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This is the most important advice you will get. If you sign the certificate of birth, you're on the hook regardless.
Listen, you're questioning whether you love her or not. If you *actually* love someone, that question isn't on your radar. Not trying to be mean! She put you through a lot, you have every right to be unsure. I would just outright tell her based on the timeline, you need a DNA test to put your mind at ease. She cheated in the past, you literally caught her at the other man's house after she said she wouldn't see him any longer after her first betrayal, who's to say she didn't slip up again? If she got pregnant in January and you hadn't seen her until February, well, the math just isn't mathing. You are well within your rights to ask for a DNA test with all this past information. If that makes her upset, so be it, but if she refuses, do not sign that certificate until the baby is tested.
Don't worry about the math. I'm the mother of two, and with my first they constantly changed the estimated date of conception.
First, the beginning of the pregnancy is when she last bled before the conception, which (if her cycle is 28 days and she ovulated two weeks after) is two weeks before you needed to have sex. This can change, as cycle lengths can vary, and with that, ovulation dates, too.
Second, they estimate based on the baby's growth. Children have growth spurts, inside and outside of the womb, and the size of it's head (one of the measurements) is not telling anything reliable about when mommy had sex. It basically says that "we once checked a lot of babies, and found that babies this big were usually, on the average X weeks old, so now we say that those big babies are estimated to be X weeks old".
My child constantly got older, accordibg to the estimations, and I argued wirh them once because they estimated him 40 weeks old, and I just knew he wasn't, and when they tried to scedule a C-section because he was sideways (the only position where birth is impossible, and very dangerous once labour starts), I worried they might take him out prematurely.
*TLDR: estimated age is about how big / how mature is the baby. It's NOT really about when the baby was conceived. And don't forget to substract two weeks, because 6 weeks of pregnancy means 6 weeks since mom's last bleeding started, which is not when she,'s supposed to ovulate.*
But a DNA test is definitely a good idea with such a rocky start, and even is she is pregnant, she must not treat your home as a hotel where she gets free service. Pregnancy is physically hard, especially is she's sick a lot, but when she can, she should try to look for work, or do hoysework at least
Also, it helps if you know that estimation is for the doctors, and it basically tells the chances of survival / survival without premature care. "This baby seems as developed as the average 19 weeks old."
Also it seems like all the so called confirmed cheating was before they were "officially dating" aka ...not cheating. So OP is a dude who expects to control her sex life while also not "officially dating" her to the point where she needs to seek forgiveness for "cheating". News bulletin: If you are not "officially dating" its not "officially cheating". It seems like OP wants to have control but not responsibility. Wants a say in her keeping the baby, but to keep holding what wasn't actually cheating over her head. If she was going to get an abortion and you talked her out of it on the basis of your support and investment you should take that into consideration whether you are the father or not. Sounds like OP wants to tell her what to do but not pick up the tab when she does what he wants. I bet if she left and said "never mind, no test, don't need ya, don't let the door hit ya where the Lord split ya" and went off to be a single mom and rely on others for help he would be crying that she kept his child from him.
Every time I read a post where it's "she slept with someone else before we were exclusive, so that's proof of cheating" I'm just wondering how all the dudes here miss that. Like OP is clearly setting up his girlfriend to be untrustworthy because she....slept with another man before they were official.
And all the guys who spout their "your gf only broke up with you to be with Chad" nonsense on here eat it up.
If your only proof of cheating is "before I asked her to date me, she had a FWB" then that is not proof!!! That's only proof that when she was SINGLE she had a FWB.
Dont be shy about asking for DNA test when she was already cheated on you twice with that guy! You can do one now whilst she’s pregnant. If she gets upset/defensive/shady then tell her you wont be helping her emotionally & financially til a DNA test confirms the baby is yours & she can get a court-ordered paternity test if she wants any child support if she declines to do DNA test now.
Do not sigh the birth certificate!
It’s because of her actions that you have to question paternity. She needs to own the consequences of her actions. If she’s upset with anyone, it should be herself for creating reasonable doubt. The timeline is off and she cheated. If she gets upset/ angry, it’s most likely to guilt you into backing down from wanting dna test because she knows it might not be yours.
Well, this baby is pretty obviously not yours and she is a CHEATER. So... I would ask for a paternity test and NOT sign any birth certificate when the baby comes. Most important, I'd BREAK UP with her now (or right when she leaves), telling her you don't believe the baby is yours and you think she cheated AGAIN. This is YOUR future we are talking about here! You don't need a CHEATER in it! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Exactly, I mean you can say it nicely. She’s pregnant. But I’d be telling my son this same advice. You don’t need to be on the hook for this kid for the next 18 years, if it’s not yours. Good luck 🍀
I have 5 kids and the difference from 16 weeks to almost 20 cant be explained away.
Sonograms are pretty accurate so please ask for a DNA test and find out before the birth. It is not a big deal if she has nothing to hide
This isn’t at all true. If he got a DNA test after the fact in the process of working out child support, he would not be “on the hook regardless”. She could put anyone down and they sign, this doesn’t mean they are automatically responsible regardless of paternity.
OP, ask for a dna test now. You have every right to with the past and with that much of a week disparity. She’s already moving back with her mom. You don’t have a lot to lose here and have a ton to gain by not being responsible for a kid that isn’t yours.
I used to work family law. It's not just the birth certificate. Depending on where you live, the hospital may ask (some really push) you to sign a VAP form (voluntary acknowledgment of paternity). Once those are signed it is EXTREMELY difficult to revoke.
First and foremost dates are a guess and not an exact science, however most times they are within a week to ten days. If you are outside of that window, then you have cause for concern. There are paternity tests that can be done before birth of a child but it doesn’t sound like you are in position to do this. I would tell you to trust your gut and support her verbally from a distance. Then insist the test be done at time of birth. Do not sign any documents, birth certificates or hospital agreements until you have clarification that the child is yours. The fact that she wanted to get rid of the child so quickly makes me think she knows it’s not yours and she’s hoping for the best. Hoping you will step up or not question whether it’s yours or not. This is life changing for you. There has never been a more important time in your life to stand up for yourself and get the answers you need. If she gets upset explain to her that her past behavior has created enough doubt for you to want this, and that was of her own doing not yours. I wishing you the best in either way the chips may fall. You owe this to yourself.
Not really, when you consider the variation in time from first day of last period to ovulation adds several weeks variability because we don't know when she ovulated. Also the size of babies is highly variable. i had a preemie sized full term baby at 37.5 weeks. My daughter is just a small stature person. Other people I know had 7 or 8lb babies at 37ish weeks. The range of human variation when it comes to estimated fetal age or size at birth is pretty darn wide. They base it on size of their head. My daughter's head just happened to be super little, along with the rest of her. She measured 4-6 weeks smaller in gestational age throughout the whole pregnancy and at birth and I know for a fact when she was conceived because I had sex exactly one time in the 2 years preceding her birth lol. A baby could easily measure 4-6 weeks ahead in gestational age just by having larger human genes. Since babies are already small, differences in gestational age estimates are matters of ounces and millimeters. I'd think twice before blowing up a wanted relationship over it.
If it says 19 weeks, 5 days. It’s actually 17 weeks, five days. You aren’t pregnant for the first two weeks of the cycle. Of course every woman is different, but this is an estimate. I would still get a paternity test but just know it still might be yours, with weird dates.
This, OP. 19 weeks since her last period means 17 weeks since the sex that lead to pregnancy occurred. And all of these are estimates and could totally be off by a week. So if it's actually 16 weeks since she had the sex that led to the baby, then it sounds like you would in fact be the father. Don't go in making assumptions or accusations, ask to talk to the doctor alone about the timeline. If she didn't cheat on you in Jan, this will be a big deal for her yo feel accused of.
I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant, and my dates consistently have been off by 4 days since my first appointment at 9 weeks. It’s because they measure the pregnancy from first day of last period and assume you ovulated on day 14 of your cycle, but you can ovulate earlier or later, sometimes significantly earlier or later if you have irregular periods.
Regardless, OP should definitely get a paternity test. You don’t need to step up and pay child support for a child that isn’t yours (nor should you have to support the mother 100% even if the child is yours). Regardless of paternity, OP’s gf seems happy to allow him to take on 100% of the financial burden, which isn’t a great sign.
I’m going into this 50/50 because it could be mine and I am willing to play my role if it is, but I didn’t see see her until almost a month after the estimated conception (Feb 15th). But I agree
You can get a paternity test done during pregnancy.
[It's a blood test called NIPP](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/paternity-testing-while-pregnant#:~:text=It%20involves%20taking%20a%20blood,the%208th%20week%20of%20pregnancy.)
Please research how due dates are calculated. They are calculated since the first day of her last period. If you saw her 1-3 weeks after that day then the baby could very likely be yours.
She's leaving to be with her mother? Just let her leave. Then when she's with her mother, just tell her that you want a DNA test before you sign any birth certificate. If not, you won't sign.
That's it. If she breaks up with you, then she breaks up with you.
If it turns out to be your kid and your want to reconcile, then you may want to apologize and plead with her I suppose but don't expect her to agree to that. The point being, be prepared, if this child is biologically yours, to coparent with her and since she's at another place, be prepared for paying CS too.
Find yourself a cheaper rental or move back in with your parents if you think you can't afford getting a lawyer, because that's my next suggestion. Get a lawyer to arrange for custody-child support should things get hostile between the two of you.
Are you in the US? If yes, she should get on Medicaid so that she can go to the doctors, like stat, she's not working etc, so she actually is eligible for that. If not, what's your local resources like over there for pregnant mothers who don't have any employment?
Yeah that part's confusing to me! If she's pregnant and not working she should be able to qualify for welfare insurance. Like why wouldn't that be her first stop? But I wouldn't say that to her now... Don't encourage her to stay with him! He needs to get her out as easily as possible! And if she knows that he doesn't want her around well but she might dig in and be even more stubborn about staying!
Even better, if they are in the US and if she's less than 26 years old, she should be on her parents' health insurance. Our married kid was on ours until the last minute of their 25th year and the others that live on their own will all be on it for a couple years here and there.
It's the law.
I just look at OP's history, he's in St. Louis. I'm going to assume St. Louis, Missouri, which is in the US...
Yeah, my kid is 18 and he's still on our insurance, until we'd keep that until he's 26. I'm just confused why she's not on her parents', and if her parents don't have insurance (honestly, it can happen these days), she is eligible of Medicaid for not working and being pregnant.
Just tell her you have concerns that by looking At the dates on the paper she would have gotten pregnant in January and you didn’t see her till February and it might be a good idea to get a DNA test done just to put everyone’s mind at rest?.
Why on earth did you keep going back to her? This "official" business needs to stop, if you are screwing someone you shouldn't be getting it from anyone else regardless of the "status" of your relationship it's just an excuse to sleep around. Anyway, conception dates are an estimate based of your last period and so aren't accurate at all, as unless you are tracking your ovulation you don't know when you ovulate,so don't base much on that. If she won't do a paternity test don't sign anything and look to extract yourself from.this situation, don't give into her cries of being homeless with a newborn if it's yours she'll do a test and prove it. This is a mess you have brought on yourself and you need to learn fast! Don't keep going back to someone who cheats and ALWAYS USE A CONDOM if you don't want to be a dad
In a relationship where you aren’t married and there has been a possibility of other partners it only makes sense to have a paternity test. Bring it up early and calmly so she can understand where you are coming from!
Why didn’t she terminate since it’s what you both originally wanted?
Regardless, you need to just lay it out and sue to her past infidelity and the date of the pregnancy, you need a dna test to confirm paternity
Dude, this is not one of those scenarios where a long-term husband one day listens to the wrong podcast, comes home and--without any prior evidence to support such an accusation (because that's what it is)--blindsides his ever-faithful wife by demanding paternity tests on their children. Those guys often, deservedly, end up divorced.
You have every reason to suspect this child might not be yours. Speak as kindly as you can, but sit her down and insist on the DNA test. The sooner the better.
If you weren't officially dating, then why was this considered cheating? Anyways, ask for the paternity test first. Honey over vinegar. Then demand one if she doesn't comply. Her actions, officially cheating or not, don't inspire trust and confidence. You have the right in this.
I don’t consider it cheating no, just untrustworthiness and now that she’s pregnant and I don’t know if I’m the father: an issue I need a resolution to for my peace of mind. The first two times we weren’t dating and she even brought that up. But she told me I was the only person she was talking to and I believed her. We were both talking to other people in the early stages of us meeting, but that was no later than 2021. So for approx 3 years I assumed she was being exclusive to me, which ended up not being true AND it happens during the time period she said she wasn’t talking to anyone but me. Which is where my suspicions started. I wish she had been honest with my upfront because I wouldn’t have moved her in with me
Most times doctors don't clarify this, but maybe they should. What you are considering 'the conception date' is really:
>First day of last period
>Most pregnancies last around 40 weeks (or 38 weeks from conception), so typically the best way to estimate your due date is to **count 40 weeks, or 280 days, from the first day of your last menstrual period (LMP)**
It's easier to add 7 to the first day of last period, for example Oct 22 lmp, add 7 that is Oct 29. Then count back 3 months. Which puts you at July 29.
Wait a sec? So you caught her giving head to another man and took her back and caught her again and took her back? Do you like the taste of dick? Because that’s what it taste like when u kiss her….
dude if you don't get your head out your ass and leave this girl alone, i dunno what to tell you. her untrustworthy ass ain't the one you settle down with. she was 100% bumpin bellies with the dude whose house she went to.
Hey, you’re always two weeks pregnant. Because they go from first day of your period to date it but you don’t ovulate till half way about day 14 and then you get pregnant but it doesn’t even hit you uterus for a few days then had to start building before you can get a pregnancy test about the time of your first missed period. So 19 1/2 weeks pregnant is the measurement but she technically didn’t get pregnant that day. It was two weeks later. Which I don’t know if you were with her then or not. Which matters but wanted you to understand how they date it. Ask a ob or a specialist if you need as well as go for the dna test, but I think you might be stressing a misunderstanding.
How did they do the estimate OP? Did they do an ultrasound to see how big the baby is or did they ask her when her last period was? Those two aren’t always the same, so just make sure you’re speaking the same language to the medical staff. If they mean 19 weeks since last period , that’s different than a baby whose size measures 19 weeks with an ultrasound.
Yeah, but did you do the math correctly? Cause pregnancy measures the date from the start date of your last known period. So if her last period started on the 13th of Jan, and we assume she has a standard 28 day cycle with 5 days of bleeding, she got pregnant between the 19th of Jan to the 16th of Feb, likely around early Feb due to standard ovulation timing. So by PROPER math, (and a lot of date assumptions on my part) it's still quite possibly your kiddo.
Either way, DNA is a must, and your relationship is likely to end. Can't really come back from thinking your partner is baby trapping you, after multiple weird infidelity moments.
if it is mine, I have no issue fathering the child and playing a role in her life. but I didn’t see her until Feb 15th, so would that still make it possible?
Depending on her cycle, yeah, it's possible. For instance, many women have a 7 day period, which would mean her first date would be the 19th of Jan. But if she has a menstrual condition, she might have even had spotting for 9 or so days, who knows. My initial math used the most common of period windows for women, but certainly not all. And length of her period really matters, because it can easily bump forward your possible conception window.
Next, uf she had, say, a 32 to 35 day cycle (which isn't unheard of, though is significantly less common the longer the cycle goes, though again, this could be the cause of a menstrual issue), then your date window for possible conception is instead the 19th of Jan-22nd of Feb.
Ovulation usually happens in the 1.5-2nd week of the month, but my best friend just struggled to conceive for a long while and ended up doing ovulation tracking, and learned that she ovulates in the 2.5-3.5rd week of the month. (She also has long periods and a long cycle, so that's where I understand so much of this from. She has a polycystic ovary) So yes, it's possible that your gf ovulated as late as the 13th of Feb, and the egg could still be alive and she could be impregnated on the 15th.
Further, you've got to worry about the dating scans, which are bloody ridiculous. So, I know, without a doubt, the date my girl was conceived, right? Partially I know because I found out I was pregnant exactly two weeks (though I'd suspected it a week prior and took a negative pregnancy test) after, to the day, but also because I only had sex on that one day of the entire month surrounding it. Anyway, I am 1000% positive when my baby was conceived, is the point. But my dating put it two weeks prior, based on what I've just explained to you about it being from your last period. Then my 6 week scan moved it further back another week, then my 12 week scan moved it back a half week, then my 20 week scan moved it back a third - so 4.5 weeks prior to my legitimate conception date. So despite knowing for a damn fact that my little girl was conceived on the 15th of December, my "conception date" ended up being moved back to the 14th of November. Anyway, I hit my new "due date" and passed it by 2 weeks, and I got induced. And was told she was a bit early after all, but it's okay, cause I just have huge babies 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 meaning they induced me basically a week before what should have been my due date, cause she was huge.
So my point is, if it's a big baby, then the conception date could move back for that reason too.
It's a big confluence of circumstances that all would have to be swinging in your favour for...but yes, **it is absolutely medically possible for you to be the father.** Unlikely, but medically possible.
But it doesn't matter, because if you have a single doubt (and due to prior infidelity, you *should*), then you must get a DNA test.
1. Fuck her feelings this is way more important than a few hours angry.
2. She should aggree to it. You were never there, and she got some cheater lifestyle in her.
Sorry this happens to you
Bro, why would you give this tinderela another chance after you caught her cheating? It’s kind of your own fault you’re in this situation. Leave her and choose better next time.
Also, don’t say anything about a DNA test or leaving her (if you decide that. Which you should), until after she moves back home.
"Hey, since the conception date could have been in January, as the ER test showed, we will be getting a paternity test to get a solid answer."
You can do it. It's a conversation that can effect the rest of your life (and several peoples' lives).
It took me a second to figure out what "BM" meant, and I was wondering how your girlfriend's ex passing a particularly bad bowel movement would merit an RIP.
Just keep the peace until she moves back home. After she’s out of your house then you let her know she needs to have a paternity test because the timeline is off and you can’t be sure the baby is yours. What you do from there is contingent on the results of the test.
I think she’s running a game on you. She doesn’t sound like a woman of integrity at all. Nothing she’s done so far makes her a very good person or partner. Yikes!!!
Yeah, given her history of cheating and the sketchy timing, a DNA test is warranted. It is worth noting that pregnancy is measured from the date of the last period, not the estimated date of conception, so it’s possible it is still yours, but still, worth making sure.
1. The first 2 weeks of pregnancy are the week of her period, and then her follicular phase; when she's not pregnant at all. Conception date is usually day 13-15 of her cycle, so early February for you guys.
2. Kindly but firmly say ro her: due to us being in a long distance relationship amd your history of infidelity we need to do a paternity test.
Paternity tests can be safely done before delivery.
You know that a pregnancy is backdated to the first day of a woman’s last period, right? So a woman is actually “pregnant” roughly 2 weeks before she actually got knocked up? A lot of men get confused by this.
“We have a problem. The doctor has you at 19 weeks pregnancy, which puts conception in the middle of January. I didn’t see you in January, so it’s impossible for the baby to be mine. There is no way I can sign the birth certificate until we have a dna test to confirm I am, or am not, the father.”
Updateme!
Did anyone else see "BM" and think bowel movement? I figured it out quickly (still think it's funny to use the words "baby mama" --I mean seriously?) But this made me laugh:
>The BM ended up passing
Guys the missing part is they went from abortiion to her moving out and spending weeks on end in his home doing nothing not even doctors visits for 20 weeks
We’re you just dating , at the beginning , so is this really cheating ??? (but if so ) so she went to the funeral SERVICE, then went to SERVICE the guy and gave him head one time, and you forgave her, then you found out she was at his apartment, doing the nasty and you forgave her , now she’s pregnant and the time frame pushes back to when she was with that guy. Tell her I will only put my name on the birth certificate if we get a DNA test. And if it’s not mine , I will not pay for the child’s upbringing. Let the baby daddy do it. Do you really want to take care of her affair baby , the next 25 yrs ? she’s a 2X cheater that had no consequences for her actions, she does not respect you. !
updateme
She is a mooch and trying to baby trap you, it may not even be your kid. Request a DNA test and don't let her continue using your funds until you at least confirm it's your kid.
Those pregnancy dates are usually also the period following the actual "conception" date which could be a week or 3 Earlier than that date.
>What should I do?? Am I tripping? Do you guys think she had sex with the man she was seeing in January, or could it be mine?
Not yours, U R free to leave.
Even if the baby isn't yours it's not going to matter if you can't stay away from her. There was already more then enough reason. And you wouldn't be in this mess.
You probably want to talk about this with people who specialize in these areas to discuss your options. Doctors and lawyers.
Coming out guns blazing with "Is the baby mine?" that's probably going to ruin your relationship if it is in fact yours.
Ideally, you get a DNA test privately after the baby is born to find out for yourself. Sparing your relationship from the grief of accusations. However, at the hospital during the birth, I am unsure how legally responsible you will be for it once you sign your name as the father and if it turns out not to be yours.
So, kind of a pickle for sure...
Probably want to talk to some doctors and lawyers on this one. And if you need to get a paternity test while its in the womb, so be it.
*Dude, Here's the deal. You have doubts and that's okay. The best course of action is to be honest with your girlfriend. Pick a calm moment and explain how the timeline is messing with you. Say something like, "Listen, with the new info from the doctor, I'm having a hard time because it doesn't match when we were together. A paternity test would ease my mind."*
*I know it's not ideal but bringing it up now is better than later. It's also important to consider how you'll handle things if the baby isn't yours. Do you still want to be involved? Talk about this with her too.*
*This situation is stressful, so don't be afraid to seek support. Talk to a close friend or family member. You mentioned adoption, so maybe reach out to a support group for adopted children.*
*The health of the baby comes first. Make sure your girlfriend can still see a doctor before she leaves. Good luck!*
I feel like you've seen posts where women get upset when asked for paternity and that's why you're apprehensive. The fact is it's only a shitty thing to ask for if your partner is faithful - yours is not. So just ask and do not sign the birth certificate before it comes through. Honestly I'd ask for one now so you can cut off support immediately if it's not yours, but I understand that's tougher/more expensive to get than after birth.
OP, you seem to lack common sense. She cheats multiple times, you forgive her multiple times and believe her multiple times when she says won't do it again (even though her track record shows otherwise).
Now she is pregnant with suspicious timing. After all of the above, you hold on to hope that it might still be yours.
She doesn't get an abortion because you can't afford it, but somehow, you think having a kid would be cheaper. You don't realize you are paying expenses for this little person for a minimum of 18 years?
You move this cheater, pregnant with another man's baby, into your place and pay all her bills, even though you can barely afford it.
Dude, just end it, kick her out, and move on with your life. If she demands child support, insist on a DNA test. Why are you so hung up on being with this woman?
I was a teen parent. My son was born 2 weeks shy of my 17th birthday. His dad asked for a dna test 25 years ago when it was very expensive. I had zero problem with this. I knew it was his son, and I understood why he needed to know for sure. We lived in neighboring towns and went to different school districts, and there was plenty of time I could have cheated. He was 17 and didn't want to be responsible for a child that was not his. That's reasonable. In my case, he cheated, and we split while I was pregnant. He refused to let me pursue adoption. Then, a year later, when I asked for child support, he asked for the test. I still happily said yes. Even though it was very angry at him for hurting my feelings by cheating. These days, they can do a simple blood test. It's no risk to the baby. Or wait till it's born. Just don't sign anything until you know it's your baby.
You can get DNA testing now from the womb. A little pricy but way cheaper than supporting her while she’s pregnant. If she won’t consent to it, you have your answer.
Just say that given she is 19 weeks and you weren't even in the same state at the time of conception you need a DNA test to continue with the relationship.
Do not sign the birth certificate until you confirm it. It will not be an easy discussion but you must insist on a DNA test.
She was unfaithful and it is perfectly reasonable for you to now ask for the clarity. I would never cheat on my Husband so I would clearly be upset if he asked for a DNA test, but since she has a tendency to cheat she shouldn't be shocked. If she gets mad it's because she knows it's not yours.
I learnt the hard way from an ex, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Hope you find someone that loves you. You deserve better.
People who cheat multiple times should accept without complaint that they have to do paternity tests. She didn't confess, she was caught as well. Her word isn't worth much at all and needs evidence to be believed.
This is cut & dry.
DNA test before you sign anything.
If it aint yours: gtfo, block & delete.
If it's yours: raise the kid. Love it. Whether you love the mother or not is up to you. I'd be concerned pretty much forever that she lies to you since she's done it before. 'Cheating' or not.
Honestly dude...she gave a guy head the day of his baby mama's funeral? I feel like that's really tacky and like I could understand it if she ended up sleeping with him to console but head 🗣️....idk maybe it's just me. A nyway she cheated on your a couple times since. I don't know why you're still with her
I didn't read past "giving him head". There should have been no fast forward. That should have been the end of it.
You've sucked his dick by proxy.
Invitro paternity test. Immediately. If she refuses - leave. Don't give her anything until paternity can be established.
First of all, if you don't INSIST on a DNA test, you're an idiot.
You know she cheated on you giving another guy head. How many times did she do that and kiss you that you don't know about? Then you catch her at his apartment? I'm sure it was just a emergency and that was the only bathroom around.
Now the timelines for her pregnancy don't line up? Why don't you just give up and raise somebody else's kid?
You are better than this, you DESERVE better than a woman like this. Regardless of the DNA test outcome, cut your relationship with her. IF it is your kid, co-parent. It's better than being in a relationship with somebody who is proven they are a cheater. Quit scrapping the bottom of the trash can looking for a girlfriend.
In the interests of EVERYONE concerned. Especially the unborn child. You should voice your concerns about the incident with the ‘consolation’ blow job and tell her that you intend to have the child DNA tested. Long term. You can’t trust her. You can’t build a successful relationship with someone who you can’t trust. Good luck.
Doesn’t sound like that’s your baby, dude. I would just say listen, I’m concerned about the timeline of the pregnancy and you being with the other guy. I’m not having my name on the birth certificate until a paternity test is done. We will figure out how to raise this baby together once I know it’s mine.
I’m an OB nursing instructor. Tell me her due date and I can give you the proximate date of conception (it can vary a bit but usually pretty accurate).
"There is something not quite adding up about when you said you got pregnant and how far along the pregnancy is actually. For my peace of mind would you agree to do a paternity test?"
If the answer is no, you got an answer anyway.
You said the pregnancy started a few days before you last saw her. Pregnancies are counted from the first day of last menstrual period, not from the date of conception. So if she had the first day of her period on the 1st of the month but you didn’t see her until the 15th when she got pregnant, her pregnancy would still be counted from the 1st of the month.
She wasn't faithful during the relationship u have every right to doubt her . Don't sign the birth certificate until u get a paternity test .
U can have a prenatal paternity test
Start with a simple blood test to see if it’s yours. Actions follow after but the whole thing sounds dramatic and stressful and a baby will make it all worse. You’re young and it sounds like she’s untrustworthy.
It seems as though we need more information on how they determined how far along she was. If it is based on an estimate of her last period, then it is more iffy. If they did an ultrasound and measured the baby, then it is less iffy on the conception. My best advice is to make sure you 100% get a paternity test before trying to do anything for her or sign anything for the baby. You can be there for her but do it as a friend and not a lover. It is also unfair to the other guy who's baby it probably is if she didn't tell him he could possibly be a father.
Don’t put your name on the birth certificate until you’re sure it’s your kid or get a DNA test. You don’t want to get stuck supporting a kid that isn’t yours.
You say: "Hey, this is a whole fucking human life. We need to be sure about who the father is, and we both know there's another man you were fucking. Get the DNA test or I'm going to assume you know it's his."
I wouldn’t trust her doing the paternity test back home and giving you the real results. She’s already lied before, do you think she’s capable of baby trapping you? Be present for the testing or get your own independent testing done that gets you the results in hand without her being the inbetween.
Life can be depressing, but then, again, there will be times when you are extremely happy. If you don't love her anymore, that is the key. As for the baby, they deserve love too. Being adopted, I would have hoped that you know how hard this can be. The baby (and girl) need love. If you can't give it, stop the relationship.
Before you sign any birth certificate get the dna test done. If she refuses she can move back from where she came. That other guy had a BM before. He’ll know the drill.
You just do not know. I would lay low until she is gone. Her moving back home is a wise move. Once she is gone, you need a heart to heart talk. I hope you reassure her that if you are the father, you will be there for her and the baby. This does not mean you need to be in a relationship with her.
> she didn't want to keep it and had no plan on telling her parents because of it being so unexpected
Why is she still pregnant if she doesn't want to keep it?
You request a DNA and don't sign your name on anything. You make that clear to her and the doctors. Get a court order for one. And again since some people don't understand DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING
Seems like you have a very vaid reason for concern, she has a history of being unfaithful as well as the time not matching up, if it is yours then there isnt a reason to say no and it would infact only make it more likely that it isnt yours
> But when she gave me the papers confirming her pregnancy I noticed that it said she was a couple days pregnant before I had last seen her, which I thought was odd.
> they came back and told us she is actually 19 weeks and 5 days
If the test says 19 weeks and 5 days, the act of intercourse that caused the pregnancy likely occurred 17 weeks and 5 days prior. It's dumb, but that's the way they "do the math". A woman can be impregnanted at the mid point between two periods, but the conception date is recorded as being the first date of the period prior to the *actual* conception.
Pregnancy is dated based on the first day of the last period. She probably conceived while you were visiting. Since the first 2 weeks are her period and the week after .
100% get a paternity test.
Baby's growth during pregnancy varies, and the measurements are not exact. My youngest was measuring right on time until 34 weeks, and then the next week, he was measuring 37 weeks. They induced at 38 weeks telling me he'd be right around 8lbs. He was almost 10 lbs!
For the minor updates, or when you can't repost directly in a given sub (due to limitations), I would advise you to post directly in your own profile so your posts won't be removed/censored and you can keep a trace of your own state of mind and what you knew at each given time. Might be very usefull later on.
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Is there a part of this story that’s missing? Specifically, like how it went from abortion to 20 weeks pregnant? Genuinely cornfused….
I came here looking for this exact comment. I’m scratching my head.
I'm confused too
I’m just trying to figure out what BM means. It’s not bowel movement, that’s pretty much all I’ve ruled out
Baby mom lol
Baby Mama
"cornfused"... Are you from Iowa? 🤔😂😂😂
I thought the same thing but either way OP unless this is an immaculate conception it’s highly unlikely the baby is yours!
[удалено]
This is the most important advice you will get. If you sign the certificate of birth, you're on the hook regardless. Listen, you're questioning whether you love her or not. If you *actually* love someone, that question isn't on your radar. Not trying to be mean! She put you through a lot, you have every right to be unsure. I would just outright tell her based on the timeline, you need a DNA test to put your mind at ease. She cheated in the past, you literally caught her at the other man's house after she said she wouldn't see him any longer after her first betrayal, who's to say she didn't slip up again? If she got pregnant in January and you hadn't seen her until February, well, the math just isn't mathing. You are well within your rights to ask for a DNA test with all this past information. If that makes her upset, so be it, but if she refuses, do not sign that certificate until the baby is tested.
this. all of this. thank you!!
Don't worry about the math. I'm the mother of two, and with my first they constantly changed the estimated date of conception. First, the beginning of the pregnancy is when she last bled before the conception, which (if her cycle is 28 days and she ovulated two weeks after) is two weeks before you needed to have sex. This can change, as cycle lengths can vary, and with that, ovulation dates, too. Second, they estimate based on the baby's growth. Children have growth spurts, inside and outside of the womb, and the size of it's head (one of the measurements) is not telling anything reliable about when mommy had sex. It basically says that "we once checked a lot of babies, and found that babies this big were usually, on the average X weeks old, so now we say that those big babies are estimated to be X weeks old". My child constantly got older, accordibg to the estimations, and I argued wirh them once because they estimated him 40 weeks old, and I just knew he wasn't, and when they tried to scedule a C-section because he was sideways (the only position where birth is impossible, and very dangerous once labour starts), I worried they might take him out prematurely. *TLDR: estimated age is about how big / how mature is the baby. It's NOT really about when the baby was conceived. And don't forget to substract two weeks, because 6 weeks of pregnancy means 6 weeks since mom's last bleeding started, which is not when she,'s supposed to ovulate.* But a DNA test is definitely a good idea with such a rocky start, and even is she is pregnant, she must not treat your home as a hotel where she gets free service. Pregnancy is physically hard, especially is she's sick a lot, but when she can, she should try to look for work, or do hoysework at least
Also, it helps if you know that estimation is for the doctors, and it basically tells the chances of survival / survival without premature care. "This baby seems as developed as the average 19 weeks old."
Yes! I came on here to say this too! Make sure you are subtracting those first couple of weeks if you haven’t already OP.
This should be higher.
Thank you.
Also it seems like all the so called confirmed cheating was before they were "officially dating" aka ...not cheating. So OP is a dude who expects to control her sex life while also not "officially dating" her to the point where she needs to seek forgiveness for "cheating". News bulletin: If you are not "officially dating" its not "officially cheating". It seems like OP wants to have control but not responsibility. Wants a say in her keeping the baby, but to keep holding what wasn't actually cheating over her head. If she was going to get an abortion and you talked her out of it on the basis of your support and investment you should take that into consideration whether you are the father or not. Sounds like OP wants to tell her what to do but not pick up the tab when she does what he wants. I bet if she left and said "never mind, no test, don't need ya, don't let the door hit ya where the Lord split ya" and went off to be a single mom and rely on others for help he would be crying that she kept his child from him.
Every time I read a post where it's "she slept with someone else before we were exclusive, so that's proof of cheating" I'm just wondering how all the dudes here miss that. Like OP is clearly setting up his girlfriend to be untrustworthy because she....slept with another man before they were official. And all the guys who spout their "your gf only broke up with you to be with Chad" nonsense on here eat it up. If your only proof of cheating is "before I asked her to date me, she had a FWB" then that is not proof!!! That's only proof that when she was SINGLE she had a FWB.
Dont be shy about asking for DNA test when she was already cheated on you twice with that guy! You can do one now whilst she’s pregnant. If she gets upset/defensive/shady then tell her you wont be helping her emotionally & financially til a DNA test confirms the baby is yours & she can get a court-ordered paternity test if she wants any child support if she declines to do DNA test now. Do not sigh the birth certificate!
It’s because of her actions that you have to question paternity. She needs to own the consequences of her actions. If she’s upset with anyone, it should be herself for creating reasonable doubt. The timeline is off and she cheated. If she gets upset/ angry, it’s most likely to guilt you into backing down from wanting dna test because she knows it might not be yours.
Well, this baby is pretty obviously not yours and she is a CHEATER. So... I would ask for a paternity test and NOT sign any birth certificate when the baby comes. Most important, I'd BREAK UP with her now (or right when she leaves), telling her you don't believe the baby is yours and you think she cheated AGAIN. This is YOUR future we are talking about here! You don't need a CHEATER in it! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Exactly, I mean you can say it nicely. She’s pregnant. But I’d be telling my son this same advice. You don’t need to be on the hook for this kid for the next 18 years, if it’s not yours. Good luck 🍀
I have 5 kids and the difference from 16 weeks to almost 20 cant be explained away. Sonograms are pretty accurate so please ask for a DNA test and find out before the birth. It is not a big deal if she has nothing to hide
This isn’t at all true. If he got a DNA test after the fact in the process of working out child support, he would not be “on the hook regardless”. She could put anyone down and they sign, this doesn’t mean they are automatically responsible regardless of paternity. OP, ask for a dna test now. You have every right to with the past and with that much of a week disparity. She’s already moving back with her mom. You don’t have a lot to lose here and have a ton to gain by not being responsible for a kid that isn’t yours.
IF NOTHING ELSE. THIS IS THE ADVICE TO FOLLOW
This is exactly what I was going to say. Do not sign the birth certificate. She is already untrustworthy and trying to baby trap you.
I used to work family law. It's not just the birth certificate. Depending on where you live, the hospital may ask (some really push) you to sign a VAP form (voluntary acknowledgment of paternity). Once those are signed it is EXTREMELY difficult to revoke.
This deserves all the upvotes. Please listen
The date they use for calculating number of weeks is the last time a woman has a period. That is 3 weeks before conception.
First and foremost dates are a guess and not an exact science, however most times they are within a week to ten days. If you are outside of that window, then you have cause for concern. There are paternity tests that can be done before birth of a child but it doesn’t sound like you are in position to do this. I would tell you to trust your gut and support her verbally from a distance. Then insist the test be done at time of birth. Do not sign any documents, birth certificates or hospital agreements until you have clarification that the child is yours. The fact that she wanted to get rid of the child so quickly makes me think she knows it’s not yours and she’s hoping for the best. Hoping you will step up or not question whether it’s yours or not. This is life changing for you. There has never been a more important time in your life to stand up for yourself and get the answers you need. If she gets upset explain to her that her past behavior has created enough doubt for you to want this, and that was of her own doing not yours. I wishing you the best in either way the chips may fall. You owe this to yourself.
Yeah…16 turning into 19 is totally different than a handful of days.
Not really, when you consider the variation in time from first day of last period to ovulation adds several weeks variability because we don't know when she ovulated. Also the size of babies is highly variable. i had a preemie sized full term baby at 37.5 weeks. My daughter is just a small stature person. Other people I know had 7 or 8lb babies at 37ish weeks. The range of human variation when it comes to estimated fetal age or size at birth is pretty darn wide. They base it on size of their head. My daughter's head just happened to be super little, along with the rest of her. She measured 4-6 weeks smaller in gestational age throughout the whole pregnancy and at birth and I know for a fact when she was conceived because I had sex exactly one time in the 2 years preceding her birth lol. A baby could easily measure 4-6 weeks ahead in gestational age just by having larger human genes. Since babies are already small, differences in gestational age estimates are matters of ounces and millimeters. I'd think twice before blowing up a wanted relationship over it.
If it says 19 weeks, 5 days. It’s actually 17 weeks, five days. You aren’t pregnant for the first two weeks of the cycle. Of course every woman is different, but this is an estimate. I would still get a paternity test but just know it still might be yours, with weird dates.
Which I think is February 3rd as conception date.
This, OP. 19 weeks since her last period means 17 weeks since the sex that lead to pregnancy occurred. And all of these are estimates and could totally be off by a week. So if it's actually 16 weeks since she had the sex that led to the baby, then it sounds like you would in fact be the father. Don't go in making assumptions or accusations, ask to talk to the doctor alone about the timeline. If she didn't cheat on you in Jan, this will be a big deal for her yo feel accused of.
I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant, and my dates consistently have been off by 4 days since my first appointment at 9 weeks. It’s because they measure the pregnancy from first day of last period and assume you ovulated on day 14 of your cycle, but you can ovulate earlier or later, sometimes significantly earlier or later if you have irregular periods. Regardless, OP should definitely get a paternity test. You don’t need to step up and pay child support for a child that isn’t yours (nor should you have to support the mother 100% even if the child is yours). Regardless of paternity, OP’s gf seems happy to allow him to take on 100% of the financial burden, which isn’t a great sign.
I’m going into this 50/50 because it could be mine and I am willing to play my role if it is, but I didn’t see see her until almost a month after the estimated conception (Feb 15th). But I agree
You can get a paternity test done during pregnancy. [It's a blood test called NIPP](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/paternity-testing-while-pregnant#:~:text=It%20involves%20taking%20a%20blood,the%208th%20week%20of%20pregnancy.)
I don’t think the kid is yours then. 3-4 days off maybe. That many. No. Good luck.
This is correct OP. It’s science. If you didn’t see her till 2 weeks after the estimated conception date, the baby isn’t yours.
I'm worried OP doesn't understand how pregnancy dating is done. Not sure you do either. 19 weeks pregnant means 17 weeks after estimated conception.
Please research how due dates are calculated. They are calculated since the first day of her last period. If you saw her 1-3 weeks after that day then the baby could very likely be yours.
DNA test all the way. Don’t go into this with any doubt, period.
She's leaving to be with her mother? Just let her leave. Then when she's with her mother, just tell her that you want a DNA test before you sign any birth certificate. If not, you won't sign. That's it. If she breaks up with you, then she breaks up with you. If it turns out to be your kid and your want to reconcile, then you may want to apologize and plead with her I suppose but don't expect her to agree to that. The point being, be prepared, if this child is biologically yours, to coparent with her and since she's at another place, be prepared for paying CS too. Find yourself a cheaper rental or move back in with your parents if you think you can't afford getting a lawyer, because that's my next suggestion. Get a lawyer to arrange for custody-child support should things get hostile between the two of you. Are you in the US? If yes, she should get on Medicaid so that she can go to the doctors, like stat, she's not working etc, so she actually is eligible for that. If not, what's your local resources like over there for pregnant mothers who don't have any employment?
Yeah that part's confusing to me! If she's pregnant and not working she should be able to qualify for welfare insurance. Like why wouldn't that be her first stop? But I wouldn't say that to her now... Don't encourage her to stay with him! He needs to get her out as easily as possible! And if she knows that he doesn't want her around well but she might dig in and be even more stubborn about staying!
Even better, if they are in the US and if she's less than 26 years old, she should be on her parents' health insurance. Our married kid was on ours until the last minute of their 25th year and the others that live on their own will all be on it for a couple years here and there. It's the law.
I just look at OP's history, he's in St. Louis. I'm going to assume St. Louis, Missouri, which is in the US... Yeah, my kid is 18 and he's still on our insurance, until we'd keep that until he's 26. I'm just confused why she's not on her parents', and if her parents don't have insurance (honestly, it can happen these days), she is eligible of Medicaid for not working and being pregnant.
Just tell her you have concerns that by looking At the dates on the paper she would have gotten pregnant in January and you didn’t see her till February and it might be a good idea to get a DNA test done just to put everyone’s mind at rest?.
Why on earth did you keep going back to her? This "official" business needs to stop, if you are screwing someone you shouldn't be getting it from anyone else regardless of the "status" of your relationship it's just an excuse to sleep around. Anyway, conception dates are an estimate based of your last period and so aren't accurate at all, as unless you are tracking your ovulation you don't know when you ovulate,so don't base much on that. If she won't do a paternity test don't sign anything and look to extract yourself from.this situation, don't give into her cries of being homeless with a newborn if it's yours she'll do a test and prove it. This is a mess you have brought on yourself and you need to learn fast! Don't keep going back to someone who cheats and ALWAYS USE A CONDOM if you don't want to be a dad
In a relationship where you aren’t married and there has been a possibility of other partners it only makes sense to have a paternity test. Bring it up early and calmly so she can understand where you are coming from!
Why didn’t she terminate since it’s what you both originally wanted? Regardless, you need to just lay it out and sue to her past infidelity and the date of the pregnancy, you need a dna test to confirm paternity
kids are more expensive than abortions
and way more expensive than feelings
Dude, this is not one of those scenarios where a long-term husband one day listens to the wrong podcast, comes home and--without any prior evidence to support such an accusation (because that's what it is)--blindsides his ever-faithful wife by demanding paternity tests on their children. Those guys often, deservedly, end up divorced. You have every reason to suspect this child might not be yours. Speak as kindly as you can, but sit her down and insist on the DNA test. The sooner the better.
If you weren't officially dating, then why was this considered cheating? Anyways, ask for the paternity test first. Honey over vinegar. Then demand one if she doesn't comply. Her actions, officially cheating or not, don't inspire trust and confidence. You have the right in this.
I don’t consider it cheating no, just untrustworthiness and now that she’s pregnant and I don’t know if I’m the father: an issue I need a resolution to for my peace of mind. The first two times we weren’t dating and she even brought that up. But she told me I was the only person she was talking to and I believed her. We were both talking to other people in the early stages of us meeting, but that was no later than 2021. So for approx 3 years I assumed she was being exclusive to me, which ended up not being true AND it happens during the time period she said she wasn’t talking to anyone but me. Which is where my suspicions started. I wish she had been honest with my upfront because I wouldn’t have moved her in with me
This is crazy bro I’m sorry. 3 years??
Youre update got removed. Probably for being so soon after the original. You can edit this post to put it here?
Most times doctors don't clarify this, but maybe they should. What you are considering 'the conception date' is really: >First day of last period >Most pregnancies last around 40 weeks (or 38 weeks from conception), so typically the best way to estimate your due date is to **count 40 weeks, or 280 days, from the first day of your last menstrual period (LMP)**
It's easier to add 7 to the first day of last period, for example Oct 22 lmp, add 7 that is Oct 29. Then count back 3 months. Which puts you at July 29.
Wait a sec? So you caught her giving head to another man and took her back and caught her again and took her back? Do you like the taste of dick? Because that’s what it taste like when u kiss her….
If she doesn't has anything to hide, then there is no reason to not want or accept to do a paternity test.
Don’t sign nothin! Get the DNA test or it ain’t yours. Period.
dude if you don't get your head out your ass and leave this girl alone, i dunno what to tell you. her untrustworthy ass ain't the one you settle down with. she was 100% bumpin bellies with the dude whose house she went to.
When she moves back in with her mother just tell her that the dates don't line up and you want a DNA test.
Hey, you’re always two weeks pregnant. Because they go from first day of your period to date it but you don’t ovulate till half way about day 14 and then you get pregnant but it doesn’t even hit you uterus for a few days then had to start building before you can get a pregnancy test about the time of your first missed period. So 19 1/2 weeks pregnant is the measurement but she technically didn’t get pregnant that day. It was two weeks later. Which I don’t know if you were with her then or not. Which matters but wanted you to understand how they date it. Ask a ob or a specialist if you need as well as go for the dna test, but I think you might be stressing a misunderstanding.
I wasn’t out there with her until almost a month later (Feb 15) 😭
How did they do the estimate OP? Did they do an ultrasound to see how big the baby is or did they ask her when her last period was? Those two aren’t always the same, so just make sure you’re speaking the same language to the medical staff. If they mean 19 weeks since last period , that’s different than a baby whose size measures 19 weeks with an ultrasound.
both, but the 19.5 came from the ultrasound
Explain your fears. They are rational. Be calm and hopefully she will stay calm about it. Ask for the DNA test, don't demand.
No be a man, demand it. But whether it is or it isn’t yours, she still had sex with him
Yeah, but did you do the math correctly? Cause pregnancy measures the date from the start date of your last known period. So if her last period started on the 13th of Jan, and we assume she has a standard 28 day cycle with 5 days of bleeding, she got pregnant between the 19th of Jan to the 16th of Feb, likely around early Feb due to standard ovulation timing. So by PROPER math, (and a lot of date assumptions on my part) it's still quite possibly your kiddo. Either way, DNA is a must, and your relationship is likely to end. Can't really come back from thinking your partner is baby trapping you, after multiple weird infidelity moments.
if it is mine, I have no issue fathering the child and playing a role in her life. but I didn’t see her until Feb 15th, so would that still make it possible?
Depending on her cycle, yeah, it's possible. For instance, many women have a 7 day period, which would mean her first date would be the 19th of Jan. But if she has a menstrual condition, she might have even had spotting for 9 or so days, who knows. My initial math used the most common of period windows for women, but certainly not all. And length of her period really matters, because it can easily bump forward your possible conception window. Next, uf she had, say, a 32 to 35 day cycle (which isn't unheard of, though is significantly less common the longer the cycle goes, though again, this could be the cause of a menstrual issue), then your date window for possible conception is instead the 19th of Jan-22nd of Feb. Ovulation usually happens in the 1.5-2nd week of the month, but my best friend just struggled to conceive for a long while and ended up doing ovulation tracking, and learned that she ovulates in the 2.5-3.5rd week of the month. (She also has long periods and a long cycle, so that's where I understand so much of this from. She has a polycystic ovary) So yes, it's possible that your gf ovulated as late as the 13th of Feb, and the egg could still be alive and she could be impregnated on the 15th. Further, you've got to worry about the dating scans, which are bloody ridiculous. So, I know, without a doubt, the date my girl was conceived, right? Partially I know because I found out I was pregnant exactly two weeks (though I'd suspected it a week prior and took a negative pregnancy test) after, to the day, but also because I only had sex on that one day of the entire month surrounding it. Anyway, I am 1000% positive when my baby was conceived, is the point. But my dating put it two weeks prior, based on what I've just explained to you about it being from your last period. Then my 6 week scan moved it further back another week, then my 12 week scan moved it back a half week, then my 20 week scan moved it back a third - so 4.5 weeks prior to my legitimate conception date. So despite knowing for a damn fact that my little girl was conceived on the 15th of December, my "conception date" ended up being moved back to the 14th of November. Anyway, I hit my new "due date" and passed it by 2 weeks, and I got induced. And was told she was a bit early after all, but it's okay, cause I just have huge babies 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 meaning they induced me basically a week before what should have been my due date, cause she was huge. So my point is, if it's a big baby, then the conception date could move back for that reason too. It's a big confluence of circumstances that all would have to be swinging in your favour for...but yes, **it is absolutely medically possible for you to be the father.** Unlikely, but medically possible. But it doesn't matter, because if you have a single doubt (and due to prior infidelity, you *should*), then you must get a DNA test.
OP really got caught by his dick on this one! 😂 Met on Tinder while she was visiting his state? You led with your dick, now Lol now you fucccd
1. Fuck her feelings this is way more important than a few hours angry. 2. She should aggree to it. You were never there, and she got some cheater lifestyle in her. Sorry this happens to you
Bro, why would you give this tinderela another chance after you caught her cheating? It’s kind of your own fault you’re in this situation. Leave her and choose better next time. Also, don’t say anything about a DNA test or leaving her (if you decide that. Which you should), until after she moves back home.
She cheated on you so you are 💯 right In wanting to test. Ask her.
"Hey, since the conception date could have been in January, as the ER test showed, we will be getting a paternity test to get a solid answer." You can do it. It's a conversation that can effect the rest of your life (and several peoples' lives).
It took me a second to figure out what "BM" meant, and I was wondering how your girlfriend's ex passing a particularly bad bowel movement would merit an RIP.
Paternity test if all else fails, son. DNA never lies. People do.
You were an idiot after forgiving her the first time. Don't be an idiot for 18 more years. Get the test, dump the girl.
Just keep the peace until she moves back home. After she’s out of your house then you let her know she needs to have a paternity test because the timeline is off and you can’t be sure the baby is yours. What you do from there is contingent on the results of the test. I think she’s running a game on you. She doesn’t sound like a woman of integrity at all. Nothing she’s done so far makes her a very good person or partner. Yikes!!!
Yeah, given her history of cheating and the sketchy timing, a DNA test is warranted. It is worth noting that pregnancy is measured from the date of the last period, not the estimated date of conception, so it’s possible it is still yours, but still, worth making sure.
1. The first 2 weeks of pregnancy are the week of her period, and then her follicular phase; when she's not pregnant at all. Conception date is usually day 13-15 of her cycle, so early February for you guys. 2. Kindly but firmly say ro her: due to us being in a long distance relationship amd your history of infidelity we need to do a paternity test. Paternity tests can be safely done before delivery.
Dude, if the math isn't mathing, you gotta get a DNA test. Better to know now than to wonder forever.
What is BM? Please don't be a doormat.
Baby Mother
Yeah...you need to DNA the kid....and walk away if it's not yours....equally...step up if it is your child.
She said she didn’t want to keep it. How did you’ll end up keeping it? I didn’t get that part
You know that a pregnancy is backdated to the first day of a woman’s last period, right? So a woman is actually “pregnant” roughly 2 weeks before she actually got knocked up? A lot of men get confused by this.
“We have a problem. The doctor has you at 19 weeks pregnancy, which puts conception in the middle of January. I didn’t see you in January, so it’s impossible for the baby to be mine. There is no way I can sign the birth certificate until we have a dna test to confirm I am, or am not, the father.” Updateme!
Did anyone else see "BM" and think bowel movement? I figured it out quickly (still think it's funny to use the words "baby mama" --I mean seriously?) But this made me laugh: >The BM ended up passing
Guys the missing part is they went from abortiion to her moving out and spending weeks on end in his home doing nothing not even doctors visits for 20 weeks
We’re you just dating , at the beginning , so is this really cheating ??? (but if so ) so she went to the funeral SERVICE, then went to SERVICE the guy and gave him head one time, and you forgave her, then you found out she was at his apartment, doing the nasty and you forgave her , now she’s pregnant and the time frame pushes back to when she was with that guy. Tell her I will only put my name on the birth certificate if we get a DNA test. And if it’s not mine , I will not pay for the child’s upbringing. Let the baby daddy do it. Do you really want to take care of her affair baby , the next 25 yrs ? she’s a 2X cheater that had no consequences for her actions, she does not respect you. ! updateme
She is a mooch and trying to baby trap you, it may not even be your kid. Request a DNA test and don't let her continue using your funds until you at least confirm it's your kid. Those pregnancy dates are usually also the period following the actual "conception" date which could be a week or 3 Earlier than that date.
>What should I do?? Am I tripping? Do you guys think she had sex with the man she was seeing in January, or could it be mine? Not yours, U R free to leave.
Even if the baby isn't yours it's not going to matter if you can't stay away from her. There was already more then enough reason. And you wouldn't be in this mess.
She is your gf , not your wife. Even if it was your wife, the answer is just no. Part your ways.
You and someone else’s girlfriend are expecting.
You probably want to talk about this with people who specialize in these areas to discuss your options. Doctors and lawyers. Coming out guns blazing with "Is the baby mine?" that's probably going to ruin your relationship if it is in fact yours. Ideally, you get a DNA test privately after the baby is born to find out for yourself. Sparing your relationship from the grief of accusations. However, at the hospital during the birth, I am unsure how legally responsible you will be for it once you sign your name as the father and if it turns out not to be yours. So, kind of a pickle for sure... Probably want to talk to some doctors and lawyers on this one. And if you need to get a paternity test while its in the womb, so be it.
If you sign the BC, you are legally the father forevermore in the eyes of the court, regardless of any future DNA evidence. Your signature is binding…
*Dude, Here's the deal. You have doubts and that's okay. The best course of action is to be honest with your girlfriend. Pick a calm moment and explain how the timeline is messing with you. Say something like, "Listen, with the new info from the doctor, I'm having a hard time because it doesn't match when we were together. A paternity test would ease my mind."* *I know it's not ideal but bringing it up now is better than later. It's also important to consider how you'll handle things if the baby isn't yours. Do you still want to be involved? Talk about this with her too.* *This situation is stressful, so don't be afraid to seek support. Talk to a close friend or family member. You mentioned adoption, so maybe reach out to a support group for adopted children.* *The health of the baby comes first. Make sure your girlfriend can still see a doctor before she leaves. Good luck!*
19 weeks pregnant is a conception date in Feb. but you should get a dna test anyway.
Pray to god that baby is not yours and be done with that trash dude. This woman is a real piece of work.
Doormat
I feel like you've seen posts where women get upset when asked for paternity and that's why you're apprehensive. The fact is it's only a shitty thing to ask for if your partner is faithful - yours is not. So just ask and do not sign the birth certificate before it comes through. Honestly I'd ask for one now so you can cut off support immediately if it's not yours, but I understand that's tougher/more expensive to get than after birth.
Why did you move her in if you guys aren't serious like that? Get a DNA test and kick her to the curb where she belongs.
She can’t really be mad about a paternity test given the circumstances, and if she is then it definitely says something
OP, you seem to lack common sense. She cheats multiple times, you forgive her multiple times and believe her multiple times when she says won't do it again (even though her track record shows otherwise). Now she is pregnant with suspicious timing. After all of the above, you hold on to hope that it might still be yours. She doesn't get an abortion because you can't afford it, but somehow, you think having a kid would be cheaper. You don't realize you are paying expenses for this little person for a minimum of 18 years? You move this cheater, pregnant with another man's baby, into your place and pay all her bills, even though you can barely afford it. Dude, just end it, kick her out, and move on with your life. If she demands child support, insist on a DNA test. Why are you so hung up on being with this woman?
I was a teen parent. My son was born 2 weeks shy of my 17th birthday. His dad asked for a dna test 25 years ago when it was very expensive. I had zero problem with this. I knew it was his son, and I understood why he needed to know for sure. We lived in neighboring towns and went to different school districts, and there was plenty of time I could have cheated. He was 17 and didn't want to be responsible for a child that was not his. That's reasonable. In my case, he cheated, and we split while I was pregnant. He refused to let me pursue adoption. Then, a year later, when I asked for child support, he asked for the test. I still happily said yes. Even though it was very angry at him for hurting my feelings by cheating. These days, they can do a simple blood test. It's no risk to the baby. Or wait till it's born. Just don't sign anything until you know it's your baby.
DNA test. If she doesn't agree, don;t sign...and dump her. Honestly I'd just dump her anyway.
demnd a DNA test. If its not yours. Bail out.
You KNOW she isn’t the faithful type so it’s highly likely that this is not your child. Get a dna test and work from there.
You can get DNA testing now from the womb. A little pricy but way cheaper than supporting her while she’s pregnant. If she won’t consent to it, you have your answer.
How many chances are you going to give her? How many times are you going to forgive and make up?
Did you use protection during the Feb 15 sex?
DNA test!
You need to do whatever testing you can. You need to tell her that if it's not yours, she's gotta go. Do not sign anything until you know for sure.
Just say that given she is 19 weeks and you weren't even in the same state at the time of conception you need a DNA test to continue with the relationship.
Do not sign the birth certificate until you confirm it. It will not be an easy discussion but you must insist on a DNA test. She was unfaithful and it is perfectly reasonable for you to now ask for the clarity. I would never cheat on my Husband so I would clearly be upset if he asked for a DNA test, but since she has a tendency to cheat she shouldn't be shocked. If she gets mad it's because she knows it's not yours. I learnt the hard way from an ex, once a cheater, always a cheater. Hope you find someone that loves you. You deserve better.
People who cheat multiple times should accept without complaint that they have to do paternity tests. She didn't confess, she was caught as well. Her word isn't worth much at all and needs evidence to be believed.
This is cut & dry. DNA test before you sign anything. If it aint yours: gtfo, block & delete. If it's yours: raise the kid. Love it. Whether you love the mother or not is up to you. I'd be concerned pretty much forever that she lies to you since she's done it before. 'Cheating' or not.
It's obviously not your baby, the dates are out.
You weren't together. Ask for the paternity test.
Honestly dude...she gave a guy head the day of his baby mama's funeral? I feel like that's really tacky and like I could understand it if she ended up sleeping with him to console but head 🗣️....idk maybe it's just me. A nyway she cheated on your a couple times since. I don't know why you're still with her
I didn't read past "giving him head". There should have been no fast forward. That should have been the end of it. You've sucked his dick by proxy. Invitro paternity test. Immediately. If she refuses - leave. Don't give her anything until paternity can be established.
First of all, if you don't INSIST on a DNA test, you're an idiot. You know she cheated on you giving another guy head. How many times did she do that and kiss you that you don't know about? Then you catch her at his apartment? I'm sure it was just a emergency and that was the only bathroom around. Now the timelines for her pregnancy don't line up? Why don't you just give up and raise somebody else's kid? You are better than this, you DESERVE better than a woman like this. Regardless of the DNA test outcome, cut your relationship with her. IF it is your kid, co-parent. It's better than being in a relationship with somebody who is proven they are a cheater. Quit scrapping the bottom of the trash can looking for a girlfriend.
In the interests of EVERYONE concerned. Especially the unborn child. You should voice your concerns about the incident with the ‘consolation’ blow job and tell her that you intend to have the child DNA tested. Long term. You can’t trust her. You can’t build a successful relationship with someone who you can’t trust. Good luck.
Doesn’t sound like that’s your baby, dude. I would just say listen, I’m concerned about the timeline of the pregnancy and you being with the other guy. I’m not having my name on the birth certificate until a paternity test is done. We will figure out how to raise this baby together once I know it’s mine.
I’m an OB nursing instructor. Tell me her due date and I can give you the proximate date of conception (it can vary a bit but usually pretty accurate).
"There is something not quite adding up about when you said you got pregnant and how far along the pregnancy is actually. For my peace of mind would you agree to do a paternity test?" If the answer is no, you got an answer anyway.
You said the pregnancy started a few days before you last saw her. Pregnancies are counted from the first day of last menstrual period, not from the date of conception. So if she had the first day of her period on the 1st of the month but you didn’t see her until the 15th when she got pregnant, her pregnancy would still be counted from the 1st of the month.
She wasn't faithful during the relationship u have every right to doubt her . Don't sign the birth certificate until u get a paternity test . U can have a prenatal paternity test
Start with a simple blood test to see if it’s yours. Actions follow after but the whole thing sounds dramatic and stressful and a baby will make it all worse. You’re young and it sounds like she’s untrustworthy.
It seems as though we need more information on how they determined how far along she was. If it is based on an estimate of her last period, then it is more iffy. If they did an ultrasound and measured the baby, then it is less iffy on the conception. My best advice is to make sure you 100% get a paternity test before trying to do anything for her or sign anything for the baby. You can be there for her but do it as a friend and not a lover. It is also unfair to the other guy who's baby it probably is if she didn't tell him he could possibly be a father.
Don’t put your name on the birth certificate until you’re sure it’s your kid or get a DNA test. You don’t want to get stuck supporting a kid that isn’t yours.
She definitely didn’t stop seeing that guy lmao
You say: "Hey, this is a whole fucking human life. We need to be sure about who the father is, and we both know there's another man you were fucking. Get the DNA test or I'm going to assume you know it's his."
I wouldn’t trust her doing the paternity test back home and giving you the real results. She’s already lied before, do you think she’s capable of baby trapping you? Be present for the testing or get your own independent testing done that gets you the results in hand without her being the inbetween.
Life can be depressing, but then, again, there will be times when you are extremely happy. If you don't love her anymore, that is the key. As for the baby, they deserve love too. Being adopted, I would have hoped that you know how hard this can be. The baby (and girl) need love. If you can't give it, stop the relationship.
Before you sign any birth certificate get the dna test done. If she refuses she can move back from where she came. That other guy had a BM before. He’ll know the drill.
You just do not know. I would lay low until she is gone. Her moving back home is a wise move. Once she is gone, you need a heart to heart talk. I hope you reassure her that if you are the father, you will be there for her and the baby. This does not mean you need to be in a relationship with her.
> she didn't want to keep it and had no plan on telling her parents because of it being so unexpected Why is she still pregnant if she doesn't want to keep it?
Get a paternity test and stop being a doormat man,
You request a DNA and don't sign your name on anything. You make that clear to her and the doctors. Get a court order for one. And again since some people don't understand DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING
Seems like you have a very vaid reason for concern, she has a history of being unfaithful as well as the time not matching up, if it is yours then there isnt a reason to say no and it would infact only make it more likely that it isnt yours
> But when she gave me the papers confirming her pregnancy I noticed that it said she was a couple days pregnant before I had last seen her, which I thought was odd. > they came back and told us she is actually 19 weeks and 5 days If the test says 19 weeks and 5 days, the act of intercourse that caused the pregnancy likely occurred 17 weeks and 5 days prior. It's dumb, but that's the way they "do the math". A woman can be impregnanted at the mid point between two periods, but the conception date is recorded as being the first date of the period prior to the *actual* conception.
Pregnancy is dated based on the first day of the last period. She probably conceived while you were visiting. Since the first 2 weeks are her period and the week after .
Do a DNA test, before she moves in with you!
100% get a paternity test. Baby's growth during pregnancy varies, and the measurements are not exact. My youngest was measuring right on time until 34 weeks, and then the next week, he was measuring 37 weeks. They induced at 38 weeks telling me he'd be right around 8lbs. He was almost 10 lbs!
Really want an update on this, but the original update was deleted by mods
I don’t know how to give an update😭 because I have uncovered so much
For the minor updates, or when you can't repost directly in a given sub (due to limitations), I would advise you to post directly in your own profile so your posts won't be removed/censored and you can keep a trace of your own state of mind and what you knew at each given time. Might be very usefull later on.