You like old vans and crappy crossovers

correct

You were giving lots of free candy away.

i am very popular in my neighborhood

Do you do deliveries or is it pick up only Where can i get this candy

Not a car enthusiast, but possibly into kidnapping

regular car enthusiast maybe. i was stoked to own a Trans Sport, even if it wasn’t the dustbuster 1st gen version.

Driving for you is nothing more than a chore. Something you hate, but must be done. Knows nothing about oversteer.

i love a long drive honestly. there’s no feeling comparable to whipping it in an 82 dodge ram van

You tried ford for a little then went back to what you were used too (gm)

yes

How do you like that new Chevy? Have read good review and was thinking about convincing my mother in law not to buy another Kia.

it’s certainly not bad for the price. build quality has been a bit iffy for me (back windows don’t like to roll down, infotainment system broke immediately and had to get it replaced). comfortable ride and enough power to make it a decent daily driver. i leased mine but i won’t be buying it after the lease is up. i’d spend the extra couple grand for an outback or something if i were buying

Ugh, that’s not what I expected to hear! What a pain. Then again, first-yr of new model… anyway, thanks for the honest accounting of your experience with it.

what's up grandpa! 🫡

get off my lawn!!

You're in a band

correct

Gotta carry all the gear!

Your probably old

is 28 considered old

Actually no

You don’t know what condoms are

i have zero kids but lots of camping equipment

All American

yeehaw 🤠

😆

You live in Michigan

close! alaska!

You enjoy the soul warming glow of a check engine light

i did for a very long time, yes. eventually i got sick of it and leased a chevy???

The main thing I am seeing here is that you tried a green car, clearly thought it was too loud, but tried again anyways. I'd say you're both a hero and a man of stern moral convictions.

i appreciate the kind words but i am merely a victim of what is available on facebook marketplace

You're too modest, king. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

youre a kind soul 🥲

You like violently-bubbly old person cars

correct

Mom? Is that you?

GET IT THE VAN YOURE GOING TO BE LATE FOR PRACTICE

I hear you like 'em young

i have lots of things to haul but none of it is children i swear

An unbothered lifestyle manifested in car choice. Grandpa car Buick? Fuck it, it soaks up the bumps of the shitty road I live on. Beige creeper van? Who cares, I can haul anything and camp anywhere. Powder blue crossover? If I'm paying new car money, it better stand out like an anime villain. OP doesn't give a flying shit about what OP *should* enjoy. OP just enjoys shit because they think it's neat.

hell yeah brother. that buick soaked up the road like nothing i’ve ever driven. that beige creeper van? lived in that bitch for a year. still got her for weekend camping and feelin like a badass rolling around in the brightest blue, cheapest crossover money can buy!!

“Amurica” that’s all I got

yee. and i cannot stress this enough, haw.

You use drugs

i am currently in bed hungover as shit but that’s as far as i go 🫡

There is nothing assuming about you

thanks??

You owned a lawn care business at one point in your life, and before that worked at the gas station.

no but i would be lying if i said i haven’t thought working night shift at a gas station would be very cool multiple times

It'd be an alright gig

You have candies in ur pocket don’t you

they’re all melted and gross and have hairs in them

Midwestern, white, potentially Republican

yes, yes, no

You're about to find out the price difference for 19" wheels.

yes :(

You’re in a touring metal or punk band.

yes to the punk part no to the touring part. those vans hauled a lot of kayaks though

Nerd.

🤓

Your idea of spicy is Castor sugar

no way i had a sexy ass habanero smoked salmon sandwich for dinner last night! it was GOOD

You don't mind spending way too much money on gas

correct

You had a drywall or small home repair business and got out of it

*You had a drywall* *Or small home repair business* *And got out of it* \- BadBoyMrMagoo --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

i would have numerous lawsuits against me if this were true

You found out Ford sucks!

tbf that explorer is still going strong and the windstar i sent it too hard and crashed on a backroad after three weeks

Yeah your Ford is OHV pushrod not SOHC. SOHC variant has timing chain issues. I like the OHV V6 too…all my cars are pushrod

‘Murican cars only!

YEEHAW BROTHER

everyone is saying you hate cars but I think vans are fukin sick rock on man, you know a good time when you see it

hell yeah brother!!

The vans are pretty cool. The minivan is the only one thats like ahhh....

i just like having the extra space i swear!

"Get in the van"

Sorry life didn’t turn out like you hoped.

holy shit

You were a turncoat then came back to the GM side.

🫡🫡

Chomo

Chomo

Family man and part time child predator