This is not even slightly normal
What is wrong with him?
He seriously makes and eats a meal and you just sit there?
And it doesn't occur to him that you might like to eat too?
The way we, collectively, act at the start of the relationship sets the tone. This is... Not great. I wonder if he calls her at 9PM on a Friday and/or doesn't make plans ahead of time, or if he's truly clueless about guests. Either way, not a great start
Agreed but also she is too embarrassed to stand up for herself and ask for food I don’t see how she has the balls to break this off lol
Just to clarify before the Reddit white knights get in here she should leave him and this dude is a selfish for not even offering food regardless if his girl or stranger
There are two problems here. The first problem is him being so self absorbed he is either unaware that other humans eat/have needs, or worse, he IS AWARE and is doing this on purpose as some kind of power move.
The second problem is that you feel embarrassed instead of angry/disgusted by his mistreatment of you.
You are both very young. Some relationships are meant to teach you how to find the right relationship for you. This one is a lesson.
You need to stand up for yourself and then leave. This will teach him too. Tell him you have enjoyed aspects of the relationship, but you’re looking for a partner who has the wherewithal to host guests, prepare food for a family, and someone who knows how to communicate well enough to determine what his partner’s needs are.
You also need to work on the communication piece. Never be in a relationship where you are uncomfortable stating your needs.
I need to eat is the most basic one.
This is spot on. Forgot about my wife, if **anyone** is in my house and it’s meal/tea/snack time, I will offer them a drink/meal/snack (whatever is appropriate).
Hell, if I’ve got a workman in my house for more than 5 minutes, I’ll offer them something to eat and drink.
It’s just common decency. Also, if I was dating someone who was financially worse off than me, I’d make sure they **always** had food to eat - whether at me or at home.
OP, your bf is either incredibly self-absorbed or just plain dense.
I have ALWAYS offered food and drinks to contractors doing work at my house if I am going to eat. The boyfriend is just awful. I can't even imagine doing that to anyone
I had a contractor tell me his wife was pissed that I gave him a sandwich with basil on it. It was because it was something new he tried… He said “hey what is that leaf you put on the sandwich? That was really good…” LOL
> Tell him you have enjoyed aspects of the relationship, but you’re looking for a partner who has the wherewithal to host guests, prepare food for a family, and someone who knows how to communicate well enough to determine what his partner’s needs are.
Honestly, I wouldn't tell this guy shit. This isn't a relationship that's earned a heart to heart conversation. You could probably never text this guy again and he'd only care that he isn't getting sex.
Agree. He seems like he wants her to leave. If not he still shames his family’s name by being such a poor host.
There are plenty of dudes who are worth dating that will pour you a bowl of Cheerios lol This guy is not it.
“ I need to eat.” Good Lord, the fact that you would even have to say that. And it’s really very sad that she’s embarrassed to say anything at all, as if she’s in the wrong.
This one is the best response, girl. You both have some things to learn. Maybe he’s just really dumb and after you (nicely) tell him how aloof he has been, he will work to make changes? But don’t count on it … this one is pretty weird. But note that it’s also weird u put up with this for 4 months. Work on you and never letting someone ignore you or not even think about u right in front of your face REPEATEDLY ever again.
Listen, if someone's hanging out in my house and I'm eating, they are going to be offered some. Whether it's a lover, friend, colleague or relative. That is normal and it's what people with basic-ass manners do.
My ex and I can’t be in the same room for more than 5 minutes. We just cannot stand each other. And yet, whenever he drops the kids back, my mouth says the words “want a coffee?” before my brain has kicked in. Sometimes he says yes and drinks it in contempt.
So British 😂 We even have a special tone of voice that clearly communicates that "would you like a cup of tea?" is to be translated as "fuck right off so I don't have to waste the teabag" 😂
He should be embarrassed. Not you.
Let's try to analyze the meaning of his actions : he shows you he's done with you and don't care about you once sex is over. He has no consideration for you and he's not even polite. He uses you for sex and sex only. He's not in a romantic relationship with you. You're a disposable toy. No more. He's showing his disrespect : take it for what it means and leave. Don't even try to have an explanation. Just ghost him. He's not worth anymore of your time
This. He only calls you his gf to inhibit you from finding literally anyone else bc they will treat you better. Even drunks made me food after we hooked up and my bar was low bc I was homeless.
How have things got worse?
You call him your boyfriend but you’re too embarrassed to tell him you’re hungry?
Is he too embarrassed to ask you for sex?
You’re not his girlfriend, even though you think you are.
Reading OP’s other posts, he barely even does that. Based on what OP has written, I kinda suspect he’s either not sexually attracted to her, or either asexual or gay and wrestling with self-loathing which he takes out on her.
Whatever it is, it’s not OP’s fault. She needs to get out immediately.
Oh no girl. You’re not too embarrassed to get intimate with him, but you’re embarrassed to let him know that you’re a human being who needs to eat?
I’m not trying to be rude, but please, please learn to love yourself more than this and don’t accept treatment like this. It sounds like he’s just using you for sex and wants you to leave so he can resume his normal life. It is so disrespectful and degrading. Users and abusers will take advantage of your vulnerabilities and you need to get a backbone and learn to stand up for yourself or you’re just going to keep getting hurt. Best of luck to you.
If you are afraid to ask him if you can make eggs, how are you going to have any actual serious conversation as your relationship progresses?
Find someone you feel comfortable talking to who will treat you like a person.
Why would you be embarrassed? That is super embarrassing for him - being so oblivious. Just do a "what can I have for breakfast?"
Best and most likely case: he is oblivious and just assumed you grabbed something and ate it because that makes sense to him. That means he's not going to naturally be a good partner, you will have to tell him everything you want all the time (my birthday is coming up, you should take me out to dinner. I just got a promotion, so go get me flowers. Etc) I have dated a guy like that and it is exhausting and I'm not even that shy about my needs
Worst case: he likes the control of making you uncomfortable and ask him for something. Then you want out immediately. Anything other than a "oh I didn't realize you were waiting on me for food" indicates that he knew and wanted you to ask him and you should gtfo asap.
Forgive me for being overly familiar, but my motherly instincts are coming out. Honey, what the hell are you doing sleeping with someone you are too embarrassed to ask for food? You have got to work on your assertiveness. You are a human being, you need to eat from time to time to live, and your boyfriend is a rude, thoughtless and selfish man. Say, "Hey, what about me?" the next time he prepares himself some food in front of you. Or, even better, break up with him and be adamant with yourself that you will not accept such treatment from here on.
Stop settling for so little. You've got to value yourself and require that you be treated well.
I used to date a guy like him. Wasted 10 years of my life. So self centered. Everything is "I and me".
He can't see things from your POV. Don't waste time to change him.
Have some self respect! He fucks you and won't offer you a goddamn bowl of cereal? This is on you. Tell a man you're a doormat and he'll wipe his feet on you. Just stop.
I mean, he sounds like an idiot, but girl... you gotta just ask, because you don't know what he's thinking unless you do, and it's imparetive you know if this guy is truly a masochistic asshole and likes to watch you suffer and squirm while he eats, or if he's just that fucking moronic and has no idea.
Really, neither excuse is good. You don't really want to be dating someone so oblivious to your needs, it rarely ends well. But I do think it's good for you to learn to stand up for yourself a bit.
Next time he makes breakfast say: "Hey, that smells great, can I have some too?" and then see what he says, but more specifically pay attention to his actions. His actions will tell you whether or not it's worth it to stay in this relationship.
If you are in a relationship, why are you embarrassed even ask for something ???then don’t continue to talk to him more be with him. He’s a waste of time.
If you’re scared having a need is going to make him not like you, he has way too much power over you. If you’re drawn to guys like this, you might have attachment issues you need to work on in therapy. As a former anxious attachment girlie, this doesn’t get better until you do.
F*ck that. At 23 you are far too young to put up with that. At 93 you would be far too young to put up with that. DTMFA and go have some fun till you meet someone who has a clue. And even if you meet someone, stay true to yourself.
Go the passive aggressive route, maybe. Leave everytime starts eating. "I need to go get myself food".
It's not normal and he's being incredibly rude. But maybe he doesn't get that because he was raised wrong. Never offer to get him or actually get him food. "I thought you had yourself covered. I just don't want to sit here hungry while you eat"
This. I hate to say it but you’re not in a relationship with this guy(as far as he’s concerned), you’re a booty call who frequently overstays her welcome. Him making food for just himself is his way of telling you it’s time to leave, and is rude as fuck.
There’s literally no grown adult on the planet who doesn’t know it’s rude and widely inappropriate to make and eat food in front of a guest and not offer them any, he knows, he’s just doing it on purpose.
Don’t waste anymore time on this guy who is only using you for sex.
That's my read on it too. He thinks he's dropping subtle hints to get her to leave.
Best case scenario he is just too immature to know how to handle it.
He might also know exactly what he's doing and knows that they both have different interpretations of the situation and doesn't want to lose his booty call.
Either way OP needs to move along.
You called him your boyfriend, but his actions show that's not how he sees this situation. You see it as a 4-month relationship, but has it really been him having sex with you and then getting you to leave?
How much more time are you going to waste pretending that you don't have fundamental needs to be met? If you get pregnant, how often is he going to ignore the child's needs for food or love?
Id wonder how their "plans" come about - OP, does he thoughtfully invite you over and do you do date-y things? Or does he call last minute with nothing planned except (presumably) sex? Have you discussed if you're in a relationship? He seems to be treating this not as dating, but as a FWB situation, and when then, I wouldn't treat a friend/ guest so rudely
Stop fucking ppl who don't give a shit about you.
Most ppl would offer any guest in their home food, if food was being prepared. This is how little he thinks of you.
In my cynical take, it's because he doesn't see them as dating, he sees this as a FWB that should leave sooner. My BIL treated his ex GF like this and it was so icky to watch. She tried so so hard to get him to notice her or treat her like a GF, but he was just... ambivalent. Called last minute on weekends, didn't seem to care if she was there and would just play games or whatever. OP, this is not how the beginning stages of dating should be
There is literally not a single person who I would invite into my home for a social engagement and then proceed to cook myself a meal and eat it in front of them.
When I read things like that his I never understand why people are in a relation like this. If you have to be worried about stuff like this 4 months in why on earth would you want to be with someone like that?
Right? I know Reddit is the more extreme end of things in terms of what people post about but this is so dumb!
You’re in a relationship with someone that doesn’t offer you food but happily feeds himself and you’re too embarrassed to speak about it?!
Communication doesn’t exist in some peoples lives and it’s truly shocking.
OP: 4 months is nothing, ditch this selfish loser and work on your communication skills
So when he has gone to friends' homes, they just make food for themselves and leave him to chew on his fingers?
He's rude. He sounds like he just wants you to leave as soon as possible.
I would leave and not return.
OP, no offense, but...you're not a girlfriend. You're not even a booty call he respects, with this treatment.
Also, this reaction you have, of wanting to not ask for anything or act "entitled" is going to get you stepped on in relationships with shitty men, if you don't start recognizing that asking for basic respect and reciprocity is not being entitled. You're doing what women sadly do sometimes; you're trying to be the "cool girlfriend" who doesn't need anything. All that gets you is shitty men who do things like this.
No, don't start bringing food. Stop seeing this guy.
It doesn't even matter if she's his girlfriend or not. If I ever had anyone stay at my place, I'd make sure they have breakfast. That includes same gendered platonic friends that I've never slept with as a heterosexual male. It's basic courtesy if you're making food to offer to your guests. My breakfast usually consists of eggs and if I'm making some for me, I'm asking anyone else in the house (including my wife who wants eggs 1/10 times I ask her) if they want anything.
That's really messed up. Especially if you're spending the night and not leaving until 2pm?! That's a really long time to not eat. How the eff does it not occur to him to offer you something? There's no way I'd stay with someone that inconsiderate.
OP, what do you guys do till 2PM? Do you intentionally hang out or is it just kinda... you on your own in his house while he does his own thing? Have you discussed if you're dating/ exclusive? This seems like a situationship to me and he likely wouldn't mind if you left at 6AM, in fact, that's probably his preference
Girl I read your other posts. Just leave him. Guy is not worth a cent. You deserve much more. A guy that gets hard for you and shares his meal is the bare minimum.
And you still want to be in a relationship with him?
You are 23 and only know him 4 months. Especially so early in a relationship guys are mostly on their best behaviour. He’s selfish and that’s not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with.
And if you are sleeping with him, yes he’s obligated to take care of you and vice versa.
In every relationship you HAVE to communicate your wants and needs. Or else you’ll be miserable like you are now. And if you have and he’s not willing to fix it then it’s time to end it. Closed mouths never get fed.
And don’t be with a guy who’s okay with you giving yourself to him and hes okay with eating in front of you and can’t even feed you. Don’t waste your time waiting for someone to change or make your needs a priority; you’re only prolonging your misery
it bums me out that it isn't obvious to you that this is not normal and that he's selfish af. it makes me wonder if you're being taken advantage of in other ways too 🥺
Yeah explaining that she's already thin was a red flag for me. Why would that even be relevant, like forced starvation would be okay if she was heavier?
Sorry but he is just using you as a booty call. Not treating you as a partner, just someone who comes over for sex and he’s not bothered about you after that
Looking at your post history, there don't seem to be many pros to this relationship. I know it's super scary to break things off for the first time but trust me, it is SUCH a big weight off your shoulders when you've been wanting it for a while. There are lots of guys out there who will put the same effort into you as you put into them. Take this one as a lesson in what you don't want.
He eats in front of you knowing you have been over there all night and not eaten? Doesn't even offer you something? You're too embarrassed to ask for food? Why? So, you come over, have sex with him, and then leave... this isn't a relationship, you are providing a service. Surely you can do better.
That’s really weird. Are you sure he actually wants you to stay? Like, maybe that’s a hint to leave?
Regardless, I’d say try talking to him about it, but probably the answer is really just get a better boyfriend.
Honestly there's no talking needed here. Just needs to leave the guy and I'm a guy. I wouldn't treat anybody this way whether my friend, my girlfriend or my fwb.
A decent human offers. Full stop.
Obviously he should offer you food but he’s not here to listen to the lecture so I’m going to direct this at you.
Stop being a doormat. It’s rude as hell to eat a meal in front of a partner and not ask if they want to share it with you. Tell the guy to make you a plate the next time he starts with dinner, seeing as he obviously needs handholding through social etiquette.
If you don’t want to have to mould courtesy into your partners, then good - that’s smart and you know what you have to do.
Nah man I would just get up and head out, probably not come back. I imagine his response would be "okay! Have a good one."
If he's all confused about it then a conversation about the situation could help if he's just clueless, but like others have observed, no one actually thinks it isn't rude af to do what he does. He's doing it on purpose.
So he makes more then you but you always go 50/50 AND he never asks you if you're hungry when you're over? Literally makes food and eats in front of you without offering? This guy is definitely just going to get worse, stop sleeping over if he's going to treat you like a toy instead of a woman.
You’re not crazy, imo it’s pretty rude to have someone at your house overnight like that and not offer them a bite to eat especially if they are also eating. I think in your shoes next time he’s cooking for one I might say, “Hey do you have enough for two people? I also would like to eat something for breakfast/dinner.” Maybe even make it a joke if you are sexual together, like “After last night I need to keep up my energy” or something. Hopefully once he realizes what an ass he’s being he will be embarrassed and then make you some food.
That's just being a bad host.
Pretty common courtesy to offer any guest something to eat at your house, especially when you're already cooking for yourself.
Why doesn't he offer you? Who knows, you could ask him.
Talk to him? You are a guest in his home and he's being real rude and inhospitable to you acting like that. What's the rest of your relationship like? Is he consistently showing you kindness and consideration apart from this or is it part of a larger pattern?
Not at all, he is showing you some serious disrespect doing that.
It sounds like he is treating you like a friend and not a GF, he should want to do things for you and vice versa and it sounds like you are convenient but not a high priority for him.
Break up with him immediately, he's treating you like a one night stand that he wants to get rid of. Don't spend time with people who don't know the basics of hosting. I vet he doesn't treat people he likes like this.
In your next relationship, don't put up with this kind of behaviour... It's not OK...
It’s horrendous manners to have a guest and not offer them food and just eat in front of them. You’re not a roommate who is only there because you’re splitting rent and don’t even know each other. You’re someone he invited over. He has awful manners and you’re better off cutting your losses and looking for someone better.
Sorry if my partner couldn't even bother to offer some food to me when I'm staying at their place, they would not be my partner because we do not have the same compassion and values. There's a comment saying he 'isn't obligated' to give you food but ffs, if you aren't even willing to make some extra eggs or cereal for the person who is supposedly your LIFE PARTNER, then you ain't it.
If somebody is at my house for more than 2 hours I'm cooking for them. Anything else and I'm afraid Hestia/St. Meinrad/my grandmother's ghost would strike me dead on the spot. Your boyfriend is "white carpet kitchen" level deranged to me.
No it’s not normal. Dude is a lost cause, and that’s assuming he even considers you his girlfriend. Sounds like a good way to keep you from hanging around too long.
Don’t be embarrassed to ask, wtf? Food is a basic human need. Your boyfriend is ridiculous. Tell him you find it weird he doesn’t offer you any food, and ask what you can eat. Don’t let him walk all over you.
Weird. Host anyone in my home during a mealtime and they are getting cooked and served for. Someone sharing my bed? They will have access to pretty much everything in my place except my toothbrush (in which case we'd figure out getting them one).
This is so not normal. Also so not normal is you doing this for 4 months and you're not even able to have a conversation about it. Do you two even talk to each other? You may sleep together, but this is not a gf/bf relationship.
#1) He's an oaf with no manners if he doesn't ask you if you want food. What the hell is wrong with this guy? That's not normal AT ALL. Now, maybe he's just expecting you to go into the fridge and grab something if you're hungry... and now you've set a precedent that you just don't eat, so he probably thinks you don't want anything. A normal person would have said something by now if they wanted food, and you haven't.
And that brings us to #2). Girl, you're not a child. It's time to grow up and ask for what you need. This is childish behavior to be "too embarrassed" to say you're hungry and either ask for food, or just go take some. You're going to run into a lot of barriers in life if you don't get over this. Adults ask for what they need, but particularly in a relationship. The person you're in a relationship with is supposed to be the most important person in your life AND the person you trust above all others. If you don't have the courage to ask your own boyfriend for food when you're hungry... then my suggestion is to get into therapy to figure out why you're acting this way.
The guy should have offered you food, for sure. But you have a big role in the problem here because not only are you letting it happen, you've been too scared to act normally for four months.
I've been in a relationship like this, 50/50 all the time, didn't fix me food etc. RUN. It only gets worse.
If he's not thinking of you now, he's not going to think of you in the future. And by allowing him to continue this behavior, he's going to think it's okay to treat you like that and keep taking advantage of that.
So, he only has you come over at night, and only "time to time." He never feeds you even though you've been there from the night before until 2pm the next day? If you happen to go out and get food you have to pay for you own. In other words, he gives you nothing except his sperm.
I'm pretty sure you are not his GF. You are a booty call. In any case, he obviously doesn't care one whit about you and you should dump him.
Set your standards higher for your next relationship because you are accepting utter trash behavior from this guy. Therapy might help you figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like trash. You don't deserve it, but you also don't seem to even realize that you are being treated like trash.
If you can’t communicate about a basic human need such as eating then you possibly shouldn’t be in an adult relationship ya know. Seriously.
Also he’s an asshat for not offering.
Yeah no, if *anyone* is remotely near me for more than a few hours gets food. That's basic hospitality for *strangers*.
Your bf is at best thoughtless and selfish. It's going to be awkward, but you need to remind him that you eat, too, and if you're over then the plan should be you two eating together.
If you're at his house more than he's at yours, then bringing your own food/offering compensation is polite. But if you have roughly an even split, then that shouldn't be necessary.
Do you not have the means to provide food? He doesn't communicate that maybe he is broke and may need help when you stay over to contribute? You are insecure and co dependent to not speak up. Leave this is not a relationship.
Why would you even think that’s normal? Would you cook in front of your friend or really any guest without asking them if they are hungry?
Girl if after 4 months he treats you like that, it’s time to end it. Dont make the mistake of thinking that all relationships have to work out. You will only end up with someone that doesn’t value you with that mentality.
Wake up. You are NOT a couple, just friends (barely) with benefits. A couple take care of each other, pay attention to their needs, and see everything from a “we” perspective. It is inconceivable that someone prepares food for themselves only without checking with their partner.
Is he a child? That's a red flag because it indicates he's lacking self awareness. You're his gf and guest he should be making food for the both of you wtf
This isn't normal. He is an extremely bad host. I can't imagine in any situation having someone visiting me in my home and not offering them some of the food I'm preparing, as well as coffee or tea or at least something to drink. The fact that you are his girlfriend makes this even worse. You deserve better. Like I don't even know you and if you visited me I'd make you lunch if is was lunch time.
Why do you pple like to suffer a lot?😂 like I can't understand why you are staying in an environment like this where you're constantly feeling embarrassed and not thought off..Girl
It's weird. I wouldn't cook for my girlfriend, but it's because she's both picky and far and away a better cook than I am. I would ask her if she wants to go get tacos
Not gonna address the other stuff that's already been addressed, but if you feel "too embarrassed" to ask your boyfriend for something or tell him you're struggling, something's wrong. Either the relationship is wrong or you need to think about having therapy to address why you're so hesitant to ask things of your partner.
I read a post where men act like this because the woman they're seeing as overstaying their welcome. He definitely doesn't care about you if he's watching you leave on an empty stomach.
Doesn’t sound like you’re the girlfriend, it sounds like you’re just a FWB to him. I’d just get out of the relationship and find someone that treats you the way you want, and the way you deserve.
Break up with him, he is so self absorbed. You deserve better. A real man would be asking if you’re hungry, if you want something to eat. Stop going over and if he asks tell him you don’t feel comfortable watching him eat in front of you.
stop asking questions on reddit about the same issues if you aren’t even communicating it to him nor are you doing anything to better yourself. everyone has been telling you to leave him, you aren’t getting a different response either way.
Young women, I am begging you to stand up for yourselves. If your BF doesn't like it, make him your ex. Your BF should not be literally leaving you hungry! That is a booty call, at BEST. Come on, now.
>I’m too embarrassed to ask him if I can take anything from his fridge
>Whenever we go out, we go 50/50. I don’t wanna make him feel like I’m entitled.
THIS IS THE GATEWAY OF HAVING MEN WALK OVER YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SHY TOO EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK UP. It is normal to have boundaries. It is normal to say: HEY WHY ARE YOU INCONSIDERATE? You should ask if I'm thirsty or hungry. Pancakes and coffee is cheap. Or am I asking for too much???
If you were my kid, I would say: DO NOT ENTER INTO A RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU KNOW
A. How to set boundaries, expectations and non-negotiables.
Here's examples
Boundary: You do not like for your boyfriend to text women when he's in a relationship with you.
Expectations: You expect him to ask you if you are thirsty or hungry when he wants to make something for himself. You expect him to pay dinner or any time you go out. If he's on a tight budget it's acceptable he can buy food and cook it in his place. Here are some examples: He can make pasta with fresh meat balls, salad. He can buy brownie mix to make brownies and vanilla ice cream for desert. All under $20.
NON-NEGOTIABLES: You will not be with someone that doesn't have their debts and addiction issues sorted out.
IF YOU ARE TOO SHY, TOO EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK YOUR MIND....you are not strong enough for a relationship or even marriage.
I'm saying this as a woman who's been married for 20 years.
In relationships you will sit down and say: THIS IS BOTHERING ME, HOW CAN WE COME UP FOR A RESOLUTION????
And a real man will apologize for not realizing his behavior is bothersome and will come with a compromise.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP SWEETHEART has no compromise. It's sounds like a booty call or "friends with benefits ". And that's why you guys go Dutch and he couldn't care less if you are hungry or thirsty.
Break up and improve your self-esteem. Work on Boundaries, expectations and non-negotiables. AND STOP FEELING AWKWARD ANY TIME SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING WRONG...SPEAK UP. Let them know how they are failing you.
It's weird that people expect others to read their minds. Why don't you Ask him about making breakfast or dinner together? It would completely sound entitled to be like What are you making me for breakfast? But asking to make something together is normal. Why would you consider that he would be thinking you need to lose weight, why does your mind go There? Unless you have expressed an eating disorder or something, maybe he's afraid to ask what you "can" eat? Who knows. But communicate.
No. And me personally, I'd leave. Especially the making breakfast part. Not so much the lack of food but the lack of consideration. I'd feel like he doesn't see me as a human, and I'm just someone to keep the bed warm and him entertained.
i read your post history. this relationship makes zero sense for you but is 100% working just fine for him.
he’s still a virgin who can’t stay hard when you’re close to having intercourse but absolutely stays hard when you’re giving him oral or a handjob.
he hasn’t pleased you sexually in the 4 months you’ve been together, and won’t give you oral.
he only ever touches you in a sexual way.
school and work keep him too busy to spend time with you or discuss your feelings and concerns about this relationship.
he no longer calls you and barely texts.
and all along, he’s not ever fixed enough food for you when you’re at his place but eats in front of you.
you’re nervous as to how to break up.
you don’t need to break up. stop texting and calling him and you’ll likely never speak with him again. move on. this is not a conundrum worth pondering. this is a complete waste of your time. all the time you’ve spent posting and thinking about this guy, he’s definitely not had you on his mind.
walk away and don’t look back.
I was a bit like that.
For myself it's because I had no notion of living alone or having a girlfriend. At that age I was fresh out of my parents house and knew nothing about some obvious social interactions.
Guys like me can just be really dumb and unaware of a lot of things. Just ask.
It's not crazy to feel a bit put off by your boyfriend's behavior. While he isn't obligated to feed you, it's generally considered polite and caring to offer to share food with your partner, especially when they're staying overnight.
I mean define “obligated” lol sure he wasn’t ordered by a court of law to prepare a meal for her when she stays over but anyone who wants to be viewed as a normal, tolerable human being let alone a desirable partner is more or less obligated to act like one and offer guests in their home food when they’re eating a meal themselves
This is so rude and it honestly enrages me. Even with my friends, if I’m making food, I’m going to make them some. This seems like a small thing, but it’s really not
This is not even slightly normal What is wrong with him? He seriously makes and eats a meal and you just sit there? And it doesn't occur to him that you might like to eat too?
Yes, that’s exactly how it is.. and I’m too embarrassed to ask him if I could have something too
Girl. This is not a relationship worth staying in. He literally doesn’t see you as a person.
OP not even getting scraps. i treat my dog better. next.
Totally not normal. Dump him.
Too be fair. Most of probably treat our dogs a lot better than other humans.
The way we, collectively, act at the start of the relationship sets the tone. This is... Not great. I wonder if he calls her at 9PM on a Friday and/or doesn't make plans ahead of time, or if he's truly clueless about guests. Either way, not a great start
Agreed but also she is too embarrassed to stand up for herself and ask for food I don’t see how she has the balls to break this off lol Just to clarify before the Reddit white knights get in here she should leave him and this dude is a selfish for not even offering food regardless if his girl or stranger
Leave him immediately but let him know why.
There are two problems here. The first problem is him being so self absorbed he is either unaware that other humans eat/have needs, or worse, he IS AWARE and is doing this on purpose as some kind of power move. The second problem is that you feel embarrassed instead of angry/disgusted by his mistreatment of you. You are both very young. Some relationships are meant to teach you how to find the right relationship for you. This one is a lesson. You need to stand up for yourself and then leave. This will teach him too. Tell him you have enjoyed aspects of the relationship, but you’re looking for a partner who has the wherewithal to host guests, prepare food for a family, and someone who knows how to communicate well enough to determine what his partner’s needs are. You also need to work on the communication piece. Never be in a relationship where you are uncomfortable stating your needs. I need to eat is the most basic one.
This is spot on. Forgot about my wife, if **anyone** is in my house and it’s meal/tea/snack time, I will offer them a drink/meal/snack (whatever is appropriate). Hell, if I’ve got a workman in my house for more than 5 minutes, I’ll offer them something to eat and drink. It’s just common decency. Also, if I was dating someone who was financially worse off than me, I’d make sure they **always** had food to eat - whether at me or at home. OP, your bf is either incredibly self-absorbed or just plain dense.
I have ALWAYS offered food and drinks to contractors doing work at my house if I am going to eat. The boyfriend is just awful. I can't even imagine doing that to anyone
I had a contractor tell me his wife was pissed that I gave him a sandwich with basil on it. It was because it was something new he tried… He said “hey what is that leaf you put on the sandwich? That was really good…” LOL
> Tell him you have enjoyed aspects of the relationship, but you’re looking for a partner who has the wherewithal to host guests, prepare food for a family, and someone who knows how to communicate well enough to determine what his partner’s needs are. Honestly, I wouldn't tell this guy shit. This isn't a relationship that's earned a heart to heart conversation. You could probably never text this guy again and he'd only care that he isn't getting sex.
This guy is one million percent ghostworthy.
Agree. He seems like he wants her to leave. If not he still shames his family’s name by being such a poor host. There are plenty of dudes who are worth dating that will pour you a bowl of Cheerios lol This guy is not it.
“ I need to eat.” Good Lord, the fact that you would even have to say that. And it’s really very sad that she’s embarrassed to say anything at all, as if she’s in the wrong.
He probably thinks girls don’t poop, so why would they need to eat?
This one is the best response, girl. You both have some things to learn. Maybe he’s just really dumb and after you (nicely) tell him how aloof he has been, he will work to make changes? But don’t count on it … this one is pretty weird. But note that it’s also weird u put up with this for 4 months. Work on you and never letting someone ignore you or not even think about u right in front of your face REPEATEDLY ever again.
Exactly what I would have written - excellent advice, I hope you take it!
Maybe you should just say, " hey, ever heard of sharing?"
Listen, if someone's hanging out in my house and I'm eating, they are going to be offered some. Whether it's a lover, friend, colleague or relative. That is normal and it's what people with basic-ass manners do.
Yep. Even my mortal enemy would get a casual “grab whatever from the fridge”.
A very cold 'would you like some tea?'
My ex and I can’t be in the same room for more than 5 minutes. We just cannot stand each other. And yet, whenever he drops the kids back, my mouth says the words “want a coffee?” before my brain has kicked in. Sometimes he says yes and drinks it in contempt.
So British 😂 We even have a special tone of voice that clearly communicates that "would you like a cup of tea?" is to be translated as "fuck right off so I don't have to waste the teabag" 😂
He should be embarrassed. Not you. Let's try to analyze the meaning of his actions : he shows you he's done with you and don't care about you once sex is over. He has no consideration for you and he's not even polite. He uses you for sex and sex only. He's not in a romantic relationship with you. You're a disposable toy. No more. He's showing his disrespect : take it for what it means and leave. Don't even try to have an explanation. Just ghost him. He's not worth anymore of your time
This. He only calls you his gf to inhibit you from finding literally anyone else bc they will treat you better. Even drunks made me food after we hooked up and my bar was low bc I was homeless. How have things got worse?
You call him your boyfriend but you’re too embarrassed to tell him you’re hungry? Is he too embarrassed to ask you for sex? You’re not his girlfriend, even though you think you are.
Yeah… he sees her for one thing
Reading OP’s other posts, he barely even does that. Based on what OP has written, I kinda suspect he’s either not sexually attracted to her, or either asexual or gay and wrestling with self-loathing which he takes out on her. Whatever it is, it’s not OP’s fault. She needs to get out immediately.
Oh jeez. Totally not her fault, but OP really should walk. This guy will just further hurt her self esteem
Oh no girl. You’re not too embarrassed to get intimate with him, but you’re embarrassed to let him know that you’re a human being who needs to eat? I’m not trying to be rude, but please, please learn to love yourself more than this and don’t accept treatment like this. It sounds like he’s just using you for sex and wants you to leave so he can resume his normal life. It is so disrespectful and degrading. Users and abusers will take advantage of your vulnerabilities and you need to get a backbone and learn to stand up for yourself or you’re just going to keep getting hurt. Best of luck to you.
If you are afraid to ask him if you can make eggs, how are you going to have any actual serious conversation as your relationship progresses? Find someone you feel comfortable talking to who will treat you like a person.
You shouldn't be in a relationship you are too embarrassed to ask for basic needs in
It’s wild that he’s such a terrible host/boyfriend, and wild that you are not standing up for yourself about a basic human need
Are you having sex with this selfish person? You need a better boyfriend. This one's a dud
Girl, that is messed up! Leave this inconsiderate cheap loser. I would be so so disappointed if my son ever treated a girl like that!
Why would you be embarrassed? That is super embarrassing for him - being so oblivious. Just do a "what can I have for breakfast?" Best and most likely case: he is oblivious and just assumed you grabbed something and ate it because that makes sense to him. That means he's not going to naturally be a good partner, you will have to tell him everything you want all the time (my birthday is coming up, you should take me out to dinner. I just got a promotion, so go get me flowers. Etc) I have dated a guy like that and it is exhausting and I'm not even that shy about my needs Worst case: he likes the control of making you uncomfortable and ask him for something. Then you want out immediately. Anything other than a "oh I didn't realize you were waiting on me for food" indicates that he knew and wanted you to ask him and you should gtfo asap.
Stop this now. You need therapy because your self esteem is dangerously low. This is not okay. Your bf sucks.
Forgive me for being overly familiar, but my motherly instincts are coming out. Honey, what the hell are you doing sleeping with someone you are too embarrassed to ask for food? You have got to work on your assertiveness. You are a human being, you need to eat from time to time to live, and your boyfriend is a rude, thoughtless and selfish man. Say, "Hey, what about me?" the next time he prepares himself some food in front of you. Or, even better, break up with him and be adamant with yourself that you will not accept such treatment from here on. Stop settling for so little. You've got to value yourself and require that you be treated well.
He doesn't like you. The lack of consideration is astounding
Dude stand up for yourself what is this? Why would anyone put up with being treated like this?
I used to date a guy like him. Wasted 10 years of my life. So self centered. Everything is "I and me". He can't see things from your POV. Don't waste time to change him.
And there will rarely be "us" decisions, just "him" decisions like you're not a part of the process at all
Yeah, everything was "me, me, me." It was exhausting. I thought I was the selfish one until I broke up with him.
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I’d be so shocked to not be offered food the first time that I wouldn’t be able to NOT say anything.
If you can’t speak up, that’s a problem in and of itself. Say something. Then decide how you feel about his response.
You need to have some self respect. You can do better. This guy is a weirdo, using you for sex or just mean. Probably some combination of the above.
what are you afraid might happen if you ask him for food?
The bar is so low it's in the basement. Get you someone who actually cares about you.
Being too embarrassed to speak up, means you’re just letting yourself be an absolute doormat
Have some self respect! He fucks you and won't offer you a goddamn bowl of cereal? This is on you. Tell a man you're a doormat and he'll wipe his feet on you. Just stop.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about but he definitely should be - this is appalling behavior
What the fuck?! HE is embarrassing. What the fuck…
I mean, he sounds like an idiot, but girl... you gotta just ask, because you don't know what he's thinking unless you do, and it's imparetive you know if this guy is truly a masochistic asshole and likes to watch you suffer and squirm while he eats, or if he's just that fucking moronic and has no idea. Really, neither excuse is good. You don't really want to be dating someone so oblivious to your needs, it rarely ends well. But I do think it's good for you to learn to stand up for yourself a bit. Next time he makes breakfast say: "Hey, that smells great, can I have some too?" and then see what he says, but more specifically pay attention to his actions. His actions will tell you whether or not it's worth it to stay in this relationship.
If you are in a relationship, why are you embarrassed even ask for something ???then don’t continue to talk to him more be with him. He’s a waste of time.
If you’re scared having a need is going to make him not like you, he has way too much power over you. If you’re drawn to guys like this, you might have attachment issues you need to work on in therapy. As a former anxious attachment girlie, this doesn’t get better until you do.
If you’re too embarrassed to ask him if you can have some breakfast too, then you’re not comfortable enough with this person to be sleeping with them.
This isn’t a healthy relationship! The fact he doesn’t even consider you is crazy.
F*ck that. At 23 you are far too young to put up with that. At 93 you would be far too young to put up with that. DTMFA and go have some fun till you meet someone who has a clue. And even if you meet someone, stay true to yourself.
Go the passive aggressive route, maybe. Leave everytime starts eating. "I need to go get myself food". It's not normal and he's being incredibly rude. But maybe he doesn't get that because he was raised wrong. Never offer to get him or actually get him food. "I thought you had yourself covered. I just don't want to sit here hungry while you eat"
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Lmao this dude ain’t worth all that effort
Pretty sure he's dropping hard hints that he expects you to leave after sex.
This. I hate to say it but you’re not in a relationship with this guy(as far as he’s concerned), you’re a booty call who frequently overstays her welcome. Him making food for just himself is his way of telling you it’s time to leave, and is rude as fuck. There’s literally no grown adult on the planet who doesn’t know it’s rude and widely inappropriate to make and eat food in front of a guest and not offer them any, he knows, he’s just doing it on purpose. Don’t waste anymore time on this guy who is only using you for sex.
That's my read on it too. He thinks he's dropping subtle hints to get her to leave. Best case scenario he is just too immature to know how to handle it. He might also know exactly what he's doing and knows that they both have different interpretations of the situation and doesn't want to lose his booty call. Either way OP needs to move along.
Been through this before, he’s just using OP. Probably wouldn’t want to spend time with her at all if it meant no sex, which says a lot.
You called him your boyfriend, but his actions show that's not how he sees this situation. You see it as a 4-month relationship, but has it really been him having sex with you and then getting you to leave? How much more time are you going to waste pretending that you don't have fundamental needs to be met? If you get pregnant, how often is he going to ignore the child's needs for food or love?
Id wonder how their "plans" come about - OP, does he thoughtfully invite you over and do you do date-y things? Or does he call last minute with nothing planned except (presumably) sex? Have you discussed if you're in a relationship? He seems to be treating this not as dating, but as a FWB situation, and when then, I wouldn't treat a friend/ guest so rudely
I was seeing this the same. It sounds more like a hookup situation than a "boyfriend"
He doesn’t see her as his gf. She is a hook up.
Stop fucking ppl who don't give a shit about you. Most ppl would offer any guest in their home food, if food was being prepared. This is how little he thinks of you.
I think him actually preparing food, as opposed to grabbing some chips or something, adds to the level of dickishness here.
In my cynical take, it's because he doesn't see them as dating, he sees this as a FWB that should leave sooner. My BIL treated his ex GF like this and it was so icky to watch. She tried so so hard to get him to notice her or treat her like a GF, but he was just... ambivalent. Called last minute on weekends, didn't seem to care if she was there and would just play games or whatever. OP, this is not how the beginning stages of dating should be
There is literally not a single person who I would invite into my home for a social engagement and then proceed to cook myself a meal and eat it in front of them.
FWB implies friendship/friendliness. OPs guy is just not being friendly, total user
My first thought was that he was trying to get her to leave, too. OP should give him what he wants, she'll be much better off.
When I read things like that his I never understand why people are in a relation like this. If you have to be worried about stuff like this 4 months in why on earth would you want to be with someone like that?
Right? I know Reddit is the more extreme end of things in terms of what people post about but this is so dumb! You’re in a relationship with someone that doesn’t offer you food but happily feeds himself and you’re too embarrassed to speak about it?! Communication doesn’t exist in some peoples lives and it’s truly shocking. OP: 4 months is nothing, ditch this selfish loser and work on your communication skills
From reading since 10am on and off there is something in the fuckin air today I tell ya
Odds are OP was raised in an abusive home and doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like or that she deserves better.
Honestly. “Is this normal?” Do you actually have to ask?!
Same. Like, my self esteem is too low for this shit. If I don't feel 100% wanted 100% of the time, I'm out 😭
Same, it boggles my mind every time. But people are really out there with literally no self esteem or self respect.
So when he has gone to friends' homes, they just make food for themselves and leave him to chew on his fingers? He's rude. He sounds like he just wants you to leave as soon as possible. I would leave and not return.
Thank you, next. You're 23, ffs. Move on.
Yep. There's not a shortage of young men. Be picky.
OP, no offense, but...you're not a girlfriend. You're not even a booty call he respects, with this treatment. Also, this reaction you have, of wanting to not ask for anything or act "entitled" is going to get you stepped on in relationships with shitty men, if you don't start recognizing that asking for basic respect and reciprocity is not being entitled. You're doing what women sadly do sometimes; you're trying to be the "cool girlfriend" who doesn't need anything. All that gets you is shitty men who do things like this. No, don't start bringing food. Stop seeing this guy.
It doesn't even matter if she's his girlfriend or not. If I ever had anyone stay at my place, I'd make sure they have breakfast. That includes same gendered platonic friends that I've never slept with as a heterosexual male. It's basic courtesy if you're making food to offer to your guests. My breakfast usually consists of eggs and if I'm making some for me, I'm asking anyone else in the house (including my wife who wants eggs 1/10 times I ask her) if they want anything.
That's really messed up. Especially if you're spending the night and not leaving until 2pm?! That's a really long time to not eat. How the eff does it not occur to him to offer you something? There's no way I'd stay with someone that inconsiderate.
OP, what do you guys do till 2PM? Do you intentionally hang out or is it just kinda... you on your own in his house while he does his own thing? Have you discussed if you're dating/ exclusive? This seems like a situationship to me and he likely wouldn't mind if you left at 6AM, in fact, that's probably his preference
The bar is in hell omg
Girl I read your other posts. Just leave him. Guy is not worth a cent. You deserve much more. A guy that gets hard for you and shares his meal is the bare minimum.
Bet he only uses your body for himself and ignores you sexually too.
no, bring your own boyfriend
And you still want to be in a relationship with him? You are 23 and only know him 4 months. Especially so early in a relationship guys are mostly on their best behaviour. He’s selfish and that’s not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. And if you are sleeping with him, yes he’s obligated to take care of you and vice versa. In every relationship you HAVE to communicate your wants and needs. Or else you’ll be miserable like you are now. And if you have and he’s not willing to fix it then it’s time to end it. Closed mouths never get fed. And don’t be with a guy who’s okay with you giving yourself to him and hes okay with eating in front of you and can’t even feed you. Don’t waste your time waiting for someone to change or make your needs a priority; you’re only prolonging your misery
Yeah, you gotta wonder what's coming next.
it bums me out that it isn't obvious to you that this is not normal and that he's selfish af. it makes me wonder if you're being taken advantage of in other ways too 🥺
Yeah explaining that she's already thin was a red flag for me. Why would that even be relevant, like forced starvation would be okay if she was heavier?
Sorry but he is just using you as a booty call. Not treating you as a partner, just someone who comes over for sex and he’s not bothered about you after that
Looking at your post history, there don't seem to be many pros to this relationship. I know it's super scary to break things off for the first time but trust me, it is SUCH a big weight off your shoulders when you've been wanting it for a while. There are lots of guys out there who will put the same effort into you as you put into them. Take this one as a lesson in what you don't want.
He eats in front of you knowing you have been over there all night and not eaten? Doesn't even offer you something? You're too embarrassed to ask for food? Why? So, you come over, have sex with him, and then leave... this isn't a relationship, you are providing a service. Surely you can do better.
That’s really weird. Are you sure he actually wants you to stay? Like, maybe that’s a hint to leave? Regardless, I’d say try talking to him about it, but probably the answer is really just get a better boyfriend.
Honestly there's no talking needed here. Just needs to leave the guy and I'm a guy. I wouldn't treat anybody this way whether my friend, my girlfriend or my fwb. A decent human offers. Full stop.
That's very weird. He sounds very self-centered. He apparently has no social skills at all.
I think he knows exactly what he's doing.
Yes! Either self-centered or totally oblivious… but I have a hard time imagining he’s that oblivious unless he’s on the spectrum or something?
Obviously he should offer you food but he’s not here to listen to the lecture so I’m going to direct this at you. Stop being a doormat. It’s rude as hell to eat a meal in front of a partner and not ask if they want to share it with you. Tell the guy to make you a plate the next time he starts with dinner, seeing as he obviously needs handholding through social etiquette. If you don’t want to have to mould courtesy into your partners, then good - that’s smart and you know what you have to do.
Nah man I would just get up and head out, probably not come back. I imagine his response would be "okay! Have a good one." If he's all confused about it then a conversation about the situation could help if he's just clueless, but like others have observed, no one actually thinks it isn't rude af to do what he does. He's doing it on purpose.
It is not normal even for friendship not to mention relationship.
So he makes more then you but you always go 50/50 AND he never asks you if you're hungry when you're over? Literally makes food and eats in front of you without offering? This guy is definitely just going to get worse, stop sleeping over if he's going to treat you like a toy instead of a woman.
You’re not crazy, imo it’s pretty rude to have someone at your house overnight like that and not offer them a bite to eat especially if they are also eating. I think in your shoes next time he’s cooking for one I might say, “Hey do you have enough for two people? I also would like to eat something for breakfast/dinner.” Maybe even make it a joke if you are sexual together, like “After last night I need to keep up my energy” or something. Hopefully once he realizes what an ass he’s being he will be embarrassed and then make you some food.
That's just being a bad host. Pretty common courtesy to offer any guest something to eat at your house, especially when you're already cooking for yourself. Why doesn't he offer you? Who knows, you could ask him.
Talk to him? You are a guest in his home and he's being real rude and inhospitable to you acting like that. What's the rest of your relationship like? Is he consistently showing you kindness and consideration apart from this or is it part of a larger pattern?
Not at all, he is showing you some serious disrespect doing that. It sounds like he is treating you like a friend and not a GF, he should want to do things for you and vice versa and it sounds like you are convenient but not a high priority for him.
Break up with him immediately, he's treating you like a one night stand that he wants to get rid of. Don't spend time with people who don't know the basics of hosting. I vet he doesn't treat people he likes like this. In your next relationship, don't put up with this kind of behaviour... It's not OK...
It’s horrendous manners to have a guest and not offer them food and just eat in front of them. You’re not a roommate who is only there because you’re splitting rent and don’t even know each other. You’re someone he invited over. He has awful manners and you’re better off cutting your losses and looking for someone better.
Sorry if my partner couldn't even bother to offer some food to me when I'm staying at their place, they would not be my partner because we do not have the same compassion and values. There's a comment saying he 'isn't obligated' to give you food but ffs, if you aren't even willing to make some extra eggs or cereal for the person who is supposedly your LIFE PARTNER, then you ain't it.
Don’t bring your own food. Tell him what you told us.
If somebody is at my house for more than 2 hours I'm cooking for them. Anything else and I'm afraid Hestia/St. Meinrad/my grandmother's ghost would strike me dead on the spot. Your boyfriend is "white carpet kitchen" level deranged to me.
No it’s not normal. Dude is a lost cause, and that’s assuming he even considers you his girlfriend. Sounds like a good way to keep you from hanging around too long.
Don’t be embarrassed to ask, wtf? Food is a basic human need. Your boyfriend is ridiculous. Tell him you find it weird he doesn’t offer you any food, and ask what you can eat. Don’t let him walk all over you.
Weird. Host anyone in my home during a mealtime and they are getting cooked and served for. Someone sharing my bed? They will have access to pretty much everything in my place except my toothbrush (in which case we'd figure out getting them one). This is so not normal. Also so not normal is you doing this for 4 months and you're not even able to have a conversation about it. Do you two even talk to each other? You may sleep together, but this is not a gf/bf relationship.
OP, listen to the comments. HE AINT IT.
#1) He's an oaf with no manners if he doesn't ask you if you want food. What the hell is wrong with this guy? That's not normal AT ALL. Now, maybe he's just expecting you to go into the fridge and grab something if you're hungry... and now you've set a precedent that you just don't eat, so he probably thinks you don't want anything. A normal person would have said something by now if they wanted food, and you haven't. And that brings us to #2). Girl, you're not a child. It's time to grow up and ask for what you need. This is childish behavior to be "too embarrassed" to say you're hungry and either ask for food, or just go take some. You're going to run into a lot of barriers in life if you don't get over this. Adults ask for what they need, but particularly in a relationship. The person you're in a relationship with is supposed to be the most important person in your life AND the person you trust above all others. If you don't have the courage to ask your own boyfriend for food when you're hungry... then my suggestion is to get into therapy to figure out why you're acting this way. The guy should have offered you food, for sure. But you have a big role in the problem here because not only are you letting it happen, you've been too scared to act normally for four months.
What ???? Absolutely not!
How can this be normal?
This is not the way a man treats his woman. Or the way anybody treats anyone they care about. Yuck.
Idk if it’s a hospitality thing or southern thing, but I’m not cooking if it’s not enough to feed everyone in the house.
This isn't normal. Not as a boyfriend, girlfriend or friend of any kind.
I've been in a relationship like this, 50/50 all the time, didn't fix me food etc. RUN. It only gets worse. If he's not thinking of you now, he's not going to think of you in the future. And by allowing him to continue this behavior, he's going to think it's okay to treat you like that and keep taking advantage of that.
So, he only has you come over at night, and only "time to time." He never feeds you even though you've been there from the night before until 2pm the next day? If you happen to go out and get food you have to pay for you own. In other words, he gives you nothing except his sperm. I'm pretty sure you are not his GF. You are a booty call. In any case, he obviously doesn't care one whit about you and you should dump him. Set your standards higher for your next relationship because you are accepting utter trash behavior from this guy. Therapy might help you figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like trash. You don't deserve it, but you also don't seem to even realize that you are being treated like trash.
Does he know you’re his girlfriend? Or is he just fucking you and then trying to make it clear he doesn’t want you to stay?
So you drive to his house, give him sex, and then leave That’s not a boyfriend, that’s a booty call
He wants you to leave. If he wanted you to stay… well you get the idea.
If you can’t communicate about a basic human need such as eating then you possibly shouldn’t be in an adult relationship ya know. Seriously. Also he’s an asshat for not offering.
Yeah no, if *anyone* is remotely near me for more than a few hours gets food. That's basic hospitality for *strangers*. Your bf is at best thoughtless and selfish. It's going to be awkward, but you need to remind him that you eat, too, and if you're over then the plan should be you two eating together. If you're at his house more than he's at yours, then bringing your own food/offering compensation is polite. But if you have roughly an even split, then that shouldn't be necessary.
Do you not have the means to provide food? He doesn't communicate that maybe he is broke and may need help when you stay over to contribute? You are insecure and co dependent to not speak up. Leave this is not a relationship.
What? No, this isn’t normal! You’ve stood by for 4 months without saying anything? So weird. Talk to him.
Why would you even think that’s normal? Would you cook in front of your friend or really any guest without asking them if they are hungry? Girl if after 4 months he treats you like that, it’s time to end it. Dont make the mistake of thinking that all relationships have to work out. You will only end up with someone that doesn’t value you with that mentality.
Wow. Just...wow. Dump his inconsiderate, rude ass.
This is not at all normal. He is rude as hell. It's absolutely weird to hear this.
Wake up. You are NOT a couple, just friends (barely) with benefits. A couple take care of each other, pay attention to their needs, and see everything from a “we” perspective. It is inconceivable that someone prepares food for themselves only without checking with their partner.
Is he a child? That's a red flag because it indicates he's lacking self awareness. You're his gf and guest he should be making food for the both of you wtf
You shouldn’t be with someone so selfish they can’t offer you a sandwich. Stop giving yourself to someone who doesn’t care about you.
He wasn't raised right. When I get company they get a drink and unless they say no they're getting a meal too.
Dump his cheap ass, girl. The D couldn't be THAT good to warrant putting up with all that.
This isn't normal. He is an extremely bad host. I can't imagine in any situation having someone visiting me in my home and not offering them some of the food I'm preparing, as well as coffee or tea or at least something to drink. The fact that you are his girlfriend makes this even worse. You deserve better. Like I don't even know you and if you visited me I'd make you lunch if is was lunch time.
Why do you pple like to suffer a lot?😂 like I can't understand why you are staying in an environment like this where you're constantly feeling embarrassed and not thought off..Girl
Girl it sounds like you think you're his girlfriend and he thinks you're his f*ck buddy.
It's weird. I wouldn't cook for my girlfriend, but it's because she's both picky and far and away a better cook than I am. I would ask her if she wants to go get tacos
Girl you gotta work on your self-esteem first and foremost. This doesn’t sound like your boyfriend.
You're for sex, not for love. And you aren't going to get anything more from him.
Not gonna address the other stuff that's already been addressed, but if you feel "too embarrassed" to ask your boyfriend for something or tell him you're struggling, something's wrong. Either the relationship is wrong or you need to think about having therapy to address why you're so hesitant to ask things of your partner.
The standards are lower than hell
Do it back and see how he responds.
I read a post where men act like this because the woman they're seeing as overstaying their welcome. He definitely doesn't care about you if he's watching you leave on an empty stomach.
Doesn’t sound like you’re the girlfriend, it sounds like you’re just a FWB to him. I’d just get out of the relationship and find someone that treats you the way you want, and the way you deserve.
Break up with him, he is so self absorbed. You deserve better. A real man would be asking if you’re hungry, if you want something to eat. Stop going over and if he asks tell him you don’t feel comfortable watching him eat in front of you.
He wants you to leave after sex. He’s showing you who he is and what to expect. Believe him.
yea girl you are not dating .... he's being an asshole to try and get you to leave, he doesn't wanna date. just wants to fuck.
Perfectly normal if you’re dating a selfish asshole that doesn’t give a shit about you.
This is not normal. You're just a fwb. It's just common courtesy to offer food and drink to anyone in your home.
Is he even your boyfriend? It sounds like he treats you as a friend with benefits. Have some dignity, stop seeing him.
Ex…. Ex boyfriend No, it’s not normal. I have removed people from my life for less.
is he a fucking child? you’re 23, find someone else who even remotely cares about you because clearly he is living in his own mind.
stop asking questions on reddit about the same issues if you aren’t even communicating it to him nor are you doing anything to better yourself. everyone has been telling you to leave him, you aren’t getting a different response either way.
Young women, I am begging you to stand up for yourselves. If your BF doesn't like it, make him your ex. Your BF should not be literally leaving you hungry! That is a booty call, at BEST. Come on, now.
Haha! Nah, man. Tell him to feed you, baby.
He's not your bf. My guess he is encouraging you to leave
Jesus how do these dopes get gfs lol
Back when I used to have FWB even they would make sure I’m fed
Baby, he doesn’t even like you as a human being, let alone an intimate partner. Take what you can out of my previous statement…
4 month relationship or yall been having “relations” for 4 months 🤔
>I’m too embarrassed to ask him if I can take anything from his fridge >Whenever we go out, we go 50/50. I don’t wanna make him feel like I’m entitled. THIS IS THE GATEWAY OF HAVING MEN WALK OVER YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SHY TOO EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK UP. It is normal to have boundaries. It is normal to say: HEY WHY ARE YOU INCONSIDERATE? You should ask if I'm thirsty or hungry. Pancakes and coffee is cheap. Or am I asking for too much??? If you were my kid, I would say: DO NOT ENTER INTO A RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU KNOW A. How to set boundaries, expectations and non-negotiables. Here's examples Boundary: You do not like for your boyfriend to text women when he's in a relationship with you. Expectations: You expect him to ask you if you are thirsty or hungry when he wants to make something for himself. You expect him to pay dinner or any time you go out. If he's on a tight budget it's acceptable he can buy food and cook it in his place. Here are some examples: He can make pasta with fresh meat balls, salad. He can buy brownie mix to make brownies and vanilla ice cream for desert. All under $20. NON-NEGOTIABLES: You will not be with someone that doesn't have their debts and addiction issues sorted out. IF YOU ARE TOO SHY, TOO EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK YOUR MIND....you are not strong enough for a relationship or even marriage. I'm saying this as a woman who's been married for 20 years. In relationships you will sit down and say: THIS IS BOTHERING ME, HOW CAN WE COME UP FOR A RESOLUTION???? And a real man will apologize for not realizing his behavior is bothersome and will come with a compromise. YOUR RELATIONSHIP SWEETHEART has no compromise. It's sounds like a booty call or "friends with benefits ". And that's why you guys go Dutch and he couldn't care less if you are hungry or thirsty. Break up and improve your self-esteem. Work on Boundaries, expectations and non-negotiables. AND STOP FEELING AWKWARD ANY TIME SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING WRONG...SPEAK UP. Let them know how they are failing you.
It's weird that people expect others to read their minds. Why don't you Ask him about making breakfast or dinner together? It would completely sound entitled to be like What are you making me for breakfast? But asking to make something together is normal. Why would you consider that he would be thinking you need to lose weight, why does your mind go There? Unless you have expressed an eating disorder or something, maybe he's afraid to ask what you "can" eat? Who knows. But communicate.
No. And me personally, I'd leave. Especially the making breakfast part. Not so much the lack of food but the lack of consideration. I'd feel like he doesn't see me as a human, and I'm just someone to keep the bed warm and him entertained.
He is not your boyfriend.
Run away. Go to therapy before you’re in a new relationship.
i read your post history. this relationship makes zero sense for you but is 100% working just fine for him. he’s still a virgin who can’t stay hard when you’re close to having intercourse but absolutely stays hard when you’re giving him oral or a handjob. he hasn’t pleased you sexually in the 4 months you’ve been together, and won’t give you oral. he only ever touches you in a sexual way. school and work keep him too busy to spend time with you or discuss your feelings and concerns about this relationship. he no longer calls you and barely texts. and all along, he’s not ever fixed enough food for you when you’re at his place but eats in front of you. you’re nervous as to how to break up. you don’t need to break up. stop texting and calling him and you’ll likely never speak with him again. move on. this is not a conundrum worth pondering. this is a complete waste of your time. all the time you’ve spent posting and thinking about this guy, he’s definitely not had you on his mind. walk away and don’t look back.
This is not your boyfriend. I’ve literally made breakfast for guys that have slept in bed with me because they shouldn’t be driving home hours ago
This is not even close to a relationship. He doesn’t like you and he’s using you for sex
I was a bit like that. For myself it's because I had no notion of living alone or having a girlfriend. At that age I was fresh out of my parents house and knew nothing about some obvious social interactions. Guys like me can just be really dumb and unaware of a lot of things. Just ask.
What the hell. Even when strangers come to my house, I offer a drink etc.. that is not normal
You're not a couple. You're his toy. Run away
Hate to tell you, but you are not his girlfriend.
He’s not your boyfriend, babe
It's not crazy to feel a bit put off by your boyfriend's behavior. While he isn't obligated to feed you, it's generally considered polite and caring to offer to share food with your partner, especially when they're staying overnight.
I mean define “obligated” lol sure he wasn’t ordered by a court of law to prepare a meal for her when she stays over but anyone who wants to be viewed as a normal, tolerable human being let alone a desirable partner is more or less obligated to act like one and offer guests in their home food when they’re eating a meal themselves
This is so rude and it honestly enrages me. Even with my friends, if I’m making food, I’m going to make them some. This seems like a small thing, but it’s really not
Lol I'd have just taken his plate the first time. What a loon. Poor manners. Who raised him?
This is 5 levels of fucked up. If I'm eating, the people around me are eating (unless they refuse)