Me too bro. Just know your fellow ugly homies feel your pain and support you.

Keep pushing homie 🤝

Confidence is key. Be secure in who you are and the way you carry yourself. Once you get the 1st girlfriend you will all of the sudden have many more options as screwed up as that is.

Confidence without success is delusion and women hate that too.

This is a horrible take. By what metric are you measuring "success"? There's a difference between confidence and arrogance, if thats what you're saying. There are so many ways that someone can have confidence in themselves beyond how attractive they think the opposite sex finds them.

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How can I build confidence without external validation? The crux of the matter is that I'm a mostly normal guy yet not a single woman has ever found me desirable. There is something fundamentally "off" about me that it turns women off. I just don't wanna try anymore because it's too distressing.

External validation vs Internal Validation External validation is something you seek in moderation, like alcohol. Does it feel great to be acknowledged and make you feel temporarily confident? Sure, but it is fleeting. You will always need another sip. Internal validation is the nourishment that sustains you and helps you grow. If you do not have a list of values that are important to you, that you live up to and uphold, and that you can feel confident in yourself for than your self image is going to be small and malnourished. Worse, if you have never taught yourself to access internal validation, you are going to forever chase external validation and never get anywhere different. External validation gives you a confidence boost only. It doesn't help you grow into a person with strength of character.

You do have a point about internal validation helping you grow as an individual. It's just difficult for me to have developed that because I feel I don't have any good qualities. No one's ever affirmed that I have these qualities, so telling myself that I do feels like I'm trying to gaslight myself.

If you did not receive positive affirmations from loved ones growing up then internal validation can feel very alien. I would definitely suggest seeing a therapist, if you can afford one, to help you navigate this. In the meantime, I would suggest looking at a long list of values, ones that pertain to character, and pick out 5 that you feel are important to you (ex: honesty, kindness, generosity, loyalty, determination, etc). Then start living by them. Along the way, check in with yourself and ask yourself for examples of how you live by those values and give yourself some validation.

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There's also a chance bro is just venting his frustrations. I'm nothing g but respectful to all others around me I'm not moping or what have you when I talk to a woman. I treat them like i would anyone else. But I can fully agree being comfortable and confident in my own skin does fuck all. I haven't gotten a genuine unprompted compliment in years a hug in even longer. I just gave up, and many others have done the same.

This comment is underrated.

Underrated? Are you kidding me? To me, it sounds like a lecture of how attitude problematic, miserable worm OP is. Basically a whip slams towards his back. You think that he actually needed that kind of sermon from a person who wouldn't have a slightest idea about what he's going through, simply because she was born on the generally more beautiful gender, I assume. Atleast there's isn't a single piece of empathy nor understanding. She basically identifies him into group of ugly incels and goes from there. She doesn't tell of how,she knows because she's been through the same hard times and growth. Nope, just a lecture of how men like him should change themselves completely. Where's the sympathy? I think she just express her toxic masculinity. She assumes all men have it easy, and it isn't even that much harder for those who wouldn't meet ridiculous beauty standards when it comes to men. A Woman would very much get a different kind of comment from her. Empowering, warm and certainity of how beautiful she actually must be. OP is beautiful! I think he needs encouragement of how to find it from him! A Lot of men have just accepted them being 'ugly' eventhough they'd benefit a lot by just pursuing their looks! He could try and _find his jam_, some decent barbershop work, perhaps some exercise program and new/second hand clothes. GOALS of how he wants to look like, what kind of person he wants to be! Inspiring hobbies that are exciting to talk about, as women (I think) like passionate men. Men can be excited about silly things, and yet some ladies find it adorable in a sexy way. He needs encouragement, empathy and some compliments. No loser wants to hear of how losers they are. Women are encouraged to support and empower each other, why can't she do the same to OP?

I really appreciate the perspective here. you are coming from a place of empathy while the other commenter is coming from a place of judgement.

I really appreciate the perspective here. you are coming from a place of empathy while the other commenter is coming from a place of judgement.

Bullshit. Quiet confidence isn't the same as flashy, affected arrogance. Nobody's telling OP to go strutting into the party kissing women's hands like some wannabe Casanova - just to be comfortable in his skin, assertive in what he wants and happy with who he is. If you think that's not universally attractive you're trippin

This is true. My 5’3 brother has a beautiful wife and kids. But he was always adventure man. Snow boarder. Mountain biker. Physically fit. But he is a really small man (physically). But mentally he is a really good guy. Takes care of family (like all of us not just the kid). People see that. And no. He is not rich. Community college business diploma working in a totally unrelated industry.

Stfu pretending to be a 10 don't make you one.

Super agree with this, I’m getting married to my Fiancé next September after 6 years, but I honestly didn’t fancy him at all when I first met him. In fact I only agreed to go on a date with him because I thought he was a fun guy and I’d misread quite a lot of his signals (e.g invited me for dinner on a uni Holliday and I turned up with a group of friends). But the guy is so confident and comfortable being himself, that after spending proper time with him I found him so sexy and then was in love almost immediately. He knows his worth, knows what he is good at and most importantly is excellent company. I think maybe you need to put yourself out there more (easier said than done I know), but fake it until you make it! Don’t wait for people to come to you, ask girls to do things, it doesn’t even have to be as a one on one situation if you’re not comfortable, invite them to something fun that you’re doing at the weekend etc…

This comment is so handsome, I hope men can support each other and talk about this stuff more too.

The worst thing is being alone. Always reach out to someone who feels similar to you because we're all human and we all feel the same shit at the end of the day no matter what💯

I used to think I was ugly cuz I was fat. also cuz I didn't know /care to groom myself and have a sense of style. I started working out 15 years ago and tbh I feel that my self confidence grows as im getting older. I've noticed when I look back at pictures of myself when I was younger and much better looking than I am now. But I feel as if I've gotten more confident and therefore feel as if I look better now than before. And I'm close to 40 years old. Did you feel that you're ugly and you want to look better you have to make an effort. Unfortunately the world is not fair and some people are good looking no matter what beware. But for some of us we have to wear clothing that compliments our bodies. And as for your face you have to figure out what facial hair works for you. Women have makeup to beautify. Men have facial hair.

If you expect to read a heartwarming story on how it will all become better, then dont read further. Im turning 30 this year and i was in your situation. I still am. Not one girl got interested in me. Friends have kids, getting married, move in together etc. And i just accepted that i will die alone. But that doesnt mean you cant have fun and have to be depressed for the rest of the time. Maybe next life will workout for us love wise ;)

Yes for now i just try and love myself even though that is hella hard somedays.

Well, I love you buddy.

I love both of you.

Bro, you got no kids, no wife. Go travel. Get a motorcycle. Get to know yourself, be your own best friend, do what you love. If you’re lucky you’ll meet someone with similar interests. If you don’t, fuck it. You’ve got plenty of life to live and you don’t need another person to do it. I’ve had some of my best memories and experiences when I’m single. Also if you’re so worried about being ugly, a little muscle works wonders. Also work on skin care and wear sunscreen. Maybe try a new hairstyle. Also, ugly chicks need love too. Btw I’ve seen plenty of attractive women with ugly dudes so all hope isn’t lost. EDIT: one thing to add, I was your age when I joined the military. I was at a dead end job working at home depot. Helped me change my life around, get in shape, meet some great friends, get good benefits. Get a good MOS and in one contract you’re ready to get out and get a better civilian job and go to college on benefits. I’m not sure how different Canada military is but you can join the US’s military.

Damn, these US Military psyops are really getting sophisticated

There’s obvious risks and drawbacks but it gives structure, gets you in shape, and forms very close friendships.

The military is far from perfect but it’s a good place to start if you’re in a dead end job and unhappy with your life.

This is the way!

Your worth isn’t defined by a woman’s interest or any person for that matter!

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Nah, ugly people find someone and get married all the time, im one of them. You get whatever you put into dating, if you are out there making no effort to better yourself or to meet people then being lonely is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ask yourself "Would I date me? What do I bring to the table?"

Such a great piece of advice. I judge myself on 3 criteria and it helps guide me. Everyday I ask myself: 1. Would I date me? 2. Would I employ me? 3. Would I be my friend? If my answer is no to any of them, it’s time to figure out why and then work on it.

Can confirm this is actually a great approach

You've nailed it. 'Ugly people' are able to date, but when you have no confidence, don't like yourself, and exude negativity, very few people except other redditors are going to be into that.

This right here! There’s a lid for every pot but sometimes you have to search the cupboard.

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Yeah being bald will make you a hard no to like 80% of women. Being facially unattractive will take out another 19.9%. You could prob still find someone, but it won’t be likely or easy. The “someone is out there for everyone” thing is bullshit. There are millions of people too unattractive to find a partner

Just to counter some of these stories, I know many extremely unattractive people (sorry to them, just facts since this is the topic. I’m sure they are delightful) who are partnered up. Many people I went to high school with and see on Facebook to this day. They are with people who are about the same level of attractiveness as themselves. I think a lot of people who see themselves as ugly are also turned off by ugly people and that… dooms them to perpetual singlehood.

Nah, I think there are millions of people with such negative and terrible attitudes very few people want to be around them in general. I've known some pretty Quasimodo looking dudes and ladies that have no problem getting dates or being married. Usually they have confidence or something awesome that they are bringing to the table for a potential partner.

People keep saying that, but I dont see it happen in real life. I only see somewhat chubby but otherwise average guys with low selfesteem (they believe theyre ugly) in relationships quite often, but never really ugly people. All young ugly people Ive met have been single. Still waiting for the day to see someone who looks like me in a happy relationship. Edit: I lived most of my life in Germany however, where people are notoriously shallow. It might be different in other places.

It's not different. At least in the US

There are millions (billions?) of ugly people out there making ugly babies.

Sounds like you boys need to sign up for my seminar! It’s called “Get Laid Now!” It’s only $69.99 per session, and I will teach you all the secrets of getting laid. Sessions last 20 minutes, which we at GLN always say, is longer than you’re going to last! /s Okay, but for real, if you want the best piece of advice/feedback I’ve ever gotten, truly attracting women is all about treating them like they are a person, not someone you are trying to convince to have sex with you. Talk to them in a way that shows them that you care about their answers and are interested in them. Aka, just be a decent human being. It is a huge turn off if someone thinks you are scheming them, just looking for sex. It also is huge that you carry yourself in a confident manner. Stop telling yourself you’re ugly. Stop comparing yourself to your friends. Shower, shave or clean yourself up, wear clothes that help your shape (not hinder it), and keep your accomplishments and compliments you’ve received in the forefront of your mind. Don’t be afraid to smile. And be friendly. Talk to everyone with the same friendly positive tone, not just women you are interested in. Another key is to not be afraid of rejection — it’s part of life in just about everything you do. Get over it as best you can and just live your life. There are literally billions of women out there, and you’re only looking for one that you’re compatible with. Eventually you’ll meet a nice woman who thinks you are the bee’s knees and your life will change in an instant. But don’t forget, at that point the hard part has just begun! Good luck. Keep your chin up and get out there!

Why does everyone who give this advice assume that we're messy slobs who don't shower or shave? I'm fairly hygienic and well-groomed. Doesn't change how fucking ugly I am.

I think that typically people that feel that they are as ugly as you say you are, don’t see any value in hygiene or grooming. As they think they are doomed no matter what. So I sent very generalized basic advice. I’m sorry for that. I should have at least included a disclaimer, “if you’re not already doing it”. I apologize.

No it's alright, I understand that wasn't your intention.

Can't die alone if you own a dog.

I don’t wanna give you guys false hopes because maybe this only works in the gay community - but I had a boyfriend who was ugly as fuck and I still thought he was hot because he had a really fit body. I can imagine some women could be like me, but I really don’t know. Maybe you can ask women (even here on Reddit) and see if it’s worth the effort to become ripped.

Pretty much exactly this, there is a small portion of the population that could be considered ugly, but most people are just fat and out of shape. And yes some people are just absolutely beautiful, and you will never match them. But for 90% of the population it's about the combination. Average looks and a ripped body will get you plenty of attention. Also women are ....... Eclectic in their tastes, more so than men typically are. You don't need to be a massive body builder, or anything too crazy, be active be fit don't be fat and dating gets way easier.

I'll say it, women date ugly men all the time. There's a whole genre of fanfic and romance that involves falling in love with literal monsters. Women went crazy over the ghoul in fallout. Cillian Murphy looks like a shrunken skinsuit stretched over a model skeleton. He could play the Red Skull with barely any makeup, and has been lusted after by many women. Barry Keoghan. Granted, they're usually in shape and have a ton of charisma, but even *that* isn't a given. Women will definitely date ugly men. Chances are, a lot of these people really have some offputting qualities that go well beyond their looks, and another good chunk of them hold deeply misogynistic views and don't realize it.

This woman knows. I see tons of ugly nerdy ass dads in my neighborhood having kids with decent looking women. Blows my mind . I’m married myself but have been blessed with decent genes. Don’t worry bro just get a good job and be stable and there will be women that want stability. Have you tried going to church ? Plenty of decent to hot women there looking for love.

Bro Cillian Murphy is extremely attractive

Oh absolutely . If a guy has a great body he can’t even really be “ugly” in my book, even if he doesn’t have the most attractive face . A healthy fit body is SO important (for men and women) when it comes to attraction. Whenever I hear men talking like OP I think the solution is pretty easy— get fit like your life depends on it bc not only does getting fit make you look better, but it makes you *feel* better and builds your confidence up as well. It’s a win/win all around.

i would rather be single than have a partner that thinks im ugly to be honest

Then you have an ego that is based far too much on your looks.

How many girls have rejected you in the past 2 months?

I'm sorry you fellas are going through this; it sounds really tough. I hope you find someone soon.

Well i was like you guys too until i met the love of my life at 38 and have never looked back. I hope you do find what you are looking for. Stay true to yourself because priorities change as people get older and being good looking doesnt hold as much value. You might find your stock rising!

Yes just try to find what makes you happy I feel that there is always that!!!

The wording here is a little interesting, "got interested in me" It's not like girlfriends just walk up and say hello I'm into you now. Plenty of unconventionally attractive or average people find love and friends, it's not like " booo it's your fault" it's just a fact of life.

Just find an ugly girl

This right here. I see all these complaints about people not being able to find someone, and I instantly think they are chasing out of their league. I’m not a 10, and I know I won’t get one, so I won’t sit around waiting for one.

Ugly shallow people who are also lazy have it rough.

I have a friend like this, got tired of feeling bad for him and finally told him, he had to pick a struggle. I couldn’t keep up anymore. Told him I could give him fashion advice and a make over, help him with strategies for managing his time, practice talking to girls, go to the gym with him, or help him with his resume and interview skills(yay for my masters in adult education) , but not all 5 at the same time as I had my own stuff to deal with, and was getting tired of hearing it

I’ve realised with some people it isn’t even that they need the help but they enjoy being attended to and given attention so they embellish their helplessness.

This is an underrated reply.

Ugly people dont like other ugly people

Take upvote number 69

I mean just because you’re ugly doesn’t mean you’re capable of being sexually attracted to other ugly ppl. Their dick might just simply not get hard.

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I'm fairly ugly. I know I'm not the prettiest thing to look at, so I'm not gonna go for guys I consider out of my league (and we probably wouldn't have much in common--for example, if he's really into keeping himself fit, and I'm not, then that's a pretty major incompatibility). Mostly just like guys who are kind, aren't misogynistic/racist/homophobic, have good hygiene, can keep their space clean, don't have anger issues, don't drink too much, and have similar interests or at least can respect mine if I respect his, have some form of employment or if disabled, some form of income to support himself (I can take care of me)...I like dad bods, don't mind a bald head (cute), missing teeth are ok as long as he has good dental hygiene currently, so like...I don't think those are high standards. Guys who make sweeping generalizations about women generally wouldn't interest me because we probably don't share similar worldviews. I think what sometimes happens is a guy with incompatible views realizes women aren't interested in him and tries to figure out why--and lands on his looks, his height, his income, any number of things that might be a dealbreaker for some women but certainly not all...but can't figure out that it's the things he believes that are an absolute no-go for the majority of women, even women who would otherwise give him a chance. I've seen men even in this comment section who are listing off things they think are turning women away, but the way they talk about women...it's just obvious they don't really view them as real people or individuals, but rather as some kind of antagonistic monolith.

And get one who is pretty on the inside (and good at giving head) then it's all "done and dusted"

Join the club. I’m built like two Mack trucks collided

So like, a super mack truck.

Now you get it

Sounds lovely.

Remember when all the Power Rangers would unite to become the giant kick ass robot? You just need three more trucks to crash into you.


Hey bro hear me out, how about you just let go of this shit, and just live life? EDIT:Let me add some details so you don't think i'm just an asshole, i used to be in your situation, no hugs, no kisses, no nothing, not even a goddamn compliment, and it felt so bad, despite doing relatively well in other regards.And nowadays i could not give a single fuck about this shit despite the fact that i'm a 26 year old virgin, more than that (even though i do not advise you doing this) i want to remain single for the rest of my life, because this dating stuff, especially in this time and age is not worth investing time into.

"Hey bro, that stuff that makes you sad? Just stop being sad!" Asshole, no. Helpful, also no.

Info: Define your version of ugly? Is it how you present yourself, body issues? Skin? Teeth? Face? Also: where and how are you trying to find dates? And how many friends do you have? What are you doing in your free time (with your friends) Because with some experimenting /consulting someone, most people can find a style of clothing/hair etc in colors that compliment them... If you combine that with good hygiene and general self care, and some social skills, you should be able to find someone that likes you for you. I would recommend not actively looking for a partner though. Especially not online. But you could join activities to meet new people (in general, not specifically a potential partner) In general I would recommend stuff like dance classes... First of all: they usually lack guys and have more women... Second of all, it's a fun and social activity, that will also make you feel more secure and confident in your body, do wonders for your posture, and is also very good exercise. But if that's not so much your thing, find another activity more to your liking. The thing is, if you meet people in general without actively trying to only find someone to date, you make new friends. And eben if they already have a partner, or are guys: they know more people... Among those people might be someone that enjoys your company and wants to have a romantic relationship with you. In the meantime, you have a social life, are active, and hopefully have lots of fun...

Yeah we really are nothing with what he gives us and this feels more like a rant instead of a cry for help. I used to have crooked and yellow teeth, I was a fat bastard weighing 225 at 5’9. Then at 20 I started slowly working out and became a powerlifter for the next 4 years and I also had my teeth fixed and take care of them religiously. So now I was a slightly less fat bastard with a nice set of teeth and a decent set of muscles. Then at 24 I picked up boxing and started running. So now at 29 I’m an athletically built shredded dude that has some nice feats to his name. I also tweaked my hairstyle (I have a 5 head I used to hide but now I simply own it and while my friends make jests about it it doesn’t stop me from talking to women that find me sexually attractive) and made the final tweaks to my clothing style that I will probably carry for the rest of my life as I’m hitting 30 next year and I often get looked at by strangers or get compliments about my style by people I do know. I flirted with a complete stranger today and she initiated it so it works. TLDR; I have the face of a 5 and may be called ugly by some but when I put on everything and go outside I can’t be denied and shoot up 2 whole points on a good day in the female gaze because I started taking care of myself. Do things that make you feel and look good. You’ll become more confident and you’ll start receiving the energy you put out there.

This guy has said everything I thought. There are many things you can do to up your average score. I relate to this guys comment significantly. Instead of being fat, I was skinny. Developing a bit of charisma also helps. There is a skill to it

Confidence, charisma and having something to offer. Being gainfully employed, being willing to adventure, being fun and entertaining to be around. All the things men are looking for in women, why wouldn't they expect the same from themselves?

As a girl, I want to add that I very, very, rarely see men that I think are ugly. Most of the bad (visual) impressions are: unkempt, lifeless, dirty, sleazy, scary, no style, looks like escaped prison, etc. Most faces, even physically deformed ones, are "average" at worst. Of course, I don't speak for all women, but I noticed that most girls around me feel the same.

I came to this conclusion a few years back. Most of the guys with this mentality think it's all about the face and when you tell them to switch up the clothing style you see them panicking because they don't want to be the weird one out and then they stick to the same old athleisure all the other guys wear. How are you as a man going to stand out if you do the same thing other guys who may or may not be more attractive than you are doing? I dress like I'm an Italian and some guys may laugh at it for the aforementioned reason but all the women in my life tell me my fits are really nice and that more men should care about their clothes like I do.

Took the words right out of my mouth. I'm happily engaged as a solid 5 pushed to a 7 or 8 by my body because I started really looking after it and pushing myself to get and stay in shape. I shave my neckline every single day and trim my stubble back to that perfect *Lost* look where you can tell it looks maintained but a little rough. Short back and sides, cropped on top, swept fringe. I'm now 31, and imho look way better than a lot of people my age who were born with the right face but let their bodies go to absolute shit. Sure, I'll never compete with the top 10% of men, but I don't need to. I feel happy in my body and share my life with someone I love to pieces. There's no use dwelling on what can't be changed.

Keep it up king. Don’t let work or life be an excuse to not feel and look good like alot of these guys. I heard the 30s are where it’s at. They could’ve peaked at 20-25 but keep treating yourself right and you’ll peak until you’re a grandpa.

Good answer. Define ugly. Genetically unfortunate. Hygiene and other physical variables that can be changed. Or ugly personality. Need more info to give proper advice.

Alright, I'll tell you why I'm ugly. Unappealing face, a crooked nose, blemished skim, dull brown eyes. Features that don't quite work together. 5'3.5. Slightly underweight. Weird eyes. Need I go on?

Then I would recommend you start by getting a consultation at a dermatologist, and a Stylist. Blemished skin is something that can be treated and improved. Also, go to a GOOD hair stylist. Not a 15 quid cut ... But someone who knows their profession and will give you a cut that fits with your face shape. If you are a bit more adventurous, you might also want to try having your eyebrows shaped/plucked/penciled in. Having the eyebrows even slightly changed can really change how the eyes are perceived. I have very small eyes with monolid for example, but if I shape my eyebrows a bit more arched, remove the stragglers, and have the highest point of the arch in the proper place, it makes my eyes look much more open and bigger. I don't know how much you are hung up on "masculine" stuff, but are you open to learning some makeup skills? Specifically color correction, and contouring. I am not talking about drag queen make up (unless you think it's fun, then rock that glam!) but just evening out your skin color, slightly enhancing your eyes/eyebrows and making your nose seem more straight with some contouring. Also, makeup can be a really fun and creative hobby, and you also meet lots of women there. If you check out make up for cosplay, and larp and stuff, you can get really crazy and do special effects stuff etc... If you are underweight, you should also get checked by a doctor for underlying health conditions, and perhaps talk to a nutritionist about how you could gain a bit of weight? As long as you are in a healthy range, I would not worry about this as much. But try to go for more fitted clothes... If you are skinny and wear stuff that's cut for a bulked dude, you will look even skinnier. Go for clothes that are properly fitted to your body. It will make you look much less underweight than something thats baggy.

This is the way.... great answer.......

I didnt lose my virginity until I was 27 (not our of choice)!. But the woman I did lose it to became my wife and we have now been married for 22 years and could not be happier. There is someone out there for everyone...

I'm sorry you feel that way, I used to feel the same when I was teenager (M37 now). Since my 20s I was able to meet and date for a few years gorgeous women. Not only attractive, but also sweet and intelligent. I still don't believe it. I myself am not that attractive, I was rejected a lot, Tinder works really bad for me because of my looks, I'm very shy so I miss opportunities. In my case the success comes from women around me that we interact frequently, work, studying, etc. Eventually one of those women is attracted to me, which is rare, but when it happens we end up dating. I would suggest just to take it easy, do things that you like, don't try to be "hot" if you don't feel like it matches you that way. Eventually you will find somebody that finds you attractive.

M38 here and I wouldn't dare try to interact with women I'm working with in that manner.. Even if they did find me attractive dating someone in a work setting is just too high of a risk

Yeah it always leads to a really bad, awkward situation. Never again for me, I learned my lesson the hard way in my early 20s. I knew the potential consequences too, but the workspace is an amazing place to meet girls if those consequences didn’t exist. But they definitely do lol. 🤦‍♂️

Yeah, I was always told growing up, "don't shit where you eat", or "don't dip your pen in company ink". At the end of the day I am being paid to be around my coworkers, and while yeah you can be friends and all that, but leave the hormones at home.

F29. I'm good looking, but my f25 coworker is even better looking. She keeps flirting with me, though, and I have learned my lesson of not shitting where I eat. She'll get there soon enough, but it's certainly not gonna be with me even if I have as big a crush on her as she does me lol

> learned my lesson of not shitting where I eat It's a lesson I think more people should learn. Life isn't some episode of The Office, don't date people you work with, and hell I'd go so far to don't flirt with people while they are working. Yes that means the server bringing you food very likely isn't actually into you, they are being kind because they are being paid to do so.

> I really ain’t that much different than this guy you are, though. you are very insecure and compare yourself to others. speaking from my own experience with insecurities you’re probably projecting them all on others, too. your friend ain’t doing that. ask yourself what kind of energy you’re giving off around others and think about if you’d be attracted to a woman who was giving off similar energy

Fuckin right in my experience these dudes will say it’s just about the looks and won’t lie that’s a factor but it’s everything else too. Man, woman, who wants to be with someone that’s insecure or unsure of themselves and complaining all the time. No one wants to be with someone constantly throwing themselves a pity party. And from this post I get the feeling this dude ain’t pleasant to be around in real life. If u ain’t a looker yea that’s tough but if u have the personality of a gremlin don’t be shocked Pikachu face when u end up alone

Looks are honestly the easiest thing to fix. Just be active, get a haircut, and wear clothes that look and feel good. The hardest part is developing a personality that people enjoy being around which can take years if you’re starting from scratch and have no hobbies or interests

Exactly. Not to be egotistical but I've gotten tons of compliments on my looks but never even kissed a girl until 3 years ago, now I'm having tons of success. Just went to therapy and changed the energy I gave off, it feels like I Mandela Effect'd into a new reality.

Have you spent a year becoming the best you? Get jacked and change your diet drastically. Look at some transition videos and see what people look like when they change from not being in shape to getting into really good shape. You can see big changes in the face and everything, and it just takes time and dedication.

* Go to the gym * Wear clothes that fit * Realise that you are enough * Start conversations with random chicks and be okay that 99.9% of those conversations won't go further than "hi". The last two points are the most important.

Getting in shape also gets you out doing other stuff. I'm working on my self since January and have already dropped 40lb. It takes awhile to get fit but the process itself helps with everything for dating.

This needs to be upvoted more. Fitness and diet play such a huge role in your appearance. There’s also surgeries as well. Anyone who says looks don’t matter is just lying or delusional but you have more power over your looks than you might think.

Hm, I doubt theres no girls for you. Its just what interests you dont find you attractive, and what is interested in you, you dont find attractive. Lower standards and have fun

I’m sorry brother, it sounds aweful. Not to be disrespectful but you didn’t give any indication you are even trying to find a date or someone. There is always someone for everybody out there, you may be shooting to high.

I mean, your friend probably has an energy to him that makes people want to get to know him. Charisma/being charming is one of the most attractive qualities an individual can possess. People always say “go to the gym, but a new wardrobe, brush your teeth… etc” but that isn’t going to change anything if you aren’t social/putting yourself out there.

>Charisma/being charming is one of the most attractive qualities an individual can possess. Yeah, really good point. I saw a quote somewhere, "ABC = Always Be Charming" that's awesome. "Flirting with the world" is similar. Not in the sense that you're going around hitting on people, but that you've got a positive vibe and you're trying to improve people's day when you interact with them. Smiling, eye contact, complements; all that good stuff. I feel that way when I'm "on" and it just feels good. I sort of bounce a bit, saunter, and the key word is "jaunty". Dunno if I'm explaining it well.

I am not attractive or photogenic or anything. I married the woman of my dreams. I was able to do so because I put myself out there, was vulnerable, allowed myself to get hurt a few times, and learned the whole time.

I'm a decently attractive guy and I used to pull women all the time no problem but ever since I started having a redditor mindset I have pulled less. It's not about attractiveness it's about how you feel about yourself and the situation.

kinda feel that. reddit is an interesting place. for as many cool things as you can find on here, the reddit culture as a whole is a hypersensitive place and i too too feel like it’s impacted my social skills negatively

What's a redditor mindset and where do you get a different one?

Cope lol you know beautiful people have it eaiser

Easier yes, but it literally only helps for the initial interaction. Personally, charisma, charm, those are what _actually_ get women... Edit: checked your post history, you really need to stop doing dumbass shit like mewing and thinking it's actually going to do anything to fix the fact it's almost certainly a personality problem

Cope? Don't make me slap you boy. Beautiful people have it easier but it's not like ugly people can't get a girl. Look at your dad.

My dad isn’t ugly. Also, I’m not saying it’s impossible to get a girlfriend if you’re ugly, but it’s a lot harder. Attractiveness is very important when you’re beginning to know them

Attractiveness = natural beauty * physical fitness * stylishness * charisma * generally being an interesting person. Most of those are controllable.

I mean yea but some people are just ugly and will face prejudice

You aren't ugly, you just don't find yourself attractive. I too am ugly. Yet I'm married. She's the only person I've been with and that has showed genuine interest in me. If I can find someone, you can to. Do what interests you and put yourself out there a bit. The rest will fall into place.

Tupac taught me long ago "Ya got to keep your head up". Hope the rest of us find love and happiness u included friend!

I get you bro. Sometimes that’s life and there’s no answer for it. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad dude…. in-fact i’ve met many amazing single men who just haven’t found something right for them. It’s all luck in some sense but if you keep striving to be the best version of yourself you may fall into a position where the luck goes your way :) Just stay strong regardless bro ❤️

Its not just you ugly guys that have this problem. Some of us incredibly handsome guys are in similar situations!!

So I’d say find your own space away from your friend that you can thrive. Make friends with women with no intentions in those spaces. Build your confidence. Women tend to go for guys that other women feel safe around. Those friends may also set you up if you are the type that might fit a friend they have or they may even become your partner. Right now, they are probably feeling your desperation. Just find your element and go for you and nothing else.

You're the type of person to say don't put women on a monolith,. then treat them like they have supers that can feel "desperation". No they can't. That's what called being overly judgmental.

“You should never compare your life with someone else’s ruler”. And also, often times we think we need to chase what we want, but what we need to do is attract. Learn to love yourself and cultivate a healthy environment around yourself and people feel that shift in energy.

My husband was 28 and a virgin when we met. I'm glad that other women were too silly to see how amazing he is. Otherwise I would never have got him!

You can't be that ugly if you're friends with a really hot guy. Do you work out? Start working out. It will make you a lot more attractive. The ugliest guy can look decent if he's fit and muscular. Also, you don't need to be dating lot's of girls and having lot's of sex. You need to find that one person to fall in love with and spend your life with. You're not gonna care about how many girls you fucked or are fucking when you're 50.

Was ugly my whole life, really came into myself in my early 20s. (about 23) and now everyone around me is aging like milk and I still look like I'm 25 (32M). I did get married, and I did have fun in my 20s. I now get hit on in public when im out with my wife, and its incredibly disrespectful to my wife. I empathize with how you feel, I didn't have my first girlfriend till 19 and then I didn't follow up on anything until my early 20s. I started by working out, I got REALLLLLLY ripped in my early 20s and have maintained it into adulthood. This alone will give you more confidence in most aspects in your life. A great body is something no one can take away from you, and its something you, as a man, had to work very hard for. Thats why women appreciate it so much. Lets keep that chin up and start working on yourself. The best way to get over your problems is to get under a 300lb squat. Much love my brother, its a very very lonely life for men. I am still lonely, constantly - this part of your life does not get better in most circumstances.

300lb squat!?!? No way in hell I'm going through all that shit just to bag a girl.

But would you date 'ugly' girls yourself? The reason I ask is that I know some men who complain a lot about being single - but they only want super hot girls when their own looks are nothing to write home about. It usually goes two ways with these men: some finally settle with plain looking girls and some just stay single.

I’d argue this is the majority that are complaining.

Yeah this is the majority of single people not just men that complain about not being able to find someone. It's best to purge yourself of envy and be happy for other people's successes in life. Is his friend that has all these partners happy? Is this what he wants? A lot of people that have a lot of partners just want one good one. But yeah, like people who are not that attractive often go for people more attractive than them because they are looking for someone to validate their own insecurities. Once you have been in a serious relationship for a long while none of that matters. No one is going to make anyone "whole".

Maybe you can look in places where other people are not looking, or tryin' a different approach, at the end love is not about looks but connection. At the beggining always implies some looks of course, but it's the way you are who makes people fall in love with you, but you have to find the beauty in yourself.

I agree bro i never thought it would be so hard to find a real connection… i think that’s the love that i crave badly and i know it’s not easy for anybody to find even if you’re good looking.

If you’re not super hot you gotta work harder to get your foot in the door in order to show off personality. Sounds stupid but practice your smile, women are much more responsive if you have a genuine smile and are approachable. Practice being funny, this one is self explanatory. Good luck and hang in there.

Honestly, get fit, dress well, get a decent haircut. Be honest with yourself when the last time you ever took initiative with speaking to women was? Find some hobbies where you can interact with the kind of women you would want to date. I would check out coach Corey Wayne on YouTube, he’s got great dating advice

Do you work out? Do you make an effort to meet and talk to girls? Do you maintain a nice haircut? Do you groom yourself well? Do you dress well?

Unfortunately attractive ppl do get treated better But thats not all there is to life...when ur ugly ppl are real w you, nobodys faking. So u see the real side of ppl

A blessing & a curse. What a double edged sword

He probably puts more time snd effort in it than you might think.

>I really can’t stomach the fact that i will never feel loved the way some people do You can. Being loved is not a matter of physical looks. Looking good makes it easier to find romantic partners, but it can also lead you down a road of superficial dissapointments. Heck, looking good makes everything easier in life...i am not trying to denie that. But i can tell you that i love my wife to death and wouldn't trade her for anyone. She isn't the best looking person in the world though. People that claim that their spouse is the most beautiful looking person to them are just lying. You do not need to be best looking to be a best fit for someone.

Same but I’m 22. I’ve pretty much just given up.

Too soon, too soon to give up! 30 is the line

This

I wouldn’t account having multiple girlfriends as a positive. We all strive to find the one person we are able to love and cherish. If he isn’t finding the one, it’s really nothing to be envious of. Initial attraction is a little important but at the end of the day, once you love someone emotionally, you’re going to think they’re beautiful no matter what. Keep your head up man and you’ll find someone! You can’t rush love 🤙🏾

Beautiful words and sentiment 😊

As someone who has had very attractive friends - I get it, I really do. But you really need to avoid comparing yourself to him. And if you insist on comparisons, why only “up” and not “down”? There are people, children even, suffering from bone cancer, dating is the least of their problems. Why don’t you compare yourself to *them.*? All you can do is focus on yourself and work on yourself to the utmost. Of course there are genetic limits. If you’re not 6’3 you can’t become 6’3. But most people are not “super hot” and do OK in life, and so perhaps you need to reconfigure your outlook.

Nice, hit the guy with the "at least you're not a child with bone cancer". Checkmate everyone else with any problems ever.

Yeah this stupid lol ofcourse you’re not suffering more than freakin’ Kid Chemo or some shit but that doesn’t invalidate your problems.

[удалено]

Do you go to the gym? Some guys say your body doesn't matter but from my experiences it absolutely does.

Wouldn’t consider my self ugly but it ain’t any better broski :/

I would suggest you focus on your friendships and the positive relationships in your life. While spending time with them, see how you feel - do you feel like your brain/emotions are contracting or expanding? If expanding, spend more time with that person. If continuously contracting, maybe that person isn't for you and makes you feel bad about yourself.  Figure out what activities you enjoy doing, then sign up for a drop in group event and invite your friends. If they're not up for it, go alone and try to be cheerful.  These two things will help your confidence a lot and will get you out of your shell and this negative headspace. Basically make yourself busy with fun so you don't have time to mope around and will attract other fun people. It's not all about looks and personality, energy matters too

You get used to it eventually.. It never gets good though m. I'm 38 nothings changed

Join a gym homie. See you there 🤝🏼

Jerk it till you make it. Also, don't give up so easy. There are plenty of subjectively "ugly" ladies out there looking for someone as well. There are also plenty of people who aren't so bad looking who think they are bad looking. Aim for the low hanging fruit.

I know exactly how you feel and I’ve pretty much given up. I’m 33, 5’1, went bald at 17, have a fucked head shape and bad skin. I’m objectively one of the ugliest people you’ll ever see. Never managed to get a single date despite asking so many girls out. I channelled all my jealousy and pain and hurt at the gym, did absolutely fuck all. My only options now are do a bunch of expensive cosmetic surgeries such as a hair transplant / leg lengthening surgery or just suicide. I’ve just had enough of being worthless.

Well at least you’re packing buddy (probably)

Is that really what's going or what you tell yourself is going on? Funny how it's something beyond your control right? Or maybe it isn't. Maybe people won't come over and take you by the hand to take you out and be social if you're not putting yourself out there.

Chicks love ugly guys! Wait are you rich? That could be a problem….

How are you deciding that you’re ugly man? How you dress, how you carry yourself, and the amount of confidence you have plays a huge part into how attractive you are to women. I’m fairly average but when I don’t take care of myself I get zero attention as well. I’m married and 30 now but when I clean myself up, shape the beard, dress nice, smell nice, and look confident I get some head turns and smiles as well. It’s about your overall gravitas. You don’t feel attractive and that bleeds into the rest of it brother. I’ve seen some conventionally REALLY ugly dudes with some of the hottest ladies to ever come across my eyesight. Trust me you got potential you just have to pretend you see it too at first

Work out, buy good fragrances, have a cool haircut and clothes, shower every day

None of that is going to help with the elephant in the room. The “super hot” friend.  OP is comparing his life as a peasant to that of a Duke. He needs to get some confidence and yes those things can help but they aren’t going to help cure him of the insecurities he has.   He just needs to go out there and hit on a bunch of women, or get on apps and hit on a bunch of women there. Once he gets a few nibbles it will boost his confidence. Also if OP is constantly around the hot friend then girls will always only see his friend and not him. 

"Insecurity" is caused by being ugly. Being confident won't change being ugly. Therefore no matter how you behave or think inside your mind, the \*physical\* outcome in the real world won't change.

It only gets worse. The worst part is once someone is willing to be with you their past will disgust you. It's inevitable. You'll ask yourself, "this person was with endless terrible people that they complain about, but I never could even a get a date?"

This isn't spoken about enough, but it's true.

This seems oddly specific. Do you only date girls with terrible pasts?

But you’re a man from what i gather. Your worth to society’s standards isn’t really defined by your physical attractiveness the way (unfortunately) women’s is. Take advantage of that. Most women don’t necessarily want a hot guy, it’s the cherry on top of the cake and a luxury some of us can afford, but all we want is love, security, laughter. Exploit your other qualities. Work on your career, on your financial stability, on your emotional intelligence, on your sense of humor. Make yourself interesting and full of hobbies, Surround yourself with a nice social scene and be nice to be around. Be funny and loving and secure and i’m sure someone will come around and appreciate you and see you for your worth. You have so much to offer besides your physical self. This is coming from a woman who has dated a fair share of hot guys and not so attractive guys. At the end their appearance didn’t make a difference, and didn’t really affect us coming together or falling apart. What I value and remember about them is how they treated them and how we connected emotionally, if we had fun, their living situation and the future they could offer me, if they were emotionally available, etc.

Work on yourself. Exercise. Join groups for your hobbies. Things will happen, trust.

I completely get this. At age 29, I was a virgin. Never had a girlfriend. As soon as I turned 30, I met my now wife. We’ve been together 6 years now, with a 4 year old son. It’ll happen for you too.

As a woman, I can relate lol.

Guys think it only happens to them. Nope. We are just better at accepting our cat lady status!! I have a stroller for my lizard, and several carriers.. men come and go.. but lizards are FOREVERemote:free\_emotes\_pack:joy

Yeah same except men don't come and go for me lol, they never came in the first place. I'm just better on my own, there's no choice but to accept it. It's not like I can live a fairytale anyways lol

I haven't had much luck either, but from what I heard... Nursing homes are over run with STDs.. so we always have that to look forward too! Just kidding!! I keep thinking eventually I will feel like I'm an adult enough.. 34 and still feel like I'm a child.

Get to the gym. There are few things you have control over in life, your fitness is one of them. It will do wonders for your self confidence.

Ok, so here is the deal. This is coming from a guy who has had alot of success without ever having washboard abs or something. My advice: 1. First off, get your head right. You have to forget everything that has happened up til now. Have the memory of a goldfish, because nothing matters but today. No one cares about your failures and baggage and neither should you. Be positive. Negativity, defeatism, sad sack, boo hoo, all that? Women can smell it a mile away. Drop that shit and never even say it again. You need to present yourself with confidence. Your life is fucking awesome, it's a party they would be lucky to be invited to. Your a fucking Beretta, your super cool. Fake it til you make it. Confidence and cockiness without meanness, cruelty, or anger. Sooner or later you WILL get a 9.5 sitting across the table from you and act like this has happened a million times before, another day in the life of you. Instead of focusing on looking like brad pitt in oceans 11, focus on acting like Clooney in oceans 11. 2. Ok, now that you have the mindset, manifest it. Your gonna have to spend money. Get the best haircut you can. Upgrade your wardrobe. Be stylish. But don't imitate everyone else. If you look like everyone else, you will BE like everyone else. So many guys are video game playing dipshits, maybe go against the grain, shoot for classy. Get in the best shape you can. Doesn't have to be momoa in aquaman, just be the best YOU that you can be. Pay attention to classic fashion. Get your look and esthetic on point. 3. Ok, now your ready. This next part is the hardest. You have to try without trying. Remember, YOU are the catch. Catches don't chase, they GET chased. In the immortal words of princess Leia, the more you tighten your grip, the more systems will slip through your fingers. Be available. The best lesson I learned in college is this: nothing good happens sitting on the couch at home. Get out there and be available to the world. Be forward and confident but not pushy. Shoot your shot. Your gonna get turned down sometimes and that's OK. Means nothing. Memory of a goldfish. Do cool shit. Travel. Understand, your competition is trash. Guys don't do cool dates anymore, so anyone who does is ahead of the game. Make your life something that someone else would be dying to join. Put out confident, flirty, fun vibes and it'll manifest. Maybe not right away but it'll work. 4. Eventually when this works, you might actually get to see a grown woman naked. Take deep breaths. Relax. Don't act like a fn weirdo or you'll fumble the ball at the 1 yard line. Like stilgar said in dune, be direct. Nothing fancy. There will be plenty of time for fancy later. Clear your mind and just focus on the task at hand. Good luck my friend. This will work. Just stop all that sad sack "congrats to everyone who will kiss a girl someday " bullshit and re invent yourself. Your 25, there's plenty of time. The new you starts today.

Written exactly like the chad he described. This kind of pickup artist advice is unhelpful and idiotic. He's better off exercising, taking care of his finances, developing hobbies and growing his network. He may find someone, he may not but at a minimum his life will be well put together this way.

Isnt.....that what I said?

That is what you said. I hate toxic pickup artist shit and your comment didn't mention any of it. No manipulation here just honest self-improvement advice without any of the gross manipulation.

got a question did you even ask a girl on a date or something? or you just expect she will come to you?

You are not responding to any comments about getting fit. So we are to presume you are probably overweight. Hit the gym, man. And hit it hard. Everyone thinks guys do this to work on their vanity muscles, but it's way deeper than that. Getting ripped and lean makes you more confident, and girls will flock to that more than anything. 6 months, in only 6 months you can turn your love life around. Stop making excuses, and start lifting 3-5 times a week, 1 hour a day. Hit 2 different muscle groups each day, commit to it, and you will get laid. I promise.

Awwww i wanna give you a hugg

Didn't you read? Dude already got that far. We at least need to give him second base.

Is second base boob? I can totally offer boob.

Well if you're just out here offering... 🤣

HEY, this is for him! He needs it!!! You only get the booby therapy if you need the booby therapy! 🤣

I need it 😅

Hell I need it I'm in the same boat as him 33 here

rules 1 and 2 brody

Are you doing anything to up yourself up? How do you dress? Are you groomed (hair and beard on point)? Going to the gym? Do you fight? Do you play an instrument or have any other creative hobby? There are lot of things that are in your control and can make you in demand and attractive. Man up, you got it!

sure. personality doesn’t matter. suure. keep telling yourself that