My addicted mind tells me alcohol helps coping with my anxiety and depression. It's lying, my mental health has improved immensely since I quit drinking for good.
Same. I have a million reasons why I *should* want to remain sober but the only one actually *keeping* me sober is that all the panic attacks and agoraphobia will come rushing right back if I start drinking regularly ever again.
My anxiety has improved ten fold. I legit used to have agoraphobia. But I went on family vacation this week and ate out every day without any emergency medication!!might seem lame but it was a huge victory for me!
It doesn’t sound lame at all. During the final year of my drinking I basically didn’t leave my apartment because I was afraid to go outside. Eating at a restaurant would have been out of the question unless I was already drunk.
Not the person you asked but just a different take. I actually still feel those feelings. In some ways, my mental health did not improve. What I found was that, I needed to feel things and deal with them, sober, bc in reality the drinking “helped to take the edge off” and I *didn’t have to feel things.* I’ve had to re-learn things like managing anxiety, getting motivated to get up and clean, sleeping and sex. It was definitely worth it, but it was a surprise to me that I had these uncomfortable feelings.
I actually just realized this week that I haven’t planned a vacation, and why. I haven’t scheduled a vacation or a big purchase or a life event sober in basically my entire adult life. I realized that this week, and realized that when I drank, my anxiety would fade away and I would do things like plan fun activities, look at my bank account, make plans, move forward with purchases. I guess I have to barrel through the anxiety now in order to make that stuff happen. 🤷♀️ These sort of realizations surprise me bc I didn’t realize how much I did when I drank, or how it affected me, until I stopped. It’s kind of neat to learn about yourself though.
This! Not to glamorize it, but drinking can help me focus and be productive. (Not all the time, of course). I'm sure I have some sort of undiagnosed ADHD or something - but I would drink a bit to self medicate to help get my sometimes manic self to sit STILL and FOCUS and DO THINGS. Like, it quiets all the other stuff running through my brain and distractions.
Sigh. I have to figure out a way around that. Job applying (currently unemployed) is easier with lower inhibitions and a cloud of fake confidence. But I broke my ankle over a month ago and it isn't healing well, so I've cut back significantly from my drinking to heal.. and, well, doing *anything*. Frustrating, but I guess it's a good time to write a new chapter of life!
Thank you for the honest take on this. I quit for mental health reasons, and I know (logically/objectively) that I *am* feeling better, but also... I'm not. Definitely many things to work through and I've been avoiding the work and then wondering why I don't feel better. It's kinda like my brain/addiction is shouting at me, but what it boils down to is, "I'm miserable, I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas!"
That is so encouraging to hear! I have crazy anxiety / panic attacks - always carry emergency meds with me when I leave the house for even the most basic stuff. Inspiring to hear you could go without! Big victory.
Tell me more please? I used to be a social butterfly and in the last ten years I’ve been unable to socialise or even speak to anyone without a certain level of alcohol and I’m in tears writing this feeling so angry with myself. I really wish I’d never taken a sip of alcohol but at the same time I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t
My understanding of it is that alcohol like any drug has a withdraw when you come off it. Alcohols last about 24 hours from your first drink. One of those symptoms of withdraw is anxiety.
So like for me, I'd get done with work and my anxiety would start to spike. I'd have myself a shot and beer to help "round the edges". That would always turn into more. Rinse, repeat, every day. Turns out that anxiety was a symptom of my body withdrawing from my drinking the night before. Since I've stopped that anxiety has mostly gone away. I still have it occasionally, but I don't have that low level constant feeling of dread I used to. On top of that I'm better able to manage it because my brain chemistry isn't all fucked up.
I'd recommend a book called "Alcohol lied to me" by Craig Beck. He breaks down all those lies we tell ourselves to justify drinking. Its a short read and it really helped me out. Now if I ever get the urge it's easy to understand why and know how it won't help me.
Good luck! I'm sure you are an amazing human without alcohol and I'm sure you will find you like yourself even better!
Me too. I hardly ever have to use my medical leave at work, I’m not wasting all my vacation days on hangovers and panic attacks. I still get depressed sometimes but nothing like what I was dealing with three years ago.
Wish I could report the same. I never felt the crippling depression or anxiety that I have since I quit drinking. Gained weight and can’t stop eating sugar too.
That's the frustrating boat I'm in too.
I didn't start drinking until my late twenties, and I started because my depression and anxiety were nearly unbearable my whole adult life. So I know exactly what my *baseline* is, and I'm in the difficult position of not only having to maintain sobriety (which is hard enough), but to simultaneously try to convince myself that I'm finally going to magically find the cure that has evaded me my entire life.
It hasn't been a fun process.
Yup - I’m there too friend. I did talk to the dr and upped my adhd meds once, and he would up them again but I am kind of waiting it out and trying to make sense of “the new me” and how to kind of navigate feelings bc I haven’t done that in so long. I’m kind of feral.
I’m glad it isn’t just me. My drinking habit definitely helped me escape my mental health. Still working through it. It’s worth it for sure, but facing feelings can be terrible.
I was at a function tonight having s mild dizzy spell / panic attack… had the brief thought, this would go away if u had one.. lies!
I feel like my sanity has retreated to Helms Deep and alcoholism is marching toward the gate
But i will not give in!
Drinking can be a way to self medicate, but it’s a shit way to do it. It’s like trying to distract yourself from the discomfort of a sprained finger by squeezing lemon juice in your eyes. Once the terrible burning in your eyes lessens you notice that finger again, so you run out and get some more fresh lemons for your eyes. It doesn’t really solve anything.
Okay so sounds like there's other factors in your life leading to this. Drinking won't help, not drinking will give you the strength to uncover and eliminate these sources of stress and depression. Only you can really work out what that is for yourself.
I’ve always been depressed. Like insanely, crippling depressed. I started drinking just because I needed something to let me forget I’m alive for a while. And now that I don’t have the outlet to help me forget, I feel like I’m being suffocated by life and I just want out
You're on 85 days!! That's fantastic! I play some games to distract myself. Go for a walk. Do work sometimes. Find a way to go "out" without the damaging, soul crushing effects of alcohol.
Not who you were replying to, but curious-and then what? I work, work out, go for walks, talk to friends, meditate, etc and there are still so many hours left in the day to just think…and get depressed…and just wait for nothing. I’ve been sober for months now and it feels like there is just no point to anything anymore.
I just want to hug you and tell you to hold on. You are loved and you matter. You have 86 days so far! You are an inspiration. I remember seeing people with 30 days and thinking, how can they do that?! I hope you find exactly what you need to feel better.
Yeah everyday I wake up severely depressed and spend hours questioning if my drinking is the root or the cause. By noon I feel fine, then still end up going and doing the same thing over again. Hoping one day soon I can break this cycle but when I get a few days clean if I get slightly depressed I run right back to the drink. I hate this.
My brain tells me that nothing is enjoyable without a drink in my hand. Camping, bowling, dinner, watching a movie, playing a game, a bubble bath? According to my brain, it is impossible to enjoy these things without drinking.
This is the big thing for me. It was never so much that I really thought it was helping me, it was more the fact that my mind twists itself into some weird rosy-tinted nostalgia that it was so fun and relaxing. How I used to watch movies with wine and it was so relaxing and fun! Then I really think about it and remember that it was 4-5 bottles of wine, vomiting, tears, screaming. So glad it’s over.
Ooof this is relatable. I can only hope this feeling goes away with time. The same thing happened with smoking for me but these days I don’t even think about it so hopefully alcohol will be similar. In the meantime NA beers are really helping me out. They seem to placate my brain somewhat lol
It will go away, I promise. It's literally a habit you are breaking with each passing day. The association is so strong at first but it disappears bc of how amazing it is to rawdog those things!!
It’s not just a habit. It’s literally adding dopamine to those activities. Once your brain starts to heal you can start to get dopamine more normally, but it takes a LONG time. That’s one of the reasons it’s so easy to crave that easy dopamine boost to your activities. You’ve got to find things you enjoy on their own and give your brain the time it needs to heal.
Omg, I can so relate to how you expressed this!
At the worst, I needed to have drinks for any activity. If it was somewhere there may not be alcohol (or I would not be able to consume freely) I would pre-game or bring a flask.
That’s horrifying just typing that, that I had let drinking control me to that extent.
I gratefully became alcohol free 9 years ago, and I have learned not only did I not need alcohol to have a good time, not drinking made my life and health so much better I would not want you to ever go back.
Stop drinking, try life alcohol free while you still have this option.
IWNDWYT
This is me. I believed I was happier, lighter, less stressed- maybe I was, a little, but that damn physiological need for equilibrium set me up to be moody, dark and tense at 5 every evening just so I could reset
I was convinced that alcohol made me more personable and outgoing. As an introvert, I thought that it relaxed me and made it easier to be myself, but in reality, drinking was just numbing feelings of inadequacy and making it easier to have superficial conversations that did not lead to lasting connection.
Exact same. I have a week long work trip coming up with all the team/Executives. Charmed the VPs last time because I had that perfect “buzz”.
Then two days later at the event I stumbled to my hotel and lost my work credit card. Luckily nobody saw but safe to say I’m staying sober this trip. Going to wear myself out in the gym before each morning. I get bad physical anxiety, the alcohol made me feel like a superhero with public speaking etc.
I definitely relate to this. I drank 2-3 shots before every interview that I had for my current job (there were 5 rounds). Everyone loved me and I was hired. Instances like this make it really hard to unlearn the belief that I’m only likable when I’m buzzed, due to the seemingly positive reinforcement. However, there have also been way too many times where my drinking has resulted in consequences, even if those consequences haven’t been related to work.
I have always had bad physical anxiety too (I get the shakes when giving presentations or speaking in front of large groups of people). It’s the worst. For high-pressure situations, propranolol has been a game changer for me in alleviating those symptoms, and I don’t get any side effects from it. May be worth looking into - it’s generally well tolerated, and any GP can prescribe it
I'm the exact same way. I've had to learn to be a new person that works through the shakes/anxiety in those moments and it's better on the other side. I'm so much better in social/networking situations sober, I never thought I'd see the day. But it's like discovering your better new identity, and is weird, scary and awkward at first. Sometimes there are still awkward interactions when I'm the only one not drinking at a social gathering. It's ok, it be like that sometimes.
What helps me is scripting out the first few sentences of a presentation and once I get started and am on a roll, the nervousness goes away.
This is me. For whatever reason, that first numbing shot of alcohol puts me in this dreamy spell, but it doesn't last for very long.
Unfortunately, that's the feeling my brain is fixated on when it tells me a drink is a good idea.
This! Also that, because moderate drinking is the “gold standard “ of how to be a human, that I could enjoy moderation.
Nope. I remember white knuckling it through fancy dinners and respectable game nights, counting my sips and thinking so much about how long I told myself I had to wait until I got another drink that I couldn’t pay attention to conversation. I never enjoyed moderation, even in the brief periods when I achieved it, so it’s ridiculous that even part of my brain thinks I want to be a moderate drinker.
Mine tells me I had a lot more fun and was more social when I drank. So hard to not listen sometimes and then I have to remember the other 99 negatives I had to go through in order to be more “fun and social” for a couple hours.
This. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that, yes, every so often I did have responsible, good fun while drinking. But that was the minority; for every 1 good time, I had 9 shitty times. It’s so easy to dwell on the 1 good time, and I feel so confident I can make it happen again. That’s the lie.
I was always one of the last people to stay out. I’m new to sobriety and tonight went home (at 12:30 am!) while everyone else continued on to another bar.
Truth be told I didn’t have nearly as much fun over dinner and the subsequent drinks (I had soda) as I normally would, but I’m also happy that I’ll be in bed by 2am and will wake up refreshed tomorrow. I have a date and some things I want to get done, and I know that my choices tonight will make tomorrow better.
Mine simply distorts everything.
I had a relapse one day where I drank from 10 AM to 2 PM on a Tuesday, didn't have fun, came home mortified my wife would notice, felt stupid as shit and thought "I learned my lesson, never doing that again".
And next Tuesday my mind was trying to convince me to do it again, like it had been great, which it wasn't, on any count. Never fell for it again though.
(I know this is a quitting drinking sub) but I recently quit/significantly cut down on weed & every time I would smoke my brain would trick me into thinking I loved it & enjoyed it but really, my heart would RACE, I became less sociable, more tired, just wanted to be alone. I would even say, hey let’s do it before bed, as a bedtime treat & my brain would tell me it’s a great idea but then I would do it and my heart would race & my mind was all over the place.
And yet, every time I think of it or have a craving, my brain says yes! But I know it’s not a good idea because *I know* I didn’t enjoy it the last time.
Such a wild cycle to break ayyee
Mine tells me there is still a flavourful and cultured side to my love of wine that I’m missing out on. In reality, the last wine tasting I went to, I was black out by 2pm and didn’t learn or ’taste’ a thing. I did coke throughout dinner and woke up wanting to die.
Being able to avoid responsibility in general. I told myself if I got drunk, then I wouldn't have to cook, clean, or go anywhere, I was off the hook for all of it. I would literally use getting wasted as an excuse for not wanting to do anything, even calling out of work because of it.
Almost a year and a half sober and I'm actually kind of enjoying the habit of getting things done around the house, and I absolutely love going on trips with my wife when we can afford it. I feel like I missed out on a lot of time with loved ones, and there's no way I'm going back into that hole.
My addicted mind tells me “it’s Friday, come on go have a drink! It’s gorgeous outside and you can relax and have so much fun!! You gotta have one or else you’re gonna be bored tonight” But last time I fell into this trap I got blackout drunk, did a bunch of drugs and then felt like shit for three days after and looked at my bank account and spent over $400. Sooooo I don’t trust my addicted mind anymore haha.
Yes. The realization that I was seeking a list of things and never getting them was the beginning of the end for me.
And not only was I not getting them, I was actually getting the opposite.
>I will be wasting my money on experiences if I don't drink
This. This was the biggest thing I told myself when I was drinking. Oh, you spent X amount of money to do something? You're only going to enjoy it drunk, otherwise it's a waste!
The only memory of the one hockey game that I went to is nearly getting my ass kicked for stumbling into someone and spilling my Jack & Coke on them... good times.
I am “friendlier” when I drink.
Actually I am just annoying and pushy when I drink. I demand companionship when I drink. I interrupt and over-try to relate when I drink. At the time I felt like I was better able to relate to people. Turns out I was just being obnoxious lol
There's a hell of a lot of anxious/nervous people in this sub who use alcohol to overcome that supposed aspect of themselves.
It's bullshit. The best part of your conversation are the witty, knowledgeable human parts of ourselves
Enjoying holidays more. I'm kinda anxious about Spooky season/Halloween this year.. it's my favorite time of year, but my addicted brain is already working on the "but how can you enjoy all the joys of Spooky season without a drink in your hand ?" b.s. "Like, what is apple cider without whiskey?" I hate the lies. But at least I am able to recognize them as lies now
Yeah, that's a good one. Being snowed in, watching old movies, drinking causally.....
Me in irl would be passed out after 2/3rds a bottle of vodka, shaking and sweating all night long, waking up pukey and most likely with a mild to serious case of alchohol poisoning. Don't remember any movies that were on and certainly not the falling snow. The lie is sooooo pretty sometimes, but addiction/reality always shows up and ruins it.
Nothing. 9 years and 4 months sober. My life has got progressively better and better, I’ve stopped doing the things I used to do that I needed to be drunk to enjoy, I didn’t enjoy them in the first place, the booze just allowed me to bypass my actual personality and fit in with people who actually enjoyed those things.
I don’t like pubs or bars or parties, I like spending time with my partner and my son, I like exercise and cooking nice food, walking and running in nature and listening to podcasts, coffee with a friend or going to the cinema, listening to audiobooks and podcasts.
Being silly in the kitchen with my partner while we cook, laughing like drains.
I don’t need alcohol to enjoy those things, anything I feel like I’m missing out on because of my sobriety wasn’t about the activity, it was about the drinking.
Thank you. I feel like it took me a while in recovery to accept these things about myself. I’m a quiet guy and that’s ok.
You’ll get there, every day you don’t drink is another day where you learnt how to navigate life sober, you got stronger and adapted to new problems.
If you can put your head on the pillow at the end of the day with a sober mind then you’ve won.
And then just do that again tomorrow, before you know it almost a decade has gone by and your life is everything you hoped for when you brokenly decided to put down the bottle.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have anxiety and low days, but the thought that a drink might make things better never enters my mind. I know what alcohol does to me and to those that I love.
I remember the mornings waking up in dread, staring at the wall, crying and thinking about ending it all. Now I wake up to my little boy smiling at me and saying “good morning Daddy” getting into bed with me to give me cuddles and bringing me books to read to him, why the hell would I throw that away for a beer.
I am playing another crabs treasure at the moment it's a cutesy soulslike with tough bosses. In a particularly difficult boss battle yesterday my brain started the old " well if you can beat this boss you can have a drink" . Stopped playing the game. If you can't behave, brain, you don't get to do the things you like, fucker.
"Fun! You're always having so much fun when drinking! It's great! You're just always goofing and everything and everyone is having a good time! Yay, fun! It's actually the only way you *can have fun!* Everyone that's ever had fun and will ever have fun or enjoy anything has to be drunk in order to enjoy!" That's what my addict brain says.
I would tell myself I needed a beer to calm my nervous system and not be so overstimulated. Or that a beer would help me if I was getting a migraine (although this true somehow 😹). But now that I’m not drinking I’m much more chill and don’t feel the need to calm myself in that way, I’m able to deal with my life better. Less stress means less migraines too 👌🏼
For me, alcohol relieves, or helps with the following (short-term):
Anxiety. Depression. Socialising. Fun. Boredom. Relaxation. Sleep.
The thing I struggle with most as an alcohol abuser is that so many regular activities that I used to enjoy have absolutely no impact on me anymore.
It's like I've fried my dopamine system to the extent where I can't enjoy anything without sauce running through my veins.
Sober reading? Boring. TV? Boring. Take a walk? Boring. Draw? Boring. Videogames? Boring. Play with the cat or dog? Boring. Hanging out with friends? Boring. Quality time with your partner? Boring.
Unless alcohol (or, for me, at least another mind-altering substance) is involved, I'm bored by default and I'd probably rather just sleep until my next craving.
It's a type of hell, I think. A hell made up entirely of avoidance, compulsion, and desire.
It tells me that I am more fun to be around, and that I have a lot of fun if I drink, but have been noticing lately that that is bullshit! I Always ended in a blackout and in trouble with someone I really care for.
Mine tells me that I'm automatically the funniest person ever when I drink. And then tells me "yeah post that stupid TikTok video, everyone's gonna love it."
And maybe they would if I didn't delete them the moment I sober up even slightly enough to realize I shouldn't post shit lol
It tells me that my drunk mind experiences the world more vividly, appreciates the mundane, is more open to creative impulses from deep down within, takes part in a great, ancient human tradition that it’s almost unnatural to deprive myself of, and that it allows me to relax in a way that’s somehow both totally necessary for my survival but that I’m also incapable of on my own.
I’ve spent weeks chasing those feelings, being ready to drink until they hit, feeling like it’s not enough, not enough, maybe one more drink and I’ll get there… and then suddenly waking up from a blackout. I don’t know what happened but I don’t even enjoy getting drunk anymore, I just feel like I’m “not there yet” up until I suddenly wake up and realized I “missed it”. And then I continue to crave it, the thing that didn’t even make me feel like I wanted to feel, like the urge is completely decoupled from the actual experience. It’s really hard, I still yearn for all of the above even though alcohol hasn’t given it to me in a long time and isn’t the only way to achieve it in the first place.
it made me a less nervous conversationalist, but I don’t like losing some of that control over what I say. There’s the benefits of confidence, but putting my foot in my mouth when I lost some of my coherence wasn’t good. I’d like to be able to stand by what I say, and needing to “take things back” or do embarrassing damage control because I wasn’t thinking straight doesn’t leave a good taste in my mouth.
Yeah, the way I have come to see it now, true confidence is about giving yourself permission to do things, being decisive and quieting the doubting inner voice. When I drank, I was asking alcohol to give me permission and take away doubt, which is not the same as self-confidence - in fact it was always blocking my chance to grow confident in anything. The same is true for anything that alcohol (or any drug for that matter) "gives" me, in deepest consequence it is always taking that very thing away from me. Damn, I am so glad I got off that fucking ride. Iwndwyt
It's a lying bastard, but I have found that it is never the only source of detrimental bs. It is always wrong, but there may be other wrong things flying at you and that's what makes it hard for me. I am an alcoholic but separately I have other issues. As bad as it may seem, sober is often step one or two in a long journey.
I nicknamed my addict voice Charlie the Drunk. TBF, Charlie's right sometimes. Sort of. If I am bored, I can drink my brains out and play video games. They are more entertaining when I am mindless. If I am mad, getting hammered allows me to come up with stupid ideas that I think will work and I feel better. In a very narrow and immediate sense, this stuff works sometimes. Not always of course.
Then there's the slightly longer term view, waking up in the morning. Dehydrated, feeling like crap, high blood pressure, weight gain, a little closer to developing cancer, another step down the staircase of addiction, depressed, anxious. At least I'm still not bored. But I wish I was.
Whenever I hear Charlie's voice in my head suggesting a "good" reason to drink, I say "Hey Charlie. Thanks for the advice. Yeah, that might work in the sort term (or not) but that's not who I am. So that's a no thanks. "
That drinking is therapeutic/stress-relief. In fact, I’m 46 days booze-free, and even though I’m WAY less anxious and more comfortable handling stress than I’ve been in years, my alcoholic brain is STILL convinced that a nice stiff drink would make everything better, at the end of a long day/week or after some shitty news.
That I will miss out on a social life of any kind, which has unfortunately been pretty close to the truth so far.
I’m in my early 30s and my friends that haven’t started having babies (which also makes people disappear) still drink when they go out - not to excess like me, but I can’t be around alcohol right now without wanting to drink and sometimes acting on it. I’ve tried going to get-togethers/parties/holiday celebrations sober and I hated it and was bored and low-level anxious the whole time - not because people were getting wasted (they weren’t) but simply because I am used to drinking on all of those occasions and I feel handicapped without it.
So instead I’ve been spending a lot of time on my own lately (by “lately” I mean at least the past 6 months). I write, I read, I clean, I go for walks, I watch TV and movies. I work full time and I’m married so it’s not like I’m totally alone, but it’s not the same as having a social life like I used to. I also fucked up 2 very important friendships right before I went to rehab last fall when my drinking got REALLY bad in very embarrassing ways, so I have thoughts of that rattling around in my head during all this alone time (“You have no one to blame but yourself for this, and on top of that you’re not even allowed to drink anymore,” etc.).
I dunno, it sucks. Maybe some version of this happens to everyone in their 30s but I certainly never saw it coming and wasn’t prepared for it.
The taste and initial feeling I get with that first sip of wine.
I think my addicted mind is right, and I'm never going to find something comparable. BUT I also know that feeling is not worth feeding my addiction.
Edit: woah I am close to triple digits of sobriety. Yeah I don't want to throw all that work away for a bit of wine.
Child-like joy and happiness... One of the ways I keep myself on track as someone with ADHD is with a big critical disciplinarian yelling at me in my head all the time. At the end of the day or whenever I didn't have to be responsible anymore, or when I wanted to do literally anything fun, I almost always drank, because I felt I needed alcohol to quiet that critical voice.
Now I'm having to learn to have fun and enjoy things without dulling myself, which is not easy, but it is worth it, because the joy is genuine, and I have needed to put a leash on that mean voice in my head for literally decades. Sobriety is all about wisdom and growth, in so many more ways than I expected.
My addicted mind loves the post-workout drink. Forget that protein powder or even water. Just go straight for a nice dehydrating beer. Higher octane? Even better. That will ensure I stay up drinking and get zero sleep. I couldn’t imagine a worse pairing than exercise and alcohol but I justified it as a balanced lifestyle for a very long time.
Same. And my gains suffered. Now I have 1 NA beer after I get home from the gym. Beer isn’t a trigger for me. It just frustrated me because it took too long. NA isn’t for everyone but I love it
I thought it made me more creative. I did do some pretty neat spray paintings while intoxicated but I’ve found I actually enjoy it more sober! Best decision I’ve ever made. IWNDWYT!
At this point, my brain does not tell me I am missing out on alcohol. Sweets like ice cream or cookies at night… I get anxiety thinking about not having them 😂
“Just a half pint, just a miniature, I’ll stop after that”
4 days, several whole pints and a shit ton of bad decisions later and I’m right back to being incapacitated for at least a day. Smfh I fucking hate alcohol.
I guess I have an odd one. It's so I can sleep. I had an extremely traumatic childhood and have had night terrors my entire life. I have insomnia, psychological itching, and I tend to wake up every half hour to hour. When I'm drinking, I fall asleep right away and don't wake up for 6 hours.
I try not to drink too much cause I hate hangovers but basically all sleep meds hyper sedate me that give me a massive hangover (without drinking btw. Never mix the two!).
Getting shit done. Being happier. Eating less. Being more friendly. Making more friends. Being a better parent (as I'm energised , enthusiastic and down for every), I'm more creative, my mind is more relaxed, I'm happier, I'm more confident... Dumb, dumb, dumb, all dumb and all untrue.
It tells me I’ll be more loose and have an easier time talking to women. In truth the only time I’m ever making an impression on a girl is when I’m sober and actually listening to what she’s saying, instead of just being loud and trying to be funny.
When I'm at an event where everyone else is drinking, my social anxiety kicks. My brain would still tell me if drink some wine, it would help me relax & socialize. It probably did help in the past but now I actually remember the conversations and I don't have to worry about getting messy and saying stupid things while drunk.
That it would help me cope with loss. That it was just the way my family gets through deaths or tragedy; by numbing myself with alcohol but in reality I was just pushing my grief to the next day, then the next day, and so on until finally I addressed my grief properly and in a healthy way once I got sober.
Taking the edge off after a long day. Luckily, I still get flashbacks with feelings of great shame after almost 3 years, so I can’t avoid it. I don’t want to add to the files of bad memories in stored my brain.
Being able to “relax” in social situations. I’m pretty quiet and reserved when I’m sober, in particular around new people. Anxious even.
But I’m just shy, and eventually I’ll open up and have more fun with the right people. If I can’t do that without being piss drunk, the people I’m around aren’t people I WANT to be around.
After 7 months of sobriety, I know there is zero benefit and I miss nothing about it, but despite this I still feel shitty about the fact that I just can't do it.
It's been a really long time since I've had a drink. My addicted mind says nothing anymore. He used to get me in the middle of anger. That's what was my downfall. I don't hear from him much anymore, but I watch for that sneaky sonuvabitch CLOSE. I catch most of my tells. I spent 10 years living with a substance abuse counselor. She helped me tremendously and I owe her my life.
I'm a very nostalgic/aesthetic person, and there are certain aspects of drinking that I remember in a romantic way.
Sitting on my best friend's patio during the summer (barefoot, a million plants, spanish moss, string lights, candles), middle of the night, wine drunk, listening to Ella Fitzgerald.
I'm nostalgic for the vibe.
But then I quickly remember the feeling of absolute death I'd have the next day, and the only vibe I want is the peace of a hangover-free morning.
My addiction tells me that:
* it tastes really good
* it makes you happy
* it will take away the stress
* a relaxing evening with a glass of wine, that sounds great
* you can't go to a restaurant without drinking wine, that is not done
* you will seem entitled if you refuse to drink, people don't like that
In reality:
* the taste of wine does not appeal to me anymore at all, neither does beer
* it doesn't make me happy
* tea or decaf coffee take away my stress way better
* a relaxing evening with TEA sounds great
* I can drink whatever I want at a restaurant
* people don't care what I drink
* BONUS: my energy levels are waaaay higher since I don't drink anymore
I’m single, work from home - tells me I’m missing out on socializing/fun
The reality is, I go out and get shitfaced beyond any ability to interact with people on a regular level, waste $100 and then stumble home. And hope I didn’t somehow embarrass myself.
In reality- I’m missing out on feeling like hell and mental torture of the next day… or three days. Lost productivity leading to even more anxiety… negating progress in the gym… feeling of shame, worry, guilt and impending doom…. Hair skin and face looking horrible.. list goes on forever !
Good post. We are like lab rats conditioned to hit the bar to get the treat. I realized, early, that this was the case. I love to barbecue. My whole adult life that cooking process involved beer or bourbon. I remember clearly that feeling of not having a drink in my hand. My mind was in early recovery, and still foggy. I had comfort in the repetition. For whatever reason, at that moment, it became clear: I could enjoy everything without drinking.
I won't be drinking with you today!
That I won’t snap at my family members if I take the edge off with drinking. Turns out that sticking up for myself is more helpful! Alcohol just feeds my resentment.
It’s mostly something to look forward to as a daily habit. Which is ridiculous because drinking alone is just as boring and isolating as watching Netflix just with numerous downsides. Literally anything else is better for me and I’ve been trying hard to keep that at the forefront of my mind when witching hour comes calling. Go outside, walk, gym, dog park, I try to give myself permission to do anything so long as it’s not alcohol. It’s really nice to reflect on those choices and experiences when I crawl into bed sober
Being happy. On days I'm feeling especially down or depressed I know those first couple drinks would make me feel so much better. But it's extremely temporary because those two drinks would turn into 4 which would turn into me acting obnoxious, my family would know I drank and then I'd black out and do and say terrible things before passing out. And my son is old enough now where he would see it all and remember it. I haven't told my son about my past addiction yet and I'd rather he not discover it that way. It's an actual serious conversation I want to have with him when he's a little older.
So I'd rather deal with the emotional ebbs and flows of life than to get that 20 minutes of fake "happiness."
My addicted mind tells me alcohol helps coping with my anxiety and depression. It's lying, my mental health has improved immensely since I quit drinking for good.
Same. In fact, it makes my anxiety worse. That's one of the main reasons I've decided to quit for good.
My terrible anxiety has all but disappeared, it's amazing!
Definitely looking forward to being in that place.
Anxiety is so bad right?
Definitely. So not worth it.
I used to have nightmares like every night, ~170 days later magically no nightmares
That's awesome. Your brain is no longer panicked trying to keep you alive while poisoned
Same. I have a million reasons why I *should* want to remain sober but the only one actually *keeping* me sober is that all the panic attacks and agoraphobia will come rushing right back if I start drinking regularly ever again.
My anxiety has improved ten fold. I legit used to have agoraphobia. But I went on family vacation this week and ate out every day without any emergency medication!!might seem lame but it was a huge victory for me!
That is awesome. I'm so happy for you ❤️
Thank you so much :) it was so nice getting to travel without freaking out!
That is amazing! I'm trying to get where you are!
You will get there! It used to be I couldn't leave the house with a drink or medication now I'm flying across the country not even worrying about it!
It doesn’t sound lame at all. During the final year of my drinking I basically didn’t leave my apartment because I was afraid to go outside. Eating at a restaurant would have been out of the question unless I was already drunk.
Yeah what is that?! It's like I'd freak the fuck out if I wasn't near my space!
How many days into sobriety did it take tl shake those feelings away? I definitely sympathize.. And congrats! Thats a huge accomplishment
Not the person you asked but just a different take. I actually still feel those feelings. In some ways, my mental health did not improve. What I found was that, I needed to feel things and deal with them, sober, bc in reality the drinking “helped to take the edge off” and I *didn’t have to feel things.* I’ve had to re-learn things like managing anxiety, getting motivated to get up and clean, sleeping and sex. It was definitely worth it, but it was a surprise to me that I had these uncomfortable feelings. I actually just realized this week that I haven’t planned a vacation, and why. I haven’t scheduled a vacation or a big purchase or a life event sober in basically my entire adult life. I realized that this week, and realized that when I drank, my anxiety would fade away and I would do things like plan fun activities, look at my bank account, make plans, move forward with purchases. I guess I have to barrel through the anxiety now in order to make that stuff happen. 🤷♀️ These sort of realizations surprise me bc I didn’t realize how much I did when I drank, or how it affected me, until I stopped. It’s kind of neat to learn about yourself though.
This! Not to glamorize it, but drinking can help me focus and be productive. (Not all the time, of course). I'm sure I have some sort of undiagnosed ADHD or something - but I would drink a bit to self medicate to help get my sometimes manic self to sit STILL and FOCUS and DO THINGS. Like, it quiets all the other stuff running through my brain and distractions. Sigh. I have to figure out a way around that. Job applying (currently unemployed) is easier with lower inhibitions and a cloud of fake confidence. But I broke my ankle over a month ago and it isn't healing well, so I've cut back significantly from my drinking to heal.. and, well, doing *anything*. Frustrating, but I guess it's a good time to write a new chapter of life!
Thank you for the honest take on this. I quit for mental health reasons, and I know (logically/objectively) that I *am* feeling better, but also... I'm not. Definitely many things to work through and I've been avoiding the work and then wondering why I don't feel better. It's kinda like my brain/addiction is shouting at me, but what it boils down to is, "I'm miserable, I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas!"
This is the first time I've been able to do it and I'm around 9 months! It just kept getting easier and easier!
Good for you!
That is so encouraging to hear! I have crazy anxiety / panic attacks - always carry emergency meds with me when I leave the house for even the most basic stuff. Inspiring to hear you could go without! Big victory.
This! When I’m anxious, my addicted mind tells me that I can feel better with alcohol. It makes it way worse every time.
Tell me more please? I used to be a social butterfly and in the last ten years I’ve been unable to socialise or even speak to anyone without a certain level of alcohol and I’m in tears writing this feeling so angry with myself. I really wish I’d never taken a sip of alcohol but at the same time I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t
My understanding of it is that alcohol like any drug has a withdraw when you come off it. Alcohols last about 24 hours from your first drink. One of those symptoms of withdraw is anxiety. So like for me, I'd get done with work and my anxiety would start to spike. I'd have myself a shot and beer to help "round the edges". That would always turn into more. Rinse, repeat, every day. Turns out that anxiety was a symptom of my body withdrawing from my drinking the night before. Since I've stopped that anxiety has mostly gone away. I still have it occasionally, but I don't have that low level constant feeling of dread I used to. On top of that I'm better able to manage it because my brain chemistry isn't all fucked up. I'd recommend a book called "Alcohol lied to me" by Craig Beck. He breaks down all those lies we tell ourselves to justify drinking. Its a short read and it really helped me out. Now if I ever get the urge it's easy to understand why and know how it won't help me. Good luck! I'm sure you are an amazing human without alcohol and I'm sure you will find you like yourself even better!
The clarity I have now is amazing compared to the paranoid delusional anxiety I had to deal with on an almost daily basis
Me too. I hardly ever have to use my medical leave at work, I’m not wasting all my vacation days on hangovers and panic attacks. I still get depressed sometimes but nothing like what I was dealing with three years ago.
Oof and this is one of its biggest lies friend
Wish I could report the same. I never felt the crippling depression or anxiety that I have since I quit drinking. Gained weight and can’t stop eating sugar too.
Hang in there. You may have to get medication, but self medcating with alcohol is not the way.
That's the frustrating boat I'm in too. I didn't start drinking until my late twenties, and I started because my depression and anxiety were nearly unbearable my whole adult life. So I know exactly what my *baseline* is, and I'm in the difficult position of not only having to maintain sobriety (which is hard enough), but to simultaneously try to convince myself that I'm finally going to magically find the cure that has evaded me my entire life. It hasn't been a fun process.
Yup - I’m there too friend. I did talk to the dr and upped my adhd meds once, and he would up them again but I am kind of waiting it out and trying to make sense of “the new me” and how to kind of navigate feelings bc I haven’t done that in so long. I’m kind of feral.
I’m glad it isn’t just me. My drinking habit definitely helped me escape my mental health. Still working through it. It’s worth it for sure, but facing feelings can be terrible.
I stop biting my nails when I stop drinking. It's absurd how little I contributed my anxiety then to "just a couple drinks."
I was at a function tonight having s mild dizzy spell / panic attack… had the brief thought, this would go away if u had one.. lies! I feel like my sanity has retreated to Helms Deep and alcoholism is marching toward the gate But i will not give in!
How long did that take? I made it to 8 months sober but I was super super rock bottom depressed and wanted to kill myself so I started drinking again.
Drinking can be a way to self medicate, but it’s a shit way to do it. It’s like trying to distract yourself from the discomfort of a sprained finger by squeezing lemon juice in your eyes. Once the terrible burning in your eyes lessens you notice that finger again, so you run out and get some more fresh lemons for your eyes. It doesn’t really solve anything.
I love this analogy
Okay so sounds like there's other factors in your life leading to this. Drinking won't help, not drinking will give you the strength to uncover and eliminate these sources of stress and depression. Only you can really work out what that is for yourself.
I’ve always been depressed. Like insanely, crippling depressed. I started drinking just because I needed something to let me forget I’m alive for a while. And now that I don’t have the outlet to help me forget, I feel like I’m being suffocated by life and I just want out
You're on 85 days!! That's fantastic! I play some games to distract myself. Go for a walk. Do work sometimes. Find a way to go "out" without the damaging, soul crushing effects of alcohol.
Not who you were replying to, but curious-and then what? I work, work out, go for walks, talk to friends, meditate, etc and there are still so many hours left in the day to just think…and get depressed…and just wait for nothing. I’ve been sober for months now and it feels like there is just no point to anything anymore.
I just want to hug you and tell you to hold on. You are loved and you matter. You have 86 days so far! You are an inspiration. I remember seeing people with 30 days and thinking, how can they do that?! I hope you find exactly what you need to feel better.
Damn. I haven't even started trying yet but I hope it works out for us both.
Yea alcohol gives you horrible anxiety. Like you have 25lbs on your chest at all times
Yeah everyday I wake up severely depressed and spend hours questioning if my drinking is the root or the cause. By noon I feel fine, then still end up going and doing the same thing over again. Hoping one day soon I can break this cycle but when I get a few days clean if I get slightly depressed I run right back to the drink. I hate this.
My brain tells me that nothing is enjoyable without a drink in my hand. Camping, bowling, dinner, watching a movie, playing a game, a bubble bath? According to my brain, it is impossible to enjoy these things without drinking.
This is the big thing for me. It was never so much that I really thought it was helping me, it was more the fact that my mind twists itself into some weird rosy-tinted nostalgia that it was so fun and relaxing. How I used to watch movies with wine and it was so relaxing and fun! Then I really think about it and remember that it was 4-5 bottles of wine, vomiting, tears, screaming. So glad it’s over.
I’ve actually never felt so connected to a comment on Reddit. I’m currently working through this and that made me cry
Man this is how I feel and I can’t get over it
This is the big one. When you all of a sudden realise you can’t actually enjoy all the things you love doing without a drink. It’s really quite sad.
and then after a little while your realise that not only can you still enjoy all those things, but they are way more enjoyable while sober
Or maybe you never really enjoyed it to begin with, it was just an excuse to drink.
Alcohol marketing is that good and pervasive
And cheaper!
Ooof this is relatable. I can only hope this feeling goes away with time. The same thing happened with smoking for me but these days I don’t even think about it so hopefully alcohol will be similar. In the meantime NA beers are really helping me out. They seem to placate my brain somewhat lol
It will go away, I promise. It's literally a habit you are breaking with each passing day. The association is so strong at first but it disappears bc of how amazing it is to rawdog those things!!
It’s not just a habit. It’s literally adding dopamine to those activities. Once your brain starts to heal you can start to get dopamine more normally, but it takes a LONG time. That’s one of the reasons it’s so easy to crave that easy dopamine boost to your activities. You’ve got to find things you enjoy on their own and give your brain the time it needs to heal.
Omg, I can so relate to how you expressed this! At the worst, I needed to have drinks for any activity. If it was somewhere there may not be alcohol (or I would not be able to consume freely) I would pre-game or bring a flask. That’s horrifying just typing that, that I had let drinking control me to that extent. I gratefully became alcohol free 9 years ago, and I have learned not only did I not need alcohol to have a good time, not drinking made my life and health so much better I would not want you to ever go back. Stop drinking, try life alcohol free while you still have this option. IWNDWYT
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By the end of my drinking i didn’t want to be around other people. That’s when it got real dark
This. I was having a chat w a family member last night, they were like "you weren't always more fun, in fact most the time it was the opposite."
This is me. I believed I was happier, lighter, less stressed- maybe I was, a little, but that damn physiological need for equilibrium set me up to be moody, dark and tense at 5 every evening just so I could reset
I was convinced that alcohol made me more personable and outgoing. As an introvert, I thought that it relaxed me and made it easier to be myself, but in reality, drinking was just numbing feelings of inadequacy and making it easier to have superficial conversations that did not lead to lasting connection.
Exact same. I have a week long work trip coming up with all the team/Executives. Charmed the VPs last time because I had that perfect “buzz”. Then two days later at the event I stumbled to my hotel and lost my work credit card. Luckily nobody saw but safe to say I’m staying sober this trip. Going to wear myself out in the gym before each morning. I get bad physical anxiety, the alcohol made me feel like a superhero with public speaking etc.
I definitely relate to this. I drank 2-3 shots before every interview that I had for my current job (there were 5 rounds). Everyone loved me and I was hired. Instances like this make it really hard to unlearn the belief that I’m only likable when I’m buzzed, due to the seemingly positive reinforcement. However, there have also been way too many times where my drinking has resulted in consequences, even if those consequences haven’t been related to work. I have always had bad physical anxiety too (I get the shakes when giving presentations or speaking in front of large groups of people). It’s the worst. For high-pressure situations, propranolol has been a game changer for me in alleviating those symptoms, and I don’t get any side effects from it. May be worth looking into - it’s generally well tolerated, and any GP can prescribe it
I'm the exact same way. I've had to learn to be a new person that works through the shakes/anxiety in those moments and it's better on the other side. I'm so much better in social/networking situations sober, I never thought I'd see the day. But it's like discovering your better new identity, and is weird, scary and awkward at first. Sometimes there are still awkward interactions when I'm the only one not drinking at a social gathering. It's ok, it be like that sometimes. What helps me is scripting out the first few sentences of a presentation and once I get started and am on a roll, the nervousness goes away.
Being able to stop giving a fuck for *just a little bit.* It works, too. The problem is that I **really** stop giving a fuck.
This, sooooo much this.
Relaxation. That first sip feeling. But it doesn't last and makes the night and next day hell. Not worth it ever.
This is me. For whatever reason, that first numbing shot of alcohol puts me in this dreamy spell, but it doesn't last for very long. Unfortunately, that's the feeling my brain is fixated on when it tells me a drink is a good idea.
Try it with a different beverage. For me, I learned that the ritual was important. I now pop open a bottle of topo Chico.
That if I went back to drinking I could moderate my intake which I know is an absolute lie.
This! Also that, because moderate drinking is the “gold standard “ of how to be a human, that I could enjoy moderation. Nope. I remember white knuckling it through fancy dinners and respectable game nights, counting my sips and thinking so much about how long I told myself I had to wait until I got another drink that I couldn’t pay attention to conversation. I never enjoyed moderation, even in the brief periods when I achieved it, so it’s ridiculous that even part of my brain thinks I want to be a moderate drinker.
That one got me on most, if not all, of my previous failed quitting attempts.
Same.
Thinking about trying to moderate is enough to prevent me from drinking in the first place. Moderation is miserable.
Mine tells me I had a lot more fun and was more social when I drank. So hard to not listen sometimes and then I have to remember the other 99 negatives I had to go through in order to be more “fun and social” for a couple hours.
This. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that, yes, every so often I did have responsible, good fun while drinking. But that was the minority; for every 1 good time, I had 9 shitty times. It’s so easy to dwell on the 1 good time, and I feel so confident I can make it happen again. That’s the lie.
I was always one of the last people to stay out. I’m new to sobriety and tonight went home (at 12:30 am!) while everyone else continued on to another bar. Truth be told I didn’t have nearly as much fun over dinner and the subsequent drinks (I had soda) as I normally would, but I’m also happy that I’ll be in bed by 2am and will wake up refreshed tomorrow. I have a date and some things I want to get done, and I know that my choices tonight will make tomorrow better.
Nothing compares to waking up fresh as a daisy every morning after a good night's sleep. No drink or buzz compares.
Mine simply distorts everything. I had a relapse one day where I drank from 10 AM to 2 PM on a Tuesday, didn't have fun, came home mortified my wife would notice, felt stupid as shit and thought "I learned my lesson, never doing that again". And next Tuesday my mind was trying to convince me to do it again, like it had been great, which it wasn't, on any count. Never fell for it again though.
(I know this is a quitting drinking sub) but I recently quit/significantly cut down on weed & every time I would smoke my brain would trick me into thinking I loved it & enjoyed it but really, my heart would RACE, I became less sociable, more tired, just wanted to be alone. I would even say, hey let’s do it before bed, as a bedtime treat & my brain would tell me it’s a great idea but then I would do it and my heart would race & my mind was all over the place. And yet, every time I think of it or have a craving, my brain says yes! But I know it’s not a good idea because *I know* I didn’t enjoy it the last time. Such a wild cycle to break ayyee
This is true for me too!
1000% for me with weed too. It’s fucked.
had a similar experience quitting nicotine a few years ago. i still have lingering thoughts when i smell cigs/vapes about how nice it would be
Same and glad you shared this!
Glamour. I know I look like shit from drinking- but the romanticized glamorization of alcohol really gets me.
It's lies. Fed by billions of dollars of advertising by evil companies who don't care if you die.
“I mean this is fun, but if you had a beer, it would be ten times better.” STFU brain, you’re a god damn junkie liar.
Mine tells me there is still a flavourful and cultured side to my love of wine that I’m missing out on. In reality, the last wine tasting I went to, I was black out by 2pm and didn’t learn or ’taste’ a thing. I did coke throughout dinner and woke up wanting to die.
Same! The snob in me loves the culture of wine. I feel like I’m missing out on a huge party of a fancy dinner if I’m not getting the wine pairing.
Meee tooo
Being able to avoid responsibility in general. I told myself if I got drunk, then I wouldn't have to cook, clean, or go anywhere, I was off the hook for all of it. I would literally use getting wasted as an excuse for not wanting to do anything, even calling out of work because of it. Almost a year and a half sober and I'm actually kind of enjoying the habit of getting things done around the house, and I absolutely love going on trips with my wife when we can afford it. I feel like I missed out on a lot of time with loved ones, and there's no way I'm going back into that hole.
My addicted mind tells me “it’s Friday, come on go have a drink! It’s gorgeous outside and you can relax and have so much fun!! You gotta have one or else you’re gonna be bored tonight” But last time I fell into this trap I got blackout drunk, did a bunch of drugs and then felt like shit for three days after and looked at my bank account and spent over $400. Sooooo I don’t trust my addicted mind anymore haha.
My mind keeps telling me that if I’m going to suffer regardless, I may as well give in.
I relate. Great job on 150 days! Oh and great name 👍
I thought it was easing my mind LOL
Lol. God...this.
It tells me it will numb the noise.
That I'll have a good time and that it will relieve my anxiety. Which is all true, but only temporarily, and I'll have to pay it back with interest.
That I'll be nicer to people, able to socialize more, kinder
Yes. The realization that I was seeking a list of things and never getting them was the beginning of the end for me. And not only was I not getting them, I was actually getting the opposite.
I told myself it helped me sleep and helped me release unprocessed trauma with all the crying I would do when drunk. 😬🤦🏻♀️
Hi, are you me? 🫠 I also did this!
That the pain will go away (physical and emotional). Sober 6 months after having a relapse after 10 years of sobriety.
>I will be wasting my money on experiences if I don't drink This. This was the biggest thing I told myself when I was drinking. Oh, you spent X amount of money to do something? You're only going to enjoy it drunk, otherwise it's a waste!
I have so much regret from concerts that are just a blur because I drank tooo much.
The only memory of the one hockey game that I went to is nearly getting my ass kicked for stumbling into someone and spilling my Jack & Coke on them... good times.
I never thought about this but you’re right
I am “friendlier” when I drink. Actually I am just annoying and pushy when I drink. I demand companionship when I drink. I interrupt and over-try to relate when I drink. At the time I felt like I was better able to relate to people. Turns out I was just being obnoxious lol
OMG I think this is me!
My mindset is “Oh this would be so much funnier if i had a drink” with literally any outing or activity
Mine tells me that we can deal with any uncomfortable situation as long as there is a glass of wine in my hand. Yeah, right!
Fun. That it will be boring without it.
It tells me I’ll be *less* awkward in social situations. I cringe thinking back on times when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
There's a hell of a lot of anxious/nervous people in this sub who use alcohol to overcome that supposed aspect of themselves. It's bullshit. The best part of your conversation are the witty, knowledgeable human parts of ourselves
That I'm confident. That I'm better socially, less awkward
Enjoying holidays more. I'm kinda anxious about Spooky season/Halloween this year.. it's my favorite time of year, but my addicted brain is already working on the "but how can you enjoy all the joys of Spooky season without a drink in your hand ?" b.s. "Like, what is apple cider without whiskey?" I hate the lies. But at least I am able to recognize them as lies now
Yeah I over-romanticize the idea of mulled wine during a snowstorm.
Yeah, that's a good one. Being snowed in, watching old movies, drinking causally..... Me in irl would be passed out after 2/3rds a bottle of vodka, shaking and sweating all night long, waking up pukey and most likely with a mild to serious case of alchohol poisoning. Don't remember any movies that were on and certainly not the falling snow. The lie is sooooo pretty sometimes, but addiction/reality always shows up and ruins it.
Nothing. 9 years and 4 months sober. My life has got progressively better and better, I’ve stopped doing the things I used to do that I needed to be drunk to enjoy, I didn’t enjoy them in the first place, the booze just allowed me to bypass my actual personality and fit in with people who actually enjoyed those things. I don’t like pubs or bars or parties, I like spending time with my partner and my son, I like exercise and cooking nice food, walking and running in nature and listening to podcasts, coffee with a friend or going to the cinema, listening to audiobooks and podcasts. Being silly in the kitchen with my partner while we cook, laughing like drains. I don’t need alcohol to enjoy those things, anything I feel like I’m missing out on because of my sobriety wasn’t about the activity, it was about the drinking.
You are exactly what I want to be
Thank you. I feel like it took me a while in recovery to accept these things about myself. I’m a quiet guy and that’s ok. You’ll get there, every day you don’t drink is another day where you learnt how to navigate life sober, you got stronger and adapted to new problems. If you can put your head on the pillow at the end of the day with a sober mind then you’ve won. And then just do that again tomorrow, before you know it almost a decade has gone by and your life is everything you hoped for when you brokenly decided to put down the bottle. Don’t get me wrong, I still have anxiety and low days, but the thought that a drink might make things better never enters my mind. I know what alcohol does to me and to those that I love. I remember the mornings waking up in dread, staring at the wall, crying and thinking about ending it all. Now I wake up to my little boy smiling at me and saying “good morning Daddy” getting into bed with me to give me cuddles and bringing me books to read to him, why the hell would I throw that away for a beer.
I am playing another crabs treasure at the moment it's a cutesy soulslike with tough bosses. In a particularly difficult boss battle yesterday my brain started the old " well if you can beat this boss you can have a drink" . Stopped playing the game. If you can't behave, brain, you don't get to do the things you like, fucker.
"Fun! You're always having so much fun when drinking! It's great! You're just always goofing and everything and everyone is having a good time! Yay, fun! It's actually the only way you *can have fun!* Everyone that's ever had fun and will ever have fun or enjoy anything has to be drunk in order to enjoy!" That's what my addict brain says.
people will like me more, i’ll be more fun … based on my experience 8 days ago i know it’s a lie, but it still creeps back in
Feeling fucking awesome. When I drank every day, it did feel awesome. Not so much any more.
I miss red wine. When we went out, I didn’t care where we went as long as they had wine.
That I won't be bored with my life, that I can handle mass anxiety when going out.
I would tell myself I needed a beer to calm my nervous system and not be so overstimulated. Or that a beer would help me if I was getting a migraine (although this true somehow 😹). But now that I’m not drinking I’m much more chill and don’t feel the need to calm myself in that way, I’m able to deal with my life better. Less stress means less migraines too 👌🏼
For me, alcohol relieves, or helps with the following (short-term): Anxiety. Depression. Socialising. Fun. Boredom. Relaxation. Sleep. The thing I struggle with most as an alcohol abuser is that so many regular activities that I used to enjoy have absolutely no impact on me anymore. It's like I've fried my dopamine system to the extent where I can't enjoy anything without sauce running through my veins. Sober reading? Boring. TV? Boring. Take a walk? Boring. Draw? Boring. Videogames? Boring. Play with the cat or dog? Boring. Hanging out with friends? Boring. Quality time with your partner? Boring. Unless alcohol (or, for me, at least another mind-altering substance) is involved, I'm bored by default and I'd probably rather just sleep until my next craving. It's a type of hell, I think. A hell made up entirely of avoidance, compulsion, and desire.
Anti-boredom for me
It tells me that I am more fun to be around, and that I have a lot of fun if I drink, but have been noticing lately that that is bullshit! I Always ended in a blackout and in trouble with someone I really care for.
Nothing. I have been sober over 41 years. No reason to change now.
I finally am not listening to it. It says some off the wall stuff about enjoying things more and nostalgia. Who knows, that’s drugs for y
Mine tells me that I'm automatically the funniest person ever when I drink. And then tells me "yeah post that stupid TikTok video, everyone's gonna love it." And maybe they would if I didn't delete them the moment I sober up even slightly enough to realize I shouldn't post shit lol
Post 1 am shenanigans.
The numbing of my massive anxiety and brain weasels
It tells me that my drunk mind experiences the world more vividly, appreciates the mundane, is more open to creative impulses from deep down within, takes part in a great, ancient human tradition that it’s almost unnatural to deprive myself of, and that it allows me to relax in a way that’s somehow both totally necessary for my survival but that I’m also incapable of on my own. I’ve spent weeks chasing those feelings, being ready to drink until they hit, feeling like it’s not enough, not enough, maybe one more drink and I’ll get there… and then suddenly waking up from a blackout. I don’t know what happened but I don’t even enjoy getting drunk anymore, I just feel like I’m “not there yet” up until I suddenly wake up and realized I “missed it”. And then I continue to crave it, the thing that didn’t even make me feel like I wanted to feel, like the urge is completely decoupled from the actual experience. It’s really hard, I still yearn for all of the above even though alcohol hasn’t given it to me in a long time and isn’t the only way to achieve it in the first place.
Pooping. But reality is, it was so unhealthy to always have the shits from alcohol, and it's taking my body a while to adjust
it made me a less nervous conversationalist, but I don’t like losing some of that control over what I say. There’s the benefits of confidence, but putting my foot in my mouth when I lost some of my coherence wasn’t good. I’d like to be able to stand by what I say, and needing to “take things back” or do embarrassing damage control because I wasn’t thinking straight doesn’t leave a good taste in my mouth.
Yeah, the way I have come to see it now, true confidence is about giving yourself permission to do things, being decisive and quieting the doubting inner voice. When I drank, I was asking alcohol to give me permission and take away doubt, which is not the same as self-confidence - in fact it was always blocking my chance to grow confident in anything. The same is true for anything that alcohol (or any drug for that matter) "gives" me, in deepest consequence it is always taking that very thing away from me. Damn, I am so glad I got off that fucking ride. Iwndwyt
The taste oddly lol
That I’m not as likable and funny without my dose
A buzz
Makes me able to better deal with my self hatred and never ending disappointment in the man I’ve become.
It's a lying bastard, but I have found that it is never the only source of detrimental bs. It is always wrong, but there may be other wrong things flying at you and that's what makes it hard for me. I am an alcoholic but separately I have other issues. As bad as it may seem, sober is often step one or two in a long journey.
Being able to escape. Escaping from reality by drinking is what I'm "missing out" on by not drinking.
I nicknamed my addict voice Charlie the Drunk. TBF, Charlie's right sometimes. Sort of. If I am bored, I can drink my brains out and play video games. They are more entertaining when I am mindless. If I am mad, getting hammered allows me to come up with stupid ideas that I think will work and I feel better. In a very narrow and immediate sense, this stuff works sometimes. Not always of course. Then there's the slightly longer term view, waking up in the morning. Dehydrated, feeling like crap, high blood pressure, weight gain, a little closer to developing cancer, another step down the staircase of addiction, depressed, anxious. At least I'm still not bored. But I wish I was. Whenever I hear Charlie's voice in my head suggesting a "good" reason to drink, I say "Hey Charlie. Thanks for the advice. Yeah, that might work in the sort term (or not) but that's not who I am. So that's a no thanks. "
Mine tells me I’m more fun when I drink. I’m not. I make things weird when I have a few too many (and one always used to lead to too many).
That drinking is therapeutic/stress-relief. In fact, I’m 46 days booze-free, and even though I’m WAY less anxious and more comfortable handling stress than I’ve been in years, my alcoholic brain is STILL convinced that a nice stiff drink would make everything better, at the end of a long day/week or after some shitty news.
I don't have to be a piece of shit tonight, I could be a fun person that people enjoy being around.
That I will miss out on a social life of any kind, which has unfortunately been pretty close to the truth so far. I’m in my early 30s and my friends that haven’t started having babies (which also makes people disappear) still drink when they go out - not to excess like me, but I can’t be around alcohol right now without wanting to drink and sometimes acting on it. I’ve tried going to get-togethers/parties/holiday celebrations sober and I hated it and was bored and low-level anxious the whole time - not because people were getting wasted (they weren’t) but simply because I am used to drinking on all of those occasions and I feel handicapped without it. So instead I’ve been spending a lot of time on my own lately (by “lately” I mean at least the past 6 months). I write, I read, I clean, I go for walks, I watch TV and movies. I work full time and I’m married so it’s not like I’m totally alone, but it’s not the same as having a social life like I used to. I also fucked up 2 very important friendships right before I went to rehab last fall when my drinking got REALLY bad in very embarrassing ways, so I have thoughts of that rattling around in my head during all this alone time (“You have no one to blame but yourself for this, and on top of that you’re not even allowed to drink anymore,” etc.). I dunno, it sucks. Maybe some version of this happens to everyone in their 30s but I certainly never saw it coming and wasn’t prepared for it.
Honestly my mind tells me I’m not actually alone … I drink and feel totally fine being alone
Living in the moment, it’ll shut down my ADHD brain.
The taste and initial feeling I get with that first sip of wine. I think my addicted mind is right, and I'm never going to find something comparable. BUT I also know that feeling is not worth feeding my addiction. Edit: woah I am close to triple digits of sobriety. Yeah I don't want to throw all that work away for a bit of wine.
It tells me I need it to cure boredom or anxiousness, when in fact it makes both worse.
Child-like joy and happiness... One of the ways I keep myself on track as someone with ADHD is with a big critical disciplinarian yelling at me in my head all the time. At the end of the day or whenever I didn't have to be responsible anymore, or when I wanted to do literally anything fun, I almost always drank, because I felt I needed alcohol to quiet that critical voice. Now I'm having to learn to have fun and enjoy things without dulling myself, which is not easy, but it is worth it, because the joy is genuine, and I have needed to put a leash on that mean voice in my head for literally decades. Sobriety is all about wisdom and growth, in so many more ways than I expected.
My addicted mind loves the post-workout drink. Forget that protein powder or even water. Just go straight for a nice dehydrating beer. Higher octane? Even better. That will ensure I stay up drinking and get zero sleep. I couldn’t imagine a worse pairing than exercise and alcohol but I justified it as a balanced lifestyle for a very long time.
Same. And my gains suffered. Now I have 1 NA beer after I get home from the gym. Beer isn’t a trigger for me. It just frustrated me because it took too long. NA isn’t for everyone but I love it
I thought it made me more creative. I did do some pretty neat spray paintings while intoxicated but I’ve found I actually enjoy it more sober! Best decision I’ve ever made. IWNDWYT!
At this point, my brain does not tell me I am missing out on alcohol. Sweets like ice cream or cookies at night… I get anxiety thinking about not having them 😂
“Just a half pint, just a miniature, I’ll stop after that” 4 days, several whole pints and a shit ton of bad decisions later and I’m right back to being incapacitated for at least a day. Smfh I fucking hate alcohol.
I guess I have an odd one. It's so I can sleep. I had an extremely traumatic childhood and have had night terrors my entire life. I have insomnia, psychological itching, and I tend to wake up every half hour to hour. When I'm drinking, I fall asleep right away and don't wake up for 6 hours. I try not to drink too much cause I hate hangovers but basically all sleep meds hyper sedate me that give me a massive hangover (without drinking btw. Never mix the two!).
Getting shit done. Being happier. Eating less. Being more friendly. Making more friends. Being a better parent (as I'm energised , enthusiastic and down for every), I'm more creative, my mind is more relaxed, I'm happier, I'm more confident... Dumb, dumb, dumb, all dumb and all untrue.
It tells me I’ll be more loose and have an easier time talking to women. In truth the only time I’m ever making an impression on a girl is when I’m sober and actually listening to what she’s saying, instead of just being loud and trying to be funny.
When I'm at an event where everyone else is drinking, my social anxiety kicks. My brain would still tell me if drink some wine, it would help me relax & socialize. It probably did help in the past but now I actually remember the conversations and I don't have to worry about getting messy and saying stupid things while drunk.
Oh my gosh - so true. I am not the one slurring anymore.
Relaxing
It tells me that everything is more fun and without it a lot of inherently relaxing or enjoyable things will be boring or feel like chores.
That it would help me cope with loss. That it was just the way my family gets through deaths or tragedy; by numbing myself with alcohol but in reality I was just pushing my grief to the next day, then the next day, and so on until finally I addressed my grief properly and in a healthy way once I got sober.
Taking the edge off after a long day. Luckily, I still get flashbacks with feelings of great shame after almost 3 years, so I can’t avoid it. I don’t want to add to the files of bad memories in stored my brain.
That I would make more friends. But I tend to forget that the next day after making a drunk friend you rarely if ever call them up or become buddies
To wind down when feeling stressed. It’s only temporary and then the stress returns doubled with anxiety.
Being able to “relax” in social situations. I’m pretty quiet and reserved when I’m sober, in particular around new people. Anxious even. But I’m just shy, and eventually I’ll open up and have more fun with the right people. If I can’t do that without being piss drunk, the people I’m around aren’t people I WANT to be around.
After 7 months of sobriety, I know there is zero benefit and I miss nothing about it, but despite this I still feel shitty about the fact that I just can't do it.
Boredom… I don’t know what else to do after the kids have gone to sleep
That I can’t socialize without it. That I’m boring and left out.
Literally just boredom. I hate it but when the bottle is away I can actually enjoy life
Experiences with friends. I don’t remember my experiences when I drank though so…
I believe it numbs my anxiety, boredom and depression. It enhances my good moods. It’s all lies tho.
That I can finally reply to all those texts I received this week.
“You won’t think about work for the rest of the night”.
It's been a really long time since I've had a drink. My addicted mind says nothing anymore. He used to get me in the middle of anger. That's what was my downfall. I don't hear from him much anymore, but I watch for that sneaky sonuvabitch CLOSE. I catch most of my tells. I spent 10 years living with a substance abuse counselor. She helped me tremendously and I owe her my life.
I'm a very nostalgic/aesthetic person, and there are certain aspects of drinking that I remember in a romantic way. Sitting on my best friend's patio during the summer (barefoot, a million plants, spanish moss, string lights, candles), middle of the night, wine drunk, listening to Ella Fitzgerald. I'm nostalgic for the vibe. But then I quickly remember the feeling of absolute death I'd have the next day, and the only vibe I want is the peace of a hangover-free morning.
My addiction tells me that: * it tastes really good * it makes you happy * it will take away the stress * a relaxing evening with a glass of wine, that sounds great * you can't go to a restaurant without drinking wine, that is not done * you will seem entitled if you refuse to drink, people don't like that In reality: * the taste of wine does not appeal to me anymore at all, neither does beer * it doesn't make me happy * tea or decaf coffee take away my stress way better * a relaxing evening with TEA sounds great * I can drink whatever I want at a restaurant * people don't care what I drink * BONUS: my energy levels are waaaay higher since I don't drink anymore
I’m single, work from home - tells me I’m missing out on socializing/fun The reality is, I go out and get shitfaced beyond any ability to interact with people on a regular level, waste $100 and then stumble home. And hope I didn’t somehow embarrass myself. In reality- I’m missing out on feeling like hell and mental torture of the next day… or three days. Lost productivity leading to even more anxiety… negating progress in the gym… feeling of shame, worry, guilt and impending doom…. Hair skin and face looking horrible.. list goes on forever !
Good post. We are like lab rats conditioned to hit the bar to get the treat. I realized, early, that this was the case. I love to barbecue. My whole adult life that cooking process involved beer or bourbon. I remember clearly that feeling of not having a drink in my hand. My mind was in early recovery, and still foggy. I had comfort in the repetition. For whatever reason, at that moment, it became clear: I could enjoy everything without drinking. I won't be drinking with you today!
That I won’t snap at my family members if I take the edge off with drinking. Turns out that sticking up for myself is more helpful! Alcohol just feeds my resentment.
It’s mostly something to look forward to as a daily habit. Which is ridiculous because drinking alone is just as boring and isolating as watching Netflix just with numerous downsides. Literally anything else is better for me and I’ve been trying hard to keep that at the forefront of my mind when witching hour comes calling. Go outside, walk, gym, dog park, I try to give myself permission to do anything so long as it’s not alcohol. It’s really nice to reflect on those choices and experiences when I crawl into bed sober
Being happy. On days I'm feeling especially down or depressed I know those first couple drinks would make me feel so much better. But it's extremely temporary because those two drinks would turn into 4 which would turn into me acting obnoxious, my family would know I drank and then I'd black out and do and say terrible things before passing out. And my son is old enough now where he would see it all and remember it. I haven't told my son about my past addiction yet and I'd rather he not discover it that way. It's an actual serious conversation I want to have with him when he's a little older. So I'd rather deal with the emotional ebbs and flows of life than to get that 20 minutes of fake "happiness."
My mind tells me I'm missing out on the thrill of how the night will go
Fun