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I’ve been dating someone for six months and we have so much fun together. He’s always wanting to be around me when he has free time. We spend SO much time together, yet I am in your shoes. I cannot let go of the fact he follows thousands of women online and they are OF women. It feels disrespectful. I’ve told him how it makes me feel and he’s says I shouldn’t worry about what’s on his phone and I should focus on how much time we spend together. I honestly don’t have any advice to give, but wanted you to know that it is ok to feel this way. I haven’t decided if I’m going to continue this relationship or not.
Hey thanks so much and I agree that this is a huge turn off, I would be looking at that like , if he follows a lot of trashy type of women that advertise sexual content all the time then that’s the type of stuff he enjoys and entertains. I get that boys will be boys but my boyfriend hasn’t even really followed any of these type of people although he may come across the posts and look at them he’s never been that guy who likes and follows all these types of women which I think is even worse ,my advice would be if u notice this already then he’s probs not the type of man your looking for or need however it’s hard when u like alot about someone , when I was dating I had a rule though if I started talking to someone then followed them on socials I’d have a look at the people they follow and if there following is a long list of fake , sexualised women’s accounts I would just not even entertain them , which is hard as this is a large majority of guys in this generation
This is my first dip in the dating pool since 2009, but it has definitely taught me to check their following early on in the talking stages. This wasn’t even an issue back when I was dating my ex husband since it was so long ago. Instagram was for actual photos back then. Idk, the whole situation has turned me off and I don’t know if I want to date anyone else. I told my guy that I think we’re better off as friends as we don’t seem to have the same values. He hasn’t given up reaching out to me yet, but every time I mention his actions on social media he won’t change them so I don’t see us moving forward. I really don’t understand men. Giving up the real thing for online women 🤷♀️
It's crazy how normalized it has become for someone in a relationship to look at other women's bodies online. If a guy stared at a girl wearing something revealing on the street or at the beach while she is wearing a bikini and his girlfriend is next to him, he would be criticized. Yet, today it's often considered normal for a guy to like bikini pictures of other girls online, despite it being essentially the same thing—lusting after another woman..
Anyways, I would say even if a guy treats you well and acts good, if he does that stuff even though you have multiple times told him that you are uncomfortable with it then he simply doesn't respects you. So, I would leave instantly. Honestly, it's up to you. You should have with him a long talk and tell him how much it affects you and that you would consider breaking up in case this doesn't get better. Know your worth. Yes, many men lust over other women online or even in real life but I think it's better to be single than to have to put up with that everyday and there are enough men outside who wouldn't do that in a relationship.
So glad to hear someone else with the same opinion I 100% agree. I’m very much so a person that once it’s made clear to me u don’t respect me I will cut you off but he has also been an extremly great partner , I’m such hard word and he puts up with a lot from me. My issue being however out sex life is so crap because I feel like I find that so unattractive a man that lusts after most women. Which to be honest there are so many good looking people around now that this is MOST men. Women can also be the same so thirsty for attention etc.
My bf couldn’t even give me a compliment when he first met me I wasn’t even sure if he likes me so he isn’t the typical ladies man or player but I just don’t know when to draw the line.
We have had a serious long talk and he is adamant that since the last time he has realised he wasn’t making the chnage before and he looks at things differently now and realised how silly it is however it’s hard to know if this is genuine or not as I can only ever find this out if I look through his phone. However since then he is still strange with his phone if I pick it up and go to look through it he will grab it out my hand but he claims
This is because he feels I’m looking for a problem for no reason. It’s so hard
I don’t think him looking at that on his phone means he is doing anything shady in person. I found out last year that my fiancé had been paying for OF. We don’t have a “no porno” rule in our relationships so to me the money he was spending on it was more the issue vs the images and videos. Because that available online for free. He unsubscribed and deleted his OF.
Granted that was frustrating but I do not think he’s actually cheating. He comes home every night after work, he doesn’t talk to any females in a sexual way, and he’s a good guy.
If you have a “no porn” rule in your relationship he should respect that. And if he’s gone out of his way to show you that he will respect it from now on, that’s a good thing imo. However, if you feel like you can’t trust him because of this and trust won’t be rebuilt then you shouldn’t be together as trust is the key to a healthy and successful relationship.
Like I said, I don’t think seeing this videos or even watching them is giving into temptation because he could likely easily actually go an sleep with someone. But everyone’s boundaries are different
Thanks for this different perspective. So sorry to hear your partner done this I think paying money to another person for sexual content is more or less like paying for prostitution though and I would see this as cheating and get rid right away so I take my hats off to you for seeing past this and moving forward .
I get what you mean as in it not being him actually acting on it like messaging them or anything however I do have the boundaries that I’m not ok with prom being watched as why would he need to get off from another women if I have all that he wants ? I have caught him on it before though at the start and he has broke the boundaries more than once. Example he was caught on twitter looking at a OF page and got upset , said it never happen again etc and said he’s so sorry but then done it again .. so after the final time that I know of he tried so much to make up for it and then deleted his socials but then seeing his YouTube shorts suggested videos I’m just like why do u always want to be clicking on this stuff when u act as if I’m the only women in the world when we r at home it is just a little contradicting to be honest
That’s your boundaries then. Like I said I don’t have a problem with porn, the money was the issue for me since we were on a pretty tight budget at the time. Often times I watch porn myself when doing some solo play. I feel like “self love” and masturbation is a normal thing, and porn helps with that. It’s a different type of release than sex is and it’s natural. When you see a TikTok video of a hot shirtless man chopping firewood, or whatever, do you scroll right past without even looking? Block them? Click “no more content like this” when the option comes up? If you don’t, then you’re guilty of doing the same thing he is by watching suggestive videos that aren’t outright porn. Appreciating beauty is not a bad thing, and everyone will feel attraction to others even when in a relationship. It’s not acting on it that matters.
But if your boundaries are no porn, nothing slightly suggestive at all, and you’re being true to those rules, and he’s not, then he’s not the one for you.
Yes I totally agree that if I was doing the same the thing is though I’ve never came across a TikTok like this However my TikTok is full of women sexualising their selfs spitting , bouncing their boobs up and down ..women doing this Is way more common to come across that men as I feel women also have many more assets to turn another in through a camera compared to a man .
Also I am actually bisexual so find very minimal men attractive but I have actually deleted my social media so it isn’t the case of double standards of course I can appreciate beauty and self love in the way your talking about is 100% different however I can use my imagination to do that I don’t feel necessary to look at other women full of lust naked to make himself feel good , it’s a tough one
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve been dating someone for six months and we have so much fun together. He’s always wanting to be around me when he has free time. We spend SO much time together, yet I am in your shoes. I cannot let go of the fact he follows thousands of women online and they are OF women. It feels disrespectful. I’ve told him how it makes me feel and he’s says I shouldn’t worry about what’s on his phone and I should focus on how much time we spend together. I honestly don’t have any advice to give, but wanted you to know that it is ok to feel this way. I haven’t decided if I’m going to continue this relationship or not.
Hey thanks so much and I agree that this is a huge turn off, I would be looking at that like , if he follows a lot of trashy type of women that advertise sexual content all the time then that’s the type of stuff he enjoys and entertains. I get that boys will be boys but my boyfriend hasn’t even really followed any of these type of people although he may come across the posts and look at them he’s never been that guy who likes and follows all these types of women which I think is even worse ,my advice would be if u notice this already then he’s probs not the type of man your looking for or need however it’s hard when u like alot about someone , when I was dating I had a rule though if I started talking to someone then followed them on socials I’d have a look at the people they follow and if there following is a long list of fake , sexualised women’s accounts I would just not even entertain them , which is hard as this is a large majority of guys in this generation
This is my first dip in the dating pool since 2009, but it has definitely taught me to check their following early on in the talking stages. This wasn’t even an issue back when I was dating my ex husband since it was so long ago. Instagram was for actual photos back then. Idk, the whole situation has turned me off and I don’t know if I want to date anyone else. I told my guy that I think we’re better off as friends as we don’t seem to have the same values. He hasn’t given up reaching out to me yet, but every time I mention his actions on social media he won’t change them so I don’t see us moving forward. I really don’t understand men. Giving up the real thing for online women 🤷♀️
It's crazy how normalized it has become for someone in a relationship to look at other women's bodies online. If a guy stared at a girl wearing something revealing on the street or at the beach while she is wearing a bikini and his girlfriend is next to him, he would be criticized. Yet, today it's often considered normal for a guy to like bikini pictures of other girls online, despite it being essentially the same thing—lusting after another woman.. Anyways, I would say even if a guy treats you well and acts good, if he does that stuff even though you have multiple times told him that you are uncomfortable with it then he simply doesn't respects you. So, I would leave instantly. Honestly, it's up to you. You should have with him a long talk and tell him how much it affects you and that you would consider breaking up in case this doesn't get better. Know your worth. Yes, many men lust over other women online or even in real life but I think it's better to be single than to have to put up with that everyday and there are enough men outside who wouldn't do that in a relationship.
So glad to hear someone else with the same opinion I 100% agree. I’m very much so a person that once it’s made clear to me u don’t respect me I will cut you off but he has also been an extremly great partner , I’m such hard word and he puts up with a lot from me. My issue being however out sex life is so crap because I feel like I find that so unattractive a man that lusts after most women. Which to be honest there are so many good looking people around now that this is MOST men. Women can also be the same so thirsty for attention etc. My bf couldn’t even give me a compliment when he first met me I wasn’t even sure if he likes me so he isn’t the typical ladies man or player but I just don’t know when to draw the line. We have had a serious long talk and he is adamant that since the last time he has realised he wasn’t making the chnage before and he looks at things differently now and realised how silly it is however it’s hard to know if this is genuine or not as I can only ever find this out if I look through his phone. However since then he is still strange with his phone if I pick it up and go to look through it he will grab it out my hand but he claims This is because he feels I’m looking for a problem for no reason. It’s so hard
I don’t think him looking at that on his phone means he is doing anything shady in person. I found out last year that my fiancé had been paying for OF. We don’t have a “no porno” rule in our relationships so to me the money he was spending on it was more the issue vs the images and videos. Because that available online for free. He unsubscribed and deleted his OF. Granted that was frustrating but I do not think he’s actually cheating. He comes home every night after work, he doesn’t talk to any females in a sexual way, and he’s a good guy. If you have a “no porn” rule in your relationship he should respect that. And if he’s gone out of his way to show you that he will respect it from now on, that’s a good thing imo. However, if you feel like you can’t trust him because of this and trust won’t be rebuilt then you shouldn’t be together as trust is the key to a healthy and successful relationship. Like I said, I don’t think seeing this videos or even watching them is giving into temptation because he could likely easily actually go an sleep with someone. But everyone’s boundaries are different
Thanks for this different perspective. So sorry to hear your partner done this I think paying money to another person for sexual content is more or less like paying for prostitution though and I would see this as cheating and get rid right away so I take my hats off to you for seeing past this and moving forward . I get what you mean as in it not being him actually acting on it like messaging them or anything however I do have the boundaries that I’m not ok with prom being watched as why would he need to get off from another women if I have all that he wants ? I have caught him on it before though at the start and he has broke the boundaries more than once. Example he was caught on twitter looking at a OF page and got upset , said it never happen again etc and said he’s so sorry but then done it again .. so after the final time that I know of he tried so much to make up for it and then deleted his socials but then seeing his YouTube shorts suggested videos I’m just like why do u always want to be clicking on this stuff when u act as if I’m the only women in the world when we r at home it is just a little contradicting to be honest
That’s your boundaries then. Like I said I don’t have a problem with porn, the money was the issue for me since we were on a pretty tight budget at the time. Often times I watch porn myself when doing some solo play. I feel like “self love” and masturbation is a normal thing, and porn helps with that. It’s a different type of release than sex is and it’s natural. When you see a TikTok video of a hot shirtless man chopping firewood, or whatever, do you scroll right past without even looking? Block them? Click “no more content like this” when the option comes up? If you don’t, then you’re guilty of doing the same thing he is by watching suggestive videos that aren’t outright porn. Appreciating beauty is not a bad thing, and everyone will feel attraction to others even when in a relationship. It’s not acting on it that matters. But if your boundaries are no porn, nothing slightly suggestive at all, and you’re being true to those rules, and he’s not, then he’s not the one for you.
Yes I totally agree that if I was doing the same the thing is though I’ve never came across a TikTok like this However my TikTok is full of women sexualising their selfs spitting , bouncing their boobs up and down ..women doing this Is way more common to come across that men as I feel women also have many more assets to turn another in through a camera compared to a man . Also I am actually bisexual so find very minimal men attractive but I have actually deleted my social media so it isn’t the case of double standards of course I can appreciate beauty and self love in the way your talking about is 100% different however I can use my imagination to do that I don’t feel necessary to look at other women full of lust naked to make himself feel good , it’s a tough one