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DiabolicalOpticles

I had this whole thing written out, and then accidentally deleted it, but the gist is that I really loved your poem, because of how it really makes it feel as if you’re reliving a traumatic event. The short stanzas, and the progressive thoughts, all coming one after the other, set the stage for an anxiety inducing atmosphere, where you don’t know what’s going to happen next, only that it’s going to be crushing. The line breaks make it better, having the sentences cut mid line, force you to finish the thought in the next line, and by the time you realize the whole thought, you’re at the end. I had wrote that it read like a diary, like innermost thoughts that get hidden from everyone else, but come out as the kettle overboils. That’s how I write, in one giant explosion, that is either ok, or completely shit, but somehow you captured the reality of what it’s like to go through it, while maintaining the artistic side of it too, and using different imagery, and other creative licenses to spice up, what is a really terrible situation. I just really appreciated that, and this poem in general, for talking about a memory that’s obviously painful, just to get it out. It’s my therapy, and I’m glad to see it is for someone else as well.


Different-Army2548

:((


GeorgeIIXIXV

Strong words 🔥


Key-Thought1297

My friend.. I wouldn't lie if I say that you're an underappreciated diamond. It felt like the poem touched every possible string in my soul, just as it was written by some shard, split from my body and living his own independent life. Love it love it!!


[deleted]

💖


Key-Thought1297

Even after 9d, I keep revisiting your poem, still reading it ravenously, as for the first time. It feels like every line hits me with a bullet, dealing pain, I find kinky joy in. I am "the person, who seems to take delight in pressing the bruise". Can't express enough, how talented of a person you are! Please, please, please, keep it going, keep writing!


[deleted]

I'm most interested in the lines between writing a prose and writing poetry. Does anyone have any reflections on this as guidance?


chocolatellicorice

I’m interested in you saying this because, in many ways this feels like a poem: the form of line breaks, the second person, and the content itself as a message to an (assumably) ex. In its content this is definitely a poem. Popping a puss filled wound onto a page exposing someone is very much a poem, but which is it. I feel a distinct message within this, but that pain, that bloody wound, that pus mixing with the blood. That doesn’t seem coherent, or organised or chronological. I think your message is distinct which I applaud you for. I think the directness in your speech are at some points acting as training wheels when you could use more nuance to convey the message. I love the rawness of it though; I’ve too written many a poem which acted as complete untold messages, but I’ve never had the bravery to post one. I think this is perfect for what it is, it just depends what you’d like it to be. My advice would be to keep this, and if you wanna have some more fun with it, build another version with more concrete images, and a nuanced order of storytelling, and add some ambiguity, dazzle some water with the blood and in the transparency find clarity in realisation. I love this, good job.