Something I’ve been reflecting on with a 6 month old puppy at the moment is that attitudes surrounding family dogs and approaches to training seem to have shifted? For example my partner and I each had a family dog when we grew up, but don’t recall the training or exercise or daily commitments that are now recommended. In the 90s I recall a perception of dogs being expected to sort themselves out. Certainly not half the stuff that ‘should’ be done now, like teeth brushing, positive training (not fear based), daily physical/mental stimulation, particular diets.
Not saying I’m against any of the above, I’m committing significant resources based on professional advice. But gosh, I feel like lots has changed as dog training and vet care has progressed. For better or worse it used to be simpler!
This feels so true. My MIL gets confused about how we don’t just leave our very anxious dog home for 8 hours so he can get over separation anxiety.
When she was growing up she would just put the dog outback for 8 hours or fenced off with a kiddy pen in the basement. Idk it’s wild to think about.
This was 100 % the norm for most of my friends growing up. Their dogs lived outside ,some of them 24/7. This was in the 90's. The only people I can recall having dogs indoor during the day were both my Grandmas. My maternal grandma even fixed her animals at a time when it wasn't popular.
Same here, folks in our family look at us like we’re soft and have no idea what we’re doing because we won’t rub our dogs face in it’s own excrement or smack it when it nips. Some of the older generations had such a poor understanding of dog behavior and treated them so badly. I’ve often worried about how I’m going to react the day that any of them try that with my dog.
This 100%. As someone who had a puppy who was uncharacteristically easy for his breed (GSD), did little to no training with him and really did not adhere to any of the things I see outlined you should do nowadays, he turned out to be an incredible, well balanced good boy. Now, I have a 3 1/2 month old puppy who generally is an easy puppy, BUT I have been incredibly overwhelmed since getting him even though I raised a dog from a puppy before who was basically the same age when I got him. The growing checklist of things I see people saying you must do for your pup has definitely contributed to those feelings. To be fair, I have guilt for not doing more for my first pup, but it can feel like you’re drowning when combined with the task of raising a puppy.
I feel like this Reddit group though has a much more realistic portrayal of what puppyhood entails that you just don’t really get from googling articles. It just hits different hearing from lived experiences.
I do agree that social media highly warps the reality of puppyhood which probably contributes to the influx of puppy blues. Today was the first day I think I saw something where someone was showing the difficult parts and they had a lot of hate in the comments. It’s hard to show the not so pretty parts or be honest about how things are kind of miserable in the beginning with puppies when things get that kind of reception.
While I agree in a sense, as a child I thought my dog was ‘my’ dog. It wasn’t until I got my first dog that I realized I actually didn’t do anything and my mom did it all lol. (Edit: and she and my family with their dogs, did all you mention above, this was late 80/90s, I am 40)
Also, do you think it’s that people take them everywhere now, so they do need to be more well behaved? (Edit: it’s thought about/considered more)
>Also, do you think it’s that people take them everywhere now, so they do need to be more well behaved? (Edit: it’s thought about/considered more)
*Absolutely*, yes. I grew up regionally where everyone had a large yard and generally two (more often than not large) dogs. Natural behaviours were expected, things like "if you bother the dog you'll get bit" were said to us as children. Dogs barked at strangers, that was "good" because it kept the house safe. There were no dog parks, and while they might tag along to a family BBQ at someone else's house to roughhouse with other dogs they knew and probably steal a packet of snags, they certainly weren't expected to sit politely on a busy street corner for an hour while you brunched.
Now as someone in rescue/rehab the expectations are sky-high, so people are far more focussed on training and socialisation which on the one hand is great, but also dogs are probably put in a lot of situations that are not as natural (and sometimes not as enriching) as when they were allowed to spend their days eating dirt and chasing cats out of their yards.
TL;DR, I think both moments in time have their pros and cons for the wellbeing of our companion animals, but attitude wise I definitely see a lot more people who consider behaviours that are natural and normal to be undesirable for their lifestyles as the years go by. It will be interesting to see if this swings back the other way eventually.
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I think wanting to take pets places and involve them in things definitely impacts the need for things like training and socialization. My MIL keeps her dogs in one (large) room and a small backyard all day every day, so she doesn’t really feel the need to have them be all that well-behaved. They jump and lick anyone who comes by.
My husband and I, on the other hand, want to be able to take our puppy to outdoor restaurants, farmers markets, beaches, etc., and so we’re investing the time in making her a well-behaved member of society.
I do have to disagree with your overall post, though. When I was researching getting a puppy, everything alllll over the internet told me it was going to be a huge undertaking. Maybe it just depends on your sources?
For sure, because now there's so much information readily available at anytime, literally at our fingertips! Sometimes it gets overwhelming and confusing too. In a way it is a double-edged sword. But imo, more information is much, much preferable to no/little information.
I love my puppy, but dam I wish I could hit the undo button. This is NOTHING like when we had puppies as kids. We never did all this extra admin. Every week at puppy training they are adding more admin that I feel guilty about. Tooth brushing, and cutting claws, and hair between the pads. We did none of that for our dogs growing up. I feel completely overwhelmed.
EDIT: As I posted this got another WhatsApp to remind me to the puppy to new places like the pet shop. I NEVER took our dogs to the freaking pet shop. And when I don't have time to do that this week I will feel guilty and like a bad person. At this rate I should be a stay at home owner
I mean, do you want to take your dog places like the pet shop?
If you do, then it's great to train. If you don't, then there's no reason to invest the time in it.
I see it in my mom’s neighborhood where people are retirement age. All the dogs are nice and owners are responsible, but the dogs are not as well trained as dogs in my neighborhood where everyone is in their 30s. My mom never did any training and it definitely makes her dogs harder to manage, so I wanted to do differently with my puppy, but they are nice dogs who do well with people and other dogs.
Back when I was young, there was also lots of dog training shows about such families that did nothing with their dogs, and had lots of problems. The mantra was \_always\_ to walk more and train. So the problems were there, and I feel we have taken that and ran way too far with it. (I over stimulated mine \_waaaaay\_ over the top cause I thought he needed SO MUCH enricment. He doesn't. He needs \_some\_ but you can definitely overdo it.)
My mom said that when she grew up (in the 70s) they never once purchased dog food. The dog was just there and found scraps. So different to how my little prince has been raised.
I mean, the other side of that coin is that people did not usually have the kind of love and commitment for their dogs that we do now. Dogs who didn't "sort themselves out" were usually gotten rid of. My mom and her family had a lot of dogs growing up, probably only half of them did they keep until they died.
I mean my puppy I had with my family as a kid ate thousands of dollars worth of stuff. Many tears were shed. I made sure to keep my puppy in a place where he couldn't destroy property a d I walked him every day and trained him to be calm sp I could have a tiny bit of peace becuase he was a demon haha. I honestly wonder if the I crease in doodles owned is partially responsible becuase they are craaaazy
Understanding and knowledge over the years about dogs through scientific research has changed the way dogs are perceived. Luckily for dogs, we have a much better understanding and knowledge base about their needs. We also have more respect for them as sentient creatures.
Well we did it with our kids, too. See: Gen X / latchkey kids. There was just a general expectation that the animal or child should figure it out with little to no supervision.
A few generations ago, children and animals were added to families as either free labor and a retirement plan, or working/food animals, and pets weren’t really a thing. There wasn’t really a toy industry and entertainment for children wasn’t really considered its own thing. Kids went to school or worked for their families and made their own fun. Now there are millions of toys, enrichment activities, early childhood education, IEPs, different learning styles, the pathology of attention differences, an awareness of mental illness and disability…. As we evolve culturallly and societally we implement better strategies for parenting and education and discipline.
Pet care is definitely coming along, just lagging behind. Now people take their pets to vets (if they live near one) instead of just replacing the animal if it gets sick or injured. The concept of a companion animal is not such a weird idea. There are pet food and pet toy industries, and there are pet psychology books and experts trying to make sure the animals are raised and socialized in a suitable environment for their breed. I desperately hope that within another human generation or two we’ll have made even more progress and will include better breeding practices and harsher penalties for animal cruelty.
It is true. For both pets and kids. Standards have been raised a lot and many of the things people did 30/40 years ago are unacceptable now.
Yell at the dog, hit it with a newspaper, put it out in the yard for hours.
You truly hit the nail on the head! I was thinking about this last night as I worked with my 4 month old puppy. In 1999 we got our first Sheltie puppy. We knew almost nothing about raising dogs but she was the easiest of the 4 Sheltie puppies we've had. I took her to basic training and just enjoyed her her entire life. I know every puppy within the same breed is different, but the more information I read the more I stress out wondering if I'm doing it right.
Having spent five figures to help our last dog live out her years free from dental pain, I cannot stress enough-brush your pet’s teeth! All the systemic health issues gum disease can cause in people can happen in cats and dogs too.
Yes! I swear I remember my dogs growing up being easier than this. Granted I was a kid and didn't see everything my parents did but I know for a fact it wasn't half the stuff I do. Build up my dog's confidence? I had never even known that was a thing! Maybe it's cause I grew up with a yard or we just had really easy dogs, but it definitely feels like the smarter we got about what dogs need the more complicated everything became, which makes sense.
I think there is a lot of info out there, but people tend to think it'll be different for them. Everything I read talks about the energy levels of different breeds and what's expected when they're puppies, so it's definitely out there. But who wants to hear about how hard it is when their minds are already set on something? Most people have to learn through experience.
I've raised many puppies and every time I'm still stressed for the first couple of weeks until they settle in. So another possibility is that people know, but they forget between dogs the way we forget between human babies.
This!!!!! People come here for advice, and when we warn them, puppies are difficult, and their current lifestyle does not support a puppy at this time, they ignore it. No matter how many of us say it. Or how we say it!
I can't even comment on all the rehoming posts anymore. It's heartbreaking.
Not to mention, when people come on here and blame the puppy for biting or not being potty trained... It's the trainer, not the puppy! Do your research. They should come here for advice, not to tell us you have a puppy that is dumb, revengeful, or demonic. I've had comments removed because I say it was them and not the puppy. I tried not to be rude when saying it, but maybe it came off the wrong way, I only wanted to point out that improper training is not going to get the result you want. Isn't that what we're here to do? Give advice?
The info is definitely out there, it just doesn't seem as common during the year because it's (rightfully) every other post around major holidays when people are more likely to get pets as gifts bc they aren't something you just get on a whim
I forget between days im like I LOVE YOU PUPPYSNAME and tell everyone how cute it is and how fast he learns and my little angel… then one day he decides to forget all his training and after peeing outside he comes in an pees inside and bites the rugs and runs around like crazy and im like…. I hate this demonspawn
So yes i think puppy-hormones may exist (as in baby hormones that makes us forget)
My puppy is only 70 days old
My exact thoughts. I think people don't take it seriously either. Like they think it'll be very easy to figure out, when sometimes it's the exact opposite. Some people truly do have to experience it to understand, which is sad for the dogs if they can't handle the stress that comes with having a puppy.
1. I think people just want that cute puppy without doing any research.
2. They do research, hear they’re hard but they want that cute puppy and don’t believe it until they’re living it.
3. They have researched and gone into it intelligently and then that teething baby maniac gets under their skin in a way they never thought possible.
Also, why would anyone think a 6 week-old puppy is ready to go it solo without your help and constant attention? We have a 17-week-old puppy that tries my patience on an hourly basis. It’s wonderful when she sleeps because I don’t have to wonder what she’s getting into.
Puppies are cute for a reason - no one would put up with their shenanigans otherwise.
I think #3 is the majority of the posts OP referenced. 1 & 2 obviously do happen but as a first time puppy owner, it feels like 3 is unavoidable no matter how much you researched before 😅
Your last point about puppy cuteness and shenanigans 🤌🏻 Absolute truth.
Mine is now 8 months. I raised him from 13.5 weeks. Every day I look at him and think "You are *so* lucky you're cute."
He's chewed up a shoe, two hoodies, a pair of pants, and an unplugged power cord. The clothes were my fault, I fell asleep with him in the bed and not crated because I was exhausted after work. I kept telling myself "we'll just snuggle for another minute" and then I woke up to him making trouble.
The power cord was also my fault because clearly I should puppy proof better. But also because I got him a bigger crate, he had a growth spurt, and it fell off my dresser. Sneaky brat finagled it into his crate and chewed it to bits. $500 later and 6 hours at the ER Vet to be told he's fine. 🤦🏼♀️
I would say 3-5 months were the hardest. He didn't lose his final baby tooth until nearly 7 months, so he was still a bit ornery between 6-7 months. 5-7 months was the easiest so far. Now he's 8 months, almost 9 months and the last six weeks have been pretty exhausting. 😂
It does make me miss the teething stage a little because he was more easily entertained and he would nap much more easily. However, him being fully potty trained, and crate trained, is a blessing.
He just needs to learn to chill out and I'm working on it. His puppy brain just won't settle. He also doesn't nip at me 24/7 anymore, thank God. But he's bigger now, so when he does got over aroused and comes at me like a freight train, it hurts far worse, lol. I've got bruises 🥲
My pup is 12 months now so in his velociraptor crazy teenage phase and also chewing/destroying everything. I did so much research, probably thought about it for at least a year before pulling the trigger. And it’s still stressful!
Also, I live in an apartment and got a bulldog because they are “low energy”. My bulldog is EXTREMELY active and would spend the whole day socialising with other dogs and then still drag me to the park the same day. So the lifestyle research didn’t really help haha.
Mine hit that stage running at 7 months! I have to watch him like a hawk. It's hard because bully sticks and chews used to satisfy him. Now he wants everything else 😭
I didn't know exactly what breed mix mine was until I DNA tested him. I just knew he would be pretty active because his mom was a husky mix. He looks nothing like his mom but he's got APBT/Husky/GSD/Lab/Boxer/AmStaff/Bully. It's a fun combo of crazy.
Fun combo of crazy, I love that! That mix sounds like the only missing ingredient is Belgian Malinois- although you do have GSD in there, I guess that's close, right? Glad you are having fun with it!
3 has been me. I was ok with her chewing on the walls and the carpet. Not ideal, but we weren't going to keep the carpet and the walls can be sanded and repainted.
Then she figured out how to pull up the linoleum. *That's* what got to me.
That and her jump/bite when she gets too excited outside. She at least does that less. We've done everything to try to minimize her damage, but once she fixates on something nothing else is as interesting. Hoping it goes away with age, though it already seems like she chews on the carpet less than she was a month ago.
Aw. 🥺
I know my girl is probably just bored or teething, but the idea she may not stop is always a smidge terrifying, haha. I trust it'll get better though. She overall is a very well behaved pup, especially if you can pay her (treats). Even when she's bad it's mainly because everyone is friend to her and she wants to play, haha.
I get the impression from this subreddit that many people did research and knew it would be hard. But once they actually got the puppy, it was much harder than the "hard" that they were expecting.
Exactly this. We researched a LOT before and thought about it for a year or so and we were still shocked at how hard it is. And I’ve raised an actual human baby 😂 I’d say a puppy is harder - at least babies can wear nappies and don’t tend to bite your toes!
I mean people have human children without being fully aware of the commitment. I wonder how, but it happens. People go through a life-changing medical event (pregnancy) with almost no information ahead of time. If that’s possible how much more with having a pet.
I do think it’s slowly changing, I remember having a family dog in 80s (yes I’m old) and the standards then were terrible. No real training, no understanding of dog behavior, the dog was expected to just fit in somehow. It was totally common to have outdoor dogs and they would almost never leave the home/backyard. I think now more people are aware that you have to do something to raise a puppy successfully. But they may not really know what to do or how to achieve it. It’s more of a vague understanding, but they haven’t really internalized the breadth and depth of the commitment.
I did puppy raising for service dogs in the 90s and let me tell you, people had opinions then of the positive reinforcement that was required of me when raising my dogs. People would literally try to hit my dog or tell me to hit my dog to get it to behave. When I see how much we’ve learned since the 90s, which is only 30 years ago, when it was acceptable to hit or choke your dog in public, I do have some hope we will get to a better place in pet ownership.
I think the information is out there, especially about choosing a breed that fits the owners lifestyle (not just what they find cute). However, much like with human children when people get baby/puppy fever cute dog pictures make them overestimate how much they are really willing to tolerate/change about their life.
I think breed choice and overestimation of our own skill/patience is the biggest contributors to dogs going into shelters. I, for example, love the look of many working dogs, but you couldn't pay me to own one, as we would both be miserable. So many people view dogs as the same in different wrapping paper, which couldn't be farther from reality. A herding dog is going to nip your ankles, a working dog is going to need extra exercise and mental stimulation, a dog with a glorious long coat is going to need extra grooming.
People not only overestimate how much they are willing to do, but also for how long. I see so many posts of people with puppy blues after a few weeks or a month, and it does get easier but not fast enough. A owner doesn't have to WFH or be a SAHM to have a dog but other arrangements have to be made (again much like human children) for dog walker, daycare or a friend/relative that can help out for MONTHS if not the first full year.
Growing up in the 90s everyone had a family dog. Only one family I knew did dog training. And only one family I knew did crate training. I had a family dog and she was never trained to do anything except sit and take walks. There was no fuss no concerns at all. Most of the people I knew who had dogs were also farm dogs who slept outside and only came in the house when it was -40 out. Things have changed lol
On top of what others are saying, a trend I’ve noticed with people who are overwhelmed is that they wanted a dog, so they got a puppy. There have been a few posts from people who did substantial research on breed and chose a breed that will work well for their lifestyle, but did not fully realize that the dog as a puppy wouldn’t work well with their lifestyle.
I grew up in a family that was very pro-getting an adult dog and I think pushing that as just as good and creating just as strong a bond as getting a puppy would be useful. There have been some comments saying “puppyhood is the price you pay for years of having a dog”, but that doesn’t need to be true.
I also wonder if lack of knowledge of breed specific rescues would also help with this. They do often have unfortunately high requirements but if you meet those you can adopt a specific breed/breed group in addition to searching by breed on somewhere like pet finder and traveling to meet, vet, and potentially get a dog.
This! There’s no excuse given that even the most cursory googling would reveal strong warnings about the work, and if they’re on Reddit, they have internet access.
I’ve only recently joined this sub and I’ve seen so many heartbreaking (and infuriating) adoption regret posts from people specifically stating have mental health issues and we’re looking for a “furry friend”.
Why in the world would anyone think a baby *anything* would, should, or could meet their emotional needs? You should only bring a baby *anything* into your life because you are interested in and committed to the care of another being.
If you want an instant friend, join a meetup or consider a senior dog.
So true. I got a puppy so I could train them from the ground up from the very beginning. I was not fooled about how much work it would be. But everyone was shocked when I said I don’t like puppies, I like the grown dog they’re going to be in a year’s time. I knew what I was getting myself into and I’m glad to say it paid off!
Same. I hate my puppy demon in the 3 hours ish per day he becomes Satan himself. But the rest of the 21 hours when he is sleeping, going for a walk with me, heeling, pottying in the correct spots, doing tricks im likee myyyy precious you are forever mine. He is slowly becoming an amazing family member its just too much work sometimes
Anyone who does any reading at all about puppies usually comes across warnings about how difficult puppies are pretty quickly - it's always been one of the first things I've seen in articles about raising dogs. I think matching the breed to the lifestyle you HAVE instead of the lifestyle you WANT is a bigger thing, since I've seen more than a few posts/comments that had me shaking my head going 'Yeah, that's not gonna work out the way you think it is...'
Unfortunately, there's not really any specific way to get that info through to people; it's like trying to convince someone who's 21 and in luuuuuv that they need to wait until they're over 25 to get married. The best thing is probably to just keep trying to mention it when you hear someone talking about taking on a dog they're clearly unprepared for and to urge anyone who wants a puppy to do their breed and raising research before they ever look at getting one. (And yes, it would be a great help if more social media people were realistic, but we all know that ain't gonna happen)
Very true. As I posted it I was like, people are going to do what they want… but! It’s an actual living things that needs you for them to thrive and have a happy healthy life.. But SM shows a 30 second clip of a cute cuddly pupper…
I think like the other commenters said, the information is out there - I think there’s a level of “delusion” when it comes to puppies because they’re cute and portrayed as flufffy little friends on social media. I also think many people who are now adults getting puppies grew up with their parents dogs and didn’t really experience the actual puppy rearing phase, so I think they just assumed dogs come “pre programmed”, and they “grew up around dogs”
I can't help but agree with the above comment. The information is there but not often fully understood or listened too. I think groups like this that have and offer truthful honest communication on the difficulties is important. Sharing our own stories of both triumphs and failures is critical.
I actually made a pretty detailed post a couple weeks ago touching on a lot of the points you made for new puppy owners.
I also think a lot of people just make impulsive decisions in some aspects, sometimes influenced by social media like you mentioned, to bring home a puppy. With no prior research or preparation.
I am raising my first puppy as an adult after growing up with many and a variety of animals as a kid. I'm 29, with a stable job, stable household and support. I did my research, I rescued a pup, I brought him home. I thought I was ready.
I am exhausted. But I've learned so much! About me and about raising my dog. Sometimes the reality is far from expectation. Which is how it goes for most people who have never raised a puppy. It's the commitment part that many people struggle with. I'm committed, I've never once considered rehoming him or giving up. Occasionally I'm filled with regret because I desperately miss my freedom. Then I get over it 😂
I do understand the puppies and dogs aren't for everyone and that there are instances where they absolutely do need to be rehomed. I just think that people also need to be prepared for the unprepared when bringing home a puppy.
On that note, if I've learned anything about myself, I am absolutely certain I do not want kids. 😂 I can make commitments and stick with them. I just can't imagine trying to raise a child after raising a puppy!
I had puppies in the late 90s and do not remember having issues training them. I have a puppy now and it seems harder. But I don’t think it is. Like having kids you forget how hard it is until you have the second one. Also there is a lot more social media out there now where people ask many questions and say how hard it all is. In the 90s we didn’t get that info but people were probably still finding puppy raising difficult.
There's a difference between wanting to hear the bad things first or thinking it won't be that hard.
Babies have been around for thousands of years. In the same time span people complained that babies are difficult and hard. Yet people still give birth and then learn ah yes babies are hard and difficult why has no-one told me. They have, you just didn't listen.
It's the same with puppies. A lot of people get a dog without an ounce of research. Then the puppy warms up and isn't a sleepy cute baby anymore but bites and makes messes and people are overwhelmed. They didn't prepare for puppy biting, puppy not understanding words. And then they're looking for help with the most basic puppy things.
And people get dogs they think are cute or for a lifestyle they whish they had, e.g. I'll get a border Collie than I'll have to take long walks and go hiking, its not what I currently like doing but with a dog I'd enjoy it.
I think some people don’t really do any research. A lot of people grew up with dogs or know friends with dogs and don’t really know about how hard it is to have a puppy. Even for people who do the research and know what to expect (me) still found it extremely difficult - knowing and experiencing are very different! If you commit the time and energy to training, it does get better.
I think the information is out there. I also think many people read it. However, no matter how much reading you do, nothing prepares you for the reality which is a combination of puppies being hard work and the particulars of the individual dog someone brings home. I believe that has a lot to do with it as well.
I think people really like the idea of having a dog or like the look of a particular breed so they get them without thinking about behavior first. My husband wanted a doberman so badly and while they are incredible dogs, neither of us are big cardio junkies. i just can’t grasp the amount of daily exertion they would need so we got couch lovers.
having a puppy is hard but id say getting a rescue was harder! dealing with the emotional neglect of a dog you didn’t raise and can’t understand, far surpasses the short 6 months it takes to train and shape a puppy into an incredible pal.
I genuinely think that people value their pets more now than they did decades ago. I'm not saying previous generations didn't love their animals, but they seem to have taken on much more of a "family" position, almost like children for a lot of people, therefore the expectation of their level of care is much higher. Pet care has also developed - we know more now, we have access to the internet, puppy training is a common thing, etc. We have the education that we probably didn't have 20 years ago.
I also think people having children later or not having children my impact this. I think once you have kids you’re familiar with having to be “on” 24/7
I disagree. I did a lot of research before getting a dog and the majority of the stuff I read touches on puppy blues and their difficulty until they're like 2 years old. People practically scream it from the rooftops. I just think people don't listen because puppies are so cute.
Pretty sure this infos been out there a while. Ignorance is bliss. People don't even do research before buying a car half the time. The problem isn't lack of talking points or info, it's the lack of ears.
I honestly think it's just changes over time in the way humans interact with dogs.
To give you some examples from my own life.
* My poor-born grandfather claimed that pets could not feel pain. They did not have souls or complex biological systems unlike humans. He liked pets a lot - he had dogs he adored and cuddled. But the males would have been castrated with no pain relief. And any dog that did not behave would have been shot. If this seems insane to you, when he was growing up he was taught by medical professionals that *babies and young children could not feel pain*, and only 'fussed'. So he had zero issues training his dogs - if dog complains, it better not. Dogs got food, water, shelter (outside) but medical treatment was done in house. Dogs were free, and cats were worthless. He was keeping pets from the 40s-80s. Some people had intensive relationships with their pets, but the kind of care you're speaking of would have been seen as deviant and a sign of illness in the human. Vets did not exist where he grew up - if your animal got hurt, you stitched it up or shot it.
* My mother as a result believed that pets could not feel as much stress or pain as humans. But she did take pets to the vet for being fixed, and they would get shots every few years, but probably little else. Vets were for 'bad pets' who got in trouble, not for maintenance. Cats were free - and dogs you might spend a little money on if you wanted a specific breed. She paid for her dog to get eye treatment at the vet, and we lived in a farming area and even the vet thought it was kind of hilarious she'd bother (just remove the eye, it's cheaper). I remember taking our cats to the vet, and the vet was puzzled that we wouldn't just get them put down if they were injured. Vets tended to treat dogs more than cats, and cats were seen as somewhat disposable.
* When I was a kid I found an abandoned kitten. I took care of it as a teen for a couple of years. My parents didn't like the cat - it only liked me. So they took it away in the 90s and had it put down - no health issues, no mental issues - because it was 'taking up too much time'. I got no choice in this - and *other people around me agreed with their decision.* My neighbours had Persian cats but they weren't like those 'weird' cat owners who brushed their pets, and of course their pets were outside only because no one keeps cats inside, that's cruel. And they let their dog chase them because it was 'fun to watch'.
* As an adult GenXer, I have ended up with dogs. I've now had many indoor cats, I've had house bunnies, I had dogs - because I like research, I did a tonne of research into what I wanted. But I've absolutely had older adults sneer at me for the amount of time I've put into this. At the same time, I probably don't do enough.
* My kid loves the dogs and has been taught they need walking, discipline, gentle care, appropriate interactions, training, grooming etc. She has a totally different comprehension of what a pet actually even is, compared to her great grandfather who died decades ago.
In short, the situation has been getting better. But it helps to know that in my own lifetime, it's changed this much.
There is lots of it available but that’s not what people pay attention to. It’s not what people care about when looking for a puppy and in a social media setting those posts aren’t ones that get lots of likes or attention so it’s not one that comes up in anyone algorithm. Thus it seeming as if the info is not readily available.
In France you have to sign a paper detailing the dog's need before adopting. It talks about all kinds of needs food, walks, sociolazing, vet cost, training, etc. You then (theoretically) have a 1 week 'waiting' period to make sure you've thought about the commitment and only after that you can bring the dog home.
I am not sure this process is always followed through but at least it's an attempt to make sure future owners understand the commitment.
As a dog trainer & multiple dog owner myself, I *knew* what raising a puppy entailed. I'd also seen it mentioned on many podcasts and yt vids.
Did it prepare me for actually dealing with the sleepless nights, the crying and a dog who would NOT toilet train? Heck no!
It did make my second puppy easier as I expected the worst, though I had my own issues there (cv19 gsd puppy that time 🤦♂️)
... As for lifetime ownership, every animal I've owned has over lived their species average so 🤷♂️
(My latest few: Maine coon lived to 18, my Marshall ferret lived to 9 and my hubby's pound puppy lived to 18)
I did a hell of a lot of research before deciding on what puppy to get, I even bought a puppy book which turned out to be a waste of money for me personally as it was all just commen sense. I've had dogs in the past but they've been adult rescues, this is the first time we've had a puppy and no matter how much research you do and how prepared you think you are it will still hit you HARD!! At least for the first couple of weeks!
I'm glad I saw people here who got the puppy blues as I thought I was the only one, it honestly felt like post natal depression to me and I thought how can a puppy make me feel this way? He was almost 9 weeks old when we got him and he's now almost 14 weeks old, it's got a lot better but it's still hard, he's very clever and doing very well with most training, it's the biting right now that I'm trying to focus on more.
I truly think there's a shift in the way that we regard dogs, and that's what's changed. Like when my mother was a kid, they had an outdoor only dog, which now a lot of people would find unacceptable. The dog had no toys, bed, and was just fed a couple times a day. They lived in a rural area. And discipline used to focus "breaking" the dog, and be a lot more negative. Like my father's family would rub the dogs face in their excrement when the dog had an accident.
For a lot of people in rural areas, dogs were much more meant to work and protect the family. People always cared about their dogs, but the relationship was different -- very few let the dog sleep in bed with them, had toys specifically for the dog, or even a dog bed. Dog houses were common because dogs slept outside a lot. Also, there were a lot of popular children's books (old yeller, where the red fern grows) where the lesson was that sometimes you'll have to shoot your own dog. People also just regularly abandoned their dogs. In the book The Great Brain, a boy trades a dog for some toys.
In a lot of developing countries, people have similar relationships with dogs. I lived in Nicaragua for a while, and there, people will often beat their own dogs with sticks and throw rocks at them if they try to beg for food. Dogs are never trained, and often just chained to a post in the yard, and are stick thin, mangy, and only fed table scraps (which is not much when people are poor). They are never neutered or spayed. This is much more similar to the life of the average dog historically. There are some people who treat their dog well, but they are either wealthy with lots of time, or it's viewed as a personality quirk. Parents will sometimes give a stick to a child and tell them to hit a misbehaving dog. It's easy to judge, but remember that most of us don't live lives where dogs are tools to complete a job, and dealing with severely limited food.
In short, the idea of treating your dog with serious respect and love, giving them toys, a bed, treats, celebrating their birthday, paying for training, medical treatment, and premium food is all a relatively recent thing. A few hundred years ago, only royalty treated their pets this way, because only they could really afford to.
This has compounded with an increasing awareness of animal welfare. Zoos are a lot more humane than they used to be, and we have a better awareness of dog's sentience. Training techniques have advanced, and we've discovered that prioritizing relationships matters most.
Also the extreme wealth of westerners, as well as falling birthrates, mean that that many people treat their dogs as surrogate children, with utmost regard for their well-being. People now not only worry about their dog's health, but mental well-being, and shell over a lot of money for day care and medication for depressed dogs.
I used to think it was all ridiculous, and then I felt lonely and got my pupper. She's the light of my life and I adore her, and spoil her in every conceivable way. In my mind-- if I have the privilege to treat a dog in this way, then it becomes my obligation. The world would be much better with more empathy towards animals and nature.
Tldr; People don't understand the care a dog requires because the care they recieve is a relatively newish phenomenon limited to wealthy parts of the world.
Humans are bad at planning even more than a year, forget 15 years. Even if puppies came with a flashing sign on top saying "remember you're my forever home and I'm here for 15 years" some people are incapable of planning, some people have their circumstances change beyond their control and sometimes because dogs are unique things just don't work out.
I'm always sympathetic because we had to rehome two puppies a while back. They were a breed which were meant to be docile and easy going. We had a very large garden at the time.
Turned out the dogs was lovely but one really wanted to run in a straight line. For three miles. We spent ages putting up fences in front of fences but the dog would dig under them, or climb bushes to get over them. Then run in a straight line.
Became clear unless we installed prison grade fencing this dog was going to get run over. Really sad but it's not always anyone's fault if a forever home doesn't work out.
I do think shelters should make it clear working from home does not mean you can keep a puppy company unless you have a employer prepared to be flexible and let you make time up.
There's information if people want to find it. You can't really get this information to people if they aren't looking for it. That you can only do if someone you know is getting a puppy. And as always, you don't know what you don't know.
Even though I read a book on how to raise a puppy, and watched a lot of youtube vids on how to train various things, I actually had no idea how \_bad\_ the puppy biting is. And how ever present, and painful, and horrible it is. I would have thought if it was \_that\_ bad, \_everyone\_ with dogs would never shut up about it. I sure as hell didn't. And that's the big thing I warn people about. That the biting, is \_bad\_.
I feel like the average pet owner is a lot more casual about owning pets than the average user on pet subs, and they genuinely don't think about those things
Honestly, I kinda wish that there was a certification process that people would have to do before getting to own an animal. It would better educate them and potentially weed out some of the bad careless owners that end up being abusive.
It could be like a $25 2 hour course. So, it is not crazy expensive or time-consuming but just enough to deter bad owners and help better educate the more serious owners.
Feel like covid is a massive contributor with people having so much time at home and now being able to WFH. I feel some people forget about that luxury sometimes and almost shame people for not being able to spend 2+ hours exercising there dogs but also I think there will be people who still have the same attitude as people in the 90’s but will not be going on reddit or online to talk about it. I always think in Reddit subs or even just online them groups are usually the vocal minority of people. I’ve had a range of dogs from rescues to puppies and from a British bulldog to a husky and honestly didn’t look at energy levels or stuff like that for dogs because all can be different. In my case our bulldog wanted to play more and walk more than the husky so that’s what he got, think it all comes to adapting to what the dog likes but also giving them the resources to make their own choices
My partner and I were talking about this last night. We agreed that a lot of people getting their first dog as an adult seem to not realize how much of a time and effort commitment it is for two reasons: they have rosy fun filled childhood memories of their family dogs for whom the bulk of the exhausting, time consuming, or difficult care was not their responsibility; the dog was just there for them to play and bond with. The other factor in that is that philosophy around care for pets and dog psychology and treating animals with more dignity (LIMA/force free/positive reinforcement training) have gained popularity in the last 10-20 years and they don’t remember all that effort going into the care of their family pets. You just shouted at them, or your Dad swatted them with the newspaper and tied them up out back. But mainly the thing is that the dog was always someone else’s primary responsibility so they expect it to be easy to be that primary caretaker and it’s not.
As an addendum: I think less income, more general stress, and smaller living spaces are also a factor. It’s hard to live with something you can barely afford, that adds to already unmanageable stress, and that you can’t get a few minutes peace from by letting them run around in the yard you probably don’t have. This is primarily true for Millenials and under in age, but I know plenty of GenX folks who also could never afford to own a home.
I mean, personally my problem wasn't the puppy itself, but my own anxiety around the puppy. The first month was horrible for me as I was not used to caring for anyone else and I didn't have any support.
Now she's 7 months old and I can't imagine being without my little monster. She had a surgery to remove her milk canines and it was weird being home without her around. We even went on a two week vacation in my home country together and had a blast going around with her almost everywhere.
I can't offer her as much as it is suggested on the Internet but I offer and do as much as I can and I'm sure she's happy.
People get overwhelmed and have high standards due to all the things that are said on the Internet, including this sub. I was one of these people, but I just accepted that I'm not neglecting her by not training her every single day, or by not crating her etc
My experience is that there's a TON of information regarding the difficulties in caring for a pet. People just don't pay attention to it, they'd rather watch those commercials with trained animal actors being cute and well behaved.
This sub has a great wiki! Go to the home page and click on the blue More tab. Lots of resources, lists, ways to socialize a puppy and a link to the Whole Dog Journal that describes from the puppy’s perspective what it’s like to suddenly land on a different planet. I found nearly everything I needed to know on the wiki. YouTube is a great resource. I think the information is out there but many people don’t look for it, and/or think they know it. I’ve had dogs most of my life but learned sooo much before I got my puppy.
Based on the information I see from puppy blues trends over the years:
It's almost never lack of research or related to the highlights reel.
If anything these people are overly anxious because they compare themselves to Instagram highlight reels and stress themselves out pressuring themselves to do everything correctly.
Many who struggle have had puppies regularly, or have had puppies recently who were "angel puppies" that really caused no issues and now they have a puppy who requires "more perfect" training.
The comments and warnings are out there but most people don’t take them seriously. Raising a cat or dog is very similar commitment wise, to raising a child
I’ve successfully raised and trained dogs since 1962. A long time. Most pet families still are struggling. Lack of effective training and unreasonable expectations. There really has not been a lot of change. I did positive training in the 60’s and still do. That is the best way to get a willing happy proud partner.
I think people just do a lot more with their dogs nowadays. When I was growing up, the dogs just stayed at home or in the backyard. We didn’t go out in public with them or on walks/hikes, they didn’t go out to eat at patio restaurants or to breweries, they didn’t go to dog parks or have to be around strange dogs regularly, etc etc. I think people just have higher expectations for dogs nowadays. It used to be way simpler. For people and the dogs lol.
I think there is a lot of information out there about how stressful and time consuming puppies can be, but it gets better. I have a 3.5 year old golden and now a 4 month old golden, the older dog took about 1.5 years before she started to “chill out” and things got way easier. By the time she was 2 we didn’t even remember how bad the puppy stage age. We have recently been reminded with the addition of the new puppy. Again, I know it’ll be rough for a year or so, but our older golden is an amazing girl and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. We actually got the new puppy so our older golden would have a play mate and company and so far she’s in heaven. They play all the time and tire each other out. We do have a dog door that makes taking care of the dogs a lot easier because they’ll go out themselves to potty or just roam. For those in apartments or those that don’t have any yard then I imagine it’s a lot more difficult/challenging especially during the puppy stages. The puppy stages are rough but the adult stages are the best!
I think even when people are aware, it feels different when you are in it.
It had been almost 8 years since I’d had a puppy long term (I had done some short term fostering) so even though I’d been through it, I still felt overwhelmed with the reality of it.
Add in that he came home from the shelter sick and I hated my life for the first 2 months and had many many moments where I thought about rehoming him.
But we turned a corner and even though it’s still work and he has lots to learn, we have enough of the basics to be able to enjoy the learning process along the way.
I am 65 and have had many dogs over the years. All except one became well mannered, attentive, and happy. I don’t do much formal training and they all have settled in nicely. They don’t need the amount of focused attention that I see so many doing. Absolutely meet their physical and emotional needs, but also ignore them too. A dog that receives constant attention will expect constant attention.
I have seen this issue with border collies and huskies especially. They are the most common dogs I see in the shelters in my area. What people don't realize about puppies being this huge commitment isn't because they can't find that information, it's because they don't look for it. Before getting any animal, I personally pour at least a year of research into it and for my dog I poured myself into over a year of training and understanding of all dogs as a whole. I fostered to get practice in.
What I've read online in my research, or just have seen, is how big a commitment any animal is, from a fish to a dog. I meet people in my local pet store who have got a brand new puppy and ask them their plans in normal conversation, and I've often found they just haven't done research. They know a puppy needs toys and that a puppy needs food and water, but they often don't even bother to ask about anxiety. It's something I've learned to accept. A lot of people don't think about things from the perspective of the dog and therefore find research unnecessary because they already "know" everything they need to.
I do think there’s lots of information on the internet , rescues , shelters and breeders that give very detailed information about life with a pet . I think people do what they want when they want and then have regret for one reason or another .
You know how some expectant parents read a bunch of books and websites, watch a ton of videos about parenting - what to expect when you're expecting - and start saving money (because raising a human is expensive), devote time to putting together a nursery and buying baby clothes, pacifiers, stroller, car seat, and a myriad of other things that new baby will need? Then other parents just "wing it" and don't really do anything, figuring that parenting is natural?
Isn't taking care of puppies like the same thing? The info is out there if you search for it, and YOU, a responsible person, do spend a little time to learn (online, at the vet, other pet parents, books even) asking questions before getting another living being, and then are well-prepared for what's to come. Of course, reading and hearing about it is different from experiencing a new puppy. But worth it, right?
The puppy stage is incredibly hard and honestly expensive lol, but my god is it worth it a million times over. I'm picking up a basset puppy Aug 1 a little over a year since my sweet girl passed. I haven't had a puppy in 10 years and am both absolutely scared shitless because I know the work it's going to take and excited to have a companion to give all my love to. I think there's a good amount of people who only see the benefits of having a dog like companionship and emotional fulfilment and are blinded to the difficulties and financial burden that are on the other side, much like children in some instances. They see the immediate benefit and don't think about training, vet visits and cost, accidents and illnesses etc. I think the information is out there but people get enamored and disregard it. People also see cute dogs and want that breed because of looks, they don't research that breeds characteristics or think about whether it fits their lifestyle. Some people get a dog with higher physical needs or stimulation bc they think it will make them be more active which is almost never the case. I am a basset hound lover and they fit my needs perfectly. Couch potatoes that will happily cuddle and nap on the couch with you all day or have a little playtime periodically. They of course still need some excercise but their requirements are less than that of many other breeds.
Sometimes I think too much attention and too many things done for the dog could lead to issues. For example, all the "family" dogs we had in the past have been pretty well adjusted as far as fears, one of them went through a pretty bad chewing phase when left alone as a puppy probably due to separation anxiety that we never really did anything to deal with, but she just outgrew that. My current puppy we wanted to make sure that she would not have any fears and I believe we inadvertently created a fear of storms and fireworks, b/c we forced her to be outside as a puppy on 4th of July and a really loud firework happened close by and now we are working through some pretty significant noise phobia. The rest of the dogs were left to just deal with fireworks and storms on their own and they ranged from not being afraid at all to mild fears.
Something I’ve been reflecting on with a 6 month old puppy at the moment is that attitudes surrounding family dogs and approaches to training seem to have shifted? For example my partner and I each had a family dog when we grew up, but don’t recall the training or exercise or daily commitments that are now recommended. In the 90s I recall a perception of dogs being expected to sort themselves out. Certainly not half the stuff that ‘should’ be done now, like teeth brushing, positive training (not fear based), daily physical/mental stimulation, particular diets. Not saying I’m against any of the above, I’m committing significant resources based on professional advice. But gosh, I feel like lots has changed as dog training and vet care has progressed. For better or worse it used to be simpler!
This feels so true. My MIL gets confused about how we don’t just leave our very anxious dog home for 8 hours so he can get over separation anxiety. When she was growing up she would just put the dog outback for 8 hours or fenced off with a kiddy pen in the basement. Idk it’s wild to think about.
This was 100 % the norm for most of my friends growing up. Their dogs lived outside ,some of them 24/7. This was in the 90's. The only people I can recall having dogs indoor during the day were both my Grandmas. My maternal grandma even fixed her animals at a time when it wasn't popular.
You can probably thank Bob Barker for that one.
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What do you mean,nope? I'm talking about my own personal experience .
Same here, folks in our family look at us like we’re soft and have no idea what we’re doing because we won’t rub our dogs face in it’s own excrement or smack it when it nips. Some of the older generations had such a poor understanding of dog behavior and treated them so badly. I’ve often worried about how I’m going to react the day that any of them try that with my dog.
They’d better be to weak if they try to smack my dog…or they will be afterwards.
Absolutely, I know *how* I’ll react, moreso worried about the fall out from it.
This 100%. As someone who had a puppy who was uncharacteristically easy for his breed (GSD), did little to no training with him and really did not adhere to any of the things I see outlined you should do nowadays, he turned out to be an incredible, well balanced good boy. Now, I have a 3 1/2 month old puppy who generally is an easy puppy, BUT I have been incredibly overwhelmed since getting him even though I raised a dog from a puppy before who was basically the same age when I got him. The growing checklist of things I see people saying you must do for your pup has definitely contributed to those feelings. To be fair, I have guilt for not doing more for my first pup, but it can feel like you’re drowning when combined with the task of raising a puppy. I feel like this Reddit group though has a much more realistic portrayal of what puppyhood entails that you just don’t really get from googling articles. It just hits different hearing from lived experiences. I do agree that social media highly warps the reality of puppyhood which probably contributes to the influx of puppy blues. Today was the first day I think I saw something where someone was showing the difficult parts and they had a lot of hate in the comments. It’s hard to show the not so pretty parts or be honest about how things are kind of miserable in the beginning with puppies when things get that kind of reception.
While I agree in a sense, as a child I thought my dog was ‘my’ dog. It wasn’t until I got my first dog that I realized I actually didn’t do anything and my mom did it all lol. (Edit: and she and my family with their dogs, did all you mention above, this was late 80/90s, I am 40) Also, do you think it’s that people take them everywhere now, so they do need to be more well behaved? (Edit: it’s thought about/considered more)
>Also, do you think it’s that people take them everywhere now, so they do need to be more well behaved? (Edit: it’s thought about/considered more) *Absolutely*, yes. I grew up regionally where everyone had a large yard and generally two (more often than not large) dogs. Natural behaviours were expected, things like "if you bother the dog you'll get bit" were said to us as children. Dogs barked at strangers, that was "good" because it kept the house safe. There were no dog parks, and while they might tag along to a family BBQ at someone else's house to roughhouse with other dogs they knew and probably steal a packet of snags, they certainly weren't expected to sit politely on a busy street corner for an hour while you brunched. Now as someone in rescue/rehab the expectations are sky-high, so people are far more focussed on training and socialisation which on the one hand is great, but also dogs are probably put in a lot of situations that are not as natural (and sometimes not as enriching) as when they were allowed to spend their days eating dirt and chasing cats out of their yards. TL;DR, I think both moments in time have their pros and cons for the wellbeing of our companion animals, but attitude wise I definitely see a lot more people who consider behaviours that are natural and normal to be undesirable for their lifestyles as the years go by. It will be interesting to see if this swings back the other way eventually.
Its almost as if dogs are expected to behave as humans do these days, almost lol. Actually, some dogs behave better than some humans I know lol.
Let's be honest, a dog would be a preferable candidate for US president at the moment. Less war, more walks!
"Mr. President, what do you think of the conflicts on the other side of the world?" - Reporter "BARK BARK BARK! Whine!" - Mr. President AKA Barkins McMuffins
I think wanting to take pets places and involve them in things definitely impacts the need for things like training and socialization. My MIL keeps her dogs in one (large) room and a small backyard all day every day, so she doesn’t really feel the need to have them be all that well-behaved. They jump and lick anyone who comes by. My husband and I, on the other hand, want to be able to take our puppy to outdoor restaurants, farmers markets, beaches, etc., and so we’re investing the time in making her a well-behaved member of society. I do have to disagree with your overall post, though. When I was researching getting a puppy, everything alllll over the internet told me it was going to be a huge undertaking. Maybe it just depends on your sources?
Great comment! Even though you read it, did it impact when you got one and the breed, and was your experience as ‘bad’ as you thought/worse?
Don't underestimate your young self actually playing with the dog. That counts for a lot!
For sure, because now there's so much information readily available at anytime, literally at our fingertips! Sometimes it gets overwhelming and confusing too. In a way it is a double-edged sword. But imo, more information is much, much preferable to no/little information.
I love my puppy, but dam I wish I could hit the undo button. This is NOTHING like when we had puppies as kids. We never did all this extra admin. Every week at puppy training they are adding more admin that I feel guilty about. Tooth brushing, and cutting claws, and hair between the pads. We did none of that for our dogs growing up. I feel completely overwhelmed. EDIT: As I posted this got another WhatsApp to remind me to the puppy to new places like the pet shop. I NEVER took our dogs to the freaking pet shop. And when I don't have time to do that this week I will feel guilty and like a bad person. At this rate I should be a stay at home owner
I mean, do you want to take your dog places like the pet shop? If you do, then it's great to train. If you don't, then there's no reason to invest the time in it.
I see it in my mom’s neighborhood where people are retirement age. All the dogs are nice and owners are responsible, but the dogs are not as well trained as dogs in my neighborhood where everyone is in their 30s. My mom never did any training and it definitely makes her dogs harder to manage, so I wanted to do differently with my puppy, but they are nice dogs who do well with people and other dogs.
Back when I was young, there was also lots of dog training shows about such families that did nothing with their dogs, and had lots of problems. The mantra was \_always\_ to walk more and train. So the problems were there, and I feel we have taken that and ran way too far with it. (I over stimulated mine \_waaaaay\_ over the top cause I thought he needed SO MUCH enricment. He doesn't. He needs \_some\_ but you can definitely overdo it.)
My mom said that when she grew up (in the 70s) they never once purchased dog food. The dog was just there and found scraps. So different to how my little prince has been raised.
I mean, the other side of that coin is that people did not usually have the kind of love and commitment for their dogs that we do now. Dogs who didn't "sort themselves out" were usually gotten rid of. My mom and her family had a lot of dogs growing up, probably only half of them did they keep until they died.
Where did the other half go and why?
I mean my puppy I had with my family as a kid ate thousands of dollars worth of stuff. Many tears were shed. I made sure to keep my puppy in a place where he couldn't destroy property a d I walked him every day and trained him to be calm sp I could have a tiny bit of peace becuase he was a demon haha. I honestly wonder if the I crease in doodles owned is partially responsible becuase they are craaaazy
Understanding and knowledge over the years about dogs through scientific research has changed the way dogs are perceived. Luckily for dogs, we have a much better understanding and knowledge base about their needs. We also have more respect for them as sentient creatures.
Well we did it with our kids, too. See: Gen X / latchkey kids. There was just a general expectation that the animal or child should figure it out with little to no supervision. A few generations ago, children and animals were added to families as either free labor and a retirement plan, or working/food animals, and pets weren’t really a thing. There wasn’t really a toy industry and entertainment for children wasn’t really considered its own thing. Kids went to school or worked for their families and made their own fun. Now there are millions of toys, enrichment activities, early childhood education, IEPs, different learning styles, the pathology of attention differences, an awareness of mental illness and disability…. As we evolve culturallly and societally we implement better strategies for parenting and education and discipline. Pet care is definitely coming along, just lagging behind. Now people take their pets to vets (if they live near one) instead of just replacing the animal if it gets sick or injured. The concept of a companion animal is not such a weird idea. There are pet food and pet toy industries, and there are pet psychology books and experts trying to make sure the animals are raised and socialized in a suitable environment for their breed. I desperately hope that within another human generation or two we’ll have made even more progress and will include better breeding practices and harsher penalties for animal cruelty.
As a Gen Xer, can confirm! We were pretty much on our own much of the time. Not to say we all turned out great!
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This. I said to a friend recently that we don't let dogs me dogs which is a bit sad.
It is true. For both pets and kids. Standards have been raised a lot and many of the things people did 30/40 years ago are unacceptable now. Yell at the dog, hit it with a newspaper, put it out in the yard for hours.
You truly hit the nail on the head! I was thinking about this last night as I worked with my 4 month old puppy. In 1999 we got our first Sheltie puppy. We knew almost nothing about raising dogs but she was the easiest of the 4 Sheltie puppies we've had. I took her to basic training and just enjoyed her her entire life. I know every puppy within the same breed is different, but the more information I read the more I stress out wondering if I'm doing it right.
Having spent five figures to help our last dog live out her years free from dental pain, I cannot stress enough-brush your pet’s teeth! All the systemic health issues gum disease can cause in people can happen in cats and dogs too.
Yes! I swear I remember my dogs growing up being easier than this. Granted I was a kid and didn't see everything my parents did but I know for a fact it wasn't half the stuff I do. Build up my dog's confidence? I had never even known that was a thing! Maybe it's cause I grew up with a yard or we just had really easy dogs, but it definitely feels like the smarter we got about what dogs need the more complicated everything became, which makes sense.
I think there is a lot of info out there, but people tend to think it'll be different for them. Everything I read talks about the energy levels of different breeds and what's expected when they're puppies, so it's definitely out there. But who wants to hear about how hard it is when their minds are already set on something? Most people have to learn through experience. I've raised many puppies and every time I'm still stressed for the first couple of weeks until they settle in. So another possibility is that people know, but they forget between dogs the way we forget between human babies.
This!!!!! People come here for advice, and when we warn them, puppies are difficult, and their current lifestyle does not support a puppy at this time, they ignore it. No matter how many of us say it. Or how we say it! I can't even comment on all the rehoming posts anymore. It's heartbreaking. Not to mention, when people come on here and blame the puppy for biting or not being potty trained... It's the trainer, not the puppy! Do your research. They should come here for advice, not to tell us you have a puppy that is dumb, revengeful, or demonic. I've had comments removed because I say it was them and not the puppy. I tried not to be rude when saying it, but maybe it came off the wrong way, I only wanted to point out that improper training is not going to get the result you want. Isn't that what we're here to do? Give advice?
The info is definitely out there, it just doesn't seem as common during the year because it's (rightfully) every other post around major holidays when people are more likely to get pets as gifts bc they aren't something you just get on a whim
I forget between days im like I LOVE YOU PUPPYSNAME and tell everyone how cute it is and how fast he learns and my little angel… then one day he decides to forget all his training and after peeing outside he comes in an pees inside and bites the rugs and runs around like crazy and im like…. I hate this demonspawn So yes i think puppy-hormones may exist (as in baby hormones that makes us forget) My puppy is only 70 days old
My exact thoughts. I think people don't take it seriously either. Like they think it'll be very easy to figure out, when sometimes it's the exact opposite. Some people truly do have to experience it to understand, which is sad for the dogs if they can't handle the stress that comes with having a puppy.
1. I think people just want that cute puppy without doing any research. 2. They do research, hear they’re hard but they want that cute puppy and don’t believe it until they’re living it. 3. They have researched and gone into it intelligently and then that teething baby maniac gets under their skin in a way they never thought possible. Also, why would anyone think a 6 week-old puppy is ready to go it solo without your help and constant attention? We have a 17-week-old puppy that tries my patience on an hourly basis. It’s wonderful when she sleeps because I don’t have to wonder what she’s getting into. Puppies are cute for a reason - no one would put up with their shenanigans otherwise.
I think #3 is the majority of the posts OP referenced. 1 & 2 obviously do happen but as a first time puppy owner, it feels like 3 is unavoidable no matter how much you researched before 😅
Your last point about puppy cuteness and shenanigans 🤌🏻 Absolute truth. Mine is now 8 months. I raised him from 13.5 weeks. Every day I look at him and think "You are *so* lucky you're cute." He's chewed up a shoe, two hoodies, a pair of pants, and an unplugged power cord. The clothes were my fault, I fell asleep with him in the bed and not crated because I was exhausted after work. I kept telling myself "we'll just snuggle for another minute" and then I woke up to him making trouble. The power cord was also my fault because clearly I should puppy proof better. But also because I got him a bigger crate, he had a growth spurt, and it fell off my dresser. Sneaky brat finagled it into his crate and chewed it to bits. $500 later and 6 hours at the ER Vet to be told he's fine. 🤦🏼♀️
Which months/weeks-old were the hardest in your opinion? For me it was 3-4 months.
I would say 3-5 months were the hardest. He didn't lose his final baby tooth until nearly 7 months, so he was still a bit ornery between 6-7 months. 5-7 months was the easiest so far. Now he's 8 months, almost 9 months and the last six weeks have been pretty exhausting. 😂 It does make me miss the teething stage a little because he was more easily entertained and he would nap much more easily. However, him being fully potty trained, and crate trained, is a blessing. He just needs to learn to chill out and I'm working on it. His puppy brain just won't settle. He also doesn't nip at me 24/7 anymore, thank God. But he's bigger now, so when he does got over aroused and comes at me like a freight train, it hurts far worse, lol. I've got bruises 🥲
My pup is 12 months now so in his velociraptor crazy teenage phase and also chewing/destroying everything. I did so much research, probably thought about it for at least a year before pulling the trigger. And it’s still stressful! Also, I live in an apartment and got a bulldog because they are “low energy”. My bulldog is EXTREMELY active and would spend the whole day socialising with other dogs and then still drag me to the park the same day. So the lifestyle research didn’t really help haha.
Mine hit that stage running at 7 months! I have to watch him like a hawk. It's hard because bully sticks and chews used to satisfy him. Now he wants everything else 😭 I didn't know exactly what breed mix mine was until I DNA tested him. I just knew he would be pretty active because his mom was a husky mix. He looks nothing like his mom but he's got APBT/Husky/GSD/Lab/Boxer/AmStaff/Bully. It's a fun combo of crazy.
Fun combo of crazy, I love that! That mix sounds like the only missing ingredient is Belgian Malinois- although you do have GSD in there, I guess that's close, right? Glad you are having fun with it!
3 has been me. I was ok with her chewing on the walls and the carpet. Not ideal, but we weren't going to keep the carpet and the walls can be sanded and repainted. Then she figured out how to pull up the linoleum. *That's* what got to me. That and her jump/bite when she gets too excited outside. She at least does that less. We've done everything to try to minimize her damage, but once she fixates on something nothing else is as interesting. Hoping it goes away with age, though it already seems like she chews on the carpet less than she was a month ago.
I had a lab/golden that was so destructive as a puppy. I can report that she turned into a very good dog who lived to be almost 14.
Aw. 🥺 I know my girl is probably just bored or teething, but the idea she may not stop is always a smidge terrifying, haha. I trust it'll get better though. She overall is a very well behaved pup, especially if you can pay her (treats). Even when she's bad it's mainly because everyone is friend to her and she wants to play, haha.
Same thing happens when you have a human baby! You can think you’re prepared, but nothing like the reality to smack you in the face.
I get the impression from this subreddit that many people did research and knew it would be hard. But once they actually got the puppy, it was much harder than the "hard" that they were expecting.
This!!!
Exactly this. We researched a LOT before and thought about it for a year or so and we were still shocked at how hard it is. And I’ve raised an actual human baby 😂 I’d say a puppy is harder - at least babies can wear nappies and don’t tend to bite your toes!
I mean people have human children without being fully aware of the commitment. I wonder how, but it happens. People go through a life-changing medical event (pregnancy) with almost no information ahead of time. If that’s possible how much more with having a pet. I do think it’s slowly changing, I remember having a family dog in 80s (yes I’m old) and the standards then were terrible. No real training, no understanding of dog behavior, the dog was expected to just fit in somehow. It was totally common to have outdoor dogs and they would almost never leave the home/backyard. I think now more people are aware that you have to do something to raise a puppy successfully. But they may not really know what to do or how to achieve it. It’s more of a vague understanding, but they haven’t really internalized the breadth and depth of the commitment. I did puppy raising for service dogs in the 90s and let me tell you, people had opinions then of the positive reinforcement that was required of me when raising my dogs. People would literally try to hit my dog or tell me to hit my dog to get it to behave. When I see how much we’ve learned since the 90s, which is only 30 years ago, when it was acceptable to hit or choke your dog in public, I do have some hope we will get to a better place in pet ownership.
I think the information is out there, especially about choosing a breed that fits the owners lifestyle (not just what they find cute). However, much like with human children when people get baby/puppy fever cute dog pictures make them overestimate how much they are really willing to tolerate/change about their life. I think breed choice and overestimation of our own skill/patience is the biggest contributors to dogs going into shelters. I, for example, love the look of many working dogs, but you couldn't pay me to own one, as we would both be miserable. So many people view dogs as the same in different wrapping paper, which couldn't be farther from reality. A herding dog is going to nip your ankles, a working dog is going to need extra exercise and mental stimulation, a dog with a glorious long coat is going to need extra grooming. People not only overestimate how much they are willing to do, but also for how long. I see so many posts of people with puppy blues after a few weeks or a month, and it does get easier but not fast enough. A owner doesn't have to WFH or be a SAHM to have a dog but other arrangements have to be made (again much like human children) for dog walker, daycare or a friend/relative that can help out for MONTHS if not the first full year.
Growing up in the 90s everyone had a family dog. Only one family I knew did dog training. And only one family I knew did crate training. I had a family dog and she was never trained to do anything except sit and take walks. There was no fuss no concerns at all. Most of the people I knew who had dogs were also farm dogs who slept outside and only came in the house when it was -40 out. Things have changed lol
On top of what others are saying, a trend I’ve noticed with people who are overwhelmed is that they wanted a dog, so they got a puppy. There have been a few posts from people who did substantial research on breed and chose a breed that will work well for their lifestyle, but did not fully realize that the dog as a puppy wouldn’t work well with their lifestyle. I grew up in a family that was very pro-getting an adult dog and I think pushing that as just as good and creating just as strong a bond as getting a puppy would be useful. There have been some comments saying “puppyhood is the price you pay for years of having a dog”, but that doesn’t need to be true. I also wonder if lack of knowledge of breed specific rescues would also help with this. They do often have unfortunately high requirements but if you meet those you can adopt a specific breed/breed group in addition to searching by breed on somewhere like pet finder and traveling to meet, vet, and potentially get a dog.
This! There’s no excuse given that even the most cursory googling would reveal strong warnings about the work, and if they’re on Reddit, they have internet access. I’ve only recently joined this sub and I’ve seen so many heartbreaking (and infuriating) adoption regret posts from people specifically stating have mental health issues and we’re looking for a “furry friend”. Why in the world would anyone think a baby *anything* would, should, or could meet their emotional needs? You should only bring a baby *anything* into your life because you are interested in and committed to the care of another being. If you want an instant friend, join a meetup or consider a senior dog.
So true. I got a puppy so I could train them from the ground up from the very beginning. I was not fooled about how much work it would be. But everyone was shocked when I said I don’t like puppies, I like the grown dog they’re going to be in a year’s time. I knew what I was getting myself into and I’m glad to say it paid off!
Same! My pup is a year and a half now, and it’s wonderful!
Same. I hate my puppy demon in the 3 hours ish per day he becomes Satan himself. But the rest of the 21 hours when he is sleeping, going for a walk with me, heeling, pottying in the correct spots, doing tricks im likee myyyy precious you are forever mine. He is slowly becoming an amazing family member its just too much work sometimes
Anyone who does any reading at all about puppies usually comes across warnings about how difficult puppies are pretty quickly - it's always been one of the first things I've seen in articles about raising dogs. I think matching the breed to the lifestyle you HAVE instead of the lifestyle you WANT is a bigger thing, since I've seen more than a few posts/comments that had me shaking my head going 'Yeah, that's not gonna work out the way you think it is...' Unfortunately, there's not really any specific way to get that info through to people; it's like trying to convince someone who's 21 and in luuuuuv that they need to wait until they're over 25 to get married. The best thing is probably to just keep trying to mention it when you hear someone talking about taking on a dog they're clearly unprepared for and to urge anyone who wants a puppy to do their breed and raising research before they ever look at getting one. (And yes, it would be a great help if more social media people were realistic, but we all know that ain't gonna happen)
Very true. As I posted it I was like, people are going to do what they want… but! It’s an actual living things that needs you for them to thrive and have a happy healthy life.. But SM shows a 30 second clip of a cute cuddly pupper…
I think like the other commenters said, the information is out there - I think there’s a level of “delusion” when it comes to puppies because they’re cute and portrayed as flufffy little friends on social media. I also think many people who are now adults getting puppies grew up with their parents dogs and didn’t really experience the actual puppy rearing phase, so I think they just assumed dogs come “pre programmed”, and they “grew up around dogs”
I can't help but agree with the above comment. The information is there but not often fully understood or listened too. I think groups like this that have and offer truthful honest communication on the difficulties is important. Sharing our own stories of both triumphs and failures is critical.
I actually made a pretty detailed post a couple weeks ago touching on a lot of the points you made for new puppy owners. I also think a lot of people just make impulsive decisions in some aspects, sometimes influenced by social media like you mentioned, to bring home a puppy. With no prior research or preparation. I am raising my first puppy as an adult after growing up with many and a variety of animals as a kid. I'm 29, with a stable job, stable household and support. I did my research, I rescued a pup, I brought him home. I thought I was ready. I am exhausted. But I've learned so much! About me and about raising my dog. Sometimes the reality is far from expectation. Which is how it goes for most people who have never raised a puppy. It's the commitment part that many people struggle with. I'm committed, I've never once considered rehoming him or giving up. Occasionally I'm filled with regret because I desperately miss my freedom. Then I get over it 😂 I do understand the puppies and dogs aren't for everyone and that there are instances where they absolutely do need to be rehomed. I just think that people also need to be prepared for the unprepared when bringing home a puppy. On that note, if I've learned anything about myself, I am absolutely certain I do not want kids. 😂 I can make commitments and stick with them. I just can't imagine trying to raise a child after raising a puppy!
I had puppies in the late 90s and do not remember having issues training them. I have a puppy now and it seems harder. But I don’t think it is. Like having kids you forget how hard it is until you have the second one. Also there is a lot more social media out there now where people ask many questions and say how hard it all is. In the 90s we didn’t get that info but people were probably still finding puppy raising difficult.
There's a difference between wanting to hear the bad things first or thinking it won't be that hard. Babies have been around for thousands of years. In the same time span people complained that babies are difficult and hard. Yet people still give birth and then learn ah yes babies are hard and difficult why has no-one told me. They have, you just didn't listen. It's the same with puppies. A lot of people get a dog without an ounce of research. Then the puppy warms up and isn't a sleepy cute baby anymore but bites and makes messes and people are overwhelmed. They didn't prepare for puppy biting, puppy not understanding words. And then they're looking for help with the most basic puppy things. And people get dogs they think are cute or for a lifestyle they whish they had, e.g. I'll get a border Collie than I'll have to take long walks and go hiking, its not what I currently like doing but with a dog I'd enjoy it.
I think some people don’t really do any research. A lot of people grew up with dogs or know friends with dogs and don’t really know about how hard it is to have a puppy. Even for people who do the research and know what to expect (me) still found it extremely difficult - knowing and experiencing are very different! If you commit the time and energy to training, it does get better.
I think the information is out there. I also think many people read it. However, no matter how much reading you do, nothing prepares you for the reality which is a combination of puppies being hard work and the particulars of the individual dog someone brings home. I believe that has a lot to do with it as well.
I think people really like the idea of having a dog or like the look of a particular breed so they get them without thinking about behavior first. My husband wanted a doberman so badly and while they are incredible dogs, neither of us are big cardio junkies. i just can’t grasp the amount of daily exertion they would need so we got couch lovers. having a puppy is hard but id say getting a rescue was harder! dealing with the emotional neglect of a dog you didn’t raise and can’t understand, far surpasses the short 6 months it takes to train and shape a puppy into an incredible pal.
I genuinely think that people value their pets more now than they did decades ago. I'm not saying previous generations didn't love their animals, but they seem to have taken on much more of a "family" position, almost like children for a lot of people, therefore the expectation of their level of care is much higher. Pet care has also developed - we know more now, we have access to the internet, puppy training is a common thing, etc. We have the education that we probably didn't have 20 years ago.
I also think people having children later or not having children my impact this. I think once you have kids you’re familiar with having to be “on” 24/7
I disagree. I did a lot of research before getting a dog and the majority of the stuff I read touches on puppy blues and their difficulty until they're like 2 years old. People practically scream it from the rooftops. I just think people don't listen because puppies are so cute.
Pretty sure this infos been out there a while. Ignorance is bliss. People don't even do research before buying a car half the time. The problem isn't lack of talking points or info, it's the lack of ears.
I honestly think it's just changes over time in the way humans interact with dogs. To give you some examples from my own life. * My poor-born grandfather claimed that pets could not feel pain. They did not have souls or complex biological systems unlike humans. He liked pets a lot - he had dogs he adored and cuddled. But the males would have been castrated with no pain relief. And any dog that did not behave would have been shot. If this seems insane to you, when he was growing up he was taught by medical professionals that *babies and young children could not feel pain*, and only 'fussed'. So he had zero issues training his dogs - if dog complains, it better not. Dogs got food, water, shelter (outside) but medical treatment was done in house. Dogs were free, and cats were worthless. He was keeping pets from the 40s-80s. Some people had intensive relationships with their pets, but the kind of care you're speaking of would have been seen as deviant and a sign of illness in the human. Vets did not exist where he grew up - if your animal got hurt, you stitched it up or shot it. * My mother as a result believed that pets could not feel as much stress or pain as humans. But she did take pets to the vet for being fixed, and they would get shots every few years, but probably little else. Vets were for 'bad pets' who got in trouble, not for maintenance. Cats were free - and dogs you might spend a little money on if you wanted a specific breed. She paid for her dog to get eye treatment at the vet, and we lived in a farming area and even the vet thought it was kind of hilarious she'd bother (just remove the eye, it's cheaper). I remember taking our cats to the vet, and the vet was puzzled that we wouldn't just get them put down if they were injured. Vets tended to treat dogs more than cats, and cats were seen as somewhat disposable. * When I was a kid I found an abandoned kitten. I took care of it as a teen for a couple of years. My parents didn't like the cat - it only liked me. So they took it away in the 90s and had it put down - no health issues, no mental issues - because it was 'taking up too much time'. I got no choice in this - and *other people around me agreed with their decision.* My neighbours had Persian cats but they weren't like those 'weird' cat owners who brushed their pets, and of course their pets were outside only because no one keeps cats inside, that's cruel. And they let their dog chase them because it was 'fun to watch'. * As an adult GenXer, I have ended up with dogs. I've now had many indoor cats, I've had house bunnies, I had dogs - because I like research, I did a tonne of research into what I wanted. But I've absolutely had older adults sneer at me for the amount of time I've put into this. At the same time, I probably don't do enough. * My kid loves the dogs and has been taught they need walking, discipline, gentle care, appropriate interactions, training, grooming etc. She has a totally different comprehension of what a pet actually even is, compared to her great grandfather who died decades ago. In short, the situation has been getting better. But it helps to know that in my own lifetime, it's changed this much.
There is lots of it available but that’s not what people pay attention to. It’s not what people care about when looking for a puppy and in a social media setting those posts aren’t ones that get lots of likes or attention so it’s not one that comes up in anyone algorithm. Thus it seeming as if the info is not readily available.
In France you have to sign a paper detailing the dog's need before adopting. It talks about all kinds of needs food, walks, sociolazing, vet cost, training, etc. You then (theoretically) have a 1 week 'waiting' period to make sure you've thought about the commitment and only after that you can bring the dog home. I am not sure this process is always followed through but at least it's an attempt to make sure future owners understand the commitment.
As a dog trainer & multiple dog owner myself, I *knew* what raising a puppy entailed. I'd also seen it mentioned on many podcasts and yt vids. Did it prepare me for actually dealing with the sleepless nights, the crying and a dog who would NOT toilet train? Heck no! It did make my second puppy easier as I expected the worst, though I had my own issues there (cv19 gsd puppy that time 🤦♂️) ... As for lifetime ownership, every animal I've owned has over lived their species average so 🤷♂️ (My latest few: Maine coon lived to 18, my Marshall ferret lived to 9 and my hubby's pound puppy lived to 18)
I did a hell of a lot of research before deciding on what puppy to get, I even bought a puppy book which turned out to be a waste of money for me personally as it was all just commen sense. I've had dogs in the past but they've been adult rescues, this is the first time we've had a puppy and no matter how much research you do and how prepared you think you are it will still hit you HARD!! At least for the first couple of weeks! I'm glad I saw people here who got the puppy blues as I thought I was the only one, it honestly felt like post natal depression to me and I thought how can a puppy make me feel this way? He was almost 9 weeks old when we got him and he's now almost 14 weeks old, it's got a lot better but it's still hard, he's very clever and doing very well with most training, it's the biting right now that I'm trying to focus on more.
lol what. there is a TON of that info online everywhere
There is….. ??? Ppl just don’t do their research.
I truly think there's a shift in the way that we regard dogs, and that's what's changed. Like when my mother was a kid, they had an outdoor only dog, which now a lot of people would find unacceptable. The dog had no toys, bed, and was just fed a couple times a day. They lived in a rural area. And discipline used to focus "breaking" the dog, and be a lot more negative. Like my father's family would rub the dogs face in their excrement when the dog had an accident. For a lot of people in rural areas, dogs were much more meant to work and protect the family. People always cared about their dogs, but the relationship was different -- very few let the dog sleep in bed with them, had toys specifically for the dog, or even a dog bed. Dog houses were common because dogs slept outside a lot. Also, there were a lot of popular children's books (old yeller, where the red fern grows) where the lesson was that sometimes you'll have to shoot your own dog. People also just regularly abandoned their dogs. In the book The Great Brain, a boy trades a dog for some toys. In a lot of developing countries, people have similar relationships with dogs. I lived in Nicaragua for a while, and there, people will often beat their own dogs with sticks and throw rocks at them if they try to beg for food. Dogs are never trained, and often just chained to a post in the yard, and are stick thin, mangy, and only fed table scraps (which is not much when people are poor). They are never neutered or spayed. This is much more similar to the life of the average dog historically. There are some people who treat their dog well, but they are either wealthy with lots of time, or it's viewed as a personality quirk. Parents will sometimes give a stick to a child and tell them to hit a misbehaving dog. It's easy to judge, but remember that most of us don't live lives where dogs are tools to complete a job, and dealing with severely limited food. In short, the idea of treating your dog with serious respect and love, giving them toys, a bed, treats, celebrating their birthday, paying for training, medical treatment, and premium food is all a relatively recent thing. A few hundred years ago, only royalty treated their pets this way, because only they could really afford to. This has compounded with an increasing awareness of animal welfare. Zoos are a lot more humane than they used to be, and we have a better awareness of dog's sentience. Training techniques have advanced, and we've discovered that prioritizing relationships matters most. Also the extreme wealth of westerners, as well as falling birthrates, mean that that many people treat their dogs as surrogate children, with utmost regard for their well-being. People now not only worry about their dog's health, but mental well-being, and shell over a lot of money for day care and medication for depressed dogs. I used to think it was all ridiculous, and then I felt lonely and got my pupper. She's the light of my life and I adore her, and spoil her in every conceivable way. In my mind-- if I have the privilege to treat a dog in this way, then it becomes my obligation. The world would be much better with more empathy towards animals and nature. Tldr; People don't understand the care a dog requires because the care they recieve is a relatively newish phenomenon limited to wealthy parts of the world.
The info is out there. People just don’t want to hear it.
Humans are bad at planning even more than a year, forget 15 years. Even if puppies came with a flashing sign on top saying "remember you're my forever home and I'm here for 15 years" some people are incapable of planning, some people have their circumstances change beyond their control and sometimes because dogs are unique things just don't work out. I'm always sympathetic because we had to rehome two puppies a while back. They were a breed which were meant to be docile and easy going. We had a very large garden at the time. Turned out the dogs was lovely but one really wanted to run in a straight line. For three miles. We spent ages putting up fences in front of fences but the dog would dig under them, or climb bushes to get over them. Then run in a straight line. Became clear unless we installed prison grade fencing this dog was going to get run over. Really sad but it's not always anyone's fault if a forever home doesn't work out. I do think shelters should make it clear working from home does not mean you can keep a puppy company unless you have a employer prepared to be flexible and let you make time up.
There's information if people want to find it. You can't really get this information to people if they aren't looking for it. That you can only do if someone you know is getting a puppy. And as always, you don't know what you don't know. Even though I read a book on how to raise a puppy, and watched a lot of youtube vids on how to train various things, I actually had no idea how \_bad\_ the puppy biting is. And how ever present, and painful, and horrible it is. I would have thought if it was \_that\_ bad, \_everyone\_ with dogs would never shut up about it. I sure as hell didn't. And that's the big thing I warn people about. That the biting, is \_bad\_.
I feel like the average pet owner is a lot more casual about owning pets than the average user on pet subs, and they genuinely don't think about those things
Honestly, I kinda wish that there was a certification process that people would have to do before getting to own an animal. It would better educate them and potentially weed out some of the bad careless owners that end up being abusive. It could be like a $25 2 hour course. So, it is not crazy expensive or time-consuming but just enough to deter bad owners and help better educate the more serious owners.
Feel like covid is a massive contributor with people having so much time at home and now being able to WFH. I feel some people forget about that luxury sometimes and almost shame people for not being able to spend 2+ hours exercising there dogs but also I think there will be people who still have the same attitude as people in the 90’s but will not be going on reddit or online to talk about it. I always think in Reddit subs or even just online them groups are usually the vocal minority of people. I’ve had a range of dogs from rescues to puppies and from a British bulldog to a husky and honestly didn’t look at energy levels or stuff like that for dogs because all can be different. In my case our bulldog wanted to play more and walk more than the husky so that’s what he got, think it all comes to adapting to what the dog likes but also giving them the resources to make their own choices
My partner and I were talking about this last night. We agreed that a lot of people getting their first dog as an adult seem to not realize how much of a time and effort commitment it is for two reasons: they have rosy fun filled childhood memories of their family dogs for whom the bulk of the exhausting, time consuming, or difficult care was not their responsibility; the dog was just there for them to play and bond with. The other factor in that is that philosophy around care for pets and dog psychology and treating animals with more dignity (LIMA/force free/positive reinforcement training) have gained popularity in the last 10-20 years and they don’t remember all that effort going into the care of their family pets. You just shouted at them, or your Dad swatted them with the newspaper and tied them up out back. But mainly the thing is that the dog was always someone else’s primary responsibility so they expect it to be easy to be that primary caretaker and it’s not.
As an addendum: I think less income, more general stress, and smaller living spaces are also a factor. It’s hard to live with something you can barely afford, that adds to already unmanageable stress, and that you can’t get a few minutes peace from by letting them run around in the yard you probably don’t have. This is primarily true for Millenials and under in age, but I know plenty of GenX folks who also could never afford to own a home.
Forced naps were a new thing for us and an absolute LIFESAVER.
I mean, personally my problem wasn't the puppy itself, but my own anxiety around the puppy. The first month was horrible for me as I was not used to caring for anyone else and I didn't have any support. Now she's 7 months old and I can't imagine being without my little monster. She had a surgery to remove her milk canines and it was weird being home without her around. We even went on a two week vacation in my home country together and had a blast going around with her almost everywhere. I can't offer her as much as it is suggested on the Internet but I offer and do as much as I can and I'm sure she's happy. People get overwhelmed and have high standards due to all the things that are said on the Internet, including this sub. I was one of these people, but I just accepted that I'm not neglecting her by not training her every single day, or by not crating her etc
There is plenty of information to this effect out there. Some people just don’t do their diligence before making a huge life choice
My experience is that there's a TON of information regarding the difficulties in caring for a pet. People just don't pay attention to it, they'd rather watch those commercials with trained animal actors being cute and well behaved.
This sub has a great wiki! Go to the home page and click on the blue More tab. Lots of resources, lists, ways to socialize a puppy and a link to the Whole Dog Journal that describes from the puppy’s perspective what it’s like to suddenly land on a different planet. I found nearly everything I needed to know on the wiki. YouTube is a great resource. I think the information is out there but many people don’t look for it, and/or think they know it. I’ve had dogs most of my life but learned sooo much before I got my puppy.
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Based on the information I see from puppy blues trends over the years: It's almost never lack of research or related to the highlights reel. If anything these people are overly anxious because they compare themselves to Instagram highlight reels and stress themselves out pressuring themselves to do everything correctly. Many who struggle have had puppies regularly, or have had puppies recently who were "angel puppies" that really caused no issues and now they have a puppy who requires "more perfect" training.
Where literally anywhere does it NOT say these things when looking up “what’s it like to raise a puppy”???
The comments and warnings are out there but most people don’t take them seriously. Raising a cat or dog is very similar commitment wise, to raising a child
I’ve successfully raised and trained dogs since 1962. A long time. Most pet families still are struggling. Lack of effective training and unreasonable expectations. There really has not been a lot of change. I did positive training in the 60’s and still do. That is the best way to get a willing happy proud partner.
I think people just do a lot more with their dogs nowadays. When I was growing up, the dogs just stayed at home or in the backyard. We didn’t go out in public with them or on walks/hikes, they didn’t go out to eat at patio restaurants or to breweries, they didn’t go to dog parks or have to be around strange dogs regularly, etc etc. I think people just have higher expectations for dogs nowadays. It used to be way simpler. For people and the dogs lol.
I think there is a lot of information out there about how stressful and time consuming puppies can be, but it gets better. I have a 3.5 year old golden and now a 4 month old golden, the older dog took about 1.5 years before she started to “chill out” and things got way easier. By the time she was 2 we didn’t even remember how bad the puppy stage age. We have recently been reminded with the addition of the new puppy. Again, I know it’ll be rough for a year or so, but our older golden is an amazing girl and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. We actually got the new puppy so our older golden would have a play mate and company and so far she’s in heaven. They play all the time and tire each other out. We do have a dog door that makes taking care of the dogs a lot easier because they’ll go out themselves to potty or just roam. For those in apartments or those that don’t have any yard then I imagine it’s a lot more difficult/challenging especially during the puppy stages. The puppy stages are rough but the adult stages are the best!
I think even when people are aware, it feels different when you are in it. It had been almost 8 years since I’d had a puppy long term (I had done some short term fostering) so even though I’d been through it, I still felt overwhelmed with the reality of it. Add in that he came home from the shelter sick and I hated my life for the first 2 months and had many many moments where I thought about rehoming him. But we turned a corner and even though it’s still work and he has lots to learn, we have enough of the basics to be able to enjoy the learning process along the way.
Maybe misery loves company. No one warned me about raising a human either.
I am 65 and have had many dogs over the years. All except one became well mannered, attentive, and happy. I don’t do much formal training and they all have settled in nicely. They don’t need the amount of focused attention that I see so many doing. Absolutely meet their physical and emotional needs, but also ignore them too. A dog that receives constant attention will expect constant attention.
I have seen this issue with border collies and huskies especially. They are the most common dogs I see in the shelters in my area. What people don't realize about puppies being this huge commitment isn't because they can't find that information, it's because they don't look for it. Before getting any animal, I personally pour at least a year of research into it and for my dog I poured myself into over a year of training and understanding of all dogs as a whole. I fostered to get practice in. What I've read online in my research, or just have seen, is how big a commitment any animal is, from a fish to a dog. I meet people in my local pet store who have got a brand new puppy and ask them their plans in normal conversation, and I've often found they just haven't done research. They know a puppy needs toys and that a puppy needs food and water, but they often don't even bother to ask about anxiety. It's something I've learned to accept. A lot of people don't think about things from the perspective of the dog and therefore find research unnecessary because they already "know" everything they need to.
The info is out there but owners are deluded. It’s part of a bigger culture change in the last 30 years or so around the anthropomorphism of canines.
I feel that’s common knowledge
I do think there’s lots of information on the internet , rescues , shelters and breeders that give very detailed information about life with a pet . I think people do what they want when they want and then have regret for one reason or another .
You know how some expectant parents read a bunch of books and websites, watch a ton of videos about parenting - what to expect when you're expecting - and start saving money (because raising a human is expensive), devote time to putting together a nursery and buying baby clothes, pacifiers, stroller, car seat, and a myriad of other things that new baby will need? Then other parents just "wing it" and don't really do anything, figuring that parenting is natural? Isn't taking care of puppies like the same thing? The info is out there if you search for it, and YOU, a responsible person, do spend a little time to learn (online, at the vet, other pet parents, books even) asking questions before getting another living being, and then are well-prepared for what's to come. Of course, reading and hearing about it is different from experiencing a new puppy. But worth it, right?
The puppy stage is incredibly hard and honestly expensive lol, but my god is it worth it a million times over. I'm picking up a basset puppy Aug 1 a little over a year since my sweet girl passed. I haven't had a puppy in 10 years and am both absolutely scared shitless because I know the work it's going to take and excited to have a companion to give all my love to. I think there's a good amount of people who only see the benefits of having a dog like companionship and emotional fulfilment and are blinded to the difficulties and financial burden that are on the other side, much like children in some instances. They see the immediate benefit and don't think about training, vet visits and cost, accidents and illnesses etc. I think the information is out there but people get enamored and disregard it. People also see cute dogs and want that breed because of looks, they don't research that breeds characteristics or think about whether it fits their lifestyle. Some people get a dog with higher physical needs or stimulation bc they think it will make them be more active which is almost never the case. I am a basset hound lover and they fit my needs perfectly. Couch potatoes that will happily cuddle and nap on the couch with you all day or have a little playtime periodically. They of course still need some excercise but their requirements are less than that of many other breeds.
Sometimes I think too much attention and too many things done for the dog could lead to issues. For example, all the "family" dogs we had in the past have been pretty well adjusted as far as fears, one of them went through a pretty bad chewing phase when left alone as a puppy probably due to separation anxiety that we never really did anything to deal with, but she just outgrew that. My current puppy we wanted to make sure that she would not have any fears and I believe we inadvertently created a fear of storms and fireworks, b/c we forced her to be outside as a puppy on 4th of July and a really loud firework happened close by and now we are working through some pretty significant noise phobia. The rest of the dogs were left to just deal with fireworks and storms on their own and they ranged from not being afraid at all to mild fears.
It just depends on if you see your dog as a child or not. Many people treat their dogs more like plants rather than emotional beings.
Because it really isn't that hard.
Well the overwhelming majority of all posts on this sub would seem to disagree with you.