Play isn't exactly a euphemism for sex. It's more to describe things to do for fun. There's kinky play, which may or may not include sex. Play is infantilizing only if you make it such, and I don't think an entire community is about to change the use of specific words that have legit meanings for things because some people may associate it with *childs*play.
I'm not big on the term "munch" personally. I just don't like it, in the way that I don't really like Mondays. I still go to munches on Mondays, though 🙃.
Right? Like... why a word that conjures images of teeth and food? I can hear the overly loud chewing in my head and it's just awful. K, I need to stop visualizing it 😂😂
Because it was traditionally “literally getting lunch or dinner somewhere and chatting”. The emphasis was on *the food* to distinguish it from a sexy event. It’s meant to be super unsexy to signal “we’re just being chill and if you want to ask for advice or something you can”.
Oh, interesting, thanks for sharing! So it’s kind of like where “brunch” comes from, except instead of combining two words they just went with “munch” for the strong eating-related connotation. OR, could it be a combination of “meeting” and “lunch”? Which would make it widely usable in the corporate world lmao.
Munch was a preexisting a word that means to eat, snack, or chew. I think it was picked because it’s usually used in more easygoing or unserious ways. Horses munching on hay, I was munching on some chips instead of making dinner, etc.
I’m totally ok with it for kink and not as a substitute for sex.
Yet it’s VERY commonly used when people who want to downplay their relationship (or even more likely a meta’s relationship with a shared partner) as play.
You're using a very limited definition of play.
I play laser tag with my friends.
I play guitar (badly).
I play with my cat.
So, no, I'm not concerned that I will fall down a slippery slope into a diaper kink if I refer to a room full of kinky consenting adults as a "play party."
Play is doing something for fun. Sex is fun. Usually.
Personally, I do feel sex can be play between adults. I feel that folks who feel otherwise may simply experiencing a limited perspective on the concept of “play”.
When my partner and I are engaging in foreplay, sex, and aftercare with the goal of teasing each other’s senses and working towards mutual pleasure, connection, and intimacy - then we are playing together in adult play.
Certain kinks, such as impact or rope, are also most certainly forms of adult play.
Definition of play: engage in activity for fun and enjoyment rather than a serious or practical purpose. So unless you're having sex for the sole purpose of procreating - you're playing.
I've really only seen 'play' used to refer to sex when discussing kink, which is very intentionally a form of playing.
I don't think it's a euphemism, people who talk about "play" (which does not automatically mean sex) are generally some of the most sex-positive people out there and have no problem talking about it in very direct, explicit ways.
That said, by all means use the terms that work best for you. And if I was dating someone who was like "I personally don't like using the term play, because I associate it with childhood" I'd probably treat it the same as "don't call me (specific endearment) because I don't like the associations" you know? People get to have their arbitrary preferences.
To me, (an absolutely sadistic top, and a masochistic bottom….) play is not the same thing as sex. Sex can often involve play for me, and play often involves some kind of connection or intimacy, but they are not the same.
This!
Whilst there's nothing to gain from gatekeeping the word I don't personally know why a vanilla person would need or desire to refer to their sex as play. There are times I've had sex that it wouldn't even occur to me to consider to be play.
Play is a very kink specific word in my mind and most of my play doesn't include sex at all (though my sex usually includes play).
Forced orgasms to the point of swearing, begging and downright torture? Sure, play.
Intimate romantic sex in the missionary position? Sex.
Being beaten to a pulp? My most common form of play.
hard same. as a sadist, i'm playing with my partner the same way a cat plays with a mouse :3< it's fun, i am probably actually cackling, they are probably giggling at times, we're excited...how is that not play? i don't usually describe vanilla sex as play, but i don't mind when others do, especially since i like to laugh sometimes during sex as well. either way, "play" does not strike me as a euphemism at all. maybe op is used to ~serious~ vanilla sex???
I don't like the term "play". It gives me the ick, and does not at all match the tone of my sexual experiences. But I think you might be going the wrong direction.
"Play" is a word that encompasses a lot of different activities, one of which is kids messing with action figures et cetera, another of which is a loose category of sex stuff.
"Play" meaning sex and "play" meaning kids goofing around are connected in the sense that they both belong to the collection of fun, typically lighthearted things people do. But there is no direct bridge between them. There is little risk of sex itself being trivialized by an association with kids playing, or kids playing being sexualized by an association with sex stuff.
You still don't have to use the term, though. I'm certainly not gonna.
>play | plā | verb \[no object\] engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose
I think your assessment of this word as inherently related to children is uncommon, but of course you can use whatever language you like.
Adults can certainly play, but the term in English does denote frivolous activity. So maybe not necessarily children, but not many people would be thrilled with being referred to as "recreational." Cool if you're into that, no shame.
You can play computer games with amazing storylines and aesthetics and take them as seriously as reading a book or watching a good movie. Some ppl make careers out of playing that lol game or Magic the Gathering or whatever, and there's a lot of skill involved. Even chess is played. If anything sex is the most brainless fun of all (in some ways).
I don't think "play" is infantilizing, especially because its use is widespread in sex party and kink circles. If my partner says they played with someone, I assume they did some kink together, which may or may not have included sex. I would be a little weirded out if someone used it _just_ as a euphemism for sex. I also don't really like euphemisms for sex in general, outside of some pretty specific circumstances.
I strongly dislike play as a euphemism for fucking.
See also: adult fun, cuddle times, sexy times or anything with ***s in it.
Having sex is a truly neutral phrase that can be used in all settings. Why are people so uncomfortable with it? I’ll even take sleeping together!
If you can’t say it how good can you be at it?
Other comments have solid logic, yet still when I see people say that I get the ick. I don’t know what it is but if I’m on a poly dating app and see something like. Down to play together or separate. No. I swipe. But that’s just me
I dislike the word *play* because it has a specific connotation for me to *games*, not general fun things.
I also hate *scenes* for kinky things because it has a connotation of acting.
I hate the word *munch* because it's a fundamentally unpleasant sounding word like *moist* and *gurgle* and *jowls* and *smear* and *throuple*.
I think 'scene' is used because you're referring to a specific *act* which has a beginning and end, and most kinks are a form of "acting" anyway.
Think about something like consensual non consent, and why it's necessary to have specific time limits on when that scene will begin and end.
This is potentially my issue. I hate "scene!" It's not a goddamn theater set...
Maybe it's just a weird word? "Gurgle" and "jowls" and "throuple" hit the same notes, but I'll admit "throuple" is also taking on sour connotations given current representation.
Hm, I found it to be really liberating to introduce the concept of sex as "play" (slightly less teenage/derisive than "fooling around"). Growing up as a girl in the context I did, sex was a scary and dangerous thing to be approached only with caution and trepidation, or a specific goal of orgasms required for your partner (or yourself) to be "satisfied".
So "play" connotes for me the fact that I'm actually looking for us to go... you know... play! Be alone and take off our clothes and touch each other a bunch of ways and giggle and gasp and see what feels good in the moment, explore and experiment, not necessarily set on a specific destination. If we get some orgasms in that's great, and also that's not necessarily the end of the encounter unless we want it to be. If I've got more time pressure or specifically want to follow the "usual script" I might say "sex" (or "wanna f*ck", more realistically) but the idea of sexy times as play has been a really useful concept for me.
I also should say, I use "play" for the way people learn all sorts of new things by experiment: if you want to get good at handling a basketball you need to not just shoot hoops from the free throw line but play around: try and throw and catch the ball from a bunch of awkward positions, make challenges for yourself and reach them, etc. if you want to understand a concept or a new piece of equipment or a data set you have to play with it and try out weird things, it's just... how we learn. Play is something I think of as for everyone and, like, mandatory for a good life.
I definitely used to have more of a problem with the term play than I do now. I'd rather be blunt and direct bit if people need to euphamis to communicate I won't begrudge them that.
Play can also encompass more than just sex. It might be used to refer to other non-sex based kink.
I don't like use of "play" in dating profiles. It seems very sex-focused and not emotions-focused. I'm looking for deep emotional connections, so I figure we are incompatible.
>engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.
Perhaps that definition doesn't fit how you engage in sexual activities. OK fine. It definitely does describe how I engage, however.
OTOH, I really dislike the word "casual" to describe sex that is unlikely to lead to repeated encounters. When I play with people sexually, it's not casual.
Is there something wrong with saying that you're having sex? Unless you feel the need to specify PIV, is there any reason that "sex" does not apply to whatever it is you're hoping to accomplish?
What else would you say that you're doing? And why would you need a euphemism?
I think this one is conditional to a person's perspective of the use of the word. So someone who doesn't have kids doesn't think of the word play and directly correlate it to kids playing whereas a family who might use that term predominantly for children would view that term as such. I think that it's personally fine to dictate how you use it in your circle but it's the same argument for why some people like being called "daddy" or they want to be called "baby". I think I've been bothered by specific words before but I think it was because of the person not the word.
Most of the play I engage in isn't actually sex itself; it's sex-adjacent. Since it's not really sex, there needs to be a better word for it... I think "play" fits very well with what my partners and I are doing for fun.
I'm having fun when I have sex. We laugh, we squelch, we make silly faces.
I also play with dolls and toy swords.
You're welcome to feel however you like about a word, but I am not an age player and the word "play" carries positive connotations for me
When I was a kid, “playing” involved making my Barbies hump each other. I would often “play” with myself (this is a common euphemism for masturbation!!). When I was 19, I learned a new version of the word play when I got paddled in front of a crowd of strangers at a sex club. It was play, not sex. Nothing confusing or infantilizing about it.
One of my partners also feels this way about the word “play,” so I just don’t use it around him. But I use it because I feel like it best encompasses the reason why I like to be physically intimate with people—I want to have fun, I want to explore, and I want to create something together. It’s also broad enough to include way more than just touching genitals.
I mostly see "play" used to mean "intimate BDSM stuff that isn't sex". Or at least where sex, if it happens, is secondary to the roleplay/psychodrama/sensation play/etc.
I think it's a perfectly serviceable word. I'd be fine with using a different one, but also don't have any objections it as is.
"Play" is common parlance in BDSM scenes. There, it doesn't refer to sex, it refers to BDSM activities (which may include sex or may not.)
I don't use it to refer to vanilla sex and I'm sometimes a bit surprised when someone does, but I recognize that other sexual subcultures might use the same terminology (for example, swinger couples saying "we only play together") and that's fine.
I also don't view "play" as inherently infantilizing. Adults play, too. Play is a part of life, and an important way humans and other animals learn and connect. Frankly, I'm sad for anyone who's too grown for play.
Hi u/Tiny_Goats thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
I'm not playing. I'm having sex. Playing is what my kid does with action figures, and I'm not entirely cool with conflating the situation.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t know about infantilizing, but I don’t like it because it sounds frivolous like you said and anything that could potentially result in pregnancy or disease is not something that I do frivolously. Sure it is pleasurable, but it is also something I take seriously because of the risks involved.
for me, play is separated experience. it works for my partner and i. want to mutually masturbate? that’s play. want to have a more sensual PIV thing in bed, that’s sex. play is fun and light.
also for me like i’ve been married for a while and sometimes your sex life can go through ruts, introducing the idea of “play” has added a new levity to our sexual life.
if it doesn’t work for you, no problem, don’t use it!
it’s also used a lot in kink circles. going to “play parties”
Play is the act of applying uninhibited creativity to the world with joy. It is not an inherently childish action. It is only associated with children because children have not yet learned most inhibitions. Children also have more leisure time to play so they engage in play more frequently.
A child's play has a fundamentally different content and method of expression. That specific definition of play does not make all forms of play the equivalent of a child's play. Art is often an adult form of play as it is the socially acceptable expression of pure creativity. Sex is play because it is a private activity that expresses creativity. If your lover is not playing, sex becomes boring.
Words in English have more than one definition.
This is a you thing. I love thinking of sex as grown up play. I like the joy and fun and open-endedness that sex being play implies. I like to laugh and smile and i love the silly moments that happen with the person/people I feel very safe and connect with while I have sex. Sex is play for me, and I love it.
Don't call sex play of you don't want to. That's fine. It's your word to use how you see fit. But I will, and mean it.
Play isn't exactly a euphemism for sex. It's more to describe things to do for fun. There's kinky play, which may or may not include sex. Play is infantilizing only if you make it such, and I don't think an entire community is about to change the use of specific words that have legit meanings for things because some people may associate it with *childs*play. I'm not big on the term "munch" personally. I just don't like it, in the way that I don't really like Mondays. I still go to munches on Mondays, though 🙃.
I also don't like 'munch.' Like, that specific word to describe that specific thing just annoys tf out of me...lol
Right? Like... why a word that conjures images of teeth and food? I can hear the overly loud chewing in my head and it's just awful. K, I need to stop visualizing it 😂😂
Because it was traditionally “literally getting lunch or dinner somewhere and chatting”. The emphasis was on *the food* to distinguish it from a sexy event. It’s meant to be super unsexy to signal “we’re just being chill and if you want to ask for advice or something you can”.
Oh, interesting, thanks for sharing! So it’s kind of like where “brunch” comes from, except instead of combining two words they just went with “munch” for the strong eating-related connotation. OR, could it be a combination of “meeting” and “lunch”? Which would make it widely usable in the corporate world lmao.
Munch was a preexisting a word that means to eat, snack, or chew. I think it was picked because it’s usually used in more easygoing or unserious ways. Horses munching on hay, I was munching on some chips instead of making dinner, etc.
In addition to hearing the chewing, I always picture food caught in long beards. It’s terrible!
It feels sexual in a way that munches are not, and it kept me from attending them for far longer than it should have
I’m totally ok with it for kink and not as a substitute for sex. Yet it’s VERY commonly used when people who want to downplay their relationship (or even more likely a meta’s relationship with a shared partner) as play.
My therapist always calls them “munchies” on accident. 😐
That’s amazing
Are you me? I agree with every part of this
You're using a very limited definition of play. I play laser tag with my friends. I play guitar (badly). I play with my cat. So, no, I'm not concerned that I will fall down a slippery slope into a diaper kink if I refer to a room full of kinky consenting adults as a "play party." Play is doing something for fun. Sex is fun. Usually.
Hopefully* 🤞
Not the way I do it!
Personally, I do feel sex can be play between adults. I feel that folks who feel otherwise may simply experiencing a limited perspective on the concept of “play”. When my partner and I are engaging in foreplay, sex, and aftercare with the goal of teasing each other’s senses and working towards mutual pleasure, connection, and intimacy - then we are playing together in adult play. Certain kinks, such as impact or rope, are also most certainly forms of adult play.
Definition of play: engage in activity for fun and enjoyment rather than a serious or practical purpose. So unless you're having sex for the sole purpose of procreating - you're playing. I've really only seen 'play' used to refer to sex when discussing kink, which is very intentionally a form of playing.
Why can’t adults play? With each other? Naked? Why is play reserved to the behavior of children? And why is sex reserved to be so serious?
I don't think it's a euphemism, people who talk about "play" (which does not automatically mean sex) are generally some of the most sex-positive people out there and have no problem talking about it in very direct, explicit ways. That said, by all means use the terms that work best for you. And if I was dating someone who was like "I personally don't like using the term play, because I associate it with childhood" I'd probably treat it the same as "don't call me (specific endearment) because I don't like the associations" you know? People get to have their arbitrary preferences.
To me, (an absolutely sadistic top, and a masochistic bottom….) play is not the same thing as sex. Sex can often involve play for me, and play often involves some kind of connection or intimacy, but they are not the same.
This! Whilst there's nothing to gain from gatekeeping the word I don't personally know why a vanilla person would need or desire to refer to their sex as play. There are times I've had sex that it wouldn't even occur to me to consider to be play. Play is a very kink specific word in my mind and most of my play doesn't include sex at all (though my sex usually includes play). Forced orgasms to the point of swearing, begging and downright torture? Sure, play. Intimate romantic sex in the missionary position? Sex. Being beaten to a pulp? My most common form of play.
hard same. as a sadist, i'm playing with my partner the same way a cat plays with a mouse :3< it's fun, i am probably actually cackling, they are probably giggling at times, we're excited...how is that not play? i don't usually describe vanilla sex as play, but i don't mind when others do, especially since i like to laugh sometimes during sex as well. either way, "play" does not strike me as a euphemism at all. maybe op is used to ~serious~ vanilla sex???
agreed!
How do you feel about the word "moist".
I don't like the term "play". It gives me the ick, and does not at all match the tone of my sexual experiences. But I think you might be going the wrong direction. "Play" is a word that encompasses a lot of different activities, one of which is kids messing with action figures et cetera, another of which is a loose category of sex stuff. "Play" meaning sex and "play" meaning kids goofing around are connected in the sense that they both belong to the collection of fun, typically lighthearted things people do. But there is no direct bridge between them. There is little risk of sex itself being trivialized by an association with kids playing, or kids playing being sexualized by an association with sex stuff. You still don't have to use the term, though. I'm certainly not gonna.
>play | plā | verb \[no object\] engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose I think your assessment of this word as inherently related to children is uncommon, but of course you can use whatever language you like.
Adults can certainly play, but the term in English does denote frivolous activity. So maybe not necessarily children, but not many people would be thrilled with being referred to as "recreational." Cool if you're into that, no shame.
So why are you having sex? Is it for enjoyment and recreation, or are you having sex for a serious and practical purpose?
You can play computer games with amazing storylines and aesthetics and take them as seriously as reading a book or watching a good movie. Some ppl make careers out of playing that lol game or Magic the Gathering or whatever, and there's a lot of skill involved. Even chess is played. If anything sex is the most brainless fun of all (in some ways).
I don't think "play" is infantilizing, especially because its use is widespread in sex party and kink circles. If my partner says they played with someone, I assume they did some kink together, which may or may not have included sex. I would be a little weirded out if someone used it _just_ as a euphemism for sex. I also don't really like euphemisms for sex in general, outside of some pretty specific circumstances.
I strongly dislike play as a euphemism for fucking. See also: adult fun, cuddle times, sexy times or anything with ***s in it. Having sex is a truly neutral phrase that can be used in all settings. Why are people so uncomfortable with it? I’ll even take sleeping together! If you can’t say it how good can you be at it?
I hate it. But I’ll use it now to avoid issues, or to get along.
lol i HATE the word “play” for sex or kink.
Other comments have solid logic, yet still when I see people say that I get the ick. I don’t know what it is but if I’m on a poly dating app and see something like. Down to play together or separate. No. I swipe. But that’s just me
I dislike the word *play* because it has a specific connotation for me to *games*, not general fun things. I also hate *scenes* for kinky things because it has a connotation of acting. I hate the word *munch* because it's a fundamentally unpleasant sounding word like *moist* and *gurgle* and *jowls* and *smear* and *throuple*.
I think 'scene' is used because you're referring to a specific *act* which has a beginning and end, and most kinks are a form of "acting" anyway. Think about something like consensual non consent, and why it's necessary to have specific time limits on when that scene will begin and end.
I understand all of that. I still hate the word as a descriptor.
This is potentially my issue. I hate "scene!" It's not a goddamn theater set... Maybe it's just a weird word? "Gurgle" and "jowls" and "throuple" hit the same notes, but I'll admit "throuple" is also taking on sour connotations given current representation.
Hm, I found it to be really liberating to introduce the concept of sex as "play" (slightly less teenage/derisive than "fooling around"). Growing up as a girl in the context I did, sex was a scary and dangerous thing to be approached only with caution and trepidation, or a specific goal of orgasms required for your partner (or yourself) to be "satisfied". So "play" connotes for me the fact that I'm actually looking for us to go... you know... play! Be alone and take off our clothes and touch each other a bunch of ways and giggle and gasp and see what feels good in the moment, explore and experiment, not necessarily set on a specific destination. If we get some orgasms in that's great, and also that's not necessarily the end of the encounter unless we want it to be. If I've got more time pressure or specifically want to follow the "usual script" I might say "sex" (or "wanna f*ck", more realistically) but the idea of sexy times as play has been a really useful concept for me.
I also should say, I use "play" for the way people learn all sorts of new things by experiment: if you want to get good at handling a basketball you need to not just shoot hoops from the free throw line but play around: try and throw and catch the ball from a bunch of awkward positions, make challenges for yourself and reach them, etc. if you want to understand a concept or a new piece of equipment or a data set you have to play with it and try out weird things, it's just... how we learn. Play is something I think of as for everyone and, like, mandatory for a good life.
I definitely used to have more of a problem with the term play than I do now. I'd rather be blunt and direct bit if people need to euphamis to communicate I won't begrudge them that. Play can also encompass more than just sex. It might be used to refer to other non-sex based kink.
I don't like use of "play" in dating profiles. It seems very sex-focused and not emotions-focused. I'm looking for deep emotional connections, so I figure we are incompatible.
>engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. Perhaps that definition doesn't fit how you engage in sexual activities. OK fine. It definitely does describe how I engage, however. OTOH, I really dislike the word "casual" to describe sex that is unlikely to lead to repeated encounters. When I play with people sexually, it's not casual.
Right—I feel like people say they’re looking for “casual” as a cop-out for bad behavior too often. Do not like.
If we're playing it's either far cry or helldivers, I'm a grown up and can use grown up words.
I am not always up for PIV sex - but I certainly love other things in the bedroom. So what do I say?
Is there something wrong with saying that you're having sex? Unless you feel the need to specify PIV, is there any reason that "sex" does not apply to whatever it is you're hoping to accomplish? What else would you say that you're doing? And why would you need a euphemism?
If I say 'lets have sex' my partners assume PIV. Based on experience.
They need to do better.
Or I just need to stop dating cis men for real. 🥴
I think this one is conditional to a person's perspective of the use of the word. So someone who doesn't have kids doesn't think of the word play and directly correlate it to kids playing whereas a family who might use that term predominantly for children would view that term as such. I think that it's personally fine to dictate how you use it in your circle but it's the same argument for why some people like being called "daddy" or they want to be called "baby". I think I've been bothered by specific words before but I think it was because of the person not the word.
Most of the play I engage in isn't actually sex itself; it's sex-adjacent. Since it's not really sex, there needs to be a better word for it... I think "play" fits very well with what my partners and I are doing for fun.
I'm having fun when I have sex. We laugh, we squelch, we make silly faces. I also play with dolls and toy swords. You're welcome to feel however you like about a word, but I am not an age player and the word "play" carries positive connotations for me
As a kinkster, "Play" means more than sex. As a parent, I've gotten used to using code words. 🤷♀️
When I was a kid, “playing” involved making my Barbies hump each other. I would often “play” with myself (this is a common euphemism for masturbation!!). When I was 19, I learned a new version of the word play when I got paddled in front of a crowd of strangers at a sex club. It was play, not sex. Nothing confusing or infantilizing about it.
One of my partners also feels this way about the word “play,” so I just don’t use it around him. But I use it because I feel like it best encompasses the reason why I like to be physically intimate with people—I want to have fun, I want to explore, and I want to create something together. It’s also broad enough to include way more than just touching genitals.
I mostly see "play" used to mean "intimate BDSM stuff that isn't sex". Or at least where sex, if it happens, is secondary to the roleplay/psychodrama/sensation play/etc. I think it's a perfectly serviceable word. I'd be fine with using a different one, but also don't have any objections it as is.
"Play" is common parlance in BDSM scenes. There, it doesn't refer to sex, it refers to BDSM activities (which may include sex or may not.) I don't use it to refer to vanilla sex and I'm sometimes a bit surprised when someone does, but I recognize that other sexual subcultures might use the same terminology (for example, swinger couples saying "we only play together") and that's fine. I also don't view "play" as inherently infantilizing. Adults play, too. Play is a part of life, and an important way humans and other animals learn and connect. Frankly, I'm sad for anyone who's too grown for play.
Hi u/Tiny_Goats thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: I'm not playing. I'm having sex. Playing is what my kid does with action figures, and I'm not entirely cool with conflating the situation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t know about infantilizing, but I don’t like it because it sounds frivolous like you said and anything that could potentially result in pregnancy or disease is not something that I do frivolously. Sure it is pleasurable, but it is also something I take seriously because of the risks involved.
adults can play!!
for me, play is separated experience. it works for my partner and i. want to mutually masturbate? that’s play. want to have a more sensual PIV thing in bed, that’s sex. play is fun and light. also for me like i’ve been married for a while and sometimes your sex life can go through ruts, introducing the idea of “play” has added a new levity to our sexual life. if it doesn’t work for you, no problem, don’t use it! it’s also used a lot in kink circles. going to “play parties”
it’s not going away because it’s used in kink and fetish circles, pet play, for example as well as a million other examples.
its built into the word most of us use - foreplay
Adults can also have sex! Why not use specific terminology?
“sex” isn’t always the most descriptive or accurate term, especially in alternative sex scenes
Play is the act of applying uninhibited creativity to the world with joy. It is not an inherently childish action. It is only associated with children because children have not yet learned most inhibitions. Children also have more leisure time to play so they engage in play more frequently. A child's play has a fundamentally different content and method of expression. That specific definition of play does not make all forms of play the equivalent of a child's play. Art is often an adult form of play as it is the socially acceptable expression of pure creativity. Sex is play because it is a private activity that expresses creativity. If your lover is not playing, sex becomes boring. Words in English have more than one definition.
I far prefer play as a euphemism for sex to "sleep with".
This is a you thing. I love thinking of sex as grown up play. I like the joy and fun and open-endedness that sex being play implies. I like to laugh and smile and i love the silly moments that happen with the person/people I feel very safe and connect with while I have sex. Sex is play for me, and I love it. Don't call sex play of you don't want to. That's fine. It's your word to use how you see fit. But I will, and mean it.