Of course he can love you and want to share you.
Monogamy isn’t the only expression of love.
That being said, don’t do it if you don’t want to. Just because he wants to doesn’t mean you have to, or that it would even be good for you.
Opening a relationship to any new dynamic can be challenging. So, whatever you do, just be mindful and communicate.
He obviusly loves me in a very different Way then I love him. Even the thought of seeing him with another woman is devastating, and hurts badly. I Just dont understand how he feels different about IT? Its driving me crazy. Feeling unloved.
If you have different ideas of love, then maybe that’s something you need to look at and question if it’s right for you.
But it’s important to remember that you’re different people. He isn’t you, so he’s not going to feel the same things as you. His experiences in life and values are different. It’s not fair to put expectations on him that aren’t in line with who he is (for example, expect him to love you in a specific sort of way).
Google compersion. This may explain how people can love and share at the same time. “Sharing is caring.”
I could say “I feel so unloved if someone isn’t willing to share me, because it makes me feel like someone’s possession and object, and like they don’t care about my desires.” - doesn’t make it true just because that’s how I feel.
Well being different means different needs. If we are incompatible then I guess thats Just the way it is. I need to be in a relationship that soothes me. Or is that also selfish ?
love and relationships aren’t the same thing. it’s not selfish to want to get something out of being in a relationship. if you didn’t, you might as well just be single.
My boyfriend always wanted a 3some with another guy cause he had the fantasy of watching me getting fucked.
So after years, i finally agreed. I did take some illegal stuff and alcohol to bear it. My boyfriend was super happy, i just wanted to please him. In the end i didn't really enjoy it and i told him how i really felt. I told him he the only person i wanna be with and he understood but at least we got it out our system, the curiosity is not there anymore. After that our sex life became more active and better.
So you could try it. But its not guaranteed to satisfy you.
This isn't what you probably want to hear, but the truth of it is this: If he no longer loves you because you won't do this, then he didn't truly love you and he's not worth your time. If he can't respect it, then he doesn't respect you.
Think of it this way. Let's say you wanted to try pegging, not saying you do but I'm using an extreme example to prove my point, and he is very opposed. Would you respect that or would you push him into it or leave him if he wouldn't do it? Obviously you'd respect it. Just tell him no and he'll probably be cool with it. If not, cut ties and move on.
It's very unlikely you would lose him. A 3-some is just a way of spicing things up. It's just for fun. Like sex. Don't think too much about it. If you try it and both like it, you'll be amazed how it can enhance your relationship.
If either of you feels jealousy, step away.
More likely you'll find there is a reason they call willing attractive single ladies unicorns. But try it. You'll never know otherwise.
The point still stands because you're strongly opposed to a threesome. And I don't blame you. I would hate to see my wife getting nailed by another guy and she would hate to see me getting with another woman. There's no trick or shortcut through this. You have to be honest and tell him no and his response to that will tell you everything you need to know about him.
Yes he 100% can still love you and want to share you. He is just wired differently to you in the sense that you think its wrong but he doesn't. He desires to see you satisfied and is obviously turned on by this. I can tell you it is quite common. At least he has talked to you about it. He is honest. A lot of men I can imagine would not do that. The ball is in your court.
Its something you will have to work out. I have been with my wife for 20 years and only came out with this over the last probably 18 months. If you love each other you will work it out so your both happy with what you decided.
Sex can be for fun. It does't have to be just love making. Over the years it's hard to maintain that initial euphoria. Try to keep sex fun and fresh and interesting.
What kind of a threesome are you talking about? "Share you?" What does that mean? With another woman? Another man? Which scenario exactly?
No, why would he love you any less after that? He loves you so much that he wants other people to be able to enjoy your skills too...
Well, talk about MMF scenarios first, then. You should not run blindly into making this sort of thing a reality. Start exploring it as a fantasy. That can go on for a long way. Talk dirty around the idea. Continue by buying dildos so you can imagine that would be the other guy. Play with the idea. When you see someone you fancy out in the public, talk how you would go on seducing that guy. Talk about different scenarios and how it could happen. What would be boundaries? Would it be a one night stand? A regular fuck buddy? Where will you look for other people interested in it?
Talk, talk, talk. Communicate your fears around this. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience threesomes. There is even a sub dedicated to them, maybe head over there to find out what other people have been thinking about it. r/threesomes, r/swingers, r/nonmonogamy, just to name a few.
If, after the proper talking, it still feels bad for you, you drop the idea and find something else to fantasise about. It is not a big deal. If you can get over your insecurities, then proceed. But you set the phase, as you are the insecure one.
Thing is im not insecure. Im Just turned on by the fact that im the only girl for him. If i loose that feeling then i dont want him. I had MMF before and i love IT. I Just think that bringing in a third person in a relationship is risky. What if I catch feelings ?
Is a ONS really in your *relationship?*
Of course there are risks. But what do you do in business when your firm should take risks in order to move forward and grow? You do risk assessments. You talk about it before taking any actions. You find solutions that work for your business. It is no different for a relationship. 🤷🏼♀️
If you think you catching feelings is a risk, then you need to talk about that scenario. What happens when you catch feelings? What happens when he catches feelings? What happens when the third person catches feelings for either of you? Talk, talk, talk. Assume nothing.
There are some good resources you can check out that talk about these different kinds of dynamics. “Polysecure” is a good one I’m in the middle of reading now.
Also the thing about MFF, i had Girls before, and fond out that im heteroseksuelle. Girls Just dont do IT for me. And MFF is not satistfying without girl on girl action
It isn't? Why wouldn't that be? Threesomes can be anything you three decide them to be. You do not have a script you have to follow! Okay, technically, it would be FMF then, but you know...
Well i wouldnt Wanna have to wait for my turn. Anyway you flip the M ,F Or F . Its a defenite No for me. My man is not a communicator. I guess ill settle for beliving him, that this is not something he needs. Just a fantasy.
Even if IT hurts my ego. I Just always pictured me with a man that only wanted me. Selfish as i am
You can always learn how to communicate better. It will do him only good things. This issue is something that can not be resolved without proper communication.
I would be more pleased that my man went out and explored other women because I knew I was the best he would ever meet, and that's why he would always get back to me. If he never gets to explore, he will always be left wondering what if grass would be greener somewhere else. It is in human nature to want new experiences.
Love doesn’t mean you can’t share. That’s insecurity and jealousy speaking most of the time. He can love you and want to share. It’s a really really common kink/fetish/fantasy. But yeah, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. A wee bit unfair to say mmf is okay if mff isn’t, but I understand the ego behind it.
I’d honestly go with none. If there’s insecurity and jealousy in either of you, it has real potential to tank and destroy your relationship. These types of kinks are best done with BOTH parties being jealousy free and with minimal insecurities and BOTH having a want for sharing.
Sexual incompatibility is important and can cause rifts between couples. That said, I feel like fantasies are normal and okay to have. He’s human. So are you. He’s going to find other people attractive. He’s going to have fantasies now and then. That’s just human. The important part is if he feels safe enough with you to communicate that with you (he did) and that if you’re not okay with it, that it stays a fantasy. My wife and I are very open and kink friendly. That said, some kinks are best kept as fantasies. Have a talk with him and express how you’re feeling. Express your possessiveness and or insecurity. Let him comfort and validate them. Communication is the foundation of any relationship, and weather you two do this or not, you guys need to talk about the deeper emotions or implications these things have on you both.
Honestly. Its not as much about insecurities. Im Just not attracted to women. And dont want to share a bed and much less my man with one. MFF is not any point without girl on girl action right. So if he dont mind a MMF, why should IT be "fair" and we have to do both ?
Don't do anything you don't want to do. If he pushes you to do it then that's a huge red flag
it’s a stupid thing to do. props for being the voice of reason and saying no
Counter question...if you say "no" would you give him a pass to go experiment with other couples?
I dis give him the pass. He dosnt want to.
...then the only one stopping him is him.
❤️
Of course he can love you and want to share you. Monogamy isn’t the only expression of love. That being said, don’t do it if you don’t want to. Just because he wants to doesn’t mean you have to, or that it would even be good for you. Opening a relationship to any new dynamic can be challenging. So, whatever you do, just be mindful and communicate.
He obviusly loves me in a very different Way then I love him. Even the thought of seeing him with another woman is devastating, and hurts badly. I Just dont understand how he feels different about IT? Its driving me crazy. Feeling unloved.
If you have different ideas of love, then maybe that’s something you need to look at and question if it’s right for you. But it’s important to remember that you’re different people. He isn’t you, so he’s not going to feel the same things as you. His experiences in life and values are different. It’s not fair to put expectations on him that aren’t in line with who he is (for example, expect him to love you in a specific sort of way). Google compersion. This may explain how people can love and share at the same time. “Sharing is caring.” I could say “I feel so unloved if someone isn’t willing to share me, because it makes me feel like someone’s possession and object, and like they don’t care about my desires.” - doesn’t make it true just because that’s how I feel.
Well being different means different needs. If we are incompatible then I guess thats Just the way it is. I need to be in a relationship that soothes me. Or is that also selfish ?
Why would you be in a relationship otherwise?
I dunno. Love is mysterous. Lol
love and relationships aren’t the same thing. it’s not selfish to want to get something out of being in a relationship. if you didn’t, you might as well just be single.
My boyfriend always wanted a 3some with another guy cause he had the fantasy of watching me getting fucked. So after years, i finally agreed. I did take some illegal stuff and alcohol to bear it. My boyfriend was super happy, i just wanted to please him. In the end i didn't really enjoy it and i told him how i really felt. I told him he the only person i wanna be with and he understood but at least we got it out our system, the curiosity is not there anymore. After that our sex life became more active and better. So you could try it. But its not guaranteed to satisfy you.
This isn't what you probably want to hear, but the truth of it is this: If he no longer loves you because you won't do this, then he didn't truly love you and he's not worth your time. If he can't respect it, then he doesn't respect you. Think of it this way. Let's say you wanted to try pegging, not saying you do but I'm using an extreme example to prove my point, and he is very opposed. Would you respect that or would you push him into it or leave him if he wouldn't do it? Obviously you'd respect it. Just tell him no and he'll probably be cool with it. If not, cut ties and move on.
He is not pushing. No worries. Is me. I Just Cantona stop thinking something is wrong. And i dont know if im the problem
Can not *
Ok but pegging would be Just me and him. IT woldnt fundameltaly shake our fidelity towards eachother. And another person is not the same as a thing
It's very unlikely you would lose him. A 3-some is just a way of spicing things up. It's just for fun. Like sex. Don't think too much about it. If you try it and both like it, you'll be amazed how it can enhance your relationship. If either of you feels jealousy, step away. More likely you'll find there is a reason they call willing attractive single ladies unicorns. But try it. You'll never know otherwise.
The point still stands because you're strongly opposed to a threesome. And I don't blame you. I would hate to see my wife getting nailed by another guy and she would hate to see me getting with another woman. There's no trick or shortcut through this. You have to be honest and tell him no and his response to that will tell you everything you need to know about him.
Yes he 100% can still love you and want to share you. He is just wired differently to you in the sense that you think its wrong but he doesn't. He desires to see you satisfied and is obviously turned on by this. I can tell you it is quite common. At least he has talked to you about it. He is honest. A lot of men I can imagine would not do that. The ball is in your court.
I do not want that ball, thank you. I would much rather we had the same Way of loving
Im not judging him or anyone else. I Just dont want this in my life. My NO is more important than his I WANT
Well then you need to tell him that.
I did and its ok. I Just dont know if I can share my life with someone wired so differently
Its something you will have to work out. I have been with my wife for 20 years and only came out with this over the last probably 18 months. If you love each other you will work it out so your both happy with what you decided.
Sex can be for fun. It does't have to be just love making. Over the years it's hard to maintain that initial euphoria. Try to keep sex fun and fresh and interesting.
What kind of a threesome are you talking about? "Share you?" What does that mean? With another woman? Another man? Which scenario exactly? No, why would he love you any less after that? He loves you so much that he wants other people to be able to enjoy your skills too...
He wants both MMF, and MFF. I could try MMF. But never ever ever MFF.
Well, talk about MMF scenarios first, then. You should not run blindly into making this sort of thing a reality. Start exploring it as a fantasy. That can go on for a long way. Talk dirty around the idea. Continue by buying dildos so you can imagine that would be the other guy. Play with the idea. When you see someone you fancy out in the public, talk how you would go on seducing that guy. Talk about different scenarios and how it could happen. What would be boundaries? Would it be a one night stand? A regular fuck buddy? Where will you look for other people interested in it? Talk, talk, talk. Communicate your fears around this. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience threesomes. There is even a sub dedicated to them, maybe head over there to find out what other people have been thinking about it. r/threesomes, r/swingers, r/nonmonogamy, just to name a few. If, after the proper talking, it still feels bad for you, you drop the idea and find something else to fantasise about. It is not a big deal. If you can get over your insecurities, then proceed. But you set the phase, as you are the insecure one.
Thing is im not insecure. Im Just turned on by the fact that im the only girl for him. If i loose that feeling then i dont want him. I had MMF before and i love IT. I Just think that bringing in a third person in a relationship is risky. What if I catch feelings ?
Is a ONS really in your *relationship?* Of course there are risks. But what do you do in business when your firm should take risks in order to move forward and grow? You do risk assessments. You talk about it before taking any actions. You find solutions that work for your business. It is no different for a relationship. 🤷🏼♀️ If you think you catching feelings is a risk, then you need to talk about that scenario. What happens when you catch feelings? What happens when he catches feelings? What happens when the third person catches feelings for either of you? Talk, talk, talk. Assume nothing.
There are some good resources you can check out that talk about these different kinds of dynamics. “Polysecure” is a good one I’m in the middle of reading now.
Also the thing about MFF, i had Girls before, and fond out that im heteroseksuelle. Girls Just dont do IT for me. And MFF is not satistfying without girl on girl action
It isn't? Why wouldn't that be? Threesomes can be anything you three decide them to be. You do not have a script you have to follow! Okay, technically, it would be FMF then, but you know...
Well i wouldnt Wanna have to wait for my turn. Anyway you flip the M ,F Or F . Its a defenite No for me. My man is not a communicator. I guess ill settle for beliving him, that this is not something he needs. Just a fantasy. Even if IT hurts my ego. I Just always pictured me with a man that only wanted me. Selfish as i am
You can always learn how to communicate better. It will do him only good things. This issue is something that can not be resolved without proper communication. I would be more pleased that my man went out and explored other women because I knew I was the best he would ever meet, and that's why he would always get back to me. If he never gets to explore, he will always be left wondering what if grass would be greener somewhere else. It is in human nature to want new experiences.
Be aware that sometimes if you do one, they will pressure you to now do the other to keep it fair. Don’t let him manipulate you
Cus i could never share him , cus i love him.
Love doesn’t mean you can’t share. That’s insecurity and jealousy speaking most of the time. He can love you and want to share. It’s a really really common kink/fetish/fantasy. But yeah, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. A wee bit unfair to say mmf is okay if mff isn’t, but I understand the ego behind it.
Yeah thats wat he is saying too. That we have to try both so its fair. But i Just cant
I’d honestly go with none. If there’s insecurity and jealousy in either of you, it has real potential to tank and destroy your relationship. These types of kinks are best done with BOTH parties being jealousy free and with minimal insecurities and BOTH having a want for sharing.
Then maybe he should look for a less posessive girlfriend than me . Cause i Cant Even deal with knowing he wants to.
Sexual incompatibility is important and can cause rifts between couples. That said, I feel like fantasies are normal and okay to have. He’s human. So are you. He’s going to find other people attractive. He’s going to have fantasies now and then. That’s just human. The important part is if he feels safe enough with you to communicate that with you (he did) and that if you’re not okay with it, that it stays a fantasy. My wife and I are very open and kink friendly. That said, some kinks are best kept as fantasies. Have a talk with him and express how you’re feeling. Express your possessiveness and or insecurity. Let him comfort and validate them. Communication is the foundation of any relationship, and weather you two do this or not, you guys need to talk about the deeper emotions or implications these things have on you both.
Honestly. Its not as much about insecurities. Im Just not attracted to women. And dont want to share a bed and much less my man with one. MFF is not any point without girl on girl action right. So if he dont mind a MMF, why should IT be "fair" and we have to do both ?