Why isn’t the daughter making it if she’s so particular? She’s 15, she’s at an age where it’s reasonable and even important to learn a life skill like cooking. If she wants to be picky and if she’s being an asshole to everyone around her, she can make her own damn food. Catering to a spoiled rotten brat who is still tantruming at *fifteen years old* is creating an absolute monster of an adult.
How silly. My dad did the bulk cooking when I was that age, because he loved to cook, but I never tried to make him cook things separately for me, and I absolutely could and did make my own food sometimes
Tbf she’s probably got nutrient deficiencies galore bc of her restrictive diet. If they are severe enough, they can make you act like a crazy person.
But ya… she should be cooking for herself if she’s going to be so extra.
Op gave a big list of food restrictions the step daughter has in the post. Ops only been sneaking her dairy and gluten… which won’t make up for lost nutrients if her list of no no foods is really that long.
OOP doesn’t say how often step-monster is with them though; if she’s at her mom’s the majority of the time, it would be pretty reasonable to assume she’s becoming malnourished from her restrictive eating.
will second this! stopped eating which stopped my period, stopped my meds from working, lost a crap ton of weight and i rarely sleep. was a raging bitch lol (still am) but i’ve now realized that and am working on fixing it 🥲 didn’t realize how important food really is!!!!
She obviously doesn’t have that problem she’s not had a problem with their food because she just had herself believing nothing she thought is “bad” was in it when in reality it was. She not once complained of her stomach hurting when things when her way.
Absolutely I just said she’s old enough to clean her own dishes and make her own food. Especially since she’s acting an ungrateful brat. She didn’t have not one stomach issue until they told her she was actually eating normal foods.
Yes this!
I feel kind of bad for everyone here because it’s HARD to be a 15 year old and I don’t care what anyone says, they are children without fully developed brains. She clearly needs help and is acting out. But stepmom is doing her best in a really unsupported situation and accurately assessed that this wasn’t really a stomach issue. I wouldn’t have lied to the kid about what I was feeding her personally but I child can’t make these kind of demands of the adults kitchen.
Tbf, she waited until the allergy test came back negative, after which she used placebo. I see absolutely no fault in OOP. She did what needed to be done and exposed the BS. Hats off to her! Bravo, madame, bravo!
Yeah she made sure it wasn't an actual issue and given how shes probably missing a shit ton of vitamins might be the only reason shes not breaking bones and having other worse issues. Its sad cause she definitely has an eating disorder and should probably be getting off social media. Her family is being enablers and wont learn till she gets hurt
You can not be allergic to foods and still have them cause other issues, but at least she checked there wasn't going to be an anaphalaxis issue. I always worry with these stories that someone is going to see it and decide to 'test' the allergy of someone they suspect is faking it for attention. I know someone whose 8 year old ended up in hospital that way.
I find it weird that they want to sue OP and also make demands for when she'll be cooking for SD in future. If it were that bad, surely you'd just make your own food so no one could tamper with it. SD could even cook for everyone while she's there so she's not causing extra work for anyone.
This. It may have worked out this time, but this type of thinking is dangerous and irresponsible. It could actually kill someone.
I get why she did it, but I can’t support the decision.
I have wound up here from the original post but, jumping on this as a top comment since this idea is echoed elsewhere in both threads.
There are a lot of misunderstandings about food intolerances VS food allergies. 'Allergy' is often used as shorthand colloquially for intolerances, and it's common enough that I've even had some of my doctors use both interchangeably, despite 'intolerance' being the accurate term for what I--and it sounds like the stepdaughter-- experience.
Misconception number one is that, where food allergies and intolerances are concerned, allergy tests are definitive. They are, unfortunately, not. (Ex. sometimes, a test will flag something as an allergen simply because you 'eat too much of it' or it's a large part of your diet.) Usually when testing for these things, you undergo a skin test, and based on what flags on the skin test, you can then do a blood test, but even that isn't always conclusive.
One of the most effective ways to determine what food allergens and intolerances someone actually has is to do what's called an elimination diet. You remove all suspected allergens from your diet for around a month or so, and then very, very carefully add each one back in, one at a time, to see if you have a reaction. Food allergies and intolerances cause a HUGE range of symptoms from fatigue and brain fog to runny nose and sneezing to digestive upset and nausea. Symptoms can also take days to present. It can be exceptionally difficult to pinpoint specific foods, which is why the elimination diet is a thing.
Anecdotally, my allergy test flagged for beef, pork, dairy, egg, cinnamon, tuna, tomato, and onion. I did a modified elimination diet excluding only those foods, and it was an honest-to-good nightmare. I dropped below 100lbs. I was weak and lightheaded and tired constantly. Finding ANYTHING to eat without those ingredients was really hard.
I ended up ending my elimination diet early because I was struggling to eat at all. But I did determine that I am intolerant to pork, onion, and egg. Tomato, dairy, and cinnamon, though they were flagged on my test, do not seem to cause me any reactions. (I don't like tuna so I didn't bother testing for that one). Jury is still out on beef, but I just tested adding it back to my diet recently and have determined that my possible reactions are mild enough that I can probably occasionally eat some with no issue. I LOVE pork, eggs, and onions, so cutting those out of my diet has been really hard. But it's just not worth the awful cramping stomach pains they cause and the general feeling of malaise I have for days after. (For context, the cramps I get after eating onions are a comparable pain level to my endo menstrual cramps.)
So that's a lot of text, but, to my point:
It sounds like the stepdaughter has genuine reason to suspect food intolerances. It does sound like she is being unreasonable; however, because of the general tone in which this AITA was delivered, I question just how unreasonable. I wonder if the poor kid has been spinning in circles trying to figure out why she keeps getting sick, and has requested separate cookware, etc. as a last resort because her stepmother has been secretly feeding her foods that make her ill. Probably in small enough doses that symptoms have delayed onset or are unclear enough to make her question if she's actually experiencing a food intolerance or if she just feels a little funky that day.
Also, dairy and gluten (and soy) are some of the most common food intolerances and allergens. A LOT of people can't eat those foods! And a lot of people have food intolerances and have no idea. My parents (one of whom is a DNP ENT/allergy specialist) have, between the two of them, intolerances to egg, pork, chicken, spinach, apples, tuna... there are a few more but I can't recall atm. I was speaking to my dad recently about our shared egg intolerance, lamenting that we can't dip our bacon in runny egg yolk anymore, and he revealed that his father was also onion-intolerant. So, like, there are genetic factors at play, too, which may explain why stepdaughter's bio mom is raving about how much better she feels.
OP is MASSIVELY the asshole, and it's super concerning that she has such a poor understanding of food intolerances and yet is a medical professional.
I made this comment on the original post, OP seemed disgusted at the thought. I guess living in misery and being yelled at is far better than the idea of being single again. 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Then what the hell did she post for??? I don’t get people like this. You’re literally telling your husband to leave. He’s showing you he really don’t care about his daughter or he’d leave if it’s such a dam problem. But you also are being kinda dumb by not really making him leave if it’s your home. Then you wanna post on here? Don’t ask if you don’t want people telling you the truth.
I said this in the original post and I’ll say it here- the parents need to start looking into getting their daughter a psychologist because it genuinely looks like she is developing disordered eating.
She’s having psychosomatic reactions to not having complete control over her food, and instead of being concerned over their high school aged daughter, the parents arent investigating this at all. Yes, high schoolers can be brats. Yes, she is also being a brat. But most high schoolers arent brats about THIS type of thing.
And sadly social media is pushing eating disorders onto preteen and teenage girls - last year, a Finnish news reporter made a faux profile on TikTok, pretending to be a 13yo Finnish girl with an AI generated image and profile. Within three hours, 85-100% of the content the algorithm pushed onto her feed was pertaining to eating disorders or encouraging behaviour like that.
Parents really need to take the wheel back and actually look at the media their child consumes. I'm only at the paw patrol - phase with my kid, but have no intention of turning a blind eye to what and for how long my child, whom I'm responsible for, does with any form of media.
Honestly this has been a problem since media became easily accessible via the internet.
I developed anorexia during high school because I thought I wasn’t thin enough (just look up models from the early 2000’s and see what was plastered on tv and online at the time) and my access was much more limited than teenagers who are going through this issue now.
They have 24/7 access at the touch of their fingertips. I honestly feel for this girl because I am absolutely certain that she believes that she is sick. She needs help and her family is refusing to help her.
I’m fairly certain of that. I just suggested that specific time frame because that’s what I was exposed to specifically.
It’s not a healthy image to put in girls’ heads and it needs to stop. The fact that body positivity is more prevalent is a step in the right direction. We’re all built different and that’s ok.
Girls like OP’s step daughter are especially vulnerable right now because of their level of access as well as being driven by emotions more so than being driven by reason at that age.
Yeah, one of my exes had the same issues in her youth due to online forums where she was very much echo chambered to eating disorders and self-harm - the fact that these "how to" guides are now plastered on all prevalent shortform video feeds instead of shared at some obscure forums is the scariest part for me to think of.
Maybe one could argue that it's good that the really sick people have a place to gather online, but that all goes away when they try to "recruit" otherwise stable young and curious people into their fold. Nothing sickens me more than an adult pushing an unhealthy agenda onto children.
Thanks for sharing, I know your online presence alone is bound to help at least someone who doesn't realise what kinds of things the human mind can be coaxed to with enough repetition and charisma. Every soul spared is precious.
God, yes. I’m the same age and remember thinking I was huge as soon as I developed hips. I remember that being reinforced by comments I got at the time. Looking back on pictures - I was skinny. But by age 11/12, I thought I was pear-shaped and fat. The oughts were rough for anyone who wasn’t rail-thin.
Definitely! When the daughter was complaining about recurrent stomach pain that’s a big red flag to ignore. Even if it isn’t caused by allergies or food intolerances it needs to be looked into. It could be something like an ulcer or ibs that is better if it’s found sooner rather than later. Even if it is psychosomatic and caused by anxiety the girl still needs treatment. It could be OCD, and she’s obsessing with food and her digestive issues. Put her in therapy so she can learn some coping mechanisms and talk to her about the possibility of going on some low dose meds to help her with her anxiety. As someone who suffered with anxiety and depression related to undiagnosed OCD for years, the irrational thoughts make you feel like your mind is on fire. Pair that with teenage hormones and you have the recipe for a neurotic, anxious, angry, scared, pain in the butt teen that can be hard to deal with.
The fact that the stomach pain went away when she thought she was eating foods that fit all her restrictions, I’d say that the stomach pain was more anxiety related than anything.
Also a small amount of gluten versus a normal gluten heavy diet actually has benefits for gluten intolerant people. I have celiac and it’s like “2 grains of sand worth will set you off” versus for those who are gluten intolerant. So the step mom might not be right about that one being fake. I still think it’s disordered eating, but it could have been reinforced if she had less bloating or stomach pain etc. And for a lot of people “my stomach hurts” is short hand for “diarrhea”. Dairy could easily cause that without it being a huge allergy, most people are lactose intolerant.
As a person who has disordered eating, I would say ESH.
- tampering with someone’s food is one of the fastest ways to make the disorder worse.
- a full test for food intolerances (a small food intolerance can actually trigger this)
- parents should have teen with a professional who understands eating disorders.
The teen is out of control, but it is the parents who are failing her, and her stepmother being a nurse should know better than to lie about tampering with the food.
For sure! I know the stepmom is at the end of her rope, and I feel bad for her because clearly the entire weight of the daughter’s needs is being put primarily on her, but if someone already has an unhealthy relationship with food, the LAST thing they need is the inability to trust what’s on their plate.
I agree. I have Non- Celiac Gluten Sensitivity, every food panel I did came out clean but the fact remained I had excruciating stomach pain, skin rashes and bowel issues. I was a raging bitch during that time too, undoubtedly it contributes to mental health issues as well.
I honestly do feel some sympathy for the teen, because I know how it felt to be gaslit about my health issues and people would keep sneaking in gluten to "test" me. People kept accusing me of having disordered eating because I was so specific on what I could and couldn't eat - but they aren't the ones in the toilet for 4 hours after eating bread. Allergy panels are not foolproof and even doctors don't understand exactly how intolerance develop, just that if cutting it out helped your issues, then continue to cut it out.
It was after I went gluten free, had a more balanced diet that a host of my issues went away and I felt sane again. My life long eczema cleared up, and it was then it was taken as "proof" I wasn't being bratty.
The teenager does have issues that she's in the process of figuring out and she needs support, instead of everyone turning on eachother and gaslighting her. OP is not at fault entirely, but all three parents here are failing the kid. Sneaking in gluten and dairy to someone who is intolerant, can cause nutritional deficiency that can contribute to the teenagers issues as well.
Wouldn't the teen have still had stomach issues when being secretly fed gluten for six months if she were genuinely sensitive to it, though? I have something similar with mushrooms, but even if I don't know they're in something I eat, I still feel sick from it later. She said she was fine the whole time she was unknowingly eating without restrictions. It sounds psychosomatic, from that.
This depends. For example, for years I was gluten sensitive, but had no visible symptoms apart from my vitamins always showing up deficient in bloodwork. Then I developed eczema. And it was after several years that I got the stomach pain, that allowed me to link it to my diet (and gluten as the main trigger). All my symptoms subsided.
Being a rebellious teen, I thought since I know the cause, I can continue to eat gluten as long as I kept it "low" and didn't experience symptoms - like a smoker who was asked to cut back. So I continued to eat it for a few more years until almost overnight. I was hit with my eczema, stomach pain, IBS and deficiency in an avalanche. It warranted hospitalization and a celiac test.
Even for Celiacs, it's common to never have symtpoms but the gluten still does underlying damage to the intestine
After 10 years, only now do I have immediate reactions to being glutened. So I can tell when it was being snuck in my food, but that wasn't the case earlier. Doctors tell me it's because I'm gluten free and the inflammation has come down, that I'm able to pick it up for acutely, whereas when you are in a constant state of inflammation it's not so easy to do so.
Food intolerances are a vastly complex topic and a pain in the ass to figure out - so I do have sympathy for everyone dealing with it. But it is possible, if you are chronically exposed to an allergen to not have outward symptoms, but still be feeling it's effects on the inside. It's also possible it's psychosomatic- but that's for a doctor to decide and not OP. It's rather to err on caution than take health into your own hands.
Right, but I think the point they are getting at is tampering with and lying about the food exposes that it isn't a physical insensitivity, sure, but to whose benefit? If it really is mental and the issues are psychosomatic, then lying to them about the food they are consuming is liable to just make it worse.
Step-mom shouldn't have tampered with the food, but otherwise, it is right on the money. Dad and mom aren't doing the daughter any benefit not facing this issue. Expecting the Step-mom that works 60 hours a week to take on 100% of the burden of these choices is just not feasible.
Oh, yeah, I don't disagree. Just meant I'm not sure whether it's an actual physical sensitivity. The daughter probably needs some kind of therapy if anything, not having her food tampered with.
I think it is very hard for people who haven’t experienced food intolerances.
I did develop a full on eating disorder from my intolerances. No one tests for sulfur and it took me nearly two decades to understand why I couldn’t eat breakfast without being trapped in the toilet by lunch.
No one looks at eggs as a food intolerance. Infact most fruits and vegetables contain higher levels of sulfur. So I understand the teen and why she was desperate to figure out what was triggering the pain.
But she should have been prepping her own food, she needs to take control of her own health. I can understand OOP, but food tampering is really the wrong thing for any healthcare provider to do.
True. It is ideal if the kid starts prepping her own food - her parents can offer to pay for the gluten-free dairy-free variants that can be more expensive, but on the conditon that she does the food prep.
I think after the trust issues developed now, she is more likely to take matters in her own hands at this point - which is the only long term plan realistically for people with food intolerances.
Lmao. This is the most absurd thing I’ve read today. I hope she boots her husband.
This is what happens when you live in an echo chamber and have victim mentality
NTA
Nothing grinds my gears harder than people claiming disorders and diseases for attention.
Even worse is the father enabling it.
The thing with teenagers and fads is that it's perfectly fine for them to follow some fad. As a parent however,n you're not supposed to enable it. If they want to do it, fine, but don't make someone else cater to it.
I’m all for people with legitimate illnesses that they can’t get a handle on going after various __-free diets bc they’re basically flailing around & hoping they grab something useful in their flailing, especially if their medical care is taking a while (like a specialist takes 9 months to see and you’re just SOL until then? Sure, purge the house of gluten n see if it helps; might not but probably feels better than hopelessly wallowing for most of a year).
But that should come with like…working with a doctor n shit. If her stomach is bothering her and there’s no allergy, take her to a fuckin GI. Call her PCP. If her parents really believe her physical symptoms, they should probably make sure it’s not something more significant instead.
> than people claiming disorders and diseases for attention.
which is more often than not it's very own mental health disorder. Or a sign that something is going with that person. I don't necessarily expect the average joe to see that or have compassion, but from someone who works in the medical field. Yes, the behaviour of the daughter sucks (and tbh even more so the parents of the girl tbh, she needs treatment, not enabling!), and I understand the step mom is overworked and underthanked. But how she, as someone in the medical field, went about an issue she herself sees as a mental health thing, rubs me the wrong way.
I mean, she told her husband to get the stepdaughter mental health help, and he didn't, so I can't really begrudge the oop at all. Like, there's only so much you can do when a person won't help themselves. It doesn't matter if oop is in the medical field, she told her husband to get stepdaughter help and was ignored. Can't lead a horse to water!
Yeah but then especially you don't act like she did to the teen that you suspect has a mental health problem that doesn't get adressed by their parents. It's even worse to behave as OP dis when you suspect the teen is in some kind of distress and doesn't get help but enabling which makes the problem even worse.
She has no support from the actual parents. You can have compassion, but everyone has their breaking point. Not being able to have the foods you want in your own home because of imagined sensitivities, spending your very small amounts of free time catering to a crazy person, getting yelled at by everyone in your house because of the above circumstances. And not being able to do a goddamn thing about it.
I feel like all these Redditors talk a very good game when they Monday Morning Quarterback in the comments, but mostly everyone in reality would have lost their shit by now. Even “medical professionals” are people. Regular people. Some even have less patience in their home lives because their work lives are spent catering to/having excessive compassion for others.
Dated someone who was “allergic” to everything he magically didn’t want to eat. It took a while for me to catch on, but while eating shrimp fajitas, cooked with mushrooms, he asked for a shrimp. I had been going through insane efforts to not make him go into anaphylaxis when I ate something in his allergy list, so I explained that the shrimp had cooked with the mushrooms and he didn’t carry an epi around (never did, shocker… because he wasn’t allergic to anything). He explained that all his allergies he just couldn’t eat directly, but could eat around them all, even if stewed together. I realized that he was just a selfish person who didn’t care if others lives were harder, as long as he never had to eat “the crunchy vein” in romaine (only veggie he ate was romaine without the vein), mushrooms, etc. he could only eat tomatoes in salsa or sauce form but was allergic to all other tomato preparation. Food pickiness is the epitome of childish, ungrateful, and spoiled/selfish adults.
I agree with you completely, but just as an fyi for anyone reading, it is possible to be allergic to raw tomatoes but not struggle with them once they're cooked/processed (aka, the allergenic enzymes are denatured). But this guy as an example just sounds like a douche.
This has me with egg yolks. I’ll go into anaphylactic shock: if I eat egg yolks (like scrambled eggs or eggs that have only been tempered like in desserts longer crème brûlée) but if they are baked like in cakes or cookies I’m fine. It’s really weird.
I get oral allergy syndrome from fruits or nuts, which is influenced by the pollen count that day - some days I can eat a jar of Nutella, other days half an apple will have me wheezing on the floor. You have my sympathy, Allergies are stupid and ever so hard to navigate sometimes.
If you can eat salsa (raw tomato), and tomato sauce (cooked), then I cannot imagine there is a high chance of anaphylactic shock from tomato products. I was young and too dumb to realize this then.
A lot of commercial salsa isn't "raw" in the sense that those tomatoes are either cooked or pasteurized to the point they may have well been cooked. Pico de Gallo is different, but your El Paso or whatever jarred salsa is cooked.
Pico is the best salsa anyway. I'm in AZ, but most of the restaurants here serve a salsa that's stewed, chopped tomatoes and some peppers. It's usually really fine and soupy, but delicious in its own way.
Building on from another commenter, salsa contains lime juice which is a pickling agent, which can again denature the problematic enzymes I believe. And the amount of an ingredient also can make a difference, admittedly not for anaphylaxis allergies, but for oral allergy syndrome. I have the latter, and I struggle to breathe with raw fruit in the summer as it's related to pollen allergies. It doesn't stop me from eating fruit, I just don't eat fruit when I'm out and about because breathing is harder when walking.
Tbf there are some instances where raw food can't be tolerated but the cooked version is, this is common with both tomatoes and onions, where cooking can denature a certain chemical and make it ok and there is such a thing as texture aversion, I will involuntarily gag and vomit if given beans, and while I was pregnant I could not swallow meat. But these are distinct things from allergies and should not be represented as allergies
I am picky but I would not dare say I was allergic to something just because I didn’t want to eat it. If I don’t like it I just won’t eat it and I’ll get myself up and get something else. I wouldn’t dare make someone cater to me because of a problem I have that I can manage on my own. That’s so selfish.
I am not saying generic pickiness doesn’t rub me in the wrong way, since this partner, but it is better if picky eaters and those who have real and fad dietary aversions, just bring their own or eat what they can, instead of making those around them jump hoops to please them. I do not even want to hear about it: I don’t run around telling everyone what my least favorite foods are. I eat most things others make because I appreciate someone caring for my base needs as an animal, and I had a few years of food insecurity where I did eat trash can leftovers. Everyone thinks I pray before I eat. I don’t. Each time I eat I make sure to think about everyone in the world who is starving, I remember and embody what hunger feels like, then I express gratitude for having food and hope that food becomes more readily available for those who cannot regularly expect it.
Unfortunately influencers on social media that these young people are consuming on a constant basis. Absorbing all of this can cause eating disorders. There’s no way to tell from a Reddit post if she has one, but she should go seek help. The father is failing her, every adult in this situation are failing her.
He’s too self absorbed. Like she told him if he wanted to live with his daughter he had to leave. He’s not doing that. He doesn’t care about that child. Or he’d do what he had to do to help her/ be with her. If someone told me to get my child help I am. If I love my spouse enough I’d fix the whole situation. So the way he’s acting makes me wonder whose house it is. And if he did leave does he have no where to go.
Any time you see someone displaying symptoms of a mental illness “for attention,” try replacing “attention seeking” with “support seeking.” It will change a lot. She obviously has a real eating disorder, which has the highest death rate of any other mental illness. It doesn’t mean that this person has to put up with this behavior, because it needs to be addressed as a mental and medical disorder.
NTA, you deserve more respect from your partner when it comes to your dealing with stepdaughter. If your partner doesn't get a handle on his daughters entitlement, it will end up coming back and biting him. Good on you op for standing your ground, I would have done the same.
I mean, if there was actual evidence, like the allergy tests the stepmom waited to get back before adding gluten, then it would be illegal because it would be harmful. But, honestly, the best thing she could do for the girl on the way out of her life is to ask the judge in the lawsuit to get a doctor to look at her for "proof" of their claims.
One of my siblings had a girlfriend who started making up all these allergies. It was insane. Like on the surface it seemed okay but it was like boiling the frog. We live in a liberal progressive area so lots of resources to be able to accommodate and we did but she was obscenely rude. At our rehearsal dinner we made sure ahead of time that no corn (one of her issues) or HFCS was in anything except for the corn bread (cause you know. Corn is in the name). But she still badgered the server about bringing out the ingredients of everything for her to inspect. She also said she couldn’t have any nitrates/nitrites… but then she would chow down on bacon and she had a heavy Starbucks addiction. Not black coffee but insanely sweet concoctions. She got mad when I told her bacon and Starbucks were entirely off the menu for her list of allergies.
This is why I love this sub. I see so many more "normal" responses to things. I posted on the original and was shocked at how many were supporting the 15yo. I sometimes forget the typical age on that sub and how black and white people feel things are.
If the allergies don’t matter, it’s the ‘belief’ in allergies that matters then OP should just ‘believe’ it’s gluten free and lactose free. Belief overcomes reality apparently.
I would have stopped making her food. And I would have insisted she cook her crap in garage if she can't utilize the kitchen that isn't intrusive on others.
15 is old enough to cook for herself. If her father has issues with that then he can ske over her food and cleaning habits. What an entitled little monster. If I had to put up with her, I would put on a show of smearing my food or even licking her plates before washing them. If she doesn't clean it herself then she can put up with it
You are healthy and stable. Allowing your husband to decide where he and his daughter live is the best solution. Please supply your lawyer with all evidence and file a counter suit with every expense and mental strain they have caused you.
Sounds like OCD and seems odd that OOP recognizes the need for a child in her vicinity to need mental health help yet she didn’t approach this with care and concern but with confrontation and pettiness. This kid isn’t “superficial.” This is mental illness and she’s a child that needs help navigating it.
This coming from a person with severe OCD and I’ve learned to recognize it a lot better since being diagnosed and that has helped me overcome some of these kinds of contamination based obsessions.
I was believing it up until the throw away line that they are now suing her, with very little elaboration or details on that part. Allegedly, the stepdaughter has absolutely no documentation proving that she has any allergy or health issue stemming from not being on a restrictive diet, per the OP. All tests came back clear and no actual allergies. So if we are to believe that is true, I have a hard time believing an attorney picked up the case to essentially sue stepmommy for not making her the food she preferred that did not cause any long term health effects. Maybe she got a stupid attorney, maybe OP is glossing over some legitimate health issues, or maybe the whole thing is made up, but something doesn’t smell right
I assumed it was one of those, “We’re GOING to sue you,” threats and if they actually tried to follow through with it they would be politely informed they had no case (and then laughed at once they left.)
Well stepdaughter had probably thrown such a big fit they went though with suing her and if they fibbed enough a lawyer probably believes them and then when they get the “proof” the lawyer knows they’ll lose but they’re obviously stupid enough to pay the lawyer to take it to court. You gonna turn that money down?? I wouldn’t.
Having worked for several, they don’t usually take cases they have no chance with. But I worked for people who were good at their jobs so they didn’t need to take things that had no chance in hell and I saw them turn many crap cases away.
I can’t believe she’s making demands and throwing a conniption fit like that at 15!!! And OP is work a schedule like that?!! This little brat SHOULD be doing the cooking and at least 1/2 the cleaning!!
Everyone in this story sucks.
The girl being an absolute nightmare doesn’t justify op tampering with her food. Op should have told her to cook for herself and been done with it.
ESH.
She’s 15. She’s supposed to try new things, she’s supposed to go through fads, it’s normal for her to push boundaries. It’s normal for her to be an annoying brat sometimes. It’s complicated by your being a stepmom.
Your husband should’ve been the one to put his food down on all the extra accommodations and tell her she needs to keep her stuff separate herself. Like a mini fridge in her room? Keep her dish ware in her room?
She should be responsible for her new diets if it goes beyond something simple like you leaving a portion to the side without the offending ingredients.
You are a grown adult. Don’t lie to a child, especially a step daughter. I mean, your relationship with her sounds rocky at best, did you really think lying and doing a gotcha would help?? It is absolutely her home too, and she should be relatively comfortable.
It would’ve been perfectly acceptable to put your foot down and say all the extra accommodations that require you to do something is too much, but then work with her for a solution that has her doing what she needs for herself.
I think it’s great you pushed for an allergist and to see a therapist. Kudos where it’s due.
Food allergies aren’t a fad. This is beyond normal. This kid is pretending she has allergies and intolerances to food. She doesn’t. She probably has an eating disorder though.
People pretending are a big problem for people with actual food issues. I’m celiac, so gluten free, but at restaurants I’ve seen people say they can’t eat gluten then head straight to the salad bar and add croutons to their salad. This confuses the staff who may start to not be as vigilant since some people do the opposite of what they should be doing on a true GF diet. It’s a big problem.
Yep. People who lie about allergies are big reason as to why some people think food allergies are fake. I think we’ve all heard stories about someone or even know someone who has an allergy and told the restaurant not to give them that and they did anyways only for them to get violently ill.
I have an allergy to pork and lamb. I'm not sure why I can eat beef, but it doesn’t bother me. I had a co-worker at a previous job who thought I was faking my allergies, despite my multiple epi pens. (One in the desk, one in the purse, one in the car, several at the house.) She would *always* go out of her way trying to "catch" me. Turkey and chicken are both made into bacon and sausage. Every time I had bacon or sausage in with the food I brought from home, she would comment on it. It doesn't smell the same, and I have been told it definitely does not taste the same. I would always offer to share it with her, and she would spit it out because she couldn't stand the taste yet always insisted I was eating pork. 🙄
What a strange allergy! Lamb wouldn’t be hard to avoid, but pork! Damn.
I’m the same way with bee/wasp/hornet stings. Epi-pens EVERYWHERE. Purse, truck, house, backpack. Anywhere I can think of. I’m so scared of having to use one, but at least I can SEE the bad guy. You could have a problem just from your food TOUCHING your allergen. Eek!
This girl is not a normal teen. Lying about having food allergies isn't a "fad". Throwing stuff while an argument is not being "an annoying brat sometimes". It's definitely not normal. She's already an entitled brat that doesn't respect OP at all.
She’s literally tried to work with the girl. But mom and dad are not backing her up. The dad is making stepmom remove everything from the house. She’s obviously already brought up the idea to have girl do her own stuff to keep it separate but that’s not what dad wants. So he’s not enforcing it. That’s not her home sounds like dad and child are living off step mom since she said girl isn’t welcome there anymore. And I guess no one is seeing the part where her stomach had not hurt her at all when she absolutely believe non of that stuff was in her food. She’s just trying to be like the fake internet. Nothings wrong with her but the fact she needs mental help and mom and dad are failing her by not taking her.
Yep, it's fine for OOP to say she can't deal with the daughter's restrictions, it's not ok to flat out lie to someone about what's in their food. Especially someone who clearly has some significant issues around food already.
NTA. You’re being put in an impossible situation. You’re trying not to enable this disordered eating that your step daughter and her mom engage in. I’m sorry that your husband isn’t backing you up.
People who tell others something is not in the food when it is are evil. People get seriously ill that way.
I understand why OOP was annoyed, but she should NOT have handled it this way
The difference is she got all the tests done and the allergies are fake. Sure, maybe she should've just put her foot down and refuse to cater to her diet rather than lying, but calling her evil is a bit much.
I agree, this would be totally different if she didn’t have it medically confirmed that she had no allergies. Stepmom would be almost evil for it. But with documented proof it’s all in her head? I mean, I wouldn’t have done the same thing but I don’t think it was an evil move.
True, I have celiac disease and I shutter to think how I’d be doing if someone had been secretly putting gluten in my food this whole time. That being said, I’d probably realize it immediately since I’d be constantly vomiting and in incredible pain. So I do get why she’s annoyed but it’s definitely not good to lie about ingredients in food
There's a difference between having a true food problem and faking it. She had tests done, they were negative. She's making everyone suffer for her delusions.
Like.....screaming and throwing things childish? I, too, have a page and a half of allergies and intolerances. It fucking sucks. What sucks worse is her not having those issues and being a little shit about it.
Did this kid's mother not question any of this dumb shit? "Hey sweetie, this makes no sense, maybe we should see a doctor?" Maybe little Karen would enjoy the game a lot less after a few fucking blood tests, an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, couple of fecal exams. In fact, ain't no way her parents are that fucking dumb, they just let the consequences ride on OP, who already works 60 hours a week. Bullshit.
And PS. I'd fucking love some minestrone right now, and if someone made me a minestrone that didn't come with consequences, I'd be happy no matter the reason.
Is it though? Or is it someone who's tired of being used and abused? It's a fine line, I agree. However, people have their limits and when you're continuously ignored no matter what you say, demand, ask for or express what do you do? It's easy to say walk away but she caused zero harm and the kid threw another tantrum because no other adult stands up to her.
It is, I don't care if she caused no harm. (And she did. That girl and her father and mother learned she can't be trusted)..
Tell the father you are done cooking after the daughters ideas and tell them you are cooking XYZ and if stepdaughter isn't happy, it's her and daddys job to figure out. Absolutely fine. But don't lie to somebody about what's in your food.
She tried doing stuff like that but the father would not put his foot down. And he won’t take the child to get help. Like chill out. She knew the girl wasn’t allergic it didn’t hurt her. If it’s causing them not to trust her then the guy needs to leave. But yet he’s staying so.
I wouldn't, for example. I'm not celiac, I'm "just" allergic to a bunch of stuff, including wheat. One of my symptoms is extremely ichy skin. That only turns up about 2-3 days after I had one of the bunch of things I can't have. I'd drive myself mad trying to find out what I ate or touched where...
I get why all the adults have reacted the way they have but none of them are handling the situation well. This girl is clearly very ill and needs help, not being enabled or tricked
Yea she does need help but she can’t get it when her mom and dad won’t take her or get her in somewhere. Step mom cannot do it. Her parents are too self absorbed to worry about their daughter’s actual problems.
oop should just stop cooking for them altogether. She is no maid or personal chef, she works 60 hours a week, she doesn't have the time or the energy to be dealing with this mess.
ESH. There are many food sensitivities that don't show up on allergy tests. One of the ways you test for those is to eliminate all possible food issues and then *slowly and precisely* add them back into your diet to see what bothers you. The child clearly needs help, and mental health and stomach issues go hand in hand, so I do find it easy to believe the daughter has pains. I was told at a young age that I tested negative for Celiac and I just had IBS, but I have since then developed Celiac's disease. The OOP is a major AH if she is a nurse and thought it was OK to lie about the contents of food. Just because she doesn't have an allergy doesn't mean the food doesn't bother her.
The dad sucks for not doing more to ensure his daughter's needs were being met. The bio-mom sucks for enabling outright shitty behavior. They both should see that their daughter needs more help.
and they arent something you mess with. Don't force someone with an eating disorder to unknowingly eat things they have listed off as "fear foods" it's a recipe for disaster
Well you basically said “it’s wrong for OOP to call it a mental health problem, it could actually be one of these mental health problems”, which doesn’t make sense because why would OOP suck for saying what you yourself believe is true? Why the ESH?
The daughter is not allergic to any of the mentioned foods. She only claims having symptoms like stomach aches when she knows the types of food she claims to be allergic to are in or near her food. She never had any symptoms when the foods were secretly in her food. That is the definition of delusional.
But the possible explanations you just stated are actually mental health problems that might benefit from professional help. Somehow you seem to think mental heath problems are imaginary?
If it is what you’re describing, the daughter has started to treat it more as a compulsion than a coping mechanism.
A coping mechanism using food would be having “comfort” foods. Usually, the individual is responsible for their comfort foods or they tend to choose something very processed *because* they know it likely won’t come out wrong/tampered if it’s mass-manufactured or if it’s produced by their own hands. Daughter choosing her comfort food to be something prepared by someone else, and making zero effort to manage her own dietary needs, makes her an AH. Mental problems or not. Mental problems do not justify being an AH.
Moreover, while I understand how damaging it can be to have pulled the rug out from under Daughter’s *one* comfort food, I also think that the consequences we’ve seen in this post are exactly the reason for what I stated above. Had *Daughter* taken charge of her dietary needs/restrictions, her comfort food would have never been made “unsafe” for her. This also leads me to my next point, which is that just about every therapist out there tells you *not* to feed into someone’s compulsions. That if they’re going to have that compulsion, you have to make them entirely responsible for it because at the end of the day it’s *their* problem, not anyone else’s, and if you feed into their compulsions you undermine that message. If someone tells you, “Oh no! You have to click the light on and off four times after shutting the microwave or the house will catch fire!” You don’t go in and click the lights for them, you go on about your day and say “If you feel that way, go ahead and click the lights, but I will not be interrupting my day to feed into paranoia.”
I’m no therapist and I’m not claiming to be, but I have had relatives with OCD who use food as a way to “control” themselves. This always lands people in hospital. This always lands people with lifelong health complications *from* their eating disorder — something I’m sure OOP has seen on a regular basis as a *hospital nurse*.
Should OOP have messed with Daughter’s food? Probably not. But should she have even been *making* it or responsible for it in the first place? Absolutely not. That’s Daughter’s responsibility, or at *bare minimum* her *BIOLOGICAL PARENT’S* responsibility which, oh by the way, *ISN’T OOP*!
Exactly. As somebody who struggles with food related OCD I kind of understand the crazy demands. I mean, everybody is different with that sort of stuff and if that is the case with her then she needs a therapist that can help her.
Gentle YTA,
First off it took YEARS of elimination to discover what my sensitivities were, and some of them were odd (coca-cola was fine but pepsi made me puke, because of dye differences) but having people ‘prank’ me to prove I didn’t know what I was talking about (like pouring pepsi into my coke bottle, and filming me drinking it, even though I ended up puking all night somehow ‘proved’ I was delusional?)
Turns out I have problems digesting things, even if it doesn’t show up on an allergy test. Cane sugar especially, I *can eat it, but it gives me body wide acne, and blistery hands and feet. To have people put it in my food and lie about it would be sick and twisted. The symptoms can take a day or more to show up, and then I’m left stressed about what else could have caused this and I have to eliminate more again.
She was a kid, and lying to her was evil, but she was also being an extremely horrible kid so temptation is understandable. Agreeing with other commenters that Dad should have handled this.
This is such a good response! To be clear - I’m not the original poster, but I think she’s benefit from reading it! You can follow the link if you want to respond to her.
You are right, this is not the OP, but since you mentioned it I may copy/paste… is that allowed on this sub? Some say you cannot post on the original if you saw it here
She didn’t need to tell the daughter she just wanted to prove a point instead of being the bigger person. Teens go through stages and as long as she is feeling healthy why tell her the truth instead of just keeping things rolling? The stepmom just couldn’t help herself
Perhaps but you also can’t demand someone fix you special meals and have specific areas of kitchen to yourself especially if you are talking to someone who is not your parent. It sounds like the child is at least a teen and if she wants special meals she can fix it herself. Or her parents can buy the food and cook for her. I’d never let child in the house again.
If she’s a nurse she probably sees this same behavior on a regular bases. People faking illnesses often don’t hide it very well from people who know what to look for.
She didn't do anything to her food. Like, literally, she was cooking the same way she did before. Kid doesn't have any allergies (it was proven), it doesn't affect her health. Kid wants special treatment from everybody and treats serious health risks (allergies) like a tool to "bE dIfFerEnT" from everyone else and force OP give her that special treatment.
If she doesn't like it - she's old enough to cook for herself.
Agree, and the people downvoting should also agree. Instead of “she was a demanding jerk so she deserves it,” it should be “she’s a demanding jerk and he should have stopped cooking for her.” The justifications to treat someone like shit are wild.
I don't know why you're being downvoted, fucking with someone's food isn't cool.
And if this was about A vegan putting fake meat in somebody's food and be going haha You couldn't taste it
All the comments would be echoing what you said.
The difference is that the stepdaughter gave up being vegan quickly, claimed allergies that were then proven to not exist, and both biological parents refused to take to therapy.
OOP didn’t really mess with her stepdaughter’s food so much as lied about making her separate super complicated food in a contamination free environment.
🤷🏻
Thats still not cool, i don't care what reason they had. Screwing with anyones food is a crappy thing to do and if you do that youre a crappy person Regardless of why
What this kid is doing isn’t cool. There is no reason for her to be acting like this. She’s not actually allergic to any of this food and she doesn’t actually dislike it. She’s being difficult for no good reason and her parents are enabling her.
If you haven't eaten meat in a long time and then eat meat, you'll absolutely get sick- that's a dick move 100%. It sounds like this girl is trying to get a feel for her food and beliefs (which she's allowed to do!), but that's putting too much undue hardship on OP. The girl has no allergies.
You can believe anything you want to believe, but no one else is required to accept your beliefs as fact. As you said, the girl has no allergies. Also, the teen actually went into their pantry and threw away food because she "believed" it was contaminating her food just by sharing pantry space. And neither of this girls parents had anything to say about it.
Except the meat wasn’t even the problem. The girl was no longer vegan at that point and I think she would have noticed chicken in chicken soup long before the step mom told her it was the same soup everyone was eating.
The parents are absolutely toxic. I don’t know where the misunderstanding is. But you don’t mess with someone’s food. Just take a stand instead of all this BS messing with someone’s food.
What is OP suppose to do? This girl won’t cook for herself, her dad won’t cook for. Op doesn’t have the time to prepare her a separate meal or clean everything, all of which is unnecessary anyways. You don’t mess with someone food when it could make them sick or actually kill them. That’s not an issue here. This kid can either cook for herself or stfu and eat what she’s given.
Refuse to cook for them. She should have made her own dinner and left him to cook for themselves. But if this was so tense and stressful she’s could have also reevaluated her marriage or had a conversation with him that They could present to the daughter. I have a true allergy and have been cooking for myself for 20 years because no one is careful enough. The daughter could too.
It sounds like if she doesn’t cook for her then she gets yelled at. Best way to keep the peace is just cook her food. You have an actual allergy and you handle it. This kid is a brat who doesn’t any food allergies so she can whatever she’s given.
Why isn’t the husband making food?
Why isn’t the daughter making it if she’s so particular? She’s 15, she’s at an age where it’s reasonable and even important to learn a life skill like cooking. If she wants to be picky and if she’s being an asshole to everyone around her, she can make her own damn food. Catering to a spoiled rotten brat who is still tantruming at *fifteen years old* is creating an absolute monster of an adult.
Because he thinks his child isn’t able to do it. He wants his wife to do it. If he thinks his daughter is right, he should directly support her.
How silly. My dad did the bulk cooking when I was that age, because he loved to cook, but I never tried to make him cook things separately for me, and I absolutely could and did make my own food sometimes
He raised that kid.
Tbf she’s probably got nutrient deficiencies galore bc of her restrictive diet. If they are severe enough, they can make you act like a crazy person. But ya… she should be cooking for herself if she’s going to be so extra.
well she's been eating the same food so she probably isn't. as oop has stated she just told her it was all allergen free when it wasn't
There was a post recently where a woman was psychotic and it turned out to be due to a B-12 deficiency from not eating meat.
I remember that one My daughter is vegetarian, and was having problems with anxiety I told her to get B12 supplements, and it turned her right around
link?
Op gave a big list of food restrictions the step daughter has in the post. Ops only been sneaking her dairy and gluten… which won’t make up for lost nutrients if her list of no no foods is really that long.
OOP doesn’t say how often step-monster is with them though; if she’s at her mom’s the majority of the time, it would be pretty reasonable to assume she’s becoming malnourished from her restrictive eating.
will second this! stopped eating which stopped my period, stopped my meds from working, lost a crap ton of weight and i rarely sleep. was a raging bitch lol (still am) but i’ve now realized that and am working on fixing it 🥲 didn’t realize how important food really is!!!!
Yeah. I remember reading a story recently about a woman who went vegan and went totally nuts Turned out it was a vitamin B12 deficiency
She obviously doesn’t have that problem she’s not had a problem with their food because she just had herself believing nothing she thought is “bad” was in it when in reality it was. She not once complained of her stomach hurting when things when her way.
Absolutely I just said she’s old enough to clean her own dishes and make her own food. Especially since she’s acting an ungrateful brat. She didn’t have not one stomach issue until they told her she was actually eating normal foods.
Yes this! I feel kind of bad for everyone here because it’s HARD to be a 15 year old and I don’t care what anyone says, they are children without fully developed brains. She clearly needs help and is acting out. But stepmom is doing her best in a really unsupported situation and accurately assessed that this wasn’t really a stomach issue. I wouldn’t have lied to the kid about what I was feeding her personally but I child can’t make these kind of demands of the adults kitchen.
Tbf, she waited until the allergy test came back negative, after which she used placebo. I see absolutely no fault in OOP. She did what needed to be done and exposed the BS. Hats off to her! Bravo, madame, bravo!
Yeah she made sure it wasn't an actual issue and given how shes probably missing a shit ton of vitamins might be the only reason shes not breaking bones and having other worse issues. Its sad cause she definitely has an eating disorder and should probably be getting off social media. Her family is being enablers and wont learn till she gets hurt
You can not be allergic to foods and still have them cause other issues, but at least she checked there wasn't going to be an anaphalaxis issue. I always worry with these stories that someone is going to see it and decide to 'test' the allergy of someone they suspect is faking it for attention. I know someone whose 8 year old ended up in hospital that way. I find it weird that they want to sue OP and also make demands for when she'll be cooking for SD in future. If it were that bad, surely you'd just make your own food so no one could tamper with it. SD could even cook for everyone while she's there so she's not causing extra work for anyone.
This. It may have worked out this time, but this type of thinking is dangerous and irresponsible. It could actually kill someone. I get why she did it, but I can’t support the decision.
I have wound up here from the original post but, jumping on this as a top comment since this idea is echoed elsewhere in both threads. There are a lot of misunderstandings about food intolerances VS food allergies. 'Allergy' is often used as shorthand colloquially for intolerances, and it's common enough that I've even had some of my doctors use both interchangeably, despite 'intolerance' being the accurate term for what I--and it sounds like the stepdaughter-- experience. Misconception number one is that, where food allergies and intolerances are concerned, allergy tests are definitive. They are, unfortunately, not. (Ex. sometimes, a test will flag something as an allergen simply because you 'eat too much of it' or it's a large part of your diet.) Usually when testing for these things, you undergo a skin test, and based on what flags on the skin test, you can then do a blood test, but even that isn't always conclusive. One of the most effective ways to determine what food allergens and intolerances someone actually has is to do what's called an elimination diet. You remove all suspected allergens from your diet for around a month or so, and then very, very carefully add each one back in, one at a time, to see if you have a reaction. Food allergies and intolerances cause a HUGE range of symptoms from fatigue and brain fog to runny nose and sneezing to digestive upset and nausea. Symptoms can also take days to present. It can be exceptionally difficult to pinpoint specific foods, which is why the elimination diet is a thing. Anecdotally, my allergy test flagged for beef, pork, dairy, egg, cinnamon, tuna, tomato, and onion. I did a modified elimination diet excluding only those foods, and it was an honest-to-good nightmare. I dropped below 100lbs. I was weak and lightheaded and tired constantly. Finding ANYTHING to eat without those ingredients was really hard. I ended up ending my elimination diet early because I was struggling to eat at all. But I did determine that I am intolerant to pork, onion, and egg. Tomato, dairy, and cinnamon, though they were flagged on my test, do not seem to cause me any reactions. (I don't like tuna so I didn't bother testing for that one). Jury is still out on beef, but I just tested adding it back to my diet recently and have determined that my possible reactions are mild enough that I can probably occasionally eat some with no issue. I LOVE pork, eggs, and onions, so cutting those out of my diet has been really hard. But it's just not worth the awful cramping stomach pains they cause and the general feeling of malaise I have for days after. (For context, the cramps I get after eating onions are a comparable pain level to my endo menstrual cramps.) So that's a lot of text, but, to my point: It sounds like the stepdaughter has genuine reason to suspect food intolerances. It does sound like she is being unreasonable; however, because of the general tone in which this AITA was delivered, I question just how unreasonable. I wonder if the poor kid has been spinning in circles trying to figure out why she keeps getting sick, and has requested separate cookware, etc. as a last resort because her stepmother has been secretly feeding her foods that make her ill. Probably in small enough doses that symptoms have delayed onset or are unclear enough to make her question if she's actually experiencing a food intolerance or if she just feels a little funky that day. Also, dairy and gluten (and soy) are some of the most common food intolerances and allergens. A LOT of people can't eat those foods! And a lot of people have food intolerances and have no idea. My parents (one of whom is a DNP ENT/allergy specialist) have, between the two of them, intolerances to egg, pork, chicken, spinach, apples, tuna... there are a few more but I can't recall atm. I was speaking to my dad recently about our shared egg intolerance, lamenting that we can't dip our bacon in runny egg yolk anymore, and he revealed that his father was also onion-intolerant. So, like, there are genetic factors at play, too, which may explain why stepdaughter's bio mom is raving about how much better she feels. OP is MASSIVELY the asshole, and it's super concerning that she has such a poor understanding of food intolerances and yet is a medical professional.
Wife should have left a long time ago. They clearly aren’t a compatible family.
I made this comment on the original post, OP seemed disgusted at the thought. I guess living in misery and being yelled at is far better than the idea of being single again. 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Then what the hell did she post for??? I don’t get people like this. You’re literally telling your husband to leave. He’s showing you he really don’t care about his daughter or he’d leave if it’s such a dam problem. But you also are being kinda dumb by not really making him leave if it’s your home. Then you wanna post on here? Don’t ask if you don’t want people telling you the truth.
It seems like a validation post for sure.
It feels like she’s not a fan of the kid to start with and she’s trying to prove a point and maybe even get rid of here.
I said this in the original post and I’ll say it here- the parents need to start looking into getting their daughter a psychologist because it genuinely looks like she is developing disordered eating. She’s having psychosomatic reactions to not having complete control over her food, and instead of being concerned over their high school aged daughter, the parents arent investigating this at all. Yes, high schoolers can be brats. Yes, she is also being a brat. But most high schoolers arent brats about THIS type of thing.
And sadly social media is pushing eating disorders onto preteen and teenage girls - last year, a Finnish news reporter made a faux profile on TikTok, pretending to be a 13yo Finnish girl with an AI generated image and profile. Within three hours, 85-100% of the content the algorithm pushed onto her feed was pertaining to eating disorders or encouraging behaviour like that. Parents really need to take the wheel back and actually look at the media their child consumes. I'm only at the paw patrol - phase with my kid, but have no intention of turning a blind eye to what and for how long my child, whom I'm responsible for, does with any form of media.
Honestly this has been a problem since media became easily accessible via the internet. I developed anorexia during high school because I thought I wasn’t thin enough (just look up models from the early 2000’s and see what was plastered on tv and online at the time) and my access was much more limited than teenagers who are going through this issue now. They have 24/7 access at the touch of their fingertips. I honestly feel for this girl because I am absolutely certain that she believes that she is sick. She needs help and her family is refusing to help her.
Twiggy was famous in the 60’s. The unhealthy stick thin model has been around for a long time.
I’m fairly certain of that. I just suggested that specific time frame because that’s what I was exposed to specifically. It’s not a healthy image to put in girls’ heads and it needs to stop. The fact that body positivity is more prevalent is a step in the right direction. We’re all built different and that’s ok. Girls like OP’s step daughter are especially vulnerable right now because of their level of access as well as being driven by emotions more so than being driven by reason at that age.
Agreed. It wasn’t good then and it’s worse now.
Yeah, one of my exes had the same issues in her youth due to online forums where she was very much echo chambered to eating disorders and self-harm - the fact that these "how to" guides are now plastered on all prevalent shortform video feeds instead of shared at some obscure forums is the scariest part for me to think of. Maybe one could argue that it's good that the really sick people have a place to gather online, but that all goes away when they try to "recruit" otherwise stable young and curious people into their fold. Nothing sickens me more than an adult pushing an unhealthy agenda onto children. Thanks for sharing, I know your online presence alone is bound to help at least someone who doesn't realise what kinds of things the human mind can be coaxed to with enough repetition and charisma. Every soul spared is precious.
God, yes. I’m the same age and remember thinking I was huge as soon as I developed hips. I remember that being reinforced by comments I got at the time. Looking back on pictures - I was skinny. But by age 11/12, I thought I was pear-shaped and fat. The oughts were rough for anyone who wasn’t rail-thin.
It sounds like it might be orthorexia.
Definitely! When the daughter was complaining about recurrent stomach pain that’s a big red flag to ignore. Even if it isn’t caused by allergies or food intolerances it needs to be looked into. It could be something like an ulcer or ibs that is better if it’s found sooner rather than later. Even if it is psychosomatic and caused by anxiety the girl still needs treatment. It could be OCD, and she’s obsessing with food and her digestive issues. Put her in therapy so she can learn some coping mechanisms and talk to her about the possibility of going on some low dose meds to help her with her anxiety. As someone who suffered with anxiety and depression related to undiagnosed OCD for years, the irrational thoughts make you feel like your mind is on fire. Pair that with teenage hormones and you have the recipe for a neurotic, anxious, angry, scared, pain in the butt teen that can be hard to deal with.
The fact that the stomach pain went away when she thought she was eating foods that fit all her restrictions, I’d say that the stomach pain was more anxiety related than anything.
I know the teen is being genuinely impossible right now but, if this story is true, I feel so bad for her. She needs help.
Also a small amount of gluten versus a normal gluten heavy diet actually has benefits for gluten intolerant people. I have celiac and it’s like “2 grains of sand worth will set you off” versus for those who are gluten intolerant. So the step mom might not be right about that one being fake. I still think it’s disordered eating, but it could have been reinforced if she had less bloating or stomach pain etc. And for a lot of people “my stomach hurts” is short hand for “diarrhea”. Dairy could easily cause that without it being a huge allergy, most people are lactose intolerant.
Ohhh this is a good point. Hadn’t thought about that.
As a person who has disordered eating, I would say ESH. - tampering with someone’s food is one of the fastest ways to make the disorder worse. - a full test for food intolerances (a small food intolerance can actually trigger this) - parents should have teen with a professional who understands eating disorders. The teen is out of control, but it is the parents who are failing her, and her stepmother being a nurse should know better than to lie about tampering with the food.
For sure! I know the stepmom is at the end of her rope, and I feel bad for her because clearly the entire weight of the daughter’s needs is being put primarily on her, but if someone already has an unhealthy relationship with food, the LAST thing they need is the inability to trust what’s on their plate.
I have the same feeling. She is being put into an unreasonable situation. It isn’t her job to fix this and she doesn’t have the authority to fix this.
I agree. I have Non- Celiac Gluten Sensitivity, every food panel I did came out clean but the fact remained I had excruciating stomach pain, skin rashes and bowel issues. I was a raging bitch during that time too, undoubtedly it contributes to mental health issues as well. I honestly do feel some sympathy for the teen, because I know how it felt to be gaslit about my health issues and people would keep sneaking in gluten to "test" me. People kept accusing me of having disordered eating because I was so specific on what I could and couldn't eat - but they aren't the ones in the toilet for 4 hours after eating bread. Allergy panels are not foolproof and even doctors don't understand exactly how intolerance develop, just that if cutting it out helped your issues, then continue to cut it out. It was after I went gluten free, had a more balanced diet that a host of my issues went away and I felt sane again. My life long eczema cleared up, and it was then it was taken as "proof" I wasn't being bratty. The teenager does have issues that she's in the process of figuring out and she needs support, instead of everyone turning on eachother and gaslighting her. OP is not at fault entirely, but all three parents here are failing the kid. Sneaking in gluten and dairy to someone who is intolerant, can cause nutritional deficiency that can contribute to the teenagers issues as well.
Wouldn't the teen have still had stomach issues when being secretly fed gluten for six months if she were genuinely sensitive to it, though? I have something similar with mushrooms, but even if I don't know they're in something I eat, I still feel sick from it later. She said she was fine the whole time she was unknowingly eating without restrictions. It sounds psychosomatic, from that.
This depends. For example, for years I was gluten sensitive, but had no visible symptoms apart from my vitamins always showing up deficient in bloodwork. Then I developed eczema. And it was after several years that I got the stomach pain, that allowed me to link it to my diet (and gluten as the main trigger). All my symptoms subsided. Being a rebellious teen, I thought since I know the cause, I can continue to eat gluten as long as I kept it "low" and didn't experience symptoms - like a smoker who was asked to cut back. So I continued to eat it for a few more years until almost overnight. I was hit with my eczema, stomach pain, IBS and deficiency in an avalanche. It warranted hospitalization and a celiac test. Even for Celiacs, it's common to never have symtpoms but the gluten still does underlying damage to the intestine After 10 years, only now do I have immediate reactions to being glutened. So I can tell when it was being snuck in my food, but that wasn't the case earlier. Doctors tell me it's because I'm gluten free and the inflammation has come down, that I'm able to pick it up for acutely, whereas when you are in a constant state of inflammation it's not so easy to do so. Food intolerances are a vastly complex topic and a pain in the ass to figure out - so I do have sympathy for everyone dealing with it. But it is possible, if you are chronically exposed to an allergen to not have outward symptoms, but still be feeling it's effects on the inside. It's also possible it's psychosomatic- but that's for a doctor to decide and not OP. It's rather to err on caution than take health into your own hands.
Oh, huh. Good to know! I guess maybe she didn't get a celiac test, then? Hopefully they get whatever it is sorted.
Right, but I think the point they are getting at is tampering with and lying about the food exposes that it isn't a physical insensitivity, sure, but to whose benefit? If it really is mental and the issues are psychosomatic, then lying to them about the food they are consuming is liable to just make it worse. Step-mom shouldn't have tampered with the food, but otherwise, it is right on the money. Dad and mom aren't doing the daughter any benefit not facing this issue. Expecting the Step-mom that works 60 hours a week to take on 100% of the burden of these choices is just not feasible.
Oh, yeah, I don't disagree. Just meant I'm not sure whether it's an actual physical sensitivity. The daughter probably needs some kind of therapy if anything, not having her food tampered with.
I think it is very hard for people who haven’t experienced food intolerances. I did develop a full on eating disorder from my intolerances. No one tests for sulfur and it took me nearly two decades to understand why I couldn’t eat breakfast without being trapped in the toilet by lunch. No one looks at eggs as a food intolerance. Infact most fruits and vegetables contain higher levels of sulfur. So I understand the teen and why she was desperate to figure out what was triggering the pain. But she should have been prepping her own food, she needs to take control of her own health. I can understand OOP, but food tampering is really the wrong thing for any healthcare provider to do.
True. It is ideal if the kid starts prepping her own food - her parents can offer to pay for the gluten-free dairy-free variants that can be more expensive, but on the conditon that she does the food prep. I think after the trust issues developed now, she is more likely to take matters in her own hands at this point - which is the only long term plan realistically for people with food intolerances.
Interesting how a NURSE can be like this
I’ve had friends with the exact same behavior as this kid and it was eating disorders. It’s wild that no one is taking it seriously.
This is what I was thinking
15 is old enough to make her own damn food rather than demand other people cater to her fad diet of the week.
15 year old with those kind of demands can make their own damn food or the father can step up. This is a power play/ mental health issue
Lmao. This is the most absurd thing I’ve read today. I hope she boots her husband. This is what happens when you live in an echo chamber and have victim mentality
NTA Nothing grinds my gears harder than people claiming disorders and diseases for attention. Even worse is the father enabling it. The thing with teenagers and fads is that it's perfectly fine for them to follow some fad. As a parent however,n you're not supposed to enable it. If they want to do it, fine, but don't make someone else cater to it.
I’m all for people with legitimate illnesses that they can’t get a handle on going after various __-free diets bc they’re basically flailing around & hoping they grab something useful in their flailing, especially if their medical care is taking a while (like a specialist takes 9 months to see and you’re just SOL until then? Sure, purge the house of gluten n see if it helps; might not but probably feels better than hopelessly wallowing for most of a year). But that should come with like…working with a doctor n shit. If her stomach is bothering her and there’s no allergy, take her to a fuckin GI. Call her PCP. If her parents really believe her physical symptoms, they should probably make sure it’s not something more significant instead.
> than people claiming disorders and diseases for attention. which is more often than not it's very own mental health disorder. Or a sign that something is going with that person. I don't necessarily expect the average joe to see that or have compassion, but from someone who works in the medical field. Yes, the behaviour of the daughter sucks (and tbh even more so the parents of the girl tbh, she needs treatment, not enabling!), and I understand the step mom is overworked and underthanked. But how she, as someone in the medical field, went about an issue she herself sees as a mental health thing, rubs me the wrong way.
I mean, she told her husband to get the stepdaughter mental health help, and he didn't, so I can't really begrudge the oop at all. Like, there's only so much you can do when a person won't help themselves. It doesn't matter if oop is in the medical field, she told her husband to get stepdaughter help and was ignored. Can't lead a horse to water!
Yeah but then especially you don't act like she did to the teen that you suspect has a mental health problem that doesn't get adressed by their parents. It's even worse to behave as OP dis when you suspect the teen is in some kind of distress and doesn't get help but enabling which makes the problem even worse.
She has no support from the actual parents. You can have compassion, but everyone has their breaking point. Not being able to have the foods you want in your own home because of imagined sensitivities, spending your very small amounts of free time catering to a crazy person, getting yelled at by everyone in your house because of the above circumstances. And not being able to do a goddamn thing about it. I feel like all these Redditors talk a very good game when they Monday Morning Quarterback in the comments, but mostly everyone in reality would have lost their shit by now. Even “medical professionals” are people. Regular people. Some even have less patience in their home lives because their work lives are spent catering to/having excessive compassion for others.
Yes!!!
We often judge and try to fix behaviors instead of looking for the causes.
Dated someone who was “allergic” to everything he magically didn’t want to eat. It took a while for me to catch on, but while eating shrimp fajitas, cooked with mushrooms, he asked for a shrimp. I had been going through insane efforts to not make him go into anaphylaxis when I ate something in his allergy list, so I explained that the shrimp had cooked with the mushrooms and he didn’t carry an epi around (never did, shocker… because he wasn’t allergic to anything). He explained that all his allergies he just couldn’t eat directly, but could eat around them all, even if stewed together. I realized that he was just a selfish person who didn’t care if others lives were harder, as long as he never had to eat “the crunchy vein” in romaine (only veggie he ate was romaine without the vein), mushrooms, etc. he could only eat tomatoes in salsa or sauce form but was allergic to all other tomato preparation. Food pickiness is the epitome of childish, ungrateful, and spoiled/selfish adults.
I agree with you completely, but just as an fyi for anyone reading, it is possible to be allergic to raw tomatoes but not struggle with them once they're cooked/processed (aka, the allergenic enzymes are denatured). But this guy as an example just sounds like a douche.
This has me with egg yolks. I’ll go into anaphylactic shock: if I eat egg yolks (like scrambled eggs or eggs that have only been tempered like in desserts longer crème brûlée) but if they are baked like in cakes or cookies I’m fine. It’s really weird.
I get oral allergy syndrome from fruits or nuts, which is influenced by the pollen count that day - some days I can eat a jar of Nutella, other days half an apple will have me wheezing on the floor. You have my sympathy, Allergies are stupid and ever so hard to navigate sometimes.
If you can eat salsa (raw tomato), and tomato sauce (cooked), then I cannot imagine there is a high chance of anaphylactic shock from tomato products. I was young and too dumb to realize this then.
A lot of commercial salsa isn't "raw" in the sense that those tomatoes are either cooked or pasteurized to the point they may have well been cooked. Pico de Gallo is different, but your El Paso or whatever jarred salsa is cooked.
I have only made my own salsa, but not sure what the local Mexican restaurants. My salsa is essentially pico.
Pico is the best salsa anyway. I'm in AZ, but most of the restaurants here serve a salsa that's stewed, chopped tomatoes and some peppers. It's usually really fine and soupy, but delicious in its own way.
Building on from another commenter, salsa contains lime juice which is a pickling agent, which can again denature the problematic enzymes I believe. And the amount of an ingredient also can make a difference, admittedly not for anaphylaxis allergies, but for oral allergy syndrome. I have the latter, and I struggle to breathe with raw fruit in the summer as it's related to pollen allergies. It doesn't stop me from eating fruit, I just don't eat fruit when I'm out and about because breathing is harder when walking.
Tbf there are some instances where raw food can't be tolerated but the cooked version is, this is common with both tomatoes and onions, where cooking can denature a certain chemical and make it ok and there is such a thing as texture aversion, I will involuntarily gag and vomit if given beans, and while I was pregnant I could not swallow meat. But these are distinct things from allergies and should not be represented as allergies
Sauce is cooked, salsa is raw. That was the biggest sign it was complete BS.
I am picky but I would not dare say I was allergic to something just because I didn’t want to eat it. If I don’t like it I just won’t eat it and I’ll get myself up and get something else. I wouldn’t dare make someone cater to me because of a problem I have that I can manage on my own. That’s so selfish.
I am not saying generic pickiness doesn’t rub me in the wrong way, since this partner, but it is better if picky eaters and those who have real and fad dietary aversions, just bring their own or eat what they can, instead of making those around them jump hoops to please them. I do not even want to hear about it: I don’t run around telling everyone what my least favorite foods are. I eat most things others make because I appreciate someone caring for my base needs as an animal, and I had a few years of food insecurity where I did eat trash can leftovers. Everyone thinks I pray before I eat. I don’t. Each time I eat I make sure to think about everyone in the world who is starving, I remember and embody what hunger feels like, then I express gratitude for having food and hope that food becomes more readily available for those who cannot regularly expect it.
Unfortunately influencers on social media that these young people are consuming on a constant basis. Absorbing all of this can cause eating disorders. There’s no way to tell from a Reddit post if she has one, but she should go seek help. The father is failing her, every adult in this situation are failing her.
He’s too self absorbed. Like she told him if he wanted to live with his daughter he had to leave. He’s not doing that. He doesn’t care about that child. Or he’d do what he had to do to help her/ be with her. If someone told me to get my child help I am. If I love my spouse enough I’d fix the whole situation. So the way he’s acting makes me wonder whose house it is. And if he did leave does he have no where to go.
Any time you see someone displaying symptoms of a mental illness “for attention,” try replacing “attention seeking” with “support seeking.” It will change a lot. She obviously has a real eating disorder, which has the highest death rate of any other mental illness. It doesn’t mean that this person has to put up with this behavior, because it needs to be addressed as a mental and medical disorder.
But the girl cannot get help when her parents are too self absorbed to listen to a medical professional telling them the child needs help.
NTA, you deserve more respect from your partner when it comes to your dealing with stepdaughter. If your partner doesn't get a handle on his daughters entitlement, it will end up coming back and biting him. Good on you op for standing your ground, I would have done the same.
A lawsuit over gluten in soup? That's the most aggressively WASP thing I've ever heard lol
I mean, if there was actual evidence, like the allergy tests the stepmom waited to get back before adding gluten, then it would be illegal because it would be harmful. But, honestly, the best thing she could do for the girl on the way out of her life is to ask the judge in the lawsuit to get a doctor to look at her for "proof" of their claims.
What’s WASP mean
White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. Basically really generically white culture.
One of my siblings had a girlfriend who started making up all these allergies. It was insane. Like on the surface it seemed okay but it was like boiling the frog. We live in a liberal progressive area so lots of resources to be able to accommodate and we did but she was obscenely rude. At our rehearsal dinner we made sure ahead of time that no corn (one of her issues) or HFCS was in anything except for the corn bread (cause you know. Corn is in the name). But she still badgered the server about bringing out the ingredients of everything for her to inspect. She also said she couldn’t have any nitrates/nitrites… but then she would chow down on bacon and she had a heavy Starbucks addiction. Not black coffee but insanely sweet concoctions. She got mad when I told her bacon and Starbucks were entirely off the menu for her list of allergies.
She’s probably hungry
This is why I love this sub. I see so many more "normal" responses to things. I posted on the original and was shocked at how many were supporting the 15yo. I sometimes forget the typical age on that sub and how black and white people feel things are.
I don’t blame her and I wouldn’t accommodate this baloney for a delusional IG eating disorder
my mother never forced me to eat something I didn't like. However, if I wouldn't eat what she made I had to make something myself
Throw them all away. Like the red meat and salted nuts
That step mother has no obligation to cook for that brat and her father
If the allergies don’t matter, it’s the ‘belief’ in allergies that matters then OP should just ‘believe’ it’s gluten free and lactose free. Belief overcomes reality apparently.
I would have stopped making her food. And I would have insisted she cook her crap in garage if she can't utilize the kitchen that isn't intrusive on others.
15 is old enough to cook for herself. If her father has issues with that then he can ske over her food and cleaning habits. What an entitled little monster. If I had to put up with her, I would put on a show of smearing my food or even licking her plates before washing them. If she doesn't clean it herself then she can put up with it
You are healthy and stable. Allowing your husband to decide where he and his daughter live is the best solution. Please supply your lawyer with all evidence and file a counter suit with every expense and mental strain they have caused you.
Sounds like OCD and seems odd that OOP recognizes the need for a child in her vicinity to need mental health help yet she didn’t approach this with care and concern but with confrontation and pettiness. This kid isn’t “superficial.” This is mental illness and she’s a child that needs help navigating it. This coming from a person with severe OCD and I’ve learned to recognize it a lot better since being diagnosed and that has helped me overcome some of these kinds of contamination based obsessions.
She’s probably of the camp that hurls out “you need therapy” as an insult. 🙄
I was believing it up until the throw away line that they are now suing her, with very little elaboration or details on that part. Allegedly, the stepdaughter has absolutely no documentation proving that she has any allergy or health issue stemming from not being on a restrictive diet, per the OP. All tests came back clear and no actual allergies. So if we are to believe that is true, I have a hard time believing an attorney picked up the case to essentially sue stepmommy for not making her the food she preferred that did not cause any long term health effects. Maybe she got a stupid attorney, maybe OP is glossing over some legitimate health issues, or maybe the whole thing is made up, but something doesn’t smell right
I assumed it was one of those, “We’re GOING to sue you,” threats and if they actually tried to follow through with it they would be politely informed they had no case (and then laughed at once they left.)
Well stepdaughter had probably thrown such a big fit they went though with suing her and if they fibbed enough a lawyer probably believes them and then when they get the “proof” the lawyer knows they’ll lose but they’re obviously stupid enough to pay the lawyer to take it to court. You gonna turn that money down?? I wouldn’t.
Having worked for several, they don’t usually take cases they have no chance with. But I worked for people who were good at their jobs so they didn’t need to take things that had no chance in hell and I saw them turn many crap cases away.
I can’t believe she’s making demands and throwing a conniption fit like that at 15!!! And OP is work a schedule like that?!! This little brat SHOULD be doing the cooking and at least 1/2 the cleaning!!
Well done you made the right decision,that little brat sounds insufferable so does her mum and dad!
Everyone in this story sucks. The girl being an absolute nightmare doesn’t justify op tampering with her food. Op should have told her to cook for herself and been done with it.
ESH. She’s 15. She’s supposed to try new things, she’s supposed to go through fads, it’s normal for her to push boundaries. It’s normal for her to be an annoying brat sometimes. It’s complicated by your being a stepmom. Your husband should’ve been the one to put his food down on all the extra accommodations and tell her she needs to keep her stuff separate herself. Like a mini fridge in her room? Keep her dish ware in her room? She should be responsible for her new diets if it goes beyond something simple like you leaving a portion to the side without the offending ingredients. You are a grown adult. Don’t lie to a child, especially a step daughter. I mean, your relationship with her sounds rocky at best, did you really think lying and doing a gotcha would help?? It is absolutely her home too, and she should be relatively comfortable. It would’ve been perfectly acceptable to put your foot down and say all the extra accommodations that require you to do something is too much, but then work with her for a solution that has her doing what she needs for herself. I think it’s great you pushed for an allergist and to see a therapist. Kudos where it’s due.
Food allergies aren’t a fad. This is beyond normal. This kid is pretending she has allergies and intolerances to food. She doesn’t. She probably has an eating disorder though.
She started throwing things off shelves Nope. Time to go.
Oh I agree.
People pretending are a big problem for people with actual food issues. I’m celiac, so gluten free, but at restaurants I’ve seen people say they can’t eat gluten then head straight to the salad bar and add croutons to their salad. This confuses the staff who may start to not be as vigilant since some people do the opposite of what they should be doing on a true GF diet. It’s a big problem.
Yep. People who lie about allergies are big reason as to why some people think food allergies are fake. I think we’ve all heard stories about someone or even know someone who has an allergy and told the restaurant not to give them that and they did anyways only for them to get violently ill.
I have an allergy to pork and lamb. I'm not sure why I can eat beef, but it doesn’t bother me. I had a co-worker at a previous job who thought I was faking my allergies, despite my multiple epi pens. (One in the desk, one in the purse, one in the car, several at the house.) She would *always* go out of her way trying to "catch" me. Turkey and chicken are both made into bacon and sausage. Every time I had bacon or sausage in with the food I brought from home, she would comment on it. It doesn't smell the same, and I have been told it definitely does not taste the same. I would always offer to share it with her, and she would spit it out because she couldn't stand the taste yet always insisted I was eating pork. 🙄
What a strange allergy! Lamb wouldn’t be hard to avoid, but pork! Damn. I’m the same way with bee/wasp/hornet stings. Epi-pens EVERYWHERE. Purse, truck, house, backpack. Anywhere I can think of. I’m so scared of having to use one, but at least I can SEE the bad guy. You could have a problem just from your food TOUCHING your allergen. Eek!
This girl is not a normal teen. Lying about having food allergies isn't a "fad". Throwing stuff while an argument is not being "an annoying brat sometimes". It's definitely not normal. She's already an entitled brat that doesn't respect OP at all.
Bro, I’d go so far as to call the daughter an emotional terrorist. How do they expect her to function in the real world as an adult?
She’s literally tried to work with the girl. But mom and dad are not backing her up. The dad is making stepmom remove everything from the house. She’s obviously already brought up the idea to have girl do her own stuff to keep it separate but that’s not what dad wants. So he’s not enforcing it. That’s not her home sounds like dad and child are living off step mom since she said girl isn’t welcome there anymore. And I guess no one is seeing the part where her stomach had not hurt her at all when she absolutely believe non of that stuff was in her food. She’s just trying to be like the fake internet. Nothings wrong with her but the fact she needs mental help and mom and dad are failing her by not taking her.
Yep, it's fine for OOP to say she can't deal with the daughter's restrictions, it's not ok to flat out lie to someone about what's in their food. Especially someone who clearly has some significant issues around food already.
Good for her
Daughter make your own damn food and never be rude to me in my own house or you will be banned
NTA. You’re being put in an impossible situation. You’re trying not to enable this disordered eating that your step daughter and her mom engage in. I’m sorry that your husband isn’t backing you up.
Haha… the girl need counseling and her parents do too If a kid did this to me at 15 I’d say cool guess you’re making your own food
People who tell others something is not in the food when it is are evil. People get seriously ill that way. I understand why OOP was annoyed, but she should NOT have handled it this way
The difference is she got all the tests done and the allergies are fake. Sure, maybe she should've just put her foot down and refuse to cater to her diet rather than lying, but calling her evil is a bit much.
I agree, this would be totally different if she didn’t have it medically confirmed that she had no allergies. Stepmom would be almost evil for it. But with documented proof it’s all in her head? I mean, I wouldn’t have done the same thing but I don’t think it was an evil move.
True, I have celiac disease and I shutter to think how I’d be doing if someone had been secretly putting gluten in my food this whole time. That being said, I’d probably realize it immediately since I’d be constantly vomiting and in incredible pain. So I do get why she’s annoyed but it’s definitely not good to lie about ingredients in food
There's a difference between having a true food problem and faking it. She had tests done, they were negative. She's making everyone suffer for her delusions.
And I understand that OOP doesn't want to cater to it. But the way she went about it is disgusting and childish
Like.....screaming and throwing things childish? I, too, have a page and a half of allergies and intolerances. It fucking sucks. What sucks worse is her not having those issues and being a little shit about it. Did this kid's mother not question any of this dumb shit? "Hey sweetie, this makes no sense, maybe we should see a doctor?" Maybe little Karen would enjoy the game a lot less after a few fucking blood tests, an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, couple of fecal exams. In fact, ain't no way her parents are that fucking dumb, they just let the consequences ride on OP, who already works 60 hours a week. Bullshit. And PS. I'd fucking love some minestrone right now, and if someone made me a minestrone that didn't come with consequences, I'd be happy no matter the reason.
Is it though? Or is it someone who's tired of being used and abused? It's a fine line, I agree. However, people have their limits and when you're continuously ignored no matter what you say, demand, ask for or express what do you do? It's easy to say walk away but she caused zero harm and the kid threw another tantrum because no other adult stands up to her.
It is, I don't care if she caused no harm. (And she did. That girl and her father and mother learned she can't be trusted).. Tell the father you are done cooking after the daughters ideas and tell them you are cooking XYZ and if stepdaughter isn't happy, it's her and daddys job to figure out. Absolutely fine. But don't lie to somebody about what's in your food.
She tried doing stuff like that but the father would not put his foot down. And he won’t take the child to get help. Like chill out. She knew the girl wasn’t allergic it didn’t hurt her. If it’s causing them not to trust her then the guy needs to leave. But yet he’s staying so.
I wouldn't, for example. I'm not celiac, I'm "just" allergic to a bunch of stuff, including wheat. One of my symptoms is extremely ichy skin. That only turns up about 2-3 days after I had one of the bunch of things I can't have. I'd drive myself mad trying to find out what I ate or touched where...
I get why all the adults have reacted the way they have but none of them are handling the situation well. This girl is clearly very ill and needs help, not being enabled or tricked
Yea she does need help but she can’t get it when her mom and dad won’t take her or get her in somewhere. Step mom cannot do it. Her parents are too self absorbed to worry about their daughter’s actual problems.
Thats why I said all the adults are handling it wrong.
Straight up bonkers. Some people live in drama llama land. SMH
Delulu
How do people find their way into these relationships?
You go girl.
This is so wildly fake
This is pretty funny. If parents and daughter had any sense they would all have learned something from it. Tough to battle headstrong stupidity.
oop should just stop cooking for them altogether. She is no maid or personal chef, she works 60 hours a week, she doesn't have the time or the energy to be dealing with this mess.
ESH. There are many food sensitivities that don't show up on allergy tests. One of the ways you test for those is to eliminate all possible food issues and then *slowly and precisely* add them back into your diet to see what bothers you. The child clearly needs help, and mental health and stomach issues go hand in hand, so I do find it easy to believe the daughter has pains. I was told at a young age that I tested negative for Celiac and I just had IBS, but I have since then developed Celiac's disease. The OOP is a major AH if she is a nurse and thought it was OK to lie about the contents of food. Just because she doesn't have an allergy doesn't mean the food doesn't bother her. The dad sucks for not doing more to ensure his daughter's needs were being met. The bio-mom sucks for enabling outright shitty behavior. They both should see that their daughter needs more help.
ESH. Even the kid. If this is real, and there's an actual lawsuit, this is a toxic situation and everyone should run for the hills.
[удалено]
Eating disorders *are* mental health issues.
and they arent something you mess with. Don't force someone with an eating disorder to unknowingly eat things they have listed off as "fear foods" it's a recipe for disaster
[удалено]
Well you basically said “it’s wrong for OOP to call it a mental health problem, it could actually be one of these mental health problems”, which doesn’t make sense because why would OOP suck for saying what you yourself believe is true? Why the ESH?
[удалено]
The daughter is not allergic to any of the mentioned foods. She only claims having symptoms like stomach aches when she knows the types of food she claims to be allergic to are in or near her food. She never had any symptoms when the foods were secretly in her food. That is the definition of delusional.
But the possible explanations you just stated are actually mental health problems that might benefit from professional help. Somehow you seem to think mental heath problems are imaginary?
Then she can cook for herself. She's 15 not 5. Her demands are absurd.
If it is what you’re describing, the daughter has started to treat it more as a compulsion than a coping mechanism. A coping mechanism using food would be having “comfort” foods. Usually, the individual is responsible for their comfort foods or they tend to choose something very processed *because* they know it likely won’t come out wrong/tampered if it’s mass-manufactured or if it’s produced by their own hands. Daughter choosing her comfort food to be something prepared by someone else, and making zero effort to manage her own dietary needs, makes her an AH. Mental problems or not. Mental problems do not justify being an AH. Moreover, while I understand how damaging it can be to have pulled the rug out from under Daughter’s *one* comfort food, I also think that the consequences we’ve seen in this post are exactly the reason for what I stated above. Had *Daughter* taken charge of her dietary needs/restrictions, her comfort food would have never been made “unsafe” for her. This also leads me to my next point, which is that just about every therapist out there tells you *not* to feed into someone’s compulsions. That if they’re going to have that compulsion, you have to make them entirely responsible for it because at the end of the day it’s *their* problem, not anyone else’s, and if you feed into their compulsions you undermine that message. If someone tells you, “Oh no! You have to click the light on and off four times after shutting the microwave or the house will catch fire!” You don’t go in and click the lights for them, you go on about your day and say “If you feel that way, go ahead and click the lights, but I will not be interrupting my day to feed into paranoia.” I’m no therapist and I’m not claiming to be, but I have had relatives with OCD who use food as a way to “control” themselves. This always lands people in hospital. This always lands people with lifelong health complications *from* their eating disorder — something I’m sure OOP has seen on a regular basis as a *hospital nurse*. Should OOP have messed with Daughter’s food? Probably not. But should she have even been *making* it or responsible for it in the first place? Absolutely not. That’s Daughter’s responsibility, or at *bare minimum* her *BIOLOGICAL PARENT’S* responsibility which, oh by the way, *ISN’T OOP*!
Exactly. As somebody who struggles with food related OCD I kind of understand the crazy demands. I mean, everybody is different with that sort of stuff and if that is the case with her then she needs a therapist that can help her.
Gentle YTA, First off it took YEARS of elimination to discover what my sensitivities were, and some of them were odd (coca-cola was fine but pepsi made me puke, because of dye differences) but having people ‘prank’ me to prove I didn’t know what I was talking about (like pouring pepsi into my coke bottle, and filming me drinking it, even though I ended up puking all night somehow ‘proved’ I was delusional?) Turns out I have problems digesting things, even if it doesn’t show up on an allergy test. Cane sugar especially, I *can eat it, but it gives me body wide acne, and blistery hands and feet. To have people put it in my food and lie about it would be sick and twisted. The symptoms can take a day or more to show up, and then I’m left stressed about what else could have caused this and I have to eliminate more again. She was a kid, and lying to her was evil, but she was also being an extremely horrible kid so temptation is understandable. Agreeing with other commenters that Dad should have handled this.
This is such a good response! To be clear - I’m not the original poster, but I think she’s benefit from reading it! You can follow the link if you want to respond to her.
You are right, this is not the OP, but since you mentioned it I may copy/paste… is that allowed on this sub? Some say you cannot post on the original if you saw it here
Oh I have no idea… I’ve never heard that…
Brigading is banned Reddit wide, not sub to sub.
What is brigading?
Commenting or downvoting/upvoting comments on the original post when you saw it elsewhere.
Gotcha, thanks
Well this is not the original post and this person was the one who commented it so she/he could post it on the original.
She didn’t need to tell the daughter she just wanted to prove a point instead of being the bigger person. Teens go through stages and as long as she is feeling healthy why tell her the truth instead of just keeping things rolling? The stepmom just couldn’t help herself
Guess it’s been a while since we had a “dietary restrictions bad” troll. Can’t say I missed them.
You don't mess with someone's food. Ever. Even if they're a buttface.
Perhaps but you also can’t demand someone fix you special meals and have specific areas of kitchen to yourself especially if you are talking to someone who is not your parent. It sounds like the child is at least a teen and if she wants special meals she can fix it herself. Or her parents can buy the food and cook for her. I’d never let child in the house again.
If she’s a nurse she probably sees this same behavior on a regular bases. People faking illnesses often don’t hide it very well from people who know what to look for.
She didn't do anything to her food. Like, literally, she was cooking the same way she did before. Kid doesn't have any allergies (it was proven), it doesn't affect her health. Kid wants special treatment from everybody and treats serious health risks (allergies) like a tool to "bE dIfFerEnT" from everyone else and force OP give her that special treatment. If she doesn't like it - she's old enough to cook for herself.
Agree, and the people downvoting should also agree. Instead of “she was a demanding jerk so she deserves it,” it should be “she’s a demanding jerk and he should have stopped cooking for her.” The justifications to treat someone like shit are wild.
I don't know why you're being downvoted, fucking with someone's food isn't cool. And if this was about A vegan putting fake meat in somebody's food and be going haha You couldn't taste it All the comments would be echoing what you said.
Because this kid isn’t actually allergic to any of the food she’s claiming to be allergic to and she doesn’t actually dislike it either.
The difference is that the stepdaughter gave up being vegan quickly, claimed allergies that were then proven to not exist, and both biological parents refused to take to therapy. OOP didn’t really mess with her stepdaughter’s food so much as lied about making her separate super complicated food in a contamination free environment. 🤷🏻
Thats still not cool, i don't care what reason they had. Screwing with anyones food is a crappy thing to do and if you do that youre a crappy person Regardless of why
What this kid is doing isn’t cool. There is no reason for her to be acting like this. She’s not actually allergic to any of this food and she doesn’t actually dislike it. She’s being difficult for no good reason and her parents are enabling her.
If you haven't eaten meat in a long time and then eat meat, you'll absolutely get sick- that's a dick move 100%. It sounds like this girl is trying to get a feel for her food and beliefs (which she's allowed to do!), but that's putting too much undue hardship on OP. The girl has no allergies.
You can believe anything you want to believe, but no one else is required to accept your beliefs as fact. As you said, the girl has no allergies. Also, the teen actually went into their pantry and threw away food because she "believed" it was contaminating her food just by sharing pantry space. And neither of this girls parents had anything to say about it.
Except the meat wasn’t even the problem. The girl was no longer vegan at that point and I think she would have noticed chicken in chicken soup long before the step mom told her it was the same soup everyone was eating.
Goes to show the people reading this one are toxic.
I think someone pretending to have food allergies is the toxic one.
100% Toxic
You’re right, the daughter and her enabling parents are very toxic.
The parents are absolutely toxic. I don’t know where the misunderstanding is. But you don’t mess with someone’s food. Just take a stand instead of all this BS messing with someone’s food.
What is OP suppose to do? This girl won’t cook for herself, her dad won’t cook for. Op doesn’t have the time to prepare her a separate meal or clean everything, all of which is unnecessary anyways. You don’t mess with someone food when it could make them sick or actually kill them. That’s not an issue here. This kid can either cook for herself or stfu and eat what she’s given.
Refuse to cook for them. She should have made her own dinner and left him to cook for themselves. But if this was so tense and stressful she’s could have also reevaluated her marriage or had a conversation with him that They could present to the daughter. I have a true allergy and have been cooking for myself for 20 years because no one is careful enough. The daughter could too.
It sounds like if she doesn’t cook for her then she gets yelled at. Best way to keep the peace is just cook her food. You have an actual allergy and you handle it. This kid is a brat who doesn’t any food allergies so she can whatever she’s given.