Gym is good because it eventually gets you past the bare minimum attractive required for someone to not visibly recoil at your presence
Past that point, charm and charisma (and empathy) are worth far more than your physical appearance, even for short term flings
The real rule is you can't be BOTH ugly on the outside and on the inside. If it's just one you have hope. If it's both you're fucked
Good thing is you can always fix the inside with a lot of work
I don’t know about always
I actually feel like looks and personality is pretty even
If you’re born looking less than average, you can do a lot with fitness, diet, makeup, dapperness(?), and charm
But you can of course still be born so ugly even your parents have a hard time looking at you, beyond saving looks wise
And the same applies for personality, if you’re naturally a bit of an ass, you can get by with charm, self reflection/improvement, a positive outlook and maybe a bit of therapy
But you can of course also be born so god awful of a person, that even your parents have a hard time loving you
Of course both of the extremes are insanely rare, and usually is caused by physical or mental deformation
I can’t lie man, this is a crazy comment. The gym is great for your physical health but from what OP has described it goes deeper. I think he should seek therapeutic advice from a qualified professional. Hearing the thoughts of a random Redditor (like myself) is not the growth he needs at the moment
If you have an ugly face it will likely be even more ugly if you saddle it with excess amounts of fat, and combine it with belly fat, man boobs, bad posture, bad skin, and greasy hair, you'll definitely look worse.
Make the most of what you have. In addition, your health is about you. Not whether other people find you attractive. Being ugly is one thing, but having clogged arteries, diabetes risk, zero cardiovascular ability, weak muscles, weak joints, bad posture, bad skin, and everything else that comes with it taking care of your physical health, then you'll be even more unhappy and uncomfortable with yourself than if you were fit but not conventionally attractive.
A man with an ugly face, if he maintains his physique and dresses well, eventually grows old enough to be categorized as distinguished. It's not really that he looks better with age, more that all the other men start looking progressively worse
[>just go gym, bro ](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.4pcdn.org%2Fpol%2F1512584293845.png&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=32d4e84531e536ccebdc335bb7e7fa4941acebe7b9c8de58e7f4eb539fa16a3f&ipo=images)
If you do anything designed to better yourself specifically for women, you’re going to be miserable and disappointed.
I started taking fitness and diet seriously first and foremost for my mental and physical health. The change in my body has taken months of strenuous training and paying attention to calorie and protein intake. It will continue to take that to get where I want to be and maintain that long term. This is not a quick fix solution designed to get laid for a summer and then go back to being a stick in the mud. This is and should be seen as a lifestyle change for the better of your health.
The confidence that comes from that can make interacting with the opposite sex easier but as others have said, that’s a mental issue that working out makes easier as you feel better in your own skin. Better aesthetic choices can remove more barriers to entry but the onus is still on you.
There is no well of women that will drag you into bed with them. At most you might get some more stray glances and smiles a bit more often. You still have to do the work to love yourself and be confident in yourself if you actually want to go anywhere in dating or even just casual sex.
I put in a lot of work in order to be able to get women, buy I always kept in the back of my mind that that's a shortsighted motivation and that I should be doing it for myself. Still, I really needed the motivation of the pain of my miserable love life to be able to put in the hours necessary. I don't think that's a bad thing if you're reasonable about it.
Fully agree with everything else
Even just doing exercises should build or at least tone some muscles a little bit. You won't be an Instagram influencer but the changes should be noticeable after a year at least of even shitty form and easy workout.
Flailing arms with 2kg dumbbells isn't going to do much. Yet people do it often.
Not saying people should push huge weights, but let's be honest, it's a bit like having a slow walk, vs some faster hiking speed. Every movement uses energy, but challenging muscles will definitely use a lot more
That is a fair point. I guess it comes down to overall goals. Obviously if someone isn't using probably 50% of their maximum load they won't get great results. Just working out for the sake of lifting a weight that isn't stimulating muscles at all is just wasting energy.
I am a believer of "there is no such thing as a bad workout" but it's clear there is much better workouts. I myself had to lift heavy and eat all the time to go from 140lbs at 6'2 to 240 lol.
I can't tell you what the point is for yourself.
I can tell you that if a human does it consistently, then they will be healthier. And more equipped to get Happy .
Is it the easy mode one stop fix for life, no ... That's the poison talking...to say it will fix everything. It's just one of the first step on a path to happiness.
You will sleep better. Sleeping is is the cap on your health. You can do everything else right and if your sleep is bad you're going to be messed up.
Your body will handle stress better due the way that the muscles help store healthy chemicals/hormones like reservoir. And stress is the leading determinants and the health of your immune system strength. So you could say you're going to miss less days of work and have less money lost due to doctors visits.
Why would you want to be with someone who only likes big muscles? Constantly having to keep up with the gym to keep your GF happy? If you like the gym that’s fine but Don’t do things to please other people , do it to make yourself happy.
>Men on social media pretend that fitness (and other grooming) can lead you to well of women dragging you down to them.
Putting on muscle is like buying a cool car. Lots of guys do it to impress girls only to find themselves impressing guys instead.
This. Pretty sure it’s men who find men more attractive with muscles than women do, I know a LOT of women and very few like the muscular look. My wife hates muscular guys, my body is pretty good for 50 , flat stomach still 😊 but I’ve never been muscular so you CAN get a woman if you use a bit of charm and personality.
I think there's a line between a normal sized Athletic muscular look and a huge gym rat muscular look that as soon as you cross it, you start seeing diminishing returns.
> Men on social media pretend that fitness (and other grooming) can lead you to well of women dragging you down to them.
You followed the wrong people. The people I followed told me it would get me no women, but that I would feel better. Worked for me.
The main factor for you to get women is to talk to a lot of women. Being muscular makes it easier for them to be attracted to you, but the most important thing is to have attitude.
How much progress have you made? This was me before https://imgur.com/gallery/CjHT7Mb
And me after https://imgur.com/gallery/42sjXUh
Women aren’t obviously throwing themselves at me like I’m in a men’s cologne commercial. But I went from getting no dates to consistent dates, as many as I could fit in a weekend
Get the body of a literal fitness model and tell me no women are interested. I’ll never believe it ;)
Ty! A long time ;)
I first got into running, which was a bad idea at 270ish lbs. Very hard on the bones and joints. But I lost all the weight running, down to 175lbs at 6’0. Then I got into competitive distance running, doing half marathons for a few years. My best time was a 7:14m/mi average for the half marathon, which put me in the top 10% (barely)
Then I decided to get serious about lifting. And bulked up to 215lbs over the next few years. In total it was about 6-8ish years. I still run, my last half-m I did in Jan 2024 I was able to keep an 8:13m/mi pace. I love cardio as much or more than lifting still
But it’s kinda hard running at my weight. It’s doable though. I still ignore my friends and family telling me I’m crazy to still be running, that I should switch to cycling to save my joints. I hate cycling. You gotta find the activity you love. For me that’s running, but it’s gotta be outside ;)
Nice! Glad to hear that worked for you. I’ve started my journey pretty late, been at it little more than a month. Never really had much muscle, but I can see improvement so far.
Just looking to get more tone I spose.
Oh man I’m jealous. Generally starting out is when it’s easiest to make the biggest gains, they call it “newbie gains”. But of course there is still the required food discipline + training effort input needed. But the reward can be huge, proportional to the amount of effort of those 2 things
For me now, the gains come in the tiniest of increments. I used to be a huge MMORPG nerd, and I found it easy to visualize my body as like a character sheet. Then I translated over my powergamer desire to min/max everything and that actually translated very well to fitness. I’ve always felt that gamers actually make some of the best fitness junkies as well, simply due to their heavy-micromanagement mindset. There are a lot of variables to manage
But now I feel like my char is almost maxed. And I get jealous hearing about someone starting out. Just like in MMO’s the beginning is so exciting because you get to see so much character progress :)
Yeah, haha that’s pretty much how I’m trying to view it. For the starting point for something like the pec fly machine, I was only able to do like 80lbs (15x3). Now I can do 120 after about a month and a week. Still modest weight, but a big improvement from where I began.
The discipline is a constant anxiety/motivation for me though, where if I feel like I don’t want to go in or I’m too tired or too sore, I will make myself go in anyways.
I mostly work machines so far because my left knee is pretty screwed up so I’m worried about dead lifting and it failing.
Ty! I never really follow BMI much, but that’s a great low bodyfat. I prefer pics to judge and am def willing to compliment rather than just critique, but it’s no biggie!
I still think the best use of a man’s time, if interested in improving their dating options, is to continue to get in better and better shape. You could go the better job + more money route, but honestly in my opinion that is more likely to attract someone looking to take advantage of the money rather than having an obvious genuine attraction
Of course, one of the things some men might feel is unfair, and I’ll agree on this as being completely true, is that due to men being more visual, a woman who gets in better and better shape physically, increases her chances even MORE than a man would. Many times more. But IMO, the chance still goes up significantly for both genders
I'm replying to your last paragraph.
I understand why men may find it unfair, however I'm glad I'm on this side of the aisle. If everything was based on appearance, you'd have to put in a lot of work to maintain it. That's not considering the fact that many people just won't be found physically attractive no matter the work they put in.
I'm much more grateful to be judged a little based on appearance, and the rest on behavior and attitude.
I have been following the popularity of GLP-1 agonist drugs like ozempic’s wild financial success. It has sparked a lot of investment, of BIG time money, into developing a new generation of weight loss drugs. I don’t think a future is far off where everyone is at a healthy weight with no physical effort. Maybe only in 5years time
Once everyone is able to take drugs to stay at whatever weight they want, I dunno if people will feel better or worse if the physical, at least the body, playing field is more even
I’ll be happy for people to get to a healthy metabolic weight, but I’ll feel bad if that causes them to remain sedentary. Because that’s still not healthy in the long run. Our bodies were built to move, and the more sedentary they get, the faster they die :(
I am someone who loves the process. I actually dislike the end that I’m in now, where progress comes in the smallest of increments. I wish there existed the technology to have people pay me to jump inside their body and work out for them. I love the process, even in an uncomfortable overweight body. And I love seeing the huge results that come in the beginning ;)
Sadly didn't have that experience as a woman, having gone from skinny fat to fit and toned. I am petite and curvy (tho small chested but bigger butt lol), first time I saw actual abs in the mirror I was so stocked, I wore a sports bra to the gym for the first time in my life and was expecting all these heads to start turning, okay well at least to catch a sneaky glance or two. And...nothing. Crickets. Everyone working out, intensely avoiding everyone around them. But I also don't have a pretty face and am pushing into my forties so...guess getting that nicer body doesn't help when you're just seen as a middle aged mom anyways :/
I wouldn’t worry about it! It’s partly due to the environment. Gyms are a meat market, and when there are 20-24yr old Instagram models in their spandex around, it’s hard to compete with that for the male gaze
I faced a similar experience. I am one of the bigger guys at any gym I go to, definitely not the top, but probably somewhere in the top 25%. Then I went to vacation in San Diego, and did a week pass at a gym right on the boardwalk in Mission Beach
Ho-ly shit, it was like walking onto the Arnold classic bodybuilding stage. I went from being one of the biggest to one of the smallest. There were guys in there whose physiques I couldn’t find any flaw with, almost literally perfect. And the gym allowed no shirts , so of course all those beefy boys were shirtless
But amongst the general sedentary population, that’s where you will stand out a bit more. I promise ;)
Our gym is pretty family oriented lol...not much of a meat market, it's high schoolers and then middle aged moms like myself and quite a few seniors haha.
That said I keep seeing this sentiment at least all over reddit from men like the OP saying they don't like women who are fit or have visible abs, I was honestly shocked by that as I've always thought it was the sexiest thing ever to most men. Now I wonder if many older men especially aren't attracted to visible muscle (I'm not talking any sort of 'big' remotely, just some visible muscle tone). I've even tried posting on photofeeler one time and a pic where I thought I looked my best in a crop top and gym wear got the lowest rating of like 3.5...but when I've posted in a fitness specific social media group, I got tons of compliments and guys trying to dm so... Idk, maybe the standard male who isn't into fitness really do prefer 'softer' and curvier ladies
Possibly, I know I have several younger male co-workers who all prefer girls with potbellies and chub
I don’t get the not liking visible abs thing. But girls with rippling muscles might be intimidating to a non-athletic guy, even if those muscles are still small/appropriate size for the body
For me, as an athlete, I don’t mind the muscles. In fact, I have a higher threshold for muscle than most probably, as only these CrossFit elite girls are too much for me, and then only some of them https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lsvSxn1T_yk
I guess I am attracted to the strength. I’ve always had a crush on the fantasy of a Valkyrie, like an angelic female warrior :)
That might be an issue.
A lot of less fit women purposefully don’t date gym dudes because they assume you’re going to try to force them to diet and workout too.
Some of us don’t care though.
No worries! I think it is helping you, even if it hasn’t resulted in success yet. And for sure it’s improving your longevity, and protecting you from complications from various illnesses. Even if it does nothing for women your whole life, there’s so many other benefits
And I also don’t like skinny women. Especially skinny due to an unhealthy method, such as starving oneself or doing stimulants like coke or something. But I am super into a toned and fit female body. I also respect it more than a man, to a point. It is actually slightly harder for women to lose fat than men due to having less testosterone, and women tend to carry more fat than men in general
So I give a girl at a particular bodyfat % more props than I would a man at an exactly equal bodyfat, it’s harder for her to get and maintain. But when we factor in muscle mass, and how hard it is to get yoked, that is where the effort men need to put in pulls WAYYY the F ahead of most (non-elite athlete) women. Because they simply aren’t interested in that
What does your face and hair and style look like? That matters to women. Some of us like muscles and some of us don’t. But most of us like an attractive face.
I sit around 15% body fat at 31 bmi. Get closer to that and you will get way more attention. Then you have to at least hold a conversation with a girl or they wont care how you look.
Social media is your first problem. Half of it is crap or exaggerated. It's all about views and attention. Don't take too much notice.
Also, fitness isn't the be-all and end all when it comes to attracting women. Your attitude, personal hygiene, confidence, and how you compose yourself and treat others come into play. It's not all about having rock-hard abs.
Stick with it. It's awesome for your physical and mental health. Change your attitude towards women, though. They can smell that shit from a mile away.
The problem is you need to do it for YOU - not for anyone else.
But it's also the confidence you get out of looking good. You don't have to have six-pack abs, but just the overall feeling of doing something for yourself and having that confidence show through.
The problem is that it is a general advice given to everyone. If everyone is hot, nobody is. It wasn't meant to work for everyone. I can't be mad at the frustration. It's like you're doing everything right, but you're still failing. It has been bullshit advice for years.
Same bro. I'm tall and fit but still get nothing or treated poorly by women. My big frustration was when I got my money right and still got nothing. They go for degenerate guys with face tattoos instead. I think if you don't have a perfectly aesthetic face you'll struggle.
FYI this attitude is very unattractive. Women are not thing for you to “get” they are people. It’s not about your face. I’ve dated men who are short/bald/overweight. I enjoyed spending time with them because they actually like and value women as people.
Yeah but it motivates men to contribute to society. When you realise women don't care about money or security and choose irresponsible, emotionally unavailable men, you lose motivation to work so hard.
I love how all the women in these comments always claim that their personal experiences are somehow representative of men as a whole. I'd bet money the short, bald, overweight men you've dated still had beautiful faces.
You do realize you can't get a sense of if a man "values women as people" if you're not willing to exchange more than a few words with him, right? Or let me guess, you believe women can "sense" bad personalities right? Hence why almost every woman I've ever met has a history of only dating men with incredible personalities /s
My point was and is that this attitude is what’s the most unattractive. Why would I want to date someone who seems at best to view women as a reward for “doing things right” and at worst seems to really not like women at all? Why would a relationship like that be appealing to me?
I am 100% feeling the same.
I trained at home but I have been said it wasn't enough to gain muscles. So I went to the gym one year doing my max, 2-3 times per week to the gym, with a coach who asked me to stop cardio completely, I started a calorie measuring routine, eating extra protein...
It made no difference. My 21 BMI stayed so, I didn't gain muscles, it didn't help me being more confident but on the contrary made me quite frustrated because I had the feeling to spend a lot of time and energy, a lot of constraints for no result.
I liked going to the training half of the times, the rest I had to force myself at least a bit. I enjoyed running or biking much more. As well the people at the gym were nice but I can't say I made any friend.
And no, this year at the gym gave absolutely no result with women. And it made me even more self conscious about my body and lack of strength.
Gymaxxin will only make a noticeable difference if you start a a regular/neutral point.
You weren’t ugly or deformed before, you were just average, now fitness has made you an above average man.
If your starting point is ugly or deformed, then fitness will take you to average looking at the very best, so no it won’t help that much.
Judging by other comments, I'm guessing you're revising and minimizing the progress you've made. Celebrate what you've accomplished. It's hard, I know, but if you treat yourself like you're unappealing, women will believe you, even if your appearance would say otherwise. Focus on the measurable improvements you've made in yourself. If you're normally unstructured like I am, sticking to a regimen is something you should be proud of. You're showing yourself and others you can adapt and improve, but only if you believe that too.
Well then you’re one of those people I see at the gym making no gains.
Once you biceps and chest are ripping your shirts apart.
The ladies be ripping your pants off. Trust me
Side note: I have trained up a few dudes over the years who were stagnant.
It was usually the mindset stopping the gains. Overthinking. Underestimating. Over complicating.
Strength in any area feeds to all the rest. So either the body gets stronger followed by the mind or the mind followed by the body
That was the first young DR I trained at the gym.
He Had a weight gain goal. Had been years at the gym no gains. He saw how quick I gained and approached me.
Checked his nutrition. ***He wasn’t eating.
“Too busy” too full” “I don’t like eating much”
He was a very timid guy. Timid in his eating. Timid in his lifting. When he was lifting. Almost no ooomph.
Training with me is mind over matter.
I had him eating more. Lifting more. Gaining more. Speaking to woman more.
Him: I’m full
Me: so eat another peanut butter bagel
Him: I’m tired
Me: so put on more weight and give me two more sets with more mindfulness
His body and mind took a dramatic shift. He got a girlfriend. He got a promotion.
He was over the moon.
Tdlr: nutrition is so important, but as initially mentioned. Still a part of the minds choices. Mind needs strength even to eat enough.
Mind over matter is very true. Anyone you look up to or word of advice on diet? I’m a dog but my diet screws me. Also, good job I want to help people like this in the future.
I wish I could teach you that you shouldn’t exercise for women or anyone else but that you should do it because you have one life as this you to live and your worth taking care of and by exercising you’ll be more mobile and able to enjoy life. “Getting women”, “sex”, meaningless pursuits.
“Fitness” (obviously means different things to different people) has made a huge difference in my life.
Altho im probably older than the average redditor, I’m slim, athletic, I eat healthy but cheat when I want to. Depending on my circumstances , I lift, do calisthenics, and I hike regularly, and I’ve been mountain trekking in places I would only have dreamed of before. This has the added benefit of allowing me to connect with nature on a much deeper level.
Expecting women to swoon because you’re in shape? It seldom works like that. Besides which, I’m not a bodybuilder, I just like to be strong and not have my body breakdown the moment I exert myself. i look at it as a form of life insurance that helps me to live life more fully and hopefully to stay healthy for longer.
And yes, altho im not especially good looking, I do look better than I would if I were a shut-in living on my couch. I’m convinced that all of these have enhanced my life immeasurably.
Kinda the same for me. Status and physical features like height and attractive face are more important. But I will never stop lifting. I enjoy it and its good for me.
Honestly - all my life I've had no trouble getting women. I'm no oil painting. I'm not buff or muscular. I've never even been to a gym.
But I like to talk. I like women and I like their company. I like to make people laugh. And if you can get a woman laughing you're half way home.
Ugly or plain guys like me can't get women based on our looks. So I have to rely on personality. Works with some people, others can't stand me.
Happily married now....
beleiving things on social media was your first mistake.
f\*\*k lifting weights to look attractive. Leave that kind of s\*\*t to the coke-heads with no personality.
Looks can carry you only so much if your personality is of a tree. I have a friend who's 30yo single for life. He started working out hard in his early 20s and by now he's quite fit and good looking, but when faced with a woman he turns into a sludge.
Gym isn't useless, but it alone wont carry you. You're half way to heaven my guy, start working on your game.
Bro change your mindset.
Having a fit lifestyle isn't to get women, if you go to the gym it should be because you genuinely enjoy hitting the weights (or whatever training you do). If you train properly with high intensity, fitness is really cheap, enjoyable and effective therapy. My dog just died? Time for an AMRAP bench session in his honor. My GF just dropped me? Who cares, today is back and biceps.
I'm short and don't have a very attractive face yet it's irrelevant to me because I mog 99.9% of the population by being healthier (and feeling better), fitter and having a nicer body.
The gym isn't a one all solution, it's not really there to get hot, it's there for good health. Worshipping your diet is wrong, but you should still try to at least keep it healthy. Don't listen to some random influencers, don't fall into fad diets, don't put moneya in the supplement industry.
I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that your lack of confidence isn't just because you are (self described) ugly. Introspection, where does your lack of confidence come from? Why do you feel like you have to be hot? What do you do desperately desire in a relationship? These questions could help you figure out your next steps
Having an \*amazing\* body can do that. Just 'going to the gym' won't, though.
It's good for your physical health, it's good for you mental health, it's a constructive hobby and it's cheap (unless you are buying supplements). It's better for you, as a person, than it is for the goal of getting chicks.
If those things aren't important to you and you only want one thing, chicks, without having to work on anything else...the better option is...'make money'.
I can't imagine it does not make a difference with women. I have been both fat and in shape a few times each with no other changes and can say for me its THE factor when it comes to women. Not saying I have to beat them off with a stick or something but it goes from being almost impossible to get women when fat to being normally pretty easy when in shape.
As for the other things people say will improve when you work out. Your mood, your energy, your overall life, I never get any of those things, I actually feel worse for the most part when I work out, that is why I have just gone back to being fat again. Working out and dieting strictly sucks, I can live without women if I don't have to do it lol.
Fitness isn't about women. It's about you.
If you struggled to walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing, were at risk of a heart attack if you so much as thought about kicking a ball, and had gum, circulation, skin, and vision issues because of your diabetes, I'm sure you'd say your life was different.
Fitness makes a MASSIVE difference to everyone's lives. Women have NOTHING to do with any of that.
I think that you misunderstood something. Fitness requires hard work, dedication, patience, self-control and a host of qualities that people generally consider positive and by extension make someone who has them possibly more desirable. The physical appearance is just the 'evidence' that you have those qualities. No more, no less. It's not a video game where you put all your XP into fitness and suddenly everyone wants to fuck you.
Well, we do not know your case. There are many factors, but generally gym is one of the best things that you can do to increase your attractiveness.
What are the general things that women find most attractive? Healthy weight, healthy body fat(10-20%), wider shoulders, slimmer waist.
Not to mention that physical fitness improves your immune system, mental health and testosterone levels, all of this affect your attractiveness.
“How to influence people and make friends” is a book that people read for a reason. Social hierarchy will get you more women for sure then just strictly working out. How you viewed by people will either make it easier or harder. I’ve seen what most reddits say is impossible aka 5’3 dude with a 9/10 who was like 2 inches taller then him. You know what got him the girl? His popularity and how everyone new him as a guy that messes around all the time and generally is just a funny character. Personality isn’t just how you are to women but also can be something that influences how society as a whole views you.
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I must sadly say that I feel the same.
Two years ago I lost almost 50 kgs, get myself into awesome shape and health.
Only to discover that this changes nothing in my life. This realisation hit me so hard that I started hating myself coz I understood that I am broken on the inside and no outside work will change it.
So now I got all weight back. I know I have to loose it again. I know what to do, how to do it. I have every answer coz I did it already. But the pointless of it is just so sad I can;t do it.
You can’t just expect to get a good body and have women throwing themselves at you, you have to work on charm, charisma , holding a conversation , being attentive and kind. Those are the traits most women want, if they just want you for looks (or money/what car you drive) then they are shallow and best avoided.
I’m saying this as someone who is not the best looking guy but I’ve managed to do ok with women over the years and I’ve been with my wife twenty years, a bit of charm or humour goes a long way my friend 👍🏻
I'm a fucking skinny guy, like 45kg at the age of 34. Even women are heavier than me.
One day I walked into a fitness store to by some creatine for a friend. There were 4-6 buffed up guys in the store, a mix of employees and customers.
There was one hot lady in the corner just standing there, looking down on her phone. She wore a tight blue tank top and flower patterned long skirt. She looked Eurasian. The guys were all looking at her every now and then.
I checked her out too once and then went on to ask one of the employee about creatine and started chatting about stuff with him. He was taller than me and could literally bench press me if he wanted too. He was also checking her out during our conversation.
Here's the problem. I'm a fair skinned North Indian with a good looking face. All the guys there had average or ugly mugs. Honest truth.
After a while I noticed the lady was stealing glances at me, whereas earlier she had been ignoring all the other guys. This is common place for me. 90% of the hot girls in the place will check me out and buzz around me like flies.
Anyways, finally I paid for the product and when I wanted to leave she was blocking the entrance. Purposely I think. I just asked her politely, "Excuse me, I would like to step out." She gave me this super sweet smile and I smiled back, and left. I don't know what was awaiting me if I chatted her up. She might have had a body building bf who would fold me in half. Maybe he was one of the customers in the store.
So in conclusion, as with all the other commenters here, going to the gym is not going to matter if you're naturally not good looking, or don't have "it". The charisma and confidence and nonchalance to have a stature when you approach women, and not be a bumbling creep. Go to the gym to be fit and for your health, both mental and physical. And also to built up confidence and discipline and focus. Keep going to the gym, but also put energy to focus on other aspect, like social aspects. Make friends with your gym bros, go out with them or join some other clubs and activities and meet people, and through that find a good woman for yourself.
You cannot walk the path these fake gurus are trying to sell you, but you can walk a path. Find that path and walk it by shining a light on it, instead of keeping your light on the path you're constantly sold on by social media and false expectations.
Well obviously it just doesn't magically get you a hot girlfriend...
It is to make yourself feel good, healthy and confident about yourself. Which is just a tiny start boost for building your charisma
Honestly, any time people claim that exercise gives you anything other than better fitness, take it with a grain of salt. The only thing guaranteed is that you'll get more fit at what you're doing. Everything else is heavily YMMV. Exercise because you personally find it fulfilling not because a bunch of people on the internet said it gave you all these fancy rewards.
Social media is not real life. I think you should try to limit your social media consumption.
And there are a few steps between going to the gym and finding a partner. lol. Going to the gyms is supposed to help you improve your physically and mental health, and build self confidence by accomplishing goals you set for yourself. Going to the gym does not equal girlfriend.
Dont look for advice on improvement on reddit my man. We are mostly losers that dont admit it under the cover of anonimity.
I know this is ironic since im giving an advice but look for someone you know that has success with ladies and ask him straight: what am i doing wrong.
You have ppl who branded your attitude as the problem based on your post. Those arent normal functional human beings, dont get advice from them.
Women don't care about fat percentage or muscle mass. To an extent of course, but generally we don't.
We also don't care about your grooming as long as you smell neutral and look like you own a comb.
The thing that women find in men that do spend a lot of time on the gym and grooming is confidence. The hottest a man can be is confident while still being humble and empathetic.
If you manage that you shouldn't have more issues than the average person (nobody will get 100% of the people they're interested in) unless you look like Sloth from The Goonies in which case you'll also have to be funny and good at oral.
People online act like women are all the most selfish judgmental people on earth. I’m shocked at the amount of beautiful women I see dating absolute gremlins. No disrespect to the guys, I’m no catch either.
I’m actually another example, I’ve never felt like I was butt ugly, always thought I was middle of the road, I definitely have nice eyes and beard, but my fiancé gets hit on almost everytime she goes out and I’ve been hit on maybe twice in my life. Have never had a woman approach or flirt with me at a bar. Been together 7 years and I’ve never had to tell someone I’m taken.
It really is personality, how you carry yourself, stuff like that. This stuff is much harder to address, so a lot of guys just fall into “I’m ugly it’s hopeless”. Couldn’t tell you what to do specifically cause idk you, but I would say starting with the mindset of bettering yourself FOR yourself, Is probably a good beginning point.
You listen to the wrong people. Getting strong won't get you women. It gets you something more productive to do with your time than jumping through hoops hoping for a crumb of attention. You've turned it into another hoop.
The only dating advice I’ve ever actually seen work with women is just be a fuk boy, like honestly man all this shit on working on your self is a waste. At the end of the day the guys who are actually pulling are your typical shallow fuk boy, women might complain about guys like that but at the end of the day those are the guys getting some so yea.
80% of men are viewed as below average attractiveness. There are other factors at play in regards to how successful you can be with women. One factor is having a community. When you mix and mingle people will look beyond your attractiveness and possibly see other good things about you. After all a partner is someone you must live with. Everything being online is a detriment to community. A lot of normal men can’t even “attract”a room mate or friend. College is a huge community for people but after that I feel we are thrown back into the reality of a disconnected confused society.
I have no clue how you can create community. Maybe join a book club for a book you like. It’s fucking hard though.
Sure if you just want some shallow randos that might be the way to go.
You will catch more with your confidence and personality than looks. Might wanna work on that.
You call yourself ugly, you project that negative feeling to the world and women will pick up on it. No amount of gym work fixes that.
Here’s how I’d approach things op. First off, your looks are your looks. Your face can change some but you are you. Secondly, you can lose fat by being in a caloric deficit and working out. Thirdly, you will be more built if you follow a program like strong lifts 5x5 or even an intermediate program like madcow. You have to have confidence in yourself brother, that’s what works. Keep trying, don’t give up, I believe in you.
It's about mindset - you're doing this for yourself, to be in the best shape you can be, to be the best version of yourself physically and mentally.
You're coming into it wrong if you think that women will start falling at your feet and you're suddenly going to become hot af because you started exercising.
My best advice is don't listen to those social media "influencers' - a lot of them post a bunch of glorified BS to get clicks. Find the down to earth people that just give good advice on being the best version of yourself for none other than yourself. Simple.
What’s your height weight body fat percentage
What’s your bench squat deadlift max I’ll tell you if your at the point where your muscles give you sex appeal
Listening to other men about what women want is the dumbest thing any man can do. Do you hear yourself? Most women want a guy who is just able to do physical activity at an average ability. Most people don't want some muscle fitness monster whose life is solely focused on diet and working out. Also no woman wants the same thing.
Guys going to the gym thinking they gonna get attention from women is hilarious.
I've been lifting for years. I know I don't look bad. Got broad shoulder, nice v shape torso and never once got a compliment on my physique by a woman. Guys? All the fuckin time.
Accept your self.
Accept that maybe, like many other people throughout history, you will never be partnered. Accept it. Accept your SELF. Start to do things that make you happy instead of doing things only to get women.
Having a great physique stopped mattering around the late 2000s when the fitness boom started taking hold. Now there are jacked dudes everywhere and highschoolers are jumping on exotic steroid compounds. It doesn't set you apart like it would have say in the 90s or something and women are bored with it. I've been everything from shredded ottermode with perfect abs to full on 4 plate bench roidbro mode and no girl ever cared.
Random dudes however cared a LOT and if anything the attention women see you getting from other men would be what helps the most (if your face isn't busted, which mine was so it didn't help at all).
Remember the Zyzz days? Back when the aesthetic movement first was hitting?
He used to be my biggest inspiration, both as a positive and negative role model. In a way I saw his death as a martyr, a warning to people as to the risks of steroids. Even though he died technically due to a genetic heart complication, I’m sure the PED’s and recreational drugs didn’t help
Past a certain point of muscle, it’s actually hindering not helping chances with women, based on surveys. Women find a certain amount of muscle intimidating. When surveying different body types with various amounts of muscle, most women would always pick the ones a few types down from the most jacked
Also, aesthetics is really a thing. So many guys either don’t care or don’t know about exercises to hit the hard to hit spots on various heads of the muscle. Which is why two guys at the same strength and bodyweight can have wildly different looking bodies, from an aesthetic perspective
Gym is good because it eventually gets you past the bare minimum attractive required for someone to not visibly recoil at your presence Past that point, charm and charisma (and empathy) are worth far more than your physical appearance, even for short term flings
Lol, so it’s not about being attractive, it’s about not being ugly
Rule #1: Be hot Rule #2: Don't be ugly I would say he's half-way there.
Rule #3: Don't be a dick. Rule #4: Hold a conversation
The real rule is you can't be BOTH ugly on the outside and on the inside. If it's just one you have hope. If it's both you're fucked Good thing is you can always fix the inside with a lot of work
I don’t know about always I actually feel like looks and personality is pretty even If you’re born looking less than average, you can do a lot with fitness, diet, makeup, dapperness(?), and charm But you can of course still be born so ugly even your parents have a hard time looking at you, beyond saving looks wise And the same applies for personality, if you’re naturally a bit of an ass, you can get by with charm, self reflection/improvement, a positive outlook and maybe a bit of therapy But you can of course also be born so god awful of a person, that even your parents have a hard time loving you Of course both of the extremes are insanely rare, and usually is caused by physical or mental deformation
I can’t lie man, this is a crazy comment. The gym is great for your physical health but from what OP has described it goes deeper. I think he should seek therapeutic advice from a qualified professional. Hearing the thoughts of a random Redditor (like myself) is not the growth he needs at the moment
This comment is well reasoned and thoughtful. What the hell is it doing on Reddit???
If you have an ugly face, you can go to the gym as much as you like, the face will remain ugly.
If you have an ugly face it will likely be even more ugly if you saddle it with excess amounts of fat, and combine it with belly fat, man boobs, bad posture, bad skin, and greasy hair, you'll definitely look worse. Make the most of what you have. In addition, your health is about you. Not whether other people find you attractive. Being ugly is one thing, but having clogged arteries, diabetes risk, zero cardiovascular ability, weak muscles, weak joints, bad posture, bad skin, and everything else that comes with it taking care of your physical health, then you'll be even more unhappy and uncomfortable with yourself than if you were fit but not conventionally attractive.
A man with an ugly face, if he maintains his physique and dresses well, eventually grows old enough to be categorized as distinguished. It's not really that he looks better with age, more that all the other men start looking progressively worse
Like 9/11, never forget hygiene.
[>just go gym, bro ](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.4pcdn.org%2Fpol%2F1512584293845.png&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=32d4e84531e536ccebdc335bb7e7fa4941acebe7b9c8de58e7f4eb539fa16a3f&ipo=images)
If you don’t post pics you can’t get advice.
Exactly!
If you do anything designed to better yourself specifically for women, you’re going to be miserable and disappointed. I started taking fitness and diet seriously first and foremost for my mental and physical health. The change in my body has taken months of strenuous training and paying attention to calorie and protein intake. It will continue to take that to get where I want to be and maintain that long term. This is not a quick fix solution designed to get laid for a summer and then go back to being a stick in the mud. This is and should be seen as a lifestyle change for the better of your health. The confidence that comes from that can make interacting with the opposite sex easier but as others have said, that’s a mental issue that working out makes easier as you feel better in your own skin. Better aesthetic choices can remove more barriers to entry but the onus is still on you. There is no well of women that will drag you into bed with them. At most you might get some more stray glances and smiles a bit more often. You still have to do the work to love yourself and be confident in yourself if you actually want to go anywhere in dating or even just casual sex.
I put in a lot of work in order to be able to get women, buy I always kept in the back of my mind that that's a shortsighted motivation and that I should be doing it for myself. Still, I really needed the motivation of the pain of my miserable love life to be able to put in the hours necessary. I don't think that's a bad thing if you're reasonable about it. Fully agree with everything else
Thanks for putting into words the answer that makes the most sense.
It's not the muscles. It's the new added confidence in your self that MAY attract women. Still a good thing to be working out tho
Ummm it’s also the muscles (Assuming, you know, you actually build some)
Which requires actually pushing yourself at the gym. So many people going to the gym, "doing" exercises, but literally not trying at all.
Even just doing exercises should build or at least tone some muscles a little bit. You won't be an Instagram influencer but the changes should be noticeable after a year at least of even shitty form and easy workout.
Flailing arms with 2kg dumbbells isn't going to do much. Yet people do it often. Not saying people should push huge weights, but let's be honest, it's a bit like having a slow walk, vs some faster hiking speed. Every movement uses energy, but challenging muscles will definitely use a lot more
That is a fair point. I guess it comes down to overall goals. Obviously if someone isn't using probably 50% of their maximum load they won't get great results. Just working out for the sake of lifting a weight that isn't stimulating muscles at all is just wasting energy. I am a believer of "there is no such thing as a bad workout" but it's clear there is much better workouts. I myself had to lift heavy and eat all the time to go from 140lbs at 6'2 to 240 lol.
Naw, it was the muscles that attracted them. I still hate myself when I look at myself
Then what is the damn point???
I can't tell you what the point is for yourself. I can tell you that if a human does it consistently, then they will be healthier. And more equipped to get Happy . Is it the easy mode one stop fix for life, no ... That's the poison talking...to say it will fix everything. It's just one of the first step on a path to happiness. You will sleep better. Sleeping is is the cap on your health. You can do everything else right and if your sleep is bad you're going to be messed up. Your body will handle stress better due the way that the muscles help store healthy chemicals/hormones like reservoir. And stress is the leading determinants and the health of your immune system strength. So you could say you're going to miss less days of work and have less money lost due to doctors visits.
All u said is big bs XD
No idea what madman downvoted you for legitimately calling out (probably AI generated) BS
His points are real and valid, tho goes off on a lil tangent lol
Why would you want to be with someone who only likes big muscles? Constantly having to keep up with the gym to keep your GF happy? If you like the gym that’s fine but Don’t do things to please other people , do it to make yourself happy.
Who do you think the most confident man in Hollywood is? I think it's still Brad Pitt although of course everyone gets less confident as they age
George Clooney is better
Better at being confident, yes?
Yes lol
💯💯💯
>Men on social media pretend that fitness (and other grooming) can lead you to well of women dragging you down to them. Putting on muscle is like buying a cool car. Lots of guys do it to impress girls only to find themselves impressing guys instead.
Lol
This. Pretty sure it’s men who find men more attractive with muscles than women do, I know a LOT of women and very few like the muscular look. My wife hates muscular guys, my body is pretty good for 50 , flat stomach still 😊 but I’ve never been muscular so you CAN get a woman if you use a bit of charm and personality.
I think there's a line between a normal sized Athletic muscular look and a huge gym rat muscular look that as soon as you cross it, you start seeing diminishing returns.
> Men on social media pretend that fitness (and other grooming) can lead you to well of women dragging you down to them. You followed the wrong people. The people I followed told me it would get me no women, but that I would feel better. Worked for me.
The sources i watch say the opposite. Will get more attention from other men 😭
Username checks out
The main factor for you to get women is to talk to a lot of women. Being muscular makes it easier for them to be attracted to you, but the most important thing is to have attitude.
How much progress have you made? This was me before https://imgur.com/gallery/CjHT7Mb And me after https://imgur.com/gallery/42sjXUh Women aren’t obviously throwing themselves at me like I’m in a men’s cologne commercial. But I went from getting no dates to consistent dates, as many as I could fit in a weekend Get the body of a literal fitness model and tell me no women are interested. I’ll never believe it ;)
Nice work man! How long was the journey?
Ty! A long time ;) I first got into running, which was a bad idea at 270ish lbs. Very hard on the bones and joints. But I lost all the weight running, down to 175lbs at 6’0. Then I got into competitive distance running, doing half marathons for a few years. My best time was a 7:14m/mi average for the half marathon, which put me in the top 10% (barely) Then I decided to get serious about lifting. And bulked up to 215lbs over the next few years. In total it was about 6-8ish years. I still run, my last half-m I did in Jan 2024 I was able to keep an 8:13m/mi pace. I love cardio as much or more than lifting still But it’s kinda hard running at my weight. It’s doable though. I still ignore my friends and family telling me I’m crazy to still be running, that I should switch to cycling to save my joints. I hate cycling. You gotta find the activity you love. For me that’s running, but it’s gotta be outside ;)
Nice! Glad to hear that worked for you. I’ve started my journey pretty late, been at it little more than a month. Never really had much muscle, but I can see improvement so far. Just looking to get more tone I spose.
Oh man I’m jealous. Generally starting out is when it’s easiest to make the biggest gains, they call it “newbie gains”. But of course there is still the required food discipline + training effort input needed. But the reward can be huge, proportional to the amount of effort of those 2 things For me now, the gains come in the tiniest of increments. I used to be a huge MMORPG nerd, and I found it easy to visualize my body as like a character sheet. Then I translated over my powergamer desire to min/max everything and that actually translated very well to fitness. I’ve always felt that gamers actually make some of the best fitness junkies as well, simply due to their heavy-micromanagement mindset. There are a lot of variables to manage But now I feel like my char is almost maxed. And I get jealous hearing about someone starting out. Just like in MMO’s the beginning is so exciting because you get to see so much character progress :)
Yeah, haha that’s pretty much how I’m trying to view it. For the starting point for something like the pec fly machine, I was only able to do like 80lbs (15x3). Now I can do 120 after about a month and a week. Still modest weight, but a big improvement from where I began. The discipline is a constant anxiety/motivation for me though, where if I feel like I don’t want to go in or I’m too tired or too sore, I will make myself go in anyways. I mostly work machines so far because my left knee is pretty screwed up so I’m worried about dead lifting and it failing.
Great work, man! It's inspiring!
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Ty! I never really follow BMI much, but that’s a great low bodyfat. I prefer pics to judge and am def willing to compliment rather than just critique, but it’s no biggie! I still think the best use of a man’s time, if interested in improving their dating options, is to continue to get in better and better shape. You could go the better job + more money route, but honestly in my opinion that is more likely to attract someone looking to take advantage of the money rather than having an obvious genuine attraction Of course, one of the things some men might feel is unfair, and I’ll agree on this as being completely true, is that due to men being more visual, a woman who gets in better and better shape physically, increases her chances even MORE than a man would. Many times more. But IMO, the chance still goes up significantly for both genders
I'm replying to your last paragraph. I understand why men may find it unfair, however I'm glad I'm on this side of the aisle. If everything was based on appearance, you'd have to put in a lot of work to maintain it. That's not considering the fact that many people just won't be found physically attractive no matter the work they put in. I'm much more grateful to be judged a little based on appearance, and the rest on behavior and attitude.
I have been following the popularity of GLP-1 agonist drugs like ozempic’s wild financial success. It has sparked a lot of investment, of BIG time money, into developing a new generation of weight loss drugs. I don’t think a future is far off where everyone is at a healthy weight with no physical effort. Maybe only in 5years time Once everyone is able to take drugs to stay at whatever weight they want, I dunno if people will feel better or worse if the physical, at least the body, playing field is more even I’ll be happy for people to get to a healthy metabolic weight, but I’ll feel bad if that causes them to remain sedentary. Because that’s still not healthy in the long run. Our bodies were built to move, and the more sedentary they get, the faster they die :( I am someone who loves the process. I actually dislike the end that I’m in now, where progress comes in the smallest of increments. I wish there existed the technology to have people pay me to jump inside their body and work out for them. I love the process, even in an uncomfortable overweight body. And I love seeing the huge results that come in the beginning ;)
I never considered the possible effects of mass pills. Thanks for broadening my perspective today. Gotta love reddit.
Sadly didn't have that experience as a woman, having gone from skinny fat to fit and toned. I am petite and curvy (tho small chested but bigger butt lol), first time I saw actual abs in the mirror I was so stocked, I wore a sports bra to the gym for the first time in my life and was expecting all these heads to start turning, okay well at least to catch a sneaky glance or two. And...nothing. Crickets. Everyone working out, intensely avoiding everyone around them. But I also don't have a pretty face and am pushing into my forties so...guess getting that nicer body doesn't help when you're just seen as a middle aged mom anyways :/
I wouldn’t worry about it! It’s partly due to the environment. Gyms are a meat market, and when there are 20-24yr old Instagram models in their spandex around, it’s hard to compete with that for the male gaze I faced a similar experience. I am one of the bigger guys at any gym I go to, definitely not the top, but probably somewhere in the top 25%. Then I went to vacation in San Diego, and did a week pass at a gym right on the boardwalk in Mission Beach Ho-ly shit, it was like walking onto the Arnold classic bodybuilding stage. I went from being one of the biggest to one of the smallest. There were guys in there whose physiques I couldn’t find any flaw with, almost literally perfect. And the gym allowed no shirts , so of course all those beefy boys were shirtless But amongst the general sedentary population, that’s where you will stand out a bit more. I promise ;)
Our gym is pretty family oriented lol...not much of a meat market, it's high schoolers and then middle aged moms like myself and quite a few seniors haha. That said I keep seeing this sentiment at least all over reddit from men like the OP saying they don't like women who are fit or have visible abs, I was honestly shocked by that as I've always thought it was the sexiest thing ever to most men. Now I wonder if many older men especially aren't attracted to visible muscle (I'm not talking any sort of 'big' remotely, just some visible muscle tone). I've even tried posting on photofeeler one time and a pic where I thought I looked my best in a crop top and gym wear got the lowest rating of like 3.5...but when I've posted in a fitness specific social media group, I got tons of compliments and guys trying to dm so... Idk, maybe the standard male who isn't into fitness really do prefer 'softer' and curvier ladies
Possibly, I know I have several younger male co-workers who all prefer girls with potbellies and chub I don’t get the not liking visible abs thing. But girls with rippling muscles might be intimidating to a non-athletic guy, even if those muscles are still small/appropriate size for the body For me, as an athlete, I don’t mind the muscles. In fact, I have a higher threshold for muscle than most probably, as only these CrossFit elite girls are too much for me, and then only some of them https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lsvSxn1T_yk I guess I am attracted to the strength. I’ve always had a crush on the fantasy of a Valkyrie, like an angelic female warrior :)
They probably didn’t want to end up in your tik tok for staring, not saying you have one
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That might be an issue. A lot of less fit women purposefully don’t date gym dudes because they assume you’re going to try to force them to diet and workout too. Some of us don’t care though.
No worries! I think it is helping you, even if it hasn’t resulted in success yet. And for sure it’s improving your longevity, and protecting you from complications from various illnesses. Even if it does nothing for women your whole life, there’s so many other benefits And I also don’t like skinny women. Especially skinny due to an unhealthy method, such as starving oneself or doing stimulants like coke or something. But I am super into a toned and fit female body. I also respect it more than a man, to a point. It is actually slightly harder for women to lose fat than men due to having less testosterone, and women tend to carry more fat than men in general So I give a girl at a particular bodyfat % more props than I would a man at an exactly equal bodyfat, it’s harder for her to get and maintain. But when we factor in muscle mass, and how hard it is to get yoked, that is where the effort men need to put in pulls WAYYY the F ahead of most (non-elite athlete) women. Because they simply aren’t interested in that
It’s not about what body fat percentage you are. It’s the amount of muscle combined with bf and grooming
What does your face and hair and style look like? That matters to women. Some of us like muscles and some of us don’t. But most of us like an attractive face.
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Does a stubble work for you? A lot of women are into stubble these days. Might give it a try.
I sit around 15% body fat at 31 bmi. Get closer to that and you will get way more attention. Then you have to at least hold a conversation with a girl or they wont care how you look.
It’s not the muscles it’s the attitude
Attitude is the is the limit to the attractiveness. If yours isn't good it only matters if you can keep your mouth shut.
100%
What these men *always* fail to grasp. There’s no fix for awkward, creepy and desperate.
Social media is your first problem. Half of it is crap or exaggerated. It's all about views and attention. Don't take too much notice. Also, fitness isn't the be-all and end all when it comes to attracting women. Your attitude, personal hygiene, confidence, and how you compose yourself and treat others come into play. It's not all about having rock-hard abs. Stick with it. It's awesome for your physical and mental health. Change your attitude towards women, though. They can smell that shit from a mile away.
You're right but people meet online these days and it's hard to show those qualities. Online is all aesthetics and money. It's BS.
Try meeting people in The real world then? I know that’s controversial but it worked for centuries before the internet
Redditor finds out going to the gym won’t automatically get him a gf. More at 9
Post your physique. I’ve gotten compliments almost every day on my physique after 2 years of hard, consistent training. It makes all the difference.
We need some pics. Then we can tell you the truth.
Keep at it brother. It’s coming.
How long you been doing it?
The problem is you need to do it for YOU - not for anyone else. But it's also the confidence you get out of looking good. You don't have to have six-pack abs, but just the overall feeling of doing something for yourself and having that confidence show through.
you should value yourself first
Cue everyone in denial in the comments. Op, how you dress might be just as, or if not more important than gym
that's my question. is he showing off his fitness with white t shirts and some nice black jeans??
Muscles aren't gonna cure ugly...
why be fat and ugly? join a gym and just be ugly lol
Yea what about mobility and feeling good?
Do you feel better? Maybe it just hasn't made the difference you wanted.
That's rough bro.
The problem is that it is a general advice given to everyone. If everyone is hot, nobody is. It wasn't meant to work for everyone. I can't be mad at the frustration. It's like you're doing everything right, but you're still failing. It has been bullshit advice for years.
1 + 1 =2. Beep boop beep boop. Please input formula to get laid. Beep boop beep boop.
Human interaction requires human interaction
Same bro. I'm tall and fit but still get nothing or treated poorly by women. My big frustration was when I got my money right and still got nothing. They go for degenerate guys with face tattoos instead. I think if you don't have a perfectly aesthetic face you'll struggle.
FYI this attitude is very unattractive. Women are not thing for you to “get” they are people. It’s not about your face. I’ve dated men who are short/bald/overweight. I enjoyed spending time with them because they actually like and value women as people.
Yeah but it motivates men to contribute to society. When you realise women don't care about money or security and choose irresponsible, emotionally unavailable men, you lose motivation to work so hard.
I love how all the women in these comments always claim that their personal experiences are somehow representative of men as a whole. I'd bet money the short, bald, overweight men you've dated still had beautiful faces. You do realize you can't get a sense of if a man "values women as people" if you're not willing to exchange more than a few words with him, right? Or let me guess, you believe women can "sense" bad personalities right? Hence why almost every woman I've ever met has a history of only dating men with incredible personalities /s
My point was and is that this attitude is what’s the most unattractive. Why would I want to date someone who seems at best to view women as a reward for “doing things right” and at worst seems to really not like women at all? Why would a relationship like that be appealing to me?
I am 100% feeling the same. I trained at home but I have been said it wasn't enough to gain muscles. So I went to the gym one year doing my max, 2-3 times per week to the gym, with a coach who asked me to stop cardio completely, I started a calorie measuring routine, eating extra protein... It made no difference. My 21 BMI stayed so, I didn't gain muscles, it didn't help me being more confident but on the contrary made me quite frustrated because I had the feeling to spend a lot of time and energy, a lot of constraints for no result. I liked going to the training half of the times, the rest I had to force myself at least a bit. I enjoyed running or biking much more. As well the people at the gym were nice but I can't say I made any friend. And no, this year at the gym gave absolutely no result with women. And it made me even more self conscious about my body and lack of strength.
If you believe anything that appears on social media is true, you're gonna have a bad time.
Can’t fix ugly unfortunately
Yeah, people are liars about the limits of self-improvement to avoid confronting just-world fallacy. Still, ugly > fat & ugly.
Gymaxxin will only make a noticeable difference if you start a a regular/neutral point. You weren’t ugly or deformed before, you were just average, now fitness has made you an above average man. If your starting point is ugly or deformed, then fitness will take you to average looking at the very best, so no it won’t help that much.
Can confirm, I'm fat and ugly and I get the sex and stuff all the time
Maybe it's your shit attitude holding you back and your belief that you're owed women for doing something
What are you doing? Mostly weight training?
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Judging by other comments, I'm guessing you're revising and minimizing the progress you've made. Celebrate what you've accomplished. It's hard, I know, but if you treat yourself like you're unappealing, women will believe you, even if your appearance would say otherwise. Focus on the measurable improvements you've made in yourself. If you're normally unstructured like I am, sticking to a regimen is something you should be proud of. You're showing yourself and others you can adapt and improve, but only if you believe that too.
Do you actually workout with intent or merely go through the motions.
How long have you been gyming?
You need to change what you eat more than what you lift....
We need to see evidence
If you did it for women, you chose the wrong reason. Do it for you
Gym is for adventures. Get strong to hunt Bigfoot and raid trap houses.
Well then you’re one of those people I see at the gym making no gains. Once you biceps and chest are ripping your shirts apart. The ladies be ripping your pants off. Trust me Side note: I have trained up a few dudes over the years who were stagnant. It was usually the mindset stopping the gains. Overthinking. Underestimating. Over complicating. Strength in any area feeds to all the rest. So either the body gets stronger followed by the mind or the mind followed by the body
How is under eating not apart of your top three l reasons for men to not get big.
That was the first young DR I trained at the gym. He Had a weight gain goal. Had been years at the gym no gains. He saw how quick I gained and approached me. Checked his nutrition. ***He wasn’t eating. “Too busy” too full” “I don’t like eating much” He was a very timid guy. Timid in his eating. Timid in his lifting. When he was lifting. Almost no ooomph. Training with me is mind over matter. I had him eating more. Lifting more. Gaining more. Speaking to woman more. Him: I’m full Me: so eat another peanut butter bagel Him: I’m tired Me: so put on more weight and give me two more sets with more mindfulness His body and mind took a dramatic shift. He got a girlfriend. He got a promotion. He was over the moon. Tdlr: nutrition is so important, but as initially mentioned. Still a part of the minds choices. Mind needs strength even to eat enough.
Mind over matter is very true. Anyone you look up to or word of advice on diet? I’m a dog but my diet screws me. Also, good job I want to help people like this in the future.
I wish I could teach you that you shouldn’t exercise for women or anyone else but that you should do it because you have one life as this you to live and your worth taking care of and by exercising you’ll be more mobile and able to enjoy life. “Getting women”, “sex”, meaningless pursuits.
“Fitness” (obviously means different things to different people) has made a huge difference in my life. Altho im probably older than the average redditor, I’m slim, athletic, I eat healthy but cheat when I want to. Depending on my circumstances , I lift, do calisthenics, and I hike regularly, and I’ve been mountain trekking in places I would only have dreamed of before. This has the added benefit of allowing me to connect with nature on a much deeper level. Expecting women to swoon because you’re in shape? It seldom works like that. Besides which, I’m not a bodybuilder, I just like to be strong and not have my body breakdown the moment I exert myself. i look at it as a form of life insurance that helps me to live life more fully and hopefully to stay healthy for longer. And yes, altho im not especially good looking, I do look better than I would if I were a shut-in living on my couch. I’m convinced that all of these have enhanced my life immeasurably.
Even if you have a Ferrari, you still have to know how to drive the damn thing. Looks are only one part of the equation.
Bai suka. Do sport because you like not because people tell you to.
Work harder
Kinda the same for me. Status and physical features like height and attractive face are more important. But I will never stop lifting. I enjoy it and its good for me.
Brother, do it for you. For how good you can get yourself to feel physically. Not strong per se, but balanced.
Ok quit then
Honestly - all my life I've had no trouble getting women. I'm no oil painting. I'm not buff or muscular. I've never even been to a gym. But I like to talk. I like women and I like their company. I like to make people laugh. And if you can get a woman laughing you're half way home. Ugly or plain guys like me can't get women based on our looks. So I have to rely on personality. Works with some people, others can't stand me. Happily married now....
beleiving things on social media was your first mistake. f\*\*k lifting weights to look attractive. Leave that kind of s\*\*t to the coke-heads with no personality.
Looks can carry you only so much if your personality is of a tree. I have a friend who's 30yo single for life. He started working out hard in his early 20s and by now he's quite fit and good looking, but when faced with a woman he turns into a sludge. Gym isn't useless, but it alone wont carry you. You're half way to heaven my guy, start working on your game.
We require photos
Bro change your mindset. Having a fit lifestyle isn't to get women, if you go to the gym it should be because you genuinely enjoy hitting the weights (or whatever training you do). If you train properly with high intensity, fitness is really cheap, enjoyable and effective therapy. My dog just died? Time for an AMRAP bench session in his honor. My GF just dropped me? Who cares, today is back and biceps. I'm short and don't have a very attractive face yet it's irrelevant to me because I mog 99.9% of the population by being healthier (and feeling better), fitter and having a nicer body.
The gym isn't a one all solution, it's not really there to get hot, it's there for good health. Worshipping your diet is wrong, but you should still try to at least keep it healthy. Don't listen to some random influencers, don't fall into fad diets, don't put moneya in the supplement industry. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that your lack of confidence isn't just because you are (self described) ugly. Introspection, where does your lack of confidence come from? Why do you feel like you have to be hot? What do you do desperately desire in a relationship? These questions could help you figure out your next steps
Having an \*amazing\* body can do that. Just 'going to the gym' won't, though. It's good for your physical health, it's good for you mental health, it's a constructive hobby and it's cheap (unless you are buying supplements). It's better for you, as a person, than it is for the goal of getting chicks. If those things aren't important to you and you only want one thing, chicks, without having to work on anything else...the better option is...'make money'.
I can't imagine it does not make a difference with women. I have been both fat and in shape a few times each with no other changes and can say for me its THE factor when it comes to women. Not saying I have to beat them off with a stick or something but it goes from being almost impossible to get women when fat to being normally pretty easy when in shape. As for the other things people say will improve when you work out. Your mood, your energy, your overall life, I never get any of those things, I actually feel worse for the most part when I work out, that is why I have just gone back to being fat again. Working out and dieting strictly sucks, I can live without women if I don't have to do it lol.
People on the Internet lie to get your attention, clicks and therefore money. Don't fall for that.
Fitness isn't about women. It's about you. If you struggled to walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing, were at risk of a heart attack if you so much as thought about kicking a ball, and had gum, circulation, skin, and vision issues because of your diabetes, I'm sure you'd say your life was different. Fitness makes a MASSIVE difference to everyone's lives. Women have NOTHING to do with any of that.
What type of workout split you doing? And what is your diet like.
Enough confidence will get you whatever you want in life.
I think that you misunderstood something. Fitness requires hard work, dedication, patience, self-control and a host of qualities that people generally consider positive and by extension make someone who has them possibly more desirable. The physical appearance is just the 'evidence' that you have those qualities. No more, no less. It's not a video game where you put all your XP into fitness and suddenly everyone wants to fuck you.
Then perhaps you shouldn’t have listened to manosphere grifters trying to sell you something..?
Well, we do not know your case. There are many factors, but generally gym is one of the best things that you can do to increase your attractiveness. What are the general things that women find most attractive? Healthy weight, healthy body fat(10-20%), wider shoulders, slimmer waist. Not to mention that physical fitness improves your immune system, mental health and testosterone levels, all of this affect your attractiveness.
Skill issue.
“How to influence people and make friends” is a book that people read for a reason. Social hierarchy will get you more women for sure then just strictly working out. How you viewed by people will either make it easier or harder. I’ve seen what most reddits say is impossible aka 5’3 dude with a 9/10 who was like 2 inches taller then him. You know what got him the girl? His popularity and how everyone new him as a guy that messes around all the time and generally is just a funny character. Personality isn’t just how you are to women but also can be something that influences how society as a whole views you.
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I must sadly say that I feel the same. Two years ago I lost almost 50 kgs, get myself into awesome shape and health. Only to discover that this changes nothing in my life. This realisation hit me so hard that I started hating myself coz I understood that I am broken on the inside and no outside work will change it. So now I got all weight back. I know I have to loose it again. I know what to do, how to do it. I have every answer coz I did it already. But the pointless of it is just so sad I can;t do it.
You can’t just expect to get a good body and have women throwing themselves at you, you have to work on charm, charisma , holding a conversation , being attentive and kind. Those are the traits most women want, if they just want you for looks (or money/what car you drive) then they are shallow and best avoided. I’m saying this as someone who is not the best looking guy but I’ve managed to do ok with women over the years and I’ve been with my wife twenty years, a bit of charm or humour goes a long way my friend 👍🏻
I'm a fucking skinny guy, like 45kg at the age of 34. Even women are heavier than me. One day I walked into a fitness store to by some creatine for a friend. There were 4-6 buffed up guys in the store, a mix of employees and customers. There was one hot lady in the corner just standing there, looking down on her phone. She wore a tight blue tank top and flower patterned long skirt. She looked Eurasian. The guys were all looking at her every now and then. I checked her out too once and then went on to ask one of the employee about creatine and started chatting about stuff with him. He was taller than me and could literally bench press me if he wanted too. He was also checking her out during our conversation. Here's the problem. I'm a fair skinned North Indian with a good looking face. All the guys there had average or ugly mugs. Honest truth. After a while I noticed the lady was stealing glances at me, whereas earlier she had been ignoring all the other guys. This is common place for me. 90% of the hot girls in the place will check me out and buzz around me like flies. Anyways, finally I paid for the product and when I wanted to leave she was blocking the entrance. Purposely I think. I just asked her politely, "Excuse me, I would like to step out." She gave me this super sweet smile and I smiled back, and left. I don't know what was awaiting me if I chatted her up. She might have had a body building bf who would fold me in half. Maybe he was one of the customers in the store. So in conclusion, as with all the other commenters here, going to the gym is not going to matter if you're naturally not good looking, or don't have "it". The charisma and confidence and nonchalance to have a stature when you approach women, and not be a bumbling creep. Go to the gym to be fit and for your health, both mental and physical. And also to built up confidence and discipline and focus. Keep going to the gym, but also put energy to focus on other aspect, like social aspects. Make friends with your gym bros, go out with them or join some other clubs and activities and meet people, and through that find a good woman for yourself. You cannot walk the path these fake gurus are trying to sell you, but you can walk a path. Find that path and walk it by shining a light on it, instead of keeping your light on the path you're constantly sold on by social media and false expectations.
Well obviously it just doesn't magically get you a hot girlfriend... It is to make yourself feel good, healthy and confident about yourself. Which is just a tiny start boost for building your charisma
Easier to find thr nearest bridge :)
Honestly, any time people claim that exercise gives you anything other than better fitness, take it with a grain of salt. The only thing guaranteed is that you'll get more fit at what you're doing. Everything else is heavily YMMV. Exercise because you personally find it fulfilling not because a bunch of people on the internet said it gave you all these fancy rewards.
Social media is not real life. I think you should try to limit your social media consumption. And there are a few steps between going to the gym and finding a partner. lol. Going to the gyms is supposed to help you improve your physically and mental health, and build self confidence by accomplishing goals you set for yourself. Going to the gym does not equal girlfriend.
Get some steroids it’ll help
With that attitude, nothing is going to help you.
Dude, just learn to chat to the squirrel!
Dont look for advice on improvement on reddit my man. We are mostly losers that dont admit it under the cover of anonimity. I know this is ironic since im giving an advice but look for someone you know that has success with ladies and ask him straight: what am i doing wrong. You have ppl who branded your attitude as the problem based on your post. Those arent normal functional human beings, dont get advice from them.
Women don't care about fat percentage or muscle mass. To an extent of course, but generally we don't. We also don't care about your grooming as long as you smell neutral and look like you own a comb. The thing that women find in men that do spend a lot of time on the gym and grooming is confidence. The hottest a man can be is confident while still being humble and empathetic. If you manage that you shouldn't have more issues than the average person (nobody will get 100% of the people they're interested in) unless you look like Sloth from The Goonies in which case you'll also have to be funny and good at oral.
Just be yourself rather than chasing women by gym and diet. First learn to be honest about yourself other things will come as per time.
People online act like women are all the most selfish judgmental people on earth. I’m shocked at the amount of beautiful women I see dating absolute gremlins. No disrespect to the guys, I’m no catch either. I’m actually another example, I’ve never felt like I was butt ugly, always thought I was middle of the road, I definitely have nice eyes and beard, but my fiancé gets hit on almost everytime she goes out and I’ve been hit on maybe twice in my life. Have never had a woman approach or flirt with me at a bar. Been together 7 years and I’ve never had to tell someone I’m taken. It really is personality, how you carry yourself, stuff like that. This stuff is much harder to address, so a lot of guys just fall into “I’m ugly it’s hopeless”. Couldn’t tell you what to do specifically cause idk you, but I would say starting with the mindset of bettering yourself FOR yourself, Is probably a good beginning point.
You listen to the wrong people. Getting strong won't get you women. It gets you something more productive to do with your time than jumping through hoops hoping for a crumb of attention. You've turned it into another hoop.
The only dating advice I’ve ever actually seen work with women is just be a fuk boy, like honestly man all this shit on working on your self is a waste. At the end of the day the guys who are actually pulling are your typical shallow fuk boy, women might complain about guys like that but at the end of the day those are the guys getting some so yea.
Play guitar 👍
80% of men are viewed as below average attractiveness. There are other factors at play in regards to how successful you can be with women. One factor is having a community. When you mix and mingle people will look beyond your attractiveness and possibly see other good things about you. After all a partner is someone you must live with. Everything being online is a detriment to community. A lot of normal men can’t even “attract”a room mate or friend. College is a huge community for people but after that I feel we are thrown back into the reality of a disconnected confused society. I have no clue how you can create community. Maybe join a book club for a book you like. It’s fucking hard though.
Sure if you just want some shallow randos that might be the way to go. You will catch more with your confidence and personality than looks. Might wanna work on that. You call yourself ugly, you project that negative feeling to the world and women will pick up on it. No amount of gym work fixes that.
Gotta post the before and afters or else this is just bullshyt. Because it literally works this way
Have you tried changing your fashion style, revamping your social skills or just branching out to new areas to meet people?
Here’s how I’d approach things op. First off, your looks are your looks. Your face can change some but you are you. Secondly, you can lose fat by being in a caloric deficit and working out. Thirdly, you will be more built if you follow a program like strong lifts 5x5 or even an intermediate program like madcow. You have to have confidence in yourself brother, that’s what works. Keep trying, don’t give up, I believe in you.
take a salsa or swing dance class for 3 years in a row
It's about mindset - you're doing this for yourself, to be in the best shape you can be, to be the best version of yourself physically and mentally. You're coming into it wrong if you think that women will start falling at your feet and you're suddenly going to become hot af because you started exercising. My best advice is don't listen to those social media "influencers' - a lot of them post a bunch of glorified BS to get clicks. Find the down to earth people that just give good advice on being the best version of yourself for none other than yourself. Simple.
be pessimist... enjoy life
get surgery buddy
What’s your height weight body fat percentage What’s your bench squat deadlift max I’ll tell you if your at the point where your muscles give you sex appeal
Listening to other men about what women want is the dumbest thing any man can do. Do you hear yourself? Most women want a guy who is just able to do physical activity at an average ability. Most people don't want some muscle fitness monster whose life is solely focused on diet and working out. Also no woman wants the same thing.
So ur just doing fitness to attract women? Thats the issue. Its you, not fitness
Time to try the next trick: become really rich.
Guys going to the gym thinking they gonna get attention from women is hilarious. I've been lifting for years. I know I don't look bad. Got broad shoulder, nice v shape torso and never once got a compliment on my physique by a woman. Guys? All the fuckin time.
Accept your self. Accept that maybe, like many other people throughout history, you will never be partnered. Accept it. Accept your SELF. Start to do things that make you happy instead of doing things only to get women.
You're just working out the wrong things. Instead of working out your muscles, you should try working out your personality and not being an incel.
Having a great physique stopped mattering around the late 2000s when the fitness boom started taking hold. Now there are jacked dudes everywhere and highschoolers are jumping on exotic steroid compounds. It doesn't set you apart like it would have say in the 90s or something and women are bored with it. I've been everything from shredded ottermode with perfect abs to full on 4 plate bench roidbro mode and no girl ever cared. Random dudes however cared a LOT and if anything the attention women see you getting from other men would be what helps the most (if your face isn't busted, which mine was so it didn't help at all).
Remember the Zyzz days? Back when the aesthetic movement first was hitting? He used to be my biggest inspiration, both as a positive and negative role model. In a way I saw his death as a martyr, a warning to people as to the risks of steroids. Even though he died technically due to a genetic heart complication, I’m sure the PED’s and recreational drugs didn’t help Past a certain point of muscle, it’s actually hindering not helping chances with women, based on surveys. Women find a certain amount of muscle intimidating. When surveying different body types with various amounts of muscle, most women would always pick the ones a few types down from the most jacked Also, aesthetics is really a thing. So many guys either don’t care or don’t know about exercises to hit the hard to hit spots on various heads of the muscle. Which is why two guys at the same strength and bodyweight can have wildly different looking bodies, from an aesthetic perspective
Work on social skills, get social hobbies.
Fitness doesn’t cure personality.
Terrible mindset. You’re weak because you’re weak.
Get your passport
Seems you have the same shit mentality, which hurts you more than fitness will ever help you.