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why is it stay or leave? She's not over him so she needs time.. is she worth waiting for? Can you be friends for a while longer and give her space to heal?
I appriciate the eye-opener. Definitely worth waiting for. Knowing she's done with the past but needs time to get it all out. Staying on the sidelines might be the way to go.
and respect the fact that there are no guarantees. you might wait and she might not choose you. Or she might choose a rebound first, which could be hard for you to witness. Just be aware of the possibilities and recognize that, if you a truly her friend, you won't attempt to bind her to a guaranteed outcome.
You can be her friend as long as you keep her at arms length and don’t play into doing the things a boyfriend is supposed to do. Treat her like you would any of your guy friends. If you can’t handle that then take as much space as you need.
i’d stay far away. it sounds like she needs to sort herself out and heal from her trauma. don’t get involved till she’s actually fully healed and grown passed it. cuz she unfortunately might end up going back to him. one day she’ll get tired of him but till then just be careful and her friend
I came to this sub right now to ask the same question. I’m just stunned because you summed up everything I’m struggling with. I came here because I feel like just letting it go. He hasn’t told me what’s up yet, but I just know it’s coming. He was moving fast with me and talking about plans, a red flag, and then she resurfaces to tell him happy birthday and then shows up in town out of the blue trying to get him back. He let me know everything was finally over, but Since then, he’s been not the same.
I am deciding to move on. I’ve been through this a couple of times and every single time, I end up hurt. And I should have because there’s nothing for me to do. These people have to resolve their own feelings. The LAST thing you want to do is be a rebound and my goodness, you absolutely don’t ever want to hear anyone say that’s what you were when you criticize them for missing their ex who treated them badly.
I’m going to give you the advice I need someone to tell me…and that is to cut contact or not initiate and not be overly accommodating for them to use as a crutch to help them through their breakup.
I’m learning that even though he and I met in the most natural way possible, a true old fashioned strangers falling for each other in a public setting with nothing but conversation, he is using me for validation as he gets through his relationship. We have to love ourselves and want someone who’s ready to love us independently of their past and pain.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
why is it stay or leave? She's not over him so she needs time.. is she worth waiting for? Can you be friends for a while longer and give her space to heal?
I appriciate the eye-opener. Definitely worth waiting for. Knowing she's done with the past but needs time to get it all out. Staying on the sidelines might be the way to go.
and respect the fact that there are no guarantees. you might wait and she might not choose you. Or she might choose a rebound first, which could be hard for you to witness. Just be aware of the possibilities and recognize that, if you a truly her friend, you won't attempt to bind her to a guaranteed outcome.
You can be her friend as long as you keep her at arms length and don’t play into doing the things a boyfriend is supposed to do. Treat her like you would any of your guy friends. If you can’t handle that then take as much space as you need.
i’d stay far away. it sounds like she needs to sort herself out and heal from her trauma. don’t get involved till she’s actually fully healed and grown passed it. cuz she unfortunately might end up going back to him. one day she’ll get tired of him but till then just be careful and her friend
Find a gf
You have realised you were a rebound. Accept it - stay friendly (not friends) and go on with your life.
I came to this sub right now to ask the same question. I’m just stunned because you summed up everything I’m struggling with. I came here because I feel like just letting it go. He hasn’t told me what’s up yet, but I just know it’s coming. He was moving fast with me and talking about plans, a red flag, and then she resurfaces to tell him happy birthday and then shows up in town out of the blue trying to get him back. He let me know everything was finally over, but Since then, he’s been not the same. I am deciding to move on. I’ve been through this a couple of times and every single time, I end up hurt. And I should have because there’s nothing for me to do. These people have to resolve their own feelings. The LAST thing you want to do is be a rebound and my goodness, you absolutely don’t ever want to hear anyone say that’s what you were when you criticize them for missing their ex who treated them badly. I’m going to give you the advice I need someone to tell me…and that is to cut contact or not initiate and not be overly accommodating for them to use as a crutch to help them through their breakup. I’m learning that even though he and I met in the most natural way possible, a true old fashioned strangers falling for each other in a public setting with nothing but conversation, he is using me for validation as he gets through his relationship. We have to love ourselves and want someone who’s ready to love us independently of their past and pain.