Remember when she groped the massage therapist? I find people that can’t accept these characters are supposed to be flawed so immature and asinine. It’s almost like because they’ve chosen a side between KC vs SJP that they can’t separate the actress from the character.
Yes!!! I have noticed on my most recent rewatch that Samantha is deeply insecure. I actually don’t think her relationship with sex is healthy, like at all. And it’s not bc she has a lot of it, it’s the reasons behind it. In the earlier seasons she often “jokingly” alludes to having strictly casual sex so that she doesn’t get hurt. It’s very sad…
Well let's investigate what we know of Sam. She was working as a teen and all the hints we get suggest a blue collar background with a drunken probably stepfather and multiple siblings. She came of age in the 70s hanging out at Studio 54 and (retconned) working at CBGBs. The latter is movie Sam.
Samantha moved to NYC in the 70s to get away from wherever she grew up, worked and partied hard. The 70s were ALLLL about casual sex, and to a lesser extent the 80s. Sam imo has never quite left that life behind. Even her style leans 80s. She became successful because she knew EVERYONE and parlayed that into PR.
But in her personal life she's resolutely single, she adores living alone having lovely things, and men are just accessories to her... although the series shows her falling in love three or four times and not all her dates are one nighters.
She doesn't want to be tied down like her mother was so she keeps men at arm's length, and periodically hooks up with completely ridiculous ones to keep it that way.
I agree that the last thing Samantha wished herself was living like her mother. That's why she didn't want to get married and have kids. And also she mentioned a guy that had a swimming pool where she was hanging around and she was 13 y.o. then. So apparently, her sex life started at 13 or even before. I think that Samantha is deeply traumatized and does not admit it.
In the very first episode of the series she is very clearly unhappy with a hookup but doesn't say so outright. When Charlotte goes on a date with that Capote Duncan sleazeball and doesn't sleep with him, he sticks her in a cab and heads to the club to meet someone who will. He brings home Samantha and says something like "you can't stay the night, I have to be up early." Samantha tries to be cool about it but her voice and the look on her face express her disappointment. I think that's supposed to tell us she is all about casual sex on the surface but underneath she craves something more.
It's strange that's really the only time we see her like that, at least until Richard is in the picture and she gets obsessed with him.
Agreed. They made a caricature out of her character and the audience seemed to adore every bit of it. They saw her literally never having emotions as empowerment so the producers kept it going. Also, the Richard bit felt too surface level and like comic relief...there wasn't much follow-up of her after the breakup either.
I totally agree with you but I really think if they did that there’s be a mutiny among the fans lol. I’ve seen people complain that her run ended with her paired up even!
Not to mention when Carrie caught Samantha giving a blowjob to the delivery guy, her over the top reaction to Carrie’s “judgement” screamed insecurity.
Carrie, in my opinion, had a pretty normal reaction to the situation and I hate that Samantha twisted it to make Carrie feel like the bad guy in the scenario. If you want to blow the delivery guy then more power to you but to do so when you *know* your friend is due to arrive any moment is just unprofessional and inconsiderate. I always wonder how Samantha would’ve wanted Carrie to react? Did she expect her to jump up and down and scream “you go girl!!” or something?
If anything, Samantha should’ve apologised to Carrie for the situation.
I do love her as a character and I do think she has some empowering qualities (as do all of the girls) but it does annoy me when people act like she was too good for the rest of the girls (especially Carrie). If Carrie had done these things she would be burned at the stake but because it’s Sam she gets a pass.
I love the delivery guy arc because it really showcases Samantha's humanity, with insecurities and blind spots.
Even more telling than her reaction at Carrie's reaction was how Samantha acted when Carrie joked about it at brunch. It's exactly the kind of topic Samantha loves joking about, but this instance felt invasive and hurtful. It's like she was trying to have it both ways: dismiss Carrie's reaction as over the top for something that was actually mundane, and have Carrie take it seriously enough as an expression of Samantha's free sexuality.
That was incredibly realistic to me.
Oh, for sure! I love that it was a rare moment we got to see Sam on the defensive with Carrie and how some of her insecurities trickled out when she usually masks them quite well.
I think a huge part of is also that she really respects Carrie and values their friendship, so the thought of Carrie catching her in an awkward position caused her to spiral and make a bigger deal out of than the situation warranted. Carrie probably would’ve joked about it and never mentioned it again but for Sam it was clearly a sore point so it escalated into something bigger.
I completely agree. Carrie’s reaction to walking in on Samantha was so normal. Who wouldn’t be shocked and flustered if they walked into their friend’s office expecting to be getting ready to go for lunch and instead found them giving head to a stranger? Carrie never judged Samantha and just because Carrie said it’s not something she would ever feel comfortable doing doesn’t mean she thought less of Samantha for doing so herself. Samantha seemed to be projecting a lot into Carrie’s reaction to the blow job and not wanting to wear the fluffy pink lingerie Samantha suggested for her book cover. When Samantha later walks in on Stanford getting a blow job from Marcus she is also shocked. I’ve never understood why Carrie was made out to be the bad guy in that scenario.
Samantha desperately wanted Carrie’s validation and approval. I don’t shame my friends for aspects of their sex lives that are different from mine but I also would be shocked and uncomfortable if I walked in on them while they were having sex or pleasuring themselves. It’s not that either of those things are shameful, it’s just not something I would feel comfortable witnessing.
I love Samantha and would classify her as confident but confident people can still have insecurities and it’s clear that she still has insecurities about what other people think of the way she expresses her sexuality.
To be fair I don’t think Samantha cared if someone was single, dating or married.
She wasn’t out there looking for emotionally unavailable men to sleep with out of insecurity.. she was just sleeping with whoever she wanted married or not
I agree with pretty much everything you wrote, and think it’s important to point out the obvious flaws in arguably the most beloved character. However, I will say Sam’s solo storylines and side quests always read as almost a caricature and weren’t offensive to me. Not so much the late seasons where she was with Smith and dealing with a cancer diagnosis, but the priest and yoga instructor, idk. Again, I agree that it’s not a cool story to make into a joke, I probably *should* be offended but I first watched the show as a teen and it was more sitcom slapstick than serious subplot. If the gender roles were reversed, we’d be livid, so maybe I’m back where you left it: those trysts were not okay and it wouldn’t fly today.
Agreed- some of her dialogue is straight-up bad. The fact that Kim played it up as campy speaks to her comedic timing.
(Clearest example for me is the scene where she seduces the farmer that lives near Aiden's cabin. She goes in asking for fresh milk- for a PIE, which does not need milk, mind you. She says that she'll be good at milking cows when she sees the phallic shape of an udder, and says she "usually gets a warning" when she gets sprayed in the face. The setting and dialogue seem like they were stolen from a bad porno.)
I think we're more worried about men's intentions with women, than we are about men's intentions with other men, because men and women are different. And Sam isn't a realistic woman, imo.
she often did the “might as well go with it” unfortunately and that part was sad. she never wanted to be seen as a woman who said no to men sexually (see: len)
I love her too but agree that making sleeping around your whole personality just screams insecurity. It’s like she has something to prove. Who is she without the male validation?
I think a lot of satc fans tends to gloss over Sam's behaviour, myself included, in favour of calling her *iconic*. Like, everyone loves the "it's over, I told my wife. Who is this?" exchange, but the episode itself is actually kind of sad. The wife is willing to open up their relationship to include Sam in an effort to save her marriage, and I don't recall Samantha ever feeling bad about it in the slightest.
They're all quite flawed, at least the main characters we get to know well. That said, I don't think empowerment means perfection. Empowerment, unresolved trauma, attachment issues, confidence, abuse of power, unexamined privilege, all these things exist on different axes, and can coexist in the same character. They all DO coexist in all of us in real life, to some extent.
The reason the show is good, in spite of being outdated and the writing being a mess at times, is because the characters are allowed to be complicated (and even downright unsympathetic at times). Sam did a LOT of unsympathetic stuff over the course of the show.
I'm sure there're a lot of analyses to be made about Sam emulating what she perceived as the behavior of powerful men at the time--an era in which cocaine-fueled 80s businessmen with zero ethics were in their heyday--and how that shaped her view of other women and interpersonal interactions in general.
It kind of feels weird to me when Sam is put up on a pedestal. No one character is better than the other, and if they were all paragons of virtue, we wouldn’t watch the show!
I like the character, but she is insecure at times.
I also hated that she came on to men who were celibate and not available-that’s predatory and gives me the ick.
And the episode where she gets sick and has a breakdown and reveals she wishes she was loved? I always thought it was strange that people try and say she’s empowered
People have different mechanisms to deal with insecurity and fear. Her mechanism to manage hers was tying her self-worth to sleeping with men. It's not uncommon - she's just an extreme example.
It makes her empowered to the degree that she controls the situation and herself that way. She forbids herself to feel anything and that gives her a certain amount of power.
Thankfully she eventually gets it, kudos to Smith for having the patience of a saint (let's ignore the movies)
She behaved like an actual sexual predator in some scenes. Like going into the restroom at the gay club and actually telling them she's just there to look like it's a Baskin-Robbins. That was gross. As a woman, I would feel beyond violated if some dude did that to a group of women including me. Also, groping the masseur was actual sexual assault. I think it's good that they kicked her out of the club, but it's kind of ridiculous that the show seemed to be playing that off for laughs. No way would they have done that if it had been a guy grabbing a female masseuse by the crotch because he'd heard that she goes down on some clients.
Sleeping with married men was also disgusting and morally despicable. Like all she cared was that she could use them for her orgasm, she couldn't care less that she was literally breaking up a marriage in some cases.
Also, I agree that she clearly was very insecure. I feel like she was having all that casual sex, to the point where she made hooking up her entire personality, in order to take back her power because it had been taken away in some way. Maybe she had been molested as a child, or maybe she was just really insecure and needed men to find her attractive as society loves to tell us that women over 30 are past their prime. Maybe having sex with every man she met was her way of striking back at that stereotype and affirming that she's still got it. She also lied about her age through much of the series and accepted stupid expectations of men, an example being telling Carrie she had made a huge mistake by farting in front of her boyfriend and giving Miranda crap for having the nerve to grow out her pubic hair. Like shame on these women for actually having a body and bodily functions, right? Sorry, but if a man can't accept that you fart and grow hair down there, he doesn't deserve access to your vagina anyway.
But yeah, overall I agree with you. I would not call Samantha "sexually liberated" at all. I feel like in her case, she did the things she did because she was very much a prisoner to her own feelings, which is the opposite of being liberated. She was just so over the top with it, literally making her overt sexuality her entire personality. I would be more likely to believe someone is sexually liberated if she just unapologetically had casual sex when she wanted to and advocated for other women to make their own sexual choices instead of trying to meet society's approval. But she didn't even do this. She actually prude shamed her friends for not being as into sex as she was.
The masseur thing was so insane, especially because while sure, it did turn out to be true that he'd gone down on some clients and even fucked others, how the hell could she be sure?
All she had was one claim by one woman who may well have been fucking with her, or (what in fact turned out to be the case) the masseur just happened to act on his attraction for any individual client. Even the woman couldn't have known he provided the cunnilingus as part of the service rather than just being personally into her. Aside from predatory, for someone so experienced Samantha was incredibly naive.
Those are good points. How did Samantha know the woman wasn't just messing with her when she said that? And also, the outrage after she ended up getting kicked out of the club because he wouldn't go down on her. It's not like it was a service he advertised, it was just something she heard from some other woman at the club that may or may not have even been true. And she was acting like it was discrimination that he didn't go down on her. When really, he wasn't supposed to be going down in anyone, as he got fired when his manager found out that he had been doing sexual things with his clients. More evidence that she is really insecure because clearly, this particular guy just wasn't attracted to her and that really got to her to the point where she was still angrily talking about it days later.
Yeah I just rewatched the priest thing this weekend and I had forgotten how pushy and disrespectful she was about it. Definitely not one of Sam's best moments.
I love Samantha as a character but I do think she can be incredibly insecure. She definitely uses sex as a bandaid. People place the label of empowerment on her but I’m sure they showed in s1 or s2 that her sex life kind of accelerated after her previous partner left her for another (I think also younger) woman. When his new relationship was on the rocks she slept with him to prove that she was now better than him at sex.
It’s beneficial for her to sleep with married men also since they’re less likely to catch feelings and she won’t place the expectation in herself to expect anything from them besides sex.
We see that she’s not impervious to sex with feelings when it comes to her ex and Richard. Both are people who did not treat her well, especially Richard who used material gifts to distract from infidelity. Smith was definitely the antithesis to this, which is why I think it makes sense that they end up together or had the kind of relationship they developed.
I do wish they explored a more empowered sexuality, which I don’t personally think is about sleeping with as much people as possible but about the quality of sex you’re having with all those people. And if it was just about her having a high sex drive, they could have approached some of her back story a little better.
It's of its time. That's what feminism was fighting at that point, the idea that women who enjoy sex are sluts. It's not okay, especially as you say imagining if the roles were reversed. But it is a peg in the board for progress. And since then, building on those foundations (not just talking about Samantha but overall ofc) we have evolved further and can look back to see where we went wrong.
to be fair to Samantha, I think her world was rocked when she met Richard and suddenly the sex wasn't enough. I don't think she was insecure about herself necessarily prior to that but I'm happy to be corrected. I'd be interested to rewatch the show with that lens.
I think it’s most painfully obvious in season 1 when she makes it a mission to sleep with creepy vid guy - the one that films models non consensually and she finds out and sleeps with him and asks him to film her because he doesn’t at first, shes not a model so she does it on purpose to not feel “old”. Similar to the episode where she does her nude photoshoot. There’s definitely some dependency on sex to validate her self image / cope with aging
I think people can be both. If someone’s journey involves moments of insecurity that’s fine. I appreciate the nuance of character. For example the I’m not having a baby shower she throws is partially rooted from insecurity but it’s a way for her to support her own life choices (similar to Carrie’s decision with the shoes).
The first couple episodes really emphasize having sex "like a man". If we dig a little deeper about what that actually means, it just means putting on a brave face and pretending to be unbothered. Lots of men are actually really bothered and just want to be accepted. Samantha's actions sometimes read as though she's 'teaching' men a lesson and getting one over on them before they can hurt her.
She says some pretty uncomfortable things. Example: In season 6, she attends a dog show for Charlotte and sees a gay man that is doing the PR. He asks for Smith’s number and she responds “I’m fucking him”…..who says that about their partner? At that point, she and smith had been together for awhile. He wasn’t a fuck buddy. It was just so jarring to hear during a recent rewatch.
There’s no reason to say if the roles were reversed lmao they literally are. Men will pursue lesbians in tv all the time literally multiple male characters in tv are known for chasing women that are celibate or say no to them. Same in real life too.
I don't necessarily think that empowered means without fear. Nor, that you have to be empowered in all aspects of your life to be counted as such.
It's true that she was afraid of a deep connection - which is partly from her past experiences with men, but may also be partly due to her development, we don't know about her family background, but I have to think of my mom who grew up in the 50s/60s where women were still more viewed as housewives and often dependent on men. They saw how there own mothers were not valued as a person but only as a housewife. Samantha didn't care for that.
Samantha was empowered when it came to running her own business, when it came to not giving a dime about what society thought of her when it came to her sexuality, or expectations on what's appropriate for her age.
Samantha had no shame in her not wanting kids. And this at a time, when the conversations around it was much less common.
She often took lead and was active in her hunt for men. She didn't just expect them to talk to her. She wasn't ashamed for having procedures done.
She also chose herself over Richard "I love you but I love me more" is such a strong statement.
And as for love, she was able to get over herself when it came to Smith, realizing she can be an empowered women while being in a relationship and letting others help her.
Samantha was a character with faults, fears and emotions, she definitely had shortcomings, but she also had a confidence to just go for what she wanted unlike others. I see why she's being viewed as empowered and I think her character deserves it. Her flaws around it just make her human and highlight the fact, that there's no definite script for what empowerment means. To me it just means, to go about your life, regardless of what others think.
Her insecurities were addressed in the pilot. She talks about how empowering it is for women to “have sex like men”, and then when she goes back home with Charlotte’s date, he tells her “you can’t stay the night because I have to get up early”… you can see the sad/hurt/disappointed look on her face but she tries to play it off like she’s cool.
Honestly I’m glad they went in a different direction with her character. The always single emotionally unavailable woman that’s constantly chasing her next orgasm isn’t really explored enough. Most women in tv and movies are always looking for their future husband.
She’s flat out predatory with the teenage/college boy she has sex with. I can’t even fathom how someone I. Their 40’s could be attracted to a 20 year old, they look like children. She was giving pedo vibes. She was totally out of control
I think a lot of people are missing the point here by reducing Samantha down to her sex life.
Everyone is insecure, including Samantha, and Carrie tells us that Samantha is insecure in the Laney episode. Everyone has some kind of coping mechanism to deal with insecurity. For Samantha it sometimes- though definitely not always- is through sex. But Samantha KNOWS she is insecure and consistently puts her own well-being first instead of letting insecurity run her life. That's why she dumps Richard. "I love you, but I love me more." Most of Samantha's decisions are based on what is good for Samantha.
Also, people like to say men are more promiscuous because they're just so insatiably horny but I don't think that's true. I think men definitely sleep around out of insecurity, to prove to themselves and their buddies how many women they can score with. In that sense, Samantha definitely has sex like a man.
I don’t get it either. We seem to be so desperate to fight that sex is empowering and why? It’s really not. There’s seriously so much more to life and people, you’re right she is definitely insecure and I always felt that way about her but felt forced to hype up her sex life, it’s absurd.
I mean its possible to be both. It’s possible that Samantha loves sex, knows her worth, is happy with her life and her looks and yet also has deep insecurities like literally all humans do. It’s very uncommon to meet literally anyone who doesn’t have an array of certain insecurities.
Samantha was an interesting dichotomy of a confident, sexual woman who was mostly fine having sex with no strings for a long time. She had the ego to back it up. But she also was older than her three best friends and dealing with being someone who was inevitably aging yet felt younger than her age. She was also dealing with being a successful business woman in a man’s world— which will inevitably break you down day by day, year by year.
She held her head high and acted more tough than she was in that regard and I highly admire her for that. The episode where she cried in the elevator after her interview with Richard where he was being a sexist pig was the perfect example of what Samantha probably had to outrun most of her career since graduating. But she rarely fell apart. Still though, it’s inevitable.
And it’s inevitable that she’d feel confident enough to sleep with or date younger men but she might hit some snags she wasn’t expecting that would remind her she’s still older, and how that really feels.
You can be empowered and confident and ballsy and handle your shit amazingly well while still being human and still having normal insecurities in every day battles. Especially battles you’d encounter by being someone like Samantha. She takes risks, she lives how she wants as a woman… and that will always result in moments that make her feel insecure or scared. It’s still admirable.
That’s the point all 4 are nutty in their own way representing female archetypes . The entire show is how normally flawed human women manage their issues and move through relationships. Carrie expects everyone to take care of her and fix her like a child, Charlotte wants the WASP happily ever after she was raised to have and play acts her way through the rituals, Miranda is trying to navigate the at the time new experience of being a woman in a man’s role who wants a partner. Sam is smart and beautiful and tough and independent and is happier with sex than a relationship for whatever her reasons are- it just makes her happier that way. Thats what “are you a Carrie Charlotte Miranda or Sam means”.
The problem you have is that you think someone cannot be empowered and have insecurities. That it's one or the other. It isn't. People are complex. Samantha is complex. Samantha is absolutely empowered. She owns her sex life proudly, she enjoys sex and isn't ashamed of that, she is a successful and powerful business owner, professionally respected, she has a solid group of friends she can rely on.
She also has insecurities like most everyone does.
And you're wrong about it not being entertaining if the roles were reversed. Barney Stinson is a very popular character who does worse than what Sam does, in that he manipulates women in to having sex with him.
I couldn't agree more. It's probably because we've somehow been tricked into thinking casual sex is empowering and healthy when it's not. There's nothing wrong with being sexual, but sleeping around like it's *nothing* isn't the flex people think it is. Casual sex was clearly invented by a man.
Ehhh I'm going to have to call out your weird sex negativity here. I do agree that Sam has her insecurities and that her relationship to sex wasn't always healthy, but
>tricked into thinking casual sex is empowering and healthy when it's not
and
>Casual sex was clearly invented by a man.
Women can and do enjoy casual sex. It can be empowering and it can be healthy and women enjoying it does not mean they've been tricked by anyone. Women are whole human beings who can make choices for themselves. That's just infantilizing.
How is casual sex empowering though? It’s really not, the amount of girl friends I have who have openly said they regret sleeping with such and such, or regret their casual sex phase is ridiculous. But I would say this generation is definitely glamorising, encouraging and supporting casual sex, only fans etc.
Are they regretting it because they are judged for it? The people who regret it are probably talking about it, the people who don't aren't talking about it. Casual sex isn't empowering, it's a preference people have.
People have different values and preferences. They aren't harming you or themselves. There are also people who regret marrying young and having no other sexual experiences. There isn't a wrong or right in this. And also, what is this generation? Millenials? Gen z? Gen x? Boomers who got into a relationships and there was no sexual education? Women who were shamed for wanting pleasure? Please, have your own preferences but for the love of god don't glamorise the past when it comes to sex
No, the women who regret casual sex don't feel judged or ashamed. In a sense they judge themselves because they now regret it and wish they hadn't. It's more about feeling like you gave so much and got *nothing* in return and on top of that you are *expected* not to mind at all. The system is rigged. Because standing up for yourself and demanding to be treated well is seen as *uncool* because you're supposed to love casual sex like he does and not care that it's the only thing he wants from you. It's not flattering, it's sad. And casual sex is very different from *not having any sexual experience*, there's nothing wrong with being sexual or having sex, but let's not pretend *casual* sex is something women really want and at the very least that it *empowers* them, it don't.
I'd go further and argue that sex can't even *be* casual for women. The risk is greater than the reward, it's literally not worth it *just* for sex itself. That does *not* mean women don't enjoy sex or that they can't view it as the carnal, beastly act that it is. You have to realize with a claim like *casual sex is empowering for women*, you're going to have to state why? Tricked, in the sense that casual sex isn't what it's hyped up to be. Men are the ones who benefit most from casual sex, it offers very little to women. Of course women can make their own choices, but they can also regret them. A message that casual sex is so great and desirable can also *really* harm women.
Ugh. Another idiot just labeling and name calling when they fail to make a coherent argument or have an informed opinion. You could just give up instead of being a brat. There's nothing infantilizing about acknowledging that most women don't like casual sex. Seems like you have an issue with women. Grow up.
No, I just don't feel like arguing feminist theory with you. You claim that women can't have or enjoy casual sex and yet here I am, enjoying casual sex. So what gives? Also, there's exactly one person here name calling, and it's not me. You're the one calling me a brat and an idiot.
I’m on my third rewatch in a few years and this go-round, I just find Samantha to be SO off putting! Just watched the episode where they take a train and she’s losing her mind because she can’t find a guy. Like- you can’t even enjoy an adventure with your best friend without male attention?! And EVERY single conversation has to be something vulgar. I’m certainly no Pearl-clasper, but damn. She’s just so off-putting!
I think they are insecure at some point but she is also headstrong, especially in her buisness, confident in her sexuality and a good friend to those close to her she is also the least judgmental of the group, overall I think she is the best person of the group
Remember when she groped the massage therapist? I find people that can’t accept these characters are supposed to be flawed so immature and asinine. It’s almost like because they’ve chosen a side between KC vs SJP that they can’t separate the actress from the character.
Yeah the priest plot was pretty bad. I agree that she has faults like the rest of them.
Wasnt he a friar? Friar F*ck 😂
Yes!!! I have noticed on my most recent rewatch that Samantha is deeply insecure. I actually don’t think her relationship with sex is healthy, like at all. And it’s not bc she has a lot of it, it’s the reasons behind it. In the earlier seasons she often “jokingly” alludes to having strictly casual sex so that she doesn’t get hurt. It’s very sad…
Well let's investigate what we know of Sam. She was working as a teen and all the hints we get suggest a blue collar background with a drunken probably stepfather and multiple siblings. She came of age in the 70s hanging out at Studio 54 and (retconned) working at CBGBs. The latter is movie Sam. Samantha moved to NYC in the 70s to get away from wherever she grew up, worked and partied hard. The 70s were ALLLL about casual sex, and to a lesser extent the 80s. Sam imo has never quite left that life behind. Even her style leans 80s. She became successful because she knew EVERYONE and parlayed that into PR. But in her personal life she's resolutely single, she adores living alone having lovely things, and men are just accessories to her... although the series shows her falling in love three or four times and not all her dates are one nighters. She doesn't want to be tied down like her mother was so she keeps men at arm's length, and periodically hooks up with completely ridiculous ones to keep it that way.
I agree that the last thing Samantha wished herself was living like her mother. That's why she didn't want to get married and have kids. And also she mentioned a guy that had a swimming pool where she was hanging around and she was 13 y.o. then. So apparently, her sex life started at 13 or even before. I think that Samantha is deeply traumatized and does not admit it.
I think the 70's is when she had her 2 abortions
Do you think stepfather because she mentioned her mom's husband and not dad? Or were there any other hints?
Yeah that's the reason.
In the very first episode of the series she is very clearly unhappy with a hookup but doesn't say so outright. When Charlotte goes on a date with that Capote Duncan sleazeball and doesn't sleep with him, he sticks her in a cab and heads to the club to meet someone who will. He brings home Samantha and says something like "you can't stay the night, I have to be up early." Samantha tries to be cool about it but her voice and the look on her face express her disappointment. I think that's supposed to tell us she is all about casual sex on the surface but underneath she craves something more. It's strange that's really the only time we see her like that, at least until Richard is in the picture and she gets obsessed with him.
Agreed. They made a caricature out of her character and the audience seemed to adore every bit of it. They saw her literally never having emotions as empowerment so the producers kept it going. Also, the Richard bit felt too surface level and like comic relief...there wasn't much follow-up of her after the breakup either.
Sam's insecurity was clearly referred to in the first season and I wish they'd dug into it a little bit more later on tbh.
Her relationship with Richard and Smith was the tip of the iceberg. I wish we'd seen the rest!
I totally agree with you but I really think if they did that there’s be a mutiny among the fans lol. I’ve seen people complain that her run ended with her paired up even!
It didn’t though if you count the movie as canon
Referring to show run and feedback at the time. One of my friends was furious lol
You tell em' Friar FUCK 🥫🥫🙏🏼😍🥫⛪️
The can emojis 💀
“I would like to offer my services” 😏
His robeeee!!! “It’s what we wear.” 😇
Not to mention when Carrie caught Samantha giving a blowjob to the delivery guy, her over the top reaction to Carrie’s “judgement” screamed insecurity. Carrie, in my opinion, had a pretty normal reaction to the situation and I hate that Samantha twisted it to make Carrie feel like the bad guy in the scenario. If you want to blow the delivery guy then more power to you but to do so when you *know* your friend is due to arrive any moment is just unprofessional and inconsiderate. I always wonder how Samantha would’ve wanted Carrie to react? Did she expect her to jump up and down and scream “you go girl!!” or something? If anything, Samantha should’ve apologised to Carrie for the situation. I do love her as a character and I do think she has some empowering qualities (as do all of the girls) but it does annoy me when people act like she was too good for the rest of the girls (especially Carrie). If Carrie had done these things she would be burned at the stake but because it’s Sam she gets a pass.
I love the delivery guy arc because it really showcases Samantha's humanity, with insecurities and blind spots. Even more telling than her reaction at Carrie's reaction was how Samantha acted when Carrie joked about it at brunch. It's exactly the kind of topic Samantha loves joking about, but this instance felt invasive and hurtful. It's like she was trying to have it both ways: dismiss Carrie's reaction as over the top for something that was actually mundane, and have Carrie take it seriously enough as an expression of Samantha's free sexuality. That was incredibly realistic to me.
Oh, for sure! I love that it was a rare moment we got to see Sam on the defensive with Carrie and how some of her insecurities trickled out when she usually masks them quite well. I think a huge part of is also that she really respects Carrie and values their friendship, so the thought of Carrie catching her in an awkward position caused her to spiral and make a bigger deal out of than the situation warranted. Carrie probably would’ve joked about it and never mentioned it again but for Sam it was clearly a sore point so it escalated into something bigger.
same setup when she slept with Charlotte's brother
I completely agree. Carrie’s reaction to walking in on Samantha was so normal. Who wouldn’t be shocked and flustered if they walked into their friend’s office expecting to be getting ready to go for lunch and instead found them giving head to a stranger? Carrie never judged Samantha and just because Carrie said it’s not something she would ever feel comfortable doing doesn’t mean she thought less of Samantha for doing so herself. Samantha seemed to be projecting a lot into Carrie’s reaction to the blow job and not wanting to wear the fluffy pink lingerie Samantha suggested for her book cover. When Samantha later walks in on Stanford getting a blow job from Marcus she is also shocked. I’ve never understood why Carrie was made out to be the bad guy in that scenario. Samantha desperately wanted Carrie’s validation and approval. I don’t shame my friends for aspects of their sex lives that are different from mine but I also would be shocked and uncomfortable if I walked in on them while they were having sex or pleasuring themselves. It’s not that either of those things are shameful, it’s just not something I would feel comfortable witnessing. I love Samantha and would classify her as confident but confident people can still have insecurities and it’s clear that she still has insecurities about what other people think of the way she expresses her sexuality.
Sleeping with married men is also pretty insecure behavior.
To be fair I don’t think Samantha cared if someone was single, dating or married. She wasn’t out there looking for emotionally unavailable men to sleep with out of insecurity.. she was just sleeping with whoever she wanted married or not
I agree with pretty much everything you wrote, and think it’s important to point out the obvious flaws in arguably the most beloved character. However, I will say Sam’s solo storylines and side quests always read as almost a caricature and weren’t offensive to me. Not so much the late seasons where she was with Smith and dealing with a cancer diagnosis, but the priest and yoga instructor, idk. Again, I agree that it’s not a cool story to make into a joke, I probably *should* be offended but I first watched the show as a teen and it was more sitcom slapstick than serious subplot. If the gender roles were reversed, we’d be livid, so maybe I’m back where you left it: those trysts were not okay and it wouldn’t fly today.
Well, I think Sam resembles a gay man, more than a woman. We'd only be livid if the gender and sexual orientation were reversed.
Agreed- some of her dialogue is straight-up bad. The fact that Kim played it up as campy speaks to her comedic timing. (Clearest example for me is the scene where she seduces the farmer that lives near Aiden's cabin. She goes in asking for fresh milk- for a PIE, which does not need milk, mind you. She says that she'll be good at milking cows when she sees the phallic shape of an udder, and says she "usually gets a warning" when she gets sprayed in the face. The setting and dialogue seem like they were stolen from a bad porno.)
Can you expand? Sincerely asking.
I think we're more worried about men's intentions with women, than we are about men's intentions with other men, because men and women are different. And Sam isn't a realistic woman, imo.
I understand and agree.
don't forget about the college kid...i hated that storyline so much
Oh and Carrie does bring up how she slept with a dude in high school before too. uhhh
let’s not forget he’s the one who basically forced himself on samantha
The way that played out, Sam Jones jumped her and our Sam Jones was all "oh well might as well go with it".
she often did the “might as well go with it” unfortunately and that part was sad. she never wanted to be seen as a woman who said no to men sexually (see: len)
I love her too but agree that making sleeping around your whole personality just screams insecurity. It’s like she has something to prove. Who is she without the male validation?
A highly successful PR professional. It's the increasingly embarrassing blowjobs in the office and so on that are the worry.
ding ding ding. People are forgetting that she had a whole successful life outside sex
I think a lot of satc fans tends to gloss over Sam's behaviour, myself included, in favour of calling her *iconic*. Like, everyone loves the "it's over, I told my wife. Who is this?" exchange, but the episode itself is actually kind of sad. The wife is willing to open up their relationship to include Sam in an effort to save her marriage, and I don't recall Samantha ever feeling bad about it in the slightest.
They're all quite flawed, at least the main characters we get to know well. That said, I don't think empowerment means perfection. Empowerment, unresolved trauma, attachment issues, confidence, abuse of power, unexamined privilege, all these things exist on different axes, and can coexist in the same character. They all DO coexist in all of us in real life, to some extent. The reason the show is good, in spite of being outdated and the writing being a mess at times, is because the characters are allowed to be complicated (and even downright unsympathetic at times). Sam did a LOT of unsympathetic stuff over the course of the show. I'm sure there're a lot of analyses to be made about Sam emulating what she perceived as the behavior of powerful men at the time--an era in which cocaine-fueled 80s businessmen with zero ethics were in their heyday--and how that shaped her view of other women and interpersonal interactions in general.
It kind of feels weird to me when Sam is put up on a pedestal. No one character is better than the other, and if they were all paragons of virtue, we wouldn’t watch the show! I like the character, but she is insecure at times. I also hated that she came on to men who were celibate and not available-that’s predatory and gives me the ick.
Yes, but they were *Le Sur Peas*. They're the *BEST* 😌 🥫
And the episode where she gets sick and has a breakdown and reveals she wishes she was loved? I always thought it was strange that people try and say she’s empowered
Tbf, people can be very vulnerable and clingy when they're sick.
People have different mechanisms to deal with insecurity and fear. Her mechanism to manage hers was tying her self-worth to sleeping with men. It's not uncommon - she's just an extreme example. It makes her empowered to the degree that she controls the situation and herself that way. She forbids herself to feel anything and that gives her a certain amount of power. Thankfully she eventually gets it, kudos to Smith for having the patience of a saint (let's ignore the movies)
She behaved like an actual sexual predator in some scenes. Like going into the restroom at the gay club and actually telling them she's just there to look like it's a Baskin-Robbins. That was gross. As a woman, I would feel beyond violated if some dude did that to a group of women including me. Also, groping the masseur was actual sexual assault. I think it's good that they kicked her out of the club, but it's kind of ridiculous that the show seemed to be playing that off for laughs. No way would they have done that if it had been a guy grabbing a female masseuse by the crotch because he'd heard that she goes down on some clients. Sleeping with married men was also disgusting and morally despicable. Like all she cared was that she could use them for her orgasm, she couldn't care less that she was literally breaking up a marriage in some cases. Also, I agree that she clearly was very insecure. I feel like she was having all that casual sex, to the point where she made hooking up her entire personality, in order to take back her power because it had been taken away in some way. Maybe she had been molested as a child, or maybe she was just really insecure and needed men to find her attractive as society loves to tell us that women over 30 are past their prime. Maybe having sex with every man she met was her way of striking back at that stereotype and affirming that she's still got it. She also lied about her age through much of the series and accepted stupid expectations of men, an example being telling Carrie she had made a huge mistake by farting in front of her boyfriend and giving Miranda crap for having the nerve to grow out her pubic hair. Like shame on these women for actually having a body and bodily functions, right? Sorry, but if a man can't accept that you fart and grow hair down there, he doesn't deserve access to your vagina anyway. But yeah, overall I agree with you. I would not call Samantha "sexually liberated" at all. I feel like in her case, she did the things she did because she was very much a prisoner to her own feelings, which is the opposite of being liberated. She was just so over the top with it, literally making her overt sexuality her entire personality. I would be more likely to believe someone is sexually liberated if she just unapologetically had casual sex when she wanted to and advocated for other women to make their own sexual choices instead of trying to meet society's approval. But she didn't even do this. She actually prude shamed her friends for not being as into sex as she was.
The masseur thing was so insane, especially because while sure, it did turn out to be true that he'd gone down on some clients and even fucked others, how the hell could she be sure? All she had was one claim by one woman who may well have been fucking with her, or (what in fact turned out to be the case) the masseur just happened to act on his attraction for any individual client. Even the woman couldn't have known he provided the cunnilingus as part of the service rather than just being personally into her. Aside from predatory, for someone so experienced Samantha was incredibly naive.
Those are good points. How did Samantha know the woman wasn't just messing with her when she said that? And also, the outrage after she ended up getting kicked out of the club because he wouldn't go down on her. It's not like it was a service he advertised, it was just something she heard from some other woman at the club that may or may not have even been true. And she was acting like it was discrimination that he didn't go down on her. When really, he wasn't supposed to be going down in anyone, as he got fired when his manager found out that he had been doing sexual things with his clients. More evidence that she is really insecure because clearly, this particular guy just wasn't attracted to her and that really got to her to the point where she was still angrily talking about it days later.
Yeah I just rewatched the priest thing this weekend and I had forgotten how pushy and disrespectful she was about it. Definitely not one of Sam's best moments.
I agree 100%. I actually feel sad when I think about her
I love Samantha as a character but I do think she can be incredibly insecure. She definitely uses sex as a bandaid. People place the label of empowerment on her but I’m sure they showed in s1 or s2 that her sex life kind of accelerated after her previous partner left her for another (I think also younger) woman. When his new relationship was on the rocks she slept with him to prove that she was now better than him at sex. It’s beneficial for her to sleep with married men also since they’re less likely to catch feelings and she won’t place the expectation in herself to expect anything from them besides sex. We see that she’s not impervious to sex with feelings when it comes to her ex and Richard. Both are people who did not treat her well, especially Richard who used material gifts to distract from infidelity. Smith was definitely the antithesis to this, which is why I think it makes sense that they end up together or had the kind of relationship they developed. I do wish they explored a more empowered sexuality, which I don’t personally think is about sleeping with as much people as possible but about the quality of sex you’re having with all those people. And if it was just about her having a high sex drive, they could have approached some of her back story a little better.
It's of its time. That's what feminism was fighting at that point, the idea that women who enjoy sex are sluts. It's not okay, especially as you say imagining if the roles were reversed. But it is a peg in the board for progress. And since then, building on those foundations (not just talking about Samantha but overall ofc) we have evolved further and can look back to see where we went wrong. to be fair to Samantha, I think her world was rocked when she met Richard and suddenly the sex wasn't enough. I don't think she was insecure about herself necessarily prior to that but I'm happy to be corrected. I'd be interested to rewatch the show with that lens.
I think it’s most painfully obvious in season 1 when she makes it a mission to sleep with creepy vid guy - the one that films models non consensually and she finds out and sleeps with him and asks him to film her because he doesn’t at first, shes not a model so she does it on purpose to not feel “old”. Similar to the episode where she does her nude photoshoot. There’s definitely some dependency on sex to validate her self image / cope with aging
I think people can be both. If someone’s journey involves moments of insecurity that’s fine. I appreciate the nuance of character. For example the I’m not having a baby shower she throws is partially rooted from insecurity but it’s a way for her to support her own life choices (similar to Carrie’s decision with the shoes).
The first couple episodes really emphasize having sex "like a man". If we dig a little deeper about what that actually means, it just means putting on a brave face and pretending to be unbothered. Lots of men are actually really bothered and just want to be accepted. Samantha's actions sometimes read as though she's 'teaching' men a lesson and getting one over on them before they can hurt her.
She says some pretty uncomfortable things. Example: In season 6, she attends a dog show for Charlotte and sees a gay man that is doing the PR. He asks for Smith’s number and she responds “I’m fucking him”…..who says that about their partner? At that point, she and smith had been together for awhile. He wasn’t a fuck buddy. It was just so jarring to hear during a recent rewatch.
Thank you!
There’s no reason to say if the roles were reversed lmao they literally are. Men will pursue lesbians in tv all the time literally multiple male characters in tv are known for chasing women that are celibate or say no to them. Same in real life too.
I don't necessarily think that empowered means without fear. Nor, that you have to be empowered in all aspects of your life to be counted as such. It's true that she was afraid of a deep connection - which is partly from her past experiences with men, but may also be partly due to her development, we don't know about her family background, but I have to think of my mom who grew up in the 50s/60s where women were still more viewed as housewives and often dependent on men. They saw how there own mothers were not valued as a person but only as a housewife. Samantha didn't care for that. Samantha was empowered when it came to running her own business, when it came to not giving a dime about what society thought of her when it came to her sexuality, or expectations on what's appropriate for her age. Samantha had no shame in her not wanting kids. And this at a time, when the conversations around it was much less common. She often took lead and was active in her hunt for men. She didn't just expect them to talk to her. She wasn't ashamed for having procedures done. She also chose herself over Richard "I love you but I love me more" is such a strong statement. And as for love, she was able to get over herself when it came to Smith, realizing she can be an empowered women while being in a relationship and letting others help her. Samantha was a character with faults, fears and emotions, she definitely had shortcomings, but she also had a confidence to just go for what she wanted unlike others. I see why she's being viewed as empowered and I think her character deserves it. Her flaws around it just make her human and highlight the fact, that there's no definite script for what empowerment means. To me it just means, to go about your life, regardless of what others think.
Her insecurities were addressed in the pilot. She talks about how empowering it is for women to “have sex like men”, and then when she goes back home with Charlotte’s date, he tells her “you can’t stay the night because I have to get up early”… you can see the sad/hurt/disappointed look on her face but she tries to play it off like she’s cool. Honestly I’m glad they went in a different direction with her character. The always single emotionally unavailable woman that’s constantly chasing her next orgasm isn’t really explored enough. Most women in tv and movies are always looking for their future husband.
She’s flat out predatory with the teenage/college boy she has sex with. I can’t even fathom how someone I. Their 40’s could be attracted to a 20 year old, they look like children. She was giving pedo vibes. She was totally out of control
I think a lot of people are missing the point here by reducing Samantha down to her sex life. Everyone is insecure, including Samantha, and Carrie tells us that Samantha is insecure in the Laney episode. Everyone has some kind of coping mechanism to deal with insecurity. For Samantha it sometimes- though definitely not always- is through sex. But Samantha KNOWS she is insecure and consistently puts her own well-being first instead of letting insecurity run her life. That's why she dumps Richard. "I love you, but I love me more." Most of Samantha's decisions are based on what is good for Samantha. Also, people like to say men are more promiscuous because they're just so insatiably horny but I don't think that's true. I think men definitely sleep around out of insecurity, to prove to themselves and their buddies how many women they can score with. In that sense, Samantha definitely has sex like a man.
I don’t get it either. We seem to be so desperate to fight that sex is empowering and why? It’s really not. There’s seriously so much more to life and people, you’re right she is definitely insecure and I always felt that way about her but felt forced to hype up her sex life, it’s absurd.
I mean its possible to be both. It’s possible that Samantha loves sex, knows her worth, is happy with her life and her looks and yet also has deep insecurities like literally all humans do. It’s very uncommon to meet literally anyone who doesn’t have an array of certain insecurities. Samantha was an interesting dichotomy of a confident, sexual woman who was mostly fine having sex with no strings for a long time. She had the ego to back it up. But she also was older than her three best friends and dealing with being someone who was inevitably aging yet felt younger than her age. She was also dealing with being a successful business woman in a man’s world— which will inevitably break you down day by day, year by year. She held her head high and acted more tough than she was in that regard and I highly admire her for that. The episode where she cried in the elevator after her interview with Richard where he was being a sexist pig was the perfect example of what Samantha probably had to outrun most of her career since graduating. But she rarely fell apart. Still though, it’s inevitable. And it’s inevitable that she’d feel confident enough to sleep with or date younger men but she might hit some snags she wasn’t expecting that would remind her she’s still older, and how that really feels. You can be empowered and confident and ballsy and handle your shit amazingly well while still being human and still having normal insecurities in every day battles. Especially battles you’d encounter by being someone like Samantha. She takes risks, she lives how she wants as a woman… and that will always result in moments that make her feel insecure or scared. It’s still admirable.
That’s the point all 4 are nutty in their own way representing female archetypes . The entire show is how normally flawed human women manage their issues and move through relationships. Carrie expects everyone to take care of her and fix her like a child, Charlotte wants the WASP happily ever after she was raised to have and play acts her way through the rituals, Miranda is trying to navigate the at the time new experience of being a woman in a man’s role who wants a partner. Sam is smart and beautiful and tough and independent and is happier with sex than a relationship for whatever her reasons are- it just makes her happier that way. Thats what “are you a Carrie Charlotte Miranda or Sam means”.
The problem you have is that you think someone cannot be empowered and have insecurities. That it's one or the other. It isn't. People are complex. Samantha is complex. Samantha is absolutely empowered. She owns her sex life proudly, she enjoys sex and isn't ashamed of that, she is a successful and powerful business owner, professionally respected, she has a solid group of friends she can rely on. She also has insecurities like most everyone does. And you're wrong about it not being entertaining if the roles were reversed. Barney Stinson is a very popular character who does worse than what Sam does, in that he manipulates women in to having sex with him.
Same with Dennis Reynolds.
Oh yeah? I've never watched IASIP. Thanks!
I couldn't agree more. It's probably because we've somehow been tricked into thinking casual sex is empowering and healthy when it's not. There's nothing wrong with being sexual, but sleeping around like it's *nothing* isn't the flex people think it is. Casual sex was clearly invented by a man.
Ehhh I'm going to have to call out your weird sex negativity here. I do agree that Sam has her insecurities and that her relationship to sex wasn't always healthy, but >tricked into thinking casual sex is empowering and healthy when it's not and >Casual sex was clearly invented by a man. Women can and do enjoy casual sex. It can be empowering and it can be healthy and women enjoying it does not mean they've been tricked by anyone. Women are whole human beings who can make choices for themselves. That's just infantilizing.
How is casual sex empowering though? It’s really not, the amount of girl friends I have who have openly said they regret sleeping with such and such, or regret their casual sex phase is ridiculous. But I would say this generation is definitely glamorising, encouraging and supporting casual sex, only fans etc.
Are they regretting it because they are judged for it? The people who regret it are probably talking about it, the people who don't aren't talking about it. Casual sex isn't empowering, it's a preference people have. People have different values and preferences. They aren't harming you or themselves. There are also people who regret marrying young and having no other sexual experiences. There isn't a wrong or right in this. And also, what is this generation? Millenials? Gen z? Gen x? Boomers who got into a relationships and there was no sexual education? Women who were shamed for wanting pleasure? Please, have your own preferences but for the love of god don't glamorise the past when it comes to sex
No, the women who regret casual sex don't feel judged or ashamed. In a sense they judge themselves because they now regret it and wish they hadn't. It's more about feeling like you gave so much and got *nothing* in return and on top of that you are *expected* not to mind at all. The system is rigged. Because standing up for yourself and demanding to be treated well is seen as *uncool* because you're supposed to love casual sex like he does and not care that it's the only thing he wants from you. It's not flattering, it's sad. And casual sex is very different from *not having any sexual experience*, there's nothing wrong with being sexual or having sex, but let's not pretend *casual* sex is something women really want and at the very least that it *empowers* them, it don't.
I'd go further and argue that sex can't even *be* casual for women. The risk is greater than the reward, it's literally not worth it *just* for sex itself. That does *not* mean women don't enjoy sex or that they can't view it as the carnal, beastly act that it is. You have to realize with a claim like *casual sex is empowering for women*, you're going to have to state why? Tricked, in the sense that casual sex isn't what it's hyped up to be. Men are the ones who benefit most from casual sex, it offers very little to women. Of course women can make their own choices, but they can also regret them. A message that casual sex is so great and desirable can also *really* harm women.
Oh my god. Nobody infantilizes grown ass women as much as radfems, huh.
Ugh. Another idiot just labeling and name calling when they fail to make a coherent argument or have an informed opinion. You could just give up instead of being a brat. There's nothing infantilizing about acknowledging that most women don't like casual sex. Seems like you have an issue with women. Grow up.
No, I just don't feel like arguing feminist theory with you. You claim that women can't have or enjoy casual sex and yet here I am, enjoying casual sex. So what gives? Also, there's exactly one person here name calling, and it's not me. You're the one calling me a brat and an idiot.
How does casual sex empower women?
she can be more than one thing. these characters are dynamic!
I’m on my third rewatch in a few years and this go-round, I just find Samantha to be SO off putting! Just watched the episode where they take a train and she’s losing her mind because she can’t find a guy. Like- you can’t even enjoy an adventure with your best friend without male attention?! And EVERY single conversation has to be something vulgar. I’m certainly no Pearl-clasper, but damn. She’s just so off-putting!
Empowered and insecure is still a significant step up from disempowered and insecure.
Right
No she’s not
I think you can be empowered and insecure at the same time. People are complex beings and both can exist
I think they are insecure at some point but she is also headstrong, especially in her buisness, confident in her sexuality and a good friend to those close to her she is also the least judgmental of the group, overall I think she is the best person of the group