Probably more than I realize. Having to people please a lot right now with a new job because I cannot be myself around them. It’s a small family company, so no HR, I’d be fired or treated very harshly. But I’ve been laid off twice in two years and no one’s responding to my applications so I gotta hang onto this menial job while I can.
I've lost self-respect, self-love, confidence and my sanity. The only thing I gained was the knowledge that most people are ego-centric and easy to manipulate by pleasing em. But I'd rather have a peaceful stress-free life than be associated with those people again.
I'm still not there yet. I still have those people pleasing moments I can't help but at least I know now to set boundaries.
Oh wow! What a timely post. My whole weekend was taken up by this issue. People pleasing is in my DNA and has been for most of my adult life.
I’ve had to go on vacation or on trips to cities on my own because I don’t want to be distracted by attempting to please everyone. My family will tell me not to worry and just do whatever I feel I want to do but when it’s so well hardcoded, it’s very difficult to switch off. It can lead to resentment and anger.
I should be taking it easy at work as well, as I’m approaching my 60s. However, in order to please people who have said they would feel stranded without my help and support, I cannot take that step and detach myself from things to do with work.
I have no answers to this
Oh, I have a gain! I gained the absolute WORST sunburn of my life, 2nd degree on my upper thighs, because I didn't speak up for myself/stepmom dynamics. We ended up staying 5 hours at a pool day, at the literal only set of pool chairs sans umbrella. As a translucent ginger with medical issues my max is 1.5-2 hours outside in shade even with SPF 50+. A part of me died that day and probably will literally die sooner from skin cancer, the burn was that bad haha. Now in any situation I tell my husband our code phrase "hey I need an umbrella" if I can't speak up for what I actually need.
I've lost being proud of myself.
I've gained being behind the DJ booth with Benny Benassi once because I was able to flatter the opening DJ into letting me in behind there before he came on.
I lost my true personality and self respect for a while in college trying to seem like a cool generic party guy.
I think that made me gain more self respect than I had before.
Lost the ability for people (particularly my family) to actually separate me from the things I do for them (my worth equates how helpful and nice I am to them) and I gained a lot of guilt for things that aren't my fault or whenever I try to set boundaries.
Myself. Frustration
Yep, this for me. I've lost myself. My identity.
well i try to see it like I’ve gained a ton of new different identities lmao ~cries~
Probably more than I realize. Having to people please a lot right now with a new job because I cannot be myself around them. It’s a small family company, so no HR, I’d be fired or treated very harshly. But I’ve been laid off twice in two years and no one’s responding to my applications so I gotta hang onto this menial job while I can.
I don’t do it anymore but lost= identity, youth, opportunity gained= resilience and introspection
I am an asshole. I lost so much.
Lost everything, gained nothing
same. hope we both have brighter days ahead ❤️
Lost: dignity, self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem which were already low... Gained : N O T H I N G.
I have lost my comfort and joy. I have gained a feeling of safety that people will not verbally attack me. I have gained superficial friends.
How did you change? I feel like my life is looking like that right now.
To change you have to put down boundaries and enforce them.
Opportunities, hope, a future I looked forward to. Regret.
I have lost lots of money, but I’ve gained lots of lessons learned
I lost putting myself before others. And I have gained experience, an ability to read people
I've lost self-respect, self-love, confidence and my sanity. The only thing I gained was the knowledge that most people are ego-centric and easy to manipulate by pleasing em. But I'd rather have a peaceful stress-free life than be associated with those people again. I'm still not there yet. I still have those people pleasing moments I can't help but at least I know now to set boundaries.
Sounds like you’re actually leveling up while gaining a better understanding human nature and yourself.
Oh wow! What a timely post. My whole weekend was taken up by this issue. People pleasing is in my DNA and has been for most of my adult life. I’ve had to go on vacation or on trips to cities on my own because I don’t want to be distracted by attempting to please everyone. My family will tell me not to worry and just do whatever I feel I want to do but when it’s so well hardcoded, it’s very difficult to switch off. It can lead to resentment and anger. I should be taking it easy at work as well, as I’m approaching my 60s. However, in order to please people who have said they would feel stranded without my help and support, I cannot take that step and detach myself from things to do with work. I have no answers to this
Oh, I have a gain! I gained the absolute WORST sunburn of my life, 2nd degree on my upper thighs, because I didn't speak up for myself/stepmom dynamics. We ended up staying 5 hours at a pool day, at the literal only set of pool chairs sans umbrella. As a translucent ginger with medical issues my max is 1.5-2 hours outside in shade even with SPF 50+. A part of me died that day and probably will literally die sooner from skin cancer, the burn was that bad haha. Now in any situation I tell my husband our code phrase "hey I need an umbrella" if I can't speak up for what I actually need.
I feel so fake when I do that and I cant be truly happy or comfy. If I am pleasing someone falsely , then I am always stressed around that person
Why ask the same question repeatedly?
lost my self respect, kept my job (but will forever wonder if i would have kept it anyways)
Lost, my sense of self or what I even like or want anymore. Gained, people shutting up.
I've lost being proud of myself. I've gained being behind the DJ booth with Benny Benassi once because I was able to flatter the opening DJ into letting me in behind there before he came on.
My self esteem. I’ve gained self respect though, I’m done with that shit.
I lost my true personality and self respect for a while in college trying to seem like a cool generic party guy. I think that made me gain more self respect than I had before.
Lost the ability for people (particularly my family) to actually separate me from the things I do for them (my worth equates how helpful and nice I am to them) and I gained a lot of guilt for things that aren't my fault or whenever I try to set boundaries.