It depends on a person and his psychological needs. One person might be truly happy and fulfilled while being single, someone else might be in absolute mental torture hell while single even if every other aspect in his/her life is exceptionally great.
I feel called out. The latter, not the former. Mainly cause I’m lonely, but to deal with that, it’s just been a constant stream of self-improvement and upskilling in work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Change is always terrifying, you need time. If you will feel like you need a relationship after a while, you will be naturally motivated to do so. Try to lean on non-romantic relationships right now
No, the misery comes from the lack of experience for the most part and the social stigma
Can also be lack of friends, and for a few, being single may be hard
I think a lot of what makes it so bad for some of us, is that we just never experienced what it is like to be in a relationship. we see people getting to share their life experience and being loved by someone else and we think man that looks good compared to what my life has been like.
If I eventually got together and broke up and got the box ticked then I think I'd be ok with single. I'd probably never try again. But because it's the default state, the curse of the greener grass seems stronger from here. Harder to start a relationship than stop it generally.
It's not bad once the comparison gets taken from it. Which is next to impossible to forget anyhoo
Trust me, this is how i also felt when i lacked experience
People have to realize that it isnt just about the good times, one of the most important things imo when it comes to experiencing love is also to experience the heartbreak it can give you, its not sunshines and rainbows
Yes ive been in a relationship, ive lost my virginity, but was i happier before it? Yes, because i had to deal with a lot of heartbreak cause of my experience, it hurts, it overwhelms any bucket lists and makes you fear it, especially if you're someone who has been in multiple toxic ones
This is going to vary between each person.
I’ve seen people who can’t go without relationships and are miserable alone and I’ve also seen the exact opposite.
Just depends on who and what your goals are.
I like the peace that it brings. And I don't have to deal with toxicity and can work on myself. Free to do what to I want when I want. I don't have to worry about another person. I can work focus on my hobbies pack out and go travel.
But it also brings significant loneliness. I would love a partner to share my day with. To try new recipes for. To do little things together. Intimacy of any sort. And dating is just so laborious and soul crushing that being single almost feels better.
Being single by choice can be lovely. But when you spend years looking for someone only to fail over and over and over and over and over and over and over again it can definitely get a little miserable
Chemically the brain is likely not producing as much oxytocin, which is a chemical that sends happy and bonding signals, due to the lack of intimate touch as an activator. So less of a happy chemical might = a less happy life. But it’s nuanced because one can get albeit less oxytocin from other sources like petting our pets. And relationships can create their own drama and stress in life
If someone sees getting married and having kids as their life goal, then they are going to feel upset if they are not achieving it. They may cope by changing their goal to lessen the disappointment. But as someone who never had that goal (very skeptical on getting married, no goal of kids, but willing and having non-marriage relationships occasionally), it personally doesn’t bother me at all being single when I am
There's a difference between choosing to be single and being single without a choice. An interesting podcast talked about 2 people running ok recently treadmill, same everything, but one wanted to and chose to and the other was forced against their will. The one who was forced was miserable, same for being single, boils down to a person's autonomy and choice in the decision.
Yes, it absolutely can be. Especially if you're the person who has always wanted a relationship but never had one, it really hurts to watch everyone else around you get the one thing you want in life.
You can see it for yourself. Go to any sub where people do any kind of movement. Any time someone falls over, every comment will be how that could be fatal, and I'm not talking about the jokes like shoes off = dead. Like full on chronically online people who never touched grass or played any sport ever
Don’t get to comfortable the honeymoon phase can go up to two years, take her seriously and don’t criticize something about her that’s not likely to change
There are two different types of single, perpetually single, and transitory singleness. Basically being single for very long periods of time not out of personal choice is fairly soul crushing whereas singleness as a gap between two relationships is fairly normal and can be a positive. I hope this helps
tbh i might like being single a little too much because every person that ends up liking me i just can’t find myself sacrificing anything to be in a relationship with them. i’m constantly busy and the free time i do have i prefer spending with my close friends or by myself to wind down. i genuinley enjoy relaxing and doing things that make me extremely comfortable and unfortunately going on dates and always changing my schedule around for another person is something i’m too selfish to do unless they’re somehow perfect
No, it's not. Reddit is just an echo chamber that a lot of socially awkward people / incels hang out in. People who are having an enjoyable time being single/dating generally aren't going to be posting about it.
I wouldn’t say so.
A lot of people need to learn to be by themselves. It’s an important trait to have.
I’m enjoying life the last 4 years as a single person.
Nope. Single life is wonderful and serves a purpose. It is the time to check in with yourself and be selfish and pursue anything you want.
When in a relationship, you might be confined to those boundaries. There are many stages in life and it is critical to appreciate each stage as it teaches you about yourself and the world.
Single life is perfect for taking risks, switching directory, trying new stuff, new friends, dating for fun, going all in on hobbies, getting financially better, traveling etc.
Random traveling, meeting your friends whenever you want, not having to check in or tell anybody what you’re doing, not having to shave or worry about what underwear I have on, full control of my time with no guilt, saving money, moving, switching jobs, starting a business that will take most of my time, getting a pet, going DND for a week straight etc, starting a 5am gym routine, staying up til 2am painting, watching all my weird little shows other people don’t really like, playing games for hourssssss, leaving dishes in the sink with no one to nag, taking a ridiculously hot shower and not caring that the hot water is done…
Being very selfish with my desires in general with no care for another persons feelings cause there isn’t one.
When I have a partner I like to be more consistent and available to them, so I move things around in my life to allow that space to be together in love.
The only problem is for socially awkward and anxious people all of those things you say to do while single aren’t really options. Dating for fun would have been great but it’s never been an option for example. It never mattered what I did or what aspects of myself I worked on. It just wasn’t in the cards. The couple of times I got a chance to date gave me access to so many experiences I otherwise could not have done. When you’re a single male people just don’t want you around as much and they won’t invite you to certain types of events or trips. You just get left behind in life.
Social anxiety is super difficult!
I don’t have much of a problem making friends now that I’m older but during times like that I resorted to gaming and online communities to feel a sense of friendship and belonging.
I speak to my parents frequently and I try to make friends with people when I go out anywhere.
But truthfully I have had to learn to be alone and to do little things for myself that I like… I go to restaurants alone, gym alone, movie theaters etc… doing this is the best thing. Sometimes people strike a conversation even at a coffee shop and you take it from there.
Currently I’m single and had a very difficult past relationship so I feel the loneliness and change of pace even more.
So ultimately… it is up to us to seek out what we like and pursue that for ourselves and hope we meet like minded people on the way.
Don’t just give up to your circumstances. You control your life.
Yeah, I had a very difficult recent relationship too. I honestly don’t even want to date again. But I feel like even if I did want to, I wouldn’t be able to. That’s the reason I stayed in the relationship so long even though she treated me horribly, I didn’t want to be alone again.
Life is hard and love is complex. It’s been a month for me too and I don’t feel willing to even bother another human.
For me it’s better being alone than with the wrong person….
It definitely is better in the long run. For me it was like a distraction to deal with all of her bullshit. It allowed me to forget about my own problems. Can’t really be depressed when someone randomly comes home drunk ready to fight you. And I tried to do what I could to help her deal with her ptsd but things like that can’t be fixed from the outside.
The scary part is dealing with my own issues now but hopefully that’s something I can actually make real progress with
That’s great. I feel like I neglected myself being with my ex as well and was too available. I didn’t regret it… I had my best intentions I guess. I also try and see my close 2-3 friends often.
But alas this is what I meant by why it’s good. We deserve the time for ourselves to do the stuff we haven’t been able to do or overcome. Our own problems.
Yeah, I needed to hear all of that. Thanks. I like your positivity. My 2 friends are great but they both have kids now so I barely see them. I need to do something to meet people
yea it’s tough. I used to judge people that seemed to be enmeshed more than in love with their partner, but much more of life has hit me since then and I just get it. Hiding from being alone together might even be valid in it’s own way if people got along easier
It’s a very subjective experience.
I prefer single life for now because I don’t want to expend the energy into having a romantic relationship. I have a career, kids, and plenty of friends, interests, and hobbies that bring me fulfillment and purpose.
Romantic relationships have been a struggle for me because I am extremely independently natured and it’s hard to find a partner who can appreciate that ever-present quality in me. I often feel smothered or overwhelmed in relationships because of it.
Single life means all the freedoms I could ever imagine wanting, and none of the burdens of relationships. If and when I’m ready, or even wanting that, remains to be seen. I’m open to the idea, but for the past year it’s brought me great relief and comfort.
I’ve come full circle with this. Used to be the same.
My sadness around it is deep enough that I can get lifted if I at least see someone else tasting happiness, especially someone I love like a friend
I think this tends to come back to the whole single by choice or forced to be single argument.
If you are forced to be single because you can't find anyone or are constantly rejected, then yes, being single is going g to get very old especially when confronted with others who have found relationships that work. If you are *truly* single by choice (not coping with forced singledom by saying you chose it), then it ought not to affect you because you know that you could find a relationship but simply don't want one.
I’m single and the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s been a very long road to get here (years and years of mental health issues + on/off therapy until I finally found a therapist I click with). Sure life gets boring and lonely sometimes so that’s why I’ve been filling my schedule with fun events, friends, family, meeting new people, going on dates here and there, and working on myself. Hopefully I’ll get lucky and find someone special but I’m in no rush. For now I’m trying to enjoy being single. One day I’ll look back at this time and miss it!
I think it's about knowing that you can get in a relationship if you want to and that someone out there would want to be with you. It's not about being single. Most people including me who have been single for life and in their 20s start doubting that they are not lovable and no one would be attracted to them and that's what's making them sad not the fact that they are single. If someone showed interest in them they would feel better even tho they might still reject them if they're not attracted to them or any other reason but that would be enough to take them out of their misery. They don't need a relationship as much as they need to feel wanted in a special way.
I got divorced six months ago, and I thinks it’s great being single. I have no interest in dating currently, focusing instead on my hobbies and chillin.
I used to be someone who thought that being in a relationship was the end all be all of life, but I’ve realized that happiness comes from yourself, and no one else is going to make you happy. In fact, most of my happiness was sapped away over the course of the last ten years. lol.
Keep it real.
there is absolutely no way someone can prefer being single without being mentally ill, it goes against the human social nature to be single. humans are literally wired to seek relationships.
most comments here are coping with their loneliness. or maybe they need special help.
It is important for us to cope with our loneliness though.
How did we let it get this far. Some of us lonely millennials played games in the street at night with the whole neighbourhood’s worth of kids,
how did we grow up into the most isolated bunch of individualists ever to live
Bruh wtf are you talking about, this is wildly ignorant.
It’s absolutely possible to go through life and have meaningful relationships with platonic friends and family and be blissfully happy.
There have literally always been humans who have chosen to remain single. Nuns. Monks. ???
Tbh I’ve come to love the single life just because I’m free to do & be whatever I want.
Especially after a couple toxic relationships. You realize how much peace you have just being alone & that bringing somebody into your life can affect your lifestyle, mental health, habits & relationships in a major way! So now I’m VERY aware about who I give access to me and my life.
I call it healthy boundaries!✨
Single life is only miserable if you don't have family, friends, or hobbies to fill time in with. I do not understand how people go through breakups and try to immediately attach themselves to someone else. Go have fun and run your own schedule!
I do feel for the people that have never had a partner before, though.
I am honestly equally as happy single as I was with my ex. I don't feel the need to share my life romantically with someone else, so my happiness doesn't depend on it
As someone who never wanted kids of marriage and is single by choice: it is amazing. I never wanted anything different for my life, I succeeded and I’m so happy.
Other people are not the same but none of us are the same—you gotta do you!
Eh for me it varies. Some days I love being on my own and doing whatever I want to. Others I get a little lonely and would enjoy some company. My issue is that I have commitment issues and would get hit with a ton of anxiety whenever I start seeing someone so I just have been doing hookups with no attachment and that satisfies my loneliness for a bit.
For a man, yes (maybe :p)
I can't say I have experience in both sides. I've been single all my life and I don't consider my life miserable. But I've never seen a happy couple I envy and made me say "I would love to be in a relationship"
Not a single couple I see is healthy, not with family, coworkers, friends (that married each other) none.
Same with having kids. Is just not worth it
Single life is as miserable as you allow it to be, as is life in a relationship. The problem isn't that most people don't have a partner, it's that most people are unhappy in their own company with no distractions.
If you like the person you are and the life you live, being single can be incredibly fulfilling. Life is what you make it.
It just depends on what part you focus on.
It absolutely can be miserable.
Just like being on a yacht can be miserable to the wrong person.
So while being single isn't preferable, it's most likely a case of suffering more in imagination than reality.
Depends on the reason someone is single. Some are well adjusted, while others want a relationship for one reason or the other but are held back by a multitude of factors.
Ups n downs is the name of the game. It’s Tuesday night meaning I can go out and do whatever I want tonight. Might go to the golf range after work and then hit a bar for a burger and a beer.
Friday I’ll be going to a church event where I’ll be the only single person there and grandma’s will introduce me to their 20-24 year old grand daughters. I’m 33 I just look a bit younger. I’m already not ready for Friday.
So ya. Ups and downs. :)
A lot of people are saying it depends on the person and that being single is genuine torture for some. But I really want to point out that the saying "if you're not happy alone, you won't be truly happy in a relationship" is so very true. Being single is great to work on yourself and achieve your goals. You should be able to do that in a healthy relationship too, but there is definitely more space to do your own thing alone. People who jump immediately into relationship after relationship, or people who are depressed while single (assuming being single is the only negative factor) might unconsciously be using their partner as a means to escape, ignore, or even have someone else carry the burden of their problems. So I think the difference is there are some ppl who do the work to heal and maximize their life while single and others who don't. And I want to make it clear that being happy with your life and a lil lonely or curious about what a healthy relationship would be like is VERY different from the phenomenon I'm describing. So be careful.
No it' not not for me at least.
I was single through my whole 20s.
There were times I really longed for a romantic realtionship. Most of the times though I was enjoying the realtionships with my friends.
Travelling, partying, learning and growing together.
Making the best memories, supporting eachother in our individual dreams, sharing success and grief. Building strong bonds and a realible safteynet for life.
I also went on dates, worked on my education and in my job.
And most of the time I enjoy spending time with myself.
Slow sunday mornings with coffee a big breakfast a walk, some music or a podcast just for myself for example.
Being single is what you(re ablte to) make out of it.
That goes for every phase and stage in life.
And I am happy about what I did with my single life.
Tbh, I am mostly commenting this as a reminder to myself.
Due to mental illnesses I am not always able to see life this way.
My single life is much more peaceful and much more authentic than being in a relationship has ever been for me. I'm someone who enjoys being alone though. I can see how some people would find it miserable.
I am single and think it is wonderful. But I do live with my teenage son, so I am not alone in my house, and I have lots of friends I spend time with and travel with. So I am not at all lonely and am living what I consider to be a pretty great life.
No it's really not. I sometimes get lonely and crave intimate touch, but otherwise I do fine. I fill my time with hobbies I enjoy. Been watching a ton of horror movies lately, too.
I’ve been single for a year. Yeah, it gets lonely sometimes but if you supplement your free time with things you enjoy and want to do it’s a great lifestyle. I agree with you on the curiosity part of being single. I’ve been thinking about solo travel and it’s much easier when I’m the only person I need to look after
Not inherently, but perpetually single people tend to have some other things going on that make things difficult in general - depression, anxiety, low self esteem, generally jaded attitudes etc.
Speaking as a perpetually single person lol
Depends on your lifestyle & life experience.For me it’s lit i don’t have to compromise, i do what i want when i want. No drama & total peace.Money last longer the list go on.
Miserable? I would say no. Is it significantly better to have a "best friend" by your side with whom you share a deeply meaningful relationship and with whom you go through life together? Absolutely.
I do see lots of people say that "relationships/marriage isn't everything" and that it's overrated. Every time I think, "Uhm, they can't possibly have been in a good one then".
Then again, we are all different. Maybe a really good relationship would still be perceived as "meh" by some.
For me it comes and goes. Some days I want someone to be with me and for me and vice Versa I for them. Other days I realize how troublesome it can all get and realize the amount of time and peace I’ve had for myself is nice. Still probably lean more towards wanting to be with someone just not right now, and not just anyone.
Those same people are also miserable in relationships. Just take a quick look at relationship subs. People who think the grass is greener on the relationship side romanticize the work that goes into a strong healthy relationship. Just like those in relationships will throw away something good because they envy single life. They both sit there watching their grass die waiting for someone to come water it.
Being single is only miserable as a man because you don't just walk outside and change it whenever you want it takes a reinvention of yourself or just getting extremely lucky with either money or her self esteem
Single women don't feel like it is a problem considering they can have someone in a single text or conversation so lacking a relationship is a mild inconvenience and not a real problem
Redditors are great at complaining. To let Redditors tell it, everything is a scam. Everything has been oversold and overhyped. Everything is disappointingly "mid".
This is because the Redditors who tend to create threads tend to be folks with not a lot going on in their lives because of subpar socioeconomics and/or mental health.
I love my single life. But I don't go around creating threads about it because I don't really do threads like that.
It's all person by person. Personally, I would love to have a lovey dovey romance, but I don't pine for it. I'm fine being alone, I have good friends, but I need to be by myself sometimes. You could probably call me a loner. But some people crave attention and connection, not being in a relationship is hell for them, but I don't think it's ever good to be in a earionship simply so you're not alone. And really, most of teh time, your friends should be plenty. If someone thinks they need a relationship I feel it's often because they lack platonic friendships and crave connection of any kind but don't realize that.
Depends on the person. For me, I've been single all my life, so I have enough experience in my predicament that I'm mostly content with it, I have a lot going on and I'm really good at being with me. The rest of the time though, I'm longing for an intimate relationship, sometimes with a crush, sometimes with anyone🙄.
I think a lot of people are fooling themselves about the grass being greener. A huge percentage of the romantic relationships I see around me are fairly unhealthy and toxic if you look under the surface
It’s not as bad as people make it out to be. I’ve never had a girlfriend and while I do yearn for the deep connection romantic love can provide, it’s not gonna drag down the rest of my life. I have hobbies I enjoy, a stressful at times but still fulfilling job, and friends right in town to spend time and make memories with.
There’s a few things about my life I want to change but a partner wouldn’t be able to change any of them for me (outside of my relationship status). I’m only 23 so maybe it’ll hurt more for people who are older if they’ve never found anyone yet
It's the 'you want what you can't have' thing. Love living alone, but it's been years now and wouldn't mind someone on the couch next to me from time to time, best of both worlds.
Lived together with someone, don't want that again. But juuuust a little bit
I'd say it's probably nuanced. If you're someone who can easily get dates, fwbs, or relationships, then being single is probably not a big deal.
If you're someone who is perpetually alone or has little to no options while dating, it probably sucks.
First: there's a key part you said:
> I grew up thinking that being in a relationship/marriage wasn’t “everything”.
For the people who grew up the opposite way (like me), it becomes everything until it doesn't, and that lesson comes after growing up, after failed relationships and/or frequent rejections.
Second: it all depends on the person and their context.
At least, for me (24F, single, no previous exp), it is NOT that bad! I admit I sometimes exaggerate, because of course I crave having passionate kisses, cuddling, having sex, pretty much everything that involves a pair and cannot be done with pretty much anyone. But most things can also be done alone! I can go out on dates alone (buying 2×1 offers means more for me!), I can listen to music alone, etc., and other stuff can be done in company of others besides a significant partner, like talking with family and friends, or a therapist if one is truly and/or feels alone. Masturbation also exists to satisfy the sexual part (and getting to know your body).
So, it doesn't feel bad, maybe because I (and several others who have always been single) are *used* to it. But it CAN feel really bad depending on context, your phsyche, etc., as well as how long you're still being single (if you never had a partner). Because yes, other comments are right about the difference between being single between relationships and having always been single so far.
It's tolerable right now. I keep distracted. But when I'm older I expect a reckoning since society will not be willing to take care of a huge mass of single, senile millenials.
You make it how you want it to be. Some are miserable, some go with the flow, some enjoy it. And the same things could be said with people in relationships. Just perspective and your wants in life.
I haven't had a boyfriend yet. sometimes I'm like.. be cute to do this romantic thing
so i hop on an app, find a decent match and go on a date ...get the ick, and remind myself why I'm single 🤣
if I wanna do something fun, I typically match and ask if they want to have dinner or whatever. most guys will drop their life and do it. works for me.
I've been single most of my life and if say no. I really enjoy myself and my life. It is difficult sometimes for sure. Even with a great support system and many friends it still feels lonely. I'd just like someone to share all these awesome things with, extra support, and intimacy. Being held and kissed is one of the most magical feelings in the world
I think in relationships the chase is better than the catch. Most people idolize the human relationship but don't realize it's mostly superficial by today's standard as nobody wants to be with an average minimum wage person. You'd better be packing or be rich or tall or have a nice rack or be some kind of success, or else you're deemed low value. Particularly for men, this is a reality. It really sickens me. I've known men who are married and in relationships that still watch p0rn and live in sexless marriages where they are at best providers for their wives and children and not the actual head of the household. I've known single people who are very happy and live on top of the world. It's all about frame.
that question can not be answered without 2 pieces of context: how long have you been single, and how many dates have you been on in that time?
6 months? go cry about it. 6 years? you might need some help there.
0 dates? maybe try harder? 10 dates? maybe try a different area or approach. 100 dates? maybe stop trying for more than 5 consecutive minutes.
Depends on you, I think. I've been single for years and while I would get into a relationship if it were "worth it"/ if I met the right person, I am very happy single. My own space, I don't have to coordinate with anyone or ask anyone's permission to spend my time how I want
Nah,i like my life and i dont mind being single,but my dream is really falling in love,getting married and having children and for this you cant be single lol
No. I spent my youth jumping from relationship to relationship, and in the short few weeks I was single I was unhappy. But not cos I was single, cos I was sad about my last relationship ending. And I got over that by getting into another relationship.
Eventually I grew up a bit, saw the pattern and decided to sit with the grief of my relationship ending.
Was over it in four weeks easy.
Finally free to take on a relationship, not cos I needed it anymore, but because I wanted it.
Been single since cos nobody that I have met so far has been worth giving up my peace for.
And honestly, life has been amazing. Being free to choose anything you want, set your own goals and work towards them without having to consider someone else, eat whatever you want, the list goes on and on and on.
My advice, be single, build yourself up, get back into dating when you’ve got more value.
The only bad thing is that you can't share the little things with someone you love. You can still have a fulfilling life by being single. Would I prefer to be in a relationship? Absolutely, but I can still enjoy life even alone.
Well who doesnt want great sex? And if you have a partner who loves you or you truly enjoy isnt that one of the highest experiences?
Everyones different but I do know that not having intimacy in ones life can really have an effect on ones mental health.
No its not. Being in a good relationship is fine. But you can be happy and single too. I’m really happy with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 16 years. But I was also happy single before her too. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Enjoy both. As a single it helps if you have a good relationship with your family and friends so you have lots of social interaction.
I’ve been single for my whole life and it’s fine. But I have a lot of friends and good relationships with my family so I think that’s very important. Since I have a lot of other fulfilling relationships I don’t really miss a romantic one. I can imagine that if you don’t have many friend or aren’t close to your family it can get very lonely
I think you’ll find with social media that a lot of topics or themes tend to attract the loudest dissenting voices, thus creating echo chambers that echo these sentiments
Single life is so amazing for me I have no one to answer to but God!! Ok I get a little lonely sometimes when is big holiday but been single going over 10 years by choice ok
It's going to be a very individualized response.
I was an only child. So I'm used to being alone, and I thrive when I'm left to my own devices. Single life holds no uncertainty for me, in fact I'm a bit more comfortable when I'm on my own if I'm honest.
After my last relationship ended, I mean sure i was hurt that we broke up. I did love her. But I slid back into being alone very easily and I'm pretty comfortable this way.
It should also be said that I'm an extroverted type, so when I am out and around people I tend to strike up conversations reasonably easily. I also work in sales, so I get my social needs met as a matter of the course of my daily life. I'm alone, but rarely lonely. And if I am feeling a bit lonely, I can always ask my kid to come over for a day or two. She lives with her girlfriend, but never minds dropping by for a visit.
It’s not.
I jumped from one relationship to another, never single for more than a month from the time I started to dating until my son’s father and I split almost 11 years ago. FWIW, that included a 5 yr, 1 yr and 3 yr relationships. I tried dating a few months afterwards but nothing clicked. Tried again a few years later and met a guy that turned out to be all wrong after a month. Decided to focus on raising my son and have been single for 9 years now.
I’m just now thinking about dating again but not in a rush.
I think the area you live in plays into it, too. I'm single right now, and if I were living in my hometown, I'd be passing more of my time with friends ehile being less concerned about my datong status. But I'm living in an entirely different state now and it's slow-going making new friends. I'm admittedly a bit lonely or uncomfortable at times.
There's limit to what you can do as a single person to make your life fullfilling. You'll always hear exceptional people disagree, but they're that: exceptional. Most people won't ever do anything more impactful than having a family. Especially when as you get older many problems arise that make it difficult to enjoy activities like watching films or playing games.
Yes and no.
It depends on people's needs in life and what being single mean to them.
I have been single most of my life. And the best year of my life has been 100% single. I had a very fulfilling life studying abroad, meeting great people, being very occupied by my studies and by trying to learn the local languages, I was very intellectually stimulated. And even physically, I had during 3 months a sex friend I was seeing almost daily. And I was freshly single after my first long term relationship, first time I said I love you, and being cheated on for the first time. So I wasn't looking for a new relationship.
But most of my time as a single doesn't feel that good. Firstly, I am much less intellectually stimulated except if I keep on moving to new regions/countries every 6 months, which is not easy professionally or to make real friends. And I desperatly miss physical touch, intimacy, shared projects, I want to have a wife and kids... I miss being complimented, taking care of someone who would take care of me too. And always being the single one among friends and family is heavy.
So regularly, my way of being single lead me to depression. I say my way of being single because if I had the single life of some friends (male and female), I wouldn't mind that much.
Because some single people, like my best friends and some other friends, have a really good situation. They are single yes, but I would find their way of veing single fulfilling a whole lot of needs. They still have at least weekly sex, or someone to cuddle with, someone complimenting them, dates... they are single but by choice, they have opportunities not to be. But that is not my case.
And several of them told me they loved being single, that relationship were overrated. But when I told them, it is easy to say that for you, would you say the same thing if you were in my shoes, they answered no. They love being single, but wouldn't at all enjoy their single life if they were having no date, no sex, no physical touch during months or years...
No, what these people don't understand is that if they feel miserable there's a deeper reason for it which is probably the same that keeps them single. Getting a girlfriend isn't going to solve your issues magically. Proof of it is that there's a lot of couples which are miserable.
If you'd have asked me a decade ago I'd have said yes. Now, it's my preference. Turns out the only thing I really resented was my lack of agency/choice in the matter
Reddit is kinda an echo chamber for the downtrodden people in life. So I would take a lot of things here with a grain of salt.
At the end of the day it is all about how experience it yourself. Some people can handle being alone easier then other people. Some people only find their worth in relationships and other people find that way of thinning unhealthy. Many nuances. No right answer. As long as you find what you're looking for and are content with.
It depends. I've spent majority of my life, like 90 something % of my life being single. I've enjoyed big part of it but at some point you crave partner, love and relationship. Like yesterday i was walking back home from work and on my way i passed by a cute girl. My depraved brain went into imagining our first and second date together. It made the trip to home go fast but ngl when i realized i spent 20 mins day dreaming about dating random cute girl i saw i knew i'm too far gone. I have needs.
I doubt everyone's having similar experience, i may be a lil bit romantic but generally i think being single for far too long is tough life.
Old enough now and been in both situations extensively. As a single man today in a completely new place for the past 9 monts or so it is both extremely mediocre and at the same time extremely comforting.
If i was younger this would have likely pushed me through the edge to either go back whence i came from as the lonelyness would hit me like a brick.
As an older man now i am perfectly fine with my own company. HOWEVER, with that being said, for the vast majority of people (myself included) you should strive to be with someone that matches your energy. You need friends too. Everything else is just poor and empty substitutes or copium and make no mistake about that.
The chances of you "being fine single" are very low indeed. Chances are this will come to bite you not too long in the distant future. Think about it, even at your 60s you are looking a minimum of 15+ years of life and sometimes double that. This is a long time to be alone mate.
First of all, there is a big difference between choosing to be single and not choosing it.
Imagine being in a very cool house that has everything you need to be comfortable, but you are completely locked inside without any possibility of going out. You would probably not enjoy it.
Being single to have more freedom and time for yourself can be cool if you know that when you want romance, you will find it, and if you want sexual experiences, you can have them.
But if you can't have any of that, then it is very disheartening. For me, the loss of all hope is what is truly demoralizing. I wouldn't say my life is miserable per se, but it surely feels gloomy.
Sure, I can enjoy working on my business, doing fun things with friends, and hobbies like gaming, anime, books, studying (yes, I like studying, so it's a hobby for me), origami, etc. But inevitably, sometimes I feel the urge to be with someone, to have romance, to be desired. Knowing that it will probably never happen sends me to a dark place, and I can totally see how some other people can be in that dark place permanently.
Having a girlfriend is very nice and changed up my life quite a bit, but I was honestly pretty happy before when I was wasting all my free time with video games and my world wouldnt crumble if we broke up.
I think most people value a romantic relationship way too high, up until they finally are in one.
It’s more about the lack of experience and lack of social skills that are heavily over represented on Reddit. It’s often not about being in a relationship or not, but more of people in here can function in a relationship.
Biologically humans are social and work very well as couples m, so naturally most people in real life enjoy being in relationships and live their best lives in relationships. Some don’t.
Depends on the person, I prefer single, it's just less headache. But I've experienced 2 LTR as well so my view is different than someone who's never had a relationship
(35M)
yess and no . its a bit of both at the same time for every single dude in fact .
there is us single men be like '' charlie harper '' you only life once , you cant die twice . life is one big party , so live it up and have no regrets .
and two , there is us single men . and we be like '' allan harper '' and yess our life is absolutly horrible .
For me it was fine till me being like 28 yo. Now I am 30. Most of my friends got relationships, moved out to another city or just stopped spending time together.
I will say that it depends from person to person but the further into life the more lonely it get.
Only thing that keeps me from finding someone is a fear of being cheater or left on. I prefer no pain.
People that don't have complaints don't complain. It's just visibility bias I think because on here you don't see much about people being happy anyways
It's miserable if you obsess over it or don't have good friends who give good hugs.
The real problems with being single are loneliness, touch starvation, and feelings of inadequacy. With the right kinds of friends you won't be lonely or touch starved, and you don't *have* to base your entire self image off of your relationship status.
Being in a good relationship is *amazing*, but I don't think I'd be *miserable* without it. I'd just focus my attention elsewhere.
Honestly I don’t think so. Imo the vast majority of people who hate single life haven’t sat down in it long enough. I’ve been single for a little over a year now and I absolutely have grown to love it. I find myself drinking iced coffee out of wine glasses and experimenting with recipes and just generally enjoying being with myself and finding things that I love. Sure it would be nice to cuddle up with someone or share details about my day but I’ve found it’s not something that I feel that I need anymore. Being single makes you sit with yourself and who you are and forces you to acknowledge your faults and grow as a person and I think that’s hard to do for someone who’s never been forced to do it and jumps into relationships so they aren’t ever alone. I’m not hating on those people ofc we all have our own shit going on but I think being single is detrimental in being able to love yourself.
Money is not as valuable if you have a lot of it as it is when you don’t have it at all. Theoretically 100$ is worth the same regardless who holds it, but the homeless person will value 100$ much much more than a millionaire.
If getting something is easy for you it can make you confused how much value it can have for other people who can’t get it soo easily.
Like everything else, single life is what you the person living it makes of it. You can wallow in misery about it or you can embrace the freedom you enjoy in being single.
I was single for three years in my twenties, I got lonely sometimes but kept busy, gym, renovating a house, friends on weekends. Every situation has pros and cons I've found...
It depends on a person and his psychological needs. One person might be truly happy and fulfilled while being single, someone else might be in absolute mental torture hell while single even if every other aspect in his/her life is exceptionally great.
I feel called out. The latter, not the former. Mainly cause I’m lonely, but to deal with that, it’s just been a constant stream of self-improvement and upskilling in work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Going through a breakup with a long-term partner right now and this answer terrifies me. Terrifies.
Change is always terrifying, you need time. If you will feel like you need a relationship after a while, you will be naturally motivated to do so. Try to lean on non-romantic relationships right now
Literally me
There were two options mentioned…… that’s like if someone asked you “yes or no?” And you said *me*
I feel like I flip flop between those two on any given day. Some days I don't even think about being lonely, others it's all that's on my mind.
The difference between choosing to be in a comfy room where nothing happens and being locked in the comfy room
No, the misery comes from the lack of experience for the most part and the social stigma Can also be lack of friends, and for a few, being single may be hard
I think a lot of what makes it so bad for some of us, is that we just never experienced what it is like to be in a relationship. we see people getting to share their life experience and being loved by someone else and we think man that looks good compared to what my life has been like.
If I eventually got together and broke up and got the box ticked then I think I'd be ok with single. I'd probably never try again. But because it's the default state, the curse of the greener grass seems stronger from here. Harder to start a relationship than stop it generally. It's not bad once the comparison gets taken from it. Which is next to impossible to forget anyhoo
It’s actually worse that way, because then you know exactly what you’re missing and feel completely empty inside
Trust me, this is how i also felt when i lacked experience People have to realize that it isnt just about the good times, one of the most important things imo when it comes to experiencing love is also to experience the heartbreak it can give you, its not sunshines and rainbows Yes ive been in a relationship, ive lost my virginity, but was i happier before it? Yes, because i had to deal with a lot of heartbreak cause of my experience, it hurts, it overwhelms any bucket lists and makes you fear it, especially if you're someone who has been in multiple toxic ones
This is going to vary between each person. I’ve seen people who can’t go without relationships and are miserable alone and I’ve also seen the exact opposite. Just depends on who and what your goals are.
I like the peace that it brings. And I don't have to deal with toxicity and can work on myself. Free to do what to I want when I want. I don't have to worry about another person. I can work focus on my hobbies pack out and go travel. But it also brings significant loneliness. I would love a partner to share my day with. To try new recipes for. To do little things together. Intimacy of any sort. And dating is just so laborious and soul crushing that being single almost feels better.
Being single by choice can be lovely. But when you spend years looking for someone only to fail over and over and over and over and over and over and over again it can definitely get a little miserable
Chemically the brain is likely not producing as much oxytocin, which is a chemical that sends happy and bonding signals, due to the lack of intimate touch as an activator. So less of a happy chemical might = a less happy life. But it’s nuanced because one can get albeit less oxytocin from other sources like petting our pets. And relationships can create their own drama and stress in life If someone sees getting married and having kids as their life goal, then they are going to feel upset if they are not achieving it. They may cope by changing their goal to lessen the disappointment. But as someone who never had that goal (very skeptical on getting married, no goal of kids, but willing and having non-marriage relationships occasionally), it personally doesn’t bother me at all being single when I am
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me who is touch-averse neurodivergent and has zero need for oxytocin somehow 😐😐😐🤷
As a guy (32M) who has been single his whole life… yes.
There's a difference between choosing to be single and being single without a choice. An interesting podcast talked about 2 people running ok recently treadmill, same everything, but one wanted to and chose to and the other was forced against their will. The one who was forced was miserable, same for being single, boils down to a person's autonomy and choice in the decision.
It depends. If you are not good at entertaining yourself, it can get really stale. I will say, in your mid 40s, it’s great and also lonely.
Yes, it absolutely can be. Especially if you're the person who has always wanted a relationship but never had one, it really hurts to watch everyone else around you get the one thing you want in life.
Nothing is ever as bad a redditors make it out to be XD
Male suicide rates say otherwise.
You can see it for yourself. Go to any sub where people do any kind of movement. Any time someone falls over, every comment will be how that could be fatal, and I'm not talking about the jokes like shoes off = dead. Like full on chronically online people who never touched grass or played any sport ever
Was unhappy being single. Met a wonderful woman and we’re 1 1/2 years into our relationship
Don’t get to comfortable the honeymoon phase can go up to two years, take her seriously and don’t criticize something about her that’s not likely to change
There are two different types of single, perpetually single, and transitory singleness. Basically being single for very long periods of time not out of personal choice is fairly soul crushing whereas singleness as a gap between two relationships is fairly normal and can be a positive. I hope this helps
I've been single for my entire life and it does not feel soul-crushing as long as I stay in touch with good friends.
tbh i might like being single a little too much because every person that ends up liking me i just can’t find myself sacrificing anything to be in a relationship with them. i’m constantly busy and the free time i do have i prefer spending with my close friends or by myself to wind down. i genuinley enjoy relaxing and doing things that make me extremely comfortable and unfortunately going on dates and always changing my schedule around for another person is something i’m too selfish to do unless they’re somehow perfect
As an asexual person who has always enjoyed being alone, no. But I am me.
Reddit has a very large population of anxious and depressed people who sort of baste in their own ineffective misery. They are not good role models.
No, it's not. Reddit is just an echo chamber that a lot of socially awkward people / incels hang out in. People who are having an enjoyable time being single/dating generally aren't going to be posting about it.
Nah they are every single thing just not here insta, etc.
I wouldn’t say so. A lot of people need to learn to be by themselves. It’s an important trait to have. I’m enjoying life the last 4 years as a single person.
Nope. Single life is wonderful and serves a purpose. It is the time to check in with yourself and be selfish and pursue anything you want. When in a relationship, you might be confined to those boundaries. There are many stages in life and it is critical to appreciate each stage as it teaches you about yourself and the world. Single life is perfect for taking risks, switching directory, trying new stuff, new friends, dating for fun, going all in on hobbies, getting financially better, traveling etc.
what can you not pursue when you are in a relationship that you can pursue when you are not, besides casual sex?
Random traveling, meeting your friends whenever you want, not having to check in or tell anybody what you’re doing, not having to shave or worry about what underwear I have on, full control of my time with no guilt, saving money, moving, switching jobs, starting a business that will take most of my time, getting a pet, going DND for a week straight etc, starting a 5am gym routine, staying up til 2am painting, watching all my weird little shows other people don’t really like, playing games for hourssssss, leaving dishes in the sink with no one to nag, taking a ridiculously hot shower and not caring that the hot water is done… Being very selfish with my desires in general with no care for another persons feelings cause there isn’t one. When I have a partner I like to be more consistent and available to them, so I move things around in my life to allow that space to be together in love.
And also eating girl dinner lol my favorite part of being single
Yes!!! Surviving off of fruit, cheese slices and random chips and a glass of wine 🤣 A man could never eat such meager portions lol
The only problem is for socially awkward and anxious people all of those things you say to do while single aren’t really options. Dating for fun would have been great but it’s never been an option for example. It never mattered what I did or what aspects of myself I worked on. It just wasn’t in the cards. The couple of times I got a chance to date gave me access to so many experiences I otherwise could not have done. When you’re a single male people just don’t want you around as much and they won’t invite you to certain types of events or trips. You just get left behind in life.
That's it. You're alone. People questioning this aren't really alone, they play-act as one.
Social anxiety is super difficult! I don’t have much of a problem making friends now that I’m older but during times like that I resorted to gaming and online communities to feel a sense of friendship and belonging. I speak to my parents frequently and I try to make friends with people when I go out anywhere. But truthfully I have had to learn to be alone and to do little things for myself that I like… I go to restaurants alone, gym alone, movie theaters etc… doing this is the best thing. Sometimes people strike a conversation even at a coffee shop and you take it from there. Currently I’m single and had a very difficult past relationship so I feel the loneliness and change of pace even more. So ultimately… it is up to us to seek out what we like and pursue that for ourselves and hope we meet like minded people on the way. Don’t just give up to your circumstances. You control your life.
Yeah, I had a very difficult recent relationship too. I honestly don’t even want to date again. But I feel like even if I did want to, I wouldn’t be able to. That’s the reason I stayed in the relationship so long even though she treated me horribly, I didn’t want to be alone again.
Life is hard and love is complex. It’s been a month for me too and I don’t feel willing to even bother another human. For me it’s better being alone than with the wrong person….
It definitely is better in the long run. For me it was like a distraction to deal with all of her bullshit. It allowed me to forget about my own problems. Can’t really be depressed when someone randomly comes home drunk ready to fight you. And I tried to do what I could to help her deal with her ptsd but things like that can’t be fixed from the outside. The scary part is dealing with my own issues now but hopefully that’s something I can actually make real progress with
That’s great. I feel like I neglected myself being with my ex as well and was too available. I didn’t regret it… I had my best intentions I guess. I also try and see my close 2-3 friends often. But alas this is what I meant by why it’s good. We deserve the time for ourselves to do the stuff we haven’t been able to do or overcome. Our own problems.
Yeah, I needed to hear all of that. Thanks. I like your positivity. My 2 friends are great but they both have kids now so I barely see them. I need to do something to meet people
yea it’s tough. I used to judge people that seemed to be enmeshed more than in love with their partner, but much more of life has hit me since then and I just get it. Hiding from being alone together might even be valid in it’s own way if people got along easier
Yeah, honestly life is fucked and I just make my choices on how to live based on what’s available to me.
Yeah I’ve been single for two years after a semi long term but very serious relationship and I’ve been thriving
True love is kind of dying. There’s always an ulterior motive
It’s a very subjective experience. I prefer single life for now because I don’t want to expend the energy into having a romantic relationship. I have a career, kids, and plenty of friends, interests, and hobbies that bring me fulfillment and purpose. Romantic relationships have been a struggle for me because I am extremely independently natured and it’s hard to find a partner who can appreciate that ever-present quality in me. I often feel smothered or overwhelmed in relationships because of it. Single life means all the freedoms I could ever imagine wanting, and none of the burdens of relationships. If and when I’m ready, or even wanting that, remains to be seen. I’m open to the idea, but for the past year it’s brought me great relief and comfort.
After years and years and years singlehood gets old, yes. And being around people that are not single makes it 2x worse.
I’ve come full circle with this. Used to be the same. My sadness around it is deep enough that I can get lifted if I at least see someone else tasting happiness, especially someone I love like a friend
I think this tends to come back to the whole single by choice or forced to be single argument. If you are forced to be single because you can't find anyone or are constantly rejected, then yes, being single is going g to get very old especially when confronted with others who have found relationships that work. If you are *truly* single by choice (not coping with forced singledom by saying you chose it), then it ought not to affect you because you know that you could find a relationship but simply don't want one.
I think there's a difference between "single, with a strong social network of friends, family, activity groups" and "single and alone".
Strange. Most Redditors seem to hate the idea of spending time with any other human for any other reason.
No, its actually pretty neat
When it isn't an option, it's hell.
I’m single and the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s been a very long road to get here (years and years of mental health issues + on/off therapy until I finally found a therapist I click with). Sure life gets boring and lonely sometimes so that’s why I’ve been filling my schedule with fun events, friends, family, meeting new people, going on dates here and there, and working on myself. Hopefully I’ll get lucky and find someone special but I’m in no rush. For now I’m trying to enjoy being single. One day I’ll look back at this time and miss it!
I think it's about knowing that you can get in a relationship if you want to and that someone out there would want to be with you. It's not about being single. Most people including me who have been single for life and in their 20s start doubting that they are not lovable and no one would be attracted to them and that's what's making them sad not the fact that they are single. If someone showed interest in them they would feel better even tho they might still reject them if they're not attracted to them or any other reason but that would be enough to take them out of their misery. They don't need a relationship as much as they need to feel wanted in a special way.
Well said mate 👏
I got divorced six months ago, and I thinks it’s great being single. I have no interest in dating currently, focusing instead on my hobbies and chillin. I used to be someone who thought that being in a relationship was the end all be all of life, but I’ve realized that happiness comes from yourself, and no one else is going to make you happy. In fact, most of my happiness was sapped away over the course of the last ten years. lol. Keep it real.
being single and being in a relationship both have their own set of difficulties.
there is absolutely no way someone can prefer being single without being mentally ill, it goes against the human social nature to be single. humans are literally wired to seek relationships. most comments here are coping with their loneliness. or maybe they need special help.
It is important for us to cope with our loneliness though. How did we let it get this far. Some of us lonely millennials played games in the street at night with the whole neighbourhood’s worth of kids, how did we grow up into the most isolated bunch of individualists ever to live
Bruh wtf are you talking about, this is wildly ignorant. It’s absolutely possible to go through life and have meaningful relationships with platonic friends and family and be blissfully happy. There have literally always been humans who have chosen to remain single. Nuns. Monks. ???
I agree that people are wired to seek relationships, but it doesn't mean it needs to be a romantic/sexual relationship.
It’s not good for man to be alone
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Thank you
Tbh I’ve come to love the single life just because I’m free to do & be whatever I want. Especially after a couple toxic relationships. You realize how much peace you have just being alone & that bringing somebody into your life can affect your lifestyle, mental health, habits & relationships in a major way! So now I’m VERY aware about who I give access to me and my life. I call it healthy boundaries!✨
Single life is only miserable if you don't have family, friends, or hobbies to fill time in with. I do not understand how people go through breakups and try to immediately attach themselves to someone else. Go have fun and run your own schedule! I do feel for the people that have never had a partner before, though.
Exactly! Every bodies circumstances are different.. which is understandable.
I am honestly equally as happy single as I was with my ex. I don't feel the need to share my life romantically with someone else, so my happiness doesn't depend on it
As someone who never wanted kids of marriage and is single by choice: it is amazing. I never wanted anything different for my life, I succeeded and I’m so happy. Other people are not the same but none of us are the same—you gotta do you!
Single, no friends here. You can feel loneliness sometimes, for sure. But then it fades just the same way it came.
I love being single. That said, a good partner can certainly enhance it.
Eh for me it varies. Some days I love being on my own and doing whatever I want to. Others I get a little lonely and would enjoy some company. My issue is that I have commitment issues and would get hit with a ton of anxiety whenever I start seeing someone so I just have been doing hookups with no attachment and that satisfies my loneliness for a bit.
No
For a man, yes (maybe :p) I can't say I have experience in both sides. I've been single all my life and I don't consider my life miserable. But I've never seen a happy couple I envy and made me say "I would love to be in a relationship" Not a single couple I see is healthy, not with family, coworkers, friends (that married each other) none. Same with having kids. Is just not worth it
Not really. Sex would be nice though.
Lol I feel the opposite.. I'd love a relationship, but at night I just want to go to sleep without having to please someone😂
Single life is as miserable as you allow it to be, as is life in a relationship. The problem isn't that most people don't have a partner, it's that most people are unhappy in their own company with no distractions. If you like the person you are and the life you live, being single can be incredibly fulfilling. Life is what you make it.
It just depends on what part you focus on. It absolutely can be miserable. Just like being on a yacht can be miserable to the wrong person. So while being single isn't preferable, it's most likely a case of suffering more in imagination than reality.
Not a relevant answer but I would say that maybe lot of people here on reddit are hormonal teenagers who have some unfulfilled fantasies 😀
Yes
I certainly wouldn't call it miserable, but there's definitely a lot to be desired.
It can be. Don't deal with the devil.
It's all about your mindset.
Depends on the reason someone is single. Some are well adjusted, while others want a relationship for one reason or the other but are held back by a multitude of factors.
Hell no! Single life is the best life!
Ups n downs is the name of the game. It’s Tuesday night meaning I can go out and do whatever I want tonight. Might go to the golf range after work and then hit a bar for a burger and a beer. Friday I’ll be going to a church event where I’ll be the only single person there and grandma’s will introduce me to their 20-24 year old grand daughters. I’m 33 I just look a bit younger. I’m already not ready for Friday. So ya. Ups and downs. :)
A lot of people are saying it depends on the person and that being single is genuine torture for some. But I really want to point out that the saying "if you're not happy alone, you won't be truly happy in a relationship" is so very true. Being single is great to work on yourself and achieve your goals. You should be able to do that in a healthy relationship too, but there is definitely more space to do your own thing alone. People who jump immediately into relationship after relationship, or people who are depressed while single (assuming being single is the only negative factor) might unconsciously be using their partner as a means to escape, ignore, or even have someone else carry the burden of their problems. So I think the difference is there are some ppl who do the work to heal and maximize their life while single and others who don't. And I want to make it clear that being happy with your life and a lil lonely or curious about what a healthy relationship would be like is VERY different from the phenomenon I'm describing. So be careful.
I don’t think its that miserable as ppl say i think it’s js a normal life like it’s not like ur missing a part of ur life u js get on w ur life
It sucks but it's the only safe, secure and sure option
No it' not not for me at least. I was single through my whole 20s. There were times I really longed for a romantic realtionship. Most of the times though I was enjoying the realtionships with my friends. Travelling, partying, learning and growing together. Making the best memories, supporting eachother in our individual dreams, sharing success and grief. Building strong bonds and a realible safteynet for life. I also went on dates, worked on my education and in my job. And most of the time I enjoy spending time with myself. Slow sunday mornings with coffee a big breakfast a walk, some music or a podcast just for myself for example. Being single is what you(re ablte to) make out of it. That goes for every phase and stage in life. And I am happy about what I did with my single life. Tbh, I am mostly commenting this as a reminder to myself. Due to mental illnesses I am not always able to see life this way.
My single life is much more peaceful and much more authentic than being in a relationship has ever been for me. I'm someone who enjoys being alone though. I can see how some people would find it miserable.
I am single and think it is wonderful. But I do live with my teenage son, so I am not alone in my house, and I have lots of friends I spend time with and travel with. So I am not at all lonely and am living what I consider to be a pretty great life.
No it's really not. I sometimes get lonely and crave intimate touch, but otherwise I do fine. I fill my time with hobbies I enjoy. Been watching a ton of horror movies lately, too.
I’ve been single for a year. Yeah, it gets lonely sometimes but if you supplement your free time with things you enjoy and want to do it’s a great lifestyle. I agree with you on the curiosity part of being single. I’ve been thinking about solo travel and it’s much easier when I’m the only person I need to look after
Not inherently, but perpetually single people tend to have some other things going on that make things difficult in general - depression, anxiety, low self esteem, generally jaded attitudes etc. Speaking as a perpetually single person lol
Depends on your lifestyle & life experience.For me it’s lit i don’t have to compromise, i do what i want when i want. No drama & total peace.Money last longer the list go on.
Miserable? I would say no. Is it significantly better to have a "best friend" by your side with whom you share a deeply meaningful relationship and with whom you go through life together? Absolutely. I do see lots of people say that "relationships/marriage isn't everything" and that it's overrated. Every time I think, "Uhm, they can't possibly have been in a good one then". Then again, we are all different. Maybe a really good relationship would still be perceived as "meh" by some.
For me it comes and goes. Some days I want someone to be with me and for me and vice Versa I for them. Other days I realize how troublesome it can all get and realize the amount of time and peace I’ve had for myself is nice. Still probably lean more towards wanting to be with someone just not right now, and not just anyone.
I love it!
Those same people are also miserable in relationships. Just take a quick look at relationship subs. People who think the grass is greener on the relationship side romanticize the work that goes into a strong healthy relationship. Just like those in relationships will throw away something good because they envy single life. They both sit there watching their grass die waiting for someone to come water it.
Being single is only miserable as a man because you don't just walk outside and change it whenever you want it takes a reinvention of yourself or just getting extremely lucky with either money or her self esteem Single women don't feel like it is a problem considering they can have someone in a single text or conversation so lacking a relationship is a mild inconvenience and not a real problem
Redditors are great at complaining. To let Redditors tell it, everything is a scam. Everything has been oversold and overhyped. Everything is disappointingly "mid". This is because the Redditors who tend to create threads tend to be folks with not a lot going on in their lives because of subpar socioeconomics and/or mental health. I love my single life. But I don't go around creating threads about it because I don't really do threads like that.
It's all person by person. Personally, I would love to have a lovey dovey romance, but I don't pine for it. I'm fine being alone, I have good friends, but I need to be by myself sometimes. You could probably call me a loner. But some people crave attention and connection, not being in a relationship is hell for them, but I don't think it's ever good to be in a earionship simply so you're not alone. And really, most of teh time, your friends should be plenty. If someone thinks they need a relationship I feel it's often because they lack platonic friendships and crave connection of any kind but don't realize that.
Depends on the person. For me, I've been single all my life, so I have enough experience in my predicament that I'm mostly content with it, I have a lot going on and I'm really good at being with me. The rest of the time though, I'm longing for an intimate relationship, sometimes with a crush, sometimes with anyone🙄.
I'm single and love being single. I doubt I'll ever get in a relationship again.
Being single had nothing to do with being miserable. Being lonely does though.
I think a lot of people are fooling themselves about the grass being greener. A huge percentage of the romantic relationships I see around me are fairly unhealthy and toxic if you look under the surface
It’s not as bad as people make it out to be. I’ve never had a girlfriend and while I do yearn for the deep connection romantic love can provide, it’s not gonna drag down the rest of my life. I have hobbies I enjoy, a stressful at times but still fulfilling job, and friends right in town to spend time and make memories with. There’s a few things about my life I want to change but a partner wouldn’t be able to change any of them for me (outside of my relationship status). I’m only 23 so maybe it’ll hurt more for people who are older if they’ve never found anyone yet
I have been single for a long time by choice. I just enjoy the freedom to do what I please, and when.
It’s not bad but compared to a relationship pretty boring. I would say it’s for the majority like that.
Healthy relationship > being single >>> bad relationship
It's the 'you want what you can't have' thing. Love living alone, but it's been years now and wouldn't mind someone on the couch next to me from time to time, best of both worlds. Lived together with someone, don't want that again. But juuuust a little bit
I'd say it's probably nuanced. If you're someone who can easily get dates, fwbs, or relationships, then being single is probably not a big deal. If you're someone who is perpetually alone or has little to no options while dating, it probably sucks.
First: there's a key part you said: > I grew up thinking that being in a relationship/marriage wasn’t “everything”. For the people who grew up the opposite way (like me), it becomes everything until it doesn't, and that lesson comes after growing up, after failed relationships and/or frequent rejections. Second: it all depends on the person and their context. At least, for me (24F, single, no previous exp), it is NOT that bad! I admit I sometimes exaggerate, because of course I crave having passionate kisses, cuddling, having sex, pretty much everything that involves a pair and cannot be done with pretty much anyone. But most things can also be done alone! I can go out on dates alone (buying 2×1 offers means more for me!), I can listen to music alone, etc., and other stuff can be done in company of others besides a significant partner, like talking with family and friends, or a therapist if one is truly and/or feels alone. Masturbation also exists to satisfy the sexual part (and getting to know your body). So, it doesn't feel bad, maybe because I (and several others who have always been single) are *used* to it. But it CAN feel really bad depending on context, your phsyche, etc., as well as how long you're still being single (if you never had a partner). Because yes, other comments are right about the difference between being single between relationships and having always been single so far.
It's tolerable right now. I keep distracted. But when I'm older I expect a reckoning since society will not be willing to take care of a huge mass of single, senile millenials.
You make it how you want it to be. Some are miserable, some go with the flow, some enjoy it. And the same things could be said with people in relationships. Just perspective and your wants in life.
I haven't had a boyfriend yet. sometimes I'm like.. be cute to do this romantic thing so i hop on an app, find a decent match and go on a date ...get the ick, and remind myself why I'm single 🤣 if I wanna do something fun, I typically match and ask if they want to have dinner or whatever. most guys will drop their life and do it. works for me.
Yes. It is miserable
No it’s awesome
People tend to complain more than share genuine happiness.
I've been single most of my life and if say no. I really enjoy myself and my life. It is difficult sometimes for sure. Even with a great support system and many friends it still feels lonely. I'd just like someone to share all these awesome things with, extra support, and intimacy. Being held and kissed is one of the most magical feelings in the world
I think in relationships the chase is better than the catch. Most people idolize the human relationship but don't realize it's mostly superficial by today's standard as nobody wants to be with an average minimum wage person. You'd better be packing or be rich or tall or have a nice rack or be some kind of success, or else you're deemed low value. Particularly for men, this is a reality. It really sickens me. I've known men who are married and in relationships that still watch p0rn and live in sexless marriages where they are at best providers for their wives and children and not the actual head of the household. I've known single people who are very happy and live on top of the world. It's all about frame.
that question can not be answered without 2 pieces of context: how long have you been single, and how many dates have you been on in that time? 6 months? go cry about it. 6 years? you might need some help there. 0 dates? maybe try harder? 10 dates? maybe try a different area or approach. 100 dates? maybe stop trying for more than 5 consecutive minutes.
Depends on you, I think. I've been single for years and while I would get into a relationship if it were "worth it"/ if I met the right person, I am very happy single. My own space, I don't have to coordinate with anyone or ask anyone's permission to spend my time how I want
Nah,i like my life and i dont mind being single,but my dream is really falling in love,getting married and having children and for this you cant be single lol
No. I spent my youth jumping from relationship to relationship, and in the short few weeks I was single I was unhappy. But not cos I was single, cos I was sad about my last relationship ending. And I got over that by getting into another relationship. Eventually I grew up a bit, saw the pattern and decided to sit with the grief of my relationship ending. Was over it in four weeks easy. Finally free to take on a relationship, not cos I needed it anymore, but because I wanted it. Been single since cos nobody that I have met so far has been worth giving up my peace for. And honestly, life has been amazing. Being free to choose anything you want, set your own goals and work towards them without having to consider someone else, eat whatever you want, the list goes on and on and on. My advice, be single, build yourself up, get back into dating when you’ve got more value.
The only bad thing is that you can't share the little things with someone you love. You can still have a fulfilling life by being single. Would I prefer to be in a relationship? Absolutely, but I can still enjoy life even alone.
No. No one to give u a headache
Well who doesnt want great sex? And if you have a partner who loves you or you truly enjoy isnt that one of the highest experiences? Everyones different but I do know that not having intimacy in ones life can really have an effect on ones mental health.
No its not. Being in a good relationship is fine. But you can be happy and single too. I’m really happy with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 16 years. But I was also happy single before her too. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Enjoy both. As a single it helps if you have a good relationship with your family and friends so you have lots of social interaction.
Being single is amazing if you can still manage to get laid lol
I’m single 35 and happier than anyone I know. Although I love my job and make good money, take that for what it is.
Yes. Drink whiskey and rub your gun against your head all day
I’ve been single for my whole life and it’s fine. But I have a lot of friends and good relationships with my family so I think that’s very important. Since I have a lot of other fulfilling relationships I don’t really miss a romantic one. I can imagine that if you don’t have many friend or aren’t close to your family it can get very lonely
I think you’ll find with social media that a lot of topics or themes tend to attract the loudest dissenting voices, thus creating echo chambers that echo these sentiments
Nope, mine is awsome, never been happier!
Don’t be miserable is my advice
I'm quite lonely and depressed. The only time I've felt happy as an adult was when I was with somebody, and that only lasted briefly.
Single life is so amazing for me I have no one to answer to but God!! Ok I get a little lonely sometimes when is big holiday but been single going over 10 years by choice ok
You just gotta learn how to enjoy your own company and know that you are in the arms of the Father! Love u and love others until
It's going to be a very individualized response. I was an only child. So I'm used to being alone, and I thrive when I'm left to my own devices. Single life holds no uncertainty for me, in fact I'm a bit more comfortable when I'm on my own if I'm honest. After my last relationship ended, I mean sure i was hurt that we broke up. I did love her. But I slid back into being alone very easily and I'm pretty comfortable this way. It should also be said that I'm an extroverted type, so when I am out and around people I tend to strike up conversations reasonably easily. I also work in sales, so I get my social needs met as a matter of the course of my daily life. I'm alone, but rarely lonely. And if I am feeling a bit lonely, I can always ask my kid to come over for a day or two. She lives with her girlfriend, but never minds dropping by for a visit.
People on Reddit are…interesting. There’s enough wine to open a bar.
It’s not. I jumped from one relationship to another, never single for more than a month from the time I started to dating until my son’s father and I split almost 11 years ago. FWIW, that included a 5 yr, 1 yr and 3 yr relationships. I tried dating a few months afterwards but nothing clicked. Tried again a few years later and met a guy that turned out to be all wrong after a month. Decided to focus on raising my son and have been single for 9 years now. I’m just now thinking about dating again but not in a rush.
Being single ain't all bad. If you know how to care for yourself emotionally you can have a good time at it.
I think the area you live in plays into it, too. I'm single right now, and if I were living in my hometown, I'd be passing more of my time with friends ehile being less concerned about my datong status. But I'm living in an entirely different state now and it's slow-going making new friends. I'm admittedly a bit lonely or uncomfortable at times.
People aren’t upset at being single, they’re upset at the factors that keep them single. Whether external or internal factors.
Keyword “redditors”. You need to understand that the internet is not IRL.
Leaving my partner and being on my own is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm 39
There's limit to what you can do as a single person to make your life fullfilling. You'll always hear exceptional people disagree, but they're that: exceptional. Most people won't ever do anything more impactful than having a family. Especially when as you get older many problems arise that make it difficult to enjoy activities like watching films or playing games.
Single and taken are both miserable in their own way lmao.
Yes and no. It depends on people's needs in life and what being single mean to them. I have been single most of my life. And the best year of my life has been 100% single. I had a very fulfilling life studying abroad, meeting great people, being very occupied by my studies and by trying to learn the local languages, I was very intellectually stimulated. And even physically, I had during 3 months a sex friend I was seeing almost daily. And I was freshly single after my first long term relationship, first time I said I love you, and being cheated on for the first time. So I wasn't looking for a new relationship. But most of my time as a single doesn't feel that good. Firstly, I am much less intellectually stimulated except if I keep on moving to new regions/countries every 6 months, which is not easy professionally or to make real friends. And I desperatly miss physical touch, intimacy, shared projects, I want to have a wife and kids... I miss being complimented, taking care of someone who would take care of me too. And always being the single one among friends and family is heavy. So regularly, my way of being single lead me to depression. I say my way of being single because if I had the single life of some friends (male and female), I wouldn't mind that much. Because some single people, like my best friends and some other friends, have a really good situation. They are single yes, but I would find their way of veing single fulfilling a whole lot of needs. They still have at least weekly sex, or someone to cuddle with, someone complimenting them, dates... they are single but by choice, they have opportunities not to be. But that is not my case. And several of them told me they loved being single, that relationship were overrated. But when I told them, it is easy to say that for you, would you say the same thing if you were in my shoes, they answered no. They love being single, but wouldn't at all enjoy their single life if they were having no date, no sex, no physical touch during months or years...
No, what these people don't understand is that if they feel miserable there's a deeper reason for it which is probably the same that keeps them single. Getting a girlfriend isn't going to solve your issues magically. Proof of it is that there's a lot of couples which are miserable.
If you'd have asked me a decade ago I'd have said yes. Now, it's my preference. Turns out the only thing I really resented was my lack of agency/choice in the matter
Reddit is kinda an echo chamber for the downtrodden people in life. So I would take a lot of things here with a grain of salt. At the end of the day it is all about how experience it yourself. Some people can handle being alone easier then other people. Some people only find their worth in relationships and other people find that way of thinning unhealthy. Many nuances. No right answer. As long as you find what you're looking for and are content with.
Reddit thinks everything is miserable. Just look at the funny cat pictures and go about your day.
It depends. I've spent majority of my life, like 90 something % of my life being single. I've enjoyed big part of it but at some point you crave partner, love and relationship. Like yesterday i was walking back home from work and on my way i passed by a cute girl. My depraved brain went into imagining our first and second date together. It made the trip to home go fast but ngl when i realized i spent 20 mins day dreaming about dating random cute girl i saw i knew i'm too far gone. I have needs. I doubt everyone's having similar experience, i may be a lil bit romantic but generally i think being single for far too long is tough life.
Old enough now and been in both situations extensively. As a single man today in a completely new place for the past 9 monts or so it is both extremely mediocre and at the same time extremely comforting. If i was younger this would have likely pushed me through the edge to either go back whence i came from as the lonelyness would hit me like a brick. As an older man now i am perfectly fine with my own company. HOWEVER, with that being said, for the vast majority of people (myself included) you should strive to be with someone that matches your energy. You need friends too. Everything else is just poor and empty substitutes or copium and make no mistake about that. The chances of you "being fine single" are very low indeed. Chances are this will come to bite you not too long in the distant future. Think about it, even at your 60s you are looking a minimum of 15+ years of life and sometimes double that. This is a long time to be alone mate.
First of all, there is a big difference between choosing to be single and not choosing it. Imagine being in a very cool house that has everything you need to be comfortable, but you are completely locked inside without any possibility of going out. You would probably not enjoy it. Being single to have more freedom and time for yourself can be cool if you know that when you want romance, you will find it, and if you want sexual experiences, you can have them. But if you can't have any of that, then it is very disheartening. For me, the loss of all hope is what is truly demoralizing. I wouldn't say my life is miserable per se, but it surely feels gloomy. Sure, I can enjoy working on my business, doing fun things with friends, and hobbies like gaming, anime, books, studying (yes, I like studying, so it's a hobby for me), origami, etc. But inevitably, sometimes I feel the urge to be with someone, to have romance, to be desired. Knowing that it will probably never happen sends me to a dark place, and I can totally see how some other people can be in that dark place permanently.
Having a girlfriend is very nice and changed up my life quite a bit, but I was honestly pretty happy before when I was wasting all my free time with video games and my world wouldnt crumble if we broke up. I think most people value a romantic relationship way too high, up until they finally are in one.
If you dont care about sex or affection, it's fine
It’s more about the lack of experience and lack of social skills that are heavily over represented on Reddit. It’s often not about being in a relationship or not, but more of people in here can function in a relationship. Biologically humans are social and work very well as couples m, so naturally most people in real life enjoy being in relationships and live their best lives in relationships. Some don’t.
For some, probably. For others, not so much.
Everyone is different. That's like asking if somebody could live all their life without eating olives. Every person has different goals and needs.
Depends on the person, I prefer single, it's just less headache. But I've experienced 2 LTR as well so my view is different than someone who's never had a relationship
(35M) yess and no . its a bit of both at the same time for every single dude in fact . there is us single men be like '' charlie harper '' you only life once , you cant die twice . life is one big party , so live it up and have no regrets . and two , there is us single men . and we be like '' allan harper '' and yess our life is absolutly horrible .
For me it was fine till me being like 28 yo. Now I am 30. Most of my friends got relationships, moved out to another city or just stopped spending time together. I will say that it depends from person to person but the further into life the more lonely it get. Only thing that keeps me from finding someone is a fear of being cheater or left on. I prefer no pain.
No. Not for me. Being alone doesn’t automatically equal being lonely. I’ve been single my whole life and I do NOT give a fuq about dating.
People that don't have complaints don't complain. It's just visibility bias I think because on here you don't see much about people being happy anyways
No. Unless your lonely and miserable
I think people who are unhappy just spend more time on reddit 🤷🏻♀️
I wish I was single.
It's miserable if you obsess over it or don't have good friends who give good hugs. The real problems with being single are loneliness, touch starvation, and feelings of inadequacy. With the right kinds of friends you won't be lonely or touch starved, and you don't *have* to base your entire self image off of your relationship status. Being in a good relationship is *amazing*, but I don't think I'd be *miserable* without it. I'd just focus my attention elsewhere.
Depends if its forced or not. When its by choice it can be liberating.
Honestly I don’t think so. Imo the vast majority of people who hate single life haven’t sat down in it long enough. I’ve been single for a little over a year now and I absolutely have grown to love it. I find myself drinking iced coffee out of wine glasses and experimenting with recipes and just generally enjoying being with myself and finding things that I love. Sure it would be nice to cuddle up with someone or share details about my day but I’ve found it’s not something that I feel that I need anymore. Being single makes you sit with yourself and who you are and forces you to acknowledge your faults and grow as a person and I think that’s hard to do for someone who’s never been forced to do it and jumps into relationships so they aren’t ever alone. I’m not hating on those people ofc we all have our own shit going on but I think being single is detrimental in being able to love yourself.
Money is not as valuable if you have a lot of it as it is when you don’t have it at all. Theoretically 100$ is worth the same regardless who holds it, but the homeless person will value 100$ much much more than a millionaire. If getting something is easy for you it can make you confused how much value it can have for other people who can’t get it soo easily.
Like everything else, single life is what you the person living it makes of it. You can wallow in misery about it or you can embrace the freedom you enjoy in being single.
Idk, I loved it. I love being coupled too, but I had the best time being single too
I was single for three years in my twenties, I got lonely sometimes but kept busy, gym, renovating a house, friends on weekends. Every situation has pros and cons I've found...
Some would argue single life is better 🤷🏽♂️