Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like sheās projecting her sexual insecurities onto you. She wants to be wild but is afraid of being free, so sheās mocking you for being free and trying new things.
I wonder if she's ever dated a man who ended up being gay before. Only asking because I've had that happen before, and it made me sort of insecure for a while.
You might want to edit your main post to add this, because this is important information. And you could get good answers for how to approach this with her, instead of just people ragging on your wife for being a prude.
I hooked up with this girl once, and just before we were going to have sex she said to me, "I don't care if the last person you slept with was a man." I went completely soft and had to ask why she would say that. I'm very much a straight, masculine male. It made no sense. She told me that she hadn't been with anyone in a long time because her bf cheated on her with a guy.
Thereās nothing wrong with prostate stimulation. Lots of couples do it. Also, lots of men like their asses to be ate, or at least have their taints licked. I didnāt know this was a thing for straight men until a girl told me about how she liked doing it. I was a freshman in college and that was 24 years ago.
Or maybe it makes her feel inadequate, in that she assumes her fingers are nothing compared to a cock and that you would experience more pleasure with a cock, and thatās why she jumps to you being gay. Itās obviously naive, because sex is as much about whatās going on in our heads and as it is about the physical stimulation. Both fingers and cocks can provide prostate stimulation, but if you get off on the fact that itās your wife doing the stimulating and would be turned off if it were a guy pounding you, youāre not gay. Same thing for doing anal with her, the fact that itās her butt that your cock is in is more important than it just being a sphincter around your cock.
She got a reaction out of you sheās never had before.Ā
She might be thinking that all the previous times were lacking.Ā
Reassure her that they were fun times, and that youāre not going off to a bathhouse to get your hole diddled on a daily basis just because youāve discovered you liked it.Ā
You donāt say if she liked doing it. Just she could see your reaction was good.Ā
She might be using being horrible to pull you out of doing it again.Ā
Homies, is it gay to get fingered in the ass by your wife? Just asking.
In all seriousness, that's weird and you should tell her to stop being fucking weird.
Itās called Prostate stimulation.
If a probe or finger is in about a half inch and pressed down, thatās the prostate. Rubbing it gently causes stronger orgasms
ā¦and then when orgasm comes along, when itās pressed down it blocks the ejaculation so the orgasm lasts 5x longer. Or even twice.
Itās like pinching a garden hose
Itās down, towards the front of the man. Google image search prostate stimulation and youāll see it. Itās not far in, like an inch maybeā¦. Any further and your past it.
Youāll see a tube running through it, from the gland that creates the semen. Itās smaller than you think.
Pressure on *that tube* prevents the orgasm from āhappeningā, yet the feeling is thereā¦ like a held hose. *Oral is best for this, itās just easier because one hand is free to do it*
The longer the other person holds it down, the longer the orgasm, but like any hose with pressureā¦ the release will be stronger at the right moment.
- The logic is sound. I randomly found this out through experience firstā¦ then I googled the above to confirm.
#BUTT MY FEMALE PARTNER DIDNT CALL ME GAY. Lol
(I would laugh at her if she did though. Iām straight but not narrow minded.)
I actually explained all this to her and it will happen again if I ask. Lol. Everyone should try it.
Edit: Iām not knocking you down OP, just making this big enough so at least one person can use this awesome technique. Tell your girl how to do it *right*!
Anatomically, itās inferior anterior pressure. Not towards the stomach so much as down into the pelvic floor. Hand should be oriented such that the palm faces the same direction as the receiverās body.
Ahh yea. Thatās kinda how I figured it out. Experienced it, then thought there is probably a biological thing to the prostate.
The female GSpot is similar in depth and pressure.
If youāre going for the GSpot on a woman and the light pressure with your fingers works to turn her on, it starts to feel like holding a lobster tail in your fingers.
Then, if you want to ā¦.and she lets you :) if you dig DEEPER, and pull back *hard* making a *very hard yank and pull* motion like your pulling on her pelvic bone, sheāll squirt. A lot.
Put towels under and around it all so it just feels good to her and sheās not worried about a mess.
If sheās not thinking about a mess or embarrassment, then sheāll be happy you āchanged the oilā. It really is a great release for a woman.
Sorry if that was a little much. But this whole post is NSFW and I found this same method the same way.
-
Itās just a bummer (No pun intended) these two spots arenāt located in the place where stimulation happens the most during sex, just fingers..
(Edit : words. Read the below comment for more)
>Sorry if that was a little much.
Nah, talking about sex in any way that's actually helpful requires specificity. That doesn't make it vulgar. Not in my book.
I'd just read some bland not terribly help article in a women's magazine about prostate stimulation and decided to try it on my then bf. Gently of course. To his credit he had no hang ups about it. Now, if I ever decide to try my luck with the ladies I have a useful point of refence, so thank you for that.
I find the typical "come hither" description to be lacking. I mean, cmon, it's more like a
"GET..... THE...FUCK...OVER....HERE" pounding to have the full effect. I'm not refuting anything you said, I'm just standing in the peanut gallery.
The prostate is much further in than 1/2".
1/2" is just inside the anal sphincter.
It's a good average index finger length inside (to get your finger pulp on it) and there are two lobes, left and right, that can easily be palpated so you'll know urine the right place (see what I did there)
DOI: Doctor who has done many many prostate exams (professionally I might add for clarification)
Yep. And just like a woman, itās hard to find and it a stupid spot.
But itās more about that āpinching the garden hoseā thing. Itās super obvious when you think about it.
I donāt want to send her over the edge and I know from experience that being that direct with her would give me the opposite result that Im trying to achieve
How about "please don't say things like that to me." There's a million ways to word this issue. And if she keeps on doing it, you have to decide what you'll do next.
āI know from experience that being direct with her would give me the opposite result that Iām trying to achieve.ā
*Yikes, dude.*
Sounds like youāre hoping for a quick fix to treat a symptom of the infection but that youāve basically already given up on addressing the underlying problem.
Right?! It was her idea, and now sheās insulting him because he enjoyed it?
Maybe she just wanted to do it to make him feel bad, whether he liked it or not.
He likes it, and heās āgay.ā
He doesnāt, and she gets off on doing something that made him uncomfortable.
Why canāt she talk about it like an adult?
Apparently she *researched* it beforehand, which makes the whole thing weirder.
Apparently OP said that she had a close friend whose husband came out as gay 6 years into marriage so it could be the worry from that happening to her.
If you don't think direct will be successful then be playful/flirty. "If I was gay I wouldn't be so turned on by your..." dirty talk. "Ha are you telling me you're a man?" Or just deadpan a "that's neither funny nor true so I'm confused."
Wow. This is the way, way bigger issue at play here. If you can't speak directly with your life partner, that is a problem. You guys are to far along to be speaking with each other in innuendo to get what you want.
It'd be worthwhile to schedule an appointment with a therapist who specializes in sex and marital issues, but I have a suspicion your wife will immediately be on the defensive by this if she doesn't like being confronted with things.
Focus on establishing your boundaries then, rather than the meaning her behavior (specifically when responding to her, make sure you take a deep dive internally as to what her actions mean).
It's hard to argue with facts.
"Do not call me gay, I am not"
"You are being mean and insulting. I do not respect that".
"I will not continue this conversation if you are being insulting and disrespectful"
"I am very confident in my sexuality and masculinity and it is not your place to question it".
"I am attracted to you, and I've always been interested only in women. However your demeaning tone and ignorance over sexuality is not attractive to me".
"Being gay, straight or any variation of these is about how one feels about people. Not actions. I like women because that's the gender and sex I like, not by their abilities to suck dick"
I find this one particularly good when you're getting fed up.
the fact that you know that being direct w/ her would be a huge issue is a serious reason for her to seek therapy, not just b/c of her particular reaction here, but also if this happens about other areas in your life if you're direct w/ her.
i really hope it's not something that she behaves like this in other parts of your relationship.
also sorry for her stonewalling you about her reasoning behind this. it sounds extremely frustrating.
Maybe you shouldnt have married a huge bigot? sorry you're going through all that but surely there were other signs. "Didn't care because it didn't affect me" isn't a great look
I don't think she necessarily has to be a bigot. I think it's more a form of keeping OP off balance, sexually, which is a form of abuse. I've been in a relationship where I thought I was trying to please my partner and he "jokingly" would call me "nasty" and things like that. But there was an edge to it so that it really didn't feel like a joke and made me feel really uncomfortable. This feels similar. No one should be mocked for anything they do or try in the bedroom, especially if both partners seem to enjoy it in the moment.
100%
If this isn't addressed it can cause some serious issues. I know that if my partner made me feel a way about my sex preferences it'd be a hell of a lot harder to keep having sex with her
Im not sure how to navigate that but Iād definitely suggest a conversation with her because if she loved you before and was willing to try it she should love you now. If not, she sounds mean.
She is immature as hell. Just explain to her the only reason you enjoyed it was because it was her. You have no desire for that to happen with anyone else and especially not another man. And tell her if she's going to be so close-minded and ignorant of your feelings for her then maybe she'll have to start eating her own ass.
How do you usually get through to her? I'd find it hard to believe that this is the only time you've experienced her refusing to talk to you about something
Why keep pressing on incorporating ass play when she isnāt enthusiastic about it? She gets quiet and uncomfortable afterwards on the rare occasions she does it.
That would be such a turn off to me. How isnāt it to you?
The times we had ass play that I mentioned in the post were where she was initiating it. She has asked me to eat and finger her ass in the past unprompted. She will occasionally āplayā with my ass during a handjob but rarely gets to my actual asshole lol
It's not gay to enjoy a woman playing with your ass. Unless you're a woman or you were thinking about a man while she did it. She needs to do some serious introspection and figure out why she thinks a woman touching your anus is gay.
For me,a woman, another woman playing in the back garden *would* be gay, for a man, not even a little.
I may have commented this already but she did have a close girlfriend whose husband came out as gay and they got divorced 5 or 6 years into their marriage. This was a couple years ago and Iām not entirely sure how the situation played out as my wife wonāt talk about it much with me but that may have something to do with it
Thatās a pretty big detail dude. My first thought is thatās itās all been a test. And by enjoying it, you failed the test. So now she has insecurities about your sex life and your sexuality. She probably thinks your marriage will meet the same fate and that one day you will leave
Thatās a crucial detail.
I wouldnāt be surprised if friend said: āshould have known! He was into gay porn, ass play, blah blah blah ā (insert stuff that might have been said during that conversation).
I think it was a test you failed. You said yes and enjoyed it.
She is now oscillating between wanting to give you pleasure but feeling uncomfortable with the way you are receiving it.
Sheās got some issues. She is both giving and receiving (and seemingly enjoying both) but at the same time feels weird about it. I would imagine she grew up in a household where there was a bit of guilt associated with sex in general, or at least with any sex perceived as weird or dirty or ānot normalā. Well, we all have issues to work on; whatās not cool is her expressing her own conflicts as hostility to you.
In the end, if she canāt bring herself to talk about these issues with you, maybe (and I know itās the panacea on these subs) she would benefit from some therapy.
She is pretty sex positive for the most part, but we have had to work through a lot of stuff together. We were very close to seeing a marriage counselor a couple years ago when things were really bad comparability-wise. She had one lined up and vetted but never scheduled the appt
Ehh this is kind of a red flag on her part. Her not following through with the therapist though is not a good look. Sheās calling you homophobic names and shaming you for the things you like during sexā¦.you have to put your foot down and demand she stop doing it and if she doesnāt then sheās told you who she is and what she thinks about your feelings. Good luck.
She's being homophobic and fucking weird. Guys feel pleasure from having their prostate played with, straight, gay, bi, whatever. It's not a sexuality thing, it's an anatomy thing. Is she a lesbian because she likes her clit being played with? Why did she bring it up if she was just going to use it to shame you? Is this her trying to be a dom? If so, she's doing it wrong. Yikes yikes yikes.
I can related to her. My ex husband turned out to be down low and cheated on me with several men, yet would always talk bad about gay infront of me and how wrong it is for people to ever like to get Butt f**
This completely ruined me and if a man tells me he likes butt related things I freak out think heās BI or DL again and I just want to run as quick as I can.
Thereās nothing worser for a woman to get cheated on, but if itās not with a woman and turns out to be a Man it doesnāt make you feel woman enough anymore and plays mental sick games with your head for the rest of your life. You just feel like you not good enough anymore after this
He left out that her close friendās husband came out as gay after years of marriage and they divorced. Wrote it in the comments. Seems heās happy to leave that part out and just have everyone rag on his wife.
Do you think that maybe your wife tried it to spice your relationship up .. but then noticed you liked it too much and was not expecting it? And then felt insecure about the whole thing ? Maybe she felt like thatās the only way youād enjoy sex now when in reality she maybe just wants intimate sex and for that to not go away? Maybe she noticed you enjoyed it more than when you both are intimate without the buttplay? She should express her actual insecurities on where itās coming from. I absolutely do not agree that she shouldāve said the gay thing.
Unfortunately, our society was built on patriarchal structures that have had lasting effects throughout our history. One such construct holds the male genitals as a symbol of power and the act of penetration as an assertion of dominance.
If she was raised in a household that held these ideas, then she could internally view you as someone who has been (in a sense) dominated by her (someone without any misogynistic symbol of power)...thus, deep down she might be battling feelings that you are somehow of less value than she had originally thought before this incident.
She needs to sort these feelings out via therapy... maybe some sex counseling would be good for both of you.
Hahah no joke weāve actually run in to this topic about how much I turn her off if Iām even remotely effeminate, a thought which has never occurred to me since Iāve always considered myself a decently masculine person. I wore her panties as a joke once and showed her and she got pissed
I think you found the root here. She has some mental landscape which isnāt jiving with reality. She doesnāt want to talk about it because the intellectual gymnastics are too difficult.
Could you show her this post? Itās weird to call a man receiving pleasure from a woman, much less his wife, gay. Sex puts us in a vulnerable position already.
Iām trying to look at this in different ways. Maybe she was testing you, and got offended that instead of you freaking out at her for touching your bum, you liked it. Did she ever find out an ex from her past was gay?
I wish she was more communicative with you on this topic.
She did it intentionally to make feel good. Besides if she was ātestingā me then thatās another big issue IMO. Why would I do something like that to her if the roles were reversed? Would it be ok for me test her like that? Donāt think so
Lol it's literally biology the male equivalent of a g spot is in the rectum. When the prostate is stimulated it brings pleasure. Your girlfriend is both ignorant and insecure. it sounds like you may not be sexually compatible.
To play the devils advocate, she is clearly uncomfortable with this sex act and I have no idea why you would want to incorporate ass play when she clearly isnāt enthusiastically saying yes.
Iām not suggesting you shouldnāt discuss why she said what she said, but I really wouldnāt want anyone to do any sex acts with me that leaves them quiet and uncomfortable afterwards.
" but I really wouldnāt want anyone to do any sex acts with me that leaves them quiet and uncomfortable afterwards."
Oh for sure! I'll never understand why anyone would want to do anything sexual with their partner unless their partner was not only giving consent, but doing it enthusiastically. I don't want to guilt or nag my husband into doing anything, and I don't want sexual favors from him. I want us both to have an equally exciting and satisfying and passionate time together.
I'm sorry u had this experience... sexual intimacy should be a comfortable thing done with 2 people without judgement... she bogus as hell for that... I eat my man's ass and it just enhances our experience. I would never bring anything we do in the bedroom out to make him feel shame for liking it. Never let her make u feel bad for liking it... yall both have that same anatomy. So shame on her for saying that.
Nothing gay about it. She must have had a weird experience to make her believe so...
If we reversed the situation and you stimuled her clit and she liked it. Would she be a lesbian?
Does not add up.
:( I hate this stigma so much. Have her read a sex ed book! Itās very well known that the prostate is the male g-spot. Being gay implies being sexually attracted to a man. Enjoying how your wife touches your body is clearly not that. Tell her itās not cool and feels emasculating! Even if sheās joking words can still hurt & be disrespectful. Also, itās just plain homophobic which isnāt okay.
Tell her you need to find out how gay you are by putting it in her ass. Seriously any sexual contact between a man and. Women by definition is heterosexual. Itās just dumb to say a heterosexual encounter is homosexual.
Honestly, this needs to be discussed whether she likes it or not. Communication is the most important part of relationships. Maybe something flipped in her mind after the fact. Maybe sheās projecting an issue. Itās not fair to you for her to think you can read her mind, which is exactly what sheās expecting of she doesnāt want to talk about it. Maybe try counseling so you have someone to mediate? If youāre truly invested, yāall need to get some clarity. You donāt have to get to the same page, but it would be easier if you could get to the same book.
This is My main account I see everyone commenting on their burner accounts so here goes my comment! One time my s.o. Went for it and I was open to it. Nope. Not for me. I think it has to do with the fact a man tried to fuck me in the ass before when I was like 15. I think my trauma kicks in and I just wonāt let anything near my butthole. I am jealous of your pleasure lol
She's worried she won't be enough to satisfy you one day. Everyone knows the postate is the male orgasm spot. You said you loved it and she could tell. She's anxious that you might progress to wanting more, then needing it every time, then wanting to be pegged, then maybe a guy? I dunno but that's how I felt too.
I think you should sit down and talk with her.............. And a divorce lawyer.
Cause butt stuff is good and she needs to be knuckle deep in your rectum.
Honestly talk with a couples therapist. See if she actually has trauma.
Sounds like she was only semi invested in the first place to test out your interest levels and when you actually liked it ruined her sex drive and your sex appeal to her. You like it but you donāt mention that she liked doing it. Because you obviously like it so much, now she feels obligated that she will have to take a role in sex that sheās probably not nearly as interested in more and more often. The more you ask for it, the worse she probably feels about her sex life because sheās ultimately doing something that only you enjoy.
Most women are more than use to giving up power and being vulnerable with the men they love, many women arenāt very comfortable being the one taking power and penetrating all the time, especially if you guys just stumbled onto it one day.
She probably regrets ever trying it tbh because now you keep asking her for something she may never want to do again, so of course she wants you to stop asking and would feel like its naturally putting a damper on your previously mutually pleasurable PIV sex. Maybe she simply discovered she likes being the receiver exclusively, while you were simultaneously discovering it is all up in the air for you.
She wants you to feel shame though because even here itās obvious youāre asking her multiple times for a service sheās actively avoiding and you donāt seem to care she doesnāt like doing it. Just the opposite, you are super hungry for more from her and that is undoubtedly irritating and upsetting for her, been there. Sheās likely very insecure simply that you two are obviously not remotely on the same page sexually anymore and that is pushing her to lash out and is eating at her. Canāt say I blame her unfortunately, this would hurt and feel like much too big of an incompatibility to me. I donāt think either of you are wrong for wanting what you want, youāre just wrong for each other imo.
Wow. If my partner and I try something new and he enjoys it, Iām thrilled. I would never mock him at an intimate and vulnerable moment. Thatās pretty fucked.
It's super homophobic to think only gay men can like ass play. Also gay men don't usually want women fingering their ass. Sounds pretty straight to me.
Unless it is a dick, attached to a dude, it isn't gay. You should call her gay for liking getting oral. Lesbians eat eachother out afterall... pretty gay of her to like that.
Your wife is a moron here and clearly has some kind of homophobia going on.
Unpopular opinion: but why is it a problem if she associates it with being gay?
Sexuality is a spectrum. And it feels as though you see her saying itās gay is a negative thing. You can admit to liking your ass being eaten. You can even say, if it is gay, who cares, you like it.
You shouldnāt need to āconvinceā or reassure anyone of your sexuality. You like what you like.
Someone elseās labels donāt change what you like.
What she needs to decide is if she thinks her rimming your ass is gay, and if she has a problem with the association, in which case, she maybe should get some help, as that is not normal or appropriate thinking.
Everyone saying itās not gay is missing the point. Nothing is gay. Except for a sexual or romantic attraction to the same sex, and even then, itās not black and white.
My main question is why would she do something to you, unprompted, if she apparently thinks lesser of you for enjoying it, did she do it hoping you would hate it?
Your wife is unironically doing the meme. āYou enjoy having sex with a woman?? What are you, gay??ā
Not sure how to tackle this. But I am flabbergasted that she was so derisive after you agreed to try something new that SHE proposed.
Maybe she liked the idea on paper, but after trying it realized that she didnāt like being the āgiverā in this context? Thatās fine and normal - but no reason to be a jerk about it, insult you while you were in a vulnerable physical space, and shut down any related convo afterwards. Like. Come on. Thatās horrible.
You are trying to solve (as all us men do) this in your own mind. She doesnāt see anything to resolve or define. While thatās the situation, no further conversation will be had.
If you enjoy it, then wait for her approach. It doesnāt have to be all the time. Enjoy the spontaneity.
You know all the facts: Butt stuff doesn't make a man gay, she must be able to talk about relationship issues and about sex.
I, for my part, see no problem in doing things that I'm not overly into only for my partner as long as it doesn't hurt me. Because the moment I see him reacting, I'm into that. This isn't even an exotic kink - it's mere physical pleasure that brings nothing else with it if you don't want to. So, that rejection alone would make me feel insecure in return.
There must be a reason for this. It's not only the strange impression of a sudden gayness overcoming her husband, it's also her refusal to talk about it. I'd tell her she has to learn that, and not because of the topic itself, but because talking is essential for a functional relationship - and if she still refuses, I'd try therapy again. If she refuses also that, it's your decision how you handle that - I only can say a relationship without real communication isn't able to last.
She might think sins you enjoyed it the first time she emasculated you. Now her doing it is like rolls are reversed when a wife wants something and husband really doesnāt want to but gives in to make her happy. Thatās whatās going on with you right now
My standard copypasta relationship advice for this sub:
Iām sorry this happened to you. cut all ties and get your financials in order. Contact a lawyer and get a full STD panel. Consider the children. You deserve better than this.
My partner expressed wants to being pegged. Is 100% straight.
However I found myself nervous and embarrassed that maybe he wanted a man, with a penis. It's also giving "dominant" vibes which I was *NEVER* okay with.
I am not dominant and the idea of being in control makes me panic! She may have similar thoughts.. But I hope you two can work it out
What did she think would happen? Your āg spotā is literally biologically up your ass. Of course you liked it. This is like saying she must be a lesbian if she likes a clit massage.
Gawd. My man & I have done some things that would make a statue cum. But if he wants to TALK to me about it after? Fuck. Off.
I'm not Catholic, but I don't talk about some stuff. I'm good with a "great night". Just don't elaborate!!!!! Do not go on & on!
If it takes 9 years for more prostate massage..... it takes 9 years. Suck it up if you love her.
Iāve been reading through a lot of these comments and it seems like your relationship is pretty unhealthy.
She clearly is having an issue with you enjoying ass play because of her homophobia and she is hung up on what society says is okay. Itās a huge red flag that she refuses to have conversations with you about these problems, *marriage doesnāt work without communication. * And like many others here, I think she was testing you by asking you if youād like to be fingered. You failed by accepting and enjoying it. Your life partner should never be disappointed by your pleasure. Iām sure she enjoyed doing that for you, but she is definitely having disappointment even in herself for enjoying it.
I donāt think that this is an unsolvable problem if you both go to therapy (together and separate) and learn to have those tough conversations with each other. Individual therapy will help because you both need a safe space to vent and work out your feelings- you posted this because you needed to express your feelings somewhere.
Good luck.
Why did she do it and then shame you for it? Plenty of straight men like it. Honestly this is a red flag for her specifically, not you in any way, glad youāre looking into therapy for it
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If she had this outlook, why did she go knuckle deep in the first place?
Second thoughts half-knuckle deep?
Post knuckle deep clarity.
DAMN IT you beat me to it š¤£
That knuckle fuckled everything up
Once you go in, you commit or you don't go in as far as how you fell as the pitcher. Now as the catcher, different story.
Sounds like sheās projecting her sexual insecurities onto you. She wants to be wild but is afraid of being free, so sheās mocking you for being free and trying new things.
Wow hadnāt thought of it this way. Thank you
I wonder if she's ever dated a man who ended up being gay before. Only asking because I've had that happen before, and it made me sort of insecure for a while.
She has a close friend whose husband came out as gay after 6 years of marriage
I think you may have found the issue.
indeed
You might want to edit your main post to add this, because this is important information. And you could get good answers for how to approach this with her, instead of just people ragging on your wife for being a prude.
You need to put *that* in the OP, homeboy.
Done
I hooked up with this girl once, and just before we were going to have sex she said to me, "I don't care if the last person you slept with was a man." I went completely soft and had to ask why she would say that. I'm very much a straight, masculine male. It made no sense. She told me that she hadn't been with anyone in a long time because her bf cheated on her with a guy.
Wow that's definitely a weird thing to say.
Nothing like the thought of banging a dude to kill the mood
Itās always projection.
Projection ruins so many good times.
Thereās nothing wrong with prostate stimulation. Lots of couples do it. Also, lots of men like their asses to be ate, or at least have their taints licked. I didnāt know this was a thing for straight men until a girl told me about how she liked doing it. I was a freshman in college and that was 24 years ago.
Right, there is nothing gay when it comes to a man and woman having sex with each other
Or maybe it makes her feel inadequate, in that she assumes her fingers are nothing compared to a cock and that you would experience more pleasure with a cock, and thatās why she jumps to you being gay. Itās obviously naive, because sex is as much about whatās going on in our heads and as it is about the physical stimulation. Both fingers and cocks can provide prostate stimulation, but if you get off on the fact that itās your wife doing the stimulating and would be turned off if it were a guy pounding you, youāre not gay. Same thing for doing anal with her, the fact that itās her butt that your cock is in is more important than it just being a sphincter around your cock.
Well that was graphic
Youāre welcome š
Well put. He's got to get through to her somehow, but I sure as hell don't know how.
Iām going to be honest I thought your username was brazzers
I agree with this. Iām glad you are exploring and not letting her influence prevent you from enjoying. Butt stuff is not gay.Ā
She got a reaction out of you sheās never had before.Ā She might be thinking that all the previous times were lacking.Ā Reassure her that they were fun times, and that youāre not going off to a bathhouse to get your hole diddled on a daily basis just because youāve discovered you liked it.Ā You donāt say if she liked doing it. Just she could see your reaction was good.Ā She might be using being horrible to pull you out of doing it again.Ā
YES!!!! š
**Is it gay to have sex with your wife?**
Very, apparently
Homies, is it gay to get fingered in the ass by your wife? Just asking. In all seriousness, that's weird and you should tell her to stop being fucking weird.
Itās called Prostate stimulation. If a probe or finger is in about a half inch and pressed down, thatās the prostate. Rubbing it gently causes stronger orgasms ā¦and then when orgasm comes along, when itās pressed down it blocks the ejaculation so the orgasm lasts 5x longer. Or even twice. Itās like pinching a garden hose
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Itās down, towards the front of the man. Google image search prostate stimulation and youāll see it. Itās not far in, like an inch maybeā¦. Any further and your past it. Youāll see a tube running through it, from the gland that creates the semen. Itās smaller than you think. Pressure on *that tube* prevents the orgasm from āhappeningā, yet the feeling is thereā¦ like a held hose. *Oral is best for this, itās just easier because one hand is free to do it* The longer the other person holds it down, the longer the orgasm, but like any hose with pressureā¦ the release will be stronger at the right moment. - The logic is sound. I randomly found this out through experience firstā¦ then I googled the above to confirm. #BUTT MY FEMALE PARTNER DIDNT CALL ME GAY. Lol (I would laugh at her if she did though. Iām straight but not narrow minded.) I actually explained all this to her and it will happen again if I ask. Lol. Everyone should try it. Edit: Iām not knocking you down OP, just making this big enough so at least one person can use this awesome technique. Tell your girl how to do it *right*!
Wait, did you mean finger in and stimulating while performing oral?
Someone answer him quickly! He's already in the mental image position in real life.
Anatomically, itās inferior anterior pressure. Not towards the stomach so much as down into the pelvic floor. Hand should be oriented such that the palm faces the same direction as the receiverās body.
Huh, neat. I know how to do it, but just realized that I don't know a lot about the mechanism involved. Reddit. teaching me new stuff everyday!
Ahh yea. Thatās kinda how I figured it out. Experienced it, then thought there is probably a biological thing to the prostate. The female GSpot is similar in depth and pressure. If youāre going for the GSpot on a woman and the light pressure with your fingers works to turn her on, it starts to feel like holding a lobster tail in your fingers. Then, if you want to ā¦.and she lets you :) if you dig DEEPER, and pull back *hard* making a *very hard yank and pull* motion like your pulling on her pelvic bone, sheāll squirt. A lot. Put towels under and around it all so it just feels good to her and sheās not worried about a mess. If sheās not thinking about a mess or embarrassment, then sheāll be happy you āchanged the oilā. It really is a great release for a woman. Sorry if that was a little much. But this whole post is NSFW and I found this same method the same way. - Itās just a bummer (No pun intended) these two spots arenāt located in the place where stimulation happens the most during sex, just fingers.. (Edit : words. Read the below comment for more)
>Sorry if that was a little much. Nah, talking about sex in any way that's actually helpful requires specificity. That doesn't make it vulgar. Not in my book. I'd just read some bland not terribly help article in a women's magazine about prostate stimulation and decided to try it on my then bf. Gently of course. To his credit he had no hang ups about it. Now, if I ever decide to try my luck with the ladies I have a useful point of refence, so thank you for that.
I find the typical "come hither" description to be lacking. I mean, cmon, it's more like a "GET..... THE...FUCK...OVER....HERE" pounding to have the full effect. I'm not refuting anything you said, I'm just standing in the peanut gallery.
The prostate is much further in than 1/2". 1/2" is just inside the anal sphincter. It's a good average index finger length inside (to get your finger pulp on it) and there are two lobes, left and right, that can easily be palpated so you'll know urine the right place (see what I did there) DOI: Doctor who has done many many prostate exams (professionally I might add for clarification)
Wait what š³. So the man's g spot is the prostate?
Yep. And just like a woman, itās hard to find and it a stupid spot. But itās more about that āpinching the garden hoseā thing. Itās super obvious when you think about it.
I donāt want to send her over the edge and I know from experience that being that direct with her would give me the opposite result that Im trying to achieve
How about "please don't say things like that to me." There's a million ways to word this issue. And if she keeps on doing it, you have to decide what you'll do next.
Good advice thank you
Exactly. No discussion required. Boundary set
āI know from experience that being direct with her would give me the opposite result that Iām trying to achieve.ā *Yikes, dude.* Sounds like youāre hoping for a quick fix to treat a symptom of the infection but that youāve basically already given up on addressing the underlying problem.
That didnāt sound healthy and Iām sorry her response is really immature.
Tbh your wife sounds like a bit of a cunt.
Which makes op straight cos he loves her, checkmate gaythiests
Right?! It was her idea, and now sheās insulting him because he enjoyed it? Maybe she just wanted to do it to make him feel bad, whether he liked it or not. He likes it, and heās āgay.ā He doesnāt, and she gets off on doing something that made him uncomfortable. Why canāt she talk about it like an adult? Apparently she *researched* it beforehand, which makes the whole thing weirder.
Apparently OP said that she had a close friend whose husband came out as gay 6 years into marriage so it could be the worry from that happening to her.
Best comment š¤£š¤£
I was thinking "homophobic prude" but cunt also works hahaha
Especially since it was her that initiated it.
If you don't think direct will be successful then be playful/flirty. "If I was gay I wouldn't be so turned on by your..." dirty talk. "Ha are you telling me you're a man?" Or just deadpan a "that's neither funny nor true so I'm confused."
Wow. This is the way, way bigger issue at play here. If you can't speak directly with your life partner, that is a problem. You guys are to far along to be speaking with each other in innuendo to get what you want. It'd be worthwhile to schedule an appointment with a therapist who specializes in sex and marital issues, but I have a suspicion your wife will immediately be on the defensive by this if she doesn't like being confronted with things.
That's sad bro she's pretty direct with you.
your wife sounds like an idiot *and* an asshole.
Focus on establishing your boundaries then, rather than the meaning her behavior (specifically when responding to her, make sure you take a deep dive internally as to what her actions mean). It's hard to argue with facts. "Do not call me gay, I am not" "You are being mean and insulting. I do not respect that". "I will not continue this conversation if you are being insulting and disrespectful" "I am very confident in my sexuality and masculinity and it is not your place to question it". "I am attracted to you, and I've always been interested only in women. However your demeaning tone and ignorance over sexuality is not attractive to me". "Being gay, straight or any variation of these is about how one feels about people. Not actions. I like women because that's the gender and sex I like, not by their abilities to suck dick" I find this one particularly good when you're getting fed up.
the fact that you know that being direct w/ her would be a huge issue is a serious reason for her to seek therapy, not just b/c of her particular reaction here, but also if this happens about other areas in your life if you're direct w/ her. i really hope it's not something that she behaves like this in other parts of your relationship. also sorry for her stonewalling you about her reasoning behind this. it sounds extremely frustrating.
She sounds insecure and controlling
Thatās not really how adults are supposed to operate. Are you always walking on egg shells around her like this?
Maybe you shouldnt have married a huge bigot? sorry you're going through all that but surely there were other signs. "Didn't care because it didn't affect me" isn't a great look
I don't think she necessarily has to be a bigot. I think it's more a form of keeping OP off balance, sexually, which is a form of abuse. I've been in a relationship where I thought I was trying to please my partner and he "jokingly" would call me "nasty" and things like that. But there was an edge to it so that it really didn't feel like a joke and made me feel really uncomfortable. This feels similar. No one should be mocked for anything they do or try in the bedroom, especially if both partners seem to enjoy it in the moment.
It's homophobic.
That's fucked up. Next time you make her cum say "I ain't gay, BOYYY!"
āI donāt like men no more! Women women women!ā
Please consider hiring the Mexicano band responsible for announcing JOOOOOOOOOHN CENAAAAAAAAAAA šŗšŗšŗšŗšŗšŗšŗ
YOU CANT STOP ME MY TIME IS NOW! š¶
[Context for those who havenāt seen it:](https://youtu.be/zqLuHB8vX_A?si=3w1vzGHBFIbfKT32)
I am delivert!
no more šš
Read it with Kratos voice
LMFAO
Ask her if she's a lesbian now seeing as she likes it when you eat her vag.
Laughed a little too hard at this
This was my first thought too
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
ššš great reply
I used this argument in the past when she shut down when I asked her once. No response other than playing with assholes is what gay boys do
So she admits she is a gay boy? Perhaps a gay boy in a womanās body
Aw that is very sad and unfair. I think itās time for a serious conversation.
100% If this isn't addressed it can cause some serious issues. I know that if my partner made me feel a way about my sex preferences it'd be a hell of a lot harder to keep having sex with her
Yes and your partner shouldāve either said they werenāt comfortable doing it or accepted you for it and loved to please you that way.
But what if she says "I was just curious" and now it's "I can't see you as a man anymore"
This is what Iām afraid of
If she has this view she has a fundamentally fucked up view of masculinity and manhood. Something you should consider for yourself.....
It sounds like a version of Ā«Ā post-nut-clarityĀ Ā» with a dose of homophobia and toxic masculinity. You need to discuss this with your wife.
Im not sure how to navigate that but Iād definitely suggest a conversation with her because if she loved you before and was willing to try it she should love you now. If not, she sounds mean.
She is immature as hell. Just explain to her the only reason you enjoyed it was because it was her. You have no desire for that to happen with anyone else and especially not another man. And tell her if she's going to be so close-minded and ignorant of your feelings for her then maybe she'll have to start eating her own ass.
Believe me I have told her this. She will not hear it from me unfortunately EDIT: FOR CLARITY, told her that I enjoyed it because it was her doing it.
How do you usually get through to her? I'd find it hard to believe that this is the only time you've experienced her refusing to talk to you about something
Yeah it sounds wild to me that a person canāt even have a basic fucking conversation with their partner. Like, why be with someone like that?
Why keep pressing on incorporating ass play when she isnāt enthusiastic about it? She gets quiet and uncomfortable afterwards on the rare occasions she does it. That would be such a turn off to me. How isnāt it to you?
The times we had ass play that I mentioned in the post were where she was initiating it. She has asked me to eat and finger her ass in the past unprompted. She will occasionally āplayā with my ass during a handjob but rarely gets to my actual asshole lol
It's not gay to enjoy a woman playing with your ass. Unless you're a woman or you were thinking about a man while she did it. She needs to do some serious introspection and figure out why she thinks a woman touching your anus is gay. For me,a woman, another woman playing in the back garden *would* be gay, for a man, not even a little.
Couldnāt have said it better myself
I'd also be questioning if she's using gay as an insult, and if that reflects her views on homosexuality because if so, oof.
The back garden.
Why did she stick her fingers up there in the first place if she thought it was gay? Maybe she needs to be seeing someone about her sexual hang ups
I may have commented this already but she did have a close girlfriend whose husband came out as gay and they got divorced 5 or 6 years into their marriage. This was a couple years ago and Iām not entirely sure how the situation played out as my wife wonāt talk about it much with me but that may have something to do with it
Thatās a pretty big detail dude. My first thought is thatās itās all been a test. And by enjoying it, you failed the test. So now she has insecurities about your sex life and your sexuality. She probably thinks your marriage will meet the same fate and that one day you will leave
The marriage will end because sheās being a twat, not because OP enjoys non traditional stimulation.
Thatās a crucial detail. I wouldnāt be surprised if friend said: āshould have known! He was into gay porn, ass play, blah blah blah ā (insert stuff that might have been said during that conversation). I think it was a test you failed. You said yes and enjoyed it. She is now oscillating between wanting to give you pleasure but feeling uncomfortable with the way you are receiving it.
Your wife needs to grow up I reckon.
Do you think she did it as some sort of test that would out you in a similar way to that situation? That is almost worse
What in tarnation?
Trolled
Sheās got some issues. She is both giving and receiving (and seemingly enjoying both) but at the same time feels weird about it. I would imagine she grew up in a household where there was a bit of guilt associated with sex in general, or at least with any sex perceived as weird or dirty or ānot normalā. Well, we all have issues to work on; whatās not cool is her expressing her own conflicts as hostility to you. In the end, if she canāt bring herself to talk about these issues with you, maybe (and I know itās the panacea on these subs) she would benefit from some therapy.
She is pretty sex positive for the most part, but we have had to work through a lot of stuff together. We were very close to seeing a marriage counselor a couple years ago when things were really bad comparability-wise. She had one lined up and vetted but never scheduled the appt
Ehh this is kind of a red flag on her part. Her not following through with the therapist though is not a good look. Sheās calling you homophobic names and shaming you for the things you like during sexā¦.you have to put your foot down and demand she stop doing it and if she doesnāt then sheās told you who she is and what she thinks about your feelings. Good luck.
She's being homophobic and fucking weird. Guys feel pleasure from having their prostate played with, straight, gay, bi, whatever. It's not a sexuality thing, it's an anatomy thing. Is she a lesbian because she likes her clit being played with? Why did she bring it up if she was just going to use it to shame you? Is this her trying to be a dom? If so, she's doing it wrong. Yikes yikes yikes.
I can related to her. My ex husband turned out to be down low and cheated on me with several men, yet would always talk bad about gay infront of me and how wrong it is for people to ever like to get Butt f** This completely ruined me and if a man tells me he likes butt related things I freak out think heās BI or DL again and I just want to run as quick as I can. Thereās nothing worser for a woman to get cheated on, but if itās not with a woman and turns out to be a Man it doesnāt make you feel woman enough anymore and plays mental sick games with your head for the rest of your life. You just feel like you not good enough anymore after this
He left out that her close friendās husband came out as gay after years of marriage and they divorced. Wrote it in the comments. Seems heās happy to leave that part out and just have everyone rag on his wife.
Do you think that maybe your wife tried it to spice your relationship up .. but then noticed you liked it too much and was not expecting it? And then felt insecure about the whole thing ? Maybe she felt like thatās the only way youād enjoy sex now when in reality she maybe just wants intimate sex and for that to not go away? Maybe she noticed you enjoyed it more than when you both are intimate without the buttplay? She should express her actual insecurities on where itās coming from. I absolutely do not agree that she shouldāve said the gay thing.
Unfortunately, our society was built on patriarchal structures that have had lasting effects throughout our history. One such construct holds the male genitals as a symbol of power and the act of penetration as an assertion of dominance. If she was raised in a household that held these ideas, then she could internally view you as someone who has been (in a sense) dominated by her (someone without any misogynistic symbol of power)...thus, deep down she might be battling feelings that you are somehow of less value than she had originally thought before this incident. She needs to sort these feelings out via therapy... maybe some sex counseling would be good for both of you.
Hahah no joke weāve actually run in to this topic about how much I turn her off if Iām even remotely effeminate, a thought which has never occurred to me since Iāve always considered myself a decently masculine person. I wore her panties as a joke once and showed her and she got pissed
I think you found the root here. She has some mental landscape which isnāt jiving with reality. She doesnāt want to talk about it because the intellectual gymnastics are too difficult.
Ooooo this is the issue! She's bought into toxic masculinity bad.
Is SHE gay? Is she projecting?
š¤·āāļø could be a possibility
Why do you think that? Is there any āevidenceā she is gay?
Just tell her your boyfriend doesn't consider you being gay.
I always say no homo after I suck his dick so we good
I dare you too say āno homoā after having sex with her if she touches your butt lmao
Hahaha bet
Lmao.
Could you show her this post? Itās weird to call a man receiving pleasure from a woman, much less his wife, gay. Sex puts us in a vulnerable position already. Iām trying to look at this in different ways. Maybe she was testing you, and got offended that instead of you freaking out at her for touching your bum, you liked it. Did she ever find out an ex from her past was gay? I wish she was more communicative with you on this topic.
She did it intentionally to make feel good. Besides if she was ātestingā me then thatās another big issue IMO. Why would I do something like that to her if the roles were reversed? Would it be ok for me test her like that? Donāt think so
If it was a test I think it can be traced back to her friendās situation, and her insecurities got the best of her
Only one thing to do. fuck her dad.
Lol it's literally biology the male equivalent of a g spot is in the rectum. When the prostate is stimulated it brings pleasure. Your girlfriend is both ignorant and insecure. it sounds like you may not be sexually compatible.
That might be the case. I couldnāt imagine ever being the one to degrade her for liking something I did to her sexually
Canāt we all just get along?
To play the devils advocate, she is clearly uncomfortable with this sex act and I have no idea why you would want to incorporate ass play when she clearly isnāt enthusiastically saying yes. Iām not suggesting you shouldnāt discuss why she said what she said, but I really wouldnāt want anyone to do any sex acts with me that leaves them quiet and uncomfortable afterwards.
" but I really wouldnāt want anyone to do any sex acts with me that leaves them quiet and uncomfortable afterwards." Oh for sure! I'll never understand why anyone would want to do anything sexual with their partner unless their partner was not only giving consent, but doing it enthusiastically. I don't want to guilt or nag my husband into doing anything, and I don't want sexual favors from him. I want us both to have an equally exciting and satisfying and passionate time together.
i donāt understand why anyone would eat someoneās poop shoot
By her standards every time you masturbate youāre gay for touching a penis.
she probably doesnāt like being dominant
Being gay would be liking other dicks. Not stuff in your butt.
Is she a dude? If she isnāt it isnāt gay š¤·āāļø
I'm sorry u had this experience... sexual intimacy should be a comfortable thing done with 2 people without judgement... she bogus as hell for that... I eat my man's ass and it just enhances our experience. I would never bring anything we do in the bedroom out to make him feel shame for liking it. Never let her make u feel bad for liking it... yall both have that same anatomy. So shame on her for saying that.
Nothing gay about it. She must have had a weird experience to make her believe so... If we reversed the situation and you stimuled her clit and she liked it. Would she be a lesbian? Does not add up.
:( I hate this stigma so much. Have her read a sex ed book! Itās very well known that the prostate is the male g-spot. Being gay implies being sexually attracted to a man. Enjoying how your wife touches your body is clearly not that. Tell her itās not cool and feels emasculating! Even if sheās joking words can still hurt & be disrespectful. Also, itās just plain homophobic which isnāt okay.
If she's implying you're gay, then subsequently she's also implying she's a man.
Tell her you need to find out how gay you are by putting it in her ass. Seriously any sexual contact between a man and. Women by definition is heterosexual. Itās just dumb to say a heterosexual encounter is homosexual.
Ask her if she's a lesbian for liking you going down on her or using fingers
Call her a f@g-h@g, then.
As a gay man I endorse this š It won't help anything but it sure is funny as fuck
Honestly, this needs to be discussed whether she likes it or not. Communication is the most important part of relationships. Maybe something flipped in her mind after the fact. Maybe sheās projecting an issue. Itās not fair to you for her to think you can read her mind, which is exactly what sheās expecting of she doesnāt want to talk about it. Maybe try counseling so you have someone to mediate? If youāre truly invested, yāall need to get some clarity. You donāt have to get to the same page, but it would be easier if you could get to the same book.
This is My main account I see everyone commenting on their burner accounts so here goes my comment! One time my s.o. Went for it and I was open to it. Nope. Not for me. I think it has to do with the fact a man tried to fuck me in the ass before when I was like 15. I think my trauma kicks in and I just wonāt let anything near my butthole. I am jealous of your pleasure lol
She's worried she won't be enough to satisfy you one day. Everyone knows the postate is the male orgasm spot. You said you loved it and she could tell. She's anxious that you might progress to wanting more, then needing it every time, then wanting to be pegged, then maybe a guy? I dunno but that's how I felt too.
Maybe she's afraid you'll turn gay? Alot of women who are married have that insecurity
Nothing a chick does to a guy is gay, even pegging.. how can it be gay if itās a chick doing it to you?
I think you should sit down and talk with her.............. And a divorce lawyer. Cause butt stuff is good and she needs to be knuckle deep in your rectum. Honestly talk with a couples therapist. See if she actually has trauma.
Next you will want to be pegged. Just get it over with already gay boi
Sounds like she was only semi invested in the first place to test out your interest levels and when you actually liked it ruined her sex drive and your sex appeal to her. You like it but you donāt mention that she liked doing it. Because you obviously like it so much, now she feels obligated that she will have to take a role in sex that sheās probably not nearly as interested in more and more often. The more you ask for it, the worse she probably feels about her sex life because sheās ultimately doing something that only you enjoy. Most women are more than use to giving up power and being vulnerable with the men they love, many women arenāt very comfortable being the one taking power and penetrating all the time, especially if you guys just stumbled onto it one day. She probably regrets ever trying it tbh because now you keep asking her for something she may never want to do again, so of course she wants you to stop asking and would feel like its naturally putting a damper on your previously mutually pleasurable PIV sex. Maybe she simply discovered she likes being the receiver exclusively, while you were simultaneously discovering it is all up in the air for you. She wants you to feel shame though because even here itās obvious youāre asking her multiple times for a service sheās actively avoiding and you donāt seem to care she doesnāt like doing it. Just the opposite, you are super hungry for more from her and that is undoubtedly irritating and upsetting for her, been there. Sheās likely very insecure simply that you two are obviously not remotely on the same page sexually anymore and that is pushing her to lash out and is eating at her. Canāt say I blame her unfortunately, this would hurt and feel like much too big of an incompatibility to me. I donāt think either of you are wrong for wanting what you want, youāre just wrong for each other imo.
Wow. If my partner and I try something new and he enjoys it, Iām thrilled. I would never mock him at an intimate and vulnerable moment. Thatās pretty fucked.
It's super homophobic to think only gay men can like ass play. Also gay men don't usually want women fingering their ass. Sounds pretty straight to me.
Unless it is a dick, attached to a dude, it isn't gay. You should call her gay for liking getting oral. Lesbians eat eachother out afterall... pretty gay of her to like that. Your wife is a moron here and clearly has some kind of homophobia going on.
Unpopular opinion: but why is it a problem if she associates it with being gay? Sexuality is a spectrum. And it feels as though you see her saying itās gay is a negative thing. You can admit to liking your ass being eaten. You can even say, if it is gay, who cares, you like it. You shouldnāt need to āconvinceā or reassure anyone of your sexuality. You like what you like. Someone elseās labels donāt change what you like. What she needs to decide is if she thinks her rimming your ass is gay, and if she has a problem with the association, in which case, she maybe should get some help, as that is not normal or appropriate thinking. Everyone saying itās not gay is missing the point. Nothing is gay. Except for a sexual or romantic attraction to the same sex, and even then, itās not black and white.
Thatās where the poop comes out.
Is it gay to poop?
Thatās a bit gay.
My main question is why would she do something to you, unprompted, if she apparently thinks lesser of you for enjoying it, did she do it hoping you would hate it?
Your wife is unironically doing the meme. āYou enjoy having sex with a woman?? What are you, gay??ā Not sure how to tackle this. But I am flabbergasted that she was so derisive after you agreed to try something new that SHE proposed. Maybe she liked the idea on paper, but after trying it realized that she didnāt like being the āgiverā in this context? Thatās fine and normal - but no reason to be a jerk about it, insult you while you were in a vulnerable physical space, and shut down any related convo afterwards. Like. Come on. Thatās horrible.
You need to respect her sexual boundaries.
This dude is trolling. No way this is true
You are trying to solve (as all us men do) this in your own mind. She doesnāt see anything to resolve or define. While thatās the situation, no further conversation will be had. If you enjoy it, then wait for her approach. It doesnāt have to be all the time. Enjoy the spontaneity.
Iām sorry but the title made me lol .
šššššš
You just have to Tell her "thanks best bro for that jiu jitsu chakra punch body sneeze š© "
You know all the facts: Butt stuff doesn't make a man gay, she must be able to talk about relationship issues and about sex. I, for my part, see no problem in doing things that I'm not overly into only for my partner as long as it doesn't hurt me. Because the moment I see him reacting, I'm into that. This isn't even an exotic kink - it's mere physical pleasure that brings nothing else with it if you don't want to. So, that rejection alone would make me feel insecure in return. There must be a reason for this. It's not only the strange impression of a sudden gayness overcoming her husband, it's also her refusal to talk about it. I'd tell her she has to learn that, and not because of the topic itself, but because talking is essential for a functional relationship - and if she still refuses, I'd try therapy again. If she refuses also that, it's your decision how you handle that - I only can say a relationship without real communication isn't able to last.
Itās massaging the prostate
She might think sins you enjoyed it the first time she emasculated you. Now her doing it is like rolls are reversed when a wife wants something and husband really doesnāt want to but gives in to make her happy. Thatās whatās going on with you right now
My standard copypasta relationship advice for this sub: Iām sorry this happened to you. cut all ties and get your financials in order. Contact a lawyer and get a full STD panel. Consider the children. You deserve better than this.
Thatās pretty mean of her. Also does she not understand male anatomy and why this feels good?
Time to leave her for the homies clearly.
My partner expressed wants to being pegged. Is 100% straight. However I found myself nervous and embarrassed that maybe he wanted a man, with a penis. It's also giving "dominant" vibes which I was *NEVER* okay with. I am not dominant and the idea of being in control makes me panic! She may have similar thoughts.. But I hope you two can work it out
What did she think would happen? Your āg spotā is literally biologically up your ass. Of course you liked it. This is like saying she must be a lesbian if she likes a clit massage.
Gawd. My man & I have done some things that would make a statue cum. But if he wants to TALK to me about it after? Fuck. Off. I'm not Catholic, but I don't talk about some stuff. I'm good with a "great night". Just don't elaborate!!!!! Do not go on & on! If it takes 9 years for more prostate massage..... it takes 9 years. Suck it up if you love her.
Iāve been reading through a lot of these comments and it seems like your relationship is pretty unhealthy. She clearly is having an issue with you enjoying ass play because of her homophobia and she is hung up on what society says is okay. Itās a huge red flag that she refuses to have conversations with you about these problems, *marriage doesnāt work without communication. * And like many others here, I think she was testing you by asking you if youād like to be fingered. You failed by accepting and enjoying it. Your life partner should never be disappointed by your pleasure. Iām sure she enjoyed doing that for you, but she is definitely having disappointment even in herself for enjoying it. I donāt think that this is an unsolvable problem if you both go to therapy (together and separate) and learn to have those tough conversations with each other. Individual therapy will help because you both need a safe space to vent and work out your feelings- you posted this because you needed to express your feelings somewhere. Good luck.
To someone who isnt homophobic lol
Fuck a dude and say he was better at head.
Uhh š¬
Why did she do it and then shame you for it? Plenty of straight men like it. Honestly this is a red flag for her specifically, not you in any way, glad youāre looking into therapy for it
Nothing gay about a man and a woman having sex šš wtf
did she grow up catholic?
This is fucked up. Why would she do something to you only to hurt you for liking it?