Never chase a woman. Show your interest, and if it's not reciprocated, move on.
Women who want to be chased are using you for validation, and seeing how far they can push you. The more desperate you are the more they feel validated. They don't want to be with you, they want an ego boost.
It should feel more like a dance than a chase. Dancing needs a leader, so do take initiative, but dancing also needs someone who will follow and move with you.
There's also:
Being labeled a creep
Being labeled as a stalker
Being labeled as a pervert
Getting the living crap beat out of you by her jealous SO
Being laughed at in front of her friends
Being ridiculed for having the audacity to approach
Being the next viral YouTube or Tok Tok sensation
Yeah.....these days the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
Yeah I'm good. For every plausible scenario where it's okay to approach someone like that, there's a million reasons it could go badly for the man. And none for the woman.
Excluding crimes and psychos, I'm talking two normal law abiding citizens. One stands to lose a LOT more, like being labeled as a "psycho", maybe. And yet is expected to take all the steps. No ty.
I saw on Reddit a few days back that someone was saying "I have a date tonight, but also going on another one with different people on the two days after. Am I the asshole for not mentioning it to the person I'm saying?"
And everyone was like "yaaaas, you go! This is perfectly normal. Hell, go out for breakfast with one person, lunch with another, dinner with another!"
That's scary. It's fine if you tell the person ahead of time that you're dating multiple people, and they say they're ok with it. But it's creepy that it's normalized with everyone to be doing that without giving a fair heads-up to the other person who isn't into that kind of stuff.
Dating app? I got of the dating app after three days because the idea of doing that gave me anxiety. I don’t want to talk to one guy, tell him I’m also talking to two other guys, because it feels weird for conflicting reasons:
We just met so why do I need to tell him I’m also meeting other people on the app, it should be obvious because that’s the purpose of the app.
It feels disloyal to be talking to a bunch of guys even though that’s the purpose of the app.
It activated some weird FOMO. What if I’m talking to this guy but my forever partner is someone else??
I hated it. It gave me anxiety and I cried. Made me feel depressed.
If you're meeting up off a dating app, there should be no expectations of exclusivity. If you want to be exclusive, you ask. The first date is just figuring out whether it's worth going out again. You're not a couple just because you shared a coffee or watched a movie together.
is there some missing context here? even for monogamous daters, running dates 1-3 in parallel with a few other people is not unusual. most of those aren't going anywhere. I personally would find it exhausting to have three first dates on consecutive days, but some people have a bigger social battery. as long as it's all in good faith (ie, you are genuinely interested in knowing each person better), I don't see what's wrong with this.
beyond that, yeah, you should make your expectations clear. if you want something very different from the other person(s), you're wasting your own time as much as theirs. same goes for the other people though. if they would be really upset to find out you're dating others, they need to explicitly say that they want an exclusive relationship.
>running dates 1-3 in parallel with a few other people is not unusual.
Idk, I'm not in the dating scene anymore but that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If I'm going on a date with someone, I'm viewing them as a potential partner already. It feels weird to be going on dates with a bunch of different people.
It really just depends on the context. Going on a date with the cute girl from the gym I’ve been talking to for weeks? Likely not lining 3 up.
Meeting people I met on bumble over coffee for the first time after texting for like 2 days? Yeah thats not going to stop me from setting up another the next day or even the same day.
Im happily married now but this is what I did 5 years ago when I was online dating. A first coffee date with a complete stranger is not dating, and IMO has no need to give anyone a “heads up” that you’re going on dates with anyone else. Until you are officially dating no one has any obligation to anyone else.
In fact I had a second date lined up the same weekend I went on that first date with my wife, and I had had a date one the week before that we’d technically planned a second but the girl didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it. The date with my now wife ended up going so well that I cancelled both the other two.
Tl;dr with online dating most first dates are so low commitment and low chance of working out (as its basically a blind date with a complete stranger) that theres no need to be exclusive with the commitments.
>Until you are officially dating no one has any obligation to anyone else.
I totally agree with your overall point, but I really dislike this framing that often shows up on reddit. we do owe each other a basic level of care and decency, especially in the vulnerable situations that come up in dating. it's not some binary switch that flips after you have "the talk". sounds like you handled it right in your case, just wanted to point that out.
If we're on a second date i expect to be informed if one is currently seeing other people or i'm the only current prospect. It's a respect thing, and if i'm not going to be given respect i'm going to be offended that that person feels ok wasting my time.
I agree with that. I don't think you really should be expected to tell the other person about your other dates, if you've not yet committed to a monagamous relationship. If they ask, sure. But otherwise there doesn't really seem to be a point to bringing it up. I would assume that anyone I was dating, if we weren't in a committed relationship yet, was probably going on other dates too. That's just how it tends to work.
If you don't want the other person going on other dates, than you want a committed monagamous relationship with that person, in which case the move is to voice that interest and hopefully they are on the same page. But expecting someone you're not committing to yet to not see other people, I think is an unrealistic expectation. You got to make a choice one way or the other, and that one seems like an example of wanting to eat your cake and have it too.
That’s literally just dating tho...what would be the arbitrary number of days in between the two dates that makes it better?...so long as you’re not in a committed relationship it’s totally fine, how else are people going to find the person to form a serious committed relationship with if they don’t actually date?..I’ve had multiple dates in one week and if my dates also have other dates that same week it’s not any of my business since we aren’t together
Well we go out on dates and then if we like it we become a couple but you have to get to know each other first and part of that entails meeting face to face..it’s pretty straightforward
No, that's fishing for validity and the dudes are doing a race to the bottom to more desperately gain her attention. "Well, guy A will do such and such, can guy B and C top that? Can guy D and E top those other tops?" Obviously there is no magic number for anything, but seeing more than 3 different guys in a 1 week period as a normal working adult to me starts to indicate validity fishing, not seriously considering 5 guys you saw with no time to process really who did what and it becomes a "alright you 5 fight over me" type of affair.
I may be a bit older than you but I date a lot and don’t come across women like this in my mid 20s everyone for the most part is an adult and that’s an incredibly important part of actually actively dating, just being an adult..this is just a kind of stereotype of high school kids dating and not something i ever come across and in this situation why are the Guys not also dating like adults?
Yeah for real, dude is imagining a whole arena of enemies when it's just like, people meeting people. It's *very* possible for a guy to go on three different dates with three different women in one week. Hell, I frequently talk to three different women in the same day!
Dude is projecting a way that is likely only just making it harder for him to get dates in the first place. Like, he needs to chill out, it's not that serious until two people agree that it is. That's how relationships work, you aren't just fighting of other suitors all the time, you're communicating.
That was going to be my next comment, these types imo have one bad experience dating and then choose to see dating through that lens for their entire lives, which is a shame since dating and meeting new people and yes even having casual sex or very intimate sex with a partner are all meaningful parts of life and experiencing intimacy,passion,romance and all that good stuff is a part of growing and maturing and experiencing human relationships...like it’s just a basic normal part of being human
This👆🏻 Initiative is a key word, even those who don’t like playing games, appreciate the initiative, it’s so attractive! Something about a man who knows what he wants, he is not wishy washy.
probably because hollywood paints a man chasing a woman as romantic because he’s doing everything he can to get her attention and gain her love.
while in reality when a woman says no 9/10 times it’ll mean no and most men don’t want to have to chase down a girl for her attention.
the small percentage of people who say no when they actually mean yes typically don’t want a relationship and just want the attention and thrill of being treated like a prize.
I understand the fantasy - a guy who will keep pursuing you because he knows what you want without you having to communicate at all. But a fantasy is all it is.
There's an implication that saying yes too fast makes you a slut and telling people what you want makes you bossy/ too aggressive/not feminine. So the fantasy is getting what you want while not having to brush up against society's expectations.
Yeah, I tried that chasing thing in High School. A mutual friend interviewed us both for a radio show about that.
30 seconds into listening to it, I wanted to get blackout drunk just to end the pain - finally realizing there had never been a chance and someone should have given me a swift kick upside the head years prior.
I just hope she's happy - truly.
Yeah, but give yourself a break. You were a kid and didn't know which hole she pees out of yet. As others have mentioned, your idea of courting was most likely heavily influenced by rom-coms. Your confidence most likely wasn't very high yet, and yet you TRIED. You got your ass off the bench and got in the game. So you lost this round. The fight's far from over. You learned what didn't work. Now you just gotta figure out some things thar will work for you and build your skill set. Same as anything in life. You're gonna be awkward and amateur when you start. You gain experience, and then things start coming together! So, don't kick your own ass too hard. Life is gonna do that for you. Trust me. Anyway. That's this old man's opinion, for whatever it's worth to you. Best wishes.
This one chick tortured me to pay for her stuff and show her affection via money. Tried very hard to convince her that isn’t true and did my best to provide. Next girl I thought hm maybe there’s some truth to this. Loaned her money and she broke things off saying she doesn’t go for guys because of money. LMAO.
Life pro tip: don't trust anyone who convinces you that money is their love language. They are basically prostitutes and you can probably find cheaper.
I know I called her “this one chick,” but she was the love of my life for years. She wasn’t a prostitute, but I shouldn’t have trusted her judgment as much as I did. Better to stick to my own character.
You weren’t the love of her life though, just a meal ticket that gave her just enough validation (money) to stick around until she monkey branched elsewhere
Yea I don't know who likes chasing but it's not a thing I do. I had a gf once that said she wanted to be friends. So I went out with other girls and got a gf, cough may have been bitter and informed her of this. She thought I was going to chase her and was sad cause she wanted me. I'm like wtf. And I never heard from her again.... seriously can't find her on social media, what a dumb thing to do
So was getting knocked up by a broke loser back then.
The loose morals judgement was actually a good heuristic for helping women avoid getting in a family way and then abandoned by the father. Before financial independence was ubiquitous for women, marriage was financisl security and getting knocked up without a ring was a sentence to a life of poverty.
I honestly have seen in men that they often want what you won’t give up. Those were also men I didn’t really want but they kept making attempts.
No one should be chasing anyone around. No games.
One lesson I had to learn when I was younger man was not to chase women. I pursue them. If a woman starts to put up resistance: not giving me an enthusiastic yes for dates, not returning phone calls or texts, taking forever to respond back to me or otherwise not reciprocating my energy and effort I quit reaching out to them and move on.
Yes this. Exactly this. My dad was quite the ladies man and he told me once when I was pretty young. You want someone to pay attention to you, you do the same thing. Leave them alone. Not the best advice but it’s true. I’m much older now and I just wish everyone would stop these dumb games. All these women saying they need to be chased. Bla bla. As a single 39 year old divorced woman, I don’t need anyone chasing me 🤣
Men’s dating advice is mostly about how to get laid, while women’s is mostly about how to get a desired man to commit. The idea is that men are more likely to value, and therefore keep, a woman they had to work for over one that came easily.
This advice is largely outdated, though. One reason is that the dating market is considerably more unequal today - a large number of men have difficulty even getting laid to begin with, while the others have enough accessible, reasonably desirable options not to spend time on harder ones. Many of us are also well aware that chasing someone who’s playing hard to get places the pursuer in an unfavorable power dynamic; since their interest is uncertain, others are likely competing for her attention, and we either have more certain options or a weaker chance of winning out, we have few reasons to continue to chase. This market is also polygamous by default, which means that men who want monogamous relationships will want guarantees that their partner will commit to them - a lack of strong desire signals that she won’t, and therefore, signals that he ought to look elsewhere.
A second reason is that our culture has become much less tolerant of unwanted or failed advances, which makes men warier of anything less than an unequivocally positive response. Adding to this post-#MeToo caution is a general sense that pursuing someone who isn’t particularly interested is likely to make them less interested, not more - we instinctively conclude that scarcity will be more effective than bombarding someone with attention, if there really is some sliver of desire present. While men across the board are sensitive to this, the men with the greatest interest in commitment are also those most likely to fall afoul of this, because they have far fewer romantic options than others.
People who give this advice either don’t know or don’t want to admit that the market favors women who are straightforward about what they want, and that a woman who wants commitment is playing with a much weaker hand than she might like to think. This strategy works best when options are limited and women are able to set their price, but options are only meaningfully limited for less desired men, who have additional reasons not to take risks and aren’t the focus of this advice anyway.
I would have to agree with u/HypersonicHarpist that it generally dates back to older traditions. For a good laugh, you can watch a bunch of these[ classic dating PSAs on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=1950s+psa+dating)! 🤣
As cringe-inducing as a lot of these videos are, the problem is that we still heavily objectify women in modernity. Women are treated as objects of affection to be chased after and engage in competition over. Worse yet, women are actively encouraged to play these roles. It truly is bizarre that we still carry on this way, but it presumably has more to do with existential validation (for both parties involved) rather than anything else.
My (now) wife invited me out for the first time we did something. I put in energy, she reflected likewise, we’re married now. Do with that information what you will.
i felt 'the case' was a normal thing when i was in high school. it was just how shit worked. but kids are mean tho people they like, they dont talk to crushes, lots of learning to do.
as an adult... no. if you play hard to get you are acting immature and showing your wanting to play games instead of finding a life partner. chasing is dead, thats how you get on a list these days.
its not good for either side. no one wants to be pestered by someone they dont like and no one wants to fall emotionally attached to someone who wont reciprocate. just every way possible - chasing is an unhealthy choice.
When my ex and I tried again, he literally told me that to get him to feel safe enough to open up to me, he now needed a "push-and-pull dynamic" in his relationships and that he enjoys "the chase". I told him straight-up that I only want consistently growing, stable love, like how we had when we first got together a decade ago. As you might imagine, things did not progress.
Some people, primarily of the avoidantly-attached variety, only feel safe being involved with a love interest if said love interest isn't that into them, because if they *are* overtly into them, the avoidant starts to feel smothered or as though the love interest, who'll inevitably want more and more commitment as things progress, is becoming more and more of a risk to their personal freedom, which triggers their fight-or-flight response on an emotional level that, in most cases, even they lack the emotional depth of self-reflection to address.
All they know is that the relationship with said love interest is now giving them stressful feelings and bad anxiety instead of the good feelings and good anxiety that it was before, which is typically the point where they drop the love interest entirely and move on, as they typically don't prioritize relationships or the people they date and don't see the value in sorting out any complex feelings they may have about them. However, if the love interest shows less or waning interest before being dropped, then the avoidant isn't getting the validation they want and will pursue until the love interest shows interest again, only for the exhausting cycle to rinse and repeat.
All in all, to paraphrase someone else's response here, it's an unhealthy game of validation-seeking via power-plays to boost their ego, rather than any sort of way to build a genuine, lasting love, so I would recommend steering clear of people that want or expect this in dating because until they have a coming-to-Jesus and do the internal work on themselves, they typically aren't emotionally equipped to be a life partner to anyone despite truly wanting to be, deep down.
I’ve had some female friends in the past who had that mentality. They were toxic an annoying and the friendship did not last that long. I think if you’re past high school still thinking like this it’s embarrassing. People should communicate clearly, so say no or say yes but don’t do the whole hot and cold thing.
Never chase. Men are going to jail for that now. If she’s a good woman, she’ll make it perfectly clear that she’s into you. Preferably in triplicate with a public notary stamp & signature. Ell oh ell!
The basic jist is that women like to be chased. They like the attention and assurance this brings. Oftentimes it also boosts the guy to be more and do more as well, reaching down deeper to figure something out......
But
A psychologist put it best (for me). A relationship always has a person *giving* (pursuing) and someone *taking* (being pursued). In a normal natural relationship this switches back and forth, sometimes within interactions. Much like a playful game of tag, it's not fun to always be "it" or "not it". The reason behind this is that you "feel" the relationship when you're being pursued, often the person "running the show" just isn't feeling as much. (Again, I'm trying to paraphrase what he said, not describe y'all's relationship individually)
The jist is that women like to be pursued because that's the *best* part of the relationship and they tend to "feel" more then guys...but often forget to give men the opportunity to experience it. To chase back as much as they are *being* chased. This can lead to exhaustion because it's harder to experience the relationship in that position. So now guys are asking "why chase", because much of what I hear is "how to be chased, cause its awesome" and not "how to chase, cause fun for them".
Also, just to point out cause I find it ironic. Women tend to initiate in different ways then guys. It's much more "substital" then guys methods. This is an entire topic in itself, I just thought I'd mention it because there's worse things to be said then "no" and women find much more effective methods as "uncomfortable"....though it depends on the woman.
It's a whole topic that text/reddit is hard to communicate effectively over, but hopefully this leads to a better understanding....for as broken as my text can be.
I assume you're referring to the ways girls initiate.
I love analogies so excuse this one.
A guy initiates fairly straight forward, like in volleyball, you need to be "deliberate" with how you hit the ball in order to score points. A girl on the other hand is much more about *layups* than scoring. I'm heavily generalizing with all of this, but a girl will often give a look, touch, laugh, turn towards, bat the eyes, or any number of little things that announce they are "ready" for the advance but not *actually* advance. So much of this is contextual that some will mistake it for "being friendly" while others will read to far into "friendliness" and mistake it for this "layup". It's a subtle thing, blink and you can very well question your sanity for eternity.
I'm not saying one is better than the other and girls *can* be forward. This is why I like the volleyball analogy, a spike is great with a layup...doesn't mean that's the only way to score nor is it always on both people's minds, plus anyone can do either role because it's about where you are at present and not solely *who*.
Everyone does this "dance" differently and most aren't wrong/bad at it.
The feminism echo chamber is astonishing.
No, men do NOT like that bullshit, and you can easily figure that out when you realize that ONLY WOMEN ARE E SAYING IT.
Most dating advice is "tell them what they want to hear." Women who earnestly read dating advice columns are usually very immature when it comes to relationships and terrified of the whole courting process. You tell them they never have to put themselves out there and that it's all on the guys to pursue them, and they eat it up. "Yeah girl, you never have to be straightforward or honest or face the possibility of rejection. And if it gets overwhelming, or you get scared or want to self-sabotage, you can just run and it's actually good to do that, we decided. That's how you get into a good long-lasting relationship."
No. Men hate the chase. Women like it… If it is someone they are interested in. It gives the continued dopamine hits because of the attention.
Run from these women unless you want to be trying to win them for the rest of your life.
Most dating advice is terrible and a lot of it is based on enforcing gender roles. The reason women are told men want to chase is because we are judged if we are too keen and seen as sluts of we actually admit we want sex with someone. If you don't like it then work to dismantle gender roles. The world would be a much nicer place if we could all just talk like adults instead of playing stupid games.
Because it's true and the *worst* women will capitalize that for risk free comfort.
It's true... if you're looking for some equivalent exchange. Pay a dollar or something that wants a dollar.
There is "some" truth to it. A lot of guys do enjoy that (up to a point. Very important qualifier), but the problem is that it "worked" "better" when "no" was considered to mean "try harder" as you were meant to just keep going until either you gave up or she did.
Because just as some men like to chase, many women liked to be chased, but many also realized that operating by those rules, there's no real way to separate those they want to be chased by and those they don't, so naturally they changed the rules.
That advice is given either by those who haven't moved on or the women who didn't/don't want to move on from those rules.
There are a lot of men here who say they don't like the chase, and I do believe them, but...
You pointed out how exhausting reading hits is, and it is, but under the original rules you didn't have to, you just kept at it, so it wasn't as tiring to do so.
So I do wonder if all the men commenting that here are saying so because they're just not the type of guys who are into that/because the ones who are either won't comment or are getting downvoted, or because we've collectively been turned of from playing such games because we have a different view now of what they mean and just aren't appealing anymore in thus day and age.
I say this because I personally like the "idea" of the chase, but I feel like the reality just won't be like that. So why would someone potentially harass a woman, waste their time, and risk getting in trouble for that?
It just doesn't make sense anymore now that we know the idea of "she likes you, she's just playing hard to get" is not as true as we thought it was.
That or maybe the decrease in average testosterone levels is starting to kick in, Idk, I'm not a psychologist, sociologist, or psychiatrist.
Tl;dr: Less "wrong" and more "outdated" in my opinion.
I think this is mostly it. I enjoy the part of the relationship when things are ambiguous, you don't know where things stand and just kinda take it as it comes, and either you both enjoy it or it fizzles out after a while. That's different from not taking no for an answer, because there's neither yes nor no. I understand not everyone enjoys it though.
You wouldn't take a dog's advice on how to have a good relationship with a dog. Don't take a woman's advice on how to have a good relationship with a woman.
Because it’s the type of romance that appeals to women. Women want to be chased. Women want to make you work hard for their affection.
Men hate that shit.
It keeps the simps in their place. Only simps chase women. This is why women have so many orbiters. If she is attracted to you and actually wants a relationship, then she will never keep you chasing her.
And "playing hard to get" is code for she doesnt actually want anything to do with you. She just want you guys to work hard and give her things, but you will never actually get rewarded. Women don't want to hurt your feelings and they will just give you false hope until she finds a guy that she actually likes.
It’s just traditional gender roles. Men are expected to be the aggressors or they’re seen as weak and feminine, and women are expected to be very selective and mostly resistant, especially to sex, or they’re seen as cheap sluts with no self respect.
When I was a teenager I asked my dad for advice about my boyfriend. His advice was “Don’t be the cat chasing the mouse. Be the mouse and let the cat chase you.”. He explained I should take this advice for all boys.
So, for me, from my dad.
correct. the "feelings" routine is a way to get a better read on a man's naivety/conformity/sycophantism/neediness, the traits the average man must exhibit sometimes in order to keep her feeling secure,
since women generally cannot read the room when it comes to men and constantly project *their* way of viewing things onto us, getting upset when it doesn't add up.
Movies. I believe it is movies. The guy has to work hard amd swat away the multiple "NOs" until he "wins her over".
Hallmark anyone?
Add to that reinforcement from those lady magazines with articles like top 10 things to .....
Combined is the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days" which is a movie about a lady writing one of these articles. The trick is she really likes him but "plays games" for the article.
It's to increase a woman's perceived desireability I guess. Make them seem harder to have, increase investment from the man in being with said woman etc.
This is Hollywood romcoms and honestly following that example doesn't work in real life.
It makes a more interesting movie but for the.. just act like a normal person people.
I heard this once and it's true to every man I know. Hard to get is hard to want. Wanting a man to initiate the contact and show interest first is fine. Playing games and acting like you're not interested isn't.
Women never listen to men about what men want. Women listen to other women. Fashion tips, dating protocol, favorite body types, hair styles, the vast, *vast* majority of it men could not care less.
Women like to be chased, so they lie to themselves and each other insisting that men like the chase. Because if they can convince themselves that men enjoy the chase for its own sake, they don't have to step back and think about the fact that they're demanding constant effort in exchange for nothing.
Because women like to give other women awful advice.
It's sort like watching a movie, where the hero stands up to bully by kicking his butt and his friends butt. We all like the idea of being that guy, but in practice picking fights is moronic.
Women like to give other women advice they would love (in their heads to do), but to actually do those things in real would be moronic.
Because they would prefer to make up assumptions about what the other side wants than just ask. Plus its hard to be specific when your talking half the population.
Well, the chase is dead for men that have anything to lose, and especially in the workcenter.
The #metoo movement was great for calling out actual predators, but then the dirtbag women out there realized they can use it to hurt innocent men. Just the accusation is enough to ruin a man's life.
So most men don't play the game. "Oh? You appear to not be interested? Got it, wish you the best." Only dumbasses press the issue.
The chase is now called stalking and since NO means NO, “Hard to Get” becomes “Never Will Be Got” because any man who continues could have his life ruined just on the unverified word of a woman.
That “advice” is designed to keep the people who listen to it single, so that they’ll buy next month’s issue of Trendy Magazine for Lonely Singles too.
Cause they don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve never been a man, so they’re just going off stuff they’ve heard. Find men to get advice from. They have been on the journey you are going on, women have not.
Also, women unintentionally give bad advice for accomplishing the things you want to accomplish.
Women don’t understand the first thing about men. It’s hilarious when I read dating profiles that really go out of their way to advertise all the most irrelevant things. Like I’m super confident, I have a successful career, I’m strong, I’m a business owner, I’m outspoken, I don’t need someone but I want someone, etc. Men don’t care about any of that at all. Are you cute? Are you feminine? Do you take care of your body? That’s literally all men want. We don’t give a crap if you’re confident or own a business or think you’re strong. You don’t need me? How is that attractive at all? Women are so clueless about men because they never had to learn what men want. Women can do whatever dumb things they want and men will still want them. It’s so easy for them to get attention they don’t ever learn what men are attracted to in the first place. Then they get older and the attention they get starts dropping off and they’ve never learned how to attract a man and they end up 50 and single. Divorcees are the worst because they landed their husband when they were young and desirable. Now they’re older and expect the same opportunities.
Because it's shit advice from clueless women. Many of whom are single in spite of claiming that they have the answers.
To be blunt: don't ask single women, especially divorcees, for dating advice. Furthermore, don't ask a woman what she wants in a relationship. Do ask her what her values and life goals are. But realize that she has no idea what she really needs in a man, and that usually leads to the same generic answers that you can hear anywhere.
But the rough recipie for a successful relationship is 60% similarities, and 40% differences. You want enough in common that you have something to talk about. But you also want differences, so you have things to share and teach each other.
60/40 is a guideline, not a rule. It can be a different balance, but that's roughly where the golden ratio is.
And lastly, settling is not a bad thing. If someone is comfortable enough to be with long-term, count your blessings and be happy. Because leaving them just puts you back at square one, not knowing if there even is someone else out there. You can spice up a boring marriage, but you can't revive a dead one.
This girl I I used to like gave me a bookk about dating and I did read it some of it was good advice I guess but the one thing I didn't like about the book was it said to wait 20 mins before responding to a text from someone you like since it builds anticipation 🙃 I couldn't disagree more but that's just me
This is what happens when people take things too seriously.
No one likes a chase, they just don't want things to be easy. No one does.
It's why "Nice Guys finish last" is a thing.....no, it's guys that agree with everything the girl says finish last.
It's the SAME THING.
Theres a lot of judgment against women who get into relationship too quickly plus tbh there’s some seedy horrible guys out there that they need to make sure aren’t just for sex or worse. I think there’s a biological reason. That being said any woman who plays the chase game as a game is red flag city to me. I want a woman that is ready to be open and to reciprocate my efforts if she’s actually interested and doesn’t make me jump through hoops to ease her insecurities.
Something they never express is that this only works for the most attractive, high value women, and only in relation to inferior men. This advice works for some women, the ones that are perceived as worth chasing, and only by men that need to “chase”, or earn the attention of the woman.
If the woman is less than an instagram model and the man isn’t deficient in some masculine dimension, this is the opposite of an effective strategy. She should make herself available to the man and attend to him well. Do not throw up barriers or otherwise impede him. If he has options, he will go with the woman that actively reduces the friction of their relationship instead of the one working to increase it.
Some women will say that if she’s insisting on being chased that she can fool the man into thinking she’s worth more than she is, and this can work on a limited context, but not forever. He will see the truth eventually. You can’t trick him indefinitely.
If I have to chase, I am just stopping. Playing hard to get is interpreted as “no.”
Anything else is not OK in the modern world. It’s just stalking or borderline sexual assault.
Because people like watching films?
I don't chase, I attract. Ain't nobody got time for games. That said, my wife wanted to end things after one date - wasn't feeling it. I asked her to take a week and think it over, and didn't contact her for 6 days. Thankfully she gave me a second chance.
Very early in our relationship, say after a few months, we had the DTR talk. I remember telling her "I cannot complete you. Nobody can. Life is a DIY project. I want to explore building a life together, but it takes both people pulling the oars." Her response was "I will disappoint you. Not that I am planning on hurting you, it's just that we're both human. At some point you will have an expectation that I don't meet. But I can't be your everything."
Those sentiments are not particularly romantic but I think they reflect how pragmatic we are, and they came from a place of each of us wanting to be our authentic true selves. That's the thing about dating; so much of it is a long form interview, and while you drop your guard over time, you really fully reveal yourself. That takes 5-7 years....and a lot of times, when the true self comes out, the other partner thinks "This is not who I married. He/she has changed." Not really, it's just that they finally felt safe enough to be themselves.
Anyway, you better have some solid reasons to stay committed when you inevitably bump up against that phenomenon. Most divorces happen in that 5 to 7 year stretch. You're not going to be the same person in 7 years, and neither will they. But that's a beautiful thing, learning to love someone after they show you a new side of themselves. I think of it as I am a free will moral agent, and every single day I put on my wedding ring and decide to love my wife. That's a pretty easy thing 95-99% of the time bc she's amazing, but I love saying that on days when things are off kilter and one of us is doing something that annoys tf out of the other.
Super grateful to have someone who is a perfect partner for me.
“Ew you hit on me right out of the gate. Gross. It’s giving ick.” But also “why don’t men act like “men” anymore? Be strong. Be assertive.” Like bitch wüt?
My brother is going through a divorce. He's on Tinder. Met a girl who's profile said I am in the beginning of a divorce and just need my back broken. He matched and they met up a few times. She was ok. I saw pics. I'm a female and didn't see anything great about her plus my brother is just trying to have some fun and blow off steam.
Nothing wrong with that. He told her upfront that this is just fun and she agreed as she just kicked her husband out like 3 weeks before meeting my brother a month ago. The other day my brother told me he had to block her. She came out and was like why aren't you chasing me more. Um excuse me? You clearly agreed upfront that this is fun and no expectations as both are in the midst of a divorce. She said well ya but I thought you liked me more than that and would try to chase me.
Ya...no. My brother works 80 hours a week and is an active father to one young teen and one tween. He's busy with extracurriculars, work, and more. This chick really thought he would be on her ass 24/7.
Sorry lady but now we see why you're divorcing your doctor husband on your golf course house you bought for 400k a couple years ago and is now worth a million.
Fyi my brother filed on his wife due to physical and emotional abuse also she got caught stealing from him. She was taking credit advances on his cards, buying stuff to resell to take the cash, and more. Her father found 30k in a box in his closet she stashed "just in case" after he loaned her 5k to help with her buying a car. They both work but I guess she always knew she would fuck him over. Her entire family cut her off when my brother filed. They all hang out with my brother regularly. Her brother in fact lets me and my brother babysit his son, her blood nephew, who she hasn't seen in over a year. Her own mom called my brother and apologized for how she raised her (mom is an addict still living in PR).
That's old fashioned and really isn't a game any man should put up with in this kind of dating climate. Make your interest and intentions known and if she's on the same page, keep her. If she says anything else, understand she's still looking
I just prefer the straight ask her out. I hate messing around. If I like you, I ask 🤷♂️. If you say no..... its a no. I won't chase you, I will just move on
There's certainly something to be said about not giving yourself up to soon, ladies, but don't just ignore us on purpose, show that you're also interested in us. Got no patience for a woman who comes off as indifferent about me.
I’m 32. I have a lot of offer relationship wise (good career, family oriented, height, humor, love kids, don’t play games). I know what I’m about and what I want.
I will NEVER chase a woman. It’s all for ego and validation when she plays games and plays hard to get. If you are looking for a good husband, let’s go out. If not, take your stupid games elsewhere don’t have time for that 💩.
Because women are just as stupid as men when it comes to dating. They probably think making the men chase is going to mean that they’ll be more committed.
(Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)
The reason why women often get this perception is that women tend to date "up", meaning they are dating out of their league. So, the guys they are interested in will have little interest in them as anything more than a sexual release. So, it's not that the guy is playing hard to get, just that he's not into them.
As for the "chase", it's because we often like the idea of the woman than the actual woman. She can seem interesting, attractive, funny, etc. Then when you get to know her, you realize that the initial impression is basically the entire depth of her, and so we become disinterested.
Women used to be the "prize" and took relationships seriously while looking for marriage etc. Not really sure what the chase involves with modern relationships but traditionally you would pursue/chase/court someone with hopes of marriage.
This is because the women's advice isn't "how to get a man" but rather "how to get a man that gets a lot of women"
Men that get a lot of women enjoy the chase for the same reason skilled rock climbers like to climb high grades or skilled soccer players enjoy playing in harder (and eventually professional) leagues etc...
The fact of the matter is the ideal-man these women are targetting has SO MANY options that, literally making it difficult for the sake of being difficult feels refreshing/interesting/fun for this type of man.
If this doesn't describe you then you are NOT the type of man that women reading such advice are looking to attract.
Because majority are like that. If you be straight forward they call you a slut, a hoe and easy target. These are what real men have been saying for ages
I agree, but, there's no sense fighting this particular tide. Whether it's nature or nurture, hard to say at this point, but the women by and large are not likely to suddenly become the aggressors in this game, so, it's no use wasting time lamenting how the pieces move. They do what they do. We have to proceed under those conditions, or basically forfeit.
It's true that "hard to get" is a trope by now, and it cuts both ways too, by being tiresome for guys like OP and also encouraging some men to keep trying after being told no, which is annoying for those of us who mean it.
I don't think women need to pursue, exactly, though I wish it was more acceptable. But most of us do mean no when we say no and we say yes when we're interested. So please take us at our word and let the ones who do play hard to get figure out it's not working.
>Like why is this?
Patriarchal gender expectations.
To be totally honest I don't really care, I don't like these stupid games and I'm not interested in dating women playing them.
No one's forcing you to date women who have 0 initiative, use this as a filter to date better people.
If I'm always the one taking initiative with someone I see it as a red flag and walk away.
It's also a huge turn off in my case.
And this goes for all genders, dating people who put no effort isn't a good idea.
Stop asking deer on their advice on how to hunt a deer. They only know life from a deer perspective. As a hunter you are playing a different game with different rules.
Or maybe don't look at human connection through any lens that places your prospective partner in the role of an animal, a victim, or any other fucked up metaphor that dehumanizes you both.
Never take dating advice from women they live in their own world and can't struggle to date they obsess over rom coms and bullshit things like persistence and stalking being attractive but just remember the only thing stopping you is how attractive you are to her the only difference between flirting and creeping on her is if you are hot
They will sleep with men they barely know on the first date not even knowing their names they will get raw dogged by every dude in the neighborhood but in the same breath will make other dudes wait months and make them wear condoms just under that the difference is if you are a hot fuckboi there are no rules and women will change any and every rule she's had for other men for one night with you but if you aren't a hot fuck boy and want a relationship you are going to have to earn it multiple dates multiple dinners and meet her friends and parents wait weeks if not months for physical touch all the while she will be fucking other people until she is "comfortable" whatever the fuck that means in this context
Women will say things to look good but in reality want something very different
Women think playing hard to get weeds out assholes but in reality it only weeds out good men who don't have patience for games
Watching the men’s theories on this is fascinating.
It’s because we learn rather quickly (by experience) that when we make ourselves freely available to a man, he dips pretty quick. No I’m not referring to sex. I mean always free for dates, always text back right away, always answers the phone, emotional available. They get bored. Like you were so easy to catch you aren’t worth the effort.
Now this may be only a certain TYPE of guy but there’s a lot of them. So it’s a lesson almost every woman will learn. Some decide to play their stupid game and the rest of us learn to say “boy, bye✌️”
Upvoting you since I think you're partially correct.
1) I think women will make themselves more available to more attractive guys, and more attractive guys have lots of options and will dip. He wasn't interested in you since he (correctly) thinks he can do better.
2) If the guy is *not* hot, then they're inexperienced enough to not value the woman's attention. He wasn't interested in you since he (incorrectly) thinks he can do better.
Women adopting the "chase" tactic helps weed out those who aren't actually interested. Whether it's an effective tactic depends on the environment.
Never chase a woman. Show your interest, and if it's not reciprocated, move on. Women who want to be chased are using you for validation, and seeing how far they can push you. The more desperate you are the more they feel validated. They don't want to be with you, they want an ego boost. It should feel more like a dance than a chase. Dancing needs a leader, so do take initiative, but dancing also needs someone who will follow and move with you.
I wish I could give this comment an award. I especially love the last few sentences.
Done
You can give rewards by pressing the ribbon icon under a comment.
I appreciate it, but I'm a broke boy.
You've got to spend money to make money.
??? You can't make money from awards though
Someone makes money lol
The best way I've seen it worded is "It's not about being passive, it's about being receptive"
Not to mention that if you're reading the signals wrong, you're just walking into sexual harassment allegations.
There's also: Being labeled a creep Being labeled as a stalker Being labeled as a pervert Getting the living crap beat out of you by her jealous SO Being laughed at in front of her friends Being ridiculed for having the audacity to approach Being the next viral YouTube or Tok Tok sensation Yeah.....these days the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
Yeah I'm good. For every plausible scenario where it's okay to approach someone like that, there's a million reasons it could go badly for the man. And none for the woman. Excluding crimes and psychos, I'm talking two normal law abiding citizens. One stands to lose a LOT more, like being labeled as a "psycho", maybe. And yet is expected to take all the steps. No ty.
There are also men who do like the chase and 'fighting' for them. They're generally not the type of men you want to catch you.
I saw on Reddit a few days back that someone was saying "I have a date tonight, but also going on another one with different people on the two days after. Am I the asshole for not mentioning it to the person I'm saying?" And everyone was like "yaaaas, you go! This is perfectly normal. Hell, go out for breakfast with one person, lunch with another, dinner with another!" That's scary. It's fine if you tell the person ahead of time that you're dating multiple people, and they say they're ok with it. But it's creepy that it's normalized with everyone to be doing that without giving a fair heads-up to the other person who isn't into that kind of stuff.
Dating app? I got of the dating app after three days because the idea of doing that gave me anxiety. I don’t want to talk to one guy, tell him I’m also talking to two other guys, because it feels weird for conflicting reasons: We just met so why do I need to tell him I’m also meeting other people on the app, it should be obvious because that’s the purpose of the app. It feels disloyal to be talking to a bunch of guys even though that’s the purpose of the app. It activated some weird FOMO. What if I’m talking to this guy but my forever partner is someone else?? I hated it. It gave me anxiety and I cried. Made me feel depressed.
I mean, talk to one guy and if doesn't work out after one or two meet ups, let him know, and go to a new guy.
If you're meeting up off a dating app, there should be no expectations of exclusivity. If you want to be exclusive, you ask. The first date is just figuring out whether it's worth going out again. You're not a couple just because you shared a coffee or watched a movie together.
is there some missing context here? even for monogamous daters, running dates 1-3 in parallel with a few other people is not unusual. most of those aren't going anywhere. I personally would find it exhausting to have three first dates on consecutive days, but some people have a bigger social battery. as long as it's all in good faith (ie, you are genuinely interested in knowing each person better), I don't see what's wrong with this. beyond that, yeah, you should make your expectations clear. if you want something very different from the other person(s), you're wasting your own time as much as theirs. same goes for the other people though. if they would be really upset to find out you're dating others, they need to explicitly say that they want an exclusive relationship.
>running dates 1-3 in parallel with a few other people is not unusual. Idk, I'm not in the dating scene anymore but that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If I'm going on a date with someone, I'm viewing them as a potential partner already. It feels weird to be going on dates with a bunch of different people.
It really just depends on the context. Going on a date with the cute girl from the gym I’ve been talking to for weeks? Likely not lining 3 up. Meeting people I met on bumble over coffee for the first time after texting for like 2 days? Yeah thats not going to stop me from setting up another the next day or even the same day. Im happily married now but this is what I did 5 years ago when I was online dating. A first coffee date with a complete stranger is not dating, and IMO has no need to give anyone a “heads up” that you’re going on dates with anyone else. Until you are officially dating no one has any obligation to anyone else. In fact I had a second date lined up the same weekend I went on that first date with my wife, and I had had a date one the week before that we’d technically planned a second but the girl didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it. The date with my now wife ended up going so well that I cancelled both the other two. Tl;dr with online dating most first dates are so low commitment and low chance of working out (as its basically a blind date with a complete stranger) that theres no need to be exclusive with the commitments.
>Until you are officially dating no one has any obligation to anyone else. I totally agree with your overall point, but I really dislike this framing that often shows up on reddit. we do owe each other a basic level of care and decency, especially in the vulnerable situations that come up in dating. it's not some binary switch that flips after you have "the talk". sounds like you handled it right in your case, just wanted to point that out.
If we're on a second date i expect to be informed if one is currently seeing other people or i'm the only current prospect. It's a respect thing, and if i'm not going to be given respect i'm going to be offended that that person feels ok wasting my time.
I agree with that. I don't think you really should be expected to tell the other person about your other dates, if you've not yet committed to a monagamous relationship. If they ask, sure. But otherwise there doesn't really seem to be a point to bringing it up. I would assume that anyone I was dating, if we weren't in a committed relationship yet, was probably going on other dates too. That's just how it tends to work. If you don't want the other person going on other dates, than you want a committed monagamous relationship with that person, in which case the move is to voice that interest and hopefully they are on the same page. But expecting someone you're not committing to yet to not see other people, I think is an unrealistic expectation. You got to make a choice one way or the other, and that one seems like an example of wanting to eat your cake and have it too.
That’s literally just dating tho...what would be the arbitrary number of days in between the two dates that makes it better?...so long as you’re not in a committed relationship it’s totally fine, how else are people going to find the person to form a serious committed relationship with if they don’t actually date?..I’ve had multiple dates in one week and if my dates also have other dates that same week it’s not any of my business since we aren’t together
I think what’s changed is that dating used to mean a committed relationship whereas now I have no idea what the hell you’re even calling dating here.
Well we go out on dates and then if we like it we become a couple but you have to get to know each other first and part of that entails meeting face to face..it’s pretty straightforward
No, that's fishing for validity and the dudes are doing a race to the bottom to more desperately gain her attention. "Well, guy A will do such and such, can guy B and C top that? Can guy D and E top those other tops?" Obviously there is no magic number for anything, but seeing more than 3 different guys in a 1 week period as a normal working adult to me starts to indicate validity fishing, not seriously considering 5 guys you saw with no time to process really who did what and it becomes a "alright you 5 fight over me" type of affair.
I may be a bit older than you but I date a lot and don’t come across women like this in my mid 20s everyone for the most part is an adult and that’s an incredibly important part of actually actively dating, just being an adult..this is just a kind of stereotype of high school kids dating and not something i ever come across and in this situation why are the Guys not also dating like adults?
Yeah for real, dude is imagining a whole arena of enemies when it's just like, people meeting people. It's *very* possible for a guy to go on three different dates with three different women in one week. Hell, I frequently talk to three different women in the same day! Dude is projecting a way that is likely only just making it harder for him to get dates in the first place. Like, he needs to chill out, it's not that serious until two people agree that it is. That's how relationships work, you aren't just fighting of other suitors all the time, you're communicating.
That was going to be my next comment, these types imo have one bad experience dating and then choose to see dating through that lens for their entire lives, which is a shame since dating and meeting new people and yes even having casual sex or very intimate sex with a partner are all meaningful parts of life and experiencing intimacy,passion,romance and all that good stuff is a part of growing and maturing and experiencing human relationships...like it’s just a basic normal part of being human
You could literally replace most if not all the relationship advise books, sub reddits, etc with this. Well done!
This👆🏻 Initiative is a key word, even those who don’t like playing games, appreciate the initiative, it’s so attractive! Something about a man who knows what he wants, he is not wishy washy.
probably because hollywood paints a man chasing a woman as romantic because he’s doing everything he can to get her attention and gain her love. while in reality when a woman says no 9/10 times it’ll mean no and most men don’t want to have to chase down a girl for her attention. the small percentage of people who say no when they actually mean yes typically don’t want a relationship and just want the attention and thrill of being treated like a prize.
I understand the fantasy - a guy who will keep pursuing you because he knows what you want without you having to communicate at all. But a fantasy is all it is.
> he knows what you want without you having to communicate at all The coy woman’s fantasy
There's an implication that saying yes too fast makes you a slut and telling people what you want makes you bossy/ too aggressive/not feminine. So the fantasy is getting what you want while not having to brush up against society's expectations.
Thats completely different to saying 'no' and meaning 'yes' though. If you do that you are a moron and you will die alone
Yeah, I tried that chasing thing in High School. A mutual friend interviewed us both for a radio show about that. 30 seconds into listening to it, I wanted to get blackout drunk just to end the pain - finally realizing there had never been a chance and someone should have given me a swift kick upside the head years prior. I just hope she's happy - truly.
Yeah, but give yourself a break. You were a kid and didn't know which hole she pees out of yet. As others have mentioned, your idea of courting was most likely heavily influenced by rom-coms. Your confidence most likely wasn't very high yet, and yet you TRIED. You got your ass off the bench and got in the game. So you lost this round. The fight's far from over. You learned what didn't work. Now you just gotta figure out some things thar will work for you and build your skill set. Same as anything in life. You're gonna be awkward and amateur when you start. You gain experience, and then things start coming together! So, don't kick your own ass too hard. Life is gonna do that for you. Trust me. Anyway. That's this old man's opinion, for whatever it's worth to you. Best wishes.
Women who liked to be chased: Why are these men taking no for answer? Women who don't like to be chased: Why won't men take no for an answer?
This one chick tortured me to pay for her stuff and show her affection via money. Tried very hard to convince her that isn’t true and did my best to provide. Next girl I thought hm maybe there’s some truth to this. Loaned her money and she broke things off saying she doesn’t go for guys because of money. LMAO.
Life pro tip: don't trust anyone who convinces you that money is their love language. They are basically prostitutes and you can probably find cheaper.
I know I called her “this one chick,” but she was the love of my life for years. She wasn’t a prostitute, but I shouldn’t have trusted her judgment as much as I did. Better to stick to my own character.
You weren’t the love of her life though, just a meal ticket that gave her just enough validation (money) to stick around until she monkey branched elsewhere
It was the torture part that was more alarming. Lol
😅
Yep if receiving gifts is their top love language of the 5, I’m out. We’re not compatible and I won’t pretend we can be.
The world is changing but a lot of relationship advice hasn’t been updated in 50 years.
This makes a lot of sense. Same crap regurgitated over and over. As a female I always laugh at the headlines and click bait articles I see.
Yea I don't know who likes chasing but it's not a thing I do. I had a gf once that said she wanted to be friends. So I went out with other girls and got a gf, cough may have been bitter and informed her of this. She thought I was going to chase her and was sad cause she wanted me. I'm like wtf. And I never heard from her again.... seriously can't find her on social media, what a dumb thing to do
You may very well have dodged a bullet. Refusal to clearly communicate is a red flag.
Yea looking back I don't regret it at all.
It goes back to older dating traditions where a woman was considered to have low morals if she said yes too quickly.
Being properly social in the old days always sounds so exhausting.
So was getting knocked up by a broke loser back then. The loose morals judgement was actually a good heuristic for helping women avoid getting in a family way and then abandoned by the father. Before financial independence was ubiquitous for women, marriage was financisl security and getting knocked up without a ring was a sentence to a life of poverty.
In many ways, we still retain remnants of the old days 😮💨
I honestly have seen in men that they often want what you won’t give up. Those were also men I didn’t really want but they kept making attempts. No one should be chasing anyone around. No games.
One lesson I had to learn when I was younger man was not to chase women. I pursue them. If a woman starts to put up resistance: not giving me an enthusiastic yes for dates, not returning phone calls or texts, taking forever to respond back to me or otherwise not reciprocating my energy and effort I quit reaching out to them and move on.
Yes this. Exactly this. My dad was quite the ladies man and he told me once when I was pretty young. You want someone to pay attention to you, you do the same thing. Leave them alone. Not the best advice but it’s true. I’m much older now and I just wish everyone would stop these dumb games. All these women saying they need to be chased. Bla bla. As a single 39 year old divorced woman, I don’t need anyone chasing me 🤣
It plays on the anxious and avoidant trauma bond.
Men’s dating advice is mostly about how to get laid, while women’s is mostly about how to get a desired man to commit. The idea is that men are more likely to value, and therefore keep, a woman they had to work for over one that came easily. This advice is largely outdated, though. One reason is that the dating market is considerably more unequal today - a large number of men have difficulty even getting laid to begin with, while the others have enough accessible, reasonably desirable options not to spend time on harder ones. Many of us are also well aware that chasing someone who’s playing hard to get places the pursuer in an unfavorable power dynamic; since their interest is uncertain, others are likely competing for her attention, and we either have more certain options or a weaker chance of winning out, we have few reasons to continue to chase. This market is also polygamous by default, which means that men who want monogamous relationships will want guarantees that their partner will commit to them - a lack of strong desire signals that she won’t, and therefore, signals that he ought to look elsewhere. A second reason is that our culture has become much less tolerant of unwanted or failed advances, which makes men warier of anything less than an unequivocally positive response. Adding to this post-#MeToo caution is a general sense that pursuing someone who isn’t particularly interested is likely to make them less interested, not more - we instinctively conclude that scarcity will be more effective than bombarding someone with attention, if there really is some sliver of desire present. While men across the board are sensitive to this, the men with the greatest interest in commitment are also those most likely to fall afoul of this, because they have far fewer romantic options than others. People who give this advice either don’t know or don’t want to admit that the market favors women who are straightforward about what they want, and that a woman who wants commitment is playing with a much weaker hand than she might like to think. This strategy works best when options are limited and women are able to set their price, but options are only meaningfully limited for less desired men, who have additional reasons not to take risks and aren’t the focus of this advice anyway.
Thank you for articulating what was jumbled in my head, and have an award. Very well put.
I would have to agree with u/HypersonicHarpist that it generally dates back to older traditions. For a good laugh, you can watch a bunch of these[ classic dating PSAs on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=1950s+psa+dating)! 🤣 As cringe-inducing as a lot of these videos are, the problem is that we still heavily objectify women in modernity. Women are treated as objects of affection to be chased after and engage in competition over. Worse yet, women are actively encouraged to play these roles. It truly is bizarre that we still carry on this way, but it presumably has more to do with existential validation (for both parties involved) rather than anything else.
My (now) wife invited me out for the first time we did something. I put in energy, she reflected likewise, we’re married now. Do with that information what you will.
i felt 'the case' was a normal thing when i was in high school. it was just how shit worked. but kids are mean tho people they like, they dont talk to crushes, lots of learning to do. as an adult... no. if you play hard to get you are acting immature and showing your wanting to play games instead of finding a life partner. chasing is dead, thats how you get on a list these days. its not good for either side. no one wants to be pestered by someone they dont like and no one wants to fall emotionally attached to someone who wont reciprocate. just every way possible - chasing is an unhealthy choice.
When my ex and I tried again, he literally told me that to get him to feel safe enough to open up to me, he now needed a "push-and-pull dynamic" in his relationships and that he enjoys "the chase". I told him straight-up that I only want consistently growing, stable love, like how we had when we first got together a decade ago. As you might imagine, things did not progress. Some people, primarily of the avoidantly-attached variety, only feel safe being involved with a love interest if said love interest isn't that into them, because if they *are* overtly into them, the avoidant starts to feel smothered or as though the love interest, who'll inevitably want more and more commitment as things progress, is becoming more and more of a risk to their personal freedom, which triggers their fight-or-flight response on an emotional level that, in most cases, even they lack the emotional depth of self-reflection to address. All they know is that the relationship with said love interest is now giving them stressful feelings and bad anxiety instead of the good feelings and good anxiety that it was before, which is typically the point where they drop the love interest entirely and move on, as they typically don't prioritize relationships or the people they date and don't see the value in sorting out any complex feelings they may have about them. However, if the love interest shows less or waning interest before being dropped, then the avoidant isn't getting the validation they want and will pursue until the love interest shows interest again, only for the exhausting cycle to rinse and repeat. All in all, to paraphrase someone else's response here, it's an unhealthy game of validation-seeking via power-plays to boost their ego, rather than any sort of way to build a genuine, lasting love, so I would recommend steering clear of people that want or expect this in dating because until they have a coming-to-Jesus and do the internal work on themselves, they typically aren't emotionally equipped to be a life partner to anyone despite truly wanting to be, deep down.
I’ve had some female friends in the past who had that mentality. They were toxic an annoying and the friendship did not last that long. I think if you’re past high school still thinking like this it’s embarrassing. People should communicate clearly, so say no or say yes but don’t do the whole hot and cold thing.
I do not chase, you want to play games then you can play solo
Never chase. Men are going to jail for that now. If she’s a good woman, she’ll make it perfectly clear that she’s into you. Preferably in triplicate with a public notary stamp & signature. Ell oh ell!
If you play hard to get, you are hard to want.
No, we don't. At all. Stop saying this.
I have a suspicion it comes down to the fact that woman get swarmed by the most obnoxious 5% of men, ruining dating culture for the other 95% of men.
Some people these days would see "chase" as "harassment". I wouldn't bother with that.
The basic jist is that women like to be chased. They like the attention and assurance this brings. Oftentimes it also boosts the guy to be more and do more as well, reaching down deeper to figure something out...... But A psychologist put it best (for me). A relationship always has a person *giving* (pursuing) and someone *taking* (being pursued). In a normal natural relationship this switches back and forth, sometimes within interactions. Much like a playful game of tag, it's not fun to always be "it" or "not it". The reason behind this is that you "feel" the relationship when you're being pursued, often the person "running the show" just isn't feeling as much. (Again, I'm trying to paraphrase what he said, not describe y'all's relationship individually) The jist is that women like to be pursued because that's the *best* part of the relationship and they tend to "feel" more then guys...but often forget to give men the opportunity to experience it. To chase back as much as they are *being* chased. This can lead to exhaustion because it's harder to experience the relationship in that position. So now guys are asking "why chase", because much of what I hear is "how to be chased, cause its awesome" and not "how to chase, cause fun for them". Also, just to point out cause I find it ironic. Women tend to initiate in different ways then guys. It's much more "substital" then guys methods. This is an entire topic in itself, I just thought I'd mention it because there's worse things to be said then "no" and women find much more effective methods as "uncomfortable"....though it depends on the woman. It's a whole topic that text/reddit is hard to communicate effectively over, but hopefully this leads to a better understanding....for as broken as my text can be.
The playing tag analogy is brilliant. What is substital referencing? Subtext in conversation?
I assume you're referring to the ways girls initiate. I love analogies so excuse this one. A guy initiates fairly straight forward, like in volleyball, you need to be "deliberate" with how you hit the ball in order to score points. A girl on the other hand is much more about *layups* than scoring. I'm heavily generalizing with all of this, but a girl will often give a look, touch, laugh, turn towards, bat the eyes, or any number of little things that announce they are "ready" for the advance but not *actually* advance. So much of this is contextual that some will mistake it for "being friendly" while others will read to far into "friendliness" and mistake it for this "layup". It's a subtle thing, blink and you can very well question your sanity for eternity. I'm not saying one is better than the other and girls *can* be forward. This is why I like the volleyball analogy, a spike is great with a layup...doesn't mean that's the only way to score nor is it always on both people's minds, plus anyone can do either role because it's about where you are at present and not solely *who*. Everyone does this "dance" differently and most aren't wrong/bad at it.
Bro I love your take on this. You feel like cool guy to have a conversation with
The feminism echo chamber is astonishing. No, men do NOT like that bullshit, and you can easily figure that out when you realize that ONLY WOMEN ARE E SAYING IT.
Yet there are men who won't leave uninterested women alone
Beats me... I always saw anyone playing any kind of manipulative head game as a giant reason not to be interested in them.
Most dating advice is "tell them what they want to hear." Women who earnestly read dating advice columns are usually very immature when it comes to relationships and terrified of the whole courting process. You tell them they never have to put themselves out there and that it's all on the guys to pursue them, and they eat it up. "Yeah girl, you never have to be straightforward or honest or face the possibility of rejection. And if it gets overwhelming, or you get scared or want to self-sabotage, you can just run and it's actually good to do that, we decided. That's how you get into a good long-lasting relationship."
From what I have personally seen from youtube "dating experts" is that they normally just spew out red pill propaganda.
"Dating experts" on youtube are pick up artists, for the most part.
No. Men hate the chase. Women like it… If it is someone they are interested in. It gives the continued dopamine hits because of the attention. Run from these women unless you want to be trying to win them for the rest of your life.
Most dating advice is terrible and a lot of it is based on enforcing gender roles. The reason women are told men want to chase is because we are judged if we are too keen and seen as sluts of we actually admit we want sex with someone. If you don't like it then work to dismantle gender roles. The world would be a much nicer place if we could all just talk like adults instead of playing stupid games.
Because the thing women hate most are other women.
NO WE DON'T! If you play head games before we know you that's a huge red flag.
Because women give each other bad advice about men.
Because it's true and the *worst* women will capitalize that for risk free comfort. It's true... if you're looking for some equivalent exchange. Pay a dollar or something that wants a dollar.
There is "some" truth to it. A lot of guys do enjoy that (up to a point. Very important qualifier), but the problem is that it "worked" "better" when "no" was considered to mean "try harder" as you were meant to just keep going until either you gave up or she did. Because just as some men like to chase, many women liked to be chased, but many also realized that operating by those rules, there's no real way to separate those they want to be chased by and those they don't, so naturally they changed the rules. That advice is given either by those who haven't moved on or the women who didn't/don't want to move on from those rules. There are a lot of men here who say they don't like the chase, and I do believe them, but... You pointed out how exhausting reading hits is, and it is, but under the original rules you didn't have to, you just kept at it, so it wasn't as tiring to do so. So I do wonder if all the men commenting that here are saying so because they're just not the type of guys who are into that/because the ones who are either won't comment or are getting downvoted, or because we've collectively been turned of from playing such games because we have a different view now of what they mean and just aren't appealing anymore in thus day and age. I say this because I personally like the "idea" of the chase, but I feel like the reality just won't be like that. So why would someone potentially harass a woman, waste their time, and risk getting in trouble for that? It just doesn't make sense anymore now that we know the idea of "she likes you, she's just playing hard to get" is not as true as we thought it was. That or maybe the decrease in average testosterone levels is starting to kick in, Idk, I'm not a psychologist, sociologist, or psychiatrist. Tl;dr: Less "wrong" and more "outdated" in my opinion.
I think this is mostly it. I enjoy the part of the relationship when things are ambiguous, you don't know where things stand and just kinda take it as it comes, and either you both enjoy it or it fizzles out after a while. That's different from not taking no for an answer, because there's neither yes nor no. I understand not everyone enjoys it though.
Women say men like to chase because the women want to be chased or pursued. It's projection.
The moment I felt I was chasing or the “hints” game. I was over it.
Anyone who wants to play games with feelings is too immature to be in a healthy relationship.
You wouldn't take a dog's advice on how to have a good relationship with a dog. Don't take a woman's advice on how to have a good relationship with a woman.
Because it’s the type of romance that appeals to women. Women want to be chased. Women want to make you work hard for their affection. Men hate that shit.
It keeps the simps in their place. Only simps chase women. This is why women have so many orbiters. If she is attracted to you and actually wants a relationship, then she will never keep you chasing her. And "playing hard to get" is code for she doesnt actually want anything to do with you. She just want you guys to work hard and give her things, but you will never actually get rewarded. Women don't want to hurt your feelings and they will just give you false hope until she finds a guy that she actually likes.
Because women like that and they project it onto us
It’s just traditional gender roles. Men are expected to be the aggressors or they’re seen as weak and feminine, and women are expected to be very selective and mostly resistant, especially to sex, or they’re seen as cheap sluts with no self respect.
Society 🌈
There is an appeal to the chase. I think it isn't as desirable in the current dating climate but I personally enjoy a little bit of it.
It’s because people like giving and receiving terrible advice. Which this is…it’s terrible advice.
When I was a teenager I asked my dad for advice about my boyfriend. His advice was “Don’t be the cat chasing the mouse. Be the mouse and let the cat chase you.”. He explained I should take this advice for all boys. So, for me, from my dad.
Because women know absolutely Zilch about the needs of men.
Because women know absolutely Zilch about the needs of men **and don't care to**. Fixed that for you.
It makes sense, I suppose. Men must know how women work to get into a relationship, women don't.
correct. the "feelings" routine is a way to get a better read on a man's naivety/conformity/sycophantism/neediness, the traits the average man must exhibit sometimes in order to keep her feeling secure, since women generally cannot read the room when it comes to men and constantly project *their* way of viewing things onto us, getting upset when it doesn't add up.
Movies. I believe it is movies. The guy has to work hard amd swat away the multiple "NOs" until he "wins her over". Hallmark anyone? Add to that reinforcement from those lady magazines with articles like top 10 things to ..... Combined is the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days" which is a movie about a lady writing one of these articles. The trick is she really likes him but "plays games" for the article.
They are used to fuck boys and don't understand how a real man thinks.
Simple answer: projection. They exclaim what they want from men.
It’s a dance: of being chased and chasing. Someone who only does one of them doesn’t know the dance and shouldn’t even be on the dance floor.
I enjoy the chase when she wants me to catch her and she signals that.
It's to increase a woman's perceived desireability I guess. Make them seem harder to have, increase investment from the man in being with said woman etc.
This is Hollywood romcoms and honestly following that example doesn't work in real life. It makes a more interesting movie but for the.. just act like a normal person people.
No we dont
Women are saying that to other women to validate the way that those women want to act. It has nothing to do with men, or what men want
It's a dumb stereotype. Don't take advice from such sources.
As a man I love playing games. Just not those ones, I generally prefer action RPGs. IRL I like honesty. I play pretend while reading a book.
Hint. We don’t.
Because women are socialized to believe if they say yes too quickly then they’re seen as “easy”
As a man, I fucking hate games like this and do not like to chase
I heard this once and it's true to every man I know. Hard to get is hard to want. Wanting a man to initiate the contact and show interest first is fine. Playing games and acting like you're not interested isn't.
Women never listen to men about what men want. Women listen to other women. Fashion tips, dating protocol, favorite body types, hair styles, the vast, *vast* majority of it men could not care less.
As a man I would like to say that no we don't. That shit is obnoxious
I hate playing games. Really shits me off.
Women like to be chased, so they lie to themselves and each other insisting that men like the chase. Because if they can convince themselves that men enjoy the chase for its own sake, they don't have to step back and think about the fact that they're demanding constant effort in exchange for nothing.
If she doesn't show obvious interest then I'm not wasting my time. It's that simple.
If I wanted to chase something I'd hunt small game. I'm not going to be jerked around by a human being for the theatrics.
Projection
They just have it backwards. They are the ones that enjoy the chase and getting attention. So they gaslight themselves into thinking men want that.
Because women don’t know shit about what men want. Chase money and success. Don’t chase a hoe.
Because women like to give other women awful advice. It's sort like watching a movie, where the hero stands up to bully by kicking his butt and his friends butt. We all like the idea of being that guy, but in practice picking fights is moronic. Women like to give other women advice they would love (in their heads to do), but to actually do those things in real would be moronic.
Because they would prefer to make up assumptions about what the other side wants than just ask. Plus its hard to be specific when your talking half the population.
In this climate you are high if you think I'm chasing you
Sounds like a great way to get a guy who won't take no for an answer and has issues with consent.
It's women giving other women advice on what men want. Think about that
It's women who enjoy being chased
Well, the chase is dead for men that have anything to lose, and especially in the workcenter. The #metoo movement was great for calling out actual predators, but then the dirtbag women out there realized they can use it to hurt innocent men. Just the accusation is enough to ruin a man's life. So most men don't play the game. "Oh? You appear to not be interested? Got it, wish you the best." Only dumbasses press the issue.
The chase is now called stalking and since NO means NO, “Hard to Get” becomes “Never Will Be Got” because any man who continues could have his life ruined just on the unverified word of a woman.
Because it is Women giving advice to Women. NO one thought about consulting a man.
That “advice” is designed to keep the people who listen to it single, so that they’ll buy next month’s issue of Trendy Magazine for Lonely Singles too.
because they read woman's magazines and spread the bullshit contained within to their friends.
Cause they don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve never been a man, so they’re just going off stuff they’ve heard. Find men to get advice from. They have been on the journey you are going on, women have not. Also, women unintentionally give bad advice for accomplishing the things you want to accomplish.
It’s not good faith advice. They’re trying to sabotage each other, as they do.
Because advice for women is often about making it their fault if a man won't take no for an answer.
Women don’t understand the first thing about men. It’s hilarious when I read dating profiles that really go out of their way to advertise all the most irrelevant things. Like I’m super confident, I have a successful career, I’m strong, I’m a business owner, I’m outspoken, I don’t need someone but I want someone, etc. Men don’t care about any of that at all. Are you cute? Are you feminine? Do you take care of your body? That’s literally all men want. We don’t give a crap if you’re confident or own a business or think you’re strong. You don’t need me? How is that attractive at all? Women are so clueless about men because they never had to learn what men want. Women can do whatever dumb things they want and men will still want them. It’s so easy for them to get attention they don’t ever learn what men are attracted to in the first place. Then they get older and the attention they get starts dropping off and they’ve never learned how to attract a man and they end up 50 and single. Divorcees are the worst because they landed their husband when they were young and desirable. Now they’re older and expect the same opportunities.
Ya that's literally the worst advice. If I don't think you're interested im not going to waste my time
Because its acutally women who enjoy the chase.
Because it's shit advice from clueless women. Many of whom are single in spite of claiming that they have the answers. To be blunt: don't ask single women, especially divorcees, for dating advice. Furthermore, don't ask a woman what she wants in a relationship. Do ask her what her values and life goals are. But realize that she has no idea what she really needs in a man, and that usually leads to the same generic answers that you can hear anywhere. But the rough recipie for a successful relationship is 60% similarities, and 40% differences. You want enough in common that you have something to talk about. But you also want differences, so you have things to share and teach each other. 60/40 is a guideline, not a rule. It can be a different balance, but that's roughly where the golden ratio is. And lastly, settling is not a bad thing. If someone is comfortable enough to be with long-term, count your blessings and be happy. Because leaving them just puts you back at square one, not knowing if there even is someone else out there. You can spice up a boring marriage, but you can't revive a dead one.
This girl I I used to like gave me a bookk about dating and I did read it some of it was good advice I guess but the one thing I didn't like about the book was it said to wait 20 mins before responding to a text from someone you like since it builds anticipation 🙃 I couldn't disagree more but that's just me
Because this sort of advice is coming from femcels or teenagers. If you want me to chase, I'm taking my dog for a walk
Women just make shit up about men to continue "being right" and circle jerking.
This is what happens when people take things too seriously. No one likes a chase, they just don't want things to be easy. No one does. It's why "Nice Guys finish last" is a thing.....no, it's guys that agree with everything the girl says finish last. It's the SAME THING.
I think it's women who like those games
Badly outdated info. Scammers got to scam.
Theres a lot of judgment against women who get into relationship too quickly plus tbh there’s some seedy horrible guys out there that they need to make sure aren’t just for sex or worse. I think there’s a biological reason. That being said any woman who plays the chase game as a game is red flag city to me. I want a woman that is ready to be open and to reciprocate my efforts if she’s actually interested and doesn’t make me jump through hoops to ease her insecurities.
Play stupid game win stupid prizes
Foolish stereotypes. We are rife with them. Just ignore.
Something they never express is that this only works for the most attractive, high value women, and only in relation to inferior men. This advice works for some women, the ones that are perceived as worth chasing, and only by men that need to “chase”, or earn the attention of the woman. If the woman is less than an instagram model and the man isn’t deficient in some masculine dimension, this is the opposite of an effective strategy. She should make herself available to the man and attend to him well. Do not throw up barriers or otherwise impede him. If he has options, he will go with the woman that actively reduces the friction of their relationship instead of the one working to increase it. Some women will say that if she’s insisting on being chased that she can fool the man into thinking she’s worth more than she is, and this can work on a limited context, but not forever. He will see the truth eventually. You can’t trick him indefinitely.
A woman who likes you will make it truly easy for you to be with her. It's all there is to it.
If I have to chase, I am just stopping. Playing hard to get is interpreted as “no.” Anything else is not OK in the modern world. It’s just stalking or borderline sexual assault.
I’m not gonna chase anyone. If she wants to play a game she can play it with someone else.
Because people like watching films? I don't chase, I attract. Ain't nobody got time for games. That said, my wife wanted to end things after one date - wasn't feeling it. I asked her to take a week and think it over, and didn't contact her for 6 days. Thankfully she gave me a second chance. Very early in our relationship, say after a few months, we had the DTR talk. I remember telling her "I cannot complete you. Nobody can. Life is a DIY project. I want to explore building a life together, but it takes both people pulling the oars." Her response was "I will disappoint you. Not that I am planning on hurting you, it's just that we're both human. At some point you will have an expectation that I don't meet. But I can't be your everything." Those sentiments are not particularly romantic but I think they reflect how pragmatic we are, and they came from a place of each of us wanting to be our authentic true selves. That's the thing about dating; so much of it is a long form interview, and while you drop your guard over time, you really fully reveal yourself. That takes 5-7 years....and a lot of times, when the true self comes out, the other partner thinks "This is not who I married. He/she has changed." Not really, it's just that they finally felt safe enough to be themselves. Anyway, you better have some solid reasons to stay committed when you inevitably bump up against that phenomenon. Most divorces happen in that 5 to 7 year stretch. You're not going to be the same person in 7 years, and neither will they. But that's a beautiful thing, learning to love someone after they show you a new side of themselves. I think of it as I am a free will moral agent, and every single day I put on my wedding ring and decide to love my wife. That's a pretty easy thing 95-99% of the time bc she's amazing, but I love saying that on days when things are off kilter and one of us is doing something that annoys tf out of the other. Super grateful to have someone who is a perfect partner for me.
“Ew you hit on me right out of the gate. Gross. It’s giving ick.” But also “why don’t men act like “men” anymore? Be strong. Be assertive.” Like bitch wüt?
I'm not chasing anyone. Fuck your mind games.
My brother is going through a divorce. He's on Tinder. Met a girl who's profile said I am in the beginning of a divorce and just need my back broken. He matched and they met up a few times. She was ok. I saw pics. I'm a female and didn't see anything great about her plus my brother is just trying to have some fun and blow off steam. Nothing wrong with that. He told her upfront that this is just fun and she agreed as she just kicked her husband out like 3 weeks before meeting my brother a month ago. The other day my brother told me he had to block her. She came out and was like why aren't you chasing me more. Um excuse me? You clearly agreed upfront that this is fun and no expectations as both are in the midst of a divorce. She said well ya but I thought you liked me more than that and would try to chase me. Ya...no. My brother works 80 hours a week and is an active father to one young teen and one tween. He's busy with extracurriculars, work, and more. This chick really thought he would be on her ass 24/7. Sorry lady but now we see why you're divorcing your doctor husband on your golf course house you bought for 400k a couple years ago and is now worth a million. Fyi my brother filed on his wife due to physical and emotional abuse also she got caught stealing from him. She was taking credit advances on his cards, buying stuff to resell to take the cash, and more. Her father found 30k in a box in his closet she stashed "just in case" after he loaned her 5k to help with her buying a car. They both work but I guess she always knew she would fuck him over. Her entire family cut her off when my brother filed. They all hang out with my brother regularly. Her brother in fact lets me and my brother babysit his son, her blood nephew, who she hasn't seen in over a year. Her own mom called my brother and apologized for how she raised her (mom is an addict still living in PR).
That's old fashioned and really isn't a game any man should put up with in this kind of dating climate. Make your interest and intentions known and if she's on the same page, keep her. If she says anything else, understand she's still looking
I just prefer the straight ask her out. I hate messing around. If I like you, I ask 🤷♂️. If you say no..... its a no. I won't chase you, I will just move on
Do the opposite of what they say. It's what they really want. Obviously.
There's certainly something to be said about not giving yourself up to soon, ladies, but don't just ignore us on purpose, show that you're also interested in us. Got no patience for a woman who comes off as indifferent about me.
I’m 32. I have a lot of offer relationship wise (good career, family oriented, height, humor, love kids, don’t play games). I know what I’m about and what I want. I will NEVER chase a woman. It’s all for ego and validation when she plays games and plays hard to get. If you are looking for a good husband, let’s go out. If not, take your stupid games elsewhere don’t have time for that 💩.
Because women live in an entirely different reality.
Because women are just as stupid as men when it comes to dating. They probably think making the men chase is going to mean that they’ll be more committed. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)
Because women ask women about men.
It's idiotic. No men I know enjoy that manipulative bullshit. No games.
Idiots propagate those ideas
The reason why women often get this perception is that women tend to date "up", meaning they are dating out of their league. So, the guys they are interested in will have little interest in them as anything more than a sexual release. So, it's not that the guy is playing hard to get, just that he's not into them. As for the "chase", it's because we often like the idea of the woman than the actual woman. She can seem interesting, attractive, funny, etc. Then when you get to know her, you realize that the initial impression is basically the entire depth of her, and so we become disinterested.
Women used to be the "prize" and took relationships seriously while looking for marriage etc. Not really sure what the chase involves with modern relationships but traditionally you would pursue/chase/court someone with hopes of marriage.
This is because the women's advice isn't "how to get a man" but rather "how to get a man that gets a lot of women" Men that get a lot of women enjoy the chase for the same reason skilled rock climbers like to climb high grades or skilled soccer players enjoy playing in harder (and eventually professional) leagues etc... The fact of the matter is the ideal-man these women are targetting has SO MANY options that, literally making it difficult for the sake of being difficult feels refreshing/interesting/fun for this type of man. If this doesn't describe you then you are NOT the type of man that women reading such advice are looking to attract.
They don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.
I don’t fucking play games… why do girls think this shit? lol
Sexual predators like the chase.. Normal humans like genuine interaction. The women pushing this advice are toxic.
Traditional dating advice is trash. Ignore it
Because majority are like that. If you be straight forward they call you a slut, a hoe and easy target. These are what real men have been saying for ages
I agree, but, there's no sense fighting this particular tide. Whether it's nature or nurture, hard to say at this point, but the women by and large are not likely to suddenly become the aggressors in this game, so, it's no use wasting time lamenting how the pieces move. They do what they do. We have to proceed under those conditions, or basically forfeit.
It's true that "hard to get" is a trope by now, and it cuts both ways too, by being tiresome for guys like OP and also encouraging some men to keep trying after being told no, which is annoying for those of us who mean it. I don't think women need to pursue, exactly, though I wish it was more acceptable. But most of us do mean no when we say no and we say yes when we're interested. So please take us at our word and let the ones who do play hard to get figure out it's not working.
>Like why is this? Patriarchal gender expectations. To be totally honest I don't really care, I don't like these stupid games and I'm not interested in dating women playing them. No one's forcing you to date women who have 0 initiative, use this as a filter to date better people. If I'm always the one taking initiative with someone I see it as a red flag and walk away. It's also a huge turn off in my case. And this goes for all genders, dating people who put no effort isn't a good idea.
Agree!
Stop asking deer on their advice on how to hunt a deer. They only know life from a deer perspective. As a hunter you are playing a different game with different rules.
Yeah... that's not a disturbing perspective at all.
Also most people are awful at knowing what they actually want/need in a relationship. Of both genders.
Or maybe don't look at human connection through any lens that places your prospective partner in the role of an animal, a victim, or any other fucked up metaphor that dehumanizes you both.
Because it's trash that women like to think is true. Men have the same BS about women, too. Truth is, humans don't like other humans.
Chasing is for teenagers, no one has time or patience for that shit anymore
If a woman is into you, she'll make time, if she doesn't, move on.
Grow up and tell someone how you feel. If they don’t feel the same, move on. Anyone who wants to play games isn’t worth the trouble.
Never take dating advice from women they live in their own world and can't struggle to date they obsess over rom coms and bullshit things like persistence and stalking being attractive but just remember the only thing stopping you is how attractive you are to her the only difference between flirting and creeping on her is if you are hot They will sleep with men they barely know on the first date not even knowing their names they will get raw dogged by every dude in the neighborhood but in the same breath will make other dudes wait months and make them wear condoms just under that the difference is if you are a hot fuckboi there are no rules and women will change any and every rule she's had for other men for one night with you but if you aren't a hot fuck boy and want a relationship you are going to have to earn it multiple dates multiple dinners and meet her friends and parents wait weeks if not months for physical touch all the while she will be fucking other people until she is "comfortable" whatever the fuck that means in this context Women will say things to look good but in reality want something very different Women think playing hard to get weeds out assholes but in reality it only weeds out good men who don't have patience for games
Bc women like mind games and they think men also like mind games but we don’t. I mean just look at women’s friendships compared to men’s. Toxic
Watching the men’s theories on this is fascinating. It’s because we learn rather quickly (by experience) that when we make ourselves freely available to a man, he dips pretty quick. No I’m not referring to sex. I mean always free for dates, always text back right away, always answers the phone, emotional available. They get bored. Like you were so easy to catch you aren’t worth the effort. Now this may be only a certain TYPE of guy but there’s a lot of them. So it’s a lesson almost every woman will learn. Some decide to play their stupid game and the rest of us learn to say “boy, bye✌️”
Upvoting you since I think you're partially correct. 1) I think women will make themselves more available to more attractive guys, and more attractive guys have lots of options and will dip. He wasn't interested in you since he (correctly) thinks he can do better. 2) If the guy is *not* hot, then they're inexperienced enough to not value the woman's attention. He wasn't interested in you since he (incorrectly) thinks he can do better. Women adopting the "chase" tactic helps weed out those who aren't actually interested. Whether it's an effective tactic depends on the environment.