Yes you didn't deserve this, BUT consider it in positive light - she won't get anymore of your money. I hope you can still end up with a decent holiday....
Look the meaning of the holiday is to give a gift. You gifted the kids. They have a decent holiday. Then SHE gifted YOU by removing herself from your life. You've been given the gift of clarity and you ate rid of her. She won a battle But, you won the WAR
God bless and you have VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS Brother
OP, I am so sorry she did this to you. She is cruel and cold hearted. The suggestion about volunteering is a good one. You seem like you have a generous heart I hope the hurt does not stop your ability to continue to give.
And please lock down your credit with Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. This way you will monitor your credit cards and credit history. Never stop being you just because some people are assh*les.
He said she left while he was in the shower. She took the kid’s Christmas presents. A woman does not leave with just the clothes on their back, when they have a chance to leave without being stopped.
I’m very sorry you were taken advantage of and that you’ll be alone on the day.
If I could make a suggestion: look up free Christmas meals and go and volunteer and also enjoy a meal yourself… you won’t be alone, will gain a nourishing and made some connections
I will be too. Send me DM, we can cry together then tell our life story to each other other!!
I think this is probably a good thing for you. She obviously was planning this for a while. Makes you wonder what else she had up her sleeve.
Very sorry for what she did to you but I'll say this. Her gift to you might not have been intentional but it is invaluable: showing you who she is and giving you the opportunity to never have to waste one iota of your time or energy on her again.
I hope you'll be able to get her out of your system soon. Until then you might be in a kind of withdrawal, but once you're free of her embrace your new gift of life without that parasite. You're a free man. Here's to the rest of your life!
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times! You don’t deserve a parasite who doesn’t respect your love for her and her kids. Shake it off and chin up! Merry Christmas and happy new year free from parasites!
Yeah I've been there myself best wishes to you for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year too this is why you never date single moms you are never a priority or considered for respect
Very cold blooded indeed!!! I feel sorry she treated you like sh.. The one blessing is she's out of your life. Hope when you're ready you find a trustworthy partner.
I hope you won't take her back bc she's already showed her loyalty. Many poor who that go without, times are tuff for soo many right now. Focus on yourself and don't forget what was done. Be thankful she didn't do any worse... Change your sadness and work on yourself. This happens to many and your best option is to move forward and don't fall into another trap. Good luck, it will get better eventually.
It sucks to be left, especially like that, right before Christmas.
But be grateful that you know who she is now, and so you can move on to find someone who will treat you better.
It sucks now but be sure to block her calls and make a better life for yourself. Many of us have been there. In the solitary confinement cell, I saw 'this too shall pass', painted above the door
It will come back to you tenfold. I don't know when, I just know it will. I'm sorry this happened but please don't be mad at the kids, they can't help who their mama is, and when the truth comes out, which it always does and sometimes in the most unexpected ways,they will come to know you thought enough of her and them to make sure they had gifts. I wouldn't waste another second on th GF. Sadly, her karma will be tenfold, too. None of us get away with being a crappy human forever.I still hope you are able to have a Merry Christmas.
Eventually the kids will be old enough to really understand where the problem was and I will promise you that they’re gonna truely remember your kindness and they you made their Christmas grwat
Look up "free Christmas dinner in (your city and state)"
I didnt think I would like it the first time I went. But I honestly think it is one of my favorite things to do. I love that volunteers show up to make the day a little better. I love that the food is free. It feels very much like a holiday thing to do.
I hope you feel better and I hope she gave the kids your gifts
That's why we want you to come join us. My husband and I go out when we can find somewhere in the area we park our little camper in. It's nice to fill the room with people the more that come in and pull up a chair don't need your life story if you don't feel like sharing it. We just like to not feel alone.
We are in tennessee this year, and we travel with the camper to keep warm and hit up food banks and such to fill in the gaps. But this community of people without family at the holidays isn't all homeless or poor. It's a lot of lonely that just needs a room full of bodies to feel loved, and it wears off on each other.
I lovethe years we get signed up early to help work it as volunteers. It's an amazing community to spend your day with. There are people alone from all walks of life.
Where you at buddy? My wife left me a year ago five days after I was diagnosed with a second form of cancer.
No kids, no partner, lots debt, 41 years old, i stuck by her through years she was in a wheelchair. My dad is around. But if you're close I'll come celebrate with you!
damn. that is rough.
i know it may be hard for you to do this ~ but it WILL give you a free meal at Christmas ~
give you something to do ~
surrounding yourself w other lonely people with no one in their lives & nowhere to go
but you’re all in similar positions ~ and you’re all there for the same reason ~ to try to have a little Christmas cheer and happiness celebrating this holiday!!!
AND ~ a bunch of positive loving volunteers ~ who will do anything & everything to ensure you have a nice meal and are surrounded by caring loving unselfish people!!!
try giving it a shot???
worst case scenario ~ you get a free meal & you’re around people who want to help you!!!
Look at it this way, you won't be spending Christmas in a bad relationship.
I'm not going to be by myself this Christmas, but I spent the last 5 by myself. It's not bad if you don't make it bad.
I would lock all the doors so your now ex can't sneak back in, and get the locks changed ASAP.
But other than that, you won't be fighting with someone, you can sleep in, watch whatever you want on tv, spend the holiday doing what you want with no complaints from anyone. You can spend the entire day watching football or Star Trek or the godfather if you want.
Send texts to friends and people you miss, maybe you can meet up with some friends.
I’ll be alone on Christmas, been doing it since 2009 when the weather was too bad to go “home”. I’ve never been a fan because of family drama. It was the best Christmas of my life, just another day.
I know having little ones makes it worse. My ex husband kicked me & our 18 month (at the time) daughter about a month before Christmas, maybe after Thanksgiving. I remember I had taken off my rings to bake & they “disappeared“. He had found my escape plan so he wanted to beat me to the punch. I had like $30 of my check left. Thankfully I had my parents to move back in with.
FFWD to 2012. My dad died in 2010. He was the glue. I only stayed in contact for him. My mom & I fought all my teenage years, and she was constantly overstepping when it came to my daughter. I started limiting her access to her. She’d circumvent and use my ex husband to see her. This all happened before she was school age, then after school she’d go to one of her grandparents house until one of us got off work.
In 2012, she broke the last straw. I haven’t seen her since.
It takes time to reconcile yourself to be nc with your family. But protecting yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. You owe them nothing.
Check out the group r/estrangedadultchildren. You will find a lot of support there, some with their own families, some who are flying completely solo. My daughter & I are NC, her choice. I accept responsibility for that, and I respect her boundaries. She also took my mother’s side, she doesn’t understand the woman she knows as her grandmother is not the same person who raised me. She & her wife had a baby last year. I only found out because a cousin who didn’t know we are estranged congratulated me on becoming a grandma. I extended another olive branch, apologized for everything I ever did but she chose to not accept, as is her right. She will break the cycle.
You’ll get through this, allow yourself to grieve, don’t self medicate. I’m not going to say it gets better because that’s a bunch of bullshit. Find a supportive community, whether it’s online or in person. Get ok with your own company. Be single a while. You might be surprised at the peace.
This is one reason I’ve never dated a single dad. I didn’t openly date when my daughter was little. I didn’t want a revolving door of men in her life. She actually thanked me for that several years ago because her wife was molested by several of her mom’s boyfriends. Sadly there are a lot of women who will take advantage of a man who is good enough to raise another man’s/men child/children. Just looking for a meal ticket. That’s not on you.
I hope the next woman you date treats you like you deserve to be treated.
Edit: fixed a date
I’m binging Arrested Development now, then I was told by the AD sub to watch VEEP next. I’m sprinkling a little Schitt’s Creek in too.
I’m not sure what season of AD I’m in but it’s getting kind of dry. I think it’s hilarious that Ron Howard is narrating it, and being very self deprecating.
We love you man. Please know that we care. We are in Florida, sorry you are so far away, we would love to have you join my wife and I as well as our roommates. We are all misfits.
Go to [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com). You can find people interested in all the same things you're interested in, or try something new. Don't put any pressure on yourself to come away with friends or to accomplish anything in particular - just find some like-minded people to do something with, even if it's just going to a ball game or a local bar or line dancing or doing yoga in the park. You can always just pack up and go home if you decide it's not for you.
Unless you work outside the home then everyone & their dog asks did you have a good Christmas? Hmm do I lie or tell the truth. Or make up a really outlandish story that’s worse than the truth & make them feel like crap or sorry they asked lol. That’s the true quandary.
My coworkers always asked me this. I’d tell them I didn’t do anything. Then they say oh I’m sorry. Then I say why? I didn’t have to people, I watched Netflix, napped, watched some more Netflix. Didn’t have to drive anywhere, cook anything, clean anything. Just like I like it. It’s surprisingly freeing.
Same as Coyote says.
Let us know your location.
Of course not on here but DM.
We'll figure something out.
I'm sorry you're having such a shitty Christmas.
I spent the Christmas(and Thanksgiving) completely alone after my fiance died.
We can make this happen somehow ♡
Hang in there. I know it’s going to be hard this year. Just know that you’re a better person than she is and you can rise above this. Having a good heart and a kind nature toward others is one of the best things about a person. you will have blessings in your life, they just might take time to come to you. It’s OK to grieve what you’ve lost this year. But then you can just focus on yourself and do something good for yourself. You deserve happiness!
So sorry to hear man.
She was being selfish and cruel when she made that choice to leave with no explanation. People ghost others to save themselves from having to face reality and own up to what they’re doing.
She was selfish to do so, but there is likely nothing you could have done.
That’s the way I feel too about ghosting. It’s one of the meanest things and also a bitch ass move to someone you entered into a relationship with.
Like I can understand friends or employers, or if they are abusive, but ghosting is really mean in any other case.
i HATE people who ghost in any way
it’s rude AF in any situation it is used in
ghosting makes the ones ghosted feel horrible ~ awful ~ and they are always left with questions on why that person would do that to them
they can never get closure ~ because the person who did that DGAF about that person or how they feel
they’re lame & weak AF because they can’t be honest it tell the other person how they really feel ~ because they’re pussies who don’t want to get the push back
here’s an idea ~ just be honest from the jump !!!
don’t treat people like trash
be accountable and responsible for your actions!!!
then there wouldn’t be people who resent you ~ have hate for you ~ have nothing good to say about you
yes ~ I’ve experienced this many times
it’s unfortunately how the A H in this world work today ~ which does seem to be 99.937484844% of the people on the earth today
it sucks to be a good person ~ a real person ~ a person who treats others extremely well and follows the golden rule always
and has to live in this shithole world
where’s my tribe???
i keep searching for them … but I can’t seem to find them…
Is it possible she was just sticking around in the relationship until Christmas and after you bought the gifts, that's all she wanted? So she left? It sounds like she used you to get free stuff for her and the kids.
I've had an experience like this once when I was younger. AS SOON as the $$ ran out she ditched. Went back to her last BF that used to beat her up but had money without a whisper of a clue, just disappeared into thin air...
I missed her family more than I missed her since they were just as crazy but at least pretty amusing.
I'm sure it hurts but count your blessings I assure you someone worthy of your selflessness is out there and will come along. Things change. They'll change for you.
Sounds like you just needed to vent. I'm sorry she did that to you. It's not right, and trust me, karma will get her ass. Just know you did the right thing although she didn't. We can't ever control someone's crappy behavior but we can control how we deal with it and move forward. I'm very sorry this happened. Being a mom with kids and also struggling this makes me extra sad for you. At least you helped the kids!!!
I'm sorry. :( *Hugs* I got dumped on Christmas Eve once, it's a horrible time of year for it.
This is my fourth Christmas on my own, you have my sympathy. At least it will be peaceful and we won't be arguing with anyone.
She’s a runner. Running from her unhealed childhood trauma and in the process traumatizing her kids and around and around it goes. You would get to look forward to chaos, confusion, anxiety, uncertainty and drama if she was still there. Count your blessings and realize that you can sit with yourself, feel your feelings and not run because wherever you go, there you are. This too shall pass. Enjoy the peace and calm and be grateful she didn’t do more damage. Pray for the boys. 😔
If you dont want to go hang out with a bunch of strangers, try looking for someone on a local Reddit sub. You might find someone else who needs a friend for the holidays.
The lesson I hope you learned is "take care of yourself first, then take care of others with whatever you have left."
It's the same as "put your oxygen mask on before you help others"
It is unfortunate but she functionally broke up with you? For why? Whatever it is, you can move on. Cry. Cry a lot. Punch the wall if you need to (I say this knowing when upset and angry I've punched the wall here). Life will get better, but you are worried about getting bad stuff right now. Breathe. You WILL get through this. I know you are dealing with your emotions already, I am just trying to make my response an emotional healing for you. Sun is warm, grass is green. There are fantastic lakes, big rocks, and fun places to think about. It's okay, you are doing okay.
I’m sorry. That sucks. You dodged a bullet with her. Are there any places around you that are having free Christmas dinners, like a place like Salvation Army or something? You could go just for the company. I wish you happiness in 2024!
No offense, but we have no backstory. Women typically leave like this when they feel like their lives are in danger. You're getting a lot of sympathy from men who probably never owned up to what they were/are to past women in their lives.
I'm not saying you aren't a Saint that got played but the probability that you aren't is very high.
Again, we have no idea other than you saying you got bamboozled.
Yes, this.
He’s refusing to try anything suggested, and I was curious if anyone in my network was close. They are, but comment/post history stalled my efforts.
I believe the same thing. I would like to hear her side. If she left suddenly and not letting him know, it could be like the women on here that are in fear, and it does not have to be physical, but more of controlling and being isolated from family and friends. They are advised to get away quietly when they can.
You'd be surprised. I felt my life was in danger many times in the past and never went anywhere.
And you don't steal presents. Yes, she could have been an asshole. But it's not like she walked out with the TV.
I was just asking because you'd be surprised how many men don't realize they're the problem. My ex tried to downplay the whole ordeal when I finally had to call the cops. He thought I would just forgive him again.
I asked for clarification and got it. Doesn't seem like that's the case with OP.
But don't try to act like most women are just doing this off the cuff.
Self-reflection is a gift. Y'all need it.
Women are told not to give the chance after many many instances of no previous physical abuse turning into a murder suicide when they tried to leave.
People are unpredictable.
Could be she just decided the relationship was over for no fault of your own. Confrontations do not usually end well when one person is in a more vulnerable position than the other, such as a mother with small children vs any able bodied adult. Confrontations might give *you* closure, but your well-being is not in the forefront of her mind.
That is true. For years a friend of my dil was saying she was going to leave her husband. (No physical abuse). But when she finally decided to leave, he killed her and himself. Their 8 year old son is now living with her sister.
And why did she leave? Are you bad partner? Are you abusive / controlling?
Sorry but there just isn’t nearly enough information in this post to warrant any kind of sympathy from me.
Maybe it’s unfortunate that you’re alone for Xmas , then again…. Maybe it’s really fortunate for your ex gf and her kids.
He said she left when he was in the shower. It sounds like she got away when she could. She just took some Christmas presents for the kids and left with the clothes on their back. A woman does not do that unless they are desperate to get away.
OP, Your one consolation is that you did what you could to give the boys a good Christmas. You won't be able to share in their joy, but know that you made their happiness possible. It sounds like this woman turned out to be less then what you had hoped for, so her leaving gives you the likelihood of a better future. Realistically, that's not a bad thing.
I believe and have seen it enough to know—-when you put good out, it comes back to you ten fold. I had a similar thing happen where I moved in with my boyfriend and he waited until I put all sorts of money into his house by the way of home improvements assuming we had a future only to ask me to move out the day the construction work was completed. Two months later, his roof caved in due to how they remodeled the bathroom venting. The following month, his basement leaked because the copper piping was so old—causing thousands dollars of necessary repairs. And, yes, he wanted to get back together, but I was smart enough to recognize how lucky I was that he left me the first time. You were given a gift. In time, you will understand what everyone is telling you.
Ok, you got a life lesson here. Education always costs, and I know I kept getting the same lesson over and over again until I learned it.
A person who does what they did is spiritually sick. The complete disregard of someone else's feelings is pretty gross. That's not a normal way for a person to act. The question I needed to ask myself is why I was attracted to someone who was so deeply spiritually sick. Once I could answer that, my life became better.
Never and I mean never this day in age date a woman with kids under 20. If you for some reason ignore that rule don’t do anything for those kids it’s not your responsibility to care for them they have parents (presuming the mother isn’t a widow but that’s a whole other set of rules). It’s a cold world we live in you always gotta protect yourself
I feel you my dude. I'm nit alone but it's definitely asucky year. I found my mom dead in May. And I watched my grandfather die at home on hospice over thanksgiving. 2023 has been the worst year for me. Here's hoping we have a better 2024.
Wow this tugged at my heart. I know you don't want to hear this right now but your gonna be better off without someone like that. Those kids ds are probably sad she left also. You sound like a nice guy hang in there someone nice will come your way. Get through the holiday the best you can next year will be better.
It's utterly amazing how so many are taking sides without knowing all the facts. Maybe he was abusive & getting away while he couldn't stop her was the only way?
I am most sorry for the children who may not understand the why. Women don't leave with children & only the cloths on there backs without a dire reason.
Your karma is here sterling because you are a good human, and she is a piece of shit. Count your blessings she showed her true colors before she bled you dry.
Merry Christmas! You have been give one of the best gifts of all, one of the most important life lessons possible. Take the time to reflect deeply on how it all happened and never let her or anyone like her into your life again.
Now you know what kind of person she is. Not the kind you want in your life. You are a better person than she and you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride. Move on, don't look back or have regrets.
You’ve struggled with cash for two years now according from your post history. You need to learn to handle money and what makes relationships with others.
I know what this person did was shitty. There's no reason to ghost someone unless your safety is at risk, which isn't the case here. Just don't listen to the incels that "all women are selfish." It's nowhere near true, there are selfish people of all genders. Learn from this to protect yourself from people who would hurt you, but don't take it out on the next one. I thought i was protecting myself, but really I just saw my ex in everyone else that would try to get close. I have healed as best I can, and try to treat people based on their actions. That's all you can do.
I hope things get better for you.
OP, do yourself a favor. Block her number, change your door locks. If she has any mail going to your address mark it return to sender and talk to the post office and tell them the person no longer lives there.
Don’t bother being nice to her or polite about mail, stuff she may have left behind. Get past it as a valuable lesson learned that only cost a few Christmas gifts.
Just imagine the hell you might have had to deal with for the rest of your life if things got serious with her.
Also, for the love of God stop dating single moms bro. As a matter of fact stop dating period. I can’t count how many number of times I have talk to young men about not dating and focusing on themselves and building the life they want to live.
Good luck OP.
She did you a favor, my dude. Work on improving your situation as best you can and move on. You’re a decent guy who deserves better than that trash. I feel sad for the kids.
I know this is probably going to sound terrible, but - if you don't have kids? Don't date people that do.
You will never be accepted as an equal parent. You can become attached to the kids and then they can just pick them up and leave and you have no recourse like shared custody or anything if you have no biological or legal claim on them like adoption. I have seen so many stories on here and IRL of people who dated/married someone who already had kids when they did not, and it pretty much never ends well for the person who is not a biological parent. The kids act up and step-parent tries to issue any kind of punishment, no matter how mild? "Those aren't your kids, you can't tell them what to do!" and other undermining that means you have no authority in your own home. Bio parent will basically use you as an ATM and free childcare, and bounce if things get slightly inconvenient.
I will never date or marry someone who has kids, whether they have custody, shared custody, or whatever. I do not need all that drama in my life.
You are a great person. You possess kindness, compassion, empathy, and love. She lost out big time walking out on you. She cheated herself and her kids out of a really great life. I’m sorry she tore out your heart this way. You deserve so much better.
Be glad she punked out on you too early. She could have gotten much more. You are free from a vampire who thinks you are stupid. Quit the stockholm syndrome and pity party.
She'll be back for more of your blood and for sucking the marrow out of your bones.
Lesson learned, right? I used to do this. Be captain save a hoe. I learned the hard way that people who are homeless and cast aside by people who should love them are usually in that predicament for a good reason. For a lot of awful reasons, actually. As an older man who has had to rebuild his life over and over due to my own poor decisions regarding my choice in life partners, my best advice is to NOT date people who are self proclaimed perpetual victims. They tend to be users. The hero in today's story becomes the villain in tonight's to someone else they're working for when the gravy train with you runs out. We can talk more about it if you want to, but the jist of it is that people put on a mask when they first meet you. I used to fall in love with the mask, and when it came off, I would think that I did something wrong and would work harder to get back to the girl that I loved. Who really never existed in the first place. So, date slow. Take your time getting to know someone. Don't move people in quickly. Don't share too much too soon. There are a lot of narcissistic sociopaths out there of both genders who are looking for a free ride, and it's these creatures posing as lovers who make people end up hating romance and being in love. Even Jesus said not to throw your pearls to pigs, lest they be trampled upon. Good luck.
Be glad she left. The kiddos have presents because of you.
It still sucks
Yes you didn't deserve this, BUT consider it in positive light - she won't get anymore of your money. I hope you can still end up with a decent holiday....
Thank you I doubt it but you never know.Hopefully yours will be a happy holidays!!
Look the meaning of the holiday is to give a gift. You gifted the kids. They have a decent holiday. Then SHE gifted YOU by removing herself from your life. You've been given the gift of clarity and you ate rid of her. She won a battle But, you won the WAR God bless and you have VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS Brother
Do you have joint accounts? Credit cards? Make sure she hasn't cleaned you out.
Finances are separate so she shouldn't be able to do anymore damage
Glad to hear it. Good luxk to you. You deserve better.
OP, I am so sorry she did this to you. She is cruel and cold hearted. The suggestion about volunteering is a good one. You seem like you have a generous heart I hope the hurt does not stop your ability to continue to give. And please lock down your credit with Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. This way you will monitor your credit cards and credit history. Never stop being you just because some people are assh*les.
He said she left while he was in the shower. She took the kid’s Christmas presents. A woman does not leave with just the clothes on their back, when they have a chance to leave without being stopped.
Why do you doubt this?
Because I'm going to be alone and hungry on Christmas so I doubt it will be a good day
I’m very sorry you were taken advantage of and that you’ll be alone on the day. If I could make a suggestion: look up free Christmas meals and go and volunteer and also enjoy a meal yourself… you won’t be alone, will gain a nourishing and made some connections
Excellent idea.❤️
If you need food go to a food bank, there are plenty!
I will be too. Send me DM, we can cry together then tell our life story to each other other!! I think this is probably a good thing for you. She obviously was planning this for a while. Makes you wonder what else she had up her sleeve.
The sad thing is that she had this planned beforehand and waited for you to spend your nut on her kids' gifts. Cold blooded man
Very cold blooded
Very sorry for what she did to you but I'll say this. Her gift to you might not have been intentional but it is invaluable: showing you who she is and giving you the opportunity to never have to waste one iota of your time or energy on her again. I hope you'll be able to get her out of your system soon. Until then you might be in a kind of withdrawal, but once you're free of her embrace your new gift of life without that parasite. You're a free man. Here's to the rest of your life!
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times! You don’t deserve a parasite who doesn’t respect your love for her and her kids. Shake it off and chin up! Merry Christmas and happy new year free from parasites!
The real winner here is HIM. Ring the bell you are CANCER FREE with HER being the cancer
Sending you some good karma good sir, for what it's worth! You're better off without her, I'm sorry for those kiddos.
Thanks,Merry Christmas
Yeah I've been there myself best wishes to you for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year too this is why you never date single moms you are never a priority or considered for respect
Very cold blooded indeed!!! I feel sorry she treated you like sh.. The one blessing is she's out of your life. Hope when you're ready you find a trustworthy partner.
How old are you guys?
Don't worry Bro..You have just lost a leech nd the leechettes. May 24' Be STELLAR for you
I hope you won't take her back bc she's already showed her loyalty. Many poor who that go without, times are tuff for soo many right now. Focus on yourself and don't forget what was done. Be thankful she didn't do any worse... Change your sadness and work on yourself. This happens to many and your best option is to move forward and don't fall into another trap. Good luck, it will get better eventually.
She’s as COLD as ICE….
She's willing to sacrifice....their love.
Right? Because we've seen it before...it happens all the time. -OP she's gone...so now go on with your liiiiife!
Hope she stays gone.
It sucks to be left, especially like that, right before Christmas. But be grateful that you know who she is now, and so you can move on to find someone who will treat you better.
It will return back to you. Sorry this happened.
Block her. She will try and guilt you with the kids when it is time to reload and rest her head
Yep! Ugh, I hate people.
Yes it does. But everything averages out- you will be OK.
It sucks now but be sure to block her calls and make a better life for yourself. Many of us have been there. In the solitary confinement cell, I saw 'this too shall pass', painted above the door
It does suck. She is a sucky person. The kids will have a good Xmas because of you. Now you know who she is.
It will come back to you tenfold. I don't know when, I just know it will. I'm sorry this happened but please don't be mad at the kids, they can't help who their mama is, and when the truth comes out, which it always does and sometimes in the most unexpected ways,they will come to know you thought enough of her and them to make sure they had gifts. I wouldn't waste another second on th GF. Sadly, her karma will be tenfold, too. None of us get away with being a crappy human forever.I still hope you are able to have a Merry Christmas.
There gotta be some missing information. What prompted this?
Sorry
Eventually the kids will be old enough to really understand where the problem was and I will promise you that they’re gonna truely remember your kindness and they you made their Christmas grwat
Sounds like she did you a favor. So sorry.
It's just that I'm estranged from my family.Never spent Christmas alone before
Look up "free Christmas dinner in (your city and state)" I didnt think I would like it the first time I went. But I honestly think it is one of my favorite things to do. I love that volunteers show up to make the day a little better. I love that the food is free. It feels very much like a holiday thing to do. I hope you feel better and I hope she gave the kids your gifts
I'm in no mood to be around a bunch of strangers but thanks for the thought and merry Christmas to you and yours
That's why we want you to come join us. My husband and I go out when we can find somewhere in the area we park our little camper in. It's nice to fill the room with people the more that come in and pull up a chair don't need your life story if you don't feel like sharing it. We just like to not feel alone.
Location?
We are in tennessee this year, and we travel with the camper to keep warm and hit up food banks and such to fill in the gaps. But this community of people without family at the holidays isn't all homeless or poor. It's a lot of lonely that just needs a room full of bodies to feel loved, and it wears off on each other.
Where in TN? I'm in East TN (Kingsport area) and would love to help you 'fill in the gaps'.
I'm in howenwald. You can message me if you like.
It seems your close to Nashville. I'll message you a little later.
You’re welcome to my house NE Ohio
That's an awesome thing to do for yourself and your community.
I lovethe years we get signed up early to help work it as volunteers. It's an amazing community to spend your day with. There are people alone from all walks of life.
No mood! Don't let that stop you. In fact, times like this is when we need to 'get into another mood'! I know, been there, done that!
I volunteer at a church every Xmas and we have a free community meal, visit from Santa and gifts for the kids. It's really nice!
Where you at buddy? My wife left me a year ago five days after I was diagnosed with a second form of cancer. No kids, no partner, lots debt, 41 years old, i stuck by her through years she was in a wheelchair. My dad is around. But if you're close I'll come celebrate with you!
Washington state
Which county?
Are you on the Olympic Peninsula?
No other side of the state
damn ~ that is SO VERY NICE of you!!! merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!
A whole lot of people (on Reddit) thinking of you right now and wishing the very best.
THIS!! ME TOO! Merry Christmas, my friend!!
God bless us, every one!"
Well, go have Chinese food on Christmas and be happy because you will get a fortune cookie
Broke as a joke I think I have $.75 in my account
damn. that is rough. i know it may be hard for you to do this ~ but it WILL give you a free meal at Christmas ~ give you something to do ~ surrounding yourself w other lonely people with no one in their lives & nowhere to go but you’re all in similar positions ~ and you’re all there for the same reason ~ to try to have a little Christmas cheer and happiness celebrating this holiday!!! AND ~ a bunch of positive loving volunteers ~ who will do anything & everything to ensure you have a nice meal and are surrounded by caring loving unselfish people!!! try giving it a shot??? worst case scenario ~ you get a free meal & you’re around people who want to help you!!!
Look at it this way, you won't be spending Christmas in a bad relationship. I'm not going to be by myself this Christmas, but I spent the last 5 by myself. It's not bad if you don't make it bad. I would lock all the doors so your now ex can't sneak back in, and get the locks changed ASAP. But other than that, you won't be fighting with someone, you can sleep in, watch whatever you want on tv, spend the holiday doing what you want with no complaints from anyone. You can spend the entire day watching football or Star Trek or the godfather if you want. Send texts to friends and people you miss, maybe you can meet up with some friends.
I’ll be alone on Christmas, been doing it since 2009 when the weather was too bad to go “home”. I’ve never been a fan because of family drama. It was the best Christmas of my life, just another day. I know having little ones makes it worse. My ex husband kicked me & our 18 month (at the time) daughter about a month before Christmas, maybe after Thanksgiving. I remember I had taken off my rings to bake & they “disappeared“. He had found my escape plan so he wanted to beat me to the punch. I had like $30 of my check left. Thankfully I had my parents to move back in with. FFWD to 2012. My dad died in 2010. He was the glue. I only stayed in contact for him. My mom & I fought all my teenage years, and she was constantly overstepping when it came to my daughter. I started limiting her access to her. She’d circumvent and use my ex husband to see her. This all happened before she was school age, then after school she’d go to one of her grandparents house until one of us got off work. In 2012, she broke the last straw. I haven’t seen her since. It takes time to reconcile yourself to be nc with your family. But protecting yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. You owe them nothing. Check out the group r/estrangedadultchildren. You will find a lot of support there, some with their own families, some who are flying completely solo. My daughter & I are NC, her choice. I accept responsibility for that, and I respect her boundaries. She also took my mother’s side, she doesn’t understand the woman she knows as her grandmother is not the same person who raised me. She & her wife had a baby last year. I only found out because a cousin who didn’t know we are estranged congratulated me on becoming a grandma. I extended another olive branch, apologized for everything I ever did but she chose to not accept, as is her right. She will break the cycle. You’ll get through this, allow yourself to grieve, don’t self medicate. I’m not going to say it gets better because that’s a bunch of bullshit. Find a supportive community, whether it’s online or in person. Get ok with your own company. Be single a while. You might be surprised at the peace. This is one reason I’ve never dated a single dad. I didn’t openly date when my daughter was little. I didn’t want a revolving door of men in her life. She actually thanked me for that several years ago because her wife was molested by several of her mom’s boyfriends. Sadly there are a lot of women who will take advantage of a man who is good enough to raise another man’s/men child/children. Just looking for a meal ticket. That’s not on you. I hope the next woman you date treats you like you deserve to be treated. Edit: fixed a date
I’m so sorry. I’m in a similar boat. Things will get better.
Hopefully,Merry Christmas to you!
You have is your evil minions of reddit! We shall not allow superman to foil your holiday!
Thanks
And F Superman, that non-human goody-goody! 😡😂
That means a lot to me, seekingon. Hope your holidays are relaxing and enjoyable
Here too. 2024 will be a better year.
Sounds like an opportunity to bunker down and have a movie marathon holiday. Or binge watch some shows you like.
I’m binging Arrested Development now, then I was told by the AD sub to watch VEEP next. I’m sprinkling a little Schitt’s Creek in too. I’m not sure what season of AD I’m in but it’s getting kind of dry. I think it’s hilarious that Ron Howard is narrating it, and being very self deprecating.
AD was such an underrated show! Great casting, writing and acting, imo.
Veep is quietly one of the best written shows ever, and quite hilarious. I'm excited for you.
Remember, it's just a day on a calendar--there are many of us who don't celebrate. Take a day for some self care.
Where are you, come spend Christmas with me or a friend
In Washington state
Ah shit I'm in Iowa but let's get on zoom or a video game?
Don't really play video games and only have my phone for internet?
We can video call via zoom or others on a phone! If you want.
No friends where I'm currently living
I don't know anyone there, I'm sorry
No problem I will survive just feeling down and depressed
We love you man. Please know that we care. We are in Florida, sorry you are so far away, we would love to have you join my wife and I as well as our roommates. We are all misfits.
Go to [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com). You can find people interested in all the same things you're interested in, or try something new. Don't put any pressure on yourself to come away with friends or to accomplish anything in particular - just find some like-minded people to do something with, even if it's just going to a ball game or a local bar or line dancing or doing yoga in the park. You can always just pack up and go home if you decide it's not for you.
Everything returns to normal the next day.
Unless you work outside the home then everyone & their dog asks did you have a good Christmas? Hmm do I lie or tell the truth. Or make up a really outlandish story that’s worse than the truth & make them feel like crap or sorry they asked lol. That’s the true quandary. My coworkers always asked me this. I’d tell them I didn’t do anything. Then they say oh I’m sorry. Then I say why? I didn’t have to people, I watched Netflix, napped, watched some more Netflix. Didn’t have to drive anywhere, cook anything, clean anything. Just like I like it. It’s surprisingly freeing.
Your response can be “I stayed home alone and it was wonderful!”
When asked, I always say it was quiet.
Same as Coyote says. Let us know your location. Of course not on here but DM. We'll figure something out. I'm sorry you're having such a shitty Christmas. I spent the Christmas(and Thanksgiving) completely alone after my fiance died. We can make this happen somehow ♡
Dm'd you
Sorry to hear this man.
You don't have to spend it alone. Go to church, find a place that is serving dinner and volunteer, go to the bar... Could do all 3 in that order!!
I do it every year. Its just another day.
It used to be my favorite time of year, now I love being away from the hustle and bustle and am looking forward to an extra day in bed.
Hang in there. I know it’s going to be hard this year. Just know that you’re a better person than she is and you can rise above this. Having a good heart and a kind nature toward others is one of the best things about a person. you will have blessings in your life, they just might take time to come to you. It’s OK to grieve what you’ve lost this year. But then you can just focus on yourself and do something good for yourself. You deserve happiness!
You can join me for spaghetti dinner.
It does suck. But take pride in the fact that you gave those kids a nice Christmas despite what their mother did.
So sorry to hear man. She was being selfish and cruel when she made that choice to leave with no explanation. People ghost others to save themselves from having to face reality and own up to what they’re doing. She was selfish to do so, but there is likely nothing you could have done.
That’s the way I feel too about ghosting. It’s one of the meanest things and also a bitch ass move to someone you entered into a relationship with. Like I can understand friends or employers, or if they are abusive, but ghosting is really mean in any other case.
i HATE people who ghost in any way it’s rude AF in any situation it is used in ghosting makes the ones ghosted feel horrible ~ awful ~ and they are always left with questions on why that person would do that to them they can never get closure ~ because the person who did that DGAF about that person or how they feel they’re lame & weak AF because they can’t be honest it tell the other person how they really feel ~ because they’re pussies who don’t want to get the push back here’s an idea ~ just be honest from the jump !!! don’t treat people like trash be accountable and responsible for your actions!!! then there wouldn’t be people who resent you ~ have hate for you ~ have nothing good to say about you yes ~ I’ve experienced this many times it’s unfortunately how the A H in this world work today ~ which does seem to be 99.937484844% of the people on the earth today it sucks to be a good person ~ a real person ~ a person who treats others extremely well and follows the golden rule always and has to live in this shithole world where’s my tribe??? i keep searching for them … but I can’t seem to find them…
Is it possible she was just sticking around in the relationship until Christmas and after you bought the gifts, that's all she wanted? So she left? It sounds like she used you to get free stuff for her and the kids.
Probably
I've had an experience like this once when I was younger. AS SOON as the $$ ran out she ditched. Went back to her last BF that used to beat her up but had money without a whisper of a clue, just disappeared into thin air... I missed her family more than I missed her since they were just as crazy but at least pretty amusing. I'm sure it hurts but count your blessings I assure you someone worthy of your selflessness is out there and will come along. Things change. They'll change for you.
Sounds like you just needed to vent. I'm sorry she did that to you. It's not right, and trust me, karma will get her ass. Just know you did the right thing although she didn't. We can't ever control someone's crappy behavior but we can control how we deal with it and move forward. I'm very sorry this happened. Being a mom with kids and also struggling this makes me extra sad for you. At least you helped the kids!!!
I'm sorry. :( *Hugs* I got dumped on Christmas Eve once, it's a horrible time of year for it. This is my fourth Christmas on my own, you have my sympathy. At least it will be peaceful and we won't be arguing with anyone.
👏👏👏👏AMEN!
She’s a runner. Running from her unhealed childhood trauma and in the process traumatizing her kids and around and around it goes. You would get to look forward to chaos, confusion, anxiety, uncertainty and drama if she was still there. Count your blessings and realize that you can sit with yourself, feel your feelings and not run because wherever you go, there you are. This too shall pass. Enjoy the peace and calm and be grateful she didn’t do more damage. Pray for the boys. 😔
Google and read essay by Douglas McManahan: Narcissism and the xxxxx of Evil. (Sorry, I forgot exact title.). You will feel better.
That sucks man, you didn’t deserve that.
If you dont want to go hang out with a bunch of strangers, try looking for someone on a local Reddit sub. You might find someone else who needs a friend for the holidays.
You’re gonna be better off without her! At least you did right by those kids , don’t forget that.
Thank you, have a merry Christmas
The lesson I hope you learned is "take care of yourself first, then take care of others with whatever you have left." It's the same as "put your oxygen mask on before you help others"
It is unfortunate but she functionally broke up with you? For why? Whatever it is, you can move on. Cry. Cry a lot. Punch the wall if you need to (I say this knowing when upset and angry I've punched the wall here). Life will get better, but you are worried about getting bad stuff right now. Breathe. You WILL get through this. I know you are dealing with your emotions already, I am just trying to make my response an emotional healing for you. Sun is warm, grass is green. There are fantastic lakes, big rocks, and fun places to think about. It's okay, you are doing okay.
I’m sorry. That sucks. You dodged a bullet with her. Are there any places around you that are having free Christmas dinners, like a place like Salvation Army or something? You could go just for the company. I wish you happiness in 2024!
She might be running from someone or something, and didn't want anyone to have her address
No offense, but we have no backstory. Women typically leave like this when they feel like their lives are in danger. You're getting a lot of sympathy from men who probably never owned up to what they were/are to past women in their lives. I'm not saying you aren't a Saint that got played but the probability that you aren't is very high. Again, we have no idea other than you saying you got bamboozled.
Yes, this. He’s refusing to try anything suggested, and I was curious if anyone in my network was close. They are, but comment/post history stalled my efforts.
I believe the same thing. I would like to hear her side. If she left suddenly and not letting him know, it could be like the women on here that are in fear, and it does not have to be physical, but more of controlling and being isolated from family and friends. They are advised to get away quietly when they can.
That's what I thought too. But we only have one side here. A woman isn't going to just scam you for just Xmas presents.
Most women that felt their lives were in danger probably wouldn't steal a bunch of shit for fear of what he would do if he found them.
She was leaving and she did not “steal” her children’s Christmas presents. She probably paid for them, or at least some of them.
You'd be surprised. I felt my life was in danger many times in the past and never went anywhere. And you don't steal presents. Yes, she could have been an asshole. But it's not like she walked out with the TV. I was just asking because you'd be surprised how many men don't realize they're the problem. My ex tried to downplay the whole ordeal when I finally had to call the cops. He thought I would just forgive him again. I asked for clarification and got it. Doesn't seem like that's the case with OP. But don't try to act like most women are just doing this off the cuff. Self-reflection is a gift. Y'all need it.
He said he was estranged from his family and his wife left him. I think he needs to do a lot of reflecting. Therapy might help.
no - they leave when they find a better man and feel secure with him.
No saint but I would never put my hands on a woman
Women are told not to give the chance after many many instances of no previous physical abuse turning into a murder suicide when they tried to leave. People are unpredictable. Could be she just decided the relationship was over for no fault of your own. Confrontations do not usually end well when one person is in a more vulnerable position than the other, such as a mother with small children vs any able bodied adult. Confrontations might give *you* closure, but your well-being is not in the forefront of her mind.
That is true. For years a friend of my dil was saying she was going to leave her husband. (No physical abuse). But when she finally decided to leave, he killed her and himself. Their 8 year old son is now living with her sister.
Abuse is not always physical.
Women don’t generally just dip out. You sure you haven’t been abusive?
Positive
And why did she leave? Are you bad partner? Are you abusive / controlling? Sorry but there just isn’t nearly enough information in this post to warrant any kind of sympathy from me. Maybe it’s unfortunate that you’re alone for Xmas , then again…. Maybe it’s really fortunate for your ex gf and her kids.
He said she left when he was in the shower. It sounds like she got away when she could. She just took some Christmas presents for the kids and left with the clothes on their back. A woman does not do that unless they are desperate to get away.
Or angry.
I am sorry she left and took the kids during the holidays you deserve better I am sorry that you are alone during the holidays.
OP, Your one consolation is that you did what you could to give the boys a good Christmas. You won't be able to share in their joy, but know that you made their happiness possible. It sounds like this woman turned out to be less then what you had hoped for, so her leaving gives you the likelihood of a better future. Realistically, that's not a bad thing.
I believe and have seen it enough to know—-when you put good out, it comes back to you ten fold. I had a similar thing happen where I moved in with my boyfriend and he waited until I put all sorts of money into his house by the way of home improvements assuming we had a future only to ask me to move out the day the construction work was completed. Two months later, his roof caved in due to how they remodeled the bathroom venting. The following month, his basement leaked because the copper piping was so old—causing thousands dollars of necessary repairs. And, yes, he wanted to get back together, but I was smart enough to recognize how lucky I was that he left me the first time. You were given a gift. In time, you will understand what everyone is telling you.
Ok, you got a life lesson here. Education always costs, and I know I kept getting the same lesson over and over again until I learned it. A person who does what they did is spiritually sick. The complete disregard of someone else's feelings is pretty gross. That's not a normal way for a person to act. The question I needed to ask myself is why I was attracted to someone who was so deeply spiritually sick. Once I could answer that, my life became better.
It hurts right now, but she's done you a favor long term.
You are better off without a person who would treat you like that.
Never and I mean never this day in age date a woman with kids under 20. If you for some reason ignore that rule don’t do anything for those kids it’s not your responsibility to care for them they have parents (presuming the mother isn’t a widow but that’s a whole other set of rules). It’s a cold world we live in you always gotta protect yourself
I feel you my dude. I'm nit alone but it's definitely asucky year. I found my mom dead in May. And I watched my grandfather die at home on hospice over thanksgiving. 2023 has been the worst year for me. Here's hoping we have a better 2024.
The kids still will smile thanks to you
What did you do?
I had to check which subreddit I was on- the responses sounded like the red pill.
That’s very unusual for a woman to do… did something precipitate it?
Wow this tugged at my heart. I know you don't want to hear this right now but your gonna be better off without someone like that. Those kids ds are probably sad she left also. You sound like a nice guy hang in there someone nice will come your way. Get through the holiday the best you can next year will be better.
If you're in Colorado, come over & I'll make you dinner tomorrow night. If you're not, I can send you some random stickers for fun
I like stickers
It's utterly amazing how so many are taking sides without knowing all the facts. Maybe he was abusive & getting away while he couldn't stop her was the only way? I am most sorry for the children who may not understand the why. Women don't leave with children & only the cloths on there backs without a dire reason.
Whatever you do, don't take her back.!!!
I’m so sorry.
Your karma is here sterling because you are a good human, and she is a piece of shit. Count your blessings she showed her true colors before she bled you dry.
She gave You a early and great Christmas gift. Open Your eyes and see it!
Merry Christmas! You have been give one of the best gifts of all, one of the most important life lessons possible. Take the time to reflect deeply on how it all happened and never let her or anyone like her into your life again.
Now you know what kind of person she is. Not the kind you want in your life. You are a better person than she and you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride. Move on, don't look back or have regrets.
Promise me you won’t take her back when she is in the gutter? You will be OK. Take care of yourself and you will be able to take care of others.
Look at the bright side: trash took itself out.
Sorry about the kids, but now you'll be less poor without the 3 hanger-ons.
How are you doing now? I hope you’re better
Sorry to hear that, but the band is quite superb
How are you doing now?
user name checks out
You’ve struggled with cash for two years now according from your post history. You need to learn to handle money and what makes relationships with others.
I know what this person did was shitty. There's no reason to ghost someone unless your safety is at risk, which isn't the case here. Just don't listen to the incels that "all women are selfish." It's nowhere near true, there are selfish people of all genders. Learn from this to protect yourself from people who would hurt you, but don't take it out on the next one. I thought i was protecting myself, but really I just saw my ex in everyone else that would try to get close. I have healed as best I can, and try to treat people based on their actions. That's all you can do. I hope things get better for you.
Merry Christmas!!!!!!
OP, do yourself a favor. Block her number, change your door locks. If she has any mail going to your address mark it return to sender and talk to the post office and tell them the person no longer lives there. Don’t bother being nice to her or polite about mail, stuff she may have left behind. Get past it as a valuable lesson learned that only cost a few Christmas gifts. Just imagine the hell you might have had to deal with for the rest of your life if things got serious with her. Also, for the love of God stop dating single moms bro. As a matter of fact stop dating period. I can’t count how many number of times I have talk to young men about not dating and focusing on themselves and building the life they want to live. Good luck OP.
Wow! Cold blooded..
I’m sorry to hear this. Was there an argument? Any sort of buildup we need to know about. Need a bit more info to weigh in here
She did you a favor, my dude. Work on improving your situation as best you can and move on. You’re a decent guy who deserves better than that trash. I feel sad for the kids.
You got played
I wo7ld like to hear the other side. This woe-is-me, does not fly. Something must have happened for her wanting to leave right before Christmas.
I love it how most of the females are trying to push my buttons and get a rise out of me.Thats one thing I won't miss;The manipulation
I know this is probably going to sound terrible, but - if you don't have kids? Don't date people that do. You will never be accepted as an equal parent. You can become attached to the kids and then they can just pick them up and leave and you have no recourse like shared custody or anything if you have no biological or legal claim on them like adoption. I have seen so many stories on here and IRL of people who dated/married someone who already had kids when they did not, and it pretty much never ends well for the person who is not a biological parent. The kids act up and step-parent tries to issue any kind of punishment, no matter how mild? "Those aren't your kids, you can't tell them what to do!" and other undermining that means you have no authority in your own home. Bio parent will basically use you as an ATM and free childcare, and bounce if things get slightly inconvenient. I will never date or marry someone who has kids, whether they have custody, shared custody, or whatever. I do not need all that drama in my life.
BINGO or the kids get attached, then another dad has “left them”
For a childhood friend of mine this wasn't the case but you could be right
Her kids are going to hate her
You are a great person. You possess kindness, compassion, empathy, and love. She lost out big time walking out on you. She cheated herself and her kids out of a really great life. I’m sorry she tore out your heart this way. You deserve so much better.
Don't date people with kids
Can't turn a hoe into a house wife. Learn your lesson and be smarter in the future.
Read: Narcissism and the Dynamics of Evil. By Doug McManahan.
Those moms are in survival mode. She did you a favor. Go get a decent person and leave her in the dust.
Bitches be dirty sometimes.
Shoulda bought her some meth
Now don’t forget JESUS had this…wait. No. No this did not happen (allegedly) to Jesus. I’m sorry. Nevermind…
You shouldnt have done the thing
Be glad she punked out on you too early. She could have gotten much more. You are free from a vampire who thinks you are stupid. Quit the stockholm syndrome and pity party. She'll be back for more of your blood and for sucking the marrow out of your bones.
Don't date baby mamas. Their loyalty will always be to their kids and not you
Lesson learned, right? I used to do this. Be captain save a hoe. I learned the hard way that people who are homeless and cast aside by people who should love them are usually in that predicament for a good reason. For a lot of awful reasons, actually. As an older man who has had to rebuild his life over and over due to my own poor decisions regarding my choice in life partners, my best advice is to NOT date people who are self proclaimed perpetual victims. They tend to be users. The hero in today's story becomes the villain in tonight's to someone else they're working for when the gravy train with you runs out. We can talk more about it if you want to, but the jist of it is that people put on a mask when they first meet you. I used to fall in love with the mask, and when it came off, I would think that I did something wrong and would work harder to get back to the girl that I loved. Who really never existed in the first place. So, date slow. Take your time getting to know someone. Don't move people in quickly. Don't share too much too soon. There are a lot of narcissistic sociopaths out there of both genders who are looking for a free ride, and it's these creatures posing as lovers who make people end up hating romance and being in love. Even Jesus said not to throw your pearls to pigs, lest they be trampled upon. Good luck.