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Popular-Bicycle-5137

Sort of. Not millions exactly.... I really wanted to get involved with dance when i was 6 years old. No, i must play an instrument. Why? Because, in a few years, i could play in restaurants and make money. Like at 10? I was supposed to be the prodigy to make them proud. I dreamed of being an architect or an archeologist. No. I must be a doctor. Why? Because doctors are expensive and they needed me to take care of them and make them proud. All my desires were mocked. All were evaluated for income potential. Like you, friends were discouraged because nothing could be gained from them. Their greatest fear was that i would meet a man and get married and they would lose control of me. I went into the military and went NC. I have a great career in IT.


One-2-ride-the-river

This just triggered a repressed memory and feeling: being told every dream I had wasn’t good enough because it didn’t make money. So now I’m middle aged and have only ever worked menial jobs below minimum wage. It wasn’t just the lack of encouragement to follow ANY dream I had, it was the sabotage and destruction of any attempts I made to strive for more.


altojurie

oh i feel this, i feel this in my soul. i also got mocked for all my interests and told that if i don't get to "the summit" of a career path in the stuff i'm interested in (like art) then it's not worth even engaging with as a hobby. it affected me for so so long. now i'm just a normal ass office worker and i do whatever i like in my free time, career be fucking damned. i'm so much happier this way


Popular-Bicycle-5137

I am so so sorry 💕 I hope some opportunity will come up for you to pursue something you love. It's not too late!


ineedtoknowtoo

Awesome! A career in IT! My parents did not allow me to have a relationship until I had a career. When I told my parents about the relationship I did have during college, my father gave me the silent treatment for a whole week, maybe even more, I honestly just ignored him since I was used to it by then. I do relate with the idea that that was their fear, to lose control of me, to not provide financially. When I told my mother I wanted to move in with my boyfriend, she said no because I had to help my father with the rent and bills. I have limited my contact with my parents and I am doing my best to live a pleasant life.


Popular-Bicycle-5137

I wish you the best 💕


ineedtoknowtoo

Thank you! And to you as well!


DankAshMemes

Do you ever consider switching careers to something you were passionate about when you were younger?


Popular-Bicycle-5137

Thank you for asking. 💕 I was thoroughly convinced I needed to be a doctor until i was 19. Wouldn't even consider another career, i was that brainwashed. I had a scholarship to study chemistry and i quit after my freshman year bc i hated it. This created quite the identity crisis. The military saved me and gave me purpose and a career i love, but honestly, had a had better mental health and family support i could have been successful at other things, but IT was safe and i felt lucky to be really good at something.


bhairava

>if they were so good why couldn’t they make millions absolutely!! these dumb motherfuckers. God I hate them. even the same tendencies "turned down" would be traumatic & they were all the way at max volume. what horrible, awful people. >I don’t know why I let it torment me so much because you were dependent on them, and that was your only option. You bear no fault in believing your abusive parents. Please forgive yourself for ever accepting their "guidance." have you been able to find a healthy middle ground since then? I hope you are doing better now.


stupidmortadella

Hey OP. The only people who shame their own children in this way are losers. One time my father yelled at me for not wanting to do anything to help our family because I declined to look up next week's lottery numbers on the internet. He is also a loser.


throwaway123579a

Thank you. Oh goodness they also have a fixation with lotto, I’m sorry 😢


ShivaSolentei

My family and I were visiting my wealthy parents at their second condo in a gated community on a golf course down south. I only say all this because all they do is play the “victim”. Yeah sure, you drive Mercedes and Jaguars and have a second condo in another country…. Gimme a break you are the victim. One night during our visit I was watching a documentary while my nfather was “cooking”. He can’t cook, my nmother was still playing golf. He was basically just frying meat or something. So he calls out to me in a chipper and friendly voice, “Hey, what are you watching?”. I tell him what it is and how interesting it is. He replies with, “Well I guess it must be a lot more interesting than being a part of this family and actually helping out.” Nice little shame dump for our visit to see them, three connecting flights to come see them and this what we have to deal with. It was like this the whole visit. But then again, when isn’t it?


imsatanclaus

say to him yes it is with a smile on your face


Best-Salamander4884

My nMother is also obsessed with the lottery. What is it with narcissists and lotteries/get-rich quick schemes?!


throwaway123579a

Dude same! My mum would always give me lotto tickets as gifts for special occasions… lol that was her gift and I never even checked those tickets ever because it always upset me and I ended up forgetting about them anyway


Best-Salamander4884

I haven't been gifted lotto tickets but my nMother was obsessive about the lotto. She'd make me look up the lotto numbers because apparently she didn't know how to do it. The entire time I was looking up the numbers, she'd stand over me and yell at me for not doing it fast enough. I now have an absolute hatred of the lotto.


jewel_flip

What a horrible weight to place on a child’s shoulders.  I’m so sorry they did that to you.  


Pisces_Sun

my dad used to get depressed and trauma dump on me about him not having enough money and how sad he was. I was like 8. Then there was a day I asked my ndad at the time why he had so many kids if we lived in a tiny house, he would just get sarcastic and whimsical like adults to do kids and say it just happened. I was a total smartass kid but still. adults like that putting pressure on kids are fucking stupid.


cornerlane

Like my dad. Complaining about money to me as a kid. I said then you shouldn't have that many kids. He was so mad at me 🤣


PaintedAbacus

Oh lord, my mom used to do this. She was unemployed by choice as soon as she had kids and would constantly tell me that we needed money and she would have to get a job (like that was the worst thing in the world to happen to her) and how I’d need to help her make a resume. I was like 12….


tallrata

Oh gawd how horrible op I'm so sorry 🤍  My mother used to always tell me that I was expected to financially support her (single mom, work-avoidant). She put me to work age 9 and demanded I give her money. To be fair she didn't take all of the money I earned though, just some of it. On my high school graduation cake she had the cakemakers write "support me soon" on the icing. 


CELL_CORP

Hope you gtf away


tallrata

Yes I did age 17 and I'm soooo much better off. Thank you! 🤍


Best-Salamander4884

Obviously it's your life but IMO that cake is grounds for no contact in itself. Your mother has shown you that she sees you as nothing more than a cash cow, do you really want her in your life?!


tallrata

You're right! I definitely don't want her in my life! I went VLC after HS graduation, then NC in university. It's been bliss.


Best-Salamander4884

I'm glad to hear it. People like her are like a millstone around your neck. She would have constantly been looking for money and hand-outs. No matter how much you give people like that, it's never enough. They always want more. The only way to "win" is to walk away.


tallrata

Spot on!!


Tilfeldigbarn

Hope you are better and close to going NC. Do go seek out a dentist tho, it would be good for your health


Ok_Temperature_2140

Yes. Refused to pay for my field trips and school supplies I needed for things like choir but yelled at me if I tried to quit extracurriculars they couldn’t pay for or not go on trips, because it made them look bad. I tried to get a job and my mom gave me permission; she forgot to tell my dad so when I texted asking for a ride to an interview, he called me at school to scream at me for trying to get a job without their permission. When I said I told her he hung up, so no job. I literally had to pay for things out of pocket, and would do favors and draw things for other kids to make money. This wasn’t allowed at school, so to cover my tracks my friend acted as a “broker” and got part of the money. This happened throughout middle school and high school. Honestly glad I had the opportunity to do that and didn’t do worse. My parents were neglectful enough to not notice how much money they were saving when I didn’t ask them for anything.


ineedtoknowtoo

I can relate. Since I was young, there was a lot of pressure on me to succeed in life so I could help my parents retire to their native country and I could help my three siblings too. It wasn't until a year ago when a light switch came up and I said "What the fudge?! Why is that my responsibility!?". A heavy weight was lifted off my shoulder when I realized that it was not my burden to carry.


Anonymity6584

My N mother expected me to be a highly paid engineer. And pay for her life on retirement. Find that out after she admitted that to my then girlfriend (Now wife) and I confronted my mother about it after that. Yes I did study engineering but turns out I hate it.


wheelartist

My NM made it quite clear that I was expected to not just do all the housework, but get a well paying job and keep her in the way she felt entitled to for the rest of her life. To be a narc is to be ridiculously entitled. Narcs are convinced they should have been born a hereditary monarch with riches.


Best-Salamander4884

I'm so sorry your parents did that to you OP. That must have been very traumatic. Your parents sound very delusional and abusive. I hope you're not in contact with them anymore because they really don't sound like safe people to be around. Also they sound like they view you as nothing more than a cash cow.


orangeblossom19

sort of. growing up, whenever small but successful things like a fidget spinner were invented, my mom always pestered me to come up with something like that. she said i should give her ideas about things she could patent. it was never a joke, and i always beat myself up when i couldn't think of anything. looking back, i realize that's an odd thing to request from a kid.


TrashRatTalks

I remember my mom telling me as a kid "you need to get a good paying job so you can take care of dad and I when we're older". I've been thinking about that a lot lately and I wanna ask her "did you have me so you would have a care taker?" but she pathologicaly stone walls and refuses to talk if she doesn't like the conversation so I'll just assume that's the truth.


DareSavings3951

This would seem crazy if my uncle and his wife hadn't done this to their two eldest boys growing up. They were only allowed to be entrepreneurs or live on benefits till they became entrepreneurs College time for the eldest came and it turns out he hates business but likes fitness and sports, so we had to spin his sports course at college as a start up for becoming a personal trainer and running his own business in 4 years


Doepkin

HOLY MOLY. THIS WAS/STILL LITERALLY IS MY LIFE RN. So when it came to college, my NDad was excited I chose to be on the finance path (my only options were doctor, lawyer, or investment banker). I was on the path to being one of those people working 18+ hours into the wee hours of the night in one of those Manhattan skyscrapers, but after one internship with a Big4 bank, I realized I was not cut out for that life. While I do work in NYC, I am very far away from Wall St, working in the public sector doing infrastructure renewal. Now don’t get me wrong; I do make pretty solid money (~$120k/year and I’m not even in management yet). I’m actually up to get promoted at the end of this year and will probably be closer to $135-150k even. And the best part? I actually have a work life balance! I rarely ever work past 5pm and my weekends are mine. I get to enjoy my hobbies and friends. When I take vacation, I am on *vacation*. You don’t get that in banking. Sure, the paychecks are great, but your job is basically your entire life/identity. Of course, this is nowhere good enough for my NDad. I remember in my last job, he was SO disappointed that I was “only” making $90k/year 7 years post grad (not accounting for the fact covid really messed things up career wise for ALOT of people). I actually remember last year, he actually reached out to a recruiter from a Big4 on my behalf and acted like I had spit in his face when I declined to even entertain them. He was banking on me to be his retirement plan. He thinks I’m “irresponsible” because I continue choose to rent in the city instead of “buying a house”.


JesradSeraph

When I was 14 my mom berated me for not already being a best selling author. She’d just read about a published 12yo in the newspaper. She bought me the book the kid wrote (it was meh).


Mirrevirrez

Nparents does not know the consept of money for (x reasons) and expect their offspring to just know or magically get it somehow. My Ndad gambled the money away by using my enablers moms money for it. He didnt earn anyrhing himself tho. Then he expects me to save my money, im just glad he didnt use mine as a kid or who knows if he did. Otherwise they were repeatly telling us kids that "God was the provider" and im like.... the way they ralk about God over their shortcomings and neglect is so unhinged. "God made everything possible" bruh. I worked my ass off since you didnt. i belive God helped but nothing would have come off of it if i didnt work.


Legitimate_Orange838

MODS: Can you look at post history for the multitude of discrepancies.


throwaway123579a

Dude why are you so out to get me, I made an edit to add to the post at the beginning. The fact that you’re so pressed to tell me I didn’t go through WHAT I WENT through, like what are you gaining from this? I have multiple posts made on my account about my parents, I’ve gone through hell, now I can’t even feel safe to post on this page? Find something better to do with your time


[deleted]

[удалено]


AbsintheRedux

Found the parents lol


throwaway123579a

Well this happened to me


[deleted]

[удалено]


throwaway123579a

It was Justin Bieber’s documentary, I don’t need to be mocked here as well.


throwaway123579a

You’ve got to be trolling. I was homeschooled for most of my life, I never mentioned immunisations. I don’t have to prove anything to you, I know my truth and my life experience and I’m glad you haven’t experienced something like this to even fathom it being real.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SeaTurtlesCanFly

You've been told to stop and here you are doing this again. You are banned.


throwaway123579a

Dude I was homeschooled till I was 12, I went to school after but my parents would keep me home for weeks even months at a time and went back to homeschooling at some points. I have something going on, I went through hell, you need to stop bullying people on this page


throwaway123579a

You have absolutely no idea who I am and what I’ve had to go through


SeaTurtlesCanFly

Comments removed - if you have concerns about the veracity of a post, tell the mods. Do not bring it to comments.


KnucklePuppy

This happened to me. I was supposed to be the best basketball player in the world. At 7. At 9, I found a hole in his arguments which led me to love martial arts. Fast forward to 34 and I've had 8 total days of training because I had to pay for it myself instead of continuous training. Sister had her father's money so she got to do what she wanted. I had to settle for empty promises.