Didn't you notice how much teen clothing needs to be ironed? /s
Honestly, i think my iron has given up on me and is just for crafts and it's one of the things i haven't even attempted to teach my teen-i told her I'd events show her enough to get through a job interview outfit
I can knit a \*LITTLE\* but not much. Crochet I was just never able to get the hang of. I tend to like spinning yarn more than I like using it, but I have friends who love knitting and crochet (and one owns her own sheep that she uses wool from!) so I leave it to them!
i worked retail from 16-21, and honestly i was a bit spoiled having access to a nice industry grade steamer. in a pinch though, the straightener was always the way to go!
also, perler beads 😭 way to take me back in time. :)
No no no, the iron is for the *sheets*! And the *tablecloths*!! Oh and don’t forget **THE FUCKING SOFA COVERS**!!!!
This post is madness, the OOP is fucking mental. And it’s clear she doesn’t even like the *second wife* or the *step*-granddaughter, let alone consider them family. She sounds terrible. Like the 16 year old should absolutely be washing dishes after she uses them, and pitching in around the house sure. Keeping her own room clean. Shit like that. But telling her she has to clean the entire house down to *ironing the fucking sheets and sofa covers* or else GET OUT OF THE HOUSE is fucking crazy. This woman is unhinged, I feel bad for the wife and daughter.
She’s definitely just coming up with random chores to make her do something. There’s no way she cares about the sheets and sofa covers being ironed lol
It's not like she'd be cleaning the house daily. Dusting and mopping is like a once a week thing in many households where I live. That's normal. I loved mopping when I was 11, and couldn't wait for mom and grandpa to finish with the vacuum so I could start mopping.
The parents and OOP are WORKING. The teen is just sitting at home doing nothing. She has more than enough time on her hands to clean once a week, do laundry when needed and to clean her dishes.
Remember that they are living with OOP RENT AND UTILITY FREE. It's the least they could do to help out and show some appreciation.
You *honestly* believe she needs to wash and iron all of their bedding, tablecloths, and slipcovers, in addition to scrubbing *the entire house?* In a day? Teens aren’t slaves.
Unemployed roommates don’t get much say in how the house chores are divided out.
Grow up and have some sense of responsibility!
A 16yr old should be accustomed to doing these types of chores!
Parents that don’t teach their kids to do chores are abusing them!
Answer my question, please. You think she should be a slave, not merely contribute. Cleaning the kitchen, absolutely. Ironing someone else’s sheets is fucking *unhinged.*
Like *get help before you have kids* unhinged.
You’re attempting to paint the narrative into something it is not.
Children must be taught to do chores for their own good, so that 1) They know how, and 2) They aren’t overwhelmed by the tasks.
The very fact that the girl didn’t even attempt to clean her own food dishes shows that she has already been failed by her parents.
This ain’t got a damned thing to do with anyone being made to be a slave. It’s about learning to take care of yourself and the house you live in! You don’t get paid for wiping your own ass!
I’ve already told you. Your description of the work as “slave” work, is 100% incorrect.
The question is answered because no one has been made to be a slave in this situation.
Right???? I said ironing the sheets and tablecloth who tf does that anymore? And I’m not doing clothes unless I know specifically how they want them done… I’ll do mine and my husbands and my girls but that’s it.
seriously! and a 16 year old girl in 2024 is not going to know how grandma likes her bedsheets ironed, cause even if she does, she doesn’t. i’m just guessing based on OOPs tone.
i will say my parents were pretty lax and i never had a chore schedule. but i’m 24 and the only one out my friend group who actually knows how to cook, clean, budget, or show emotional maturity. i think it’s because my parents took more of like a ‘make your mess and clean it up’ approach. meaning, they let my brother and i fuck around and find out. they’d help us out of an immediate disaster but we were left to clean up our own messes when we fucked up. i’m talking everything from spilling a jug of milk all over the kitchen when i was 6 to totaling my car when i was 21. they were always there to help us fix whatever mess we made but my brother and i were always expected to handle it from there.
i think they’re trolls, but there are a few comments saying she’s a ‘roommate who’s not paying rent’ and i can’t help but be sad for anyone with that point of view. not only did my parents give me a solid upbringing, they also taught me self respect so i’d never listen to assholes like those commenters.
lol, sorry, the response from the crowd are mind blowing. I’m actually quite taken aback by them.
I’m genuinely SHOCKED to see people mad at this grandmother for requiring her family to do household chores. The phenomenon is breathtaking!
I could see the girl overwhelmed by suddenly being asked to do all this stuff, and feeling like Cinderella with a wicked step grandmother. There’s got to be a better way to do this. Everyone who lives in this home should be responsible for some chores, because they live there. Maybe have a family meeting and come up with a list. Maybe the step granddaughter is responsible for more, but not everything.
Absolutely, the DIL should be doing just as much since she isn’t working. People that stay home all day should keep house while there. No one owes you a life of sitting around all summer.
EDIT: OK, so I forgot the part where the DIL had gotten a job.
The kid should still be doing chores while home from school, period. They’re life skills. Parents who don’t enforce chores at home, aren’t helping their kids, they’re abusing them. They are failing their parental duties.
Instead of going around DIL and threatening granddaughter, she should be communicating these expectations with DIL and son and they can be in charge of assigning chores to their child. But saying you’re not charging a 16 yo rent and that’s your leverage to get her to do your ridiculous chores isn’t gonna work. 16 yo shouldn’t be paying rent, period?
This is insane!!!
These are things that EVERY 16 yr old should be doing in whatever household they are living in!!
They are simply being asked to do normal household chores.
So many entitle brats on reddit think that children should just be left to browse social media and listen to music.
So bizarre!!!
Did I say she shouldn’t do chores? I said that her mom and dad should be the one to assign her things and grandma doesn’t need to threaten to throw her out over ironing the sheets?
I did plenty of chores growing up but never once was I asked to do my parents laundry or iron their sheets. That is the part that is ridiculous.
Also I’m 27, not really an entitled brat. Just someone using common sense to know the situation isn’t being handled properly lol.
Mom and Dad are living rent free in Grandma’s house. Her house, her rules. Mom & Dad need to get with the program or find a place to rent, where they can make the rules.
That’s how that works.
Quite frankly, as soon as the DIL showed that she disrespected Grandma’s home rules, by asking for an apology, she would have been asked to leave immediately.
The only way I would allow them to stay is if the DIL told the 16yr old, to do as her grandmother asked, without complaint, and agreed to help with those chores. She ain’t got a job and she’s living rent free. Grandma’s house should be spotless!!! The laundry work described would take one day to accomplish.
This whole this is so insane that anyone would side with the DIL and the teen.
It’s mind blowing, and quite sad.
Um No, that’s a woman that takes pride in her home and wants to teach those same ideals to her granddaughter.
Peoples’ standards have fallen so much. People used to actually care if their home looked good or not. The older generations took pride in their residence.
This isn’t her grandbaby, it’s her son’s wife’s kid. No relation. She’s not instilling anything in anyone by ironing things that don’t require it. And she talked about laundry, but whose though? Is she wanting this girl to do *hers*?! Chores are a necessary part of life. They need to sit down and agree on a chore chart including frequency and timeline for completion. One family meeting, print the .pdf from the internet, fill it in and hang it up. It’d take 45 minutes tops.
So you are the arbiter of what’s necessary in this woman’s home?
You don’t know the cleaning and laundry customs of everyone. Plenty of things may seem “extra” to you, that are completely normal for a great many other people.
During the summer, from the time my sister and I were about 12 & 10 respectively, we stayed home during the summer, and were expected to have the house 100% spotless when Mom & Dad came home.
That meant no dirty laundry. No unfolded laundry. No piles of folded laundry waiting to be put away.
There could be no dirty dishes in the sink, and the dishwasher had better be empty, along with no dishes drain rack. They had to be dried and put away. The kitchen had to be completely cleaned, including being swept & mopped daily.
Every floor that had carpet had to have fresh vacuum marks when the folks got home.
Bedrooms had to be cleaned. Nothing on the floor. Beds made.
And seasonally, we had additional chores like washing drapes and curtains.
Also, the rent statement is a general statement for all three freeloaders. When someone does you a big favor, don’t make them regret it.
Any home you move into, CLEAN IT IP!!!
What the fuck is wrong people!!!
Lazy entitled jackasses that should be thrown out to teach them a lesson.
And she's angry at the DIL because her precious, perfect son couldn't possibly have made bad financial choices, it's all that gold-digger and her child's . . . \*checks notes\* basic living expenses and single school trip that ruined everything.
Mom is getting exactly what she wants - her son all to herself.
I think she’s mad at the situation, the son, the DIL and the girl, but the girl is the easiest to take it out on. I also think she’s most pleased with the outcome because she is tired of having the house full of moochers (not saying the girl is a moocher as she is expected to be cared for since she’s under 18).
To be fair, I would be mad too if I was 70 and had to work only to come home to a 16 yo not even cleaning up after herself. I’m not saying she should have done the long list of chores, but she could at least have cleaned up after herself.
Agreed. Grandma is taking it a bit too far for sure, but at 16- the girl should definitely be helping out more. She’s the only one not working. She can pull her weight and ease the chore burden for the adults.
My grandfather’s wife did this. She also ironed underwear. But she’s been dead some 20 years and I can’t imagine any living person still doing that.
But the 16 yo should have cleaned up after herself and possibly done some of the other minor tasks. Leaving dirty plates around for a 70 yo to clean after work is just disrespectful.
I’m glad I’m not the only one! I love ironing, it’s relaxing to me. I only iron sheets, tablecloths, and napkins, though. Work clothes get steamed. Under garments get folded.
That’s so fascinating. I hate ironing so much that I almost never buy/wear clothes that need ironing. And I can’t think of any house work that I find relaxing. I wish it was.
Yes, she was, but she was a tired bitch. Tired of her son and DIL, and of a 16 yo who gave her even more work at home. I think grandmother wanted an excuse to get rid of all of them and I can see why. I would be annoyed too.
We don’t know that she is a bad mother. On the contrary, she’s opened her home to her son and DIL and they’ve given her nothing but trouble. She’s reacting to an impossible situation created by her son and DIL.
I don’t know what you expect of 70 year old people? She has paid off her son’s dept, taken him and his family in for free and has to work to pay for everything. Meanwhile DIL only got a job now, not when things were going to hell financially. I would say that DIL is the bad mother here.
And you’re weirdly invested in not seeing how poorly she was treated by everyone.
I did say that she had ulterior motives for going too far. She wanted them out of her house, and who can blame her? She’s done more than enough for her son and DIL.
What was bad of her was that she went for the granddaughter and not the people causing the problems. Yes, GD should have cleaned up after herself, but she should not have had to iron the sheets.
But I think the outcome—DIL and GD, and hopefully son,moving out—is best for all parties involved. They should never have moved in the first place.
In Asia we ironed the bed sheets and changed them once a month. After moving to America my MIL told me nobody in the USA irons their sheets, and most change sheets once every 3-6 months. I was shocked so I asked on Facebook and it looks like in America the norm is not to iron sheets or change them that often.
Cultural differences are real, the American way is certainly easier (and lazier), so I've decided we don't need to iron sheets anymore since folks here don't do it, except for OP.
Note: According to some internet stuff, on average folks change sheets every 24 days (so 3+ weeks).
No, I don’t iron mine, but pillow cases, fitted sheet, and top sheet absolutely get changed once per week. I don’t know ANYONE who would go 3 months without changing their sheets, that is disgusting.
My very overwhelmed previous neighbor (6 kids) said they do sheet laundry every 6 months, but they're not a good example since in some of the kid's rooms you can't even see the floor. They ended up hiring a cleaner to help with some of the stuff, she said it's the best money she's spent.
Definitely once a week. I was sick one time and didn't get to it until a few days later and I could see the oils from my face and hair on my pillow and a couple of drool spots on my sheets because my allergies have been bad and I can't breathe well while sleeping
It was gross. I can't even go two weeks without changing my sheets. I definitely wouldn't make it a month
Canadian here. I wash the sheets every Sunday and change pillow cases more frequently as needed. Never ironed sheets, or anything else for that matter. I've lived away from my parents 10 years and never even owned an iron. Growing up, I only ever saw an iron being used by my father for his uniform.
I wanna know how long her son had what sounds like a retail furniture store. If he opened it in the last 10 years or so he is NOT savvy. Bespoke or the like I can see, but not what he had.
OOP resents having them live with had and found a way to get them out. Even if she doesn’t realize it.
Normal chores like dishes and taking the trash out makes sense. Doing everyone’s laundry and ironing (wtf?) is just ridiculous and obviously added because you don’t like her or her mother. Plus mopping? You’re nuts
However, it is your house. The wife and daughter should leave and she should divorce your son.
Yes, this. When I read taking out the trash and even cleaning the floors I was on board. Doing a load of laundry maybe even. Not everyone’s laundry but the rest was too much. She’s not a housekeeper. The son and daughter in law can chip in too.
LMFAO 🤣
Holy Shit! These are normal chores that have to be done. My sister and I had all of this growing up. While we were home for summer vacation, our house was expected to be SPOTLESS when Mom and Dad came home, and that is the normal and right thing to do. It was our responsibility as members of the household that didn’t work outside of the home, to tend to the home.
What The Fuck Is Wrong with people!!!! How is this not just second nature? The world is failing people, for them think that the OOP is in the wrong. She’s the only one in the story that has done anything right!
Some of those chores are completely fine but others are waaaaay over the top. FYI. I’m 61 and a grandmother of 9. 5 are “step” grandchildren. Tell me you only love blood relatives without telling me u only love blood relatives. I would never ever treat my grandchildren differently but you are Cinderella’s nightmare
My brothers all get mad that I can get my niblings to do chores, while they can be yelling and my niblings just yell just as loud "no".
I don't let it fly, and I see that OOP's son looks like he is tired of the step being lazy also.
I would hate being 16, knowing a 70yrs old who should be retired living their golden years, is still working, and keeping home.
In a away, I lived like that, as my great-grandmother lived with us until her death at 87, and every time she went near a broom or such, my brothers or I would tell her we will do it... which I now wonder how my brothers let their kids walk all over them.
i clean for a 90 year old woman who lives by herself and every time she’s like “i tried to do x but i just couldn’t do it very well” i’m like girl let me handle it then!! that’s what i’m here for!! she’s in incredible mental and physical shape for being 90, but she’s become a very good friend of mine over the years so i’m always telling her there’s nothing i won’t help her out with. although, she doesn’t iron her sheets. i probably wouldn’t do that for her
My Gma would see a speck or smudge, and she had to clean it instantly. I still remember her reaction to my trumpet being slightly grubby, I rescued it just in time from the silver polish cleaner. I had a special cloth to use, but she said it had to shine.
I am kicking myself however, she had a home remedy that made cloudy glass including crystal to become clear, and I never wrote it down.
I miss that lady, she even knew how to remove cooking grease without chemicals.
It may just be ammonia...when we cleaned offices, we would buy windshield wiper fluid (like for cars) and add ammonia to it when we poured it into the spray bottle and that made it streakless. Just don't mix bleach and ammonia, that's how you get chlorine gas and seriously burn your lungs.
My Gma would see a speck or smudge, and she had to clean it instantly. I still remember her reaction to my trumpet being slightly grubby, I rescued it just in time from the silver polish cleaner. I had a special cloth to use, but she said it had to shine.
I am kicking myself however, she had a home remedy that made cloudy glass including crystal to become clear, and I never wrote it down.
I miss that lady, she even knew how to remove cooking grease without chemicals.
I just watched an episode of bobs burgers where they couldnt get the kids to do chores... i live in fear of raising kids who don't do anything its a big reason I dont think I'm having any lmao. I am bad at doing my own chores I cant imagine having to teach grumpy kids to do that
At my house, I took the tradition of the art sheet. I would put down a painter's sheet, and they can do what ever they want while on it, but if it goes off the sheet without asking permission, it was removed.
From there it was slowly getting them to put aware things.
It is easy to get them do to the bare minimum, especially when I hated doing housework too, but they know at my place they lose privileges for an undetermined amount of time.
Currently nibling age 9 is on month 2 of no painting after they decided (thankfully waterbase) to paint the toilet... it would have been OK... if he wasn't also using glue and glitter... I do blame myself for lapse of supervision, but the sheet is there for a reason
I accidentally raised 2 of those. We taught them about human rights so they can misuse terms like “self-determination” to inform me they will not be doing what I ask. Thankfully, they can usually be reasoned with and always obey in public. At 8 and 10 we are hoping it’s not too late and are taking steps with a therapist.
“She didn’t do anything but go to school when it was in”
OK I’m assuming she’s probably doing homework afterwards and that’s what kids are supposed to do??
And I get wanting help around the house, but threatening to kick a minor out over it is shitty. And why involve a child in the discussion over finances and rent?
How about “do your chores or lose access to your phone” or “do your chores or you’re not allowed to go out with friends?” It’s not wrong to want help, but she’s being an asshole for how she’s approaching the situation.
It’s embarrassing and pathetic for an adult to threaten and guilt trip a child over housing. High school students know houses aren’t free. It’s still not their responsibility.
Asking for help with chores is one thing. Taking her issues with the adults out on a kid is another.
Fair. I think it is very normal to expect a 16 year old to contribute to household chores though. Threatening to kick them out is extreme, but what other power does step grandma have here? I can’t imagine being 16 and doing nothing watching my grandma work part time and do all the housework.
I definitely agree that the 16yr old can do some chores. Wash dishes, sweep, tidy the bathroom… But OP list just reminds me of Cinderella. It seems tedious and overboard. Like she wants a free maid
Clearly hasn't sunk in for the 51 year old
And kids aren't responsible for paying for a home. That's literally the responsibility of the parents to provide
I never said it was a kid’s responsibility. I said by 16, you should know that housing isn’t free. It’s a massive disservice to your kids if you don’t teach them that living has associated costs beyond clothes and food.
On one hand, asking to help around the house is not out of the ordinary. Taking out the trash and washing dishes is just sanitary. Sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming like once a week would be nice, nice for the house and a diligence for the granddaughter. It would be a nice thing for granddaughter to help.
On the other hand, doing everyone’s laundry, sheets, and ironing is ridiculous. Calling the 16 y/o lazy because it’s summer break and she’s not at a job is such a Boomer mentality. And for the granddaughter to jump straight to calling OP racist is a red flag parade around the house.
Making the teen do some chores is normal. Making her do all of these, however, is ridiculous. I think a reasonable compromise would be :
- take out the trash
- wash dishes
- vacuum your own bedroom and communal areas (not the entire house, and not every day), mop your bedroom (again not every day)
- do your own laundry
- take turns in cooking dinner for everyone (and on the evenings she does cook for everyone she's not responsible for the dishes).
OOP, definitely YTA. Conversations about the parents’ finances with a minor is inappropriate, as is expecting a minor to pay off her parents’ “debts” through housework.
Certainly it is reasonable to expect everyone in the house to pick up after themselves, and then contribute some effort to overall housework (take out the trash, clean the kitchen, etc.). The girl sounds like she’s used to other people picking up after her and isn’t considerate of others, which is pretty typical. But OOP is not the girl’s parent, that conversation should be had with the parents. And if the parents don’t want her to do any housework, then they will need to pick up the slack for her, not leave OOP’s house messier than she likes it. Ironed table linens are obnoxious, but if you’re a rent-free tenant, someone needs to iron the linens. Dad better grab that iron while Mom’s mopping the floors.
Her whole tone of the post just drips with hatred and anger. IDK if she’s actually racist or not. But she sounds angry and seems like she decided already didn’t like this kid when her son met the kid’s mother. Also sounds like she never liked the kid’s mother to begin with
I mean sounds like the mother/wife/DIL could/should have started working when the business started going under TBH but it seems like since she can’t do shit to an adult, she’s decided the kid is a huge problem beyond maybe how bad the behavior actually is
Though I disagree with “all she did was go to school”. Fuck that. School IS A FULL TIME gig. High school is rigorous and kids taking AP/IB classes are basically taking college level courses. If they’re not already in some sort of special collegial program for high schoolers.
Like taking out the trash? Sure. Cleaning your dishes sure. But if 4 people live in that house, maybe 1 kid shouldn’t have to clean a house for 3 other adults. Because IMO in normal households kind of split chores
Most of that is the kind of chores I did at that age, besides the ironing. A teenager probably shouldn’t iron home alone without being taught and doing it supervised a few times, like cooking.
Tapering the chores would’ve probably been more effective, that list sounds really overwhelming for a kid who isn’t used to doing chores, and threatening the kid is ridiculous, her mom manages her living situation, not her.
Grandma sounds like a hateful racist old biddy, who's pissed at the wife but bailing out the son for his own piss poor business choices
And punishing the kid as a result
I’d tell the family of freeloaders: “here’s your combined chore list. You three figure out how to split it up amongst yourselves.”
Either the parents do the work themselves or get their daughter to do it. Either way OP is happy and gets compensation for the free place to stay she’s giving them.
She’s not the AH for expecting a 16 year old to clean up after herself and help out with a few household chores. However, she is a major AH for not communicating any of her expectations or having a conversation about sharing household chores months ago, instead letting her feelings about her DIL simmer and fester to the point where she takes it out on her step-granddaughter out of nowhere.
On one hand, the sixteen year old should be doing her own damn dishes. On the other, this could not be more clear that this isn't about the teenage girl being lazy and actually about her not wanting the DIL there.
I hate the idea that just because kids are out of school means that they just become the person who does everything. They're kids. Should they have chores? Of course. Dishes, Trash, cleaning, etc. But they shouldn't just have to do everything simply because they're out of school. They deserve to actually have freetime and enjoy their childhood. They get 3 months off in the summer and that shouldn't be filled with doing housework all day everyday. Chores are fine, kids should help. But doing a majority of the work? That just seems like pawning off your responsibility to the kid.
At 16, step granddaughter should be pulling her weight around the house. At the very least should be cleaning up her own dishes after herself.
I think this is a bad situation. I feel like OOP is a 70 year old working part time and then coming home to a house of “mooches” who aren’t even helping out around the home. I feel like DIL has been out of the workforce for years and is at the mercy of someone else. I feel like son is caught between a rock and a hard place, and I feel like the step granddaughter is as well.
All four would do well to have a nice, calm, rational sit down meeting and come to an agreement with how things will look going forward, and what each expects. Maybe the granddaughter does trash while the DIL picks up laundry duty. Maybe there’s a chore rotation.
But here’s the thing: if you don’t lay down expectations so everyone knows what’s expected, then everyone will always feel taken advantage of. Period. Especially because sitting down and divvying up household tasks also involves seeing that other people are doing things, as well.
If oop said "some" house chores (like dishes and maybe laundry) and didn't use the 'rent free' card on a teenager id even agree with her. But her list of chores is insane
While I can understand doing her own laundry, maybe towels, but ironing tablecloths and bed linens? Really? If you want them ironed, you do it. I can understand sweeping and mopping, running a vacuum, and having her tidy up or do dishes, but you're purposely being spiteful. Then, to throw MORE chores on top of the ridiculous list you have her already. Seriously? While I don't agree with her doing nothing at all, I can understand why she feels like if she follows your list of demands for one day, the following will include more ridiculous demands. Next, you'll be forcing her to clean the bathroom grout with a toothbrush.
I can understand not wanting her to waste her days doing nothing, but you really need to evaluate why you're trying to punish this girl for her mom and step-dad's life choices. He is a grown man. You paid off his debts, which was more than most parents can or will. Did the granddaughter pressure your son, who is a grown man, into taking out loans he couldn't pay for? No. She's a kid for Christ's sake. She wanted to go on a school trip, possibly Washington DC or something, depending on where you live, like every kid in her grade was. What's done is done and your son decided to take out a loan with no plan on how to pay for it.
Maybe she assumed you're racist bc you consistently treat her like shit and she doesn't know why.
And kids know when you dislike them. Calling her a step-granddaughter is mean. My cousin was 2 when my uncle adopted her and married her mom. He never treated her any different as he did with his two bio kids that came along later. But my grandma, my own grandmother, who spoiled the shit out of her grandkids, would intentionally leave that child out of gift giving, taking care of her when caring for the others. My aunt gave her a choice...you treat all of those babies the same, or you don't see any of them (and they lived on the same street). Well, she didn't get to see those kids anymore because she refused to stop punishing the oldest for something she had no control over. My grandma has been gone for almost 40 years, and that cousin still remembers being treated poorly by her grandma and not understanding why. If you're calling her your granddaughter, drop the step and start acting like it.
Stop putting your son on a pedestal and treating his wife's teenage daughter like shit, because you can. You don't move ppl in bc you're such a great person and then abuse them because YOU have shot you need to work through. Jeez
Am I supposed to be ironing sheets. Honestly, I hardly iron clothes. Just hang them up on the bathroom door spritz them with water and let the steam from the shower do the work. I hate ironing. I suck at it. Doubt a 16 year old knows how to iron. Those chores sound like a lot. Dumping it on her like that seemed unnecessary. Think you should’ve spoke to her mom first. Told mom they’re not paying rent or expenses but the rule in the house is you work or do chores. However, I’m not sure an apology is necessary at least not for telling her she needs to help out around the house but should apologize for not speaking to mom first and explaining your rules for your house.
Tough call, cause on one hand school is out and the grand daughter should be helping out but also she should have sat down with her son, dil and the step daughter and talked with all of them instead of going straight to the step grand daughter.
ESH. A list of chores for all 3 of them is reasonable. Telling the parents it's their responsibility to either make sure SGD does her list or they finish it for her is reasonable. Telling the parents the chores being done is necessary for their continued stay in her home is reasonable.
But the chores themselves are not reasonable. Give her chores like cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Doing her own laundry. Caring for the lawn. If OP wants fussy little things like ironed sheets done, she can do the extra herself. Threatening the child with homelessness is not reasonable. Telling the child she must take over all care of the home because of parents made bad choices financially and aren't paying rent is not reasonable.
Clearly OP has reached the end of her rope and I understand where the frustration is coming from. They seem like a bunch of disrespectful freeloaders and I would have kicked them out by now. But she took it out on the wrong person.
anyone else notice how she said she "let" the step granddaughter move in? like i'm sorry where else would this literal minor go? you can't just move in parents snd not let the kids move in too
NTA
Those are just normal chores, though I don't know many people that iron things anymore (not to be mean, but ironing might be to difficult for the 16 year old. We went over it in home ed, but I don't know if she has had that, so the possibility of burning/damaging something is high).
The other things she's more than capable of. I dust while I vacuume, which is once a week, and I mop maybe once every 2-3 weeks.
Imo, the DIL is enabling her daughter to be lazy with the "you're treating her like a maid because she's biracial". Those two should be grateful to be allowed to live rent free with OOP and this is honestly the least they could do to show some appreciation.
Her house, her rules. If they don’t like it, they have the choice of leaving. Or better yet, send the step granddaughter to her father’s house for the summer. Is grandma out of line? Yup. She’s also 70 years old and probably thought she would be enjoying her retirement by now. Her son is a loser and has clearly been coddled his whole life. It’s easier to take out her anger on her DIL because she blames her for him losing his home.
Nothing wrong with what you asked. Except for talking to her about finances. We live in a world full of crybaby's so these responses do not shock me anymore
At 16 she is quite capable of doing chores and pitching in. Sounds like her mother does not have any expectations of the daughter. OOP does not pussyfoot around and told them bluntly how it is. NTA in my opinion.
At 16 she is quite capable of doing chores and pitching in. Sounds like her mother does not have any expectations of the daughter. OOP does not pussyfoot around and told them bluntly how it is. NTA in my opinion.
she’s 16, whose laundry is she ironing?
Along the same lines, who actually irons sheets and tablecloths? This chore list sounds like a hotel.
It was quite a bit ridiculous
My 72 year old mom. She even irons pajamas, t-shirts and underwear.
Didn't you notice how much teen clothing needs to be ironed? /s Honestly, i think my iron has given up on me and is just for crafts and it's one of the things i haven't even attempted to teach my teen-i told her I'd events show her enough to get through a job interview outfit
i’m pretty new to Reddit, does /s mean serious or sarcastic? i’m genuinely asking.
It means sarcastic, /srs means serious
word, thank you for explaining!
I'm in my 40s and I just bought an iron 6 months ago. Steamer for anything that really needs it.
The one and only reason I have an iron is for quilting. It's much easier to get pieces to line up properly if you iron them.
do you crochet or knit?
I can knit a \*LITTLE\* but not much. Crochet I was just never able to get the hang of. I tend to like spinning yarn more than I like using it, but I have friends who love knitting and crochet (and one owns her own sheep that she uses wool from!) so I leave it to them!
It's been necessary to melt perler beads for the kid and shine sewing stuff. Although I've found a straightening iron works for scout patches
I needed it to iron some of the kids business clothes for school stuff.
i worked retail from 16-21, and honestly i was a bit spoiled having access to a nice industry grade steamer. in a pinch though, the straightener was always the way to go! also, perler beads 😭 way to take me back in time. :)
No no no, the iron is for the *sheets*! And the *tablecloths*!! Oh and don’t forget **THE FUCKING SOFA COVERS**!!!! This post is madness, the OOP is fucking mental. And it’s clear she doesn’t even like the *second wife* or the *step*-granddaughter, let alone consider them family. She sounds terrible. Like the 16 year old should absolutely be washing dishes after she uses them, and pitching in around the house sure. Keeping her own room clean. Shit like that. But telling her she has to clean the entire house down to *ironing the fucking sheets and sofa covers* or else GET OUT OF THE HOUSE is fucking crazy. This woman is unhinged, I feel bad for the wife and daughter.
She’s super delulu!!!! I agree there are things she needs go do but this lady has lost it.
She’s definitely just coming up with random chores to make her do something. There’s no way she cares about the sheets and sofa covers being ironed lol
It's not like she'd be cleaning the house daily. Dusting and mopping is like a once a week thing in many households where I live. That's normal. I loved mopping when I was 11, and couldn't wait for mom and grandpa to finish with the vacuum so I could start mopping. The parents and OOP are WORKING. The teen is just sitting at home doing nothing. She has more than enough time on her hands to clean once a week, do laundry when needed and to clean her dishes. Remember that they are living with OOP RENT AND UTILITY FREE. It's the least they could do to help out and show some appreciation.
Your take on this situation is absolutely insane! Have a nice day and don’t lick the wallpaper 😜
You *honestly* believe she needs to wash and iron all of their bedding, tablecloths, and slipcovers, in addition to scrubbing *the entire house?* In a day? Teens aren’t slaves.
Unemployed roommates don’t get much say in how the house chores are divided out. Grow up and have some sense of responsibility! A 16yr old should be accustomed to doing these types of chores! Parents that don’t teach their kids to do chores are abusing them!
Answer my question, please. You think she should be a slave, not merely contribute. Cleaning the kitchen, absolutely. Ironing someone else’s sheets is fucking *unhinged.* Like *get help before you have kids* unhinged.
You’re attempting to paint the narrative into something it is not. Children must be taught to do chores for their own good, so that 1) They know how, and 2) They aren’t overwhelmed by the tasks. The very fact that the girl didn’t even attempt to clean her own food dishes shows that she has already been failed by her parents. This ain’t got a damned thing to do with anyone being made to be a slave. It’s about learning to take care of yourself and the house you live in! You don’t get paid for wiping your own ass!
Please answer my question.
I’ve already told you. Your description of the work as “slave” work, is 100% incorrect. The question is answered because no one has been made to be a slave in this situation.
Right???? I said ironing the sheets and tablecloth who tf does that anymore? And I’m not doing clothes unless I know specifically how they want them done… I’ll do mine and my husbands and my girls but that’s it.
seriously! and a 16 year old girl in 2024 is not going to know how grandma likes her bedsheets ironed, cause even if she does, she doesn’t. i’m just guessing based on OOPs tone. i will say my parents were pretty lax and i never had a chore schedule. but i’m 24 and the only one out my friend group who actually knows how to cook, clean, budget, or show emotional maturity. i think it’s because my parents took more of like a ‘make your mess and clean it up’ approach. meaning, they let my brother and i fuck around and find out. they’d help us out of an immediate disaster but we were left to clean up our own messes when we fucked up. i’m talking everything from spilling a jug of milk all over the kitchen when i was 6 to totaling my car when i was 21. they were always there to help us fix whatever mess we made but my brother and i were always expected to handle it from there. i think they’re trolls, but there are a few comments saying she’s a ‘roommate who’s not paying rent’ and i can’t help but be sad for anyone with that point of view. not only did my parents give me a solid upbringing, they also taught me self respect so i’d never listen to assholes like those commenters.
Everyone's. It's called chores.
I’m afraid we’re going down for insinuating that children should do chores!! 🤣😂 This timeline is SO FUCKED!!!! 😂😜🤪
Are you ok? Your comments are all over this thread and seem a bit manic. Calm down?
lol, sorry, the response from the crowd are mind blowing. I’m actually quite taken aback by them. I’m genuinely SHOCKED to see people mad at this grandmother for requiring her family to do household chores. The phenomenon is breathtaking!
I could see the girl overwhelmed by suddenly being asked to do all this stuff, and feeling like Cinderella with a wicked step grandmother. There’s got to be a better way to do this. Everyone who lives in this home should be responsible for some chores, because they live there. Maybe have a family meeting and come up with a list. Maybe the step granddaughter is responsible for more, but not everything.
Was reading the comments looking for this response. I agree. Everyone should be responsible for some chores. The approach was all wrong here.
Absolutely, the DIL should be doing just as much since she isn’t working. People that stay home all day should keep house while there. No one owes you a life of sitting around all summer. EDIT: OK, so I forgot the part where the DIL had gotten a job. The kid should still be doing chores while home from school, period. They’re life skills. Parents who don’t enforce chores at home, aren’t helping their kids, they’re abusing them. They are failing their parental duties.
The OOP says in rhe post that DIL is working now, she apparently started after they lost everything
Ah, my bad, missed that part.
Instead of going around DIL and threatening granddaughter, she should be communicating these expectations with DIL and son and they can be in charge of assigning chores to their child. But saying you’re not charging a 16 yo rent and that’s your leverage to get her to do your ridiculous chores isn’t gonna work. 16 yo shouldn’t be paying rent, period?
This is insane!!! These are things that EVERY 16 yr old should be doing in whatever household they are living in!! They are simply being asked to do normal household chores. So many entitle brats on reddit think that children should just be left to browse social media and listen to music. So bizarre!!!
Did I say she shouldn’t do chores? I said that her mom and dad should be the one to assign her things and grandma doesn’t need to threaten to throw her out over ironing the sheets? I did plenty of chores growing up but never once was I asked to do my parents laundry or iron their sheets. That is the part that is ridiculous. Also I’m 27, not really an entitled brat. Just someone using common sense to know the situation isn’t being handled properly lol.
Mom and Dad are living rent free in Grandma’s house. Her house, her rules. Mom & Dad need to get with the program or find a place to rent, where they can make the rules. That’s how that works. Quite frankly, as soon as the DIL showed that she disrespected Grandma’s home rules, by asking for an apology, she would have been asked to leave immediately. The only way I would allow them to stay is if the DIL told the 16yr old, to do as her grandmother asked, without complaint, and agreed to help with those chores. She ain’t got a job and she’s living rent free. Grandma’s house should be spotless!!! The laundry work described would take one day to accomplish. This whole this is so insane that anyone would side with the DIL and the teen. It’s mind blowing, and quite sad.
Chores are fine, but this lady is talking about ironing sheets for a bed and a tablecloth. That’s some early onset shit lol
Um No, that’s a woman that takes pride in her home and wants to teach those same ideals to her granddaughter. Peoples’ standards have fallen so much. People used to actually care if their home looked good or not. The older generations took pride in their residence.
This isn’t her grandbaby, it’s her son’s wife’s kid. No relation. She’s not instilling anything in anyone by ironing things that don’t require it. And she talked about laundry, but whose though? Is she wanting this girl to do *hers*?! Chores are a necessary part of life. They need to sit down and agree on a chore chart including frequency and timeline for completion. One family meeting, print the .pdf from the internet, fill it in and hang it up. It’d take 45 minutes tops.
So you are the arbiter of what’s necessary in this woman’s home? You don’t know the cleaning and laundry customs of everyone. Plenty of things may seem “extra” to you, that are completely normal for a great many other people.
Sure, I guess? There’s a difference between busy work and cleaning.
During the summer, from the time my sister and I were about 12 & 10 respectively, we stayed home during the summer, and were expected to have the house 100% spotless when Mom & Dad came home. That meant no dirty laundry. No unfolded laundry. No piles of folded laundry waiting to be put away. There could be no dirty dishes in the sink, and the dishwasher had better be empty, along with no dishes drain rack. They had to be dried and put away. The kitchen had to be completely cleaned, including being swept & mopped daily. Every floor that had carpet had to have fresh vacuum marks when the folks got home. Bedrooms had to be cleaned. Nothing on the floor. Beds made. And seasonally, we had additional chores like washing drapes and curtains.
Also, the rent statement is a general statement for all three freeloaders. When someone does you a big favor, don’t make them regret it. Any home you move into, CLEAN IT IP!!! What the fuck is wrong people!!! Lazy entitled jackasses that should be thrown out to teach them a lesson.
She’s angry at the DIL for the bankruptcy and taking it out on the step granddaughter
And she's angry at the DIL because her precious, perfect son couldn't possibly have made bad financial choices, it's all that gold-digger and her child's . . . \*checks notes\* basic living expenses and single school trip that ruined everything. Mom is getting exactly what she wants - her son all to herself.
I think she’s mad at the situation, the son, the DIL and the girl, but the girl is the easiest to take it out on. I also think she’s most pleased with the outcome because she is tired of having the house full of moochers (not saying the girl is a moocher as she is expected to be cared for since she’s under 18). To be fair, I would be mad too if I was 70 and had to work only to come home to a 16 yo not even cleaning up after herself. I’m not saying she should have done the long list of chores, but she could at least have cleaned up after herself.
Agreed. Grandma is taking it a bit too far for sure, but at 16- the girl should definitely be helping out more. She’s the only one not working. She can pull her weight and ease the chore burden for the adults.
Ironing the bedsheets? Please.
My grandfather’s wife did this. She also ironed underwear. But she’s been dead some 20 years and I can’t imagine any living person still doing that. But the 16 yo should have cleaned up after herself and possibly done some of the other minor tasks. Leaving dirty plates around for a 70 yo to clean after work is just disrespectful.
I mean I’m 25 and iron sheets but I wouldn’t go so far as ironing underwear but I know people who do 😂
I’m glad I’m not the only one! I love ironing, it’s relaxing to me. I only iron sheets, tablecloths, and napkins, though. Work clothes get steamed. Under garments get folded.
That’s so fascinating. I hate ironing so much that I almost never buy/wear clothes that need ironing. And I can’t think of any house work that I find relaxing. I wish it was.
The 70 year old was a b!tch, she doesn't get respect back.
Yes, she was, but she was a tired bitch. Tired of her son and DIL, and of a 16 yo who gave her even more work at home. I think grandmother wanted an excuse to get rid of all of them and I can see why. I would be annoyed too.
Indeed, she's a terrible grandmother and mother.
We don’t know that she is a bad mother. On the contrary, she’s opened her home to her son and DIL and they’ve given her nothing but trouble. She’s reacting to an impossible situation created by her son and DIL. I don’t know what you expect of 70 year old people? She has paid off her son’s dept, taken him and his family in for free and has to work to pay for everything. Meanwhile DIL only got a job now, not when things were going to hell financially. I would say that DIL is the bad mother here.
Good parents don't make concerted efforts to break up their children's marriage. And she's doing that by bullying a child. This woman is trash.
Yes we do. Her attitude is on full display. You're weirdly invested in not seeing it.
And you’re weirdly invested in not seeing how poorly she was treated by everyone. I did say that she had ulterior motives for going too far. She wanted them out of her house, and who can blame her? She’s done more than enough for her son and DIL. What was bad of her was that she went for the granddaughter and not the people causing the problems. Yes, GD should have cleaned up after herself, but she should not have had to iron the sheets. But I think the outcome—DIL and GD, and hopefully son,moving out—is best for all parties involved. They should never have moved in the first place.
She’s the one keeping a roof over their heads. If they don’t want to respect her they can leave.
In Asia we ironed the bed sheets and changed them once a month. After moving to America my MIL told me nobody in the USA irons their sheets, and most change sheets once every 3-6 months. I was shocked so I asked on Facebook and it looks like in America the norm is not to iron sheets or change them that often. Cultural differences are real, the American way is certainly easier (and lazier), so I've decided we don't need to iron sheets anymore since folks here don't do it, except for OP. Note: According to some internet stuff, on average folks change sheets every 24 days (so 3+ weeks).
What bed sheets are you talking about? The sheets you sleep on should be changed roughly once per week.
Wow, you change them that often? Now I'm curious to find out what others do. You don't iron them, correct?
We change ours once per week. Every Thursday. Definitely don’t iron them though.
No, I don’t iron mine, but pillow cases, fitted sheet, and top sheet absolutely get changed once per week. I don’t know ANYONE who would go 3 months without changing their sheets, that is disgusting.
My very overwhelmed previous neighbor (6 kids) said they do sheet laundry every 6 months, but they're not a good example since in some of the kid's rooms you can't even see the floor. They ended up hiring a cleaner to help with some of the stuff, she said it's the best money she's spent.
Definitely once a week. I was sick one time and didn't get to it until a few days later and I could see the oils from my face and hair on my pillow and a couple of drool spots on my sheets because my allergies have been bad and I can't breathe well while sleeping It was gross. I can't even go two weeks without changing my sheets. I definitely wouldn't make it a month
I change mine weekly and iron them. I don’t know anyone who changes them twice a year or four times a year.
Yay the first ironer! We seem to be rare. As for those lazy to change their sheets, any chance you know any kids in college?
We change our sheets every Sunday….do not iron.
Only one person has said they iron, seems to be a tiny minority here. Most people change more often.
Canadian here. I wash the sheets every Sunday and change pillow cases more frequently as needed. Never ironed sheets, or anything else for that matter. I've lived away from my parents 10 years and never even owned an iron. Growing up, I only ever saw an iron being used by my father for his uniform.
Used to iron uniforms daily when I was growing up. Then after children we've switched to those shirts that don't need ironing ... aaah life.
I’m trying not to be annoying in the comments but I was raised to do this and I like it better when my sheets are ironed lol
Which is fine, if you do it for yourself :)
True but I also don’t think she’s asking a lot for a 16yo at home doing nothing tbh
So you are also unreasonable. Okay.
I wanna know how long her son had what sounds like a retail furniture store. If he opened it in the last 10 years or so he is NOT savvy. Bespoke or the like I can see, but not what he had. OOP resents having them live with had and found a way to get them out. Even if she doesn’t realize it.
"I let the daughter move in too" Where else was the 16yo child supposed to go exactly?
Normal chores like dishes and taking the trash out makes sense. Doing everyone’s laundry and ironing (wtf?) is just ridiculous and obviously added because you don’t like her or her mother. Plus mopping? You’re nuts However, it is your house. The wife and daughter should leave and she should divorce your son.
Also, why should the 16 year old be punished because her parents are failures?
Yes, this. When I read taking out the trash and even cleaning the floors I was on board. Doing a load of laundry maybe even. Not everyone’s laundry but the rest was too much. She’s not a housekeeper. The son and daughter in law can chip in too.
LMFAO 🤣 Holy Shit! These are normal chores that have to be done. My sister and I had all of this growing up. While we were home for summer vacation, our house was expected to be SPOTLESS when Mom and Dad came home, and that is the normal and right thing to do. It was our responsibility as members of the household that didn’t work outside of the home, to tend to the home. What The Fuck Is Wrong with people!!!! How is this not just second nature? The world is failing people, for them think that the OOP is in the wrong. She’s the only one in the story that has done anything right!
Some of those chores are completely fine but others are waaaaay over the top. FYI. I’m 61 and a grandmother of 9. 5 are “step” grandchildren. Tell me you only love blood relatives without telling me u only love blood relatives. I would never ever treat my grandchildren differently but you are Cinderella’s nightmare
Weird that OP doesn't also ask unemployed DIL to help out around the house. Like why is it she only cares about whether the 16 year old does chores.
The wife is allegedly now working too.
Missed that detail. Maintain that the adults who live there rent free should also be pitching in, whether they're employed or not
My brothers all get mad that I can get my niblings to do chores, while they can be yelling and my niblings just yell just as loud "no". I don't let it fly, and I see that OOP's son looks like he is tired of the step being lazy also. I would hate being 16, knowing a 70yrs old who should be retired living their golden years, is still working, and keeping home. In a away, I lived like that, as my great-grandmother lived with us until her death at 87, and every time she went near a broom or such, my brothers or I would tell her we will do it... which I now wonder how my brothers let their kids walk all over them.
i clean for a 90 year old woman who lives by herself and every time she’s like “i tried to do x but i just couldn’t do it very well” i’m like girl let me handle it then!! that’s what i’m here for!! she’s in incredible mental and physical shape for being 90, but she’s become a very good friend of mine over the years so i’m always telling her there’s nothing i won’t help her out with. although, she doesn’t iron her sheets. i probably wouldn’t do that for her
My Gma would see a speck or smudge, and she had to clean it instantly. I still remember her reaction to my trumpet being slightly grubby, I rescued it just in time from the silver polish cleaner. I had a special cloth to use, but she said it had to shine. I am kicking myself however, she had a home remedy that made cloudy glass including crystal to become clear, and I never wrote it down. I miss that lady, she even knew how to remove cooking grease without chemicals.
It may just be ammonia...when we cleaned offices, we would buy windshield wiper fluid (like for cars) and add ammonia to it when we poured it into the spray bottle and that made it streakless. Just don't mix bleach and ammonia, that's how you get chlorine gas and seriously burn your lungs.
Nah, not ammonia, it was some alcohol and some detergent for clothes. It made Windex and WD40 look like snake oil
My Gma would see a speck or smudge, and she had to clean it instantly. I still remember her reaction to my trumpet being slightly grubby, I rescued it just in time from the silver polish cleaner. I had a special cloth to use, but she said it had to shine. I am kicking myself however, she had a home remedy that made cloudy glass including crystal to become clear, and I never wrote it down. I miss that lady, she even knew how to remove cooking grease without chemicals.
I just watched an episode of bobs burgers where they couldnt get the kids to do chores... i live in fear of raising kids who don't do anything its a big reason I dont think I'm having any lmao. I am bad at doing my own chores I cant imagine having to teach grumpy kids to do that
At my house, I took the tradition of the art sheet. I would put down a painter's sheet, and they can do what ever they want while on it, but if it goes off the sheet without asking permission, it was removed. From there it was slowly getting them to put aware things. It is easy to get them do to the bare minimum, especially when I hated doing housework too, but they know at my place they lose privileges for an undetermined amount of time. Currently nibling age 9 is on month 2 of no painting after they decided (thankfully waterbase) to paint the toilet... it would have been OK... if he wasn't also using glue and glitter... I do blame myself for lapse of supervision, but the sheet is there for a reason
I accidentally raised 2 of those. We taught them about human rights so they can misuse terms like “self-determination” to inform me they will not be doing what I ask. Thankfully, they can usually be reasoned with and always obey in public. At 8 and 10 we are hoping it’s not too late and are taking steps with a therapist.
“She didn’t do anything but go to school when it was in” OK I’m assuming she’s probably doing homework afterwards and that’s what kids are supposed to do?? And I get wanting help around the house, but threatening to kick a minor out over it is shitty. And why involve a child in the discussion over finances and rent? How about “do your chores or lose access to your phone” or “do your chores or you’re not allowed to go out with friends?” It’s not wrong to want help, but she’s being an asshole for how she’s approaching the situation.
Because at 16, you should understand that a house isn’t free?
It’s embarrassing and pathetic for an adult to threaten and guilt trip a child over housing. High school students know houses aren’t free. It’s still not their responsibility. Asking for help with chores is one thing. Taking her issues with the adults out on a kid is another.
16yr old aren’t expected to pay rent. Her parents not paying rent should not be held over her head
Fair. I think it is very normal to expect a 16 year old to contribute to household chores though. Threatening to kick them out is extreme, but what other power does step grandma have here? I can’t imagine being 16 and doing nothing watching my grandma work part time and do all the housework.
I definitely agree that the 16yr old can do some chores. Wash dishes, sweep, tidy the bathroom… But OP list just reminds me of Cinderella. It seems tedious and overboard. Like she wants a free maid
Yeah, I’m not washing step-grandma’s clothes or sheets and ironing everything. She can do that herself.
I don't see where grandma says she does all the housework.
Clearly hasn't sunk in for the 51 year old And kids aren't responsible for paying for a home. That's literally the responsibility of the parents to provide
I never said it was a kid’s responsibility. I said by 16, you should know that housing isn’t free. It’s a massive disservice to your kids if you don’t teach them that living has associated costs beyond clothes and food.
On one hand, asking to help around the house is not out of the ordinary. Taking out the trash and washing dishes is just sanitary. Sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming like once a week would be nice, nice for the house and a diligence for the granddaughter. It would be a nice thing for granddaughter to help. On the other hand, doing everyone’s laundry, sheets, and ironing is ridiculous. Calling the 16 y/o lazy because it’s summer break and she’s not at a job is such a Boomer mentality. And for the granddaughter to jump straight to calling OP racist is a red flag parade around the house.
Making the teen do some chores is normal. Making her do all of these, however, is ridiculous. I think a reasonable compromise would be : - take out the trash - wash dishes - vacuum your own bedroom and communal areas (not the entire house, and not every day), mop your bedroom (again not every day) - do your own laundry - take turns in cooking dinner for everyone (and on the evenings she does cook for everyone she's not responsible for the dishes).
OOP, definitely YTA. Conversations about the parents’ finances with a minor is inappropriate, as is expecting a minor to pay off her parents’ “debts” through housework. Certainly it is reasonable to expect everyone in the house to pick up after themselves, and then contribute some effort to overall housework (take out the trash, clean the kitchen, etc.). The girl sounds like she’s used to other people picking up after her and isn’t considerate of others, which is pretty typical. But OOP is not the girl’s parent, that conversation should be had with the parents. And if the parents don’t want her to do any housework, then they will need to pick up the slack for her, not leave OOP’s house messier than she likes it. Ironed table linens are obnoxious, but if you’re a rent-free tenant, someone needs to iron the linens. Dad better grab that iron while Mom’s mopping the floors.
Her whole tone of the post just drips with hatred and anger. IDK if she’s actually racist or not. But she sounds angry and seems like she decided already didn’t like this kid when her son met the kid’s mother. Also sounds like she never liked the kid’s mother to begin with I mean sounds like the mother/wife/DIL could/should have started working when the business started going under TBH but it seems like since she can’t do shit to an adult, she’s decided the kid is a huge problem beyond maybe how bad the behavior actually is Though I disagree with “all she did was go to school”. Fuck that. School IS A FULL TIME gig. High school is rigorous and kids taking AP/IB classes are basically taking college level courses. If they’re not already in some sort of special collegial program for high schoolers. Like taking out the trash? Sure. Cleaning your dishes sure. But if 4 people live in that house, maybe 1 kid shouldn’t have to clean a house for 3 other adults. Because IMO in normal households kind of split chores
The chore list sounds Insane tbh. But what about splitting the chores among EVERYONE living there? She’s 16.
Most of that is the kind of chores I did at that age, besides the ironing. A teenager probably shouldn’t iron home alone without being taught and doing it supervised a few times, like cooking. Tapering the chores would’ve probably been more effective, that list sounds really overwhelming for a kid who isn’t used to doing chores, and threatening the kid is ridiculous, her mom manages her living situation, not her.
Grandma sounds like a hateful racist old biddy, who's pissed at the wife but bailing out the son for his own piss poor business choices And punishing the kid as a result
Oh stfu
I’d tell the family of freeloaders: “here’s your combined chore list. You three figure out how to split it up amongst yourselves.” Either the parents do the work themselves or get their daughter to do it. Either way OP is happy and gets compensation for the free place to stay she’s giving them.
OP doesn't want compensation, she wants to punish her DIL and step-granddaughter for their perceived role in the bankruptcy.
Bingo.
She’s not the AH for expecting a 16 year old to clean up after herself and help out with a few household chores. However, she is a major AH for not communicating any of her expectations or having a conversation about sharing household chores months ago, instead letting her feelings about her DIL simmer and fester to the point where she takes it out on her step-granddaughter out of nowhere.
Yeah it's more like TA for how she's going about it but not necessarily for what she's asking for here (except ironing the sheets. what even?)
Big boomer energy here.
On one hand, the sixteen year old should be doing her own damn dishes. On the other, this could not be more clear that this isn't about the teenage girl being lazy and actually about her not wanting the DIL there.
She should be cleaning but ironing table sheets? Cmon lmfao everything was fine UNTIL the table sheets💀
I hate the idea that just because kids are out of school means that they just become the person who does everything. They're kids. Should they have chores? Of course. Dishes, Trash, cleaning, etc. But they shouldn't just have to do everything simply because they're out of school. They deserve to actually have freetime and enjoy their childhood. They get 3 months off in the summer and that shouldn't be filled with doing housework all day everyday. Chores are fine, kids should help. But doing a majority of the work? That just seems like pawning off your responsibility to the kid.
At 16, step granddaughter should be pulling her weight around the house. At the very least should be cleaning up her own dishes after herself. I think this is a bad situation. I feel like OOP is a 70 year old working part time and then coming home to a house of “mooches” who aren’t even helping out around the home. I feel like DIL has been out of the workforce for years and is at the mercy of someone else. I feel like son is caught between a rock and a hard place, and I feel like the step granddaughter is as well. All four would do well to have a nice, calm, rational sit down meeting and come to an agreement with how things will look going forward, and what each expects. Maybe the granddaughter does trash while the DIL picks up laundry duty. Maybe there’s a chore rotation. But here’s the thing: if you don’t lay down expectations so everyone knows what’s expected, then everyone will always feel taken advantage of. Period. Especially because sitting down and divvying up household tasks also involves seeing that other people are doing things, as well.
What 70 year old woman knows the phrase “burner account”?
I get, she needs to do chores but to iron sheets, what kinda of nonsense is that!
If oop said "some" house chores (like dishes and maybe laundry) and didn't use the 'rent free' card on a teenager id even agree with her. But her list of chores is insane
Why does she need to clean for everybody? I get cleaning for herself but she isn’t your maid.
While I can understand doing her own laundry, maybe towels, but ironing tablecloths and bed linens? Really? If you want them ironed, you do it. I can understand sweeping and mopping, running a vacuum, and having her tidy up or do dishes, but you're purposely being spiteful. Then, to throw MORE chores on top of the ridiculous list you have her already. Seriously? While I don't agree with her doing nothing at all, I can understand why she feels like if she follows your list of demands for one day, the following will include more ridiculous demands. Next, you'll be forcing her to clean the bathroom grout with a toothbrush. I can understand not wanting her to waste her days doing nothing, but you really need to evaluate why you're trying to punish this girl for her mom and step-dad's life choices. He is a grown man. You paid off his debts, which was more than most parents can or will. Did the granddaughter pressure your son, who is a grown man, into taking out loans he couldn't pay for? No. She's a kid for Christ's sake. She wanted to go on a school trip, possibly Washington DC or something, depending on where you live, like every kid in her grade was. What's done is done and your son decided to take out a loan with no plan on how to pay for it. Maybe she assumed you're racist bc you consistently treat her like shit and she doesn't know why. And kids know when you dislike them. Calling her a step-granddaughter is mean. My cousin was 2 when my uncle adopted her and married her mom. He never treated her any different as he did with his two bio kids that came along later. But my grandma, my own grandmother, who spoiled the shit out of her grandkids, would intentionally leave that child out of gift giving, taking care of her when caring for the others. My aunt gave her a choice...you treat all of those babies the same, or you don't see any of them (and they lived on the same street). Well, she didn't get to see those kids anymore because she refused to stop punishing the oldest for something she had no control over. My grandma has been gone for almost 40 years, and that cousin still remembers being treated poorly by her grandma and not understanding why. If you're calling her your granddaughter, drop the step and start acting like it. Stop putting your son on a pedestal and treating his wife's teenage daughter like shit, because you can. You don't move ppl in bc you're such a great person and then abuse them because YOU have shot you need to work through. Jeez
Shady Pines grandma.
I really wish elder abuse wasn't a 'cute joke.'
And FYI, it’s not a “cute joke”. It’s UGLY CONSEQUENCES.
I agree. Fixed my grammar.
I wish boomers weren’t so abusive but here we are.
Am I supposed to be ironing sheets. Honestly, I hardly iron clothes. Just hang them up on the bathroom door spritz them with water and let the steam from the shower do the work. I hate ironing. I suck at it. Doubt a 16 year old knows how to iron. Those chores sound like a lot. Dumping it on her like that seemed unnecessary. Think you should’ve spoke to her mom first. Told mom they’re not paying rent or expenses but the rule in the house is you work or do chores. However, I’m not sure an apology is necessary at least not for telling her she needs to help out around the house but should apologize for not speaking to mom first and explaining your rules for your house.
She should be cleaning but ironing table sheets? Cmon lmfao everything was fine UNTIL the table sheets💀
Tough call, cause on one hand school is out and the grand daughter should be helping out but also she should have sat down with her son, dil and the step daughter and talked with all of them instead of going straight to the step grand daughter.
Nope! The second that the DIL asked for an apology, she’d been homeless! I’d have kicked her out on the spot!!! Gimme them keys, RIGHT NOW!!!
ESH. A list of chores for all 3 of them is reasonable. Telling the parents it's their responsibility to either make sure SGD does her list or they finish it for her is reasonable. Telling the parents the chores being done is necessary for their continued stay in her home is reasonable. But the chores themselves are not reasonable. Give her chores like cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Doing her own laundry. Caring for the lawn. If OP wants fussy little things like ironed sheets done, she can do the extra herself. Threatening the child with homelessness is not reasonable. Telling the child she must take over all care of the home because of parents made bad choices financially and aren't paying rent is not reasonable. Clearly OP has reached the end of her rope and I understand where the frustration is coming from. They seem like a bunch of disrespectful freeloaders and I would have kicked them out by now. But she took it out on the wrong person.
anyone else notice how she said she "let" the step granddaughter move in? like i'm sorry where else would this literal minor go? you can't just move in parents snd not let the kids move in too
NTA Those are just normal chores, though I don't know many people that iron things anymore (not to be mean, but ironing might be to difficult for the 16 year old. We went over it in home ed, but I don't know if she has had that, so the possibility of burning/damaging something is high). The other things she's more than capable of. I dust while I vacuume, which is once a week, and I mop maybe once every 2-3 weeks. Imo, the DIL is enabling her daughter to be lazy with the "you're treating her like a maid because she's biracial". Those two should be grateful to be allowed to live rent free with OOP and this is honestly the least they could do to show some appreciation.
Her house, her rules. If they don’t like it, they have the choice of leaving. Or better yet, send the step granddaughter to her father’s house for the summer. Is grandma out of line? Yup. She’s also 70 years old and probably thought she would be enjoying her retirement by now. Her son is a loser and has clearly been coddled his whole life. It’s easier to take out her anger on her DIL because she blames her for him losing his home.
She’s not wrong, but she’s an asshole about it.
Nothing wrong with what you asked. Except for talking to her about finances. We live in a world full of crybaby's so these responses do not shock me anymore
Chores are a part of life. You might negotiate which chores you have/get to do but you can’t opt out. We all wish we could opt out.
At 16 she is quite capable of doing chores and pitching in. Sounds like her mother does not have any expectations of the daughter. OOP does not pussyfoot around and told them bluntly how it is. NTA in my opinion.
At 16 she is quite capable of doing chores and pitching in. Sounds like her mother does not have any expectations of the daughter. OOP does not pussyfoot around and told them bluntly how it is. NTA in my opinion.