I agree, glossing over Sam’s questionable sexual “ethics” seems pretty common. I mean people on this site lose their fucking minds when there’s an age difference of seven or eight years between partners, she literally fucked a college kid when she was in her 40s.
That annoyed me. The show does a wonderful job of dealing with Big's wife in a nuanced way, really emphasizing that Carrie did hurt her while still writing everyone as human...while on the other hand, Samantha knowingly seduces loads of married men while their upset wives are a punchline because, idk, those wives are old and they don't dress very fashionable so fuck em they deserved it I guess????? Baffling/annoying to me.
I’ve been doing a rewatch for the first time since hitting my mid 30s and I’m surprised just how much Samantha’s popularity is surrounded by this idea that she’s a strong independent woman.
She says a lot of the time that she isn’t monogamous - yet she has plenty of relationships! And they all fail for the same reasons: she can’t do emotional intimacy. She self sabotages every relationship in the show and then announces that sex is just sex and I love me more.
Don’t get me wrong - she doesn’t value a man over herself and that’s such a great lesson to teach. She’s very opinionated, self sufficient and wise about men when it comes to their motives. But she talks a lot flak for something she has always sought after and can never attain.
In one of the earlier seasons, Carrie's narration mentioned how Samantha needs male attention and sex to feel validated and to keep her insecurities at bay. They never explored that much later but rather went into the "sexually liberated" direction. She even mentioned losing her virginity at a very young age (13, 14?). Her adult behaviour stems from repressed trauma and low self esteem. Her "strong, independent woman" is almost a mask that she wears to protect who she really is.
>She says a lot of the time that she isn’t monogamous - yet she has plenty of relationships!
That's not a contradiction. Non-monogamous relationships are thing.
She never once exhibited a sign that she was into open relationships. In fact, of the serious relationships she’s shown to have had with men, there’s instances of her being cheated on or dumped for another woman. At the black and white ball she makes a quip that she must’ve caught monogamy from the girls while she’s actively pursuing Richard. They really should’ve explored more of her insecurities with intimacy and men but they never were really explained.
Regarding the episode where Carrie walks in on Samantha blowing the world wide express guy. Someone on here told me that if you have a friend that is that sexual, that comes with the territory, and I said absolutely not! I think Samantha could have contained herself to at least wait until after her meeting with Carrie. Or at the very least, lock the door so no one would walk in.
Try this for size then: one time a guy was blowing my friend in front of me (to be clear, that part is normal for us), and then mid-blowjob the guy was like "how about this" or something to that effect...
And then REMOVED A SET OF FALSE TEETH and went back to blowing my friend. Now THAT'S awkward.
Samantha only reacted that way because she was projecting. She’s very insecure and tried to blame Carrie for judging her rather than just admit the fact that she was ashamed of herself.
Samantha uses sex from men as a form of validation because she’s very insecure & *thinks* that the only thing she could offer. She acts like she’s sexually liberated but she’s just as much of a pick-me as the rest of the women she looks down on.
ETA: btw if you’re blowing a mail man at your place of work, you’re asking to be judged.
> ETA: btw if you’re blowing a mail man at your place of work, you’re asking to be judged.
Yikes. And you're calling Sam a pick me?
No one would ever say this to a man btw.
> Samantha uses sex from men as a form of validation because she’s very insecure & thinks that the only thing she could offer.
Or maybe she just enjoys it? Or do you think women are just receptacles for male pleasure?
How am I a pick-me for saying that in a place of business that you own, you need to be carrying yourself a certain way? Who exactly am I trying to get picked by on Sex and the City subreddit?
And some of you on this sub get way too delusional & start using fallacies. Just because a man doesn’t get told it as often as they should, doesn’t make it any less true.
We literally see how she behaves in her relationship with Smith and Richard. She can like sex but she’s not secure enough.
My biggest thing is, to your point, it’s HER business. She’s asking to be sued. Between all the sec she has in office (with no steps taken to be private), to the way she speaks to/in front of employees. I’d be so uncomfortable if my boss was doing that stuff. And you know what, if I walked in on my friend doing this, I’d rush out totally shocked too lol
You're just slut shaming Samantha, plain and simple. At the end of the day, they were two consenting adults, and it's Samantha's business. She was well within her right.
> She can like sex
Well I'm glad we cleared that up. For a minute I was worried she didn't have permission to enjoy sex.
> but she’s not secure enough.
Says who?
Emotional health is largely subjective. If Samantha is functioning in life (literally a businesswoman) and she doesn't feel like she has an issue, who are you to say she's not secure enough?
Agree. Why the fuck did Samantha always want to have sex at work, never lock the door, and expect to be able to push her sexuality on everyone but get annoyed to be asked to tone it down occasionally to make others comfortable? She was generally a great and loyal friend, but omg some of this shit bothers me with her. Lock the door or understand you have a schedule and let the BJ wait for after your meeting.
i cannot believe people hate on carrie for being weirded out by that when ANYONE would be uncomfortable in that situation. the hate carrie gets is so out of control
It drives me nuts that people totally overlook the end of that episode where Samantha specifically spells out it wasn’t Carrie that bothered her it’s bc she’s insecure post break up. PLUS she also gets grumpy with Charlotte and Miranda in the same episode, it’s not her vs Carrie’s judgment
Exactly! It's not about Sam being "sexually liberated" or being a "Pickme" (I swear y'all will discover a word and run it into the ground, but I'm done explaining and will just let y'all be wrong lol). It's about her insecurity.
I sometimes wonder if I'm watching the same show as other people on this sub, or if people are used to being spoonfed or having every little thing be spelled out for them.
I think for me I get frustrated when the sub views moments in isolation and ignore that it’s addressed head on as part of the plot. So it becomes ‘Charlotte wasn’t supportive of Miranda having an abortion she’s a terrible judgmental friend’ when actually she absolutely WAS she just had an emotional reaction straight away then her and Miranda had it out and then she was fully supportive. And then throws her a baby shower while having fertility issues of her own!
That's very frustrating! One of my favorites is this sub saying that Carrie bullied/demanded Charlotte give her the ring to use as down-payment for the apartment. Especially when Carrie herself said that even if Charlotte did offer, she wouldn't have accepted. She just wanted some acknowledgement of what she was going through instead of being ignored. Also, Charlotte giving up the ring was symbolic of her closing that chapter of her life that she wanted to cling to.
Samanthas reaction to that was purely protection, because how else did she expect Carrie to react? Her initial response to it was more shock than judgement in my opinion. No ones expecting to open your office door to you blowing some dude. And also if your friend wanted to judge you for that I feel like they can. I call my friend out when she takes the whore-ish behavior too far and shes usually receptive. Id want someone to be able to reel me back in to reality. Theres a time and a place for everything and that was not it.
i said whoreish in quotes because both me and my friends participate in “whoreish” things and its just a phrase amongst others that we use to playfully categorize our sexcapades. I dont use it because im a virgin mary that judges people. Im just saying theres times where either one of us has done something where its like ok girl…..maybe lets not?
The term “whore”, “thot”, “hoe” for me and my friends is not a judgy statement and i dont use it because im old. Lmfao im a 22 year old who just graduated college ive done my share, which is why i used the words “taking it too far”.
Ah you’re 22 that makes sense.
Just fyi, you’ll be embarrassed that you ever called your friends whores.
Really disconcerting that the self righteous tiktok generation have found SATC. Call your friends whores if you like! Go nuts, no way you’ll ever find it embarrassing and regressive and self-demeaning x
Doubt it. I also never called my friend a whore😂 My point is if i walked in on my friend giving head to the delivery guy in her office, it wouldnt be something we would laugh about I would tell her its ridiculous. Theres fun in exercising “whore behaviors” but theres times when its too far and taken too literally.
I've said many times that I find her entertaining, but I would not be able to be friends with her in real life. Someone who literally sexualizes everything would make me really uncomfortable to hang out with, first of all, and I don't like how she prude shames her friends. She insinuated that Carrie might have something wrong with her medically because she can only have a really intense orgasm with a guy she's in love with. When Miranda hadn't had sex in a few months, she made some comment about how that's not a strike, that's a slump. (That's one thing I've never understood, because in real life I know a lot of people who haven't had sex in months or even years, but on these TV shows they act like it's such an extreme thing if you've gone a few weeks without getting laid.) And of course she made that ridiculous comment about Charlotte needing the stick out of her ass and a dick in her coochie asap.
Also, I hate that she sleeps with married men without a shred of remorse about what she's doing to their wives. I get that the bulk of the crime is on him because he's the one who's actually cheating on his wife, but it's really not cool to knowingly sleep with someone who's married or in a relationship. It's one thing if you don't know they have a partner, but Samantha knew and just went on with it anyway just to get her orgasm. Over and over, she was knowingly playing a part in hurting an innocent person, and I don't think that should just be glossed over or forgiven like it's nothing.
I will say she has her nice moments, like when she found out that that nun in the doctor's office, who had to at least be in her 40s, had never had sex, she wasn't judgmental. That actually surprised me a little bit considering some of the prude shaming comments that had happened with her friends. And it was really cool how she dropped Smith's name to get herself and the nun seen by the doctor.
I don't really hate her as a character, I don't think she's a bad person. I just think she can be pretty problematic in certain ways. She's good for entertainment value, but I really don't think we would get along in real life.
💯
That’s one thing I don’t get about the fandom. Carrie gets skewered because she cheated on Aidan with Big. But Samantha sleeps with married men all the time, especially in the early seasons. However there’s no pushback whatsoever? I understand all four girls are meant to represent different spectrums of sexuality (of the time period), but it feels like Samantha is put on a pedestal of some kind. And I’m saying that as someone who really enjoys the character. But like you, I would struggle a bit with being friends in real life because of her judgmental tendencies towards sex (aka with Charlotte needing a break after her divorce or after Miranda had a baby).
I mean I’m not gonna lie, that makes no sense. Samantha is sleeping with married men. She knows *someone* is gonna get hurt. It just won’t be her. But to each their own 🤷♀️
She’s knowingly making bad choices though. I don’t know who you are or if you’re in a relationship, but if an anonymous person cheated with your partner (knowing they were in a relationship), you wouldn’t mind? You wouldn’t be mad at them if you bumped into them somewhere? Of course your partner would be responsible too but as the old saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” Can’t cheat by yourself.
Sam is not a girl’s girl. She’s a her girls’ girl. Meaning she’ll do anything for her friends but does not really care about other women. I’m not insulting her at all. I honestly think Charlotte is a girl’s girl tbh.
Idk, that's not really an excuse. It's okay to not really care about other women, but it's still wrong to knowingly sleep with their partners. Look how she went off the rails when Richard cheated on her. To knowingly do that to someone, even if she isn't your friend, is awful.
It’s not an excuse. But I don’t know I feel like when you watch a show like this you can’t be hung up on the moralities of would you befriend this person etc or black and white thinking. Especially since this show was written and aired originally about twenty odd years ago. Is it great to stand up for other women? Yes to a point. Want me to donate to a charity? Okay. Need someone to open the door for you? Great. But are you not my friend and need a ride to the airport? Nope. Some people would and that’s great for them. But me? I’m living my life and I have to protect myself and my sanity. I honestly don’t care what other people do in their relationship as long as it’s not illegal. I also will not get involved in my friends’ relationship dramas no matter what they are. I’ll listen while you vent. We can talk smack about him. But I’m not getting involved.
Yes to ALL of this! I also totally agree on the TV trop of *"no sex for three weeks? omg how are you not going CRAZY"* being completely insane. I've never understood why that's written into so many tv shows and movies.
> I get that the bulk of the crime is on him because he's the one who's actually cheating on his wife, but
That but is the real problem here.
Samantha isn't in a relationship with these women; she owes them nothing. Moreover, she isn't forcing these men to sleep with her, they want it, because they want to cheat.
Blaming the other woman for an affair really just serves to let men off the hook.
Yeah I think the sub suffers in general from being really myopic about the characters. I see people all the time talk about how Miranda would never fall apart and she’s a staunch businesswoman which totally ignores all the times she clearly falls apart in the show
In reallife Sam would need therapy. She is sabotaging every healthy relationship she has & has sex in a self destructing way and was seeking validation through men and sex and I wish they would have explored that in the show. I agree that she was written one dimensional .. i also don't get why people cancel the fuck out of Carrie for the Big affair but everyone sees Sam as this icon although she sleeps with married men too. I always thought she is insecure.
She does have good sides tho - but I totally agree that they could have done more with her character.
I think that the campiness that Kim brought to the role makes people forget how cringey her lines are. Some of them could be ripped straight from adult movies. (e.g. the farmer scene, the worldwide express guy, the sex-toy model)
I love her and at the same time find her embarrassing and annoying 🤷🏻♀️ ive never understood why people argue when someone else says they like or dislike a character, and if someone dislikes Samantha hey i get it 😂
Yeah overall I think the sub veers into taking defence and criticism of a character too personally, it’s true of all tv subs but it’s quite apparent in this one
I’d guess it’s bc the scenarios get quite close to real scenarios once in a while and the demographic of the sun probably relates really fully to it, so criticism of the character feels like criticism to the viewer. But- it’s not lol, so chill a bit
All four women have taught me something:
Samantha - have confidence in yourself and things will come naturally
Miranda - depend on yourself financially, not a man
Charlotte - love like Charlotte
Carrie - She taught me how to treat myself with boundaries - buy the shoes...
Samantha like all the girls has a part to play and to teach lessons. Having Samantha Jone's confidence would help many women.
Watching it with my husband, I'm convinced Samantha was written by a man. Husband will say something and Samantha repeats the line or does exactly what he predicted. It's as if a bunch of guys were like "ok, this is what I would do if I were an attractive single woman"
She's my least fav (I still like her but I like the other ones more), she's a strong and independent woman yet almost all her storylines involve sex and men
I think that for the time she was written as a character, she was not only revolutionary, but also something women of that age were explicitly told *never* to be. Never to thrive to be alone and independent, never to be that sexually liberal, and if you *really* have to be, at least hide it well so you wouldn't be judged because no one would want you once you turn 40 and you've been with so many men and being unmarried is the worst thing ever.
And yet, she does everything opposite of that, and at the same time, she's happy, breaks the norm and expectations for women of that age in the 90s. And that's why she was so loved by the original fans.
However, I feel like the adoration for her character comes from defensiveness because she's very much *not* loved by most men and some women, so there is a tendency to overcompensate for the support of her character that slowly went into "she can do no wrong" area and that's where it stayed for many years, until new audience was introduced to SATS.
I also believe that for the same reason, Charlotte has always been least loved by the fans. She's the antithesis of Samantha. She represents everything that we are told we *should* be, and we wanted to break free from those expectations. I'm curious to see if, now with the rise of trad wives on the internet, the hate for her slows down for a bit
You’re over looking her character entirely. She had so much depth. She is a “sex addict” because she deeply struggles with intimacy issues. She also can be very insecure, and that’s shown throughout many scenes in the show. Even the scene with the Birkin bag shows that she really only wanted the bag to say she was above a waiting list-i don’t think she actually liked the bag.
I wish they would have really delved into her background more but they wouldn’t considering Carrie is the protagonist.
She IS a very strong, self sufficient, independent woman. She just has a lot of issues with expressing her feelings, intimacy, trust, and even confidence. In one scene she spoke about how at her age her mother was stuck raising 3 kids and I find it interesting that it might not have been a good experience for her being one of those kids her mother was raising considering how Samantha remembers it in a negative way.
I agree, she could be crass and overly sexual but that’s “her thing” - and also I think portraying a woman like that was more new in the late 90s/early 2000s where if a woman was sexual she was considered easy, etc.
i think she is a better friend than the rest of the girls, she always has their backs and stands with them against other people no matter what. she is the most emotionally stable (more like unavailable) which can make her seem really strong. she unapologetically knows and asks for what she wants. she has a boss bitch job and is a powerful socialite with lots of connections in the city, getting the girls into nice restaurants and clubs (in the early seasons i think). that's why i like her, not so much the hyper-sexuality even tho it can be funny
It's because they "hate" Carrie and SJP. Samantha was very poorly written, and extremely one dimensional and Kim Cattrall did not add much to the character at all.
Agree but this sub is very obsessed with the character because they seem to lionize Kim. They have picked "sides" in the sjp vs Kim stuff from 20y ago and still bring it up often.
Also everyone loves to hate on Carrie lol so they latch on to Samantha and Charlotte lol. IRL I do not think I could be friends with Samantha maybe an acquaintance at most. Charlotte and Miranda would be more friend worthy but not at BFF level. All characters lack emotional maturity imo and that's a deal breaker to me now
Charlotte is BFF level. She took care in doing things for people. She had a floral arrangement sent to Miranda’s mom’s funeral. She held a baby shower for Miranda while dealing with her infertility. She sold her ring so Carrie could buy her apartment.
I think Charlotte is the only one I'd be friends with IRL. She can be a little much at times, but she has a good heart.
Carrie would be fun to get cocktails with occasionally, but her constant drama and self-involvement would be better in small doses.
Samantha's sexualization of everything and Miranda's "judgmental stuff" would probably not work for me.
The sub seems to be hell bent that anything embarrassing happening to Samantha is revenge he from SJP and there’s no basis to it- especially since the majority of time it seems to be that the embarrassing plot line is something they personally find icky so it can’t be in her character. And I say this as someone who adores her lol
I feel like Samantha in season one was a semi-normal more relatable person that had ideals that aren’t too far off from how people date now to then getting cartoonish in later seasons. Like the women pulling their husbands away from her at the party is season one is terrible, she wasn’t even hitting on them or vice versa.
Theres a phrase for that in TV where characters eventually become a watered down caricature of one of their characteristics. Idk if youre familiar with the show Victorious from nickelodeon with Ariana Grande, but when the show first started her character “Cat” was just kind of quirky and goofy. Then towards the end she was essentially an infantilized teenager who had no personality outside of being ridiculously dumb and babyish.
Agreed, I find her to be incredibly one dimensional. She didn’t help move the storyline forward at all. She was funny but the other girls were too, and they had their own sexual exploits so I find her character to be unnecessary.
She's probably my least favorite character, but I don't dislike her. All I can think about when she hooks up with so many guys is how many STD's she must have.
I totally agree with you!! It is the writing that makes it bad… it is like they are trying and failing to represent female sexual liberation… maybe the writers just wanted to portray a woman that behaves like a horny man?! Just seems so “written by a man” to me
She’s a fan favorite because she’s an incredibly good and loyal friend who doesn’t always receive the same loyalty in return. That said, she’s written in an unfairly one dimensional, overly sexual way. That (coupled with tension between SJP and KC) is why Samantha isn’t back. As the years go on, fans seem to be seeing Carrie as overall not great and they’re recognizing some of the amazing but unseen characteristics of her friends.
I honestly like every character… but yea for irl friends I would find it tough being close to Samantha. More so than even Carrie! I like that she’s non judgmental, that’s my favorite thing about any of the ladies for sure. But I imagine my favorite person I’d want as a friend would be Miranda.. by far. Every other character would irritate me a bit
I’m a big Miranda fan. I really admire people like Miranda.. I’m not similar to her in the slightest and I think her honesty and realness is something to aspire to
She was my favorite, or second favorite when I first started watching when I was really young. Now that I’m a little older and more mature, I realize Samantha is overkill at times and she had sex for validation more than the other girls. When she had sex w/ Richard while she was with Smith, with that ponytail guy when she thought she was going through menopause, with JJ at Richard’s party, etc. Two of those instances she wasn’t into the guy at all, but with all of them she wasn’t even enjoying herself. She also went off her plan with what’s his name (that was the love of her life and dumped her for a model, Anka?). She told Carrie about her “plan” for revenge then she kept switching it and he ended up leaving her once again. I still love her but her friends should’ve got her into therapy instead of Carrie.
I think you’re misunderstanding her character. Samantha is an older woman, I believe in her 40s and she is portrayed to be an independent single woman. She combats all the other stereotypes in the show. Every other character wants to get married or is caught up in some situationship. Not Samantha, she was in love once in the show. His name is Dominick, in the earlier seasons he came back in her life had sex with her than dumped her for his younger ex wife. After that little glimpse of “love” she had been nonchalant about every man that came into her life. I love that about her. I think she’s admitted to herself that love just isn’t for her. Even when she gets with Richard in season four it’s hard for her to admit that there is something more than just sex. I personally love how confident she is. She doesn’t let anyone tear her down. But that comes with her age and wisdom.
I don’t really misunderstand her character i just think it was poorly written. I think they could have made a character that went against stereotypes without having her be so vulgar and borderline predatory at times.
I mean this was shot in the late 90’s. Sexual freedom wasn’t so big as it is now. I think the writers wanted a character that showcased how comfortable they are with their sexuality and destigmatize the talk about sex. I mean heck they even had samantha try out a girl relationship once. If that isn’t sexual freedom idk what is.
I feel like Samantha is a great character for a show like this, but not necessarily a great person if you were to transplant her into real life. The obsession with sex can be very two dimensional (though there are moments when the writers subvert this and make her into a more rounded human being) and can sometimes turn her into a shitty friend.
I sometimes feel like her sex-positivity blinds people to her character flaws. I get that at the time of broadcast, having a character be so open about sex was groundbreaking and I’m sure a lot of people NEEDED to see that. But it hasn’t aged very well in places, as sex isn’t the be all and end all for most of us, and a rewatch with modern eyes makes the gaps in her character all the more glaring.
Truthfully? I’m not sure I could stand to be friends with any of them in real life, other than maybe Miranda.
I despise Samantha. Her character is sad and screams of an abusive past. For an educated, sophisticated woman she was just so trashy and embarrassing. She had a few redeeming qualities but she always made me cringe.
I mean I don't think that an abusive past is a reason to despise someone, but I do feel like that should have been addressed somewhere in the show. They did hint at her not really being happy a few different times, like even in the first episode where she was hooking up with the guy that Charlotte wouldn't sleep with. He said he needs to get up early so she can't sleep over, and you kind of saw this sad look on her face before she put the mask back on and said casually that she needs to get up early too.
Not to mention her intimacy issues with Smith and the fact that she was so willing to sabotage that relationship by going upstairs and banging richard. She clearly hated herself for it as it was happening and afterwards, and the issues that caused that were just never really addressed. There was likely some reason she was behaving like that, probably the same reason she prided herself throughout the entire series on basically just using men for her orgasm and never falling for them. It would have made a lot of sense if she had had some sort of abuse in her past that made her like this, but the show never went into that, probably because they didn't want to go to such dark places and wanted to keep it relatively light-hearted, with the most intense moments being a relationship ending, not going into anyone's histories of childhood abuse.
I think Carrie is much trashier overall. Samantha was crass with her friends, but I wouldn’t worry about her not knowing how to dress or behave correctly for a specific occasion. Carrie, I’d be concerned would show up reeking of cigarette smoke and take out and would make dumb puns.
They are all imperfect characters. I gett annoyed with them all but also love them.
I agree, glossing over Sam’s questionable sexual “ethics” seems pretty common. I mean people on this site lose their fucking minds when there’s an age difference of seven or eight years between partners, she literally fucked a college kid when she was in her 40s.
That annoyed me. The show does a wonderful job of dealing with Big's wife in a nuanced way, really emphasizing that Carrie did hurt her while still writing everyone as human...while on the other hand, Samantha knowingly seduces loads of married men while their upset wives are a punchline because, idk, those wives are old and they don't dress very fashionable so fuck em they deserved it I guess????? Baffling/annoying to me.
I didn’t even mention her years of avoiding STI testing.
I’ve been doing a rewatch for the first time since hitting my mid 30s and I’m surprised just how much Samantha’s popularity is surrounded by this idea that she’s a strong independent woman. She says a lot of the time that she isn’t monogamous - yet she has plenty of relationships! And they all fail for the same reasons: she can’t do emotional intimacy. She self sabotages every relationship in the show and then announces that sex is just sex and I love me more. Don’t get me wrong - she doesn’t value a man over herself and that’s such a great lesson to teach. She’s very opinionated, self sufficient and wise about men when it comes to their motives. But she talks a lot flak for something she has always sought after and can never attain.
In one of the earlier seasons, Carrie's narration mentioned how Samantha needs male attention and sex to feel validated and to keep her insecurities at bay. They never explored that much later but rather went into the "sexually liberated" direction. She even mentioned losing her virginity at a very young age (13, 14?). Her adult behaviour stems from repressed trauma and low self esteem. Her "strong, independent woman" is almost a mask that she wears to protect who she really is.
Yup. I love this comment. I think it shows a lot of depth to her character. Instead of Carrie having the therapy episode, Samantha should have lol
You're so right...I wish they had her explain those aspects a bit more. But they pushed it all under a rug to sell a rather surface level personality
> Her adult behaviour stems from repressed trauma and low self esteem That's pure speculation rooted in slut shaming.
IIRC Smith is in almost as many episodes as Big, which I was astonished by
>She says a lot of the time that she isn’t monogamous - yet she has plenty of relationships! That's not a contradiction. Non-monogamous relationships are thing.
She never once exhibited a sign that she was into open relationships. In fact, of the serious relationships she’s shown to have had with men, there’s instances of her being cheated on or dumped for another woman. At the black and white ball she makes a quip that she must’ve caught monogamy from the girls while she’s actively pursuing Richard. They really should’ve explored more of her insecurities with intimacy and men but they never were really explained.
Regarding the episode where Carrie walks in on Samantha blowing the world wide express guy. Someone on here told me that if you have a friend that is that sexual, that comes with the territory, and I said absolutely not! I think Samantha could have contained herself to at least wait until after her meeting with Carrie. Or at the very least, lock the door so no one would walk in.
I would feel awkward af if I saw my friend just blowing some guy.
Try this for size then: one time a guy was blowing my friend in front of me (to be clear, that part is normal for us), and then mid-blowjob the guy was like "how about this" or something to that effect... And then REMOVED A SET OF FALSE TEETH and went back to blowing my friend. Now THAT'S awkward.
Damn. Like I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t there and I feel awkward lol
And then he was like "you wanna try next?" and I had to politely decline like "no I... I think I heard someone call me, outside, very far away 😐".
I’m sitting here choking on coffee because I’m laughing so hard
That’s wild to think someone should expect that when going to a business meeting lol
Samantha only reacted that way because she was projecting. She’s very insecure and tried to blame Carrie for judging her rather than just admit the fact that she was ashamed of herself. Samantha uses sex from men as a form of validation because she’s very insecure & *thinks* that the only thing she could offer. She acts like she’s sexually liberated but she’s just as much of a pick-me as the rest of the women she looks down on. ETA: btw if you’re blowing a mail man at your place of work, you’re asking to be judged.
> ETA: btw if you’re blowing a mail man at your place of work, you’re asking to be judged. Yikes. And you're calling Sam a pick me? No one would ever say this to a man btw. > Samantha uses sex from men as a form of validation because she’s very insecure & thinks that the only thing she could offer. Or maybe she just enjoys it? Or do you think women are just receptacles for male pleasure?
How am I a pick-me for saying that in a place of business that you own, you need to be carrying yourself a certain way? Who exactly am I trying to get picked by on Sex and the City subreddit? And some of you on this sub get way too delusional & start using fallacies. Just because a man doesn’t get told it as often as they should, doesn’t make it any less true. We literally see how she behaves in her relationship with Smith and Richard. She can like sex but she’s not secure enough.
My biggest thing is, to your point, it’s HER business. She’s asking to be sued. Between all the sec she has in office (with no steps taken to be private), to the way she speaks to/in front of employees. I’d be so uncomfortable if my boss was doing that stuff. And you know what, if I walked in on my friend doing this, I’d rush out totally shocked too lol
You're just slut shaming Samantha, plain and simple. At the end of the day, they were two consenting adults, and it's Samantha's business. She was well within her right. > She can like sex Well I'm glad we cleared that up. For a minute I was worried she didn't have permission to enjoy sex. > but she’s not secure enough. Says who? Emotional health is largely subjective. If Samantha is functioning in life (literally a businesswoman) and she doesn't feel like she has an issue, who are you to say she's not secure enough?
Agree. Why the fuck did Samantha always want to have sex at work, never lock the door, and expect to be able to push her sexuality on everyone but get annoyed to be asked to tone it down occasionally to make others comfortable? She was generally a great and loyal friend, but omg some of this shit bothers me with her. Lock the door or understand you have a schedule and let the BJ wait for after your meeting.
Samantha even admitted she felt awkward walking in on Stanford and Marcus, too. Yes, contain yourself or just lock the door.
i cannot believe people hate on carrie for being weirded out by that when ANYONE would be uncomfortable in that situation. the hate carrie gets is so out of control
It drives me nuts that people totally overlook the end of that episode where Samantha specifically spells out it wasn’t Carrie that bothered her it’s bc she’s insecure post break up. PLUS she also gets grumpy with Charlotte and Miranda in the same episode, it’s not her vs Carrie’s judgment
Exactly! It's not about Sam being "sexually liberated" or being a "Pickme" (I swear y'all will discover a word and run it into the ground, but I'm done explaining and will just let y'all be wrong lol). It's about her insecurity. I sometimes wonder if I'm watching the same show as other people on this sub, or if people are used to being spoonfed or having every little thing be spelled out for them.
I think for me I get frustrated when the sub views moments in isolation and ignore that it’s addressed head on as part of the plot. So it becomes ‘Charlotte wasn’t supportive of Miranda having an abortion she’s a terrible judgmental friend’ when actually she absolutely WAS she just had an emotional reaction straight away then her and Miranda had it out and then she was fully supportive. And then throws her a baby shower while having fertility issues of her own!
That's very frustrating! One of my favorites is this sub saying that Carrie bullied/demanded Charlotte give her the ring to use as down-payment for the apartment. Especially when Carrie herself said that even if Charlotte did offer, she wouldn't have accepted. She just wanted some acknowledgement of what she was going through instead of being ignored. Also, Charlotte giving up the ring was symbolic of her closing that chapter of her life that she wanted to cling to.
Samanthas reaction to that was purely protection, because how else did she expect Carrie to react? Her initial response to it was more shock than judgement in my opinion. No ones expecting to open your office door to you blowing some dude. And also if your friend wanted to judge you for that I feel like they can. I call my friend out when she takes the whore-ish behavior too far and shes usually receptive. Id want someone to be able to reel me back in to reality. Theres a time and a place for everything and that was not it.
You sound 100 years old. What “whorish” behaviour is too far by your standards?
i said whoreish in quotes because both me and my friends participate in “whoreish” things and its just a phrase amongst others that we use to playfully categorize our sexcapades. I dont use it because im a virgin mary that judges people. Im just saying theres times where either one of us has done something where its like ok girl…..maybe lets not?
The term “whore”, “thot”, “hoe” for me and my friends is not a judgy statement and i dont use it because im old. Lmfao im a 22 year old who just graduated college ive done my share, which is why i used the words “taking it too far”.
Ah you’re 22 that makes sense. Just fyi, you’ll be embarrassed that you ever called your friends whores. Really disconcerting that the self righteous tiktok generation have found SATC. Call your friends whores if you like! Go nuts, no way you’ll ever find it embarrassing and regressive and self-demeaning x
Doubt it. I also never called my friend a whore😂 My point is if i walked in on my friend giving head to the delivery guy in her office, it wouldnt be something we would laugh about I would tell her its ridiculous. Theres fun in exercising “whore behaviors” but theres times when its too far and taken too literally.
I agree that the "whorish behaviour" remark is .... wow
I've said many times that I find her entertaining, but I would not be able to be friends with her in real life. Someone who literally sexualizes everything would make me really uncomfortable to hang out with, first of all, and I don't like how she prude shames her friends. She insinuated that Carrie might have something wrong with her medically because she can only have a really intense orgasm with a guy she's in love with. When Miranda hadn't had sex in a few months, she made some comment about how that's not a strike, that's a slump. (That's one thing I've never understood, because in real life I know a lot of people who haven't had sex in months or even years, but on these TV shows they act like it's such an extreme thing if you've gone a few weeks without getting laid.) And of course she made that ridiculous comment about Charlotte needing the stick out of her ass and a dick in her coochie asap. Also, I hate that she sleeps with married men without a shred of remorse about what she's doing to their wives. I get that the bulk of the crime is on him because he's the one who's actually cheating on his wife, but it's really not cool to knowingly sleep with someone who's married or in a relationship. It's one thing if you don't know they have a partner, but Samantha knew and just went on with it anyway just to get her orgasm. Over and over, she was knowingly playing a part in hurting an innocent person, and I don't think that should just be glossed over or forgiven like it's nothing. I will say she has her nice moments, like when she found out that that nun in the doctor's office, who had to at least be in her 40s, had never had sex, she wasn't judgmental. That actually surprised me a little bit considering some of the prude shaming comments that had happened with her friends. And it was really cool how she dropped Smith's name to get herself and the nun seen by the doctor. I don't really hate her as a character, I don't think she's a bad person. I just think she can be pretty problematic in certain ways. She's good for entertainment value, but I really don't think we would get along in real life.
💯 That’s one thing I don’t get about the fandom. Carrie gets skewered because she cheated on Aidan with Big. But Samantha sleeps with married men all the time, especially in the early seasons. However there’s no pushback whatsoever? I understand all four girls are meant to represent different spectrums of sexuality (of the time period), but it feels like Samantha is put on a pedestal of some kind. And I’m saying that as someone who really enjoys the character. But like you, I would struggle a bit with being friends in real life because of her judgmental tendencies towards sex (aka with Charlotte needing a break after her divorce or after Miranda had a baby).
Yes!!
Because Carrie was in a relationship with Aiden. Samantha isn't married to these men or their wives, nor does she care to be.
It seems to me like cognitive dissonance to genuinely hold the worldview that cheating is bad but it's fine to knowingly partake in an affair
You are aware that affair partners cause harm right?
No, men cheating cause harm
Anyone cheating can cause harm. It’s not gender specific.
It's not the gender, it's the fact that these men are the ones in these relationships who are cheating, not Samantha
I mean I’m not gonna lie, that makes no sense. Samantha is sleeping with married men. She knows *someone* is gonna get hurt. It just won’t be her. But to each their own 🤷♀️
But again, how is that her responsibility? She is not responsible for these men and their desire to cheat.
She’s knowingly making bad choices though. I don’t know who you are or if you’re in a relationship, but if an anonymous person cheated with your partner (knowing they were in a relationship), you wouldn’t mind? You wouldn’t be mad at them if you bumped into them somewhere? Of course your partner would be responsible too but as the old saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” Can’t cheat by yourself.
You’re naive and out of touch
Right, I thought we left this opinion in 2010
Sam is not a girl’s girl. She’s a her girls’ girl. Meaning she’ll do anything for her friends but does not really care about other women. I’m not insulting her at all. I honestly think Charlotte is a girl’s girl tbh.
That’s the perfect description of her. And that’s for example why I can relate to her, as I am like her regarding this matter.
Idk, that's not really an excuse. It's okay to not really care about other women, but it's still wrong to knowingly sleep with their partners. Look how she went off the rails when Richard cheated on her. To knowingly do that to someone, even if she isn't your friend, is awful.
It’s not an excuse. But I don’t know I feel like when you watch a show like this you can’t be hung up on the moralities of would you befriend this person etc or black and white thinking. Especially since this show was written and aired originally about twenty odd years ago. Is it great to stand up for other women? Yes to a point. Want me to donate to a charity? Okay. Need someone to open the door for you? Great. But are you not my friend and need a ride to the airport? Nope. Some people would and that’s great for them. But me? I’m living my life and I have to protect myself and my sanity. I honestly don’t care what other people do in their relationship as long as it’s not illegal. I also will not get involved in my friends’ relationship dramas no matter what they are. I’ll listen while you vent. We can talk smack about him. But I’m not getting involved.
... Not giving a stranger a ride to the airport is not on the same level as screwing another woman's husband.
Yes to ALL of this! I also totally agree on the TV trop of *"no sex for three weeks? omg how are you not going CRAZY"* being completely insane. I've never understood why that's written into so many tv shows and movies.
> I get that the bulk of the crime is on him because he's the one who's actually cheating on his wife, but That but is the real problem here. Samantha isn't in a relationship with these women; she owes them nothing. Moreover, she isn't forcing these men to sleep with her, they want it, because they want to cheat. Blaming the other woman for an affair really just serves to let men off the hook.
I like her, but I completely understand what you’re saying. I also dislike those things about her character, but she’s still interesting imo.
Yeah I think the sub suffers in general from being really myopic about the characters. I see people all the time talk about how Miranda would never fall apart and she’s a staunch businesswoman which totally ignores all the times she clearly falls apart in the show
Yet everyone is so hard on Carrie lol…
In reallife Sam would need therapy. She is sabotaging every healthy relationship she has & has sex in a self destructing way and was seeking validation through men and sex and I wish they would have explored that in the show. I agree that she was written one dimensional .. i also don't get why people cancel the fuck out of Carrie for the Big affair but everyone sees Sam as this icon although she sleeps with married men too. I always thought she is insecure. She does have good sides tho - but I totally agree that they could have done more with her character.
I think that the campiness that Kim brought to the role makes people forget how cringey her lines are. Some of them could be ripped straight from adult movies. (e.g. the farmer scene, the worldwide express guy, the sex-toy model)
I love her and at the same time find her embarrassing and annoying 🤷🏻♀️ ive never understood why people argue when someone else says they like or dislike a character, and if someone dislikes Samantha hey i get it 😂
Yeah overall I think the sub veers into taking defence and criticism of a character too personally, it’s true of all tv subs but it’s quite apparent in this one
yeah, it's weird!
I’d guess it’s bc the scenarios get quite close to real scenarios once in a while and the demographic of the sun probably relates really fully to it, so criticism of the character feels like criticism to the viewer. But- it’s not lol, so chill a bit
All four women have taught me something: Samantha - have confidence in yourself and things will come naturally Miranda - depend on yourself financially, not a man Charlotte - love like Charlotte Carrie - She taught me how to treat myself with boundaries - buy the shoes... Samantha like all the girls has a part to play and to teach lessons. Having Samantha Jone's confidence would help many women.
Watching it with my husband, I'm convinced Samantha was written by a man. Husband will say something and Samantha repeats the line or does exactly what he predicted. It's as if a bunch of guys were like "ok, this is what I would do if I were an attractive single woman"
Totally agree.
She's my least fav (I still like her but I like the other ones more), she's a strong and independent woman yet almost all her storylines involve sex and men
I think that for the time she was written as a character, she was not only revolutionary, but also something women of that age were explicitly told *never* to be. Never to thrive to be alone and independent, never to be that sexually liberal, and if you *really* have to be, at least hide it well so you wouldn't be judged because no one would want you once you turn 40 and you've been with so many men and being unmarried is the worst thing ever. And yet, she does everything opposite of that, and at the same time, she's happy, breaks the norm and expectations for women of that age in the 90s. And that's why she was so loved by the original fans. However, I feel like the adoration for her character comes from defensiveness because she's very much *not* loved by most men and some women, so there is a tendency to overcompensate for the support of her character that slowly went into "she can do no wrong" area and that's where it stayed for many years, until new audience was introduced to SATS. I also believe that for the same reason, Charlotte has always been least loved by the fans. She's the antithesis of Samantha. She represents everything that we are told we *should* be, and we wanted to break free from those expectations. I'm curious to see if, now with the rise of trad wives on the internet, the hate for her slows down for a bit
I love Samantha but the obsessive fawning over the character puts me off her honestly
You’re over looking her character entirely. She had so much depth. She is a “sex addict” because she deeply struggles with intimacy issues. She also can be very insecure, and that’s shown throughout many scenes in the show. Even the scene with the Birkin bag shows that she really only wanted the bag to say she was above a waiting list-i don’t think she actually liked the bag. I wish they would have really delved into her background more but they wouldn’t considering Carrie is the protagonist. She IS a very strong, self sufficient, independent woman. She just has a lot of issues with expressing her feelings, intimacy, trust, and even confidence. In one scene she spoke about how at her age her mother was stuck raising 3 kids and I find it interesting that it might not have been a good experience for her being one of those kids her mother was raising considering how Samantha remembers it in a negative way. I agree, she could be crass and overly sexual but that’s “her thing” - and also I think portraying a woman like that was more new in the late 90s/early 2000s where if a woman was sexual she was considered easy, etc.
i think she is a better friend than the rest of the girls, she always has their backs and stands with them against other people no matter what. she is the most emotionally stable (more like unavailable) which can make her seem really strong. she unapologetically knows and asks for what she wants. she has a boss bitch job and is a powerful socialite with lots of connections in the city, getting the girls into nice restaurants and clubs (in the early seasons i think). that's why i like her, not so much the hyper-sexuality even tho it can be funny
Agree completely
It's because they "hate" Carrie and SJP. Samantha was very poorly written, and extremely one dimensional and Kim Cattrall did not add much to the character at all.
Agree but this sub is very obsessed with the character because they seem to lionize Kim. They have picked "sides" in the sjp vs Kim stuff from 20y ago and still bring it up often. Also everyone loves to hate on Carrie lol so they latch on to Samantha and Charlotte lol. IRL I do not think I could be friends with Samantha maybe an acquaintance at most. Charlotte and Miranda would be more friend worthy but not at BFF level. All characters lack emotional maturity imo and that's a deal breaker to me now
Charlotte is BFF level. She took care in doing things for people. She had a floral arrangement sent to Miranda’s mom’s funeral. She held a baby shower for Miranda while dealing with her infertility. She sold her ring so Carrie could buy her apartment.
I think Charlotte is the only one I'd be friends with IRL. She can be a little much at times, but she has a good heart. Carrie would be fun to get cocktails with occasionally, but her constant drama and self-involvement would be better in small doses. Samantha's sexualization of everything and Miranda's "judgmental stuff" would probably not work for me.
I feel like Charlotte is that friend who will hate everyone you hate just to support you
That's exactly how she is! 😂
The sub seems to be hell bent that anything embarrassing happening to Samantha is revenge he from SJP and there’s no basis to it- especially since the majority of time it seems to be that the embarrassing plot line is something they personally find icky so it can’t be in her character. And I say this as someone who adores her lol
I feel like Samantha in season one was a semi-normal more relatable person that had ideals that aren’t too far off from how people date now to then getting cartoonish in later seasons. Like the women pulling their husbands away from her at the party is season one is terrible, she wasn’t even hitting on them or vice versa.
Theres a phrase for that in TV where characters eventually become a watered down caricature of one of their characteristics. Idk if youre familiar with the show Victorious from nickelodeon with Ariana Grande, but when the show first started her character “Cat” was just kind of quirky and goofy. Then towards the end she was essentially an infantilized teenager who had no personality outside of being ridiculously dumb and babyish.
Agreed, I find her to be incredibly one dimensional. She didn’t help move the storyline forward at all. She was funny but the other girls were too, and they had their own sexual exploits so I find her character to be unnecessary.
Without Samantha this show would be far too conservative.
That’s probably true!
She's probably my least favorite character, but I don't dislike her. All I can think about when she hooks up with so many guys is how many STD's she must have.
I totally agree with you!! It is the writing that makes it bad… it is like they are trying and failing to represent female sexual liberation… maybe the writers just wanted to portray a woman that behaves like a horny man?! Just seems so “written by a man” to me
People allege that her character was based off of a gay man or that was the premise of the character
She’s a fan favorite because she’s an incredibly good and loyal friend who doesn’t always receive the same loyalty in return. That said, she’s written in an unfairly one dimensional, overly sexual way. That (coupled with tension between SJP and KC) is why Samantha isn’t back. As the years go on, fans seem to be seeing Carrie as overall not great and they’re recognizing some of the amazing but unseen characteristics of her friends.
I honestly like every character… but yea for irl friends I would find it tough being close to Samantha. More so than even Carrie! I like that she’s non judgmental, that’s my favorite thing about any of the ladies for sure. But I imagine my favorite person I’d want as a friend would be Miranda.. by far. Every other character would irritate me a bit I’m a big Miranda fan. I really admire people like Miranda.. I’m not similar to her in the slightest and I think her honesty and realness is something to aspire to
She was my favorite, or second favorite when I first started watching when I was really young. Now that I’m a little older and more mature, I realize Samantha is overkill at times and she had sex for validation more than the other girls. When she had sex w/ Richard while she was with Smith, with that ponytail guy when she thought she was going through menopause, with JJ at Richard’s party, etc. Two of those instances she wasn’t into the guy at all, but with all of them she wasn’t even enjoying herself. She also went off her plan with what’s his name (that was the love of her life and dumped her for a model, Anka?). She told Carrie about her “plan” for revenge then she kept switching it and he ended up leaving her once again. I still love her but her friends should’ve got her into therapy instead of Carrie.
I think you’re misunderstanding her character. Samantha is an older woman, I believe in her 40s and she is portrayed to be an independent single woman. She combats all the other stereotypes in the show. Every other character wants to get married or is caught up in some situationship. Not Samantha, she was in love once in the show. His name is Dominick, in the earlier seasons he came back in her life had sex with her than dumped her for his younger ex wife. After that little glimpse of “love” she had been nonchalant about every man that came into her life. I love that about her. I think she’s admitted to herself that love just isn’t for her. Even when she gets with Richard in season four it’s hard for her to admit that there is something more than just sex. I personally love how confident she is. She doesn’t let anyone tear her down. But that comes with her age and wisdom.
I don’t really misunderstand her character i just think it was poorly written. I think they could have made a character that went against stereotypes without having her be so vulgar and borderline predatory at times.
Idk how you get predatory, but as for vulgar, well, isn't that just the inverse of Charlotte's prudishness? It's balance.
I mean you dont remember when she touched the masseuse’s crotch area because she “heard that he went down on someone else”?
I mean this was shot in the late 90’s. Sexual freedom wasn’t so big as it is now. I think the writers wanted a character that showcased how comfortable they are with their sexuality and destigmatize the talk about sex. I mean heck they even had samantha try out a girl relationship once. If that isn’t sexual freedom idk what is.
I am fine with her being a sex addict but her hatred of children is incredibly off putting to me
Yea it was very over the top. Miranda had quite the disdain for children too
Yes!!!!! I always saw Samantha as a sex addict that no one called out. It’s like celebrating an alcoholic. I felt so bad for her and her enablers.
I feel like Samantha is a great character for a show like this, but not necessarily a great person if you were to transplant her into real life. The obsession with sex can be very two dimensional (though there are moments when the writers subvert this and make her into a more rounded human being) and can sometimes turn her into a shitty friend. I sometimes feel like her sex-positivity blinds people to her character flaws. I get that at the time of broadcast, having a character be so open about sex was groundbreaking and I’m sure a lot of people NEEDED to see that. But it hasn’t aged very well in places, as sex isn’t the be all and end all for most of us, and a rewatch with modern eyes makes the gaps in her character all the more glaring. Truthfully? I’m not sure I could stand to be friends with any of them in real life, other than maybe Miranda.
I despise Samantha. Her character is sad and screams of an abusive past. For an educated, sophisticated woman she was just so trashy and embarrassing. She had a few redeeming qualities but she always made me cringe.
I mean I don't think that an abusive past is a reason to despise someone, but I do feel like that should have been addressed somewhere in the show. They did hint at her not really being happy a few different times, like even in the first episode where she was hooking up with the guy that Charlotte wouldn't sleep with. He said he needs to get up early so she can't sleep over, and you kind of saw this sad look on her face before she put the mask back on and said casually that she needs to get up early too. Not to mention her intimacy issues with Smith and the fact that she was so willing to sabotage that relationship by going upstairs and banging richard. She clearly hated herself for it as it was happening and afterwards, and the issues that caused that were just never really addressed. There was likely some reason she was behaving like that, probably the same reason she prided herself throughout the entire series on basically just using men for her orgasm and never falling for them. It would have made a lot of sense if she had had some sort of abuse in her past that made her like this, but the show never went into that, probably because they didn't want to go to such dark places and wanted to keep it relatively light-hearted, with the most intense moments being a relationship ending, not going into anyone's histories of childhood abuse.
I couldn’t agree more tbh.
> Her character is sad and screams of an abusive past. This is so blatantly misogynistic
I think Carrie is much trashier overall. Samantha was crass with her friends, but I wouldn’t worry about her not knowing how to dress or behave correctly for a specific occasion. Carrie, I’d be concerned would show up reeking of cigarette smoke and take out and would make dumb puns.
I feel this way about Miranda though