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The general courtesy would be that if sex will involve kink of any kind, you discuss it beforehand. Same when it comes to going anywhere near the other person’s butthole or things like very rough sex or choking.
Vanilla sex like missionary, cowgirl, doggy and pulling out to cum on tits/ass etc. seems to be stuff most people just assume are cool to do. If you have a problem with that, communicate it before you get in the moment.
Whatever works for you both and where the vibes and conversation leads you… in the best of passion you will both encourage each other down certain paths, however generally I would say it would be slightly more polite, conservative, and vanilla the first time out . I think this is skirting around each other and trying to figure out which things are ok….best to start softer/nicer and if your “encouraged” ramp up a touch.
Also good to talk about the sex afterwards… what they liked about and what you did… if there was anything that worked less or more for them….
We think everything is chemistry and natural, but I think you have to train each other to meet your needs and exploration takes time.
Go steady, go gentle, but go through the gears of all is going well…
I’d avoid overt kinks unless they’ve been discussed first… keep talking and listen for feedback x
There’s no such thing as “the normal boundaries”. The only person that will know what their boundaries are is your partner, and this should be discussed with them before any sexual activity occurs.
Good communication is the foundation of good sex. Ask her what turns her on, if she’s a little shy about communicating that then tell her first what you like. Also ask her what she doesn’t like as for most people this is a much smaller list. Discuss it in a playful way rather than being all serious and making it a big thing.
Whatever you both consent to. Personally in my experience it is almost always very straight forward stuff supported by good communication and being super aware of your partner's reactions. Ask and Tell is a good approach. Ask if you can go down on them. Judge their reactions as you do things. Tell them when something is good and tell them, kindly, when you don't like something. Most importantly tell them when you are about to orgasm especially if you are about to cum in their mouth. In terms of positions missionary and cowgirl are generally standard. Doggy is next but I've been with two or three girls who didn't like it so I would always gauge their reactions as we moved into that position.. if she goes to move away let her. She may be simply shifting position slightly or she may move entirely so that doggy isn't possible because she doesn't like it. Just go with the flow and when you hit some resistance move around it don't push through.
And in reality if you are two consenting experienced adults who are both sexually experienced you don't have to behave like 18 year old virgins. On the way to sex ask them if there is anything they particularly like or dislike. I used to start the conversation with something like "I suppose we should talk about protection. Is it ok if I use condoms". That breaks the ice and you saying you want to use condoms relieves a stress point for most women. Once that is done then the conversation can flow naturally with "is there anything you like or don't like?".
You can’t go wrong by starting slow and building up the intensity if the mood is right. Ask if you are going to do something that’s kinkier like spanking or choking and respect her choice. Besides there’s always next time and the time after to explore, right?
I would say a nice 69 and then missionary, doggy or spoons. If you wrap your arms around them in spoons that's really intimate and feels amazing for both involved.
If no clear point was established then you didn't really talk about it very well. Don't get involved in "spicy sex" if the two of you can't explain basic desires and boundaries.
I have had encounters where I fucked her in the throat, pussy, and ass, and fisted her, all on the first meeting. Some where it was only vanilla PIV sex.
All have been great. Just gotta ask and go with the flow.
First time with my spouse we didn't discuss it too much in advance so I just prepared for whatever. I had been on bc and he had never been with anyone on bc at the time and so he didn't know he didn't need to pull out and when he did it startled the hell out of me.
Also, he was more experienced than me and I had only had sex like 2 or 3x with one partner before him so I had no idea how to do anything beyond like lying still missionary so when he initially put me on top it was incredibly awkward and I just rolled off lol thank God the lights were off to hide my embarrassment.
I actually had a really nice time though and it's an experience we cherish together overall.
We both talk about it though and wish we talked more leading up to it. Even just stuff we'd be okay with doing foreplay wise which there was virtually none of outside of kissing and taking each other's clothes off which at the time was plenty enough for both of us to be ready. But you are 30 and I suspect are getting with other people who are in a relatively similar age group so that is probably not enough lol
I think anal, rough play, or even pulling out and cumming on certain body parts should be discussed explicitly before hand. If she's not giving you a concise answer I'd wait til next time. Like if at the time me and my spouse did talk about stuff pre sleeping together and he asked how I felt about anal I probably would have told him I'm open to most things but that I had my reservations of how to prepare etc and if he had been like oh well this is how you prepare I'd get the hint that might be something to anticipate and from there I'd feel like I need to be blunt with him whether I was comfortable doing that or not right then.
In my experience. Some women expect you to take the lead and either absolutely rail them or just know what to do without asking. I hate them, they're not worth my time, and they're messed up in the head.
My expectations and boundaries for a first time is that they're happy to take the time and talk, pause, not feel like everything is perfect or natural and to spend more time doing the things that are part of sex but not "sex". The hardest part and people who struggle with this are those who can't laugh at themselves or open up to others. If you're not ready for that you're not ready for me.
Play it safe on the first one.
A good indicator to see if a girl is down for kinkier stuff is to gently put your hand around her neck in foreplay or sex, don’t squeeze and don’t just shove your hand there. Gauge her reaction and then proceed accordingly.
After you can say something like “I felt like you may have wanted me to go further” if she says “no I didn’t” then it’s no big deal, she just might not be for you.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask your partner what they want. Reddit can't possibly know!
The general courtesy would be that if sex will involve kink of any kind, you discuss it beforehand. Same when it comes to going anywhere near the other person’s butthole or things like very rough sex or choking. Vanilla sex like missionary, cowgirl, doggy and pulling out to cum on tits/ass etc. seems to be stuff most people just assume are cool to do. If you have a problem with that, communicate it before you get in the moment.
These things should be discussed with new partners, because I believe what might be a hell no to someone might be alright to another.
Who knows maybe missionary and or doggy?
Whatever you both fancy doing Take it easy to give time to change if not going well communicating with each other
Whatever works for you both and where the vibes and conversation leads you… in the best of passion you will both encourage each other down certain paths, however generally I would say it would be slightly more polite, conservative, and vanilla the first time out . I think this is skirting around each other and trying to figure out which things are ok….best to start softer/nicer and if your “encouraged” ramp up a touch. Also good to talk about the sex afterwards… what they liked about and what you did… if there was anything that worked less or more for them…. We think everything is chemistry and natural, but I think you have to train each other to meet your needs and exploration takes time. Go steady, go gentle, but go through the gears of all is going well… I’d avoid overt kinks unless they’ve been discussed first… keep talking and listen for feedback x
There’s no such thing as “the normal boundaries”. The only person that will know what their boundaries are is your partner, and this should be discussed with them before any sexual activity occurs.
What you got in mind ?
Good communication is the foundation of good sex. Ask her what turns her on, if she’s a little shy about communicating that then tell her first what you like. Also ask her what she doesn’t like as for most people this is a much smaller list. Discuss it in a playful way rather than being all serious and making it a big thing.
Anything goes as long as you're both in agreement...
Whatever you both consent to. Personally in my experience it is almost always very straight forward stuff supported by good communication and being super aware of your partner's reactions. Ask and Tell is a good approach. Ask if you can go down on them. Judge their reactions as you do things. Tell them when something is good and tell them, kindly, when you don't like something. Most importantly tell them when you are about to orgasm especially if you are about to cum in their mouth. In terms of positions missionary and cowgirl are generally standard. Doggy is next but I've been with two or three girls who didn't like it so I would always gauge their reactions as we moved into that position.. if she goes to move away let her. She may be simply shifting position slightly or she may move entirely so that doggy isn't possible because she doesn't like it. Just go with the flow and when you hit some resistance move around it don't push through. And in reality if you are two consenting experienced adults who are both sexually experienced you don't have to behave like 18 year old virgins. On the way to sex ask them if there is anything they particularly like or dislike. I used to start the conversation with something like "I suppose we should talk about protection. Is it ok if I use condoms". That breaks the ice and you saying you want to use condoms relieves a stress point for most women. Once that is done then the conversation can flow naturally with "is there anything you like or don't like?".
You can’t go wrong by starting slow and building up the intensity if the mood is right. Ask if you are going to do something that’s kinkier like spanking or choking and respect her choice. Besides there’s always next time and the time after to explore, right?
I would say a nice 69 and then missionary, doggy or spoons. If you wrap your arms around them in spoons that's really intimate and feels amazing for both involved.
Communication is key. Consent is pretty dope.
Allowed? Anything that is legal and consented to by all parties involved.
Only missionary, with the lights off, minimal Movement. Otherwise you violate dating rules and are cursed with 7 years of bad dating luck
All of it! Whatever is comfortable for both of you.
Don’t start chocking and re-enacting porn scenes out of the blue. Communicate. Ask for permission if you want to choke unless instructed otherwise.
If no clear point was established then you didn't really talk about it very well. Don't get involved in "spicy sex" if the two of you can't explain basic desires and boundaries.
I have had encounters where I fucked her in the throat, pussy, and ass, and fisted her, all on the first meeting. Some where it was only vanilla PIV sex. All have been great. Just gotta ask and go with the flow.
There are no normal boundaries. The only boundaries are what is mutually agreeable with full consent.
First time with my spouse we didn't discuss it too much in advance so I just prepared for whatever. I had been on bc and he had never been with anyone on bc at the time and so he didn't know he didn't need to pull out and when he did it startled the hell out of me. Also, he was more experienced than me and I had only had sex like 2 or 3x with one partner before him so I had no idea how to do anything beyond like lying still missionary so when he initially put me on top it was incredibly awkward and I just rolled off lol thank God the lights were off to hide my embarrassment. I actually had a really nice time though and it's an experience we cherish together overall. We both talk about it though and wish we talked more leading up to it. Even just stuff we'd be okay with doing foreplay wise which there was virtually none of outside of kissing and taking each other's clothes off which at the time was plenty enough for both of us to be ready. But you are 30 and I suspect are getting with other people who are in a relatively similar age group so that is probably not enough lol I think anal, rough play, or even pulling out and cumming on certain body parts should be discussed explicitly before hand. If she's not giving you a concise answer I'd wait til next time. Like if at the time me and my spouse did talk about stuff pre sleeping together and he asked how I felt about anal I probably would have told him I'm open to most things but that I had my reservations of how to prepare etc and if he had been like oh well this is how you prepare I'd get the hint that might be something to anticipate and from there I'd feel like I need to be blunt with him whether I was comfortable doing that or not right then.
In my experience. Some women expect you to take the lead and either absolutely rail them or just know what to do without asking. I hate them, they're not worth my time, and they're messed up in the head. My expectations and boundaries for a first time is that they're happy to take the time and talk, pause, not feel like everything is perfect or natural and to spend more time doing the things that are part of sex but not "sex". The hardest part and people who struggle with this are those who can't laugh at themselves or open up to others. If you're not ready for that you're not ready for me.
Play it safe on the first one. A good indicator to see if a girl is down for kinkier stuff is to gently put your hand around her neck in foreplay or sex, don’t squeeze and don’t just shove your hand there. Gauge her reaction and then proceed accordingly. After you can say something like “I felt like you may have wanted me to go further” if she says “no I didn’t” then it’s no big deal, she just might not be for you.