Yeah. Doesn't make sense. If this isn't some writing exercise she should divorce hubby and take him to the cleaners. Get as much money as she can and stipulate that hubby has to refuel the kids' college funds.
He can explain to your kids that he gambled with their college fund and lost, and now they'll have to take out loans. In the meantime, you should get a job and start putting money away so that you can divorce and get your own place.
This is some really privileged commentary I keep reading. Both my sister and I paid for our own college/university. It is a privilege to have your parents pay for your education not a right.
I paid for my own college too. The point is the parents had 70k saved up specifically for their kids college, the dad lost it so my opinion is it should be on him to come up with the 70k.
There’s a good chance the kids won’t be eligible for any financial aid, outside of merit based scholarships, so not having any help from the parents really puts them in a bind. They would have to probably take the entire cost out on loan thanks to Dad’s bad financial habits. Hopefully they can get something merit based or go to community college then transfer to reduce costs.
Yup, my dad made over 100k a year (15 years ago) and I was not eligible for financial aid either based on his salary. What’s your point? Not everything in life is a hand out nor should it be. I had to work full time and save enough to put myself through school part time. Having your parents pay for your education is a privilege.
This is fiction, right? This guy sounds like a stereotype. Is his name Gordon Gecko? If this is real, there's no forgiving this guy. It's time to leave.
Yeah this reads to me like fiction or a bot post of some kind? To just throw that last paragraph in is so jarring.
Agree that if this is real - run for the hills. Depending where you are you may not be as financially bad off as you think. Many states and countries will require alimony (or their equivalent). And start making plans or steps toward what you would do for work post divorce!
Definitely fiction. There's no reason for her to know what the NFT was even of (what, are we supposed to think her husband went, "no, you don't understand, I spent it on *this*, you get it now, right?" and showed her?), nevermind think it's an important point to include in the post.
And of course, the idea that her husband *works in finance* but thought that spending his kids college funds on a single NFT was a good "investment."
Whole thing is bait from start to finish.
yeah this is probably fake. I think nfts are ridiculous as well but this post is written like someone who hates nfts trying to pretend they’re a person who doesn’t know what they are
"I can forgive him for cheating with his coworker since he transferred departments and attended couples therapy, but this has affected the kids' futures so I'm at a loss."
I'm confused. Did cheating with a coworker not run the risk of damaging your kid's and their futures? He could have lost his job, given you an STI that could have shortened your life, put your kids through a costly divorce, etc. It sounds like he made a super risky choice to cheat and it was managed in a way where your kids were spared some of the worst possible consequences of that. That doesn't mean he became less risky of a partner.
Your husband can't be trusted. One time it was cheating. The next time it was your kid's college money. Next time it'll be your retirement, your home, your health, your future grandkid's well-being, or something else.
I see you say a divorce would be expensive. Staying married to him could be even more so long-term. You likely have 20 more years until retirement and maybe even 40+ more years on this planet. Do you really want to spend those years looking over your shoulder to see what he will risk or how he will betray your trust next time?
That doesn't mean you need to divorce tomorrow, but if I were you I'd at least consider consulting with a lawyer and considering your exit strategies/options. Especially since you're a stay at home mom. Depending on where you live you may get less alimony if you get a part or full-time job even if it's to help your kid with college than you would if you divorce him and then start working, for instance. Similarly, I'm not convinced you getting child support from him and investing it for your kids is going to cost them more than staying married and letting him continue to manage household funds over the next few years will. Again, talking to a lawyer before you talk to your husband is going to make a lot of sense. Are these both of your kids? The fact that you've only been married 12 years may or may not have a bearing on what a divorce will look like.
What you need to do here, is figure out how to help your children. Your oldest is 17. Your second is not far behind. You're going to need to talk to them and help them cope with their feelings about this. You're going to need to look at all your funds, debts, assets, etc. and try to figure out if there are other ways to help them that make sense. Again, you working, him earning more, investing differently, taking out a mortgage on a home that's already paid off, selling belongings, helping your kids apply for scholarships, etc. are all things that are likely on the table to consider. You'll probably need to make plans with your kids about where they will go to school, what kind of school (or even trade), what scholarships they will apply for, what loans they will take out, what parent-plus loans you or he will assume, etc. based on what they now have.
The best solution I see is if you can divorce him, co-parent effectively, help your kids through this, and convince him to take out parent-plus loans to help your kids pay for college that are in his name only (aka loans he'll probably spend many years paying off after they graduate).
If you do decide to stay married and also want to pay for your kid's college, as hard as it is, you should probably consider returning to work and he should probably pick up a part-time job in addition to his full-time work. Your kids are old enough that you don't need to be a stay at home parent. If you can earn even $50K a year over the next two years and he can add an additional $20K a year, you'll double what was lost by the time your kids go to college. That's assuming he can be trusted not to purchase something equally stupid with that money in that time (hint: he can't). But this kind of thinking: "It's not really my business." needs to stop. You're married to someone you cannot trust and whatever is happening in the family financially needs to be your business.
Personally, I'd go for divorce rather than try to stay married to this walking liability. To be fair, I might say differently if he hadn't also cheated. One stupid risk that could cost your family everything is resolvable, a history of them is a pattern that means you should expect even more.
Also, I know your title says F42 and F44 but you say husband and use he everywhere else so I'm going to assume that's actually the correct language for him.Let me know if I need to change pronouns or husband.
She's not a stay-at-home
Mom since the kids are teenagers and at school all day. She needs to get a job and earn income to leave her POS husband or to at least help towards her kids’ college funds if it's that important to her. There's no reason why she shouldn't be working with her kids being that old.
Make sure you kids are getting good grades for them to get scholarships. The worse thing is for them to get loans which everyone gets. It's not the end of the world.
Take away control of your shared finances right now. Seek the support of a couples counselor to have these conversations if you think your husband isn't going to support you on this. If you don't feel qualified, you two need to agree on hiring and listening to a financial advisor who will suggest reasonable investment strategies, that either one of you can veto and if you can't agree it all just goes into a high-yield savings account.
You can't get back what was lost, but you can protect what you still have. You're in control now, whether you or your husband wanted that.
Your only other option is to hand your family's future over your husband's gambling habit. And yeah, if he's spending around $10K on NFTs, he's not investing - he's gambling.
What do you mean you have nowhere to go? Where does anyone go when they break up? As the woman you will likely either stay in the current house or you'll move into a new apartment on your own. Since you don't work he'll owe you alimony. You shouldn't have stayed after he cheated. He sounds like a real loser. Imagine what future terrible things he could do if you stayed married? End this travesty of a marriage. Being alone e is better than being with a guy like that.
Basically no matter if you choose to stay or leave him as a couple you will need more money for your children’s college, assuming you don’t want them to take on massive loans. I highly suspect you plan your career entrance. Plus gain a better understanding of your personal finances.
I mean what you should do is prepare your kids for local college options, aggressive scholarship hunting, and planning an education course that will benefit them financially as quickly as possible. For both of them, look at enrollment at CC while in high school if that is a free program and they're ready for it.
And you should re-enter the workforce. He is not a solid financial plan for your life. And having a second salary might be able to cover college costs as they come as long as those costs are kept reasonable. Local and state programs especially.
You need to go back to work. Both so you have a way to leave if you need to, and to replace the lost money.
There is zero reason for you to be trapped in a marriage because you're a stay at home mom qhen your kids are almost adults.
I feel like you're accepting a sub-par relationship just so you don't have to work.. Don't you feel like you deserve better than a man that cheats and basically lost your kids college money? Because cheating is unacceptable. And I bet if you were the one that cheated, he would have walked away without a second thought.
Go and apply for a job. Find yourself something small. Leave. Divorce, get spousal support or whatever.
Stop accepting less than you deserve. And find someone who doesn't have impulse control issues. He seriously needs to work on that because what he did will severely impact your children. Student debt is a deep hole to get out of.
Quick check says those apes are selling for $30K - which is about $30K more than I think they're worth but whatever - so either he bought a different one or is lying, something cheater's tend to do.
The only NFT I bought was of my then-office building on a virtual world. It cost me $2, a little more than I thought it's worth but a splurge. I printed it, put it on my door, and told people I'm now the owner of the building.
Should you divorce your husband? Only you know that but he sounds, well, like an ape.
How can it be "Not really my business" when you two are married. All the investments good or bad are very much your future & the kids future.
Do you know the poverty stats for SAHM during retirement years? Time for you to get a JOB, unless you want to live in poverty for the rest of your life. He will blow all the money away on women, gambling & bad investments.
Kids need to study harder & figure out the best way to get their college paid for by scholarships or look at trade schools instead. Your husband is an idiot & doesn't care if he leaves all of you homeless.
Maybe it's time to stop trusting and relying on him and start trusting and depending on yourself. Get a job and get involved in the family finances.
Did you really forgive him for cheating? Or did you feel like you *had* to forgive him because you had no other choice?
Yikes. He cheated & blew your kids college funds? I’d say it’s curtains in this marriage. He’s obviously not very good at his job. What does he have to say for himself about this fiasco?
Pick up Job applications so he can get a second job to replace the money and interest it would have earned. You may want to help just to make sure it happens, you certainly shouldn’t have to.
A lying thieving cheater.
And he's still in your house?
Did you "forgive" him because you have no where to go?
Because what he did is unforgivable.
He's not worth spitting on.
Start the process of educating yourself about what options are available and what options are viable.
Begin by talking to several lawyers. You don't have to act on their advice, but get a good understanding of what the divorce process would look like. Find out your options for alimony and child support and what your share of the assets are. Unknowns can be scary so don't leave it to guess work. Whatever you decision, real legal advice is essential.
Talk to the lawyers also about what measures can be taken to ensure you will have money for retirement if you stay with your husband. Look at all the options. This should perhaps include trusts or other provisions for your children.
Next, do some research into financial advisors and managers in your area. Make sure they are fiduciary. See which ones might be an alternative to letting your husband continue to mismanage your assets. Then talk to him about it. To be honest, this should be the bare minimum. You should make sure that any decision made about your finances requires two party consent.
Get all the information you can, consider all the options and weight the cost and benefits. Then decide what you want to do. It won't be easy, regardless of what you decide. Just don't go into this blind or ignorant of your options.
As a couple, I could see past my partner losing money on an investment but not the cheating. One of those things was a choice, the other is just bad luck.
About the investment though, OP's husband works in the financial sector and has made an investment believing it will be worth more in the future. Some investments work, some don't - That's how investments work for the most part.
Right now, the investment is worth less than he/OP expected it to be worth. What happens if/when the NFT market recovers and the BAYC is worth significantly more in Q2 2025 as expected?
I see this as nothing different to speculating on house prices increasing, taking out a massive mortgage and ending up in negative equity for a while. Like millions of people worldwide did pre-2008.
hey if he's all in, he cant back out.. if he sold he'll lose alot. if he wins youre gonna be thinking why you didnt put more. He fked up by doing this, should have discussed with you on what he plans to do and when to takeout. but as a investor mindset, if he fks it up, you gotta put in more money to break even and sell at a profit. its what you do now that matters. I know its stupid but this is the reality. if he is losing out, buy more of the same crypto and make break even then cash out. if hes winning then cash out and fk him up afterwards 😂
Doubt an adult who has an background in finance and a long term history with stocks, would just take his kids college funds and use it to buy a picture of a monkey.
If he wanted to gamble he would have used leveraged options, given his "history".
Also if you Google nft the first picture is that monkey, you know how nfts worked right?
Guess not if you did some research, you would know why what you just said is extremely unlikely to be true.
Your kids are 16 and 17, they don’t need a stay at home mother.
Time to speak to a divorce lawyer and figure out your next steps. You need to set yourself up financially and it’s not going to be easy if you haven’t done paid work since you were 25.
But, lawyer first. To see where you stand and figure out how to make sure you don’t end up in a worse situation than a husband who clearly doesn’t respect you and kids without college funds.
This is part of the trad wife lifestyle you live. You stay at home he's the breadwinner. You run the risk that if he fucks up, everything is all over.
Your kids are 17 and 16, it's tike to get up and get a job.
And the guy cheated on you and you stayed with him, from his perspective, he can do litteraly whatever he wants. If you won't leave him for fucking his own coworker, he knows you're not going to leave over anything else really.
So ... maybe a legal ... well, postnup, and separate the hell out of the finances. Was he really that stupid/incompetent/gullible with that much of what should've been for the kids college education? Yeah, I'd seriously talk to divorce lawyer/attorney ... not that you need divorce ... or family law lawyer/attorney, at least. Figure out what your options are. But yeah, he shouldn't be screwing over the kids' college funds, or the family retirement, etc. It's not like you're both in your early 20s, and don't have much to lose and there's lots of time to make it up - not the case at all. Kids are close to graduation. 16+ years of savings and investment can't be made whole again in a couple years. He screwed up big time. You need to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your family. Maybe not divorce, but it needs be made right ... or at least so he can't screw over you and the family ever again. And ... cheating? So he's also a liar ... are you sure he actually lost it, or is that a ruse for him to squirrel the money off to somewhere where you'll never see it again? I wouldn't trust him ... financially *or* otherwise. So, yeah, whatever you do, well protect your kids and yourself ... the rest is details.
That's not really your problem per se. Do the kids know what happened? They will be pissed and might go NC with him once they turn 18. You need to work on salvaging your relationship with them.
If he's actually in finance, I think he found a way to get money out of the marriage amd hide it as a loss.
Maybe he's cheating again and is hiding funds before the big split.
Honestly divorce would be an entirely reasonable repsonse to this situation. He's proven repeatedly that he can't be trusted, both with this and the cheating. Without trust, there's no relationship. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the kids cut him off over this as well. Do they know yet?
I think finances aside you really need to think about your future and if you are happy staying married to him, stocks and shares can always go either way, but if you have a solid marriage now and want to be together then you will be able to figure out the finances. This is less about money and more about your relationship x
>I can forgive him for cheating with his coworker
Wait what the fuck???? You just tossed that in there at the end, and it should have been at the top.
Your husband, hopefully soon-to-be ex-husband, is a stain on humanity. He does not give a shit about you or your children, or the life you’ve built together, and he’s a selfish, cheating asshole. As a dad myself struggling to put two young kids through day care, I can’t even imagine pissing away their college funds. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself - and he works in finance!
You seem to want to fall on the sword so to speak to try to keep your family together for the kids, I guess? Don’t. You’ll all be happier if you leave, and some day when your kids understand what a shitstain their dad is, they will respect you more for leaving. If you stay at this point, they will have a lot of questions, and honestly, so will everyone else. I see a lot of stories on this sub, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a more clear justification for a divorce than your story.
Best of luck, sorry this is happening to you and your family.
Every other post on this sub is something like “should I forgive my husband for ?”
Just a quick reminder….We don’t live in 1950 anymore when women had to tolerate any and all abusive nonsense a man decided to throw at them just to survive.
OP, your husband has no respect for your family, you as a person OR your marriage vows. He isn’t a good husband, a good person, OR a good father. He was unfaithful to you and literally chose to throw away your kids’ future financial security for a cartoon. You need to face reality. This guy is just terrible; selfish, impulsive, dishonest, untrustworthy and stupid. The amount of destruction he can cause in your life over the next thirty years is only limited by what you will allow. And by staying in the relationship you have inherently given him permission to continue wreaking havoc for you. Will a divorce be pretty? Absolutely not. Is it survivable and completely justified here? 100%. Get your ducks in a row and end this marriage before it gets even worse.
You're a stay at home mom, and he's the one responsible for the financial of the home and kids it's his f up and he's the one who should explain to the kids that he can't help them with college so they can prepare themselves at least it will work for the youngest one .
If you file soon, the money lost to gambling should be considered dissipation of marital assets - it would come out of his share, not yours, in the financial settlement. That doesn’t make the money come back for your kids’ education but protects you some.
Stop being a stay at home mom for one, get a job and start gaining some independence.
Also…he cheated on you and you stayed with him?? Where’s your self respect? Get rid of him.
Woman.
You're only 42 years old.
In 30 years you will look back on this and be like "why did I stay as long as I did?"
If your main reasons for saying are "it would be terrible financially" and "nowhere to go"...those are not reasons. It's ALREADY terrible financially. You need to separate your finances from this man as soon as you possibly can! He can explain to your children that he gambled away their college money and deal with the relationship fallout that follows, but there are worse things he can do than just lose existing money. He can BORROW non-existing money and put you waaaaay into the minus. If he hasn't already.
Being poor and single and living in a crappy place is genuinely so much better for your soul than having "money" (you probably don't have as much as you think) and being married to someone who is probably treating you as a maid and caregiver, considering he obviously doesn't respect you as an actual partner. I'm not even going to bother talking about the cheating because that's a no brainer. That alone is the reason to leave.
It's hard to start over. It will impact your kids. But you are role modeling for your children what kind of relationships THEY should expect to have in the future. We look to our parents to see what is and isn't acceptable in a marriage. In your marriage, cheating, stealing and lying is acceptable. Is that what you want to model for your children? Or do you want to draw a line in the sand, be honest with your children about why the marriage is no longer viable and work your butt off to have a happy, fulfilling, independent life where you are respected and loved? I know which one I'd want for you if you were my friend.
Edited to add: therapy
Listen I work in the financial sector and have a family too, but I'm not gambling away my children's college funds, or any other money put aside for the family lol. Not a very good excuse. If he wants to invest in different stocks, ETFs, whatever, that's fine - but use money that's allocated specifically for that. Not sure if divorce is a wise decision as you said, but I'd have a hard time staying in the relationship with someone that irresponsible who's already cheated.
My husband was a credit wealth manager who gambled all pur money away, and accrued MASSIVE amounts of debt behind my back. University funds for our son long gone. I was also a SAHM but divorced him so hard and so fast he didnt know what hit him. It was never even a question.
Wait wait he cheated as well?? And you can forgive him??? Now he’s lost the kids college fund on crypto and you are not raging mad??? Good lord….
Yeah. Doesn't make sense. If this isn't some writing exercise she should divorce hubby and take him to the cleaners. Get as much money as she can and stipulate that hubby has to refuel the kids' college funds.
Makes perfect sense when the person has a lack of self confidence, personal insecurities and believe they have zero earning potential.
He can explain to your kids that he gambled with their college fund and lost, and now they'll have to take out loans. In the meantime, you should get a job and start putting money away so that you can divorce and get your own place.
He should explain it but the kids shouldn't have to now take out loans because of it, husband needs to be responsible.
>husband needs to be responsible. Seems fundamentally incompatible with spending $70k on monkey jpegs.
There's being responsible and then there's making money come out of thin air
This is some really privileged commentary I keep reading. Both my sister and I paid for our own college/university. It is a privilege to have your parents pay for your education not a right.
I paid for my own college too. The point is the parents had 70k saved up specifically for their kids college, the dad lost it so my opinion is it should be on him to come up with the 70k.
There’s a good chance the kids won’t be eligible for any financial aid, outside of merit based scholarships, so not having any help from the parents really puts them in a bind. They would have to probably take the entire cost out on loan thanks to Dad’s bad financial habits. Hopefully they can get something merit based or go to community college then transfer to reduce costs.
Yup, my dad made over 100k a year (15 years ago) and I was not eligible for financial aid either based on his salary. What’s your point? Not everything in life is a hand out nor should it be. I had to work full time and save enough to put myself through school part time. Having your parents pay for your education is a privilege.
And learn a skill to enter the workforce.
Wow. I’ve got nothing to say other than I’m so sorry that this person acts so disrespectfully towards you and your family. What a legitimate asshole
This is fiction, right? This guy sounds like a stereotype. Is his name Gordon Gecko? If this is real, there's no forgiving this guy. It's time to leave.
Yeah it’s creative writing. Next time she should just say a ‘Bored Ape’ nft
Yeah this reads to me like fiction or a bot post of some kind? To just throw that last paragraph in is so jarring. Agree that if this is real - run for the hills. Depending where you are you may not be as financially bad off as you think. Many states and countries will require alimony (or their equivalent). And start making plans or steps toward what you would do for work post divorce!
Pretty sure it’s a bot, look at the account.
My fakedar is going off big time on this one.
Plus i dont think any nfts are worth 9k now.
I thought that Gordon Gecko at least *made* money..
Definitely fiction. There's no reason for her to know what the NFT was even of (what, are we supposed to think her husband went, "no, you don't understand, I spent it on *this*, you get it now, right?" and showed her?), nevermind think it's an important point to include in the post. And of course, the idea that her husband *works in finance* but thought that spending his kids college funds on a single NFT was a good "investment." Whole thing is bait from start to finish.
yeah this is probably fake. I think nfts are ridiculous as well but this post is written like someone who hates nfts trying to pretend they’re a person who doesn’t know what they are
The monkey part locked it in as fiction. Come on. And can you even buy NFTs in college accounts?
"I can forgive him for cheating with his coworker since he transferred departments and attended couples therapy, but this has affected the kids' futures so I'm at a loss." I'm confused. Did cheating with a coworker not run the risk of damaging your kid's and their futures? He could have lost his job, given you an STI that could have shortened your life, put your kids through a costly divorce, etc. It sounds like he made a super risky choice to cheat and it was managed in a way where your kids were spared some of the worst possible consequences of that. That doesn't mean he became less risky of a partner. Your husband can't be trusted. One time it was cheating. The next time it was your kid's college money. Next time it'll be your retirement, your home, your health, your future grandkid's well-being, or something else. I see you say a divorce would be expensive. Staying married to him could be even more so long-term. You likely have 20 more years until retirement and maybe even 40+ more years on this planet. Do you really want to spend those years looking over your shoulder to see what he will risk or how he will betray your trust next time? That doesn't mean you need to divorce tomorrow, but if I were you I'd at least consider consulting with a lawyer and considering your exit strategies/options. Especially since you're a stay at home mom. Depending on where you live you may get less alimony if you get a part or full-time job even if it's to help your kid with college than you would if you divorce him and then start working, for instance. Similarly, I'm not convinced you getting child support from him and investing it for your kids is going to cost them more than staying married and letting him continue to manage household funds over the next few years will. Again, talking to a lawyer before you talk to your husband is going to make a lot of sense. Are these both of your kids? The fact that you've only been married 12 years may or may not have a bearing on what a divorce will look like. What you need to do here, is figure out how to help your children. Your oldest is 17. Your second is not far behind. You're going to need to talk to them and help them cope with their feelings about this. You're going to need to look at all your funds, debts, assets, etc. and try to figure out if there are other ways to help them that make sense. Again, you working, him earning more, investing differently, taking out a mortgage on a home that's already paid off, selling belongings, helping your kids apply for scholarships, etc. are all things that are likely on the table to consider. You'll probably need to make plans with your kids about where they will go to school, what kind of school (or even trade), what scholarships they will apply for, what loans they will take out, what parent-plus loans you or he will assume, etc. based on what they now have. The best solution I see is if you can divorce him, co-parent effectively, help your kids through this, and convince him to take out parent-plus loans to help your kids pay for college that are in his name only (aka loans he'll probably spend many years paying off after they graduate). If you do decide to stay married and also want to pay for your kid's college, as hard as it is, you should probably consider returning to work and he should probably pick up a part-time job in addition to his full-time work. Your kids are old enough that you don't need to be a stay at home parent. If you can earn even $50K a year over the next two years and he can add an additional $20K a year, you'll double what was lost by the time your kids go to college. That's assuming he can be trusted not to purchase something equally stupid with that money in that time (hint: he can't). But this kind of thinking: "It's not really my business." needs to stop. You're married to someone you cannot trust and whatever is happening in the family financially needs to be your business. Personally, I'd go for divorce rather than try to stay married to this walking liability. To be fair, I might say differently if he hadn't also cheated. One stupid risk that could cost your family everything is resolvable, a history of them is a pattern that means you should expect even more. Also, I know your title says F42 and F44 but you say husband and use he everywhere else so I'm going to assume that's actually the correct language for him.Let me know if I need to change pronouns or husband.
This has to be fake. He cheated on you and gambled away your children's college funds and you're not sure if you want to stay with him.
Yeah something about the way she casually threw in that he cheated made it read like a fake post, and all the stock details ... just seems off
I know. Wtf. Plus stay at home mom two two kids who are about to go to college? Lol
She's not a stay-at-home Mom since the kids are teenagers and at school all day. She needs to get a job and earn income to leave her POS husband or to at least help towards her kids’ college funds if it's that important to her. There's no reason why she shouldn't be working with her kids being that old. Make sure you kids are getting good grades for them to get scholarships. The worse thing is for them to get loans which everyone gets. It's not the end of the world.
> and gambled away your children's college funds On a picture of a monkey 😆 at least throw it all on red or something
I personally know someone this has happened to. Can’t be too uncommon
And the person you know stayed with them? That's the part that is triggering the "fake" comment, not the gambling and cheating
She would have but he chose the other woman
Please get a job, tell your kids what he sid (all of it) and as soon as you can, get away from him.
This guy cheated and gambled away the kids college funds and you ask what to do? Get rid of this guy! Get to a lawyer.
Take away control of your shared finances right now. Seek the support of a couples counselor to have these conversations if you think your husband isn't going to support you on this. If you don't feel qualified, you two need to agree on hiring and listening to a financial advisor who will suggest reasonable investment strategies, that either one of you can veto and if you can't agree it all just goes into a high-yield savings account. You can't get back what was lost, but you can protect what you still have. You're in control now, whether you or your husband wanted that. Your only other option is to hand your family's future over your husband's gambling habit. And yeah, if he's spending around $10K on NFTs, he's not investing - he's gambling.
This can’t possibly be real
$70k on a digital picture of a monkey... My god
What do you mean you have nowhere to go? Where does anyone go when they break up? As the woman you will likely either stay in the current house or you'll move into a new apartment on your own. Since you don't work he'll owe you alimony. You shouldn't have stayed after he cheated. He sounds like a real loser. Imagine what future terrible things he could do if you stayed married? End this travesty of a marriage. Being alone e is better than being with a guy like that.
You cannot possibly be serious right now. This is fake right?
I am hopeful this a fake story. If not, I'm really sorry because that's shitty.
Basically no matter if you choose to stay or leave him as a couple you will need more money for your children’s college, assuming you don’t want them to take on massive loans. I highly suspect you plan your career entrance. Plus gain a better understanding of your personal finances.
I mean what you should do is prepare your kids for local college options, aggressive scholarship hunting, and planning an education course that will benefit them financially as quickly as possible. For both of them, look at enrollment at CC while in high school if that is a free program and they're ready for it. And you should re-enter the workforce. He is not a solid financial plan for your life. And having a second salary might be able to cover college costs as they come as long as those costs are kept reasonable. Local and state programs especially.
You need to go back to work. Both so you have a way to leave if you need to, and to replace the lost money. There is zero reason for you to be trapped in a marriage because you're a stay at home mom qhen your kids are almost adults.
Get a job and ditch the cheating nft bro. The amount of disrespect here is just wow..
I feel like you're accepting a sub-par relationship just so you don't have to work.. Don't you feel like you deserve better than a man that cheats and basically lost your kids college money? Because cheating is unacceptable. And I bet if you were the one that cheated, he would have walked away without a second thought. Go and apply for a job. Find yourself something small. Leave. Divorce, get spousal support or whatever. Stop accepting less than you deserve. And find someone who doesn't have impulse control issues. He seriously needs to work on that because what he did will severely impact your children. Student debt is a deep hole to get out of.
Quick check says those apes are selling for $30K - which is about $30K more than I think they're worth but whatever - so either he bought a different one or is lying, something cheater's tend to do. The only NFT I bought was of my then-office building on a virtual world. It cost me $2, a little more than I thought it's worth but a splurge. I printed it, put it on my door, and told people I'm now the owner of the building. Should you divorce your husband? Only you know that but he sounds, well, like an ape.
Call a gambling helpline
Finance and trade is a form of gamble. This time he lost big time. Too bad he did it with his money.
So his penis cannot reach across departments?
How can it be "Not really my business" when you two are married. All the investments good or bad are very much your future & the kids future. Do you know the poverty stats for SAHM during retirement years? Time for you to get a JOB, unless you want to live in poverty for the rest of your life. He will blow all the money away on women, gambling & bad investments. Kids need to study harder & figure out the best way to get their college paid for by scholarships or look at trade schools instead. Your husband is an idiot & doesn't care if he leaves all of you homeless.
The monkey will moon soon. Just give it a couple of years :)
Maybe it's time to stop trusting and relying on him and start trusting and depending on yourself. Get a job and get involved in the family finances. Did you really forgive him for cheating? Or did you feel like you *had* to forgive him because you had no other choice?
Yikes. He cheated & blew your kids college funds? I’d say it’s curtains in this marriage. He’s obviously not very good at his job. What does he have to say for himself about this fiasco?
A cheating gambler? Why are you contemplating spending one more minute with him?
That man does not seem to be man-ish
Pick up Job applications so he can get a second job to replace the money and interest it would have earned. You may want to help just to make sure it happens, you certainly shouldn’t have to.
Get a job, save money and divorce him asap.
Make him do whatever it takes to regain 50% of the lost money. But before you give him a 2nd chance, find out if he is really remorseful and changed.
A lying thieving cheater. And he's still in your house? Did you "forgive" him because you have no where to go? Because what he did is unforgivable. He's not worth spitting on.
Start the process of educating yourself about what options are available and what options are viable. Begin by talking to several lawyers. You don't have to act on their advice, but get a good understanding of what the divorce process would look like. Find out your options for alimony and child support and what your share of the assets are. Unknowns can be scary so don't leave it to guess work. Whatever you decision, real legal advice is essential. Talk to the lawyers also about what measures can be taken to ensure you will have money for retirement if you stay with your husband. Look at all the options. This should perhaps include trusts or other provisions for your children. Next, do some research into financial advisors and managers in your area. Make sure they are fiduciary. See which ones might be an alternative to letting your husband continue to mismanage your assets. Then talk to him about it. To be honest, this should be the bare minimum. You should make sure that any decision made about your finances requires two party consent. Get all the information you can, consider all the options and weight the cost and benefits. Then decide what you want to do. It won't be easy, regardless of what you decide. Just don't go into this blind or ignorant of your options.
Are you sure he didn't spend the money on an affair partner?
Please start looking for a job and start getting some security for yourself financially, as things are only going to get worse the longer you stay.
As a couple, I could see past my partner losing money on an investment but not the cheating. One of those things was a choice, the other is just bad luck. About the investment though, OP's husband works in the financial sector and has made an investment believing it will be worth more in the future. Some investments work, some don't - That's how investments work for the most part. Right now, the investment is worth less than he/OP expected it to be worth. What happens if/when the NFT market recovers and the BAYC is worth significantly more in Q2 2025 as expected? I see this as nothing different to speculating on house prices increasing, taking out a massive mortgage and ending up in negative equity for a while. Like millions of people worldwide did pre-2008.
hey if he's all in, he cant back out.. if he sold he'll lose alot. if he wins youre gonna be thinking why you didnt put more. He fked up by doing this, should have discussed with you on what he plans to do and when to takeout. but as a investor mindset, if he fks it up, you gotta put in more money to break even and sell at a profit. its what you do now that matters. I know its stupid but this is the reality. if he is losing out, buy more of the same crypto and make break even then cash out. if hes winning then cash out and fk him up afterwards 😂
Doubt an adult who has an background in finance and a long term history with stocks, would just take his kids college funds and use it to buy a picture of a monkey. If he wanted to gamble he would have used leveraged options, given his "history". Also if you Google nft the first picture is that monkey, you know how nfts worked right? Guess not if you did some research, you would know why what you just said is extremely unlikely to be true.
Your kids are 16 and 17, they don’t need a stay at home mother. Time to speak to a divorce lawyer and figure out your next steps. You need to set yourself up financially and it’s not going to be easy if you haven’t done paid work since you were 25. But, lawyer first. To see where you stand and figure out how to make sure you don’t end up in a worse situation than a husband who clearly doesn’t respect you and kids without college funds.
This is part of the trad wife lifestyle you live. You stay at home he's the breadwinner. You run the risk that if he fucks up, everything is all over. Your kids are 17 and 16, it's tike to get up and get a job. And the guy cheated on you and you stayed with him, from his perspective, he can do litteraly whatever he wants. If you won't leave him for fucking his own coworker, he knows you're not going to leave over anything else really.
So ... maybe a legal ... well, postnup, and separate the hell out of the finances. Was he really that stupid/incompetent/gullible with that much of what should've been for the kids college education? Yeah, I'd seriously talk to divorce lawyer/attorney ... not that you need divorce ... or family law lawyer/attorney, at least. Figure out what your options are. But yeah, he shouldn't be screwing over the kids' college funds, or the family retirement, etc. It's not like you're both in your early 20s, and don't have much to lose and there's lots of time to make it up - not the case at all. Kids are close to graduation. 16+ years of savings and investment can't be made whole again in a couple years. He screwed up big time. You need to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your family. Maybe not divorce, but it needs be made right ... or at least so he can't screw over you and the family ever again. And ... cheating? So he's also a liar ... are you sure he actually lost it, or is that a ruse for him to squirrel the money off to somewhere where you'll never see it again? I wouldn't trust him ... financially *or* otherwise. So, yeah, whatever you do, well protect your kids and yourself ... the rest is details.
That's not really your problem per se. Do the kids know what happened? They will be pissed and might go NC with him once they turn 18. You need to work on salvaging your relationship with them.
If he's actually in finance, I think he found a way to get money out of the marriage amd hide it as a loss. Maybe he's cheating again and is hiding funds before the big split.
Honestly divorce would be an entirely reasonable repsonse to this situation. He's proven repeatedly that he can't be trusted, both with this and the cheating. Without trust, there's no relationship. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the kids cut him off over this as well. Do they know yet?
I think finances aside you really need to think about your future and if you are happy staying married to him, stocks and shares can always go either way, but if you have a solid marriage now and want to be together then you will be able to figure out the finances. This is less about money and more about your relationship x
Fotgive him for cheating. Ew. Wat to fuck up your life
>I can forgive him for cheating with his coworker Wait what the fuck???? You just tossed that in there at the end, and it should have been at the top. Your husband, hopefully soon-to-be ex-husband, is a stain on humanity. He does not give a shit about you or your children, or the life you’ve built together, and he’s a selfish, cheating asshole. As a dad myself struggling to put two young kids through day care, I can’t even imagine pissing away their college funds. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself - and he works in finance! You seem to want to fall on the sword so to speak to try to keep your family together for the kids, I guess? Don’t. You’ll all be happier if you leave, and some day when your kids understand what a shitstain their dad is, they will respect you more for leaving. If you stay at this point, they will have a lot of questions, and honestly, so will everyone else. I see a lot of stories on this sub, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a more clear justification for a divorce than your story. Best of luck, sorry this is happening to you and your family.
Another bad creative writing exercise.
You need to lawyer up this instant. That is not right.
Find a job and divorce you keep forgiving he’s just going to keep doing it
Every other post on this sub is something like “should I forgive my husband for ?”
Just a quick reminder….We don’t live in 1950 anymore when women had to tolerate any and all abusive nonsense a man decided to throw at them just to survive.
OP, your husband has no respect for your family, you as a person OR your marriage vows. He isn’t a good husband, a good person, OR a good father. He was unfaithful to you and literally chose to throw away your kids’ future financial security for a cartoon. You need to face reality. This guy is just terrible; selfish, impulsive, dishonest, untrustworthy and stupid. The amount of destruction he can cause in your life over the next thirty years is only limited by what you will allow. And by staying in the relationship you have inherently given him permission to continue wreaking havoc for you. Will a divorce be pretty? Absolutely not. Is it survivable and completely justified here? 100%. Get your ducks in a row and end this marriage before it gets even worse.
You're a stay at home mom, and he's the one responsible for the financial of the home and kids it's his f up and he's the one who should explain to the kids that he can't help them with college so they can prepare themselves at least it will work for the youngest one .
If you file soon, the money lost to gambling should be considered dissipation of marital assets - it would come out of his share, not yours, in the financial settlement. That doesn’t make the money come back for your kids’ education but protects you some.
Stop being a stay at home mom for one, get a job and start gaining some independence. Also…he cheated on you and you stayed with him?? Where’s your self respect? Get rid of him.
Divorce him and then sue him?
Have your idiot husband take out student loans in his name.
Dear author, 6/10. Excellent premise and story line but ultimately not believable. Main character needs work.
Woman. You're only 42 years old. In 30 years you will look back on this and be like "why did I stay as long as I did?" If your main reasons for saying are "it would be terrible financially" and "nowhere to go"...those are not reasons. It's ALREADY terrible financially. You need to separate your finances from this man as soon as you possibly can! He can explain to your children that he gambled away their college money and deal with the relationship fallout that follows, but there are worse things he can do than just lose existing money. He can BORROW non-existing money and put you waaaaay into the minus. If he hasn't already. Being poor and single and living in a crappy place is genuinely so much better for your soul than having "money" (you probably don't have as much as you think) and being married to someone who is probably treating you as a maid and caregiver, considering he obviously doesn't respect you as an actual partner. I'm not even going to bother talking about the cheating because that's a no brainer. That alone is the reason to leave. It's hard to start over. It will impact your kids. But you are role modeling for your children what kind of relationships THEY should expect to have in the future. We look to our parents to see what is and isn't acceptable in a marriage. In your marriage, cheating, stealing and lying is acceptable. Is that what you want to model for your children? Or do you want to draw a line in the sand, be honest with your children about why the marriage is no longer viable and work your butt off to have a happy, fulfilling, independent life where you are respected and loved? I know which one I'd want for you if you were my friend. Edited to add: therapy
This can't be real, gtfo
Listen I work in the financial sector and have a family too, but I'm not gambling away my children's college funds, or any other money put aside for the family lol. Not a very good excuse. If he wants to invest in different stocks, ETFs, whatever, that's fine - but use money that's allocated specifically for that. Not sure if divorce is a wise decision as you said, but I'd have a hard time staying in the relationship with someone that irresponsible who's already cheated.
My husband was a credit wealth manager who gambled all pur money away, and accrued MASSIVE amounts of debt behind my back. University funds for our son long gone. I was also a SAHM but divorced him so hard and so fast he didnt know what hit him. It was never even a question.
Clearly not real but ok
There’s no way this is real 💀
I think he got it at a good deal. That monkey is gonna go to the moon in 1-5 years 🚀🚀🚀
Ah, good old Poe's law in action.