Holy hell. You should bring it up with a trusted parent so he can get some counseling. I'm sorry your going through this. Puberty can really take a turn for worse with boys if things like this aren't handled. I definitely wouldn't talk to ur brother about it but he needs help.
My parents hate me and love him. I know as crazy as this sounds i’m afraid this will backfire on me. they will find a way, either mention how i’m supposed to dress modestly or so …
Its very important to put them in the position, though. Having been a foster kid, I understand having awful parents, yet it is important to tell the people within the home, whom can actually monitor your brother. At the same time I would tell the school counselor if still in school, particularly if you feel that AFTER telling your parents ended up being fruitless. Jumping on this immediately is the only way to stop him from progressing what he is doing. Embarrassment alone from others knowing, could stop him from thinking this is okay, let alone able to stay hidden.
Edit: grammar.
also, guaging their response will help a counselor address this if it ends up being a grossly negligent response from your parents.
OP should definitely tell a trusted adult. However, and this is a legit question, what way can she ask for help without it backfiring on her? Kid absolutely needs therapy and counseling, but what if it does backfire on her? They could claim that she was dressing “provocatively” on purpose and grooming him. Of course, she shouldn’t let that possibility stop her and I’m not in any way trying to scare or discourage OP as the kid is totally in the wrong, but it’s a factor that needs to be taken into consideration. OP should talk to a lawyer too and have one on standby in case the school looks at this the entirely wrong way.
😞yea i’ll see. I think i’ll just regularly check his phone now and see if anything changes. hopefully the fact that they’re deleted makes him aware that i know..
if this continues i’ll have to talk to my parents as i really have no idea what else i could do. thank you for taking your time to reply🙏.
Op, please listen to this... the child needs an intervention. You should not have deleted the pics.. youbshould have given them to an adult. Now he can deny it. Worse he now knows you know and he can't get any help.
TLDr... stop giving 12 year Olds smart phones.
This is bad parenting from your parents, you can't just handle a 12 year old kid a completely unlocked smartphone, there are softwares out there that parents can use to monitor anything and everything children do on the phones and block unwanted stuff, you should never blindly hand a phone to a kid like that which exposes them to all sorts of stuff on the Internet. How much older are you compared to your brother? But yeah you need to tell your parents and keep monitoring his phone.
Im sorry, I understand the pressure to not speak up. But waiting would be a mistake. It is important to still tell them what you have seen. Squash it before it has a chance to progress
Go see my other post, Op. You need to tell admin at school. This behavior is not normal, and needs to be brought to light before it escalates. Your brother could go on to develop predatory habits that build up. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home, he NEEDS to know how wrong that was, and it needs to be stopped before he creeps on others, or worse.
Second this! I’m a teacher, Op. You need to tell a teacher or counselor you trust, or even an admin at your school. You need to go to their office, sit down with them, and explain all of this. They will make sure your caregivers listen.
Since you’re from the Middle East the dynamic of parents favoring son over daughter is common. I know since I’m middle eastern. Telling the parents will only encourage his behavior honestly if they are that blindsided for having a son as the uttermost blessing. Plus they will pull the “he’s young” card. What you can do is keep deleting those nasty photos or videos but I believe eventually he will figure it out that you’ve been deleting them. If you can catch him on the act of doing it and calling him out that should at least deter it from him doing it to you hopefully. Otherwise he’s just going to progressively get worse either way. Best for you to find ways to distance yourself from him.
finally someone who understands.. Exactly…. he’ll always be right to them no matter what, they keep making excuses for him.. they have done so for so many other things in the past. He’s however very smart and i believe that he’s mentally way above his age, i’m hoping this will cause him to have some self reflection or atleast feel guilty and embarrassed to what he have done if he starts doubting i have checked his phone.
Yeah I responded once I figured you were middle eastern from your comment. I felt you needed a perspective from someone who shared a cultural background as you. I hope your brother can learn but there are ways to also prevent or mitigate those behaviors. Calling him out on your behalf to him will change it hopefully because you’re older than him. Your parents are unfortunately enablers and hence he won’t ever experience shame or some sort of repercussion. They are setting him up for failure in this sense.
I’m an older sister too so by default I become the third parent to my sibling. You just have to guide him more but again it’s not your job either. If you want to make him understand this behavior isn’t okay then you have a talk with him. But call him out during the act. It will bring shame when the person is caught in the act. Hopefully he’s smart as you say to learn that it’s not socially okay to do that.
Can you get away? As he gets older - and physically larger - it isn't going to be a good situation for you. I feel like I need to be blunt: your brother is an emerging sexual predator. He may attack you. He may attack others. If it is at all possible to separate yourself from him and them, please do.
Honestly this is why bullying is a good thing sometimes. He’s taking these pics/vids of you in an incestious/devious way. Tell his friends he did this and make fun of him for having a crush on his sister. Let his friends do the rest. His cohort will sort him out trust.
Let's call a spade a spade.
OP's parents are creating an entitle ah who is not being talk respect, responsibility, accountability or basic human decency.
Their failure to parent has led to this child developing deviant behaviors. Generally, young boys going through puberty do not perv on their sisters.
This is the type of kid that will grow up thinking it's ok to lookup girl's skirts, put peep holes in the girl's locker room, to forcing themselves on females.
My recommendation for OP is to keep her room locked. check for hidden cameras in her room and bathroom and to never drop her guard down around her brother.
That's not fair to you. Is there anyone in your family that will side with you, and fight ur parents. I would check again in a month. I don't think checking his phone again will help. I doubt he's just gonna stop, his issue put lightly won't disappear and it will slowly warp his mind, and might even learn to hide it better from you. Im sorry and hope everything works out for both of u. Worst case cut off contact at 18 and move out. Worst case.
That's rough 😭. What country are you from and what are you going to university for. Sorry just curious I'm from the U.S. never went to uni. Is immigrating an option when you graduate?
First of all, i am so sorry that you're going through this and no this is not normal, he doesn't get a free pass just because he's 12 and he's your brother. This is not right. If that is the case, I think you should really be keeping some of the evidence if they decide not to believe you, I know you're in shock but you need to start gathering your 'cards' because you never know if you might end up needing it. Keep us updated if its alright, we wanna know if youre okay. 💙
It is disgusting behaviour op. If you don't trust your parents about this. Either talk to someone at your school like a teacher you trust. Or what I'd now do because you've unfortunately deleted what I assume is everything that was on the phone. Give it some time, maybe a month or so. Check his phone again if you can before the next point otherwise your parents will never be in your side, if there isnt any new photos etc then wait longer. Call a family meeting out of the blue with no prior warning and tell your parents what you found, I won't go into depth about being 12 and having porn stuff on the phone, but he has had pictures of you, disturbing ones at that. Try and get his phone as soon as possible so he can't delete them himself and show them to your parents. If even after seeing them they don't care about/don't act shocked or surprised, please try and leave that household as quickly as you can
It’s predatory behavior and should be addressed so he can be taught what is right and wrong. Let’s not just excuse his behavior with “boys will be boys”. Let’s teach our boys to be better so when they are men they don’t get worse.
I didn't say his behavior was peachy, it's deeply concerning and It needs to be addressed. But with the evidence presented so far it isn't necessarily *predatory* behavior, it may just be confused 12-year-old who recently discovered girls, sex, porn, and presumably, masturbating. That's a lot to deal with all at once when you have hormones taking over your body yet you still have the voice of a cartoon squirrel. That's why he needs to be evaluated by a psych.
But that other Reddit is screaming that OP needs to leave the house immediately because she's under immediate threat of sexual assault by her brother. Not saying that isn't a possibility, but let's figure out what's really going on first — you know, *from a licensed professional* — before jumping to that conclusion.
And I wasn't snaping photos of family members, it's disturbing he had so many photos about porn at that young age. When I say disturbing i don't mean the genre of porn
That’s understandable, but he can’t really explain why he has porn pictures and pictures of u in ur pjs in the same folder. If they end up taking this side, the best thing I would do is monitor his behavior whenever he has his phone out in the same room as you, not long before he takes pieces of *sensitive* garments and hides them in their room too. That’s worse case scenario that happens if he doesn’t realize by now doing what he does makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe while also to him, solidifies that this is ok since no one has told him otherwise
If they do this then it's time to contact someone higher up, like CPS (or whatever it is where you live), it may start like this but if you let it keep going it's going to get worse and worse. If you find it again, you need to show your parents, not just delete it. If you have your own phone then take pictures of the pictures on his phone so that you can show authorities in case they don't protect you properly. If you really need to play dumb for a few days until you can gather proper evidence, then do so. If you don't have your own phone, get a trusted friend's number, send them the pics through his phone, and then block the friend on his phone until you need to repeat the process. This is a bit of a more difficult thing cuz I imagine you don't want your friend to have that on their phone, but it's better than getting touched in your sleep. As scary as it is, I know multiple women who's brother has touched them in their sleep, both older brothers and younger brothers, and I've suffered the same fate (although this was while I was awake and we were just hanging out), so it's not ok and it's not something you should just deal with, it needs to be resolved no matter what. It doesn't even need to be a hate campaign against him, just try to get someone to get him help.
you did mention in another comment that you were afraid that it will backfire if you let them know. so if they side with him against you, you'll have undeniable evidence.
they’ll still turn it against me🤣. they’ll believe, but make it out as my fault. this has been my whole life. he does shit and i get blamed for them one way or another.
At that point then you bring it up to another adult or family member. If your parents have an issue with you after this situation and make it out to be your fault then they’re the ones who also need to seek counseling
Take a video on your phone, of you scrolling through his phone with all of the photos of you. Click on some with your face in them so they can see it's you.
Two things will happen if he figures out it was you who deleted them, and this is where you NEED to inform your parents regardless of either outcome.
Either he's going to realize he got caught, and that scare will make him stop. Or, he's going to double down and get bolder. Either way, inform your parents of what happened.
I read some of your comments and it seems like your parents aren't likely to help and/or believe you. If that's true, I think you need to get away from him, and from them.
Your brother is not ok. This isn't normal for a young boy. Certainly a few pictures or maybe a video or two, creepy but not excessive. What you are describing is well beyond that. This could be a sign of much worse things about him that you do not want to be involved in.
If your parents can't hear you about this, then you need to establish your own life as separate from them, and definitely from him, as you possibly can.
Next time save these pictures. Take a video of you looking through his phone. Take it to your parents and say hey mom and dad…what do you think about these pictures? It’s not normal. Have you asked your brother? Always open ended questions - how did you get these pictures, why did you take them and then, how do you think this makes me feel. Or you could go to your parents and say Bobby is taking pictures of me… What do you think about this and how do you think it makes me feel. When you use open ended questions, they can’t wiggle out of the question, they have to give an answer. You can’t go up to them and say look at what Bobby is doing. He’s such an asshole he’s such a creep, then they might just say nothing or tell you that you’re crazy, but if you ask them, how does that make me feel or why is he taking these pictures of me, Then they really have to answer and think critically. You could also call adult protective services and ask them what they think, but I don’t trust governmental agencies. You could call Social Worker and see what they say, but keep in mind that everybody is going to tell you that it’s creepy and terrible that everyone must know and everything will blow up and your parents will be mad your brother will be freaked out, and it will most likely not work to your favor, that is just what I’m thinking. And you being in medical school and having to rely on them put you in a precarious situation. as much as people would think that the system is there to help you, they cannot control how your parents will act. I’m not sure if you have any extra money to rent a room from someone while you finish school, but that would be ideal. Even one that’s four or $500 a month all bills paid. At least she would be out of the house.
Another thing I was thinking of do you think your parents could possibly be abusing him in any possible way for him to make these decisions? Does your brother go to school, does he get in trouble at school, does he have a little girlfriend at school, is your brother awkward in any way, shape or form. There’s so many angles are ways to look at this.
> When you use open ended questions, they can’t we go out of the question, they have to give an answer.
I hate to tell you this, but they can (and will), if they choose. Many parents are of the opinion “I’m the adult. You’re the child. I don’t have to tell you shit. Conversation over”. If they are, and you push the issue, you end up grounded, or worse. That’s the impression I get from the way OP is describing her parents.
I really wish you had shown your parents before you deleted the pics. I know you claim that they hate you and love him, but even if it's true he's like the golden child, I highly doubt your parents will want him perving on his sister. Even if just for his own sake. He needs someone to have a talk with him.
Yeah, I was just assuming she was like 16. It'd probably be even worse if she was younger cus teenage boys are of course gonna be attracted to grown women, whereas if he's attracted to someone younger, he's more likely to actually want to do something
barely any of them are “explicit”. i found a few ones of my breast area, the rest are all just long videos of me at home unaware. all are however within his “hidden” folder
I understand - if he took these himself then its not impossible that he may even sneek in to get some explicit ones down the line - so surely there should be something to be done here about him.
Regardless of whether they are "explicit" or not, I personally would do something about it, simply because I wouldn't want to end up on some dodgy website if you know what I mean.
Perhaps try to "catch" him, so then you have proof and if you're telling your parents (who you said they like him more) you won't come across as "I looked through my brothers phone" but "I caught this weird ass recording me, went through his phone and found more"
Yeah believe it or not most curious kids who are going through puberty are like that, we shouldn’t normalize porn though. That would leave a long lasting negative effect on his brain if he continues to consume porn
Some of these comments are really downplaying the situation. Op I'm sorry this happened to you. It's such a huge breach of privacy and trust.
I get he's a little boy, but it's time we stop excusing shitty behavior with "boys will be boys". It's normal to be curious about sex, it's not normal to take secret photos and vids of the women in your life. That's weird. That's fucking weird.
Actions have consequences. In my case, I'd rip that phone apart with my bare hands. For you, I really do think you should tell your parents regardless if they believe you or not. And don't ever shut up about it until they do something (and also consider ripping the phone apart 😉).
Best of luck to you! You're strong and human and you don't deserve being treated like this by anyone not even your little brother 🩷
Deleting this was a huge mistake, now it’s his word against yours. I say check for these types of photos again in a few months and take pictures of them on his phone with yours. This is HUGE red flag behavior, at ANY age this is unacceptable and I would have never ever thought to do anything like this. You could try to help in preventing him from acting like this again and to other people in the future, or even worse, physically acting upon this behavior
that would actually be a better case scenario than thinking about him doing god knows what with his sister’s photos. i have checked his chats and all though to make sure he hasn’t sent it to anyone.
It might not be what you think.
I hate to tell you this but....I knew a kid around that age trade pics and videos of his sister to his friends for stuff or favors.
So it's possible that could be the situation but you should probably bring this to someone's attention.
i’ve mentioned in a comment something in me actually hopes this was the case as it’s more decent than having to believe the actual scenario. i’ve thought about it and checked all his social media/ chats.
Like others have said if this happens again, don't delete the pictures. Show it to your parents or a a trusted adult. I don't know the entire dynamic of your family but Even if they favour him a lot, i doubt he'll get away with it completely. Most parents would draw the line there.
Puberty can be a weird time for boys so it’s important to address it early to avoid it becoming a bigger issue when they’re older. Try and educate him on how to treat women respectfully, he is a child ultimately, so he likely doesn’t fully understand his actions or the reasons behind those actions.
I was 12 once. I’d occasionally catch myself glancing towards my sisters chest, then vomit in my mouth a little once I remembered whose chest it was. It’s a boy thing, it’s awkward and not good, but not a damnable offense.
The pictures are a problem, but they are a side effect of a greater underlying issue. I’m (27M) old enough to have been less affected by the current trends of porn. (Sibling/parent everything.
What was once a taboo, risqué kink, has been normalized to an alarming extent. When you couple that with the fact that young people often conflate pornography and legitimate sex, he probably thinks it would be rude NOT to be attracted to you.
Honestly, I’m just as sick for him as I am for you. Both of you are caught up in a relatively new phenomenon. Siblings have had weird attractions throughout history, but not on such a common basis.
As some other commenter had said: It's normal to be curious about sex, it's not normal to take secret photos and videos of the women in your life. That's weird. That's fucking weird.
Holy fucking shit, I'm sorry you're going through this. Tell a parent or a trusted teacher, just anyone. Have some belief someone will be able to help you. Shit, good luck.
I can’t find the comment now where you said your parents know you’d never lie about this, but would blame you. If you’ve deleted the pics, and deleted the recently deleted folder, then there’s no way to prove what was in the folder. What if there were these inappropriate pics of you and your mother in there? What if you deleted them to protect her too? It might force them to react to him a different way than if it were just pics of you. I know, it’s a terrible thing to directly lie about it but perhaps it could be idk insinuated?
I remember when I was 12, yet would never do something this serious. Tbf there was many times I thought about shooting someone that constantly ripped my mental health to pieces but I restrained, remembering the consequences.
This is really traumatizing.
First, you need to give this experience some time. I'm sure it feels like hell right now but we humans adapt. It must be hard to let it out in front of your parents but you managed to write a post here as well, right? I'm sure you'll get your concerns across in time. Try to practise some breathing techniques so you can calm yourself.
Please don't let this slide off. Your brother could become a dangerous human in the future. And your parents need to know about it.
Also, if it's possible, please seek professional help so you can feel less haunted by this traumatic incident. I really hope you feel better soon!
Also, I might just add. I've been reading comments and I feels like your parents are to blame. They spoiled your kid brother and now he feels he can do whatever he wants because your parents have his back.
I don't want to scare you further but he's taking pictures right now. It can and it will get worse with time if he isn't stopped. He's probably getting some form of pleasure out of this but there will come a time where he takes another step.
It's an extremely hard situation to be in considering your parents aren't very fond of you. You deleted the evidence because it felt right at that time. Its okay. He'll probably do it again. Make sure you get evidence the next time and if your parents really care about him they'll do something about it.
Listen, OP. I completely understand how violated you feel. He shouldn’t be doing this, and he needs to be set straight. That being said, I do have a couple of questions.
1. What exactly were you “checking” on his phone? Since he knew what you would find if you looked hard enough, he obviously didn’t know.
2. What kind of phone does he have? I know that on my iPhone, I need to input my passcode to look at the hidden and recently deleted folders. If his doesn’t have one, then this question is moot.
If you don't talk to someone and process this now, you will be at a therapist’s office later in life wishing you did.
This is traumatic. It will change you. The sooner you find support, the less it hurts. I know you have to keep yourself safe, and I get that. But please really think about who in your life will go to bat for you and see if they can help.
What the fuck?? Bro..there's much better fish in the sea on fucking google images then your sister's cleavage. I am really sorry this happened to you but I am still fucking baffled. Sit him down, and don't yell at him. Parents dont need to be involved in this. This can be resolved without creating a molehill. Also, lock your door more.
i wish but no.
also little update. 😬
i’ve done nothing, he could tell i’m ignoring him though, and he changed his phone passcode. i’m making sure he isn’t doing it again though
i’m thinking of talking to him soon
in the context with my brother, it’s clearly weird and with ill intentions. i’m not drawing him as a monster as i know he’s still technically a child, and still learning. it’s still however really fucking weird as he’s old enough to know what’s wrong and what isn’t, and he is not naive, he’s extremely smart. but yes i agree, my parents are the type to buy everything he asks of, and he’s the only boy they have, i’m guessing they just expected him to turn out like me and my sister as we always were extremely obedient and had no similar issues at all. and as i’ve mentioned i’m middle eastern, our culture here is so fucked we don’t talk about things like that at all, that it’s a topic so taboo kids never learn about it in the right way
It’s not unbelievable at all… if you seriously believe stuff like this never happens then you need to watch some true crime or just gloss through people’s various experiences
Two things can be true at once. You should not have been snooping in his phone. Straight-up, fact. That said, now that you know what he has been up to, there *has* to be a family discussion about boundaries. Because what he is doing is jailtime in 6 short years depending on jurisdiction.
You aren't going to be comfortable for a bit in your home. No quick way past it. And your parents are probably going to try and harp on the first bit - you on his phone. But you are gonna have to push back hard if necessary because this peeping Tom business is damn serious.
Good luck, young lady. Don't roll over on this.
Outside of my advice about some sort of intervention, I'll not comment on the OPs parents. As far as I'm concerned, they have some years yet to set the boy right.
No one is treating him like he's Ted Bundy. He needs an adult to step in and he needs to stop sexually harassing his sister.
If no one steps in now God knows how far this will go. The boy has obviously not been given limits.
i wrote this immediately after finding out. it’s not dramatic. taking pictures of you is different than having hundreds of videos zoomed in of you unaware being recorded, in his hidden videos aside other porn pictures. some of them are just of my cleavage. this isn’t normal. You have no idea how it feels till you feel it. this is my brother, someone whom i’m close with. someone whom i used to feel very comfortable with, within the comfort of my own home. i don’t know how you can see this as a dramatic response.
Holy hell. You should bring it up with a trusted parent so he can get some counseling. I'm sorry your going through this. Puberty can really take a turn for worse with boys if things like this aren't handled. I definitely wouldn't talk to ur brother about it but he needs help.
My parents hate me and love him. I know as crazy as this sounds i’m afraid this will backfire on me. they will find a way, either mention how i’m supposed to dress modestly or so …
Its very important to put them in the position, though. Having been a foster kid, I understand having awful parents, yet it is important to tell the people within the home, whom can actually monitor your brother. At the same time I would tell the school counselor if still in school, particularly if you feel that AFTER telling your parents ended up being fruitless. Jumping on this immediately is the only way to stop him from progressing what he is doing. Embarrassment alone from others knowing, could stop him from thinking this is okay, let alone able to stay hidden. Edit: grammar. also, guaging their response will help a counselor address this if it ends up being a grossly negligent response from your parents.
OP should definitely tell a trusted adult. However, and this is a legit question, what way can she ask for help without it backfiring on her? Kid absolutely needs therapy and counseling, but what if it does backfire on her? They could claim that she was dressing “provocatively” on purpose and grooming him. Of course, she shouldn’t let that possibility stop her and I’m not in any way trying to scare or discourage OP as the kid is totally in the wrong, but it’s a factor that needs to be taken into consideration. OP should talk to a lawyer too and have one on standby in case the school looks at this the entirely wrong way.
😞yea i’ll see. I think i’ll just regularly check his phone now and see if anything changes. hopefully the fact that they’re deleted makes him aware that i know.. if this continues i’ll have to talk to my parents as i really have no idea what else i could do. thank you for taking your time to reply🙏.
No tell a trusted adult now. I work in education and this behavior won't end with you. Sooner the kid gets redirection the better.
Op, please listen to this... the child needs an intervention. You should not have deleted the pics.. youbshould have given them to an adult. Now he can deny it. Worse he now knows you know and he can't get any help. TLDr... stop giving 12 year Olds smart phones.
It's like handing him a bottle of Jack. No smartphones at that age.
I'd like to say 16 is the youngest you could be for a cell phone/smartphone. Any younger, it is a landline in the main room of the house!!
This is bad parenting from your parents, you can't just handle a 12 year old kid a completely unlocked smartphone, there are softwares out there that parents can use to monitor anything and everything children do on the phones and block unwanted stuff, you should never blindly hand a phone to a kid like that which exposes them to all sorts of stuff on the Internet. How much older are you compared to your brother? But yeah you need to tell your parents and keep monitoring his phone.
Im sorry, I understand the pressure to not speak up. But waiting would be a mistake. It is important to still tell them what you have seen. Squash it before it has a chance to progress
I feel like you should’ve left the photos so your parents could at least see the folder lster
Go see my other post, Op. You need to tell admin at school. This behavior is not normal, and needs to be brought to light before it escalates. Your brother could go on to develop predatory habits that build up. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home, he NEEDS to know how wrong that was, and it needs to be stopped before he creeps on others, or worse.
Second this! I’m a teacher, Op. You need to tell a teacher or counselor you trust, or even an admin at your school. You need to go to their office, sit down with them, and explain all of this. They will make sure your caregivers listen.
Since you’re from the Middle East the dynamic of parents favoring son over daughter is common. I know since I’m middle eastern. Telling the parents will only encourage his behavior honestly if they are that blindsided for having a son as the uttermost blessing. Plus they will pull the “he’s young” card. What you can do is keep deleting those nasty photos or videos but I believe eventually he will figure it out that you’ve been deleting them. If you can catch him on the act of doing it and calling him out that should at least deter it from him doing it to you hopefully. Otherwise he’s just going to progressively get worse either way. Best for you to find ways to distance yourself from him.
finally someone who understands.. Exactly…. he’ll always be right to them no matter what, they keep making excuses for him.. they have done so for so many other things in the past. He’s however very smart and i believe that he’s mentally way above his age, i’m hoping this will cause him to have some self reflection or atleast feel guilty and embarrassed to what he have done if he starts doubting i have checked his phone.
Yeah I responded once I figured you were middle eastern from your comment. I felt you needed a perspective from someone who shared a cultural background as you. I hope your brother can learn but there are ways to also prevent or mitigate those behaviors. Calling him out on your behalf to him will change it hopefully because you’re older than him. Your parents are unfortunately enablers and hence he won’t ever experience shame or some sort of repercussion. They are setting him up for failure in this sense. I’m an older sister too so by default I become the third parent to my sibling. You just have to guide him more but again it’s not your job either. If you want to make him understand this behavior isn’t okay then you have a talk with him. But call him out during the act. It will bring shame when the person is caught in the act. Hopefully he’s smart as you say to learn that it’s not socially okay to do that.
Can you get away? As he gets older - and physically larger - it isn't going to be a good situation for you. I feel like I need to be blunt: your brother is an emerging sexual predator. He may attack you. He may attack others. If it is at all possible to separate yourself from him and them, please do.
Hard to know if it will progress. If he got some help it might just end up a weird former quirk.
Sadly he will likely just get worse from what I’ve seen around me when stuff like this happens. Sorry op.
Honestly this is why bullying is a good thing sometimes. He’s taking these pics/vids of you in an incestious/devious way. Tell his friends he did this and make fun of him for having a crush on his sister. Let his friends do the rest. His cohort will sort him out trust.
Let's call a spade a spade. OP's parents are creating an entitle ah who is not being talk respect, responsibility, accountability or basic human decency. Their failure to parent has led to this child developing deviant behaviors. Generally, young boys going through puberty do not perv on their sisters. This is the type of kid that will grow up thinking it's ok to lookup girl's skirts, put peep holes in the girl's locker room, to forcing themselves on females. My recommendation for OP is to keep her room locked. check for hidden cameras in her room and bathroom and to never drop her guard down around her brother.
That's not fair to you. Is there anyone in your family that will side with you, and fight ur parents. I would check again in a month. I don't think checking his phone again will help. I doubt he's just gonna stop, his issue put lightly won't disappear and it will slowly warp his mind, and might even learn to hide it better from you. Im sorry and hope everything works out for both of u. Worst case cut off contact at 18 and move out. Worst case.
i’m 22 😞 i’m still in uni and fully supported by my parents as we don’t have the culture of working here or moving out
That's rough 😭. What country are you from and what are you going to university for. Sorry just curious I'm from the U.S. never went to uni. Is immigrating an option when you graduate?
I am from the middle east but live elsewhere (still in the middle east) i have 3 more years of medschool till i can hopefully be able to leave ..
Push through be proud of yourself
First of all, i am so sorry that you're going through this and no this is not normal, he doesn't get a free pass just because he's 12 and he's your brother. This is not right. If that is the case, I think you should really be keeping some of the evidence if they decide not to believe you, I know you're in shock but you need to start gathering your 'cards' because you never know if you might end up needing it. Keep us updated if its alright, we wanna know if youre okay. 💙
It is disgusting behaviour op. If you don't trust your parents about this. Either talk to someone at your school like a teacher you trust. Or what I'd now do because you've unfortunately deleted what I assume is everything that was on the phone. Give it some time, maybe a month or so. Check his phone again if you can before the next point otherwise your parents will never be in your side, if there isnt any new photos etc then wait longer. Call a family meeting out of the blue with no prior warning and tell your parents what you found, I won't go into depth about being 12 and having porn stuff on the phone, but he has had pictures of you, disturbing ones at that. Try and get his phone as soon as possible so he can't delete them himself and show them to your parents. If even after seeing them they don't care about/don't act shocked or surprised, please try and leave that household as quickly as you can
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It’s predatory behavior and should be addressed so he can be taught what is right and wrong. Let’s not just excuse his behavior with “boys will be boys”. Let’s teach our boys to be better so when they are men they don’t get worse.
I didn't say his behavior was peachy, it's deeply concerning and It needs to be addressed. But with the evidence presented so far it isn't necessarily *predatory* behavior, it may just be confused 12-year-old who recently discovered girls, sex, porn, and presumably, masturbating. That's a lot to deal with all at once when you have hormones taking over your body yet you still have the voice of a cartoon squirrel. That's why he needs to be evaluated by a psych. But that other Reddit is screaming that OP needs to leave the house immediately because she's under immediate threat of sexual assault by her brother. Not saying that isn't a possibility, but let's figure out what's really going on first — you know, *from a licensed professional* — before jumping to that conclusion.
And I wasn't snaping photos of family members, it's disturbing he had so many photos about porn at that young age. When I say disturbing i don't mean the genre of porn
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That’s understandable, but he can’t really explain why he has porn pictures and pictures of u in ur pjs in the same folder. If they end up taking this side, the best thing I would do is monitor his behavior whenever he has his phone out in the same room as you, not long before he takes pieces of *sensitive* garments and hides them in their room too. That’s worse case scenario that happens if he doesn’t realize by now doing what he does makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe while also to him, solidifies that this is ok since no one has told him otherwise
If they do this then it's time to contact someone higher up, like CPS (or whatever it is where you live), it may start like this but if you let it keep going it's going to get worse and worse. If you find it again, you need to show your parents, not just delete it. If you have your own phone then take pictures of the pictures on his phone so that you can show authorities in case they don't protect you properly. If you really need to play dumb for a few days until you can gather proper evidence, then do so. If you don't have your own phone, get a trusted friend's number, send them the pics through his phone, and then block the friend on his phone until you need to repeat the process. This is a bit of a more difficult thing cuz I imagine you don't want your friend to have that on their phone, but it's better than getting touched in your sleep. As scary as it is, I know multiple women who's brother has touched them in their sleep, both older brothers and younger brothers, and I've suffered the same fate (although this was while I was awake and we were just hanging out), so it's not ok and it's not something you should just deal with, it needs to be resolved no matter what. It doesn't even need to be a hate campaign against him, just try to get someone to get him help.
Sounds like you need to dip out of that house.
you should have kept the photos as evidence like take a picture of it
and do what with them? my parents know i’d never lie about something like this.
you did mention in another comment that you were afraid that it will backfire if you let them know. so if they side with him against you, you'll have undeniable evidence.
they’ll still turn it against me🤣. they’ll believe, but make it out as my fault. this has been my whole life. he does shit and i get blamed for them one way or another.
At that point then you bring it up to another adult or family member. If your parents have an issue with you after this situation and make it out to be your fault then they’re the ones who also need to seek counseling
this. u/oze02
btw if your not teaching him this lesson he can become a pervert way faster than you think.
Take a video on your phone, of you scrolling through his phone with all of the photos of you. Click on some with your face in them so they can see it's you.
Before you delete evidence, make sure you record that you did, indeed find this stuff on his phone. Proof is hard to ignore.
Two things will happen if he figures out it was you who deleted them, and this is where you NEED to inform your parents regardless of either outcome. Either he's going to realize he got caught, and that scare will make him stop. Or, he's going to double down and get bolder. Either way, inform your parents of what happened.
You're absolutely right. He will either shy away from OP and stop or if he's the rebellious type he'll try to come down on OP harder than before.
i forgot to put a TW and the whole post is all over the place please excuse that i’m really unable to formulate well i’m still in shock
I dont know if this will make you feel better, but I’m assuming there is something seriously mentally wrong with him and he needs major help.
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Jesus man, reading this, I can't even believe this is real
I read some of your comments and it seems like your parents aren't likely to help and/or believe you. If that's true, I think you need to get away from him, and from them. Your brother is not ok. This isn't normal for a young boy. Certainly a few pictures or maybe a video or two, creepy but not excessive. What you are describing is well beyond that. This could be a sign of much worse things about him that you do not want to be involved in. If your parents can't hear you about this, then you need to establish your own life as separate from them, and definitely from him, as you possibly can.
Next time save these pictures. Take a video of you looking through his phone. Take it to your parents and say hey mom and dad…what do you think about these pictures? It’s not normal. Have you asked your brother? Always open ended questions - how did you get these pictures, why did you take them and then, how do you think this makes me feel. Or you could go to your parents and say Bobby is taking pictures of me… What do you think about this and how do you think it makes me feel. When you use open ended questions, they can’t wiggle out of the question, they have to give an answer. You can’t go up to them and say look at what Bobby is doing. He’s such an asshole he’s such a creep, then they might just say nothing or tell you that you’re crazy, but if you ask them, how does that make me feel or why is he taking these pictures of me, Then they really have to answer and think critically. You could also call adult protective services and ask them what they think, but I don’t trust governmental agencies. You could call Social Worker and see what they say, but keep in mind that everybody is going to tell you that it’s creepy and terrible that everyone must know and everything will blow up and your parents will be mad your brother will be freaked out, and it will most likely not work to your favor, that is just what I’m thinking. And you being in medical school and having to rely on them put you in a precarious situation. as much as people would think that the system is there to help you, they cannot control how your parents will act. I’m not sure if you have any extra money to rent a room from someone while you finish school, but that would be ideal. Even one that’s four or $500 a month all bills paid. At least she would be out of the house. Another thing I was thinking of do you think your parents could possibly be abusing him in any possible way for him to make these decisions? Does your brother go to school, does he get in trouble at school, does he have a little girlfriend at school, is your brother awkward in any way, shape or form. There’s so many angles are ways to look at this.
> When you use open ended questions, they can’t we go out of the question, they have to give an answer. I hate to tell you this, but they can (and will), if they choose. Many parents are of the opinion “I’m the adult. You’re the child. I don’t have to tell you shit. Conversation over”. If they are, and you push the issue, you end up grounded, or worse. That’s the impression I get from the way OP is describing her parents.
I really wish you had shown your parents before you deleted the pics. I know you claim that they hate you and love him, but even if it's true he's like the golden child, I highly doubt your parents will want him perving on his sister. Even if just for his own sake. He needs someone to have a talk with him.
How old are you?
i’m 22
Oh god
Any age is bad for this type of thing
Yeah, I was just assuming she was like 16. It'd probably be even worse if she was younger cus teenage boys are of course gonna be attracted to grown women, whereas if he's attracted to someone younger, he's more likely to actually want to do something
Can you tell him: I know you like girls now, but it's really inappropriate to take pictures of girls, especially your relatives, like your sister.
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barely any of them are “explicit”. i found a few ones of my breast area, the rest are all just long videos of me at home unaware. all are however within his “hidden” folder
I understand - if he took these himself then its not impossible that he may even sneek in to get some explicit ones down the line - so surely there should be something to be done here about him.
He *a b s o l u t e l y* will escalate. Maybe not with you, but with others as he gets more experience.
Even if the ones he took aren't of you naked, deepfakes are still unfortunately a thing
Regardless of whether they are "explicit" or not, I personally would do something about it, simply because I wouldn't want to end up on some dodgy website if you know what I mean. Perhaps try to "catch" him, so then you have proof and if you're telling your parents (who you said they like him more) you won't come across as "I looked through my brothers phone" but "I caught this weird ass recording me, went through his phone and found more"
That’s odd, kids are weird. He shouldn’t be looking at porn either
exactly!! he JUST turned 12 a month ago. puberty hit him like crazy though. i’ll atleast try hinting to my parents to watch what he’s doing online
Yeah believe it or not most curious kids who are going through puberty are like that, we shouldn’t normalize porn though. That would leave a long lasting negative effect on his brain if he continues to consume porn
Some of these comments are really downplaying the situation. Op I'm sorry this happened to you. It's such a huge breach of privacy and trust. I get he's a little boy, but it's time we stop excusing shitty behavior with "boys will be boys". It's normal to be curious about sex, it's not normal to take secret photos and vids of the women in your life. That's weird. That's fucking weird. Actions have consequences. In my case, I'd rip that phone apart with my bare hands. For you, I really do think you should tell your parents regardless if they believe you or not. And don't ever shut up about it until they do something (and also consider ripping the phone apart 😉). Best of luck to you! You're strong and human and you don't deserve being treated like this by anyone not even your little brother 🩷
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>studied...for decades now I don't believe that you've done anything for decades
Deleting this was a huge mistake, now it’s his word against yours. I say check for these types of photos again in a few months and take pictures of them on his phone with yours. This is HUGE red flag behavior, at ANY age this is unacceptable and I would have never ever thought to do anything like this. You could try to help in preventing him from acting like this again and to other people in the future, or even worse, physically acting upon this behavior
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He needs to be shamed.
He’s selling them to his classmates.
that would actually be a better case scenario than thinking about him doing god knows what with his sister’s photos. i have checked his chats and all though to make sure he hasn’t sent it to anyone.
Yeah, man. An adult needs to take his phone away. You have to tell a parent
Jesus, what a little fuckin creep…
I have zero advice but i am so sorry this is happening to you 😣
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😵💫 he’s actually stronger than me..
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It might not be what you think. I hate to tell you this but....I knew a kid around that age trade pics and videos of his sister to his friends for stuff or favors. So it's possible that could be the situation but you should probably bring this to someone's attention.
i’ve mentioned in a comment something in me actually hopes this was the case as it’s more decent than having to believe the actual scenario. i’ve thought about it and checked all his social media/ chats.
But...you don't think that's the case? I mean how does he behave towards you?
What the hell is your 12 year old brother doing with porn sites on his phone? Where are your parents in all this?
Sadly, this is a lot more common than you may think
A whole lot of porn sites rely on verification that's just clicking a button. You'd be amazed
Wow, that's scary. You should talk to someone, if not your parents then another trusted adult? Someone has to be able to intervene here.
Like others have said if this happens again, don't delete the pictures. Show it to your parents or a a trusted adult. I don't know the entire dynamic of your family but Even if they favour him a lot, i doubt he'll get away with it completely. Most parents would draw the line there.
I am so sorry. I hope everything works out in the end
Puberty can be a weird time for boys so it’s important to address it early to avoid it becoming a bigger issue when they’re older. Try and educate him on how to treat women respectfully, he is a child ultimately, so he likely doesn’t fully understand his actions or the reasons behind those actions.
I was 12 once. I’d occasionally catch myself glancing towards my sisters chest, then vomit in my mouth a little once I remembered whose chest it was. It’s a boy thing, it’s awkward and not good, but not a damnable offense. The pictures are a problem, but they are a side effect of a greater underlying issue. I’m (27M) old enough to have been less affected by the current trends of porn. (Sibling/parent everything. What was once a taboo, risqué kink, has been normalized to an alarming extent. When you couple that with the fact that young people often conflate pornography and legitimate sex, he probably thinks it would be rude NOT to be attracted to you. Honestly, I’m just as sick for him as I am for you. Both of you are caught up in a relatively new phenomenon. Siblings have had weird attractions throughout history, but not on such a common basis.
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As some other commenter had said: It's normal to be curious about sex, it's not normal to take secret photos and videos of the women in your life. That's weird. That's fucking weird.
If he has porn on his phone he understands what he's doing wrong.
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Why is this about his mental state? His parents need to step in and take his phone away.
Holy fucking shit, I'm sorry you're going through this. Tell a parent or a trusted teacher, just anyone. Have some belief someone will be able to help you. Shit, good luck.
I can’t find the comment now where you said your parents know you’d never lie about this, but would blame you. If you’ve deleted the pics, and deleted the recently deleted folder, then there’s no way to prove what was in the folder. What if there were these inappropriate pics of you and your mother in there? What if you deleted them to protect her too? It might force them to react to him a different way than if it were just pics of you. I know, it’s a terrible thing to directly lie about it but perhaps it could be idk insinuated?
it was waaayy too disturbing 😬 had no thought process i just immediately deleted
I remember when I was 12, yet would never do something this serious. Tbf there was many times I thought about shooting someone that constantly ripped my mental health to pieces but I restrained, remembering the consequences.
This is really traumatizing. First, you need to give this experience some time. I'm sure it feels like hell right now but we humans adapt. It must be hard to let it out in front of your parents but you managed to write a post here as well, right? I'm sure you'll get your concerns across in time. Try to practise some breathing techniques so you can calm yourself. Please don't let this slide off. Your brother could become a dangerous human in the future. And your parents need to know about it. Also, if it's possible, please seek professional help so you can feel less haunted by this traumatic incident. I really hope you feel better soon!
Also, I might just add. I've been reading comments and I feels like your parents are to blame. They spoiled your kid brother and now he feels he can do whatever he wants because your parents have his back. I don't want to scare you further but he's taking pictures right now. It can and it will get worse with time if he isn't stopped. He's probably getting some form of pleasure out of this but there will come a time where he takes another step. It's an extremely hard situation to be in considering your parents aren't very fond of you. You deleted the evidence because it felt right at that time. Its okay. He'll probably do it again. Make sure you get evidence the next time and if your parents really care about him they'll do something about it.
Post this on r/legaladvice
I feel like they could help you with what to do because this is not ok
Listen, OP. I completely understand how violated you feel. He shouldn’t be doing this, and he needs to be set straight. That being said, I do have a couple of questions. 1. What exactly were you “checking” on his phone? Since he knew what you would find if you looked hard enough, he obviously didn’t know. 2. What kind of phone does he have? I know that on my iPhone, I need to input my passcode to look at the hidden and recently deleted folders. If his doesn’t have one, then this question is moot.
I'm glad smartphones didn't exist when I was 12
beat the shit outta him
If you don't talk to someone and process this now, you will be at a therapist’s office later in life wishing you did. This is traumatic. It will change you. The sooner you find support, the less it hurts. I know you have to keep yourself safe, and I get that. But please really think about who in your life will go to bat for you and see if they can help.
LOL
He's 12. He's hornier than a mountain of goats. I wouldn't read too much jnto it.
everyone is 12 at some point. ive never heard of this ever happening to anyone else
Maybe because most brothers and sisters would not talk about it. It's incredibly awkward.
What the fuck?? Bro..there's much better fish in the sea on fucking google images then your sister's cleavage. I am really sorry this happened to you but I am still fucking baffled. Sit him down, and don't yell at him. Parents dont need to be involved in this. This can be resolved without creating a molehill. Also, lock your door more.
Is you moving out an option ?
i wish but no. also little update. 😬 i’ve done nothing, he could tell i’m ignoring him though, and he changed his phone passcode. i’m making sure he isn’t doing it again though i’m thinking of talking to him soon
r/thiccsister
LOL.
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in the context with my brother, it’s clearly weird and with ill intentions. i’m not drawing him as a monster as i know he’s still technically a child, and still learning. it’s still however really fucking weird as he’s old enough to know what’s wrong and what isn’t, and he is not naive, he’s extremely smart. but yes i agree, my parents are the type to buy everything he asks of, and he’s the only boy they have, i’m guessing they just expected him to turn out like me and my sister as we always were extremely obedient and had no similar issues at all. and as i’ve mentioned i’m middle eastern, our culture here is so fucked we don’t talk about things like that at all, that it’s a topic so taboo kids never learn about it in the right way
[ego Killer dayday uwp ](https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/daydayuwp/blame-the-days-feat-prince-choda)
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It’s not unbelievable at all… if you seriously believe stuff like this never happens then you need to watch some true crime or just gloss through people’s various experiences
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?
What are you on about
Two things can be true at once. You should not have been snooping in his phone. Straight-up, fact. That said, now that you know what he has been up to, there *has* to be a family discussion about boundaries. Because what he is doing is jailtime in 6 short years depending on jurisdiction. You aren't going to be comfortable for a bit in your home. No quick way past it. And your parents are probably going to try and harp on the first bit - you on his phone. But you are gonna have to push back hard if necessary because this peeping Tom business is damn serious. Good luck, young lady. Don't roll over on this.
I'm not sure "you should not have been snooping in his phone" was the place to start here.
a 12 year old shouldnt have his own phone
Outside of my advice about some sort of intervention, I'll not comment on the OPs parents. As far as I'm concerned, they have some years yet to set the boy right.
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Don't take weird pictures of your sister
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Most kids go trough a *creeping on their sister* phase?
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This seems way beyond that.
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No one is treating him like he's Ted Bundy. He needs an adult to step in and he needs to stop sexually harassing his sister. If no one steps in now God knows how far this will go. The boy has obviously not been given limits.
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op is NOT being dramatic. She has a right to be upset.
i wrote this immediately after finding out. it’s not dramatic. taking pictures of you is different than having hundreds of videos zoomed in of you unaware being recorded, in his hidden videos aside other porn pictures. some of them are just of my cleavage. this isn’t normal. You have no idea how it feels till you feel it. this is my brother, someone whom i’m close with. someone whom i used to feel very comfortable with, within the comfort of my own home. i don’t know how you can see this as a dramatic response.
You don't need to make excuses to this person.
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