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Ok-Fondant2536

Nearly all movies would be pointless, if the villain had sex or knew how to masturbate.


Casual-Swimmer

Turns out the true Disney villain is NNN


ThreeLeggedMare

What's that


ThereBeM00SE

No Nut November, the goal is to not orgasm for the entire month.


ThreeLeggedMare

Ah damn I messed it up I've just been avoiding almonds


Human-Boob

Did the lack of Almonds make you orgasm less? It’s all part of the challenge.


ShillBot666

Even worse almonds aren't actually even *true nuts,* they're drupes.


ThreeLeggedMare

Jizz on the stand under oath, now that's a true nut


Guba_the_skunk

It's also very unhealthy, as masterbation helps prevent prostate cancer.


Aggressive_South3949

It doesn't. The body can remove excess sperm on its own. Sperm also contains tremendous amounts of proteins, minerals and vitamins needed for organism.


Guba_the_skunk

>organism Wanna have another go at that? Also: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/ejaculation_frequency_and_prostate_cancer#:~:text=Compared%20to%20men%20who%20reported,testing%20were%20taken%20into%20account. 2022 study says you are wrong.


bigbutterbuffalo

Lol the bro above you really said we out here losing tremendous minerals


Beginning-Abalone-58

Jokes on them, mine are mostly micro-plastics


Comfortable_Sky_9203

Hank Schrader approves


Guba_the_skunk

Even if that were true, which... Come on... Jerking it also burns somewhere between 100-150 calories, so im addition to preventing prostate cancer it also acts as a micro-workout.


ItalnStalln

Do it a handful, hehe, amount of times per day and it's not so micro anymore, Brenda! I think I lost my train of thought there


Hetares

That's why I always tell her to swallow.


Human-Boob

You’re allowed to Coom without telling people how healthy it is. We all do it, you don’t need to convince us to do it more.


DJHott555

In the words of Neil Gaiman after being told he can’t include gooning in The Sandman because that doesn’t exist in the DC universe, “that explains a lot.”


Top-Mousse-9641

Remember when they wanted to have Batman going down on Catwoman in the Harley Quinn show, but they couldn’t because DC said “heroes don’t do that” so I started hanging out at the legion of doom more


BustinArant

#*MEANWHILE AT THE LEGION OF DOOM*


Illithid_Substances

Like hell Superman isn't taking advantage of his lung capacity, speed and precision


Reddragon351

Green Arrow has on page eaten out Black Canary and this proves he's the better rich superhero


punnotfound

Nearly all history would be pointless, if the generals, presidents, dictators, etc. knew how to masturbate.


XVUltima

"I use selfies for all of my MASTURBATING!"


IshyTheLegit

Incel representation⁉️


atlhawk8357

I'm concerned how it would the movie would change if Cruella DeVille got laid.


ItalnStalln

They'd just do it on a pile of fur coats


Ancient_Lab7162

Masturbation is a SIN


EnigmaFrug2308

Fuck you. *The Lion King*


Ok-Fondant2536

If Scar had his own female harem to hump around beforehand, he wouldn't kill Mufasa.


EnigmaFrug2308

💀💀


bigbutterbuffalo

Mufasa did be hogging all the strange to himself


Jiffletta

Nearly all. The Boys just proved Homelander knows how to masturbate.


AccomplishedAct6208

Because he think masturbate is a sin, but "fuck" her would not.


flcinusa

Every sperm is sacred


DistantShores5151

Life begins at cum


Inprobamur

If you hit someone in the balls you become a mass murderer.


Trapizza

It's just pulpy holy water


Godzilla-1995

Every sperm is great


Jiffletta

If a sperm is wasted, god gets quite irate.


Manji86

That'd be okay in his mind and by his faith if he forced her into marriage.


Ake-TL

Catholic priests can’t marry, can they?


BoojumG

No, but in the Disney film Frollo isn't a priest. He's a judge, the Minister of Justice. Maybe Disney Frollo would have tried to force a marriage on her. That said, in the original book he is clergy (Archdeacon of Notre Dame) and that doesn't stop him from attempting to rape Esmeralda anyway. Also in the book Esmeralda is hanged and dies.


GiverOfTheKarma

And Quasimodo withers away into dust or something


BoojumG

Only after he'd been dead for a long time embracing Esmeralda's corpse. So it's OK, it's not like he needed those bones.


NoodletheTardigrade

Frollo’s an Archdeacon, and deacons are allowed to marry


BoojumG

I thought the rule was that they can *be* married but can't *get* married once they're a deacon. But I could easily be wrong there. Also I'm even less aware of Catholic church policies in 15th-century France than I am of modern ones.


NoodletheTardigrade

I just looked it up, and that seems right


BoojumG

Yeah I did some looking up too and I think that started with the Second Vatican Council in the 1960s. Great callout on deacons being different from priests in this regard.


Kiaz33

Obviously you say it as a joke, but it's even more fucked up than that. He knows that having sex with esmerelda is a sin, but in his villain song, he explains how it's not his fault and says esmerelda is tempting him on purpose. He is straight up saying It's ok for him to rape esmerelda because she was asking for it. God will forgive him because she was an evil temptress, and he was just a humble man who fell into her trap. Actual psychotic shit.


Numerous1

But god made the devil so much stronger than a man do. Come on bro. He’s totally in the clear. You heard the song. 


simonwales

"I conducted a spiritual investigation and found I did nothing sinful."


zoor90

I apologize for posting an actual movie detail here but in the song the red robed figures are chanting "Confiteor" or the prayer of confession (even if you don't understand Latin you can probably make out "mea culpa". Essentially, they are confessors trying to get Frollo to recognize that harboring violent sexual fantasies about a complete stranger is a grievous sin but so long as Frollo acknowledges his error and repents he will be forgiven. How does Frollo respond: he says it's not his fault, he's utterly blameless and that it's really God's fault that he wants to rape a woman.  I know there is a whole circlejerk over how dark a Disney film Hunchback is but Hellfire is genuinely a song that the more you look into it, the more disturbing it is. 


flaccomcorangy

Okay, what? Hunchback was a movie I missed growing up, but what exactly is going on in this movie?


CatDude55

Ok so there’s this really deformed guy called Quasimodo, who was raised by his abusive father Judge Frollo, pictured here. Quasimodo gets a crush on the gypsy Esmeralda, and the two become friends. Judge Frollo really wants to have non-consensual sex with Esmeralda, so he tries to get the guards to capture her, including the captain of the guard, Phoebus. Phoebus and Esmeralda fall in love, and run away to hide with Quasimodo when Frollo gets all pissed. Quasi realizes that he is not an incel, and that he doesn’t need women to love himself. Frollo begins to fucking burn Paris to the ground in an attempt to find Esmeralda. The three team up and beat the shit out of Frollo.


NoNo_Cilantro

Who the hell teaches how to masturbate?! I learned by myself, it’s a basic instinct (1992)


WeekendBard

I did it wrong, my peepee hurt


Repost_Hypocrite

You mashed it didn’t you


DummyDumDragon

Gail the Snail?


EnigmaFrug2308

Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew.


Twixanity

r/unexpectedlotr


thomstevens420

I’m 30 years old mom, I’m sexually active


banan-appeal

is that doing it wrong???


iamanemptychair

Yes, unless you’re kinky


rouserfer

It’s not a bop-it!


ItalnStalln

It's bop it extreme!


EUCulturalEnrichment

"Sometimes, i pull on it so hard, I rip the skin!"


kurai_tori

Someone got Rick as their hormone monster "grind that pepper, give your salad some kick"


maroonedpariah

We live in an Apocalypse Now (1979)


blizzard2798c

This bit makes me wanna join a Suicide Squad (2016)


Silver-creek

Enough (2002)


flaccomcorangy

Do Batman and Robin (1997) make an appearance in that movie?


Hydroel

They apocalypse now?


maroonedpariah

They Apocalypse now.


hampsterfarmer

1992, where was your local Catholic priest ?


Xaga-

I actually didn't knew it back then and a "friend" teached me how to. He's also to blame on my taste in men


somesthetic

The film American Pie taught me how. First you put you dick in a sock, look at Shannon Elizabeth naked, then put your dick in a pie. Then you and someone from SCTV eat the pie together.


Amaterasu_Junia

The kids in these comments are too young to appreciate the genius of this comment.


mizeny

Has to still be in top 5 best disney songs of all time I'm not kidding


Substantial-Star-779

Top 5 best Disney animated movies in general. Its so underrated


Supergupo

Honestly, if it wasn't for the gargoyles, it'd arguably be a top 5 animated movie period. Absolutely Incredibles (2004) movie.


mizeny

You are so correct about the gargoyles. Guess it wouldn't have been much of a kid-friendly marketable film without them though :( but maybe they could've given Esmeralda's goat a little more screen time to make up for it as the "animal companion".


zuben_tell

God I hate the gargoyles so much


eggy54321

Top 3 for me, and maybe top 1 depending on how much you value the symbolism in the animation.


jonathanrdt

This and ‘Mother Knows Best (reprise in the woods)’ from ‘Tangled’. Outstanding dramatic pieces.


PilotNo312

The villain songs are far superior to the other songs in Disney movies


mizeny

Which is a shame because they don't really make them anymore. Not including Wish since that entire film should be forgotten about, I think the last actual villain song made for and sung by a villain was Mother Knows Best? But I'm no disney scholar so I could be forgetting one


autogyrophilia

Are you suggesting that the Catholic Church doesn't have a good trackrecord with sexual education?


EntrepreneurPlus7091

She's too old for their guidebook


richterfrollo

They dont make em like that anymore


Illustrious-Zebra-34

Dude burned a city down because he couldn't get laid. Disney really warned us about incels early on.


origamiscienceguy

Yet he's still only the second best incel villain in an animated kids movie.


DKCR3

Nah he’s the best imo, although Titan from Megamind is definitely up there. Syndrome is actually a really good one too.


origamiscienceguy

Syndrome is a man-child, but I wouldn't call him an incel. His motivation wasn't about women or romance. There was that one scene where he kind of tries flirting with Mirage after putting her life on the line, but after she rejects him, he just sort of moves on with his evil scheme, not really dwelling on it.


DKCR3

Oh that’s true, my bad.


[deleted]

So, if he knew how to masturbate, we wouldn't have gotten one of the best Disney songs?


UselessPieceOfPotato

Yes we have to have a horny man to question everything so we can have a banger song


Sandstormink

"...because no one ever taught him what how to masturbate." What how?


OverSpeedClutch

They what how?


godhwin

They hot wow!


Sandstormink

They fly now?


waster1993

Ain't nobody done told him


Sandstormink

Someone needs to told telling them what how it's when where. That'll fix em.


waster1993

Got me a big old hammer for to fix his head.


Jorymo

I still have no idea why this movie was used in Kingdom Hearts


Unleashtheducks

r/nofap


Aiden624

Unbroken gooning streak, you wouldn’t understand


Al3xGr4nt

Paris would have been saved if Esmerelda gave him a handy


EventualOutcome

Who cares if you dont know how to masturbate? Nothing wrong with humping a pillow! 😜


azombieatemyshoelace

He can’t masturbate. That’s a sin and he’s like a priest. It would be spilling the seed.


Decent_Host4983

I always interpreted “this burning desire/is turning me to sin” to be a coded reference to masturbation, myself.


1stltwill

TIL: You can get masturbation lessons.


Tatertotter13

That’s why I’ve never lit so much as a match


30thCenturyMan

Now I’m sitting here thinking… Who taught me how to masturbate? 🤔


DJ_Micoh

Ironic, because Paris normally produces some world class wankers


borisdidnothingwrong

Written this movie came out, one of my mother's co-workers hated it because "Frollo is pushing the gay agenda." My mom hasn't seen the movie, but was intrigued about how a Disney movie about Quasimodo managed to achieve this. A couple of weeks later she asked me about it, and specifically the "Hellfire" song. I told her it seemed to be the actions of a repressed individual who couldn't admit to himself or anyone else that he had sexual desires for a member of the opposite sex, due to the Catholic Church's position on celibacy in the clergy. Then she told me about her co-worker's rant. My reaction was, "if he were pushing the so called 'gay agenda' wouldn't Frollo have been fantasizing about Phoebus? Then they could have had twice the sin, for abandoning Jehovah for the Sun God." Frollo should have just found a nice girl to canoodle with and then gone to confession.


Mickeymcirishman

I mean, he's catholic so he couldn't do it even if he *were* taught how. That's a sinnin' don'chaknow.


Schmallow

Who taught you how to masturbate...? Do people need to be taught how to touch their wangers? Are there fellas out there to whom it just never occurred to tug their snake and see what happens until a professional wanker showed them how to do it?


peezle69

I can show him


tremble58

Nah, Frollo fucks. He just wanted to try some chocolate, you know. Now, Gaston on the other hand...


trouttickler23

Someone taught you?


Darebarsoom

You guess arent getting these twisted people. It's not about sex. It's about power.


Old_Heat3100

Later he went on to become Vice President to Trump