Gay guy here. I checked your profile so will answer the question you’re really asking. There is zero reason from a physical perspective for you to be a virgin. I don’t know what your face looks like, but your pics are average at worst. You are 100% someone’s type.
My serious advice to you is to pay to lose your virginity. Forget about it being special - the special time can come later. You need to build your confidence and you need to make up for lost time. It’s true that most people won’t want to teach the basics.
Most women like these traits in a guy. Work on them. It’s not necessarily easy, but it’s also not complicated:
Confident
Kind (in a considerate and attentive way)
Good sense of humor
Charming or charismatic
Able to integrate into friend group (and vice versa)
Get off the virgin subreddit. Don’t go back there. Seek out online resources that help build the traits I listed.
You are too focused on the goal of having sex. And I bet the women you’re talking to can tell. Pay the quid and get that over with. Then you can actually focus on being a good date and potential partner.
Agreed. As someone who also a late bloomer and lost his virginity a bit later than usual, I’m glad I stuck to my guns and always refused to pay a hooker. That would have made me feel much worse about being a virgin and would have made me feel that the only way I’d be able to attain it is through paying for it. The way I was able to finally make it happen was just constantly working on myself, my looks, confidence, and also taking advice from my friends who were actually successful with women.
DON’T EVER hesitate to ask your fellow guy friends how they succeed with women, most guys want to see their fellow guy friends do well in their dating life.
Maybe you wouldn't have to if you didn't make being a virgin your entire personality. Also stop asking for femboys online with dick pics, it's fucking weird.
I've done the whole one night stands, friend with benefits/casual and been in commit relationships. I'm happier alone with none of that. I only pursued it to begin with to begin with because it's what expected. It's the "norm". Now I'm slightly older, I've accepted that it's not for me. If I could afford it, I would live in a cabin in the woods away from everyone.
Judging from the amount of times you’ve posted about being a virgin, I’d say your biggest problem is being obsessed with not being a virgin. The *vast* majority of women who want companionship don’t want to be the target for someone’s fuck mission. They can smell that on you a mile away. They probably feel objectified by you.
So you have a couple of options: Hit up Tinder and find someone for just sex or you need to move beyond the obsession. But you’re right—if you don’t change anything, your life is not going to change.
I’m only a 16 so I don’t have much experience but from when I’ve gone on dates etc my brain always hypes up how hard it really is, once I’ve asked it’s easy honestly sometimes these things are up to mental barriers.
Maybe your approach is bad, or you’re asking women who are giving you clear signals that they’re uninterested or not available and you’ve ignored them. Try finding a friend group first, get to know women first and find out who they are, then you’ll have the knowledge and experience to understand if there’s even a point asking.
Have you tried asking your women friends for help with this issue ? With no ulterior motives, as well as your male friends with partners ? Maybe they even know people in their own circles that maybe they can set you up with. I don't think it's weird to struggle with this and go to friends for help.
Looking at the responses it seems you're a very negative leaning person, alot of "I've tried and everyone says no" mentality. You don't seem like you're all that keen on taking any of the advice shared here, which isn't a great trait in life. You need to seek waysvto improve because what you're doing isn't working and you're the common denominator. Doing the same unsuccessful tactics over and over is not going to be successful suddenly. You have to introspect and ask friends for help so you can improve yourself, make a plan for success and then follow it.
Its a numbers game. I'm a decent looking guy and consider myself decent with women snd I'd say I'm lucky if 1 in 10 women I approach goes anywhere or if it seems like they like me as well. If I try it 100 times its 8 or 10 phone numbers or dates potentially. Plus you have online dating or can join a club
As simple as it sounds, just ask. I know its easy to say, and harder to do. However, if you don't ask, it will never happen. Even though you will get rejected, a lot, someone will eventually say yes, even if it just as friends. It's like they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. It gets easier to ask the more you do it.
Then it should be easy by by now. If I as a early balding, skinny, speech impaired 20 year old can get dates, im sure you can. I don't imagine girls today are that different to 10 years ago when I was still in that game.
You are looking at it like “they would have to agree”. No. They should WANT to. They should be asking you.
It’s really not that hard.
Work out a little bit. You don’t have to get ripped. You don’t have to become a workout junky. Just do 10 minutes of yoga 3 times a week. Eventually you will find yourself automatically doing a bit more than that because it will start to feel good.
Eat a little bit better. Take a shower. Groom yourself a little bit.
That’s it. It’s not magic and it’s not hard.
I’m under 6’, bald, almost 40 and I’m not exactly ripped or in very impressive shape and women of all ages throw themselves at me.
I feel this. I was feeling pretty lonely the last couple years and happen to have a drunken ons with my best girl friend a few months ago. It was a pretty fun night overall but I didn’t really feel much afterwards. I also realized that I honestly don’t have the time or energy to start and maintain a relationship and the loneliness has subsided since.
I’m the same way.
The times I do feel like “yeah I could fuck a chick right now”, and I say this with zero shame, I’ll just get an escort.
No bullshit, don’t have to do the dance w them, don’t have to pretend im there for anything other than what i want. No drama, easy breezy.
Too many people (both genders) won't just do the honest thing and pay for sex or use a hookup app/event. If all you want is sex, go get it without involving people looking for relationships.
It really needs to be looked at more positively. Everybody is benefiting
Woman makes money, man gets sex, all of it is consensual, no idea why it’s looked down upon let alone illegal.
If you still really want it then it’s okay to continue pursuing it whether you’re successful or not. You don’t have to give it all your energy but you can still continue to put some effort into it.
I’ve been reading some buddhist philosophy lately so this is based on what stuff I’ve read. it sounds like what might benefit you is to stop being attached to the idea of not suffering. If you want this, then not having it will bring up some negative emotions. Maybe loneliness. Maybe the feeling of rejection. Our emotions have less power over us when we stop craving an end to them and accept that they will always come back but they will always go away too. When we accept suffering is just part of the human experience, it doesn’t have to overtake us.
I hope you find your person one day :)
Of course I'm in my mid 40s never had either and never wanted either.
I've had opportunities (with both women and men as some assumed I was gay) but turned them down as I have 0% interest in it
After looking through your profile and constant posts about virginity, etc. I think at this point you’re just addicted to the attention you’re receiving on Reddit about being a 30 yo virgin. You’re not so ashamed of yourself that you’re just giving up, because you have no problem asking for love from “fem boys” or posting pictures of your dick on other subreddits. I don’t believe you’re not confident in yourself, not fully at least. You like seeing that comment karma and post karma go up, so you keep at it. You’re happy already being a virgin, because it gives you hits of dopamine to talk about it online.
I don't think so. I think there may be some outlier individuals that can but generally speaking I think we have a gigantic biological desire for romance and sex.
My cousin seems to like it however he does have a long term, friends with benefits person. He described it as they are great together for a bit then they get on each other nerves, that's when they take a break for a few months. He does his thing, she does her's then they get back for a bit and repeat the cycle. He's pretty content.
I already experienced romance and sex. Was cheated on by my first gf, and now I'm getting divorced (she's probably cheating as well). So yes I can live without it. I'm over it.
That said, if you truly seek it, go after it! Having a romantic partner is not all roses. You will experience tough and hard times. You got to at least experience the ups and downs of having a relationship.
I dont think you should “get over” the desire for companionship. Its something that makes you human and giving that up I think could turn you into a less compassionate, less empathetic person. I can understand having a hard time meeting people and making connections the way you would want… some people are just given less blessings when it comes to looks or charisma which conventionally gives us the ability to attract our desired partner. But that being said, giving up on working on yourself and having that motivation to aim for love and companionship makes a huge difference to even your own quality of life. Its like saying its okay to “let yourself go”. Ya know what happens when you do? Sickness. Body, mind, and soul. Lower quality of life. You need that drive.
Never mind the virgin thing. Forget it. When i was 30 i had been in and out of dating throughout my 20’s but constantly shut down. Had lots of guys break up with me. They didnt love me, or it didnt work… i tell ya being good looking enough for sex but not lovable enough to keep is pretty damn hard to emotionally cope with too. But i never really gave up or felt like giving up until i reached 30. So i get it. I was exhausted. And theres something about that age that really gets you thinking about life and slowing down. Not caring about the things you used to care about. It can be nice.
But admittedly it never really went away completely. I was emotionally exhausted… but after a few years i was feeling lonely and sad about the prospects of a life with no partner in my future. And let me be real, i didnt even really have any friends either. I was just keeping to myself. But then eventually a guy i used to date found me… we reconnected… and at 35 i got married and 36 i had my first child.
I still constantly ask my husband “why do you love me?” Because i still find it hard to see… and trust me he sees all of me. Im always in my pj’s… and especially after birth hes seen more of me than i have. I gained weight to 200lbs and stretch marks like ive gotten mauled by a tiger all over my belly. He tells me im beautiful and he misses me all the time.
What ive come to understand is that love is beyond what you see in the mirror. And especially when it comes to marriage or anything like that… you have to understand that. You’re not two “good looking people” who got together. That entertain each other constantly… you’re two souls who decided to go through this difficult life together instead of alone. What you see in the mirror is irrelevant.
To find the right one, is to find your best friend. Nothing more than that. You dont have to get married. You dont have to have kids. But find your soulmate nonetheless. As humans, we need that to stay human. Keep working on yourself. Humble yourself by asking the hard questions. Reflect on the criticisms you’ve had when you didnt want to listen. Not all are worth the time but sometimes… they paint a picture of the person you are and why you’re pushing away real connection. Work on that. Its worth doing no matter what. Its not a pointless or vapid venture.
You can’t.
If you desire a partner, then your life can’t feel complete without a partner.
Work on yourself to become a better partner to someone else. Whether that involves therapy, a psychiatrist, diet, exercise, or getting into new hobbies, there has to be something you can do that will make yourself more attractive to others.
Become a athlete. I became a fighter. A boxer at tgevagevof 33 with no prior training. Competition gave me a passion that I never had for anything else and changed my outlook on life entirely.
Other forms of athletic competition I participate in are running and weight lifting.
Again I started over the age of 30 I am 5'9" and 300 lbs
Just stop dwelling on it. If you find yourself spiralling into dark thoughts just... stop. It won't do you any good to allow those thoughts to dominate your every waking minute. Tell yourself that over and over.
You'll periodically have bouts of loneliness, it's inevitable. Drown yourself in some form of escapism, preferably a hobby that you truly enjoy. Make it your everything. Try to find some friends, even if it's just online, who enjoy that hobby as well. You need something to fill the void. Most people fill it with illusions of love and loyalty to one another. You have to find something different.
Life only has whatever meaning that you choose to give it. We are programmed from a young age to believe that the only meaning you can hope to find is through love and family. And while those things certainly do work, and are honestly the low hanging fruit of meaningfulness, they aren't the only things.
This hinges on your own self-awareness. If you can't come to terms with yourself and what the concept of happiness means to you, then you are fucked. Most people are fucked, though. They endlessly chase whatever pipe dream they've convinced themselves will make them happy. Doesn't matter if it's the traditional concept of love or money or... whatever. True happiness is an internal decision to be happy. It kind of defies casual explanation. It sounds simple because it is. It's just that genuinely believing it to be true is incredibly difficult.
tl;dr You need to know yourself, have something you truly enjoy, and make that your happiness.
Go online on dating apps and just be very direct and honest about what you're looking for and be straightforward. Women will either like you for you or move on just keep being you and moving forward and that will draw people to you.
Companionship is a natural desire whether sexual, romantic, platpnic or familial. You can obtain any of these with enough confidence in yourself
You’re trying to run away from what you truly desire, instead of facing it head-on. I don’t think you’re ever going to be truly happy until you have some romance in your life. Until then, no matter what you do, there will always be that thought of “what if” living in your subconscious. I am 31 and have never been in a committed, long-term relationship, and I haven’t so much as kissed a girl in the past 9 years. Guess what I’m putting a lot of fucking effort into? That’s right, dating. I’ve been working out, rebuilt my wardrobe, staying groomed, approaching women I am interested in, reading books on sex and dating, and talking about my experience with my friends and therapist, even though it’s really embarrassing to be a 31 year old man with so little experience. Shame dies in the light. I haven’t even been on a date yet since I started doing these things, but I feel 10x better because I am at least putting myself out there. Fuck, last night a girl told me she would date me except for the fact that she is moving to another state soon. That felt good, even though I didn’t so much as hold her hand. The truth is that it will take more work for you than for most people, but just like being a 400-lb person trying to lose 250 lbs, it’s a battle that is not only possible but will substantially improve your quality of life. And a little tip - each time you get friend zoned, you’re making a friend. Maintain those friendships. Having female friends not only brings some feminine energy into your life, but it opens doors to meeting other women and helps you understand women a bit more. Good luck, the books I am reading are Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson and The Guide to Getting it On 10e by Paul Joannides
If you want to take care of it instead:
1) Go get a part time job at a gas station, or some similar place where you see a lot of people and can talk and get to know them.
2) Lower your standards.
3) There will eventually be people showing interest in you. Give it time. But within a year you will have had several obvious opportunities. Take them. There are many people out there the same as you. Here you can find them. Or, if u want, some person will just be horny on the way home and ask you "what time do you get off?"- run with that haha.
It's definitely possible to live a happy and fulfilling life without romance or sex. Focusing on deepening your friendships, engaging in hobbies that bring you joy, and finding new passions can provide a lot of fulfillment. Volunteering, traveling, or pursuing personal goals can also help you find purpose and satisfaction. Remember, companionship and happiness can come from many sources, not just romantic relationships.
The issue isn't that people can live without those things (plenty of people don't care or straight up don't want romance, I am one of those) the issue is that YOU clearly want it.
Personally if I became unable to draw I would kill myself. But "How can people live a happy life without drawing?" is a nonsensical statement. That someone else is fine without something is no help nor consolation if you still want the thing. I could tell you how happy I am without romance, I could tell you about how I spend all my time making art, I could tell you how fulfilling I find to express myself through it, it won't help you. I cannot lend you my purpose to live, because we aren't the same person.
You need introspection, know yourself better, realize what you want, what you need, why you don't have it, and go for it.
Like anything else with this human condition...it's only an issue if you make it an issue....live your life enjoying what you usually enjoy and if it happens or your mind decides to change it, then you will. If it never becomes a priority, your not on this planet to live with that experience. Maybe on the next one, you are the master of your fate....
This is an epidemic with men. The internet is not going to be helpful to you. Women will be super hostile to the idea that anyone could be a virgin until 30 and assume the worst in you but the stats don’t lie. Men between 18 and 30 are struggling a lot. You’re not alone. It’s something like 1/3 or close to it that have not had sex. For women it’s drastically lower. They’re all sharing the same few guys or dating older men who are more established. Just feel comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Previous generations like mine had it a lot easier. Online dating really corrupted a whole generation. I would have never been able to meet my wife if I was just a few years younger because she would have had 500 dudes in her inbox weekly all begging to pay to take her out and then she could just sort by height and income and boom, I’m out of the running. This isn’t insecurity. It’s reality. I feel really sorry for the new generation of men. On top of being alone they’re also told they’re the source of all problems in society. It’s negativity from every angle. Just remember it’s probably not you, it’s society at this point in history.
As everything in life, depends on the person. There are people who even identify as assexuals. The question is what YOU want and how much you want to fight for it
You can't. This is why people get addicted to porn or meddle in other people's relationships. Every guy who "gave up on dating" probably has loads to say about women, sex and relationships online in addition to consuming tons of porn and subbing to online hookers.
Women who have constantly failed at love are always in someone's business and addicted to porn, sex toys and romance novels.
So some people might downvote me for this but this is how society was built. There's strip clubs, brothels, massage parlors, etc that exist and operate with no issues from the police for people like you. It costs some coin but it's cheaper than you'd spend on a woman. Get your fill, build your confidence, if you like it you can budget for this for the rest of your life or chances are after sometime you'll both be over casual sex and you will have high confidence you'll go out and meet women easily. Women don't care about body count or your past so as long as you play safe and don't catch anything you'll be good.
Idk what country you're in but these services exist everywhere in the world. You can plant your seed in every continent. Antarctica even has something going on and up north at the Arctic if you ever get a chance to work on a government contract there (idk about Antarctica but the Arctic North is flat with no mountains and hills so there's nothing blocking the wind so you spend majority of your time indoors and bored with others who are just as bored).
Dude, trust me when I tell you, even being in a loving relationship doesn’t mean romance/sex regularly. There are still periods of time where there won’t be affection or intimacy. You just gotta stop stressing over it and it’ll happen. It shows up unexpectedly when it’s good.
Bro you have posted 20 times a year for like 8 years about being a "kissless virgin" and honestly I've read some weird af comments and posts of yours. You give off a massive creep vibe. Like I imagine anytime you go out you are super creepy because the only thing on your mind is sex and somehow telling any woman about your "massive dick"
You are the problem because you are so weirdly sex obsessed and don't know how to act or think
You've gotten years of reddit advice and are still asking the same questions on repeat. I don't think you have any interest in actually improving and think pussy just falls on people's laps when they go out
This might sound harsh but I feel like you are taking no responsibility and the advice is going through one ear and out the other so imma just say it's not over for you but you are definitely the problem
Either that or all this time you're just lying and getting off on these weird questions. I mean what normal person posts their dick on reddit?? That is not normal behavior.
you don’t, it’s a fundamental human need, especially for a man and it only leads to frustration if not fulfilled. I recommend you read the book too late mate by alex forrest.
Well I am a 51 year old Virgin and reasonably happy. You can do this! Basically the same things you are already doing. I belong to Fraternal Orders, I volunteer for things, I read and write a lot. I have a few good friends. I make enough to take a week long vacation each year!
I have fun, just not that type of fun!
Learn how to talk to women. Watch TED talks on communication. Read books on it. Practice what you learn. A good book is the art of negotiation by Voss. It’s actually meant for business communication but it teaches communication skills you can use in everyday life including talking to women. There are endless ways to make yourself better and more desirable. Obviously physical stuff is important but to be confident and communicate well is key in making women want you. Good luck
Hey man, you gotta make YOU a priority. When women see that you have your shit together you will get their attention. Make good money, get a place of your own, have hobbies. Women will gravitate towards you if they see that you value yourself.
Stop posting weird shit, go make a lot of money, learn to invest, buy your own place and you'll be rolling in it. I see uggo dudes with banging wives all the time, but ZERO of those guys exhibit self pity... think about it.
Stop being such a downer if ur like this irl I 100% see why women don't want u, no one wants a "I can't do it ass dude". Atleast try like others have said u miss 100% of the shots u don't take
I don't have any advice, but know your not alone. For me it's part my fault, but it's also the way everyone around me seems to be. I don't want to change, and I don't want to chase. Id rather just suffer and die alone, maybe I'm too prideful, oh well.
I’ve only ever been in two relationships and both times they came to be because I made a move very early on, and I literally never do that kind of thing.
You gotta put yourself outside of your comfort zone and just go for it, respectfully obviously
Seems to me you want it too bad and this fact repels people. You need to be happy being you, chase less and try to be around people.
You can be happy without it easily, I honestly could see myself never having sex or a relationship again and being fine with it.
That said if I were in your shoes where I've never had sex or a relationship I'd probably be bummed too just because of the unknown and societal expectations. Just know it's not magical or anything. Focus on that less and more on yourself. I saw you said you got rejected 100 times, I can't imagine even trying 100 times so that seems like a flawed way of finding someone. Your mind is 100% obsessed with this and people are not looking for that in someone.
By doing everything you want. And making sure your time is being used wisely when you aren't working.
I don't like sex and I find it pointless, tbh. I'm fine with being single till I die. I have more freedom than ever and I do whatever I want to do when I want to. I have old hobbies I like and I have new ones I want to try. I learn a skill, take a hobby class, I go out, etc. I just live life.
Atleast you don't know what you are missing out on.
If it makes you feel better I lost mine way too young when I was only 12 years old and I wish I left it until it was way more special and I could understand how special that moment was meant to be.
Last time I got laid was nearly a year ago since my last breakup and in miss having regular sex big time.
If it makes you feel any better OP, my mid/late 20s we're pretty rubbish when it came to getting girls. After I became single again in my early 30s for some reason I started slaying. Best advice I can give you is work on yourself (hit the gym) and get some interesting, social, active hobbies (spoiler alert: video games and D&D, as awesome as they are, don't attract the ladies). Live an interesting life that someone would want to be a part of.
And above all, act like you don't give a fuck, even when you do. Confidence is hot and neediness isn't.
I would say that having romance/sex doesn't necessarily make you happy though. It certainly makes like a lot more complicated. I think I could be happy with or without.
I think it really depends on the person. Most people desire intimacy at least sometimes. Some people never need it, some people have it and then don’t want it anymore, some people desire it but can’t get out of their own way. It depends on your perspective and the joy you can find in other avenues.
My romantic life has been two long relationships with a few random dates sprinkled in the middle. Immediately after breakups, I deeply desire a romantic relationship. Once I’ve been alone a while I get over it and find joy in other things. But eventually, the desire always comes creeping back.
It's less about the asking and more about how you carry yourself. If you walk around afraid of and expecting rejection that's what you will be primed for. Don't make it a big deal. Failure leaves you with exactly what you had before. Be confident, relaxed and the rest will just happen on its own. You really don't want someone you have to manufacture or manifest something with anyway. The right thing will just happen.
Go to r/semenretention but there has been tons of great men that have lived fulfilling and important lives because they didn’t waste time in women or the carnal pleasures of the flesh
By getting out of the house and ensuring you're taking every opportunity to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women.
I run and train Jiu Jitsu in my free time. It keeps me too busy and too in need of rest to date. It feels pretty cool running 10+ miles at a 9:00/mi pace and it feels good having that first stripe on my white belt. I know if I work at training jits 3 nights a week, running 3 or 4 times a week, and doing calisthenics and weight lifting I’ll get better at running and grappling, and that is certain. If I try to date a woman things could go great, things could go poorly, and since I’m only 10 months sober I’m betting they will go somewhere in between, but that’s not totally certain.
Certainty of growth and development is a more powerful motivation than a vague possibility of fulfillment that relies on another person. Find your grappling and running and let it guide you.
Get a dog. You'll have someone to focus your love on then and take care of them while they give you love back. Since you've said it's more a desire to hold hands and stuff rather than sex...
It’s easy. Once you’ve bent a few women into a pretzel and all the cheesy romance shit, you quickly realize that you’re not missing anything. I’m 38 and I had enough sex, to be honest.
The romance sex comes attached with a lot costs, time and headaches - women can be annoying af when you hit em with that 90s R&B dick. If my relationship ends, I’m going to dive into my money like Scrooge McDuck and stay there alone until the grim reaper comes knockin’.
Masturbation, and enjoying the fact that you get to spend your money on things you like rather than being responsible for people that want everything from you and don't appreciate the sacrifices you make for them.
one women can make you happy, but same women can make your life absolute nightmare, you suddenly find her mouth in another cock in her mouth, she doesn't want sex after arriage, you get divorces lost half of everything, all these scenario will cause lots of years of pain, you would wish you never did it
I crossed the 30 year line also a few years ago, never really pursued sex or romance, life others millions of experiences that can keep you fulfilled, intimacy is just one of an almost infinite number of possible things one can miss out in our short lifetimes, so don't ever let the fear of missing out anything affect how you think.
If you have friends hold onto them like a treasure and always develop new hobbies from time to time. Fulfillment to me apart from enjoyment is also about purpose, you can and should assign yourself a task bigger than yourself, something that you can look forward to decades in the future or even outlive you.
And of course the obligatory spiel about loving and caring for yourself, as annoying as people find it, there is ZERO downside of taking care of yourself.
Treat dating and relationships like marketing or a job hunt, just like sales and job offers won't come if you don't put yourself out, same thing won't happen with women
Accept that you may get dozens or even hundreds of rejections before getting even one positive outcome, and don't take rejections as the end of the world
Be brave enough to ask a woman who rejects you why she did it, maybe you'll learn some helpful feedback for the future
And keep on trying, in the end, you'll regret the times you chickened out far, far more than the times you got rejected
Yes you can. The question is will you want too. You can replicate companionship without sex by caring for natures creatures in return they will love you. Get a pet to build emotional companionship with. Cut humans out of your life you'll be far more fulfilled especially if you pursue something of interest. Open a soup kitchen, talk with the down trodden in your community go make your mark rather than wondering if you ever could of made one like most folks do.
Actually go give your life meaning stop living in a bubble being content with unfulfillment and broken dreams. Your an adult its time to adjust your dreams and face the reality of what you can do not what your unable to achieve or have had slip by you.
Looked at your other posts and I agree with some of these people here. Get off the virgin subgroup. You focus on sex and being "kissless" too much. That's probably not helping you find a girl.
Also, just improve yourself. Focus on other hobbies, find other fulfillment in life, read some self help books, just talk to people... learn some things because it seems like that's what's preventing you from attracting women. You're probably givjng off creepy vibes if I'm being honest.
Eventually you get comfortable with the idea of being alone, the thing to do is focus on the non sexual relationships and building things you love to do that don’t involve sticking your body onto another person’s.
After 5 years in a relationship, I’m living a pretty fulfilling life with only rare sex, and yet I’d take that any day over being single. Sex is only as important as you want it to be, and most of us guys ain’t ever gonna be having sex as often as we’d like. So we find hobbies to entertain us.
So are you just a troll or a bot maybe? What does this do for you? Your profile is nothing but variations of the same question for over a year at least
Try dating apps. I was a virgin until 31 because I was too shy. Went on dating apps and lost my virginity. Now I have a gf. There is hope for you, keep trying.
My husband was in his 40s and a virgin before we met (I too am in my 40s). He was a friend first, we met in a hiking group. We were friends for 3 years before we dated and eventually married.
You make friends with the intention of only offering friendship. You focus on developing yourself and your hobbies. Then if something happens then great, if not you still grew and developed.
The biggest lie anyone has everybody you was life was about sex and marriage. It isn't. It's about growth and developing who you are into a better kinder version of yourself.
I didn't try to have a relationship with my husband. I focused on nature, on hiking in groups, amd friendships. That's what works. My husband didn't get a bad attitude when I said no to three dates in those three years before I said yes. He stayed my friend, he respected my space and the place I was.
You have to put yourself out there. Meet new people. Be honest about what you want.
Understand that you'll almost certainly be rejected many times before you are successful. And that it's 100% worth it.
Don't let fear of failure/rejection ruin your life.
if u want sex, go to Pattaya, Thailand. if u want a relationship, go put urself out there and search. if ur somewhat attractive, all it takes is guts to close the deal
Humans are social animals, we NEED companionship. We are hardwired for it.
You seem to be doing everything right, it sounds like you need honest input and help from friends to be able to adapt.
I know this is going to sound silly but have you tried a dating coach? Not like the gross pick up artist.
https://www.minnie-lane.com/
As someone above mentioned it is just a really rough market. I imagine even more so in London.
Keep working on self improvement and building your self confidence.
It gets better
I had/have romance and sex, but I've been intentionally going to bed early lately because I'm having very vivid dreams lately about having friends, a social life and hobbies I'm actually good at.
Grass is always greener I guess.
Through meaningful relationships. Look a lot of us in marriages will get to a point where the sex stops too
Just keep a journal of when you did something that makes you happy and then keep doing more of those things
Companionship is part of the human experience. We’re communal beings. It makes sense that you want this. I don’t have advice but did want to validate your feelings.
Find a dating therapist, 300$ is worth it to live a happy life with kids
The desire is there for a reason, we’re billion year old organisms whose happiness is linked to survival and perpetuation of the genes.
Do you want to grow old, with no one to love you? No one to help you?
Hire a sex worker. No, really. It will open your eyes to see that sex really isn't all that important and it will help you gain confidence in yourself around women.
Dude I’m the same way. A bit younger than you but I’ll never be happy without a relationship. I really like women and I desire romance and sex just likely anyone else. It’s just something I really want and need. Unfortunately ive been dealt circumstances that make it quite unlikely that I’ll ever be with a woman in any capacity. Idk what to do either tbh.
Dude. Work on yourself. Get confidence in yourself. Get self respect. Start holding yourself to a higher standard. The small things that show you care about you and your health and wellbeing make you much more approachable to everyone else. Don't think of sex as the end goal. Think of something attainable for you.
I didn't see any photos of you so can't/shouldn't comment on you physically. Go to the gym. Get in great shape. Eat cleaner. Apply for the promotion. Start a new hobby that you can be proud of. Literally tick off the little wins, you'll start feeling better and happier eventually. From there it's a matter of time before others notice changes and who knows, maybe then you'll be in a better position for whatever you want.
You are focusing heavily on sex but trying to start relationships it seems. You've got to disconnect the two, yes a relationship means sex but it means sex because the things that happen within the relationship. Porn has us convinced that women are lustful, that one look is all it takes to get someone or that they will instantly get horny from flashing your cock. While you can definitely pull that off with one or two girls the majority of women do not appreciate a heavy handed or overly sexual approach to flirting. For the most part I let them do the dirty talk and I play innocent and pure, also helps when the bedroom switch happens and I do Dom shit because it creates a contrast.
Also if you are super desperate I'm willing to at least blow you, I'm not a femboy but I'm pretty delicate in terms of masculinity.
You won't get over the desire for companionship.
We're social animals.
Make friends. Guys or Girls or co-workers. Get a dog.. get any pet!
Really you define the parameters of your happiness.
I suggest reading philosophy especially stoicism. It's really helped me.
Stop letting it dominate your thoughts, change your relationship with porn, if you consume any, to be strictly functional. Use it to get off real quick, and don't be doing it a bunch, just to relieve tension. That way you don't fuck with your brain or your expectations for sex in any weird way. It also primes you for addiction, being a gateway to an addictive personality. As someone with such a personality, id take this very seriously.
Also, how do you view women? Lots of virgin men tend to see them as something other than human and it shows in their behavior in how they act around and treat women. I'm not trying to say you're some evil sexist that objectifies women, I'm saying that for a lot of men that are virgins, this develops a sort of psychological complex whereby they automatically see a giant dog ide between themselves and women, when they're in fact just people, just like a man. Men don't have to treat her super differently because she's a woman, yet because of the virginity, *do*, often acting in very creepy, rude, and disrespectful ways in order to try and impress them.
As far as enjoying life without sex, I'm voluntarily a hermit, pretty much. The way I got it off my mind was to not fixate on it, and stop seeing any attractive woman I cross as a potential person to sleep with. It actually makes life soooo much easier, so much less stressful, you wouldn't believe it. Less drama, I get a long fine with both men and women coworkers and people around me. It's quite nice. Just let go of this idea that you *need* to have sex, especially in order to be happy or fulfilled. Sex is like 5-25 minutes of transient good feelings, it's ephemeral. Most things in life worth anything don't directly involve sex, at most it's a byproduct of it.
I'm sorry friend, but women can smell the desperation and sad-sack-ness coming off of you from a mile away. Get your shit together, get a therapist, and just calm down and you'll probably find your luck greatly increased.
As a single person, it becomes surprisingly easy. Did a 2 year stint in my 30s....life was going pretty good, I just didn't look for it. In a relationship it's different, much more than a week and I have issues.
Please hear me out. Bro? You didn't specify. Either way, this goes both ways. I'm a 40m single for years. I know/meet/befriended this woman at work who is absolutely gorgeous and amazing in every aspect I think is admirable and attractive. I've considered her as "wife material," so to speak. From what I've casually learned about her. I've always liked and adored her and was always professional but semi flirtatious but not overwhelming. Just casually letting her know my interest. She is way out of my league, bro. I've even said that she would never be with someone like me. Turns out women hide their interests, intentions, and feelings like super heros. Comes to find out she felt the same way as I did! And we hit it off! This is very new/current, and I'm scared, excited, and somewhat baffled that this is actually happening to me. Never give up, each day bring new opportunity! This is the truth, my friend. Take it day by day as it comes. Stay positive and be comfortable and confident in yourself. Perception of you and how you carry yourself matters. Eyes up, chin up and you do you bro!
Just for the record, 29F also a virgin. Haven’t had a date in 5 years as I’ve needed to work on myself, my priorities seemed to be different than the guys I was finding, and I found I am genuinely happy and content being single. I hated the online dating scene when I tried it 5 years ago. I’m not opposed to dating if the right guy comes along, but I’m also not out actively looking for dates. I haven’t been like ‘saving my virginity’ or anything but just haven’t been in a stable relationship long enough for things to get there (mental illness and all). If you are honest about your height at 5’ 7” you aren’t significantly short, my ex was 5’ 7” and I’m 5’ 3”. It really is mostly about personality and approach, and if your post history is anything to go by the fact that you seem so desperate for sex is probably what is setting off alarm bells for the type of woman you’re looking for.
brotha at this rate just find a flight to a place where prostitution is legal and get your rocks off. 90% chance your first time would suck anyway so don't try to build it up into something great. just get it over with so you can remove the stigma and go back to focusing how to solve the "finding the right person" issue.
Dude you're gonna be a wizard, I'm so jelly.
Don't give into the temptation of all the tang you're gonna pull doing your wizard tricks though, you can still lose your powers that way.
Take a job in the security fields which require you to abstain from sex for long periods of time so you aren’t compromised, that way you can serve your country/countrymen and do something important and can enjoy the other aspects of life.
And you’ll probably lose your cherry along the way.
To some woman who can’t handle the celibacy of the job, she won’t be a looker, but she’ll get the job done, so you won’t be virgin anymore.
The work will keep you busy.
You won’t miss a thing.
You might see the world.
You might see the world in electronic form.
Depends on the type of service you join.
You have women friends. Get them to set you up on blind dates. If they go well, great! If they go poorly, get them to describe kindly but honestly what turned off their friends. Then work on yourself.
Your pathetic self loathing attitude is the reason why you can’t get a woman. Women want strength and confidence. Pissing and moaning all the time has clearly gotten you no where. Time to do some self reflecting and toughen up
ignoring everything i've seen people talking about below will answer the question from the perspective of an almost 50 year old kissless virgin that has never even had a first date. you can have a happy and fulfilling life. I've been lucky enough to have traveled the world and gotten to do and see things a lot of people never will. you need to start doing things you want to do and feel like you need to get done. as for getting over the desire for companionship that more then likely won't go away but if you accept you are going to be alone it will take a back seat to other aspects of you life
Gay guy here. I checked your profile so will answer the question you’re really asking. There is zero reason from a physical perspective for you to be a virgin. I don’t know what your face looks like, but your pics are average at worst. You are 100% someone’s type. My serious advice to you is to pay to lose your virginity. Forget about it being special - the special time can come later. You need to build your confidence and you need to make up for lost time. It’s true that most people won’t want to teach the basics. Most women like these traits in a guy. Work on them. It’s not necessarily easy, but it’s also not complicated: Confident Kind (in a considerate and attentive way) Good sense of humor Charming or charismatic Able to integrate into friend group (and vice versa) Get off the virgin subreddit. Don’t go back there. Seek out online resources that help build the traits I listed. You are too focused on the goal of having sex. And I bet the women you’re talking to can tell. Pay the quid and get that over with. Then you can actually focus on being a good date and potential partner.
Man out of interest I looked at his profile and first pic I saw was a cock pic lol. Then another cock pic asking for a femboy. OP, you down bad.
Dammit. And here I answered out of sincerity. A dick pic? Come on OP DO BETTER
Posting a dick picture under pretty much any circumstances is perhaps indicative of red flag character traits that women sense. Gross.
OP blatantly autistic, problem solved, case closed.
100% disagree with this. Except the last part. Paying for sex is not the answer.
If you look at his profile he is so desperate. I agree that he's better off paying for it just to get past that part and move on.
Not diving into that rabbit hole. Saw enough in this thread. ;-)
Agreed. As someone who also a late bloomer and lost his virginity a bit later than usual, I’m glad I stuck to my guns and always refused to pay a hooker. That would have made me feel much worse about being a virgin and would have made me feel that the only way I’d be able to attain it is through paying for it. The way I was able to finally make it happen was just constantly working on myself, my looks, confidence, and also taking advice from my friends who were actually successful with women. DON’T EVER hesitate to ask your fellow guy friends how they succeed with women, most guys want to see their fellow guy friends do well in their dating life.
I'd rather just move on from women than have to pay one to hold hands with me
Maybe you wouldn't have to if you didn't make being a virgin your entire personality. Also stop asking for femboys online with dick pics, it's fucking weird.
I've done the whole one night stands, friend with benefits/casual and been in commit relationships. I'm happier alone with none of that. I only pursued it to begin with to begin with because it's what expected. It's the "norm". Now I'm slightly older, I've accepted that it's not for me. If I could afford it, I would live in a cabin in the woods away from everyone.
I just have this desire to hold hands with a woman, take her out for coffee etc
Then do it, never give up.
I can't just do it, you need a woman to agree to do that with you
Judging from the amount of times you’ve posted about being a virgin, I’d say your biggest problem is being obsessed with not being a virgin. The *vast* majority of women who want companionship don’t want to be the target for someone’s fuck mission. They can smell that on you a mile away. They probably feel objectified by you. So you have a couple of options: Hit up Tinder and find someone for just sex or you need to move beyond the obsession. But you’re right—if you don’t change anything, your life is not going to change.
I’m only a 16 so I don’t have much experience but from when I’ve gone on dates etc my brain always hypes up how hard it really is, once I’ve asked it’s easy honestly sometimes these things are up to mental barriers.
I've asked many times always get a no
Maybe your approach is bad, or you’re asking women who are giving you clear signals that they’re uninterested or not available and you’ve ignored them. Try finding a friend group first, get to know women first and find out who they are, then you’ll have the knowledge and experience to understand if there’s even a point asking.
Yes I have a friend group but the women there are taken
Have you tried asking your women friends for help with this issue ? With no ulterior motives, as well as your male friends with partners ? Maybe they even know people in their own circles that maybe they can set you up with. I don't think it's weird to struggle with this and go to friends for help. Looking at the responses it seems you're a very negative leaning person, alot of "I've tried and everyone says no" mentality. You don't seem like you're all that keen on taking any of the advice shared here, which isn't a great trait in life. You need to seek waysvto improve because what you're doing isn't working and you're the common denominator. Doing the same unsuccessful tactics over and over is not going to be successful suddenly. You have to introspect and ask friends for help so you can improve yourself, make a plan for success and then follow it.
I get a no like 60 percent of the time too, just stay persistent. There are billions of women at least one will like you mate
Its a numbers game. I'm a decent looking guy and consider myself decent with women snd I'd say I'm lucky if 1 in 10 women I approach goes anywhere or if it seems like they like me as well. If I try it 100 times its 8 or 10 phone numbers or dates potentially. Plus you have online dating or can join a club
You may be 16, but your wisdom is far beyond your years little one. Keep that head on your shoulders and you will go far in life. Proud of ya.
As simple as it sounds, just ask. I know its easy to say, and harder to do. However, if you don't ask, it will never happen. Even though you will get rejected, a lot, someone will eventually say yes, even if it just as friends. It's like they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. It gets easier to ask the more you do it.
I've been rejected over a 100 times
Then it should be easy by by now. If I as a early balding, skinny, speech impaired 20 year old can get dates, im sure you can. I don't imagine girls today are that different to 10 years ago when I was still in that game.
There's 4 billion women on earth. Even if you asked out 4 million that's not even 1% of all women on earth.
You are looking at it like “they would have to agree”. No. They should WANT to. They should be asking you. It’s really not that hard. Work out a little bit. You don’t have to get ripped. You don’t have to become a workout junky. Just do 10 minutes of yoga 3 times a week. Eventually you will find yourself automatically doing a bit more than that because it will start to feel good. Eat a little bit better. Take a shower. Groom yourself a little bit. That’s it. It’s not magic and it’s not hard. I’m under 6’, bald, almost 40 and I’m not exactly ripped or in very impressive shape and women of all ages throw themselves at me.
I worked out regularly but go no women
Stop watching porn? Maybe you’re looking at them weird.
I like to see naked women
Me too. In real life.
Nice. I have to make do with porn
I feel this. I was feeling pretty lonely the last couple years and happen to have a drunken ons with my best girl friend a few months ago. It was a pretty fun night overall but I didn’t really feel much afterwards. I also realized that I honestly don’t have the time or energy to start and maintain a relationship and the loneliness has subsided since.
I’m the same way. The times I do feel like “yeah I could fuck a chick right now”, and I say this with zero shame, I’ll just get an escort. No bullshit, don’t have to do the dance w them, don’t have to pretend im there for anything other than what i want. No drama, easy breezy.
Too many people (both genders) won't just do the honest thing and pay for sex or use a hookup app/event. If all you want is sex, go get it without involving people looking for relationships.
It really needs to be looked at more positively. Everybody is benefiting Woman makes money, man gets sex, all of it is consensual, no idea why it’s looked down upon let alone illegal.
If you still really want it then it’s okay to continue pursuing it whether you’re successful or not. You don’t have to give it all your energy but you can still continue to put some effort into it. I’ve been reading some buddhist philosophy lately so this is based on what stuff I’ve read. it sounds like what might benefit you is to stop being attached to the idea of not suffering. If you want this, then not having it will bring up some negative emotions. Maybe loneliness. Maybe the feeling of rejection. Our emotions have less power over us when we stop craving an end to them and accept that they will always come back but they will always go away too. When we accept suffering is just part of the human experience, it doesn’t have to overtake us. I hope you find your person one day :)
Of course I'm in my mid 40s never had either and never wanted either. I've had opportunities (with both women and men as some assumed I was gay) but turned them down as I have 0% interest in it
After looking through your profile and constant posts about virginity, etc. I think at this point you’re just addicted to the attention you’re receiving on Reddit about being a 30 yo virgin. You’re not so ashamed of yourself that you’re just giving up, because you have no problem asking for love from “fem boys” or posting pictures of your dick on other subreddits. I don’t believe you’re not confident in yourself, not fully at least. You like seeing that comment karma and post karma go up, so you keep at it. You’re happy already being a virgin, because it gives you hits of dopamine to talk about it online.
Tbh I was wondering if it was a fetish and not real at all
I don't think so. I think there may be some outlier individuals that can but generally speaking I think we have a gigantic biological desire for romance and sex.
My cousin seems to like it however he does have a long term, friends with benefits person. He described it as they are great together for a bit then they get on each other nerves, that's when they take a break for a few months. He does his thing, she does her's then they get back for a bit and repeat the cycle. He's pretty content.
I already experienced romance and sex. Was cheated on by my first gf, and now I'm getting divorced (she's probably cheating as well). So yes I can live without it. I'm over it. That said, if you truly seek it, go after it! Having a romantic partner is not all roses. You will experience tough and hard times. You got to at least experience the ups and downs of having a relationship.
I dont think you should “get over” the desire for companionship. Its something that makes you human and giving that up I think could turn you into a less compassionate, less empathetic person. I can understand having a hard time meeting people and making connections the way you would want… some people are just given less blessings when it comes to looks or charisma which conventionally gives us the ability to attract our desired partner. But that being said, giving up on working on yourself and having that motivation to aim for love and companionship makes a huge difference to even your own quality of life. Its like saying its okay to “let yourself go”. Ya know what happens when you do? Sickness. Body, mind, and soul. Lower quality of life. You need that drive. Never mind the virgin thing. Forget it. When i was 30 i had been in and out of dating throughout my 20’s but constantly shut down. Had lots of guys break up with me. They didnt love me, or it didnt work… i tell ya being good looking enough for sex but not lovable enough to keep is pretty damn hard to emotionally cope with too. But i never really gave up or felt like giving up until i reached 30. So i get it. I was exhausted. And theres something about that age that really gets you thinking about life and slowing down. Not caring about the things you used to care about. It can be nice. But admittedly it never really went away completely. I was emotionally exhausted… but after a few years i was feeling lonely and sad about the prospects of a life with no partner in my future. And let me be real, i didnt even really have any friends either. I was just keeping to myself. But then eventually a guy i used to date found me… we reconnected… and at 35 i got married and 36 i had my first child. I still constantly ask my husband “why do you love me?” Because i still find it hard to see… and trust me he sees all of me. Im always in my pj’s… and especially after birth hes seen more of me than i have. I gained weight to 200lbs and stretch marks like ive gotten mauled by a tiger all over my belly. He tells me im beautiful and he misses me all the time. What ive come to understand is that love is beyond what you see in the mirror. And especially when it comes to marriage or anything like that… you have to understand that. You’re not two “good looking people” who got together. That entertain each other constantly… you’re two souls who decided to go through this difficult life together instead of alone. What you see in the mirror is irrelevant. To find the right one, is to find your best friend. Nothing more than that. You dont have to get married. You dont have to have kids. But find your soulmate nonetheless. As humans, we need that to stay human. Keep working on yourself. Humble yourself by asking the hard questions. Reflect on the criticisms you’ve had when you didnt want to listen. Not all are worth the time but sometimes… they paint a picture of the person you are and why you’re pushing away real connection. Work on that. Its worth doing no matter what. Its not a pointless or vapid venture.
You can’t. If you desire a partner, then your life can’t feel complete without a partner. Work on yourself to become a better partner to someone else. Whether that involves therapy, a psychiatrist, diet, exercise, or getting into new hobbies, there has to be something you can do that will make yourself more attractive to others.
Become a athlete. I became a fighter. A boxer at tgevagevof 33 with no prior training. Competition gave me a passion that I never had for anything else and changed my outlook on life entirely. Other forms of athletic competition I participate in are running and weight lifting. Again I started over the age of 30 I am 5'9" and 300 lbs
Just stop dwelling on it. If you find yourself spiralling into dark thoughts just... stop. It won't do you any good to allow those thoughts to dominate your every waking minute. Tell yourself that over and over. You'll periodically have bouts of loneliness, it's inevitable. Drown yourself in some form of escapism, preferably a hobby that you truly enjoy. Make it your everything. Try to find some friends, even if it's just online, who enjoy that hobby as well. You need something to fill the void. Most people fill it with illusions of love and loyalty to one another. You have to find something different. Life only has whatever meaning that you choose to give it. We are programmed from a young age to believe that the only meaning you can hope to find is through love and family. And while those things certainly do work, and are honestly the low hanging fruit of meaningfulness, they aren't the only things. This hinges on your own self-awareness. If you can't come to terms with yourself and what the concept of happiness means to you, then you are fucked. Most people are fucked, though. They endlessly chase whatever pipe dream they've convinced themselves will make them happy. Doesn't matter if it's the traditional concept of love or money or... whatever. True happiness is an internal decision to be happy. It kind of defies casual explanation. It sounds simple because it is. It's just that genuinely believing it to be true is incredibly difficult. tl;dr You need to know yourself, have something you truly enjoy, and make that your happiness.
Go online on dating apps and just be very direct and honest about what you're looking for and be straightforward. Women will either like you for you or move on just keep being you and moving forward and that will draw people to you. Companionship is a natural desire whether sexual, romantic, platpnic or familial. You can obtain any of these with enough confidence in yourself
You’re trying to run away from what you truly desire, instead of facing it head-on. I don’t think you’re ever going to be truly happy until you have some romance in your life. Until then, no matter what you do, there will always be that thought of “what if” living in your subconscious. I am 31 and have never been in a committed, long-term relationship, and I haven’t so much as kissed a girl in the past 9 years. Guess what I’m putting a lot of fucking effort into? That’s right, dating. I’ve been working out, rebuilt my wardrobe, staying groomed, approaching women I am interested in, reading books on sex and dating, and talking about my experience with my friends and therapist, even though it’s really embarrassing to be a 31 year old man with so little experience. Shame dies in the light. I haven’t even been on a date yet since I started doing these things, but I feel 10x better because I am at least putting myself out there. Fuck, last night a girl told me she would date me except for the fact that she is moving to another state soon. That felt good, even though I didn’t so much as hold her hand. The truth is that it will take more work for you than for most people, but just like being a 400-lb person trying to lose 250 lbs, it’s a battle that is not only possible but will substantially improve your quality of life. And a little tip - each time you get friend zoned, you’re making a friend. Maintain those friendships. Having female friends not only brings some feminine energy into your life, but it opens doors to meeting other women and helps you understand women a bit more. Good luck, the books I am reading are Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson and The Guide to Getting it On 10e by Paul Joannides
Can’t
If you want to take care of it instead: 1) Go get a part time job at a gas station, or some similar place where you see a lot of people and can talk and get to know them. 2) Lower your standards. 3) There will eventually be people showing interest in you. Give it time. But within a year you will have had several obvious opportunities. Take them. There are many people out there the same as you. Here you can find them. Or, if u want, some person will just be horny on the way home and ask you "what time do you get off?"- run with that haha.
Pretend you don't want human attachment, and don't forget to masturbate.
It's definitely possible to live a happy and fulfilling life without romance or sex. Focusing on deepening your friendships, engaging in hobbies that bring you joy, and finding new passions can provide a lot of fulfillment. Volunteering, traveling, or pursuing personal goals can also help you find purpose and satisfaction. Remember, companionship and happiness can come from many sources, not just romantic relationships.
The issue isn't that people can live without those things (plenty of people don't care or straight up don't want romance, I am one of those) the issue is that YOU clearly want it. Personally if I became unable to draw I would kill myself. But "How can people live a happy life without drawing?" is a nonsensical statement. That someone else is fine without something is no help nor consolation if you still want the thing. I could tell you how happy I am without romance, I could tell you about how I spend all my time making art, I could tell you how fulfilling I find to express myself through it, it won't help you. I cannot lend you my purpose to live, because we aren't the same person. You need introspection, know yourself better, realize what you want, what you need, why you don't have it, and go for it.
Motorcycle
Like anything else with this human condition...it's only an issue if you make it an issue....live your life enjoying what you usually enjoy and if it happens or your mind decides to change it, then you will. If it never becomes a priority, your not on this planet to live with that experience. Maybe on the next one, you are the master of your fate....
This is an epidemic with men. The internet is not going to be helpful to you. Women will be super hostile to the idea that anyone could be a virgin until 30 and assume the worst in you but the stats don’t lie. Men between 18 and 30 are struggling a lot. You’re not alone. It’s something like 1/3 or close to it that have not had sex. For women it’s drastically lower. They’re all sharing the same few guys or dating older men who are more established. Just feel comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Previous generations like mine had it a lot easier. Online dating really corrupted a whole generation. I would have never been able to meet my wife if I was just a few years younger because she would have had 500 dudes in her inbox weekly all begging to pay to take her out and then she could just sort by height and income and boom, I’m out of the running. This isn’t insecurity. It’s reality. I feel really sorry for the new generation of men. On top of being alone they’re also told they’re the source of all problems in society. It’s negativity from every angle. Just remember it’s probably not you, it’s society at this point in history.
Wisest, realest comment on this thread
Drugs
As everything in life, depends on the person. There are people who even identify as assexuals. The question is what YOU want and how much you want to fight for it
First stop thinking about it and focus on things you enjoy
You can't. This is why people get addicted to porn or meddle in other people's relationships. Every guy who "gave up on dating" probably has loads to say about women, sex and relationships online in addition to consuming tons of porn and subbing to online hookers. Women who have constantly failed at love are always in someone's business and addicted to porn, sex toys and romance novels.
Level up until. Dont chase no female. Chase fitness gain, money and become a regular somewhere.
So some people might downvote me for this but this is how society was built. There's strip clubs, brothels, massage parlors, etc that exist and operate with no issues from the police for people like you. It costs some coin but it's cheaper than you'd spend on a woman. Get your fill, build your confidence, if you like it you can budget for this for the rest of your life or chances are after sometime you'll both be over casual sex and you will have high confidence you'll go out and meet women easily. Women don't care about body count or your past so as long as you play safe and don't catch anything you'll be good. Idk what country you're in but these services exist everywhere in the world. You can plant your seed in every continent. Antarctica even has something going on and up north at the Arctic if you ever get a chance to work on a government contract there (idk about Antarctica but the Arctic North is flat with no mountains and hills so there's nothing blocking the wind so you spend majority of your time indoors and bored with others who are just as bored).
Dude, trust me when I tell you, even being in a loving relationship doesn’t mean romance/sex regularly. There are still periods of time where there won’t be affection or intimacy. You just gotta stop stressing over it and it’ll happen. It shows up unexpectedly when it’s good.
Bro you have posted 20 times a year for like 8 years about being a "kissless virgin" and honestly I've read some weird af comments and posts of yours. You give off a massive creep vibe. Like I imagine anytime you go out you are super creepy because the only thing on your mind is sex and somehow telling any woman about your "massive dick" You are the problem because you are so weirdly sex obsessed and don't know how to act or think You've gotten years of reddit advice and are still asking the same questions on repeat. I don't think you have any interest in actually improving and think pussy just falls on people's laps when they go out This might sound harsh but I feel like you are taking no responsibility and the advice is going through one ear and out the other so imma just say it's not over for you but you are definitely the problem Either that or all this time you're just lying and getting off on these weird questions. I mean what normal person posts their dick on reddit?? That is not normal behavior.
You can’t
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you don’t, it’s a fundamental human need, especially for a man and it only leads to frustration if not fulfilled. I recommend you read the book too late mate by alex forrest.
I suggest changing it.
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You can always pay for it in the right places
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r/passportbros
Redditors most cracked people on earth
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Hobbies & goals
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Well I am a 51 year old Virgin and reasonably happy. You can do this! Basically the same things you are already doing. I belong to Fraternal Orders, I volunteer for things, I read and write a lot. I have a few good friends. I make enough to take a week long vacation each year! I have fun, just not that type of fun!
Learn how to talk to women. Watch TED talks on communication. Read books on it. Practice what you learn. A good book is the art of negotiation by Voss. It’s actually meant for business communication but it teaches communication skills you can use in everyday life including talking to women. There are endless ways to make yourself better and more desirable. Obviously physical stuff is important but to be confident and communicate well is key in making women want you. Good luck
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Well no. Because I have managed to date just enough to do those specific things or similar. .I have never 'closed the deal' though.
Hey man, you gotta make YOU a priority. When women see that you have your shit together you will get their attention. Make good money, get a place of your own, have hobbies. Women will gravitate towards you if they see that you value yourself. Stop posting weird shit, go make a lot of money, learn to invest, buy your own place and you'll be rolling in it. I see uggo dudes with banging wives all the time, but ZERO of those guys exhibit self pity... think about it.
Sucking titties and toes will only make you so happy, man.
Stop being such a downer if ur like this irl I 100% see why women don't want u, no one wants a "I can't do it ass dude". Atleast try like others have said u miss 100% of the shots u don't take
I don't have any advice, but know your not alone. For me it's part my fault, but it's also the way everyone around me seems to be. I don't want to change, and I don't want to chase. Id rather just suffer and die alone, maybe I'm too prideful, oh well.
I’ve only ever been in two relationships and both times they came to be because I made a move very early on, and I literally never do that kind of thing. You gotta put yourself outside of your comfort zone and just go for it, respectfully obviously
Seems to me you want it too bad and this fact repels people. You need to be happy being you, chase less and try to be around people. You can be happy without it easily, I honestly could see myself never having sex or a relationship again and being fine with it. That said if I were in your shoes where I've never had sex or a relationship I'd probably be bummed too just because of the unknown and societal expectations. Just know it's not magical or anything. Focus on that less and more on yourself. I saw you said you got rejected 100 times, I can't imagine even trying 100 times so that seems like a flawed way of finding someone. Your mind is 100% obsessed with this and people are not looking for that in someone.
You can, but That's like having a car and not driving it.
By doing everything you want. And making sure your time is being used wisely when you aren't working. I don't like sex and I find it pointless, tbh. I'm fine with being single till I die. I have more freedom than ever and I do whatever I want to do when I want to. I have old hobbies I like and I have new ones I want to try. I learn a skill, take a hobby class, I go out, etc. I just live life.
You can’t and I dont think you should. How’s your dating approach? I would bet that you can up your odds in many ways.
Atleast you don't know what you are missing out on. If it makes you feel better I lost mine way too young when I was only 12 years old and I wish I left it until it was way more special and I could understand how special that moment was meant to be. Last time I got laid was nearly a year ago since my last breakup and in miss having regular sex big time.
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Got a dog, trying new hobbies, and hanging out with friends is good for me.
If it makes you feel any better OP, my mid/late 20s we're pretty rubbish when it came to getting girls. After I became single again in my early 30s for some reason I started slaying. Best advice I can give you is work on yourself (hit the gym) and get some interesting, social, active hobbies (spoiler alert: video games and D&D, as awesome as they are, don't attract the ladies). Live an interesting life that someone would want to be a part of. And above all, act like you don't give a fuck, even when you do. Confidence is hot and neediness isn't. I would say that having romance/sex doesn't necessarily make you happy though. It certainly makes like a lot more complicated. I think I could be happy with or without.
lift weights
I think it really depends on the person. Most people desire intimacy at least sometimes. Some people never need it, some people have it and then don’t want it anymore, some people desire it but can’t get out of their own way. It depends on your perspective and the joy you can find in other avenues. My romantic life has been two long relationships with a few random dates sprinkled in the middle. Immediately after breakups, I deeply desire a romantic relationship. Once I’ve been alone a while I get over it and find joy in other things. But eventually, the desire always comes creeping back.
It's less about the asking and more about how you carry yourself. If you walk around afraid of and expecting rejection that's what you will be primed for. Don't make it a big deal. Failure leaves you with exactly what you had before. Be confident, relaxed and the rest will just happen on its own. You really don't want someone you have to manufacture or manifest something with anyway. The right thing will just happen.
I would not want to live without sex even though I do it
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Go to r/semenretention but there has been tons of great men that have lived fulfilling and important lives because they didn’t waste time in women or the carnal pleasures of the flesh
By getting out of the house and ensuring you're taking every opportunity to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women.
I run and train Jiu Jitsu in my free time. It keeps me too busy and too in need of rest to date. It feels pretty cool running 10+ miles at a 9:00/mi pace and it feels good having that first stripe on my white belt. I know if I work at training jits 3 nights a week, running 3 or 4 times a week, and doing calisthenics and weight lifting I’ll get better at running and grappling, and that is certain. If I try to date a woman things could go great, things could go poorly, and since I’m only 10 months sober I’m betting they will go somewhere in between, but that’s not totally certain. Certainty of growth and development is a more powerful motivation than a vague possibility of fulfillment that relies on another person. Find your grappling and running and let it guide you.
Jerk it often. Ez.
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Get a dog. You'll have someone to focus your love on then and take care of them while they give you love back. Since you've said it's more a desire to hold hands and stuff rather than sex...
Sex workers aren’t any worse than a “real” relationship where you just get dumped or cheated on for whatever stupid reason. Might as well try one.
It’s easy. Once you’ve bent a few women into a pretzel and all the cheesy romance shit, you quickly realize that you’re not missing anything. I’m 38 and I had enough sex, to be honest. The romance sex comes attached with a lot costs, time and headaches - women can be annoying af when you hit em with that 90s R&B dick. If my relationship ends, I’m going to dive into my money like Scrooge McDuck and stay there alone until the grim reaper comes knockin’.
drugs
Masturbation, and enjoying the fact that you get to spend your money on things you like rather than being responsible for people that want everything from you and don't appreciate the sacrifices you make for them.
You have to engage in sports such as hiking, biking, jogging
one women can make you happy, but same women can make your life absolute nightmare, you suddenly find her mouth in another cock in her mouth, she doesn't want sex after arriage, you get divorces lost half of everything, all these scenario will cause lots of years of pain, you would wish you never did it
I crossed the 30 year line also a few years ago, never really pursued sex or romance, life others millions of experiences that can keep you fulfilled, intimacy is just one of an almost infinite number of possible things one can miss out in our short lifetimes, so don't ever let the fear of missing out anything affect how you think. If you have friends hold onto them like a treasure and always develop new hobbies from time to time. Fulfillment to me apart from enjoyment is also about purpose, you can and should assign yourself a task bigger than yourself, something that you can look forward to decades in the future or even outlive you. And of course the obligatory spiel about loving and caring for yourself, as annoying as people find it, there is ZERO downside of taking care of yourself.
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Try whiskey. Oh, and Xbox.
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Treat dating and relationships like marketing or a job hunt, just like sales and job offers won't come if you don't put yourself out, same thing won't happen with women Accept that you may get dozens or even hundreds of rejections before getting even one positive outcome, and don't take rejections as the end of the world Be brave enough to ask a woman who rejects you why she did it, maybe you'll learn some helpful feedback for the future And keep on trying, in the end, you'll regret the times you chickened out far, far more than the times you got rejected
Yes you can. The question is will you want too. You can replicate companionship without sex by caring for natures creatures in return they will love you. Get a pet to build emotional companionship with. Cut humans out of your life you'll be far more fulfilled especially if you pursue something of interest. Open a soup kitchen, talk with the down trodden in your community go make your mark rather than wondering if you ever could of made one like most folks do. Actually go give your life meaning stop living in a bubble being content with unfulfillment and broken dreams. Your an adult its time to adjust your dreams and face the reality of what you can do not what your unable to achieve or have had slip by you.
Looked at your other posts and I agree with some of these people here. Get off the virgin subgroup. You focus on sex and being "kissless" too much. That's probably not helping you find a girl. Also, just improve yourself. Focus on other hobbies, find other fulfillment in life, read some self help books, just talk to people... learn some things because it seems like that's what's preventing you from attracting women. You're probably givjng off creepy vibes if I'm being honest.
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Get yourself some rentals my boy.
Get a dog
Just think of all the money you are saving and laugh about it.
Eventually you get comfortable with the idea of being alone, the thing to do is focus on the non sexual relationships and building things you love to do that don’t involve sticking your body onto another person’s.
Whats stopping you from having a partner?
Yes.
Just get a hooker and get over with it. No big deal
I am male, I love women and I could not imagine life without my perfect wife! Reason I mention is because I was 3
I wish I didn't like women
After 5 years in a relationship, I’m living a pretty fulfilling life with only rare sex, and yet I’d take that any day over being single. Sex is only as important as you want it to be, and most of us guys ain’t ever gonna be having sex as often as we’d like. So we find hobbies to entertain us.
So are you just a troll or a bot maybe? What does this do for you? Your profile is nothing but variations of the same question for over a year at least
Just take your time try a few dating sites etc
Try dating apps. I was a virgin until 31 because I was too shy. Went on dating apps and lost my virginity. Now I have a gf. There is hope for you, keep trying.
My husband was in his 40s and a virgin before we met (I too am in my 40s). He was a friend first, we met in a hiking group. We were friends for 3 years before we dated and eventually married. You make friends with the intention of only offering friendship. You focus on developing yourself and your hobbies. Then if something happens then great, if not you still grew and developed. The biggest lie anyone has everybody you was life was about sex and marriage. It isn't. It's about growth and developing who you are into a better kinder version of yourself. I didn't try to have a relationship with my husband. I focused on nature, on hiking in groups, amd friendships. That's what works. My husband didn't get a bad attitude when I said no to three dates in those three years before I said yes. He stayed my friend, he respected my space and the place I was.
I wish I never clicked on your profile, Jesus.
Holy fuck you have the saddest posting history ever. Seriously brother I’ll pray for you tonight.
You can't.
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You have to put yourself out there. Meet new people. Be honest about what you want. Understand that you'll almost certainly be rejected many times before you are successful. And that it's 100% worth it. Don't let fear of failure/rejection ruin your life.
Bro just move out of the country and get laid. This whole period of your life will seem silly after you get some experience.
if u want sex, go to Pattaya, Thailand. if u want a relationship, go put urself out there and search. if ur somewhat attractive, all it takes is guts to close the deal
The Litany of Humility comes to mind. That's True Happiness in my opinion.
Humans are social animals, we NEED companionship. We are hardwired for it. You seem to be doing everything right, it sounds like you need honest input and help from friends to be able to adapt. I know this is going to sound silly but have you tried a dating coach? Not like the gross pick up artist. https://www.minnie-lane.com/ As someone above mentioned it is just a really rough market. I imagine even more so in London. Keep working on self improvement and building your self confidence. It gets better
It helps to be aro/ace for sure. I haven't had to bother fixing my anxiety disorder(s) in 20 years now :D
Easy: cope
It's easy to cope if you're not an incel
I had/have romance and sex, but I've been intentionally going to bed early lately because I'm having very vivid dreams lately about having friends, a social life and hobbies I'm actually good at. Grass is always greener I guess.
Through meaningful relationships. Look a lot of us in marriages will get to a point where the sex stops too Just keep a journal of when you did something that makes you happy and then keep doing more of those things
Companionship is part of the human experience. We’re communal beings. It makes sense that you want this. I don’t have advice but did want to validate your feelings.
Find a dating therapist, 300$ is worth it to live a happy life with kids The desire is there for a reason, we’re billion year old organisms whose happiness is linked to survival and perpetuation of the genes. Do you want to grow old, with no one to love you? No one to help you?
Prostitutes. In the west, try Asian massage first before going full escort.
Hire a sex worker. No, really. It will open your eyes to see that sex really isn't all that important and it will help you gain confidence in yourself around women.
Get dogs.
Dude I’m the same way. A bit younger than you but I’ll never be happy without a relationship. I really like women and I desire romance and sex just likely anyone else. It’s just something I really want and need. Unfortunately ive been dealt circumstances that make it quite unlikely that I’ll ever be with a woman in any capacity. Idk what to do either tbh.
Dude. Work on yourself. Get confidence in yourself. Get self respect. Start holding yourself to a higher standard. The small things that show you care about you and your health and wellbeing make you much more approachable to everyone else. Don't think of sex as the end goal. Think of something attainable for you. I didn't see any photos of you so can't/shouldn't comment on you physically. Go to the gym. Get in great shape. Eat cleaner. Apply for the promotion. Start a new hobby that you can be proud of. Literally tick off the little wins, you'll start feeling better and happier eventually. From there it's a matter of time before others notice changes and who knows, maybe then you'll be in a better position for whatever you want.
Ah yes, the shex...I frequently have it.
You are focusing heavily on sex but trying to start relationships it seems. You've got to disconnect the two, yes a relationship means sex but it means sex because the things that happen within the relationship. Porn has us convinced that women are lustful, that one look is all it takes to get someone or that they will instantly get horny from flashing your cock. While you can definitely pull that off with one or two girls the majority of women do not appreciate a heavy handed or overly sexual approach to flirting. For the most part I let them do the dirty talk and I play innocent and pure, also helps when the bedroom switch happens and I do Dom shit because it creates a contrast. Also if you are super desperate I'm willing to at least blow you, I'm not a femboy but I'm pretty delicate in terms of masculinity.
You won't get over the desire for companionship. We're social animals. Make friends. Guys or Girls or co-workers. Get a dog.. get any pet! Really you define the parameters of your happiness. I suggest reading philosophy especially stoicism. It's really helped me.
Stop letting it dominate your thoughts, change your relationship with porn, if you consume any, to be strictly functional. Use it to get off real quick, and don't be doing it a bunch, just to relieve tension. That way you don't fuck with your brain or your expectations for sex in any weird way. It also primes you for addiction, being a gateway to an addictive personality. As someone with such a personality, id take this very seriously. Also, how do you view women? Lots of virgin men tend to see them as something other than human and it shows in their behavior in how they act around and treat women. I'm not trying to say you're some evil sexist that objectifies women, I'm saying that for a lot of men that are virgins, this develops a sort of psychological complex whereby they automatically see a giant dog ide between themselves and women, when they're in fact just people, just like a man. Men don't have to treat her super differently because she's a woman, yet because of the virginity, *do*, often acting in very creepy, rude, and disrespectful ways in order to try and impress them. As far as enjoying life without sex, I'm voluntarily a hermit, pretty much. The way I got it off my mind was to not fixate on it, and stop seeing any attractive woman I cross as a potential person to sleep with. It actually makes life soooo much easier, so much less stressful, you wouldn't believe it. Less drama, I get a long fine with both men and women coworkers and people around me. It's quite nice. Just let go of this idea that you *need* to have sex, especially in order to be happy or fulfilled. Sex is like 5-25 minutes of transient good feelings, it's ephemeral. Most things in life worth anything don't directly involve sex, at most it's a byproduct of it.
I'm sorry friend, but women can smell the desperation and sad-sack-ness coming off of you from a mile away. Get your shit together, get a therapist, and just calm down and you'll probably find your luck greatly increased.
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Gaming, friends, and one hell of a hobby
As a single person, it becomes surprisingly easy. Did a 2 year stint in my 30s....life was going pretty good, I just didn't look for it. In a relationship it's different, much more than a week and I have issues.
Please hear me out. Bro? You didn't specify. Either way, this goes both ways. I'm a 40m single for years. I know/meet/befriended this woman at work who is absolutely gorgeous and amazing in every aspect I think is admirable and attractive. I've considered her as "wife material," so to speak. From what I've casually learned about her. I've always liked and adored her and was always professional but semi flirtatious but not overwhelming. Just casually letting her know my interest. She is way out of my league, bro. I've even said that she would never be with someone like me. Turns out women hide their interests, intentions, and feelings like super heros. Comes to find out she felt the same way as I did! And we hit it off! This is very new/current, and I'm scared, excited, and somewhat baffled that this is actually happening to me. Never give up, each day bring new opportunity! This is the truth, my friend. Take it day by day as it comes. Stay positive and be comfortable and confident in yourself. Perception of you and how you carry yourself matters. Eyes up, chin up and you do you bro!
Post a photo of yourself for reference
I’m 32 and in the same boat man. Don’t give up. It’s tough to find a good woman but can’t give up. There has got to be some out there.
You desperately need to get off reddit and go to therapy.
You don’t. That’s why I’m gonna take my life. These things are for other people.
Drop your standards and get it in. It’s not hard unless you make it hard
Is that what makes you happy and fulfilled?
Just for the record, 29F also a virgin. Haven’t had a date in 5 years as I’ve needed to work on myself, my priorities seemed to be different than the guys I was finding, and I found I am genuinely happy and content being single. I hated the online dating scene when I tried it 5 years ago. I’m not opposed to dating if the right guy comes along, but I’m also not out actively looking for dates. I haven’t been like ‘saving my virginity’ or anything but just haven’t been in a stable relationship long enough for things to get there (mental illness and all). If you are honest about your height at 5’ 7” you aren’t significantly short, my ex was 5’ 7” and I’m 5’ 3”. It really is mostly about personality and approach, and if your post history is anything to go by the fact that you seem so desperate for sex is probably what is setting off alarm bells for the type of woman you’re looking for.
brotha at this rate just find a flight to a place where prostitution is legal and get your rocks off. 90% chance your first time would suck anyway so don't try to build it up into something great. just get it over with so you can remove the stigma and go back to focusing how to solve the "finding the right person" issue.
Dude just looking at your profile you seriously need some help.
some people do, but i don't think i can...
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Dude you're gonna be a wizard, I'm so jelly. Don't give into the temptation of all the tang you're gonna pull doing your wizard tricks though, you can still lose your powers that way.
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Focus on money. Success is the best revenge.
Take a job in the security fields which require you to abstain from sex for long periods of time so you aren’t compromised, that way you can serve your country/countrymen and do something important and can enjoy the other aspects of life. And you’ll probably lose your cherry along the way. To some woman who can’t handle the celibacy of the job, she won’t be a looker, but she’ll get the job done, so you won’t be virgin anymore. The work will keep you busy. You won’t miss a thing. You might see the world. You might see the world in electronic form. Depends on the type of service you join.
You have a huge dick. How the heck are you a virgin
You have women friends. Get them to set you up on blind dates. If they go well, great! If they go poorly, get them to describe kindly but honestly what turned off their friends. Then work on yourself.
Being a virgin is your entire personality homie. You need to learn to love yourself again first some serious issues underneath.
We won't fall into your cum trap, we've seen your post history
Goals to reach are highlights…when I was single vs taken still the happiest times of my life have been when I reached a goal, got a medal etc.
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I can make my own orgasms so i dont need my partner for that🤷♀️ Dont want romance. Been there done that.
Your pathetic self loathing attitude is the reason why you can’t get a woman. Women want strength and confidence. Pissing and moaning all the time has clearly gotten you no where. Time to do some self reflecting and toughen up
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I can't.
Consider paying for sex in jurisdictions where it is legal. I'm serious. If it is that big of a deal to you, pay for it.
ignoring everything i've seen people talking about below will answer the question from the perspective of an almost 50 year old kissless virgin that has never even had a first date. you can have a happy and fulfilling life. I've been lucky enough to have traveled the world and gotten to do and see things a lot of people never will. you need to start doing things you want to do and feel like you need to get done. as for getting over the desire for companionship that more then likely won't go away but if you accept you are going to be alone it will take a back seat to other aspects of you life