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I hope so. But to be honest, I can never understand how people are able to pick up on those rage baits - not counting some very glaring examples, it almost feels like they just assume Stuff never happens? And a lot of stuff happens, all the time, everywhere.
In this instance, none of this is that weird? Ballerinas exist, a lot of them. It seems common for an abuser to groom a woman who is a lot younger than them, and baby trap her. And it's typical for an abuser to seek a woman who has some kind of mental issue, often an eating disorder, to weaponize it against her, bc that makes control easier - which makes a ballerina likely to be a victim, bc they often have that exact problem.
What is strange is that sure, stupid women exist - but the OP is dumb as hell, doesn't understand the basics of being pregnant and to me, this is the biggest flag that this may be rage bait. Bc who can be *this* stupid? "I get dizzy, so I eat a little, and it seems to help!" wtf, she doesn't even understand the most basic human biology of "eat -> survival, not eat -> weakness, death".
So I guess I'm willing to agree this is rage bait but not bc relationships like that don't really happen, or bc it's unlikely for a ballerina to be in one. Therei is a lot of stereotypical elements here because that's the actual dynamic of how abuse like this looks like, those elements do show up in clusters.
But... no one is "eating important?? weak when not eat?? pregnant lady must eat MORE, huh, how could this be??" dumb in my opinion at least. So in short, i'm with you on that one, just for different reasons xD
I think a lot of people are in denial about how common/normalized abuse is. I find it usually goes hand-in-hand with their denial at the prevalence of misogyny as well.
Edit to add: after I left my emotionally abusive ex, I was having a lot of trouble eating (along with other issues). It wasn’t until I was talking to a therapist who asked what I was eating that it clicked for me, ‘of course I can’t concentrate at work and have no energy if I’m not eating.’ When your mind is fucked like that, it’s possible to forget even the most basic things about how you should be functioning. Especially if you already have issues around food.
I got out of a 20 year abusive relationship at the end of last year. I’m overweight because of the medications I’m on. Since he moved out I’ve lost a lot of weight and only realised reading these comments that it’s because I’m hardly eating. It takes me being on the verge of passing out for me to remember to eat sometimes. This is definitely a story that could be true, although I’m not sure whether this one is. If it is she needs to get rid and read the book, why does he do this? I think it’s called. Someone sent it to me and it made me see a whole lot of things in a new light, that I’d thought were my fault. She really needs to talk to her midwife or obgyn asap.
Very proud of you for getting out!! I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling, and I hope every day without your ex is better than the last.
Yes, Why Does He Do That? is an important read. [Linking a free pdf copy](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) for anyone reading this who may be curious.
Why Does He Do That by Dr Lundy Bancroft- available through Amazon, Audible, and a free PDF online. That book saved me.
But agree that this is rage bait. Surprised it isn't twins.
It's because when you click their post history you see:
* posts from completely different people
* today they are a pregnant 23 year old
* last week they were a 63 year old man that got the opportunity to sleep with an 18 yo
* no comments at all to posts that blow up
* lots of comments that aren't consistent in the story
* User is suspended. (Reddit filters automatically suspend certain accounts)
* Sometimes it's a story inconsistency--like going to court and getting a conviction in a 72 hour period.
If this is real, she is requiring us to believe she is getting zero prenatal care, where her weight would be monitored and she would be guided as to how much weight she should gain.
I hope it is because this is fucked up.
What did he think would happen when she got pregnant? She'd look the same?
He's definitely verbally abusive if nothing else.
Don’t forget she’s 23 and they’ve been together six years, making her an underage 17 year old with a 22 year old when they first got together.
The bingo card is getting its checks
ballerina's already have eating disorders to begin with. this is the last person she should be having a baby with. he's either just an unrealistic jerk or he's negging her to put her in her place
Oh god, that poor baby.
I'm sad for OP, too, but all I can think of is what a child needs to grow and develop. She said if she eats the way she used to she gets dizzy and is afraid she will fall and hurt the baby but it's *more than that* if you're eating that way, your baby is suffering from malnutrition, and it's not even born. That makes me so sad, OP doesn't deserve to feel this way. Her husband shouldn't treat her like this.
Before the baby suffers from malnutrition, her body will start pulling resources from itself to keep up the milk supply. She will destroy her own body and then her baby's. If she diets, she probably won't be able to dance again and hurt her own child in a crucial period. So, blow up two lives, for the sake of a man that doesn't really care that much
As someone who used to be anorexic, this makes sense. Eating disorders aren’t only about body distorts. It’s often about having something you can control as well. Hunger is control, often the only control you have over your life, and feeling hunger becomes the most important thing in the world, because that means YOU are in control, not someone else. So for her, it’s comforting to feel hungry. 😞
Yeah I know we can't condone violence but I've already thought of 4 different ways to hide the body. I don't get how people allow their partners to treat them this low. I guess it makes sense though. He still expects her to have the body of the child he first slept with.
Really? I think it is because she is getting too old. This guy chose an underweight 17-year-old. The closest he bodywise can get to a child without going to prison.
My dear, the only thing you need to deal with here is this horrible man you're married to.
You are growing a human inside you. Weight gain is just a fact of life in pregnancy. And even if you weren't pregnant our bodies change during our lives and that's okay.
Your husband is incredibly cruel. The way he is treating you is going to be how he'll treat your daughter. Please consider this relationship very carefully.
he's also a disgusting predator, she was only 17 and he was 22 pursuing an actual child.
ofc OP is not going to look the same at 23! she was a teenage girl when he first pursued her and you don't finish growing until your mid-20s
This is all incredibly concerning esp with how he is treating her and manipulating her now
I didn’t even catch that. I was a ballerina too, and that’s where a large part of my anorexia came from (in remission for two years yay!). Disordered eating is so so common in ballet, that the odds are that OP was even eating enough for herself- much less the baby and her now- are pretty low.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case and as soon as ballerinas quit and start somewhat eating normally again we start gaining weight and a lot of it. I still exercise religiously. My job involves me running around with kids all day. I still gained 40 pounds when I quit ballet (80-125). Some weight gain when quitting a performance art like that is absolutely to be expected
I always had curves and at some point I had to accept that at 115 lbs I was too “fat” to be a ballerina.
Ballet can do terrible things to body image. The last thing OP needs is someone encouraging her to continue having the “ballet body” at all costs, while growing another human.
100% OP’s husband pursued her due to her age and likely already present body image issues.
I failed to work out the age difference when they started dating. Five years isn’t a lot, but when they started she was still a teenager and he was in his 20s, and that is a problem. He could control her at 17, and he has done such a good job that now she thinks he’s right and she’s disgusting. That poor girl. He probably got her pregnant to trap her into marrying him, and she can’t even see how she is being manipulated. This man is abusing her into losing weight *while she is pregnant with his child.* Imagine if she got sick or got cancer, or when she gets older and it’s harder to lose weight, or she gets wrinkles, or whatever. He’s not going to be there for her. Not a chance. She should get rid of him now before he starts beating her physically. Because he will.
weight gain is actual a good sign, a lot of women loose weight especially on the beginning and its even a bigger toll on them then.
my gyn allways said " you will loose that anyway if you pump/breastfeed" because thats also the point of the weightgain
Yeah, I lost weight at the beginning. I was 6.5 stone when I went into hospital when I miscarried. No one wants that. Weight gain is a good thing, your body needs the extra help
I'm sorry but that is the biggest lie ever perpetuated by health care professionals. I've never felt hunger like I did when I was breastfeeding, I gained 2 stone in like 6 months, I was shoving food into my mouth like we were about to go into a famine and I didn't know when I'd see it again, I was like a hungry demon, I had no control over myself and r/breastfeeding is full of posts discussing similar experiences lol.
I lost a few pounds but because my baby never slept the only way I could stay conscious was by eating a full bar of vegan chocolate about every three hours.
This is likely also why I gained so much, my son never slept and when he did he wanted to sleep on me so to stay awake at 3am I was shoveling biscuits and chocolate bars into my gob hoping the sugar rush would keep me alert enough not to fall asleep while he was lying on me.
honestly this is why I co slept, he could latch on and both of us barely woke up. He wouldn't get all distressed and I didn't have to sooth him back to sleep so there was far less awake time in the middle of the night for both of us
I was the same. I put on weight after the birth of one of my kids. He was very unwell and my stress levels were sky high and he wasn’t sleeping. Cortisol is an arsehole for making you eat.
It’s sad that weight should be on our minds at such a difficult time in our lives. My exh was horrible about it and made spiteful comments about me and the baby.
It just depends on what you eat, not how much. Women who breastfeed are hungry because they need a lot of nutrients. Eating nutrient dense highly bioavailable foods will help curb the gain and the hunger.
It’s not a lie at all. I lost all the weight I gained for both pregnancies when I breastfed. I actually was skinnier when I was breastfeeding than before I was pregnant. Sorry it didn’t work that way for you, but not all of us are the same. It does work that way for a lot of woman. But you’re correct that it’s not a guarantee.
Oh 100%, it absolutely can as producing milk requires a lot of calories but I think the fact it's pushed as a guarantee by many health professionals is disingenuous, especially when you couple it with the other challenges of newborn life (sleep deprivation, boredom, potential lack of support, emotions out of whack etc.).
Regardless though I loved breastfeeding and I'd put the weight on all over again regardless. OP is beautiful and I sincerely hope she can see that weight doesn't define her beauty, especially not pregnancy weight, that is proof that her body is nourishing her baby.
Lots of women do lose weight while breastfeeding simply because it burns like 500 calories. It’s one of the most calorie burning things a woman can do.
Ya it burns a lot of calories but it always leads to the most intense hunger I've ever experienced and when you're also sleep deprived it can be incredibly difficult to have the mental energy to count your calories or even make the healthier choices as they often take longer to make. I was grabbing the easiest thing available to eat whenever that hunger hit and that was often calorie dense, carb rich foods. I'm not saying you can't lose weight breastfeeding just that it's not as much of a sure thing as people make out it is.
At 28 weeks, especially as someone underweight - you should expect to gain 35-45lbs, possibly more. That being said, the weight does not always come off during breastfeeding. It did for my first and second however my third child was a different beast, while I only gained 19lbs in that pregnancy, I gained 40lbs in the months that followed her birth. I breastfed all my kids until around 2.
Honey, the only thing you should be thinking about is the health of your baby. Eat lots of nutrient-rich foods (steak, premium ice cream, eggs, avocado, dark green leafy veggies, etc.). I promise the weight will come off after the birth. I remember losing 11 pounds one weekend. I thought my husband had changed the scale to make me feel better.
You also seem concerned that you’re putting on weight in places other than just your stomach. Again, this is normal and will come off after delivery. You retain a lot of water during pregnancy and it will get worse in your third trimester, so brace yourself.
If your husband is complaining about how you look when you’re pregnant, he’s a jerk. And frankly, pretty childish.
Tell your husband to fuck off. I am serious. Ask him what kind of sick fuck man wants his wife to not eat to feed their child and stay healthy. Ask him if he is some kind of freak that wants a woman that looks like a pre-pubescent girl. You are not a sex doll he bought to fulfill his needs. He went for a 17-year old when he was 23-years old. You know why? Because you were young and easily manipulated by the excitement of an older guy. You need to stand up for yourself and your baby. Your baby needs nourishment and so do you. Do not let him give you an eating disorder. If he comes at you about your weight, tell him tough shit. When he grows a baby, he can eat what he likes. Tell your doctor what is going on and your family. Do not hide this dirt-bag's abusive secret. And finally, don't be afraid of him leaving. Make him afraid of you leaving. If he only loves you at a size 2, then he doesn't really love you.
> Tell your husband to fuck off.
This was legitimately my instant reaction too.
Well, actually, it was more along the lines of telling him;
"I'm pregnant you stupid fuck, what did you expect?"
But same difference. This dude needs to get in the bin.
You keep saying you were the perfect weight and it’s hard for him, he’s not abusing. Wake up! He is abusive, and your responses tell me you are so down the rabbit hole of believing his nonsense that you can’t see it for what it is. You are pregnant. Your daughter needs to grow, and you need to feed her. She is innocent, relying on you to take care of her now. But you’ve tried to not totally care of her - eating less- because of how your husband treats you. Not all abuse is physical; in fact, mental abuse is often worse. What does your doctor say? Is he/she happy with your weight and the weight of the baby? Are medical professionals telling you that you need to eat less? I doubt it. If they were, then maybe I wouldn’t consider your husband such a cruel, selfish jerk. But from what you are saying, you are in a manipulative, abusive relationship with a man who “liked you best” not loved you. Get out.
You’re talking like you have an eating disorder and your husband is making it worse. It’s not normal to prefer to be hungry. It’s not normal for a man to insult his pregnant wife while she is carrying his baby. Absolutely no part of this is healthy or okay and now you’re bringing an innocent child into this mess. Do you want him talking to your daughter the way he’s talking to you? Do you want her growing up hungry because her own father has made her hate the way she looks? Do you want her ending up in a relationship exactly like yours with a man who constantly belittles her? If you won’t do better for yourself do better for your fucking kid. Is this shit show really what you want her to believe normal relationships look like?
Agree so much. It doesn’t sound like he will be working to change his way of thinking/behaving anytime soon, but she can! I’d suggest talking with a doctor and nutritionist to get some facts about nutrition during pregnancy (and all the time) and they can provide resources to help with diet and harmful mindset.
OP falling down from lack of food energy is not the only way you can hurt your baby. Denying your baby nutrients that she gets directly FROM YOU will almost certainly harm her. Please take care of yourself and that baby. That includes shielding her from your husband’s abusive behavior in her future.
Why do you look horrible?
You keep saying this.
Do you look horrible? Or do you look like a normal, healthy pregnant woman.
If you're not ready to face the fact your husband is showing controlling and abusive behaviour, then at least do yourself and your CHILD the favour of being properly nourished throughout your pregnancy.
The fact you get 'dizzy' when you eat 'normally' is a pretty obvious sign to all of us that you never actually ate enough. So of course it isn't enough now that you are growing a human being.
I truly, honestly hope you wake the fuck up one day. If not for you, but for your poor daughter.
This stress is only bad for you and the baby. It’s not a healthy situation for either of you. Even if you decide to stay with your husband, you should move back to your parents home until the baby is born.
Not only is the stress unhealthy, but so is her diet. She is literally starving the fetus right now. Does OP want an undersized malnourished infant? She needs to eat for 2 right now and what she eats is extremely important. Junk food can lead to diabetes.
Junk food is better than no food. Any food is better than nothing. She just needs to be eating and eating until she is actually satisfied and full. She may need to be eating junk food.
Well, for your health and the baby’s, consider traveling to them; or consider staying with a friend or relative if you have any trusted people that live closer to you.
Do you have any close friends or other family you could talk with about your struggles? Someone who you could confide in but also who might be able to help should you need to stay somewhere for awhile?
Has your husband come with you to doctors appointments? I think you should ask that he come and then ask you OBGYN about weight gain during pregnancy and about eating/how it relates to the health of boy you and the baby. Maybe then your husband will understand that because you are growing a human you need more calories. There was just an article about how many more calories pregnancy demands on our bodies. (https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/05/27/health/pregnancy-energetic-cost-wellness-scn) Between that and aversions because of hormones any food is good food— you just need the calories to fuel your body and build the little one inside you.
Edit to add the actual article
He needs a wake up call, if you can't reach him try his family or a close friend. He needs to wake up or fuck off. Priority number 1 should be the baby, your weight how you look should be an after thought at least until the baby is born.
Also did he want the baby? Because this could be some passive aggressive BS if you got pregnant on purpose.
Well than time to sit his dumb ass down and tell him, the mom's body will change and sometimes you get bigger than other pregnant moms it's okay. Also for you not him there are courses for pregnant moms to do physical activities even while pregnant. Talk to your doctor than maybe a nutritionist and find something that works for you.
Take care of yourself and the baby first and foremost, if things are bad and not getting better go stay with friends or family do not let him have his way(most likely it won't stop after anyway).
Then he should be worshipping the ground you walk on.
My husband *didnt* want a baby but the moment I fell pregnant he didn't let me lift a finger, became more patient, and showered me in affection and small gifts and treats every day.
This is the *standard* of what you should expect.
Typical abuser behavior: the baby trap. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and play it safe for you and your baby!
He wanted a baby, but doesn’t care enough about the mother who’s carrying her or even ensuring she gets enough nutrients to grow? Too bad. He needs a wake up call or you need to get out. Preferably both. Please take care of yourself and your child. You deserve better.
Did you not want the baby? OP you ARE in an incredibly dangerous and abusive relationship. For the sake of your life you need to leave ASAP without telling him. Please for your life, get out.
Then every time he brings up your weight tell him he need to make up his mind. He can either have a healthy baby or he can have you looking thin. It's not possible to do both.
He may try to bring up other women who didn't look fat while pregnant. You then have the option of either pointing out that it's down to photoshop and they don't look like that in real life, or telling him that he should have married those women instead.
But be aware that this is about him controlling your body and it's probably only going to get worse. You need to start thinking about how to get out in case it does get worse. You need to start stashing money somewhere he can't find it. Resist attempts to isolate you, see if there's any local new mother or mother and baby groups you can join. Sell it to him as something to help you be a better mother.
Your husband is either dangerously stupid or intentionally harmful and the fact that you keep defending him and blaming yourself in anyway makes me feel like it’s the second. You are growing a human being your health should be a high concern for BOTH of you. It is not sustainable for your mental or physical health to be around this man.
Did you know that when you're pregnant, your blood doubles? You carry more weight, meaning water, blood, fat, etc because your body needs it to grow a healthy human. It might be a surprise to see, because it happens so fast, but you're being entirely too hard on yourself. I guarantee you don't look horrible, you look pregnant.
As for your husband, it sounds like he cares more about having a skinny trophy wife than a healthy wife-- *and child.* Perhaps you should really think about that fact.
Tell him he's gotten uglier since you've been pregnant and that he needs to sort his personality out because he's no longer attractive.
I just don't understand how he can get to the age of 28 and not know how babies are grown. Yes you will get bigger. Did he think a stork would drop it off?
You are growing a life inside you. Do not let him tear you down. For your daughter's sake too. Would you want her future partner to speak to her in that way? You are still beautiful and you should be proud of yourself. Eat what you need to eat and don't make yourself sick just because your husband is an idiot.
Please stop saying you look horrible. I can guarantee you look amazing! You are supposed to gain weight during pregnancy- it’s not just fat! - you need a lot of extra calories to grow a whole new human. This is normal and beautiful. You need the nutrition and fuel for the baby’s health. If the weight is really bothering you, worry about it after the pregnancy and after the breastfeeding (you need a lot more calories for that too). A ballerina’s diet is extremely restrictive to begin with and I know tons of ballerinas have body image issues and eating disorders but DO NOT carry these into your pregnancy. And don’t let your husband’s disgusting remarks on your weight get in your head. He’s out of his entire mind to think you wouldn’t put on weight during pregnancy for a baby he wanted! He better not harp on your post partum body either!
He doesn’t love you. He just wants someone young and pretty
Please stop caring about his feelings. Please leave him. You and the baby deserve so much more than this.
ALSO ignore him when he wants you to go to the gym 3 days after giving birth
Take care of you and the baby. Your husband does not have your best interests at heart
Reading your replies is so sad your self esteem is so low I'm getting more upset and sad as I see your replies and that's ain't good for you and the baby
Hard agree. The replies are sad and OP should really talk to her doctor and a specialist because it sounds like she has an eating disorder and that needs to be managed. Either her husband jumps on board and helps her have a healthy pregnancy and enjoy the process of becoming a mom or she leaves the dead weight.
this. and she just agrees with it and she thinks she “looks horrible”. its really sad to see, enraging really. who could do that to their pregnant wife. absolutely sick.
I saw one of your responses to a comment and I am alarmed... You seem to believe you owe this man a beautiful figure for you two to stay married?
NVM pregnancy, time is going to be a shocker to you both. You both need professional help! I fear for the child honestly, I do.
That poor, poor baby girl. You have an eating disorder, your husband wants a child for a wife, and now you two are bringing an innocent, impressionable life into this world. Wonderful.
If you have any care in the world about your baby, you will seek treatment for your eating disorder immediately. And you will NEVER leave your daughter alone with her father. If you do, he will destroy her in every way possible. I hope you understand the depth of what I’m saying.
Dear husband I am growing a whole new human that means I need more calories and my body needs to change to house the growing human. Shut up about it before I walk with our daughter
I have gained 80 lbs this pregnancy. 80. I'm 35 weeks.
My husband tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful and my gain and discomfort is temporary because it is.
You're enduring cruelty and he's being a complete ass about this. What you're doing is nothing short of a marathon a day on your body, a marvel of human nature, and in the end all that matters is keeping you and your baby healthy. Stick it to him.
My ex was obsessed with me being skinny and small never eating sugar or unhealthy foods and always working out. Only eating small portions to stay small (I'd offer weight and height for scale but idk my weight)
My husband when we started dating instead encouraged me into therapy for my eating habits/ disorder. Encourages me to eat at least 3 times a day (it used to be encouraging at least 1 snack and 1 meal a day) I now know I have POTS so anywhere we go, if he can he gets extra salt on stuff.. and when I get worried I'm either too big or gaining weight. He gently reminds me that I'm healthy. And he couldn't care less what size I am, because he wants me to live life with him, not starve myself till I whither away
So do men think that? Not necessarily..but boys for sure do which is super fucked up
You are not fat, you are pregnant. You have an eating disorder and low self esteem.
Your husband is an as*hole.
Stop finding him excuses, he's abusive and frankly... Stupid. How can you both think a woman body can grow a human being? With thin air?
I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. It is disgusting. You are carrying his child. I would tell him where to go and honestly if it didn’t stop, this would be a dealbreaker for me.
Tell him to shut up. You are pregnant and growing a human inside you. Your body will change and he needs to deal with that. He is being cruel to you and treating you horribly.
Okay, at six months, your baby is \~1kg, add your placenta, amniotic liquid, increase of blood and growing breast weight, and you'll see that you have not gained weight, you're "just" pregnant.
Limiting your intake to the point of being dizzy is dangerous for your baby.
***You can't hurt your baby to please your husband.***
You need to talk about it with a doctor, like yesterday
You are carrying his baby. You are his wife. He should be treating you like his queen. At no time was my wife ever more beautiful than when she was carrying my son. These comments will never stop. You will never be skinny enough for him. Do what you need to do to keep you and your child safe.
You’ve been together for 6 years, you were 17 and he was 22 at the beginning of your relationship. Regardless of being pregnant, bodies age and bodies change. It sounds like your teen body was his ideal, which is disgusting if that’s the case.
I'm just gonna say it, you seem very concerned for your weight, I don't care what your husband says, he's clearly an giant asshole. YOU need to worry about the baby and not about how much you fucking weigh. The doctor has told you it's fine. Don't hurt your baby over a few pounds. Jeez girl.
Hi. Father of two here.
I believe that your husband is most likely doing one of two things, either he's:
* trying to condition you to not gain weight - for whatever reason that might be including his desire for your appearance, his comprehension of how it reflects on him and his own relationship with obesity/food etc.; or
* he's struggling with the concept of competing with your child and is using a vector of verbal/psychological abuse that he knows is effective for you.
It doesn't matter which of these things he is doing.
They are both abuse and giant red warning signs that the change coming down the road for your family is likely to have some very dangerous components accompanying it when it comes to your relationship and how he will communicate with your child.
If you absolutely cannot leave him, then you're going to need to confront him, establish some boundaries and then be prepared to enforce them - which may ultimately mean leaving him. If you feel threatend or unsafe with your husband at all, then you should confront him on a call or somewhere physically safe.
In terms of the confrontation, it's very simple:
1. There's no accusations or getting stuck in hearing his side. He has said these things to you. It is a fact and there are no excuses for why he said them.
2. When he says them to you it conveys to you that he doesn't love you, that he is not supportive of your journey to becoming a mother and that he sees you for your body first and foremost. Again, you don't entertain any counter points, excuses or arguments that minimise his actions and their impacts on you.
3. It is going to stop. He will not speak to you like that ever again. If he does, you will leave the situation you are in in that moment and you will begin to withdraw from time together going forward.
4. You can invite him to explain why he is doing it, but you need to set the ground rules and tell him plainly that his behaviour is his responsibility and his actions reflect what he is experiencing and not what you are doing/eating.
5. If he is struggling with the new baby coming and his place in the family, he needs to seek help and to get on the path of healthy coping strategies, building positive relationships and gentle parenting.
6. If he is struggling with the prospects of your sex life, then again he should be getting support on that front. If you're still feeling sexually interested in him, it probably wouldn't hurt to show him he's got nothing to worry about, but definitely avoid pity sex here. You don't want to set the condition for yourself or him that your body is more his than yours.
The role of being a dad is pretty simple in both pregnancy and the early stages of life. You support mom in every way that you physically, emotionally and psychologically can. You tell her how beautiful she is. You shower her with love and affection. You take baby whenever you can. You change every diaper/nappy that needs changing when you're there. You bring mom food, water and foot rubs. You clean the house. You make meals. You gatekeep access to the baby and advocate for mom and baby with friends and relatives who want to see them.
Dad's job is to gradually start to fold baby into your family outside of mom's arms. Doing chores? Put baby in the stroller and push them around with you. Lifting weights? Put them in a bassinet or the stroller/pram. Bring your baby with you, dad, they want to be with you and they recognise your face and your voice.
**I can 100% guarantee that you do not look horrible. First and foremost, the concept of beauty that's sold to us all is that it's something only some people have when they are in a given set of parameters for their proportions of their bodies. That's bullshit. Beauty is in everyone at all times,** ***especially*** **in pregnant women.**
i know keep defending your husband but think should bring doctor visited and get medical professional put him in his place he’s has no right to control your eating habit or make comment about eating habbit regardless if pregnant, but you growing living thing inside you hes has zero
right to be so cruel. i’d even tell his mother id bet she have something to say. you have protect your health and health your baby. and stand up for yourself
You are not fat. You are PREGNANT. Do not let him shame you or make you think it’s your fault for getting bigger. You are PREGNANT. You can lose the weight once the baby is born. It is disgusting he is saying these things to you. You need to eat properly.
The weight will come off after you have the baby. I watched my weight when I was pregnant with my first child, and the health issues my baby had as a result of that, was not worth it. Please, please take care of you and baby. This isn’t coming from a place of judgement, just woman to woman, as someone who has been there. 🫶🏻
My heart hurts reading this post and OP’s comments. OP— there’s literally nothing wrong with the weight you gain during pregnancy unless your doctor says otherwise.
I feel like therapy would be something very positive in your life especially prior to bringing a little girl into the world— a therapist can help you navigate through the emotions that come with the changes you’re going through and also help you advocate for yourself for the sake of YOU and your daughter.
how the hell is it “difficult for him” huh?! you’re literally carrying his baby. you need to eat properly, not take supplements you’re growing an entire human inside your body right now. your husband is just as responsible for the baby being there.
pregnancy can be such a beautiful thing. i bet you’re glowing and radiant and your husband should be ashamed of himself. this is so abusive and not good for you or the baby to be under this much stress. your husband is an idiot omg.
Resepfilly, you need help.
You have an ED, I know because I’ve had one. Because prior to my brain fully forming, what others thought of me was paramount.
**Your husband is treating you poorly, and is willing to risk the health of your child over his own selfishness. Are you???** Your comments are genuinely exhausting, this man is a bully! At what age is your child’s first diet beginning if he thinks poorly of them??
Please get therapy. **If you are willing to risk the health of your child over the whims of a man, and he would let you, sounds like 2 people who *DONT* need to be in a relationship, much less making a child’s life difficult with this behavior.**
Your husband needs to fuck off. Can you imagine him saying this to your daughter next time? I'd be livid if my husband ever does this to ours. It is infuriating enough that he has the gall to say this to YOU. He is a mean and selfish asshole, and God forbid that you think that this is ever okay.
Ok the best way to deal with this is honesty and being as blunt as possible. You tell him you’re growing an entire human in your body, his baby that he wanted. Then mention that if he doesn’t want the baby to say so now and file the divorce. No woman should have to deal with remarks about her weight because she is an entire human in her body.
OP, I think the issue is much more deep- rooted than you realize. He was a legal adult when you started seeing him at 17. Your body was very different then. It will normally mature and change over time. If he is being so cruel to you now it’s because he is NOT in love with you. His sexual fetish has changed and he’s upset.
A man who actually loves you and your baby would
1. Ensure you are eating enough to support the needs of the baby.
2. Support you in all ways to ensure that you and the baby make it through this process healthy and safely.
3. Not put so much stress on your shoulders about a completely normal change in your body during pregnancy.
The fact that he is doing this means he completely lacks any real empathy and is more about you as his ideal sex partner and not as his life partner and someone he truly loves and actually cares for.
I worry about your daughter and her self-esteem given his predilection for your ballerina body type.
I think OP that you need to put some serious thought into what life will look like after the baby is born. Because there will be some permanent changes in your body that won’t necessarily return it to what you were before. This is totally normal, but if his ideal isn’t the same I think you need to figure out how you will live life without him. He isn’t going to remain loyal because he isn’t even now while you are carrying his baby. He is being emotionally abusive towards you.
I think you have some serious decisions to make.
Ok OP, listen to me. There are 2 steps to take here.
Step 1: dump this a-hole. The spider on my ceiling deserves a better boyfriend than this, so you certainly do to.
Step 2: go to therapy because this sounds like an eating disorder to me, or it will lead to one.
That's it! Problem solved!
"I may be fat, but I'm pregnant and will probably lose the weight again. You, however, are and will remain an asshole!
Hey, I just thought of a way I can lose 160 useless pounds in one instant!"
Oh man, this is so not cool.
You and your baby’s health are much more important than his skinny fetish.
It is normal to gain 20-40lbs over the course of a pregnancy, and I know a lot of people that have gained much more.
Unless you’ve gone from 110 lbs to 250 lbs (which would obviously be cause for concern, and your Dr would agree)… he is out of line.
I’m gonna tell you a secret… no matter how much you think you love your spouse… there are many options out there, significantly better options in your case.
Personally, if my spouse was emotionally abusing me in this way and prioritizing his aesthetic (sexual) preferences over my health and baby’s health… I’d have the ick so bad I’d already have left. If you can get past the disgust I feel on your behalf… I’d tell him firmly one time that if he EVER comments on my normal sized, perfectly healthy body ever again… I’m fucking out, I’ll take half his shit and he can pay child support because he is so easily replaceable being a selfish, immature, emotionally stunted man-child.
Start preparing for your single life. This man isn't going to start treating you better. You know that he is disrespectful and cruel. Finish your education if necessary, and start applying for good jobs. You cannot be financially dependent on someone who treats you badly.
Open your own bank account at a bank your husband doesn't use. You need to start creating an emergency fund, so you will be ready to leave when it's time.
This is abuse. He is abusing you. Please take care of yourself and your baby. Don’t worry about what you used to be and embrace what you are and are becoming.
Say “you know, you’ve gotten a lot uglier since I’ve gotten pregnant. I don’t know if it’s the hormones making me see things clearer, but it’s really hard for me…”
See how he feels.
"how can I deal with it so he will stop?"
Leave that butthole in the past.
I assure you, being single mom will be far easier than enduring that asshat you call a husband.
This is not just a husband problem, then. Talk to your doctor about your eating habits during pregnancy and take and FOLLOW the advice they give you, because you say downthread you've only gained about 12 pounds in two trimesters of pregnancy (which is NOTHING) and you feel "absolutely awful" about your body. What you're doing - not eating, feeling hungry to the point where you feel faint - is almost certainly affecting your child's development. You can destroy your own health with your obsession with being rail-thin, but for Christ's sake don't destroy your child's. They didn't ask to have you as parents.
This is one of those times I really, really hope someone is making up a story.
The awfulness of this husband is off the charts. It’s a mix of abuse and literal torture with the idea of eating less while growing another human inside of you.
Please talk to a family member or trusted friend and get their take.
Why are you with this fucking loser? You're pregnant, not fat. That's part of growing a whole person. It's not hard for him. You are pregnant, not him. Please leave this garbage human.
It's difficult for him?!?!?!?! Your are creating a whole human does he realize some of the life long side effects not eating enough during pregnancy can have? It can destroy your teeth and bones lack of nutrients for the baby means it will take from your body sending it into starvation mode so it will hold on to everything you eat in the form of fat cells. Please talk to your obgyn to get a good meal plan for you and please tell them about the dizzy spells you could've become anemic or have low iron from not eating enough meat. You are supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. Your husband is an ignorant selfish person who cares more about your looks than your health. Please eat and take care of yourself and the baby
Edit to add: I've had 2 kids was so sick and didn't eat much with my pregnancies the lack of nutrients ruined my teeth and I had to have them all removed not even 30. Take care of your health over this manbaby
You're not going to like my answer, but the way you "deal with it" is to leave. He puts your looks over your health and the health of the baby. What, he's only thinks you're beautiful when you're skinny? Thats insane. He is affecting your mental and physical health during a very physically and mentally taxing time in your life. This will not get better.
Your met your husband when you were 17 and he 22?? That’s your real problem. The guys a creep AND a shallow asshole. Sorry you married into that. Hopefully it gets better but prepare to divorce cause this guy sounds terrible.
Also, I don’t want to mean but I don’t think you have the mental and emotional capacity to be caring for a child. Your husband definitely does not.
You have two problems here:
1. Your shitty husband. Seriously, you're growing a human being and he's mad that you're nourishing your body? He can straight up get fucked if he thinks that you should be starving yourself to the point of being dizzy just to please him.
2. You have seriously disordered eating. Your preference to be hungry and your fear of gaining any fat, even just a little bit, is ED 101 and you need to see a therapist. I'm saying this as someone who has been fat my whole life due to various health problems and have starved myself trying to lose weight at times. It didn't work, of course, because there's only so much you can do when you have hormonal imbalances, but that didn't stop me from eating next to nothing while doing intense exercise until I was sick. Please go see a professional about this and please take care of yourself and your body.
Say, "I'm not fat. I'm pregnant. Of course I'm going to gain weight, I'M GROWING A HUMAN BEING, DUH!!! If you continue saying these things, I'm gonna divorce you AND will not allow you in the delivery room."
That should stop it. Follow thru if he doesn't stop. Grow a fucking spine and use it.
He doesn't love you. He loved your looks. It's a pity He is so immature.
He might grow up one day. In the meantime, concentrate on your daughter and forget the insensitive idiotic manchild.
I worry about you because you are more concerned about what a very unintelligent manchild is saying - rather than being concerned about the health of your baby.
Your baby needs as much food as you can eat. If you prefer being 'hungry' then it is likely that you will spend the next couple of years sitting inside a hospital at your child's bedside because lack of the proper nutrients will cause birth defects and developmental problems.
You're not going to be slim or athletic if you need to spend all your time sitting in a hospital.
You don't have to stay with a man who is too stupid to realize that pregnant women gain weight.
Girl you need to see a doctor, your lack of eating properly means your body is strip mining itself to make sure your child is getting proper nutrients
You’re going to wind up with some serious health problems if you don’t smarten up
When the mother is at healthy weight she should gain between 25 and 35 pounds. Since you probably weren’t at a healthy weight to start you have a lot of catching up to do. You know when you see in the tabloids “famous actress gains 60-90 pounds during pregnancy”? That’s telling you how underweight she was before hand
Your first priority should be eating enough to support the growth of your child. The fact you’re already 6 months along maybe too late for her
As for your husband? He’s an abusive asshole
I have a book for you to read
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
OP - as someone who struggled with Anorexia Nervosa for many years, I discovered there are men who fetishize thinness in women. Sounds like you married one.
The only healthy response to his comments is something along the lines of "I'm growing a whole ass human being right now, and I need the nutrients to do so."
It's probably worth investing in some therapy, to learn how to set boundaries about this. It's not healthy, and it's not going to change unless you make some changes - like reminding him that you need to eat to grow a human being.
Talk to your OB/GYN about how insufficient caloric intake affects the fetus. Maybe that will help you start standing up for your health and the health of your fetus.
Good luck.
You would be endangering your baby by trying to diet while pregnant. You are SUPPOSED to gain a certain amount of weight. Talk to your ob/gyn about where you should be with weight gain, see a therapist about your mental health, and well… your husband is a completely ridiculous jerk, so I’m not sure what to say there. I can say his obsession with you being thin while pregnant is harmful to your physical and mental health and harmful to your child’s development. Do you want to stay with someone who is hurting your baby…? I hope not.
OP, I say this as a husband to a pregnant wife (second time), but your husband is a complete asshole. He sounds like a manipulative narcissist to even make your weight gain about him. Weight gain is natural with pregnancy. Some carry it in different areas than others and some don’t gain as much while some gain a lot. What matters is you are eating healthy for yourself and the baby. You shouldn’t be limiting yourself while pregnant. Your body needs so much fuel during this time and will literally eat away at itself if you don’t. Please do not restrict your calories and tell your husband to go fuck himself.
Do not starve yourself you’re going to be malnourished and stunt your own baby’s health and growth. Do not listen to your shitty husband. I think he’s behavior is appalling
Leave him. Lol I can't understand how a man could look at his wife carrying his child and get mad cause of weight gain that would OBVIOUSLY happen when pregnant. And hell HOW DOES HE THINK HE CAME INTO EXISTENCE... DOES HE THINK A STORK DROPPED HIM OFF, OR HE SPAWNED IN???
This is not the person you want to spend your life with if you want to feel happy and ok with who you are and what you look like. You’re a human being and that means your body is going to change. Not just bc you are pregnant. Maybe you would have stayed the same size as before for lighter and pregnancy is just changing it sooner.. but our bodies change as we age, that’s a fact of life. If his love for your is determined by your “thinness” and outward beauty (which I’m sure you are still very beautiful) .. then it’s not real love to begin with and he is not husband material. He should be cherishing you, the woman and body who is carrying his child and you’re right… eating the he wants you too is not good for the baby… just like it’s not good for YOU. This man cares more about your appearance than your physical and mental health… and your daughters. I cringe to think of how he will treat your daughter when it comes to her body if he doesn’t think its how she should look
GirlWHAT??! HOW is this difficult for HIM?! Is this a joke?
Has this male never seen a pregnant woman in his life? Does he not know an entire human being is in there?! WHY would he impregnate you, then complain about you being pregnant? Have you married a Narc? What is actually happening here??
And you're cowing to this? "Oh poor him"? " I try to eat less"?!! Your body is making a human. You're going to LOOK like your body is making a human. Trying to starve the both of you is not the answer. Your husband is the problem. Marital counseling ASAP or your relationship is doomed. How do you think he's going to react AFTER you've had your child? He's still going to down you and shame you. That ain't love, dear. That's hideous
Edit: OP was sixteen when she started dating her then 22 yr old husband?? This is either rage bait or a depressing story of grooming.
Your only concern right now should be staying healthy. Your doctor is the only one who gets to weigh in (sorry for the bad pun) on what you eat. If you're eating as your doctor recommends, don't second-guess your weight. Your husband can pound sand--somewhere else so he doesn't add to your stress.
He is a fucking asshole. You need to tell him to stop making comments on your body... or leave him. He is focused on image and he is an asshole.
Secondly, you need to get into therapy if you also believe you were "much more beautiful" before you were pregnant. You have self-image issues, and you're both making it worse.
Too bad he didn’t decide to show his abusive tendencies until after he got you pregnant. Intentional I’m sure but you obviously have some deep rooted issues of your own that should be addressed by a medical professional who you can give all the details to. It appears that you both have psychological issues that should be addressed if not for the sake of you and your partner individually or your relationship than for your child who will grow up surrounded with these problems and carry them on because hurt people hurt people. Really interested on what your idea of “fat” is and how much you’re actually eating. Most women gain weight during their pregnancy (average 25-35lb) some gain more, and some gain less but most women gain some amount of weight during their pregnancy. No, you shouldn’t be “eating for two“ but of course you’re going to have to increase your intake a little bit to support the growth of a whole human being. Please talk to a doctor and get educated on what’s happening to your body during this time before you accidentally hurt yourself or your baby.
Well then maybe he shouldn't have gotten you pregnant unfortunately when you get pregnant you gain weight because you're carrying a whole another body inside of yours number one, number two as you age you gain weight I would almost bet that he doesn't look exactly the same as he did when you guys first started dating
First.. you are beautiful. And a freaking miracle worker. You're *growing a human being* . In your *body*. You're not fat, you're *pregnant* !. Every person who grows a human being has changes in their body. It's an inescapable fact. And you *have* to eat! That person growing in your body relies on the nutrition and calories you consume. You're supposed to listen to your body about what it wants and eat what feels good. You can *hurt* your baby and yourself by not eating enough.
And your *husband* , who is supposed to be loving and supportive while you're *growing a human being* is, instead, being *abusive* . He's being cruel. And he's totally fecking with your mind and emotions. That is absolutely abhorrent.
To be clear, your body is performing a miracle. It's working perfectly and you're beautiful. You need to see a doctor about feeling faint. There are conditions that can develop during pregnancy. And I hope with all my heart that you reach out to family or a therapist or a counselor or *someone* about the abusive behaviour of your 'husband'. You've probably read by now how often domestic violence starts during a pregnancy. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.
Girl, listen. I’m already fat, and when I was pregnant my husband found me hotter than ever. Because I looked amazing— because I was growing a human. That’s something beautiful and miraculous. That’s when I learned to love my body finally, for its epic ability to create, then feed, my children. He was awed by my super power. As he should be.
You deserve —every woman deserves—a husband like mine, whose only criticisms are rare, mild, and justified (yes, I did promise to tidy up my own mess and didn’t get around to it yet). (Don’t get it twisted, he still tells boring stories and tosses his socks next to the laundry basket, but he also picks them up himself).
Your husband is abusing you. He’s abusing your daughter, and she’s not even born yet. If she ends up with developmental delays from poor nutrition in utero, how will he treat her then? Will he abuse you more for “giving” him an imperfect child? Will he support you taking her to all the therapies she’ll need?
You are setting yourself up for disaster. You owe it to your CHILD to eat properly and gain the appropriate amount of weight. You are a mother now, and YOUR CHILD is your number one priority, or you’re a shit mom and a shit human. If you continue to allow your husband to abuse your unborn child, then YOU are also abusing her.
Seriously, please get help, and stop hurting your baby.
Even if part of pregnancy involved literally turning into Shrek, I would still be in awe of the partner I loved who was growing our child inside her. My libido and need to be desperately attracted to her can take a fucking back seat for a year.
I am so sorry you have such an asshole of a husband. You are beautiful! You are creating life inside you right now! It’s normal and healthy to get big and your husband is making you feel awful about it because he is a dick. He is shaming you for a thing EVERYONE KNOWS naturally comes with this wonderful miracle. He shows he doesn’t respect or love you and clearly needs therapy or a divorce.
Your body is doing something absolutely fantastic. You’re creating new life! That’s way more important than aesthetics right now! Please tell your husband “if you continue to comment on my weight, I’m going to stay with my parents for a while,” and hold to it. You seem to have a disordered view of your body, and staying thin is NOT a priority right now. You need to be around people who will support you and make sure you’re taking care of yourself, which does include eating carbs and fried food and sugar! Your body is working extra hard right now! Please set this boundary and get the space you need. <3
OP, you need to start *hearing* this. It is not your job to “look perfect” for your husband or to be “an ideal weight” for him. Or for yourself. You can strive for it, you can do things to get there, but it is *NOT* everything.
If your relationship is in trouble because you gained a very reasonable amount of weight to the point where your husband is emotionally shoving you into starving yourself and *hurting your unborn baby*, then this relationship is flaming garbage already.
You are a person. A living, breathing person. And there is so much that our bodies go through aside from pregnancy that will change how it looks over and over and over again until the day that it dies. Your hair will grey. Your face will age. Your joins will malfunction. Everything that makes you a snapshot of yourself at early 20 will be gone for good. If your husband only wants you as a “hot 20 year old”, you don’t have long left in this marriage.
What you learn from this experience is that he is hearing you. He knows he is harming you and the baby. But he doesn’t care, because you are only an object of possession for him. And the moment you look different to the “perfect 20 year old” you were when he met you, he will emotionally abuse you - yes, he is being abusive right now - and eventually leave you.
He will treat your daughter the same way. She got a bout of acne ? He’s going to starve her off chocolate and snacks. She gained weight on her period ? He’s going to snap and call her a fat cow.
OP. Please do better for yourself and your daughter.
You are growing a human. You need to eat nit only for yourself but for the baby. Do not starve yourself, please. Supplements are not safe either. If it worries you to gain weight, talk to your OB. They can get you in a nutritional plan that is safe and healthy. Weight gain is part of pregnancy, though.
Another thing besides a nutritional plan you can discuss with you OB is a workout regimen that is safe and keeps you fit. I worked out through both my pregnancies. I still gained weight, but I was healthy. Being healthy is the most important thing. If your husband can't get with that, then you are with the wrong guy. Hopefully, he comes around. You should maybe have him go with you to your OB appointments so you both can discuss your concerns with the doctor.
I wish you the best but please stay healthy.
Tell him to F off. Screw that guy. He should be worshipping at your feet. You are making another person- eat what you want. Him disrespecting you is none sense. Don’t take it lightly. When my wife was pregnant I did everything to make certain she was comfortable before and after the baby arrived. Speaking from a husband, nothing about pregnancy is hard on the guys end. Seriously, put him in his place and don’t be a doormat. If you don’t, he will do nothing as a dad in the future and you will be parenting this child alone while he sits there and demeans you.
Next time he says it, say that you didn't realise that impregnating you would make his balls smaller and that of course you're getting bigger, you're incubating a fucking child and not a hard-boiled egg. Explain that you're tired, your hormones are all over the place and your body is changing in ways you don't like and that he needs to be supporting you instead of tearing you down.
This man is going to grow older over time. He will develop lines on his face, his hair line may recede or his hair thin. His eyebrows and nose hairs may grow woolly, his tight but may drop, his waistline thicken. He may start getting sleepy in front of the tv and doze all night after dinner, maybe he’ll have prostate issues and wee more often, or not be able to get it up without help from medication.
Is it fair to you if he ages? He won’t be the same man you met all those years ago, how will you cope with the loss of his looks, will you bear being able to look at his face and body seeing he’s let himself go?
Gently, this man is not going to be a good partner of a woman with a daughter, because he will encourage you to model an unhealthy relationship with food to her. She deserves better, even if you don’t believe you do.
I have an adult daughter, she regularly gives her father, my ex husband, hell. She’ll tell me, Mum, you should have just spoken to him the way I do, he needs to be constantly reminded of how to behave, not quietly obeyed because then he thinks he’s right. She’s right you know. I struggled with standing up to him because I was raised to be scared of aggressive men, whereas she learned to give him a mouthful back.
Your body will still birth a healthy baby, even in times of famine babies are born plump and strong, but they rapidly decline if their mother is ill, and Sweetheart, if you don’t start eating properly, you will get sick. They used to say “a tooth for every child”, because the mother’s body would give everything it had to make the strongest baby it could.
Your husband is an ignorant, stupid man. He has no understanding of his duties as a partner, and fails to see all that “fat” is literally a baby growing at the front of you. If you’re trying to eat the same rations as a ballerina, that is likely very low in protein, very small serves overall, and definitely not enough to support a growing baby and all the demands being made of your body right now. Personally, if you don’t want to fight with him, go home to your family and let them feed you, otherwise start eating what you want, and tell him to kick you out if he’s disgusted, but please, just stop listening to him. He doesn’t want a wife, he wants a two dimensional fuck toy to bring out on occasion as decoration. Stop tolerating his BS, for your mental and physical health, and for your daughter’s future wellbeing. Make him say what he expects out loud, lay it out in the open, and acknowledge what he wants is completely unreasonable, unrealistic and untenable.
Please eat and don’t worry. If you don’t eat enough your body will remove nutrients from your bones. I always gain 50 pounds during pregnancy no matter what I do. Some women just need more fat in order to have a successful pregnancy. I would definitely set boundaries because your husband’s being incredibly selfish. Pregnancy is absolutely not hard on men.
He’s a major AH. You’re pregnant, weight gain is part of the process. Restricting your self isn’t good for you or the baby. This type of abuse/manipulation is a long time coming. He’s older than you and it’s no coincidence, he wants a tiny little thing. You were a child when you met, he wants to keep you looking that way.
You do realise when pregnant especially the later stages you hold a lit of fluid and you look more swollen and that is 💯 normal.
You're dizzy as you're not eating enough. You're more than likely under weight all along being always feeling hungry and trying to be a ballerina.
You need to take care of yourself or the baby will not grow properly. You will affect your baby.
If your husband has a problem with it he needs to fuck off and educate himself. You can always get back to a more healthier lifestyle and weight after 10 weeks after birth as you need to also give yourself time to heal.
If he keeps this shite up. Time to think about your future and the way you want to be treated. He sounds controlling and abusive as it is. Put an exit plan for you and your daughter future in place
In sickness? In health? What happened to those.
I'm really sorry, hun, but this man doesn't respect you. He finds you attractive but your feelings/goals/personality obviously mean very little to him. I'm worried he just liked being able to say he had a hot ballerina wife and is butthurt that people change and bodies change over time.
I'd go for counselling immediately and seriously reevaluate your relationship. What's going to happen when you age? Is he going to still love you? Or is he going to use it as an excuse to berate you or cheat on you? Bodies change, your partner is supposed to love you throughout.
Communicate. Let your husband know how his comments are affecting you. Explain the physical changes you're experiencing and the challenges you face regarding food and exercise. Focus on health. Emphasize that your priority is a healthy pregnancy for you and your baby. Remind your husband that you find him attractive, and focus on non-physical aspects of your relationship.
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>I know it is difficult for him For him? Really?
The OP is so gaslit and mindfucked at this point that it's depressing :( and hopeless, most likely.
This is rage bait for sure. She was a ballerina, she’s fat, this upsets her husband who started dating her when she was underage…
I hope so. But to be honest, I can never understand how people are able to pick up on those rage baits - not counting some very glaring examples, it almost feels like they just assume Stuff never happens? And a lot of stuff happens, all the time, everywhere. In this instance, none of this is that weird? Ballerinas exist, a lot of them. It seems common for an abuser to groom a woman who is a lot younger than them, and baby trap her. And it's typical for an abuser to seek a woman who has some kind of mental issue, often an eating disorder, to weaponize it against her, bc that makes control easier - which makes a ballerina likely to be a victim, bc they often have that exact problem. What is strange is that sure, stupid women exist - but the OP is dumb as hell, doesn't understand the basics of being pregnant and to me, this is the biggest flag that this may be rage bait. Bc who can be *this* stupid? "I get dizzy, so I eat a little, and it seems to help!" wtf, she doesn't even understand the most basic human biology of "eat -> survival, not eat -> weakness, death". So I guess I'm willing to agree this is rage bait but not bc relationships like that don't really happen, or bc it's unlikely for a ballerina to be in one. Therei is a lot of stereotypical elements here because that's the actual dynamic of how abuse like this looks like, those elements do show up in clusters. But... no one is "eating important?? weak when not eat?? pregnant lady must eat MORE, huh, how could this be??" dumb in my opinion at least. So in short, i'm with you on that one, just for different reasons xD
I think a lot of people are in denial about how common/normalized abuse is. I find it usually goes hand-in-hand with their denial at the prevalence of misogyny as well. Edit to add: after I left my emotionally abusive ex, I was having a lot of trouble eating (along with other issues). It wasn’t until I was talking to a therapist who asked what I was eating that it clicked for me, ‘of course I can’t concentrate at work and have no energy if I’m not eating.’ When your mind is fucked like that, it’s possible to forget even the most basic things about how you should be functioning. Especially if you already have issues around food.
I got out of a 20 year abusive relationship at the end of last year. I’m overweight because of the medications I’m on. Since he moved out I’ve lost a lot of weight and only realised reading these comments that it’s because I’m hardly eating. It takes me being on the verge of passing out for me to remember to eat sometimes. This is definitely a story that could be true, although I’m not sure whether this one is. If it is she needs to get rid and read the book, why does he do this? I think it’s called. Someone sent it to me and it made me see a whole lot of things in a new light, that I’d thought were my fault. She really needs to talk to her midwife or obgyn asap.
Very proud of you for getting out!! I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling, and I hope every day without your ex is better than the last. Yes, Why Does He Do That? is an important read. [Linking a free pdf copy](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) for anyone reading this who may be curious.
Why Does He Do That by Dr Lundy Bancroft- available through Amazon, Audible, and a free PDF online. That book saved me. But agree that this is rage bait. Surprised it isn't twins.
It's because when you click their post history you see: * posts from completely different people * today they are a pregnant 23 year old * last week they were a 63 year old man that got the opportunity to sleep with an 18 yo * no comments at all to posts that blow up * lots of comments that aren't consistent in the story * User is suspended. (Reddit filters automatically suspend certain accounts) * Sometimes it's a story inconsistency--like going to court and getting a conviction in a 72 hour period.
If this is real, she is requiring us to believe she is getting zero prenatal care, where her weight would be monitored and she would be guided as to how much weight she should gain.
I believe some people can just be so incredibly stupid. I had a pregnant coworker (second pregnancy) that didn’t (at the time) know what a cervix is.
I hope it is because this is fucked up. What did he think would happen when she got pregnant? She'd look the same? He's definitely verbally abusive if nothing else.
Don’t forget she’s 23 and they’ve been together six years, making her an underage 17 year old with a 22 year old when they first got together. The bingo card is getting its checks
ballerina's already have eating disorders to begin with. this is the last person she should be having a baby with. he's either just an unrealistic jerk or he's negging her to put her in her place
She said she *prefers to be hungry*, she’s just eating enough to satisfy her for the sake of the baby. That just doesn’t seem right to me
Oh god, that poor baby. I'm sad for OP, too, but all I can think of is what a child needs to grow and develop. She said if she eats the way she used to she gets dizzy and is afraid she will fall and hurt the baby but it's *more than that* if you're eating that way, your baby is suffering from malnutrition, and it's not even born. That makes me so sad, OP doesn't deserve to feel this way. Her husband shouldn't treat her like this.
Before the baby suffers from malnutrition, her body will start pulling resources from itself to keep up the milk supply. She will destroy her own body and then her baby's. If she diets, she probably won't be able to dance again and hurt her own child in a crucial period. So, blow up two lives, for the sake of a man that doesn't really care that much
The deprivation of nutrients to both mother and baby are just horrific! I would never hurt my baby like that.
Yes she is already suffering from disordered eating at the very least from that statement alone.
As someone who used to be anorexic, this makes sense. Eating disorders aren’t only about body distorts. It’s often about having something you can control as well. Hunger is control, often the only control you have over your life, and feeling hunger becomes the most important thing in the world, because that means YOU are in control, not someone else. So for her, it’s comforting to feel hungry. 😞
This post was really hard to read honestly
I know. This poor woman. That poor baby.
This is a darn right disgrace
Yeah I know we can't condone violence but I've already thought of 4 different ways to hide the body. I don't get how people allow their partners to treat them this low. I guess it makes sense though. He still expects her to have the body of the child he first slept with.
I hope he trips on a dock and falls into the mouth of an alligator.
BEcaUzE hIz dIcK doEs't gEt hArD nOw, bEcauzE sHe iS FAT!!!/s
Really? I think it is because she is getting too old. This guy chose an underweight 17-year-old. The closest he bodywise can get to a child without going to prison.
My dear, the only thing you need to deal with here is this horrible man you're married to. You are growing a human inside you. Weight gain is just a fact of life in pregnancy. And even if you weren't pregnant our bodies change during our lives and that's okay. Your husband is incredibly cruel. The way he is treating you is going to be how he'll treat your daughter. Please consider this relationship very carefully.
he's also a disgusting predator, she was only 17 and he was 22 pursuing an actual child. ofc OP is not going to look the same at 23! she was a teenage girl when he first pursued her and you don't finish growing until your mid-20s This is all incredibly concerning esp with how he is treating her and manipulating her now
I didn’t even catch that. I was a ballerina too, and that’s where a large part of my anorexia came from (in remission for two years yay!). Disordered eating is so so common in ballet, that the odds are that OP was even eating enough for herself- much less the baby and her now- are pretty low. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case and as soon as ballerinas quit and start somewhat eating normally again we start gaining weight and a lot of it. I still exercise religiously. My job involves me running around with kids all day. I still gained 40 pounds when I quit ballet (80-125). Some weight gain when quitting a performance art like that is absolutely to be expected
I always had curves and at some point I had to accept that at 115 lbs I was too “fat” to be a ballerina. Ballet can do terrible things to body image. The last thing OP needs is someone encouraging her to continue having the “ballet body” at all costs, while growing another human. 100% OP’s husband pursued her due to her age and likely already present body image issues.
Congrats on the remission!!
Congrats on your remission. I am proud of you!
I failed to work out the age difference when they started dating. Five years isn’t a lot, but when they started she was still a teenager and he was in his 20s, and that is a problem. He could control her at 17, and he has done such a good job that now she thinks he’s right and she’s disgusting. That poor girl. He probably got her pregnant to trap her into marrying him, and she can’t even see how she is being manipulated. This man is abusing her into losing weight *while she is pregnant with his child.* Imagine if she got sick or got cancer, or when she gets older and it’s harder to lose weight, or she gets wrinkles, or whatever. He’s not going to be there for her. Not a chance. She should get rid of him now before he starts beating her physically. Because he will.
weight gain is actual a good sign, a lot of women loose weight especially on the beginning and its even a bigger toll on them then. my gyn allways said " you will loose that anyway if you pump/breastfeed" because thats also the point of the weightgain
Yeah, I lost weight at the beginning. I was 6.5 stone when I went into hospital when I miscarried. No one wants that. Weight gain is a good thing, your body needs the extra help
I'm sorry but that is the biggest lie ever perpetuated by health care professionals. I've never felt hunger like I did when I was breastfeeding, I gained 2 stone in like 6 months, I was shoving food into my mouth like we were about to go into a famine and I didn't know when I'd see it again, I was like a hungry demon, I had no control over myself and r/breastfeeding is full of posts discussing similar experiences lol.
I lost a few pounds but because my baby never slept the only way I could stay conscious was by eating a full bar of vegan chocolate about every three hours.
This is likely also why I gained so much, my son never slept and when he did he wanted to sleep on me so to stay awake at 3am I was shoveling biscuits and chocolate bars into my gob hoping the sugar rush would keep me alert enough not to fall asleep while he was lying on me.
I also spent an obscene amount of money online at 3am :)
Never appreciated the sugar and magnesium hit of chocolate more than with late-night breastfeeding!
honestly this is why I co slept, he could latch on and both of us barely woke up. He wouldn't get all distressed and I didn't have to sooth him back to sleep so there was far less awake time in the middle of the night for both of us
I was the same. I put on weight after the birth of one of my kids. He was very unwell and my stress levels were sky high and he wasn’t sleeping. Cortisol is an arsehole for making you eat. It’s sad that weight should be on our minds at such a difficult time in our lives. My exh was horrible about it and made spiteful comments about me and the baby.
I'm glad that he's your ex. Men like that are complete trash.
It just depends on what you eat, not how much. Women who breastfeed are hungry because they need a lot of nutrients. Eating nutrient dense highly bioavailable foods will help curb the gain and the hunger.
It’s not a lie at all. I lost all the weight I gained for both pregnancies when I breastfed. I actually was skinnier when I was breastfeeding than before I was pregnant. Sorry it didn’t work that way for you, but not all of us are the same. It does work that way for a lot of woman. But you’re correct that it’s not a guarantee.
Oh 100%, it absolutely can as producing milk requires a lot of calories but I think the fact it's pushed as a guarantee by many health professionals is disingenuous, especially when you couple it with the other challenges of newborn life (sleep deprivation, boredom, potential lack of support, emotions out of whack etc.). Regardless though I loved breastfeeding and I'd put the weight on all over again regardless. OP is beautiful and I sincerely hope she can see that weight doesn't define her beauty, especially not pregnancy weight, that is proof that her body is nourishing her baby.
Lots of women do lose weight while breastfeeding simply because it burns like 500 calories. It’s one of the most calorie burning things a woman can do.
Ya it burns a lot of calories but it always leads to the most intense hunger I've ever experienced and when you're also sleep deprived it can be incredibly difficult to have the mental energy to count your calories or even make the healthier choices as they often take longer to make. I was grabbing the easiest thing available to eat whenever that hunger hit and that was often calorie dense, carb rich foods. I'm not saying you can't lose weight breastfeeding just that it's not as much of a sure thing as people make out it is.
Definitely not a sure thing. Considering hormones are also out of whack and can affect people differently
At 28 weeks, especially as someone underweight - you should expect to gain 35-45lbs, possibly more. That being said, the weight does not always come off during breastfeeding. It did for my first and second however my third child was a different beast, while I only gained 19lbs in that pregnancy, I gained 40lbs in the months that followed her birth. I breastfed all my kids until around 2.
That's a big lie lol currently breastfeeding and I look 3m pregnant lol
Honey, the only thing you should be thinking about is the health of your baby. Eat lots of nutrient-rich foods (steak, premium ice cream, eggs, avocado, dark green leafy veggies, etc.). I promise the weight will come off after the birth. I remember losing 11 pounds one weekend. I thought my husband had changed the scale to make me feel better. You also seem concerned that you’re putting on weight in places other than just your stomach. Again, this is normal and will come off after delivery. You retain a lot of water during pregnancy and it will get worse in your third trimester, so brace yourself. If your husband is complaining about how you look when you’re pregnant, he’s a jerk. And frankly, pretty childish.
Your husband is a horrible person
Yup, and there is a high chance he will be just as horrible to his future daughter about her appearance too.
Tell your husband to fuck off. I am serious. Ask him what kind of sick fuck man wants his wife to not eat to feed their child and stay healthy. Ask him if he is some kind of freak that wants a woman that looks like a pre-pubescent girl. You are not a sex doll he bought to fulfill his needs. He went for a 17-year old when he was 23-years old. You know why? Because you were young and easily manipulated by the excitement of an older guy. You need to stand up for yourself and your baby. Your baby needs nourishment and so do you. Do not let him give you an eating disorder. If he comes at you about your weight, tell him tough shit. When he grows a baby, he can eat what he likes. Tell your doctor what is going on and your family. Do not hide this dirt-bag's abusive secret. And finally, don't be afraid of him leaving. Make him afraid of you leaving. If he only loves you at a size 2, then he doesn't really love you.
> Tell your husband to fuck off. This was legitimately my instant reaction too. Well, actually, it was more along the lines of telling him; "I'm pregnant you stupid fuck, what did you expect?" But same difference. This dude needs to get in the bin.
He is a walking dumpster fire.
THIS! LET OTHER PEOPLE KNOW WHAT HE IS SAYING. DO NOT KEEP IS ABUSIVE ACTIONS A SECRET!
Perfectly said
You keep saying you were the perfect weight and it’s hard for him, he’s not abusing. Wake up! He is abusive, and your responses tell me you are so down the rabbit hole of believing his nonsense that you can’t see it for what it is. You are pregnant. Your daughter needs to grow, and you need to feed her. She is innocent, relying on you to take care of her now. But you’ve tried to not totally care of her - eating less- because of how your husband treats you. Not all abuse is physical; in fact, mental abuse is often worse. What does your doctor say? Is he/she happy with your weight and the weight of the baby? Are medical professionals telling you that you need to eat less? I doubt it. If they were, then maybe I wouldn’t consider your husband such a cruel, selfish jerk. But from what you are saying, you are in a manipulative, abusive relationship with a man who “liked you best” not loved you. Get out.
You’re talking like you have an eating disorder and your husband is making it worse. It’s not normal to prefer to be hungry. It’s not normal for a man to insult his pregnant wife while she is carrying his baby. Absolutely no part of this is healthy or okay and now you’re bringing an innocent child into this mess. Do you want him talking to your daughter the way he’s talking to you? Do you want her growing up hungry because her own father has made her hate the way she looks? Do you want her ending up in a relationship exactly like yours with a man who constantly belittles her? If you won’t do better for yourself do better for your fucking kid. Is this shit show really what you want her to believe normal relationships look like?
Agree so much. It doesn’t sound like he will be working to change his way of thinking/behaving anytime soon, but she can! I’d suggest talking with a doctor and nutritionist to get some facts about nutrition during pregnancy (and all the time) and they can provide resources to help with diet and harmful mindset. OP falling down from lack of food energy is not the only way you can hurt your baby. Denying your baby nutrients that she gets directly FROM YOU will almost certainly harm her. Please take care of yourself and that baby. That includes shielding her from your husband’s abusive behavior in her future.
Why do you look horrible? You keep saying this. Do you look horrible? Or do you look like a normal, healthy pregnant woman. If you're not ready to face the fact your husband is showing controlling and abusive behaviour, then at least do yourself and your CHILD the favour of being properly nourished throughout your pregnancy. The fact you get 'dizzy' when you eat 'normally' is a pretty obvious sign to all of us that you never actually ate enough. So of course it isn't enough now that you are growing a human being. I truly, honestly hope you wake the fuck up one day. If not for you, but for your poor daughter.
This stress is only bad for you and the baby. It’s not a healthy situation for either of you. Even if you decide to stay with your husband, you should move back to your parents home until the baby is born.
Not only is the stress unhealthy, but so is her diet. She is literally starving the fetus right now. Does OP want an undersized malnourished infant? She needs to eat for 2 right now and what she eats is extremely important. Junk food can lead to diabetes.
Junk food is better than no food. Any food is better than nothing. She just needs to be eating and eating until she is actually satisfied and full. She may need to be eating junk food.
My parents live far away. I moved away from home when I was younger, and I never really went back. Only sometimes.
Well, for your health and the baby’s, consider traveling to them; or consider staying with a friend or relative if you have any trusted people that live closer to you.
You’re being abused and it will only get worse. Please make an escape plan.
Do you have any close friends or other family you could talk with about your struggles? Someone who you could confide in but also who might be able to help should you need to stay somewhere for awhile? Has your husband come with you to doctors appointments? I think you should ask that he come and then ask you OBGYN about weight gain during pregnancy and about eating/how it relates to the health of boy you and the baby. Maybe then your husband will understand that because you are growing a human you need more calories. There was just an article about how many more calories pregnancy demands on our bodies. (https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/05/27/health/pregnancy-energetic-cost-wellness-scn) Between that and aversions because of hormones any food is good food— you just need the calories to fuel your body and build the little one inside you. Edit to add the actual article
He needs a wake up call, if you can't reach him try his family or a close friend. He needs to wake up or fuck off. Priority number 1 should be the baby, your weight how you look should be an after thought at least until the baby is born. Also did he want the baby? Because this could be some passive aggressive BS if you got pregnant on purpose.
He was the one who wanted a baby, yes. So I don't think he is upset about having a child.
He wanted to baby trap you 😢
THIS now he has you trapped the abuse can begin.
And it will only get worse from here. Please get out, OP.
This was my first reaction. Ex husband did this.
Well than time to sit his dumb ass down and tell him, the mom's body will change and sometimes you get bigger than other pregnant moms it's okay. Also for you not him there are courses for pregnant moms to do physical activities even while pregnant. Talk to your doctor than maybe a nutritionist and find something that works for you. Take care of yourself and the baby first and foremost, if things are bad and not getting better go stay with friends or family do not let him have his way(most likely it won't stop after anyway).
Then he should be worshipping the ground you walk on. My husband *didnt* want a baby but the moment I fell pregnant he didn't let me lift a finger, became more patient, and showered me in affection and small gifts and treats every day. This is the *standard* of what you should expect.
The Baseline of what OP should expect!
Typical abuser behavior: the baby trap. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and play it safe for you and your baby!
He didn't want a baby, he wanted a pregnant woman to control.
He wanted a baby, but doesn’t care enough about the mother who’s carrying her or even ensuring she gets enough nutrients to grow? Too bad. He needs a wake up call or you need to get out. Preferably both. Please take care of yourself and your child. You deserve better.
Did you not want the baby? OP you ARE in an incredibly dangerous and abusive relationship. For the sake of your life you need to leave ASAP without telling him. Please for your life, get out.
Then every time he brings up your weight tell him he need to make up his mind. He can either have a healthy baby or he can have you looking thin. It's not possible to do both. He may try to bring up other women who didn't look fat while pregnant. You then have the option of either pointing out that it's down to photoshop and they don't look like that in real life, or telling him that he should have married those women instead. But be aware that this is about him controlling your body and it's probably only going to get worse. You need to start thinking about how to get out in case it does get worse. You need to start stashing money somewhere he can't find it. Resist attempts to isolate you, see if there's any local new mother or mother and baby groups you can join. Sell it to him as something to help you be a better mother.
Your husband is either dangerously stupid or intentionally harmful and the fact that you keep defending him and blaming yourself in anyway makes me feel like it’s the second. You are growing a human being your health should be a high concern for BOTH of you. It is not sustainable for your mental or physical health to be around this man.
GODDDD!! Wtf did I just read!???
A fake story/rage bait lol
Sometimes I wonder if I’m single because I wouldn’t put up with a second of this shit from men or anyone
I’m really hoping this is just rage bait
Did you know that when you're pregnant, your blood doubles? You carry more weight, meaning water, blood, fat, etc because your body needs it to grow a healthy human. It might be a surprise to see, because it happens so fast, but you're being entirely too hard on yourself. I guarantee you don't look horrible, you look pregnant. As for your husband, it sounds like he cares more about having a skinny trophy wife than a healthy wife-- *and child.* Perhaps you should really think about that fact.
Tell him he's gotten uglier since you've been pregnant and that he needs to sort his personality out because he's no longer attractive. I just don't understand how he can get to the age of 28 and not know how babies are grown. Yes you will get bigger. Did he think a stork would drop it off? You are growing a life inside you. Do not let him tear you down. For your daughter's sake too. Would you want her future partner to speak to her in that way? You are still beautiful and you should be proud of yourself. Eat what you need to eat and don't make yourself sick just because your husband is an idiot.
Please stop saying you look horrible. I can guarantee you look amazing! You are supposed to gain weight during pregnancy- it’s not just fat! - you need a lot of extra calories to grow a whole new human. This is normal and beautiful. You need the nutrition and fuel for the baby’s health. If the weight is really bothering you, worry about it after the pregnancy and after the breastfeeding (you need a lot more calories for that too). A ballerina’s diet is extremely restrictive to begin with and I know tons of ballerinas have body image issues and eating disorders but DO NOT carry these into your pregnancy. And don’t let your husband’s disgusting remarks on your weight get in your head. He’s out of his entire mind to think you wouldn’t put on weight during pregnancy for a baby he wanted! He better not harp on your post partum body either!
He doesn’t love you. He just wants someone young and pretty Please stop caring about his feelings. Please leave him. You and the baby deserve so much more than this. ALSO ignore him when he wants you to go to the gym 3 days after giving birth Take care of you and the baby. Your husband does not have your best interests at heart
Reading your replies is so sad your self esteem is so low I'm getting more upset and sad as I see your replies and that's ain't good for you and the baby
Hard agree. The replies are sad and OP should really talk to her doctor and a specialist because it sounds like she has an eating disorder and that needs to be managed. Either her husband jumps on board and helps her have a healthy pregnancy and enjoy the process of becoming a mom or she leaves the dead weight.
You have to be a special kind of human trash to tell your pregnant wife to stop eating so she wont get fat.
this. and she just agrees with it and she thinks she “looks horrible”. its really sad to see, enraging really. who could do that to their pregnant wife. absolutely sick.
I saw one of your responses to a comment and I am alarmed... You seem to believe you owe this man a beautiful figure for you two to stay married? NVM pregnancy, time is going to be a shocker to you both. You both need professional help! I fear for the child honestly, I do.
Yes, you **DO** need to lose weight — **200 POUNDS OF WORTHLESS FAT.** **KICK THAT SHITGIBBON TO THE KERB**
That poor, poor baby girl. You have an eating disorder, your husband wants a child for a wife, and now you two are bringing an innocent, impressionable life into this world. Wonderful. If you have any care in the world about your baby, you will seek treatment for your eating disorder immediately. And you will NEVER leave your daughter alone with her father. If you do, he will destroy her in every way possible. I hope you understand the depth of what I’m saying.
Dear husband I am growing a whole new human that means I need more calories and my body needs to change to house the growing human. Shut up about it before I walk with our daughter
You have an eating disorder, severe self esteem issues, and an asshole of a husband. Seek therapy then seek a great divorce lawyer.
I have gained 80 lbs this pregnancy. 80. I'm 35 weeks. My husband tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful and my gain and discomfort is temporary because it is. You're enduring cruelty and he's being a complete ass about this. What you're doing is nothing short of a marathon a day on your body, a marvel of human nature, and in the end all that matters is keeping you and your baby healthy. Stick it to him.
Your husband is a POS. Do men really think that we stay 22 forever? Like what the fudge.
More like 17 in his case. Check the ages. They've been together since she was 17 and he was 22. He's a predator.
My ex was obsessed with me being skinny and small never eating sugar or unhealthy foods and always working out. Only eating small portions to stay small (I'd offer weight and height for scale but idk my weight) My husband when we started dating instead encouraged me into therapy for my eating habits/ disorder. Encourages me to eat at least 3 times a day (it used to be encouraging at least 1 snack and 1 meal a day) I now know I have POTS so anywhere we go, if he can he gets extra salt on stuff.. and when I get worried I'm either too big or gaining weight. He gently reminds me that I'm healthy. And he couldn't care less what size I am, because he wants me to live life with him, not starve myself till I whither away So do men think that? Not necessarily..but boys for sure do which is super fucked up
You are not fat, you are pregnant. You have an eating disorder and low self esteem. Your husband is an as*hole. Stop finding him excuses, he's abusive and frankly... Stupid. How can you both think a woman body can grow a human being? With thin air?
Please be rage bait... please.
Innit. I've never wanted any other post to be fake as much as I do this one. ☠️
I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. It is disgusting. You are carrying his child. I would tell him where to go and honestly if it didn’t stop, this would be a dealbreaker for me.
Tell him to shut up. You are pregnant and growing a human inside you. Your body will change and he needs to deal with that. He is being cruel to you and treating you horribly.
Okay, at six months, your baby is \~1kg, add your placenta, amniotic liquid, increase of blood and growing breast weight, and you'll see that you have not gained weight, you're "just" pregnant. Limiting your intake to the point of being dizzy is dangerous for your baby. ***You can't hurt your baby to please your husband.*** You need to talk about it with a doctor, like yesterday
You are carrying his baby. You are his wife. He should be treating you like his queen. At no time was my wife ever more beautiful than when she was carrying my son. These comments will never stop. You will never be skinny enough for him. Do what you need to do to keep you and your child safe.
How are you supposed to grow a baby inside you and not put weight on?!?! Some of that weight IS the baby!
You’ve been together for 6 years, you were 17 and he was 22 at the beginning of your relationship. Regardless of being pregnant, bodies age and bodies change. It sounds like your teen body was his ideal, which is disgusting if that’s the case.
Jesus Christ, the amount of bullshit some people are willing to put up with makes me sad.
I'm just gonna say it, you seem very concerned for your weight, I don't care what your husband says, he's clearly an giant asshole. YOU need to worry about the baby and not about how much you fucking weigh. The doctor has told you it's fine. Don't hurt your baby over a few pounds. Jeez girl.
Dump him!... poof that's a 100+ weight loss!
Hi. Father of two here. I believe that your husband is most likely doing one of two things, either he's: * trying to condition you to not gain weight - for whatever reason that might be including his desire for your appearance, his comprehension of how it reflects on him and his own relationship with obesity/food etc.; or * he's struggling with the concept of competing with your child and is using a vector of verbal/psychological abuse that he knows is effective for you. It doesn't matter which of these things he is doing. They are both abuse and giant red warning signs that the change coming down the road for your family is likely to have some very dangerous components accompanying it when it comes to your relationship and how he will communicate with your child. If you absolutely cannot leave him, then you're going to need to confront him, establish some boundaries and then be prepared to enforce them - which may ultimately mean leaving him. If you feel threatend or unsafe with your husband at all, then you should confront him on a call or somewhere physically safe. In terms of the confrontation, it's very simple: 1. There's no accusations or getting stuck in hearing his side. He has said these things to you. It is a fact and there are no excuses for why he said them. 2. When he says them to you it conveys to you that he doesn't love you, that he is not supportive of your journey to becoming a mother and that he sees you for your body first and foremost. Again, you don't entertain any counter points, excuses or arguments that minimise his actions and their impacts on you. 3. It is going to stop. He will not speak to you like that ever again. If he does, you will leave the situation you are in in that moment and you will begin to withdraw from time together going forward. 4. You can invite him to explain why he is doing it, but you need to set the ground rules and tell him plainly that his behaviour is his responsibility and his actions reflect what he is experiencing and not what you are doing/eating. 5. If he is struggling with the new baby coming and his place in the family, he needs to seek help and to get on the path of healthy coping strategies, building positive relationships and gentle parenting. 6. If he is struggling with the prospects of your sex life, then again he should be getting support on that front. If you're still feeling sexually interested in him, it probably wouldn't hurt to show him he's got nothing to worry about, but definitely avoid pity sex here. You don't want to set the condition for yourself or him that your body is more his than yours. The role of being a dad is pretty simple in both pregnancy and the early stages of life. You support mom in every way that you physically, emotionally and psychologically can. You tell her how beautiful she is. You shower her with love and affection. You take baby whenever you can. You change every diaper/nappy that needs changing when you're there. You bring mom food, water and foot rubs. You clean the house. You make meals. You gatekeep access to the baby and advocate for mom and baby with friends and relatives who want to see them. Dad's job is to gradually start to fold baby into your family outside of mom's arms. Doing chores? Put baby in the stroller and push them around with you. Lifting weights? Put them in a bassinet or the stroller/pram. Bring your baby with you, dad, they want to be with you and they recognise your face and your voice. **I can 100% guarantee that you do not look horrible. First and foremost, the concept of beauty that's sold to us all is that it's something only some people have when they are in a given set of parameters for their proportions of their bodies. That's bullshit. Beauty is in everyone at all times,** ***especially*** **in pregnant women.**
i know keep defending your husband but think should bring doctor visited and get medical professional put him in his place he’s has no right to control your eating habit or make comment about eating habbit regardless if pregnant, but you growing living thing inside you hes has zero right to be so cruel. i’d even tell his mother id bet she have something to say. you have protect your health and health your baby. and stand up for yourself
You are not fat. You are PREGNANT. Do not let him shame you or make you think it’s your fault for getting bigger. You are PREGNANT. You can lose the weight once the baby is born. It is disgusting he is saying these things to you. You need to eat properly.
I actually feel sorry for your daughter if you and your husband have this attitude around weight. Absolutely appalling
The weight will come off after you have the baby. I watched my weight when I was pregnant with my first child, and the health issues my baby had as a result of that, was not worth it. Please, please take care of you and baby. This isn’t coming from a place of judgement, just woman to woman, as someone who has been there. 🫶🏻
My heart hurts reading this post and OP’s comments. OP— there’s literally nothing wrong with the weight you gain during pregnancy unless your doctor says otherwise. I feel like therapy would be something very positive in your life especially prior to bringing a little girl into the world— a therapist can help you navigate through the emotions that come with the changes you’re going through and also help you advocate for yourself for the sake of YOU and your daughter.
how the hell is it “difficult for him” huh?! you’re literally carrying his baby. you need to eat properly, not take supplements you’re growing an entire human inside your body right now. your husband is just as responsible for the baby being there. pregnancy can be such a beautiful thing. i bet you’re glowing and radiant and your husband should be ashamed of himself. this is so abusive and not good for you or the baby to be under this much stress. your husband is an idiot omg.
Your husband sucks.
Resepfilly, you need help. You have an ED, I know because I’ve had one. Because prior to my brain fully forming, what others thought of me was paramount. **Your husband is treating you poorly, and is willing to risk the health of your child over his own selfishness. Are you???** Your comments are genuinely exhausting, this man is a bully! At what age is your child’s first diet beginning if he thinks poorly of them?? Please get therapy. **If you are willing to risk the health of your child over the whims of a man, and he would let you, sounds like 2 people who *DONT* need to be in a relationship, much less making a child’s life difficult with this behavior.**
Your husband needs to fuck off. Can you imagine him saying this to your daughter next time? I'd be livid if my husband ever does this to ours. It is infuriating enough that he has the gall to say this to YOU. He is a mean and selfish asshole, and God forbid that you think that this is ever okay.
Ask your husband exactly how fat he would get if he was building a human from scratch. Then tell him to get you something delicious.
Delicious and expensive lol
Ok the best way to deal with this is honesty and being as blunt as possible. You tell him you’re growing an entire human in your body, his baby that he wanted. Then mention that if he doesn’t want the baby to say so now and file the divorce. No woman should have to deal with remarks about her weight because she is an entire human in her body.
What kind of grown child did you marry????
6 years… 23 minus 6… hmmm Edit: omg I didn’t even read after the ages EAT LADY YOUR SUPPOSED TO EAT
OP, I think the issue is much more deep- rooted than you realize. He was a legal adult when you started seeing him at 17. Your body was very different then. It will normally mature and change over time. If he is being so cruel to you now it’s because he is NOT in love with you. His sexual fetish has changed and he’s upset. A man who actually loves you and your baby would 1. Ensure you are eating enough to support the needs of the baby. 2. Support you in all ways to ensure that you and the baby make it through this process healthy and safely. 3. Not put so much stress on your shoulders about a completely normal change in your body during pregnancy. The fact that he is doing this means he completely lacks any real empathy and is more about you as his ideal sex partner and not as his life partner and someone he truly loves and actually cares for. I worry about your daughter and her self-esteem given his predilection for your ballerina body type. I think OP that you need to put some serious thought into what life will look like after the baby is born. Because there will be some permanent changes in your body that won’t necessarily return it to what you were before. This is totally normal, but if his ideal isn’t the same I think you need to figure out how you will live life without him. He isn’t going to remain loyal because he isn’t even now while you are carrying his baby. He is being emotionally abusive towards you. I think you have some serious decisions to make.
Well, you can always lose the dead weight by dropping your absolute dickhead of a husband.
Ok OP, listen to me. There are 2 steps to take here. Step 1: dump this a-hole. The spider on my ceiling deserves a better boyfriend than this, so you certainly do to. Step 2: go to therapy because this sounds like an eating disorder to me, or it will lead to one. That's it! Problem solved!
OP, I know a lot of dancers and athletes who really struggled to see their bodies change during pregnancy. Please be gentle with yourself.
"I may be fat, but I'm pregnant and will probably lose the weight again. You, however, are and will remain an asshole! Hey, I just thought of a way I can lose 160 useless pounds in one instant!"
Just divorce him, get checked for STDs, start documenting everything. There are good lawyers out there.
Talk to your obstetrician- let them know how you're feeling.
Oh man, this is so not cool. You and your baby’s health are much more important than his skinny fetish. It is normal to gain 20-40lbs over the course of a pregnancy, and I know a lot of people that have gained much more. Unless you’ve gone from 110 lbs to 250 lbs (which would obviously be cause for concern, and your Dr would agree)… he is out of line. I’m gonna tell you a secret… no matter how much you think you love your spouse… there are many options out there, significantly better options in your case. Personally, if my spouse was emotionally abusing me in this way and prioritizing his aesthetic (sexual) preferences over my health and baby’s health… I’d have the ick so bad I’d already have left. If you can get past the disgust I feel on your behalf… I’d tell him firmly one time that if he EVER comments on my normal sized, perfectly healthy body ever again… I’m fucking out, I’ll take half his shit and he can pay child support because he is so easily replaceable being a selfish, immature, emotionally stunted man-child.
Start preparing for your single life. This man isn't going to start treating you better. You know that he is disrespectful and cruel. Finish your education if necessary, and start applying for good jobs. You cannot be financially dependent on someone who treats you badly. Open your own bank account at a bank your husband doesn't use. You need to start creating an emergency fund, so you will be ready to leave when it's time.
This has to be rage bait right
This is abuse. He is abusing you. Please take care of yourself and your baby. Don’t worry about what you used to be and embrace what you are and are becoming.
Say “you know, you’ve gotten a lot uglier since I’ve gotten pregnant. I don’t know if it’s the hormones making me see things clearer, but it’s really hard for me…” See how he feels.
"how can I deal with it so he will stop?" Leave that butthole in the past. I assure you, being single mom will be far easier than enduring that asshat you call a husband.
This is not just a husband problem, then. Talk to your doctor about your eating habits during pregnancy and take and FOLLOW the advice they give you, because you say downthread you've only gained about 12 pounds in two trimesters of pregnancy (which is NOTHING) and you feel "absolutely awful" about your body. What you're doing - not eating, feeling hungry to the point where you feel faint - is almost certainly affecting your child's development. You can destroy your own health with your obsession with being rail-thin, but for Christ's sake don't destroy your child's. They didn't ask to have you as parents.
This is one of those times I really, really hope someone is making up a story. The awfulness of this husband is off the charts. It’s a mix of abuse and literal torture with the idea of eating less while growing another human inside of you. Please talk to a family member or trusted friend and get their take.
This has to be rage bait.
This is just sad. I don't even know what to say
Why are you with this fucking loser? You're pregnant, not fat. That's part of growing a whole person. It's not hard for him. You are pregnant, not him. Please leave this garbage human.
Maybe you should be explaining to your midwife what he’s saying to you and she can tear him a new one with some facts.
It's difficult for him?!?!?!?! Your are creating a whole human does he realize some of the life long side effects not eating enough during pregnancy can have? It can destroy your teeth and bones lack of nutrients for the baby means it will take from your body sending it into starvation mode so it will hold on to everything you eat in the form of fat cells. Please talk to your obgyn to get a good meal plan for you and please tell them about the dizzy spells you could've become anemic or have low iron from not eating enough meat. You are supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. Your husband is an ignorant selfish person who cares more about your looks than your health. Please eat and take care of yourself and the baby Edit to add: I've had 2 kids was so sick and didn't eat much with my pregnancies the lack of nutrients ruined my teeth and I had to have them all removed not even 30. Take care of your health over this manbaby
I know how you can lose 175 fast dump him
You're not going to like my answer, but the way you "deal with it" is to leave. He puts your looks over your health and the health of the baby. What, he's only thinks you're beautiful when you're skinny? Thats insane. He is affecting your mental and physical health during a very physically and mentally taxing time in your life. This will not get better.
Your met your husband when you were 17 and he 22?? That’s your real problem. The guys a creep AND a shallow asshole. Sorry you married into that. Hopefully it gets better but prepare to divorce cause this guy sounds terrible. Also, I don’t want to mean but I don’t think you have the mental and emotional capacity to be caring for a child. Your husband definitely does not.
This man is gonna get your baby killed . You need to leave and find somewhere safe to stay.
You have two problems here: 1. Your shitty husband. Seriously, you're growing a human being and he's mad that you're nourishing your body? He can straight up get fucked if he thinks that you should be starving yourself to the point of being dizzy just to please him. 2. You have seriously disordered eating. Your preference to be hungry and your fear of gaining any fat, even just a little bit, is ED 101 and you need to see a therapist. I'm saying this as someone who has been fat my whole life due to various health problems and have starved myself trying to lose weight at times. It didn't work, of course, because there's only so much you can do when you have hormonal imbalances, but that didn't stop me from eating next to nothing while doing intense exercise until I was sick. Please go see a professional about this and please take care of yourself and your body.
Say, "I'm not fat. I'm pregnant. Of course I'm going to gain weight, I'M GROWING A HUMAN BEING, DUH!!! If you continue saying these things, I'm gonna divorce you AND will not allow you in the delivery room." That should stop it. Follow thru if he doesn't stop. Grow a fucking spine and use it.
Get therapy and learn to love yourself enough that you won't put up with such a terrible partner. And get that child support.
He doesn't love you. He loved your looks. It's a pity He is so immature. He might grow up one day. In the meantime, concentrate on your daughter and forget the insensitive idiotic manchild.
I worry about you because you are more concerned about what a very unintelligent manchild is saying - rather than being concerned about the health of your baby. Your baby needs as much food as you can eat. If you prefer being 'hungry' then it is likely that you will spend the next couple of years sitting inside a hospital at your child's bedside because lack of the proper nutrients will cause birth defects and developmental problems. You're not going to be slim or athletic if you need to spend all your time sitting in a hospital. You don't have to stay with a man who is too stupid to realize that pregnant women gain weight.
Girl you need to see a doctor, your lack of eating properly means your body is strip mining itself to make sure your child is getting proper nutrients You’re going to wind up with some serious health problems if you don’t smarten up When the mother is at healthy weight she should gain between 25 and 35 pounds. Since you probably weren’t at a healthy weight to start you have a lot of catching up to do. You know when you see in the tabloids “famous actress gains 60-90 pounds during pregnancy”? That’s telling you how underweight she was before hand Your first priority should be eating enough to support the growth of your child. The fact you’re already 6 months along maybe too late for her As for your husband? He’s an abusive asshole I have a book for you to read https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
OP - as someone who struggled with Anorexia Nervosa for many years, I discovered there are men who fetishize thinness in women. Sounds like you married one. The only healthy response to his comments is something along the lines of "I'm growing a whole ass human being right now, and I need the nutrients to do so." It's probably worth investing in some therapy, to learn how to set boundaries about this. It's not healthy, and it's not going to change unless you make some changes - like reminding him that you need to eat to grow a human being. Talk to your OB/GYN about how insufficient caloric intake affects the fetus. Maybe that will help you start standing up for your health and the health of your fetus. Good luck.
You're fucking pregnant, please eat food.
You would be endangering your baby by trying to diet while pregnant. You are SUPPOSED to gain a certain amount of weight. Talk to your ob/gyn about where you should be with weight gain, see a therapist about your mental health, and well… your husband is a completely ridiculous jerk, so I’m not sure what to say there. I can say his obsession with you being thin while pregnant is harmful to your physical and mental health and harmful to your child’s development. Do you want to stay with someone who is hurting your baby…? I hope not.
OP, I say this as a husband to a pregnant wife (second time), but your husband is a complete asshole. He sounds like a manipulative narcissist to even make your weight gain about him. Weight gain is natural with pregnancy. Some carry it in different areas than others and some don’t gain as much while some gain a lot. What matters is you are eating healthy for yourself and the baby. You shouldn’t be limiting yourself while pregnant. Your body needs so much fuel during this time and will literally eat away at itself if you don’t. Please do not restrict your calories and tell your husband to go fuck himself.
Do not starve yourself you’re going to be malnourished and stunt your own baby’s health and growth. Do not listen to your shitty husband. I think he’s behavior is appalling
is it too late for an annulment? holy moly this guy is toxic and cruel
Leave him. Lol I can't understand how a man could look at his wife carrying his child and get mad cause of weight gain that would OBVIOUSLY happen when pregnant. And hell HOW DOES HE THINK HE CAME INTO EXISTENCE... DOES HE THINK A STORK DROPPED HIM OFF, OR HE SPAWNED IN???
This is not the person you want to spend your life with if you want to feel happy and ok with who you are and what you look like. You’re a human being and that means your body is going to change. Not just bc you are pregnant. Maybe you would have stayed the same size as before for lighter and pregnancy is just changing it sooner.. but our bodies change as we age, that’s a fact of life. If his love for your is determined by your “thinness” and outward beauty (which I’m sure you are still very beautiful) .. then it’s not real love to begin with and he is not husband material. He should be cherishing you, the woman and body who is carrying his child and you’re right… eating the he wants you too is not good for the baby… just like it’s not good for YOU. This man cares more about your appearance than your physical and mental health… and your daughters. I cringe to think of how he will treat your daughter when it comes to her body if he doesn’t think its how she should look
GirlWHAT??! HOW is this difficult for HIM?! Is this a joke? Has this male never seen a pregnant woman in his life? Does he not know an entire human being is in there?! WHY would he impregnate you, then complain about you being pregnant? Have you married a Narc? What is actually happening here?? And you're cowing to this? "Oh poor him"? " I try to eat less"?!! Your body is making a human. You're going to LOOK like your body is making a human. Trying to starve the both of you is not the answer. Your husband is the problem. Marital counseling ASAP or your relationship is doomed. How do you think he's going to react AFTER you've had your child? He's still going to down you and shame you. That ain't love, dear. That's hideous Edit: OP was sixteen when she started dating her then 22 yr old husband?? This is either rage bait or a depressing story of grooming.
Your only concern right now should be staying healthy. Your doctor is the only one who gets to weigh in (sorry for the bad pun) on what you eat. If you're eating as your doctor recommends, don't second-guess your weight. Your husband can pound sand--somewhere else so he doesn't add to your stress.
He is a fucking asshole. You need to tell him to stop making comments on your body... or leave him. He is focused on image and he is an asshole. Secondly, you need to get into therapy if you also believe you were "much more beautiful" before you were pregnant. You have self-image issues, and you're both making it worse.
Too bad he didn’t decide to show his abusive tendencies until after he got you pregnant. Intentional I’m sure but you obviously have some deep rooted issues of your own that should be addressed by a medical professional who you can give all the details to. It appears that you both have psychological issues that should be addressed if not for the sake of you and your partner individually or your relationship than for your child who will grow up surrounded with these problems and carry them on because hurt people hurt people. Really interested on what your idea of “fat” is and how much you’re actually eating. Most women gain weight during their pregnancy (average 25-35lb) some gain more, and some gain less but most women gain some amount of weight during their pregnancy. No, you shouldn’t be “eating for two“ but of course you’re going to have to increase your intake a little bit to support the growth of a whole human being. Please talk to a doctor and get educated on what’s happening to your body during this time before you accidentally hurt yourself or your baby.
A person who loves you will not treat you like this- especially while pregnant.
Well then maybe he shouldn't have gotten you pregnant unfortunately when you get pregnant you gain weight because you're carrying a whole another body inside of yours number one, number two as you age you gain weight I would almost bet that he doesn't look exactly the same as he did when you guys first started dating
First.. you are beautiful. And a freaking miracle worker. You're *growing a human being* . In your *body*. You're not fat, you're *pregnant* !. Every person who grows a human being has changes in their body. It's an inescapable fact. And you *have* to eat! That person growing in your body relies on the nutrition and calories you consume. You're supposed to listen to your body about what it wants and eat what feels good. You can *hurt* your baby and yourself by not eating enough. And your *husband* , who is supposed to be loving and supportive while you're *growing a human being* is, instead, being *abusive* . He's being cruel. And he's totally fecking with your mind and emotions. That is absolutely abhorrent. To be clear, your body is performing a miracle. It's working perfectly and you're beautiful. You need to see a doctor about feeling faint. There are conditions that can develop during pregnancy. And I hope with all my heart that you reach out to family or a therapist or a counselor or *someone* about the abusive behaviour of your 'husband'. You've probably read by now how often domestic violence starts during a pregnancy. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.
Girl, listen. I’m already fat, and when I was pregnant my husband found me hotter than ever. Because I looked amazing— because I was growing a human. That’s something beautiful and miraculous. That’s when I learned to love my body finally, for its epic ability to create, then feed, my children. He was awed by my super power. As he should be. You deserve —every woman deserves—a husband like mine, whose only criticisms are rare, mild, and justified (yes, I did promise to tidy up my own mess and didn’t get around to it yet). (Don’t get it twisted, he still tells boring stories and tosses his socks next to the laundry basket, but he also picks them up himself). Your husband is abusing you. He’s abusing your daughter, and she’s not even born yet. If she ends up with developmental delays from poor nutrition in utero, how will he treat her then? Will he abuse you more for “giving” him an imperfect child? Will he support you taking her to all the therapies she’ll need? You are setting yourself up for disaster. You owe it to your CHILD to eat properly and gain the appropriate amount of weight. You are a mother now, and YOUR CHILD is your number one priority, or you’re a shit mom and a shit human. If you continue to allow your husband to abuse your unborn child, then YOU are also abusing her. Seriously, please get help, and stop hurting your baby.
This is not real.
Even if part of pregnancy involved literally turning into Shrek, I would still be in awe of the partner I loved who was growing our child inside her. My libido and need to be desperately attracted to her can take a fucking back seat for a year.
I am so sorry you have such an asshole of a husband. You are beautiful! You are creating life inside you right now! It’s normal and healthy to get big and your husband is making you feel awful about it because he is a dick. He is shaming you for a thing EVERYONE KNOWS naturally comes with this wonderful miracle. He shows he doesn’t respect or love you and clearly needs therapy or a divorce.
Your body is doing something absolutely fantastic. You’re creating new life! That’s way more important than aesthetics right now! Please tell your husband “if you continue to comment on my weight, I’m going to stay with my parents for a while,” and hold to it. You seem to have a disordered view of your body, and staying thin is NOT a priority right now. You need to be around people who will support you and make sure you’re taking care of yourself, which does include eating carbs and fried food and sugar! Your body is working extra hard right now! Please set this boundary and get the space you need. <3
OP, you need to start *hearing* this. It is not your job to “look perfect” for your husband or to be “an ideal weight” for him. Or for yourself. You can strive for it, you can do things to get there, but it is *NOT* everything. If your relationship is in trouble because you gained a very reasonable amount of weight to the point where your husband is emotionally shoving you into starving yourself and *hurting your unborn baby*, then this relationship is flaming garbage already. You are a person. A living, breathing person. And there is so much that our bodies go through aside from pregnancy that will change how it looks over and over and over again until the day that it dies. Your hair will grey. Your face will age. Your joins will malfunction. Everything that makes you a snapshot of yourself at early 20 will be gone for good. If your husband only wants you as a “hot 20 year old”, you don’t have long left in this marriage. What you learn from this experience is that he is hearing you. He knows he is harming you and the baby. But he doesn’t care, because you are only an object of possession for him. And the moment you look different to the “perfect 20 year old” you were when he met you, he will emotionally abuse you - yes, he is being abusive right now - and eventually leave you. He will treat your daughter the same way. She got a bout of acne ? He’s going to starve her off chocolate and snacks. She gained weight on her period ? He’s going to snap and call her a fat cow. OP. Please do better for yourself and your daughter.
You are growing a human. You need to eat nit only for yourself but for the baby. Do not starve yourself, please. Supplements are not safe either. If it worries you to gain weight, talk to your OB. They can get you in a nutritional plan that is safe and healthy. Weight gain is part of pregnancy, though. Another thing besides a nutritional plan you can discuss with you OB is a workout regimen that is safe and keeps you fit. I worked out through both my pregnancies. I still gained weight, but I was healthy. Being healthy is the most important thing. If your husband can't get with that, then you are with the wrong guy. Hopefully, he comes around. You should maybe have him go with you to your OB appointments so you both can discuss your concerns with the doctor. I wish you the best but please stay healthy.
Tell him to F off. Screw that guy. He should be worshipping at your feet. You are making another person- eat what you want. Him disrespecting you is none sense. Don’t take it lightly. When my wife was pregnant I did everything to make certain she was comfortable before and after the baby arrived. Speaking from a husband, nothing about pregnancy is hard on the guys end. Seriously, put him in his place and don’t be a doormat. If you don’t, he will do nothing as a dad in the future and you will be parenting this child alone while he sits there and demeans you.
Next time he says it, say that you didn't realise that impregnating you would make his balls smaller and that of course you're getting bigger, you're incubating a fucking child and not a hard-boiled egg. Explain that you're tired, your hormones are all over the place and your body is changing in ways you don't like and that he needs to be supporting you instead of tearing you down.
Hes breaking down your self esteem now so he can get away with worse abuse later.
You’re pregnant. Please speak to a therapist about your body issues. And please tell your immature twat of a bf to fuck off and read about pregnancy.
This man is going to grow older over time. He will develop lines on his face, his hair line may recede or his hair thin. His eyebrows and nose hairs may grow woolly, his tight but may drop, his waistline thicken. He may start getting sleepy in front of the tv and doze all night after dinner, maybe he’ll have prostate issues and wee more often, or not be able to get it up without help from medication. Is it fair to you if he ages? He won’t be the same man you met all those years ago, how will you cope with the loss of his looks, will you bear being able to look at his face and body seeing he’s let himself go? Gently, this man is not going to be a good partner of a woman with a daughter, because he will encourage you to model an unhealthy relationship with food to her. She deserves better, even if you don’t believe you do. I have an adult daughter, she regularly gives her father, my ex husband, hell. She’ll tell me, Mum, you should have just spoken to him the way I do, he needs to be constantly reminded of how to behave, not quietly obeyed because then he thinks he’s right. She’s right you know. I struggled with standing up to him because I was raised to be scared of aggressive men, whereas she learned to give him a mouthful back. Your body will still birth a healthy baby, even in times of famine babies are born plump and strong, but they rapidly decline if their mother is ill, and Sweetheart, if you don’t start eating properly, you will get sick. They used to say “a tooth for every child”, because the mother’s body would give everything it had to make the strongest baby it could. Your husband is an ignorant, stupid man. He has no understanding of his duties as a partner, and fails to see all that “fat” is literally a baby growing at the front of you. If you’re trying to eat the same rations as a ballerina, that is likely very low in protein, very small serves overall, and definitely not enough to support a growing baby and all the demands being made of your body right now. Personally, if you don’t want to fight with him, go home to your family and let them feed you, otherwise start eating what you want, and tell him to kick you out if he’s disgusted, but please, just stop listening to him. He doesn’t want a wife, he wants a two dimensional fuck toy to bring out on occasion as decoration. Stop tolerating his BS, for your mental and physical health, and for your daughter’s future wellbeing. Make him say what he expects out loud, lay it out in the open, and acknowledge what he wants is completely unreasonable, unrealistic and untenable.
Please eat and don’t worry. If you don’t eat enough your body will remove nutrients from your bones. I always gain 50 pounds during pregnancy no matter what I do. Some women just need more fat in order to have a successful pregnancy. I would definitely set boundaries because your husband’s being incredibly selfish. Pregnancy is absolutely not hard on men.
I hope he never comments on his daughters weight and looks. He needs help, he has serious issues and is being a horrible partner.
He’s a major AH. You’re pregnant, weight gain is part of the process. Restricting your self isn’t good for you or the baby. This type of abuse/manipulation is a long time coming. He’s older than you and it’s no coincidence, he wants a tiny little thing. You were a child when you met, he wants to keep you looking that way.
You can get rid of a lot of extra weight by leaving this POS
You do realise when pregnant especially the later stages you hold a lit of fluid and you look more swollen and that is 💯 normal. You're dizzy as you're not eating enough. You're more than likely under weight all along being always feeling hungry and trying to be a ballerina. You need to take care of yourself or the baby will not grow properly. You will affect your baby. If your husband has a problem with it he needs to fuck off and educate himself. You can always get back to a more healthier lifestyle and weight after 10 weeks after birth as you need to also give yourself time to heal. If he keeps this shite up. Time to think about your future and the way you want to be treated. He sounds controlling and abusive as it is. Put an exit plan for you and your daughter future in place
You're not fat, you're pregnant! There is a difference
In sickness? In health? What happened to those. I'm really sorry, hun, but this man doesn't respect you. He finds you attractive but your feelings/goals/personality obviously mean very little to him. I'm worried he just liked being able to say he had a hot ballerina wife and is butthurt that people change and bodies change over time. I'd go for counselling immediately and seriously reevaluate your relationship. What's going to happen when you age? Is he going to still love you? Or is he going to use it as an excuse to berate you or cheat on you? Bodies change, your partner is supposed to love you throughout.
Communicate. Let your husband know how his comments are affecting you. Explain the physical changes you're experiencing and the challenges you face regarding food and exercise. Focus on health. Emphasize that your priority is a healthy pregnancy for you and your baby. Remind your husband that you find him attractive, and focus on non-physical aspects of your relationship.