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Seriously, I'm going to drag out this often used on Reddit Maya Angelou quote, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".
Think about it this way, can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone that holds the views that he does about issues that you feel passionately about, who supports people you find morally repugnant?
If the answer is, "Hell no", it's time to throw the whole man back, and start over, because life is too short to compromise on the things that matter most to you.
Something that has helped me before, as a minority in the dating and general world, is thinking, “if I had a child, would I want them or be okay with them hearing this word or phrase”. Even when I didn’t want kids, it makes it a lot easier to acknowledge something like that being horrific and personal. Not just…”uncomfortable”.
A lot of minorities in general are kind of socialized to laugh and accept or not say anything at all. Sometimes, we are simply trying to survive or have lived in such normalized racism or homophobia or transphobia, it’s hard to decipher and understand that he feels that way about YOU, too, not just “your people”.
Another common thing is, “oh you, you’re one of the good ones” which feels so weird.
My example was always, “if I had a child with this person, would they make my child feel less than for not being “full white ((or anything really))”’? “How would they treat my child if they were gay?” The answer here is clearly not well.
Aww, that would be *such* sweet "revenge" - if she got together with a lovely, kind, funny lady and they fell stupidly in love with each other! They say the best revenge is to go and live a successful life, so she can go out and do that. Meanwhile, he's getting ever more twisted, toxic and alone. Let him stew in his own foul juice.
He's likely fetishizing her. Probably tells his bros something like "Oh man guys, it's so HAWT that she's into women. It's only a matter of time before I can get that threesome from her, amirite guys? Plus hey, she's with me now so how gay could she actually be? My dick turned her straight!!1! I'm such a stud."
Yeah, different political views aside and using tiktok for anything but turning off the brain. Calling your gf or bf a slur is bad enough to rethink relationship.
if you don't feel respected then you already know what to do. FYI, there's a pattern where conservative men may not agree with LGBTQ+, but it's easy to disregard when youre a bisexual women. They can simply ignore that part of you or make it a challenge to "convert" you. I've seen it time and time again. Trust your instincts.
Also I feel like, in my experience as a bisexual woman, a lot of bigoted men will make an exception for bi women because even though they're homophobic they for sure watch lesbian porn and sexualize women being together. There's always an exception when it benefits THEM.
>There's always an exception when it benefits THEM.
This is the entire conservative ethos. They get/pay for abortions even after fighting to make it illegal, & there are countless more examples.
OP, DTMFA. Too many women are in relationships with shitbag men like this. ***You aren't an ally to marginalized groups if you're in a relationship with a bigot.***
Exactly this. I’m a bi woman as well, and I’ve come across this way too many times. They don’t view gay women as being ‘wrong’ because they think it’s hot, point blank. Then act like you should be grateful they are so open minded. It’s maddening.
As long as they look “like real women” and aren’t masc presenting, then it’s suddenly gross. Basically they have to be the real life version of their porn preference.
Honestly YES. I dated a lot of men like this and spent a lot of time jumping through hoops to justify the sprinkle of bigotry (against me, of course) that would occasionally show itself. I quickly realized that most conservative men who date bisexual women are only okay with it if they can fetishize and get off on it. Beyond that there’s no real respect or support for your existence.
Even more importantly, if you ask me- I always look back at myself (and girls dating men like that) and wonder how I was not not overtly humiliated to be seen or heard around someone like that. The people you surround yourself with- especially your intimate or romantic partner- are a reflection of YOU and YOUR values and what really matters to you. Upon some soul searching I realized I think I had a lot of internalized misogyny and homophobia from my upbringing so I could let it slide for a guy every now and then. When I finally worked through all that I was just utterly disgusted at the thought of dating someone with those values again. It was just embarrassing and awful.
You have barely started dating him, and there are red flags galore. You shouldn't merely be having second thoughts... Oh no, you should be having third and fourth and fifth ones...
At this point you have barely dipped your toes in the water of this relationship and he is already behaving like a piranha. A bright red one at that. Just leave. It isn't a compatible or even fun relationship, not at this point.
Absolutely not. You can do better than a boyfriend who has called you a slur and believes that if there's pride month, there should be "men's month". Like what? Absolutely agree with the other comments that say he's only okay with you being bisexual either because he thinks it's hot girl-on-girl action or he thinks he can convert you.
I personally always love hearing the wHy ISnT tHErE a MEnS dAy?! in response to international women's day, cause the funny thing is - there literally IS an international men's day that was created to raise awareness about actual issues men face, and it's been a thing since 19fucking92. But do you see men celebrating it or trying to make it a bigger thing? Nope. They don't even care enough to know it exists.
We also share pride month with men's health month as someone else pointed out, plus Movember, plus father's day for those that are. We've got plenty of examples of days and even months dedicated to Men.
Anecdotally Movember is a pretty big one, I've got at least 6 friends that grow their Mo every year.
Along with being pride month, June is also (according to my 2 seconds on Google) men's mental health month!
OP, maybe you can send him to a therapist to help him celebrate :) right after u kick his ass to the curb ofc
You've been dating a few WEEKS. You're overcomplicating this, so much. Just break up with the bigot.
Never assume that a bigot won't date someone they are bigoted against. For some of them it's actually the point; it's a gross power play.
He also literally told you he has no interest in discussing that. Can you explain why you'd tolerate any of this?
If you have any form of self respect break up with him. How long had you guys known each other before you started dating? Conversations about things like political views and stances on Lgbt+ rights NEED to happen before you even consider dating someone, it’s not good to just assume someone shares the same viewpoints as you just because you are apart of the community. People date people they don’t respect all the time
Your boyfriend is gross.
I wouldn’t have a friend with those beliefs, let alone a partner. He probably thinks it’s fine your bi cause it’s “hot girl on girl action” so it doesn’t count.
Well, that's what dating are for. You discover things you like and dislikes about people, decide is it too much for you and then if yes, you move on from this person. Don't bother changing anyone.
You’re a novelty to him, a bisexual female he caught in the wild, how hot! He’s going to ignore the icky side of you and build up the straight side so you can fit what he wants but he can also dip into the “my girl will fuck a girl” when he needs a little fap imagination.
This guy is toxic and likes Candace Owens and hates trans people. Do not expend your good energy and vibes on this baby bigot. Dump him!
He's knows you're gay and called you a slur. You then told him to stop because it's hurtful and he did it again anyway. That's blatant disrespect. Now, he's posting videos that go against your beliefs, that he knows you'll see, and is doubling down on them. He's testing the waters to see what he can get away with. If you keep allowing him to treat you this way, he will keep doing it because he knows there's no consequences. You really need to look into the future a little bit. He's going to cause you nothing but stress. He said to your face that you're not going to change his mind and he's not going to change yours. That means countless needless arguments that will go nowhere. You'll be arguing with a brick wall that expects you to want a relationship with it. It really is not worth the trouble. You two are not compatible and that's clear from what you've given us. He has a problem with gay people and is now letting it out with you in the vicinity. Get out now before you waste time and energy on someone who doesn't actually care about you. You can find better. I can absolutely promise that.
Why do you even need advice from the internet on this? It’s as simple as asking yourself the question “Am I okay with dating a bigot?” If the answer is no, which with your beliefs I’m sure it is, then you know what to do. You’ve been dating a month, you’re not losing much. Find someone whose views align with yours. And in the future maybe make sure you know someone’s views before becoming official.
What is your bar for an adequate boyfriend?
1. Someone who doesn’t call you slurs?
2. Someone who respects you?
3. Someone who considers you an equal human?
Your man is not any of these. Respect yourself. Leave. This is only after 1 month. He’s already proven to be a sexist bigot.
But she's sunk three weeks of time, effort and dedication into this partnership. Three weeks of memories, 21 dinners. You don't walk away from that. They may be raising a plant together! Will no one think of the hypothetical plant!?!
Are. Are you serious?
Jesus WEPT.
Dump the loser and next time don't assume the straight guy shares your politics unless you've actually discussed it. And even then, take it with a grain of salt until he's shown his character.
girl, your feelings are totally valid. if his views and behavior are making you uncomfortable, it's worth reconsidering the relationship. compatibility is more than just having fun together; it's about shared values and respect. don't ignore those red flags. you deserve someone who respects you and your identity.
It will forever blow my mind that people actually think this way. I can’t fathom it. His mind won’t change. He doesn’t accept who you are. You deserve more. Happy Pride Month!!
This is the first time a reddit post literally left me with my mouth open, he’s not homophobic but he’s transphobic???? That’s such a stupid thing to say that it’s almost funny.
I’ve been there before, I’m bi and I used to love a boy and then I found out that he was homophobic.
I mean at least he was younger than your boyfriend is, but that’s still no excuse, he isn’t willing to even reconsider his shitty views for you so why are you willing to be with someone that judges you just for existing?
It’s really not worth it and I know it hurts so much but this is the kind of requirement that you can’t really ignore, he proved he’s not willing to change and honestly at this grown age and time he should know better on everything without you trying to fix him.
We always feel like we have the responsibility of teaching men better because we were raised that way but we don’t.
The best lesson I have learned as a young woman is to not date conservative men in general honestly. Any man who claims to be conservative or even "jokes" about being conservative (which is what my ex did the entire relationship to hide his views), usually turns out to be a shitty partner who has no respect for the women in his life. In 2024, it just is not worth tolerating someone who cannot even view you as an equal human being worthy of rights and respect.
If you stay with him you are enabling him. That’s definitely a choice you can make, but expect that he has views about women and their value that match the rest of views.
This is a good lesson to learn when you're young: when someone tells/shows you they're toxic, believe them.
>"I’m transphobic"
>he used the f slur and i had told him not to anymore and explained why and he . . . used it again but this time towards me in a “joking” manner over text
Either of those should be enough to show you that you do *not* hold similar views. Considering how discriminatory both things are, by nature, a lot of people would say that justifies breaking up. Feel free to tell him why, but make sure to protect yourself if you do, because he might lash out, physically, emotionally, or socially (and that's why a lot of people don't bother telling the real reason).
Being transphobic is bad regardless of whether or not he’s homophobic. Why can’t he just love people for who they are? How does someone being trans affect him?
He’s right about one thing. He’s not going to change. Even if he was, you can’t change him.
You’re only a month into this. You might as well accept this for what it is and move on.
Yeah, sounds to me like you found out that your views don't match up. It would be best for both of you to end it now.
People's views do change as they mature. (Sometimes, not everyone.) So, in the future, he may feel differently and look back on this and cringe at his former self. I hope so, anyways.
You're young and seem very open and free. Do you.
Also, he IS homophobic. J/S
It appears your respective ethos’ in life are markedly different. They are fundamental beliefs that can make or break a relationship. I think this will end in tears. Not a match, love.
Please remember, there are two outcomes in dating: staying together forever/marriage, or the relationship ends. The goal of dating is to find the person you want around for your whole life. This person should match you, compliment you, and the big important ideals and opinions you both have should be compatible.
Are you wanting to have kids in the future? Is having such opposing ideas about politics, ethics, and morals conducive to raising kids? Disagreements over religion, where they go to school, who they’re allowed to date/be friends with, what if they come out as being trans? The fights you’d both have over what to teach your children would be so damaging not only to yourself, but to those children.
Regardless of kids, do you want to be with someone that is openly transphobic? By continuing dating that person, you are validating their views. You are saying those opinions are fine. If you are not transphobic, I can’t see how you could possibly be okay being with him.
My advice, break up. He’s not the one and you don’t need to sacrifice your morals and ethics to be with someone you probably wouldn’t even be friends with if you never dated.
You’re probably going to look back at this relationship years from now while you likely have a loving sapphic partner and cringe at how you didn’t immediately dump this guy upon him espousing hateful bigoted ignorance.
You're 19, you've got plenty of time to find better options (although I wouldn't recommend staying in this relationship no matter your age.)
Do not date the transphobe. You can do better.
Anyone who calls you a slur even in jest needs to be removed from your life.
Calling you that slur when he has been explained why it's bad tells you that he means it.
You aren't stuck with him. Steer out of drama and protect your peace.
If you start protecting your peace from NOW by avoiding drama, your life will be way less stressful and much happier.
Well as a Black. man here , let that go .. He’s just enjoying your energy and using it , you are most likely just attached to him it happens to us all , he’s showed you his hand , just walk away and don’t take it personal.
Yall are still running off your lymbic systems. Most likely you will be a very different person in 3,5,7 years. 18-23 are ages where you still don’t know shit about fuck so I’d recommend that you just part ways since you have doubts. Start learning to not waste your time now.
it’s really concerning that he's dismissive of your identity and openly expresses transphobic views. compatibility in values, especially regarding respect for your identity, is crucial in a relationship. how are you feeling about this now? consider if this is something you can see working long-term or if it might cause more conflict and hurt down the line.
He used a slur, more than once after you told him not to use it. He doesn’t want to have a conversation because it’s not going to change his mind. He’s saying that something important to you doesn’t matter and shouldn’t be celebrated…. You know the answer.
He's calling you slurs and shutting you down with his bigoted views. Dump him and find someone who respects you. He's not worth it and the behavior will only get worse.
His actions have consequences!
My friend, it’s okay to break up with him. You don’t need to stay in a relationship with someone who hates your kind. For future reference, political alignment is important. My now husband and I discussed politics on the second date. We may disagree on some smaller items, but who you vote for and what you believe should match with your partner.
Also, besides the point but, there are TWO men's months. November is the month dedicated to prostatic cancer research, and June is Men's mental health month.
The fact that June is also pride month is not the reason why men's mental health month is overshadowed. We men just don't care about our own mental health enough to remember that we have a month for it
I'm still at the "why is there no men's month?" FOR THIS GUY!?!?! He's the reason they don't need a whole month.
Get away from that. This is the first of unsettling conflicts of opinions. Don't feel you need to school him because you care. People either level themself up or they don't.
He sounds based, probably a good guy. I'd agree to disagree and see how it goes. As it turns out, political beliefs are almost entirely irrelevant to whether people are worth spending time with. Some of my best friends have been opposite end of the political spectrum, GFs too. I wouldn't let it get to you, who knows maybe in a few years you'll agree with each other!
You need to end the relationship. What if you were to have a child that is trans? Do you really think this man is up to the task of loving a child and unconditionally supporting their identity, regardless of whether they fit in his narrow minded views?
I was dating a man who thinks being gay/bi/pan is a mental disorder and that trans people need psychological treatment because they can't accept the body they were born in. My daughter is lesbian and my sons are both questioning. That man is no longer part of our lives.
Yes, this situation is 100% an acceptable reason to end a relationship. Any reason is acceptable. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, but you do need to honor and respect yourself enough to recognize that this is not a healthy relationship for you.
It's bad enough figuring out what to do when you're years into a relationship and realize you're incompatible. It's literally been a few weeks. Ghost him and find someone worth your time, cuz I promise, he ain't it.
You need someone the respects you. You deserve it. He’s showing red flags and it’s been one month. LEAVE. Find yourself a better partner. Please update us when you leave him.
That’s not healthy… Run. I understand that some of it can be chalked up to young and dumb, but him taking such a hard stance on ignorance?
I firmly believe you can be friends with people of opposing views, but he’s proud to be a bigot… Also dating under a month and calling you a slur as a “joke” because you said he shouldn’t use that word…?
As a connoisseur of collecting red flags for fun. Nah throw that one away, he doesn’t want to grow or change right now, and I HATE this phrase, but he’s truly giving me the ick.
As that’s a pretty important topic, that he just walked away from. What else will he just shutdown or not hear out?
The thing about relationships is that even if you have different viewpoints on a subject, you don't have to be a dick about it. Your bf was being a dick just by calling you the f slur. Everyone has the right to their own opinions, likes, dislikes, hobbies etc but if the person that is meant to be in love with you calls you a slur or says your atr hobby is shit or something, that's not OK. I sit through fast and furious movies because my husband loves them. He sits through the star wars movies because he knows I love them. We don't tell each other that you're stupid for liking that movie. Not saying he called you stupid but I hope you get my point. I know its a bit trivial to talk about movies, but I think life should be a set of compromises.
If it’s been a month…. lol leave there’s nothing making you stay with someone who obviously shares completely different views from you and has a hard time understanding his own rationale for thinking the things he does (getting frustrated in convos about sexual identity, etc). It will be 1000% easier to find someone better that shares similar views than trying to change he’s opinions and values. Also, this will almost definitely come up again in your relationship and cause more drama and stress. Is he really worth that?
Leave. Y'all aren't compatible and that's okay. It's never going to change, and y'all disagreeing about your core values is going to be a deal breaker in the long run. I was in the literal EXACT same situation and I stayed for 3 years because I found out further in an I loved him. But we fought literally more days than we didn't, and we were both passionate on our views. Don't waste each others time like my ex and I did, it's not worth it and no one is changing their mind on this matter.
So, this behavior is just going to get exponentially worse, just be extremely thankful you wasted almost no time with him. He was legit testing you and seeing how far he could push you over with the f slur, that's a major red flag of things to come
Never accept disrespect from your partner. This is a bit more extreme than a fight or a disagreement. Totally unacceptable for him to use that word in reference to you after you had the conversation. You’re young, drop him. Never settle for less.
Stop seeing him. He has "covert" biases that he won't admit to your face - or in some cases has used them and tried to laugh it off.
It won't stop. You will either commit to constantly correcting him, or getting VERY open on his social posts (calling him out for living a private life that is opposite his public statements).
If you are looking for a relationship with a partner who sees you, hears you, supports you in all you do.....this ain't it.
It’s okay for a couple to have different opinions on topics or even some political views but not when these issues are important to you. Then the unsent text just shows what he’s about and that he doesn’t take you seriously. He’s a hypocrite.
You're young, you've barely been with this guy. Political views should be roughly considered when you're dating someone because often they reflect core values. Consider what YOUR core values are and what your non negotiables are - I'd think slurs would be one. Break up with this guy and find someone who respects you and aligns with who you are.
“Why is there no men’s month?” Isn’t June literally men’s mental health awareness month ALSO? These people don’t actually care, they just wanna put down people different from them.
If you can't accept every single piece of you 100% without judgment, and actions see otherwise of course, Then I would definitely invest your time in somebody else who can appreciate everything about you and feel secure in all of those aspects that make you unique
"My boyfriend called me a slur and treats other people that share an identity with me like trash. We've been together a couple weeks, what should I do?"
Does that make it easier for you babe? You aren't compatible and he's already degrading you? Leave.
Your values do not align, this is an example of irreconcilable differences. Personally I would have kicked him to the curb after calling you an f slur as a joke. I don’t know why you are even considering staying with him.
Are. Are you serious?
Jesus WEPT.
Dump the loser and next time don't assume the straight guy shares your politics unless you've actually discussed it. And even then, take it with a grain of salt until he's shown his character.
“Pride month makes no sense.”Tell that to the community members who have been murdered. Tell that to the ones who were kicked out of their homes as minors. Tell that to all the trans women of color who are the highest rate to be murdered for simply existing. I personally cannot be with anyone whose morals are so far apart from my own. I’ll never understanding hating someone for their race or their sexuality. You must feel so disappointed honey and I’m sorry. When someone shows you their true colors you pay attention.
Go ahead and run away. He’s literally throwing red flags at you!! He called you a slur, he admitted to being transphobic, and he’s posting right wing media. This is not a safe partner.
As an aside, I’ve found in my years that politics needs to be one of the first things I bring up with potential love interests (or even friends). If someone is going to be actively voting against my rights or being bigoted against me then they’re not someone I need in my life. I also simply don’t have time for the closed minded bigotry and ignorance of the far right.
Being a strong black woman you know what to do. Get rid of him he's talking f****** nonsense and anybody who listens to Candace Owens needs to have their freaking head examined. She is an embarrassment to black women everywhere
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Not everyone has the same views as you and not everyone is okay with certain things others do and that’s okay. Now, you don’t have to put up with someone who doesn’t have the same views as you but to change someone’s opinion and get offended is not even worth it. AND he’s being disrespectful to you and calling you names? Don’t allow that for yourself.
In my experience, they never get better. At best, they get better at hiding it around you. He's shown you who he really is; believe him. It's only been a month, so I would have zero hesitation cutting my losses. People who are bigoted against you don't deserve your love.
Please be very careful when you leave. Some people can become aggressive when being broken up with, so take precautions to stay safe, just in case he doesn't respond well. (Edit: This isn't specific, I just try to say this any time I suggest leaving; I've seen some horror stories on here.)
I wish you the best in finding someone who respects you and sees the world in you!
Absolutely not find your exit immediately. He knows that you're bi and STILL making these kinds of comments/ agreeing with these people and their hatred on top of trying to rationalize/validate pride month not being a good thing to have but yet we have almost every other celebration for just about everyone. On top of him stating he's "transphobic," what would happen if you were trans or even later in life decided you were and have been all along. He needs to go immediately and let him be with the sheeple while you celebrate pride month loud and proud with the rest of us in the "alphabet community"
When someone tells you who they are believe them. He’s not a good guy. There are soooooo many better options out there! Also lucky you being bisexual even more options ❤️ ditch this bigoted loser
Oof, girl. How can you even consider staying with this person? Haven’t even been in a relationship a month yet and he’s showing biases and hate towards a community that you’re a part of. What more do you need to know??
Op, he's insulted you with that slur twice and you've been dating under a month? He doesn't respect you. Cut this off and look at it as time invested in learning what you DON'T want in someone you're dating.
It's only been a month and he's only a boyfriend, so his trial period is over and you can opt out of any further interaction. Move on and try a different model because that's what dating is for.
That’s an awful lot of arguments (err I mean ‘discussions’) for a relationship that is only a few weeks old. It is very hard to have a deep relationship with someone you have so little in common with. This man would be better suited to a FWB situation for you.
Honey the longer you spend with him, the harder it will be to break up.
Are you going to introduce him to your friends? Your parents?
When you break up, please be very specific why you're doing it. Just don't let him gaslight you or justify it. Knowing why his behavior is unacceptable to you might help make him a better person over time.
He has shown you exactly who he is, please believe him!
His using a slur against you right after you asking him not to say it isn’t a “joke”, it’s him pushing a boundary to see how much he can get away with and see where your limits are. He will continue to “joke” and push your boundaries as long as you allow it.
I know so often the advice is “break up”, but this is definitely a situation in which that would be the best advice you could take.
Realize that some people you meet/fall in love with are lessons. You’re 19. How he is now, might be the way that’s he’s gonna be for a good 5-10yrs maybe even the rest of his life. Do you wanna constantly deal with that? Can you love that about him? Could you marry or live with a man like that? Cut him out. Know what you want and who you want.
It hasn’t even been a month — get out as soon as you can! I’m also a leftist and bisexual and never in a million years could you pay me to date someone transphobic or bigoted in any way. Every month is Men’s months that’s why the rest of us need ONE month to focus on us — all the other ones focus on them. If he’s Black and doesn’t think there should be a Black History Month and doesn’t see how his racial oppression is similar to the oppression of other minorities then there is no reasoning with him and you should run far far away because that shows not only a lack of understanding but a pretty basic lack of empathy. One oppressed group gleefully partaking in the oppression of another oppressed group has never made sense to me and never will (like I understand WHY, it’s because then they get to have more power than that minority, but I don’t understand how they could feel good about doing that). Break up with him and make sure politics and issues that are deeply important to you are talked about much earlier on (like first/second date/hangout) in the future so you can weed out people who would vote for politicians who would make laws that would hurt you and your communities.
One month in. You can exit this dynamic by ghosting him
I think ghosting is awful behaviour but in this instance, I'd suggest it. Why bother explaining yourself?
He's testing you to see what he can get away with. He doesn't care what you think or believe, he wants to know if he can be himself without pushback from you. He's reposting TikToks knowing you'll see them, but he's not sending them directly to you, so he's trying to see if you'll call him out. His plan is to wear you down until you give up and accept him as he is, rather than expect him to make any changes to his behavior.
You need to break up with him, he does not respect you and this behavior is only going to get worse.
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This boy has literally called you a slur before. Break up with him. Get a better boyfriend. One that respects your existence.
Seriously, I'm going to drag out this often used on Reddit Maya Angelou quote, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Think about it this way, can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone that holds the views that he does about issues that you feel passionately about, who supports people you find morally repugnant? If the answer is, "Hell no", it's time to throw the whole man back, and start over, because life is too short to compromise on the things that matter most to you.
Something that has helped me before, as a minority in the dating and general world, is thinking, “if I had a child, would I want them or be okay with them hearing this word or phrase”. Even when I didn’t want kids, it makes it a lot easier to acknowledge something like that being horrific and personal. Not just…”uncomfortable”. A lot of minorities in general are kind of socialized to laugh and accept or not say anything at all. Sometimes, we are simply trying to survive or have lived in such normalized racism or homophobia or transphobia, it’s hard to decipher and understand that he feels that way about YOU, too, not just “your people”. Another common thing is, “oh you, you’re one of the good ones” which feels so weird. My example was always, “if I had a child with this person, would they make my child feel less than for not being “full white ((or anything really))”’? “How would they treat my child if they were gay?” The answer here is clearly not well.
Agreed. He’s showed her who he is. He ain’t worth it.
Even better …. Get a great girlfriend!
Aww, that would be *such* sweet "revenge" - if she got together with a lovely, kind, funny lady and they fell stupidly in love with each other! They say the best revenge is to go and live a successful life, so she can go out and do that. Meanwhile, he's getting ever more twisted, toxic and alone. Let him stew in his own foul juice.
He's likely fetishizing her. Probably tells his bros something like "Oh man guys, it's so HAWT that she's into women. It's only a matter of time before I can get that threesome from her, amirite guys? Plus hey, she's with me now so how gay could she actually be? My dick turned her straight!!1! I'm such a stud."
Yeah, different political views aside and using tiktok for anything but turning off the brain. Calling your gf or bf a slur is bad enough to rethink relationship.
It’s been under a month, leave! You don’t want a boyfriend you have to constantly apologize or make excuses for
You don’t wanna further this attachment either!! OP gtfo now while its easy.
if you don't feel respected then you already know what to do. FYI, there's a pattern where conservative men may not agree with LGBTQ+, but it's easy to disregard when youre a bisexual women. They can simply ignore that part of you or make it a challenge to "convert" you. I've seen it time and time again. Trust your instincts.
Also I feel like, in my experience as a bisexual woman, a lot of bigoted men will make an exception for bi women because even though they're homophobic they for sure watch lesbian porn and sexualize women being together. There's always an exception when it benefits THEM.
Bisexual women can still perform for them and be used as objects by them, in their eyes.
>There's always an exception when it benefits THEM. This is the entire conservative ethos. They get/pay for abortions even after fighting to make it illegal, & there are countless more examples. OP, DTMFA. Too many women are in relationships with shitbag men like this. ***You aren't an ally to marginalized groups if you're in a relationship with a bigot.***
Exactly this. I’m a bi woman as well, and I’ve come across this way too many times. They don’t view gay women as being ‘wrong’ because they think it’s hot, point blank. Then act like you should be grateful they are so open minded. It’s maddening.
As long as they look “like real women” and aren’t masc presenting, then it’s suddenly gross. Basically they have to be the real life version of their porn preference.
This!!!! This is what I think ops bf is doing, ignoring their bi side and using them as their proof bi isn't a thing
Honestly YES. I dated a lot of men like this and spent a lot of time jumping through hoops to justify the sprinkle of bigotry (against me, of course) that would occasionally show itself. I quickly realized that most conservative men who date bisexual women are only okay with it if they can fetishize and get off on it. Beyond that there’s no real respect or support for your existence. Even more importantly, if you ask me- I always look back at myself (and girls dating men like that) and wonder how I was not not overtly humiliated to be seen or heard around someone like that. The people you surround yourself with- especially your intimate or romantic partner- are a reflection of YOU and YOUR values and what really matters to you. Upon some soul searching I realized I think I had a lot of internalized misogyny and homophobia from my upbringing so I could let it slide for a guy every now and then. When I finally worked through all that I was just utterly disgusted at the thought of dating someone with those values again. It was just embarrassing and awful.
Throw him back to the manosphere and let him date a fellow red pill’er.
Yeah Just pearly things on YouTube is single lol. The biggest pick me out there.
Ugh! I get SO MAD when YouTube tries to put her videos in my algorithm or when a wild one will show up in my shorts. I CANT STAND HER.
Wouldn't that be a "pick me"?
You’re too young for this bullsh*t. Go find someone who wants you for you. Or don’t, go enjoy your youth and not rush into anything. Have fun, kiddo.
You have barely started dating him, and there are red flags galore. You shouldn't merely be having second thoughts... Oh no, you should be having third and fourth and fifth ones... At this point you have barely dipped your toes in the water of this relationship and he is already behaving like a piranha. A bright red one at that. Just leave. It isn't a compatible or even fun relationship, not at this point.
Absolutely not. You can do better than a boyfriend who has called you a slur and believes that if there's pride month, there should be "men's month". Like what? Absolutely agree with the other comments that say he's only okay with you being bisexual either because he thinks it's hot girl-on-girl action or he thinks he can convert you.
Technically isn’t every month men’s month? Definitely white men’s month.
I personally always love hearing the wHy ISnT tHErE a MEnS dAy?! in response to international women's day, cause the funny thing is - there literally IS an international men's day that was created to raise awareness about actual issues men face, and it's been a thing since 19fucking92. But do you see men celebrating it or trying to make it a bigger thing? Nope. They don't even care enough to know it exists.
I remember seeing a statistic showing when "international mens day" was googled the most, and of course it spikes on international women's day
We also share pride month with men's health month as someone else pointed out, plus Movember, plus father's day for those that are. We've got plenty of examples of days and even months dedicated to Men. Anecdotally Movember is a pretty big one, I've got at least 6 friends that grow their Mo every year.
That’s how you know they don’t actually care about men and are only doing it to silence women
Along with being pride month, June is also (according to my 2 seconds on Google) men's mental health month! OP, maybe you can send him to a therapist to help him celebrate :) right after u kick his ass to the curb ofc
You've been dating a few WEEKS. You're overcomplicating this, so much. Just break up with the bigot. Never assume that a bigot won't date someone they are bigoted against. For some of them it's actually the point; it's a gross power play. He also literally told you he has no interest in discussing that. Can you explain why you'd tolerate any of this?
If you have any form of self respect break up with him. How long had you guys known each other before you started dating? Conversations about things like political views and stances on Lgbt+ rights NEED to happen before you even consider dating someone, it’s not good to just assume someone shares the same viewpoints as you just because you are apart of the community. People date people they don’t respect all the time
Throw the whole boyfriend away. It's too late for him.
He's done cooking & we can tell a vital ingredient was forgotten.
He literally is transphobic, I don’t know what else needs to be said
Definitely red flags. He's ignorant. Dump him
Your boyfriend is gross. I wouldn’t have a friend with those beliefs, let alone a partner. He probably thinks it’s fine your bi cause it’s “hot girl on girl action” so it doesn’t count.
Or thinks it means he gets a threesome
Well, that's what dating are for. You discover things you like and dislikes about people, decide is it too much for you and then if yes, you move on from this person. Don't bother changing anyone.
Why would you want to date a transphob
You’re a novelty to him, a bisexual female he caught in the wild, how hot! He’s going to ignore the icky side of you and build up the straight side so you can fit what he wants but he can also dip into the “my girl will fuck a girl” when he needs a little fap imagination. This guy is toxic and likes Candace Owens and hates trans people. Do not expend your good energy and vibes on this baby bigot. Dump him!
Your mind is already telling you what to do, your heart just isn't ready yet. Don't sleep with the enemy.
Throw him. He's trash.
You leave. That's it. You're incompatible.
International men’s day is the 19th November. Don’t wait till then to throw this boy and his toxic reel algorithm fully away. Find a grown up.
He's knows you're gay and called you a slur. You then told him to stop because it's hurtful and he did it again anyway. That's blatant disrespect. Now, he's posting videos that go against your beliefs, that he knows you'll see, and is doubling down on them. He's testing the waters to see what he can get away with. If you keep allowing him to treat you this way, he will keep doing it because he knows there's no consequences. You really need to look into the future a little bit. He's going to cause you nothing but stress. He said to your face that you're not going to change his mind and he's not going to change yours. That means countless needless arguments that will go nowhere. You'll be arguing with a brick wall that expects you to want a relationship with it. It really is not worth the trouble. You two are not compatible and that's clear from what you've given us. He has a problem with gay people and is now letting it out with you in the vicinity. Get out now before you waste time and energy on someone who doesn't actually care about you. You can find better. I can absolutely promise that.
#DUMP HIM
I'd be out the door at Candace Owens. Watching that moron debate climate change on rogan made my toes curl with cringe.
You’ve been dating a month. You’re not bf and gf. Dump him. You can find so much better
Why do you even need advice from the internet on this? It’s as simple as asking yourself the question “Am I okay with dating a bigot?” If the answer is no, which with your beliefs I’m sure it is, then you know what to do. You’ve been dating a month, you’re not losing much. Find someone whose views align with yours. And in the future maybe make sure you know someone’s views before becoming official.
What is your bar for an adequate boyfriend? 1. Someone who doesn’t call you slurs? 2. Someone who respects you? 3. Someone who considers you an equal human? Your man is not any of these. Respect yourself. Leave. This is only after 1 month. He’s already proven to be a sexist bigot.
But she's sunk three weeks of time, effort and dedication into this partnership. Three weeks of memories, 21 dinners. You don't walk away from that. They may be raising a plant together! Will no one think of the hypothetical plant!?!
Are. Are you serious? Jesus WEPT. Dump the loser and next time don't assume the straight guy shares your politics unless you've actually discussed it. And even then, take it with a grain of salt until he's shown his character.
He literally called you a slur and said he was transphobic??
Oh no. No no no. Not only would I leave, I'd never speak to him again.
girl, your feelings are totally valid. if his views and behavior are making you uncomfortable, it's worth reconsidering the relationship. compatibility is more than just having fun together; it's about shared values and respect. don't ignore those red flags. you deserve someone who respects you and your identity.
So you’re part of the woke agenda to keep him single? HIGH FIVE!!
It will forever blow my mind that people actually think this way. I can’t fathom it. His mind won’t change. He doesn’t accept who you are. You deserve more. Happy Pride Month!!
This is the first time a reddit post literally left me with my mouth open, he’s not homophobic but he’s transphobic???? That’s such a stupid thing to say that it’s almost funny. I’ve been there before, I’m bi and I used to love a boy and then I found out that he was homophobic. I mean at least he was younger than your boyfriend is, but that’s still no excuse, he isn’t willing to even reconsider his shitty views for you so why are you willing to be with someone that judges you just for existing? It’s really not worth it and I know it hurts so much but this is the kind of requirement that you can’t really ignore, he proved he’s not willing to change and honestly at this grown age and time he should know better on everything without you trying to fix him. We always feel like we have the responsibility of teaching men better because we were raised that way but we don’t.
Open bigotry and Trumpy assholery are perfectly valid reasons to dump someone.
Uuuuhhhh OP. That's your ex now right? Theyre literally already dehumanizing you several times already.
The best lesson I have learned as a young woman is to not date conservative men in general honestly. Any man who claims to be conservative or even "jokes" about being conservative (which is what my ex did the entire relationship to hide his views), usually turns out to be a shitty partner who has no respect for the women in his life. In 2024, it just is not worth tolerating someone who cannot even view you as an equal human being worthy of rights and respect.
Break up with him because he clearly doesn’t care about whether you’re persecuted or not. Candice Owens is a pick me.
If you stay with him you are enabling him. That’s definitely a choice you can make, but expect that he has views about women and their value that match the rest of views.
This is a good lesson to learn when you're young: when someone tells/shows you they're toxic, believe them. >"I’m transphobic" >he used the f slur and i had told him not to anymore and explained why and he . . . used it again but this time towards me in a “joking” manner over text Either of those should be enough to show you that you do *not* hold similar views. Considering how discriminatory both things are, by nature, a lot of people would say that justifies breaking up. Feel free to tell him why, but make sure to protect yourself if you do, because he might lash out, physically, emotionally, or socially (and that's why a lot of people don't bother telling the real reason).
10 to 1 when you break it off with him he shows his true colors and rips into you for being you. Brace for that.
Time to be done. You’re 18 and 19. Move on. Find someone who respects your views, beliefs, and MOST importantly person.
Some guy that you’ve been dating for under a month as far from being a “boyfriend“. just saying. 🤔
Being transphobic is bad regardless of whether or not he’s homophobic. Why can’t he just love people for who they are? How does someone being trans affect him? He’s right about one thing. He’s not going to change. Even if he was, you can’t change him. You’re only a month into this. You might as well accept this for what it is and move on.
Yeah, sounds to me like you found out that your views don't match up. It would be best for both of you to end it now. People's views do change as they mature. (Sometimes, not everyone.) So, in the future, he may feel differently and look back on this and cringe at his former self. I hope so, anyways. You're young and seem very open and free. Do you. Also, he IS homophobic. J/S
imagine dating a man who uses tiktok
It appears your respective ethos’ in life are markedly different. They are fundamental beliefs that can make or break a relationship. I think this will end in tears. Not a match, love.
Please remember, there are two outcomes in dating: staying together forever/marriage, or the relationship ends. The goal of dating is to find the person you want around for your whole life. This person should match you, compliment you, and the big important ideals and opinions you both have should be compatible. Are you wanting to have kids in the future? Is having such opposing ideas about politics, ethics, and morals conducive to raising kids? Disagreements over religion, where they go to school, who they’re allowed to date/be friends with, what if they come out as being trans? The fights you’d both have over what to teach your children would be so damaging not only to yourself, but to those children. Regardless of kids, do you want to be with someone that is openly transphobic? By continuing dating that person, you are validating their views. You are saying those opinions are fine. If you are not transphobic, I can’t see how you could possibly be okay being with him. My advice, break up. He’s not the one and you don’t need to sacrifice your morals and ethics to be with someone you probably wouldn’t even be friends with if you never dated.
Lol, should def leave him. Only been dating a month and he doesn't even respect you. He's not worth your energy and time
You’re probably going to look back at this relationship years from now while you likely have a loving sapphic partner and cringe at how you didn’t immediately dump this guy upon him espousing hateful bigoted ignorance.
“The personal is political.” break up with him.
You're 19, you've got plenty of time to find better options (although I wouldn't recommend staying in this relationship no matter your age.) Do not date the transphobe. You can do better.
Girly run 😭 your just gonna find out more worse shit
When someone tells you who they are-believe them
Anyone who calls you a slur even in jest needs to be removed from your life. Calling you that slur when he has been explained why it's bad tells you that he means it. You aren't stuck with him. Steer out of drama and protect your peace. If you start protecting your peace from NOW by avoiding drama, your life will be way less stressful and much happier.
You and this guy are not compatible.
I promise you there’s better men than this crusty one. Respect yourself by being with someone who respects you
Well as a Black. man here , let that go .. He’s just enjoying your energy and using it , you are most likely just attached to him it happens to us all , he’s showed you his hand , just walk away and don’t take it personal.
You’re not compatible, cut your losses & run
Yall are still running off your lymbic systems. Most likely you will be a very different person in 3,5,7 years. 18-23 are ages where you still don’t know shit about fuck so I’d recommend that you just part ways since you have doubts. Start learning to not waste your time now.
it’s really concerning that he's dismissive of your identity and openly expresses transphobic views. compatibility in values, especially regarding respect for your identity, is crucial in a relationship. how are you feeling about this now? consider if this is something you can see working long-term or if it might cause more conflict and hurt down the line.
If you’re not comfortable with the way he’s been treating you and find his political beliefs problematic, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him…
This is the point of dating and why we don't marry right away, so you can leave when you find out who they really are.
He used a slur, more than once after you told him not to use it. He doesn’t want to have a conversation because it’s not going to change his mind. He’s saying that something important to you doesn’t matter and shouldn’t be celebrated…. You know the answer.
He's calling you slurs and shutting you down with his bigoted views. Dump him and find someone who respects you. He's not worth it and the behavior will only get worse. His actions have consequences!
My friend, it’s okay to break up with him. You don’t need to stay in a relationship with someone who hates your kind. For future reference, political alignment is important. My now husband and I discussed politics on the second date. We may disagree on some smaller items, but who you vote for and what you believe should match with your partner.
You already know what to do
Leave him. He doesn't respect you or believe in gay rights.
It's been less than a month. Don't waste your time.
Also, besides the point but, there are TWO men's months. November is the month dedicated to prostatic cancer research, and June is Men's mental health month. The fact that June is also pride month is not the reason why men's mental health month is overshadowed. We men just don't care about our own mental health enough to remember that we have a month for it
I'm still at the "why is there no men's month?" FOR THIS GUY!?!?! He's the reason they don't need a whole month. Get away from that. This is the first of unsettling conflicts of opinions. Don't feel you need to school him because you care. People either level themself up or they don't.
Soft all yall 🤦♂️ over words
He sounds based, probably a good guy. I'd agree to disagree and see how it goes. As it turns out, political beliefs are almost entirely irrelevant to whether people are worth spending time with. Some of my best friends have been opposite end of the political spectrum, GFs too. I wouldn't let it get to you, who knows maybe in a few years you'll agree with each other!
You need to end the relationship. What if you were to have a child that is trans? Do you really think this man is up to the task of loving a child and unconditionally supporting their identity, regardless of whether they fit in his narrow minded views? I was dating a man who thinks being gay/bi/pan is a mental disorder and that trans people need psychological treatment because they can't accept the body they were born in. My daughter is lesbian and my sons are both questioning. That man is no longer part of our lives. Yes, this situation is 100% an acceptable reason to end a relationship. Any reason is acceptable. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, but you do need to honor and respect yourself enough to recognize that this is not a healthy relationship for you.
It's bad enough figuring out what to do when you're years into a relationship and realize you're incompatible. It's literally been a few weeks. Ghost him and find someone worth your time, cuz I promise, he ain't it.
You need someone the respects you. You deserve it. He’s showing red flags and it’s been one month. LEAVE. Find yourself a better partner. Please update us when you leave him.
Sweet summer child, stop settling for the gum stuck under the bottom of your shoe when you can get a fresh piece.
Respect yourself and your people. Break up with him.
Y’all aren’t compatible. He won’t change you and you won’t change him.
That’s not healthy… Run. I understand that some of it can be chalked up to young and dumb, but him taking such a hard stance on ignorance? I firmly believe you can be friends with people of opposing views, but he’s proud to be a bigot… Also dating under a month and calling you a slur as a “joke” because you said he shouldn’t use that word…? As a connoisseur of collecting red flags for fun. Nah throw that one away, he doesn’t want to grow or change right now, and I HATE this phrase, but he’s truly giving me the ick. As that’s a pretty important topic, that he just walked away from. What else will he just shutdown or not hear out?
The thing about relationships is that even if you have different viewpoints on a subject, you don't have to be a dick about it. Your bf was being a dick just by calling you the f slur. Everyone has the right to their own opinions, likes, dislikes, hobbies etc but if the person that is meant to be in love with you calls you a slur or says your atr hobby is shit or something, that's not OK. I sit through fast and furious movies because my husband loves them. He sits through the star wars movies because he knows I love them. We don't tell each other that you're stupid for liking that movie. Not saying he called you stupid but I hope you get my point. I know its a bit trivial to talk about movies, but I think life should be a set of compromises.
Sounds like he needs to take a gender class and get edumacated before he keeps opening his big mouth and gets himself in some REAL trouble.
If it’s been a month…. lol leave there’s nothing making you stay with someone who obviously shares completely different views from you and has a hard time understanding his own rationale for thinking the things he does (getting frustrated in convos about sexual identity, etc). It will be 1000% easier to find someone better that shares similar views than trying to change he’s opinions and values. Also, this will almost definitely come up again in your relationship and cause more drama and stress. Is he really worth that?
Leave. Y'all aren't compatible and that's okay. It's never going to change, and y'all disagreeing about your core values is going to be a deal breaker in the long run. I was in the literal EXACT same situation and I stayed for 3 years because I found out further in an I loved him. But we fought literally more days than we didn't, and we were both passionate on our views. Don't waste each others time like my ex and I did, it's not worth it and no one is changing their mind on this matter.
So, this behavior is just going to get exponentially worse, just be extremely thankful you wasted almost no time with him. He was legit testing you and seeing how far he could push you over with the f slur, that's a major red flag of things to come
Never accept disrespect from your partner. This is a bit more extreme than a fight or a disagreement. Totally unacceptable for him to use that word in reference to you after you had the conversation. You’re young, drop him. Never settle for less.
Get out. GeT Out. GET OUTTTTT
Stop seeing him. He has "covert" biases that he won't admit to your face - or in some cases has used them and tried to laugh it off. It won't stop. You will either commit to constantly correcting him, or getting VERY open on his social posts (calling him out for living a private life that is opposite his public statements). If you are looking for a relationship with a partner who sees you, hears you, supports you in all you do.....this ain't it.
It’s okay for a couple to have different opinions on topics or even some political views but not when these issues are important to you. Then the unsent text just shows what he’s about and that he doesn’t take you seriously. He’s a hypocrite.
You're young, you've barely been with this guy. Political views should be roughly considered when you're dating someone because often they reflect core values. Consider what YOUR core values are and what your non negotiables are - I'd think slurs would be one. Break up with this guy and find someone who respects you and aligns with who you are.
“Why is there no men’s month?” Isn’t June literally men’s mental health awareness month ALSO? These people don’t actually care, they just wanna put down people different from them.
im sorry but if he isnt willing to have even a semblance of an open mind i would break up with him. he seems very set in his ways and closed off
Flee immediately.I ignored the exact same red flag two years ago and I am only just now liberating myself recently. Please get yourself out now.
If you can't accept every single piece of you 100% without judgment, and actions see otherwise of course, Then I would definitely invest your time in somebody else who can appreciate everything about you and feel secure in all of those aspects that make you unique
"My boyfriend called me a slur and treats other people that share an identity with me like trash. We've been together a couple weeks, what should I do?" Does that make it easier for you babe? You aren't compatible and he's already degrading you? Leave.
Your values do not align, this is an example of irreconcilable differences. Personally I would have kicked him to the curb after calling you an f slur as a joke. I don’t know why you are even considering staying with him.
Are. Are you serious? Jesus WEPT. Dump the loser and next time don't assume the straight guy shares your politics unless you've actually discussed it. And even then, take it with a grain of salt until he's shown his character.
“Pride month makes no sense.”Tell that to the community members who have been murdered. Tell that to the ones who were kicked out of their homes as minors. Tell that to all the trans women of color who are the highest rate to be murdered for simply existing. I personally cannot be with anyone whose morals are so far apart from my own. I’ll never understanding hating someone for their race or their sexuality. You must feel so disappointed honey and I’m sorry. When someone shows you their true colors you pay attention.
Girl really?!? What should you do?! BREAK UP WITH HIM. He’s homophobic and you’re gay
Why are you with him again?
>“I’m not homophobic, I’m transphobic.” So what's your question? "Do I want to date a bigot?"
I legit thought the F word was thrown in the trash 10 years ago.
Go ahead and run away. He’s literally throwing red flags at you!! He called you a slur, he admitted to being transphobic, and he’s posting right wing media. This is not a safe partner. As an aside, I’ve found in my years that politics needs to be one of the first things I bring up with potential love interests (or even friends). If someone is going to be actively voting against my rights or being bigoted against me then they’re not someone I need in my life. I also simply don’t have time for the closed minded bigotry and ignorance of the far right.
Pro Candace should be a hard no for anyone with two brain cells to rub together
Being a strong black woman you know what to do. Get rid of him he's talking f****** nonsense and anybody who listens to Candace Owens needs to have their freaking head examined. She is an embarrassment to black women everywhere
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Not everyone has the same views as you and not everyone is okay with certain things others do and that’s okay. Now, you don’t have to put up with someone who doesn’t have the same views as you but to change someone’s opinion and get offended is not even worth it. AND he’s being disrespectful to you and calling you names? Don’t allow that for yourself.
Either you’re cool dating a bigot, or you’re not. Which one is it?
In my experience, they never get better. At best, they get better at hiding it around you. He's shown you who he really is; believe him. It's only been a month, so I would have zero hesitation cutting my losses. People who are bigoted against you don't deserve your love. Please be very careful when you leave. Some people can become aggressive when being broken up with, so take precautions to stay safe, just in case he doesn't respond well. (Edit: This isn't specific, I just try to say this any time I suggest leaving; I've seen some horror stories on here.) I wish you the best in finding someone who respects you and sees the world in you!
Absolutely not find your exit immediately. He knows that you're bi and STILL making these kinds of comments/ agreeing with these people and their hatred on top of trying to rationalize/validate pride month not being a good thing to have but yet we have almost every other celebration for just about everyone. On top of him stating he's "transphobic," what would happen if you were trans or even later in life decided you were and have been all along. He needs to go immediately and let him be with the sheeple while you celebrate pride month loud and proud with the rest of us in the "alphabet community"
When someone tells you who they are believe them. He’s not a good guy. There are soooooo many better options out there! Also lucky you being bisexual even more options ❤️ ditch this bigoted loser
I stayed way too long with a guy who was like this. Trust your instincts and end it now. Good luck!
DUMP.
Bisexual woman here! **Run.** He is not worth it.
LEAVE. You can do better 💜
Oof, girl. How can you even consider staying with this person? Haven’t even been in a relationship a month yet and he’s showing biases and hate towards a community that you’re a part of. What more do you need to know??
Why are you with someone who hates you?
Don’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your views.
Leave that boy. What are you even waiting for?
GTFO
Op, he's insulted you with that slur twice and you've been dating under a month? He doesn't respect you. Cut this off and look at it as time invested in learning what you DON'T want in someone you're dating.
Girl. You know what you need to do. It’s not your job to teach this guy how to be a decent person.
It's only been a month and he's only a boyfriend, so his trial period is over and you can opt out of any further interaction. Move on and try a different model because that's what dating is for.
That’s an awful lot of arguments (err I mean ‘discussions’) for a relationship that is only a few weeks old. It is very hard to have a deep relationship with someone you have so little in common with. This man would be better suited to a FWB situation for you.
he sounds really plain
It took a month for him to show you who he really is. He’s a grade A fuckwit. Think it’s time to call time on this relationship. He’s not your person
Honey the longer you spend with him, the harder it will be to break up. Are you going to introduce him to your friends? Your parents? When you break up, please be very specific why you're doing it. Just don't let him gaslight you or justify it. Knowing why his behavior is unacceptable to you might help make him a better person over time.
He has shown you exactly who he is, please believe him! His using a slur against you right after you asking him not to say it isn’t a “joke”, it’s him pushing a boundary to see how much he can get away with and see where your limits are. He will continue to “joke” and push your boundaries as long as you allow it. I know so often the advice is “break up”, but this is definitely a situation in which that would be the best advice you could take.
Personally, I wouldn’t be able to date someone whose values didn’t align with mine. I would be gone so fast.
You aren't compatible, you've been dating for no time at all, break up and move on, date someone who respects you.
Realize that some people you meet/fall in love with are lessons. You’re 19. How he is now, might be the way that’s he’s gonna be for a good 5-10yrs maybe even the rest of his life. Do you wanna constantly deal with that? Can you love that about him? Could you marry or live with a man like that? Cut him out. Know what you want and who you want.
Leave the guy. You aren't compatible. It's only been a month, no big loss.
It hasn’t even been a month — get out as soon as you can! I’m also a leftist and bisexual and never in a million years could you pay me to date someone transphobic or bigoted in any way. Every month is Men’s months that’s why the rest of us need ONE month to focus on us — all the other ones focus on them. If he’s Black and doesn’t think there should be a Black History Month and doesn’t see how his racial oppression is similar to the oppression of other minorities then there is no reasoning with him and you should run far far away because that shows not only a lack of understanding but a pretty basic lack of empathy. One oppressed group gleefully partaking in the oppression of another oppressed group has never made sense to me and never will (like I understand WHY, it’s because then they get to have more power than that minority, but I don’t understand how they could feel good about doing that). Break up with him and make sure politics and issues that are deeply important to you are talked about much earlier on (like first/second date/hangout) in the future so you can weed out people who would vote for politicians who would make laws that would hurt you and your communities.
He’s not your boyfriend- he’s a guy you’ve had sex with for four weeks. He’s a racist and misogynistic person. Move on now.
Ditch the prick...FAST!
Leave
One month in. You can exit this dynamic by ghosting him I think ghosting is awful behaviour but in this instance, I'd suggest it. Why bother explaining yourself?
He's testing you to see what he can get away with. He doesn't care what you think or believe, he wants to know if he can be himself without pushback from you. He's reposting TikToks knowing you'll see them, but he's not sending them directly to you, so he's trying to see if you'll call him out. His plan is to wear you down until you give up and accept him as he is, rather than expect him to make any changes to his behavior. You need to break up with him, he does not respect you and this behavior is only going to get worse.