You don't need him back in your life, you need someone to be there for you, even if just in semblance. If he was abusive, then he wasn't good and someone out there can do better for you.
Immediately clocked it as an Alice post just from the title, hello! It's an understandable feeling and one that happens a lot with people in situations like yours but no. You don't need him back in your life :( those feelings should pass with time and (ideally healthy) coping mechanisms/distractions. This will pass. But I'm sorry you're having to go through it rn. Please don't try to contact him at all, it'll be hard but we're rooting for you :)
Please don’t :c
He’s not gonna be good for you, I won’t speak for you but I’m guessing what you need is a constant in your life. And I’m sure you can find lovely friends to be that for you! People who won’t take advantage of you or hurt you. You’re deserving of care and respect.
This. 100% this. This needs to be higher. The idea of someone and how they actually are, are 100% different things and it can be wayyyy too easy (and dangerous) to confuse the two.
Stay away from him why would you go back if he's abusive then why would u go back that is the worst possible thing you could do find a guy who treats you well
To put it bluntly, this is the kind of relationship that leads to self harm, depression, further abuse, or worse. The brain is fucked, everyone here knows that it wants what it wants and generally refuses to be told no.
If you need a relationship, I understand that, but under no circumstances can it be him. I don't know you, but I do know you deserve to be cherished, adored, and loved. That's not what this is.
Weird I stumbled here but might as well say it. I gave up on finding someone in life. But I would never choose a relationship that was cut. There's a reason to your breakup but returning in it is as many said "the worst thing you could do" go cry in bed for feeling lonely hug a pillow and imagine some person or fictional character you really like to calm you, when you are finally calm start thinking rationally.
Simply fill the void you feel currently with something you love equally or even more, maybe family, other friends, games even. It's good to be down on your luck and just reach a breaking point cause that means you will become a better person from it.
This wall of text may be all over the place, but my thoughts are genuine, go find someone else maybe hug your mother or father tell them about it.
Honestly dude? As someone who has had exclusively toxic relationships (i have poor decision making skills apparently), please don't, find someone who actually works for you, feel free to DM to vent or rant or just chat about random crap. Just avoid going back to him, there's thousands of people who are probably perfect for you and willing to give you everything they did without toxicity... I hope you do sort of take this in, because from experience, it'll hurt you more than anything else knowing it's not the same and he hasn't changed...
Look at all the people here saying not to, and not a single person saying to go back to him
Look at all the upvotes to these people saying not to
You have probably 100 people saying its a bad idea
In your past post you said it felt food being called a good whore
Well guess what, you can be called a good whore without being in an abusive relationship
I call my partner a good whore all the time, and he doesnt cut himself, infact ive helped him not cut himself multiple times
Youre worthy of love, and (if you want it) you can have love and get called names that leave you feeling sexually turned on and / or sexually humilated
Please, please, please
Stay away from anyone who is abusive
Stay away from anyone that makes you cut yourself
Atay away from anyone that makes you feel like shit
No. Go play a visual novel. You'll realize that you deserve someone who will love you and truly do all these amazing things with you. Not some abusive piece of work.
Isn't that called trauma bonding or am I connecting a different idea?
If it is,
Breaking a trauma bond can be challenging, but it is possible. Some ways to work on breaking a trauma bond include:
Focusing on the present
Creating space and boundaries
Finding support
Practicing self-care
Developing healthy relationships
Being kind to oneself
(copied from Google)
Overall, forget the abuser (no rush, but don't get back with them) and remember your boundaries that they had crossed and/or abusive behaviors that made you split in the first place. Especially if they begin gaslighting and trying to tempt you back through other manipulative means.
Step back and take a breather. You need to understand the situation. You need to find a way out of this cycle. When you understand the situation it will allow you to find a way out. Talk to someone, anyone. There are plenty of amazing people here that will help you.
Sweetheart, no! No you don’t! That’s just you missing the *affection and intimacy* he provided, not *him* as a person. I don’t know how old you are, but the right person, the person who will love us without abusing us can be found at any point in our lives! My uncle met my aunt at his mid thirties, and he’s now happily married. It’s okay, I understand that you miss the affection and intimacy but PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don’t go back to him! Do NOT, okay? We are here for you. I am here for you. Love you, stay safe, stay silly and stay the fuck away from that man. <3 -Big bro.
What is it with people and going after the worst people? I know a girl who’s in a relationship with a very abusive guy and he fucked up her life,
I know two other guys, they just pump and dump women.
The thing that all these guys have in common are that they’re conventionally attractive, is this truly how women are? Can they not notice?
Dont do it there are plenty of people who arent like that and wouldn't even think about being abusive your a wonderful person that guy your talking about doesn't deserve you
Same i feel you even if he was abusive he probably cared for me right that's why he did all of that.... I just want someone to care and he seems like the only one who would
This entire sub is on fire and needs a therapist/industrial-size teddy bear. I'm worried for you. Abusive guys are not pog, tell me you're not deluding yourself into fetishizing this OP. Bad idea. Soldier onward please, until you find someone who's good to you.
Please for the love of god dont do that to yourself again, it was so hard to get rid of him, and you did great. Dont torture yourself again, literally and metaphorically.
This is what happens with bad people like this. They make you feel loved despite how the treat you. I promise you, this is not the path you life should go down. You are worth so much more than someone who’s gonna abuse you. Find someone who genuinely loves you and will treat you with the respect you deserve
I know the feeling, I had a partner (long distance) who breadcrumbed me for years before I'd had enough, I'm talking 2 messages every 3 months, and never talking about their life, just saying 'hey' or whatever
It can feel suffocating without them, like a part of you is missing, but you will heal, and you'll get over them. I'd recommend throwing yourself into other aspects of your life, like school or work, until you feel ready to move on from them.
You got this kiddo
No the fuck you don't homie. He doesn't really love you if he hurts you and can't recognize your needs. He doesn't see you as a person and you can't fix him. He just loves pretending you're the irl version of whatever his fetish is. You are not that. You are more than that. You are you.
No , why have him , when you have mark anthony bridge kids
https://preview.redd.it/4jxaq0h4427d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd354714e2534570af90aaa2032f7544a10b84eb
Hi, Im a terrible partner and I promise you its a bad idea. Not even joking here, we dont change, not fast. If its anything like me hes mentally ill in ways that will continue to hurt you.
Sorry if I'm being annoying replying too much but, you're allowed to want him, that's okay actually, as long as you keep in mind that it is irrational and shouldn't be acted apon, but the feeling is allowed to be there, because it's understandable. Beating yourself up or telling yourself you shouldn't be feeling it will most likely only make it worse. (This is advice about dealing with OCD/intrusive thoughts I got from CBT but it felt appropriate)
You are not your feelings, you are not your thoughts.
And obviously your med situation defo is not helping this :/
Nobody needs an abusive person who takes advantage of the victim in a relationship.
You may have a lot more lenient boundaries, but don't let manipulation or your desperation blind you when looking for someone.
Ah. Well alright, I see it you two broke up on suboptimal terms then? How about your boundaries, is it just blind desperation here? Since if they were manipulative there's an argument to be made that you shouldn't associate with them anymore even if they check off those two boxes of not just loving you for your physical attributes.
I apologize for the correction, but a river cannot be in denial as it is not capable of exhibiting enough sentience to be "in denial" in the first place.
But if I take this correct, you're in denial? That's alright but still, don't let your current want overpower your need and overall want. You can't fool yourself forever though.
I'm sure you don't have anything on your Tinder about wanting someone manipulative, so why settle for them when they already broke that boundary?
Yall I think this person is karma fishing on this sub. If you look at all of their posts here, they don't respond to ANY comments. None. Even if it has hundreds of comments. They don't respond to even a single one. Looks fishy as fuck.
Either you are fishing or you need serious mental health treatment. I think it's the latter tbh. Get help. Seriously. Get help. This is a self-destructive cycle over and over and over. Take your meds. It sounds like they need to be upped. Get a therapist. If you have one, call them. Talk to your parents or another trusted person. You are leading yourself downhill l. Get help. We are people on the internet we can only do but so much. This is up to you. Venting is fine, but for the love of God, tell someone in your personal life. Please get help. Substance abuse issues, self-image issues, and self-harm all need to be discussed with a professional. Get help.
Posts and then dips, 99% of their posts are concerning subjects that easily spark conversations, but barely if none at all respond to ANY comments providing help or resources or anything. It's odd.
It's also a flip-flop game every single week
"I'm being abused by so and so'
" I left them. Feel proud of me,"
" I miss them. I want to go back,"
"I went back and/or found someone new, and they are abusive."
Doesn't respond to anyone providing insight or even when a mod commented and told them that they did well. Then a few days later makes an equally if not more concerning post.
# get help
We are literally little people in your phone, these are issues that need to be addressed with professionals. Please please please please get help.
At this point, inpatient. Like you seriously qualify for residential even. Bring these issues up over and over until someone does something to help you stop the cycle. I'm not speaking out of my ass here. I have schizophrenia bipolar and bpd. I know how hard it is. I know the cycles and the episodes. Keep reaching out and tell everyone everything, this is dangerous. And the half assed advice you are getting here isn't helping. Im sorry I had to be the real one but someone needed to say it.
No you don't. Stay away from him.
You don't need him back in your life, you need someone to be there for you, even if just in semblance. If he was abusive, then he wasn't good and someone out there can do better for you.
this. you evidently need someone, but you need someone who genuinely cares for you and wants to see you happy.
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Immediately clocked it as an Alice post just from the title, hello! It's an understandable feeling and one that happens a lot with people in situations like yours but no. You don't need him back in your life :( those feelings should pass with time and (ideally healthy) coping mechanisms/distractions. This will pass. But I'm sorry you're having to go through it rn. Please don't try to contact him at all, it'll be hard but we're rooting for you :)
Jfc this happens this much from one guy that you immediately knew? Karma farming drama sub much
Please don’t :c He’s not gonna be good for you, I won’t speak for you but I’m guessing what you need is a constant in your life. And I’m sure you can find lovely friends to be that for you! People who won’t take advantage of you or hurt you. You’re deserving of care and respect.
You miss the Idea of him. Keep him away.
This. 100% this. This needs to be higher. The idea of someone and how they actually are, are 100% different things and it can be wayyyy too easy (and dangerous) to confuse the two.
Yeah, this sounds about right for how I felt about my abusive ex step father for a while, I missed the idea, not the execution
You do not need him back in the slightest
Stay away from him why would you go back if he's abusive then why would u go back that is the worst possible thing you could do find a guy who treats you well
Because I miss him and the way he treated me. I know it’s irrational, but I just felt so wanted when he would use me for his own sick pleasure
To put it bluntly, this is the kind of relationship that leads to self harm, depression, further abuse, or worse. The brain is fucked, everyone here knows that it wants what it wants and generally refuses to be told no. If you need a relationship, I understand that, but under no circumstances can it be him. I don't know you, but I do know you deserve to be cherished, adored, and loved. That's not what this is.
Bro your just Gon go through the same pain again just don't do it for your own sake
Weird I stumbled here but might as well say it. I gave up on finding someone in life. But I would never choose a relationship that was cut. There's a reason to your breakup but returning in it is as many said "the worst thing you could do" go cry in bed for feeling lonely hug a pillow and imagine some person or fictional character you really like to calm you, when you are finally calm start thinking rationally. Simply fill the void you feel currently with something you love equally or even more, maybe family, other friends, games even. It's good to be down on your luck and just reach a breaking point cause that means you will become a better person from it. This wall of text may be all over the place, but my thoughts are genuine, go find someone else maybe hug your mother or father tell them about it.
Honestly dude? As someone who has had exclusively toxic relationships (i have poor decision making skills apparently), please don't, find someone who actually works for you, feel free to DM to vent or rant or just chat about random crap. Just avoid going back to him, there's thousands of people who are probably perfect for you and willing to give you everything they did without toxicity... I hope you do sort of take this in, because from experience, it'll hurt you more than anything else knowing it's not the same and he hasn't changed...
Look at all the people here saying not to, and not a single person saying to go back to him Look at all the upvotes to these people saying not to You have probably 100 people saying its a bad idea In your past post you said it felt food being called a good whore Well guess what, you can be called a good whore without being in an abusive relationship I call my partner a good whore all the time, and he doesnt cut himself, infact ive helped him not cut himself multiple times Youre worthy of love, and (if you want it) you can have love and get called names that leave you feeling sexually turned on and / or sexually humilated Please, please, please Stay away from anyone who is abusive Stay away from anyone that makes you cut yourself Atay away from anyone that makes you feel like shit
Don’t do that if you left him but I now understand why people do this
No. Go play a visual novel. You'll realize that you deserve someone who will love you and truly do all these amazing things with you. Not some abusive piece of work.
Nah.
Nuh uh!
Nope no you don’t you’re amazing and better off without him
You do not need him.
Isn't that called trauma bonding or am I connecting a different idea? If it is, Breaking a trauma bond can be challenging, but it is possible. Some ways to work on breaking a trauma bond include: Focusing on the present Creating space and boundaries Finding support Practicing self-care Developing healthy relationships Being kind to oneself (copied from Google) Overall, forget the abuser (no rush, but don't get back with them) and remember your boundaries that they had crossed and/or abusive behaviors that made you split in the first place. Especially if they begin gaslighting and trying to tempt you back through other manipulative means.
No, I don’t think you do
No. No you don’t.
Step back and take a breather. You need to understand the situation. You need to find a way out of this cycle. When you understand the situation it will allow you to find a way out. Talk to someone, anyone. There are plenty of amazing people here that will help you.
Nooooo! Nooooo! You have a luxury I don’t! Stay away from him whoever he is! I’m stuck living in constant fear of my brother until I turn 18!!!
Art: [https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/104096409](https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/104096409)
Nah uh
Sweetheart, no! No you don’t! That’s just you missing the *affection and intimacy* he provided, not *him* as a person. I don’t know how old you are, but the right person, the person who will love us without abusing us can be found at any point in our lives! My uncle met my aunt at his mid thirties, and he’s now happily married. It’s okay, I understand that you miss the affection and intimacy but PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don’t go back to him! Do NOT, okay? We are here for you. I am here for you. Love you, stay safe, stay silly and stay the fuck away from that man. <3 -Big bro.
No pls dont, trust me no company is better than bad company. plus im more than sure youll find someone good for you.
No you don't
No tf you don't
No you don't, it's not worth it
What is it with people and going after the worst people? I know a girl who’s in a relationship with a very abusive guy and he fucked up her life, I know two other guys, they just pump and dump women. The thing that all these guys have in common are that they’re conventionally attractive, is this truly how women are? Can they not notice?
I’ll be here for you
Dont do it there are plenty of people who arent like that and wouldn't even think about being abusive your a wonderful person that guy your talking about doesn't deserve you
I’d reflect on that feeling and what you need about him. Surely there are other of people who could provide it.
Same i feel you even if he was abusive he probably cared for me right that's why he did all of that.... I just want someone to care and he seems like the only one who would
If you try to get back with him I'll be sad
You want the good half of the human warmth and compassion back. Not him.
Nooooo. That is a bad idea. Don't EVER go back to an abuser
If he was abusive no you don't!
https://preview.redd.it/ed6mng8mgv6d1.jpeg?width=822&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f45bb54359c44714ebe3e0e6e643317090d00a4
Please don't
This entire sub is on fire and needs a therapist/industrial-size teddy bear. I'm worried for you. Abusive guys are not pog, tell me you're not deluding yourself into fetishizing this OP. Bad idea. Soldier onward please, until you find someone who's good to you.
No he’s bad forget him. Run and never look back
Real (I’m gonna kms)
you will never heal by going back to what broke you
Please for the love of god dont do that to yourself again, it was so hard to get rid of him, and you did great. Dont torture yourself again, literally and metaphorically.
No. Declined.
No it isn't worth it, please don't. All it does is hurt you so please don't. Keep yourself safe. 👍
No
This is what happens with bad people like this. They make you feel loved despite how the treat you. I promise you, this is not the path you life should go down. You are worth so much more than someone who’s gonna abuse you. Find someone who genuinely loves you and will treat you with the respect you deserve
No, just no. A shitty person is a shitty person you'll find someone better, one who treats you better *
You dont miss them, you miss the way you felt back then sweetie 🥺
You don't.
No you don't
I feel that. i dont know whats wrong with me i have someone better ;-;
Please don't, I hope your doing ok/will do ok <3
Haha mood
Yeet it straight into prison
please don't, as an aside I love godoka
she would want you to be truly happy, without suffering.
YOU DO NOT
No stop. Bad
Mika, mind telling me what you are doing on Reddit?
Nuh uh
You say what now?!
Stay far far away from em bud find someone who will actually love you
Not a therapist, but it sounds like you need validation and you're deriving it from having a boyfriend.
Nopenopenopenope idc who he is stay away from him
I know the feeling, I had a partner (long distance) who breadcrumbed me for years before I'd had enough, I'm talking 2 messages every 3 months, and never talking about their life, just saying 'hey' or whatever It can feel suffocating without them, like a part of you is missing, but you will heal, and you'll get over them. I'd recommend throwing yourself into other aspects of your life, like school or work, until you feel ready to move on from them. You got this kiddo
No you need to find someone better, I have my experience
no you damn dont
i have ben in many abusive relationships and it is not worth it nomater what
I knew who was posting form just the title But srs you do not need him
Yeah u don't need him blud
Bro I’ll pay you to not get back with your abuser
It's way Better to keep abusive people away trust me on this you don't need him
You don’t need him. If he’s abusive, stay away. Get therapy.
No the fuck you don't homie. He doesn't really love you if he hurts you and can't recognize your needs. He doesn't see you as a person and you can't fix him. He just loves pretending you're the irl version of whatever his fetish is. You are not that. You are more than that. You are you.
No you don't you're better than an him you should stay as far away from him as possible
Imagine dating someone, isn't that like fictional? I've never experienced it so I wouldn't know
No , why have him , when you have mark anthony bridge kids https://preview.redd.it/4jxaq0h4427d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd354714e2534570af90aaa2032f7544a10b84eb
Nope don't do it
stay far away for him, do not engage, you can find somebody who isn't abusive, I promise!
You need to decide for yourself wether you prefer being lonely, or miserable with someone else.
No you dont
You don't need him, you need someone to love you.
No you dont
Same here but I shouldn’t take care
Hi, Im a terrible partner and I promise you its a bad idea. Not even joking here, we dont change, not fast. If its anything like me hes mentally ill in ways that will continue to hurt you.
The people here are right, but if you aren’t convinced by them, then I guess go and learn the hard way.
I know I shouldn’t want him, but I do
Sorry if I'm being annoying replying too much but, you're allowed to want him, that's okay actually, as long as you keep in mind that it is irrational and shouldn't be acted apon, but the feeling is allowed to be there, because it's understandable. Beating yourself up or telling yourself you shouldn't be feeling it will most likely only make it worse. (This is advice about dealing with OCD/intrusive thoughts I got from CBT but it felt appropriate) You are not your feelings, you are not your thoughts. And obviously your med situation defo is not helping this :/
Lmao I feel this energy (I don’t have an abusive ex, but I desperately need someone in my life)
Nobody needs an abusive person who takes advantage of the victim in a relationship. You may have a lot more lenient boundaries, but don't let manipulation or your desperation blind you when looking for someone.
You rather need God.
look at OP’s post history, this is just endless engagement farming
Yes it is, I've called it out as well
sad that a majority of the posts in this sub are just shit like this for attention
Same I need my manipulative bf back!
I doubt that, trauma bonding as well? Or something more along the lines of desperation to be admired?
Bit of both they were also the only ex who didn't use my body cause they liked my accent and used me for sex or just used me for sex
Well, you left them for some reason. Why was that?
Well ... I never left a partner as per they broke up with me all over text
Ah. Well alright, I see it you two broke up on suboptimal terms then? How about your boundaries, is it just blind desperation here? Since if they were manipulative there's an argument to be made that you shouldn't associate with them anymore even if they check off those two boxes of not just loving you for your physical attributes.
Nah I'm a river in the nile :3
I apologize for the correction, but a river cannot be in denial as it is not capable of exhibiting enough sentience to be "in denial" in the first place. But if I take this correct, you're in denial? That's alright but still, don't let your current want overpower your need and overall want. You can't fool yourself forever though. I'm sure you don't have anything on your Tinder about wanting someone manipulative, so why settle for them when they already broke that boundary?
I don't use tinder so like....
Yall I think this person is karma fishing on this sub. If you look at all of their posts here, they don't respond to ANY comments. None. Even if it has hundreds of comments. They don't respond to even a single one. Looks fishy as fuck.
I don’t really know how to respond to people but I read basically every comment
Either you are fishing or you need serious mental health treatment. I think it's the latter tbh. Get help. Seriously. Get help. This is a self-destructive cycle over and over and over. Take your meds. It sounds like they need to be upped. Get a therapist. If you have one, call them. Talk to your parents or another trusted person. You are leading yourself downhill l. Get help. We are people on the internet we can only do but so much. This is up to you. Venting is fine, but for the love of God, tell someone in your personal life. Please get help. Substance abuse issues, self-image issues, and self-harm all need to be discussed with a professional. Get help.
Posts and then dips, 99% of their posts are concerning subjects that easily spark conversations, but barely if none at all respond to ANY comments providing help or resources or anything. It's odd.
It's also a flip-flop game every single week "I'm being abused by so and so' " I left them. Feel proud of me," " I miss them. I want to go back," "I went back and/or found someone new, and they are abusive." Doesn't respond to anyone providing insight or even when a mod commented and told them that they did well. Then a few days later makes an equally if not more concerning post.
This cycle happened many times in my life and this is the first cycle I posted about ._.
# get help We are literally little people in your phone, these are issues that need to be addressed with professionals. Please please please please get help.
I already go to therapy every week and see a psychiatrist Idk what more I can do atp
At this point, inpatient. Like you seriously qualify for residential even. Bring these issues up over and over until someone does something to help you stop the cycle. I'm not speaking out of my ass here. I have schizophrenia bipolar and bpd. I know how hard it is. I know the cycles and the episodes. Keep reaching out and tell everyone everything, this is dangerous. And the half assed advice you are getting here isn't helping. Im sorry I had to be the real one but someone needed to say it.
You're right tho, you're making some good points. I'll be a bit more sceptical in the future.
Your parents need to take away your access to the internet for like a year.
:3
No, nuh uh, you dont, stop that, bad idea