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Open_Minded_Anonym

You get better at sex through practice — with a partner that makes you feel sexy and loved. I hope you find one.


mewalrus2

Yes, Dump this asshole, he is trash.


slvstrChung

Your boyfriend should be teaching you. What other people like, what actors in porn like, does not necessarily have anything to do with what _he_ likes. Sex is not a global skill that applies to everyone you ever sleep with, it's a personalized skill that you learn and relearn for everyone you ever sleep with.


ActorMonkey

Your boyfriend should also not be telling you that you suck. He should be lifting you up not bringing you down.


Delicious-Orchid4398

Completing this train of thought : because when he brings you down like this OP, he's not setting you up into being comfortable and confident to try new things you and him may like.


Pitiful-Brilliant301

This is the first thing I thought when reading this. The only time I have said to a woman, that they are doing something wrong is when it has actually been painful for me, and even then I suggest options on how to change it. The rest of the time, I just point out the things that were especially good, so they would have a reference point.


LookingForVheissu

“Hey, can you lean back a little more? Oh yeah, that’s it.” Boom. Problem fixed.


RedMistStingray

Your boyfriend is terrible. You will get better with a caring, patient and understanding partner. Your current BF is insensitive and making things worse. A big part of being good in bed is not in what you do. It's more about your attitude and effort. Even if you aren't good at the things you do now, you'll get better. As long as you are an enthusiastic partner, that will more than make up for your lack of skill until your skill improves.


creambean12

I agree that what the bf is doing is disgusting and he seems like he wants to tear her down on purpose, but if I was bad in bed I would want to know that I’m bad so I can focus on it and practice more. I was bad at riding with my second bf because my first bf lied to me and said I was so “great” at it, my second bf told me it wasn’t that good and yeah I was so embarrassed but I started practicing like hell until I got good, now I can make him cum in seconds while riding. You need that push and I’m glad for once that someone was honest, I wouldn’t want to be uplifted and lied to.


karhuboe

honest feedback can be given without being outright hurtful


ABlythe80

You probably were ‘great’ at riding your first bf, it’s just your second bf likes to be rode differently. We are all unique individuals, with our own sexual preferences. Sex is not a one size fits all skill, it’s something we relearn with every partner.


creambean12

It definitely wasn’t good when I look back because I remember how stiff I was compared to now, i had no rhythm in my hips and it was terrible due to my inexperience with that position, in some cases yes some people are good but I know back then I had no idea what I was doing and I’m thankful I was told.


Imagination_Theory

Your boyfriend might not have been lying to you. You might have actually been "great" for him. People definitely should be telling their wants and sexual desires but "you suck" is not it.


madammurdrum

> that you learn and relearn for everyone you ever sleep with Very well put!! Everyone is different and likes different things and that’s totally ok


fabs1171

Or what she likes. Personally, the boyfriend sounds like he shouldn’t be the one to benefit from her improved skills. He sounds awful and emotionally abusive - not willing to help her but blaming all his dissatisfaction on her


chenyu768

1st part is get a new BF. Yes you car learn to better but better for who? I dont need to be great with all women, i just need and want to satisfy my wife. This POS thats comparing you to others or someone you truly want to make happy because they care about you? Drop ur BF, seriously.


[deleted]

What comment is that? Sex is about mutual pleasure, not just his. OP straight up should dump her bf. Girl, planet has enough inhabitants. You shouldn’t be with someone who straight up disrespects you for for something you’re doing for the first time. This says more about him then her. He is not doing his part. But he’s 50 per cent of this. Op, let that 🥭


mikes47jeep

something I heard a long time ago was "what looks good, doesn't feel that good, and what feels good doesn't look that good"


[deleted]

> it's a personalized skill that you learn and relearn for everyone you ever sleep with. Which is what it means to be good at sex.


Born-Value-779

That was beautiful.


Effective-Set5609

The pupil is only as good as the teacher, maybe he sucks? Besides any guy that says that isn't a guy I'd keep around. Can I add too that when you're w the right person you will both have the best sexual experience ever!


Busy-Suggestion459

No, she should be teaching him what she likes, it's not please the men only lmao


cbrking26

Sex positions in porn are filmed because they look hot. Those positions rarely feel the best for the people involved. Trying to act like a porn star will make your problem worse.


strawb3rry-sh0rtcake

exactly, it’s like when a director does scene blocking in theatre or film - nobody actually eats dinner all on the same side of the table or talks to each other while facing outward so that the audience can see them 🤣


nuclearlamppost

Why is your username the title of a horror story I made two years ago?


castille360

Why is the title of your horror story the name of a doll I had when I was 8?


[deleted]

[удалено]


castille360

Oh, because that's what she theoretically smelled like!


griddigus

You know Strawberry Shortcake was the little girl protagonist of a very popular 80s cartoon right? I had the Strawberry Shortcake bedsheets lol


PooksterPC

You didn’t invent the concept of strawberry shortcake you spanner


strawb3rry-sh0rtcake

what was the premise of the story?


nuclearlamppost

I don’t remember much of it but it was about a serial killer who went on killing sprees, I couldn’t think of a name and made it so that his characteristic was that he liked cakes lol.


KingWolf7070

"The killer always leaves cake crumbs at the scene of the crime. What could it mean? What are they trying to tell us?"


boleynshead

“Sponge last time, now a chocolate ganache. What does it all mean!?!?”


JudgeJebb

That really narrows it down


catsinspace

It was about a story THEY made up, not one they were trying to find the name of.


Funderwoodsxbox

“Breaking news! Be on the lookout for guy who likes cake! Back to you, Heather”


giant_lebowski

example, shower sex or any kind of standing sex, but especially shower sex. how can the water actually make things drier


XeliasSame

Standing sex is great, I **hate** shower sex.


flipfrog44

The only time I ever had good shower sex… omg best memory… I was living in LA and one of my neighbors was this bonkers sexy af actor. My last night before I moved out of that building he came over to say bye and after a year of sexual tension between us we finally just jumped on each other. It was so hot (literally) we were sweating so much but the sex was so good, so we went into the shower to run cold water on us while we kept fucking. I’ve retired from shower sex because nothing will ever top that.


Any-Smile-5341

it washes away the luberication.


giant_lebowski

I know you're right, it's just annoying


pm_tongue_n_tiddies

Those are both great irl, in my experience


griddigus

I’m gonna guess you’re male, but I could be wrong


ImaginaryList174

I like both, and I'm a woman! 🤷🏻‍♀️


griddigus

Just to be clear I’m just talking about shower sex, standing sex is great!


pm_tongue_n_tiddies

I am, but I also said in my experience. Different strokes and all.


griddigus

There’s the whole anatomy thing where women bear the brunt of that bone dry friction lol


pm_tongue_n_tiddies

Well I can't discount your experience, but both parties involved have skin in the game so I'm not sure what you mean. Every partner I've had asked for shower sex regularly. Again, if you don't like it or it doesn't work for you that's fine.


ReoRahtate88

But water is the anti-lube


playmaker1209

Isn’t there water resistant lube?


pm_tongue_n_tiddies

Seems fine if there's a supply of running water or the friction is submerged.


griddigus

No thank you


giant_lebowski

does water provide the same lubrication your junk or her junk produce? Do you jack off with water or lotion, lubricant, etc? Shut your ass and go get laid


ergaster8213

More damage from friction occurs to the partner being penetrated, which is why it's easier to contract an STI when you're the receiving partner.


Any-Smile-5341

To add here, it's not that if you practice more to be like porn stars during sex unless you work in the industry, you are going to be anything like the porn films. Porn is just like any movie (or show): it has a script, legal safety standards it has to abide by ( including chances of occupational injury), and most scenes take multiple shoots. There is no real sex happening in the films. Also, sex and romance don't work like they are in movies (for example porn), or shows. The camera has to get uncomfortably close to show the viewer a particular angle, that they think appeals to its audience. It’s a very short take, and skip to the next sexy scene. It’s scripted. No one i’ve ever been in bed with has ever expected me to imitate porn stars or replicate what they do in it. Your partner shouldn’t either. that said, if you want sex to be better, the only thing that will help both of you is communicating with each other. If something is getting in the way, like actions either of you is( or isn’t )taking or things being ( or not ) said, that should be resolved before you do anything , during the activity ( like something that you really like), or after ( what could make it better? Though not necessarily immediately after - don’t negate the effort or passions ). Loving, empathic, constructive feedback will help as well. “ You suck in bed”, isn’t that. It’s not giving you anything to work with, ask him to be more specific like helpful hints, AKA what has worked for him before, what he likes, etc. Also tell him to watch less porn, and get fucked by a real woman, namely you. Real women, improve, a film just stays the same, and doesn’t respond to feedback.


1100010101001

Find another guy that will help you get better at sex rather than make you feel bad


anonymousegarden

Finding another guy would be an instant level up by default. To enjoy sex you have to get out of your head and stop overthinking… how can OP do that when the douchebag bf is in her head criticising and taunting her with porn comparisons. OP, my advise is get rid of him and stop watching porn. Start getting to know your own likes and dislikes, start fantasising, start masturbating, then get a new guy who is going to enjoy you and being with you, not try to turn you into someone else.


natedawg2890

This! If he cared about you, he’d help, teach listen and love you through it


tinyhouseinthesun

Exactly. He's bad at sex if he talks to her like that. It's a joke.


Lookatthatsass

This. Great sex is about intimacy and connection, which is hard to attain when someone is constantly putting you down and insulting you. Sorry OP you’ll never have good sex with this idiot and it’s his fault for being so immature and condescending. Sex with every new person is a lesson in curiosity and patience because everyone is different. Someone can be gold standard at having sex with someone while someone else may not like their technique at all. Basically it’s not an issue with your skill. You have the willingness to learn, but he’s being so mean and disrespectful I’m surprised you can even get turned on anymore with him enough to enjoy yourself at all.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ReidloverSAB

There are plenty of times Reddit says that out of stupid shit. This isnt that. This is just blatant disrespect for her let alone women in general. This isnt a red flag, its a fucking factory fire of red flags


BashfulExodus

100%


One_Candle2979

I didn't want to say it, but my thoughts as well.


slaythethrowaway

Maybe stop having sex with an asshat?


geetee7419

That, and relax and have fun. That’s what we’d is all about.


Hotpeak4216

He's not trying to be mean but he's a brutally honest person with everything not only sex. He's been trying to work on that. I don't think I'm at that level of skill to not be criticized.


Whatisthissugar

Bullshit. Being honest would be asking you to try some new things that he's into. Cruelty is telling you that you suck and that you're difficult. It doesn't matter skill level, this is intimacy, not a God damn trade skill of some kind. You don't criticize your partner like this. Open your eyes and realize that this is not normal and it's not okay.


Alwaysaloneforever97

Been in trades for a while, most people enjoy helping you learn those lol


Whatisthissugar

Lol, right? OP's partner apparently can't do either.


empathy-alchemist

**pro life tip**: brutal honesty is more about the brutality than the honesty it’s an imaginary free pass to not treat others with respect and compassion and it’s a total copout from doing the difficult work of vulnerability and empathic communication - which is ironically the most important skill you can hone where sex is concerned because every body and set of genitals is extremely unique to the individual in terms of what they enjoy and don’t enjoy also how amazing is he in bed that he feels so emboldened and entitled to offer up this cruel and thoughtless feedback? is he making you cum every minute on the minute? giving you 10 different types of orgasms with ease and precision? is he tirelessly working toward your pleasure and comfort and you’re just laying there motionless and never trying anything focused on him? when he doesn’t like something you’re doing, does he clearly articulate the thing he would like changed in a timely and empathic manner? and does he offer helpful suggestions? does he modify his own contributions to the encounter in a mutually agreeable way? does he consistently, clearly, and mindfully ask for your feedback on his performance with pleasuring you or the things you like? if you answered no to any of those questions, that clown can sit down 🪑🤡 and if you answered yes to all of those questions, I’m shocked he would talk to you like that my only other advice is practice your communication skills yourself and masturbate as much as possible while paying attention to and taking note of the specific motions and timing of the things that feel best when you touch your genitals and other parts of your body then hopefully after you’ve moved on from this soggy cardboard box of a man, use what you learn about your own body to inform how you communicate and ask questions to partners (what kind of touch, rhythms, motions, and how often they like it changed up and at what point) we all have a responsibility to learn our own bodies and to respect our partners and learn how to best communicate with them about our own needs and their needs that’s the skill, that’s the tea 🫖


capresesalad1985

Yup I’ve never met anyone who classified themselves as “brutally honest” that wasn’t just using it as an excuse to be an a-hole.


Remo_253

> a brutally honest person This is another way of saying he doesn't give a crap about anybody else's feelings, in this case yours. Try being "brutally honest" with him, "you're an asshole, there's no defending being that demeaning to someone, especially with someone you're supposed to care about." >I don't think I'm at that level of skill to not be criticized. There's constructive criticism meant to help someone learn and grow and then there's destructive criticism meant to only demean and belittle a person. What you've described is the destructive type.


Significant_Bar_7988

Nope, the comments you said he made are entirely unacceptable and unconstructive. No excuses can be made for them.


slaythethrowaway

Honey, he’s being viscous. No one who loves another human being talks to them like that. If he truly cared he would approach it with sensitivity and offer suggestions on what could make it better. He’d be supportive and kind and trying to make things better in a constructive way. He’s being an abusive asshat.


futherup

I don't even talk to humans I *dislike* like that.


thewhiterosequeen

>Honey, he’s being viscous. Honey is viscous but he's more vicious than anything.


oldgrowthcedar

that's 100% mean, 'honesty' is no excuse


denimpanzer

People that are “brutally honest” are almost always absolute assholes. Honesty without tact is cruelty.


PlasticBlitzen

You're right. It's an excuse to be an asshole.


JawJoints

“Brutally honest” people are almost always using it as an excuse to be an asshole. Let me ask you this: is he “brutally honest” with others but would get angry or upset if *you* told him that *he* was terrible at sex? Because if so then he just doesn’t care about anybody besides himself. If he really cared about this issue, he would be telling you what he enjoys instead of insulting you and tearing you down. You really really deserve better.


LynyrdSkynyrd_1Fan

You can be assertive and communicate without being an ass. Run


geetee7419

Don’t defend him. He is a mean person. Who would say that?? If he loved you he would help you through this. Time to tell him bye bye bye!!


Useless_lesbian

I'm Dutch and we're known for being brutally honest and let me tell you, he is being mean and being an asshole. If you have issues with the way you're having sex with your girlfriend, do you either: A. Make your gf feel like shit and constantly criticize her? Just suddenly expect her to know what to do without helping out or giving advice? B. Be supportive and help out? Maybe give her tips and advice about what she can do better, and take a look at yourself to see if both people can improve. Make sure she is comfortable with everything and see what both of you would like. Does he even care about how it all feels for you or is he only thinking about himself here?


5i5ththaccount

>He's not trying to be mean but he's a brutally honest The fact that he's trying to work on it is proof that you can be both. You can be honest and say things with a level of tact. "Hey, when we have sex it would really help me enjoy it more if you did x differently." Isn't that honest?


just_a_wolf

No, he's being mean.Peopple who call themselves "brutally honest" are all being mean on purpose. It's in the name. You can be perfectly honest with someone without being cruel to them. If you are inexperienced and he has experience then it's his job to be teaching you gently and helping you discover what you like in a way that makes you feel comfortable and relaxed. It's super sexy and fun to help someone unlock their desires but it takes patience and understanding. If both of you are inexperienced then you can learn and explore together but you both need to be kind and patient with each other because you are both learning together. He's being cruel to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not okay. I know it's hard to come to terms with the fact that someone you love is treating you poorly. No one can tell you what to do but you deserve better than this.


Alwaysaloneforever97

So he lacks emotional intelligence.


Rant_Time_Is_Now

Sex isn’t hard. It’s a team effort though. This doesn’t sound like a team effort. It sounds like you’ve been manipulated into thinking it’s your fault when it’s probably just as much his. Porn is nonsense. It’s just entertainment. Not actually sex 😆


Iamno1ofconsequence

He's absolutely doing it to be mean. People who say they are "brutally honest" only say that because people won't run like they would if they said what they actually mean. Brutally honest is another way of them saying they are a piece of shit person. It won't get better. He will continue to do this if you stay with him. It will escalate into more verbal abuse, and quite possibly physical abuse. You deserve better than that.


MadameAshlini

People can be honest without being assholes. He’s being an asshole and disguising it as honesty. If he really wanted to help, he would ask you to try things or tell you what he specifically likes, not pick on you.


KallistiEngel

As others have expressed, "I'm brutally honest" is a shield for being mean. There's no value in that. You can give honest feedback without being mean.


mindagainstbody

"brutal honesty" is a lie that assholes tell to trick you into thinking they're not an asshole when they are, in fact, an asshole.


frank_mania

91 downvotes when OP expresses her opinion Unless trolling, any/everything an OP has to say in a thread adds to the conversation, therefore always/only deserves upvotes. Where did you idiots get your Redditing license? A candy machine?


Hot-Excitement-5862

Are you scared to show him what you really know and he will realise that you are not that inocente?


PlasticBlitzen

Porn is not real and this is not about her not being good enough. It is about him being an abusive POS who doesn't care about her feelings.


[deleted]

You might not be bad at sex. Maybe he just enjoys putting you down.


Imconfident1001

I feel that when i read first! He was dis - respectful towards her .


castille360

He sounds bad at sex. His judgement is not too be taken seriously.


mspuscifer

I bet he really sucks at it and is just projecting


black_id01

What if she is? Don't just try to make her feel better, help her get better by giving her advice just in case she really is bad. No lie, the bf isn't the most sensitive human being on earth (/s), but he what if he's right? Do do you have any advice for her that'll help? If not, your comment is completely irrelevant to the question she asked.


Astro-illogical

If she’s that bad at sex then the bf should actually talk to her and help her. Everyone’s trying to make it very clear that the bf is a dick and shouldn’t talk to someone like that. If she’s bad at sex and he isn’t helping her learn what he likes then he’s just a piece of shit. We don’t even know what she could be doing wrong from what I can see because the bf hasn’t fully explained


[deleted]

> What if she is? And what if she isn't?


black_id01

So you've taken care of the "What if she isn't?", now take care of the "What if she is?" as well. I understand the empathy being shown here but imagine if a homeless person asked you to help him find a job and you said to him "Awnn, I'm sorry that you probably lost your job and that's probably why you're out on the street. It was probably not a good job anyway, take care."; would that help him find a job? Would you have solved his problem? You, a random redditor, haven't spent time with OP to know whether she's good in bed. OP herself has no idea if she's good or not. So instead of just making her comfortable and less anxious about the situation, also give her tips alongside. If you only do the first without the 2nd, you've basically done nothing. And she specifically requested the methods by which to improve so give her what she asked for, not what you think she needs.


[deleted]

> now take care of the "What if she is?" No. If you're so concerned about getting OP some sex tips, you're free to post your own response. IMO, that would make much more sense than what you're doing right now.


Significant_Bar_7988

Wow. Way to make things worse, boyfriend. There isnt a way to be "good as sex", in my oponion. Its about being good at sex with a particular person. While there are some general lessons one can learn, each person is different and may reapond slightly differently. To be good at sex with your boyfriend you need to have good and positive communication. He can say... more like this... a bit lower... oh yes just like that(!)... or other comments which can guide you to be better. Instead he is just attacking you... which I find astounding and entirely unacceptable. Why would you want to put yourself in that situation again? I would suggest reevaluating your sitiation with said boyfriend as it seems he is using you as a sex dispenser rather than a partner in a relationship. Also: Porn is not a guide for sex. Sadly that is not going to help you perform as porn is a tool to arouse people visually, which is not the same as satisfying someone physically. If you want more specific advice about certain sexual acts, you could ask the hive mind... but as stated, in a healthy relationship you would be learning about what your partner likes from your partner in a loving and caring way. What works for one person may not work for another.


mspuscifer

All of this! Some guys like romantic sex, some like it rough, sometimes it just depends on their mood that day. The fact that your boyfriend can't specifically tell you what it is that "sucks" tells me he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's just plain mean and I hope you find someone kind who is willing to encourage you!


jta00001

He's the person who "sucks" at sex. Sex is about making yourself and your partner feel great. He's making you feel bad. Just be yourself. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem.


[deleted]

Your bf is the problem. Find a man who values and appreciates you. Start there and the sex will only get better.


vejasuva

Girl, LEAVE. That's not how a boyfriend should treat you, and for sure that's not how he should be making you feel!! Sex is about chemistry, and if he does those comments he'll for sure ruin it. And don't follow what porn says. That's not how sex is irl: it isn't perfect but it must be pleasurable and comfortable, in body, mind and feelings. I bet he's not making it feel like any of those


mikayrodr

Dude sounds like a fucking idiot. Half the fun of sex is exploring together and learning together. Maybe if he spent less time whining and more time getting to know your likes instead of treating you like a slam piece he’d have a better sex life and a happier gf.


ItsSlinky2x

1. Dont follow the lead of porn 2. Dump the a-hole bf 3. Have sex more often


SunnyTheToad

Ew! He sounds like a nightmare


thewalkingellie

Time to find someone else to have sex with.


oldgrowthcedar

also, wtf!! This is seriously one of the most depressing subs ever /:


f1newhatever

Lol yes I just made a similar comment, there is quite a theme to some of these posts


KnightinRustedArmour

Tell old mate to fuck off and I bet you get instantly ‘better’ at sex.


YourFriendlyKitty

This is what I’ve learned based on experience. Sex is good depending on who your partner is. So maybe it’s not you that’s the problem but it’s him. Sex is compatibility too. Go explore with someone else.


DisturbedBurger

The biggest concern I have with this is how he wants to control you, as demonstrated with insult and shaming instead of commencing an amicable break up or lending some compassion to foster more enthusiasm. Strong narcissist or psychopath vibes from this guy.... Flex your self worth and dump his ass for somebody more empathetic.


PlasticBlitzen

Your boyfriend is the one who's bad at sex by expecting his gf to be the porn-like sex dispenser machine, with not a thought given to your feelings or to your relationship. There is so much Ick! here. Comparing you to other girls he has been with?! Maybe he should have stayed with them if they were that great. So, that's not how this bf/gf thing works or how sex works within that. There is a mutual caring and understanding. The two of you talk to each other. If you are young and inexperienced, he helps you and guides you in a caring way; in a way that lets you know that he cares about your pleasure, too. He doesn't talk about what other girls have done in the past. Those ghosts don't belong in your relationship. Don't do things that you are really uncomfortable with just to please him. It's okay to have boundaries. That doesn't make you bad at sex, either. Different people have different preferences. Also, you should be having mutual pleasure; of course you want to please him, but it's not all about him.


pdxblazerfan

First off, fuck that guy, he's an asshole and doesn't deserve you! Even if you do need to improve, that's a bullshit way to communicate it, and being a dick can really just shut down the mood permanently. Unless you have a degradation kink, this is not a good long term fit. Secondly, once you get rid of the asshole, just put yourself out there, do what feels good and communicate with your partner(s). Constructive feedback, both during and after sex can go a long way.


smurfmysmurf

I don’t really believe anyone is good at/bad at sex. It’s a collaboration. It gets better as you get more confidence, and you and your partner understand each other better, and actively want to please each other. Sounds like you are sleeping with someone who doesn’t give a fuck about anything but himself. Ergo, the sex will never be good.


the_poly_poet

Ugh he sounds like an asshole. Sex will NEVER be good with *that* unsupportive of a partner. This isn’t a you-issue. This is completely on your “partner.” (He doesn’t deserve the term!).


needmoreroastbeef

Supreme douche boyfriend. You should be more concerned with how he is belittling you. I was bad at sex when I met my wife. We were both kind and open to each other in sex so we got good together. And stop trying to imitate porn. It's for show, not for what actually feels good. Film yourself having what feels like great sex, it will make you not wanna Film it again.


synvania

Guy thinks he’s in some porn studio where everyone knows what they’re doing. If you’re asking me I’d say it would be time to to leave since all I’ve heard in that description was that he always degrades you and compares you to his exes than actually trying to help you get better for both your own sake and his. If he’s been with other women he should know how to teach you but refuses to. Guy is a lost cause.


f1newhatever

Why is every post on this sub lately “my bf physically or emotionally abuses me, how can we have better sex?” You know this isn’t how someone who loves you is supposed to treat you.


littleecce

Well, it’s not THAT easy to leave an abusive relationship. It’s a complex situation. When people are being manipulated or taken advantage of, they doubt their judgement. Abusive relationships are like scallops. When they’re good, they’re REALLY good and when they’re bad they’re REALLY bad. The ones being abused want to preserve the really good parts.


eating-lemons

It’s hard to be good at Sex with someone who is so critical of you. Being good at sex involves being vulnerable and comfortable with yourself. I think I got good at sex when I was outspoken about what I wanted, when I was an active participant, and when I wasn’t afraid of the way I look or what they would think of me. But, I bet it’s hard to be vulnerable when he’s so critical and rude.


Single-Body170

Sounds like your BF has a de-humiliation kink and is trying to control you into thinking you are bad at sex. With you being inexperienced and not knowing how its supposed to be. He wants to mold into what he wants you to be. A very submissive sex doll that he doesn't give a shit about sexually. And this will eventually move into the way he treats you in the other part of your relationship as well, if it hasn't already. I'm sure you are good at sex and you know what your doing already. That being said, you are in a toxic situation that is not good for you. You don't need his BS. Time to head out his door, slam it shut and open a door into someone else's that actually knows how to treat a woman with respect and love. To answer your question though, you get better at sex by getting a new partner. Thats how. Take care of yourself you deserve better than what you have now.


PlasticBlitzen

OP, this is the one. Please heed this.


Thats-Just-My-Face

1) Your boyfriend sucks. 2) There is not perfect technique. A basic understanding of the human body and sexual organs is helpful, but after that, good sex comes from communication with your partner. Some like it slow, some like it fast. Some like it hard, some like it soft. A lot of people like it hard sometimes, soft sometimes. Many guys love oral, some don’t. Etc, etc, etc. 100% of the time, sex is best when the people involved communicate and guide each other. Aside for your BF being an asshole, saying “you’re not good at this” is completely unhelpful. If he really wanted the sex to be better, he’d communicate what he likes. He’d tell you when what you were doing feels good, and he’d guide you when it doesn’t. My recommendation is to find a loving partner that’s willing to openly communicate their needs. The sex will be mind blowing for all parties. You should do the same for him. “One size doesn’t fit all” applies to men and women.


CrackerjakHeart

Yes, yes, yes!!


Live_Web4861

This boyfriend's not for you darling! ..he's being mentally abusive to you... when you're ready to do things you will do them at your own time, and with your own skill level! You're young and sex is something to enjoy to feel your body to feel his body react to each other! My advice is to run this boy is not in love with you and unless you're in love with him and it doesn't sound like you are run run run!... look for somebody who will appreciate you and possibly fall in love with you!


erikraver

Have more sex with less shitty people


Huge_Amount_2369

Getting a new bf might help 😊


Coca-CoIa

Well your first step would be find a better boyfriend because this one sucks.


xxxIAmTheSenatexxx

Honestly, there's a large chance *he is* the one bad at sex.


LivingandDyinginLA

This seems like negging.


doasisayu

GET A BETTER PARTNER that cares about you and you can learn from. there are also plenty of instructional videos and reading materials. when you are first starting out at sex you are not expected to be competent or know what you enjoy yet, you are only beginning your journey.


bootz-n-catz-nnn

Whoa whoa whoa- your partner is telling you you’re bad each time? This is not a *you* problem. This is a *them* problem. This is not a healthy sexual relationship. Porn is *not* how sex works in the real world. It sounds like this person is sexually immature, and I typically hate to jump to something as severe as “dump him”, but that’s what I would do. To answer your actual question though, what I discovered made me better at sex was learning about myself and what liked, and what turned me on! Then sharing that with a partner I trust. Comfort with yourself and whoever your partner is will improve your sex life. Not watching porn.


bakerandswordsman

Your bf doesn't seem interested in telling you anything that's helpful. He's not saying what he likes or what doesn't work for him. Frankly it sounds more like he's just trying to browbeat you into doing whatever he says in order to "be better." Quick question, how is he at sex? Is he giving you orgasms every time? On another note, i'm not going to say anything against watching porn. Nothing wrong with it, but there's not much of anything to learn from it. Porn should be viewed as fantasy viewing, not a how to for better sex in reality.


Competitive-Win-5587

Dump his ass... Then find another guy that will not only communicate with you but that will help show you... And yourself.


Low_Relative_7176

It’s not about skill. Dump the asshat. Jfc girl there is a world waiting for you.


[deleted]

you need a new bf


Peachezandkream

Okay hear me out - I used to be clueless with sex, and I mean sexually active for up to 8 years and just bloody clueless. But the consistent factor there was I never felt safe in my relationships. It wasn’t until I started dating my current partner who makes me feel comfortable and confident that my skills really increased. I’m so much happier to try new things, I’m so much more of a giver, and it’s all because he’s safe and supportive. One of my exes used to tell me to ride “you just sit on my dick and bounce up and down, it’s not that hard” but no matter how hard I tried, I just could not do it. Three months into this relationship and I figured it out, now down the track I ride like a champion 😂 So basically what I’m saying is chuck this one in the bin and try again


CrackerjakHeart

Second! Same here, friend!


FloorInternational72

Tip #1: get a new bf Why tf are men so toxic. He’s lucky hes getting some anyways 🤷‍♂️


lunarosa12

'"You're the first girlfriend I've had that makes it this difficult" which hurts my feelings but I'm also a sensitive girl.' This line bothers me. Is he the one that called you sensitive? Did he call you this after you expressed feeling hurt over the comments he made? Your feelings are very much valid. Sensitive or not, those are hurtful statements that he made. Instead of working with you on what he likes, he's just like he's blaming you for "bad sex". Likewise, instead of learning to communicate without being an asshat, he's just blaming you for having a (naturally) negative reaction to his hurtful comments. This is abusive behavior. Pls know that you deserve better. I'm this type of relationship everything will be your fault. Accountability won't exist for him.


howmuchdoesthissuck

I went through 5 years of someone saying the same shit to me everyday. It destroys your self confidence. I was alone 11 years because he made me afraid to try with anyone else. Finally, I met a guy who understood what I went through and realized that after sex I needed a little reassurance. We would talk about what was good and bad. I gained some sexual confidence. He once said to me “If you can’t talk about sex openly and honestly, you shouldn’t be having it.” Dump the boyfriend and move on. He’s the one who isn’t good enough, not you


indecentDesire_

Find out what you enjoy first. Sex is pleasure, you can't always copy and be just as happy so don't try to get it exactly right. Do what works for you and build from that foundation. Teach him what works for you too. Also they tell guys this a lot because the sex in port is generally not pleasurable for most women (aesthetics are more important in some industries) but not everything you see in porn will translate to REAL sex. Honesty or not he sounds like an ass though. With that said (and obviously not gunna tell you to leave him) but sex is different with each new person. This may simply be a lack of compatibility although I can't imagine him creating a space for you to feel safe and comfortable if that's the type of comments he has.


[deleted]

He sounds awful. Why do YOU think your skills lacking?


RecommendationWarm81

He should be helping you get better not ridiculing you


humangril

Sex is a two way street so if your boyfriend says you suck, he DEFINITELY does. Also good sex is all about communication and talking things through — try asking specifically what he thinks “sucks”. Lastly, i suggest you tell him to check how he approaches sex in conversation. It’s a very vulnerable act so it cannot feel good to hear that it sucks. YOU DONT SUCK GIRL (I mean maybe literally but not figuratively) YOUR MAN JUST DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE.


trevenclaw

Just be communicative and open. Tell him what you like, ask him what he likes, experwith things you are not sure about. But also you need to set a boundary with him. Tell him it’s not ok that he tells you you suck at sex. Tell him every time he does it hurts your confidence and makes you perform worse. Great sex is about trust.


The-Sonne

Not a single person here asking about your age, if you're being abused, etc?


Shoddy-Donut-9339

You have a vagina? Most men would love to be with you. A vagina is a perfect instrument for sexually satisfying a male body. Sexually satisfying a male mind might be trickier. Women don’t need sexual skills but men need sexual skills because women don’t orgasm as easily as men. Men cum very easily. I do like the women to participate in sex in some way. I don’t like her just lying there as if she is dead. I don’t care what the woman does or if she has any sexual skills but do something. Doing something stupid is fine. I think you should dump your boyfriend because he is either stupid or sadistic.


BadKahma

Fuck him! And not in a sexual way. Cut him out of your life... fr...


TiagoBallena

Sex is not calculus, people get better with communication and care, not blatant criticism and rudeness


hawkxp71

Sounds like your boyfriend is an asshole. Sorry to be so Blunt, but this is just silly. Porn isn't sex. Porn is a video of people having sex, who do it professionally with directors and post editing... Are you enthusiastic? That's 99% of being great at sex. Wanting to have fun and have your partner orgasism. Bad sex, isn't typically bad because it feels bad, it's because the partner is boring. Tell your boyfriend, it's him. He just doesn't excite you. And leave him


the805chickenlady

im sorry but the way he talks to you? the best way to get better at sex is to have sex with someone who isn't him. he's not good enough for you darling.


Apprehensivepuzzle

It takes time to learn how to pleasure your partner. Also, please stop convincing yourself that you’re “overly sensitive” when your boyfriend (or anybody) is being a dick to you. Sex requires healthy communication and instead of directing/instructing you on what he likes, he’s using the opportunity to make you feel bad


KingWolf7070

First of all, your boyfriend is a bad partner and not you should probably leave him. A good partner will be patient and supportive. So I think you should find a better man (Pearl Jam) and you can begin your exploration of sex from there. The secret is that you're never going to find any one easy trick to being good at sex. Everyone likes different things when it comes to sex and so you really have to be willing to make a custom, personalized experience with each new person you have sex with. This is where listening and having good communication is vital (and why your current BF is a terrible person to learn sex with).


cornthi3f

Step 1: dump him.


dark_blue_7

Once you have basic knowledge of how your bodies work together, the biggest factor making you better at it is probably *enthusiasm*. Which unfortunately your bf must have squashed pretty bad with his comments, making you feel more insecure and inside your head – the last thing you need. It's not about some collection of perfect sex moves or whatever you're trying to copy. It's about being authentic, letting go, getting out of your head and being fully present to actively enjoy and share the pleasure without shame. Then with that attitude, you are also learning as you go about what feels the best for each of you, so you can amplify that. But none of this is feasible with a partner who loses patience and puts you down repeatedly. He is so not helping. What you need is more confidence and support. If you can't find that with him, you know what to do.


[deleted]

First rule of having good sex is having a good partner, he’s failing here not you. My advice would be dump his ass, spend some time getting to know yourself so that when a new partner comes along, you are experienced in your own pleasure, and you can take him what you like whilst he teaches you what he likes


Chance_Assignment422

These kind of situations are what creates lasting and damaging insecurities. Your boyfriend is an asshole and probably doesn’t know what he’s doing either. And comparing you to previous sexual partners is just cruel.


HikiNoKami

Dump him...


Several_Second4986

He is not the one for you. Your partner should never make you feel inadequate. He should always try to boost your confidence no matter his thoughts, because he loves you. IMO, you need to walk away from that man. If he's doing this with sex, he will only do it in other aspects as well.


SylphofBlood

Does he do anything to ensure that he’s giving YOU pleasure or learning YOUR body? If not, then HE SUCKS. I have the feelings he’s only saying you “suck” at sex because you have boundaries and he doesn’t want to respect them. If he’s making you feel uncomfortable, pressured, or giving you pain instead of pleasure, dump him.


Milamarshmellow

Your boyfriend is adding to/possibly even causing this problem. He isn’t treating you with care or respect. He shouldn’t speak to you that way, HE’S the one making it difficult. You need to learn sex and ideally, your boyfriend would be teaching you. He’s not doing his job, have you told him how his approach is affecting you? He’s comparing you to other women, OF COURSE you’re hurt. Your feelings are valid. He needs to be more sensitive. Also he’s obviously a shitty teacher too. Maybe he’s acting this way because he’s so insecure. My advice: dump the guy.


HorrorScopeZ

Seriously that's the last thing one needs to hear and a huge red flag. Feels like he's trying to gain dominance over you or he's an insensitive bastard. Neither is good. You coming here, you studying is a good sign you care overall, I'm sure you are fine. You also sound young, you'll be learning/adjusting for decades.


luckycharm4uonly

Dude why would you let your bf - or anyone - talk to you like that? Someone that cares for you would never EVER speak to you like that. Think of yourself as someone in your life that you care about? What advice would you give your best friend?


EmperorJJ

You need to get a better boyfriend. No matter how much better you get, he has already set the precedent of putting you down. It's one thing to acknowledge that your partner might still have a lot to learn, it's completely different when he is berating you, comparing you to other women he's been with, being generally unkind. I was stuck in a relationship like this for years. I tried everything I could to be better (in a lot of ways) for my partner but he never noticed. He just berated and berated me until I finally left. He was the one with intimacy issues, he would be uncaring and sometimes downright cruel about it. It's hard to keep trying to please someone who obviously doesn't care about your feelings. Leaving that relationship i felt better than I've ever felt, but I was in therapy for years undoing the damage to my self worth. Get out and know that there are much better people out there. Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't even appreciate you enough to be patient with you in bed.


thatstoomuch_man

Your boyfriend is an asshole. I would dump him lol


jdor99

Your boyfriend might just be a dick, which you seem to be framing, non obliviously, in your post. Time to move on.


thebeestitties

Hard to have good sex with someone who treats you like shit. Dump the boyfriend, be good at sex with someone who cares about you.


oldgrowthcedar

You're probably amazing at sex, you just have a really shitty boyfriend who is not worthy of you.


OkNovel5818

Jesus, what a nightmare of a dude.


Texas350

Find a new boyfriend that appreciates you. It sounds to me that your current boyfriend is bad for you. Look for someone else.


britlover23

wow - he is abusive. if you stay with him, and i don’t think you should, tell him that you’re hurt. if he doesn’t stop after that, then you will know he doesn’t care about you


geetee7419

Need a new boyfriend. Drop him like a bad habit.


[deleted]

I mean just take more control and practice cowgirl a little more and you should be good, dump the boyfriend too 😂


roskybosky

Leave this rude, coarse creature. There are wonderful men out there who will introduce you to wonderful sex in a patient, loving way.


throwaway_2648

He sounds like such an asshole, other men would teach you and make you feel comfortable. You deserve much better, know you’re worth you deserve the world!


Curious_Olive_5266

Do it like Aurelius and Furius https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catullus\_16


Smooth-Dot9613

You’re boyfriend sounds verbally abusive.


danapca

I’m gonna be honest. You don’t suck at sex. You and him suck at sec because you don’t have the right chemistry. Get rid of him. The sex will never get better together. It’s all about chemistry and pheromones. This is the universe telling you that you don’t belong together.


damhey

Everyone likes things different, so someone who is mind blowing for one person is a dud for another. He needs to guide you and help you learn to do the things he likes in the same way the you need to show him the things you like and how to make you feel good. Communication is a big part of it and if he can't communicate what he likes and what he wants you to do to him, the the problem is probably him and that it's actually him that isn't good at it. Criticism, without guidance on how to fix the issue isn't constructive or helpful. That's just being a dick and being mean. If he expects you to get better without him taking the responsibility to show you, then you will need to turn to someone else to learn with. In which case...feel free to send me a chat 😜🤣 While that last line is just being cheeky, please take note of the rest. If he is criticising without giving you the guidance, tools and support to fix the problem, that's not helpful and a bit of a red flag. If he is does this in other elements of the relationship under the guise of "being brutally honest", then that is concerning as is pretty toxic behaviour and could potentially be a form of abuse depending on how he does it and how oftern he does it. As yourself if he is setting you up for success? If he criticises you with helping you self the problem, then it will destroy your self-esteem. The example you've given about being bad at sex is an example of toxic behaviour. No one is bad at sex, they just don't do what their partner likes or may have less confidence. Tell you that your bad at sex hasn't told you exactly what the problem is and has impacted your self esteem enough that you've reached out to reddit fir help. He hasn't told you what he likes or what he wants you to do different, so he isn't helping/supporting you to "be good at sex". He isn't setting you up for success or helping you chance. He's just attacking your confidence and if this happens over and over, you'll end up a very broken person. Make sure you surround yourself with supportive friends and make sure he doesn't try to isolate you or make you push your friends away as that is another common toxic behaviour that some people have. If you do feel alone and you want an independent random on the internet to listen and give you an outside view, reach out, don't feel alone. Sometimes we can be too close to the problem to see the extent of it. But to answer how you get better at sex, you tell him that is isn't to complain about your abilities in the bedroom unless he can tell you in detail the specific things he would like you to differently!


lukewarmandtoasty

please do not ask people for sex on this sub even facetiously


NunyoDambyznez

Don’t worry, hoe phase will straighten all that out!


[deleted]

[удалено]


DoppleBanger5

My definition of a woman that's good at sex. 1. Do you have a vagina? 2. Will you allow me to use it? Done.


[deleted]

Lol knew as soon as i read the post that the comments would side with the girl. Bunch of white knight clowns.


L_750z

Use porn to revise. Do what they do