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That’s why it always blows my mind when you see people posting sexual content on here and exposing their faces. Especially if they’re 18-25, like you know this shit will live forever now on the internet, right? It will be found again someday in your future. Do you want that just so you can make some quick money now?
There's a dark underbelly to all of that and it gets complicated fast. Some people embrace that and choose it, and that's their choice and that's fine. I don't think it's right when people who consume porn also shame the people who are in the porn. That's like eating bread and then yelling at the baker for producing carb-rich food. It's perfectly ok to not want to date the baker because you feel you're incompatible with dating bakers, but it's not ok to shame a baker when you're a consumer of bread. So right off the bat, I don't think any person who ever looks at porn or who has ever received a nude picture should shame sex workers or people whose content was leaked.
However unlike bread markets, there's a lot of hyper-capitalist exploitation in the adult content space, and there are entire circuits on social media driving young women towards unrealistic dreams as they're taken advantage of. By taken advantage of I mean some women will sell private content, think they're being careful, but their buyer is actually a reseller or agent who then runs a (Popular company name) account with their content. Or the buyer is a middleman who then sells to other buyers.
This doesn't even consider the buyers who are abusive in some way or who actively seek to betray the business arrangement they engaged in. Young women aren't taught this side of things before they engage in that business. So maybe this young woman did believe she was engaged in private business arrangements with men or women she could trust. Or maybe she was attempting to create a brand and that brand failed.
I don't think it's right to shame her, but it's ok if OP doesn't think a relationship could work with her.
OP: If you break up with her, still notify her that if she never sold the rights to that content that she can minimize her footprint online. This assumes she doesn't have a brand name that attracts an ongoing fanbase. There are services available to her, DMCA requests she can make, and various strategies to significantly reduce the risk that people in her life will find her content. "The internet is forever" in theory, but scrubbing 99% of something that isn't trending is possible, and sometimes 99% is enough.
My comment wasn’t to shame them at all, hence why I said “…and exposing their faces.”
That adds a whole different layer than simply posting nudes. Showing your face makes you identifiable, risks your safety and can very well come back to haunt you later in your professional and/or personal life.
It’s unfortunate that you thought I was shaming them.
S is 24, if this was "a few years ago", she was around 20 when it happened. At that age, some people are actual adults while others are quite frankly immature children. Seems like S falls in the latter category. I can't hold it against her, some people mature later than others, doesn't make her a worse person. But like OP, I'd have a hard time dealing with this.
At 20 she was an adult. Not an immature child. A fully fledged legal adult able to open bank accounts, join the military, sign up for college loans, marry, etc. She chose to use her independence to sell sexual content online. I wouldn't blame her for it, bur she was an adult and is accountable for her choices.
Just because the law says that you go from childhood to adulthood the day you turn 18 doesn't mean some magical overnight change actually happens on that day. I've met 15 year olds that were mentally completely adult, I've met 30 year olds that were still children, mentally. The former were aged beyond their years due to extremely unfortunate circumstances, the latter were kept in a near-perpetual child state because their parents coddled them. Maturity does not happen simply due to age.
>Not old enough to legally drink tho 🤦🏼♂️, but can go sign up for the military.
So most people agree with that being dumb but just to provide context... this used to not be a thing, you used to be able to drink at 18 most places but to appease mothers against drunk driving the federal government strong armed every state by saying if they didn't change their state laws to 21 for drinking they would lose all federal taxes covering highways and interstates
Also fun fact pre 2nd Indochina war (Vietnam War) the voting age was 21 but signing up for the draft was 18, the president realized this was wrong and changed the voting age to 18
Was gonna say the same thing. It will never disappear and u run the risk of friends and family seeing it. If that bothers you, then you have a problem.
Don’t forget she’s lied to you already about it, which is something to ponder, what else has she lied about?
It’s sounds like you weren’t fine with it, you were fine with pretending it didn’t happen and now you can’t pretend and it’s bothering you. This isn’t going away…are you actually fine with it or not
Don't think OP ever said he stumbled upon it, all he said he was found a lot of it across multiple sites. Why are we trying to poke holes in the man's story when he's just asking for advice?
I don't think they are saying he says he stumbled on it, they are presenting that in a "the dude asked a question he didn't want an answer to, he sought this out" way.
You can be fine with stuff in the abstract or even with how you imagine it to be, and not fine when you see the full reality of what it actually is.
Like if a partner says oh yeah I slept with some people in college and you find out they slept with over 300 people and did extreme stuff with those people, the abstract description of it you were ok with, the actual reality of it which wasn't fully described, you aren't.
Or even milder. I am fine with my partner having slept with other people in the past, but that doesn’t mean I want to see it or that it wouldn’t affect me if I stumbled upon a video of it.
Very clearly not forgotten. I made a bigger comment about it but imo this falls under men often feel like they need to make things ok when their partner presents them as distressing.
Like yeah I lied about it but I was so scared you’d be mad and leave me, ect. Then he defaults to taking care of their feelings instead of his own
Agreed, it feels to me like someone with weak boundaries getting kinda bulldozed. Basically abandoning their own feelings and values to smooth over the relationship
52m, I say this for context because I come from a generation that is often overly judgemental.
You came into this knowing her past, and you're young enough to understand that what's put on the internet stays on the internet. You weren't blindsided, just surprised by what you found.
If you love her and see a future together, then stay together and help her figure out what to do and help her do it.
If the relationship is new and the love isn't that solid, then maybe you move on and let the next guy worry about it. Maybe he'll be the one to help her mitigate the consequences of her past actions. She also deserves love and compassion, regardless of any past mistakes.
This reply is so meaningful and pertinent. She clearly made mistakes in the past as many young women of this younger generation has. The mindsets and ethics have changed but the dark realities of the internet have not. It’s important to remember that no matter what happened in her past she is a human being with a mind and heart and soul that clearly is in need of some healing. If OP is up to this then they have the potential to build a strong relationship together.
You are dating someone who did sex work. That will never change. A friend, family member, co-worker, etc will eventually find the content. You can either accept that as a fact of life with this person, or you can't.
That's what would have me nope out; never knowing when a co-worker, friend, even stranger would show me my own SO nude on their phone and be like, "Hey, here's your girl."
Yea it’s going to be out there forever and can always be found. Imagine your future kids (if you have them) coming home crying cause some other kid pulled up old nudes/videos of his/her mom and spread those around. It boggles my mind what people put out on the internet.
This is what I was wondering. I don't stumble upon porn, ever. If you don't want to run the risk of seeing her mature content, maybe decrease your porn consumption a bit, OP.
This is why I tell my friends to be careful doing online sex work, it’s NORMAL for even the most progressive and feminist supporting partner to be uncomfortable with thier life partners most intimate body parts on display to others. You give up your anonymity the moment you post the first photo/video. There’s a few photos I’ve posted and regretted it and thankfully I could delete it, but I have friends who aren’t so lucky and it IS a damaging to potential relationships and there’s nothing wrong with saying that out loud.
You either are okay with it or you aren’t, I haven’t known or heard of anyone overcoming this feeling. Good luck oP but it’s also not her job to be your sounding board for your discomfort so do not burden her with it. it’s a YOU a problem, not an US problem because she literally can’t do anything but coddle you.
There isnt much you can do. Its not directly her girlfriends fault but she was very naive when she said that everything was deleted. What she meant was that everything from her profile was gone. But the stuff is still out there and will ALWAYS be out there.
This is something you have to come clean about. There will always be a chance that people you both know will see her content online. There is nothing you can do about this.
That is what I will never understand with people posting shit like this.... Once in the Internet always in the Internet is a saying since the dawn of the web. How can people really think they have ANY control over that what they put out there... Its just ridiculous. Especially content like this will always be around once it got out.
It's consequences of her actions. It may not seem like her fault, but life is like that. We make some decisions naively and then they come back to bite us in the ass.
Issues like this will be so common in the future that I'd be interested to see how women cope with it.
Besides, that there is new horny guys with crushes on specific girls every minute, and these girls will keep seing images that were made to look like them doing extreme stuff. It'll never be "everyone"
I work in mental health, with teens specially. This, and the aforementioned AI generated porn, is going to be a huge problem and is absolutely going to lead to suicides
Exactly. I find it a bit hypocritical to search for porn then be upset you found your gf’s photos from before you met her.
My wife was a model before we met. I don’t know if she has old content online because I don’t search for that type of content (although I doubt it exists considering our age).
It’s possible (and more likely) he searched for his girlfriends porn in particular because he wanted to know what was out there. Which isn’t unreasonable.
I feel like OP was the exact opposite of hypocritical. His GF told him all her porn was deleted, he decided to look for it, and it's not deleted. Please point out the hypocrisy.
Why is this thread being brigaded by partners of "sex workers". We understand you don't care, other people do.
They get hostile at people who have a problem with partners that do sex work which is wild to me. Like how is it unreasonable to not want to be with someone who has nudes/porn of them online that can be accessed by anyone. Have fun consoling your kids when they come home crying because some bully showed them porn of their mom and now the whole school can see it. It boggles my mind what people put on the internet.
It’s not about getting over it. Your feelings are completely valid. I think as long as she hasn’t done anything new since the two of you started dating then you should be fine. Talk with her about your feelings. Communication is key. It’s hard to get rid of a past like that, especially when other people post it. I’m genuinely rooting for you both though.
But to me, it's more complicated than that. At any point, friends and family can find it, and everything is brought back up. When/if they have kids, their kids' friends can find it and then mess up their kids for a few years. All this to say, people have the liberty to do what they want with their body but they must live with the consequences (or potential consequences) on them and the rest of the people they love (or will find in the future).
Other than communication with her for the sake of feelings and transparency, it’s also important for her to know in case it comes up in the future with searches, such as for future jobs. It might be possible for some sites to remove content if you contact support or help for any that might show up with searching her name or commonly associated handles, but I’m sure you can’t get rid of everything, but it might help prevent future employers from finding it
My wife was an only fans creator. I love her more and more every day. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t care. I just hear and love being around her. If you love her or grow to love her it really doesn’t matter. Fuck everyone’s opinion. Be in love.
Aside from the sensation of seeing it, what changed? You haven’t learned anything new, you knew there was content now you just have a better idea of how much there is.
However you feel is valid, just trying to help you process. Did anything really change since you first learned?
I dated a lawyer before, here is what you should do (the only actual helpful comment).
I used to have my personal instagram photos at those websites and people have used them to make fake OF profiles.
EVERY website must contain their email for contact. Contact ALL of them, because if you take down the photos they will go back to the same website if they are posted somewhere else, for some reason.
Fill the blanks with the info you need:
Pursuant to 17 USC 512(c) (3)(A), this communication serves as a statement that:
I am —insert here full name— the duly authorized exclusive rights holder for : https://fap….. [wtvr the website link her photos are at]/;
These exclusive rights are being violated by material available upon your site at the following URL: [insert the link here again]
Such use of this material in such a fashion is not authorized by me the copyright holder.
I may be contacted at the email address from which this notice shall be sent.
I hereby request that you remove or disable access to this material as it appears on your service in as expedient a fashion as possible. Thank you.
Regards,
-insert full real name- (aka -insert her “stage name” from her OF profile or instagram profile)
_______
You are welcome.
Do that for every website with the correct link
All I can say is don't let anyone mess with you by calling you insecure. There is nothing wrong with keeping sexuality private, and nothing wrong with having issue with a partner being on the net.
I can't see that being much help. Realistically, there are websites and forums *dedicated* to sharing this sort of material.
They could probably get it taken off some of the bigger sites (Porn Hub, etc) so they could lessen the chances of someone randomly bumping into it, but beyond that it's very hard to wipe away, *especially* if someone knows her name/username.
This is it.
Once that content is produced, there is no control over how long and to whom this will be distributed. Can you imagine the scene on the playground one day when some kid comes up to your child and asks”hey, is that your mom in this video”?
You need to make thoughts on how you are going to handle the situation, when someone share the content with friends & family OR if someone approaches her with it - for example in a bar. It´s not like that didn´t happen before.
Stuff online, including porn, has a pretty short shelf life tbh. What porn girls from 2002 would you recognize on the street? Or even 2015? Or 2023? What internet personality or content creator's video from 2016 would you be able to name or recognize? If you saw a TikTok of a random person talking, now in your living room, and then walked by them at the grocery store, would you make the connection? It's unlikely. Our memories are pretty heavily context-based.
The thing about adult content is that there is so much being produced at such a rapid pace that your girlfriend's stolen content will be drowned out within a couple of years.
I’m married to a semi famous porn star from the early 00’s, his old career rarely comes up. His teenage kids have no idea. The movies are easily found and he won a couple of awards. It just doesn’t come up.
Exactly. The teenagers do not care about or watch decades-old porn. They're horny for people of their own generation. Standards, kinks, etc. change over time, too. In the 2000s, nobody was watching 80's porn with full bush and their weird old fashioned ways of banging.
Am I, I think she probably would like the free advertisement since she has apparantly returned to her online shenanigans.
My point is she was a content creator in the early 2000s and her content from that timeframe is still well known, regardless if you are aware of her.
The risks are always there. Freedom of expression but doesn't remove that you must live with the potential consequences.
We also live in a world where AI searching tools are getting better and better. Finding things that match the facial features from a photo may or may not get easier. Who knows what AI will bring. Many people thought what they tweeted years ago wouldn't come back to haunt them.
OP, I sort of said it in my main comment, but to respond directly to your concern here: what this means is you need to commit to being in your girlfriends corner -or not.
And I don't mean that in a pithy way, like "ObViOuSlY you should have her back!" I legit mean think about it and decide. Do you trust her? Does she have your back? This is a time to think honestly about these things and decide what you believe and what you want. It's a good time for her to do the same.
*If you're both all in,* then this too will pass. If it comes up in the future, it will pass again. And if someone refuses to let it die, it will be the chill in which you hold each other close for warmth. Your children will learn from your example, and if this cannot break you, it won't break them either.
*If.*
I think it’s better if you end it, you’re clearly uncomfortable with it, and that’s valid, it’s not something most people are comfortable with. It’s also not your gf’s fault, she disclosed this info with you before you started dating. You guys are clearly not compatible.
Also, if you have a problem with it now, it will only get worse, especially if you’re looking for a serious enough relationship to marry. Coz your friends and family will eventually find this content, coz that’s how internet works and ppl are nosey. If you’re uncomfortable now, how are you gonna deal with it when a friend or a family member points it out? And this is gonna happen a lot coz… again, ppl are shitty
Are you gonna be able to handle that? If not it’s not fair to her too.
Take a moment, imagine you guys are gonna be serious, meet fam, get married, have kids and all that, this situation is gonna come up a lot, are you going to be able to be ok with it and handle it without getting upset at her or regretting your decision? If you’re not, let her go
Here’s the thing though, while I understand this fear and all, you have to remember that there is *so much lewd content* posted to the internet every second that, by the time that would become an issue (say in 5 years, etc), they would probably never be able to find it.
You only found it because your partner told you it was out there. But let’s say you two have kids and their friends wanna make fun of them. They aren’t gonna think to search for your partner’s name online and “nudes” as a keyword.
Why is this upsetting to you? I don’t understand. You probably consume erotic content, why is the idea of other people knowing your partner has done so so upsetting to you? Truly: so what if anyone approaches her saying they have seen her content? How is that relevant towards who she is, her value to you, or your relationship?
At that point the problem isn't even about there being porn of theor mom on the internet, it's the "why would they even look that up". So much porn gets made every day that by the time her kids are interested in porn the chance of stumbling upon the decades-old pictures of their mum is basically fucking 0 lmao
> Can you imagine the scene on the playground one day when some kid comes up to your child and asks”hey, is that your mom in this video”?
lol this has never happened, and never will happen
Why do redditors live in fear of this imaginary scenario?
I don't know you, but I'm someone who wants to get married and have kids, so having my future family in mind someone that have some kind of porn content online is just not for me. I don't want my kids to be bullied because of that, I don't want my family or friends being able to find her content online and telling me, I don't like the idea of someone fantasising about my couple on that way, and whilst that can't be allways avoided because creeps, at least I don't want someone that in some extent have promoted it.
What’s the meaning of “Is this the kind of thing I should even want to get over?” If you want to be with her and she wants to be with you then be with her. If something in the past that isn’t undoable is getting in the way of your ability to be a good partner then it’s up to you to get over it. If you realise that the issue is actually that this has highlighted something about her that means you don’t want to be with her then break up. What you definitely shouldn’t be doing is continuing the relationship and thinking that it’s somehow good and right to not get over this and instead to hold it against her indefinitely (in case that was an option you were considering).
It's something that was discussed but not "seen", there wasn't any tangible evidence of it, so you figured it would be fine. But now, you have to face it, you've seen it, and it's okay to change your mind on it. It's not her fault, you weren't misled, but you didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle, so don't kick yourself if you end up not getting over it, cause everything seems fine until you face the reality of the situation properly.
That's not to say your relationship is beyond saving, but it's normal to change your mind and end things in this case I think.
Well dude, if you don't wanna date a person who used to sell XXX content then don't date a person who used to sell XXX content. You're not obligued to be with her, and you don't seem comfortable with this. You have two options: leaving her or accepting her. Truth is she doesn't owe you anything and it's not exactly her fault if others uploaded her photos without her consent.
Why dwell on the past. She didn’t hide it from you. She was honest with in reason, immediately. Imagine finding it having never been told. Everyone has skeletons in their closet and most of us lie about them till the day we die. She was honest so don’t punisher her because you found it. the biggest thing you need to remember is all those things that she did before you. Is what made her the girl you fell in love with.
Did your GF use her name when she did that or a fake name? You could always say “ wow that looks like her, but it isn’t her.” If she used her real name, then I guess there is no way really out of it.
It’s not going away. It’s her past and you either have to accept it for what it is or find someone else. Both options are okay and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s perfectly fine to not want to date someone who exposed their body on the internet
She can hire a content removal service (like Rulta, which I use) who will send DMCA takedown notices on her behalf, remove content if they can, and get it delisted from the internet as well so that if it can’t be removed it can at least be harder to find. That is her prerogative though, if she’d rather save her money and let the content exist out there it’s up to her. You could also offer to pay for it if the content being taken down is important to you.
Your moral hierarchies (or priorities for the triggered) are very disparate. And these priorities make who we are.
Either process the information and reconcile it with your moral framework OR accept the fact that you cannot and part ways.
The worst thing you can do now is rug sweep. That is will waste years of both of your life.
hey, so, i’m actually the girlfriend in this scenario. i mean i can relate to it. i use to sell and my stuff got leaked onto sites. i changed all my usernames and everything, and unless you know my old username then it would be hard to find. my boyfriend and i have accepted it as it is what it is. i mean it sucks but there’s really nothing you can do unless you know who personally leaked it and file a lawsuit. there’s obviously the talk about kids and everything finding out, his family and friends. that hasn’t happened yet. i guess it also matters on the means of finding it. did you google her name? an old username? like, how easy would it be to find? do they all show her face?
regardless, i’m very sorry to hear about this happening. being on the other side of it, it’s embarrassing. i think the internet will only get more saturated over time, and it will be harder to find that porn, but it’s still going to be out there. my boyfriend is very open minded (not saying you aren’t!) and he doesn’t seem to care too much. different strokes for different folks. ur worries are very valid but these comments that are just slutshaming her are not it. she made decisions she can’t take back. it was naive, yes. i was too. but to say that she isn’t deserving of love and a relationship and future because of it is very off-color. she is, it’s just a decision to make on whether or not you’re okay with that person being you
She has past and you know that no matter what she does she cannot delete it as things that she sold to people they will keep it with them as they paid for it and they will upload it as well even though that is something they should not do. Now you need to decide whether you can digest her past or not and if not then you can end things with her so she can find a new guy who has no issues with her past. She has not hidden this from you means she does not want to lie and build a relationship with you keeping you in dark about her past so it is good.
If you decide to continue with her knowing that you will be okay with this then keep in mind that chances are there that your family and friends also come to know about this and then you need to be by her side and need to tell them she learned from her past and now a great partner so you do not see any issue with it. You can end things with her over this as well if you are not able to digest this and it is okay as well but make sure that you do not waste her time as that is not your right. You can take your time and space from her to process this so you can come to a conclusion.
Did she use a pseudonym for her content or is it all searchable using her real name?
If real name, sure there’s a chance of future unwanted discovery. If pseudonym then there’s not a concern about children finding it (which also isn’t actually a serious problem) unless your partner was actually very famous in the field. Random porn producers have very short shelf lives, as others have said.
All these dumbasses on here acting like it'll always be so easy to find... your comment is refreshing. I watch porn, sometimes & have since HS & could probably name 5 pornstars that I would actually recognize & most are from the last 10 years. That number is like 2 if we go back farther than that & they were HUGE stars.
It honestly seems like you were in denial about you being fine with this. It seems more like this was something you were willing to overlook as long as you could pretend it didn't exist and now you can't. You don't like or respect sex workers and that's okay. I find most men are fine-consuming porn and normalizing consuming porn in a relationship but they get quite judgy and hypocritical dating a sex worker. It's akin to how many men will scroll through Instagram model accounts get complain and whine about disrespect if their girlfriend dresses in a way he see us provocative or post provocative pics.
It's okay that you have icky feelings about this. Just be glad that you're a man because it's much easier for you to choose not to date a sex worker than it is for a woman to find a man who doesn't consume porn.
I think you can have Google block content if it's yours and you don't want it shared. But that's gonna be a full time job if they're really sharing it around like it sounds.
No, this is not something you need to get over. If you’re not comfortable with it, move on. Life is hard enough without having to worry about more bullshit like that.
The consequences of OF...yep..
Tbh dude, youbaccepted her in the first place knowing this. This is totally out of her control, so you can't be mad at her..
As long as she doesn't upload more, it will fade.
Could always try to get in touch with the website, and see if they’re willing to delete it.
Twitter/X: Possible to report, or get in touch with support.
Same goes with instagram etc.
If it’s posted on nudity websites, I would try to get in touch with the support/owners of that page to get it deleted.
It's going to be out there forever. Will definitely come up at work by a coworker or a future employer. Can't really do much but ignore it honestly. It's done.
Or you could track down the original people that uploaded them and ask themTo delete it but that will take forever.
You need to figure out exactly what you’re okay with, and what you’re not, as a person and a man. It’s okay to back track if you’ve already said something was okay, as long as you are being honest with yourself. Can you handle the knowledge that your potential future wife, mother, etc.. has sold her body online. Can you handle the potential of some guy harassing her, your family, your kids, in the future for this? Potential blackmail ? Explicit content for everyone to see with some mindful searching. Everyone can see her, friends, your mom, dad. Can you handle all of this and move forward happily ?
I guarantee OP didn't stumble across anything. He looked for it and found it. No one else OP knows will find it unless they go looking for it specifically. Hopefully he hasn't ran his mouth to anyone he knows making them curious.
Just wanna say, if you love her then you definitely can move past your feelings and the general shock of actually seeing it. But I would like to point out, it's no different than what you've seen yourself but you actually got to touch her and be with her, and didn't have to pay to see her naked. While whoever bought that content from her and unfortunately leaked it, they never got the real thing. If she can move on from her past, you'll be able to eventually move on from this with her, if that's what you want.
Kinda taboo but my honest advice is to spice up your sex life. Do stuff that's special for both of you so you both can feel this chapter in life is only for you two. I understand how it can feel unsettling that so many people potentially saw your girlfriend, and used her photos definitely something that'll take time for you. So if you guys can discuss fantasies and kinks you haven't explored yet, you both can experience a more special bond intimately that you can ease your mind with a "this is mine and no one else was able to have this" hope that makes sense. It might also just get your mind off of it.
Also my other advice is to just be honest with her if you don't want to leave her. Just reassure her that you're okay with her past but had found the content. Say it was a bit of a shock but you're willing to move past it. Like I said even bring up a sexual talk about things you guys could try together, something you both never done. Tell her some things you want to try with just her, see what things she'd want to try with you. Maybe even ask her why she had gotten into sex work, maybe her reasoning will also give you peace of mind. Ask her about what made her want to quit. Just have a conversation about it, I'm not sure how in depth she was about it or how much you actually want to know but having everything laid out might make you both understand each other. Who knows, this could be eating at her too. Also just remind yourself all the things you love about her, down to the little things. Especially the things you get to see. Those people didn't get to know her as a person like you do, they never got to see how she wakes up. The woman you get to see is still something that they never got. It'll be good to remind yourself that.
You are bothered by it. It’s not going to go away. Find out if you can live with it and love her enough to move on or not. Personally if it’s just her and there’s not a man involved I probably wouldn’t let it bother me as much. I don’t know, hard situation to be in.
Your feels are valid, but there is nothing new here either. It’s just a reminder of the sex work she did before you two.
Sex work is a deal breaker for a lot of people. Is it for you ? If not, then keep processing it; perhaps read up on sex workers perspective to understand how they approach it internally and what is truly means to them. Hint, it’s just another for of work to them.
Ask yourself a few things … do you want friends/family/coworkers/mailman or anyone else in the world to have access to your woman like that? Can you handle that? How does it make you feel if the people closest to you find out? If this is a LT serious relationship, would you want your wife to be googled by anyone and everyone ? If she’s the mother of your children, do you want that to be something they could eventually find out about?
People you know are going to find it at some point. Some may have already.
The fallout is something for which you should prepare yourself. It may not be pretty. Once one of your friends finds it - they're all gonna find it. They're gonna share it, talk about it, and all of this will be behind your back.
I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where my partner has grown accustomed to constant validation from strangers. I wouldn't stay in one where her moral compass has been shown in full light, and it's been found extremely lacking.
Good luck.
My theory is how being addicted to porn makes you start associating women with being sex objects rather than people. They start not being able to recognize that the girls they're getting off to are real human beings. It's cringy af honestly
I’ll get downvoted for this, I have no stance neither with or against porn. But to me personally if you are so strongly against dating a former porn actress that you want everyone to be like you then you also shouldn’t be an avid consumer. It’s either with or against, it’s just so hypocritical and objectifying.
This is her fault man, she put the content out there. She also lied about how recent it was.
You really should cut your losses, man. Not all women do sex work, and it seems like it's not a quality you want in a woman. Go find a woman who aligns with your values, they're out there and it'll be worth it.
It seems like you feel you can't find any better and you're just taking whoever shows interest in you, otherwise why wouldn't you find someone else?
Couldn't be me man. No way would I date a sex worker.
Where did you find it? Are you sure it can’t be removed? Do you want us to try for you? Just give the links and we’ll see what the collective power can do
Well, the obvious patch here (patch because this isn’t a problem that can be solved) is deleting all social media. Basically leave the content nameless, so that even if the content is still circulating around with her body and face, it cannot be easily linked to a name, or a person.
I'm pretty sure that if she was the one who posted it to Reddit that it will be harder for her to claim copyright. Did she use her real name? How are you able to find it so easily?
You either accept your girlfriend, worts and all, or you don’t. If you are struggling to get past your girlfriend’s past, then do her a huge favor and breakup with her. She obviously deserves a man in her life who will love her unconditionally.
100% partially because of the potential for our future children to get bullied over it
I believe in the future some kind of software will be designed that can reverse search a picture of someone to find other pictures and videos of that same person online
Obviously it’s out there forever, but everyone acting like every random lady on the internet is instantly recognized are just fear mongering. Unless you’re literally Mia Khalifa, I don’t think anyone’s tracking you down. Did she use her real name??? Because if she didn’t then that means anyone finding her content was looking for it 👀
Hire a lawyer who does DMCA notices and you can get them taken down. Often, it’s an ongoing process though. If you have a little money, it’s worth it though.
You need to process how you’re feeling right now. Are you hurt that she made content or are you hurt that others are able to easily see her in the same sexual nature that you are able to? Neither answer is wrong but it sounds like you are more upset about the latter. The best way to approach this with her is to write down what you’re feeling and what you’re upset about and go from there. It can lead to a discussion and you’re less likely to come off as insensitive. But ultimately if this is a fact that you can’t come to terms with then you two might not be a good pair. Neither of you are bad people but this could be a dealbreaker.
Most content creators do regular DMCA takedowns, there are even services that will handle it for you.
It's always going to be a thing with anyone who has put stuff on the internet. The good news is that there's a mountain of stuff out there and anyone who finds it has to 1) recognize her, 2) be a total jerk about it, and 3) she needs to have the kind of job/social circle in which a bit of naughty internet content is actually a big deal. It happens less than you might think if you've read a bunch of horror stories on the internet.
20m , my take is as follows:
1.seems to me you are okay pretending that it's okay but now you cant pretend (as said by another redditor).
Anyway the onky thing to conclude is that you dont mind so much what she did as much as it being public.
2.what's done is done , once on the internet always on the internet , if you find her worth the trouble then by all means , if not then don't (rather cut your losses sooner than later).
Maybe your woman is actually a good woman and even though it's gonna be a hassle if someone in your entourage finds out , I would suggest maybe staying with her (just weighs the pros and the cons either way)
Thread is filled with dudes who have never had a hot GF looking to troll OP for asking for advice, wild. Not saying I'm pro-OF, but still...
OP, u have 2 options, IMO - U can either try to forget it, which won't be easy. Or, talk to your girl, tell her how much it's bothering u, have her submit content removal requests. Yea you may not get all of it but u should be able to get a decent amount of whatever is posted publicly. But, I think your girl is the one that has to make the request for this.
If she gives u a problem about this, then maybe it's time to reevaluate. But, if she's truly done with that, and she rly cares about u, I'm sure she won't mind. Especially since most of the content was prob paid and is now just roaming out there for free. She'd have multiple reasons to help u with the C.R. requests. Best of luck man
Write a good template about How it destroys her life or etc. Send to all the pages, admins or Even users. Almost Everything can or will Get removed eventually. Try doing reverse Google search if that is possible for porn to find all the pages in one go
Why so many people are shaming OP's gf is beyond me. OP didn't ask for your opinions on the morality of producing and selling adult content.
Something that can help you as you process this, OP, is to remember that the redistribution of her content is theft. People don't see it as one, but it is a crime in many places to distribute pornographic videos and photos of people online without their consent.
It also helps to know that this isn't a massive deal. Porn has a pretty short shelf life, and people don't usually recognize people from porn IRL. People won't recognize her from her videos in ten years, because people won't generally be watching decades-old porn, and she'll look different in ten years.
Nobody is shaming. People are just pointing out actions have consequences. If OP is not comfortable with her business making rounds in social media now, he can just leave her. Noone is thinking 10 years or so ahead. If he can't take her out with friends and family because of her past, that's the end of the relationship.
If it's on the internet, then is permanent. It won't ever be deleted now.
You've made the choice to date a prostitute, you'll have to deal with the consequences. Either that or do the logical solution, which is leaving. Ignore whoever tries to tell you that the "past doesn't matter" or that "it doesn't define a person". If it matters to you, then it matters, and you have all the right to feel bothered by it.
Don't date prostitutes, whether current or former. Have some self-respect and drop this girl. There's absolutely nothing "empowering" or dignified about trading skin for cash.
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Once on the internet, always on the internet.
“The internet is written in ink.” (The social network)
Indelible ink, no less.
You can't even use the dry erase marker trick on it.
That’s why it always blows my mind when you see people posting sexual content on here and exposing their faces. Especially if they’re 18-25, like you know this shit will live forever now on the internet, right? It will be found again someday in your future. Do you want that just so you can make some quick money now?
There's a dark underbelly to all of that and it gets complicated fast. Some people embrace that and choose it, and that's their choice and that's fine. I don't think it's right when people who consume porn also shame the people who are in the porn. That's like eating bread and then yelling at the baker for producing carb-rich food. It's perfectly ok to not want to date the baker because you feel you're incompatible with dating bakers, but it's not ok to shame a baker when you're a consumer of bread. So right off the bat, I don't think any person who ever looks at porn or who has ever received a nude picture should shame sex workers or people whose content was leaked. However unlike bread markets, there's a lot of hyper-capitalist exploitation in the adult content space, and there are entire circuits on social media driving young women towards unrealistic dreams as they're taken advantage of. By taken advantage of I mean some women will sell private content, think they're being careful, but their buyer is actually a reseller or agent who then runs a (Popular company name) account with their content. Or the buyer is a middleman who then sells to other buyers. This doesn't even consider the buyers who are abusive in some way or who actively seek to betray the business arrangement they engaged in. Young women aren't taught this side of things before they engage in that business. So maybe this young woman did believe she was engaged in private business arrangements with men or women she could trust. Or maybe she was attempting to create a brand and that brand failed. I don't think it's right to shame her, but it's ok if OP doesn't think a relationship could work with her. OP: If you break up with her, still notify her that if she never sold the rights to that content that she can minimize her footprint online. This assumes she doesn't have a brand name that attracts an ongoing fanbase. There are services available to her, DMCA requests she can make, and various strategies to significantly reduce the risk that people in her life will find her content. "The internet is forever" in theory, but scrubbing 99% of something that isn't trending is possible, and sometimes 99% is enough.
My comment wasn’t to shame them at all, hence why I said “…and exposing their faces.” That adds a whole different layer than simply posting nudes. Showing your face makes you identifiable, risks your safety and can very well come back to haunt you later in your professional and/or personal life. It’s unfortunate that you thought I was shaming them.
I don't think you were shaming them. I'm just adding to the discussion. Sorry if it came off that way.
Ah my bad, might’ve misinterpreted you. All the best 🫡
A staggering simple yet elusive concept to many newer internet users....
S is 24, if this was "a few years ago", she was around 20 when it happened. At that age, some people are actual adults while others are quite frankly immature children. Seems like S falls in the latter category. I can't hold it against her, some people mature later than others, doesn't make her a worse person. But like OP, I'd have a hard time dealing with this.
At 20 she was an adult. Not an immature child. A fully fledged legal adult able to open bank accounts, join the military, sign up for college loans, marry, etc. She chose to use her independence to sell sexual content online. I wouldn't blame her for it, bur she was an adult and is accountable for her choices.
Just because the law says that you go from childhood to adulthood the day you turn 18 doesn't mean some magical overnight change actually happens on that day. I've met 15 year olds that were mentally completely adult, I've met 30 year olds that were still children, mentally. The former were aged beyond their years due to extremely unfortunate circumstances, the latter were kept in a near-perpetual child state because their parents coddled them. Maturity does not happen simply due to age.
Agreed. I didn’t feel like an adult until about 26/27
Your frontal lobe isnt fully cooked until 26. Just because somethings “legally true” doesnt make it true.
Hell I'm in my early 60's and I still do stupid stuff. Can I blame it on my frontal lobe? 😂
This number seems to get older and older. Last I saw it was 24
Seriously... By the end of the year it will be 35.
Pretend psychologist here: The age is mid twenties
Redditors love infantalizing 20-somethings, takes away accountability.
Not old enough to legally drink tho 🤦🏼♂️, but can go sign up for the military.
>Not old enough to legally drink tho 🤦🏼♂️, but can go sign up for the military. So most people agree with that being dumb but just to provide context... this used to not be a thing, you used to be able to drink at 18 most places but to appease mothers against drunk driving the federal government strong armed every state by saying if they didn't change their state laws to 21 for drinking they would lose all federal taxes covering highways and interstates Also fun fact pre 2nd Indochina war (Vietnam War) the voting age was 21 but signing up for the draft was 18, the president realized this was wrong and changed the voting age to 18
I appreciate the context
Was gonna say the same thing. It will never disappear and u run the risk of friends and family seeing it. If that bothers you, then you have a problem. Don’t forget she’s lied to you already about it, which is something to ponder, what else has she lied about?
I occasionally run across images that were around in the early 2000's. Permanent ink for sure.
unfortunately it could affect future employment.
It’s sounds like you weren’t fine with it, you were fine with pretending it didn’t happen and now you can’t pretend and it’s bothering you. This isn’t going away…are you actually fine with it or not
Very good point.
And he didn't just stumble upon it, he went digging and found what he was looking for.
Absolutely, no way it was an accident
Ya mess with the bull and you're gonna get the horns.
Don't think OP ever said he stumbled upon it, all he said he was found a lot of it across multiple sites. Why are we trying to poke holes in the man's story when he's just asking for advice?
I don't think they are saying he says he stumbled on it, they are presenting that in a "the dude asked a question he didn't want an answer to, he sought this out" way.
'came across' suggests it was on accident, but this doesn't happen on accident, he searched for it 'on multiple different sites'
You can be fine with stuff in the abstract or even with how you imagine it to be, and not fine when you see the full reality of what it actually is. Like if a partner says oh yeah I slept with some people in college and you find out they slept with over 300 people and did extreme stuff with those people, the abstract description of it you were ok with, the actual reality of it which wasn't fully described, you aren't.
Or even milder. I am fine with my partner having slept with other people in the past, but that doesn’t mean I want to see it or that it wouldn’t affect me if I stumbled upon a video of it.
This is much more relevant to the situation.
so true. ignorance is bliss and even veiled truth can be considered ignorance.
Interesting how he mentioned there was lying about it then said it was forgiven and forgotten. Obviously not forgotten.
Very clearly not forgotten. I made a bigger comment about it but imo this falls under men often feel like they need to make things ok when their partner presents them as distressing. Like yeah I lied about it but I was so scared you’d be mad and leave me, ect. Then he defaults to taking care of their feelings instead of his own
Not just men. This happens to all partners!
Agreed, it feels to me like someone with weak boundaries getting kinda bulldozed. Basically abandoning their own feelings and values to smooth over the relationship
Also did you find it or did you look for it. I looked. I wasn’t cool with it but thought I was.
damn this is a really good way of objectively framing the situation and is making me reevaluate my opinions on a few things in my life
52m, I say this for context because I come from a generation that is often overly judgemental. You came into this knowing her past, and you're young enough to understand that what's put on the internet stays on the internet. You weren't blindsided, just surprised by what you found. If you love her and see a future together, then stay together and help her figure out what to do and help her do it. If the relationship is new and the love isn't that solid, then maybe you move on and let the next guy worry about it. Maybe he'll be the one to help her mitigate the consequences of her past actions. She also deserves love and compassion, regardless of any past mistakes.
Beautifully said
So refreshing to see a wholesome reply as a top comment
You know what mature love is. Thank you for sharing
Real love is wiping the shit leaking out of someone's ass when thier sick, then proceeding to eat that same ass a couple days later when their not
name explains it
I want you to show me
if you're referencing Foreigner rn, then yes
The best advice.
Lovely response. Well said, sir!
Much respect ♥️
This touched me broo .😭
Well said!!!! Perfect response
This reply is so meaningful and pertinent. She clearly made mistakes in the past as many young women of this younger generation has. The mindsets and ethics have changed but the dark realities of the internet have not. It’s important to remember that no matter what happened in her past she is a human being with a mind and heart and soul that clearly is in need of some healing. If OP is up to this then they have the potential to build a strong relationship together.
You are dating someone who did sex work. That will never change. A friend, family member, co-worker, etc will eventually find the content. You can either accept that as a fact of life with this person, or you can't.
The real trick is preparing for when the kids find it.
When the kid’s entire school finds out
They will find it. Or her Dad.
That's what would have me nope out; never knowing when a co-worker, friend, even stranger would show me my own SO nude on their phone and be like, "Hey, here's your girl."
Yea it’s going to be out there forever and can always be found. Imagine your future kids (if you have them) coming home crying cause some other kid pulled up old nudes/videos of his/her mom and spread those around. It boggles my mind what people put out on the internet.
How did you just come across this? Were you looking for her content specifically?
This is what I was wondering. I don't stumble upon porn, ever. If you don't want to run the risk of seeing her mature content, maybe decrease your porn consumption a bit, OP.
This is why I tell my friends to be careful doing online sex work, it’s NORMAL for even the most progressive and feminist supporting partner to be uncomfortable with thier life partners most intimate body parts on display to others. You give up your anonymity the moment you post the first photo/video. There’s a few photos I’ve posted and regretted it and thankfully I could delete it, but I have friends who aren’t so lucky and it IS a damaging to potential relationships and there’s nothing wrong with saying that out loud. You either are okay with it or you aren’t, I haven’t known or heard of anyone overcoming this feeling. Good luck oP but it’s also not her job to be your sounding board for your discomfort so do not burden her with it. it’s a YOU a problem, not an US problem because she literally can’t do anything but coddle you.
There isnt much you can do. Its not directly her girlfriends fault but she was very naive when she said that everything was deleted. What she meant was that everything from her profile was gone. But the stuff is still out there and will ALWAYS be out there. This is something you have to come clean about. There will always be a chance that people you both know will see her content online. There is nothing you can do about this. That is what I will never understand with people posting shit like this.... Once in the Internet always in the Internet is a saying since the dawn of the web. How can people really think they have ANY control over that what they put out there... Its just ridiculous. Especially content like this will always be around once it got out.
It's consequences of her actions. It may not seem like her fault, but life is like that. We make some decisions naively and then they come back to bite us in the ass. Issues like this will be so common in the future that I'd be interested to see how women cope with it.
they won’t need to post anything. AI porn will get more realistic and leave women with no control over our online image whatsoever
"And when everybody is a porn star, nobody will be." -Syndrome, probably.
Besides, that there is new horny guys with crushes on specific girls every minute, and these girls will keep seing images that were made to look like them doing extreme stuff. It'll never be "everyone"
I'm more sorry for their future children... just imagine getting bullied with your mothers porn. Ugh...
I work in mental health, with teens specially. This, and the aforementioned AI generated porn, is going to be a huge problem and is absolutely going to lead to suicides
One of the main reasons why I could never consider dating someone who has done onlyfans
OnlyFans and the internet are the main reasons I'm happy I've been out of the dating pool for a very, very long time.
Just outta curiosity how did you even find it?
Exactly. I find it a bit hypocritical to search for porn then be upset you found your gf’s photos from before you met her. My wife was a model before we met. I don’t know if she has old content online because I don’t search for that type of content (although I doubt it exists considering our age).
It’s possible (and more likely) he searched for his girlfriends porn in particular because he wanted to know what was out there. Which isn’t unreasonable.
Agreed
I feel like OP was the exact opposite of hypocritical. His GF told him all her porn was deleted, he decided to look for it, and it's not deleted. Please point out the hypocrisy. Why is this thread being brigaded by partners of "sex workers". We understand you don't care, other people do.
They get hostile at people who have a problem with partners that do sex work which is wild to me. Like how is it unreasonable to not want to be with someone who has nudes/porn of them online that can be accessed by anyone. Have fun consoling your kids when they come home crying because some bully showed them porn of their mom and now the whole school can see it. It boggles my mind what people put on the internet.
I don't see how this is hypocritical? Are you implying everyone who has watched porn should be fine with their partner doing it?
It’s not about getting over it. Your feelings are completely valid. I think as long as she hasn’t done anything new since the two of you started dating then you should be fine. Talk with her about your feelings. Communication is key. It’s hard to get rid of a past like that, especially when other people post it. I’m genuinely rooting for you both though.
But to me, it's more complicated than that. At any point, friends and family can find it, and everything is brought back up. When/if they have kids, their kids' friends can find it and then mess up their kids for a few years. All this to say, people have the liberty to do what they want with their body but they must live with the consequences (or potential consequences) on them and the rest of the people they love (or will find in the future).
We should stop telling young girls '' come on! Get naked on the internet! It's empowering!''
Well we should also stop shoving money in their faces for playing NPC and selling bath water
Yeah good luck with that. You're already too far gone to save if you're spending money on e-girl bath water.
I mean, in absolute fairness, "we" aren't, the industry and the coomers are. But we should stop enabling it.
Thanks, this relieved a lot of the anxiety
Other than communication with her for the sake of feelings and transparency, it’s also important for her to know in case it comes up in the future with searches, such as for future jobs. It might be possible for some sites to remove content if you contact support or help for any that might show up with searching her name or commonly associated handles, but I’m sure you can’t get rid of everything, but it might help prevent future employers from finding it
My wife was an only fans creator. I love her more and more every day. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t care. I just hear and love being around her. If you love her or grow to love her it really doesn’t matter. Fuck everyone’s opinion. Be in love.
Digital permanence
Aside from the sensation of seeing it, what changed? You haven’t learned anything new, you knew there was content now you just have a better idea of how much there is. However you feel is valid, just trying to help you process. Did anything really change since you first learned?
I dated a lawyer before, here is what you should do (the only actual helpful comment). I used to have my personal instagram photos at those websites and people have used them to make fake OF profiles. EVERY website must contain their email for contact. Contact ALL of them, because if you take down the photos they will go back to the same website if they are posted somewhere else, for some reason. Fill the blanks with the info you need: Pursuant to 17 USC 512(c) (3)(A), this communication serves as a statement that: I am —insert here full name— the duly authorized exclusive rights holder for : https://fap….. [wtvr the website link her photos are at]/; These exclusive rights are being violated by material available upon your site at the following URL: [insert the link here again] Such use of this material in such a fashion is not authorized by me the copyright holder. I may be contacted at the email address from which this notice shall be sent. I hereby request that you remove or disable access to this material as it appears on your service in as expedient a fashion as possible. Thank you. Regards, -insert full real name- (aka -insert her “stage name” from her OF profile or instagram profile) _______ You are welcome. Do that for every website with the correct link
Dudes dating a SW then getting pissed they're dating a SW will never not be funny to me
All I can say is don't let anyone mess with you by calling you insecure. There is nothing wrong with keeping sexuality private, and nothing wrong with having issue with a partner being on the net.
She can have things taken down with a DCMA. Please tell her about it and the sites hosting the content so it can be removed
I can't see that being much help. Realistically, there are websites and forums *dedicated* to sharing this sort of material. They could probably get it taken off some of the bigger sites (Porn Hub, etc) so they could lessen the chances of someone randomly bumping into it, but beyond that it's very hard to wipe away, *especially* if someone knows her name/username.
Depends if she owns (c), if not then DMCA won't help.
This is it. Once that content is produced, there is no control over how long and to whom this will be distributed. Can you imagine the scene on the playground one day when some kid comes up to your child and asks”hey, is that your mom in this video”?
This is what I worry about. I could get over it now, but it could be dragged back up by anyone at any point in the future
You need to make thoughts on how you are going to handle the situation, when someone share the content with friends & family OR if someone approaches her with it - for example in a bar. It´s not like that didn´t happen before.
Stuff online, including porn, has a pretty short shelf life tbh. What porn girls from 2002 would you recognize on the street? Or even 2015? Or 2023? What internet personality or content creator's video from 2016 would you be able to name or recognize? If you saw a TikTok of a random person talking, now in your living room, and then walked by them at the grocery store, would you make the connection? It's unlikely. Our memories are pretty heavily context-based. The thing about adult content is that there is so much being produced at such a rapid pace that your girlfriend's stolen content will be drowned out within a couple of years.
Naive of you to think some horny teenager won’t dig that up down the line
I’m married to a semi famous porn star from the early 00’s, his old career rarely comes up. His teenage kids have no idea. The movies are easily found and he won a couple of awards. It just doesn’t come up.
Exactly. The teenagers do not care about or watch decades-old porn. They're horny for people of their own generation. Standards, kinks, etc. change over time, too. In the 2000s, nobody was watching 80's porn with full bush and their weird old fashioned ways of banging.
I told my conservative boomer parents before we got married and my husband did exclusively gay porn, even they didn’t care.
Ask Heather Brook
As proof: I have no clue who Heather Brook is. But just fyi, by commenting her name here you are also contributing to the issue being described
Am I, I think she probably would like the free advertisement since she has apparantly returned to her online shenanigans. My point is she was a content creator in the early 2000s and her content from that timeframe is still well known, regardless if you are aware of her.
Only because it’s pretty extreme content. If she were just posting nudes she’d have never been “famous” then or now.
who is one person versus how many you've never heard from and will never hear from ?
The risks are always there. Freedom of expression but doesn't remove that you must live with the potential consequences. We also live in a world where AI searching tools are getting better and better. Finding things that match the facial features from a photo may or may not get easier. Who knows what AI will bring. Many people thought what they tweeted years ago wouldn't come back to haunt them.
I’m not so sure. I see porn that is decades old and can’t believe it is still around.
OP, I sort of said it in my main comment, but to respond directly to your concern here: what this means is you need to commit to being in your girlfriends corner -or not. And I don't mean that in a pithy way, like "ObViOuSlY you should have her back!" I legit mean think about it and decide. Do you trust her? Does she have your back? This is a time to think honestly about these things and decide what you believe and what you want. It's a good time for her to do the same. *If you're both all in,* then this too will pass. If it comes up in the future, it will pass again. And if someone refuses to let it die, it will be the chill in which you hold each other close for warmth. Your children will learn from your example, and if this cannot break you, it won't break them either. *If.*
I think it’s better if you end it, you’re clearly uncomfortable with it, and that’s valid, it’s not something most people are comfortable with. It’s also not your gf’s fault, she disclosed this info with you before you started dating. You guys are clearly not compatible. Also, if you have a problem with it now, it will only get worse, especially if you’re looking for a serious enough relationship to marry. Coz your friends and family will eventually find this content, coz that’s how internet works and ppl are nosey. If you’re uncomfortable now, how are you gonna deal with it when a friend or a family member points it out? And this is gonna happen a lot coz… again, ppl are shitty Are you gonna be able to handle that? If not it’s not fair to her too. Take a moment, imagine you guys are gonna be serious, meet fam, get married, have kids and all that, this situation is gonna come up a lot, are you going to be able to be ok with it and handle it without getting upset at her or regretting your decision? If you’re not, let her go
Here’s the thing though, while I understand this fear and all, you have to remember that there is *so much lewd content* posted to the internet every second that, by the time that would become an issue (say in 5 years, etc), they would probably never be able to find it. You only found it because your partner told you it was out there. But let’s say you two have kids and their friends wanna make fun of them. They aren’t gonna think to search for your partner’s name online and “nudes” as a keyword.
Why is this upsetting to you? I don’t understand. You probably consume erotic content, why is the idea of other people knowing your partner has done so so upsetting to you? Truly: so what if anyone approaches her saying they have seen her content? How is that relevant towards who she is, her value to you, or your relationship?
At that point the problem isn't even about there being porn of theor mom on the internet, it's the "why would they even look that up". So much porn gets made every day that by the time her kids are interested in porn the chance of stumbling upon the decades-old pictures of their mum is basically fucking 0 lmao
> Can you imagine the scene on the playground one day when some kid comes up to your child and asks”hey, is that your mom in this video”? lol this has never happened, and never will happen Why do redditors live in fear of this imaginary scenario?
I don't know you, but I'm someone who wants to get married and have kids, so having my future family in mind someone that have some kind of porn content online is just not for me. I don't want my kids to be bullied because of that, I don't want my family or friends being able to find her content online and telling me, I don't like the idea of someone fantasising about my couple on that way, and whilst that can't be allways avoided because creeps, at least I don't want someone that in some extent have promoted it.
You were eager enough to continue searching after she told you it was deleted. Too many problems already. This girl isn’t for you
What’s the meaning of “Is this the kind of thing I should even want to get over?” If you want to be with her and she wants to be with you then be with her. If something in the past that isn’t undoable is getting in the way of your ability to be a good partner then it’s up to you to get over it. If you realise that the issue is actually that this has highlighted something about her that means you don’t want to be with her then break up. What you definitely shouldn’t be doing is continuing the relationship and thinking that it’s somehow good and right to not get over this and instead to hold it against her indefinitely (in case that was an option you were considering).
It's something that was discussed but not "seen", there wasn't any tangible evidence of it, so you figured it would be fine. But now, you have to face it, you've seen it, and it's okay to change your mind on it. It's not her fault, you weren't misled, but you didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle, so don't kick yourself if you end up not getting over it, cause everything seems fine until you face the reality of the situation properly. That's not to say your relationship is beyond saving, but it's normal to change your mind and end things in this case I think.
Well dude, if you don't wanna date a person who used to sell XXX content then don't date a person who used to sell XXX content. You're not obligued to be with her, and you don't seem comfortable with this. You have two options: leaving her or accepting her. Truth is she doesn't owe you anything and it's not exactly her fault if others uploaded her photos without her consent.
Why dwell on the past. She didn’t hide it from you. She was honest with in reason, immediately. Imagine finding it having never been told. Everyone has skeletons in their closet and most of us lie about them till the day we die. She was honest so don’t punisher her because you found it. the biggest thing you need to remember is all those things that she did before you. Is what made her the girl you fell in love with.
Everyone is like “just a job like any other nothing wrong with it” until it’s their girlfriend or sister
Did your GF use her name when she did that or a fake name? You could always say “ wow that looks like her, but it isn’t her.” If she used her real name, then I guess there is no way really out of it.
It’s not going away. It’s her past and you either have to accept it for what it is or find someone else. Both options are okay and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s perfectly fine to not want to date someone who exposed their body on the internet
She can hire a content removal service (like Rulta, which I use) who will send DMCA takedown notices on her behalf, remove content if they can, and get it delisted from the internet as well so that if it can’t be removed it can at least be harder to find. That is her prerogative though, if she’d rather save her money and let the content exist out there it’s up to her. You could also offer to pay for it if the content being taken down is important to you.
Your moral hierarchies (or priorities for the triggered) are very disparate. And these priorities make who we are. Either process the information and reconcile it with your moral framework OR accept the fact that you cannot and part ways. The worst thing you can do now is rug sweep. That is will waste years of both of your life.
hey, so, i’m actually the girlfriend in this scenario. i mean i can relate to it. i use to sell and my stuff got leaked onto sites. i changed all my usernames and everything, and unless you know my old username then it would be hard to find. my boyfriend and i have accepted it as it is what it is. i mean it sucks but there’s really nothing you can do unless you know who personally leaked it and file a lawsuit. there’s obviously the talk about kids and everything finding out, his family and friends. that hasn’t happened yet. i guess it also matters on the means of finding it. did you google her name? an old username? like, how easy would it be to find? do they all show her face? regardless, i’m very sorry to hear about this happening. being on the other side of it, it’s embarrassing. i think the internet will only get more saturated over time, and it will be harder to find that porn, but it’s still going to be out there. my boyfriend is very open minded (not saying you aren’t!) and he doesn’t seem to care too much. different strokes for different folks. ur worries are very valid but these comments that are just slutshaming her are not it. she made decisions she can’t take back. it was naive, yes. i was too. but to say that she isn’t deserving of love and a relationship and future because of it is very off-color. she is, it’s just a decision to make on whether or not you’re okay with that person being you
She has past and you know that no matter what she does she cannot delete it as things that she sold to people they will keep it with them as they paid for it and they will upload it as well even though that is something they should not do. Now you need to decide whether you can digest her past or not and if not then you can end things with her so she can find a new guy who has no issues with her past. She has not hidden this from you means she does not want to lie and build a relationship with you keeping you in dark about her past so it is good. If you decide to continue with her knowing that you will be okay with this then keep in mind that chances are there that your family and friends also come to know about this and then you need to be by her side and need to tell them she learned from her past and now a great partner so you do not see any issue with it. You can end things with her over this as well if you are not able to digest this and it is okay as well but make sure that you do not waste her time as that is not your right. You can take your time and space from her to process this so you can come to a conclusion.
Deal with it or move on
Did she use a pseudonym for her content or is it all searchable using her real name? If real name, sure there’s a chance of future unwanted discovery. If pseudonym then there’s not a concern about children finding it (which also isn’t actually a serious problem) unless your partner was actually very famous in the field. Random porn producers have very short shelf lives, as others have said.
All these dumbasses on here acting like it'll always be so easy to find... your comment is refreshing. I watch porn, sometimes & have since HS & could probably name 5 pornstars that I would actually recognize & most are from the last 10 years. That number is like 2 if we go back farther than that & they were HUGE stars.
It honestly seems like you were in denial about you being fine with this. It seems more like this was something you were willing to overlook as long as you could pretend it didn't exist and now you can't. You don't like or respect sex workers and that's okay. I find most men are fine-consuming porn and normalizing consuming porn in a relationship but they get quite judgy and hypocritical dating a sex worker. It's akin to how many men will scroll through Instagram model accounts get complain and whine about disrespect if their girlfriend dresses in a way he see us provocative or post provocative pics. It's okay that you have icky feelings about this. Just be glad that you're a man because it's much easier for you to choose not to date a sex worker than it is for a woman to find a man who doesn't consume porn.
I think you can have Google block content if it's yours and you don't want it shared. But that's gonna be a full time job if they're really sharing it around like it sounds.
No, this is not something you need to get over. If you’re not comfortable with it, move on. Life is hard enough without having to worry about more bullshit like that.
The consequences of OF...yep.. Tbh dude, youbaccepted her in the first place knowing this. This is totally out of her control, so you can't be mad at her.. As long as she doesn't upload more, it will fade.
Could always try to get in touch with the website, and see if they’re willing to delete it. Twitter/X: Possible to report, or get in touch with support. Same goes with instagram etc. If it’s posted on nudity websites, I would try to get in touch with the support/owners of that page to get it deleted.
Which is why it’s important to teach your kids to never send anything that they don’t want on the internet forever
Enjoy the ride
It's going to be out there forever. Will definitely come up at work by a coworker or a future employer. Can't really do much but ignore it honestly. It's done. Or you could track down the original people that uploaded them and ask themTo delete it but that will take forever.
Exactly too much time and money
You need to figure out exactly what you’re okay with, and what you’re not, as a person and a man. It’s okay to back track if you’ve already said something was okay, as long as you are being honest with yourself. Can you handle the knowledge that your potential future wife, mother, etc.. has sold her body online. Can you handle the potential of some guy harassing her, your family, your kids, in the future for this? Potential blackmail ? Explicit content for everyone to see with some mindful searching. Everyone can see her, friends, your mom, dad. Can you handle all of this and move forward happily ?
I guarantee OP didn't stumble across anything. He looked for it and found it. No one else OP knows will find it unless they go looking for it specifically. Hopefully he hasn't ran his mouth to anyone he knows making them curious.
Just wanna say, if you love her then you definitely can move past your feelings and the general shock of actually seeing it. But I would like to point out, it's no different than what you've seen yourself but you actually got to touch her and be with her, and didn't have to pay to see her naked. While whoever bought that content from her and unfortunately leaked it, they never got the real thing. If she can move on from her past, you'll be able to eventually move on from this with her, if that's what you want. Kinda taboo but my honest advice is to spice up your sex life. Do stuff that's special for both of you so you both can feel this chapter in life is only for you two. I understand how it can feel unsettling that so many people potentially saw your girlfriend, and used her photos definitely something that'll take time for you. So if you guys can discuss fantasies and kinks you haven't explored yet, you both can experience a more special bond intimately that you can ease your mind with a "this is mine and no one else was able to have this" hope that makes sense. It might also just get your mind off of it. Also my other advice is to just be honest with her if you don't want to leave her. Just reassure her that you're okay with her past but had found the content. Say it was a bit of a shock but you're willing to move past it. Like I said even bring up a sexual talk about things you guys could try together, something you both never done. Tell her some things you want to try with just her, see what things she'd want to try with you. Maybe even ask her why she had gotten into sex work, maybe her reasoning will also give you peace of mind. Ask her about what made her want to quit. Just have a conversation about it, I'm not sure how in depth she was about it or how much you actually want to know but having everything laid out might make you both understand each other. Who knows, this could be eating at her too. Also just remind yourself all the things you love about her, down to the little things. Especially the things you get to see. Those people didn't get to know her as a person like you do, they never got to see how she wakes up. The woman you get to see is still something that they never got. It'll be good to remind yourself that.
You are bothered by it. It’s not going to go away. Find out if you can live with it and love her enough to move on or not. Personally if it’s just her and there’s not a man involved I probably wouldn’t let it bother me as much. I don’t know, hard situation to be in.
Honestly it seems like a problem you should help her try and solve. Although I would have been out after the first lie.
Who cares bro, id say if you don’t care she will appreciate you more for it. Obv it was for money anyway. Post your balls on the snap story or sum
She can slam those sites with DMCA notices
Your feels are valid, but there is nothing new here either. It’s just a reminder of the sex work she did before you two. Sex work is a deal breaker for a lot of people. Is it for you ? If not, then keep processing it; perhaps read up on sex workers perspective to understand how they approach it internally and what is truly means to them. Hint, it’s just another for of work to them.
Ask yourself a few things … do you want friends/family/coworkers/mailman or anyone else in the world to have access to your woman like that? Can you handle that? How does it make you feel if the people closest to you find out? If this is a LT serious relationship, would you want your wife to be googled by anyone and everyone ? If she’s the mother of your children, do you want that to be something they could eventually find out about?
assuming she used a pseudonym for her sex work, it isn’t easy for family or friends to “google” her and find this content
Especially “by accident” lol. Anyone who finds it will have to actively search for it or porn in general.
People you know are going to find it at some point. Some may have already. The fallout is something for which you should prepare yourself. It may not be pretty. Once one of your friends finds it - they're all gonna find it. They're gonna share it, talk about it, and all of this will be behind your back. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where my partner has grown accustomed to constant validation from strangers. I wouldn't stay in one where her moral compass has been shown in full light, and it's been found extremely lacking. Good luck.
You start by sending us the links. But really dawg billions of women exist without content online. Try one of those.
I swear porn addicts hate sex workers even more than religious fruitcakes do.
My theory is how being addicted to porn makes you start associating women with being sex objects rather than people. They start not being able to recognize that the girls they're getting off to are real human beings. It's cringy af honestly
I’ll get downvoted for this, I have no stance neither with or against porn. But to me personally if you are so strongly against dating a former porn actress that you want everyone to be like you then you also shouldn’t be an avid consumer. It’s either with or against, it’s just so hypocritical and objectifying.
God, it's like 2006 4chan in this thread.
Fentanyl users should hate their dealers too
The logical answer.
Just end it. Chiao
This is her fault man, she put the content out there. She also lied about how recent it was. You really should cut your losses, man. Not all women do sex work, and it seems like it's not a quality you want in a woman. Go find a woman who aligns with your values, they're out there and it'll be worth it. It seems like you feel you can't find any better and you're just taking whoever shows interest in you, otherwise why wouldn't you find someone else? Couldn't be me man. No way would I date a sex worker.
"not directly her fault" ... Yes it is What exactly do you need to process?
Its OK to not take sex workers seriously as romantic prospects for reasons like this post.
This is up to you and it seems like you’re asking other people whether or not you’re comfortable with it or not. Only you can decide that.
I remember watching a tiktok story time and basically google has a feature that can notify you when your images pop up. Then you can have them deleted
Where did you find it? Are you sure it can’t be removed? Do you want us to try for you? Just give the links and we’ll see what the collective power can do
Well, the obvious patch here (patch because this isn’t a problem that can be solved) is deleting all social media. Basically leave the content nameless, so that even if the content is still circulating around with her body and face, it cannot be easily linked to a name, or a person.
The is a reddit in r/legaladvice about taking down images etc. https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/MhLBe3swzj
I'm pretty sure that if she was the one who posted it to Reddit that it will be harder for her to claim copyright. Did she use her real name? How are you able to find it so easily?
You either accept your girlfriend, worts and all, or you don’t. If you are struggling to get past your girlfriend’s past, then do her a huge favor and breakup with her. She obviously deserves a man in her life who will love her unconditionally.
I’m sorry but I wouldn’t want my future wife naked or having sex all over the internet…
100% partially because of the potential for our future children to get bullied over it I believe in the future some kind of software will be designed that can reverse search a picture of someone to find other pictures and videos of that same person online
Obviously it’s out there forever, but everyone acting like every random lady on the internet is instantly recognized are just fear mongering. Unless you’re literally Mia Khalifa, I don’t think anyone’s tracking you down. Did she use her real name??? Because if she didn’t then that means anyone finding her content was looking for it 👀
make your own content with her that's better. don't post it.
Send the link
Hire a lawyer who does DMCA notices and you can get them taken down. Often, it’s an ongoing process though. If you have a little money, it’s worth it though.
Link?
She can use a DCMA takedown service to get the content taken down if it’s attached to a username that she owns such as a Snapchat or instagram.
You need to process how you’re feeling right now. Are you hurt that she made content or are you hurt that others are able to easily see her in the same sexual nature that you are able to? Neither answer is wrong but it sounds like you are more upset about the latter. The best way to approach this with her is to write down what you’re feeling and what you’re upset about and go from there. It can lead to a discussion and you’re less likely to come off as insensitive. But ultimately if this is a fact that you can’t come to terms with then you two might not be a good pair. Neither of you are bad people but this could be a dealbreaker.
Most content creators do regular DMCA takedowns, there are even services that will handle it for you. It's always going to be a thing with anyone who has put stuff on the internet. The good news is that there's a mountain of stuff out there and anyone who finds it has to 1) recognize her, 2) be a total jerk about it, and 3) she needs to have the kind of job/social circle in which a bit of naughty internet content is actually a big deal. It happens less than you might think if you've read a bunch of horror stories on the internet.
20m , my take is as follows: 1.seems to me you are okay pretending that it's okay but now you cant pretend (as said by another redditor). Anyway the onky thing to conclude is that you dont mind so much what she did as much as it being public. 2.what's done is done , once on the internet always on the internet , if you find her worth the trouble then by all means , if not then don't (rather cut your losses sooner than later). Maybe your woman is actually a good woman and even though it's gonna be a hassle if someone in your entourage finds out , I would suggest maybe staying with her (just weighs the pros and the cons either way)
Thread is filled with dudes who have never had a hot GF looking to troll OP for asking for advice, wild. Not saying I'm pro-OF, but still... OP, u have 2 options, IMO - U can either try to forget it, which won't be easy. Or, talk to your girl, tell her how much it's bothering u, have her submit content removal requests. Yea you may not get all of it but u should be able to get a decent amount of whatever is posted publicly. But, I think your girl is the one that has to make the request for this. If she gives u a problem about this, then maybe it's time to reevaluate. But, if she's truly done with that, and she rly cares about u, I'm sure she won't mind. Especially since most of the content was prob paid and is now just roaming out there for free. She'd have multiple reasons to help u with the C.R. requests. Best of luck man
Write a good template about How it destroys her life or etc. Send to all the pages, admins or Even users. Almost Everything can or will Get removed eventually. Try doing reverse Google search if that is possible for porn to find all the pages in one go
You should share the link. For us to give a better response.
Why so many people are shaming OP's gf is beyond me. OP didn't ask for your opinions on the morality of producing and selling adult content. Something that can help you as you process this, OP, is to remember that the redistribution of her content is theft. People don't see it as one, but it is a crime in many places to distribute pornographic videos and photos of people online without their consent. It also helps to know that this isn't a massive deal. Porn has a pretty short shelf life, and people don't usually recognize people from porn IRL. People won't recognize her from her videos in ten years, because people won't generally be watching decades-old porn, and she'll look different in ten years.
Nobody is shaming. People are just pointing out actions have consequences. If OP is not comfortable with her business making rounds in social media now, he can just leave her. Noone is thinking 10 years or so ahead. If he can't take her out with friends and family because of her past, that's the end of the relationship.
If it's on the internet, then is permanent. It won't ever be deleted now. You've made the choice to date a prostitute, you'll have to deal with the consequences. Either that or do the logical solution, which is leaving. Ignore whoever tries to tell you that the "past doesn't matter" or that "it doesn't define a person". If it matters to you, then it matters, and you have all the right to feel bothered by it.
Don't date prostitutes, whether current or former. Have some self-respect and drop this girl. There's absolutely nothing "empowering" or dignified about trading skin for cash.
Ye olde consequences
Who cares you’re literally the one with her? Sounds a lot like this is about your pride
Thats what happens when you try wifin a prostitute broski