Call them aunty or uncle but Shanghainese parents are more impressed by your capabilities and what you’ve accomplished 😆
I also feel like we are more direct but don’t be put off by it.
Yeah…ask them how many apt they have in shanghai. If your BF is not the only kid, which ones will be given to you 😂
Ask them if they don’t mind keeping your kids while you and your BF go on vacation 🤪
Perhaps bring some snacks or fruits. If you really like your bf, probably learn some simple phrases of their local dialect (shanghainese or ningbonese) to make the moment memorable. Even if you’re not doing good, it’d be a kind of inside joke next time you see them.
I second this.
My mom’s side are Shanghainese and my partner was immediately a part of the fam when he threw out the three words he learned. After going to China for a month he even has his ‘Aya’s down and will call out ‘Lai lai lai’ when he want us to join him for something. My brother in law understands a lot more (he’s also been in the family for 15 years now) and will even say a few sentences here and there. He is the golden child now. My sister and I joke that he’s my mom’s favourite child.
Learn some words in Shanghainese, bring fruit and some gifts from your home country that they can’t readily get in China and you’re good.
This is taboo, but nobody has touched on the most determinant factor in meeting Chinese parents, which is race and skin color.
what ethnicity are you and what is your skin tone? Because this will significantly impact the kind of advice offered.
Aww I’m a Shanghainese w roots in Ningbo. Vitamins health related stuff are nice gifts. In the winter time ningbo people prepare 鳗鲞 windcured salted fish and it’s delicious. Ningbo is an understated nice place and many Shanghainese people ancestral hometown and we all have fond feelings toward it. Idk what to avoid lol but ningbo ers more than other value the concept of 落叶归根. Lots of times grandparents have been in Shanghai since they’re teenagers but still will make sure they are buried in Ningbo. Knowing some Shanghainese will surely impress. Very unlikely they speak any ningbonese in the home. A lot of times the Ningbo relatives end up more entrepreneurial and wealthier than their Shanghainese counterparts . Apparently they lovingly referred to us as 上海瘪三It will probably impress them if u wanna visit Ningbo w him. I love Ningbo food. When I was little most of the time grandparents cooked for me and it’s more ningbo food than Shanghainese food, tend to be salty and not sweet. And lots of delicious seafood
If you can, where applicable, try to buy gifts in pairs. For example, 2 bottles of baijiu/wine or 2 blocks of cigarettes. This is because single items are usually meant as offerings for dead people, and Chinese generally believe that 好事成双 (good things come in pairs). Obviously, fruit baskets and bulky items dont really abide by this superstition. I kinda learnt this the hard way, though I was lucky my in-laws didn't really mind as they felt I didn't know better.
get some fruits.
local customs don't apply to you, you can pretty much be yourself and do things your way. of course, nothing outrageous. your gf should walk you through.
Practice greetings in Shanghainese, make sure you hold your rice bowl, don’t cross your chopsticks, be prepared to answer some personal questions, etc.
Just kidding, you be fine, just be yourself. Shanghainese / Ninbonese tend to be much more open minded than people from some other parts of China given they have been trading with foreigners for generations.
If you can speak Mandarin, they will love you. That’s my experience! If you cannot communicate, there will most likely be quite a gap, so just do your best with typical politeness in Chinese culture.
Why don’t you simply ask your BF? He should be the best one to answer the question. You two have communication issues?
He should be able to tell you the basic things you have to do, like what to bring, how to dress and how to call them, what they don’t like and what they value.
For the rest, just be yourself.
It’s customary to bring three brand new door handles when you first meet them as a gift. Also it’s customary for your boyfriend to say ‘there is no need’ but actually I can imagine the parents would be disappointed if they didn’t receive this.
🤔 never heard of this…but if this is really the tradition in shanghai, why would the BF say “there is no need”? If BF says kechihua to is foreign GF, the relation is doomed regardless of how the parents like OP.
Shanghainese are generally more open than others so you will be fine as long as you be cautious and a bit more passive
Call them aunty or uncle but Shanghainese parents are more impressed by your capabilities and what you’ve accomplished 😆 I also feel like we are more direct but don’t be put off by it.
Bring gifts! (Vitamins, fish oil, health items etc). Compliment their food and eat a lot. *married to a Shanghainese husband for 8 years
You hit the spot.
Take off your shoes when entering the house. It's 80% of the job required to impress the parents. Source: Italian guy with Chinese girlfriend
Edit: Taking off your shoes is 50%. It’s half the battle. Next bring your CV and a copy of your bank statement and five year plan.
True true
that's only if you're a guy
Fine if you’re a girl tell them how many babies you plan to have and when. Gosh.
I wouldn’t say that this would impress the parents, but if you don’t remove your shoes it is the same as telling your BF I am breaking up with you.
Or a matter of hygiene no matter the culture??
Not saying it's wrong, bro 😉
Demand he buys a house and money because of bride price. 😝 Hehehe kidding.
Yeah…ask them how many apt they have in shanghai. If your BF is not the only kid, which ones will be given to you 😂 Ask them if they don’t mind keeping your kids while you and your BF go on vacation 🤪
I hear clocks make good gifts too.
Perhaps bring some snacks or fruits. If you really like your bf, probably learn some simple phrases of their local dialect (shanghainese or ningbonese) to make the moment memorable. Even if you’re not doing good, it’d be a kind of inside joke next time you see them.
I second this. My mom’s side are Shanghainese and my partner was immediately a part of the fam when he threw out the three words he learned. After going to China for a month he even has his ‘Aya’s down and will call out ‘Lai lai lai’ when he want us to join him for something. My brother in law understands a lot more (he’s also been in the family for 15 years now) and will even say a few sentences here and there. He is the golden child now. My sister and I joke that he’s my mom’s favourite child. Learn some words in Shanghainese, bring fruit and some gifts from your home country that they can’t readily get in China and you’re good.
吃饭了吗，in ningbo is Chuow Veh luhva
This is taboo, but nobody has touched on the most determinant factor in meeting Chinese parents, which is race and skin color. what ethnicity are you and what is your skin tone? Because this will significantly impact the kind of advice offered.
Aww I’m a Shanghainese w roots in Ningbo. Vitamins health related stuff are nice gifts. In the winter time ningbo people prepare 鳗鲞 windcured salted fish and it’s delicious. Ningbo is an understated nice place and many Shanghainese people ancestral hometown and we all have fond feelings toward it. Idk what to avoid lol but ningbo ers more than other value the concept of 落叶归根. Lots of times grandparents have been in Shanghai since they’re teenagers but still will make sure they are buried in Ningbo. Knowing some Shanghainese will surely impress. Very unlikely they speak any ningbonese in the home. A lot of times the Ningbo relatives end up more entrepreneurial and wealthier than their Shanghainese counterparts . Apparently they lovingly referred to us as 上海瘪三It will probably impress them if u wanna visit Ningbo w him. I love Ningbo food. When I was little most of the time grandparents cooked for me and it’s more ningbo food than Shanghainese food, tend to be salty and not sweet. And lots of delicious seafood
If you can, where applicable, try to buy gifts in pairs. For example, 2 bottles of baijiu/wine or 2 blocks of cigarettes. This is because single items are usually meant as offerings for dead people, and Chinese generally believe that 好事成双 (good things come in pairs). Obviously, fruit baskets and bulky items dont really abide by this superstition. I kinda learnt this the hard way, though I was lucky my in-laws didn't really mind as they felt I didn't know better.
The more Chinese you speak the more popular you will be. Trying counts.
get some fruits. local customs don't apply to you, you can pretty much be yourself and do things your way. of course, nothing outrageous. your gf should walk you through.
Practice greetings in Shanghainese, make sure you hold your rice bowl, don’t cross your chopsticks, be prepared to answer some personal questions, etc. Just kidding, you be fine, just be yourself. Shanghainese / Ninbonese tend to be much more open minded than people from some other parts of China given they have been trading with foreigners for generations.
watch jimmy oyang's special 'guess how much' for an impression about shanghainese auntie.
Bring baijiu You'll be bro with your new FIL before the night is done
If you can speak Mandarin, they will love you. That’s my experience! If you cannot communicate, there will most likely be quite a gap, so just do your best with typical politeness in Chinese culture.
If they’ve been Shanghainese for a long time, talk shit about waidiren often works well for bonding.
I guess I get why you’re being downvoted but your comment made me laugh. And you’re not wrong.
Expect materialism, lots of judgement and questions to assess you willingness to submit to being a slave to said in-laws.
Why don’t you simply ask your BF? He should be the best one to answer the question. You two have communication issues? He should be able to tell you the basic things you have to do, like what to bring, how to dress and how to call them, what they don’t like and what they value. For the rest, just be yourself.
It’s customary to bring three brand new door handles when you first meet them as a gift. Also it’s customary for your boyfriend to say ‘there is no need’ but actually I can imagine the parents would be disappointed if they didn’t receive this.
What is the meaning of three new door handles?
🤔 never heard of this…but if this is really the tradition in shanghai, why would the BF say “there is no need”? If BF says kechihua to is foreign GF, the relation is doomed regardless of how the parents like OP.