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Oh, now I know why my parents watched American Warewolf in London every night now. I thought they just loved the movie. It's entirely possible it wasn't even the movie I was hearing.
Don't. When you're inside a room with "distraction noises" on, it sounds like you're drowning out the noise you're making. But you're not. You're really not. Try it out. Turn the TV and make noises inside the room. You'll feel comfortable and safe. But then have her make noises inside the room and with you outside to hear the difference.
Politely agree to disagree, I definitely knew at seven years old and was mortified, scars, deep scars
Lock on the door. Because you don’t want to put all these sound masking things on because if there’s an emergency you want to hear it it’s kind of like you know she has roommates essentially and you don’t want to be rude to your roommates so everybody needs to tone down the noises a little bit. . The walls and ceilings and floors in my building are absolute uninsulated shit I wish I could be louder when having sex but I don’t. Everybody can hear everything.
Lady neighbor who is a complete bitch, has only had three orgasms in eight years . Why do I know? Because I can hear them if they literally roll over in bed
I walked in on my parents and yeah, it’s burned in my memory, that is a preferable memory to the times they fought and screamed. Besides, sex isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Our room is separated from theirs by the main living space. It’s not like we swing from the ceilings but I’m not going through the trouble of putting on music every time I lock the door.
Sex is not anything to be ashamed of, but it does create an impact on a small child.
My parents screwed like rabbits and my mom was really really loud and my sister and I still this day pretty freaked out about it and I’m an extremely sex person ( she is not) it just makes me shudder mostly because it was just one more thing that she did without any consideration for anyone else in the house.
I was not saying to put on music I was just saying to put on a lock.
And also you say that you’re « not going to the trouble » but the fact is that you’re dating someone with children so you either need to be more flexible or not date someone with kids
When i was a kid and my mom got divorced, she explained to me the noises were her having sex as a consequence of dating. Therefore it wasnt scary to me. Seems like the simplest solution amd I am not traumatized to this day.
I was 5.
Those are good idea's but not always that easy I have dated several women with younger kids and I just don't think every kid find it scary. But I grew up in the inner city and you can't be afraid if you wanna survive so we probably had very different surroundings growing up.
Yea wtf. Don’t bang on the couch when someone can easily walk in on you. Kids, roommates, in-laws, etc. Go in the bedroom and try to be quiet. Hearing some moans is better than seeing people naked on the couch.
Yeah. I’m a 36 year old woman with kids. I would *never*
There is something wrong wrong wrong with this woman. The age gap, insisting on doing it in a community space, wanting to finish after tucking her kid back in.
*RUN* OP, this woman is icky
OP is ok by that rule.
38/2 is 19. 19+7=26. He is 23, so he's ok.
Edit: nvm I'm high and thus I am stupid. 26 is minimum age. 23 is TOO YOUNG. thank u reddit
More rule of thumb going by cultural mores.
I think the logic is that the younger the individuals are, the more the age gap matters. So for someone who is 20, they can date anyone 17 (10+7) or older, so there's a 3 year age gap. But if a person is 50, 32(25+7) or older is acceptable.
I think it's a combination of things like brain development (which finalises around 25) and life goal compatibility, that sort of thing. Theoretically, both our hypothetical 50 and 32 year old are in their professional adult eras. Kids may or may not be on the table. Their personalities are, mostly, stable. The 20 and 17 year olds are likely in more of a young adult education and party phase, as they explore their own boundaries and have fun.
Wait, is the 'myth' just the age 25 has been blown out of proportion in its importance? Nuance is generally needed, especially as more is claimed by it, but 'myth' seems to be overstating the lack too much, from that one article.
My understanding was that a degree of brain plasticity plateaus for many in the mid-twenties, and since the samples are W.E.I.R.D., that could be linked to transferring from post-secondary/graduate education into 'work years' brain. So not necessarily a truth about brains, but about how life and Western societal culture changes tracks in those years to stop valuing flexibility as strongly, and starting to focus on specialisation more.
Applying this to dating, people still in their flexible brain years are more likely to have significant changes to themselves, making a long term match over that period that is not as flexible, less likely to succeed.
the rule is a minimum dating age guide. And it's not a legal requirement nor is it to be taken seriously but basically:
Since you divide your age by 2 and add 7 the lowest this can apply is 14. 14/2 +7 loops back to 14. That's just teenagers dating, level playing field, perfectly normal. then the line raises linearly so that every 2 years the gap gets 1 year bigger. So by 16 your lowest age goes down to 15, 18 (16), 20(17) and the line goes all the way up to 100 year olds dating down to 57 year olds.
Some of it seems weird but ultimately the rule is just a fun math game to do, anyone consenting over the age of 18 can date whoever they want.
I feel like the older you get the less it matters. A fifteen year gap is a problem when one of you is 25, but at 65, meh, by then you're old enough to know what you're getting into and what stage of life you're at.
Serious question, and no disrepect to you. Why do you care what ages people in a consensual relationship are?
I'm of the opinion: if they're happy, who am I to judge?
True. I didn’t really finish my entire thought before. My child is smart and successful and wonderful, but the age and maturity differences between these two ages is still very significant at this point. 35 and 50 wouldn’t be so weird, but 23 and 38 is a huge age and maturity gap.
Father of 3 here.
If you're going to be in a relationship with a parent kids are going to be around. If you can't handle that or accommodate that you're in the wrong place. I doubt this is what you're getting at but I have seen enough boy/girlfriends try and date moms/dad's and expect the kids to never be around. It will never work out well. It's be far better for you and them to develop a relationship that doesn't start with them seeing you inside their mom.
Go to the bedroom, do your best to soundproof it with music/tv/white noise, lock the door, put something between the bed frame and the wall, have your fun. Bonus points if the kids have a TV in their room you can turn on. If the kids knock stop and handle what they need and go back at it.
Future advice, any time you do anything sexual not behind closed and locked doors always be ready for a kid to pop up. I don't care if it's 2am and they're supposed to be at grandma's for the night. It's better to expect it and be ready to cover up than be unprepared and caught doing something extremely embarrassing on the couch. That isn't to say you can't fool around elsewhere in the house. Just be aware if you decide to fool around in the shower with the door open because the kids won't be home till tomorrow they will show up and hear EVERYTHING while they get that pair of pajamas they forgot.
Lmao this is an incredible answer. I completely agree. I'm a single mom of 2 and this is all so accurate to what it's like to have kids AND a sex life.
He was 17 not the long ago.... of course he is going to act that way! He barley has any experience as an adult! He should not be with a 40 year old woman with kids at his age!!
I think you have a good point. I’ve (me age 51) worked with 23 year olds and they are definitely adults, just young ones. Not older babies. My current coworker of that age, is recently out of the Coast Guard where he was literally responsible for so much including saving lives. At times he’s more mature than me!
As a 38yr old woman, she totally could if she wanted to. 38 isn’t too old to have kids.
But yea, this age difference is weird and she definitely only sees this guy for sex. Hence why she even chose him, she didn’t want the baggage that comes from dating men her age. With this kid she can safely assume he too, just wants sex
That is true 38 isn't too old I guess from alot of women I've been around they get paranoid around that age if they still want kids.
But yeah relationships like this are obviously just for sex because it can't be that hard to find someone your age plus if the relationship is just sex I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing that person to my kids if I had any.
The paranoia around having kids at 40+ is that your chances of pregnancy complications rise quite a bit. Possible life-altering stuff.
Your chances of that kid ending up with Down Syndrome goes up DRAMATICALLY after 40. We're talking 1 in 60 chance in your early 40s, and 1 in 12 by the end of your 40s.
Not something to mess with.
Yes and no. There is increased risk, but the medical consensus on pregnancy and birth after the age of 35 is starting to shift as it becomes more commonplace and genetic testing has advanced significantly. The degree of risk has many factors but many, , many people have healthy children in their 30’s. My mom was 32 and 36 for my brother and I. This is actually pretty wild, but my grandmother was 47 when she had my mom and my mom had a brother who was 21 years older than her and her sister, who is still living, is 22 years older. Some of her nieces and nephews are almost the same age as she is (Irish catholic family). It’s a huge generational gap! My grandmother was born in 1909 and my grandfather in 1908. It’s pretty interesting.
OP is basically uber ~~eats~~ penis for that woman. He's the only one under the illusion that it's anything more than that. She gets to shag a young stud that will deliver the goods to her house (couch) without having to get dressed up or pay a babysitter.
Ew, take it to the bedroom. The probability of the kid hearing their mom have sex will be so much better than him seeing his mom naked.
I would never risk it in the living room especially, she needs to put some noise on and have quiet sex .
I totally agreee with you, but being a ten year old and seeing your mom naked because she’s having sex with a man. Even my ten year old self would have a meltdown lol.
Bedroom + TV on. It's really not appropriate to be having sex in a common area of a house shared with others, especially children. Because of this exact scenario.
Hey Bro you are 15 years younger than this single mom. You are closer in age to her eldest kid. You might want to rethink being concerned about anything that might upset her kids. You should be concerned about your self mister. You are just being used as a toy for the time being. Whenever in doubt, Just ask an older man!
As a parent who is a similar age to your girlfriend, my advice is that I find your age difference quite disturbing. I can’t imagine dating someone who is closer to my son’s age than my own. It feels quite predatory. Why can’t she find someone more similar to her own age?
The fact that she isn’t listening to your concerns is just the added cherry on top.
This is a weird one dude.
I really feel like you are right that the priority has to be the kids here. It only takes one time to scar them for life.
Your gf deserves to be loved and feel wanted, but damn, she's going to fuck up her boys if they ever walk into her getting plowed by her bf (their dad would be bad enough, but her bf just feels worse). This should not be something you ever risk again. Gotta be super careful when those boys are in the house.
I feel like bf is definitely worse atleast dad it's like ok your both my parents and love each other but bf to.a kid that's basically a random man on their mom.
As someone who’s parent and step-parent/girlfriend/whoever he was fucking at the time didn’t give a fuck about whether or not I heard or saw, you should absolutely NOT be doing the deed in any space where there’s even a remote possibility of her kids seeing/hearing. It *will* fuck them up.
Parents having sex is a natural part of life. I understand your hesitation because you are a male and her kids are not your biological children so, in your mind, that could equal problems should they see you with their mom in a sexual way and tell someone. However, parents have sex. All the time. We've had to stop and check on them, tuck them back in, get water, etc. we just go right back to our adult time like nothing happened. If she is comfortable enough with you to allow you in her home around her kids, you are doing fine. She will tell you if something is not ok.
For the Karen reading this waiting for a chance to type something about consent, OF COURSE if you aren't comfortable, say so. But if you are only hesitant because you're afraid of her kids finding out, follow their mother's lead.
Coming from someone who accidentally walked in on my dad and step mom as a kid...I can tell you that noises are WAY less traumatizing than visuals! Lol
As the kid who had heard/walked in on their parents very healthy sex life… when I started asking questions is when I got a sound machine in my room. Couldn’t hear anything outside my bedroom after that. Definitely recommend the white noise go in the kids bedroom and putting a lock on the adult bedroom for just in case.
Lady here. This is kind of weird to me. I’m only 30 and can’t imagine dating a 23 year old. I straight up haven’t even read the post yet but I wanted to just shout that out real quick…
Probably not the best advice, but once hooked up with a girl while her kids were in the living room watching a movie....got into it, we got carried away, she got loud kids came to door asking if she was ok.....don't know where I was going with this, but it's part of kids. Married couples have the same problem. Now married our kids damn near walked in a few times....they forget how to knock.
Risk vs reward....if you like her, it's part of the deal with her having kids.
Go in the bedroom and put music on and lock it 💀 it’s what kids do barge in whenever you least expect it . your never gonna not have a moment without them being there unless yall on a date or hotel 🤷
I have this really awesome 6 panel sound absorption mural I have on the wall that shares into my kid’s bathroom. I also have a air purifier that gives out a nice white noise. I also moved the bed as far as I could to lessen the sound.
Mom here. Gotta keep it in the bedroom with a locked door. Run a humidifier/dehumidifier/air purifier in the kids room to muffle sounds and make sure the bed isn't on the shared wall. And blame the TV but try to be reasonable with your noises.
Children can know that adults have sex without it being traumatic, it can form a part of their personal knowledge of what’s acceptable (think pantasaurus) and how to set boundaries.
Of course this is for their mother to decide.
If children walk in then have the covers ready I guess
I'm also 15 years younger than my SO, and WILL NOT have sex with her with other people in the house, especially her kid.
Meanwhile, she'd be fine with it. I think moms just stop giving a damn about a lot of stuff when they become moms.
I've "watched" several seasons of television shows without ever watching the TV shows. Television is just white noise since most if the current shows are utter dreck. Neighbors and family members won't know the difference.
I would give her the benefit of the doubt and I’d go back. Can’t let tiny things ruin your chances. Unless that’s really a standard for you but you gotta think about it. You’re dating a person with kids sometimes you have to jump up on the fly.
Why dont you guyz tell children that you are coming home for a sleepover, as u and their mom are best friends, so u guyz wanted a slumber party and when kids go to sleep enjoy ur time, im sure it will work
What you should really be asking is why is a 38 year old woman involved with you and why does she think the risk of her kids catching her having sex and with a guy closer in age to them than to her is "no big deal"?
This woman has a broken moral compass and no matter what you get out of this relationship is not worth it.
This is my reality, not just one time but EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
I don't know if its an option for you but we now have sex in the basement out of necessity, and it has a child proof lock on it (so I can work down there during the week without being interrupted).
My kids are 2 and 4 though, but my 4-year old wakes up like clockwork just about every single night after a few hours of sleep, usually when things are getting fun with the wife.
You're right, it's not fun getting caught but you definitely need to come up with a few more ideas for privacy. Is there a laundry room? Private bathroom? It's definitely fun having sex in new areas, I can't remember the last time I actually did in my own bed.
Their mom is allowed to have a sex life. If y’all are careful it isn’t a big deal. I would have her introduce you to them as her boyfriend. That way they get comfortable seeing you. That 10 year old probably understands sex at his age. Lol
Son of a single mother here with a step dad that made it all very secretive what was going on, and now a stepdad to a 10 that I know since she was three.
1. Allow the mom to guide you in this. 2. Don't hide your affection. 3. Don't be too bothered with them finding out.
It's better for them to experience a healthy reltionship rather than secretive mumbles. My 10 loves how much I love her mom and tells us "oh you two are so kissy kissy.' It's way better than waking up and hearing my mom and my stepdad and pretend I didn't here it for his "security" while my mom would just explain that adult relationships have more physical intimacy. My girlfriend is now very grateful for the man that I am for her and her daughter because of it.
I understand you are 23 and she's 38 so maybe you need to consider how serious you are with her. If you are just a fling, a temporary thing, than you should keep it hush hush. But if you are going to be there for them, be there through everything, including the "embarrassing" moments and make them part of the environment.
Try reversing the genders and see how people react. A 38 male dating a 23 female is suspicious. this whole relationship is suspicious. What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Bro that's a 38 yo woman with two kids. She is over pretense and inefficiency. She lives everyday of her life working to provide for her kids and the home they live in. 90% of her thoughts are on these things. The little 10 she has left she pick very carefully, if she's says it's cool then it's cool, if she wants it after a small interruption like that you better be ready, as a dad with kids special fun fun time is hard to find and rare with all that parent life entails. Get over yourself and take care of that lady while you're there kids will be fine. Just don't be mean to them, lock the door, early warning system, keep and ear out. Whatever.
As Will Ferrell once said “ Let the boy watch” 😂😂 jk jk but honestly like others have said white noise like a loud fan or maybe even music or have the tv on and try not to be too loud. As a parent it’s the only way we can get intimate at night when the kid goes to sleep. Lock the door and your worry free from him walking in. If he knocks you got time to hide things
Speaking as a 37F with a 23M fwb, she has you there for sex. If you don’t want to have sex with her because her kids might find out about it, move on. There is no longevity here so don’t take it too seriously.
And to the people who are complaining about the age gap, they are both consenting adults having fun. Older men date younger women all the time and nobody cares. I know plenty of young men who go feral around an older woman. Stop making it into a big deal.
>Older men date younger women all the time and nobody cares.
Yes, they do! Where have you been? Oh, that's right. Getting your bell rung by your boytoy.
This sub has a weird hang-up about age gaps. I always roll my eyes. You can't paint every age gap relationship with the same brush. And no, I'm not in one.
It’s so strange. Like, as long as they’re both consenting adults and there’s been no grooming involved (I’m looking at you, Sam Taylor-Johnson) then who gives a fuck? Why can we only have sex with people who were born within the same school year?
Sad- better off being with a girl your age. Or one with no kids or no kids living at home. I mean, are you going to marry her? Take a step back and analyze your situation.
I have a 22 year old son who lives here. I would never have sex with my boyfriend in the living room if he is home. Ever. I have a bedroom with a door and a lock.
You’re way too young to be in a relation ship with a 38 year old who has kids
Are you a pathetic looser who has to get the bottom of the barrel for a chance at dating ?
Probably not , get someone your age who has no kids , you deserve better
If the genders were reversed nobody would accept this situation
I don’t care if you think I’m mean or judgemental , but no 20 year old should be dating someone in their 40’s ( almost) with two kids
Your life’s are way too different
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Go in the bedroom, put a lock on the door, get a white noise machine to mask sound or play music. Way better to hear noises than see mom naked.
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Baby monitor?
> Baby monitor? Yep, but make sure you place the sender into the kids room, not the receiver
Haha! I didn't think that needed spelling out.
Thought about that or turning the TV on in the bedroom.
TV in bedroom is every parents plan Oh you heard sex noises? It was the Movie
Oh, now I know why my parents watched American Warewolf in London every night now. I thought they just loved the movie. It's entirely possible it wasn't even the movie I was hearing.
You got Me rolling
Laughing here……!
At least it wasn't American Gladiator
Every night?!?! I'm dying.
All parents everywhere face this. Then the tv on in the bedroom and lock the door. Make sure her bed isn’t on the common wall and you’re good to go.
Don't. When you're inside a room with "distraction noises" on, it sounds like you're drowning out the noise you're making. But you're not. You're really not. Try it out. Turn the TV and make noises inside the room. You'll feel comfortable and safe. But then have her make noises inside the room and with you outside to hear the difference.
This! The distraction noise/white noise need to be where the listener is!
I was in a hotel and walked past a room that was playing loud music. Didn't stop me from hearing "OH YES, YES, YES, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!"
Its not about drowning out the noise its about being able to blame the noise on the TV …remember these are kids
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As someone who was once 10 years old (a long time ago) yes they will 😂
Yeah I agree with this
Yeah I know at 10.
I was raised by baptists. 🤷🏼♀️
Politely agree to disagree, I definitely knew at seven years old and was mortified, scars, deep scars Lock on the door. Because you don’t want to put all these sound masking things on because if there’s an emergency you want to hear it it’s kind of like you know she has roommates essentially and you don’t want to be rude to your roommates so everybody needs to tone down the noises a little bit. . The walls and ceilings and floors in my building are absolute uninsulated shit I wish I could be louder when having sex but I don’t. Everybody can hear everything. Lady neighbor who is a complete bitch, has only had three orgasms in eight years . Why do I know? Because I can hear them if they literally roll over in bed
I walked in on my parents and yeah, it’s burned in my memory, that is a preferable memory to the times they fought and screamed. Besides, sex isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Our room is separated from theirs by the main living space. It’s not like we swing from the ceilings but I’m not going through the trouble of putting on music every time I lock the door.
Sex is not anything to be ashamed of, but it does create an impact on a small child. My parents screwed like rabbits and my mom was really really loud and my sister and I still this day pretty freaked out about it and I’m an extremely sex person ( she is not) it just makes me shudder mostly because it was just one more thing that she did without any consideration for anyone else in the house. I was not saying to put on music I was just saying to put on a lock. And also you say that you’re « not going to the trouble » but the fact is that you’re dating someone with children so you either need to be more flexible or not date someone with kids
When I was 7 I had certainly already seen my mom naked. But the noises that came from her bedroom at night terrified me.
Good for mom and dad.
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When i was a kid and my mom got divorced, she explained to me the noises were her having sex as a consequence of dating. Therefore it wasnt scary to me. Seems like the simplest solution amd I am not traumatized to this day. I was 5.
'consequence of dating' 😭😭😭 Your mom's a G
Many really like what? it never bothered me when I was a kid but I would like to know all these many ways to have sex and not disturb anyone.
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Those are good idea's but not always that easy I have dated several women with younger kids and I just don't think every kid find it scary. But I grew up in the inner city and you can't be afraid if you wanna survive so we probably had very different surroundings growing up.
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Yea I think that's what most of us do close the door and pretend lol. So you have kids?
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Kids know more than you think. They’ve probably already heard the noises. Your girlfriend needs to have a talk with her kids. You’ll be fine
Sounds like she already has?
Having sex out in the open is far worse than the possibility of the kids hearing noises. Go in the bedroom!
Yea wtf. Don’t bang on the couch when someone can easily walk in on you. Kids, roommates, in-laws, etc. Go in the bedroom and try to be quiet. Hearing some moans is better than seeing people naked on the couch.
Agreed
This.
Bro is closer to the son's age than the mom's age...
Yeeep. If the genders were reversed ops partner would be called a creep lol
She’s still a creep in my eyes. 🤢
Mine too. He also sounds more mature than her.
Yeah. I’m a 36 year old woman with kids. I would *never* There is something wrong wrong wrong with this woman. The age gap, insisting on doing it in a community space, wanting to finish after tucking her kid back in. *RUN* OP, this woman is icky
Big time
Nah. That’s the Leo special.
OP’s partner is a creep. A 15 year age difference is bad regardless of gender
Eh I don’t think 40-55 is creepy at all. 20-35 is huge though.
good ol x/2+7 rule
OP is ok by that rule. 38/2 is 19. 19+7=26. He is 23, so he's ok. Edit: nvm I'm high and thus I am stupid. 26 is minimum age. 23 is TOO YOUNG. thank u reddit
Uh…the rule means that 26 is the minimum age OP’s gf should be dating.
That’s not how that works …
Doesn't that mean the minimum is 26 according to that formula?
Uhhh.... 23 is 3 less than 26.
Help me understand the logic and reasoning behind this rule?
More rule of thumb going by cultural mores. I think the logic is that the younger the individuals are, the more the age gap matters. So for someone who is 20, they can date anyone 17 (10+7) or older, so there's a 3 year age gap. But if a person is 50, 32(25+7) or older is acceptable. I think it's a combination of things like brain development (which finalises around 25) and life goal compatibility, that sort of thing. Theoretically, both our hypothetical 50 and 32 year old are in their professional adult eras. Kids may or may not be on the table. Their personalities are, mostly, stable. The 20 and 17 year olds are likely in more of a young adult education and party phase, as they explore their own boundaries and have fun.
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Wait, is the 'myth' just the age 25 has been blown out of proportion in its importance? Nuance is generally needed, especially as more is claimed by it, but 'myth' seems to be overstating the lack too much, from that one article. My understanding was that a degree of brain plasticity plateaus for many in the mid-twenties, and since the samples are W.E.I.R.D., that could be linked to transferring from post-secondary/graduate education into 'work years' brain. So not necessarily a truth about brains, but about how life and Western societal culture changes tracks in those years to stop valuing flexibility as strongly, and starting to focus on specialisation more. Applying this to dating, people still in their flexible brain years are more likely to have significant changes to themselves, making a long term match over that period that is not as flexible, less likely to succeed.
the rule is a minimum dating age guide. And it's not a legal requirement nor is it to be taken seriously but basically: Since you divide your age by 2 and add 7 the lowest this can apply is 14. 14/2 +7 loops back to 14. That's just teenagers dating, level playing field, perfectly normal. then the line raises linearly so that every 2 years the gap gets 1 year bigger. So by 16 your lowest age goes down to 15, 18 (16), 20(17) and the line goes all the way up to 100 year olds dating down to 57 year olds. Some of it seems weird but ultimately the rule is just a fun math game to do, anyone consenting over the age of 18 can date whoever they want.
Do you ever wonder the provenance of this " rule "?
I first heard of it from the xkcd comic, idk if that's the origin of the formula though https://xkcd.com/314
I was confused at first how she had 2 kids 3 months apart
I feel like the older you get the less it matters. A fifteen year gap is a problem when one of you is 25, but at 65, meh, by then you're old enough to know what you're getting into and what stage of life you're at.
Especially at that age
Serious question, and no disrepect to you. Why do you care what ages people in a consensual relationship are? I'm of the opinion: if they're happy, who am I to judge?
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Did you purposely make that a double negative?
Yeah. Wild at the complete lack of disgust here. Flip the genders and that's the only comment in this thread.
Ya… and she’s weirdly okay with getting caught having sex too
Yeah, all of this is strange
Yep red flags.. all the main comments don’t seem to care tho.?
Yep. I’m 38 and my kid is 22, will be 23 before I’m 39. This is v ick.
I agree but most people don't have kids at 16
True. I didn’t really finish my entire thought before. My child is smart and successful and wonderful, but the age and maturity differences between these two ages is still very significant at this point. 35 and 50 wouldn’t be so weird, but 23 and 38 is a huge age and maturity gap.
I still think 35 and 50 is weird AF.
Why? What about that would bother you?
🤢
My exact thoughts! OP can probably relate better to the 10 year old better than the gf.
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Lol. It's weird to me but I'm not saying don't go for it.
Thanks for bringing this up. Wtf is with that age gap.
I mean I always had a 10 year gap max rule but I’m 23 nearly 24 and my gf is 31 so
My son's age plus 18, which is 10 years younger so
No offense but it sounds like your a booty call, not a boyfriend.
Or victim of a creep Everyone’s saying “lock the door” No Leave that fuckin relationship
Father of 3 here. If you're going to be in a relationship with a parent kids are going to be around. If you can't handle that or accommodate that you're in the wrong place. I doubt this is what you're getting at but I have seen enough boy/girlfriends try and date moms/dad's and expect the kids to never be around. It will never work out well. It's be far better for you and them to develop a relationship that doesn't start with them seeing you inside their mom. Go to the bedroom, do your best to soundproof it with music/tv/white noise, lock the door, put something between the bed frame and the wall, have your fun. Bonus points if the kids have a TV in their room you can turn on. If the kids knock stop and handle what they need and go back at it. Future advice, any time you do anything sexual not behind closed and locked doors always be ready for a kid to pop up. I don't care if it's 2am and they're supposed to be at grandma's for the night. It's better to expect it and be ready to cover up than be unprepared and caught doing something extremely embarrassing on the couch. That isn't to say you can't fool around elsewhere in the house. Just be aware if you decide to fool around in the shower with the door open because the kids won't be home till tomorrow they will show up and hear EVERYTHING while they get that pair of pajamas they forgot.
r/oddlyspecific
Father of one. Can confirm. This is your answer, OP
Lmao this is an incredible answer. I completely agree. I'm a single mom of 2 and this is all so accurate to what it's like to have kids AND a sex life.
When you’re closer in age to a 10 year old than your gf lmao.
paint literate cooing cobweb shocking bored resolute spotted tidy air *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm not even a parent and I'm 2yrs younger than him and that was my first thought
To be fair, he was 17 only six years ago 🤣
Coming for him like it’s his house and he’s the 36 year old💀
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OP's girlfriend is acting like a teenager too and doesn't seem very concerned with her young kids catching her having sex, which is...strange.
Probably why she is with a kid herself instead of someone older🤢
He was 17 not the long ago.... of course he is going to act that way! He barley has any experience as an adult! He should not be with a 40 year old woman with kids at his age!!
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I think you have a good point. I’ve (me age 51) worked with 23 year olds and they are definitely adults, just young ones. Not older babies. My current coworker of that age, is recently out of the Coast Guard where he was literally responsible for so much including saving lives. At times he’s more mature than me!
Um
If a 38F is having sex in the living room with her kids home, she is not the one.
I’m just curious as to where you see this relationship with a woman almost twice your age going.
They just wants to fuck, and OP should be aware of it
Yeah I'm curious because if you want your own kids eventually that's not happening from her plus your closer to her son age which is kinda weird.
As a 38yr old woman, she totally could if she wanted to. 38 isn’t too old to have kids. But yea, this age difference is weird and she definitely only sees this guy for sex. Hence why she even chose him, she didn’t want the baggage that comes from dating men her age. With this kid she can safely assume he too, just wants sex
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That is true 38 isn't too old I guess from alot of women I've been around they get paranoid around that age if they still want kids. But yeah relationships like this are obviously just for sex because it can't be that hard to find someone your age plus if the relationship is just sex I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing that person to my kids if I had any.
The paranoia around having kids at 40+ is that your chances of pregnancy complications rise quite a bit. Possible life-altering stuff. Your chances of that kid ending up with Down Syndrome goes up DRAMATICALLY after 40. We're talking 1 in 60 chance in your early 40s, and 1 in 12 by the end of your 40s. Not something to mess with.
Oh thank you I literally just looked this up after I left the comment earlier so thanks for the extra info
Yes and no. There is increased risk, but the medical consensus on pregnancy and birth after the age of 35 is starting to shift as it becomes more commonplace and genetic testing has advanced significantly. The degree of risk has many factors but many, , many people have healthy children in their 30’s. My mom was 32 and 36 for my brother and I. This is actually pretty wild, but my grandmother was 47 when she had my mom and my mom had a brother who was 21 years older than her and her sister, who is still living, is 22 years older. Some of her nieces and nephews are almost the same age as she is (Irish catholic family). It’s a huge generational gap! My grandmother was born in 1909 and my grandfather in 1908. It’s pretty interesting.
OP is basically uber ~~eats~~ penis for that woman. He's the only one under the illusion that it's anything more than that. She gets to shag a young stud that will deliver the goods to her house (couch) without having to get dressed up or pay a babysitter.
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I hope not. In another comment, he states that she's a widow and a VP of something somewhere so fingers crossed that it's all good vibes over there.
they probably get along nicely and thats all the reason needed
He's going to be her next baby daddy, that's where it's going.
Just go in her bedroom doing it out in the open is far more dangerous than them hearing noises behind a locked door.
Ew, take it to the bedroom. The probability of the kid hearing their mom have sex will be so much better than him seeing his mom naked. I would never risk it in the living room especially, she needs to put some noise on and have quiet sex .
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I totally agreee with you, but being a ten year old and seeing your mom naked because she’s having sex with a man. Even my ten year old self would have a meltdown lol.
What are you doing man 🙂
Tell her to get a babysitter and come over to your place.
Bedroom + TV on. It's really not appropriate to be having sex in a common area of a house shared with others, especially children. Because of this exact scenario.
Hey Bro you are 15 years younger than this single mom. You are closer in age to her eldest kid. You might want to rethink being concerned about anything that might upset her kids. You should be concerned about your self mister. You are just being used as a toy for the time being. Whenever in doubt, Just ask an older man!
It's definitely reasonable to be concerned about both at the same time. And yeah, OP is being used. I hope he's aware and ok with that.
There’s a whole lot of reasons to be wary of single moms, lots, especially at age 23. You realize you’re only 14 years older than this kid, right?
As a parent who is a similar age to your girlfriend, my advice is that I find your age difference quite disturbing. I can’t imagine dating someone who is closer to my son’s age than my own. It feels quite predatory. Why can’t she find someone more similar to her own age? The fact that she isn’t listening to your concerns is just the added cherry on top.
Same. I'm 37 and I wouldn't even consider getting involved with someone in their 20s. OP's brain isn't even fully developed yet!
Agreed. I'm 34 and wouldn't date a 23 year old. Pretty much anyone under 30 isn't a serious consideration for me anymore 🤷♀️
That age difference speaks so loudly of this woman
This is a weird one dude. I really feel like you are right that the priority has to be the kids here. It only takes one time to scar them for life. Your gf deserves to be loved and feel wanted, but damn, she's going to fuck up her boys if they ever walk into her getting plowed by her bf (their dad would be bad enough, but her bf just feels worse). This should not be something you ever risk again. Gotta be super careful when those boys are in the house.
I feel like bf is definitely worse atleast dad it's like ok your both my parents and love each other but bf to.a kid that's basically a random man on their mom.
Am I the only one who thought she had a 7 month old and 10 month old and was completely confused by the math????
Omg thank you. Thought I was the only one
As someone who’s parent and step-parent/girlfriend/whoever he was fucking at the time didn’t give a fuck about whether or not I heard or saw, you should absolutely NOT be doing the deed in any space where there’s even a remote possibility of her kids seeing/hearing. It *will* fuck them up.
Lock . The . Fucking . Door!
Also, I'm 14, it's common knowledge!
Parents having sex is a natural part of life. I understand your hesitation because you are a male and her kids are not your biological children so, in your mind, that could equal problems should they see you with their mom in a sexual way and tell someone. However, parents have sex. All the time. We've had to stop and check on them, tuck them back in, get water, etc. we just go right back to our adult time like nothing happened. If she is comfortable enough with you to allow you in her home around her kids, you are doing fine. She will tell you if something is not ok. For the Karen reading this waiting for a chance to type something about consent, OF COURSE if you aren't comfortable, say so. But if you are only hesitant because you're afraid of her kids finding out, follow their mother's lead.
He’s not their parent. He’s a little older than they are, would definitely take more precautions here.
Agreed - from a fellow parent.
Coming from someone who accidentally walked in on my dad and step mom as a kid...I can tell you that noises are WAY less traumatizing than visuals! Lol
Age gap pitchforks! Dude have sex in a locked bedroom
As the kid who had heard/walked in on their parents very healthy sex life… when I started asking questions is when I got a sound machine in my room. Couldn’t hear anything outside my bedroom after that. Definitely recommend the white noise go in the kids bedroom and putting a lock on the adult bedroom for just in case.
Lady here. This is kind of weird to me. I’m only 30 and can’t imagine dating a 23 year old. I straight up haven’t even read the post yet but I wanted to just shout that out real quick…
Probably not the best advice, but once hooked up with a girl while her kids were in the living room watching a movie....got into it, we got carried away, she got loud kids came to door asking if she was ok.....don't know where I was going with this, but it's part of kids. Married couples have the same problem. Now married our kids damn near walked in a few times....they forget how to knock. Risk vs reward....if you like her, it's part of the deal with her having kids.
You’re much younger than her… is the relationship serious or are you both just messing around having fun?
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Doesn't pass the formula of half your age plus 7.
Sex in the living room with two kids in the house? Oof 38&23? Oof
Go in the bedroom and put music on and lock it 💀 it’s what kids do barge in whenever you least expect it . your never gonna not have a moment without them being there unless yall on a date or hotel 🤷
Yeah she shouldn't hide she is dating. Been there.
I have this really awesome 6 panel sound absorption mural I have on the wall that shares into my kid’s bathroom. I also have a air purifier that gives out a nice white noise. I also moved the bed as far as I could to lessen the sound.
Mom here. Gotta keep it in the bedroom with a locked door. Run a humidifier/dehumidifier/air purifier in the kids room to muffle sounds and make sure the bed isn't on the shared wall. And blame the TV but try to be reasonable with your noises.
Children can know that adults have sex without it being traumatic, it can form a part of their personal knowledge of what’s acceptable (think pantasaurus) and how to set boundaries. Of course this is for their mother to decide. If children walk in then have the covers ready I guess
Lock, music, and move the beds to the opposite walls, both yours and the kids.
Bail
Just do it in the bedroom. Lock door. Turn on the radio. No possibility of being caught🤦🏽♀️🤷🏻♀️
I'm also 15 years younger than my SO, and WILL NOT have sex with her with other people in the house, especially her kid. Meanwhile, she'd be fine with it. I think moms just stop giving a damn about a lot of stuff when they become moms.
I've "watched" several seasons of television shows without ever watching the TV shows. Television is just white noise since most if the current shows are utter dreck. Neighbors and family members won't know the difference.
Married Parents have to have sex in the house with kids. That’s what locks are for.
I would give her the benefit of the doubt and I’d go back. Can’t let tiny things ruin your chances. Unless that’s really a standard for you but you gotta think about it. You’re dating a person with kids sometimes you have to jump up on the fly.
Why dont you guyz tell children that you are coming home for a sleepover, as u and their mom are best friends, so u guyz wanted a slumber party and when kids go to sleep enjoy ur time, im sure it will work
Just trust the mom's direction. She may be used to the scenario (you may not be the 1st). Or have sex in the room you ran in to hide.
Its not a big deal bro. Just be confident :)
She's 38 acting like a 23 year old
What you should really be asking is why is a 38 year old woman involved with you and why does she think the risk of her kids catching her having sex and with a guy closer in age to them than to her is "no big deal"? This woman has a broken moral compass and no matter what you get out of this relationship is not worth it.
This is ew on so many levels.
This is my reality, not just one time but EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I don't know if its an option for you but we now have sex in the basement out of necessity, and it has a child proof lock on it (so I can work down there during the week without being interrupted). My kids are 2 and 4 though, but my 4-year old wakes up like clockwork just about every single night after a few hours of sleep, usually when things are getting fun with the wife. You're right, it's not fun getting caught but you definitely need to come up with a few more ideas for privacy. Is there a laundry room? Private bathroom? It's definitely fun having sex in new areas, I can't remember the last time I actually did in my own bed.
First house I ever seen without a bathroom 🤷🏻
I’m 38 with a child and I would never… I would get a babysitter before having sex with little ones next door. Also, 23 is a baby imho
Their mom is allowed to have a sex life. If y’all are careful it isn’t a big deal. I would have her introduce you to them as her boyfriend. That way they get comfortable seeing you. That 10 year old probably understands sex at his age. Lol
Of course he knows about sex. With the way his mom does it out in the open, it would be really difficult to avoid learning about sex.
Son of a single mother here with a step dad that made it all very secretive what was going on, and now a stepdad to a 10 that I know since she was three. 1. Allow the mom to guide you in this. 2. Don't hide your affection. 3. Don't be too bothered with them finding out. It's better for them to experience a healthy reltionship rather than secretive mumbles. My 10 loves how much I love her mom and tells us "oh you two are so kissy kissy.' It's way better than waking up and hearing my mom and my stepdad and pretend I didn't here it for his "security" while my mom would just explain that adult relationships have more physical intimacy. My girlfriend is now very grateful for the man that I am for her and her daughter because of it. I understand you are 23 and she's 38 so maybe you need to consider how serious you are with her. If you are just a fling, a temporary thing, than you should keep it hush hush. But if you are going to be there for them, be there through everything, including the "embarrassing" moments and make them part of the environment.
Try reversing the genders and see how people react. A 38 male dating a 23 female is suspicious. this whole relationship is suspicious. What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Bro that's a 38 yo woman with two kids. She is over pretense and inefficiency. She lives everyday of her life working to provide for her kids and the home they live in. 90% of her thoughts are on these things. The little 10 she has left she pick very carefully, if she's says it's cool then it's cool, if she wants it after a small interruption like that you better be ready, as a dad with kids special fun fun time is hard to find and rare with all that parent life entails. Get over yourself and take care of that lady while you're there kids will be fine. Just don't be mean to them, lock the door, early warning system, keep and ear out. Whatever.
She’s looking for a stepdaddy for her two kids. Just hit it and quit it.
Cringe.
As Will Ferrell once said “ Let the boy watch” 😂😂 jk jk but honestly like others have said white noise like a loud fan or maybe even music or have the tv on and try not to be too loud. As a parent it’s the only way we can get intimate at night when the kid goes to sleep. Lock the door and your worry free from him walking in. If he knocks you got time to hide things
Speaking as a 37F with a 23M fwb, she has you there for sex. If you don’t want to have sex with her because her kids might find out about it, move on. There is no longevity here so don’t take it too seriously. And to the people who are complaining about the age gap, they are both consenting adults having fun. Older men date younger women all the time and nobody cares. I know plenty of young men who go feral around an older woman. Stop making it into a big deal.
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>Older men date younger women all the time and nobody cares. Yes, they do! Where have you been? Oh, that's right. Getting your bell rung by your boytoy.
This sub has a weird hang-up about age gaps. I always roll my eyes. You can't paint every age gap relationship with the same brush. And no, I'm not in one.
It’s so strange. Like, as long as they’re both consenting adults and there’s been no grooming involved (I’m looking at you, Sam Taylor-Johnson) then who gives a fuck? Why can we only have sex with people who were born within the same school year?
Sad- better off being with a girl your age. Or one with no kids or no kids living at home. I mean, are you going to marry her? Take a step back and analyze your situation.
Read this waiting to here how parents of 23M were helping him satisfy 38F - title grammar FTW
I have a 22 year old son who lives here. I would never have sex with my boyfriend in the living room if he is home. Ever. I have a bedroom with a door and a lock.
Having full on sex on a couch in the living room with people home kids at that is some weird voyeur shit🤢
You’re way too young to be in a relation ship with a 38 year old who has kids Are you a pathetic looser who has to get the bottom of the barrel for a chance at dating ? Probably not , get someone your age who has no kids , you deserve better If the genders were reversed nobody would accept this situation I don’t care if you think I’m mean or judgemental , but no 20 year old should be dating someone in their 40’s ( almost) with two kids Your life’s are way too different