I honestly don’t know what to say there is so much to take in. I’m mostly impressed by how the thoughts are very clear with expressing change of feelings. It’s reads more as a statement then a poem or a letter unwritten.
Poems like this make me keep on loving free form. There are some grammar issues but that's easy to fix. My favorite line is " dusty histories" it perfectly sums up that you only remember/know so much in a concise and non-cliché manner.
dusty histories perfectly describes childhood memories and we never quite remember things the way they happened. So they are stories that are dusty and hard to read.
Thank you for your feedback. It is always valued!
i think overall pretty solid , i hear the voice of eyedea when reading it. it seems like a very personal experience , and i think it would benefit from more exact personal detail
this is about heartbreak and therapy perspectives, potentially toxic relationships, trying to untangle why something or someone is so 'addictive' or why a relationship that has caused a lot of pain is so hard to extract from.
by personal detail, i mean naming specific things like situations that happened or naming places from your memories. example:
"life will often leave you jaded,
like the one day she left without so
much as a goodbye, so
surgically precise is this regret retrofitted
and for the record 16 times that i texted before all hope had been abandoned"
Ah yes, I misunderstood.
I agree. It can be frustrating to read poetry that isn't detailed enough. I think more personal details would feel like a betrayal to the many griefs I speak of (heartbreak, world view, historical trauma, familial loss). I could not detail just one. But I'm going to continue thinking on it and see if that feeling changes.
i think the opposite happens , when you force yourself to talk about "ideas" the serious spectrum of topics, then its very easy to end up sounding pretentious
i suspect it's one of those things that comes up again and again - initially, when i added detail, I was told to show not tell. When I left out the detail I'm advised to include the detail and tell more story. Do you know how we are to discern between (valid) criticism as preference and (valid) criticism as structural/improvement guidance? I think that's the big question. I'm still thinking on including the details, but I'm genuinely curious about how one best reflects on feedback.
again another poem of yours i love! “the dynamics of dusty histories” is a beautiful line. i also love the line “if only i could fix my brain…” i feel that way often
I honestly don’t know what to say there is so much to take in. I’m mostly impressed by how the thoughts are very clear with expressing change of feelings. It’s reads more as a statement then a poem or a letter unwritten.
thank you. it feels less like a prose written letter when you read aloud but poetry is letter writing in my opinion :)
Poems like this make me keep on loving free form. There are some grammar issues but that's easy to fix. My favorite line is " dusty histories" it perfectly sums up that you only remember/know so much in a concise and non-cliché manner.
dusty histories perfectly describes childhood memories and we never quite remember things the way they happened. So they are stories that are dusty and hard to read. Thank you for your feedback. It is always valued!
i think overall pretty solid , i hear the voice of eyedea when reading it. it seems like a very personal experience , and i think it would benefit from more exact personal detail
this is about heartbreak and therapy perspectives, potentially toxic relationships, trying to untangle why something or someone is so 'addictive' or why a relationship that has caused a lot of pain is so hard to extract from.
by personal detail, i mean naming specific things like situations that happened or naming places from your memories. example: "life will often leave you jaded, like the one day she left without so much as a goodbye, so surgically precise is this regret retrofitted and for the record 16 times that i texted before all hope had been abandoned"
Ah yes, I misunderstood. I agree. It can be frustrating to read poetry that isn't detailed enough. I think more personal details would feel like a betrayal to the many griefs I speak of (heartbreak, world view, historical trauma, familial loss). I could not detail just one. But I'm going to continue thinking on it and see if that feeling changes.
i think the opposite happens , when you force yourself to talk about "ideas" the serious spectrum of topics, then its very easy to end up sounding pretentious
i suspect it's one of those things that comes up again and again - initially, when i added detail, I was told to show not tell. When I left out the detail I'm advised to include the detail and tell more story. Do you know how we are to discern between (valid) criticism as preference and (valid) criticism as structural/improvement guidance? I think that's the big question. I'm still thinking on including the details, but I'm genuinely curious about how one best reflects on feedback.
again another poem of yours i love! “the dynamics of dusty histories” is a beautiful line. i also love the line “if only i could fix my brain…” i feel that way often
Thank you 💕