kid. I have no desire whatsoever to relive the first year again. Let alone with an additional toddler.
No, I actually didn’t want any for years and then met my wife and we knew 1 fit our lifestyle the best.
I sortof vaguely imagined two but my wife and I got a late start on things and just don't have the patience or energy. Want to give our only the best life possible in this crazy world.
I was always unsure about kids growing up until after a few years of marriage. We decided to have 1 and our baby is the best thing ever. We are still contemplating on a 2nd one but it can be so much work & tiring lol
I never wanted kids. I wanted an abortion when I found out I was pregnant but couldn’t get one for multiple reasons number one being it’s illegal in the state I reside in. I was always adamant about never having kids. I’m doing my best to accept being a parent but so far I hate all of it, and she’s only five weeks old.
No. At first when I was younger I wanted 2, but then switched to none. I got pregnant on an IUD and wanted to have him. I'm definitely OAD. Difficult birth and he is a handful! He is the type that wants all of my attention and I mentally cannot handle 2.
I wanted two. Due to medical reasons for me and my husband we stopped at one. I get really upset when people give me e shit about having only one, calling only children “lonely children”. Sometimes she is, but I sometimes was lonely in a set of 3. I do sometimes grieve having only one, but am also grateful for my one.
I always wanted 3 because I have two sisters and 3 just seems like the perfect amount bc you have an oldest, middle, and youngest, then as I got older I was thinking maybe 2 would be better…. now I’m extra fucking good with just one lmao. I basically disassociated with half of the newborn-6m phase and idk how tf I got through it but I did. I want maybe only one other kid through marriage (meaning they have a child already, preferably older than my child) but I’m definitely not getting pregnant again, my back absolutely destroyed me and I do NOT want another induction and/or c-section.
I never really thought about it - never had a set number or anything. We’ve been OAD since pregnancy though. Most likely because my pregnancy wasn’t planned and was considered “high risk” (marginal cord insertion) so it cost us a lot of money for 2x a week NST and ultrasound scans. I also had a pretty traumatic birth experience (lost a lot of blood, large laceration on my cervix after, nurses couldn’t account for one needle and I think a sponge, so they had to take me to the OR for X-rays to make sure it wasn’t left inside of me, etc.). My mom died when she had me (was resurrected after she flat lined but then given a full hysterectomy) so that probably played into it, as well. But overall, we had both decided we didn’t want anymore while pregnant and the decision has stuck (even more-so now that she’s 5).
I always wanted 2, but then I encountered once in a lifetime nightmare life event and it became clear to me that I hadn't prepared myself for parenting under the worst case scenario, just parenting under the typical life stressors. I became one and done after that because I don't want to risk another child of mine going through anything like that with me ever again.
I wanted 2. Either twins or back to back. Then pregnancy and postpartum psychosis happened, and I quickly changed my mind. Now my only is 4, and I could not imagine juggling her day to day life + a toddler.
I wanted 2. After I had 1 I realized that mentally I could only handle 1. I’m a really good mom with my son, but think I would be a mediocre mom of 2.
I am an only my husband is one of two. He wanted two and I thought I could possibly have two if I can handle one very well but will stop at one if I don't want to do it again. Then the whole pregnancy and birth and postpartum experiences were so stressful. We even have his mom who provided tremendous help in taking care of baby for the past few months. Now we have a three month old and are now discussing birth control and vasectomy. We both feel exhausted being 34 and 36. Financially if we have another we will be living from paycheck to paycheck to maintain the quality of life we have and we won't be able to retire early which we have always dreamed of.
I’m 24, my fiancé is 28 and we do not have children yet also we are in Europe, not U.S.A. I for very long time had this idea that I would like to have two children with one through adoption. We have talked about having children multiple times and my fiancé wants to have them too but is more hesitant due his last ex before me. So I had this idea about two children (I have a two years younger brother and four years younger sister) because I think any number over two is too much. But I have been reading posts from here and have been thinking about it and at the moment I am very set on only having one. My fiancé has twin half sisters from same mother but different father so if with some miracle we get twins we are then having two but that’s it. I also gave up on the idea of adopting a child because of cost and how time consuming it is. Also I have no way of making sure that the backround of the child being in available to adopt is ethical and stuff. I know how sibling relationships can be and I know something about being an only and adopted because one of my best friends is adopted. And because the way the world and our governemnt here is at the moment I feel like one is the best option for us
We always knew we wanted one, and were open to the idea of two but always said we'll see how we feel. Our only is now 3 and there's a thousand reasons why oad is best for our family, but we've also just never had the urge for a second
We thought we wanted 3. It took us 2 tries before we can have our only and the time it took us we felt like we are already late in the game. Now we have our 3 year old daughter and we don’t have any immediate family nearby so it’s tough to have another. It took us 2 years on a wait list for daycare so that alone is a major contributor to having only one. It’s just not feasible when we both work full time and I do have a very demanding job. We both agree that one is very manageable in all aspects. Having our sanity, finances and happiness intact. We can fully support our one and only. We are both from big families. We are both have 4 siblings and the main difference with our parents’ situation is they had support literally a village.