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Oh no, we didn't have elections. I installed myself as leader through the invention of imaginary points. If people groveld, bowed, gave me gifts, or otherwise acknowledged my superiority they would get points, those who didn't lost points, and at the end of the year whoever had the most would "win". The opposition were those who actively encouraged people against participating.
Ya know, weirdest thing, I did almost the exact same thing, but instead of imaginary points I used acorns, and somehow I convinced 4 classes(2 4th grad 2 5th) to follow my orders for a solid half a year until peoples parents stopped them from hoarding the acorns I gave them
pocket apparatus cover juggle placid angle deer threatening historical imagine
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Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?
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slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. Proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder limbo in with your head, and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. when you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself
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I remember I was in french class and my French teacher loved also teaching french culture and once he was showing pictures of french famines and a kid in the class went "that baby looks dead" and he just goes "because it is" I started laughing so hard because the baby looked like Radioheads the Bends album cover. But he went on too explain why it was dead and it all made sense at the end of the day.
Dont worry pal one day you will find the one you love and you'll both kiss... or you can just hire a hooker but having your first from a hooker is cringe
am i the only one who fantasies about amber pooping in my bed?
we love you amber
ever since i heard that our queen poops the bed it's all i
can think about. j*hnny was so lucky to have a woman like
her... too bad he turned out to be a sexist abusive incel and
completely destroyed any chances of that ever happening to
him again edit: thank you for the gold kind stranger!
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I woke up in the middle of the road, running as my mom pulled me by the arm, yelling at one of four incoming pickup trucks: "don't shoot, whe are just tourists on a family trip". I was 7 and it took me over 20 years to process it.
I (f34) am pregnant with twin boys and my husband (m34) told me that he was dead set on naming our sons "notch" and "jeb" I know most of you are probably unaware, but these are the names of two of the people who created minecraft. My husband is a big minecraft fan and builds stuff on the game a lot and has minecraft posters, he even said he wants to play minecraft with his Sons. I told my husband that I want to give our children regular names, not after minecraft because they are not objects, and my husband got really defensive about it saying that he should be able to choose because he is their father and I never gave any name suggestions. I will never name my children after minecraft because I don't want them to get bullied and feel like it's dehumanizing to name them after a game. I told my husband that I'd rather get a divorce than name our kids after minecraft and he got really angry and raised his voice. I'm pregnant and my hormones maybe made me really emotional because I started crying. A few hours after that, we calmed down and I asked him again and he said he will for sure name the kids "notch" and "jeb" AlTA?
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okay so basically there's this guy and uhh
⠀⠀⠘⡀ HOG RIDAAAAAA ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀
⠀ ⠑⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⢈⠩⢙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⠠⠀⠀⠨⠐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢐⠐⠌⡌⢄⢐⢈⠔⡝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⡀⠐⡀⢁⠈⠐⠱⠑⡑⠈⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢗⠀⠀⠐⡠⡛⠔⡁⢜⡔⡬⢎⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠁⠀⠄⢂⠈⠂⢂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⠩⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠐⠁⠓⠒⠒⢀⠁⢐⢝⢟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⠫⠡⠡⠨⢀⠂⠠⠀⠀⢁⠑⡱⠛⠗⡓⢂⠠⢸⢸⢨⠣⡝⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⢏⢐⢁⠊⢌⠐⡈⠄⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠑⠈⠀⢄⢕⠸⡨⠪⡪⡘⣻⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⢂⠂⡂⠅⡂⠅⡐⠨⢐⠐⠠⠠⡀⢄⠠⡠⡡⡱⡐⠕⢌⢊⢆⢣⢒⠽⢿⣿⣿⣿
⠣⢂⠂⠄⠡⠐⠐⠈⠌⡐⠨⡈⠢⠨⡂⢌⢂⠆⡪⠨⡊⠂⡂⠢⢡⣢⣣⡣⣍⢿⣿
⠨⢂⢂⠁⡀⠀⠀⠁⠐⠈⠐⠈⢈⠈⠐⡀⠄⠁⠌⠈⠔⣄⡀⠠⡑⡂⠆⠢⢂⠑⠽
⡨⠐⠀⠀⠀⢠⡎⡀⠀⠀⠄⠈⡀⠌⠐⠠⠈⠄⡁⠂⡀⡫⠑⣑⠀⢂⠌⠄⢕⠀⠨
⠺⡪⠢⡀⠀⠞⢇⢂⠀⠂⡀⠠⠀⠄⠁⠌⠨⠀⢄⠢⡁⢂⢿⡟⡀⠀⠈⠈⡀⠂⣰
⢀⢀⠀⠄⠀⠀⡐⠀⡈⠄⡐⠅⡊⠌⢌⠄⡕⡑⡁⢂⠂⢂⠸⣿⡄⠀⠈⣠⣴⣿⣿
⢐⠔⠠⠀⠀⡐⠠⢈⠢⢑⠄⠑⢈⠊⡂⡱⢁⣂⢌⢔⢌⢄⠀⠹⢀⣺⡿⣟⢿⣿⣿
⢀⠡⠁⠂⠐⠠⠈⠄⢈⠠⢈⢢⡣⣗⠕⠄⣕⢮⣞⣞⣗⣯⢯⡷⡴⣹⡪⣷⣿⣿⣿
⠊⠄⠠⠠⠡⠈⠠⢐⠠⡊⡎⣗⢭⢐⠹⡹⣮⡳⡵⣳⣻⢾⣻⣽⣻⣺⣺⣽⣿⣿⣿
⣨⣾⢐⠰⠐⠅⡂⡂⢕⢜⢜⢵⢹⢑⢔⠨⢘⠸⡹⡵⣯⣻⢽⣳⣻⣺⢞⡿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡔⠠⢈⠐⠐⢠⢱⢸⢸⢸⢸⠰⡡⢘⢔⢕⠝⢮⣳⢽⢝⡾⡵⡯⣏⠯⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣗⢅⢢⠠⠡⠢⡱⡑⡕⡕⢅⠣⡊⢨⢪⡣⡣⡂⡬⡳⢽⢽⢽⢽⣞⣧⠙⣿⣿
⡻⣿⡯⡪⠢⡡⠡⢑⢌⠪⡪⡊⠆⢌⠪⢐⢕⢱⢱⢱⢱⢱⢙⢮⡫⡟⣞⢮⣳⠙⣿
⠊⣿⣯⠪⡊⠄⢅⠂⢂⠁⢇⢇⢃⠂⢕⠐⠌⡲⡰⡡⣇⠇⢇⢕⠪⠉⠂⠅⠂⡑⠹
⣸⢿⣳⢱⠨⡐⡽⡿⡶⡾⡬⡢⢂⠅⡢⢡⣌⠐⠈⢎⢎⢎⢔⠠⠡⠠⠠⠡⡁⡂⠡
⡯⡯⡇⢅⠕⠠⢱⢹⡙⢮⢹⠨⡂⡂⢇⠌⠮⡳⠅⡂⢕⠡⡑⠠⢁⢁⣡⣡⣢⣶⣿
⣗⢽⢌⡢⡡⡡⡸⡢⡣⡣⡱⡑⠔⡈⢎⢆⢂⠂⠅⣢⡳⣽⡐⢅⢂⣊⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣯⢯⢷⢽⢮⢯⣺⣪⢞⡮⣳⢘⠔⢌⢜⣞⣖⣮⣻⢮⣯⢷⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣷⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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I was admitted to the children’s hospital with moderate depression and was discharged with PTSD, a gnarly scars up my forearm, a tremor in my hand, and a foaming-at-the-mouth, passionately burning hatred for Alvin and the Chipmunks.
I was starting a cultlike following that involved everyone in three separate towns so that we could begin the fourth reich to appease daddy hitler but the cops stopped me and gave me a life sentence but me and my cult hid in the woods and we're planning to resurrect 7 nazi corps and hitler himself. Was so traumatizing 😓 but we get to eat raw cow now
When I was in my mid-twenties, I was aggressively dry-humped by my own grandmother in a restaurant parking lot (my post history contains the full context).
##If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/w50xhu/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/w50xhu/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fw50xhu&id=8968e43c) Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit. --- Whilst you're here, 6Kinker6Bell6, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?
In sixth grade I founded a stasi-like organization to eliminate dissenters.
Bro wtf we had elections too but this guy started eliminating opposition leaders at 6th grade💀
Oh no, we didn't have elections. I installed myself as leader through the invention of imaginary points. If people groveld, bowed, gave me gifts, or otherwise acknowledged my superiority they would get points, those who didn't lost points, and at the end of the year whoever had the most would "win". The opposition were those who actively encouraged people against participating.
Mf understood real politics from 6th grade
Wtf bribing? This is real politics
When a mf founds East Germany again
Social credit points
Ya know, weirdest thing, I did almost the exact same thing, but instead of imaginary points I used acorns, and somehow I convinced 4 classes(2 4th grad 2 5th) to follow my orders for a solid half a year until peoples parents stopped them from hoarding the acorns I gave them
In 5th grade we had a war between classes, every class president represented as their leader, it was a disaster
The Germans shall rule all again! 😤
My left ball is sewn in place
Sewn? I'm scared to ask is it like a Caroline situation or like hospital/boring way
Sleepover prank.
"Prank him John!"
HE KNOWS
Surgically
Yawn 🥱
Mine comes off like an actual hardware nut
pocket apparatus cover juggle placid angle deer threatening historical imagine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Mine got castrated and replaced with bakugans
Do they explode if they go near metal?
That's one way to bust a nut
It sucks because I have to remember the right socket size each day because I forgor 💀
Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
sewnballbrothersunite 💪
Mine too
My friends one ball is sewn into place the other one is surgically removed
Me and my brother had secret tickle time on a camping trip
Sounds like an excerpt from a quandale dingle video
My brother wandale bing chingdingle tickled my tip during secret tickle time
Secret tickle time?
this most definitely does not demand further context, we've heard enough
Alabama camp surely
It isn't true if you don't show pictures
I hope you aren't traumatized and are in a dark light mood, better than just a dark one.
he listens to tha music through his healthy surround system, bro doin just fine
Oh hell no.
I fucked a computer
Computussy 🤤
Cumputer 😩
Instructions?
Make a hole in the computer, put your dick inside, cum
Pretty fucking metal
I’d agree. He was most likely fucking metal.
But is he pretty?
Instructions unclear Computer fan went brrrr
and thus the meat stick is no more
plankton
And so the police showed up and took the 7 year old from me😡
It’s your child right?
Right?
**R I G H T?**
We keep hoping it’s his child but what we fail to realize is that this could make it much worse.
#RIGHT???
Why did they do that😢 he was fine chained up in the basement😡
Pringles lid caught on fire my whole hand suddenly enveloped in flames.
What the fuck is a Pringles cloud
It’s like a cloud but made of pringles
I lost a spelling bee one time and had to go to therapy for semi related reasons
Tell
He got hit by semi on the way home.
the word was 'iridocyclitis'
he had to spell negus
I shit my pants 😔
I fapped to your comment bro
Bonk!
Happy cake day
Context?
I was walking, and then I shit my pants 😔
But did you shit your pants😨
Yes 😔
This story was so sad, I came.. 😔
[удалено]
He fegor 😔 (sad fegor)
I've been deeper in the ocean than I've been high in the air.
Malaysian flight 370?
#“Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines flight 103.”
Ffs it actually rhymes
James Cameron ? Is that you ?
Yo that's actually really cool, how?
He went diving once and never went on a plane
Yeah but u just need to go to the 2nd floor of a building and you're already higher than I've been deep
I just have to stand on my bed or something
ive been deeper in your mum
Wow, surprised that autom*d didn’t answer you.
I was once a dumb kid, but since I got electrocuted by shoving my finger in the socket I had gotten better grades and a larger awareness of the world.
I did that once too 🤓
same
me too tought i still dumb 😞
slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. Proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder limbo in with your head, and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. when you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Almost felt like she was alive
🤨
W H A T
What do you mean by that 🤨
I knew I couldn't trust the chickens
POV: you're Mr. Tweedy from the hit movie chicken run
Wow! I love the hot movie: Chicken Run which was directed by Nick Park and Peter Lord!
-and then I shot Hitler.
Your a good man.
Wait.... i know you
You're making a mistake
I'm with the Thieves guild
I can make all your problems with the guards go away. But it'll cost you. What do you say?
Johnny Hitler is that you?
. . but Hitler shot Hitler.... wait.... it can't be
you are my hero
We should make a statue of you 👍
Sniper Elite DLC pog
I laughed at a 9/11 presentation featuring falling victims
I did the same but with a Chinese protestor getting shot in my history class
There was a Chinese protester in your classroom, and someone was shooting them?
Too soon
Mfs when Uvalde memes:Ok Mfs when 9/11: Too soon ?????
I remember I was in french class and my French teacher loved also teaching french culture and once he was showing pictures of french famines and a kid in the class went "that baby looks dead" and he just goes "because it is" I started laughing so hard because the baby looked like Radioheads the Bends album cover. But he went on too explain why it was dead and it all made sense at the end of the day.
My greatest injury happened while i was singing about waluigi
I complimented a monkey drawing which was conveniently placed on the desk of a black student.
One sentence before disaster
A single comma is the difference between a compliment and racism
"bro can I copy your face" "you mean my homework right?"
So that's the story how I got an Optimus prime stuck in my ass.
Are we talking core class scale, or voyager class scale?
Maybe even leader class 😳
My first kiss was right after I have been attacked by a boar
my first kiss was when... oh... wait... it wasn't 😔 Edit: but I ate boar sausage 😏
Dont worry pal one day you will find the one you love and you'll both kiss... or you can just hire a hooker but having your first from a hooker is cringe
So I was sitting there, barbecue sauce on my tities.
You win
BRB gotta get my chicken stick ... for the dipping sauce
The homie watched me get rejected and then proceeded to make a Marvel reference
I am sorry little one
Uh, that just happened.
I ran a black market trade in my middle school despite actively discouraging said market
My balls were in my mouth
***You've done something all men have tried atleast twice in their lifetime...***
They claimed I shit the bed, it wasnt me.
It was Amber
am i the only one who fantasies about amber pooping in my bed? we love you amber ever since i heard that our queen poops the bed it's all i can think about. j*hnny was so lucky to have a woman like her... too bad he turned out to be a sexist abusive incel and completely destroyed any chances of that ever happening to him again edit: thank you for the gold kind stranger! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What du fuck?? Those automods are wild as hell
I woke up in the middle of the road, running as my mom pulled me by the arm, yelling at one of four incoming pickup trucks: "don't shoot, whe are just tourists on a family trip". I was 7 and it took me over 20 years to process it.
I pissed in a 12 year old boy's bottom drawer...after I fucked his mom.
burnt my ass and broke my thumb
Shoving your thumb up your ass with furious speeds
i made a penis door in minecraft once actually twice, there were 2 prototypes
I (f34) am pregnant with twin boys and my husband (m34) told me that he was dead set on naming our sons "notch" and "jeb" I know most of you are probably unaware, but these are the names of two of the people who created minecraft. My husband is a big minecraft fan and builds stuff on the game a lot and has minecraft posters, he even said he wants to play minecraft with his Sons. I told my husband that I want to give our children regular names, not after minecraft because they are not objects, and my husband got really defensive about it saying that he should be able to choose because he is their father and I never gave any name suggestions. I will never name my children after minecraft because I don't want them to get bullied and feel like it's dehumanizing to name them after a game. I told my husband that I'd rather get a divorce than name our kids after minecraft and he got really angry and raised his voice. I'm pregnant and my hormones maybe made me really emotional because I started crying. A few hours after that, we calmed down and I asked him again and he said he will for sure name the kids "notch" and "jeb" AlTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Instructions?
Me and the UN army have different opinions about the appropriate way to talk to a pigeon
okay so basically there's this guy and uhh ⠀⠀⠘⡀ HOG RIDAAAAAA ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠑⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⢈⠩⢙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⠠⠀⠀⠨⠐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢐⠐⠌⡌⢄⢐⢈⠔⡝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⡀⠐⡀⢁⠈⠐⠱⠑⡑⠈⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢗⠀⠀⠐⡠⡛⠔⡁⢜⡔⡬⢎⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠁⠀⠄⢂⠈⠂⢂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⠩⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠐⠁⠓⠒⠒⢀⠁⢐⢝⢟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠫⠡⠡⠨⢀⠂⠠⠀⠀⢁⠑⡱⠛⠗⡓⢂⠠⢸⢸⢨⠣⡝⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢏⢐⢁⠊⢌⠐⡈⠄⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠑⠈⠀⢄⢕⠸⡨⠪⡪⡘⣻⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢂⠂⡂⠅⡂⠅⡐⠨⢐⠐⠠⠠⡀⢄⠠⡠⡡⡱⡐⠕⢌⢊⢆⢣⢒⠽⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⠣⢂⠂⠄⠡⠐⠐⠈⠌⡐⠨⡈⠢⠨⡂⢌⢂⠆⡪⠨⡊⠂⡂⠢⢡⣢⣣⡣⣍⢿⣿ ⠨⢂⢂⠁⡀⠀⠀⠁⠐⠈⠐⠈⢈⠈⠐⡀⠄⠁⠌⠈⠔⣄⡀⠠⡑⡂⠆⠢⢂⠑⠽ ⡨⠐⠀⠀⠀⢠⡎⡀⠀⠀⠄⠈⡀⠌⠐⠠⠈⠄⡁⠂⡀⡫⠑⣑⠀⢂⠌⠄⢕⠀⠨ ⠺⡪⠢⡀⠀⠞⢇⢂⠀⠂⡀⠠⠀⠄⠁⠌⠨⠀⢄⠢⡁⢂⢿⡟⡀⠀⠈⠈⡀⠂⣰ ⢀⢀⠀⠄⠀⠀⡐⠀⡈⠄⡐⠅⡊⠌⢌⠄⡕⡑⡁⢂⠂⢂⠸⣿⡄⠀⠈⣠⣴⣿⣿ ⢐⠔⠠⠀⠀⡐⠠⢈⠢⢑⠄⠑⢈⠊⡂⡱⢁⣂⢌⢔⢌⢄⠀⠹⢀⣺⡿⣟⢿⣿⣿ ⢀⠡⠁⠂⠐⠠⠈⠄⢈⠠⢈⢢⡣⣗⠕⠄⣕⢮⣞⣞⣗⣯⢯⡷⡴⣹⡪⣷⣿⣿⣿ ⠊⠄⠠⠠⠡⠈⠠⢐⠠⡊⡎⣗⢭⢐⠹⡹⣮⡳⡵⣳⣻⢾⣻⣽⣻⣺⣺⣽⣿⣿⣿ ⣨⣾⢐⠰⠐⠅⡂⡂⢕⢜⢜⢵⢹⢑⢔⠨⢘⠸⡹⡵⣯⣻⢽⣳⣻⣺⢞⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡔⠠⢈⠐⠐⢠⢱⢸⢸⢸⢸⠰⡡⢘⢔⢕⠝⢮⣳⢽⢝⡾⡵⡯⣏⠯⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣗⢅⢢⠠⠡⠢⡱⡑⡕⡕⢅⠣⡊⢨⢪⡣⡣⡂⡬⡳⢽⢽⢽⢽⣞⣧⠙⣿⣿ ⡻⣿⡯⡪⠢⡡⠡⢑⢌⠪⡪⡊⠆⢌⠪⢐⢕⢱⢱⢱⢱⢱⢙⢮⡫⡟⣞⢮⣳⠙⣿ ⠊⣿⣯⠪⡊⠄⢅⠂⢂⠁⢇⢇⢃⠂⢕⠐⠌⡲⡰⡡⣇⠇⢇⢕⠪⠉⠂⠅⠂⡑⠹ ⣸⢿⣳⢱⠨⡐⡽⡿⡶⡾⡬⡢⢂⠅⡢⢡⣌⠐⠈⢎⢎⢎⢔⠠⠡⠠⠠⠡⡁⡂⠡ ⡯⡯⡇⢅⠕⠠⢱⢹⡙⢮⢹⠨⡂⡂⢇⠌⠮⡳⠅⡂⢕⠡⡑⠠⢁⢁⣡⣡⣢⣶⣿ ⣗⢽⢌⡢⡡⡡⡸⡢⡣⡣⡱⡑⠔⡈⢎⢆⢂⠂⠅⣢⡳⣽⡐⢅⢂⣊⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣯⢯⢷⢽⢮⢯⣺⣪⢞⡮⣳⢘⠔⢌⢜⣞⣖⣮⣻⢮⣯⢷⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣷⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I fell off a bridge and my mother laughed
Lol mine was that i almost lost my right eye and my grandpa just laughed at me while everyone was panicking
We are brothers in comedic injuries
My ass was once penetrated by a corn stalk.
Reminds me of my buddy Keith
Ellis ?
My uncle slapped me with an eel
Was the eel okay?
ok quandale dingle
In 5th grade, me and ozzy osbourne went backstage with coke
All she saw was me holding a blood filled towel over my little 9 year old right eye.
i fart on my sisters face
Nice
I also fart on your sisters face
why
When I was seven I placed a nail face up on the floor so my brother would step on it barefoot
My mom once told me to not throw a grenade at my brother
My neutered dad blows up a condom and pokes me with it as my younger sibling is complaining about wanting more of those balloons.
I have a certain amount of things somewhere
39 buried, 0 found
i grafted tomato plant on potato plant
Chow mien and a destroyed microwave
And then I tasted a small bit of the dog poop I found on the roadside
For a period of time, I could fully drink from a straw without using my mouth. (Not my nose.)
Le PP
Tracheotomy?
I was admitted to the children’s hospital with moderate depression and was discharged with PTSD, a gnarly scars up my forearm, a tremor in my hand, and a foaming-at-the-mouth, passionately burning hatred for Alvin and the Chipmunks.
And then they all got mad because I was apparently racist and bigoted and “deserved praising for the rest of my life”, friggin casuals
A few weeks after graduating high school I got sick and the doctors revealed to me I was living with cancer for up to a year
bird shit with water tastes like normal water
Rolled my head on the rough sharp road after falling off a vehicle
I horsed a cats with a paraplegic ant
Microwave go mmmmmmmm
A stone mask
Is that a fucking JOJO REFERENCE??!!!!!?!!!!!
I mooned the whole school during an assembly in 2nd grade
I was starting a cultlike following that involved everyone in three separate towns so that we could begin the fourth reich to appease daddy hitler but the cops stopped me and gave me a life sentence but me and my cult hid in the woods and we're planning to resurrect 7 nazi corps and hitler himself. Was so traumatizing 😓 but we get to eat raw cow now
That's two sentences.
192.168.1.1
That's a router...
11.082" N 2° 18' 28.606" E Sorry bro wrong coords/ip Heres yours
No those panties aren’t mine.
I stared at a toothpaste box for so long it looked like Photoshop.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I was aggressively dry-humped by my own grandmother in a restaurant parking lot (my post history contains the full context).
The first time I died traumatized me for decades, until the second time I died helped me to see how mundane it is.
I used to slap kids in elementary school
My skepticism about ghosts ended the day I actually saw one and was so terrified I couldn't scream.
I had to lie to the armed soldiers at the checkpoint and say I was an Australian.
When I was 12, I used to masturbate in the public jacuzzi even while other people were in there with me.
I spent the rest of my school day in 3rd grade without my underwear
I'm a convicted felon with a 6 figure job and no college degree.