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Also the comment about the current state of the world and already worrying about other people's children.
Literally every word she said made me felt seen as a child free woman. Such an icon.
I feel so understood. I have this conversation quite often (I work with elderly people) and I hear this take more and more often coming from older folks, especially women. It feels good to hear that the older generation understands our circumstances and life prospects are different.
Right? Was it ingrained in us that we should want kids so much that it had to practically become a movement for women to feel in a safe space admitting they don’t want to have children?
I had this stance for years and felt strongly about it in my 20s and 30s. The state of the world and state of my own mental health. I suffer from chronic depression but it is really mellowed by my late 30s, and I forgot why I didn't want kids. I had my son last year at almost 42, and I don't regret it, but sometimes I look at him, and I'm in my head apologizing.
One day it hit me that I have no idea what the state of the planet will be when my baby is an adult and I cried and cried worrying if I was wrong to bring her into this world. She’s the greatest person I’ve ever known but she doesn’t deserve to live in a world that’s burning. It’s so conflicting and hard and I wish the people in charge actually gave a fuck about the planet.
Dolly speaks the truth. So many people do mental gymnastics trying to rationalize why they want or have kids to try to not make it seem like it's for selfish reasons. There are many more practical, logical and empathetic reasons to not have them.
> to not make it seem like it's for selfish reasons.
The thing that always got to me about people calling child free people selfish...is that selfish people make horrible parents so isn't it good they/we are opting out?!
A lot of parents tend to have kids because of social pressures. They have kids because they are supposed to. For childfree folks to buck that trend and do what they think is right for them elicits deep feelings for these types. When you have a kid you love them, and it might be a living hellscape in many personal ways, but you just see when it’s worth it. Those moments allow people to have cognitive dissonance.
Plus you are not allowed to say you regret having kids. Society won’t have it. I’m an older parent so I came in with eyes wide open, but being an older parent meant I was “child free” during the time people were having kids. The things people would say to me… lord. Lol I knew they just hated that I was able to be “selfish” and just simply live my life without the responsibilities they had.
I’m the same with the Fran Lebowitz quote that goes: ‘I’m the world’s greatest daughter. I’m a great relative. I believe I’m a great friend. I’m a horrible girlfriend; always was.’
I am an Indian girl and my parents are looking for a match for me. My clause is I want to be childfree or only opt for adoption, and not one person is ready to support me for it. Men don't want to be associated with a woman like that apparently, families don't want a girl like that, parents don't approve either. This at least makes me feel seen
There are plenty of men out there who don’t want children. My wife doesn’t. I’m overjoyed to experience a life with her that is unburdened by children.
I have a little nephew who I adore. Being an aunt is like being a grandparent. I get to have all the fun with the little guy but none of the day to day and life-long responsibilities. So, it's much easier for grandparents to say "I want grandkids", cuz yeah they'll be seeing them part time, not raising them.
There are men like that, but I imagine the overlap between traditional enough to have their parents look for their match and nontraditional enough to not want kids is pretty small
I feel you on this as a fellow Indian girl, the amount of guys I see who want kids, it's like welp, but I'd rather stick to not having kids and not find a guy, than settle for a guy and compromise to have kids.
Better to find your partner your own way. Otherwise you'll be with a man who doesn't respect your wishes and makes you bear an unwilling child. That's a lot of responsibility and if you aren't ready to love and care for it, it's a disservice to you and your baby.
My three year old loves his “aunt Dolly” who has been sending him books every month for over a year. She’s done more for him than his own flesh and blood. Dolly Parton is an American treasure.
YESSS! I’ve never wanted children, but I’m so excited that my friends are starting to have kids so that I can finally realize my true potential which is to be the best auntie ever. I’m going to read to them and take them to museums and to soccer matches and to concerts and help them with their homework and and and
Totally agreed. My bestie comes over with art supplies and activity books and my kids just worship her. It means so much to them to have someone that shows up for them for no other reason than they want to. ♥️
Oh for real, I get you. Never wanted kids, psyched as hell now my sister has a wedding date cos I know they both wanted to do stuff 'traditionally' and their next step is kids. Cannot wait cos I know I'd be a great aunty, I have many life lessons to impart, and I was a good 'aunty' to my ex gf's kid. Just wouldn't be fair for me to have my own and it's so nice to see people like Dolly advocating for that kind of thing
Same, I remember being shamed about this when I was in middle school, however, it now seems to become more accepted, and Dolly's statement discredits the whole "you will regret it" notion...
She definitely did, though, that’s not even up for debate. Everything else aside, just the work she has done for literacy has absolutely changed the world for the better.
As a childfree woman, everything she said resonates with me deeply. I have always wanted to be an aunt, ever since I was a small child. I can’t wait to spoil my nieces and nephews! I’ve never wanted to be a mother and I am so grateful for that. What she said about the way the world is and worrying about other people’s children is so real. So happy that I’m childfree! I love Dolly so much!❤️
I hate that we have this immediate assumption that all women want to be mothers, that having children is our ultimate purpose. Dolly is so successful and has accomplished so much, yet there's this assumption that she's missed out on motherhood. Happy to hear her response.
I know! I hate the idea that woman who are child free don’t like or care about children. Jo Frost, THE SUPERNANNY, is child-free by choice and is remarkably maternal and knowledgeable about child rearing.
People assume that all women want children, then women are called selfish both if they do or don’t want children. Women who don’t want children are seen as selfish for not wanting to give up their lifestyle to be a mother, women who do want children are seen as selfish for bringing a child into this world.
Nobody ever asks a man if he regrets not having children, and it’s really rare for people to discuss the choices of men at all. Nick Cannon is the only man whose reproductive choices are seen as newsworthy.
I hate even more that this "assumption" is driven by stocks and governments and monopolies that count on the next generations' labor growth, and quite literally care more about that than stuff like, we are killing all the mega and micro fauna on our planet and that is pretty fucking catastrophic, like much more so than if your kid happened to consume LGBTQ friendly media.
Agreed. Elon Musk said we all need to have children because there’s going to be a worker shortage in 20 years.
Fine for him, he can afford to feed and house 10 kids. The rest of us struggle to put a roof over our heads and feed them.
It’s so nonsensical because if you look at the world globally most people are struggling to get by and simply wanting to continue to exist seems very difficult due high cost, bad worker rights and low pay
It’s honestly refreshing to see a woman her age with no children and clearly very happy with that.
I think this question is kind of rude though. You never know if someone wanted kids and couldn’t have them or lost a child at birth and the subject is a sore spot for them.
Edit: Actually, recently, a new person started at my job and one of my coworkers asked her whether she had kids and this poor woman started crying because her child had recently died. I know the subject of wanting or having kids is pretty common but this is exactly why it’s not something I ever bring up if I don’t know someone well.
Right? Whether you wanted them but couldn’t have them, struggled to decide whether or not you wanted them, or never wanted them at all, the question is rude and overly personal (not to mention doesn’t give any insight into someone’s professional work). At best, it’s super annoying and intrusive; at worst, it could be incredibly painful. Why ask???
This sort of thing is one reason why I'm not a fan of baby showers at work. If you're a woman, you're expected to go and be excited and yadda. It's hard to get out of it. But no one ever considers that it might be excruciating for some women, and they may not want to discuss it with co-workers.
YES! I was *scolded* by a busybody at work who thought she was my supervisor for skipping a baby shower at work. Little did she know, I had just suffered a missed miscarriage, and my doctor wanted me to pass things naturally rather than have a D&C. So I had to sit there in silence while she yelled at me for not being a team player, because I chose to skip a baby shower while my own dead baby was literally still inside me. Fuck you, Beth.
That's so sad :(
I actually have this scarred into me because I felt like it was dumb of me to say (I'm not sure). When I started my job, my coworkers were always talking about their kids and all the happenings with them. I can't remember how, but one of them asked me if I had kids or nieces and nephews. I told them I didn't have any and just haven't felt ready or the urge to yet. I then said "am I the only one without kids?" My boss responded that she doesn't have any either and said it in a kind of meek way.
Now I personally do feel the shame that I should have kids by now and shouldn't have the fear of childbirth that I do. I care about my career a lot and the thought of 9 months of extra medical issues, the birth itself, taking a month of work off, and no vices is really daunting for me. However, my coworker who said this is a bit older, so probably has reasons other than mine. I just felt really bad for even asking the question because I didn't think about how it puts her on the spot. I can ask people about their kids, but I do feel a bit ostracized once I'm asked about my own situation, yet here my dumbass was doing it.
I just hope I didn't hurt her. I honestly thought I was the only one without kids, and just wanted to see if there was someone else to relate to. It taught me about not ever asking those questions until I'm more close to someone.
It sounds like you didn’t press the issue or start interviewing her for an explanation. So although it could possible have brought up unpleasant thoughts it didn’t drag the whole thing out. Also your reasons make me feel very seen so thank you
I can tell you personally, as a woman who has always wanted children of her own, and won’t be having any for a myriad of reasons, I am very sensitive about it. I do mourn what could have been, but I am at peace with my reality because of my nieces and nephews.
If your coworker is a hugger, give her a hug for me or a handshake or a smile.
She definitely didn’t. 🙄
If it were someone else, I would’ve been a little more understanding just cuz I know most ppl consider it inoffensive small talk but this woman consistently finds herself in situations where she’s saying inappropriate/invasive things that make ppl extremely uncomfortable.
It really is an awful question. There's only one potential answer which isn't potentially awkward or painful, and that's "Why yes, and I was just getting ready to announce my pregnancy!" Otherwise the answer could be anything from "I really want kids but can't physically have them" to "I really do not want to have children at all and grilling me about it won't help" to "I was pregnant but my child was stillborn". The potential landmines to potential positives ratio is so high that it's not worth it.
“You were one of 12 children but you don’t have children now; do you regret that?”
Spoken like a man that’s never known a family with 12 children. It doesn’t really make you want to have kids of your own
yea i was gonna say, I see that a lot. especially if she is high up in the birth order as one of the older kids! she's probably done her time looking after babies
It did for me. My parents ran a daycare for 21 years, and now my mom is somehow shocked that I like living my life without kids.
I'm not going to have a baby just because it's the only thing she's comfortable talking about
my mom is 1 of 12. Neither she nor her siblings have big families. If they'd been born 20 years later, I think many would have no children. Tbh I think my own mom would have no children 🤷🏼♀️
Larry King had 5 kids from like 8 wives, so "family" was probably different for him too. Idk when this interview was though bc I think he's been dead for a while.
Idk why but this math had me laughing so hard 🤣. Because clearly he values raising children and family unity 🙄. I super hate when journalists ask stupid, personal, useless questions like these. She’s such a queen.
What a gross question to ask a woman. This not a question that ever is asked to a man. Bless Dolly for being gracious with stupid and degrading questions her entire career.
Adam Sandler is such an underrated dude like you don’t really hear anything bad about him as a person and when he does sweet stuff like this you never hear about it from him (like “oh I send Jennifer flowers every Mother’s Day”), it always comes from the recipient and it’s always so sweet. And while his movies are divisive, you gotta appreciate that he keeps the same group for all of them and that he’s at the point in his career where he can essentially do whatever the fuck he wants and make bank on it.
I never liked his movies. Could never get into them. But he seems like an amazing down to heart dude. He doesn't seem interested in celebrity and keeps to himself. I respect him for that.
My mate showed me this when it was relatively new out and I loved Adam Sandler so went into it with a very brief "it's a bit different" then sobbed. Sobbed I say.
Genuinely even now this and remember me kick me in the god damn guts.
I saw his stand up about a year ago. Not gonna lie, nothing special. But you could tell he was a genuine dude and then he brought the posse of goofballs out on stage to say hey.
Say what you will but to have that solid group of friends for so long and no real bad press come out (about any of them, really) that's just some decent dudes.
To close out the show he sang his song about Chris Farley. You could just tell he's full of love to give. Goofy/stupid/whatever he wants to make people feel good
I can't imagine everything she suffered, going through years and years of infertility and never succeeding. Meanwhile, for **years** the tabloids are saying your husband left you because you're a bitch who doesn't want kids and look at how many he's having with the woman he cheated on you with. They basically said over and over that she deserved to be cheated on because she "wouldn't give him children". And privately, she kept trying. My heart just broke when, 20 years later, she finally talked about it.
I would have burned the whole world down. She is so much more gracious than I could ever be.
Media went out of their way to rub it in her face. When Angelina was pregnant, some interviewer asked her about it. She cried for 15 minutes straight. 😔
There was this reality show called In a Man's World. They'd take women who were facing good old garden variety everyday sexism, make them over as men with the help of Oscar nominated MUAs and acting coaches and stuff, and put them into the exact same situations, and show how differently they were treated as men. Well, there was thjs one woman running for a local election. Nearly every fucking question thrown at her was, if you're doing this, who's going to be looking after your kids. When she said, my husband, she got, oh, you're going to leave it all on him?? Then she came in as a man for the same job, with the same family profile. Only got questions about her policy and campaign. :/
George Clooney got asked about settling down and kids quite a lot. Prominent men tend to not get asked because prominent men tend to have kids, because having kids requires significantly less sacrifice for them.
As a single man approaching 40 without kids, people seem to think my life could not possibly have any meaning.
I'm sure the scrutiny received by a single woman approaching 40 without kids must be annoying as all hell.
I'm 48 and also glad I never had kids. It's just not for me, and there's plenty of people willing to have up to 4 or 5 kids so we don't go "extinct" lol.
I think it’s more like, never asked to men on the news. Most definitely in private interactions all the time parents may even be like “are you gay? Where’s my grandkids”
Stop asking women if they want children or if they regret having children. They are more than just their ability to reproduce.
Also, let’s stop assuming that there’s some kind of failure wrapped up in a woman not having kids. For a lot of women it’s not that they can’t or that they think they’d be bad at it, but just that they very simply do not want offspring.
Sometimes I think it could be cool to have a kid (as in raise them), but it’s the whole pregnancy/delivery thing that I want no damn part of. The thought has disgusted me ever since I was a kid. When dudes are asking women about having kids, they should automatically have to experience a watermelon coming out of their ass. Maybe they’d think twice before opening their mouth.
There’s no way in hell I could handle pregnancy and delivery and have known that since I was a child. Everything about it is presented as this beautiful experience, but the idea of something growing inside of me and then having to get that thing out is horrifying for me and we should talk about that more along with the less beautiful side of the whole experience.
Tbh every method of birth seems absolutely horrible. People still die in childbirth. It’s not some light, beautiful experience for a lot of people. It can be downright traumatic af, and you can have lasting health issues from just giving birth. Months ago, I met this guy who was out drinking at a strip club the night before his wife’s scheduled c section. He was so nonchalant about it like “oh she’s just having a c section, no big deal!”. I was like she’s fucking giving birth and having a BABY, YOUR baby. People literally die wtf is wrong with you?? A c section is still a big fucking deal. He would feel a lot differently about it if he was the one actually in that situation himself. I wish some of these men had to experience it for themselves. It made me so angry lol, and I felt so bad for her. I could not imagine being that way about something like that. I’m glad I’m not having kids so I don’t have to deal with potentially having a partner be that fucking stupid and blasé about such a sensitive, vulnerable, and dangerous experience birthing their fucking child.
Same. Childbirth keeps me away from it tbh. Your whole body changes and idk, it’s kinda wild to me that people oversimplify pushing out a whole child out of your body LOL There’s so many things that people don’t talk about when it comes to childbirth. There’s a woman that has a list on tiktok that has hundreds of things that she didn’t know could happen with childbirth/pregnancy and the comments always joke that looking at the list is a form of birth control for them 😭
yeah, I've always thought I have a low pain threshold. but I don't want to live my life for another either (except my cat).
I'm happy just being an old cat lady which I don't appreciate the stigma of single women with cats that still exist today either.
As someone who’s given birth 3x thank you!! It’s no joke. I wanted mine and it was hard. It’s also dangerous. Still. Less so than in the past but the risk is still there. Society treats us like it’s just another day but it’s definitely a big deal and we need to be supporting pregnant women more.
And if you don’t want kids? Totally understandable!!! Don’t have kids unless you *really* want them. You’re perfectly valid for not being a parent. We’re all different.
I know in my core, that I am more 'myself', and independently successful *because* I didn't have children. I've drawn a lot of shitty cards with family, disability and abuse.. but the freedom I've had to change my circumstances without putting tiny humans (or men) first, has allowed me to fight for myself and get to a place I'm thriving, *and happy*..
From a young age, women are taught sacrificing everything of themselves is the only way to be 'loved'.
I’m cfbc. And I loathe when I tell people and they say, “not everyone should be a parent.” Like they’d say about someone who abandoned or abused their child.
I would’ve been a fucking awesome mom. I just didn’t want to be one. It’s that simple.
I wish my mom used this exact logic. Too many people become mothers without knowing what it actually takes. And fathers of course. More people need to have an honest conversation with themselves about being a parent before starting a family.
Same. I was an accident and I’m told she basically thought it would be like having a doll. She was pretty bummed to learn that I was an actual human with needs and imperfections and stuff.
When my parents split up they fought over who would have to take me bc neither one of them wanted me.
It was post-Roe so there really was no excuse for going through with the pregnancy. We need to normalize it being ok to not have kids, even if you’re engaged or married!
10000%. I think people over simplify what it means to raise a whole human being. There are some things that were very much a core part of who I am today (good and bad) and it was just another Tuesday for my parents so they don’t remember key things the way I did, especially bad things surprise surprise lolol
A lot of people just become parents without actually thinking of the parenting part. They just did it because they felt they had to.
What a class act! Always has a well-spoken, respectful answer, even to rude questions like this. Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library sends my son beautiful books every month… for free!! She is the biggest donor of children’s books in the world. We get so excited to get these sweet books in the mail, they are great and a lot of them unique to this program. Check to see if they send books in your area (mainly southern US).
I feel her hardcore. I worry about my friends’ kids all the time with the state of the world. I’m actually sure I’d make a good mom but I just don’t personally feel right having my own kids at this time.
Dolly HAS kids. she's got millions of kids that she's helped with her literacy and education programs, with her *millions* of dollars of charitable donations, of her projects to improve the education and employment in grindingly poor areas. She *has* kids, they just don't share her DNA
She also had edometriosis and a hysterectomy so maybe it wasn't entirely by choice.
Doesn't this jackass have people who can google things like this for him? I hope people write in an complain and the execs patiently explain to him why he can't ask someone why they don't have kids and he'll leave the meeting angry and ebarrassed
Dolly does soooo much for other people’s kids. We have gotten so many free books from her imagination library, and my child was able to get a free imagination pass to Dollywood the past year. She does so many other things too, which makes this question extra gross. Dolly is a treasure, and I stand by that.
Dad here and I have mad respect for dolly. Every month we get an incredible hand picked book in the mail from Dolly. Not enough charities, organizations do enough for kids yet here she is sending out unreal books for free.
She may not have kids but she's certainly looking out for them :)
Why are they still asking her about this?
Fertility is such a private issue and far too many women struggle with infertility without telling a soul. Do they ask men?? Of course not.
God. This question. You can see the light dim in her eyes a bit when it is asked. WHY???? Why must childfree women constantly by asked about this? If she doesn’t have kids she either doesn’t want them or couldn’t have them. The latter is a sensitive thing. It’s such an annoying, gross question. I’m sure she’s tired of it. I’m tired of it on her behalf!
Shiiiiit I have four kids and while I don’t regret THEM one bit, sure wish I’d thought about the big picture 30 years ago. Dolly is right on. The worry I have for my (now adult) children and future grandkids is overwhelming.
Why are journalists still asking her this? Are they expecting a 70-80yo woman to say “well actually, I’ve had some second thought and we are going to use a surrogate “
I literally say it all the time now, I don’t not envy anyone having babies right now. My youngest is 16 and just seeing what she deals with and goes through…. NOPE!! I hate to see what this world is gonna look like in about 15 years.
People miss the point entirely. It’s called self awareness and self respect. I am a mother, it’s wonderful because I have the support I need to be the kind of mother I want to be and it’s something I *wanted* to do. No one should be asked questions like this. No one should be expected to do anything, ever. Dolly is a treasure.
I remember reading an interview where Dolly was asked this question and she said that she has been would’ve welcomed it if it had been part of God‘s plan, but it’s OK that it wasn’t because she has so many nieces and nephews and nieces and nephews to share her love with.
I think that is so beautiful! Someone who’s aged out of having children of my own, but has a big family, I just find so much comfort in that.
I wanted her to be my mom so bad when I was a little girl. I watched her on tv and thought she was a real angel, I still do and anyone who says differently well I just don’t believe them. She is lovely inside and out and has helped so many ppl. Beautiful soul 💕
I'm 37 this year and still don't feel the urge to have children it's not like.im single either. I'm not worried though if I don't ever have them or if I do
Dolly Parton is a saint. She helped so many people because she said “fuck it” and didn’t let anything stop her
She also helped mw realize I love my girlfriend (now wife) so many years ago
Wow now I love Dolly even more 🩷 I am childfree and intend to stay like that for the same reasons. I already suffer from anxiety and constantly worry about things and others and my family and my little sister, if I had my own kids to worry about I would go crazy. Also the world is becoming worse and worse, sometimes I wish another sperm had walked in front of me. So yeah I’m not having kids.
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“I make a better aunt than I would a mother, I think” I HAVE NEVER FELT SO SEEN
Also the comment about the current state of the world and already worrying about other people's children. Literally every word she said made me felt seen as a child free woman. Such an icon.
I feel so understood. I have this conversation quite often (I work with elderly people) and I hear this take more and more often coming from older folks, especially women. It feels good to hear that the older generation understands our circumstances and life prospects are different.
I think for older women, it wasn't a choice either. Like would they have had children if they didn't have to? Maybe not.
Right? Was it ingrained in us that we should want kids so much that it had to practically become a movement for women to feel in a safe space admitting they don’t want to have children?
I feel the exact same way! I don't want children especially these days and who knows if it will be better later on in the future.
I had this stance for years and felt strongly about it in my 20s and 30s. The state of the world and state of my own mental health. I suffer from chronic depression but it is really mellowed by my late 30s, and I forgot why I didn't want kids. I had my son last year at almost 42, and I don't regret it, but sometimes I look at him, and I'm in my head apologizing.
One day it hit me that I have no idea what the state of the planet will be when my baby is an adult and I cried and cried worrying if I was wrong to bring her into this world. She’s the greatest person I’ve ever known but she doesn’t deserve to live in a world that’s burning. It’s so conflicting and hard and I wish the people in charge actually gave a fuck about the planet.
Same here.
Dolly speaks the truth. So many people do mental gymnastics trying to rationalize why they want or have kids to try to not make it seem like it's for selfish reasons. There are many more practical, logical and empathetic reasons to not have them.
> to not make it seem like it's for selfish reasons. The thing that always got to me about people calling child free people selfish...is that selfish people make horrible parents so isn't it good they/we are opting out?!
A lot of parents tend to have kids because of social pressures. They have kids because they are supposed to. For childfree folks to buck that trend and do what they think is right for them elicits deep feelings for these types. When you have a kid you love them, and it might be a living hellscape in many personal ways, but you just see when it’s worth it. Those moments allow people to have cognitive dissonance. Plus you are not allowed to say you regret having kids. Society won’t have it. I’m an older parent so I came in with eyes wide open, but being an older parent meant I was “child free” during the time people were having kids. The things people would say to me… lord. Lol I knew they just hated that I was able to be “selfish” and just simply live my life without the responsibilities they had.
Same, same and same. Love her talking about this.
I’m the same with the Fran Lebowitz quote that goes: ‘I’m the world’s greatest daughter. I’m a great relative. I believe I’m a great friend. I’m a horrible girlfriend; always was.’
I'm not even a good aunt tbh
Same. I dread the day my sister starts having children. Luckily she lives on another continent so I won't need to be too involved.
You don’t need to be involved at all, if you don’t want. That’s the beauty of things, your life; your choices.
I am an Indian girl and my parents are looking for a match for me. My clause is I want to be childfree or only opt for adoption, and not one person is ready to support me for it. Men don't want to be associated with a woman like that apparently, families don't want a girl like that, parents don't approve either. This at least makes me feel seen
Some men do want that, just not the type who are having their own parents look for a match for them.
There are plenty of men out there who don’t want children. My wife doesn’t. I’m overjoyed to experience a life with her that is unburdened by children.
I have a little nephew who I adore. Being an aunt is like being a grandparent. I get to have all the fun with the little guy but none of the day to day and life-long responsibilities. So, it's much easier for grandparents to say "I want grandkids", cuz yeah they'll be seeing them part time, not raising them.
There are men like that, but I imagine the overlap between traditional enough to have their parents look for their match and nontraditional enough to not want kids is pretty small
I feel you on this as a fellow Indian girl, the amount of guys I see who want kids, it's like welp, but I'd rather stick to not having kids and not find a guy, than settle for a guy and compromise to have kids.
Better to find your partner your own way. Otherwise you'll be with a man who doesn't respect your wishes and makes you bear an unwilling child. That's a lot of responsibility and if you aren't ready to love and care for it, it's a disservice to you and your baby.
My three year old loves his “aunt Dolly” who has been sending him books every month for over a year. She’s done more for him than his own flesh and blood. Dolly Parton is an American treasure.
YESSS! I’ve never wanted children, but I’m so excited that my friends are starting to have kids so that I can finally realize my true potential which is to be the best auntie ever. I’m going to read to them and take them to museums and to soccer matches and to concerts and help them with their homework and and and
Child free aunties who want to support their friends with children are seriously such crucial parts of society, and I will die on this hill.
Totally agreed. My bestie comes over with art supplies and activity books and my kids just worship her. It means so much to them to have someone that shows up for them for no other reason than they want to. ♥️
I'm thriving as the cool gay uncle who gives awesome gifts and takes them on fun trips.
You are the friend every parent needs 💜
Oh for real, I get you. Never wanted kids, psyched as hell now my sister has a wedding date cos I know they both wanted to do stuff 'traditionally' and their next step is kids. Cannot wait cos I know I'd be a great aunty, I have many life lessons to impart, and I was a good 'aunty' to my ex gf's kid. Just wouldn't be fair for me to have my own and it's so nice to see people like Dolly advocating for that kind of thing
Same, I remember being shamed about this when I was in middle school, however, it now seems to become more accepted, and Dolly's statement discredits the whole "you will regret it" notion...
It’s better to regret not having kids than regret having them. So don’t worry.
Dolly Parton changed the world, I won't be convinced otherwise
She definitely did, though, that’s not even up for debate. Everything else aside, just the work she has done for literacy has absolutely changed the world for the better.
Imagine Dolly being your aunt?! They’re so lucky!
As an uncle who feels the same way, I also feel very seen. I love my niece and nephew to death but I’m very happy with my choice not to be a father
Same
As a childfree woman, everything she said resonates with me deeply. I have always wanted to be an aunt, ever since I was a small child. I can’t wait to spoil my nieces and nephews! I’ve never wanted to be a mother and I am so grateful for that. What she said about the way the world is and worrying about other people’s children is so real. So happy that I’m childfree! I love Dolly so much!❤️
My toddler and I appreciate the monthly books thanks to her imagination library.
Same friend!! I love being an aunt, no desire to be a mom. We need more Dollys!!
I hate that we have this immediate assumption that all women want to be mothers, that having children is our ultimate purpose. Dolly is so successful and has accomplished so much, yet there's this assumption that she's missed out on motherhood. Happy to hear her response.
And she does so much for children! Her book program sends free books to kids all over the country. A hell of a legacy!
I know! I hate the idea that woman who are child free don’t like or care about children. Jo Frost, THE SUPERNANNY, is child-free by choice and is remarkably maternal and knowledgeable about child rearing.
I love Jo-Jo. I watched that show as a single person and learnt so much ( none of which i actually use now, lol)
Yes! I am not anti kid. I think we should do more to help them and families. But I don't think I can be a parent.
I was gonna say. I’m a mom. But she’s done so much more for kids than I have. She’s precious
Not just in your country either! I'm in Canada and we used the Imagination Library program :)
People assume that all women want children, then women are called selfish both if they do or don’t want children. Women who don’t want children are seen as selfish for not wanting to give up their lifestyle to be a mother, women who do want children are seen as selfish for bringing a child into this world. Nobody ever asks a man if he regrets not having children, and it’s really rare for people to discuss the choices of men at all. Nick Cannon is the only man whose reproductive choices are seen as newsworthy.
I hate even more that this "assumption" is driven by stocks and governments and monopolies that count on the next generations' labor growth, and quite literally care more about that than stuff like, we are killing all the mega and micro fauna on our planet and that is pretty fucking catastrophic, like much more so than if your kid happened to consume LGBTQ friendly media.
Agreed. Elon Musk said we all need to have children because there’s going to be a worker shortage in 20 years. Fine for him, he can afford to feed and house 10 kids. The rest of us struggle to put a roof over our heads and feed them.
Then Elon musk should fucking pay me to do it
It’s so nonsensical because if you look at the world globally most people are struggling to get by and simply wanting to continue to exist seems very difficult due high cost, bad worker rights and low pay
Tons of people would have kids or more kids if they could afford them. But people like Musk must have their mega yachts.
It’s honestly refreshing to see a woman her age with no children and clearly very happy with that. I think this question is kind of rude though. You never know if someone wanted kids and couldn’t have them or lost a child at birth and the subject is a sore spot for them. Edit: Actually, recently, a new person started at my job and one of my coworkers asked her whether she had kids and this poor woman started crying because her child had recently died. I know the subject of wanting or having kids is pretty common but this is exactly why it’s not something I ever bring up if I don’t know someone well.
Right? Whether you wanted them but couldn’t have them, struggled to decide whether or not you wanted them, or never wanted them at all, the question is rude and overly personal (not to mention doesn’t give any insight into someone’s professional work). At best, it’s super annoying and intrusive; at worst, it could be incredibly painful. Why ask???
This sort of thing is one reason why I'm not a fan of baby showers at work. If you're a woman, you're expected to go and be excited and yadda. It's hard to get out of it. But no one ever considers that it might be excruciating for some women, and they may not want to discuss it with co-workers.
YES! I was *scolded* by a busybody at work who thought she was my supervisor for skipping a baby shower at work. Little did she know, I had just suffered a missed miscarriage, and my doctor wanted me to pass things naturally rather than have a D&C. So I had to sit there in silence while she yelled at me for not being a team player, because I chose to skip a baby shower while my own dead baby was literally still inside me. Fuck you, Beth.
Fuck that’s so traumatising. I hope to you’re doing okay now ❤️
Awwwww thank you! I’m doing better now.
That’s just fucking awful smh.
It was so awful.
My heart broke into a million pieces reading this. That's awful, I'm so sorry!
I’m 54. Child free by choice. I have never ever regretted it for a single moment. I’m happy. Happier after divorce. 😉
That's so sad :( I actually have this scarred into me because I felt like it was dumb of me to say (I'm not sure). When I started my job, my coworkers were always talking about their kids and all the happenings with them. I can't remember how, but one of them asked me if I had kids or nieces and nephews. I told them I didn't have any and just haven't felt ready or the urge to yet. I then said "am I the only one without kids?" My boss responded that she doesn't have any either and said it in a kind of meek way. Now I personally do feel the shame that I should have kids by now and shouldn't have the fear of childbirth that I do. I care about my career a lot and the thought of 9 months of extra medical issues, the birth itself, taking a month of work off, and no vices is really daunting for me. However, my coworker who said this is a bit older, so probably has reasons other than mine. I just felt really bad for even asking the question because I didn't think about how it puts her on the spot. I can ask people about their kids, but I do feel a bit ostracized once I'm asked about my own situation, yet here my dumbass was doing it. I just hope I didn't hurt her. I honestly thought I was the only one without kids, and just wanted to see if there was someone else to relate to. It taught me about not ever asking those questions until I'm more close to someone.
It sounds like you didn’t press the issue or start interviewing her for an explanation. So although it could possible have brought up unpleasant thoughts it didn’t drag the whole thing out. Also your reasons make me feel very seen so thank you
It’s incredibly rude and Dolly DID have infertility.
I can tell you personally, as a woman who has always wanted children of her own, and won’t be having any for a myriad of reasons, I am very sensitive about it. I do mourn what could have been, but I am at peace with my reality because of my nieces and nephews. If your coworker is a hugger, give her a hug for me or a handshake or a smile.
I hope your coworker learned a very valuable lesson. Restraining nosy people one dumbass question at a time.
She definitely didn’t. 🙄 If it were someone else, I would’ve been a little more understanding just cuz I know most ppl consider it inoffensive small talk but this woman consistently finds herself in situations where she’s saying inappropriate/invasive things that make ppl extremely uncomfortable.
It really is an awful question. There's only one potential answer which isn't potentially awkward or painful, and that's "Why yes, and I was just getting ready to announce my pregnancy!" Otherwise the answer could be anything from "I really want kids but can't physically have them" to "I really do not want to have children at all and grilling me about it won't help" to "I was pregnant but my child was stillborn". The potential landmines to potential positives ratio is so high that it's not worth it.
“You were one of 12 children but you don’t have children now; do you regret that?” Spoken like a man that’s never known a family with 12 children. It doesn’t really make you want to have kids of your own
And she takes care of her *entire* extended family to this day.
yea i was gonna say, I see that a lot. especially if she is high up in the birth order as one of the older kids! she's probably done her time looking after babies
Yeah, if you spend your teens caring for several babies at once the thrill of having your own wears off, I think.
It also makes you very aware of how time consuming raising a child really is.
It did for me. My parents ran a daycare for 21 years, and now my mom is somehow shocked that I like living my life without kids. I'm not going to have a baby just because it's the only thing she's comfortable talking about
I think she’s the second oldest. So she most likely did help care for them all.
I spent my childhood parenting my man child of a father. I have zero interest in having a child now tbh as an adult.
my mom is 1 of 12. Neither she nor her siblings have big families. If they'd been born 20 years later, I think many would have no children. Tbh I think my own mom would have no children 🤷🏼♀️
“spoken like a man.” Period.
THAT TOO
Exactly. There's 6 other sibling in laws in my husband's family, only one of them has kids. My husband refuses to consider re-parenting
Larry King had 5 kids from like 8 wives, so "family" was probably different for him too. Idk when this interview was though bc I think he's been dead for a while.
Idk why but this math had me laughing so hard 🤣. Because clearly he values raising children and family unity 🙄. I super hate when journalists ask stupid, personal, useless questions like these. She’s such a queen.
This comment is how I found out Larry King died oop
I cannot imagine wanting to have kids after being 1 in 12!!!!!
fr, my grandma had 7 sisters and neither of them would even dream of a family this big because there is nothing to romanticise
Sounds like Charlie has given you some good advice
What a gross question to ask a woman. This not a question that ever is asked to a man. Bless Dolly for being gracious with stupid and degrading questions her entire career.
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She revealed a couple of years ago she had wanted kids but could not have them. And Adam Sandler and his wife send her flowers on Mothers Days.
Omg that’s precious
Adam Sandler is such an underrated dude like you don’t really hear anything bad about him as a person and when he does sweet stuff like this you never hear about it from him (like “oh I send Jennifer flowers every Mother’s Day”), it always comes from the recipient and it’s always so sweet. And while his movies are divisive, you gotta appreciate that he keeps the same group for all of them and that he’s at the point in his career where he can essentially do whatever the fuck he wants and make bank on it.
Adam also gave Henry Winkler a role in the Waterboy when he was not much in demand at the time. Henry credits Adam with saving his career.
That’s awesome. I always thought it was Ron Howard who revived his career in Arrested Development
I never liked his movies. Could never get into them. But he seems like an amazing down to heart dude. He doesn't seem interested in celebrity and keeps to himself. I respect him for that.
You gotta watch one of his actual acting roles like Punch Drunk Love, Happy Gilmore, Uncut Gems, etc.
I can’t believe you forgot Reign Over Me
My mate showed me this when it was relatively new out and I loved Adam Sandler so went into it with a very brief "it's a bit different" then sobbed. Sobbed I say. Genuinely even now this and remember me kick me in the god damn guts.
Ugh Remember Me, don’t even get me started. Tween me was like “oh Robert Pattinson”. Boy was I not ready.
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I saw his stand up about a year ago. Not gonna lie, nothing special. But you could tell he was a genuine dude and then he brought the posse of goofballs out on stage to say hey. Say what you will but to have that solid group of friends for so long and no real bad press come out (about any of them, really) that's just some decent dudes. To close out the show he sang his song about Chris Farley. You could just tell he's full of love to give. Goofy/stupid/whatever he wants to make people feel good
His movies aren’t divisive proper are just divided in their opinion. But there is nothing inherently controversial about the movies themselves.
I can't imagine everything she suffered, going through years and years of infertility and never succeeding. Meanwhile, for **years** the tabloids are saying your husband left you because you're a bitch who doesn't want kids and look at how many he's having with the woman he cheated on you with. They basically said over and over that she deserved to be cheated on because she "wouldn't give him children". And privately, she kept trying. My heart just broke when, 20 years later, she finally talked about it. I would have burned the whole world down. She is so much more gracious than I could ever be.
Media went out of their way to rub it in her face. When Angelina was pregnant, some interviewer asked her about it. She cried for 15 minutes straight. 😔
And their karma played out very publicly....to the point of both of them being embarrassed
There was this reality show called In a Man's World. They'd take women who were facing good old garden variety everyday sexism, make them over as men with the help of Oscar nominated MUAs and acting coaches and stuff, and put them into the exact same situations, and show how differently they were treated as men. Well, there was thjs one woman running for a local election. Nearly every fucking question thrown at her was, if you're doing this, who's going to be looking after your kids. When she said, my husband, she got, oh, you're going to leave it all on him?? Then she came in as a man for the same job, with the same family profile. Only got questions about her policy and campaign. :/
Granted, it allows role models like her to express that having kids isn't the only way to go.
George Clooney got asked about settling down and kids quite a lot. Prominent men tend to not get asked because prominent men tend to have kids, because having kids requires significantly less sacrifice for them.
I’ve been asked many, many times as a man, but I’m sure it’s nowhere near the scrutiny my wife received over the past 20 years.
As a single man approaching 40 without kids, people seem to think my life could not possibly have any meaning. I'm sure the scrutiny received by a single woman approaching 40 without kids must be annoying as all hell.
Holy crap! I just realized how old this interview was, not only is Larry king alive but he’s still on CNN
He died in 2021.
Dolly Parton is America's mother 😩
Hey don’t leave Canada out 🥹
*North America's mother
Northern Hemisphere?
The world*
Canada (as well as Bolivia and Guatemala, among others) are all part of America 😊
Dolly is my queen 😭😭❤️
What a power combo of grace and no -bullshit- taken attitude that woman has! She's a treasure
Dolly is a childfree icon! And no one can claim she hates kids, she does much more to support their literacy than many state governments do
I'm 48 and also glad I never had kids. It's just not for me, and there's plenty of people willing to have up to 4 or 5 kids so we don't go "extinct" lol.
38 here and totally agree. I am a good cat and dog mom though.
I’ll take “Questions Never Asked to Men” for 100
I’m a guy and I get asked about kids all the fucking time. I’m not a celebrity though.
I think it’s more like, never asked to men on the news. Most definitely in private interactions all the time parents may even be like “are you gay? Where’s my grandkids”
Stop asking women if they want children or if they regret having children. They are more than just their ability to reproduce. Also, let’s stop assuming that there’s some kind of failure wrapped up in a woman not having kids. For a lot of women it’s not that they can’t or that they think they’d be bad at it, but just that they very simply do not want offspring.
Sometimes I think it could be cool to have a kid (as in raise them), but it’s the whole pregnancy/delivery thing that I want no damn part of. The thought has disgusted me ever since I was a kid. When dudes are asking women about having kids, they should automatically have to experience a watermelon coming out of their ass. Maybe they’d think twice before opening their mouth.
There’s no way in hell I could handle pregnancy and delivery and have known that since I was a child. Everything about it is presented as this beautiful experience, but the idea of something growing inside of me and then having to get that thing out is horrifying for me and we should talk about that more along with the less beautiful side of the whole experience.
Tbh every method of birth seems absolutely horrible. People still die in childbirth. It’s not some light, beautiful experience for a lot of people. It can be downright traumatic af, and you can have lasting health issues from just giving birth. Months ago, I met this guy who was out drinking at a strip club the night before his wife’s scheduled c section. He was so nonchalant about it like “oh she’s just having a c section, no big deal!”. I was like she’s fucking giving birth and having a BABY, YOUR baby. People literally die wtf is wrong with you?? A c section is still a big fucking deal. He would feel a lot differently about it if he was the one actually in that situation himself. I wish some of these men had to experience it for themselves. It made me so angry lol, and I felt so bad for her. I could not imagine being that way about something like that. I’m glad I’m not having kids so I don’t have to deal with potentially having a partner be that fucking stupid and blasé about such a sensitive, vulnerable, and dangerous experience birthing their fucking child.
Same. Childbirth keeps me away from it tbh. Your whole body changes and idk, it’s kinda wild to me that people oversimplify pushing out a whole child out of your body LOL There’s so many things that people don’t talk about when it comes to childbirth. There’s a woman that has a list on tiktok that has hundreds of things that she didn’t know could happen with childbirth/pregnancy and the comments always joke that looking at the list is a form of birth control for them 😭
yeah, I've always thought I have a low pain threshold. but I don't want to live my life for another either (except my cat). I'm happy just being an old cat lady which I don't appreciate the stigma of single women with cats that still exist today either.
As someone who’s given birth 3x thank you!! It’s no joke. I wanted mine and it was hard. It’s also dangerous. Still. Less so than in the past but the risk is still there. Society treats us like it’s just another day but it’s definitely a big deal and we need to be supporting pregnant women more. And if you don’t want kids? Totally understandable!!! Don’t have kids unless you *really* want them. You’re perfectly valid for not being a parent. We’re all different.
As a new mom, pregnancy was so tough and I don't think I could do it again.
I know in my core, that I am more 'myself', and independently successful *because* I didn't have children. I've drawn a lot of shitty cards with family, disability and abuse.. but the freedom I've had to change my circumstances without putting tiny humans (or men) first, has allowed me to fight for myself and get to a place I'm thriving, *and happy*.. From a young age, women are taught sacrificing everything of themselves is the only way to be 'loved'.
I’m cfbc. And I loathe when I tell people and they say, “not everyone should be a parent.” Like they’d say about someone who abandoned or abused their child. I would’ve been a fucking awesome mom. I just didn’t want to be one. It’s that simple.
Good for her! Dolly is living proof that there are many ways to have a legacy, besides having children.
I wish my mom used this exact logic. Too many people become mothers without knowing what it actually takes. And fathers of course. More people need to have an honest conversation with themselves about being a parent before starting a family.
Same. I was an accident and I’m told she basically thought it would be like having a doll. She was pretty bummed to learn that I was an actual human with needs and imperfections and stuff. When my parents split up they fought over who would have to take me bc neither one of them wanted me. It was post-Roe so there really was no excuse for going through with the pregnancy. We need to normalize it being ok to not have kids, even if you’re engaged or married!
10000%. I think people over simplify what it means to raise a whole human being. There are some things that were very much a core part of who I am today (good and bad) and it was just another Tuesday for my parents so they don’t remember key things the way I did, especially bad things surprise surprise lolol A lot of people just become parents without actually thinking of the parenting part. They just did it because they felt they had to.
Dolly may not have any bio children but she sure as hell has kids
She also sort of had to help raise her youngest siblings.
What a class act! Always has a well-spoken, respectful answer, even to rude questions like this. Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library sends my son beautiful books every month… for free!! She is the biggest donor of children’s books in the world. We get so excited to get these sweet books in the mail, they are great and a lot of them unique to this program. Check to see if they send books in your area (mainly southern US).
Preach Queen 🙏🏻 thankful for this wonderful woman for publicly and positively standing up for all of us child-free women!
I feel her hardcore. I worry about my friends’ kids all the time with the state of the world. I’m actually sure I’d make a good mom but I just don’t personally feel right having my own kids at this time.
 Speaking as someone who is married and childfree. I'll stick to being a cat mom.
Same but with being a dog mom 😀
Same, and best of both worlds - dog and cat mom over here
Dolly HAS kids. she's got millions of kids that she's helped with her literacy and education programs, with her *millions* of dollars of charitable donations, of her projects to improve the education and employment in grindingly poor areas. She *has* kids, they just don't share her DNA
Does anyone ask this same question to childless men?
No. And they also never ask women who did have kids if they regret that decision. Nobody wants to hear the answer to that one.
Larry king was the worst
Literally the last thing this earth needs is more people
Does anyone think it's kinda rude to ask an adult ass woman why she doesn't want children or have children. i get it's an old clip but still.
What a jerk , who asks that kinda question ! Wtf 😡
She also had edometriosis and a hysterectomy so maybe it wasn't entirely by choice. Doesn't this jackass have people who can google things like this for him? I hope people write in an complain and the execs patiently explain to him why he can't ask someone why they don't have kids and he'll leave the meeting angry and ebarrassed
https://preview.redd.it/7dx8me7pv8xc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f011345649f06388eab0e4539fee450df5833932
This man is a treasure.
I love her answer and her honesty. I’m child free, I get asked quite frequently, so rude and intrusive
We love a childfree queen.
as always, Dolly is on the money !
Dolly does soooo much for other people’s kids. We have gotten so many free books from her imagination library, and my child was able to get a free imagination pass to Dollywood the past year. She does so many other things too, which makes this question extra gross. Dolly is a treasure, and I stand by that.
I love her! Forever and always a badass
Dad here and I have mad respect for dolly. Every month we get an incredible hand picked book in the mail from Dolly. Not enough charities, organizations do enough for kids yet here she is sending out unreal books for free. She may not have kids but she's certainly looking out for them :)
Smart and Realistic Woman - Speaks Her Truth Always
Why are they still asking her about this? Fertility is such a private issue and far too many women struggle with infertility without telling a soul. Do they ask men?? Of course not.
Dolly has sent my baby a book every month since she was born. She does her part of our next generation.
God. This question. You can see the light dim in her eyes a bit when it is asked. WHY???? Why must childfree women constantly by asked about this? If she doesn’t have kids she either doesn’t want them or couldn’t have them. The latter is a sensitive thing. It’s such an annoying, gross question. I’m sure she’s tired of it. I’m tired of it on her behalf!
She's my hero
44F happily married and childfree. 100% agree Dolly ❤️.
I want to live my life as fearlessly as Dolly does.
If I knew then what I know now, I too would be childless
Dolly isn’t childless. She’s the mother of my generation for sure. We’re all Dollys kids
Shiiiiit I have four kids and while I don’t regret THEM one bit, sure wish I’d thought about the big picture 30 years ago. Dolly is right on. The worry I have for my (now adult) children and future grandkids is overwhelming.
Why are journalists still asking her this? Are they expecting a 70-80yo woman to say “well actually, I’ve had some second thought and we are going to use a surrogate “
I literally say it all the time now, I don’t not envy anyone having babies right now. My youngest is 16 and just seeing what she deals with and goes through…. NOPE!! I hate to see what this world is gonna look like in about 15 years.
This is such a stupid question. Sometimes a couple try and try and can't and remind them is just evil
Kind of an awkward question to ask
I love that she turned it into a plug for her latest business venture!
I never thought I'd have so much in common with Miss Dolly.
People miss the point entirely. It’s called self awareness and self respect. I am a mother, it’s wonderful because I have the support I need to be the kind of mother I want to be and it’s something I *wanted* to do. No one should be asked questions like this. No one should be expected to do anything, ever. Dolly is a treasure.
I remember reading an interview where Dolly was asked this question and she said that she has been would’ve welcomed it if it had been part of God‘s plan, but it’s OK that it wasn’t because she has so many nieces and nephews and nieces and nephews to share her love with. I think that is so beautiful! Someone who’s aged out of having children of my own, but has a big family, I just find so much comfort in that.
Dolly Parton is a gift to us alllllll
A queen
I wanted her to be my mom so bad when I was a little girl. I watched her on tv and thought she was a real angel, I still do and anyone who says differently well I just don’t believe them. She is lovely inside and out and has helped so many ppl. Beautiful soul 💕
Shes never had biological children but the positive impact she has had on so many children makes her an honorary parent.
Why do they even have to ask a lady if she has regret? What's it going to achieve?
I'm 37 this year and still don't feel the urge to have children it's not like.im single either. I'm not worried though if I don't ever have them or if I do
Dolly Parton is a saint. She helped so many people because she said “fuck it” and didn’t let anything stop her She also helped mw realize I love my girlfriend (now wife) so many years ago
I can't believe that she is __STILL__ being asked this f'ked up question. How rude and intrusive. Not to mention misogynistic.
Wow, Larry King woke up from his dirt nap!
Wow now I love Dolly even more 🩷 I am childfree and intend to stay like that for the same reasons. I already suffer from anxiety and constantly worry about things and others and my family and my little sister, if I had my own kids to worry about I would go crazy. Also the world is becoming worse and worse, sometimes I wish another sperm had walked in front of me. So yeah I’m not having kids.
I'd rather be jealous and without children than be a parent full of regrets.