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Don’t be too hard on yourself. There’s a BoJack Horseman quote that hit me hard out of nowhere when I had something similar happen to me. “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
This this and this. It always “means nothing” when it didn’t go to the place she was intending to - pound town. So it’s no harm no foul as far as they’re concerned. So it probably does sound genuine. She believes it’s innocent just because nothing happened. There’s a reason you can be charged for *attempted* murder is all I’m saying lol
People she slept with should be ex’s and not people she should be inviting to drunken parties.
I would run from her personally. Red flag waving right there man.
I agree... Also the fact that she wasn't honest about it, knowingly lied about it. And then only with "liquid courage" admitted the truth - not sure she did this because you found out and she felt guilty or she did it on her own, either way it's still massive lie and red flag. So many red flags staring at you in the face. You have to ask yourself if this is the only time you "know or found out" about. I would run from her too if i were you.
When i started dating my ex, i asked her on date 2 if she smokes. She smelled like it.
She sayed no. I have no problem with smoking per se. I found out later, first it was one-two cigs when she goes out with friends. Than it was 1-2 cigs a week, not alone but with a friend when she is down. That went to a pack a month, but very unregulary. Than it went to daily several cigs.
Again, i asked out of curiousety if she smokes. Not judgingly or anything. I litteraly couldnt care less. Yet she lied and went with the tickle truth over months which ofc hurt my trust immensely. Also lied about her alcohol consumption, but she was an alcoholic so i can understand why she lied. But over a cig or two a day?!
Neatless to say she basicly lied about everything else as well, from her previous relationships to just everything.
Needless to say why i broke up with her. (she also cheated ofc).
At least i know now, what to look for. If smb lies like that in the first weeks its an direct no go.
Lying about it was the main thing for me. I never say never with these types of posts, there could be situations where there’s a good reason for her to be seeing an ex. The context is key, and in this case the context is her being dishonest with him.
Even if she sees him as "just a friend", it's a very bad form to start hanging out with people you have had sexual relations with, especially when you are drunk. This can easily lead to her making some bad decisions since alcohol is clouding her judgment.
She messaged an ex while drunk to come to her and not you???? Tells you everything you need to know. She should be your ex gf. She isn't worth your time as obviously you weren't worth hers
How are guys so pathetic now? Dude, you're asking a question you already know the answer to. This scummy dumps keep screwing y'all cuz there's no consequences to them been passed around like weed. You know in a couple days, maybe a week. You're gonna start finding out things that happened while she was "drunk" (sober enough to call up a f-buddy) and then a little more, and then tears, and I'm sorries, and it's because I was drunk. You're not a kid. Trust your gut. Good luck
Couple things here. Reaching out to an ex fling while you’re in a relationship? Red flag. Being 2 years into a relationship and pulling this? Red flag. Lying about it at first when confronted? Red flag. Hiding the messages? Red flag. Being a 24 year adult and doing this kind of thing in the first place? Red flag. Source: Someone who’s dated awful people and let myself get played and walked on too many times.
You can let it slide this sure, but when she cheats and you have to go get tested, and your hurt and angry, remember the flags.
This is her ex. She is still in contact with him, she lied to you about it, and she has drinking problems.
That's not someone you're supposed to date. Run away.
As a girl her age who socially drinks with friends, calling up an ex-hookup to “hang out” doesn’t just pop in your mind … let alone when you’re 2 years deep in a relationship… she’s definitely hiding more than you think especially if she says he’s been blocked, there’s still something there or going on between them. If my boyfriend did this he’d be out in a heart beat no matter how much I love him or how perfect everything else is. Literally not cheating is the ABSOLUTE bare minimum for a partner imo. You don’t deserve that.
You know she's still lying, right?
You should leave based solely on that.
If you're a glutton for punishment, sit her down and tell her that she has one chance, right now, to tell the complete truth and get past this issue. You've discovered some things, and you now need to hear the full truth from her. You can't forgive her if you know she's still lying about this. If she continues to lie about any part of this, your relationship is over.
There will be much wailing, "I don't know why" "I was drunk" etc. At the end of the day, those are almost worse than having a deliberate reason; if there was no reason then she could do this again at any opportunity, right?
Or, you know, just walk away.
Remember this rule of thumb king. By the time you catch somebody doing something it’s happened multiple times already. And just because you confronted her dont mean shes going to tell the truth. Women will lie even when caught red handed. Dont get tricked by the tears and the offers of sex after
whether she cheated or not it will always be in the back of your head. Every time something looks fishy you won't be able to trust her. without trust the relationship is dead. sorry.
good luck
She's just good at lying to you. I have a very strong feeling that she cheated. The fact that she hid the messages and lied about who she invited over means that she knows that you would, at a minimum, be very upset with her if you found out the truth.
I'd say you should break up with her. If you stay together with her, you're basically telling her that she can get away with cheating on you as long as she claims it was a mistake.
Also, ask yourself this: do you want to be in a relationship where you are constantly worried about your partner cheating on you whenever you're not around them? Hell, you could be around her and she could still be messaging some other guy when you're not paying attention!
Bro when it comes to women, there is no such thing as coincidence or convenience like she conveniently “unblocked” him that “one” time. She was “coincidentally” drunk and as it seems by her account a “victim” of peer pressure and poor “self-choices”. Key word, self. This woman has no respect for you and when women lack respect, the relationship is over. But if you don’t believe me, I’ll tell you how to catch her. Set her up using a catch 22. What’s that mean, you ask. Say you actually thought about it and acknowledge that adding a little spice in your relationship isn’t a bad thing, so literally give her permission to call up exes and make it open on both sides. Trust me, if she doing anything she ain’t supposed to, she falling for the bait. Keep going with everything she say even asking her for details while pretending to be supportive. Then, start packing her bags after because I’m going to tell you some truths about female nature. 1) Unless she was forced, females never do things that don’t want to do 2) most females want one man that has all the attractive traits that they desire rather than multiple partners (this is why women in general can’t go around sleeping with 50 men in one month and feel good about themselves whereas men would feel very good about themselves if they pulled off this feat) 3) women that admire and respect a man don’t want to share that man but will tolerate it depending on how high value the man is (I.e. jay z cheating on beyounce after all her talk about “to the left” and she is still with him) 4) most women are selfish, manipulative, and get bored fast meaning lying to you absolutely benefits her because men are in charge of providing. If she gives you no red flags, she can continue receiving provisions from you while simultaneously seeking a man that has all the positive attributes that she wants. I’m saying, yes she may be with you but she is clearly,based on actions, looking to “upgrade”. Don’t ever get it confused and always use logic and judge women based off of their observable actions and behaviors, not their words. Cheating for women starts in their mind and then translates into observable behavior I.e. calling an ex, lying, . Btw, lying is a huge form of disrespect. You might not want to hear this but your girl is clearly telling you that while exerting dating options isn’t okay for you, she has the right to exert dating options as she sees fit while also reserving you and keeping your provisions in the process.
Your decision if you want to leave her.
Encourage her to make more friends, more women friends and friends she hasn’t had sexual contact with if you want to stay with her.
She’s lying, and you consider what she’s doing cheating. Lay down some firm ground rules, and if she can’t agree to them, maybe you should think about leaving. It’s up to you, though
wtf you talking about,she didn't invite guy over because she wanted to chat with him.i bet its not even first time,and absolutely not last time. leave man,live is to short to be involved with some like that
There are no ground rules to lay down at this point. She's already crossed a line that there's no returning from. His only reasonable option is to cut her loose. Let her have her hookups. This is going to be her whole life bc she's never going to have a stable life. I bet she's one giant red flag.
The friend didn't call her previous partner over, she did. Don't let her escape responsibility by blaming the Friend. So she can cut off friend easily but not an old fling... mmm
The fact that she lied to you about him tells you everything you need to know. If she was innocent she wouldn’t have lied unless you’re super controlling or something of the sort.
You’re just gonna keep finding things come up too. I have experienced a red flag like this and chose to forgive, then they just get better at hiding more things and you start to lose trust and it just gets worse and worse. You deserve better and I’m (27f) getting over my previous relationship that ended a week ago because I chose to keep forgiving and forgiving him (29m). So much harder to leave and heal the longer you put up with it. Not fair to your mental health.
hope it gets easier on you. reading these comments gives me a sense of relief that others agree with how i feel, but also still sucks that the way i feel is right and how to love forward
Oh umm yeah so this ends eventually either way. Framing it like that will make this easier for you. It’s leave now or waste more time and it ends anyway down the road. Hope that helps the decision making.
Ohh boy…Do you have to be fed with a tablespoon or what my man. You said «In my experience, this always ment more, and to me is cheating»…Yet u ask us when u already know. Stop being a doormat. Tell her bye and block her already.
My guy this is a blessing for you, get away from someone who has ZERO respect and care for you. The fact you gotta ask this reminds me of how I was at one point, just leave and be happy.
You put up with this be prepared to put up with it again, and again and again. I dealt with it for 3 years, and when I broke up with her, I was the bad guy because she said and I quote " my therapist says I have a flirtatious attitude and you need to understand that". Flirtatious maybe, banging other dudes fuck that.
Yes breakup with her. What she did proves that she’s not respectful of you and the relationship plus she still desires former lovers and that is a betrayal. End it.
This is a trust rupture. She deliberately withheld information that she knew wasn’t OK, and new would upset you.
This is dishonesty through and through.
You have every right to be upset.
The real question is what is your opinion of her overall integrity? This is a huge integrity leak so without knowing her it’s already questionable to me.
My experience says that people who will be dishonest about things like this, often give themselves permission to be dishonest about other things too.
This makes them inherently untrustworthy.
Being dishonest about spending time with a person that she had a relationship in the past is a monster red flag.
Due to my own values of relationship, honesty, trustworthiness, and integrity, this would likely be a dealbreaker for me, and I would end the relationship.
Life is too damn short to spend it with people who lack integrity, because they will hurt you again and again and again.
So the inquiry for you is can this rupture be repaired?
Is this person committed to the repair process and to living with integrity?
Are you willing to go through the repair process with them? Is the relationship important enough to you to attempt to do the work?
If all of these inquiries align for you, the next step is working with a therapist or counsellor to help repair the rupture.
If these pieces don’t align for you, the relationship is likely over.
That's hilarious that people who cheat says it "meant nothing" or they just looking for "friends". Trust your gut this girl is either playing you and has already back to sleeping with him, or she's planning to. I'm this guy is just a back up, and when its your turn to be her back up good luck. :)
It’s easy for people on the outside looking in, even people who been through shit like this (me included), to say, “Break up with her dude, have self-respect.” But hell, when you’re in love and some sketch shit like this happens, it feels like your heart is being ripped to shreds and you desperately want to fix it. I assume she’s a huge part of what makes you happy.
“She promised she’ll never do it again. It was just a drunken mistake. Let’s just go back to normal.”
However, that lack of trust you have is only going to widen and her potential to betray your relationship has just opened up into a wide gulf. How many lapses of judgements is she going to have? How many are you going to know about? Why in the fuck would she even reach out to him the first place when the **MAIN** basis of their relationship was sex? She LIED to you.
Seriously. Weigh these factors, and realize only staying will force you into a willful ignorance, will turn you into obsessive who wants to control her behavior and look through her phone, or will turn you into an anxious wreck when you’re not around her.
You don’t want that, man. You really don’t.
It's obvious she didn't hang out with him platonically and even though you want to be hopeful I believe you know that and remember alcohol doesn't make you do anything you don't want to do it it just makes it easier not to say no
I'm so sorry for this situation. It must be heartbreaking. But as the saying goes, " A drunk woman's words are a sober woman's thoughts." She told you the truth when she was drunk. She still has feelings for this other guy. Even if she just wanted a fling with him to rekindle the flames, she is not to be trusted and has proven she will be unfaithful when given the chance.
If her relationship with you is not truly what she desires, she will keep looking until she finds another man that she can be in a relationship with. When she finds someone else, she will be the one to break up with you. So it is best to break your soul ties with her now before more emotional and financial damage is done. Be strong and protect your heart from future pain. Cry, grieve, be upset, but end the relationship asap. Tell her it's over. Don't let her begging you and crying cause you to give her another chance. She has shown you that she will cheat on you and lie to you.
There are loving, faithful, and honest women who are praying to find a good man. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
She called him , not her friend who is a bad influence, and she lied about it, so she knew it was shady. It’s going to be very difficult to trust her in the future ! Good luck
Remember their is an attachment between guilt and generosity if she starts tryna give you head, buy you things and take you out she did way worse than whatever you think
So... She lied to you and tried covering her trail? Nah, she wouldn't mind if you broke up with her. There's other ways to healthily make friends. Don't make this your problem all of a sudden that she chose to go about it in such a weird way.
I’d break up with her because she’s proven she can’t be honest. Tell her that her lack of honesty and immaturity is telling. She now has to prove she didn’t cheat. Since she called a girl that turned out to be a guy she fucked and all. Otherwise let her know that everyone will find out what she did and they’ll all have a wonderful view when they try to come out as a couple again.
She called another guy to hang out with instead of and then lied about it? It was not a mistake and it meant everything your gut is telling you it meant. This where you respect yourself and walk away.
Maybe she's telling the truth, maybe she just likes talking with him, invited him over, and nothing happened. But she knew she wasn't supposed to do that, she knew it was wrong, because she hid this from you. She was easily tempted to bring back someone from her past and knew how that could impact you and your relationship. It's hard to admit, but I know you know this is a her issue, there's something she's missing, or haven't gotten over, and she's willing to risk your relationship for that. I don't see myself going forward in your situation.
Most say, break up. If you want the truth- it’s right there in her messages. Will she show them to you? Not just the ones to/from him. But also her other guy friends.
Nah sorry. Yall western ppl are way too open minded 😭 I couldn’t for the love of god. I’m way too conservative. Tbh this was disrespect to your presence. Think this way, if she truly loved you and truly respected you. She would have done all she could to not betray the trust you gave, and not even give the slightest chance of fking up this rs. She would have tried all she could with determination to not contact anyone from her past. Her actions speaks about herself and her inner world. That she needs external validation and that she has issues that’s why she can’t let go of her past. 2nd the disrespect and trust she couldn’t give you because she has none for herself. It speaks volumes.
Hey mate I honestly think you cannot build a future with a woman who lies to you about important direct questions like where you going and who’s going to be there. I’d be pissed the fuck off and I’d have a hard time trying to see past that level of deceit. Your decision of course, but I’d think about that.
Bro if she wanted friends she would be calling up her fuck boy fling that she promised you she would block. Bro it's as if she wanted to get caught. Have some sense of self respect. Please.
You don't deserve to be in a relationship were you will always have doubts and feel insecure. Stop wasting your time and hurting yourself, living like that eats away your self steem slowly
>she messaged up a guy shes slept with before (someone she had told me she blocked) (...) to come hangout with them
That's not a good sign.
>She initially lied and said it was a girl but then later drunkenly admitted it was a guy and hid the messages
And that's yet another not good thing, lying is a red flag big enough to cover a country as far as I'm concerned.
>I feel like I cannot trust her anymore
I wouldn't either. She lied, knew what'd happen if you found out and hid it.
tl;dr for me is she's lied, hidden the whole thing and it's no small problem either - you don't say you blocked someone you've slept with, then turn out _not_ to have blocked them and drunkenly invite them over to party.
I'd make it clear you won't tolerate that and be done with it. She can make a huge sob story but make it evident that, unlike her, she's being blocked and that means, to be crystal clear to her, that it means you will no longer be talking.....so won't be messaging or calling her when drunk and out partying.
Regardless of the cheating, if you feel you cannot trust her, then breakup.
The only way to potentially salvage this is to rebuild trust, and I'd probably recommend no less than seeing a couples therapist.
From the lying and the omission yes I would strongly consider it.
You now know that the lies and isn't honest, big dealbreaker for me.
She knows damn well herself that it did mean something, and that she wanted at least wanted some flirty attention if not more.
If you stay with her, keep your eyes opened
Ouch this doesn’t sound good. People always have that one or two people they can never quit. If you stay with her prepare for this to dig at you as long as your with her.
Was it really over between them? You are right when you say she can't be trusted. And the lying also. She was about to cheat. You need to stay away from her first in order to clear your mind.
She hung out with her ex 1:1. She lied about it. She hid messages.
The trust is gone. Have fun always worrying about what she’s doing, she’s shown you who she is.
Hell no ! Do not be treated like a second choice ! Don’t be tolerated find someone who celebrates you and eyes light up when your around and even your corny jokes they giggle because that’s the only way to have a partner is being celebrated not tolerated
Yes! You're a fool if you think she didn't go out with him to even "consider" revisiting an old time. If you were him how would you perceive the meeting? Don't fall for all that female bs about "insecurity" when you have self respect boundaries. A woman will tell you she can do anything but be held accountable or stand on a scale!
She knows exactly why she invited him and it wasn’t about wanting a “friend”. I can almost guarantee he “put in work” and she wanted that again. Don’t be a dummy and let her fool you. End it ASAP!
Yes, you cannot trust her any more.
I would break up with her. Right now you are unmarried, no kids. Very easy to break up. And if you stay with her..do you really want to be with a girl you cannot trust?
At the very least she might bring you back a disease...
Only you know all the context of this and your girlfriend but from this information here in the important pattern. She lied to you, and under the influence of alcohol admitted the truth. She was drinking when she called this guy / invited him over… you can finish the puzzle. Did she text other people trying to get a party going? Or was it just him?
The issue is really she lied about having contact with him. Why do you think she did?
And are you sure this is the only lie she told your, or are there more. Do you know you still can't trust her, after she lied?
I wouldn't stay.
A good question to ask yourself would be if she was out with friends drinking and wanted more friends, why did she message this dude instead of messaging you to go over. Trust broken from the lies and despite her saying it was a mistake, I feel like the mistake she is referring to was getting caught.
If she said it meant nothing then that's definitely a bad sign. There are certain phrases like that one or "you don't have to worry about him which are lines they say when the exact opposite is true. Unfortunately it's 99% certain that you're going to have to end that relationship.
She’s hiding something for a reason. Whether anything happened or not she clearly has a reason to feel guilty about it. For me, that would be enough to call it off
Sorry man, but if she isn't already "hawk tuah-ing on that thang"...she's going to.
She lied and tried to hide she's in contact with a guy she slept with.
Red flags aplenty.
Hate to say it but she might still have feelings for that ex or want to bang him. If she won’t have the boundaries she would expect you to have she’s not worth the wasted time. You’re at the age where you start looking for a wife. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME!
Yes I wouldn't date someone with fluid boundaries like this. There are thousands of whoops I slept with my friend on here. So just let her go, she has an expiration date on her...
If she really needed male companionship she should have called her male companion! Why tf would she "need friends l" and instead of calling you call her ex?
She was definitely setting herself up to get in a sexual encounter with this person.
Don't beat yourself up, leave her and get someone better.
Put yourself in her shoes dude. Even if they are “just friends”, would you do this to a partner and feel justified or in the right? Would you expect they would accept something like this, or would you feel guilty and shady as fuck while doing it?
You like the girl and you hope for the best she’s being honest. In reality she is almost certainly lying and playing both sides here.
If he had just shown up/already had been there in a group, I would suggest letting it go. But her inviting him AND lying about it is really sketchy.
I’ve been in a scenario where I did nothing wrong and asked my ex to come help me with an appliance. We were both seeing other people and nothing happened. I casually mentioned it to my then-partner because I wasn’t hiding anything. He still got upset and held it against me from then on.
I’d be most upset about her telling you it was a girl- that is a straight up lie, and she wouldn’t have to say that without something to hide.
super disrespectful of her to cross that boundary, thats not cool, I’m 26 also, end it and enjoy your 20’s man, there are so many people out there trust me, you have plenty of options that will happily give you the respect you deserve, if she wants to play these silly games, then she can deal with consequences, don’t let her walk all over you
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. There’s a BoJack Horseman quote that hit me hard out of nowhere when I had something similar happen to me. “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
I like that one. 👌
Wow that’s pretty deep.
Brilliant show
This this and this. It always “means nothing” when it didn’t go to the place she was intending to - pound town. So it’s no harm no foul as far as they’re concerned. So it probably does sound genuine. She believes it’s innocent just because nothing happened. There’s a reason you can be charged for *attempted* murder is all I’m saying lol
Yes.
Stop talking to her, move on, find a better partner. You'll be happy within a year.
So damn true. Life ALWAYS gets better
People she slept with should be ex’s and not people she should be inviting to drunken parties. I would run from her personally. Red flag waving right there man.
I agree... Also the fact that she wasn't honest about it, knowingly lied about it. And then only with "liquid courage" admitted the truth - not sure she did this because you found out and she felt guilty or she did it on her own, either way it's still massive lie and red flag. So many red flags staring at you in the face. You have to ask yourself if this is the only time you "know or found out" about. I would run from her too if i were you.
Who gets in a relationship just to lie?? Lol that shit is wild to me
When i started dating my ex, i asked her on date 2 if she smokes. She smelled like it. She sayed no. I have no problem with smoking per se. I found out later, first it was one-two cigs when she goes out with friends. Than it was 1-2 cigs a week, not alone but with a friend when she is down. That went to a pack a month, but very unregulary. Than it went to daily several cigs. Again, i asked out of curiousety if she smokes. Not judgingly or anything. I litteraly couldnt care less. Yet she lied and went with the tickle truth over months which ofc hurt my trust immensely. Also lied about her alcohol consumption, but she was an alcoholic so i can understand why she lied. But over a cig or two a day?! Neatless to say she basicly lied about everything else as well, from her previous relationships to just everything. Needless to say why i broke up with her. (she also cheated ofc). At least i know now, what to look for. If smb lies like that in the first weeks its an direct no go.
I'd be way more likely to date an alcoholic than someone who smokes cigarettes 😆
Plenty of people
Lying about it was the main thing for me. I never say never with these types of posts, there could be situations where there’s a good reason for her to be seeing an ex. The context is key, and in this case the context is her being dishonest with him.
Dump her, dump her, dump her😂
Bigger red flag is the fact that she has lied on this subject multiple times and seems to be trickle truthing, about blocking and about who it was.
Even if she sees him as "just a friend", it's a very bad form to start hanging out with people you have had sexual relations with, especially when you are drunk. This can easily lead to her making some bad decisions since alcohol is clouding her judgment.
She messaged an ex while drunk to come to her and not you???? Tells you everything you need to know. She should be your ex gf. She isn't worth your time as obviously you weren't worth hers
lol break up with her. I would never disrespect my bf by doing stupid stuff like this. Not worth your time imo
thanks for the comment on the other side of things… makes me feel less crazy
hey, if you break up with her, you might be the one she calls when drunk and horny.
How are guys so pathetic now? Dude, you're asking a question you already know the answer to. This scummy dumps keep screwing y'all cuz there's no consequences to them been passed around like weed. You know in a couple days, maybe a week. You're gonna start finding out things that happened while she was "drunk" (sober enough to call up a f-buddy) and then a little more, and then tears, and I'm sorries, and it's because I was drunk. You're not a kid. Trust your gut. Good luck
Harsh, but true.
Yes you should
Couple things here. Reaching out to an ex fling while you’re in a relationship? Red flag. Being 2 years into a relationship and pulling this? Red flag. Lying about it at first when confronted? Red flag. Hiding the messages? Red flag. Being a 24 year adult and doing this kind of thing in the first place? Red flag. Source: Someone who’s dated awful people and let myself get played and walked on too many times. You can let it slide this sure, but when she cheats and you have to go get tested, and your hurt and angry, remember the flags.
She cheated bro for sure
This is her ex. She is still in contact with him, she lied to you about it, and she has drinking problems. That's not someone you're supposed to date. Run away.
As a girl her age who socially drinks with friends, calling up an ex-hookup to “hang out” doesn’t just pop in your mind … let alone when you’re 2 years deep in a relationship… she’s definitely hiding more than you think especially if she says he’s been blocked, there’s still something there or going on between them. If my boyfriend did this he’d be out in a heart beat no matter how much I love him or how perfect everything else is. Literally not cheating is the ABSOLUTE bare minimum for a partner imo. You don’t deserve that.
You know she's still lying, right? You should leave based solely on that. If you're a glutton for punishment, sit her down and tell her that she has one chance, right now, to tell the complete truth and get past this issue. You've discovered some things, and you now need to hear the full truth from her. You can't forgive her if you know she's still lying about this. If she continues to lie about any part of this, your relationship is over. There will be much wailing, "I don't know why" "I was drunk" etc. At the end of the day, those are almost worse than having a deliberate reason; if there was no reason then she could do this again at any opportunity, right? Or, you know, just walk away.
Remember this rule of thumb king. By the time you catch somebody doing something it’s happened multiple times already. And just because you confronted her dont mean shes going to tell the truth. Women will lie even when caught red handed. Dont get tricked by the tears and the offers of sex after
whether she cheated or not it will always be in the back of your head. Every time something looks fishy you won't be able to trust her. without trust the relationship is dead. sorry. good luck
~She lied ~ game over
She's just good at lying to you. I have a very strong feeling that she cheated. The fact that she hid the messages and lied about who she invited over means that she knows that you would, at a minimum, be very upset with her if you found out the truth. I'd say you should break up with her. If you stay together with her, you're basically telling her that she can get away with cheating on you as long as she claims it was a mistake. Also, ask yourself this: do you want to be in a relationship where you are constantly worried about your partner cheating on you whenever you're not around them? Hell, you could be around her and she could still be messaging some other guy when you're not paying attention!
Note to men, vet your girls. Do not lock her down until you're 100% sure. Find out her past, vet hard.
Bro when it comes to women, there is no such thing as coincidence or convenience like she conveniently “unblocked” him that “one” time. She was “coincidentally” drunk and as it seems by her account a “victim” of peer pressure and poor “self-choices”. Key word, self. This woman has no respect for you and when women lack respect, the relationship is over. But if you don’t believe me, I’ll tell you how to catch her. Set her up using a catch 22. What’s that mean, you ask. Say you actually thought about it and acknowledge that adding a little spice in your relationship isn’t a bad thing, so literally give her permission to call up exes and make it open on both sides. Trust me, if she doing anything she ain’t supposed to, she falling for the bait. Keep going with everything she say even asking her for details while pretending to be supportive. Then, start packing her bags after because I’m going to tell you some truths about female nature. 1) Unless she was forced, females never do things that don’t want to do 2) most females want one man that has all the attractive traits that they desire rather than multiple partners (this is why women in general can’t go around sleeping with 50 men in one month and feel good about themselves whereas men would feel very good about themselves if they pulled off this feat) 3) women that admire and respect a man don’t want to share that man but will tolerate it depending on how high value the man is (I.e. jay z cheating on beyounce after all her talk about “to the left” and she is still with him) 4) most women are selfish, manipulative, and get bored fast meaning lying to you absolutely benefits her because men are in charge of providing. If she gives you no red flags, she can continue receiving provisions from you while simultaneously seeking a man that has all the positive attributes that she wants. I’m saying, yes she may be with you but she is clearly,based on actions, looking to “upgrade”. Don’t ever get it confused and always use logic and judge women based off of their observable actions and behaviors, not their words. Cheating for women starts in their mind and then translates into observable behavior I.e. calling an ex, lying, . Btw, lying is a huge form of disrespect. You might not want to hear this but your girl is clearly telling you that while exerting dating options isn’t okay for you, she has the right to exert dating options as she sees fit while also reserving you and keeping your provisions in the process.
Your decision if you want to leave her. Encourage her to make more friends, more women friends and friends she hasn’t had sexual contact with if you want to stay with her. She’s lying, and you consider what she’s doing cheating. Lay down some firm ground rules, and if she can’t agree to them, maybe you should think about leaving. It’s up to you, though
wtf you talking about,she didn't invite guy over because she wanted to chat with him.i bet its not even first time,and absolutely not last time. leave man,live is to short to be involved with some like that
There are no ground rules to lay down at this point. She's already crossed a line that there's no returning from. His only reasonable option is to cut her loose. Let her have her hookups. This is going to be her whole life bc she's never going to have a stable life. I bet she's one giant red flag.
Yes that’s what i’m trying to do. She did cut off that friend because she was a bad influence, just struggling on how i really want to move forward
The friend didn't call her previous partner over, she did. Don't let her escape responsibility by blaming the Friend. So she can cut off friend easily but not an old fling... mmm
DUMP, BLOCK, and GHOST. You will be so much better without that harpy!
You dump her. She doesn’t respect you. See the feeling you have in your gut. Listen to it.
Cut her loose dude! You caught her in too many lies. THAT YOU KNOW OF!
The fact that she lied to you about him tells you everything you need to know. If she was innocent she wouldn’t have lied unless you’re super controlling or something of the sort.
You’re just gonna keep finding things come up too. I have experienced a red flag like this and chose to forgive, then they just get better at hiding more things and you start to lose trust and it just gets worse and worse. You deserve better and I’m (27f) getting over my previous relationship that ended a week ago because I chose to keep forgiving and forgiving him (29m). So much harder to leave and heal the longer you put up with it. Not fair to your mental health.
hope it gets easier on you. reading these comments gives me a sense of relief that others agree with how i feel, but also still sucks that the way i feel is right and how to love forward
Girls pull this type of shit because their lives aren’t dramatic enough. They watched too much shows like gossip girl.
Oh umm yeah so this ends eventually either way. Framing it like that will make this easier for you. It’s leave now or waste more time and it ends anyway down the road. Hope that helps the decision making.
For the streeeets
Yes you should. There’s clearly something romantic/sexual going on with this don’t let her embarrass you like that.
Ohh boy…Do you have to be fed with a tablespoon or what my man. You said «In my experience, this always ment more, and to me is cheating»…Yet u ask us when u already know. Stop being a doormat. Tell her bye and block her already.
u will kick yourself for ignoring this if you do lol
The fact she had slept with the person before is not the issue to be concerned about, it's that she lied and tried to hid things from you
"This is cheating to me" because it is especially since she chose to omit certain info so it's still a lie, so the trust bank is now evaporated.
My guy this is a blessing for you, get away from someone who has ZERO respect and care for you. The fact you gotta ask this reminds me of how I was at one point, just leave and be happy.
You put up with this be prepared to put up with it again, and again and again. I dealt with it for 3 years, and when I broke up with her, I was the bad guy because she said and I quote " my therapist says I have a flirtatious attitude and you need to understand that". Flirtatious maybe, banging other dudes fuck that.
Yes breakup with her. What she did proves that she’s not respectful of you and the relationship plus she still desires former lovers and that is a betrayal. End it.
[удалено]
pretty much how it already feels…
This is a trust rupture. She deliberately withheld information that she knew wasn’t OK, and new would upset you. This is dishonesty through and through. You have every right to be upset. The real question is what is your opinion of her overall integrity? This is a huge integrity leak so without knowing her it’s already questionable to me. My experience says that people who will be dishonest about things like this, often give themselves permission to be dishonest about other things too. This makes them inherently untrustworthy. Being dishonest about spending time with a person that she had a relationship in the past is a monster red flag. Due to my own values of relationship, honesty, trustworthiness, and integrity, this would likely be a dealbreaker for me, and I would end the relationship. Life is too damn short to spend it with people who lack integrity, because they will hurt you again and again and again. So the inquiry for you is can this rupture be repaired? Is this person committed to the repair process and to living with integrity? Are you willing to go through the repair process with them? Is the relationship important enough to you to attempt to do the work? If all of these inquiries align for you, the next step is working with a therapist or counsellor to help repair the rupture. If these pieces don’t align for you, the relationship is likely over.
That's hilarious that people who cheat says it "meant nothing" or they just looking for "friends". Trust your gut this girl is either playing you and has already back to sleeping with him, or she's planning to. I'm this guy is just a back up, and when its your turn to be her back up good luck. :)
Should you break up with her? Only if self-respect is something you value.
Yeah, if he didn’t put a load in her that night, he’ll be back to drain his balls another time.
Unfortunately you know what to do. It's time to break up with her and cut your losses. You'll be happier in the long run.
yep, you should break up with her. don't waste your time on girls like this, amigo
[My Girl slept with this guy](https://youtube.com/shorts/8tZo9rEpXBo?feature=share)
It’s easy for people on the outside looking in, even people who been through shit like this (me included), to say, “Break up with her dude, have self-respect.” But hell, when you’re in love and some sketch shit like this happens, it feels like your heart is being ripped to shreds and you desperately want to fix it. I assume she’s a huge part of what makes you happy. “She promised she’ll never do it again. It was just a drunken mistake. Let’s just go back to normal.” However, that lack of trust you have is only going to widen and her potential to betray your relationship has just opened up into a wide gulf. How many lapses of judgements is she going to have? How many are you going to know about? Why in the fuck would she even reach out to him the first place when the **MAIN** basis of their relationship was sex? She LIED to you. Seriously. Weigh these factors, and realize only staying will force you into a willful ignorance, will turn you into obsessive who wants to control her behavior and look through her phone, or will turn you into an anxious wreck when you’re not around her. You don’t want that, man. You really don’t.
It's obvious she didn't hang out with him platonically and even though you want to be hopeful I believe you know that and remember alcohol doesn't make you do anything you don't want to do it it just makes it easier not to say no
I'm so sorry for this situation. It must be heartbreaking. But as the saying goes, " A drunk woman's words are a sober woman's thoughts." She told you the truth when she was drunk. She still has feelings for this other guy. Even if she just wanted a fling with him to rekindle the flames, she is not to be trusted and has proven she will be unfaithful when given the chance. If her relationship with you is not truly what she desires, she will keep looking until she finds another man that she can be in a relationship with. When she finds someone else, she will be the one to break up with you. So it is best to break your soul ties with her now before more emotional and financial damage is done. Be strong and protect your heart from future pain. Cry, grieve, be upset, but end the relationship asap. Tell her it's over. Don't let her begging you and crying cause you to give her another chance. She has shown you that she will cheat on you and lie to you. There are loving, faithful, and honest women who are praying to find a good man. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
She called him , not her friend who is a bad influence, and she lied about it, so she knew it was shady. It’s going to be very difficult to trust her in the future ! Good luck
Shady as f !
If you have to ask, you know the answer my dude.
Remember their is an attachment between guilt and generosity if she starts tryna give you head, buy you things and take you out she did way worse than whatever you think
Whether she cheated or not I think the main issue here is the lying. So yes. Break up.
So... She lied to you and tried covering her trail? Nah, she wouldn't mind if you broke up with her. There's other ways to healthily make friends. Don't make this your problem all of a sudden that she chose to go about it in such a weird way.
I’d break up with her because she’s proven she can’t be honest. Tell her that her lack of honesty and immaturity is telling. She now has to prove she didn’t cheat. Since she called a girl that turned out to be a guy she fucked and all. Otherwise let her know that everyone will find out what she did and they’ll all have a wonderful view when they try to come out as a couple again.
Listen to your gut
Yes
She called another guy to hang out with instead of and then lied about it? It was not a mistake and it meant everything your gut is telling you it meant. This where you respect yourself and walk away.
🚩 🚩 🚩 🏃
YES. I'd dump that cheater on the spot, BLOCK and GHOST her. She deserves NO explanation! You deserve so much better. Good luck and stay strong, King!
Maybe she's telling the truth, maybe she just likes talking with him, invited him over, and nothing happened. But she knew she wasn't supposed to do that, she knew it was wrong, because she hid this from you. She was easily tempted to bring back someone from her past and knew how that could impact you and your relationship. It's hard to admit, but I know you know this is a her issue, there's something she's missing, or haven't gotten over, and she's willing to risk your relationship for that. I don't see myself going forward in your situation.
Run away
She lied to you because she thought that you should not be aware of this. That's CHEATING. What do we do to cheaters? WE LEAVE THEM
Most say, break up. If you want the truth- it’s right there in her messages. Will she show them to you? Not just the ones to/from him. But also her other guy friends.
YES 👍 ✅
Yes.
Nah sorry. Yall western ppl are way too open minded 😭 I couldn’t for the love of god. I’m way too conservative. Tbh this was disrespect to your presence. Think this way, if she truly loved you and truly respected you. She would have done all she could to not betray the trust you gave, and not even give the slightest chance of fking up this rs. She would have tried all she could with determination to not contact anyone from her past. Her actions speaks about herself and her inner world. That she needs external validation and that she has issues that’s why she can’t let go of her past. 2nd the disrespect and trust she couldn’t give you because she has none for herself. It speaks volumes.
Yes
Dread it... run from it...destiny still arrives all the same. You know what to do.
Dump & run, fast too.
Hey mate I honestly think you cannot build a future with a woman who lies to you about important direct questions like where you going and who’s going to be there. I’d be pissed the fuck off and I’d have a hard time trying to see past that level of deceit. Your decision of course, but I’d think about that.
Are you really asking if you should break up with her or not, after she lied? Lol
Yes break up
She doesnt respect you
Buddy…..
Bro if she wanted friends she would be calling up her fuck boy fling that she promised you she would block. Bro it's as if she wanted to get caught. Have some sense of self respect. Please.
You don't deserve to be in a relationship were you will always have doubts and feel insecure. Stop wasting your time and hurting yourself, living like that eats away your self steem slowly
Yes, she crossed a line.
>she messaged up a guy shes slept with before (someone she had told me she blocked) (...) to come hangout with them That's not a good sign. >She initially lied and said it was a girl but then later drunkenly admitted it was a guy and hid the messages And that's yet another not good thing, lying is a red flag big enough to cover a country as far as I'm concerned. >I feel like I cannot trust her anymore I wouldn't either. She lied, knew what'd happen if you found out and hid it. tl;dr for me is she's lied, hidden the whole thing and it's no small problem either - you don't say you blocked someone you've slept with, then turn out _not_ to have blocked them and drunkenly invite them over to party. I'd make it clear you won't tolerate that and be done with it. She can make a huge sob story but make it evident that, unlike her, she's being blocked and that means, to be crystal clear to her, that it means you will no longer be talking.....so won't be messaging or calling her when drunk and out partying.
with her ex? No bro, just withdraw your attention.
Definitely more going on with that relationship. Just cut your losses
She slept with him for sure
Yeah, a mistake she'll probably make every time she gets drunk, and you're not around. Think very carefully about this.
Regardless of the cheating, if you feel you cannot trust her, then breakup. The only way to potentially salvage this is to rebuild trust, and I'd probably recommend no less than seeing a couples therapist.
Updateme
From the lying and the omission yes I would strongly consider it. You now know that the lies and isn't honest, big dealbreaker for me. She knows damn well herself that it did mean something, and that she wanted at least wanted some flirty attention if not more. If you stay with her, keep your eyes opened
Ouch this doesn’t sound good. People always have that one or two people they can never quit. If you stay with her prepare for this to dig at you as long as your with her.
You know the answer dude
leave this isn’t normal behavior at all
Was it really over between them? You are right when you say she can't be trusted. And the lying also. She was about to cheat. You need to stay away from her first in order to clear your mind.
Bruv, you really gotta ask for the answer here?
She hung out with her ex 1:1. She lied about it. She hid messages. The trust is gone. Have fun always worrying about what she’s doing, she’s shown you who she is.
Hell no ! Do not be treated like a second choice ! Don’t be tolerated find someone who celebrates you and eyes light up when your around and even your corny jokes they giggle because that’s the only way to have a partner is being celebrated not tolerated
Its over alrdy bro . Leave now before you lose all selfrespect
Yes! You're a fool if you think she didn't go out with him to even "consider" revisiting an old time. If you were him how would you perceive the meeting? Don't fall for all that female bs about "insecurity" when you have self respect boundaries. A woman will tell you she can do anything but be held accountable or stand on a scale!
Man up, there’s a reason you are asking that yourself.
Time to dump her.
Yes! Doesn’t respect boundaries, simple
Yes
Run bro
With out trust you have no relationship
Yup.
Updateme!
Meh she was lying, she’s not a good girlfriend
I hate to pile on but you’ll never trust her again. That’s a terrible place to be in a relationship.
Duh. Move on. You’re young enough to find a woman of character
She knows exactly why she invited him and it wasn’t about wanting a “friend”. I can almost guarantee he “put in work” and she wanted that again. Don’t be a dummy and let her fool you. End it ASAP!
Yes, you cannot trust her any more. I would break up with her. Right now you are unmarried, no kids. Very easy to break up. And if you stay with her..do you really want to be with a girl you cannot trust? At the very least she might bring you back a disease...
Yes
Only you know all the context of this and your girlfriend but from this information here in the important pattern. She lied to you, and under the influence of alcohol admitted the truth. She was drinking when she called this guy / invited him over… you can finish the puzzle. Did she text other people trying to get a party going? Or was it just him?
The issue is really she lied about having contact with him. Why do you think she did? And are you sure this is the only lie she told your, or are there more. Do you know you still can't trust her, after she lied? I wouldn't stay.
Leave now before she destroys you!
A good question to ask yourself would be if she was out with friends drinking and wanted more friends, why did she message this dude instead of messaging you to go over. Trust broken from the lies and despite her saying it was a mistake, I feel like the mistake she is referring to was getting caught.
If she said it meant nothing then that's definitely a bad sign. There are certain phrases like that one or "you don't have to worry about him which are lines they say when the exact opposite is true. Unfortunately it's 99% certain that you're going to have to end that relationship.
She’s hiding something for a reason. Whether anything happened or not she clearly has a reason to feel guilty about it. For me, that would be enough to call it off
Seeing an old friend isn’t a big deal if there is trust…..but there’s not. The deception is all you need to consider. Walk away.
yes, instantly
Sorry man, but if she isn't already "hawk tuah-ing on that thang"...she's going to. She lied and tried to hide she's in contact with a guy she slept with. Red flags aplenty.
If you wanna keep any dignity, you should 100% break up with her. That shows a lack of respect for you and your relationship.
Yeah this relationship is over.
Hate to say it but she might still have feelings for that ex or want to bang him. If she won’t have the boundaries she would expect you to have she’s not worth the wasted time. You’re at the age where you start looking for a wife. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME!
Yes I wouldn't date someone with fluid boundaries like this. There are thousands of whoops I slept with my friend on here. So just let her go, she has an expiration date on her...
You know what to do
Get an STD test because I guarantee you this wasn't the first time she just casually invited him to come over when she was drinking.
If she really needed male companionship she should have called her male companion! Why tf would she "need friends l" and instead of calling you call her ex? She was definitely setting herself up to get in a sexual encounter with this person. Don't beat yourself up, leave her and get someone better.
Put yourself in her shoes dude. Even if they are “just friends”, would you do this to a partner and feel justified or in the right? Would you expect they would accept something like this, or would you feel guilty and shady as fuck while doing it? You like the girl and you hope for the best she’s being honest. In reality she is almost certainly lying and playing both sides here.
Literally that’s so wrong. Especially if he was supposedly blocked? Absolutely she was trying to cheat
If he had just shown up/already had been there in a group, I would suggest letting it go. But her inviting him AND lying about it is really sketchy. I’ve been in a scenario where I did nothing wrong and asked my ex to come help me with an appliance. We were both seeing other people and nothing happened. I casually mentioned it to my then-partner because I wasn’t hiding anything. He still got upset and held it against me from then on. I’d be most upset about her telling you it was a girl- that is a straight up lie, and she wouldn’t have to say that without something to hide.
Short answer : yes Long answer : yes.
80% chance she fucked this dude. Even if she didn't, this entire thing alone is egregious enough to warrant a break up
super disrespectful of her to cross that boundary, thats not cool, I’m 26 also, end it and enjoy your 20’s man, there are so many people out there trust me, you have plenty of options that will happily give you the respect you deserve, if she wants to play these silly games, then she can deal with consequences, don’t let her walk all over you
I agree with everyone else. If she hasn't cheated yet, she will.